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Getting More Enlightened: It Doesn’t Really Happen Until You’re 50 · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  John Mitchell: Welcome to The Missing Secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield, hey, and I'm John Mitchell. So today, our topic is getting more enlightened. It doesn't really seem to happen until you're 50 or older. Kelly, what do you think about that? Are you going to push back on that?
• 0:18
  Kelly Hatfield: I'm going to push back a little bit on that, like there's portions of that I agree on, but I will push back a little bit on that. So let's get into it.
• 0:27
  John Mitchell: Of course, you're just a newbie. Yeah.
• 0:28
  Kelly Hatfield: Exactly, I just got into the
• 0:32
  John Mitchell: You know? What do you know? You're you're just going in the club.
• 0:36
  Kelly Hatfield: Exactly, I just joined the club here a couple of years ago.
• 0:43
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, here's why I say this, maybe because I see how unenlightened I was in my 30s and 40s. But I think, I mean, I don't want this to sound condescending, but I think most people are fairly unenlightened in their 30s and 40s. And what I mean by that is, when I was in my 30s and 40s, I didn't understand what doing my best was. I mean, I thought it was just getting up and working hard. That's all I thought. I thought it was pure effort. And then I realized in my 50s that there are six components of doing my best. And then in my 30s and 40s, I didn't even understand how success worked. I didn't know that it came down to your daily actions, and 95% of your daily actions are unconscious, therefore you have to gain control over the over those unconscious actions and and I certainly didn't know how to work smart. I All I knew was to work hard, so I worked harder than all my friends, but it didn't produce outsized results. And I see that that that is probably largely typical of most people that I know of, and and to make matters worse, and I was guilty of this too, that people go, what don't I know?
• 2:08
  I know everything. What am I? What am I missing here? Well, you know, that's what's interesting is that we, all of us, don't know what we don't know. Except when you get over 50, you realize that you don't know everything, but I don't know. Tell me how all that hits you.
• 2:28
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think, well, and two, what would help me? Because I know I have a couple of different directions I'm going to go with this. And when you say enlightened, like, What do you mean when you say enlightened? What? What does that mean to you when you define that?
• 2:43
  John Mitchell: Well, let me give you the 30,000 foot view of it. I think when you get more enlightened, your life gets easier, way easier, way way easier, not only in your results, but but enjoyment of the journey. So I and I'm talking about like I said, I didn't understand how doing my best, how that worked, what, what was doing my best. I didn't understand how, how I created success, and how success worked. And I promise you, I rarely find somebody in their 30s and 40s that has any understanding at all of that. Well, I mean, you're, you know, you're dealing with, of course, more of them are in their 20s, but some in their 30s. What's your take?
• 3:32
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think you know, it's funny, because when you say, you know, enlightened, I think it's true that you become more enlightened with experience, right? You've gone through these experiences. And you can point to those different experiences as examples, you know, in your life. But I've known, I know plenty of people that are over 50 who are very unenlightened, like, Oh yeah, that is their MO like they've gone through, you know. So I don't know whether age specific, I just feel like, yes, with age comes wisdom, and therefore, I think there's more enlightenment. Now I work, I have, my team is comprised of a lot of people in their 20s, 30s, you know, early 40s. You know, I think it depends on so much of what we've talked about. Because if you've got a growth mindset, then you are, as you are, walking this path of life. You know you are. What's the word that I'm looking for? Like, each of these opportunities, you know you are, you know, learning from but I don't think it's until you're further along that you can connect the dots. And I think early on, we get in our way so much with, yeah, absurd about like, you know, what other people think, or our egos, or, you know things, right? It feels like the older you get, you know, and when you kind of cross over that 50 mark, and that wisdom comes with like, you realize that so much of what you spent your time and energy on was a waste of an expender, an expenditure of energy. You know what I mean, right? And so I think there's absolutely truth to that over 50. I think it comes with that wisdom comes with aging and having that experience to draw from and to reflect back on. And I think that when you're in your 20s, 30s, like I think that there, you know, we'll go through different scenarios where I think there's enlightenment for specific circumstances, like when you see a light come on this like, oh, wait a minute. You know right where I'm at right now in my life is because I'm making choices that, like, yes, yeah, hello. So I think that you know some of that happens, but I think you're right, it's hard. And I think too we've talked about this a million times, but with all of the different distractions we have, I don't think people are thinking deeply enough about their life at all to be enlightened, you know? And so I think that's part, even more part of the challenge now that these younger generations are facing is, you know, is that part of it? They're not sitting with themselves and thinking about, you know this, and I would wager, you know, at how many people are actually having conversations like this? Oh, very thinking about whether they're enlightened. Yeah.
• 6:17
  John Mitchell: Well, I think there's something about the human condition that when you turn 50, you sort of wherever you are, basically, you sort of go, Okay, I'm going to do life on my terms forward enough of of everybody else's terms. Whether I'm going to be fabulously wealthy or not, I'm going to do life on on my terms and but the, I guess, the message I would say to people that are in their 30s and 40s, it doesn't have to be that way if you have a growth mindset, which, again, most people do not, you don't know what you don't know. So what you don't know has to come from other people. And it's particularly valuable. I think if the other people are over 50 candidly, because they've learned the stuff and they want to share it. But again, most people are like, what don't I know? I mean, I see, I'm around a number of 30 year olds that are really sharp, but they don't know what they don't know. They don't realize there's stuff they don't know. They're not thinking deeply about their life. And I see that when they're around me, the only way I can influence them is to really sit them down and ask them questions. Yeah, you know it's not going to be oh, let me tell you about this 12 minute a day technique that won't work, yeah, because, again, they're operating at a shallow level, and they don't know what they don't know, and the only way you can possibly enlighten them is to make them see that they don't know what they don't know. So I just find that whole thing interesting, and I this weekend, in one of my thinking sessions, I wrote down all the things that that I became more enlightened about and and I looked at how many of them were in my 50s and how many in the 60s. And like you know, of course, in my 50s, I learned how the human mind work and how 95% of your daily fauciations were unconscious. Total game changer. Figured out how to impact that. I started deep thinking two times a week. I started growing, and made my growth strategic relative to what I wanted to accomplish. Also started understanding how important it is to play into my strength, and understanding what my strength is, and also playing away from my weaknesses. And then when I got in my my 60s, you know, I started seeing that people are different than me, and I started understanding why they're different than me and how that's okay let them be different than me, which I didn't want to do for a long time. I wanted to be just like me. And then then I started understanding, partly from my work as a mental coach for the head coaches, the power of having a personal mission statement, then learning that that only 2% of people are driven, you know, Darren already taught us that, and I really, until I was in my I don't know, maybe I learned this my 50s. But understanding that we're naturally wired for survival and that we're not really wired for success, and that you got to override being wired for survival, you know. So those are just some of the things that I was awakened to in my 50s and 60s. But it really doesn't have to be that way. If, if you're, if we're talking to people in their 30s and 40s, you're bright enough to get this, trust me, you know, if you'll just think about it. And realize that I made a big lesson is realize you don't know what you don't know. Just understand there's a lot you don't know .
• 10:08
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, absolutely. And I think you know, so much of what gets in our way, a lot of the time, are egos. You know what? I mean, yeah, yeah, where it's just like, you know, that's where so much of that comes from, is from the ego. And so I think that when you change your mindset around, you know, to the fact that you, you know, are focused on getting a little bit better every day, right? You know, then it opens up the possibilities and unlocks that ego a little bit to be like, Okay, well, if I'm focused on getting better every day, then I've got to be putting in new ideas, new concepts, new strategies, new you know. And I think that that starts to unlock that ego a little bit and opens up the mind to to enlightenment. But so many people are not, do not have that growth mindset or and certainly aren't strategic about it. So, right?
• 11:00
  John Mitchell: Well, you know, I think you're exactly right about this thing with ego. I mean, I hadn't thought about that but, but I think you're 100% right that it really comes down to letting go of that ego and your real confidence has nothing to do with what other people think, is what you think, and the humility goes a long way to cause you to get better and better, and you actually appreciate yourself more, I think, when you let go of pride and being concerned with what other people think, because they never think as highly of you as you wish they would, and it's a good idea to not even care what the Hell they think they're not thinking about you anyway.
• 11:42
  Kelly Hatfield: No, totally. And I think this where we're going right now is interesting with this conversation, because doesn't that then go to like self worth, like your brain knows when you're not, you know, in alignment. So if you're your ego is at play, and you're pretending to be one thing and but you're acting differently, you know, not in accordance with that. Where you then you start to see that dissonance and dissonance, and that's, you know, then you start having, that's where that little voice comes from. And then it says, oh, you know. So all of these things play into one another. And as soon as I think that you can, you know, unlock that, let go of your ego and and be to that means that you're vulnerable. I remember our conversation on the podcast that we had that unlocked the relationship, where everything that you just shared with me about what you learned and made a difference in your life, right? Got the benefit of learning that when I was in my you know, we that when I was in my early 40s, you know, I think that when you have that growth mindset like that, you know, and you're open to receiving and let that ego get out of the way, because that ego is, you know, it's there to protect you, but at the same time, it's the thing that holds you back, you know too well.
• 12:54
  John Mitchell: And I think you sort of hit on it a minute ago when you said ego is tied to self image. Yeah, I've been lately really digging into self image, and I see how foundational it is and how tight it is to ego. When you really work on that self image and embrace your understanding yourself and your your self image, you will build a level of confidence that transcends being concerned with what other people think, and that's a whole new ball game, but, but I see that a lot of times people are carrying false beliefs about themselves that are just ridiculous. But again, they because they're not really thinking deeply about their life. They're not thinking about any of this. They're not thinking about, well, what false beliefs do I have about myself? And you know, they're just on the treadmill of life and not thinking. And so that becomes a huge problem, yeah.
• 13:53
  Kelly Hatfield: So I think we're some barriers to enlightenment for sure, you know. And so I think once you recognize what those barriers are, you know, then you can start to, you know, address those, and it opens up a whole new world to enlightenment when you can look at those areas and say, okay, you know, an ego is it play if you're comparing yourself like this, is some of the ways that it just generally shows up in your life. If you're comparing yourself to anybody, that's ego, yeah, if you are, you know, having feelings of envy or anything along those lines, that's ego. If you're, you know, I'm just trying to think of some examples, so that people understand that ego. It doesn't mean that you're, you know, peacocking and your chest is out. That's one way it shows up, but also shows up in, you know, that wanting to be better than the, you know, oh, this person has all of these things, and they're, you know, the same age as me, where, right, you know, those are some of the ways that ego kind of gets in the way and stops that enlightenment. And so I think recognizing some of these things so that you can unlock the, you know, that growth mindset, so that you can become. Enlightened are critical, because those things have to happen for the enlightenment to take place,
• 15:05
  John Mitchell: Right, right? Well, and I think about all the people I've met in my life, and like, I got to know Jerry Jones, well, I got to know Mark Cuban, not as well, but, but got to know him. And I'm just thinking about some of the big names in my life that I've I've met, and generally my I came away with the they're they're not really smarter than I am. They, they're sharp people, no doubt about it, and it's hard to assess, well, who's sharper? Results show you who's but. But, a lot of times results are being at the right place at the right time, but, and so the big lesson I've I've learned is, you know, you got to just build your self image and understand yourself and appreciate yourself and like Jerry Jones. When you're around Jerry Jones, there's an aura around him. You can tell he's very bright, but he's very nice, he's personable and but I see that it's foundationally built on having a strong self image. But the other thing I sort of see as I look back on my life, I see that that I had this false belief for like, 50 years that I controlled my daily actions, and once I got enlightened to the fact that I did not, in the book Think and Grow Rich, and it talks about how you know your daily actions determine Your success, and 95% of them are unconscious, and therefore you don't actually control the very thing that determines your success. Well, that's the false belief that holds people back. Holding was holding me back, that, Oh, I thought I controlled my actions. And then, and we talked about this a couple weeks ago on the show that people at some level believe intellectually, that 95% of their daily actions are unconscious, but they do nothing about it, because I don't think they fundamentally really believe it. And once they see the science where, oh, the actions are happening unconsciously, and a split second later, you become conscious of it. It's confusing to people because they thought they took the action consciously, because it happened so, almost instantaneous, instantaneously and so but once you see that, once you understand that subtle, little difference that your actions are unconscious. Everything changes. Your whole life changes once you get that. And so I'm on a mission, like when I go on podcast, I think everybody on this, this list of this gets that, but I'm on a mission to wake them up to that effect. But it's a false belief. Yep.
• 18:03
  Kelly Hatfield: And I would say 99 plus percent of the people have that false Yeah, right, because they don't understand in the first place, let alone once the concept comes in, it's like, well, wait a minute. I don't know whether that's true or not, you know? And so until you really wrap your head around it and understand the science, right? Once you do, holy cow, you know, it's a different figure.
• 18:26
  John Mitchell: How screwed up is society if 99.9% don't get that yet, yet, it's foundational to success. I mean, I'm, I'm sort of blown away the older I get about how some things are so obvious, but in this world of clutter, people don't see it. Yep, and I see you. When you get more enlightened, man, you get more successful, and the journey is infinitely better.
• 18:56
  Kelly Hatfield: Oh, totally. Oh my gosh,
• 18:58
  John Mitchell: I'll tell you, I've been on this thing. I've read this book, great book about letting go, and I've largely done that, but it's maybe taken me to another level. And I see today, when things don't go like I'd like them to go, I just let go of it. Well, we're meant to be I let go of whether people are getting think it, be it or not. Yep, they get it. If they're meant to get it, don't worry about it. If they don't get it, I used to worry about it. I don't worry about it anymore. Yeah, and just this whole idea of just do your best, yeah. I mean, that's all my focus is, do my best. Explain this methodology and have fun with it, and just let go. If people are supposed to get it. They get it. If they're not, they won't. So it's a, I don't know a good way to live. I think,
• 19:46
  Kelly Hatfield: I think so too. I love it, and it's real similar. I'm not sure that if this is the book you were talking about, but Mel Robbins has that book The let them theory, yeah, it's not the same book, but I Yeah, but it's real similar. And it's like, let them do that. Like. Will get. So give that up and give all you know, but, and let me, which is exactly what you've just said. So let that they don't want to jump on board with this, that's fine. I'm going to keep putting it out into the universe for everybody, right? Plus two does want to grab onto it to so, right? You know, it gives because I remember three, four years ago, like the resistance, like, how irritated and frustrated, you know, both of us were right, but you weren't really frustrated. Like, I don't get it. Like, why don't people right? And so I think to letting go of that over the course of the last couple of years, and you've become so much lighter as a result of not, you know, caring so much about whether they get it, you know what I mean.
• 20:43
  John Mitchell: But I would say that that it largely happened, not so much by letting go, but by me becoming more enlightened that people are different than me, and that's okay. You know, once I sort of understood that, that everybody is just a function of their genetics and what has come into their consciousness to this point, that was really mind opening to me. And then I started understanding the DISC profile and how there's four different personality types they process information differently. And then I started factoring in that they either have testosterone or estrogen flowing through their brains. And if with ginger, she says something that makes no sense. I'm like, oh, there's that. His estrogen kicking in right there.
• 21:33
  Kelly Hatfield: I'm sure we dig yourself a hole. No listeners, right?
• 21:38
  John Mitchell: Yeah, let me say to our female listeners the very same thing happens with testosterone, because when the opposite says sex says something that makes zero sense, which, let's face it, happens a lot. It's the sex hormone that's flowing through their veins. And I literally, in my visualization, I have it in there that when ginger says something to me that makes zero sense, I'm like, it's the estrogen.
• 22:10
  Yeah, it's not our it's just that estrogen. And so, you know, I don't know, but to your point, it wasn't so much letting go as it was me getting more enlightened about how people are. And of course, they're different than me. They don't have the same genetics, they don't have the same life experiences that I have. And so when I tell them all the stuff about think it be it, if they don't get it, I'm like, Well, you know, they don't get it, but there's a certain percentage of people that when I say it, they're like, oh my god, this is that believable? Yeah, you know, it's funny, but the evolution is to is to let go exactly. So okay, well, with with that, this was fun, so we will see you next week.