Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #119 Daddy's Got A Surprise For You!

Transcript

#119 Daddy's Got A Surprise For You! · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I had the most annoying thing happened to me, just
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: a disaster. Ash, have this a new trick that I
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: do with the bins. They're recycling the cardboard. If you will,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I will. I water it with a hose, I crunch
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: it down.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Can I say to you that is wrong?
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: It worked well for two weeks and then obviously post
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Christmas a lot of cardboard to get rid of.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Can we stop with the cardboard?
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: See? I agree, get it out of here. I watered
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: it too much, and I thought, I wonder if the
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: water's sitting down below. And because I jumped on the
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: bin to crunch it all down, let's bring it back
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: in after the truck came. But at the bottom half
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: of the bin, which just like solid compacted cardboard, you
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: gotta be careful to it goes molded bucking.
• 0:47
  Speaker 3: It's so bad for the environment. It makes the cardboard unrecyclable.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: If it's wet, soggy and moldy, you can't use it. It's contaminated.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: If you will, damn it.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Dads. I'm Mattie Jay and I'm
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting. It
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And if you've come wanting advice, not from us, off.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: The back of that bin story. You don't want our advice.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: No, just one disaster after another. I know, Ash, Before
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: we get into this episode, I need to get changed
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: really quickly.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: That shirts be crinkly. Yeah, shirt.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'll be back in one second.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: Yes, dear, I was born. Ready, my guy?
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: What have you got for me? What am I looking at?
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: What's with the shoes? I? They boots?
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: They boots, My guy, you're a lollipop man.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Don't a hi viz Ash. I'm going to just break
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: the news to you quick and fast.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: That's the way I like it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Laura's pregnant.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: It he's Laura prennant. No, oh, thank god, I'm.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Gonna say I'm going on a show called I'm.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: You are not shut your fucking mouth right now.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: It's called I'm a Celebrity. Get me out of here. Wow,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: this guy is going to be on it.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: No, you're not.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: When I'm leaving you very soon.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Okay, Well, I need to know what very soon means.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I don't work on very soon. I work on dates
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: when you're leave them. When you're going I'm.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Going to be by the time this goes to air.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Shut up, I will be in the jungle fuck off,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: licking at zebra anus.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: That I want to see you are not. Yeah, I
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: what am I supposed to do? You'll be fine if
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I vote for you. Do you stay? No? I want
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: you to come back.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Jess a producer has been she's known for a couple
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: So you kept.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: Us from me too. What else are you keeping from me?
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: You don't want to know. Wow, fortnights I'm out of here. Fortnights.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: So like you said, the this comes out, you won't
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: be here. You'll be abroad. I will be abroad.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And they still going to South Africa, still going to
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know the exact location. I did have to
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: have a medical and how that you're a specimens The
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: annoying thing about the medical.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: Is you're a woman.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: No, they you know, ask all the standard questions, how
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: old you are, how tall are you?
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: How old are you in circumstances six?
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I said, I am one hundred and eighty seven centimeters tall,
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: And they said, we just have to check this. If
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: you want to stand next to the tape measure on
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: the wall, and she goes, oh and I was like,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: what's the problem. She goes, it's saying here that you're
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: one hundred and eighty three. Either I've shrunk or some doctors.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: That's good.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: And I said, wait there, and I like just fucking
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: extended as much as I could. She was like, I'll
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: give you one eighty four, and I was like, I'll
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: take it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: So what did that make you? Six foot? You've scraped in,
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: You're just over.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: I'm flying past six foot?
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: Flying is a stretch. You kept it from me? Who
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: else have you kept it from the kids.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell the kids smart and absent father.
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I just said my plan is the morning that I leave,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to go out to the shops to
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: get some milk.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Smart people have been doing that for generations. Doesn't seem
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: to be causing any issues that I know of.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: That's my plan.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Does your wife know?
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Didn't go down well as you can appreciate. I wasn't
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: sure how to like because it was just it was discussions.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Ash there were discussions that nothing was locked in. You know.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Her first question was how long will you be going for?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: And their questions that I didn't have answers to me.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: I was like look, could be two weeks, could.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: Be five, depending on how likable you are, Matthew, I.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: I know, you know, it depends on how much Laura
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: helps people vote for me.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: She's like, don't vote, we need him home.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Well, she's going to manage my social media, and so
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't Yeah, you need to stop sending me those
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Instagram posts.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Of cricket, wholesome, wholesome content. I don't send you nerds,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: But myself.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't be surprised with Laura managing my socials. And
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: obviously she does a good job by staying longer. I
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: come out and I'm like, why I've only had one
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: post the whole time I've been away Laura's so Laura
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: is not thrilled about it. And like, in the same
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: way that if Laura went to me and said I'm
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: going into the jungle, I'd be like, what do you mean?
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Like that's well was it last year of the year
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: before she was on Dancing with the Stars and she
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: was here, but she was so busy, and I remember
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: that time.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: It was like fuck like.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: But also with those like like I said, they shows, yeah,
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: you're here, you come home. I have no phone, I
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: have no way of contacting. When I go into the jungle,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: all I'm allowed to bring with me is six pairs
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: of undies and two pairs of swimmers, and that is it.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Nothing else luxury. You can nominate what you want to bring.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So things that I've nominated a fresh live I asked
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: for an accordion.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: Do you play the accordion?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Not yet?
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Do you know how annoying accordions are?
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: No?
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: So okay, So my someone got my dad one once
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: for Christmas, and dad plays the guitar, and he thought
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: he could play the guitar under the according at the
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: same time, the most annoying possible thing.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Because well, it's not the only thing I've asked for.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I've also asked for.
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: They also said no to the acordion.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I thought this was weird. I asked for the girl's
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: pajama tops.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: That's just creepy.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Why is that fucking creepy? It's because I can snuggle
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: with him at nighttime.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: That weird guy in the corner. The smell of child.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: I thought that was a sweet gesture.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: The smell of my own seed?
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Is that weird?
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: The first two things I've asked for are a disaster.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: It was like it's like asking for the producers are like,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: what is wrong with this? Okay, Like I have that
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: I want Laura suck.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: So I've asked for a few get to nominate a
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: few different things. So I don't know what's being approved.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: So hopefully it's not the accordion or my children's dirty
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: clothing against saying anything in yeah, yeah, like what yeah,
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: protein bars?
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: How much can you feed up your owners?
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: I don't. They don't say. They say in the natural pocket.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm no.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I think. Apparently, like Khan in the Chef, he smuggled
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: in like a full set of spices, like taped to
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: his body, like he was smuggling in heroin, so he
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: would have been like walking in the Starfish. Apparently the
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: thing is the best way to smuggle in any contraband
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: is taping it to your body. Apparently.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: I told you, bro, I can't.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Fit anything up there.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's because you haven't trained. You haven't worked for it.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I can't even get a finger up there.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: You need to train the sphincter.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: There's no time to be able to I've left it
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: too late. Okay, if you don't know who you're going
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: in with, no idea, idea.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Do they give you any clues?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: No, only clues that have been given are the same
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: ones that they put out to the public, putting someone
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: you hate. They did say who would be the one
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: person you wouldn't want to happen there?
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: And I said, Ash.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Paul in Hanson, do you know I don't think I
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: get along with her.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I think you'd hit it off.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Do you reckon? I'm a lover, Ash.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: You're a lover most of the time, Matthew.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: But there is a time in which you you change,
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: and that is when you are hungry.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: That's my biggest fear. If I'm honest, you're like the.
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: Old sneakers out where it's like you're not yourself when
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: you're hungry.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: I'm not so scared about the snakes or spiders. It's
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: about the debilitating. Imagine if someone was cooking rice, Okay,
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: it's the only food that we get each day, and
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: they fuck up the rice, so they spill the rice,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: or you know who fucks up rice and it happens, Dude,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: it happens. Maybe they burn the rice because you're cooking
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: it on an other and it's on a fire. How
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: will I handle that type of situation. Oh, snap, you
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: will I will flip out. If that's my one bit
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of food. I've been waiting hours for it and I
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: got I don't get given it. I will really struggle
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: not to flip out. Usually there's a chef in there, Yes,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: but what if the chef leaves early.
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Well, you fucked exactly, Rice, exactly.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: The only way you can guarantee it not not fucking
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: up is if you just do it.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: But then you don't want to be.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: The guy who's like, oh it can't bitch, you don't
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: know what you're doing here camp bitch.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and then like you expect people to repay, Yeah,
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: I need you get jobs.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: So like one persons on cleaning the toilets, I feel
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: sorry for them. You know, one person is a chef,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: and you know you want to you want to give
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: people the chance.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: I hope the person who's cleaning the toilets and also
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: the chef.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I quit coffee though. Headaches, Yeah, brutal, brutal headaches. Within
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: the first forty eight hours, I was like doubling up
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: in the Panadol on eurof and did nothing. It was
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: so bad. And then and then I got really really tired.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: We went to see Mawana too, and I was like,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: sat down in that seat and it was a twelve
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: o'clock session and I already had eight hours sleep the
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: night before. I fell asleep with the whole movie.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: You're making me tired. Comfy seat though, so comfy, loud?
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: How do you fall asleep?
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I drank about five shots of coffee a day, so
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: to not have that. He's been pretty awful.
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: So what clues have they given us?
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, so there is a stadium superstar that's you.
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Of course, stadium super There's always a football player that's
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: going to.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Be a footy player, right yeah, AFL stadium AFL. It
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: could be who was the guy who's like a real junkie,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: he's like cousins?
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what is Jared Haynes?
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Fuck? Radio star?
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: Who you think? Who think?
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: I thought it could have been Hughsy Hughes is.
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: A good one.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: He's got a job, Ed Cavali.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Maybe he'd be funny, also lost his job.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Pop culture icon Nikky Webster, hasn't you already been in?
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: No Nikky, it'll be Nikky Webster, ray gun.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: There is a headline grabbing Olympian. I reckon, that'll be the.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Guy who's got caught on the pul vote Welt thing.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: This swimmer, the swimmer who said he'd go he go
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: do stuff and do like the enhanced games. Oh, James Magnuson, Yeah,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: that's why, that's what I think it'll be.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, football strong man.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: I think will be Willie Mason.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good shout. Would have to be retired
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: because it's pre season, Yes, it will. It would have
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: to be someone like.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Romantic leading man. You're looking at him. Nice there he is.
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: Do you get to choose what they say? It's like
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: the clue.
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: No, it's very handsome man.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Influencer with a taste for love. I think that's going
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: to be just power.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: Would you call her an influencer though it's more of
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: a porn star, isn't she she's an influencer.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: She's not complaining. You're right, she is an influencer.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: So a real life hero.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: I didn't know I was going in real life hero.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: That's a good one.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Hang on, Bonde rescue.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: I think Maxie although he just had a kid. Surely not.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I think Hopper.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Any other clues you've got for me?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: A comedian? I was thinking, do they have an international guest.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: You know, will they have a UK TikToker? Do you
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: know what? I reckon it'll be UK TikToker, Yeah, because
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: I thought it doesn't make sense to have someone from
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: the UK on TikTok, like no one's really going to
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: know who is or she in Australia. So I think
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: I saw him recently down a bold eye huh ol
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: On Olin Teker's Yeah, could be him or James Smith
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: the PT because he's got like two million on TikTok.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think he would do it. You don't reckon,
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's really his jam.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: Is it Olan Teckers?
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: I reckon it might be Oland how.
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: Many's got TikTok.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: He's got a lot.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: He's currently in England though, so he might be going
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: straight from there.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: I reckon. That's a good chat.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't find out any of them
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: until like we were there on the day in the
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Jungle two You're in. Yeah, we did a promo shoot
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: where it was at a studio near the airport and
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: they booked out the entire studios, eight rooms in there,
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: and I knew that in every room was another celebrity.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: But if you had to leave the room. Everyone there
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: was working on audio pieces and they were saying, you're
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: given a nickname. So my nickname was Manta. Everyone out
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: the nickname, so like Manta has gone to the bathroom
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: clearance please, and they make sure no one.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Saw anyone dragons headed to the bathroom.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: So I don't know who's going to be until I
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: get there on the day. So, yeah, it's happening.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: So I'm pretty much got to steer the ship for
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: an undisclosed amount of time mid February. Does this mean
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: you're going to miss the first day of primary school?
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: So on this.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you know this, but I'm I'm
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: renovating a house currently.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Way to talk to your wife all about it.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: She will show your ear off about tile selections. So
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: we've got the house that we're juggling, so Laura is
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: gonna have to do all that. Marley's starting school. I
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: won't be there for her first day, which feels really strange,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: and Laula as well, we've just moved her to a
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: new daycare.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Well, you are.
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: Going to know what it's like to be you feel
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: like an absent father because you will be absent.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Part of me thinks it'll be nice to have a break.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Joking as a joke really set some people over that one.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Up until now, I've not really been thinking about it,
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: Like it's just been like, oh, yeah, I know I'm
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: doing it, but it's like that's future MAT's problem. But
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: now that it's about to happen.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: And I'm just finding out, I feel, but I feel.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: And also so Marley started her holiday vacation care at school,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: so she's already had a little taste of what big
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: school will be like. And Lola started her new daycare,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: which is just it's a lot of change, yeah, going
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: on right now.
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: I'm assuming Laura, I'll just have to take the grunt
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: of it, right.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom's here, which is handy, and we've got
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: another lady who's going to help us out step in
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: in the afternoons like Laura's. She has a daughter at
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: like six thirty am for work.
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: What am I going to do? What am I supposed
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: to do?
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: You just keep being you?
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: Who am going to talk to? No one?
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I've spoken to Laura. She's going to jump in and
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: do a few episodes.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: Is she Yeah? To me and your wife. Yeah, it's
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: been a lucky lady.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: It'd be fun. So she's going to step in whilst
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: I'm gone. I don't know how long for.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: I was half expeaking today. It's going to be you
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: and Ellie for five weeks.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't trust my mom in a room with you.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: How'll be frazzled. It'll be it'll be unhinged.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: You bully her too much.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I do know.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I do not, And that's why she's not here.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: She was like, this is coming, so.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: You've You've left it to me to keep the ball rolling. Yeah,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: instantly nervous about that one final question, please, I do
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: have you are close quarters for an undisclosed amount of
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: time we're supposed to masturbate.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's a very good question, very good question.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: I always thought that. I always thought that about every
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: reality TV show. But it's a.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Natural part of life. And we had a final sit
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: down meeting after we did all the promo shoots, and
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I'm chatting to like the executive producers of the show.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: All the big wigs sat down and they said, you know,
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: we're so excited to have you on the show this season.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: It's gonna be a great season. You know, is there
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: any questions that you have for us. And I'm sitting
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: there talking to four of them and I was like,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. But
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: I was like, but I also want to know. And
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: the only question I had was I was like, where
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: do you masturbate? And they were like they kind of
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: looked at each other and she was like, Glenn, do
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: you want to take this one?
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: What now?
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: And they were going, oh, you know what people do
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: ask that you know that pops up every now.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh, you left, and they're like, be sure.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: We want this guy.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: He wants his kids clothes, his wife's socks, and wants
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: to know where to masturbate.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: It's a bit much.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: We've just put in the predator into the jungle.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: He's got these protein what's going on? They'll melt.
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: Luckily, there are no cameras in the toilet.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: It's a designated masturbations.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: So if you'd like to masturbate, they said, you know,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: you can do it anywhere you like.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Can I give you a tip? I thought you'd never
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: ask masturbate into the toilet?
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: What else you going to have? It's much easier? But like, what,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: how was he going to do it, don't do it
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: to yourself. What it's a tip? Okay, just giving you
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: a friendly tip.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: That's like someone driving a car and you're going, hey,
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: here's a tip. Don't kill anyone. Yeah, that's that's a
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: good tip. Keeps everyone safe. I'm not going to go
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: into the toilet and then jizz on, sit down and
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: like jiz on myself.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Why people do that?
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Who is faint?
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: If you do that? Please let's know.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Hey, sorry, thank you?
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: I really should be Yeah, don't just pooh pooh my tips.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate it.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: So can you do one.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: Other thing for me while you're there? When you do
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: go and evily masturbate because I know what you like. Please,
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: can you announce it to the rest of the campgroup
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: that that's what you're going to do.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I'm going to call it a jungle jack.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just like I'm off to jungle jack everybody.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how many jungle jacks have you had?
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Great? Make this whole thing about mastellation here first.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: My aim is to get one jungle jack in every week.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: One a day.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: There is a lot of downtime.
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: I definitely want to see on TV. You go, Well, everybody,
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: I'm after jungle Jack.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: You'll just know they we're like Matt's chirpy today?
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what's his forum is bulging?
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: Why's it gonna come all over him?
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: Anyway?
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Act about me? About me?
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Thank God, it's time for some questions. List of questions.
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: It's my favorite.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: But I've actually got one myself. That's okay. I'm going
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: to just kick the listeners to the curb. I've got
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: one that i want to ask you.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: It's funny, I've got one I want to ask you.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: Because you have like four daycares on the go at
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: the moment, maybe five, sometimes six.
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: I'man enrolled to a butt. Not me personally, but my
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: children are.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: We've just put Lola into a new daycare. We are
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: three days in and first days pretty good. Third day,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: massive tears on the drop off. It's enough.
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: They know what's coming by the third day, you know,
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: and like like now, like our kids are also going
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: to go to primary school, right.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: They're excited about it until a couple of days in
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: they're like, oh, this actually sucks, and it does. It does.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: Although now I look back as an adult, I'm like, fuck,
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: school's best.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: We sold it in as being like a really exciting change,
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: like over the Christopher. They we're like, hey, it's a
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: new daycare, a special daycare, new toy and she was
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: like really she got there and she was like, this
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: is shirt gi any tips transitioning to a new daycare.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: How did you go with with Macy and Oscar back
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: in the.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: Day, I would say a couple of things.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: One is time.
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: It's obvious because like unless like she's complaining to you
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: about someone's specific and it's real specific something she doesn't like,
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: and you can be like, okay, we need to fix that.
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: But usually they're just like I've worked out that. You
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: leaving me here again.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: It's like starting again.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: But I would say, let's take a chapter out of
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: our friend mister Luke's book and just do a clean snap.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: And say there you go. Because after five minutes, Bro,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: they're fine. Man, I don't know if they are. They are.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I believe that.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: They send us a photo they're like, she's having a
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: great time. She's like ah, And Laura was like, she
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: looks like she's been crying in that photo, and I
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: was like, what are you talking about? She did look
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: like she'd been crying in that photo. She probably had been,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And I was like, but don't send us a photo like,
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: don't be like, hey, Lola, what Druther's tears? Oh my god,
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: it sucks. It sucks.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: It's like a good thing.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I'm not going anywhere, what because I am?
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sorry? Fuck any other tips from me?
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: No, I Macy is going to a new day like
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: a day care, like a She's moving on from the
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: one that she was out going to the one that
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: Oscar was at a bit older now it's also cheaper,
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: so I may have more tips after that.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Please, but yeah, it'll be all he is when I
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: come back.
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: Stop reminding me that you're leaving, okay, because you're not
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: just leaving the kids and your wife, you're also leaving me.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I apologize, and I don't like it your question.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: I don't like that you' rubbing it in. So my
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: question is a pretty straightforward question.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Is at what age, Matthew, do you think kids start
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: to understand sarcasm?
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: Marley's just started to understand it.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: No, she hasn't. She does me.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Tell me she gets it. Tell me she gets it.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: So as an example, give me one. I think this
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: is sarcasm, Maybe it's not. We went down to the
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: beach and she's like, can you pass my goggles? And
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I say, oh, I didn't bring him and she was like,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I know you're joking. Pass him.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: That's gas lighting. It's different. So she understands gas lighting.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: She just knows when you're lying. Pretty much sarcasm like,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: h he's a good one. That young. They're so take
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: everything so seriously. It's literal. Yes, I'll say that, April,
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: something on your lip, like I think it.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Might be a little bit of oat from your music
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: bar and snuck out to escape.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: It's getting back in there.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: It's been looking at me for a while.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: Thanks for telling me.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: You cannot even know.
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: The other day when we had the bully in it
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: and I got the car and I was like, anyway,
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: it's like I'll say to April, nah, oscar doesn't like chocolate.
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: Nah he doesn't like it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: What does he say?
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Who told you? I didn't? I too told you I
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: didn't lie.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: And you're like, bro, it's called sarcasm, or like this
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: morning I was like, I don't love you.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: That's not so I was saying. This morning.
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, they had their breakfast and I
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: was like, are you guys gonna is anyone gonna eat this,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: I'll just to eat it.
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: Then like they're like, no, we're gonna eat it. It's like,
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: can you fucking relax? When are they gonna stop?
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Do you know what that remind those people in comments
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: section who were like take everything so.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Boomers, Yeah, they're pretty much the boomer child boomers.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Well, they say that life is just you know, you
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: go full circle. So you start off as a boomer,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: you then mature, become normal, and then you just retract
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: back to being a boomer.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: I thought it was a Yeah, you shit in a nappy,
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: you become a boomer than a year ago, all the
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: way around, become a boomer again, and.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Then you end up shitting into a n happy full circle.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: It is the miracle of life, girl of life.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: Well, Ash, it's been a pleasure talking to you. I
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: think my time here is done. If you have enjoyed
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: this episode, just wait, Yes, do you hear that voice? Yes?
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: You might be wondering it is God, a.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: New was a woman.
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: It's just morlly here the two doting Dad's producer Maddie,
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: you are off to the jungle, and one of the
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: best things to come out of the jungle is the
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: challenge around the food.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: Oh god, now it's not just ordinary food.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: It's usually discussing, discussed.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: I do feel sorry for you.
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: I thought it was a good idea to sort of
• 25:04
  Speaker 4: get you warmed up for it.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: You've got two plates there, I have two plates here.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to the jungle. Let's do it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: I have two plates now, Ash. I thought it would
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: be fun to also join him, just so he's not
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: alone already.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Can we honestly bring it?
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Bring it over, Jess, bring it over?
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: Here we go.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Jess has wind up her food eating challenge, and I
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: don't like to look at it just walking around with it.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: Now she dropped it, and that works for me perfectly.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Fine. She's rescued. It is alive.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Suggests you've given us like a dinosaur egg.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: I just this is called a century egg.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no, no no no.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: All right, guys, is it boiled or something?
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: You're supposed to take off the shell and then go
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: for it.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: I can't. I can't.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I can't.
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: Come on, this is warm up.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 26:07
  Speaker 5: If you can't do.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: This, I can't. I can't even look at it, eat it,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: eat it? Ash, have a bite, have a butte. I
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: can't bite it? Bye it Okay, it just smells so bad.
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: What does it smell like?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Smells like just bad feet, bad feet that's been decaying
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: for sweating.
• 26:40
  Speaker 4: Ash always makes out as if he's like the tough guy,
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: but then you realize that you can't eat a black egg.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: Got it smells like an old pond, you know, like
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: come across like someone's got an old pond in the back.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like a marine. It's got a marine smell about.
• 26:59
  Speaker 5: See.
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: The thing is with these eggs, you're not supposed to
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: eat it the way that you're about to eat it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: You're supposed to slice it up and put it into
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: other things. I can't.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I can't do it.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: Guys, both of you need to go for it at
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: the same time.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: I can't do it. I'm not doing it. I'm not
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: doing it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: You have to do it.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: I don't have to do it.
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: I don't produce that I have free will.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: Matt don't. Don't.
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: You don't even know what it tastes like? What if
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: it tastes a mate? It's so salty, So Matt lost.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, I'm out.
• 27:41
  Speaker 5: You didn't even go for it.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: I can't.
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: It's like biting into pure mold. Look at it.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: But I'm not the one going into the jungle, and
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: I still have it at least bitter.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: Okay, so Matt's about to take his bye. Come on, man,
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: if you can do this, you can do anything. I
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: reckon you'll win. But you.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Do it? Go Oh man?
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: Oh that much other psycha dict than it.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Stinks like an old pond. Oh my god, yess.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: Okay, Well, now that you've had your dinner, it's time
• 28:38
  Speaker 4: for dessert. You're got a bit worried about you, Matt.
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: I don't know if you'll be able to survive the jungle.
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: Straight into the bin, they go.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: Look, I think if you are hungry enough, you eat that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 5: Very true?
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: That was that's foul.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: All right, I've got another plate for you. Are you ready?
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Jess? What's this?
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: What is this?
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: What do you think it is?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Fish?
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: It's ill? I think you should both do it together. Ash,
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: how are you doing?
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: This?
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: Is not going to go as a man who doesn't
• 29:05
  Speaker 4: have seafood for Christmas?
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, well maybe we'll have eel from now on.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Three two one. That's actually pretty good.
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: I don't know about Ash though, guys, he's not doing
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: very well. I didn't he was brought up by chicken nuggets,
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: wasn't he.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: It's nice. I like that.
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: Matt's okay, Matt likes it.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: I think it's pretty good. Ash, try it again. It's
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: a bit like hat food.
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: Do you think you'll be able to have the food
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: that's on off for it? I'm a celest No, not
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: at all.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I am absolutely one fucked in the jungle.
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad. I'm not going all right.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Ash, let's get out of here, Jess. It's been a pleasure.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: If you've enjoyed this episode or any I haven't, my
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: bloody well have, please subscribe, review and leave us some comments,
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: and also follow us on social media. These videos of
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: us eating will be online. I will see you guys
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: after the jungle. We luck, good luck, miss good riddans,
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I say goodbye.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Bye bye bye.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: MC two. Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander peoples.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Today. This episode was recorded on gadigle Land