Latest / Harder Than Life / 30: Heroes Wear CAPEs - w/ Renee Vardouniotis & Angie Leitnaker

Transcript

30: Heroes Wear CAPEs - w/ Renee Vardouniotis & Angie Leitnaker · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today Let's get living
• 0:15
  I love these ladies because of their big smiles, big energy, but mostly for what they are channeling their lives into. Their passion to help kids develop a positive self-image, confidence, and mindfulness speaks to my soul. I needed this as a child, and I'm delighted to introduce you, your message to the Heart of the Life listeners today. Ladies and gentlemen, my good friends Renee and Angie, let's have some fun and help some people. That was amazing. Thank you. Yes.
• 0:44
  I didn't prepare too much because I know that when we, us three speak and your message is amazing, but I'll get us kicked off and we're going to jump right in. As everyone knows, the Heart of the Life brand is for charity. All profits go to charity right now. Two children's charities and one addiction center. What is Cape Movement and why should we all care? And either one of you can answer. Go ahead. So Cape Movement is...
• 1:14
  a brand that we've created. And we, what we've done is we've, we've put together and curated programming for children, adults alike, but you know, our mission is to really get messages out to children on how they can live their best lives. And what that entails is really learning foundational information that is not typically taught in schools or most homes.
• 1:43
  And this information is life changing. And it is something that, you know, when Angie and I started in our personal development journey and entrepreneurial journey with this, that had changed our lives and really made an impact on the trajectory of our families and us. And we just know in our hearts that our children need this and it's reflective in the statistics that are happening today.
• 2:13
  What ages of the children you're targeting? Well, so we have programming for children five to around teenage. And then we have a teenage program. And then we have an adult program. And we also have an educator program.
• 2:29
  So they all are, you know, similar in the concepts, but just developmentally, you know, delivered in a different way. We're also looking to, we've had some inquiries about Cape Tots. So that's for kids that are younger than kindergarten age that we are now developing a program for that age group as well.
• 2:52
  So the last time we were in person and I talked to you girls, I said I wanted to introduce you to my friend Anthony Fracchia. It's episode five of A Harder Than Life podcast. He does something very similar, but he goes into schools. So Anthony listens to the podcast. Anthony, before this airs, because it's going to be a minute, we've got to get you connected with these girls because you guys are completely aligned. He does curriculum in schools. He's recorded it and mass-produced it, and it's called –
• 3:20
  aspire, Oh, choose to, choose to aspire. A S P I R E. Dot org. I want to connect you guys. I know we talked about it when we were in New York, but this is, you guys have too much synergies. You got to talk. So we would love that. We want this to be a movement. That's really our intention. And it's,
• 3:41
  the more the merrier together we rise and we really want to link arms with people just as Anthony to get this, this content out to our youth. So we've, we've, I, I know it, but the listeners didn't and Renee did a good job of explaining it, but she kind of glossed over it. Tell me like, what are you are specifically teaching these youth that they're not picking up in schools or from their parents or from wherever. Yeah.
• 4:06
  Sure. So the program CAPE is an acronym for Children and Parents Empowered. So it's really this collective. I didn't know that. And just being your own superhero. So it's, it's really intended to help us all as humans, just human from a different level of awareness. Because when we know better, we do better. When we know different, we do different. And so it's really just
• 4:34
  understanding concepts such as how our mind works, how our thoughts work, that we aren't our thoughts, processing, you know, healthfully processing negative emotion, things that many of us as adults are, if we're fortunate enough to be in this personal development journey, we're like, I'm going to correct you. We're all still working on it.
• 4:55
  to have the access to the content, right? Not everybody does understand this. You're a hundred percent right. We are all works in progress here, but process as well. But, um, but many of us didn't know for the majority of our lives and our, our parents didn't know. And so they couldn't give away what they didn't have. And our teachers didn't know. So they couldn't give away what they didn't have. And so this is really just like,
• 5:21
  We always say together we rise. Let's just learn these things and link arms together and help us all together understand how to live our purpose. We're all here on purpose, with purpose, and for purpose. But many of us don't know what that is for the majority of our lives. And so we just want to armor ourselves.
• 5:43
  you know, with tools and techniques and practices and, and also build a community that supports one another that says, Hey, like we're all in this together, let's go. So that's really the intention children and parents empowered. And it starts with every single one of us. So yeah,
• 6:02
  I was this many years old when I knew what the acronym was. You two are, this program is magnificent and you two are brilliant. How did the two of you meet and how did this Cape movement come about? And I think, Angie, you studied early child development. Is that, so just back us up and tell us where, because you're in, you're in Ohio and you're in Pennsylvania, right?
• 6:27
  So you're not even in close in your business partner. So do tell the backstory. It's kind of our favorite story. Go ahead. I'll tell my story. Renee will tell her story and how we met. So I was a first grade teacher for 13 years.
• 6:48
  And I loved it. But I live in an itty bitty town and just very limited paradigm growing up. And so I was like, I'm just going to do this until I'm 105. And they tell me I can't teach anymore. And that's just what I'm going to do with my life.
• 7:05
  But I always did. I remember like being a child and having like this little, I'd sell crawdads in a creek and I hated crawdads, but I like, like the idea of selling things to my neighbors and like lemonade stands. I literally did every single thing. Like I'd sell like string art and all this stuff.
• 7:25
  And like always as I was teaching, I was like, I feel like there's still there's something that I don't know that is in here. But I'm just going to just teach kids to dream big and reach for the stars and do the things as a teacher. So I love teaching first grade. It was my favorite thing.
• 7:45
  And I also felt like there was something missing. And then when I was 27, my father passed away. And I realized that I had literally, and Kelly, when you share your posts, I'm like, I get you so much. Thank you. But I realized I had no tools, none. It was just like, he was my, he taught me how to do everything in life. He was a coach. He coached softball and baseball and basketball, all the things.
• 8:13
  And I realized that he coached me
• 8:16
  to do everything in life except for how to live without him. Like I didn't know how to do life without him. If he was my cheerleader, then what do I do? And I lose my cheerleader. And then I also realized as a teacher, like, oh my goodness, my kids are coming to school all the time with all of this turbulence. And I don't, I'm struggling now. I don't know how to help them. And so it really was this huge catalyst, like dark night of the soul, whatever. But it was a
• 8:44
  Googling what the hell do you do when your life falls apart? Like, I'm just like, I don't know what to do. And, um, and then my mom was struggling. She was married for 33 years. She left our country to be with this man and she didn't know how to do life. So it really, I've, I don't think I've taken a day of study off since, since, well, there were 72 hours. I didn't get out of bed after he passed because I was like, I don't know what to do aside from going to the funeral home and doing the things. But
• 9:14
  all of that to say that it just opened up this whole world of like human potential, human growth, what people are, they can go through such difficult things and still they rise. And I just became hungry to learn more. And, um,
• 9:30
  And then I realized that it was helping me so much as a teacher and I was able to relate so much more with my students. And then it was like, why don't we know these things? Like, I felt like I slept walk. I was sleepwalking through my whole entire life. All of that to say, um...
• 9:48
  And I'll let Renee tell her story. But then we ended up meeting and kept hiring the next mentor, the next mentor, doing the next thing. And we met in a mindset program. And we were like magnets because she was in education, too. So.
• 10:02
  So hold on before you jump in, Renee. So you're bettering yourself. First of all, I don't think that you're, I still think you're 27. You look 27. You sound 27. Your voice I could just listen to forever and those nails to die for. So I love you. I think you're amazing. I so sorry it took so long to get you on the podcast and I will try to move this thing up and get it out because this story is just amazing. But so you're bettering yourself and you guys met.
• 10:30
  your, your best friend. So Renee, you tell your side of the story. Yes. So I started out my career as a speech pathologist. I still am one 22 years now. Um, and you know, I had been through some pretty significant tragic things and I always felt like I had my, my mind was always, I kind of barreled through. So I had lived through nine 11. I lived down the street.
• 10:55
  from the Trade Center, I watched it fall, I was displaced. I, you know, there was so much, you know, needless to say that was a traumatic event. And then a couple of years after I had lost my brother-in-law and he was like my brother. So, and I, but I was pregnant at the time. So I had to kind of be really strong for the baby and for my sister, but I kept,
• 11:20
  you know, I felt like I just kept going and maybe didn't process all of this. And then my daughter was diagnosed with epilepsy and it literally blindsided us. And it was really, um, a really, really hard time for, for me. And I, my anxiety that I was experiencing was not going away and I wasn't really functioning. So, um,
• 11:49
  All that to say that it kind of led me to change my paradigm in the sense of, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? I know I can help others with just handling the ups and downs of life. And my daughter's great. Thank goodness she's okay. But what has transpired since then was a lot of, like Angie said, hunger to do more, be more, have more, learn more.
• 12:18
  So during the pandemic, I was working in the school with very, very special needs children. And it just, it hit me that my passion was really to not only help them, but to far and wide help, help kids everywhere. So, but I knew it had to start with me and putting in the work into myself and to just for the betterment of my family, my kids. And so I, I.
• 12:48
  I joined the Thinking into Results program, and that's where I started learning about my mind and how it works and my thoughts and how they work. And, you know, just about daily habits that may or may not be serving me. And it really changed everything. And so if you see the lights behind Angie, that's kind of how that's kind of her journey.
• 13:11
  logo, so to speak, when she's on, because we would be in mastermind meetings on Monday, and I would see those lights twinkling. And then she opened her mouth. And obviously, like her voice is just amazing. And I was like, I need to get to know that girl. I don't know her. I want to know her. So I noticed the lights till you pointed it out.
• 13:31
  Yeah, well, it's funny because when you're on those masterminds, like everyone's kind of like you and I, Kelly, but then there's Angie with these blinking lights. I love it. It's brilliant. That's why she's smarter than all of us. It is. So she had mentioned something about going live, how she had a fear about it. And I was like, I'll go live with you.
• 13:51
  You know, let's do that. And then we ended up hopping on a call and you know, yada, yada, here we are. Why, why is this information that we are learning? I was in my early forties. Why am I learning this now? You know, we have master's degrees. We've been through all the schooling, all the continuing education, and no one has even psychology classes and nobody ever mentioned how our mind works. Why do you think that is?
• 14:21
  Oh, I have a lot of ideas. Go ahead. Dude, I have theories too. That's why I asked you. Oh, okay. Andy, do you want to answer it? You could talk about, yeah, both of you guys. I'd like to hear your opinions. Okay. So my how I would like to believe is that we, there's a lot that we don't understand. And so we can't give away what we don't have.
• 14:47
  So I feel like there have been like conditionings that have been placed generationally and, and,
• 14:56
  I think we're at a really cool time in life. Like I remember when I started, when I, when it came to me to be a life coach and I didn't even know what a life, an empowerment coach is what I called it, 13, however many years ago, I literally couldn't find any that were nearby. Now we're at a time where people are waking up to like, okay, like there's a different way of, of living. So I think now we're at a breaking point where there's old paradigms are like no longer able to keep things moving.
• 15:26
  push down and new people such as you, Kelly, are showing up to the party and they're like, all right, guys, like there's a different way of living and being and operating and you speak openly about it. And so it's it's the there's a great opportunity for the raising of awareness right now. Don't ever invite me to the party. We'll get naked.
• 15:48
  That's my kind of party. No, I'm just kidding. You know, I'm just so comfortable in my skin these days. I just like to have fun. So I know I love you gals. And I'm going to throw it over to Renee because I know hers is going to be a little more juicy. You were the politically correct one. Well, yes, I'm very passionate about that. You know, especially now that, you know, my kids are in school and I see what they're learning. And I wonder why do they need to know that?
• 16:18
  Why do I, why do, why are they learning geometry? And, you know, I just feel like the system is archaic and, and it, there's, I feel this, like this deep gut, like emotional, like anger towards it because Get the juicy stuff.
• 16:45
  I don't feel like what they're learning is important. And it's not, I'm not saying all of it. Some of it is, you know, we need to learn how to spell. We need to learn how to read. We need to learn our math facts, right? Math with money, things like that. But what they're not addressing, and they'll say they are because they have SEL programs in the school. They're not, those programs do not address. Wait, hold on. SEL state equalized?
• 17:15
  I'm sorry, social emotional learning. Oh, okay. I thought it was a state test. Okay, social emotional learning. No, a state test, don't get me started on those. He has opinions.
• 17:27
  Oh, you mean we got a number associated with us actually showing that we're doing right? Oh, all the kids are doing okay. So we're going to pass them to the next level. You can, don't even get me started. Out of that. She's not, she has an IEP. She is, you know, she has some challenges.
• 17:47
  And I was not putting that child in front of that testing. No way. So I, I signed her out of that. You know, my daughter said yesterday they had their, they had their, their, uh, test. She was dead. It was so easy. She was, it took me 10 minutes to do it. 10 minutes. She was, I don't learn this. Nothing. Yeah. And what the, I think what's, what the challenge is, is that our kids think that those scores define who they are and.
• 18:15
  they bring that through their life that they, you know, it's like the SATs when we were in high school, right? Like everyone would like ask, what'd you get? What did you get? I did horrible on the SATs. Horrible. I took mine drunk. What? I took mine drunk and almost aced it. Literally. I was so just like, I was so hungover. I was probably still drunk. Yeah. I, I. The door sobering did not do well. So there's that. Yeah. But you know what?
• 18:45
  I think of that all the time. I just had that conversation with one of my friends the other day because I used to, like, I failed the proficiency test in science in, like, eighth grade.
• 18:58
  And now like I will research quantum physics like a full-time job. But up until that, up until this whole time, I was, I'm not good at science. Like from eighth grade, ninth grade, 10th grade, all through college, I'm not good at science. And then I ranked into it over my head college class. And I was like, had nervous breakdown every day of my life because I'm not good at science. Like it's interesting when you do understand how the mind works though, the paradigms that are placed in.
• 19:28
  you know, in your mind, like you create paradigms that if you don't look at them, life mirrors for everything.
• 19:37
  as long as we're alive you guys are making me feel bad at how i'm parenting my daughter because i i she's just not normal like everybody else but you made me think of something when you said you i'd say to her all the time there's going to be a time where i'm not going to be around and our relationship is very close she's 14 and if you watch any of the stories she's involved in everything and you know i'm big in the personal development i'm big i'm being authentic and genuine and big on vulnerability and i talked to her
• 20:03
  every single day about it happiness is an inside out job and that uh external validation means nothing and and i get it that this this world is all about numbers is how much you can see how popular are by how many friends you have on social media how many likes you get in a
• 20:18
  it's all this external validation and not my daughter. So if anything ever happens to me, heaven forbid, she may react to. So now I got to talk to her about even deeper about death in case something happens to death. It ain't nothing going to happen to me, but still, um,
• 20:35
  I think personal development, we talked about this, personal development and how to deal with adversity. We make it too easy. I've said it a million times. Hard times make hard people. Hard people make easy times. Easy times make easy people. And it's just a circle. So we got to stay in those hard people area a lot longer than we do today.
• 20:58
  And people tap out so quickly to the first sign of adversity. And it's, we got to get these hover parents and we, I got to make it so smooth. Now, listen, I grew up harder than life and I grew up way worse than anybody should ever have to. Now, my daughter's never going to have to deal with that, but does she have to clean her room? Does she have to get good grades? Does she have to speak to people in full sentences?
• 21:21
  yes and she she is going to have advantages but still make the most of them so if you ever meet her and you will uh she will she this is what i love about doing what i'm doing is she has access to some of the coolest people
• 21:40
  And everybody instantaneously loves her because she has, she's 14 and doesn't succumb to any of the stuff. She thinks that dating is stupid. All the girls are doing it. She thinks drinking is just stupid. They're vaping. She thinks it's the dumbest thing in the world. And she said this to me. This is how I know I was doing well. We're driving to school yesterday. And she said, Dad, I think all these kids are stupid.
• 22:02
  I said, don't ever say that out loud. I just, but I know what she means. She just, she's the things that they talk about. And she, she reads, if you see my posts, we read every night, we read every day. And she just doesn't get involved in that drama and that chaos. So sorry for the big rant of, of me being, me being go dad. I, it's, I'm, it's, she's my why she's why I do all of this.
• 22:27
  Um, she'll never have to deal with what I did. Um, so how can the listeners best support this cake movement? It's such a wonderful cause. And wait, did you guys catch my Instagram live yesterday with Phil, Phil? We did a child one, uh, because he's a teacher in Chicago and he said, would you talk to the, I set up a meeting with him.
• 22:49
  Yes, I was going to make sure you talked to him because he is a teacher in Chicago, age ranges where you guys are targeting, and he is huge, brilliant. And we did a Facebook or Instagram live yesterday, and I happened to end up at a charity event that I hadn't planned, and I was with all the Detroit Lions offensive linemen. And he's like, you're weird doing what? So I got all the linemen on the Instagram live. He's like, this is the coolest thing ever. And so these kids are watching, and they're like –
• 23:14
  is this what you get to do? And I just said, and really the funny thing about it is in the world we live in now, it's the social media is getting a little bit out of control. The phones have made things crazy. I literally limit screen time in my house a lot. And I'm sure that's what the curriculum is. So how can the listeners best support you after you guys connect with Phil? And, and, and,
• 23:39
  Tell us what we can do because the listeners are growing strong daily. And by the time this airs, we're going to have a lot and expect a bump in everything. So, I mean, it's not really about Renee and I. But if you feel a call in your heart to, you know, have your kids be part of a program or – and I was just thinking about you, Kelly, not to squirrel, but –
• 24:04
  you know, with your daughter, we actually have a teen in our teen program that we worked with yesterday. And when you're talking about that, when you're talking about your daughter, I was like, oh my gosh, like this is our why, like to connect people like that. She's this particular child, they would get along so well. But that's what we want to do. We just want to help
• 24:26
  raise resilient humans, like humans that know that human conditions are going to be a part of life. Like we're a hundred percent of us are going to have grief or hardships or, you know, obstacles in life. It's just part of it. But if we can armor our children with this and they, they can go into the world with that understanding of like who they are, why they are, how their minds work. Yeah.
• 24:51
  then we would love to, we want, we want parents like you to, to be a part of it. Parents who see, you know, that the trajectories can change and we can raise a generation of humans, the next generation, the plural of humans who understand that, um,
• 25:10
  that they have everything inside of them now that they need to live a life that they love. So reach out to us. Renee and I are just regular people. We have a team, we have a website. That's what I mean. How did the, so the, I mean, we'll have everything in the show notes, but what's the website. So you want people to go to the website and is there a way that they can click on it and get involved? Walk me through. If I'm a parent that, uh, I'm let's just, just say me, how do I get, how would I get a hold of you if I didn't have your cell phone numbers? Yeah.
• 25:38
  Okay. So, um, we are in transition with our website. It's been over a year. So our messaging then is, is it's similar, but we've grown and evolved and there's so much more that we want to add on to there, but it's, it's kind of something that you can get information on there. You can contact us on there. I think the best way would be for, um, you know, we hold a webinar every Thursday.
• 26:05
  that we discuss how to help your children. We call it Mindset 101. And that is every Thursday Eastern at 12 to 1230. So that is a place where those who are interested in hearing more about this movement and about what we can do to help,
• 26:27
  that's a great place for people to come to. Where do they get the information from? Where are you disseminating that? On LinkedIn or what? So every Wednesday at 12 to 1230, where would I get the link? Thursday. Thursday, sorry. Yeah. And we'll send you all of the links and the show notes.
• 26:43
  We're also on Facebook, Instagram, Cape movement is how you can tell you this much. I follow you guys. I haven't seen the link and I make sure cause I, I look at all of the CLS family stuff and I looked at, I look at yours all the time. I haven't, I haven't noticed it now. Thank you. It's so ironic when you say that because it, it's funny because you know, it's kind of a
• 27:08
  something that Angie and I get to learn along the way is really getting that exposure. The algorithms of fricking social media. It's crazy. I have one that just went, it's almost going to hit a million views. I don't understand why it's the story of how I started my company.
• 27:26
  I don't even know. So I would suggest doing a one reel that just has everything in it and then just keep shooting it out on Thursdays. But don't listen to me because I don't – I can just tell you I've never seen it because I would have joined once because you know me. I would have joined –
• 27:47
  You still can. I would have joined so I could listen to what I've been prepared for this because I want to know what it's about. I if you guys don't figure out, man, I'm a learn at all. I read. I want to know everything about it. I mean, this is so intriguing to me. I, you know, kids, I'm starting to kind of move to the to catch the kids younger because it's better. It's easier to prevent it than to fix it.
• 28:12
  So my big passion is, you know, living a life free of toxic behavior. And it begins and ends with me and all my message with drugs and alcohol. And we want to empower the children to just, sometimes it's just the dumbest things, peer pressure. Sometimes it's, you know, a childhood wound. Sometimes it's a parent. But whatever it is, I want to catch it before it becomes an issue. And I was telling you what, my daughter...
• 28:42
  I'm going to put this out there. My daughter was, they were in a group and somebody pulled out a weed and started passing it around. She's like, dad, what do I do? So we just, we did some role playing. And I said, just, I go, what do you think? She's like, I just grabbed it and passed it to the next person. And then I got all kinds of crap. And I said, well, what do you think you could do? And I said, why don't you just say you got to go to the bathroom.
• 29:09
  By the time they come back, it'll be done. And she goes, that's brilliant. But I'd never had that conversation with her because she was like 12 at the time and these kids were doing this. It was an older brother. So, and then I said, we made this agreement, this pact right then and there where she can drop a pin and I will come get her, no questions asked and not say, not ask her a single question except where would you like me to take it? Your mom's house or my house? And she's done it. She's done it and we have a thing. And then the only other question I say is, what?
• 29:38
  do I need to come in hot or not? Because mostly I'm going to come in not. And she doesn't want me coming in hot ever because, you know, first of all, you upset me and I'm coming. I am not the one you want to be upset. So those are just little things that we do and tips and tricks. And now I just, I'm building an assassin. So, again, get me that. Very much like I do.
• 30:06
  Good. Get me that webinar, too, and I'll share it, too. Get me a reel for it. I'll share it on my story and make sure that we help it. And then, obviously, throw it in our CLS group and say, guys, this is – you've got to remind people what it's for, too. This is for children.
• 30:22
  It's funny because I did put it in yesterday and we had two people come from CLS. I will tell you, we are getting a lot of chatter in there right now. And it's getting a little bit much. So the point the last week or so, I've been ignoring it. But I'm so slammed. Yeah, I am slammed right now. I love the juju in there. It's like...
• 30:43
  I know I do too. But the last week I did five podcasts last week to this week. And I just, I'm so tired today. It's Friday. I want to go to bed and I got to shoot. I'm trying to do a Ted talk. I got to do a shoot it for a Ted talk this weekend. And,
• 30:58
  I'm pushing hard, grinding hard. Where did we find this info? Like your TED Talk stuff, will you be sharing? By the time this gets out, I'll know if I got it. I'm just doing the application. But put it this way. You guys know me. I am aggressive. So if I don't get this one, I'm going to go to the next one. I'm doing a TED Talk. I can't tell you what the...
• 31:24
  what the message is, because it's really, really cool. It's about vulnerability. I will tell you that. And I have to spin it. I just believe that, especially in children, if we teach them that vulnerability is cool and it's hard because if you be vulnerable and say, I don't really want to smoke this weed, and they're going to make fun of you and you're the eyeball. And that's what the crux of my message yesterday was, was don't go with the flow.
• 31:50
  You know, it's cool to be the odd one. I'm the odd bird. I'm always saying dumb things and going against the grain. And if everybody's doing it, you don't want to do it. That's my message to kids. Vulnerability is cool. And we need to teach everybody that if someone makes fun of you or uses vulnerability against you, they're not your people.
• 32:10
  It's just that simple. We have a whole thing in our program about that, like based on Brene Brown's teachings with shame and guilt and vulnerability. I'm so glad you just said that.
• 32:21
  Go ahead, keep going. Yeah, that's like a big part of our program. And then there's a whole nother lesson on understanding the other people too. So like hurt people hurt people and happy people want other people to be happy. So we teach a lot of like the root of the why behind things. So like understanding, like Brene Brown would always say, if you put shame in a Petri dish and you douse it with judgment and secrecy, it'll grow exponentially. But you put the same shame in a Petri dish and douse it with love and compassion, it won't exist.
• 32:51
  And so teaching kids to understand, like to not only like be vulnerable, but to understand the why behind it. And that like it's it's a human. You're human. The only people who don't experience that are sociopaths, in which case it's better to have those human emotions. And so being able to understand at an early age the power of vulnerability is actually the place for connection. So.
• 33:19
  Um, that's awesome. We're going to be all over your talk. I found it funny that you use Brene Brown's armor, but you use it in a different tone than she does. She says we armor up and we got to let down our armor. No, no. You say we have to armor up. She says we have to armor down.
• 33:38
  down yeah which so i found it very funny i i someone like me that reads a ton i read her book triggered the hack out of me the atlas of the heart i've read them all but that one about emotions and i was literally reading in florida at my in my pool and i got to the part about fitting in versus belonging and i just burst out in tears because all every part of what i was doing
• 34:08
  And I don't want to fit her. You heard me say it. But that armor is something else, man. The older you get, the wiser you get, and you realize that that armor doesn't suit you. And I didn't even mean to say that, but it doesn't serve us anymore. It protected you as a kid. I find myself daily...
• 34:25
  going when I'm, when I'm processing something going, that was, that doesn't even make sense anymore. Siegel, whatever you're doing, just whatever you're putting, projecting out of this was when you were a child, it's the stupidest thing it's. And then, and then we'll fight each other over it.
• 34:41
  So sorry, I keep stealing your guys's thunder because I love this. If you guys want me to say anything or do anything, I said this, I say this to everybody, especially in our CLS family. You want me to give a speech or to come, whatever you need, just call on me. I told you this when we were in New York. You have my full support. I am passionate about this. And remember, I grew up.
• 35:06
  My childhood was tough, man, and I had to take care of myself. And what I said on the Instagram Live, and I'm going to say it again so people hear this, is you matter. If you're a teenager and something doesn't feel right, there are so many people out there and so many resources. Don't do what I did.
• 35:22
  I lied to the social worker that came to talk to me and said everything was fine. Everything was not fine. I was being abused physically, emotionally. It has scarred me all the way up to today. I was crying like a baby last week or this week in EMDR therapy about something my mom did. You don't have to live that way.
• 35:41
  And there are people in your family, there are teachers, there are people that love you and you matter. And if something doesn't feel right, it's cause it's not right. And they gotta freaking get it. And I just, the things that I had to accept, nobody should have to accept. Sorry for yelling. All right. No, don't be sorry. Oh gosh. I feel like you and I could have a whole hour of just that.
• 36:10
  I thought that, Oh, I thought I was going to get in trouble and you know what? My parents would have went to jail and they should have. And, and they had no rights having me in their home and I'll just leave it at that. So that's why I'm more equipped to help people. Although Kelly is that, you know, you are really a, a fantastic example of,
• 36:36
  coming out from under and being on top at the end. And it's an important message for kids because we don't know how these children are living. During COVID, I feared for some children being stuck in a home with their families that might be abusing them, might not be feeding them. Imagine the stress that their families were under too.
• 37:00
  And we don't even know the, the, the, we're not going to know for years, the true effects of that time. It ain't going to take years. You get, I had to jump in. I was, I was running the, my company and a teacher because the teachers didn't know technology. So I had one teacher of my daughters that didn't understand. I said, how many people turned in this lesson? She goes, nobody. I said, that's not a red flag that there's a freaking problem with this software program. She looks at me. She's like, what do you mean?
• 37:30
  I said, not a single person turned it in. Where's the common denominator? Where they're turning it in? And it was like, okay. And yeah. Listen, they had overcome amazingness. So I want to ask you guys something. Oh, go ahead. Sorry, I'm going to ask you. I'm going to put you both in the hot seat because we're talking about children or childhood. If...
• 37:51
  First, we'll let Angie go and then Renee. Okay. I'm going to put you both in the hot seat. If you could give your 18-year-old self one specific piece of advice, what would it be? Oh, I love this.
• 38:04
  I mean, it's going to go back to that Brene again, but it's you belong to you. Like you have, you know, that sense of belonging. I think that we all seek is like when we can belong to us, then we don't, we don't look for that anywhere else. And so it's you belong. That's it. I love it. God, it just swarms my heart. I feel my 18 year old self.
• 38:32
  would really benefit from understanding that it's okay to be different. It's okay to not, you know, even be like your parents. You know, because I felt oftentimes, like I kind of was the, I want to say it, but like the black sheep in my family. And not, I had a great childhood, but it always left me thinking like, why am I,
• 39:03
  Why am I so different? Because it wasn't really accepted my differences in the way that I would have wanted it to be. It was a lot of judgment. So for me, it would be, you know, just stay the course, you do you. And as long as it's legal, moral and ethical, do you. And don't worry about the other people that, you know, feel like you should be fitting into the puzzle perfectly.
• 39:28
  Was it really judgment or was it perceived judgment now that we're older and been gone through this? It was probably a little bit of both, but I still feel like sometimes I am not, you know, understood and supported in the way that I feel like, you know, I do for my kids.
• 39:50
  I think that you're amazing because what I love about you the most is that you lean into everything. So what do we learn? We learn that to do Instagram lives and you jump in your car and you're doing Instagram live right in your car. That's me. You tell me something, I'm going to play with it. And that's what harder than life is about. Leaning in your fear. And you know what? Once you do it, it really isn't that scary.
• 40:14
  It just isn't. The alternative, avoiding it, scares the bejesus out of me. So I'll do the work. And I love, Angie, that you're so into the Brene Brown. I'm going to get her. I've been messaging her like crazy. And she's got so many followers. It's just so hard. I mean, I don't agree with half of what she says, but the data that she does, she's just brilliant. I love her. I've watched her TED Talk. I just watched her...
• 40:40
  Did you watch her Netflix special? I didn't even know it was out. It's not a newer thing. I didn't know that either. There's another Netflix special. Is it an HBO thing? I don't know. I think it's Netflix. I do think it's Netflix. I was just listening to a new podcast of hers, and she talked about it. I think it was...
• 41:01
  Dare to Lead is what the name of it is. It's after her second. It's before the final book, but she was writing it during it. It was really good. She just got up in front and just talked about a lot of things, and she's just brilliant. And who's really helping with that is Lewis Howes is helping with a lot of that too. Yeah, I just wrote this morning to him. He's amazing. They're making it cool to be vulnerable, which I love. Yeah.
• 41:27
  All right. We're going to ask the same question or new question, but same thing. And we'll start with you, Renee. What's the best and worst advice you've ever received? Hmm. Wow. That is a great question. And you got something prepared? Yeah. Yeah.
• 41:49
  Um, well, I think from our mentor, like, if you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand with Bob Proctor. So just, that's a great message. Because I think sometimes we don't allow ourselves to dream the dreams that are in our mind. What was it again? Something cut out? What was it?
• 42:07
  Oh, if you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand. So if you can see it in your mind. Yeah, it's very simple, but it's more profound the more that, you know, you lean into your desires and your dreams and see that, like, what we once called dreams are actually goals. Worst piece of advice –
• 42:33
  I mean, I don't know that it's even advice, but I think it's like, go with the flow, like status, stick with the status quo, go with the flow. Like, I don't want to go with the flow, but I don't want to just go with the pack.
• 42:50
  Somebody just said that advice to me. She said, oh, my friend just said, live in the moment. And I went, do you mean be present? They're like, no, just go with the flow. And I went, ugh, worst advice ever. And I just, I don't have a poker face. And I went, be present. Yeah, but don't go with the flow. Hell no. I mean, I get the idea of it, right? It's okay, you don't have to resist. But I also don't like the idea of being with the best
• 43:19
  If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no to me, man. I look at it. I have no problem saying I like I have no problem. I'm not be a part of that. Thank you very much. I mean, I just won't. It just that does not even sound remotely appealing to me. And I now I just say no. No is a complete sentence. Period. I love that. Renee, I'm going to switch to you. And we'll do. Why don't you define success? How do I? How do I define you define success?
• 43:49
  Success is happiness. Success is following your dreams and going towards those dreams and really, you know, understanding what makes your, you know, what lights your fire. And that's success. So my next question is define happiness. It's funny. It's just right there here. So I'm going to hit you up because you went right to happiness. I think it's internal contentment.
• 44:18
  with, you know, what you have and having gratitude for the not, you know, for all of the beautiful things that life has to offer, because when you focus on that, it just keeps growing and growing. So, you know, when you really think about the people out there who are unhappy, they're living either in the future or in the past.
• 44:40
  So they're not being where their feet are. And that's a really important thing to really, because the future is a, in the past, they're both figments. They're not there. All we have is what's in front of us. And when we appreciate and have gratitude for everything that we have, that are happy, you can't not be happy.
• 45:04
  I put a post out this week and Angie, I'm going to tease something up. I want you to think about this for a second. If you could create one law in the universe, what would it be and why? But just hold that thought because it's a little bit, it's a little bit hard. I'm going to see that. I'm going to go back to your happiness. Renee is I posted this week that I'm not happy and everybody took it negative. And I just said, I'm so excited about the future. I am content, but I just, I am finding myself in the future a lot.
• 45:33
  So, because I got the Ted talk, I'm trying, I got, and my IT company, Ash Technology Management, where I'm releasing the sales and we're gonna hire a sales team. So that's gonna grow because I'm stunting it. The podcast is blowing up, the book sales are long. It's hard to not look in the future and see how can I affect more life. So I keep forgetting to bring myself back. I said, I'm experiencing joy, I'm having a blast. I have zero sadness, zero.
• 46:03
  Now, am I in my head still doing triggers? Yeah, but I am struggling with happiness because what does happiness mean? I'm joyful, I'm content, life's good, I'm healthy, but I don't experience any negativity and any sadness. So I would say that that probably is happiness is what you just said. So I love it. Back to you, Ang. If you could create one universal law, what would it be and why?
• 46:27
  Okay, so I'd like to answer that one is fulfillment would be my answer. So like, I think when we feel fulfilled, then life feels yummy. If it's like, if you're giving away your joy and your being of service, sometimes I find when I'm in the chase,
• 46:46
  I feel less fulfillment. But when I get back down to the little moments, like you were talking about looking at your daughter and looking in her eyes, like it just feels, it's like those moments that feel the most happy are the moments that we feel the most fulfilled. And so law, I would say oneness. Like if there were a law of oneness that there is, but if I could make everybody have that, I think if we realize that,
• 47:15
  The hard, the triggers that we see in another are also within ourselves. The goodness we see in another is also within us. And we're all in this together. There's so much to you, ladies. I love it. I'm going to ask you the same question. If I could. If you could create one universal law, what would it be? Why? You didn't think I was going to skip. You thought I was going to skip you, didn't you?
• 47:43
  I, you know, when I thought about it, when you mentioned it to Angie and I, I agree with what she was saying where, you know, the law would, you know, that we are all equal and everyone knows it. She said it a couple of times. I'm going to reiterate it. United we stand, divided we fall.
• 48:01
  Yes. It's, it's, I don't have, for me to win, you don't have to lose. I want all three of us to win. Yes. All of us. And that's what we say often is that even with people who are, you know, on this movement with us, if they are able to get exposure and clients and, you know, anything out of just being a part of this, that's what we want. Cause there's enough for all of us, you know, and, and,
• 48:30
  Angie and I don't believe in, you know, well, this is mine and that's yours. Like it's an us thing. And the only way that it could be a movement is with others. And the only way it's going to be amazing is if everyone is happy and, and everybody is feeling, um, you know, is supporting each other because that's really what it's about.
• 48:50
  Now it's impossible to get everyone. I know you're saying everyone. So this, how we do that is through boundaries and standards. And then the people that don't want to conform to the quote unquote, everyone can weed themselves off and go to another fricking country and be miserable. We'll call it miserable Island. Maybe we'll ship them to California. Who knows? I don't know. Or New York. I disagree. I think that,
• 49:15
  just because I'm like you, but I don't, I don't think they go to a miserable Island. I don't want anybody to be miserable because when one person is miserable, everybody's miserable. I think that people vibrate together. Like you have done a lot of healing work. So you don't vibrate with like a,
• 49:33
  the lower frequencies, you vibe here. And so other people who vibe here, they are coming in contact with you. And as you continue, then other people, and there's a reason you and Craig vibrate, right? So I just think that automatically as our frequencies change, our tolerances and our standards change. And so people vibrate on different frequencies.
• 49:55
  Yeah, you're fabulous. That's what I said, but I was being rude about it. I was. So part of what I'm doing is part of what I'm doing. I'm trying to be softer, but I just an energy vampire has no space. I have a very dear friend of 30 years that I just had. I've done a lot of discernment in the last year.
• 50:13
  Of who has access to me. And I still let some people that shouldn't. And I just, I cringe when I see negativity. I cringe. I just, and I get like, it just makes me not my best. We're allergic. Like legit allergic.
• 50:30
  Because it's contagious. Like you said, you're going to emit that energy. Somebody else is going to get it. It's going to come back and you're going to be on that merry-go-round and you're going to be dizzy and puke. So what's the point? You cut off my question, but I said boundaries as, or as I like to call them standards are integral to a good life. What are some of the non-negotiables you instill in these children and model in your own lives? Which by the way, not drinking is a good one.
• 50:56
  It is. Okay. So first and foremost, we're, we're perfectly imperfect. Like we are no, like, we're not over here. Like, Oh, that's not how it is. Like more than anything, we want to model being a human, like being okay in all of our humanness and walking through it together. And, um,
• 51:24
  And like, for example, as teachers and parents, I think one of the best things we can do is stay when we don't have things figured out. And I won't bore you with the whole story, but there I had a student one year that was my greatest teacher. I still call her my greatest teacher because I tried everything to figure everything out for her, only to realize that one day when I was out of ideas, she was...
• 51:47
  She she missed her dad and he was in jail, but mine had just died. And I cried with her. I was out of trying to have all the answers. And from that point forward, she was never the same. She she stopped having tantrums. She just we had she a bond. And so I think the best thing we can do is just be humans. And when we learn things, we can share them. But also know that we don't have it all figured out.
• 52:15
  And so a big part of our program is just learning how to human a little bit better. I'm going to start calling you Brene Brown because that's her. We're in the arena with the dirt and the dust and the wounds and the scars. She's brilliant. So if you're going to, that's a good answer. How about you, Brene? You want to add anything to that?
• 52:40
  Sure, I mean, I just take the example of how I've been parenting my children since, kind of feeding into myself and realizing that,
• 52:51
  Taking care of yourself is not selfish. And that's a paradigm that's been passed on from our older generations that, you know, the mom, everything's last for the mom, right? Like she does everything for everybody and she takes care of herself last. And that is so not the best way to do it because the mom is typically, you know, the caregiver, the, you know, the nurse, the psychologist, the teacher, you know, we wear so many hats as moms.
• 53:19
  If we're not taking care of ourselves, we're not good for anybody in our family. So, you know, it's important that, that it's important for me that I put myself first and then I can, I'm able to be a hundred percent for them. So it doesn't mean that it takes away from anything about their life. Like I choose to do me stuff over their stuff, you know, like you can't go to basketball because I have to go get a facial. No, that's not what I mean.
• 53:49
  to fill yourself with activities, whether it be yoga or meditation or things that really feed your soul in order to be able to be the best version of you that your children are seeing every day. And when there's not, when there's times where I struggle, I want them to see that too because I don't want them to think I'm all the time like and not really feeling the feelings sometimes that I feel.
• 54:17
  So it's important for them to understand that it's okay to be vulnerable. I love that word. It's something that I never really spoke about, but, um, I'm trying my best to be a guide with them to, if you're struggling with something, let me know. I can't, I can't help you unless I know. And you know, it's, it's just something that I've chosen to parent my children that way because.
• 54:41
  I want them to be able to come to me with whatever. It does not matter what it is. It does not matter. It's a no judgment zone here. So for me, it's like that openness, that trust that my children can have in, you know, confiding in me things. I want them to know that. I don't want them learning things from their...
• 55:03
  buddies. I wish I had either one of you guys' moms. You're just fabulous. That's why we get along. We're all vibrating at the same level. I tell my daughter every day, the most important thing is my mental and physical well-being. If I'm above ground and I'm alive, we're okay.
• 55:20
  And then recently I tell her some of the things that I'm battling and she thinks, I think she thinks I'm crazy because my mind is that I had the worst EMDR. I had the worst therapy session I've ever had in my life this week. Was it bad or good?
• 55:36
  It was terrible. It was, well, no, it was that like, it was one of those really, it was so tough that it was good. I like tough things. So I mean, so I'm sitting here like this, ready to freaking break the computer and I'm just bawling. And, you know, I didn't, we didn't completely fix it, but we, we, we aired, we smoked something out and I'm talking, I've been in therapy for years.
• 56:01
  This is just me not really, I just was, I wanted to see what EMDR was all about. Next thing I'm going to do is this NLP. So I am a learn it all. Yeah. But what I was saying is, and I told my daughter, I said, I want to tell you, I went outside after she got home and I smoked a cigar and I fell asleep for like 15 minutes in the sun. And I walked in and I said, babe, I'm really, really emotionally drained today because I did this and I told her all about it. It was, it's in my book, my mom wrote,
• 56:29
  on my ninth birthday beat the living crap out of me. And I, we read went through that and I'm not talking just beat. I mean, she punched me in the face about seven times and my sister saved my life. That's why I'm a big guy. Cause that'll never happen to me.
• 56:43
  And we were trying, if you've done EMDR, they try to assign logic to an emotional situation. And I was woken up from a dead sleep. I was happy because I spent the day with my dad and then my mom comes home drunk. How do you assign logic to someone who's hammered that hammers on you? And then it opened up all this can of worms because my sister was already gone and she came home to spend the night with me because it was my birthday. And had she not been there, I'd be dead. We wouldn't be having this because my mom was so drunk she didn't realize how bad she was beating me.
• 57:12
  And so I thought of it, me not being selfless. I looked at my I said, how courageous was my sister to be sitting in the other room and have to come out and punch my mother in the mouth and grab my lifeless body and pull me out of there?
• 57:30
  And I started feeling bad for her. I'm always putting everybody else. Moral story was, I said, honey, my 14-year-old daughter, well, you cooked dinner tonight. Daddy has smoked because of therapy. And I told her what happened. And she's like, I love you, Dad. I'd be glad to. That is the hardest thing for me to do because I'm tough, Dad. I got all the answers. I don't. I don't. I'm human. And I'm in the freaking arena battling like everybody else. And some days I get my teeth kicked in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
• 57:59
  I admire that so much. Thank you for sharing that story. Because I just think of how...
• 58:06
  powerful your daughter is going to be when, when you don't want to think of it that way, but when life knocks her down, you know, and she's going to remember that versus, well, I can't tell anybody. Cause my dad had, he had a perfect life and he never cried and he had it. And it's like, I mean, my dad was phenomenal, but shake it off. Tiger was like what he did. He wanted me to be tough. And so it was like, shake it off, tiger. I'm scared. Take it off, tiger. I'm hurt. Take it off.
• 58:36
  And so it's learning. Yeah, but it's learning to that just because they're well intentioned doesn't mean they were right. And that as you do the work, your daughter is going to have a whole different world. Thank you. I received that. I've been saying these things so people realize.
• 58:55
  So harder than life. I make hard things look really easy. I've learned that. I do. Because behind the scenes, I don't say, I don't show. But now I've been. That's why you'll see all my posts and you'll hear. I mean, it's just I'm going to be exposed because it's going to help people. We're going to end it. We've got one final question. It's a doozy, though. I'm going to tell you. I want both of you to answer this separately. And just to keep it saying, I'm going to go with Renee and then Ange. What –
• 59:24
  Difference did someone make in your life as a child? My grandfather was an immigrant from Spain and came here, brought the family here. They lived in a one-bedroom apartment.
• 59:49
  I don't know, apartment in Queens, New York. And he built a life here in America for his family. And he...
• 59:58
  Um, built a business and was very successful and put my, you know, my mom, she got her masters. I mean, in the sixties like that, it was kind of unheard of, you know, back then to, to really, you know, it was probably later than that. I don't really know what the year was, but, um, really valued education and the, doing the best for his family. And he was a pisser. He was so funny and just.
• 1:00:25
  He was the beautiful combination of intelligent and fun and loving. And he really paved the way, you know, he loved life. He loved.
• 1:00:39
  the finer things in life. And I remember going to his house when I was young and he had like $8 butter stick and because it was the best, you know, and we would like $8 for a stick of butter. But he just liked the finer things in life and he enjoyed himself. And I think that's really where I get a lot of my, you know, who I am is from that and from him. And he impacted me a lot.
• 1:01:05
  So I always want to jump in that that's your mom. I want to talk about your, it was your mom, not your grandmother, right? Your mom that got her, her master's. Yes.
• 1:01:16
  So just to, so the younger listeners know that because history, what she was battling this, so we had, you know, the Vietnam war, we had a segregation going on. We had still women were battling for equal rights, even though they received the right to vote in twenties. So that was a huge achievement. So go mom. I just want to make sure because not everybody knows history. Like, like I know. So, and then answer you.
• 1:01:43
  I mean, I think it would just be my parents in different ways. So my dad kind of.
• 1:01:49
  spent a lot more time with me because my mom was working all the time. Um, and so he was just like my person, um, growing up. But then my mom lost her job when I was like 11 or 12 and she went through a depression from it, but that was actually ended up being the greatest gift because we've been besties for the resties. I mean, she was a great mom even prior to that, but, um, and so now like to walk through the journey grief with her.
• 1:02:17
  the journey of grief and, and just obstacles with her where, I mean, I couldn't even, she's just my person. So both of my parents made a big stamp. I aspire to be for my daughter to be on a podcast one day saying the same thing about me. So she will, I have the wrong number or the wrong letter. What's the Facebook? Um, what do I search on Facebook for you guys? Cause I think we wrote it down wrong. We are Kate movements.
• 1:02:46
  okay that's what i got okay um
• 1:02:51
  Yes, resend everything so we have it right in the show notes. This has been fabulous. See, even all the technical difficulties, we had a great conversation. I will end this and call my number anytime you need. I don't care if it's in Columbus. I don't care if it's in Pennsylvania, if we got to go to L.A., whatever you guys need. Anytime. I'll supply the place. Anything I can do to support the Cape Movement, you have it.
• 1:03:17
  It's just so good. Everybody go and research this immediately and follow them. And these women are doing extraordinary things. I'm going to end this like I do everyone and remind the listeners that each and every episode is sponsored by National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day. Visit TrustNTM.com for more. Until next week, be harder than life.
• 1:03:43
  Thank you for listening. Please rate and subscribe to Harder Than Life, and let's take this to the next level. Get connected at the links below.