Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 68 - Fighting my own Battles: Finding Happiness, Love and The Best Version of Me!

Transcript

Episode 68 - Fighting my own Battles: Finding Happiness, Love and The Best Version of Me! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike D. All right, welcome
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: back to Real Talk with Mike D. I am the one,
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the only, and the original Mike D. The place where
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: we talk about real life, real struggles, real emotions, and
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: everything in between. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your host, Mike D,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: and today I want to have a conversation with you
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: about something that I think a lot of people struggle with,
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: but don't always feel comfortable talking about. We're talking about depression.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: We're talking about sadness. We're talking about lying awake at night,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: staring at the ceiling, worrying about the future, wondering if
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: things are ever going to get better. We're talking about
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: wanting to find love, wanting somebody to share your life with,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: wanting somebody who understands you, accepts you, and loves you
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: for who you are. And most importantly, we're talking about
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: becoming the best version of yourself when sometimes you don't
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: even feel like the person you want to be. And
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest with you today. Life can
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: be hard. Sometimes life can knock you down so many
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: times that you start wondering how much more you're supposed
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: to take. You wake up in the morning and put
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: on that smile. You go to work. You handle your business.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: You talk to people. You laugh when something is funny.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: But inside, inside you're fighting a completely different battle. And
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: nobody knows what that battle is. Or maybe somebody knows,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: but they just don't understand. So today, I want you
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: to sit back, take a deep breath, and spend a
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: little time with me because this episode isn't about pretending
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: to have everything figured out. It's about admitting that we don't.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And maybe, just maybe, realizing that we are not alone
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: in this struggle. Now let's get into it. You know,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: have you ever had one of those days where you
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: wake up and immediately feel like something is wrong? Nothing
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: particularly bad has happened that morning. The sun might be shining.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Your phone might be full of messages. You might have
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: a job to go to, people who care about you,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: and things you should be grateful for. But somehow, you
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: still feel sad. And then you start feeling guilty about
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: being sad because you tell yourself, Mike, come on, man,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: get yourself together. Other people have it worse than you.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: You have things to be thankful for. And yes, that
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: is true. There are always people facing struggles we may
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: never understand. But that doesn't mean your feelings don't matter.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: You can appreciate what you have and still struggle with
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: what you're feeling. You can love your life in certain
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: ways and still wish some things were different. You can
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: be grateful for the people around you and still feel lonely.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Two things can be true at the same exact time.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: And I think sometimes we put so much pressure on
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: ourselves to be happy that we don't allow ourselves to
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: acknowledge when we're hurting. We think we have to keep moving,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: keep working, keep smiling, keep showing up because that's what
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: adults do, right? We have responsibilities. We have bills to pay.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: We have people depending on us. Things that need to
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: get done. But who takes care of the person who's
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: taking care of everybody else? Let me say that again.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Who is taking care of the person who is taking
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: care of everybody else? That is something we're thinking about.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: Because you can spend so much time making sure everybody
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: else is okay that you completely forget to ask yourself
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: the same question. Am I okay? Not, am I getting
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: through the day? Not, am I doing what I'm supposed
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  Speaker 1: to do? Not, am I making everybody else happy? But genuinely, honestly,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: deep down inside, am I okay? And if the answer
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: is no, that does not make you weak. It makes
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: you human. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: admit that you're struggling and stop pretending that everything is fine.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: You don't have to explain your pain perfectly for it
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to be real. You don't have to apologize for needing
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: a little bit of help. Now, I want to talk
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: about depression for just a little bit. Because depression doesn't
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: always look the way people expect it to look. Sometimes
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: people imagine depression as somebody sitting in a dark room
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: crying all day, unable to get out of bed. And sometimes, yeah,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: it does look like that. But sometimes depression looks like
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: somebody going to work every single day, somebody making everybody laugh,
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: somebody answering messages, taking care of business, and doing everything
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: they're supposed to do. And then, when they finally get
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: home and the noise of the world disappears, they're left
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: alone with their thoughts. And those thoughts can be loud.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: You start thinking about your life. You start thinking about
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: the things you haven't accomplished. You start comparing yourself to
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: other people. You start asking yourself why things haven't worked
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: out the way you hoped they would. And before you
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: know it, you're sitting there wondering whether you're doing enough,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: whether you're good enough, whether you're becoming the person you
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: always wanted to be. And that can be exhausting because
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: when you're struggling emotionally, even the smallest things can feel
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: like enormous challenges. Getting motivated can be difficult. Concentrating can
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: be difficult. Finding something to look forward to can be difficult.
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  Speaker 1: And sometimes you don't even know how to explain what
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: is wrong. Somebody asks you, what's the matter? And you say, nothing,
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  Speaker 1: I'm just tired. But it's not always physical tiredness. Sometimes
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: you're just tired of worrying, tired of overthinking, tired of
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: feeling like you're behind in life and trying to figure
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: everything out. You're just tired. You're tired of being strong
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: when honestly you just want somebody to tell you that
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  Speaker 1: everything is going to be okay. And listen, if you're
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: experiencing that, I want you to understand something. You don't
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: have to fight every battle by yourself. Talk to somebody
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  Speaker 1: you trust. Reach out to someone who will listen without
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: immediately judging you or trying to fix everything. And if
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: depression is affecting your daily life, consider talking with a
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: mental health counselor. There's no shame in getting support. You
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: wouldn't ignore a broken bone and expect it to heal
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: just because you told yourself to be stronger. Your emotional
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  Speaker 1: well-being deserves attention too. And no, asking for help doesn't
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: mean you're failed. Sometimes it means you finally decided that
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: your life and your happiness are worth fighting for. And
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: believe me, they are. They are worth fighting for. Now,
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: let's talk about something that can keep you awake at
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  Speaker 1: 3 o'clock in the morning. The future. Man, let me
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: tell you, the future can mess with your head. Because
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: the future is this big unknown thing sitting in front
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: of you and your mind wants answers right now. Where
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: am I going to be five years from now? Am
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: I going to be happy? Am I going to be successful?
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Am I going to find somebody who loves me? Am
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I going to accomplish the things I want to accomplish?
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Am I going to look back on my life and
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: feel proud of the person I became? And what happens
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: if things don't work out? What happens if I make
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: the wrong decisions? What happens if I spend years chasing
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: something and never reach it? Sometimes we spend so much
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: time worrying about what we could, what we could do,
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  Speaker 1: What could happen? That we forget about living today. We
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: mentally live through a hundred different disasters that haven't even happened.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: We create entire stories in our heads about how things
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: might go wrong. And by the time we're done worrying
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: about tomorrow, we've exhausted ourselves before today is even over.
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  Speaker 1: And I've got a thought for you. You cannot control
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: every chapter of your life. But you can influence what
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: you do with the chapter you're in right now. You
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: might not know where you're going to be next year.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: You might not know if everything is going to work
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: out the way you want it to. You might not
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: have all the answers. But what you can do today,
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: you can take one step toward a goal. You can
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  Speaker 1: make one decision that helps your future self. You can
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: take care of your body. You can spend a little
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: time doing something that makes you happy. You can stop
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: beating yourself up for not being further along. But listen,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: everybody's timeline is different. People find love at 20. Some
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: people find it at 40 and some people discover their
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: purpose life and early. Others spend years trying different things
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  Speaker 1: before they finally figure out what matters to them. Some
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: people seem to have everything together on the outside while
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: privately struggling with things nobody knows about. You cannot measure
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: the value of your life by looking at someone else.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: And you certainly cannot decide that you failed just because
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  Speaker 1: your life doesn't look like the way you had imagined
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  Speaker 1: it would. Maybe you're not where you want to be,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: and that's okay. That's honest. But being somewhere you don't
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: want to stay doesn't mean you'll be there forever. Give
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: yourself permission to grow. Give yourself permission to change direction.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Give yourself permission to start over again. And remember, you
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: don't have to solve your entire future tonight sometimes you
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: just need to figure out your next step take that
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: step then take another that's how progress happens now I
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: want to get into something a little bit more personal
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: for just a little bit And this happens to a
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: lot of people. Love. I'm not talking about just love.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about real love. Not just having somebody to
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: text with. Not just having someone to go to dinner with.
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  Speaker 1: Not just having somebody standing next to you so you
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: don't have to tell people you're single. I'm talking about
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  Speaker 1: finding someone who genuinely wants to know you. Somebody who
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: asked how your day went and actually wants to hear
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  Speaker 1: the answer. Somebody who notices when you're quieter than usual.
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  Speaker 1: Somebody who can laugh with you, cry with you, and
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  Speaker 1: sit beside you in silence without making you feel like
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: you have to entertain them. Somebody who sees your imperfections
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: and doesn't immediately decide you're not worth their time. Because,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: let's be honest, finding love isn't always easy. Dating can
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: be exhausting. You meet somebody, you get excited, you start
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: imagining possibilities, then suddenly, poof. Things change. Maybe they stop responding.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe they tell you they're not ready for a relationship.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Maybe they decide they want something different. And you're sitting
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: there wondering, what happened? You start questioning yourself. Was I
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: not interesting enough? Was I not attractive enough? Did I
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: say something wrong? Was there something about me that made
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: them change their mind? And before you know it, one
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  Speaker 1: person's decision starts affecting the way you see yourself. But
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: I want you to remember something. Someone choosing not to
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  Speaker 1: build a relationship with you does not automatically mean there's
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: something wrong with you. Sometimes people are just not compatible.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they want different things. Sometimes the timing isn't right.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Sometimes a relationship simply doesn't develop into what you hoped
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: it would become. And does it hurt? Absolutely it hurts.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: But rejection doesn't define your worth. And being single doesn't
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: mean you're unlovable. I think one of the hardest things
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: about wanting love is that you can wait and want
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  Speaker 1: it so badly that you start believing your life can't
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  Speaker 1: truly begin until you find it. You think, once I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: find the right person, I'll be happier. Once I find
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: somebody who loves me, I'll finally feel complete. And I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: understand why that sounds appealing. Having a loving partner can
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: be incredible to your happiness and to your life. But
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: here's something I think we need to remember. You deserve
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: to build a meaningful life even before that person arrives.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: You deserve friendships. You deserve laughter. You deserve adventures. You
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: deserve to pursue your dreams. You deserve to wake up
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: and find reasons to enjoy your life, whether you're in
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: a relationship or not. Don't put your entire life on
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: hold waiting for someone else to come along and make
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: it meaningful. And don't settle for a relationship that constantly
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: makes you question whether you're worthy of being loved. You
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: deserve honesty. You deserve respect. And you deserve somebody who
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: makes an effort. Not somebody who only remembers you when
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: it's convenient. And not somebody who keeps you guessing about
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: where you stand. And definitely not somebody who makes you
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: feel like you have to earn basic kindness. real love
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: is not going to be perfect two people will have
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: disagreements they'll have bad days they'll misunderstand each other sometimes
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: but there should still be respect communication and a genuine
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: desire to work through things together and while you're looking
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: for that kind of love don't forget to give yourself
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: some of the kindness you're hoping to receive from from
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  Speaker 1: another person because you matter right now not when you
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: lose weight not when you make more money Not when
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: you become successful. Not when you finally get your life
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: perfectly organized. Right now. You are allowed to be a
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: work in progress and still be worthy of love. Ladies
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: and gentlemen, that is going to do it for today's episode.
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: I greatly appreciate you being here. I appreciate you listening.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: And as always, I will see you all on the
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: next episode. We'll be right back.