Latest / Reclaiming Consciousness / Embodying the Work and Accessing Your Power with David Cutler

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Embodying the Work and Accessing Your Power with David Cutler · Reclaiming Consciousness

0:03
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reclaiming Consciousness.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm Elise Bassine, trauma and breathwork expert and creator of the Metamorphosis Method, the only methodology bridging the gap between spiritual healing and clinical trauma work.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: For many years, our consciousness has been hijacked by societal and cultural programming, religion, the media, and familial and ancestral trauma.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: In this podcast, you'll discover my unique perspective on trauma healing and how it is the gateway to fully reclaiming your consciousness.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: You'll hear stories and teachings that expand your mind as you discover how every relationship challenge, business block, or limiting pattern is an invitation to reclaim the parts of your consciousness you unknowingly gave away.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Get ready to go deep.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Now let's dive in.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone, welcome back to the show.
0:55
SPEAKER_00: So I am just getting back from Lake Tahoe.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: I was teaching at Nicole's retreat.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: You guys have heard Nicole on the podcast multiple times.
1:07
SPEAKER_00: She is an incredible business coach and just all-around genius.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: And it was so fun teaching at her retreat for the last few days.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: So I got home late last night and I'm still kind of jet lagged and all the things that happen when you wake up from getting back from a trip, the time difference, all the things.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: So still kind of reeling from that.
1:32
SPEAKER_00: It was so fun to be able to teach in person.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: I love teaching in person.
1:38
SPEAKER_00: I got to share the inner child healing process, and it was such a great group of high-level business owners and helping them be able to see what's stopping them from getting to their next level, which really has nothing to do with strategy and everything to do with their core wound.
1:56
SPEAKER_00: And it was so cool to see the breakthroughs in real time and to walk them through the breath work live.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: We did a group breath work session right in front of the lake outside on the grass.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: And it was just magical.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: It was funny because usually I play music during the breath work, but we didn't have a speaker.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: And then I realized that just the sound of the lake would be so perfect.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: And it really was.
2:23
SPEAKER_00: It was just so magical.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: So still kind of reeling from that.
2:27
SPEAKER_00: However, I am so excited for today's episode.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: So today I have David Cutler on the show who he's been my client for since like the end of February for like six months now, over six months.
2:42
SPEAKER_00: And I love David so much.
2:45
SPEAKER_00: He's so fun to work with.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: And he has gotten some really incredible results in the last six months.
2:52
SPEAKER_00: And we talk about that.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: We talk about, you know, how he applied the tools to shift his relationships and his business.
3:00
SPEAKER_00: But he's so self-aware and so smart.
3:03
SPEAKER_00: And I just think you're going to get so much out of listening to him because he has done so much work in his own right.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why it's so much fun for me to work with him because he's able to take what I say and apply it really quickly.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: And he's been able to move really fast and create results really fast.
3:22
SPEAKER_00: So I think you're going to love this conversation.
3:25
SPEAKER_00: He's super insightful, super smart and funny.
3:29
SPEAKER_00: And also he is launching a group program shortly.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to put the link in the show notes.
3:37
SPEAKER_00: We don't talk about it on the show because he hadn't quite put it out there yet or came up with it yet when we had this conversation, but he is sharing it now and he's sharing his energetic coaching process for manifestation.
3:53
SPEAKER_00: So if you're listening to David and you're like, this guy's cool, I want more of him, I recommend signing up for his group container.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to put the link for that below.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: And then also, I have my four-week immersion coming up on Block Your Business, which is specifically for business owners who feel stuck, plateaued, or if you want to start your business, but you feel like every time you try to take action, you feel unmotivated or you procrastinate or you put it off and you don't know what is stopping you from moving forward.
4:32
SPEAKER_00: This is for you because you will permanently shift that when you come into this container.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm going to teach you my inner child healing process to pinpoint and dissolve your core wound so that taking action on your business becomes natural.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: It's not something that you really even need to think about.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: It just happens.
4:50
SPEAKER_00: Because the only reason it's not happening is because your inner child, your core wound is coming up and telling you that it's not safe and trying to prevent you from getting hurt again.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: So when you address that, the other stuff just happens naturally.
5:06
SPEAKER_00: And I've seen it over and over again with my clients who've mastered this process.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: They move so quickly.
5:13
SPEAKER_00: You guys heard a sage a couple of weeks ago on the show, and she shared her story of how she applied it.
5:20
SPEAKER_00: And now her business is growing very quickly.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: Same with Dina, who you're going to hear from hopefully soon on the podcast.
5:28
SPEAKER_00: She already has a long-term private client and she signed him before the certification was even over.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: And she has really mastered the process as well to really start to grow her business.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, she is, she's even blown away by how easily it's happening.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: But it's all because of this process.
5:48
SPEAKER_00: Because when you shift that very deep wound that you recreate in all areas of your life, the things that you're meant to do just naturally happen.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: And if you have a vision for a business, if you can feel that you're meant to make an impact and help other people be the best versions of themselves in whatever way you're meant to do that, if you know that that's meant for you, if you have that vision, but something is stopping you, this is what it is.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you with 100% certainty, because I've seen it over and over and over again with hundreds of women.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: It's not about learning the right strategy.
6:23
SPEAKER_00: It's not about finding clarity.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: It's about your core wound.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: And I tell you guys every single time when people do this work, they immediately have clarity.
6:35
SPEAKER_00: And I've seen it over and over and over again, where all of a sudden it's like, oh my God, duh, this is what I'm supposed to do.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: This is what I want.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: And you have such clarity and confidence around it that you just naturally move forward.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: So that is coming up in October.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to support you intensively for four weeks.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: We're going to have weekly calls plus the telegram chat where you can ask me questions daily, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: And I will support you in mastering this process to create a permanent shift in growing your business so that you can easily make money doing what you love, because that's what it's all about.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Without further ado, please enjoy the episode with David.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Check him out, follow him on Instagram.
7:21
SPEAKER_00: And if you want to learn his amazing manifestation process, you can click on the link below.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
7:28
SPEAKER_00: Sending you guys lots of love.
7:30
SPEAKER_00: Please reach out with any questions about anything at all, especially unblock your business.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: And I will talk to you guys soon.
7:37
SPEAKER_00: Have an amazing weekend.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: Hi everyone, welcome back to the show.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: So I have been looking forward to this for a really long time.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: Today I have client and friend and all around just incredible human David Cutler with us.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: And I know we're going to have such a great conversation, mainly because there's been so many points during our time together where we're talking.
8:08
SPEAKER_00: And he says to me, I feel like we're on a podcast.
8:14
SPEAKER_00: So I know it's going to be good.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: So, David, welcome to the show.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me, Elise.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: I feel like you said that to me so many times.
8:23
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, eventually you will be on the podcast.
8:26
SPEAKER_00: So okay.
8:27
SPEAKER_00: So let's just start out.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Can you just introduce yourself and a little background and then also going into what made you want to start working with me?
8:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
8:41
SPEAKER_01: My name's David Leon Cutler.
8:43
SPEAKER_01: I am a New Yorker.
8:44
SPEAKER_01: And I like to say I'm a musician, a yogi, and a I run a coaching business, or I'm a coach or something like that.
8:50
SPEAKER_01: So I started doing like inner work and stuff like that at a pretty young age.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: I think through music and also through the martial arts, because these also are like inward like oriented activities.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
9:02
SPEAKER_01: And then you just have to you have to like unpack yourself to get good at things like that.
9:05
SPEAKER_01: So I think I got into the habit of it.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: And then in college, I started meditating and going to therapy and stuff like that, learning about like different therapeutic modalities and stuff like that.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: And then later in my 20s, I started to feel like my subtle body and get into more yoga and stuff like that.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: And then in the last 10 years or so, I've been figuring out how to help other people do the same thing.
9:28
SPEAKER_01: The first step I did toward that was studying energy work.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: I've studied a variety of modalities at this point, also qigong.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: And then I went to school for massage.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: I worked as a massage therapist for like four or five years.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: And then I think my favorite part of doing massage has been the intake, or I talk to people.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: You know, it orients them around my point of view, and then I can do body work like with that in mind.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: But I find that I've actually I'm probably helping them just as much through talking than anything else.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: And then I started learning distance healing through our mutual friend Word, Dr.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: Word Smith Wisdom, who's been a guest on.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: And then I basically he assisted me in varying life events, catalyzed me, shifting more toward like the coaching model, which is what I'm doing now.
10:13
SPEAKER_01: And then working with you, I think I'm getting it's becoming more and more obvious that the basically the most important thing you can do for either spiritual or conventional success is to feel heal the mother and father wound.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: Because, yeah, from my perspective, and technically I'm a Buddhist, I like agree with a lot of the Buddhist principles.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: And one of them is like that dualism basically is dysfunctional.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: You know, as long as we're living in a dualistic framework, we're always choosing between two opposites, and that then it can't really ever function very well.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: It's bound to break down.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: And the very first instance that we that I'm aware of that we have in a single lifetime of dualism is the mom and dad.
10:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: So if you want to like create success for yourself and you're finding yourself stuck between two options all the time, then if you heal your mom and dad stuff, then those two options won't feel like they're creating so much friction in you.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: And there might even be a third option.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: That's life.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: If you can find that kind of like middle ground between two extremes all the time, then you can succeed in pretty much whatever you want to do.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: And then like your work is basically oriented around that.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: And it's really pretty pristine in its function, combining the breath work and the principles of like healing the those two fake wounds, and then also sibling stuff like that and the like.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's pretty much why I started, and also because I could see how those things were.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, how was that?
11:43
SPEAKER_01: It was interesting.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: It was the first time I've seen her in like a month.
11:46
SPEAKER_01: It was pretty good.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: And then I just having not seen her in a little while, I felt all sorts of stuff afterwards, and I was like, what is going on?
11:52
SPEAKER_01: Like, I felt all sorts of insecurity, and no, no offense to my mom.
11:55
SPEAKER_01: I love you, mom.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: But like scarcity and insecurity and panic and fear.
12:00
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, my mind is labeling it about like my taxes and my like going back to school, like paying for tuition and stuff like that.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, none of those thoughts were in my head before I saw her.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: And it's really deep stuff.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: It's like keeping me up at night sometimes.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: And so it's like actually there's something deeper, which is like afraid of losing my mom or something like that.
12:20
SPEAKER_01: That then the mind my mind is labeling, taking that deep fear and putting all these adult themes on it and stuff like that.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: And that I've found that when I try to just tackle the tuition theme or I try to just tackle those sort of more superficial layers, it doesn't really work out so well.
12:38
SPEAKER_01: That panic doesn't go away.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, vice versa.
12:41
SPEAKER_01: Like when I actually resolve that deeper level of insecurity, then a lot of those things don't really matter, or they'll just resolve themselves.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
12:48
SPEAKER_00: And the other thing I just wanted to add to that, obviously the fear of losing your mom is something we've processed a lot.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: So now you're like super aware of it.
12:56
SPEAKER_00: So like even stepping away, you are able to see, like, oh, this is actually what this is, instead of you then freaking out online about your taxes.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: So that in itself is a huge win.
13:07
SPEAKER_00: But then the other thing I just wanted to add to it is remember, I was talking about when I was in Spain with my mom, I became like hyper aware of like when I immeshed with her energy, then it was all of a sudden those thoughts were coming back that were like hers that like you identify with or whatever.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like that kind of thing happens too when you're like in their presence as you like enmesh with that energy again.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: You start to identify with parts of her that you used to think were yours, but now you know it's her.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
13:39
SPEAKER_01: I almost don't know it's her, like as it's going on.
13:42
SPEAKER_01: It still feels like me because there's such old mental frameworks, but then just like bird's eye view, zooming out, being like, I didn't feel any of this before I had dinner with her.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: So it's not like her fault or something, but still at the same time, that's the X factor.
13:58
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: So let's go into that a little more around because I feel like for you, you know, and this is kind of true for everyone, there was kind of like two main ways that this stuff was impacting you.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: It was like your relationships, like romantic relationships, and then business.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: So how would you say it was impacting those things?
14:20
SPEAKER_00: And then we'll go into how it shifted.
14:23
SPEAKER_01: I think the main thing is making even I had this whole realization that money is feminine because of the word.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: It has the word mon in it, which is like moon.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: Oh my God.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: I say it's feminine too.
14:33
SPEAKER_00: I think a lot of people think it's masculine.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: And I see how it's masculine, but I remember at one point I was like, I feel like it's actually feminine.
14:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: The word is like moony.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:45
SPEAKER_01: So that's all to say, like relationships and then money stuff.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: It's like about wanting to receive care from like an external source.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: Yes, i.e., your mom or my mom.
14:57
SPEAKER_01: And then when we do that in ways that are codependent or are not really aligned with our higher, highest values or something, then it creates a bunch of friction.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: And so I think part of being on like doing inner work and stuff like that is that you have to go through trials, like Dark Knight of the Soul and all this kind of stuff that like Carl Jung would talk about, or whomever.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: And when I've gone through those kind of things, which has happened a lot like since like my late 20s, I'm 37 now.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: I find that those two things, like I reach out to romantic partners or I try to get money like for free, basically, like without having to work for it, in order to make myself feel like pacified.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: And then trying to not do that anymore, it's like also creates friction because certain relationships that I may have been in since before I decided to start uprooting those patterns, they break down because I'm not living in that way anymore.
15:50
SPEAKER_01: So that's an interesting learning process.
15:52
SPEAKER_01: And then, yeah, with the business thing, I think the other side of that is basically if I'm not going to outsource care and support, even whether it's material or physical, in a way that's like codependent, then I'm going to have to become more powerful on my own.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: And then that also creates a bunch of sort of friction because it's like I've not been living in powerfully.
16:12
SPEAKER_01: So then the world around me hasn't adjusted to me being powerful.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: So when I start to blossom into that, then it's like all sorts of weirdness can occur as well.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: So that all being said, like it's basically it's rewarding enough to continue doing that, like whatever friction it creates, loss of ships, or even not doing massage anymore very much, if at all.
16:31
SPEAKER_01: Just for a while, I was working at a massage studio because it was like a mom.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: It was like a place I could go and it was like a womb.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: I could go in there and do the thing and make come out with money.
16:41
SPEAKER_01: Now I'm not doing that.
16:42
SPEAKER_01: I have to create it for myself.
16:43
SPEAKER_01: There's a bit of like a teenagery wishing that I didn't have to do this much work or be this responsible or something, kind of like Peter Penn or something.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: But other than that, it's incredibly rewarding to go that route.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: It's making me think of like when we first started working together, I feel like one of the first things I noticed was that there were so many things that you were doing in your life because you felt like you had to for like all of these different reasons why you felt like you had to, but that you actually didn't want to.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: Or there was some kind of I kind of want to, but I don't, I don't know.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: And there was a lot of that energy around a lot of the things that you were committed to.
17:25
SPEAKER_00: And now I feel like that's not even like a thing anymore.
17:29
SPEAKER_00: Like I don't remember us talking about that like in a really long time.
17:33
SPEAKER_00: I want to know from your perspective, like, what was that?
17:37
SPEAKER_00: And then what was the shift?
17:39
SPEAKER_00: Because it's just like one of those things where you don't even realize it, but then you look back and you're like, oh yeah, I did do that and now I don't even think like that anymore.
17:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that makes complete sense.
17:50
SPEAKER_01: I think it's maybe uh about like approval or something, like an exchange of in order to feel safe, I must garner XYZ from some sort of external source.
18:01
SPEAKER_01: Like it's like a barter.
18:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I feel like it's rooted in like the pattern of overgiving or over-responsibility, which was more like the mother wound thing, where it's like I have to overgive or be overly responsible so I can get my needs met.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like it was reflective of that too, where it was like nothing could just be exactly what you wanted it to be, or something.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: It had to be I have to do this because it's good for these people or it makes this person happy, or because eventually I'll get this.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: And it was like a lot of these convoluted stories that I feel like were rooted in that kind of energy.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: It's still there like a teensy bit for me, but it's more like it used to be like 80-20.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: And I was like a B student in high school, so that makes sense.
18:48
SPEAKER_01: But now it's more like 97-3 or something, not in complete ultimate control of my world just now, but the degree to which I feel like I have to like like overgive.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, at the other side of this is I'm starting to enjoy the more that I heal that wound of overgiving, I actually enjoyed generosity.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: Yes, which has been really cool.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: I know that happened to me too.
19:08
SPEAKER_00: So weird to be on the other side of that and being like just giving from a place of like, oh, I just want to, like, I just want to do this for this person, but I don't feel like I have to.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: And that's what like all the spiritual books talk about, right?
19:24
SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, help your neighbor or whatever.
19:26
SPEAKER_01: I have a friend, they were like, if you had too much pizza, the first thing you would think about doing would be to give it to your neighbor, you know?
19:33
SPEAKER_01: But if you never have enough pizza for yourself, then you you're and you're like giving it away all the time, you're just going hungry.
19:38
SPEAKER_02: It's not helping anyone.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: So I think that's the mode that I was operating in previously.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: And that was really, yeah, like this exchange feeling like if I don't give everything, then I won't be safe.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: It's like really what it came down to.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: And stopping doing that, it is there's always a little bit of a, oh, we're really getting on this ride.
19:59
SPEAKER_01: You know, the roller coaster's going up.
20:01
SPEAKER_01: What's on the other end of that plateau?
20:03
SPEAKER_01: But it's just been worthwhile every time.
20:05
SPEAKER_01: Such that at this point, it actually almost feels exciting instead of terrifying.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the main thing for other people who are doing this kind of work.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: You're going in blind, ostensibly, because you've never been the version of yourself that you're trying to become.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: And so you have no reference point.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: Even if people around you are living in their prime and stuff like that, you've never been your version of that for you.
20:27
SPEAKER_01: So I always tell people like clients and stuff that like we'd rather stay the same and be dysfunctional than change and up level because we're just so uh habituated toward comfort.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: Even like improvement is like fucking terrifying.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Sorry for cursing.
20:43
SPEAKER_00: Oh, don't be sorry.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: We curse.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what the rules are.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: No, we curse.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, no, I kind of wanted to go more into the mother wound thing, because I feel like you did such a good job taking the tools and making them your own.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: I feel like you're really good at that.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: And then also I think you were really willing to dive into the deep end as far as like feeling the uncomfortable emotions, which is also like one of the hardest things for people.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: So maybe speak a little bit into that, how you applied the tools and then how you were able to go deep into the fear and all of those things, so you could really shift the pattern quickly.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it's like years of practice, years of meditation experience and stuff like that.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: And then me realizing like that I wasn't breathing, like I wasn't really breathing correctly for a really long time.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: Or at all.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: There's correctly, there's like diaphragmatic breathing that different sort of systems like that are more eastern frameworks talk about like breathing particular ways, breathing into your abdomen.
21:44
SPEAKER_01: And then there's just like not breathing at all, which I think is a lot of what was happening for me at certain points.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: And I was trying to do all this energetic stuff, and then the realization happened that basically I wasn't breathing.
21:57
SPEAKER_01: So that was a big thing.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Me, yeah, and then doing the breath work in tandem with the thematic, intentionally like using the breath.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: So basically I got to a point, my main thing was energy work slash qigong and slash yoga, like for a really long time.
22:16
SPEAKER_01: And I got to a place where the wound was so activated anytime I tried to adjust it energetically that I would just go into like a sort of free state.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: So then basically all the things that I need to do energy work on myself for, I if I don't breathe first, it just like creates chaos.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: So that was the main thing because there's such deep wounds and they're so early.
22:38
SPEAKER_01: It's like basically conception to age two or three for me at this point.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
22:43
SPEAKER_01: That trying to like do it with psychic surgery on that part of myself, it sort of just freaks out my inner child so much that they go into a panic and then I have to like, I just have to breathe, which turns out it's been really helpful.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: And I was thinking about this too, like, especially at the retreat when Word was teaching like the energetic stuff.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, people are talking about how do you remove blocks or what if you cut cords and they keep coming back.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: And like in my mind, I'm like, that's where the inner child work comes in, right?
23:16
SPEAKER_00: So, like, yeah, how do you feel like that was helpful in being able to address it through that lens?
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Because I feel like we really were able to very quickly identify this part of you that was continuing to replay as like the overgiver in all of these situations.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: And then I feel like you were able to address that like through the breath work and feeling the feelings, and yeah, then really be able to shift it almost completely.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, pretty close.
23:48
SPEAKER_01: Just clearing out the last little bit.
23:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I was thinking what not to be tangential, but when you were we were talking about the overgiving, like the ratios, and how like the last 10% or so is like the most intense.
23:59
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: It's like almost like the first 90% is equally intense as the last 10 or something like that.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: As you get closer to the end, it just gets more kind of crazy.
24:08
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, to your question, um, I had this insight.
24:11
SPEAKER_01: I was working with Word last summer, and then he was also like, You're not breathing.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: So what's been happening for me now is like there was a retreat in on the retreat that we were on.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: They pose the question, this thing keeps happening, like I clear the court or I delete the contract or I do whatever, and then it keeps coming back.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: And then then they're like, Why?
24:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's like that because there's a identity, it's almost I think of it like a shape, almost like a negative shape, like a Lego or something that you can something can hook into that like is just one real mental construct, but very, very early.
24:45
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, at two years old, I somehow I took on the belief that if I wasn't like a hundred percent transparent with my mom about literally everything in the world, like no privacy at all, I wouldn't survive or something like that.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Then that as an adult creates this weird nook for like certain types of relationships to come into my life, or certain patterns to express themselves, or like patterns of lack or codependency.
25:10
SPEAKER_01: And I can do energy work on that stuff because I can feel chords that are like expressions of that, or I can look for agreements that are expressions of that, or something like that, or whatever else.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Or I could just try to dissolve that, and that the potential for that shape to arise will just be like done.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: And then that's the other thing is that most of it at the end of it all, all these fancy techniques that we use, if you just feel everything, a lot of it dissolves on its own.
25:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm kind of at a point not to like boast or something, but where like I often will just recognize something and the recognition of it will make it disappear.
25:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, for sure.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's I think once you get to the point where you really understand the deeper puzzle pieces of everything.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: And when you say like the place that the Lego fits into, I think of that as a wound, right?
26:01
SPEAKER_00: Or an unmet need.
26:02
SPEAKER_00: So when we address that and we know the implications of it, and you felt the feelings of it, then it's like you can get to the point where yes, you just have to acknowledge it or recognize it.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: And just in that, then the acknowledgement is all that's needed to create the shift because you've already done the deeper exploration and you felt the feelings.
26:24
SPEAKER_00: But I wanted to go into more to like how your relationships have changed because when we started, you were in a different relationship and that's really shifted.
26:34
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's one of the biggest things I want to highlight because there's been a huge shift in that area.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: And I know, I know you know it, but like just from an objective point of view, the way you were showing up in relationships with like romantic partners when we first started to now is like wildly different.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: So I'd like to talk about that if you don't mind.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: Sure.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: It's very impressive, honestly.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: It was a very big shift in a very short amount of time.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like once once we were really able to identify what was happening, it wasn't very long before things really, really shifted.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I love about working with you too, is you're so tuned in that like as soon as I see something, you like get it right away.
27:19
SPEAKER_00: And as like such a, you know what I mean?
27:21
SPEAKER_00: We like go back and forth.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: And as soon as I have an idea where I'm like, oh my God, this is what's happening.
27:26
SPEAKER_00: I know what's going on.
27:27
SPEAKER_00: Do this, and you're like, okay, and you do it like immediately.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: So I think that's another reason why it changed so fast.
27:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, okay.
27:34
SPEAKER_01: So a few things.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: First thing that came to mind is just for like, just for like your audience or for me to state, because I feel like it's understated.
27:42
SPEAKER_01: And we talked about it, I think, yesterday.
27:44
SPEAKER_01: Physical contact, and this I don't know if this is just me, my my thought, my sort of interpolation, but like I feel like after the pandemic, just contact for human beings has decreased and hasn't actually risen back up for me at least, and maybe just socially, I'm not quite sure.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: With all this stuff that we're doing, like physical contact, and then thereby it's like physical intimacy is very, very useful and very important.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh, kind of on the same level as like food or something.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Also, is that regulation piece?
28:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: And I think in that overgiving thing, I would trade dysregulation for physical contact a lot.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: For the sake of being in physical connection with another person, I would come into contact with dysregulated people.
28:32
SPEAKER_01: And I myself was dysregulated to a degree.
28:34
SPEAKER_01: And this idea of co-regulation was really foreign to me until Word introduced it to me like last year.
28:40
SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know what it was.
28:42
SPEAKER_01: In essence, I know what it is.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: Like we all know.
28:44
SPEAKER_01: We just want hugs.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
28:46
SPEAKER_00: And also, I think as babies, it really starts as babies when you need your mom to regulate your nervous system.
28:54
SPEAKER_00: That's why babies want to be on their mom's chest all the time, because they don't have the ability to regulate themselves on their own.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: So they need that co-regulation.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: But then also, if you didn't get that as a baby to the degree you needed it, then on some level, your body is still wanting that and still needing that.
29:11
SPEAKER_00: And I think even if you did get it, you still are wanting that or needing that.
29:16
SPEAKER_00: It's healing.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: So that being said, I think another big thing for me was tried to save my mother growing up, whatever degree I was aware that I was doing that.
29:26
SPEAKER_01: And then feeling like I needed, I don't know if it was conscious or unconscious, but like that somehow my love for a romantic partner would be almost intertwined with them needing my help.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: And then if they didn't need my help, like the relationship would break down.
29:45
SPEAKER_01: Or if I came more into a sense of like interdependence instead of codependence and realized that I was overgiving, then when I would reduce my level of like care, for lack of a better term.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: Not that I didn't care, but that I would just not feel the same like materially or energetically, because it just felt like I was overgiving that to begin with, and I would just start to pull that back, then the relationship would also break down.
30:07
SPEAKER_01: And then every time that that would happen, I would feel like I was losing my mom.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: So that was like the biggest thing.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: So then it's like that makes it equally terrifying to try to let go of those sort of less than ideal relational dynamics.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: Because if every time you try to do that, you feel like you're losing your ultimate caretaker who created your physical body and all this other stuff.
30:29
SPEAKER_01: And so, like the seesaw of that doing it, freaking out, breathing through it, doing the energy work, doing whatever, like re-engaging until like eventually there's a transformation.
30:41
SPEAKER_01: Relationships transform.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: It turns out that when you change inside, your external world changes.
30:47
SPEAKER_01: Like almost like irrefutably, like it can't not happen.
30:51
SPEAKER_00: And it happened pretty quickly.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: Like it was like all of a sudden, like the circumstances shifted such that that relationship was not a thing anymore.
31:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
31:02
SPEAKER_01: And almost three-o-drama.
31:05
SPEAKER_00: Objectively, it felt very drama-free.
31:08
SPEAKER_00: There might have been like a few moments of drama, but like overall, I feel like it was very like smooth sailing.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, a lot of it felt like circumstantial to me at least.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: And then that opened a whole new side for me to explore, which has been like more, I guess, being on my own and it and then also being in types of relationships, romantic and otherwise, that I was in a very spiritual partnership on and off for five years-ish.
31:35
SPEAKER_01: And so it was a standard to do all almost over sharing, was became like a standard.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: And then to come into relationships with people that are like strangers, they're new to me, or I'm just meeting them, and to discern what degree I want to share about like my internal world and all this stuff.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: Whereas before, because of the overgiving thing and because patterns around like feeling like I had to have this ultimate level of transparency in order to receive care, I would just blab everything as soon as I met, which I still do a little, but it's like a little, maybe it's a little more charming than it used to be or something.
32:05
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
32:06
SPEAKER_00: So I remember the one day where I'm like, listen, your assignment is any girl that you talk to, you're not allowed to tell them anything about your process or your inner world.
32:17
SPEAKER_00: And I remember that actually shifted something because, and not to say you can't do that fully, but it's like just giving you that lens to look at it through, I think was really helpful.
32:28
SPEAKER_01: Totally, yeah.
32:29
SPEAKER_01: And then finding my edges around that, where it's like there's a way in which I can just share about my life.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't feel like I'm like inviting the other person to take care of me.
32:37
SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to be like a like a mime, but yeah, no, it was huge for me.
32:41
SPEAKER_01: And it still is, it's still a process that I'm in.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: But what it's done is allow me to really feel like preserve a level of sort of autonomy over myself and then also give from a place like we talked about, like a more of a full cup, like giving from a place of overflow instead of giving in order to like get fed.
33:00
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I for a long time I felt like a dog or something, waiting to be fed, you know.
33:03
SPEAKER_01: When you have really profound connections, I think that that's okay a little because it's like, wow, that was really amazing.
33:08
SPEAKER_01: But in general, coming in and out of frequency or like connection with another person, or you know, you meet new people and you don't like move in together the next right away.
33:17
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, there's still a flow of I'm myself right now, and I'm with this other person or whomever it is that I'm gonna be around, whether it's friends or romantic partners or whatever, and learning to remain myself, not give away my identity or something like that, and still be in connection.
33:35
SPEAKER_01: It's all pretty much new for me.
33:37
SPEAKER_00: Let's and I want to talk about this because I think that after that shift really happened, I think a lot of our work has been about living beyond the pattern.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: And first of all, there was a lot of emotion that came up just with that.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: And I think in the very beginning, too, it was like, I feel this underlying guilt or I feel like I'm doing something wrong or whatever.
33:55
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a really important thing to highlight because I think that's what can hold people in doing the same thing over and over again, is because if they try not to do it, all of this guilt and shame comes up where you're just like, I feel like I'm doing something wrong, and then it pulls you back into going back into the pattern.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: But really operating beyond the pattern is just gonna bring up whatever emotions we're holding that in place.
34:23
SPEAKER_02: Right.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: That was the first thing we did is like every time it came up, no, this is just because you're operating differently, like just feel it.
34:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and your whole friendlies analogy.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, the bottom, the happy ending Sunday.
34:43
SPEAKER_00: And I told you Instagram's I saw a friendlies ad on Instagram for the it said something like, Do you believe these still exist?
34:51
SPEAKER_00: Or you didn't think these still existed, and then it was like a picture of a happy ending Sunday.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: For anyone who doesn't know friendlies, I don't know, is friendlies just like an East Coast thing?
35:02
SPEAKER_01: I used to go upstairs for the summers, and there was a friendly right before you got on the throughway, and now it was like when the summer was over and we were going back to Manhattan, we would go to the friendlies, and I got so excited every year.
35:14
SPEAKER_01: And I haven't eaten there in 20 years or something.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: I know who's eaten there.
35:18
SPEAKER_00: I think they had them in Florida too, though.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, it's like a diner type place, but they have these like kids' Sundays called happy ending sundays, and at the bottom of the Sunday is either MM's or Reese's pieces, or like both.
35:32
SPEAKER_00: I can't remember which one, but that's what I will say about shame is that shame is like always at the bottom of everything, and it's like the Reese's piece at the happy ending Sunday.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: So I feel like that is essentially what comes up when you really try to operate differently, and that's why it's so hard for people to just make a behavior change and white knuckle it because that shame is so overwhelming that people can't handle it unless they have context for what's going on and then support in feeling it.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: I was, I would say shame is like from my personal experience, the most underrecognized emotion in my whole.
36:12
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know what it was.
36:13
SPEAKER_01: I didn't know that what I was feeling was called shame.
36:17
SPEAKER_01: I only learned last summer through my work with Word.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: I had also I had a a therapist who actually was a student of this woman named Pia Melody that then Word showed me some of her videos and she talks about shame.
36:29
SPEAKER_01: She's she's described all this phenomena around shame really well.
36:34
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, oh, that's what I've been feeling for years and not knowing what it was.
36:39
SPEAKER_01: If I could have just identified that emotion like seven years ago, my whole life would have been completely like rearranged.
36:45
SPEAKER_01: Just the uh very labeling of it as shame.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: Because, like I was saying about recognizing now at a certain point when I recognize just recognizing the pattern will start to shift it.
36:54
SPEAKER_01: Like I don't have to do a ton of energetic re reallocation, it just starts to dissolve just through recognition.
37:00
SPEAKER_01: I think with any emotion, any strong emotion, if you can label it objectively without being attached to like shame is bad or shame, this is just shame, just the way that it's just like the color red.
37:10
SPEAKER_01: That actually starts to then disentangle that out of your system, just the mere labeling.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: Oh, for sure.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I never had a label for that emotion until like a year and a half ago.
37:21
SPEAKER_01: So that and then yeah, like it's also tends to be one of the more intense emotions to sit through.
37:28
SPEAKER_01: You know, so that's been a huge part of the transformation that uh we've been cultivating and I've been undergoing for the like at least the last year, the the shame piece, and just learning how to be like okay with feeling that because a lot of it isn't isn't really ours, it's more inherited, it's more learned.
37:45
SPEAKER_01: It's mostly cultural, I think.
37:46
SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I had an Irish Catholic mom, like shame is a huge part of the Irish Catholic tradition.
37:51
SPEAKER_01: And then the Jewish thing is a huge part of a Jewish Ashkenazi Jewish father.
37:55
SPEAKER_01: So they're more into guilt than shame.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: I feel like guilt and shame are very similar.
38:00
SPEAKER_00: I feel like they're different expressions of the same energy.
38:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, probably, yeah.
38:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, and it's basically a useless emotion unless you should have did something shameful, shameful, shamewell.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: I think there's like healthy shame, don't let your dog pee on somebody's flower, like that kind of thing where it's like, you know, the healthy shame of don't, I don't know.
38:22
SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's a but overall, yes, it is useless or it's not something that's going to serve anybody to carry.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
38:31
SPEAKER_01: Especially when it's related to basically one's own independence.
38:35
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: It's like if I decide to be an autonomous human, I shouldn't be made to feel bad about it by myself.
38:42
SPEAKER_01: No one's making me feel bad, but it's just this inherent sort of like shame waiting to to sort of rear its ugly head for lack of a better term.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: I feel like like you, your friendly Sunday analogy is happy ending Sunday is perfect.
38:56
SPEAKER_01: Every level of autonomy that I increase is immediately followed by shame.
39:00
SPEAKER_00: It's like predictable to the point where now it's like, oh, hey again, like but that's so good because you can just address it and move through it so much more quickly.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: And then also just like on the other side of this, how would you say is the biggest difference for you in the way you're showing up in relationships now?
39:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm much more excited to play the role of like a not caretaker, but like caring about someone, like actively proactively, either through material giving.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I know with dating, there's a lot of stuff around like the sort of masculine, feminine, like who's paying for what, that navigating that, like and in the in New York City and it's a modern, there's a kind of a more my friend calls it 2025 approach to to dating, which is like it's not always so obvious, like going Dutch is a big thing, but still energetically, there's a way in which there's a duality, and then you can play into the duality and it can be like a dance, or it can feel like a chore, like, oh no, I have to pay for every everything or hold every door open.
39:59
SPEAKER_01: So I really feel like the functionality of like chivalrous behavior has gotten like more like fun and exciting.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: And then just like not feeling like emptied out after an exchange with another human being is pretty cool, or like finding those edges where okay, like here's how much I can give.
40:17
SPEAKER_01: And then it's like also what to do with the overflow.
40:19
SPEAKER_01: Let's say I have more to give when the date's over, then what do I do?
40:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, then I have to then reinvest that into me so I can show up like later on as like with even more potency and power and stuff.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: So there's two things I want to talk about.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: The power thing I want to talk about, but before we do that, I wanted to just two, because I feel like now there's a difference in the type of person that you're attracting or that's coming into your life.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: So, what do you feel like the difference is there?
40:47
SPEAKER_01: I would say much more a mirrored sense of self-responsibility.
40:52
SPEAKER_01: That's probably the biggest thing.
40:54
SPEAKER_01: Where it's either like, yeah, the degree to which a person is expecting another person to take care of them, or also like the oversharing element, like the degree to which, if they are like a boundary around like how much they'll let me into their life, but in a way that's healthy.
41:10
SPEAKER_01: Because like they want to take care of them their own shit.
41:13
SPEAKER_01: And that feels like self-responsible, and not to say that like other people have been like irresponsible or something, but it's just more of a mirror image, I think, of my own sort of like what we talked about, like basically just trying, at least deciding to not overgive, not overshare, not get other people involved in my shit, such that when I meet them, they're not overgiving, they're not oversharing, they're not getting me involved in their shit.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: Almost to the point where I'm like, hey, let me give any shit for me to get involved in.
41:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I I think that's accurate.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: I just think that when I look at because obviously with all my clients, I love to look at the trajectory of like where they were versus where they are now.
41:55
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like you are largely at a place where not even just in relationships, but just in all aspects of your life, it feels so much more there's just no not as much friction, not as much drama, and just like more access to your overall power.
42:13
SPEAKER_00: And I wanted to talk about that, but I also too just wanted to talk about like the business stuff too, because I feel like you made a lot of shifts there too.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: So, like maybe talk about that, and then we'll go into the power stuff.
42:26
SPEAKER_01: I really feel like running a business is self-like taking me, taking care of myself at this point.
42:32
SPEAKER_01: So, like the degree to which that I learned how to better take care of me that is also basically a mirror image of the way or the degree of investment I or responsibility I put into my business, being a you know one of the things that we've talked about a lot, and I think I never thought of myself as like a business owner.
42:52
SPEAKER_01: I still don't, but I think I run a business, I don't think I own one.
42:55
SPEAKER_01: It's like but that all being said, it's like we've talked about this where it's like there's like a from the outside looking in, you're like, you're gonna get an LLC, you're gonna escort, whatever, you and and it's it seems like there's like a ladder to walk up.
43:07
SPEAKER_01: But then the way that we're you're doing it and we've been doing it, it's like, no, you're gonna heal the blockage that's making you think it needs to be XYZ.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: And then the access to that level of success in in the business realm will open.
43:21
SPEAKER_01: And so in that sense, it's like, well, you want to grow, okay.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: You heal yourself and you and you grow that career element at the same time instead of thinking like this is the way to do it.
43:32
SPEAKER_01: Because if I did it that way, it would I would still be at square one, it wouldn't function.
43:36
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I mean, that's what happens for most people.
43:38
SPEAKER_00: It's not that they don't know what to do.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: You can read any book on online business, like it's not hard to figure out what to do.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: That's not the problem.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: People think that's a problem.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: That's not the problem.
43:50
SPEAKER_00: The problem is why does it feel so debilitating to try to actually do it?
43:55
SPEAKER_00: It's because of all the emotional stuff that makes it feel really hard.
43:59
SPEAKER_00: So, like, what You clear that stuff, like you just naturally will do it because you're smart and you know you're meant to do it.
44:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: I think you once said to me, like, basically, mechanically, it takes very little effort.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: You just have to type some stuff, open a few bank accounts, like that just requires, like, kind of like it's like learning to drive.
44:20
SPEAKER_01: Like at the beginning of learning to drive, it's like all this stuff, knobs and levers.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: And then once you get a week in, it's basically you're on autopilot, and then you can eat a sandwich while you're driving.
44:29
SPEAKER_01: And with the exception of working with clients one-on-one, which does require like nuance and like introspection and sensitivity, just the nuts and bolts, it's not really a lot of work.
44:40
SPEAKER_01: And like you said, like you know, I mean, I working with Horde last summer, I would like just have a major shame kind of eruption, like as soon as I would open a website, and it's like, why?
44:52
SPEAKER_02: Right.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Because I don't feel like I'm allowed to grow, because that means that I will not be safe.
44:57
SPEAKER_01: Right.
44:58
SPEAKER_01: So then if I don't resolve that, it doesn't matter how many business books I read or guides I follow.
45:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm like a little, I would say like I tend toward maybe because I'm an Aries, like I tend toward just the activity and not so much the research and stuff like that.
45:12
SPEAKER_01: But even with that being said, like no amount of inquiry, like studying or something, would have allowed me to get to the place I'm at without having cleared all this other stuff.
45:23
SPEAKER_02: For sure.
45:24
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I think it's largely changed for you, even I mean, with the amount of people you're able to bring in, but also just like the way you're working with people.
45:32
SPEAKER_00: Cause I feel like that was also in the beginning more of a reflection of the overgiving.
45:38
SPEAKER_00: And now I feel like that's not really showing up pretty much at all with the work you're doing with clients.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: I would say like I'm like got five percent left to go, probably.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: That's very far.
45:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
45:53
SPEAKER_00: 95 is an A.
45:54
SPEAKER_02: That's an A, yeah.
45:56
SPEAKER_00: Okay, so before we're done, I really want to talk about because I feel like we obviously work together virtually.
46:04
SPEAKER_00: We did, you did come to Philly for the thing I taught in March.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: So we've met in person, but we obviously had a lot of time together in Mexico and we did an in-person session, which I felt was really powerful.
46:15
SPEAKER_00: And I was so jazzed on it because I just felt like I was able to really see something within you and create this shift that I feel like it could have taken me another month or two to figure out if we were just doing this virtually.
46:30
SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to talk about that too, and just kind of like your like your take on that whole experience and how things have shifted for you from there.
46:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I would say a couple things.
46:42
SPEAKER_01: This just to backtrack a little because this just thought just popped into my head and I wanted to express it, which is in the running the business and like all individuation and all this stuff.
46:50
SPEAKER_01: I forget the context, but part of it is about learning to love yourself such that you don't need other people to take care of you because it's not going to make sense.
46:58
SPEAKER_01: Like, if I explain our method, the method that you're doing, with me helping to run a business to like someone who like at NYU or something who's like getting a business degree, it would not make any sense to them.
47:11
SPEAKER_01: And there's an element of like I had a friend, he's like basically four or five people combined understand like 20% of me.
47:20
SPEAKER_01: Like the more you get into the individuation element of growing up and then becoming like a worldly person who's self-aware and self-empowered and like self-responsible, the more it's gonna be an individual path.
47:35
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: That doesn't make sense to other people.
47:38
SPEAKER_01: And that doesn't matter, but that's like a big hiccup to get over.
47:41
SPEAKER_00: Oh, for sure.
47:42
SPEAKER_00: Like there will be very few people who understand you.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: I think, I think once you are in full acceptance of that, then like the world reflects that such that even if people don't understand you, they still respect you and don't, they're like, Cool, like she's doing things over there.
47:59
SPEAKER_00: I don't really know what the hell it is, but like I respect it, you know?
48:03
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's great.
48:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and that makes total sense to you.
48:05
SPEAKER_01: And who cares if it doesn't we want to make other people feel feel comfortable and but at the end of the day, like if it works for the individual, it works.
48:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it really is such a singular path.
48:17
SPEAKER_00: Like I always tell people, like, yeah, you can learn all this business stuff, but like at the end of the day, you have to find your own way.
48:23
SPEAKER_00: It's the same with the tools, like the inner child healing process.
48:26
SPEAKER_00: It's like you have to take that and make it your own.
48:29
SPEAKER_00: You have to be willing to take knowledge and synthesize it and get curious and try things and fail and figure out your own way.
48:39
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: So I just sorry to be tangential.
48:42
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to like no, that's important.
48:44
SPEAKER_01: But then, yeah, in terms of the breath work session we had, I would say the main breakthrough that we had was like relabeling, like slash we had been calling panic.
48:52
SPEAKER_01: You know, this has happened to me in several instances in the last, I think, year or so, maybe a little longer.
48:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, and from the perspective of a body worker or something like that, there is like a residue.
49:03
SPEAKER_01: Like we have like traumas, or we have, you know, they say C PTSD, which is like having not an acute trauma, but having had microaggressions like through in a home growing up that kind of compound up to a PTSD symptom or something where the body holds on to stuff.
49:19
SPEAKER_01: It might shake and tremble, and it might do all these sort of stress-related like symptoms.
49:25
SPEAKER_01: And then there's so there's the physical, physiological expression of that, and then there's the mind's labeling of it, like the consciousness element.
49:33
SPEAKER_01: And you know, I'm like, XYZ, this pain here is is trauma.
49:38
SPEAKER_01: This pain in my pelvic floor is trauma.
49:40
SPEAKER_01: This feeling of like shakiness is panic.
49:42
SPEAKER_01: And then actually, we cleared a lot of the labeling, and then there's like a residue that is actually just like pure potential that doesn't get recognized.
49:52
SPEAKER_01: And what can happen, I think one of the loops that I've been stuck in is that I still label it as something negative, even though pretty much the whole story has been cleared out of my system.
50:02
SPEAKER_01: And I think, given that you're a trauma expert in your label, I think trauma ends.
50:08
SPEAKER_01: I think what I see a lot in Instagram, like after COVID, everything went online, trauma became like a hashtag, and everything's trauma and XYZ.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: But the the whole point is to clear the trauma.
50:21
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
50:22
SPEAKER_01: And you were like, oh, I don't think this is trauma anymore.
50:25
SPEAKER_01: There's no more trauma left, there's just raw energy.
50:28
SPEAKER_01: So, like, what are you gonna do with it?
50:30
SPEAKER_00: That's what it was so interesting because I feel like for me, watching you breathe and being like three feet away from your body, I was able to really tune in and I'm like, I don't think this is panic.
50:43
SPEAKER_00: And there was something about too just being in your energy field that I could really feel it.
50:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, we've done the work to clear the trauma that caused the panic.
50:54
SPEAKER_00: And I feel like we've alchemized that such that all that's left over is like this power.
51:00
SPEAKER_00: So now let's just harness the power and decide where we're focusing this power because wherever we focus this power is gonna blow up, is gonna like skyrocket.
51:10
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what we've really been focusing on now.
51:13
SPEAKER_00: But it was just such a powerful thing because I've had that moment with certain other clients too, where I'm like, okay, I feel like you've gotten to the point where we've really gotten through all of the subconscious stuff.
51:25
SPEAKER_00: We've addressed the deeper implications behind all of this.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: And now it's more just like, how do you go through the day today with a certain level of awareness and be able to hold your power and express your power in various different situations in your life?
51:42
SPEAKER_00: Cause that's really the goal, right?
51:44
SPEAKER_00: The wounded inner child is an expression of not having power, right?
51:48
SPEAKER_00: Because as a kid, you didn't have power.
51:50
SPEAKER_00: So anytime you don't have power, there's some part of your inner child that's triggered.
51:54
SPEAKER_00: And ultimately we want to be able to address that so you can access your power.
52:00
SPEAKER_00: So now we have gotten to this point where you really have such a greater access to that and easier access to that that it's okay, what are we doing with it?
52:11
SPEAKER_01: Reflecting on it, it's been that way for years.
52:13
SPEAKER_01: Usually the point where where I would break down or things would break down.
52:17
SPEAKER_01: And it's like, I think this is just like a not to like big you up on your own channel, but the support, like the way that you supported me in our in our container is such that no, like this is just power, like next level, go up and just one more step up.
52:30
SPEAKER_01: I would just reach these plateaus.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: Because it goes again to my last point that the more powerful I become, the less the world around me that where I was disempowered really tracks.
52:40
SPEAKER_01: And then like on the loan, or which is a big part of the process, healing process or individuation or whatever you want to call it, is that basically letting go of old social constructs, social norms, things that held you in place with an identity that's no longer useful.
52:55
SPEAKER_01: And then as you start to shed those identity layers, then not all the time, but it can feel like some of those like social containers or communities or even relationships don't fit anymore.
53:07
SPEAKER_01: And then you want to like sort of sink back in just for the sake of keeping all that stuff.
53:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
53:12
SPEAKER_01: And have someone be like, nope, nope.
53:13
SPEAKER_01: It's like I'm in a high chair or something.
53:15
SPEAKER_01: No, one step up, like just go up to there's people waiting, there's stuff waiting up on that next level.
53:20
SPEAKER_01: What's up there?
53:21
SPEAKER_01: And not dropping the ball when I would get to those places where I'm powerful, but I don't really know what to do with it yet.
53:27
SPEAKER_01: I think that's what would freak me out a lot of times.
53:30
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
53:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because it feels like you are alone and then you start to feel disconnected, and you're like, oh no, how do I find the that connection or that co-regulation?
53:41
SPEAKER_00: And then the only place you know it is like on this down here level.
53:45
SPEAKER_00: So then you're like, oh, I better go down there.
53:47
SPEAKER_00: But it's like, no, no, no, no, wait.
53:49
SPEAKER_00: Just be uncomfortable for a minute because there's all this stuff up here.
53:53
SPEAKER_00: If you just allow it to come in and allow yourself to like wait long enough expressing that power and focusing that energy.
54:02
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I think that was a huge piece.
54:06
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
54:07
SPEAKER_01: And I think um the other side of that is like having an intention.
54:11
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
54:11
SPEAKER_01: It's like being directive in our work together has been super useful because it's like you have to put it somewhere.
54:18
SPEAKER_01: You can't just hang out in your room being powerful.
54:21
SPEAKER_01: Maybe I don't know, at a certain point, some friends of mine can do stuff like that.
54:25
SPEAKER_01: But like if I don't have a couple outlets, be them relational, professional, creative, career, or intellectual, academic, if I don't have stuff like that, then I just go crazy.
54:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it's too, it's like you're running like 10,000 watts and you have nothing to plug into.
54:43
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: You and I think also as human beings, we are inherently creators.
54:49
SPEAKER_00: Like we need to create.
54:50
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a lot of the reason why so many people are depressed or have anxiety is because they're ignoring their inherent need to create and they're not accessing that.
55:01
SPEAKER_00: So I think, yes, of course, as you access your power more and more, you're just gonna have more and more energy to create things.
55:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
55:07
SPEAKER_01: I think that's been a stumbling block where it's okay, catalyze it.
55:10
SPEAKER_01: That whole process of okay, you you up level it now, turn it and make it into something, catalyze it into something, which I think eventually will become a habit.
55:18
SPEAKER_01: Uh will be nice.
55:20
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I think it's like a newer concept too that we're still getting like clear on.
55:25
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think it will definitely become a habit.
55:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think once you get momentum on certain things too, because I think even with the business stuff, like I think you got to a certain point of building your private client base and all this stuff.
55:38
SPEAKER_00: And now we're like taking that energy to be like, okay, let's create a group program, let's create all this other stuff.
55:43
SPEAKER_00: And that is a little bit more bumpy just because you never did it before.
55:47
SPEAKER_00: But then I feel like once you get in the momentum of that, it'll feel more natural along with all that other stuff.
55:53
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think that's the biggest thing is just being able to harness that energy.
55:59
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
56:00
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
56:00
SPEAKER_00: Couple of things before we wrap up.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: First of all, can you just share how people can find you and how they can get in touch with you if they want to work with you, all that stuff.
56:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they're probably the best way is through Instagram right now, which is just at David Leon Cutler.
56:15
SPEAKER_01: Just my name.
56:16
SPEAKER_01: And then I do have a circle that I'm launching, which is energetic dash coaching.so.
56:23
SPEAKER_00: We'll link that below.
56:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: So that's getting run set up, and soon there will be ways to subscribe to the content that's on there.
56:31
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
56:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, DM me.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: Cool.
56:36
SPEAKER_00: And then any last words or anything you feel like you want to say before we complete?
56:42
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for existing.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I love you so much.
56:50
SPEAKER_00: It's so much fun to work with you.
56:52
SPEAKER_00: You know, I love you so much.
56:53
SPEAKER_00: I'm always like, it's just because the energy is so my brain is so fast that I don't always have people that like move as quickly as I do, and like you do.
57:03
SPEAKER_00: So it's just it's so fun for me.
57:05
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
57:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, all jokes aside, I think the work you're doing is really pivotal.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: The level of support I feel is reminiscent to like the most supportive supported I've ever fit felt at any point in my life, given like our shared group of peers and friends, and then like specifically this angle, which has been like, I think I did a good amount of work in the degree in the realm of the inner child, and then I got disconnected from that as a thematically, and now coming back to that, but through the realm of breath work, and it's just a much more like modern isn't really the right word, but like a forward-thinking approach to like resolving that stuff, and it's way quicker than I think.
57:45
SPEAKER_01: No, I mean, I don't want to talk shit on psychotherapy, but it's just you can if you want to.
57:50
SPEAKER_01: No, you're also a therapist, right?
57:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, didn't you get into special psychology or something?
57:54
SPEAKER_01: But yeah, I mean, like that's the model that I was working that worked, it functioned for me, but it was just doing it this way where it's more embodied and it's more like it's like a totality around it because you're directive in the sense that you're trying to use the work that you do to then invest in yourself in varying ways is like really important.
58:13
SPEAKER_01: So thanks for doing that.
58:16
SPEAKER_00: Thank you, and thank you for being here.
58:18
SPEAKER_00: I know I'm gonna have you back on the podcast because we're always pretending that we're on a podcast.
58:23
SPEAKER_00: So we'll we'll definitely have another conversation.
58:26
SPEAKER_00: I'd like to go deeper into just more intellectual, philosophical things that I'm sure we could talk forever about.
58:33
SPEAKER_00: So we'll have to do that again soon.
58:35
SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
58:37
SPEAKER_02: Welcome.
58:38
SPEAKER_02: Thanks for having me.
58:40
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
58:42
SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to follow the show on Apple or Spotify.
58:45
SPEAKER_00: Leave a review and share the show with your friends who you know are yearning for this type of content.
58:50
SPEAKER_00: When you leave a review, send us a screenshot and we'll send you a$250 credit that you can apply to joining anything new in my world.
58:58
SPEAKER_00: You can stay connected with me by following me on Instagram at Elise underscore breeds.
59:02
SPEAKER_00: Make sure you download my Clear Trauma Cheat Sheet at elisebreeds.com.
59:06
SPEAKER_00: See you next time.