Latest / The Priestess Temple Podcast / Ep 12: Why De-Centering Men Is Stupid & What To Do Instead
Transcript
- Embodied By Jenna: Hi, Baddie. Welcome to another episode of Bad Bitch Embodiment Podcast. My name is Jenna. I'm your host and guide, helping you feel empowered and supported to break up with diet culture, fall in love with your body, and call in your dream relationship. Let's get started. Welcome back. Today we are going to talk about a term that is very popular in women's empowerment spaces that I think is fucking stupid. This term is decentering men. So you might have seen this floating around Instagram or in some Facebook groups online where women are talking about taking their power back within the relationship space by decentering men from their lives. And while I am all about women taking their power back, what I am not about is just completely excommunicating an entire gender. From your life because of some past experiences you may have had in the dating scene. And so today, what we're gonna talk about is a personal story from my life, of course, that has to deal with de-centering men. And then I am going to tell you what to do instead and give you some tips about how you can keep yourself safe while dating, while also. having men in your life to provide, protect, and support you. So without further ado, let's get into it. I am currently 34 years old and single. And if you are listening to me and you are a woman in her 30s who is single, I'm sure you can relate when you say that you want to be in an intimate partnership. No matter if you're gay or straight, right? As humans, I think we all desire to have intimacy in our lives. I had a very safe, stable, and loving partner. That I was with for about four years. And we ended up splitting and ending our relationship at the beginning of 2021. And after I left that relationship, I went through a string of horrible experiences with men. I'm talking about every kind of situation you could imagine being ghosted, situationships. One night stands, even having some sexual assault wrapped up in there. I'm not gonna lie to you. Things got really hard and really traumatic in my relationship with men. And I had a final situationship at the beginning middle of 2025. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was done with men. I had realized that through all the entanglements that I had been in, while the men were part of the dynamic and were part of the problem, the common denominator between me and all of these men was me. Okay. It was me. I was the fucking problem. And so I really committed. To understanding where I was going wrong in my relationship with men so that I could have better dating experiences as I was in the field being single and looking to call in my soulmate. So I dive into Instagram dating pages and I'm seeing all of this content about becoming more feminine and decentering men. And from first glance, it seemed like a pretty solid idea. You don't center men in your life, you focus on yourself. Okay, cool. And so I would always focus on myself and I would do a lot of inner work and I would meditate and I would reflect. And I even hired a dating coach. Okay. And in this process, I ended up calling in another man into my life. And this man was going over the top for me. He was doing all of the things, y'all, giving me wads of cash, buying my tickets to go to festivals, outfits, money to get my nails done, cooking me dinner, giving me princess treatment, all of the things. after a one month courting process, he ended up asking me to be his girlfriend. And I said yes. And from that moment on, things drastically shifted. what I came to experience is that throughout the dynamic. We both started falling short in our own special way. He was having trouble keeping up with the demands and the standards that he had presented during the courting phase. And I had an issue with feeling safe and receiving. And so slowly but surely, I started stepping in and doing more. And he was working really hard to provide for me, but still falling short. And just after four months of committing to one another, The relationship ended in a crash burn manic episode where we had this experience at a music festival where he pretty much had a breakdown and ended up driving away, never to be seen again. And so what started as this really high, high of a relationship That my dating coach had described to me as being accurate with him protecting and providing and catering to my needs and being in his masculine role. Well, come to find out, we were really both abandoning ourselves within the relationship dynamic, It wasn't sustainable due to the advice that I had been given about being more feminine and decentering men. And so after that breakup at the end of 2025, I was like, all right, let me fucking figure this shit out. Because again, I knew I was the person. Problem. as my consciousness changed, my Instagram algorithm changed, and I ended up in a somatic therapy program. And in this program, we work through sensations and emotions within the body to process past trauma and come out on the other side, feeling a deeper sense of safety and connection to our bodies. And to our nervous system. And through this process, I have finally understood what it means to be a feminine woman for the first time in my fucking life. Because guess what? It doesn't have anything to do with being more soft or more girly. No. If you really want to be a more feminine woman, the only thing you have to do is keep yourself motherfucking safe. You have to feel safe in your body and you have to feel safe walking around on the street and in communion with people, both men and women. And so this is why I'm telling you the term de-centering men is fucking stupid. Okay. For a few different reasons. First off, if you have a history of relational trauma like I do, when I first heard the term decentering men, I was like, okay, this sounds great. We're we're gonna decenter men from my life. I didn't understand what I was centering instead. Because as a victim of narcissistic abuse in relationships from my past, I have never been allowed to center myself in my life. And so, okay, great. I could read the term decentering men on an Instagram post and I could understand it logically, but in the context of my everyday life, I still wasn't allowing myself to be centered. And so the term decentering men is just beating around the fucking bush because. If you don't center men, well, what are you centering? Here it is, babe. I'm gonna make it simple as fucking possible. You need to center yourself. You need to be fucking selfish and you need to become self obsessed. The term decentering men makes no fucking sense because if you're anything like me who tends to lose themselves in relationships, well, you can cognitively understand that. Somatically in your body, you're not gonna understand it If you have an anxious or disorganized attachment style, because inherently your nervous system is wired to abandon yourself. And so what you need to do is you need to unapologetically center yourself in your motherfucking life. And what you really fucking need to do is center women. Men and women need to center women. Point blank period. Fuck de-centering men. Center women. Uapologetically. We have been raised in this patriarchal society that exploits labor and energy from women to fulfill the desires of men. That is what is in play in the current systems and structures of our society. And so when we decenter men, we need to center women to reverse the damage that's been done within our current society and bring back some balance in terms of the energy. If we want matriarchy to return to the planet where we have women as leaders, then we need to center women. And how do you do this, babe? You center your wants, needs, desires, and safety above all else. I am telling you from my own personal experience, once I started to understand this. And I started to be more selfish. And I started to use my voice and speak up and advocate for myself. Once I stopped doing shit that I didn't want to fucking do and started doing shit that I wanted to do unapologetically, that is when my life fucking changed. And I am telling you right now, I am giving you permission to center yourself above all. This society. Brainwashes women into overgiving and under receiving. So you need to cut that shit out right now. You say, No, I'm not doing shit I don't want to do anymore, and I'm worried about myself. I am focused on myself. Since I have done this, my entire fucking world has opened up. It is insane what happens when a woman starts to pour into herself unapologetically. Through incorporating daily pleasure practices to tell your body that it's safe, what you effectively do is you start to call your energy back to yourself to allow your womb force energy to grow. And through that, you become more radiant and more magnetic. And your life starts to shift really fucking fast. Which brings me to the next point is that Ladies, if you want to call yourself a goddess or a queen, well then you better start acting like a motherfucking goddess or a queen every single day. Okay, because a lot of women desire to embody those archetypes. However, are you walking around in the street like a motherfucking goddess? I just want you to answer that question to yourself, honestly. Because when you worship yourself on a daily basis, you're gonna be calling in a partner, a male counterpart who does the same fucking thing, who worships you and treats you like a goddess. Our internal reality. Is reflected back to us through our external circumstances, not the other way around. So when you shift your thoughts, your beliefs, and your energy, well, then different people, places, and situations come into contact with you. That is just the law of the universe. And so you have to start walking around like you are God's gift to Earth. Because guess what? You motherfucking are. It's just that the current patriarchal structures at play try to disempower you and brainwash you to tell you that you aren't. But I'm telling you right fucking now, you are. You are God's gift to earth. You are the goddess. And so you need to put yourself on a pedestal. You need to worship yourself. You need to raise your standards and say, hey. This is how I treat myself. And so, this is the type of treatment that I expect from other people. It all starts with you. Women are the natural leaders. Believe it or not, we've just been systematically stripped of our power. And so when a woman calls her energy back to her and raises her standards and starts treating herself like a goddess, well, then guess what? That's what everyone else fucking does too. Both men and women, and hear me out. Men and women both need to start centering women. And so as a woman, it is your responsibility to be an example for everybody else around you. I'm telling you that when you get more selfish, when you honor your wants, needs, and desires, what you're doing is you are giving women Permission to do the same. You are setting the standard and the example. I have seen it in my life. I have gotten so many texts from people saying, Hey, girl, since I have seen you getting dressed every day, since I have seen you doing what you want to do, I started to do the same and my life has changed. Also, ladies, you give men a great example of how women need to be treated. Because guess what? We have all grown up in this fabric of the patriarchy. And so a lot of men don't even know that they're doing a disservice to the feminine because of how they have been raised. Also, you have to realize that there are a lot of great men out there. And this is the next point I want to get to. Because again, your thoughts and your beliefs create your reality. And so if you have this chronic low grade fear of men, well then guess what? You're gonna be shown more men that are dangerous or that are a threat. Women are waking up in record numbers right now. We are practicing celibacy, we are doing the deep inner spiritual work. And to think that there is absolutely no men out there doing that. Is kind of foolish and kind of fucking stupid. And you're doing yourself a disservice because for every single woman that is waking up and working on herself, there is a man out in this planet that is doing the exact fucking same thing. And so if you are adopting thoughts like men are our apex predators, men are here to rape and pillage and steal. Men are dangerous. They're liars. They're manipulators. Guess what? God is gonna show you. You are going to be shown examples of men that embody those characteristics because, again, your thoughts and your beliefs create your reality. And don't get me wrong, within the context of patriarchy, there is a lot of evidence out there that shows you that those types of things happen. I don't want to negate any of your trauma because again, I have been through a lot of trauma with men, and so I deeply understand. It's just that if we want to move forth and have a better relationship with men, then we need to start adopting new thoughts and beliefs around how they move through the world. Because guess what? There is a lot of great men out there who cherish and respect the goddess who want to uplift your life, who want to be a safe space for you and to protect and provide for you. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you want? I think people are so lonely nowadays, not just men, but also women. And I think there's a lot of brainwashing that's going on between the two sexes to get us to be pinned against each other, to have this fear of coming together. Because when we come together, we are so fucking. Powerful and humans deeply, deeply crave intimacy and connection. And I know for me personally, I desire to have that with men so fucking much. And so decentering men served me for a period of time, but it doesn't serve me anymore. I want to be in communion with men. I want to be with men who are treating me with love and respect and care, don't you? And since I have changed my beliefs about men, well, guess what? God has shown me just that. So you need to adopt a different thought system. You have to realize that men are here to serve you. As a woman, Men are here to build you up. There are a lot of impeccable men out there who protect and provide. Men worship me like the goddess that I am. I feel deeply seen, supported, cared for, and safe when I am in communion with men. Those are the new thoughts that you have to start adopting. And once you do that, you are gonna see so much evidence that that is in fact the case. I want you to get your notes app out in your phone. And I want you to get really fucking honest with yourself right now. And I want you to write down the top five thoughts that immediately come to your head when you think of men. And then I want you to ask yourself: are these thoughts serving me? If I deeply desire to be in a committed partnership with a man, are these top five thoughts that came to my brain serving me? If they're not, Then I want you to think about how you desire to be treated by men and I want you to write five new affirmations. And I want you to look at those affirmations every fucking day. Because guess what, ladies, it's not men that are the problem. It's the fact that we have been brought up in this patriarchal society that teaches us to devalue women, to decenter women. I say fuck that. Center women, raise up women. And we also need to raise up the men who are meeting the standard of treating women like the goddesses that they are. You need to walk through the streets like a motherfucking goddess. And then guess what? You will see your reality change so fucking quickly when you start to center yourself and raise your standards. So, this is your permission slip, babe. Stop doing shit that you don't want to fucking do. Start doing shit that you want to do unapologetically. Center yourself in your life. Be an example for both the men and the women in your life. And decide how you are going to think about men. Once you make these shifts, I guarantee you. That your world will change quite quickly. I for one am in the camp of radical responsibility. And so when you take control of your life by elevating yourself at all costs, raising your standards, and not tolerating anything less than goddess treatment, that shit is what heals the motherfucking world. And reestablishes the power dynamic within our society to move away from patriarchy and towards matriarchy. It all starts with you centering yourself. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of Bad Bitch Embodiment Podcast. If you enjoyed our conversation, please share with members of your community and be sure to like, comment, and subscribe so we can keep having these amazing conversations every week. I will see you next Thursday. And until then, you are a bad bitch. Don't you ever forget it.