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The Man versus Bear debate · The Naked Room

• 0:00
  just want to include a trigger warning for this episode we do
• 0:03
  mention sexual
• 0:04
  assault a little later on and we wanted to give you all
• 0:08
  resource that you can
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  contact if you are experiencing it or know anyone who you care
• 0:13
  about or love who's
• 0:14
  experiencing sexual assault or has experienced it and needs
• 0:17
  help you can call
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: 1-800-656-4673
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't like small talk at all.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: It makes me tired.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: It drains me.
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  SPEAKER_02: It's so stupid.
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  SPEAKER_02: I want to avoid it like the plague.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: I want to know.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_02: So how's the weather?
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, the weather is kind of a big deal.
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  SPEAKER_02: It's, you know, it's like a lot, but also no.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Moving on.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: Seriously, let's get a little deeper.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about what you believe.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about sex.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that.
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  But also let's talk about the concept of forever and the size
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  of the universe.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what keeps you up at night.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you just watched The Martian the other day.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so good.
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  I would totally be in heaven if I lived on an unknown planet
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  and I had to explore by myself.
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  SPEAKER_02: I would be freaked the fuck out because I wouldn't know...
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  how to get back this is me like yeah not surrendering and i
• 1:14
  think that's most
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  people i mean like imminent danger potentially yeah but i feel
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  like it's imminent
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  danger that is like that is of my own like i don't know i don't
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  like nature doesn't
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  i mean it does scare me it's terrifying like there's so many
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  like i feel like that
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  SPEAKER_01: about the ocean like it's so beautiful but it's like
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  SPEAKER_02: Okay, wait, wait, wait.
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  SPEAKER_02: I have a question that just came up.
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  SPEAKER_02: It's not even one that you pulled out of the jar.
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  SPEAKER_02: You pulled it out of your brain?
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  I've asked this of people before because of all the crazy
• 1:44
  things that have been
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  SPEAKER_02: happening with the bottom of the ocean.
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  SPEAKER_02: No, that thing that imploded, the submersible that imploded.
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  SPEAKER_02: Would you rather explore the bottom of the ocean or...
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  space space they both seem equally as freaky right yeah unknown
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  there's so much we
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  don't know about the ocean space yeah i feel like i would pick
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  space yeah over i'm
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  obsessed i always have the ocean anytime the ocean freaks me
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  out i appreciate it
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  and i have a lot of respect for it but also i'm like i want to
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  see i want the water
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  SPEAKER_02: to be turquoise yeah
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  SPEAKER_02: S-E-E.
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  SPEAKER_02: You can't see.
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  Yeah,
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  I'm like,
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  take me to a tropical location where I can see what I'm walking
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  around in.
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  SPEAKER_00: No dress code.
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  SPEAKER_00: No rules.
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  SPEAKER_00: Just B-Y-O-U.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's time to tell society that it's a taboo.
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  SPEAKER_00: You can be the you-est you here in the naked room.
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  SPEAKER_01: I love the element of like an interview.
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  SPEAKER_01: And right now, obviously, we are no one.
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  SPEAKER_01: So we don't have any guests.
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  SPEAKER_01: So until that time arrives,
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  SPEAKER_01: which we hope is soon,
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  I think asking questions of each other and just answering some
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  general like
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  SPEAKER_01: introspective questions that might
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  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I'm going to use the word titillate.
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  SPEAKER_01: Oh, tit.
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  SPEAKER_01: It might titillate other listeners to ask that question of themselves.
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  SPEAKER_01: I think could be fun and really cool.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I wrote this question.
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  SPEAKER_01: So I'll ask you.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
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  SPEAKER_01: And then I'll answer it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Kelly, what was your first job?
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  SPEAKER_02: Okay, are we talking about like when I was 15 or like out of college?
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  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
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  SPEAKER_02: Tell me both.
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  SPEAKER_02: My first job was I worked in a little boutique store,
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  SPEAKER_02: like a women's clothing store on the place called the Downtown Mall in
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  SPEAKER_02: Charlottesville.
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  SPEAKER_02: It's a brick walking mall for anyone who doesn't like, you know.
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  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know now because I'll live here.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: But I started when I was 15.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: I had to turn in a resume and I had nothing on it.
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  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, basically, it's just my information.
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  SPEAKER_01: You're like, here, it's just like a business card.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I should have just given him one of these sticky notes.
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  But it's funny because the woman who I ended up working with,
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  she was four years older than me.
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  SPEAKER_02: But yeah, I was working in that job for a little while.
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  SPEAKER_02: I remember I didn't.
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  SPEAKER_02: My dad...
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  SPEAKER_02: My dad was like, Kelly, do you even want to get paid?
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  SPEAKER_02: Because I, like, wasn't – no one told me that I need to write my hours.
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  SPEAKER_01: You're just going in and just, like, hoping for the best.
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  And so it was my friend,
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  the 19-year-old,
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  and I were working together a lot.
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  SPEAKER_02: And then it was her mom's store.
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  SPEAKER_02: But, yeah, no one told me I was supposed to write down my hours.
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  SPEAKER_02: And so the –
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  19 year old who I was working with would like write them down
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  for me sometimes so I
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  would get these paychecks that were like 55 dollars or
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  something you know and yeah
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  I remember my dad just being like do you like are you giving up
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  your time what do
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  you want to do and I'm like I don't I don't know nobody's fine
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  yeah exactly so I
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  get a discount they don't that store's not there anymore I'm
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  like were they clothes
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  that you liked or was it like older women's clothes that you
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  like it wasn't it was
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  SPEAKER_02: It was also like jewelry and incense and other.
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  SPEAKER_02: So it was it was a yes.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: It was like a cool store.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_02: To go to like a little local boutique.
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  SPEAKER_01: So you were 15.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: Did you ever steal anything?
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  SPEAKER_01: No.
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  SPEAKER_01: Good job.
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  SPEAKER_02: I have stolen exactly two things in my life.
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  SPEAKER_02: I think I have two.
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  SPEAKER_02: Aside from people's hearts.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, but don't.
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  SPEAKER_00: Insert drum roll.
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  SPEAKER_02: I have stolen.
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  SPEAKER_02: I stole both things when I was a teenager.
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  I stole other than that time when I got charged with petty
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  larceny for driving off
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  SPEAKER_02: without paying for gas.
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  SPEAKER_02: Because it didn't charge my car.
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  SPEAKER_02: The machine did not charge my car.
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  SPEAKER_02: Technology was the thief, not you.
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  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
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  SPEAKER_02: And I went back the next day and paid it.
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  SPEAKER_02: I got a call from a cop.
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  SPEAKER_02: It was all like garbly and I couldn't understand.
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  And I got really mad because this is the same cop that we have
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  a lot to unpack here
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  SPEAKER_02: because this is the same cop.
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  who got me for my first underage possession of alcohol charge
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  in Radford,
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  Virginia,
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  small town.
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  SPEAKER_02: His name, not joking here, is Sergeant Slaughter.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we had a slaughter in West Virginia.
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  SPEAKER_01: I wonder if the whole family is crap cops.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: Or double time.
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  SPEAKER_01: I mean,
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  SPEAKER_01: that could be a thing,
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  SPEAKER_01: too,
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  because the cop in the town where I grew up was the cop in like
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  the four towns
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  SPEAKER_01: around us.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: There weren't a lot of people who were up for the job.
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  SPEAKER_02: We can dive into all of that another time.
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  But the two things I've stolen ever in my life are an eye
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  pencil from CVS when I
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  SPEAKER_02: was like 16 or 17.
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  SPEAKER_01: What's an eye pencil?
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  SPEAKER_02: An eye pencil?
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  SPEAKER_01: Oh, like an eyeliner.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, oh.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: I pictured like a writing pencil that had like eyes on it.
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  SPEAKER_02: You were like, I have to have this.
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  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, maybe I used the wrong term.
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  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, but you also...
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  SPEAKER_02: You're also a makeup artist, so I was like, maybe I did use the wrong.
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  SPEAKER_01: I would call it an eyeliner, but it is a pencil for your eyes, I guess.
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  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so an eyeliner pencil, eye pencil liner.
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  SPEAKER_02: And one of those massive jawbreakers from Disney World.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I remember those.
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  SPEAKER_02: Because I went on an orchestra trip in...
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  senior year of high school yeah and i was like that's basically
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  a free sample you
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  know i'm just like yeah so those are the two things that i
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  stole knowingly like on
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  purpose yeah yeah and i'm like maybe i've cut some other things
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  but no i'm i've
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  always been those stick out to you i'm pretty good i've been
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  pretty pretty moral i
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  SPEAKER_02: guess
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  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_01: Anyway, so that integrity to go back around to it.
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  SPEAKER_01: That was my first job.
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  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
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  SPEAKER_01: My first job.
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  SPEAKER_01: So you.
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  SPEAKER_01: OK, so you did.
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  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, your first like when you were younger.
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  I'm not going to go into the other ones because you asked first
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  job like that was
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  SPEAKER_02: technically my first first job.
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  SPEAKER_01: I guess my first like.
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  SPEAKER_01: I mean,
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  SPEAKER_01: it wasn't on the books,
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  SPEAKER_01: but our neighbor that lived up the hill,
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  SPEAKER_01: up the,
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  SPEAKER_01: like,
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  SPEAKER_01: through the woods,
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  SPEAKER_01: literally through the woods,
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  SPEAKER_01: had horses.
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  SPEAKER_01: And when I was, I was always, like, really into the horses.
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  SPEAKER_01: My dad and I would, like, walk up there to visit them.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I think I was, like, 11 or 12.
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  SPEAKER_01: And she,
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  SPEAKER_01: Susie,
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  SPEAKER_01: Susan,
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  SPEAKER_01: she said that if I wanted to walk up,
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  SPEAKER_01: like,
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  SPEAKER_01: I think it was in the mornings before school,
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  SPEAKER_01: I would walk up and,
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  SPEAKER_01: like,
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  SPEAKER_01: muck stalls or do something.
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  SPEAKER_01: And she, like,
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  SPEAKER_01: Basically,
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  I think let me ride the horses in exchange and also gave me
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  like a little cash
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  SPEAKER_01: under the table.
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  But I remember that being the first time that I was like,
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  I'm doing this and making money.
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  SPEAKER_01: And I would shovel snow in the winter and like do stuff like that.
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  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
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  SPEAKER_01: And make like little... So those are like side jobs.
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  SPEAKER_01: But my first like on the books job, I was...
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  17 or 18 i think i was 18 and worked at a call center called
• 9:03
  aegis communications
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  oh god and it was where everyone worked that like didn't work
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  at the gas station
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  you know like it was like the one job where you were like in
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  and air conditioned
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  like you know it felt very corporate even though it was like in
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  a strip mall with a
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  SPEAKER_01: subway like and um
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  SPEAKER_01: I didn't mind it.
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  SPEAKER_01: Like it was very like routine.
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  You know,
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  you go in,
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  you get your little headset on,
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  then you go through like all these calls.
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  SPEAKER_02: And I don't have thick enough skin for working in a call center.
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  I think I lucked out and I didn't really have because most I
• 9:37
  think most of the
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  SPEAKER_01: things most people were calling to set up.
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  SPEAKER_01: Sell service, right?
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  SPEAKER_01: So, like, you had to do a credit check.
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  I think that was,
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  like,
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  you got all their information,
• 9:46
  did a credit check.
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  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
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  SPEAKER_01: And the only time I ever had,
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: words with someone...
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  SPEAKER_01: Because you were allowed...
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  SPEAKER_01: Like,
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  SPEAKER_01: I remember them in orientation saying,
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  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: if somebody,
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: like,
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  SPEAKER_01: repetitively,
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: curses you out or cusses you out,
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  SPEAKER_01: you can drop the call.
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  SPEAKER_01: Like, you can hang up.
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  But otherwise,
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  you need to try to,
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  like,
• 10:05
  bring it back and,
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  like,
• 10:06
  try to make the sale.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: I had this guy call...
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he was really like short with me,
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: like not not really like mean at first or saying anything that was,
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  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: whatever.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like he was calling to get another cell phone line.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: You put in their information and he already had a account with us.
• 10:29
  And so he kept saying very...
• 10:31
  It was very adamant that it not be on the same account.
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  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's like, no, no, I do not want to add one to my account.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: I want to open up an entirely separate account.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so he's... Is that like a burner phone?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: He's beating around the bush.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, essentially, which is not...
• 10:48
  illegal really like at all but he's beating around the bush and
• 10:51
  when I started
• 10:52
  asking more questions that I had to ask which was like okay
• 10:55
  well we can open up a
• 10:56
  different one but you know um essentially I don't remember how
• 11:01
  it went down but he
• 11:01
  basically ended up admitting that he was getting this for like
• 11:05
  his mistress like
• 11:06
  he's like I don't want my wife to know he was like asking
• 11:09
  questions like is it
• 11:10
  going to show up on our main account like don't send any of
• 11:14
  this to the house and
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: all of that and I um
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: I ended up opening the account for him,
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  SPEAKER_01: but not only did I note on his main account that he did this,
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  SPEAKER_01: and I specifically used the word mistress,
• 11:27
  but I'm pretty sure I called his wife's cell phone and left a
• 11:30
  message saying,
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: this message is for so-and-so,
• 11:34
  just letting you know that the phone that you were setting up
• 11:37
  for such-and-such,
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: will be shipped at this certain time.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: He's savage.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: No worries.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 11:44
  I've made sure to follow through with your request that your
• 11:47
  other account not show
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: access of this or whatever it was.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because I was just so fed up with this guy.
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  Because he ended up saying,
• 11:53
  like,
• 11:54
  he ended up being really mean because he was in a hurry.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it was taking time to do this credit check.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And he ended up being like, what's the fucking hold up for something?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, oh, yeah?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: I will burn your life down.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, my God.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: I love the...
• 12:09
  like very subtle female empowerment it's actually not even that
• 12:13
  subtle but you're
• 12:14
  just like whatever yeah like i'm sorry if he was a nice guy
• 12:19
  then i would have done
• 12:21
  the thing that i always do and i would have probably come up
• 12:24
  with something in my
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: mind of like an you know well maybe you know who you know who knows
• 12:29
  not always his wife is terrible right it's not always the guy's
• 12:32
  fault so it's like
• 12:33
  maybe she's a shit maybe she's shit maybe he's trying to get
• 12:36
  out of an abusive
• 12:37
  relationship with his wife like who fucking knows right but i
• 12:40
  could tell by the
• 12:40
  guy's attitude towards me as a woman and how he had like no
• 12:44
  respect and absolute no
• 12:46
  regard for my time and my whatever i was like yeah this guy's a
• 12:50
  shit bag so
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I hope I ruined his life.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: No, that's so bad.
• 12:55
  I hope that that woman got out of what seems like it probably
• 12:58
  wasn't a great marriage.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm sure she had a gut instinct.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I can't.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: There's no denying that kind of thing.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so yeah, that was a first job stories.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Next question.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Your turn.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, you have some kind of epic.
• 13:13
  thing in there all right here we go here we go oh this is like
• 13:17
  such a big thing i
• 13:18
  have to to pick yeah okay i wish i had my little drum pad from
• 13:23
  high school what are
• 13:24
  three things you have in common with your partner oh i wrote
• 13:27
  that one okay cool yep
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: You – I'm asking you and then – Oh, you're going to ask me first.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so my partner – We're just staring at each other.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well,
• 13:38
  it's funny because it came from that list of 36 questions and
• 13:41
  so it is supposed to
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: be like your romantic partner.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: But then I was like, oh, it could also be like we're partners in –
• 13:48
  our podcast let's go so it could be whatever i'll let you
• 13:51
  choose like do you want
• 13:52
  it to be let's go with us us okay i like that okay three things
• 13:56
  that i that we have
• 13:58
  that i think we have in common because you'll answer it as well
• 14:00
  yeah i think that
• 14:01
  we both have like uh there's another like we're gonna have to
• 14:06
  edit out can't stop
• 14:09
  won't stop i can't help it feel that i'm trying to take pauses
• 14:15
  instead of saying it
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: so often
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: I feel that we both have... What is the word that I'm looking for?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm blanking on it.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: We're both very driven.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_01: When we set our sights on something, we dig in so hard.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: We...
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: we don't beat around the bush with it.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like we have an idea and we're like,
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: oh,
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: maybe we'll do that and maybe I'll fiddle with it a little bit.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Usually it's like there's this turning point that's like,
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: I've decided I'm going to do this and I'm going in 110%.
• 14:51
  And then I think the second thing that we have in common is
• 14:57
  that we have this like,
• 15:04
  We have this thing where we will be hard on ourselves initially
• 15:07
  if it doesn't like
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: work out or something or if it doesn't go the way that we thought.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: But we also have a very logical,
• 15:14
  practical side to us that trusts in like the universe and
• 15:20
  whatever it is where we
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: can adjust our sails and be like,
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 15:24
  we went into it thinking it was going to be this and we put all
• 15:27
  this energy and
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: this effort into it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: And the...
• 15:31
  outcome wasn't what we expected from the beginning but it's
• 15:34
  this different thing
• 15:35
  that I didn't even know that I needed and so we know now that
• 15:38
  that was the purpose
• 15:39
  of the thing that we did yeah so I concur yeah yeah so that's
• 15:46
  two three a third
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: thing I think we have in common would be
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's so many.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: The thing that's coming to mind right now is like our love of humor.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think that we both like love to laugh.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: We love to put humor into things.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: We have the same sense of humor.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: And we have the same sense of humor.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's like one thing that definitely...
• 16:11
  connected us as friends like immediately was just like oh yeah
• 16:15
  you have that
• 16:15
  goofball like attitude about you and you can find it and insert
• 16:20
  it in moments that
• 16:21
  are like too serious I think we both have found that because we
• 16:25
  do kind of like
• 16:27
  when we get in our head about something we do feel very serious
• 16:30
  about it and we've
• 16:32
  kind of developed this ability to like insert the goof to be
• 16:37
  like all right all
• 16:38
  right all right like hold on like it is serious but also we can
• 16:41
  see this like
• 16:41
  light-hearted side of it or this like silly side of it to
• 16:44
  balance it out and that's
• 16:46
  probably also because we're both libras yep which is another
• 16:49
  which is another thing
• 16:51
  um okay i'll add three more okay um we're both very optimistic
• 16:56
  people we tend to
• 16:58
  see the silver lining in things even when it doesn't feel like
• 17:01
  there is one
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um,
• 17:04
  we are both fiercely loyal in our relationships with our
• 17:10
  friends and our partners,
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: our,
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: our male counterparts.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: And that's it.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: There's nothing else in common.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's all.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_02: Everything else is just shit.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: And then, um,
• 17:24
  we do both have a very deep love for music just lots of
• 17:31
  different genres i think
• 17:34
  you and i are wired the same around the fact that we can't
• 17:39
  really like pick a
• 17:40
  favorite genre it's really based on the mood and setting the
• 17:43
  mood and because you
• 17:45
  went into that and in a different conversation we had too when
• 17:49
  i asked you
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
• 17:51
  When you short circuited my brain by asking me to select one
• 17:56
  album for it.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it was for the rest of my life.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: And then you had to change it to six months.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, I would have spontaneously combust.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_02: My music is just a big driving force in both of our lives.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: I did grow up playing guitar.
• 18:10
  violin I played violin for a long time and you've been playing
• 18:13
  music for many more
• 18:15
  years since because you grew up playing music as well and your
• 18:18
  family's very
• 18:18
  musical and now I'm married to a musician and I just feel like
• 18:24
  it's it's just very
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: it's a very deep rooted thing in both of our lives.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: It is.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:30
  I always think it's cool to have that conversation with my mom
• 18:32
  because my mom is
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: like she can't she will say she can't carry a tune in a bucket.
• 18:38
  She doesn't play any instruments,
• 18:40
  but she has this like deep love of music and always has.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really cool to see that like.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think about how my dad was so musical and,
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_01: all of my siblings,
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: all of his children,
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: even my half-brother,
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: all took that on.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny because I'm like, my mom, you know, so opposite.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: But not really, though.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like, her love of music is so deep.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I remember she came to visit me when I lived in L.A.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: and we went into Hollywood and, like...
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: I have this picture that I love of her so much where she has,
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: the biggest grin on her face.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: And she had just tossed,
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: a $5 or $10 bill in the bucket of a guy,
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: a busking guy who was just sitting there playing,
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: the buckets,
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: drummers.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so funny.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh, yeah.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_01: It, like, clicked with me then.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like,
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: she's been funding musicians,
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: her whole...
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know about her whole life because I don't know what...
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'll have to talk to her and see if when she was younger,
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: if she,
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: was around music as much as in her adult life.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: But...
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it definitely runs deep.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know if I have ever told you this.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_02: I probably haven't.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: I definitely have not talked to you about this, but my dad...
• 19:48
  so i'm not i am i do not identify as religious i definitely
• 19:52
  identify as spiritual
• 19:53
  but my dad grew up and that my dad's dad was a minister my dad
• 19:59
  and my uncle his
• 20:00
  brother were some of the first people to sing gospel on tv but
• 20:07
  yeah my dad and
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_02: uncle were like singing gospel to
• 20:12
  like 500 people in a like studio audience or something like
• 20:16
  that gospel music so
• 20:18
  good yeah exactly we have to all go to jazz fest soon i feel
• 20:22
  like yes that
• 20:23
  experience is speaking of music i just hit your guitar oh my
• 20:26
  god okay okay next
• 20:29
  question is my writing again i'm not getting any years all
• 20:32
  right whatever it's it's
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: a good one that's fine what amount of money would change your life
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, well, if I had five bucks, six bucks, I could go and get a latte.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: It changed my life for a moment.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: For a moment.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: I know it's an interesting question.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um,
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 20:50
  This is kind of – it's interesting because this is a bit of a
• 20:53
  deep dive for me too
• 20:54
  because I think about – I am so wired to think about investing
• 20:58
  and like where I
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: would allocate funds.
• 21:01
  Curtis and I do this game all the time where I'm like,
• 21:04
  okay,
• 21:05
  we get a million dollars.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, where does that – that's actually how I started.
• 21:10
  I was going to write like what would you do with a million
• 21:11
  dollars but then I
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: thought this was a little different because I feel like people always –
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: Focus on it being this, like, huge, huge sum.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe that is what it would take to change your life.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_01: But I think for most people in conversations I've had,
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: it's like,
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_01: it actually wouldn't have to be that vast.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I will say that in the last couple of years, I have...
• 21:37
  been gifted some not not enough where I can like sit on my ass
• 21:42
  and never do
• 21:43
  anything again and I also am not wired like that yeah
• 21:46
  regardless of how much money
• 21:47
  I have I'm still going to be driven like we were talking about
• 21:51
  before one of the
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_02: things we have in common but um
• 21:55
  Being gifted,
• 21:58
  Curtis is working and he's been in demand and working a lot.
• 22:01
  And I haven't really been making very much money in this last
• 22:04
  year and a half.
• 22:06
  But that,
• 22:07
  even that amount where I know that I've got a little bit of a
• 22:11
  base.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know, a cushion.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: A cushion, literally the net.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: I took a leap of faith left my job and I had no idea.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: We had saved up,
• 22:20
  I think we had like a $50,000 nest egg because we had sold a
• 22:23
  condo and then went
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_02: and bought that property out an hour and 20 minutes from here.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for an Airbnb cabin, sponsored by Golden Ridge Cabin.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: Golden Ridge Cabin.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of though, because Curtis did buy us some stuff for the podcast.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he did.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: He did.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of sponsored by Golden Ridge.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 22:42
  But I feel like it's just a matter of knowing that there's a
• 22:48
  bit of a safety net.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like we had that money that we didn't use for the next property.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: It was left over from equity from selling a property in Los Angeles.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_02: So I knew six months in advance that I was going to be leaving my job.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so that I knew that I had that money.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_02: That money would not have carried us.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_02: If I had not gotten another check.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 23:14
  Then I would have had to I would have been in a situation where
• 23:19
  I would have had to
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: go and like look for another job straight away.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Mm hmm.
• 23:23
  But my life does feel like it's changed because I feel like I
• 23:27
  have a lot more
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_02: freedom of time recently.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then it worked out that Curtis and I,
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Curtis and Zula,
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: our dog,
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_02: and I could drive across the country and be here.
• 23:37
  And you and I have been looking to do something together for
• 23:40
  like a decade.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so then the timing just worked out that...
• 23:45
  you and i both have open time and space right now that we could
• 23:48
  sit down and have
• 23:48
  these conversations and start a podcast and so the long and the
• 23:54
  short of it is it's
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: not
• 23:58
  think it's more the peace of mind that comes with knowing that
• 24:01
  there's a little bit
• 24:02
  of a of a cushion so my life does feel like it's changed but i
• 24:07
  guess that's one
• 24:09
  part of the question to change my life completely where i like
• 24:12
  know like i know i
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: don't have to worry about money ever again i don't know probably like
• 24:19
  If I had like five to seven million and I knew that I could put
• 24:24
  it in like a fund
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: where it's gaining interest or something,
• 24:32
  that would make it feel like I don't have to think about
• 24:39
  getting a job or making
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: additional money.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_02: So what about you?
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: I feel both sides too.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like you,
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like,
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: like 20 bucks is life changing on some days because it's,
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: right now,
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: like we're,
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: we made a big leap of kind of faith,
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: I guess,
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: and changed from our life of when we,
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: lived in LA and felt like things were more just like,
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: So word I could use.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: They were they were more like structured,
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: like we knew,
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 25:17
  everything was very much like we had we had a routine down like
• 25:21
  financially and
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: everything was very set.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: And we knew that moving here, we were going to be walking away from.
• 25:32
  that but that it would be for the for the greater good of like
• 25:38
  being able to have
• 25:39
  more freedom and being able to kind of have more of the
• 25:44
  lifestyle that we want both
• 25:46
  of us aren't we aren't city people by any means and so we were
• 25:50
  just constantly
• 25:50
  waking up and feeling like we needed we needed to be we needed
• 25:54
  our life to be kind
• 25:56
  of smaller and more simple and so that we could focus on things
• 25:59
  that really
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: mattered and so
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think that right now where we're at,
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: when I think about amount of money that would be life changing,
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: it's like not that much.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's like whatever would help me not be in debt,
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: essentially,
• 26:17
  like being able to just be working and surviving would feel
• 26:22
  better than having
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: working,
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: surviving and also having like the looming thing of debt.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like,
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: you know, like 70 grand right now would be like a life changing thing.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: it'd be like,
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: well,
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: like I,
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: there would be so much more,
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: but yeah,
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: on the grand scheme of things of what would be like,
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: mega life changing.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I don't think it would be that much.
• 26:50
  Like I think about right now we have like the,
• 26:53
  you know,
• 26:53
  we don't own our cabin.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, if I were to really change my life and feel like super,
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_01: At ease,
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: I would want to like buy this cabin,
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_01: which I'm assuming would probably be like a million,
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: and then,
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: pay off my debt.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then I don't think I'd ever want to stop working anymore.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: But knowing myself,
• 27:17
  like I'd want to be I'd want the things that I do and the
• 27:20
  things that I contribute
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: to the world to be creative things,
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: which as any creative knows,
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: it doesn't usually pay the bills right away.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I guess I'd need some sort of cushion for that.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so, yeah, it probably wouldn't be much.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: It would probably be like a couple mil.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like I would just like keep building.
• 27:39
  Like,
• 27:39
  I don't know that I'd ever want to feel like I don't have to
• 27:43
  ever work again.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I would need the drive of, you know.
• 27:48
  And I also sometimes like a challenge and weirdly like a
• 27:51
  financial challenge.
• 27:52
  I think like I like to be humbled in the sense that it brings
• 27:55
  me back down to earth.
• 27:56
  Like right now where we're like growing our food and we have
• 27:59
  the chickens and I'm
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: being more conscious of things.
• 28:02
  Like I don't just like hop in my truck and drive somewhere
• 28:04
  without thinking about
• 28:06
  what the gas is going to be and where that can be really
• 28:08
  debilitating sometimes
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: when it's something that I like –
• 28:11
  really need to do or want to do it makes me feel like humbled
• 28:16
  and a little more
• 28:17
  wholesome that like there were so many times in my life where I
• 28:20
  didn't do that I
• 28:21
  was like wasteful yeah and I know you go back and forth and be
• 28:25
  like well you know
• 28:26
  it's like sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and be
• 28:29
  like well going in like
• 28:30
  you know whatever it is like spending time with people and
• 28:32
  driving and doing
• 28:33
  something it's not wasteful if it's that and I agree but I just
• 28:37
  kind of like the
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: sense of
• 28:39
  of reality like the reality and the just the way that we live
• 28:44
  right now compared to
• 28:45
  when we are in LA feels I just feel a lot more connected to
• 28:51
  like life and just like
• 28:53
  everything like I just feel very I feel like I feel everything
• 28:56
  more which can be
• 28:57
  bad can be good because I'm like such a feeler but I just feel
• 29:01
  very like okay
• 29:02
  everything has a meaning and everything has a purpose and I
• 29:05
  don't feel like I'm
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: like floating up here
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like really like aware of the cost of things and my time,
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: like how valuable my own time is and how valuable other people's time is.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that sometimes when I feel too comfortable,
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: like financially,
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: I like lose sight of that or something.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: The really wonderful thing now,
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_02: though,
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_02: because you have this perspective,
• 29:35
  you've been in circumstances before where you've gotten this
• 29:38
  type of perspective,
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: but this feels a little different.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_02: The really wonderful thing now is once you are in a place,
• 29:44
  because eventually you will be more financially stable and
• 29:47
  you'll pay off your debt
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_02: and you are going to have more money to spend.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:54
  you're going to take this perspective that you have right now
• 29:57
  with you because i
• 29:57
  know that you've been doing a lot of you've been very
• 30:00
  thoughtful about all of it
• 30:02
  and you made this decision to move here to virginia from la
• 30:07
  with oliver very
• 30:10
  thoughtfully and you knew what you were getting yourself into
• 30:14
  with peacing out of
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_02: la and coming here so
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah,
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_02: but I know that you're setting yourself up for appreciation,
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: a deep appreciation of abundance when you do – I mean,
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_02: you already have a lot of abundance,
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_02: but as far as financial abundance goes,
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_02: you're going to have a deep appreciation.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I know what you mean.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: It feels very –
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've, yeah, like I've talked to my sister and my mom about this.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like when they were here and I was like,
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: I just like,
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: I've had both,
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: like I've been,
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: I've,
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: I've feel like there's been times like when I first live in,
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: lived in LA where I felt like I,
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: and you know,
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: in living in Nantucket,
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: like I've always had this weird combination of like luxury and,
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: and,
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: and primal like pioneer,
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: like it's so funny.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that that kind of is who I am as a person too.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I love, um,
• 31:02
  I love like living off the land and like really appreciating
• 31:09
  like the small things
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: and like the work that goes into things and all of that.
• 31:12
  But I also appreciate how beautiful and luxurious those things
• 31:16
  can be elevated to.
• 31:17
  And so I know there's something there because my life is always
• 31:21
  lined up to be that way.
• 31:22
  It's like,
• 31:23
  you know,
• 31:23
  even growing up in West Virginia,
• 31:25
  we were,
• 31:26
  you know –
• 31:27
  below middle class and my mom worked so hard to make things
• 31:30
  seem very like I always
• 31:32
  felt like our home was very like warm and like you know she put
• 31:36
  all these like
• 31:36
  thoughtful touches we always had these beautiful flowers like
• 31:39
  she worked so hard
• 31:40
  and we always had fresh vegetables because we always had a
• 31:42
  garden it was like those
• 31:43
  things felt very luxurious to me and then moving to LA and
• 31:48
  experiencing what what
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: Other people or like stereotypically what most people in L.A.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: see as luxury, like a really nice car and like it's hedonism.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's weird.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I dabbled in it for sure.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like I bought, you know, brand new Mustang.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's hard not to.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard not to because you have to.
• 32:05
  I think you have to experience those things or otherwise you'll
• 32:10
  you're you won't know.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll you'll wonder like, well, maybe that is the ticket.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that I had enough experience.
• 32:16
  experience in my life and through other people's experiences to
• 32:22
  see a little bit of
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 32:23
  I don't think that that like I worked as a personal assistant
• 32:27
  for some higher,
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: like look like wealthy people and it's not going to
• 32:31
  fix anything it's not gonna fix it's like I'm like these people
• 32:33
  have the same exact
• 32:34
  problems that I do if not more because of their wealth and so I
• 32:38
  think I was really
• 32:39
  lucky to see that in the beginning at a younger age like in my
• 32:43
  early 20s and just
• 32:44
  SPEAKER_01: kind of be like ah noted okay okay so what I want to strive for might not
• 32:48
  necessarily be you know this like number but I want to strive
• 32:54
  for this like
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: lifestyle that allows me to
• 32:59
  to like i don't know i feel like i could talk in circles and
• 33:02
  get like really
• 33:02
  introspective about it but it's like i want to be able to yeah
• 33:06
  stress less for sure
• 33:07
  so that i can make decisions for myself that benefit not only
• 33:11
  myself but other
• 33:12
  people around me to to understand what abundance there is in
• 33:19
  simplicity yeah if
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_02: that makes sense the the takeaway for me is
• 33:25
  It's true that money doesn't buy happiness,
• 33:27
  but it does buy peace of mind.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_02: It buys freedom.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: But it really has to come.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: You have to use that in the right way.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 33:36
  If you go into thinking that money is going to cure all of my
• 33:40
  issues and I'm not
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_02: going to have to suffer anymore,
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_02: whatever it is,
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: then you're going to be sorely mistaken.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: And you're going to have a lot of things that you have to contend with.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_02: If you're like,
• 33:52
  I know that this money is going to open up time and space for
• 33:55
  me to be able to be
• 33:56
  creative and not be stressed out because we know creativity
• 33:59
  doesn't work very well
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: when you're stressed out.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't flow.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the general thesis that I'm picking up on.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like it'll lay down like a –
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the next stepping stone for you.
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_01: But if you're like this,
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: if you haven't fed yourself enough,
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: you don't have the energy to even use.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can't utilize that stepping stone.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:22
  You still I think as long as you're grounded and understanding
• 34:26
  that it's not it's
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: not going to be the cure all.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_02: But it can be.
• 34:32
  it can help support in certain things then that's you're going
• 34:37
  to be a lot happier
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_02: yeah you're the royal you me the royal you the royal you okay
• 34:45
  see wait i'm gonna try to pick out my own handwriting so if you
• 34:48
  haven't realized
• 34:49
  already listeners this is why we love this question game
• 34:53
  because it's never yes or
• 34:54
  no the way that our brains work i picked out one of mine we got
• 34:58
  deep oh you did oh
• 34:59
  good so this means i haven't i don't know what it is you don't
• 35:01
  know what it is okay
• 35:02
  okay so this one's kind of it's so relationship life lessons
• 35:06
  what have you learned
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: about yourself through your romantic relationships maybe like
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: one big pivotal thing.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: Through any of my romantic relationships.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah,
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_02: like any,
• 35:17
  maybe like through a pattern that you developed or like through
• 35:21
  your relationship
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: with Oliver or in your marriage when you were 19,
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_02: whatever it is.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I mean, I've learned a lot.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's been a series of big lessons.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, yeah.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: I mean,
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think I,
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: if I were to,
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: make it in one big kind of category,
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned a lot about what I want.
• 35:47
  From like what I what's important to me in another person or a
• 35:50
  partner and what are
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_01: big no no's for me.
• 35:54
  Like,
• 35:55
  yeah,
• 35:56
  you know,
• 35:57
  yeah,
• 35:57
  big red flags like addiction runs in my family.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that growing up,
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize I thought that was just kind of something that,
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: you know.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: was just par for the course,
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: you know,
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: like people have their,
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_01: flaws and things like that.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: And my, you know, got married really young.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: And in that marriage, there was, there was some addiction issues and
• 36:26
  I think that relationships,
• 36:28
  like,
• 36:28
  they just teach you so much about yourself.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: you learn about other people because you're in this,
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: day-to-day with them or whatever.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: But I think mostly they teach you things about yourself.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I've learned that I really like – I like peace.
• 36:48
  LAUGHTER
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: So why are you in a relationship at all?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_02: With a man.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_02: God, God.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: I love that one TikTok video.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_02: I wish I could be a lesbian.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: I know.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_02: Come on.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: I tried.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: I tried.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: I tried.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot sit on someone's face.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: I can't have somebody else sit on my face.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, my God.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_01: I think we say that with all – like,
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: all of our – we have such good,
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: female friends,
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_01: and I feel like we all feel that way.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're all like, God damn it.
• 37:21
  If we were,
• 37:21
  you know,
• 37:22
  if we were attracted to each other,
• 37:23
  our lives would be perfect.
• 37:25
  Like – I guess we should probably ask some women who are in
• 37:29
  lesbian relationships.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: They would be like, no, no, no.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think it comes with its own set of, like, every relationship.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_02: Communication in general is just really challenging.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_01: I like peace.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I think that – I think a lot of people might –
• 37:44
  might relate to that like you I think the things that attract
• 37:47
  us initially to a
• 37:49
  person or like just primally attract us to somebody aren't
• 37:54
  always the things that
• 37:55
  you want in a partner like you know you might want them in like
• 37:58
  a like a fling you
• 38:00
  know like you want somebody that's like mysterious and like you
• 38:04
  know like has some
• 38:06
  like yeah grit about them or something and this you know
• 38:09
  whatever this like this
• 38:11
  magnetic energy like they're just like the life of the party
• 38:14
  and then when you get
• 38:15
  into like the you know the day-to-day with that type of person
• 38:19
  or something you're
• 38:20
  like oh actually maybe that's that's like what i like to you
• 38:23
  know go out and enjoy
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_01: like yeah when i'm ovulating yeah exactly like
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_02: I look, I look for the guy who has the biggest muscles.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: I had that conversation yesterday where I was saying like,
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_01: if you were to pick your type by like,
• 38:41
  SPEAKER_01: like geographically,
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_01: what do you think like the most attractive like country of men is?
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like,
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think Scott,
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: like I feel like Scottish men really like,
• 38:50
  SPEAKER_01: or,
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: like I like like a brick shit house.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: I love how these questions always like go down such big, funny trails.
• 38:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 38:58
  I have felt that about myself for so long that I think that the
• 39:03
  things that attract
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: me to,
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: like the things that attract me,
• 39:08
  the personality traits that attract me to a man are usually not
• 39:14
  connected to the
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: things that physically attract me to a man.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of it might be like,
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: I have a theory that,
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_01: wherever you grew up and,
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: whatever you originally saw as,
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: for us as female,
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: a female attracted to men,
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up around,
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: pretty manly men.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like,
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: they were,
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_01: working on cars and,
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: doing construction and things like that.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the type of men that I...
• 39:44
  normally i'm like initially physically attracted to and so i
• 39:49
  think it can depend
• 39:50
  like if you didn't grow up around like you know in the south
• 39:53
  like right around like
• 39:55
  country men like that might not be the thing that like hooks
• 39:58
  you and i feel like
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: it's probably the same for you like like you grew up here
• 40:06
  I haven't seen that,
• 40:08
  like,
• 40:08
  as much of that type of man here,
• 40:10
  I guess,
• 40:10
  as where I grew up.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I wonder,
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: what do you think,
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: when you were younger,
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_01: what was your...
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: My type?
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like, what do you think?
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: I would have heard that.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, it's interesting.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know that I've had a type.
• 40:27
  I feel like it's been...
• 40:28
  I haven't really either,
• 40:30
  I guess,
• 40:30
  but,
• 40:31
  like...
• 40:31
  It's like whoever I...
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: connect with.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:34
  It's interesting because you were talking about the concept of
• 40:39
  being like,
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: oh,
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_02: I want the life of the party or I want.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I would go through different phases where I'd be like,
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: oh,
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_02: I want like a guy with a football player physique.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: It was like kind of a teddy bear.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:50
  and so i dated somebody kind of like that and that was just not
• 40:55
  a good match at all
• 40:57
  and then i also dated the life of the party like the guy who
• 41:00
  was always hosting
• 41:01
  parties when i was in college and that was volatile as fuck oh
• 41:06
  my god yeah like i
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_02: definitely like bad sides of me came out in that relationship um
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_02: But, yeah, I don't know.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: I've never – yeah, I've been all over the map.
• 41:21
  Have you ever had – this isn't even one of the questions,
• 41:23
  but now I'm just thinking of it.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_01: My phone just died too, so it's not doing video anymore.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_02: Well,
• 41:29
  SPEAKER_02: now my type would be like – okay,
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: when my last boyfriend before Curtis and I got together,
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: when we broke up,
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_02: I wrote a list of what I wanted in a partner.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: I did that before I met Oliver.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_02: Olivier.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: Olivier.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: He's the French version of Oliver.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_02: I wrote out this list and – are you missing something?
• 41:58
  I wanted to find my charger and plug my phone in,
• 42:00
  but I guess it's not that important.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: Keep going.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had –
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like it was more about the connection than the look.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like I didn't write down very many things.
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I didn't write anything about physical either.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like I have to find that.
• 42:19
  I don't even think that I talked about height in there,
• 42:22
  which is kind of crazy.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: Because like,
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: okay,
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_02: so my first boyfriend when I was 15,
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: I had other like little things before I was 15.
• 42:30
  But like my first like serious boyfriend where it lasted a
• 42:32
  year,
• 42:32
  he was like...
• 42:35
  three inches shorter than me and then i also he was like three
• 42:39
  inches tall he was
• 42:40
  like he was a mouse i put him in my pocket stew and we carried
• 42:44
  him around yeah um i
• 42:46
  was like he drove a tiny little red sports little pocket yeah a
• 42:49
  tiny red sports car
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_01: and he loved to make italian yeah
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: This is what happens when I have two cups of coffee.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't even finished this one yet.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, wait.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's take it back to what did I learn from my relationships?
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because you – Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: You went into that.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_02: I will – I'll keep it – I'll keep it focused on – Thanks.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, I was going to say like for myself, I'll keep it focused on –
• 43:27
  um i learned what i didn't want so that's like a major thing so
• 43:33
  it's like leading
• 43:34
  up to being with curtis i i noticed certain patterns like a
• 43:41
  certain pattern that i
• 43:42
  was flying i was going for unavailable people so it was
• 43:44
  emotionally unavailable
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_02: people um
• 43:47
  I had this expectation at a year and a half into a relationship
• 43:51
  that it was going
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_02: to end because I had multiple examples of that.
• 43:55
  I lived with three different people before Curtis and I started
• 43:59
  dating and all of
• 44:01
  SPEAKER_02: them kind of like started to fall apart at like a year and a half.
• 44:05
  And so I remember when Curtis and I got together and then we
• 44:08
  moved in together and
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: then at about a year and a half,
• 44:11
  I started testing him like without even realizing that that's
• 44:13
  what I was doing.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_02: You told me that.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because it was coming from this deep animalistic kind of reaction.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, okay, all these other people abandoned me.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: So this must be about to happen.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like you were trying to sabotage it?
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's like your test?
• 44:31
  Or you were just like...
• 44:33
  Like,
• 44:33
  I was testing him to see if he was going to stay.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I was trying to sabotage it.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_01: What did you do?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_01: What were some of your tests, do you remember?
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or was it so just subconscious that you...
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: I think they were like, I'm not going to have sex with you for a while.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: I also spent a lot of time in the two relationships,
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: like two,
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: not the one before Curtis and I started dating,
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: but the two before that.
• 44:59
  So like four and a half years off and on,
• 45:03
  I spent so much time being rejected,
• 45:05
  like sexually.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that that had nothing to do with me, like now in hindsight.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 45:13
  that was something that was going on with that person with
• 45:15
  those people one of them
• 45:17
  actually seems like he was kind of he was i think he was bi but
• 45:23
  didn't want to
• 45:23
  admit it because i heard some stories after yeah we broke up
• 45:27
  that he was like
• 45:28
  hooking up with he had a girlfriend and was hooking up with a
• 45:31
  guy and yeah it's
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_02: like damn i can't even imagine like the amount of
• 45:35
  turmoil crap that he was dealing with like trying to neglect
• 45:40
  that part of himself
• 45:41
  not be authentic to that yeah but so i learned what i through
• 45:47
  all of this i learned
• 45:47
  what i didn't want um and then i also and i'm still working on
• 45:52
  this i've been with
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: curtis for almost 11 years i'm working on my patients i'm
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_02: God help him.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_01: Because he is one of, if not the most.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing to work on that patience?
• 46:11
  just talking about beating my head against the wall yeah now he
• 46:15
  is actually you
• 46:16
  know him really well yeah he's like probably if not one of the
• 46:20
  most he is the most
• 46:21
  patient person he's a golden retriever like if you talk about
• 46:24
  men yeah like i feel
• 46:25
  like that's a common term and he he falls into a golden
• 46:29
  retriever for sure yeah
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_02: exactly um but
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah,
• 46:33
  I'm like I'm trying to learn by – he's leading by example and
• 46:38
  I'm like not taking
• 46:40
  SPEAKER_02: the treat if we're keeping up with – Yeah.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because sometimes – I'm not on cue over here.
• 46:45
  Sometimes I think the example – it's hard because we talked
• 46:48
  about this the other day.
• 46:49
  Like if you're in a state of mind or you're in like a mood
• 46:53
  where you don't feel patient –
• 46:56
  about any like something then somebody else having this like
• 47:00
  radical patience about
• 47:01
  it can be really like fucking annoying because you're just like
• 47:05
  you don't under
• 47:05
  like especially if it's something that you don't understand
• 47:08
  yeah like something
• 47:09
  that you feel really like passionate about or that you feel is
• 47:13
  um important that
• 47:14
  you can't like hold you know you're not like okay i'm just
• 47:17
  gonna be like calm and
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: patient then
• 47:20
  it's tough because i think as a partner that person's like let
• 47:23
  me let me like you
• 47:24
  do with tater when you come in like my dog that's like so
• 47:27
  fucking amped to see you
• 47:29
  you're like all right i'm gonna be really calm and i'm gonna
• 47:32
  hope that and that
• 47:32
  works for dogs most of the time but sometimes when you do that
• 47:36
  with people if
• 47:37
  they're not like no yeah it doesn't work with nothing calms
• 47:41
  that bitch down
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is my question, but we're going to go.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_01: We're just doing luck of the draw.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: We have so many more to do for other.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a common question in female society recently.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you sent me.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: Good.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: You sent me a. Glad we're ending on it.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_02: Whatever.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever it is.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: You sent me a tick tock that.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_01: A guy started a brunch recently and he didn't know... It's in Ohio.
• 48:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, in Marion, Ohio.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: He started a brunch that's like a daytime...
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: Well,
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_01: brunch is daytime,
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_01: but that's like women only sing along.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: And he didn't understand that when people started commenting...
• 48:22
  There were a lot of men commenting on these videos that he was
• 48:25
  posting just like
• 48:26
  ragging on the women who are just like having a good time with
• 48:29
  each other.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, wow, y'all have to deal with this like a lot.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, yes, this is why we choose the bear.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he didn't understand what that meant.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: I actually didn't know that.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, good.
• 48:39
  SPEAKER_01: This question would be great.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I might not phrase it correctly,
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_01: but there's been this question going around in female behavior.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, God.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, wait.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_02: Are we talking about a grizzly bear?
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_02: This can be your prerogative, but like a big bear.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_02: We are so deeply wired to be...
• 49:21
  used to those advances and those um the comments that the men
• 49:27
  are making about us
• 49:29
  going and doing our freaking metaphorical sing-alongs yeah that
• 49:34
  i think we've
• 49:34
  become desensitized i'm just gonna say that it's like a black
• 49:38
  bear or something
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_02: because they're a lot more docile than the grizzlies
• 49:42
  What's fucked up is I think that most women choose the bear
• 49:45
  because they assume,
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_01: and it's not an assumption that's in the wrong,
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: but they assume that if a man has,
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_01: if they come across a man in the wild that has,
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_01: like...
• 49:56
  ill will like whether it's like they're gonna you know I don't
• 49:59
  even think it's like
• 50:00
  oh would you rather be murdered by a man or a bear because like
• 50:04
  well but you know
• 50:05
  what I mean I think that I think I have I think that most women
• 50:09
  go choose the bear
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: because like they don't want to be raped
• 50:14
  yeah that's where my mind goes is I was like yeah I guess I'd
• 50:18
  rather like fight off
• 50:19
  like but then again I think like I do probably have a better
• 50:22
  chance of fighting off
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: a man than a bear but then that also goes to my like kick him in the ball
• 50:27
  overconfidence of feeling like I'm as strong as a man like I've
• 50:31
  always just felt
• 50:32
  like warrior against me and it's like whatever like you might
• 50:34
  else you know like
• 50:36
  you might be stronger but I feel like I'm pretty clever but
• 50:39
  yeah but it is kind of
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: sad like I think that's the whole I think that that that's the option
• 50:44
  that's the option it's like and and yeah it's like yeah you run
• 50:50
  from a bear do you
• 50:51
  go yeah like a like a man that has a weapon or a bear that
• 50:54
  wants to eat you and
• 50:55
  like most women don't even think about it they're just like the
• 50:58
  bear I don't even
• 50:59
  care I don't want I don't know what that man wants but I don't
• 51:01
  want to come across
• 51:02
  yeah a strange man in the wild equals scary danger it could be
• 51:06
  a serial killer yeah
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_02: and a bear way too much true crime
• 51:10
  i know right yeah alone in the well and it's that's probably
• 51:13
  part of it too true
• 51:14
  crime is so popular now that all these women are like bang i
• 51:17
  know it's a murderer
• 51:17
  yeah it's got to be yeah he's definitely gonna like time you up
• 51:20
  and put me in the
• 51:20
  back of his fucking subaru um you felt so offended sorry it's a
• 51:32
  mishibishi i know
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_01: they never have subarus what are they always driving it's like a
• 51:38
  astro van i don't know yeah like the um the work vans like yeah
• 51:43
  the white work van
• 51:45
  oh or a bronco oh in the 90s oj no i thought he was innocent
• 51:55
  well he is dead now so
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_01: yeah right can't keep up nope what about some bear bear or dude
• 52:04
  I guess like I have the same initial thought as like most women
• 52:08
  where if I don't
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_01: think about it,
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like there,
• 52:10
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_01: because it's like I just,
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_01: yeah,
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_01: wouldn't want to deal with it.
• 52:14
  But then when if I'm being really practical,
• 52:16
  then I'm like probably a man because I feel like.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: As far as, you know, I probably have a... Like, it's hard.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many different scenarios.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do both the man and the bear have, like, intentions to kill me?
• 52:33
  Then I'm probably going to choose the man because a bear would
• 52:36
  be pretty tough
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: to...
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because you could fight off the...
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, there's a possibility I could try to fight off a bear.
• 52:42
  But I think that a lot of women are like,
• 52:44
  yeah,
• 52:44
  you say that and then you freeze.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like you don't know you.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 52:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I've had that happen,
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_01: too,
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_01: where luckily it,
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was in environments where there were other people around and stuff,
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_01: too.
• 52:57
  But I have had I understand and fully recognize that that is
• 53:01
  also a very common response.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_01: Cause it's happened to me before where it's just like,
• 53:07
  you're just so shocked by the action that somebody's taking
• 53:11
  towards you that you
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: just are so like,
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_01: it's like you short circuit and it paralyzes you.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_02: We have like an out of body experience.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I understand,
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_01: but I think if I was in the wild,
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_01: and,
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: and that,
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: and,
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: and I had a minute to be like,
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: shit's about to go down and I need to get into my head space.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, I would do whatever it takes.
• 53:34
  This makes me think of – so the book Wild,
• 53:37
  but then Reese Witherspoon was in the movie.
• 53:39
  Do you remember – I think you and Curtis and I went to see it
• 53:41
  in the theater together maybe.
• 53:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, we did.
• 53:43
  But remember she's out hiking the Pacific Crest Trail by
• 53:47
  herself and then there's
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: this two like backwoods dudes who are out there.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_02: I just remember –
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think any woman who's seen that would have that visceral reaction.
• 53:56
  Like my pits are sweating right now thinking about that
• 53:58
  visceral reaction.
• 54:00
  She's like setting up her tent for the night and these dudes
• 54:03
  come up and then she
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_02: like is quickly putting away her stuff and like,
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: oh no,
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm going to go somewhere else for the night.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_02: And she like runs for a while.
• 54:12
  This is one of those instances where you're like at least have
• 54:14
  a dog with you or something.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_02: And that's what's so messed up.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_01: That has to be the case.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it is.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's messed up.
• 54:24
  I've noticed maybe it's just people like realizing that they
• 54:29
  can't continue being outward.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: With their cat calls or something like there's like that is not OK.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_02: anymore.
• 54:41
  That's not okay enough anymore that people are like,
• 54:43
  oh,
• 54:43
  well,
• 54:43
  I'm just going to conceal this.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_01: People will talk back.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it manifests in people being creepy on a trail.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_01: It is wild.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_01: I get it.
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_01: I feel so bad sometimes for men.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_01: I hate that I'm saying that.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_01: You feel bad for the men who don't have bad intentions.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_01: My
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_01: The guy I dated before, Oliver, was on... He came home one day.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_01: He had been on the steamship,
• 55:15
  SPEAKER_01: the ferry that takes you off island for like a...
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was a sports game.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_01: A sports ball game.
• 55:24
  It was some sort of sporting event that he was taking his
• 55:26
  eight-year-old...
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or no,
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: she was maybe nine.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like his nine-year-old daughter, too.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it was he and his daughter.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_01: And the daughter had some friends that were around the same age.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_01: and his daughter had to go to the bathroom on the boat,
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: and I think her friend's like,
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'll go with you.
• 55:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't remember exactly how it happened,
• 55:43
  but essentially he walked them to the bathroom and waited
• 55:47
  outside the bathroom door
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_01: because in his mind,
• 55:50
  he wants to keep his daughter and her friend safe and make sure
• 55:54
  that they,
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: they're young,
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_01: that they get into the bathroom,
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: they go,
• 55:58
  SPEAKER_01: and that they know to find their way back to wherever they're seating.
• 56:02
  SPEAKER_01: So his perspective and his...
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: His level of protection is telling him that he has to protect somebody.
• 56:09
  And this woman saw a man standing outside of the women's
• 56:16
  bathroom waiting for two
• 56:18
  SPEAKER_01: young girls to come out,
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_01: not understanding that he was one of their father.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_01: And yelled at him and was like and making a scene,
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: which which is like so it was interesting to me because he was pissed.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: He was like so mad at this woman.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I totally get it.
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_01: But from her perspective,
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_01: too,
• 56:36
  like had had it not been you and had that actually been a
• 56:41
  strange man waiting
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: outside the bathroom for your daughter,
• 56:43
  wouldn't you be so fucking glad that this woman made a fuss
• 56:47
  about it and stood up
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: and said something?
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, but it's so hard.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's like,
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_02: well,
• 56:52
  we've all gotten there's a really deep sensitivity across
• 56:57
  society right now.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what would I do in that situation?
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I would have, as the woman... Observing like a man.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_02: I would have stood back and observed.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:07
  And then just kind of like maybe I would have like followed
• 57:10
  them when the kids got
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: out just to make sure that everything's cool.
• 57:15
  Because you could probably tell in some way whether or not a
• 57:19
  child is showing signs of distress.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_01: For sure.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_01: In most cases, hopefully.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 57:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's interesting.
• 57:25
  It's not always going to be the case,
• 57:26
  but...
• 57:27
  I think I've gotten a lot more...
• 57:29
  vocal i've always been very observant like it's just part of
• 57:33
  who i'm always like
• 57:34
  i've i've got your your 10 your 20 your it all of it like
• 57:38
  usually anytime we're out
• 57:39
  so i would probably have been observing but i feel like i'm
• 57:43
  always looking out for
• 57:44
  other women though yeah i feel like i probably would have like
• 57:46
  went to the bathroom
• 57:47
  myself and either talked to the girls while i'm in there like
• 57:50
  oh is that your dad
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: out there or even said to him like
• 57:53
  This is a women are you waiting for somebody just to like see
• 57:56
  what his response
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_01: would be,
• 57:58
  but it does it just kind of it sucks we have to have such an
• 58:02
  awareness as female
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_01: and then also it's like,
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 58:06
  this person has to have such an awareness as a as a father to a
• 58:10
  female and.
• 58:12
  I don't know that that will ever change because there's just
• 58:16
  always going to be
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_01: people that have bad,
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: that are bad natured,
• 58:18
  SPEAKER_00: you know?
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_01: So we just always kind of have to have our wits about us.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: But I think that,
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_01: um,
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_01: just standing up for,
• 58:25
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: for women and trying to be,
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_01: to be observant,
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: but not,
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_01: uh,
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_01: accusatory,
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: like,
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_01: and that's that fine line that we have to walk.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like,
• 58:39
  You know,
• 58:40
  always assuming that there could be a bear or a man around the
• 58:44
  other corner.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:46
  Having to put your keys in between your knuckles and stuff when
• 58:49
  you walk down the
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_02: street at night.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_01: But knowing,
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: walking that fine line that like that man could be,
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: you know,
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_01: trying to find somebody to help him because his...
• 58:59
  you know partner broke her leg a mile away or that bear might
• 59:03
  be you know just
• 59:05
  going about its business and doesn't want anything to do with
• 59:07
  you and yeah both
• 59:08
  scenarios could be true so right yeah multiple things can be
• 59:12
  true at once but yeah
• 59:14
  but i think it's just a testament to all of the experiences
• 59:20
  collectively that we've
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: had as women and all the shit that we've had to deal with yeah and
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_01: So we learned a lot.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we should end it there.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_02: I like I like it's a good strong.
• 59:31
  I like that was a really I'm glad you drew that question last
• 59:35
  because it was meant to be.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's kind of how I want to end everything.
• 59:38
  I do love that that that will end on the the brunch place
• 59:43
  that's in Marion,
• 59:44
  Ohio.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think one, it's very awesome that they are leaning into that and
• 59:50
  concept that these women feel safe in this environment to like
• 59:54
  go and do their thing.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: Kelly's breaking Papazon chairs over here.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_01: But he he made a T-shirt that they're selling.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we can like link it for them or something to support.
• 1:00:05
  And it's this adorable teddy bear that has this giant like yeah
• 1:00:11
  he has a tattoo
• 1:00:11
  that says the chosen one because he's chosen and he has a big
• 1:00:15
  like bling gold chain
• 1:00:17
  SPEAKER_01: around his neck with a giant B for brunch.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like there was something else.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_02: Had you heard about this before I sent it to you?
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_01: No, I hadn't.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I just think it came up.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's cool.
• 1:00:28
  SPEAKER_01: So check out the whatever it's called in Marion, Ohio.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_01: They said they're booked out till December.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_01: So because I was like, we can go.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's not that bad of a drive.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_02: I would be down to support.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_02: And then there's that other all women.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's like it's done at 10 p.m.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: The video that I sent you of all the women dancing.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_02: The lady theme song.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_02: I want to dance with somebody.
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: And it's like just all women in the club starts at 8 p.m.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: Done by 10.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_02: Or maybe it's done by 8 p.m.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_02: I had like 8 because I'm asleep already.
• 1:01:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's done by 8 p.m.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_02: But that had me stoked.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, this is what we need.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_02: And apparently that's traveling.
• 1:01:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like they're all over the place.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we'll do for my birthday.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_01: We'll make it like a lady.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we'll be ladies.
• 1:01:13
  We'll be some men,
• 1:01:14
  but we're going to make it like a date,
• 1:01:16
  a daytime brunch.
• 1:01:18
  yeah women and allies of women so yeah if you're a woman watch
• 1:01:22
  out and support
• 1:01:23
  other women and if you're a man do the same because some people
• 1:01:27
  have bad intentions
• 1:01:28
  but luckily most people don't most people i think are innately
• 1:01:32
  good but it's
• 1:01:35
  unfortunate that there are some who are not and all of us have
• 1:01:39
  had to all of us
• 1:01:41
  SPEAKER_02: women specifically have had to take the the brunt of it
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_01: We'll be right back.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_01: that you can then call in and discuss with us,
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_01: and it may be featured on one of our future episodes.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_01: But for now, let it rip.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever you've got to say, we want to listen.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_01: That phone number is 213-537-9791.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: See you there.
• 1:02:28
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• 1:02:31
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• 1:02:32
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