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Why Forgiving Others is Essential to Ascending · Healing with Purpose

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Healing with Purpose, a place where we share our ugly naked truths with the sole intention of ascending into our higher self.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Last time we talked about forgiving yourself.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I really hope that you took some time to actually answer the question that I asked.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you didn't listen to that episode, definitely go back.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because forgiving yourself is a journey.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if you grew up like myself, the perfectionist good girl who did everything in your power to do the right thing, sometimes it can be really hard to acknowledge the mistakes that you've made.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And even when you have acknowledged it, sometimes it can be really hard to move on.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: But today we're not going to talk about the journey of forgiving ourselves.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're actually going to talk about forgiving those that have hurt us.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, I will share a part of my ugly naked truth and a real life example of when I chose to forgive someone that really hurt me.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'll share parts of my story.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as always, the things that we share here are not always super light.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: So please, I invite you if you need to pause, if you need to put me away and revisit at a different time, that is completely okay.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: If you're here, it's likely you've also experienced some bullshit.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: You've also experienced some crazy ass life event.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that is why you're here.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: That is why you resonate with me.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality is, is we are here to heal with purpose, right?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: We are not here to trauma dump.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: We are not here to relive old stories over and over and over again.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, we are here to actually acknowledge some of the shittier things that happened in our life.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we do that, and then when we take action towards becoming someone different, well, we're able to ascend into a higher place.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to share with you a story.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But before I do, I wanted to read a passage that I recently saw when I was diving into the word.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think it speaks very clearly to why forgiveness is so important.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: It says in Romans 12, 19, it reads, Beloved, avenge not yourself, but rather give place unto wrath.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: For it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: That was a really interesting passage for me to read because I first hand experienced the Lord speaking on my behalf, letting me know that He was going to take care of me.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna dive into that story now.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: But before I do, I want you to ask yourself who in your life have you yet to forgive?
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's a parent, maybe it's an ex, maybe it's an old coach, or maybe it's your boss.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: I really want you to sit and I want you to think of this person very specifically.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because we are not here to yip yap about our problems.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: We are here to actually move through them together.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think very clearly about who it is in your life that you're like, no, I just do not forgive this person.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay if you feel this now.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, by the end of this conversation, you see things from a little bit of a different lens.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And also, before I dive into sharing my ugly naked truth, I want you to know something very, very clearly.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to know that forgiving this person does not mean reconciliation.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: There are some people who should never be in your life again.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: There are some people who caused such damage that they should not be in your life again.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to say that very clearly.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about going back to the ex that cheated on you a hundred and a million times.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about going back to a parent who abused you and still shames you today.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about going back to an old employer who underpaid you and undermined you.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: This person does not need to be in your life and should not be in your life if they are not a safe person.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, why this passage, Romans 12, 19, stood out to me so much is because I first handedly experienced God speaking to me.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: I shared in a previous episode a horrible event that happened when I was in the depth of my healing journey.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was moving through a divorce and I did not know how to cope.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just the divorce, it was so many things were moving in my life.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: It was quite literally an identity collapse.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Everything and any every version of me up until that point just no longer felt right.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It just didn't fit.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: The relationship didn't fit.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Being a fitness-only coach was no longer resonating with me.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Bodybuilding was no longer resonating with me.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Everything about my life just didn't seem like it could come with me.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know how to process all of this.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so during this time, I was engaging in behaviors that present-day Kenya would just, I look back on and I just laugh and I give my my old self-love.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: One of those behaviors was binge drinking.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I would go out with my friends and get so blacked out that I didn't even have to think about my problems.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this was an evening that I actually never could have expected to happen.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: I shared a part of this again on a previous episode.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: So if you want the full story, go back and watch that.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I went out with my friends and we drank too much.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: We called an Uber home.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uber brought us home.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I stumbled into my bedroom.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: My roommate said she came in, threw my blankets over me, and closed my door.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: There was a friend of a friend that had decided to come back with us.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not really sure why.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: We were all going home to go to sleep.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And this person took an opportunity when no one was looking to follow me into my room and proceeded to sexually assault me.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've already shared that story, so we're not going to dive into it.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: But what happened the next day was something that I cannot deny, and is actually something that brought me 500 times closer to God.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: The next morning, I look over and I see that he's in my room, and I don't understand why.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I start questioning him, and he panics, he opens up my bedroom sliding window, and he hops the fence and he escapes.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't know what to do.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not only was I confused over why this person would do this thing, I thought he was a friend.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: But also, he was a police officer.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: He is a police officer, as far as I know, in the county that I grew up in.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I felt like I had no choice.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I wake up all of my girlfriends and everyone is in shock.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we're sitting in my living room and we're trying to figure out what we should do.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my best friends at the time is saying, We need to go to the police right now.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: We need to go to the police right now.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: We need to turn this creeper in and we need to do something about it.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But that didn't, that didn't feel like the safest option for me at the time.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if this is something that you were moving through or someone that you know was moving through this, absolutely go to the proper authorities and report this type of abuse.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: But at that time, I felt like I was gonna go nowhere.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: I told my store myself stories like what?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: So his friends are gonna punish him.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's not gonna happen.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: And my friend is sitting here saying, We need to go, we need to go.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was sitting on the couch just like this, with the wall behind me, just like this, and I heard a voice as if there was a man right behind my ear saying, I will take care of this.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I looked behind me.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I asked my friend, did anyone else hear this?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: They said, Here was.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew with full certainty that that was God.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: With full certainty, I knew that he was going to have vengeance in whatever way he saw fit, and that I did not need to worry myself with that.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: So it took me about two weeks to internally forgive this perpetrator.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Will I ever see this person again?
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely freaking literally not.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do I ever want him speaking to me?
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I knew in that moment after I heard God say, I will take care of this, that it was not up to me or for me to hold any type of pain or anger or resentment or any other low vibrational feeling in my system because it would do nothing but hurt my own system.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: God will take care of it in whatever God, whatever way God sees fit.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: It was my job to heal and forgive.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, when I share this story with some people, they're in shock.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: How could you forgive someone that caused you such pain?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: But what I and you you might be thinking this.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what I want you to take away from this is that forgiveness, it's not always for the other person, it's for yourself.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: When we do not forgive, we stay in a state of suffering.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: We relive the story of the pain that that person caused you over and over and over again.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you have been burned by an ex.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you have been burned by a parent.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so every time you hear this person's name or someone brings them up, what do you do?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: You get upset, you get angry, you maybe have guilt or shame or fear that's brought up.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Guess who that's impacting?
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: You, not the other person, you.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's life coaches, and there's this big debacle in the space of you should forgive, you should not forgive.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Really, that's up to you.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm gonna share from my experience is that forgiveness is always the route to go.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And again, forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, does not mean you're now having lunch dates with this person or spending your holidays with someone that abused you.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: It means releasing the low vibration, the fear that's associated with pain.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, if you haven't forgiven someone, then there's still resonance of pain.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you do not deserve to sit in pain.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: You do not deserve to sit in this vibration that's only going to attract more discomfort, dysfunction, and disease to your body, to your mind, to your system.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: You don't deserve that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve to live a fruitful life.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve to be a magnet to all that you desire.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: You deserve to live a life of purpose.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to attract the things that you want when you're living in a state of fear, when you are living in a state of pain.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if that person, the thought of them, their name, the story even continues to bring you pain, only you are suffering.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: So, my invitation to you is to release that pain.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the only way that you can release that pain is to forgive the version of them that caused you that pain.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big concept for a lot of us to grasp.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something that I never really thought that I would be able to get to this point.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But because I got that experience of God in my ear saying, I will take care of it, I knew with full certainty that it was not mine to hold, that it would do me absolutely no good to sit here and be angry over the disgusting acts of a broken boy.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: I released that to God.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I have no clue how God plans to do what he needs to do.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's really not any of my business.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I know nothing about this person now.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: This was several years ago.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: All I know is that I was allowed the space to heal what I needed to heal through, process it, and then take action towards being someone different.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: The actionable step that I took in this case was to confront him head on.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I had to be in the same room with him one week later.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: He and I were both in a wedding.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't really know what I was going to do.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: All I knew is that I was going to trust in my higher power to take care of it and just focus on healing.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But something came over me when I saw him a week later.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And I walked up to him after the wedding and I said, I need to speak to you.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I don't know what I'm going to do, but you will never see me again.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: What you did to me was wrong.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: What you did to me was wrong, what you did to me was wrong.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I just kept repeating that until ultimately he said, Okay, shh, shh, shh.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't want the bride and groom or anybody else to hear what I was confronting him about because he knew that it was disgusting and he knew that it was wrong.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And he knew that he had assaulted me.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I don't know what I'm going to do about this, but you will never see me again.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: What you did to me was wrong.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that actionable step was so liberating.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It offered me so much freedom.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: It allowed me to not be ruminating in this mental prison of this loop of how could he do this to me?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's supposed to be my friend.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: He's supposed to be, he's a police officer.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: It allowed me to free myself from that mental loop so that I did not stay in a state of suffering.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: What other actionable step that I took?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I left the place that I love.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a journey in and of itself.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: It took a while to feel safe internally to be back in the place that I grew up, knowing that this person is present and active.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: I now have full faith that I'm always protected.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I left that friend group.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: I left my hometown.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: I declared that these people would never be around me again because they were unsafe.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I chose to do my healing in a different way, in a different place.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I took action.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that is something that, of course, we talk about every single time we have these conversations.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Is it's not just about becoming aware of the things that have happened to us.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: It's not even just about acknowledging the role that we played or how it's still impacting our life, but it's actually making a decision to do something differently.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm going to stop here and caveat and say, I am not, okay, I am not encouraging you to go confront your abuser.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am not saying that you need to have the same interaction that I did.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: This was my personal experience, something that I felt safe enough to do in that moment, being in a crowded place.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, honestly, I did not plan for it.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: It just came over me and I wanted to speak truth into him.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And this is not a recommendation to do, this is not a recommendation to do or not do anything.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: But the more important message here is you need to take action towards moving on.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And however that looks to you, getting the support that you might need, allowing yourself to re tell the story as many times as you need to until it's out of your system is also okay.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Removing yourself from environments or friends or places is okay.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Never speaking to this person or the people associated is also okay.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: What works for you will be different from what works from some for somebody else.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: But taking action towards actually allowing yourself to forgive this person and move on in your life will liberate you.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really my goal for everyone that is a part of these types of conversations.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's to no longer be in this cycle of, well, this thing happened to me, will this thing happen to me?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Will this thing happen?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: And instead say, Yeah, this thing happened to me, and I did X, Y, and Z, and now I am this person.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: And now I get to move on.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And now I will never ever be in the same type of environment as these types of people again.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: I now have discernment over who I want around me.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: I now have a voice to speak my truth.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: I now have the courage to speak up for myself or to walk away or to set a boundary, right?
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: That is actually the type of empowerment that we like to talk about here.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you move into the space, when you engage in those behaviors long enough, you anchor in a completely new identity.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And when you've anchored in the new identity of someone who sets boundaries, walks away from people who don't have your best interest, who speaks up, who speaks truth, who chooses what's what's good and right versus what's comfortable, when you do these things over and over and over again, you do become a deaf, a different person.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: You anchor in a completely different identity.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: You release yourself from all these fears and pain and low vibrations that only attract more negativity and chaos and dysfunction into your life.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you ascend into a higher being.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: And when you ascend into this higher being where you are living from a place of enlightenment, then you become a magnet to all that you desire.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: You become a magnet to abundance, to good friendships, to good wealth, to good opportunities, to higher connection to your purpose or to your higher power.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so this framework works, but it does require you to do the work.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And forgiving others is one of the most uncomfortable things that we can do.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: But it's very important that we do it.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is a part of the work.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: So whoever it is that you wrote down or that you thought about at the beginning of this conversation, I want you to see where you're stuck in the spiral.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Where are you stuck in allowing yourself to actually forgive them?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you identify where you're stuck, are you stuck at the awareness phase?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are you only acknowledging the wrong things and not acknowledging that it's still impacting your life today?
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where are you stuck in that spiral?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: And what can you do to take action towards forgiving them from releasing the pain, the fear that the thought of this person is still giving you?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: And if you want to continue to be a part of conversations like this, conversations where we actually heal with a purpose, then I invite you to hit the subscribe button, drop a comment if something in this episode resonates.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here, and I'll see you on the next one.