Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 54. Classes and Character Sheets & Xenomorph vs Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Feat. Colleen Marie Zukowski, Author @cmzukowski_writer)

Transcript

Episode 54. Classes and Character Sheets & Xenomorph vs Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Feat. Colleen Marie Zukowski, Author @cmzukowski_writer) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_07: So let's let's get into this comedy podcast.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_04: I know, dude.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_04: I know.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_05: So hey everyone, welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_05: I'm your host, Ryan Baron North.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_05: With me as always, James Crosslin.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_05: James, what's going on today?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_05: Uh not much.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_06: My week's been okay.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_06: It did a good day to record a podcast.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_06: Happy to sit down with my my friends and enjoy some time with them.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, no, it should be a good time.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_05: I uh for me, I my mattress still has not shown up.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_05: Son of a bitch.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_05: In my fucking house.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_05: They dropped off the foundation like a week ago, so it's just sitting in the entryway.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_05: So yeah, that's cool.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_05: So I'm still sleeping like shit.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_05: But other than that, I'm doing good.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_05: Also with us, uh, we have a brand new guest, Colleen or Col Zukowski, um writer, author, all around great person.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_05: What's going on, Colleen?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_05: How are you doing?
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know how to follow up with um Follow the What's been said already, but um Um Who Close to You has recently passed?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I'm in luck, no one this year, so that's that's a start.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_01: That is great.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: Congratulations.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_05: That's good news.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so yeah, what's up with you?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_05: Hey, Ben, what's going on?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_05: Who are you?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_05: Why should we care?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: Don't say anything.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: You probab honestly you probably shouldn't.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_07: But uh you can't stop us.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um God, I finally um calming down after a year of um kind of hell.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I just I did this huge move back to Jersey.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: The move from Brooklyn actually took five different trips.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, that was not fun.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm never moving again.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: That's been determined.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_04: I will die here.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'll die in New Jersey again.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: I I was born in Jersey in Jersey, I'll die in Jersey.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's how it's gonna be coming up.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_05: That's uh for most people in Jersey.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 2:13
  unknown: Yeah.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: But no, it's finally it's nice to like be settled in somewhere and finally get back into like things like writing and video games and things I love.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: So that's um yeah, I'm just enjoying being able to relax finally for like the first time this year.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_05: That's really cool.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_05: That's really cool.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_05: And then that's happening to uh to us as well.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, yeah, we've had we've yeah, tough years all around.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_05: Tough years.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Tough is like the nicest way ever of saying it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like it could be so much worse.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_05: Well, thank you so much for joining us.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_05: We're happy to have you on.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_05: This is gonna be a fun time.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you for having me.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: I greatly appreciate it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_05: Hell yeah.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_05: So uh for those of you just joining us, and uh Carl, if you haven't listened to the show, it's alright if you have, but we understand.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_06: Um we did the thing.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_05: We did the thought.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, she had a callback to it, even.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_05: That's come on, man.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Give me some credit.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: I tried.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_05: I tried God damn it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_05: I noticed.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we noticed.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_05: I did.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_05: I noticed.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_05: Well, that's what James is here for.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_05: Well, so for those of you who are just joining us, this is your first time, or those of you who need a little reminder, um, this is how we do this show.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_05: We start every episode off with a philosophical debate, a moral quandary, a conundrum, or just an all-around fun question, and then it breaks down into a fist fight, as those things often do.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_05: But before we get into that, what makes us so special is that first we've got to get a little drunk and we've got to get a little high.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_05: So, James, what are you smoking this week?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_06: Uh, this week I've got a wonderful staple in the cannabis community.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_06: It is Blue Dream.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_06: Blue Dream is a classic.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_06: If you're out there uh listening, Brandon, uh, I know that you don't have never smoked cannabis, but also, this one's free.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_06: Jesus Christ.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_06: Let's call the man out.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_05: You know his mom listens to this now.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_05: All right, all right.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm happy for you.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_05: And call, what do you uh bringing to the table?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_05: What are you drinking now?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, I have um a hard cider in my hand that's almost empty.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: I have uh two unopened Stellas and a bottle of winter jack.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_05: And you're gonna be mixing these in a jug.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Isn't that like the safest way to drink?
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: Just mix it all together.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_05: It's like beer before liquor.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, no, just together.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm Irish, just do it, you do it all at once.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, all at once.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_02: You get it done.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: That's the way you take care of it.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_06: Drink it all at once.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_05: Uh, I like it.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um, well, I'll be joining you guys with Kirkland brand tequila silver.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_05: Um Thanks, Costco.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_05: Picked us up at Costco.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, because that's what this show's always been about, is saving you money and getting our guests fucked up is for the cheapest price.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_05: And you know, you can't go wrong with Kirkland brand, tequila silver.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_06: Are you a tequila person?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_06: I always thought you were a vodka person.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_06: Did you think that was vodka when you grabbed it?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_06: No, no, not at all.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_06: It's clear, why not?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_06: I'm well aware that smells very strongly of tequila.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_06: You can't smell it when it's closed on a shelf.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_06: No, but you can write it down.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, now I now you know it's tequila.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_05: You're looking right at the label.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_05: No, I'm very no, and I've I've I've evolved as a drinker where it really doesn't matter what it is anymore.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_07: Alright, let's go.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure that's what evolving is as a drinker.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean devolving, but you know.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, you know, you can you know, it's how you choose to look at it.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_05: It's movement.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_05: That's good.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_05: Character development.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_05: So this first one, this first one goes out to Carl Urban, Cher, and our newest guest, uh, Carl.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_05: Thanks for joining us.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_05: Oh you know what?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_05: That's uh that's not bad at all.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, Kirkland has never fucking let me down.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_05: I how is uh how is your uh swill?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh dangerous.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_05: Is that the is that the Jack?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's uh Apple liqueur and jack.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um never had it before.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Super cheap too, it was like$21 in the grocery store in the grocery store.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Liquor, that's where you buy liquor.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: In New York, you could buy it in the grocery store, so I'm still trying to get back into that mode of not being able to buy liquor in the grocery store.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: So that's it.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_05: We live in Vegas right now.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um I meant to ask where you guys live.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we're in Vegas, and it's anything goes really.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_05: Um you can purchase your jack and then sit down at the slots and then pay for gas and then yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's warm there too, so I'm incredibly.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's warmer here than it is by you.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_05: Well, the the weather's weird all over the place, and things are just the end of the world.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we're just ramping up for the apocalypse.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_05: Sprinting toward it.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_06: Arm again, here we go.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: As fast as possible.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: No armor, no weapons, just go.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_06: It's oil-powered, baby.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_06: Fossil fuels rocking us rocketing us toward oblivion.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_05: We use whale, we go back to whale oil just to hurry up.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_05: Just to fucking get this over with.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_06: Fuck the whales.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so that brings us into our second toast, second hit.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_05: This one is going on to our newest listeners.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_05: This one's are in Manchester.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_05: Manchester, Manchester is how it's coming on here.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_05: So is the UK.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we're coming.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_05: We've been coming pretty hard at the UK lately.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_06: Um thanks for listening, Manchester.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we appreciate you.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_06: We enjoyed, uh, well, I enjoyed 28 Days Later, which I think was near Manchester.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_05: I just, I I wish it.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_05: I like for my my only like I love um God, what's his name?
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_05: Julian Murphy.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I love him.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_05: Um I loved everything about it.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_05: It was a slow burn zombie.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_05: It was a slow burn element.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_05: It's just at the end, it kind of I wasn't really interested in uh Man is the real enemy story.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_06: People are the real monsters.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_06: Like, I know.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm more didn't need a movie to tell you that.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_05: I've live I've had a television.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I know.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_05: Totally aware.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_05: I wanted to see Cillian killed zombies before.
• 8:34
  unknown: Alright.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_05: So here's to Manchester.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_05: I gotta start bringing salt and limes in here.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_05: I got limes.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we gotta start bringing them.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, just a little salt.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how you're doing shots at tequila.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: I got horribly sick off that, like, oh god, in like 2004.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: Never again.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, and that was yeah, and yeah, no, that was bad.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: I threw up on the side of a house.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: It was just literally on the side of the house.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm flashing, can you tell?
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_06: I I had like bad tacos when I was like when I was like 15, and I didn't have tacos for like 10 years.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's a sad, sad thing.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, really.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I loved it.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_06: What did you do on Tuesdays?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Did you not eat?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_06: I couldn't get tacos, but could get titties.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_06: Two Tuesdays I could choose from.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_05: But yeah, no, but like I was saying, uh, you know, I've evolved and it's just whatever.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_05: It just goes down the hatch, and you know, my body's like, oh, it's another day.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_05: Well, give me some points.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to get through each day, it's kind of what you need.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: So this has gotten me through every single day since March of 2020.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_05: Classical.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Every day straight.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_05: No, I mean, like I myself, you know, I plan on just eventually hemming weighing it, and that's gonna be you know, that's gonna be it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_05: So well, here's to uh your toast.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_05: Come on, what's it too?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, I oh, it's to Betty White.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it is, yeah, she's hungry.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Her 100th Christmas, yeah.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, hey, here's to Betty.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Cheers, cheers, Betty.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Merry Christmas.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_05: Crackman tequila.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_05: Still better than Pendleton now.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_05: Way better than Peters.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Get this out of the way before we go further.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um I am being very good so far, but I'm usually really, really bad and curse a lot.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_06: Please curse all your.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I can't.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I can?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_06: Oh did you think this was a kid's show?
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_06: Well, we've got open alcohol and cannabis use for no bad words.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta draw the line somewhere.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be crazy.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_05: This is uh this is you know, Jesus is in the corner of every of these podcasts.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_06: I guess titties isn't a bad word.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_06: I did say titties.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_06: But I think that's not the worst word that we've used.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_05: I haven't said fuck yet.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_06: Oh my god.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_06: What's going on?
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, that brings me into the question I have for you guys first.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_05: Um if you oops sorry, my phone went off.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_05: Um if you guys so you guys have been cast into the Muppet verse, and the only way out is to fuck a Muppet.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_05: What Muppet are you gonna fuck?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_05: I like that.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_05: I'll do that one.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_06: I don't think that's I don't think that's you're not your actual question, right?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_06: No.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_06: I mean too completion.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_06: Two completion.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_06: I would totally do that one.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_05: The Muppets completion.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_06: A Muppet completion?
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_06: So like spraying like uh a ribbon out for like a minute and a half.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_06: However long they go, yeah.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_06: Okay, yeah, I could do that.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, well, I don't think that's I mean if we could do a real quick fire, what Muppet would you fuck?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_04: Call you up first.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, I'm gonna go with animal.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh that's not a solid choice.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: That's a great choice.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: I I mean you God knows what would happen.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, yeah.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_06: He's very enthusiastic.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_06: He can take a lot of damage too.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: Someone would get hurt very badly.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like animals.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_05: Probably animals.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_05: Solid choice.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_05: I mean he's got the chain thing going on and everything.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_05: He's coming in.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_05: No, I can see the appeal.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_05: I can see the appeal.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_05: I I kind of want uh the Swedish cook.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_05: Just because like his squeaks of terror as I'm coming in hot and heavy.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_06: It doesn't have to be terror.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_06: What about pleasure?
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_06: Why is it terror?
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_05: Like uh, no, I feel like that would get me there.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, boy.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna try to get around the table at him.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: God, you got this all planned out, and you have right?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_06: Where are you going?
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_06: Uh James?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_06: Uh uh Jim Henson.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_05: He, I bet you anything was a generous lover.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I bet so.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_06: He wanted to bring magic or he wanted he wanted people to experience magic, and I bet he carried that through every aspect of his life.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_06: But I bet you he was like a hairy dude.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_06: Like easily.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_06: Like it would be like fucking animal.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_06: Well, he was animal.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_06: He was every one of them.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_06: I could access all the muffins.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: They were all animal.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_05: He just all he just shoves his hand up your ass and makes it tell.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_06: Pretty most interesting experience I've ever had.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_05: How are you doing this?
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_05: Alright.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, cool.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so we figured that out.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_05: It's time to move on to a question.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_05: So the the question I have for you guys.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_05: Um, I was uh I don't even know what I oh that's right.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_05: I started uh I started playing Skyrim.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_05: Um what a great game.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_05: There's a small gas.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_05: We should have done Dova Keem.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_05: It's too late now.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_05: It's been decided.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: No, I I didn't know.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: Your next one back.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_06: Your next one back.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_06: Your next one back will do Dova Keem.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we'll remember that.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_06: We'll remember that.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_06: Remember that.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm trying, trust me, I'm gonna go write it down.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_05: Got every schedule.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_05: Um so the the question I have for you guys is I was just playing, I was doing the um the character creation that got me thinking about character creation.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and so tomorrow you wake up on the back of a cart or just in your bed or whatever it is, and your stat blocks come up and your character creation comes up, and just basically the whoever's controlling this earth is letting you make your character.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_05: What system are you using from like, I mean, you could go fucking, you know, Skyrim, fucking whatever system D D, I don't give a shit.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_05: Sure.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_05: What character are you recreating yourself as?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_05: Like, what are you adding on there?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_05: Are you a fucking rogue?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_05: Are you a space pirate?
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_05: Are you, you know, are you a broadsword wielding?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_06: Wait, is this whatever fantasy person we'd like to?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_06: I thought we were building ourselves for this actual world.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_06: Or you want to build yourself a Skyrim?
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_06: We can do that too.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: In Skyrim or in the current our current world.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_05: In your current world, all of a sudden now you're you have a chance to make yourself as a character.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_06: Does that mean we get to introduce fantasy into our current world?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_06: No, no.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_06: I thought we were building ourselves for this actual world.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_06: Oh no, no, no.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_05: You get to make yourself as your character.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_05: You get to pick your favorite character creation format, and you get to make yourself.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_05: You just woke up, and it's time to make yourself.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_05: You pick your class, you do all that fun shit.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_05: Let's go.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_05: What's it gonna be?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_05: Guests first, call.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_05: What do you make?
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh hell.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, okay.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: I've first played Skyrim probably four times straight through.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_06: Um It's a great game.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: I my problem when I play the game is I make myself this giant brute of a cat.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm never a girl in video games.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_01: I'm always a guy.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um like I'm not sure.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_06: I play myself as a woman a lot of times.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: This is like a very common thing I've learned.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like a lot of time no, it's not.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um all my friends that are gamers that are girls are always women in games, so it's not common.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just making this up.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's common here and now.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_03: Live your truth.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do it, it's common.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's all that matters, goddammit.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_05: Um 33% of this group right here.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_05: No, no, 66% of this fucking group right here is making themselves as the opposite gen.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_05: So do you.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_01: See, you know, it's says nothing about like, you know, how I feel about my life at all.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um I just want to take.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get me started.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I I always go with like a rogue type.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: I like stealth a lot.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um I want to get up behind someone and fucking slit their throat.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's in the game.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: In real life in the game, you know, when on the line and Walgreens before.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, see, I like, but uh, I've learned that the mix of magic comes in very handy too.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: I've always underestimated that, and then I I can't fucking heal myself.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I gotta go make like 6,000 potions that I can't even carry in my sack.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and that's the other thing.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: You have to wait online, you make sure you have your insurance card, and you it just all it's all.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: I would rather go into a fantasy world, medieval fantasy world healthcare system.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather crush those mushrooms on my own in my little apothecary station and make my own healing shit than go stand in line.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: Then fucking have blue cross blue shield.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, god, no, no.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, rogue stealth.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm hu definitely archery.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta snipe someone.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: If it's Skyrim World, you're not gonna have a sniper rifle, so you need archery to snipe.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's all about stealth.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to survive, like you gotta hide, you gotta be able to hide, you gotta be able to make invisibility.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: But see, God, it's such a mix.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: See what you've started.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so you gotta have everything.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_06: That's the thing.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_06: So you need to, yes.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_06: How like what what do you start your character as?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like what class do you pick for yourself, even?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'd pick a sass or a rogue, whatever, you know.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, straight up that way you can you have the sneak, you have you already have a dagger and probably a fucking bow and arrow, so that's key.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then build up the um I'd say, you know what, fucking screw magic.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: Just go with um alchemy, then.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_05: There you go.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, all right, all right.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_05: I like it, I like it.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_05: Well, well, James, uh what about it's like tomorrow morning you wake up and all of a sudden like your floating fucking screen of stats and classes.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_05: What what uh what do you choose?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_06: Max out speech immediately.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_06: That's what I've learned is dub all your points into speech.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_06: You can talk people into doing literally anything.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_06: Um never fight, just talk.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and and then you have and then you have the sniper skills in the background.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_06: You make yourself a diplo sniper.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_06: That's what that's that's the classic be any game combination is when you can't talk your way out of it, you go, okay, and then you walk away, and then you shoot an arrow from like two miles and hit them in the head, and they're done.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_06: Uh that's the that's the that's the best combination.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_06: If you have to resort to violence, do your violence from a safe distance.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, I like it.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_05: Solid, solid try.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_05: Solid try.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_05: No, it's a backs out speech for sure.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_05: Usually if you start putting mods into the thing, you know, this speech is you can do a lot with the speech.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, for me, you know, if all of a sudden tomorrow I have my little character creation, I get to pick a class and everything.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_05: I think I want like because usually when it comes to those games, the first thing I will gravitate towards is an assassin, also.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_05: I love that shit.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, if I if I'm killing someone, I, you know, I want it to be personal.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_05: I didn't choose.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: You want to get that blood on you.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, like I want to like drag him to the bathroom mirror and we're gonna watch him die together.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um geez.
• 19:53
  unknown: Why?
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_06: Why do why if you wake up in this world, you want to start murdering people?
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_06: But but because people are waiting right now.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, I get you could talk to us.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_06: Speech skills can get you just like you can get like 66% of the stuff done with speech.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_06: You don't have to resort to violence.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: But how long do you have to talk?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: How long does it take you to slit a throat?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_06: How long is it taking you to deal with the regrets of your past actions, huh?
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_06: Because that's the that's what you're putting on the back burner.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_06: You're getting you're gonna have nightmares.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_06: You're gonna have to deal with it sometime.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_04: I will just talk to people.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_06: I'll talk to people, I'll put up, I'll put up the time in the front to talk to people.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'll deal with all that shit later.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_06: That's future me's problem.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that is future me.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but for me, uh what I'm gonna do this time, though, is I think I'm gonna go uh like an innate sort of spellcaster class.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_05: Like I want a sorcerer kind of thing.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but just because in this world here that we're in right now, um I want to become everyone's problem.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_05: Um worry, buddy.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_05: You already are.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_05: But to the level where like fucking the United States is like, all right, he's coming in hot, he throws fireballs.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_05: Um what are we gonna do here?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_05: And he's he's got a serious chip on his shoulder about the way we've been running things.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, I uh you know, I want to be that kind of a problem.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_05: Um you know, um wouldn't be too hard, I mean.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_05: No, I mean like this rogue state, this walking rogue state um is throwing lightning bolts and uh you know doesn't like the way Starbucks has been treating its workers.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_05: Um and that's uh that's what I would want to come in as.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_05: So I'd like to be a definitely.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_06: Alright, well that was fun.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_05: Well, uh so call final thoughts.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_05: Uh what so for your final thoughts, you're this badass assassin now, you've been leveling up, you know, you're now a force to be reckoned with.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_05: What are you doing, dude?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god, I'm taking out everyone ever fucking uh revenge.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_06: Revenge is there goes like seven.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: 95% of the people I ever knew of becomes revenge.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Damn.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_06: You know, I I would watch your backs, everybody who's known to college.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, anyone who ever listens to this that I know is now terrified of me because are they on that list or are they not on that list?
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I don't know.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta see if they wake up with me looming over you tomorrow or not.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_06: You better hope she doesn't get assassin powers overnight.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, if I wake up tomorrow and I can be fucking assassin with a bow, forget it.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Jersey's done.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_06: Goodbye, goodbye, Jersey.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um But no, I think I would just honestly, I would use it just to um I guess it wouldn't be gaining because I'd be using powers, but just force respect out of people.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like respect me.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: I fucking deserve it.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_06: You usually that's called fear.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_06: They won't hear you.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to make it sound nicer.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_06: It's not like a scary thing, like you know, just a little scary.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_06: It's a very scary thing.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_06: I just want a little respect.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: Respect, fear, death.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: Eh, you know, fine line between.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_05: I just want a little respect.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: But no, I just want to say also the respect we're not to speak for me, but for anyone else that's ever been like, you know, just kind of trampled on and pushed to the side.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just want equal respect.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_06: Gotcha.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_06: All right, all right.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_06: Take it, you're taking you're taking it back.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really a good guy.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_06: Don't you see?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_06: I'm a good person, I just want to intimidate people.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_06: I'm a decent.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_06: All right, it's gonna be a little dark.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to wake up as an assassin and and murder, but I'm good, I swear.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_05: Trust me.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, it's fine.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_05: It's fine.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_05: All right, uh James, what about you?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_05: So you've woken up as this um diplo diplo sniper diplos knife.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_06: Um what what what happens?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_06: Uh so of course I talk my way into uh Jeff Bezos' uh main mansion.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_06: Uh get really close to him.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna try to uh I'm gonna try to pull the whole controlling what happens in his company through him and try to make you know I'm gonna I'm gonna try to uh dissolute Amazon through Jeff B through being Jeff Bezos' advisor.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_06: Um and if that doesn't work, then you know that's where my other skills come in.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_06: That's the whole sniper podcast.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: It's like out comes the bow and arrow.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_05: As we speak, there's this little Alexa droid running up to Jeff, like, have you heard this yet?
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_06: We have a, excuse me, this is we have a credible thread on Jeff V.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_06: I said if I wake up with game view game powers tomorrow.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_05: Jesus, Jeff.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and then for me, so I the the world's changing fast now at this point.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_05: Um, from what I understand, so I'm cruising through the streets now, this powerful sorcerer.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_05: Apparently, Jersey has fallen.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_05: Um Amazon's.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_01: He has a new ruler, though, who's pretty awesome.
• 25:23
  unknown: Yeah.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_05: Um Amazon's going through some changes.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_05: Um I can throw fireballs and lightning now.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_05: Ah shit.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_05: Um I uh I guess I'm just gonna start picking off at the rest of it, I suppose.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_06: Um No, you're remember, we have to be very vague about what we're saying.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_06: None of us are saying that we'd like to attack billionaires.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_06: We'd like to talk to them and we'd like to play video games with them.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: No, we basically all three just said we want to destroy the world.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: That's what it all comes down to.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_06: I want to improve it.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and I I don't I don't know if dissolving Amazon is destroying the world.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean iconic Christmas is done.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_05: Um but yeah, um I'm I uh I'm just gonna I got shit to do.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, if I don't have to worry about Amazon, um I guess I guess Tesla.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, Elon Musk.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_06: You want to play some video games?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that'll be fun.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_05: Um you know, um I like it.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_05: I like it.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_05: All right, well, so that being said, I think we figured it out.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_05: Um probably shouldn't level us up.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_06: Um please, whatever deities exist out there, Joe never grant us powers.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I wake up tomorrow and I'm just myself, I swear.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_05: Son of a bitch.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Again, really?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_05: Well, with that being said, it's time to transition into the second part of our show.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_05: We have a wonderful fist fight for you.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but before we do that, it's time to get a little more drunk, it's time to get a little more high.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_05: Woo! Pop them out, people.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_05: Ooh, that was a good one.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_05: That was a really good one.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_05: Time for a little more tequila.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so this fourth one here.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_05: This one goes on to our fighters this week.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_05: This one is to aliens or xenomorphs, whoever, depending on how nerdy you are about it.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_05: And Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: I swear it tastes like apple juice.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, this uh it has uh notes of tequila.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_05: You know, maybe a little lingering aftertaste of tequila.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's got that Kirkland feel to it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_06: Alright.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, so for those of you who made it this far, uh, who've never listened to an episode, it doesn't actually work.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_05: And uh call just in case you need a little refresher, this is how we go down.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_05: Um so we break this into a three-round method guaranteed to get you.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_05: I just saw your like face going towards the oh, and like easy buttons you'll pump.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_06: No, I just want a candle.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_06: I need to set a candle for ambience for this fight.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_06: I'm actually lighting a eucalyptus candle.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, well, that'll be nice.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_05: So three-round method guaranteed to get you your results.
• 28:32
  SPEAKER_05: This is spotted.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_05: This is a spa fight.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_05: It starts first round in a Gen X legally distinct Applebee's and legally distinct fight club.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_05: Fight club.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_05: Where these two characters just go at each other pound for pound, punch for punch.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_05: Good luck, Rudolph.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and then we just see who wins.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_05: Next, we transition to round two where these characters have 24 hours to murder the other one.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_05: They get everything that makes them them and fun, or they could just buy a shotgun.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_05: Whatever it is they want to do, they have 24 hours to do it.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_05: And then round three is the same thing as round two, except this time these characters get to bring a friend.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_06: Can you imagine?
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_06: Rudolph with a shotgun.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_06: This is looking ready.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_05: You son of a bitch.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, I can.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_05: Sorry, I didn't know.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_02: I have a new story idea now.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_02: My next book.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_05: So transitioning into round one, we've just entered the legally distinct Applebee's uh plum wasps, and we've gone down the stairs where a legally distinct Tyler Durden, played by Val Kilmer, actual Val Kilmer, is getting uh the fighters ready.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_05: Uh meanwhile, Cher and Carl Urban have been escorted up to the box seats, followed by the High and Drive Podcast Philosophers.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_05: It's so fucking complicated.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_05: It's been the same for like a fucking, I don't even know how long.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_05: We've been doing this for a long fucking time.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_05: It's been complicated for long.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_05: And we're ready to get it on.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_05: So Val Kilmer is done explaining how it works.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_05: These fighters have nothing.
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_05: They're stripped down, they can't bring in anything, it's just them fighting each other, pound for pound, punch for punch.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_05: Let's see what happens.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: Guests first.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: Carl, what do you think is gonna go down?
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, jeez.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um, obviously, I feel like, first of all, I don't think xenomorph's gonna make an appearance um right out of the bat like that.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it'll be up in the ceiling.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_06: It has no option in this environment.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_06: In this environment, it gets put in a ring, it's thrown in a ring, has no.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_06: Strolls right in.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_05: No, Val Kelmer is very good at wrangling these characters.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_05: He's gotten a lot of brackets.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I seriously, I don't know why he hasn't made it further in life if he's but we locked him in the basement.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_06: For a little while there, he was like the original Brad Pitt.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_06: He was.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_06: He was Brad Pitt 1.0.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_06: But then Brad Pitt came along, and then Val Kilmer turned into a pumpkin.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like Rudolph's gonna kinda just to throw it off with Xenomorph be like Rudolph's super fucking charming and prancing around with his red nose and shit.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like he's gonna try and use the intimidation factor of I don't know, cheer.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: Probably not.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_06: I I understand you're right that that Rudolph definitely has an aura about him, but well, the xenomorph of a sh of goodwill.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_06: But I don't know.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: I think it'll confuse xenomorph.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_01: He hasn't experienced that in life.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, when has he experienced cheer?
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, or Christmas spirit.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: Never, ever, ever.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_03: The xenomorph is gonna be overcome by Christmas spirit.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if I agree with that.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's an undoing after all this.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's all they needed.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: And they say that day his heart grew five-sized.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look, I wasn't ready to go first, okay?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_05: You just see his heart explode.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: Um, there you go.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_05: All right.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_05: Interesting take, interesting take.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_05: Horrible take, horrible take.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think's gonna go down?
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_06: So I think um I think that in I think that when you put Rudolph and a monster together, I don't know if Rudolph can compare to the monster.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_06: So his his so let's think about this about powers wise.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_06: So Rudolph does have powers.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_06: He can do things like fly.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_06: Blind.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_06: He he does have a nose that gets bright, and with light comes heat.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_06: Yes.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_06: Uh so he might be able to heat uh he had to be out in front of everyone else.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_06: Notice Santa didn't put him in the back or anything.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_06: He had to be out in front of everyone else, yeah.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_06: Uh probably because his nose is incredibly hot uh for the light it generates.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_06: And I was probably just conceived Rudolph's asshole.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_06: They all just wanted a uh a great view of that juicy radio dumper.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_06: Um so he's got those powers, those are pretty good powers.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_06: Um but xenomorph has acid blood and it's incredibly quick.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_06: It's got claws and teeth, it's got an exoskeleton, um, and uh uh a tail it uses as a weapon.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_06: Um it can it can leap preternaturally, it can go it can leap incredibly high, like more than its frame should probably allow allow.
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_06: Um I don't know.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_06: It's got a lot of things going, guys.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_01: But Rudolph can fly also, so flying flying is is a solid.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_01: That is kind of key.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_06: But if Rudolph wants to get close enough to attack Xenomorph, he it can't just be a stalemake as Rudolph does it.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: No, but if Xenomorph is like very um vulnerable to extreme temperatures, like hot or cold.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_01: So how hot can Rudolph's nose get when he uses it?
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've heard that before xenomorph, see?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, we're talking about a fucking schnazz here that uh can see through blizzards and shit like that.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's pretty damn hot.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_05: It's very hot.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_05: So does like Rudolph have some sort of like we need we need to vivisect Rudolph and like get in, like see what kind of skull he's got that isn't melting from this fucking nose.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um what are his bones made out?
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_01: That could be another actor.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know this.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_05: He's uh it's like uh he's got a wolverine thing going on.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_05: Because that'll really change the game.
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think so.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_05: For me, I think like if Rudolph gets like a swooping kind of like hawk thing going on where he keeps coming through, but if he managed to like use his horns to like slice into the thing as he's swooping, that's when he's gotta deal with acid blood.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I think in this one, even if Rudolph is swooping, I think because the because Rudolph isn't naturally a fighter.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_06: Rudolph actually gets bullied um by other reindeers, if I remember correctly.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Getting bullied makes you want to wake up to be able to slip people's throats.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_06: But that doesn't mean he has training.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_06: He doesn't have the rogue class put on him.
• 35:45
  unknown: That's true.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: But what if he were to swoop down behind the xenomorph and get him in the back of the fucking head with his hooves?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_06: Well, the xenomorph has a spike tail.
• 35:54
  unknown: Yeah.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_06: Well, this is what he's going to spike.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_06: He's going toward a uh a weapon, no matter what.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_05: I think that both characters here have to like accept going in.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_05: Like Val Kilmer's like, look, you two are gonna bleed.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_06: Um Xenomorph's like, find me.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, sends its tongue through Val Kelmer.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think well, so call back to you.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_05: Final thoughts in a vote.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: Oh God, I'm sorry, Rudolph, but I don't see him doing well in round one.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like Yeah.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_01: Unless he's got firearms or something like that.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like you said, he buys a shotgun, that's one thing, but I don't see it.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_05: Round one, Val Kelmer ain't giving him out.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I don't see that happening.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_01: I feel like it's just he's gotta like just chalk it up to a loss and come back next time.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't I don't I don't see a no.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_05: I tried.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_05: I I think we're all in agreement.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so uh round one goes to Xenomorph.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_05: Congratulations, Mr.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_05: Xenomorph.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_05: Um I mean, I don't know, actually.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_05: I think he's a they them kind of situation.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_05: Um so congratulations.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_05: They're like drones to a queen, right?
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_05: All right, congratulations, Xenomorph.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_05: You pull it off.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_05: Um, so then transferring it to round two.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_05: We've now zoomed out into the city view.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_05: These characters have both received a manila envelope underneath their apartment doors.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_06: Xenomorph puts his tiny reading glasses on.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_06: Look at opening up the envelope.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: He's got slippers on as he shuffles to the door.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_01: Pass it out of his mouth onto the shoes.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_05: He's trying to make sure that it's not his mortgage.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, he's trying to make a go for it for himself.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_05: Um they received.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_06: He checks the calendar.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_06: What's that, today?
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_06: Oh shit, I gotta kill this right here.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_05: Um, but they realize that they have 24 hours to kill the other one, or Cher will kill them.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_05: Um they can do whatever they want in this environment that they both can kind of thrive in.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_05: Um so round two, let's jump into it.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_05: Call, what do you think's gonna go down?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Rudolph's gotta start getting creative.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um he's got some key advantages.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_01: He can he'd fly super fucking high.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_06: He can go like in this.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_06: Now he has all the space in the world and he has an environment.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he's not confined.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like fuck physics.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: He's I'm a Christmas reindeer.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_01: He became the head reindeer for a reason, my god.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_05: Umless your differences can be commodified for capitalism, you know, and once they are, you're good to go.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, why?
• 38:40
  SPEAKER_01: But no, he's gotta use his surroundings, he's gotta take advantage of um evasion, is his key thing.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: Evasion and quick um I mean he's got quick reflexes, he's gotta have quick reflexes.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: He's a fuck I've never okay, I've never seen reindeer in my life, but I imagine they're like they could probably kick pretty fast and does it.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: They're dangerous.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_05: Like those walls of reindeer that'll just push you off cliffs and stuff.
• 38:59
  SPEAKER_01: Fuck yeah.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: They're quick.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_05: So I feel like fucked up.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: He's gotta be quick, use like get he's quicker than xenomorphoby.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: And he so that gives him better range in terms of being able to attack and like escape to plan out his attacks and shit.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: And he's really gotta use his nose more, I think.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: He's gotta like can you burn xenomorph if you get close?
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he gets in the yeah, but like we would cauterize him.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but that's okay.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, he can definitely burn a xenomorph.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_06: Xenomorms are weak against fire, they're weak to extreme temperatures.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like fire, cold, and other than that, it's just like bullets are the only other thing I've ever known to like really destroy them, unless he could in within 24 hours maybe get his antlers replaced by fucking semi-automatic weapons.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_00: He knows he knows the Santa from future on.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_00: Santa's got a workshop, he's gotta be able to do a lot of Santa.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, like in uh in Santa Claus and well Rudolph, that move.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, he's anthropomorphic and yeah, he can he's got digits.
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he can do Sheka.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_06: But uh in addition to that, like I think I think we haven't been focusing on Xenomorph's limited intelligence.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_06: Like it it can learn and it can learn a little bit of like hunting.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_06: It's like a parrot.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, it can learn a little bit of hunting, like about its uh prey from that.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_06: But it's like Rudolph can like talk and communicate with Santa Claus.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_06: It's magic, it can fly, it can think and strategize.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_06: It's like, hey, I bet I can lead your fucking sleigh, you know?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_06: And it's like, alright, Rudolph, get out there and lead us, you know.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_06: Just don't gore me.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_06: We always forget that he's a fucking reindeer.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_06: This thing is huge.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, and I think that um I think that Rudolph's intelligence, he even if he just hooked on some machine guns onto himself, his like as a as a as like a pack.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_06: Like he's a pack, he could be a pack animal.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_06: He could figure out.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_06: I think that um I think that Rudolph has it in this one.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you gotta think if he usually okay, lighting up his nose, this increases blood flow, increased blood flow to the br to the uh brain.
• 41:04
  SPEAKER_01: That would keep his brain even more active then.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like if he could just stay on top, like I mean, it makes him even think harder high levels.
• 41:15
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, uh for me, I think, you know, this this motherfucker can fly at will.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, he's uh he buys his gun, flies fifteen feet above the alien, and then just shoots it.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_06: Aliens don't like light either.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_06: Like they they shirk from sunlight and stuff, even though it doesn't hurt them, but they don't often come out in sunlight.
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_06: They like they're very much ambush predators, and uh Rudolph can like do whatever he wants as long as he's outside.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_06: Definitely essentially.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_06: Alright.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_05: Well, uh Carl, back to you.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_05: Thoughts and a vote.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of think Rudolph has it in the second round.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_05: I do too.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think we're all in agreement.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_01: Given that amount of like it's all up the key thing for him is having the space to be able to avoid like you said with alien, like the xenomorph he got the the fucking tail, the the fucking thing he shoots out of his mouth.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_01: The mouth thingy that he shoots out, whatever it's called.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: God, I sound dumb right now.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_06: No, I don't know how to describe it.
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, a tongue.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_06: Is it a tongue?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: Mouth thingy out of the mouth sounds kind of perfect to me.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna go.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 42:18
  unknown: Yeah.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_05: A probiscus?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_05: I don't know.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_05: But I think we're in agreement though, Rudolph is taking.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_05: I don't think there's any, I don't think there's any way that xenomorph is just too dumb.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's yeah.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_05: You're talking about a flying, intelligent, shotgun wielding reindeer.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_05: And it's gonna be it's gonna be the end of it.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_05: So um, all right.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_05: So transitioning final into round three.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_05: We're still hanging out in the city view, except this time both of these characters get to bring a friend.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_05: So, um, Colin, what do you think?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_05: Um, thoughts?
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_05: Who are they bringing?
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_05: What goes down?
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh god.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um God, who does Rudolph have as friends?
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like the other reindeers, didn't they hate him?
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_01: What does he have the outcast?
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say he's gotta bring Santa.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_06: The other reindeers ended up cheering him on.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_06: Uh they became his friends.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_01: But can you trust that in the fight?
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_01: If they hated you in the beginning, they're like, oh, suddenly we like you.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_01: When it comes down to it, I wouldn't trust that shit.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_01: This is their chance.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 43:22
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: Bring Santa.
• 43:23
  SPEAKER_01: Santa.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_01: Santa, I I mean Santa could fly around the world in one night and give presents to everyone because purely he can manipulate time.
• 43:31
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_06: So yeah, that's I don't think I still think Santa would be violent.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_06: Well, I guess Xenorph's Wood or wouldn't.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_01: You don't think he'd be violent?
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_05: Dude, I mean, we're talking about we're talking about an old school Germanic fairy tale.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, okay.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_05: He's capable of something.
• 43:45
  SPEAKER_00: Who knows violence?
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, come on.
• 43:47
  unknown: Okay.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_05: I eat children if they're bad.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_05: Santa's pretty good.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_05: Santa's a pretty good choice.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_06: Well, who do you think for the xenomorph?
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_01: Does he have friends?
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what?
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, no, they fought each other.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 43:59
  SPEAKER_05: He has an android friend.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, if he brings uh what what's his name?
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_05: Um Michael Fastbender.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, if he makes brings Michael Fastband.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Fastbender along, then or the Predator.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking Predator, but then I was thinking they fought each other in a way.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: So would that.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, when it comes down to it, if they're fighting something of the human realm or the earth realm, they might band together to just fuck shit up.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_05: Tough call.
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_05: Tough call.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_06: Well, James, what do you think?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_06: I think Michael Fastbinder.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_06: I think having a hyperintelligent alien, super sexy android.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's a fastbinder.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: There you go, right there.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_00: He looks at him and loses.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_06: He's uh Santa's so confused.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: And is questioning everything he ever thought about himself.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm married.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_03: Can we do this?
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_06: Um so this android has access to like, what is it?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_06: Wesland?
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_06: What's the name of that company?
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_06: Uh oh fuck.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_06: Uh Whelan.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_06: Whelan.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_06: Wayland Mittani.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so he has access to all the information that that super intelligent, I mean that that that that super futuristic hypercorporation has.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_06: He has access to an arsenal and space age technology and strategy.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_06: Um, and I think that he can they can really put up a fight against Santa now.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_07: That is true.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_06: That is very true.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and I mean, just on top of that, I mean, you're talking about you know, the the end game of Santa's you know, capitalism here in Wayland, Utah.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_05: He's probably on the fucking payroll.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_05: Probably.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_05: Um Santa's a stakeholder.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I mean, if we bring Fastbender, um, I think that Santa's gonna fuck Fastbender.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_05: I mean and then the alien will get him from behind.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, like because they're gonna be in the shower, you know, and you're gonna see the alien tail slip up in the shower, and then blood explodes against the glass.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_01: It just went in a wholly different direction than where it started.
• 46:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like we go from this huge battle royale to uh sand asine morph porno.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of where we ended up.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_05: Well, what what movie?
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_05: That was uh Prometheus.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, that was the next one.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_05: It was the next one.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_05: It was um Alien um shit.
• 46:19
  SPEAKER_04: Carl Hotley.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_04: What was the name of that one?
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_05: The newest alien, the one where they're the um the settlers alien alien homecoming?
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_05: No, that was Marvel.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_05: Alien Homecoming.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_05: Uh Alien movies.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_05: I'm getting a less for that.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I don't remember.
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_05: Um, no, no, no, no, that was Gorny Weaver was still in Alien.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, is it Covenant?
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, Covenant Covenant.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_01: Covenant, Covenant, yeah.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: Covenant.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_01: There it was.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_05: I probably won't.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_05: Um so Alien Covenant, where they're in the shower and you see the tail slip up there.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_05: I think it's gonna be that with Santa and Michael Fats Warfare.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really different take on it all.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_00: A movie.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_03: Fucking ridiculous.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, fast better playing with his beard.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh whirling in his fingers as the water drips down.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_03: Just the whole theater's just ah.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_06: Well, I um oof.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know how to argue with that one.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_03: I and then they team up and kill Rudolph.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_03: Uh his character was so creepy though.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a good idea.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: Using seduction to get Santa on xenomorph's side to take out Rudolph.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: I like it.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_01: That is a twist.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_03: What a twist.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_05: But uh what a twist.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_05: You can have a xenomorph leader.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_05: Um I think that uh Santa and Rudolph here just there's a lot going on on the other team, and I don't know what they're gonna do.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_05: Um I don't know.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_05: It's gonna be a tough call.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_05: Well, let's wrap it up.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think?
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_05: Um, well, so uh call going back to you.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_05: Final thoughts on a vote.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm stuck on Santa and fast better in the shower, so I don't know.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be thinking about that in the tub later.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_00: I got my night plan.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um god, you know, when it really comes down to it, I'm sorry, Rudolph, but aliens got Oh okay, I get it, like Santa can levitate, he could probably uh like alter time and shit like that, but Aliens just xenomorph's more deadly.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't I don't s and put xenomorph with an android, then you're you're kind of screwed.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: I don't see Rudolph getting out of this in one or thirty pieces.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think he'll be just decimated.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_06: Michael Fassbender's android character is just too smart.
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, he's he's unnervingly intelligent and that makes up for the smartness that Rudolph had that xenomorph buzzer.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: So, like it yeah.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_05: No, it's especially when like he's just his interest is to vivisect you.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 49:07
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, exactly.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_05: He just wants to destroy.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_01: Rudolph's not used to destroying, he's used to making things happy.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you're gonna wind up.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_01: Where does that get you in life nowhere?
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, my Michael Fastwinner's character like effectively deceives a bunch of humans.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, effectively deceives deceives that leads them along and into traps.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_06: Well, I mean, he's the one who winds up creating you know the xymour's.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_05: So yeah, I I I think well, I think then it was it was Rudolph who should have brought the predator, but it's just not in his wheelhouse.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_05: Um, you know, he's got Santa and Santa gets fucked in a shower.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_06: Um that's just how it works.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of sleeping it off, who knows what's gonna happen?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_05: He's just smoking a cigarette and Rudolph's getting murdered.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, all right.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I think he got it there.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_05: Um yeah, sorry, folks at home.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_05: You now have to live with that image.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_06: What would um I I assume that they're going to keep uh Rudolph and Santa alive just long enough to be um uh to have face huggers uh uh impregnate them.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_06: To thicken the alien construct, yeah.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_06: What would uh what would a xenomorph from Rudolph or Santa look like?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_06: Xenomorph that pounded.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_05: So in Alien, it was Alien 2 where he got the dog, right?
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_05: I don't remember the dog.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, where on the prison planet where the alien got a dog.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_05: It ended up looking dog like, I guess, right?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_05: No, yeah, it was.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_05: It was like super fast and like low to the ground, and it had more dog-like qualities to it.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_05: Fucking give it horns or make him a fat guy.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_05: Antlers and and and hooves.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_05: Antlers and hooves and a xenomorph?
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_05: Nah, fuck that.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_05: That would suck.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_05: Fuck and fastbender?
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_05: Well, there you have it, folks, at home.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_05: Um sorry.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_06: Sorry, they made Michael Fastbender's Android so haunting.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, incapable.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, dude, and this was our last episode before the holiday break.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_06: So we'll watch Santa and Rudolph get murdered.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_01: Just ruined everyone's holidays and gave them an a horrible vision for their dreams tonight.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_05: Well, folks, and um, thank you so much for tuning in.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_05: Um if if you would uh care to join me and call if you want to join me as well.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna have a little holiday, little holiday drink here before we sign off for a little while.
• 51:42
  SPEAKER_05: Cheers.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_05: It was a great episode.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_05: It was a fantastic episode.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you so much, Colleen, for joining us.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, thank you for having me.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so um, as you are drinking that, um where can we find you?
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_05: After you drink after your cheers.
• 51:55
  SPEAKER_06: I can't talk and drink, so looks like we you have some work to do before next episode.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_06: Oh god, I need I need some sorry, new ventriloquism is on the agenda.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um no, I started my um I finally started my writer Instagram.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um I could do a website, but honestly, I wouldn't pay attention to it.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: So I have a website.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_06: You just need a landing page.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: Writer Instagram it is, which is um just CM Zukowski.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: And um stop saying um not used to talking to people.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, you can find me there.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_01: I am working on I probably should have said this earlier, but uh next year I'll be publishing my first novel.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_01: Kick ass.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_01: Which I am very excited for.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's uh dystopic because I love dystopic literature, because look at the world around you, and there you go.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_06: Feel free to plug it as much as you want.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_06: What's the title?
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_06: Is that okay to say?
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's Brothers of Lethe, and that is actually a um river in the underworld that it ties into the name, but like um it's the river of forgetfulness.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: As you drink of it, you forget everything in your life as you're going to the other side, which has a lot to do with the you know, post-apocalyptic world takes place in New York City because even though I'm from Jersey, I love New York, always have.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_01: So it's an iconic place to put a dystopic piece of literature.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, for sure.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's just about like uh a question not to I I don't have a lot of time, but if you bring philosophy into it, if you've ever read Albert Camus when he gets into Mythosisphus and other essays, he talks about the philosophy of suicide, and that's what this novel has a lot to do with whether or not in such a horrible world is suicide justifiable.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, for sure.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_05: It's like Kafka-esque.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, sorry, dystopian literature.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's about a family business, and one of the main characters in the family starts to really question the business, and it could lead to his utter ruin.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, super cheery.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, check it out.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_06: People out there don't question your families.
• 54:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_05: My question for it is how many fat guys does Michael Fad spend are fucking in it?
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's gotta be at least six.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_01: Do they have to be fat, or can they be gotta go?
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_01: You just there goes the whole book.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta write.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: My god, I just got round through the first round of edits.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's like, oh, we need some fat guys for fast fender.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's annoying.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, the movie adaptation now has to have Michael Fast Finder.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I'll get on this and um yeah, I'll yeah.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_01: There, yeah.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_05: So awesome.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm gonna be looking out for it.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_05: Um, and yeah, so people at home, please check her out.
• 54:46
  SPEAKER_05: Um, it was great having you on, Carl.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_05: Thank you so much.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_05: Um thank you for having me.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_05: Um take it easy, everybody.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_05: Bye.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_05: Bye.