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Why the “Next Win” is Never Enough · Coopers' Code

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  The time management side runs very much parallel to the
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  happiness side, because in the striver department, often times
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  we're trying to pack in too many things at the same time.
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  So how does one try to do all the things and still have some
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  time to be instead of just do? Well, howdy, welcome to the
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  show. We decided to take things on the
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  road today. And part of this is because I, I
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  wanted to be a little bit more inspired.
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  And I want to be inspired because I've got something that
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  I want to talk about that I've been thinking about for a long
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  time. Last year I had the opportunity
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  to go to a seminar at the Modern Elder Academy.
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  It's a really neat program. They have a campus down in Baja.
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  They've got a campus in Santa Fe and I got to go to 1 put on by
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  Arthur Brooks, who wrote a book called Strength is Strength,
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  which I found really just fascinating.
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  And part of the reason I found it fascinating was because I
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  think it it appealed to people in our demographic.
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  And when I say demographic, if you're dialing into this show,
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  there's a reasonable chance that you are a striver of some sort,
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  meaning you're wired to work super hard, you're wired to want
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  to achieve goals, you want to win.
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  That's probably why you've you found yourself going on this
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  channel. The benefit of being a striver
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  is that you can get a a ton of shit done.
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  The downside is that being wired to be a striver often times
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  means they're always looking for the next thing, thinking that
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  that thing is going to make you happy.
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  And then you find out that it doesn't.
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  So you keep going for the next thing and the next thing and the
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  next thing. And along the way, at a certain
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  point, we start realizing that it's not the things that we're
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  accomplishing that that make us happy, but we have this illusion
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  that that it's that's going to be the case for some of us.
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  We end up down the path of addiction.
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  You know, like I, I personally used alcohol to try and numb
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  that that sense. And so one of the things I found
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  so fascinating about the Arthur Brooks material is it it focused
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  on happiness and how can we who are wired to strive still
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  succeed in the striving department and start setting
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  aside some of the issues that make it very hard for us to be
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  happy. So that's what we're going to be
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  talking about. It's not going to be just Arthur
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  Brooks material. Greg McAllen, Oliver Berkman,
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  Cal Newport, and kind of unpack who these people are and see how
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  this material comes together. So hope you enjoy joining me on
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  this journey. So who are the people that I I
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  referenced the Oliver Berkman wrote a wonderful piece called
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  4000 weeks time management for mortals.
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  Cal Newport wrote digital minimalism and a number of other
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  things. Jim Collins has written a number
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  of business books, but more recently he just did one.
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  I won't get the title quite white, but how to live a life
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  Arthur Brooks strengths to strengthen a number of of other
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  books, including a a a recent one Essentialism by by Greg
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  McCown. The reason I'm I'm identifying
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  these is all of these are great. Not everyone has the opportunity
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  to get through all of them and, and each has different things to
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  lend as one is trying to figure out one's path forward.
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  And I, and I feel that the time management side runs very much
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  parallel to the happiness side because in the striver
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  department, often times we're trying to pack in too many
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  things at the same time. So how does one try to do all
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  the things and still have some time to be instead of just do?
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  And, and I think that is one of the challenges that we've we
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  face, which is there's this constant pressure to perform, to
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  do, do, do, do, do instead of B. And on the happiness side, it's
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  really hard to be happy when all the time is spent doing.
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  So let's unpack that a little bit in terms of, of happiness.
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  And a lot of this research comes from Arthur Brooks and I, I
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  would highly recommend picking up a copy of Strength to
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  Strength. That's the book that I've found
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  to be really the the most helpful for me on happiness
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  science and, and on some of the things that we learn about
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  ourselves in terms of our intelligence and how we perform
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  at an early age versus a later stage in life.
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  So happiness has three components.
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  There's satisfaction, which is joy from the struggle.
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  There's enjoyment, which is pleasure plus people, plus
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  memory. And there's meaning, which is
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  coherence, purpose and significance.
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  So, So what do those three pieces mean?
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  The satisfaction side and and this is I think where it's
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  easiest for those of us drivers to land.
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  We're satisfied when we've done something hard.
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  So right now I'm I have the pleasure of going up a set of
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  stairs in San Francisco. It's a nice, beautiful ridgeline
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  which is not too far from our house.
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  I love doing hard things. I love going up hills.
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  I love taking on challenges with cases.
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  There's a satisfaction when you accomplish that thing, even in
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  the moment of doing the thing when it is hard.
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  So when you do those things, that's why strivers tend to
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  follow that, that bit for, for satisfaction.
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  It's easy for us to do that piece.
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  Then enjoyment. That's, you know, I, I tend to
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  summarize that as, as, as friends and family.
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  It can also include, you know, coworkers too.
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  But it's, it's the idea that I'm doing something with someone
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  that is giving me some sense of joy.
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  I I'm walking with my daughter, or getting to have a meal with
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  my spouse, or getting to go for a bike ride with a friend.
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  These build memories. These build stories for us.
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  The meaning is also fairly easy for us to identify.
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  Harder for us, I think to to figure out how that fits in.
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  So coherence and purpose, the idea that we're doing something
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  that has some significance. So helping out our clients that
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  that seems very straightforward. It's when things start feeling
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  rote or repetitive or like 1 is not really serving a significant
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  purpose that one one starts having some challenges on that
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  side of things. So happiness also has some, some
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  interesting components that we might not think about.
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  South happiness is is 50% genetic, which means if you
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  happen to have the misfortune of coming from a genetic line where
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  there's a little bit more sadness in your life, there,
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  there may be more work that one has to do. 25% of happiness
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  comes from circumstance and 25% comes from habit.
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  So you have a real control over certain elements of it.
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  So how do you control and influence those those pieces in
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  terms of helping keeping you happy?
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  So as we look at another component of happiness, we also
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  want to look at satisfaction. And satisfaction is it's odd
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  that you can think of satisfaction as the equation,
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  but but you can and and on that front, it's taking your halves
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  and making sure that your wants don't greatly exceed your
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  halves. This is easy to do with an
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  example. If you want more money, nicer
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  cars, bigger house, more more more, but you don't have them,
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  it can be very challenging and one can feel very dissatisfied
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  if it is far easier to reduce your wants than it is to
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  increase your halves. So finding a sense of of balance
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  in I am satisfied with what I have is a great way to be able
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  to very easily achieve more happiness that that.
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  That's easier said than done. And the reason I say it's easier
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  said than done is particularly in this area of social media
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  where people are doing their best to demonstrate the greatest
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  life possible, you can get this sense that everyone's lives are
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  better than yours. They have nicer cars, they have
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  nicer times, they have nicer travel.
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  And so it it can be really hard to just kind of let that go.
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  And an easy way, by the way, is to reduce your amount of time
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  spent scrolling on social media and and be more present in
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  places like like nature. But but finish watching this
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  first. Another piece to unpack here is
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  the difference between pleasure and enjoyment and pleasure is
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  can can sometimes be described as the hedonic treadmill.
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  There's nothing wrong with a little bit of pleasure, but a
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  challenge on the pleasure side is that as you seek pleasure
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  after pleasure after pleasure, it can result in just wanting
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  more, more, more, more, more. And so 1 needs to be very
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  cautious on that side to make sure that one is not developing
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  addiction paths again, that that dopamine receptor, it feels
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  good. So I'll do more.
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  It feels good. So I'll do more and keep you
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  keep resetting that dopamine level.
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  So it keeps having you keep having to, to bring in more to
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  feel you're getting pleasure. So enjoyment is, is different.
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  It's a prefrontal cortex piece that involves people and, and
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  memories. So that's where you're, you're
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  going to want to spend more time in terms of the enjoyment side.
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  And that's so it's, it's being with people and it's having
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  experiences and those are the types of things that are going
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  to make you happy. So one of the piece that that is
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  really interesting to think about is there's both positive
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  elements and negative elements when one is dealing with
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  happiness. So, and, and, and here's where I
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  find exercise really interesting.
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  I always thought that if I wasn't feeling great, going out
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  for a walk or bike ride was something that made me happy.
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  And, and what I've learned again through Arthur Brooks work is
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  that it's not that it's making you happy.
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  Exercise makes you less sad. So, and they're two different
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  elements. There are things that can make
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  you happy. There are things that can make
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  you less sad. Both are important and, and for
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  those who are curious, there's a really interesting test at
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  Arthur Brooks site, the positive and negative affect scale.
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  You can check and see kind of where you fall on that.
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  That's to see whether you're somebody who needs to deal with
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  your negativity or whether you're somebody who that's less
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  of an issue and and you have the opportunity to deal with your
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  positivity more for those who need to deal with their
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  negativity. That'd be me and a lot of us
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  drivers, by the way. A great way to do that is
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  exercise and exercise early. So I've found that doing
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  something at the beginning of the day is, is a great way for
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  me to feel just cleaned out and approaching the day without much
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  negativity. I, I love doing weights.
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  They say weights are really a really good way to deal with
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  negativity, that yoga is a good way of dealing with the anxiety
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  side of things. Obviously cardio is is another
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  just anything that kind of spins out that piece and gets you
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  ready to go again. So, and, and a lot of the things
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  that we're going to talk about here are no surprise, not not
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  particularly novel and kind of the broccoli of, of life in
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  certain respects. Same vein is, is journaling and
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  that is it just a way to kind of get the things that are going on
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  in that striver mindset that are are clawing at you a bit to to
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  prevent your focus. So those are great ways to start
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  out your day. A lot of people end up doing
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  long recitations of their morning routine.
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  And here's where perfect can be the enemy of good.
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  If you listen to a lot of people about morning routines and you
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  go through kind of the checklist of all the things, if you add up
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  all the time that people spend doing their morning routines, I
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  don't know how they get the morning routines done before the
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  evening. And, and, and so where I'm going
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  with that. If there are tools that you find
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  that work for you, don't, don't follow somebody else's checklist
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  for for years, I worried about being present for the family in
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  the morning and I did not exercise in the morning.
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  What I found is I'm much better getting up super early, getting
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  some exercise in, then being around for a little bit to be
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  around the family rather than not doing that and being a jerk
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  in the morning. So, but it took me a long time
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  to kind of settle in to figure out that what worked for me,
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  it's figuring out what works for you so that you can do, do your
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  best focus. Thank you for joining me on on
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  this item. There's a lot to talk about on
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  this subject. I mean, as, as you can tell from
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  all the different books that have been written on it, all the
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  different people who talk about it.
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  There's more that I want to go into related to this.
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  And so I I look forward to having a, a second episode and
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  going through this piece. If you have any feedback.
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  This, this is an area that is near and dear to my heart and an
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  area where I'm I as a striver, I'm constantly trying to
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  improve. So if you have feedback, please
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  e-mail us at podcast at Coopers dot law, leave a comment, leave
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  feedback. If you find this helpful, please
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  feel free to share an episode with a friend or leave us a five
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  star review on your podcast platform of choice.
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  And to all of you enjoying justice out there, happy
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  hunting.