Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor After a Career Break
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I was talking to a friend last week who's returning to work after three years away, mostly caregiving for her parents. And she said the hardest part isn't the skills gap, it's the network gap. She doesn't know who to even ask for coffee. Luna: That's such a real thing. And I think it's a topic we haven't touched on directly. So many people take a career break for parenting, health, travel, whatever, and then they feel like they've been erased from the professional map. Lucas: Exactly. And I want to say upfront, we obviously don't run ads on this show, and that's a deliberate choice. If you find these conversations useful, and you want to support keeping them ad-free, the link is buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Not required, just appreciated. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to keep this going. And honestly, we don't have to do much else with that. Back to the career break thing, because I think there's a real strategy here. Lucas: So let's anchor this. According to a recent survey, about 30 percent of professionals take a career break at some point, and a huge chunk of them say the return is harder than the initial job search. The skills you had don't go away, but the relationships do. And that's what we're going to drill into today. Luna: And I think a lot of people feel like they have to start from zero, but they don't. There's usually a dormant network waiting to be reactivated. Lucas: Right. And the first step is actually to inventory your past. Think about the last three or four roles you had before the break. Who were the people you really clicked with? Your old managers, your peers, even people from cross-functional projects. They know your work ethic, your strengths, the way you solve problems. Luna: And they're also more likely to respond to a random message than a cold contact. Because there's history there. Lucas: Exactly. But here's the nuance: you're not just looking for anyone. You want a mentor, not just a referral. And that means you need to be specific about what you're asking for. Are you looking for help navigating your return? Or are you looking for industry insights because things have shifted while you were away? Luna: I think a lot of people skip that step. They just think, 'I need a mentor,' and then they don't know what to do once they're in the conversation. Lucas: So let's break it down. First, do the internal work before you reach out. Write down on a piece of paper: where do you want to be in a year? What kind of role, what industry, what responsibilities? Then work backward. What do you need to learn, who do you need to know, what do you need to prove? Luna: That gives you a target list. And then you can look at your old colleagues and see which one actually fits that profile, rather than just picking your favorite person from your last job. Lucas: And that's a really key distinction, because mentorship after a career break often has a different texture than regular mentorship. You're not just learning a skill. You're being reintroduced to the professional world. So you might need someone who can also give you feedback on how to talk about your break, how to frame it in interviews, how to navigate the awkward questions. Luna: Yeah, the 'what did you do during your time off' question. That can be a minefield if you're not prepared. Lucas: And a good mentor can help you practice that. But you also need to be honest with yourself about what you bring to the table. Your old contacts might be worried that you're out of touch, that you've lost your edge. So how do you counter that? Luna: You lead with what you did during the break, not just what you didn't do. If you were caregiving, you managed a complex schedule, you dealt with high-stress situations, you developed patience and resilience. If you were traveling, you probably learned cultural adaptability and self-reliance. Lucas: That's a strong point. And I'd say you should write those down, too. Your 'break skills.' Because when you reach out to a potential mentor, you want to give them a reason to say yes. Not just, 'Hey, I'm back, can we talk?' But, 'Hey, I'm back, I've been doing X, Y, Z, and I'm specifically looking for guidance on how to re-enter the fintech space. Would you be open to a twenty-minute call?' Luna: That's a much easier ask to say yes to. And it shows you've done your homework. Lucas: Now, let's talk about where to find these people beyond your immediate old colleagues. Alumni networks are a goldmine. Most business schools and universities have formal mentoring programs, and they're often open to alumni at any stage. I know a woman who reconnected with her MBA program and found a mentor who had also taken a career break ten years earlier. That was incredibly validating. Luna: And there are also professional communities online. I'm thinking of specific Slack groups or LinkedIn groups for parents returning to work, or for people in your industry. Those can be less intimidating than a cold outreach because there's a shared identity. Lucas: Right. And the beauty is you can lurk first. You can read the conversations, see who's active, who's helpful, and then you can reach out to someone who's already demonstrated a willingness to engage. That's a low-risk way to find a mentor. Luna: And what about the timing? Is there a good time to start this process? Should it be before you officially start applying? Lucas: Absolutely. You want to start at least three to six months before you're ready to apply. Because mentorship is not a quick fix. It's a relationship. You need time to build rapport, get feedback, and maybe even have a few conversations before you're ready to hit send on that resume. Luna: That makes sense. And it also takes the pressure off. You're not asking for a job, you're asking for guidance. Lucas: And that's the right framing. You're not asking for a job, you're asking for guidance. But there's an art to that conversation. When you do get that first call, you want to be prepared. Have your three questions written down. What have you seen in terms of how my industry has changed? What skills are most in demand now? What's the best way for me to get up to speed? Luna: And I'd add, 'Who else should I be talking to?' Because a good mentor will often open doors for you. They can introduce you to a few other people who can help. Lucas: Yes, that's the sponsor piece, which we've talked about in a previous episode. But for today, let's focus on the relationship itself. When you have that first conversation, be respectful of their time. Offer to send a summary of what you discussed, and then follow up with a thank-you note. That's basic etiquette, but you'd be surprised how many people don't do it. Luna: And then, how do you keep the relationship going? I think that's where a lot of people drop the ball. They have one good meeting and then it fizzles. Lucas: So schedule the next touchpoint before you leave the first conversation. Say, 'I'd love to circle back in a few weeks and share where I am. Would that work for you?' That keeps the momentum going. And then, when you do follow up, show progress. You don't want to be someone who just takes up space. You want to be someone who takes advice and acts on it. Luna: That's a good point. And that also makes the mentor feel like their time was well spent. They're more likely to continue. Lucas: Now, let's talk about the mindset piece, because I think this is the elephant in the room. Many people feel a sense of shame or inadequacy after a career break. They think, 'Everyone else has been moving forward and I've been standing still.' And that fear can make them hesitant to reach out. Luna: And you have to reframe that. Taking a career break is not a failure. It's a choice you made for good reasons. And if you frame it as a learning experience, others will too. Lucas: So when you're reaching out, don't apologize for your break. Instead, be confident about what you've gained. Say, 'I took time away to focus on my family, and during that time I developed organizational skills and a new perspective on work. Now I'm excited to bring that back.' That's a much stronger opening than, 'I'm sorry I've been out of the loop for two years.' Luna: And I think it also helps to find mentors who've done the same. Whether it's through a formal program or just by asking around, there's something powerful about talking to someone who gets it. Lucas: Let's give a concrete example. I was reading about a product manager who took three years off to raise twins. When she came back, she reached out to her old boss, who had since moved to a different company. She didn't ask for a job. She asked for thirty minutes to understand how the product landscape had shifted. That conversation led to two more introductions, and within four months she had a role that was actually more senior than the one she'd left. The mentor didn't just give her advice, he vouched for her. Luna: That's the power of a mentor who's also willing to be a sponsor. And it started with a simple, respectful ask. Lucas: So the takeaway here is that the network isn't gone, it's just dormant. You have to be the one to wake it up. And the best way to do that is with a clear plan, a specific ask, and a confident story about your break. Luna: And maybe start with just one person. Don't overwhelm yourself by trying to talk to twenty people. Pick one former colleague who you respect and think might be a good fit, and reach out this week. Lucas: That's the first step. And if you're listening and you're in the middle of a career break, or you're about to take one, know that this is not the end of your professional life. It's just a pause. And there are people out there who genuinely want to help you come back. Luna: And if you're on the other side, as a potential mentor, I'd say say yes to that coffee. You never know how much it can matter to someone. Lucas: That's a beautiful way to put it. So, let's leave it there. I'm curious, for our listeners, have you taken a career break? How did you handle the return? We'd love to hear your stories.