Latest / Dear Chelsea / Autism & Abortion with Amy Schumer

Transcript

Autism & Abortion with Amy Schumer · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hi, good afternoon, good morning, and good even tide. What
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: does even tide mean? Catherine? Do we know? You know what?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know? I could tell you what a fortnight
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: is two weeks. Fortnight is two weeks, right, Yes, Well
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: that's a pretty slow response for somebody who's bragging about
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: knowing what it is. Now I'm second guessing myself. I
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: think even tide just means evening. Weirdly, my phone is
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: no longer working. Lots of things are not working. No,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: it's not even mercury retrograde right now? When isn't mercury
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: retrograde all the time? I thought it was like once
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: a year. It turns out it's like five times a year. Yeah,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Do you believe in that stuff, Chelsea?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: I mean yeah, I don't spend Yeah, the time of evening,
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: So even eventide means the time of evening, just evening,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: So you can just use that whenever you want. I mean,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: we should go over some other words. Pull Gratudinous means
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: beauty and grace. Oh that's a good word. What else
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I mean if we're talking about time of day? I
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: love the word madrugada, which is like it's a Spanish word,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: and it means like the dawn of the day or
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: median that, which is snack time. Well that's nice. Is
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: that happy hour? Good pronunciation by the way, Yeah, okay,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: that's happy hour and that's why I know that word. Excellent. Yeah,
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I'm actually a secret Spanish speaker. Oh you are, I am. Yeah.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I lived in Uruguay for several months in high school
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: and then went back and visit, so I've spent about
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: a year there. Lived in Mexico for a little while
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: as well, and studied Spanish. And yeah, so I have
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: a a very shushy accent in Spanish. Oh that's good
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: to know. Well, if you ever want to get to
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: my Orca, you know I have a place there, Well, excellent,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: that's great, and you could practice your Espanol. It's a beautiful,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: beautiful place. I was thinking about selling it, and because
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: I hadn't been in two years, I was like, what's
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: the point of this? After COVID and then we went
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: back and I was like, oh no, no, no, I'm
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: never sell like I will sell everything I owned before
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I felled us. Yeah, it's it's so beautiful and i'd
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: Spanish people. It's so funny I was saying to my girlfriends.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: This year, I took all of my girlfriends from my
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: ski girlfriends met me in my workout, so they were
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: like eight of us or seven of us. I was
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: like calling on and on about how Spanish are so
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: relaxed and just laid back, you know, even there like
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: three star Michelin restaurants, Like it's not a big deal
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: when you go to Spain and you go to a
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Michelin restaurant. It's not like the rest of the world
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: where everybody has like an attitude or you know, they're
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: even cassual about that. Yeah, and they're super casual. But
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: when I got my girlfriends came from my worka this year,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: my friend like we were there alone for a couple
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: of days, my friend and I, and she's like, I
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: don't know, but it's they feel the Spanish here my
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: orkids are very unwelcoming. And I went, oh, yeah, you're right.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: She's like, you haven't picked up on that. I'm like,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: well no, because I have that same attitude, like don't
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: talk to me, you know, like I'm sucking happy they're
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: not trying to shoot the ship with me. But I
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, that's interesting. And then everywhere we went,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, they are assholes like there, and
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I was like, is it because we're Americans? Because usually
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: that's the reason. And I don't you know, you can't
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: argue that. I mean, we kind of deserve it. But
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: then we were like proving ourselves through town and like
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: like we're good customers, were good tippers, which you know
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: they don't care about any way over there, but you
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: would think anyway. By the end of the trip, I
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: realized that my rekinds are not friendly. We would go
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: in and like order a drink and they'd be like,
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: we don't have that. I'm like, you don't have the drink.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I could see the bar right now. They'd like, no,
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: thank you, Like they were basically rejecting our asking customers.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: That happened on more than one occasion. And forget about
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: renting bikes. We rented bikes at the bike shop and
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: this woman was on such a tear that I I
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: just walked away because I was like, Okay, I can't
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: deal with this woman. She was so rude and so obnoxious.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: My friend said to her, she goes, honey, do you
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: she to the woman, she goes, do you hate what
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: you're doing because it's coming across that you hate what
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: you're doing. Do you hate what you're doing because you're
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: being so aggressive? And she had all this attitude. She goes, no, no,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: listen to me. I'm asking, like a woman to woman,
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: you should find something that makes you happy so that
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: you can spread happiness instead of hatred. And I was like,
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: oh wow, way to go after But then after that,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: the woman was like peaches and cream every time we
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: saw her, so obviously it made a dent. Sometimes you
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: got to just meet people where they are. I guess. Yeah.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I was like, do I have to get out my
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: German and prove to you that I'm German because she's
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: German the woman, But I don't know any of my
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: German because obviously that's a heritage that you know, I'm
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: embarrassed about because of my Nazi roots. It's a conflicting
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: message my Nazi, my my grandfather who served in the war,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: and then my father and being raised Jewish. Really yeah, yeah,
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: So I mean I don't say I think of him
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: as a Nazi, but he did serve in the war.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: On the timing checks out, yeah, so I do consider
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: him slightly to be a Nazi. But he's dead now anyway,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: so it have to worry about that. Yeah, he was
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: a prisoner of war in America for like three years,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: so he kind of got out of a lot of
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: per him. A lot of the soldiers on the German
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: side did not want anything to do with that war,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: but had nothing to say about it because it's your children. Yeah,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: because you'd be strung up in the streets. Yeah, if
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: you were saying no, Yeah, I'd like to think that
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I'm the type of person that even if my family
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: was going to be murdered, I would say okay on principle.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: But that's also probably why I don't have a family,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: because I would easily murder them or allow them or
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: you already got them murdered. Yeah, i'mlike the opposite of
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: a matriarch. I'm a martyr. Oh my goodness. Okay, Well,
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: we have a lot to get down too. I mean,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: we have a lot to get up to today or
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: down to it. It It really depends how you look on it,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: down reach around, I don't know. Right, Well, let's get
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: up to something, because it sounds more mischievous. Let's get
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: up to something. Speaking of getting up to something, our
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: guest today is always up to something. She is. Yeah,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: she is a dear friend of mine, and she is
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: a supermodel. And that is how she would like to
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: be introduced from here. From henceforth, she would like to
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: be introduced as a supermodel. So please welcome number one
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: supermodel of the century, Amy Schumer. Well, thank you. I
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: don't know how to thank you. Well, you don't have
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: to thank me yet. We'll save that for the end. Well,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: thank each other. This is Catherine Amy. This is my
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: producer on our podcast. Hello to me likewise, and welcome
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: to dear Chelsea. It's an honor, it's a blessing. It's
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: a curse. It's mostly a curse. No, I'm excited to
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: do this. Well, I'm always excited to do anything with
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: you because we have very similar sensibilities and annoyances. So
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: we have a lot, we have a lot of similar
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: character traits, Amy and I do. So one of the
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: things that I wanted to talk to you about today.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: First of all, I saw your movie The Humans last
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: night on Hulu, which was awesome. Awesome acting job, Amy,
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: awesome acting job. Thank you for the compliment on my
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: acting job. Thank you so much. And I hope that
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: this is going to come out right before my my
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Hulu show Life and beathen Own starting and directed. But
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: it's not a big deal and it's not about that.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: It's about just people in relationships and being present. But yes,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: thank you for watching the Humans, and I hope that
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: people watch Life and beath on who lou Michael Sarah
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: pleased that my romantic love interests and to prepare, we
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: had actual sex. That's you know, he's married, I'm married,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: but we both have kids. But we wanted Hulu to
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: have the best show they could, so tell us about
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: the show, Amy for those of us who aren't familiar
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: with Life and Bath, tell us what it's about and
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: based on well it comes out on Hulu in March eighteen,
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: and it is about a woman who Beth Me, whose
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: life is like seems pretty great on paper, good job,
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: hot boyfriend, new York City, good, you know, everything's good.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: But she's completely dead inside and complacent in her life.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: And and so then there's like a big event that
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: sort of makes her kind of look at her choices
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: in her life. That's perfect for this show because we
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: get a lot of emails from people who are in
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: that exact same position, like just the best life, yes,
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: wanted it, but like not sure how to make a change,
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: and or feeling feeling dead inside listless, like decl tory
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: where you just feel like there are so many different
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: words to describe that feeling, but it is the worst
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: feeling when you just feel hopeless and like rudderless, that
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: is the way to express it. Yeah, stuck and just
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: find yourself. At first, look what am I gonna do
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: with my life? You're so full of hope, and then
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: and then you get into this life and then at
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: a certain point you kind of wake up and you're like,
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: is this the life I want? You know? And so
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: that's kind of what the basis of the show is.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: And it was really fun to make. I'm excited for
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: people to see it. I really am. Yeah, I'm excited
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: to see it as well. I've heard very good things
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: about it. And also I think it's a very relatable
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: topic for anybody, Like people may look at Amien myself
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: as people who are you know, living their best lives
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: because of success or because of fame or because of
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: money or whatever you want to relate that to. Looks
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: exactly looks bodies. But I think that is applicable to
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: anybody in any business. You know, there has definitely been
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: times in my life where I'm like, is this it?
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: This is everything I'm contributing, Like is this all I've got?
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Is this as good as it gets? So it's not
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: an unrelatable topic at all. It's something that everybody kind
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: of feels. You know, if you're doing well in life
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: all the time, then you're probably not learning much. And
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: if you're feeling good all the time of out life,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: you're probably clueless. So I don't have anyone in my life.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: My darned the notifications is supposed to be off. Did
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: you get an Amazon delivery? I wish we actually live
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: at an Amazon facility so we don't have to wait. Perfect. Yeah,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: and you're someone who I feel like You and I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: you know, we relate on a million things, but we
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: first really became friends. Like I feel like, when when
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: you meet someone else who's like really interested in having
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: fun and having experiences, that's more rare than you think.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: You know, you would think, So it's like when you know,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: when we got together, when when you find someone like that,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh cool, this person sort of has the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: same philosophy as I do, and is trying also to
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: better themselves in the world around them, which is funny.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Like you you're friends with someone and because you like
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: hanging out, and then you kind of get to learn
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: about them, you know, like I I don't think I
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: knew what an activist you were, you know, just all
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: the things you were working on in that way. So
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: it's kind of fun to be friends with someone and
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: then realize how aligned you are in the you know,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: topics you want to give your time and energy to. Yeah. Yeah,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Amy did this awesome thing on Martha's Vineyard where I've
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: been going to Martha's Juniord since I was born. Amy's
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: been going there for a really long time. And Chris,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: her husband is from Martha's Vineyard. My first husband, her
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: first her her what is it called your what does
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: somebody who want to say to me? My current husband,
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Her current husband is from Martha's Vineyard, and her current
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: baby is also has also spent his summers on the vineyard.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: But Amy did this awesome thing where she every morning
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: last summer, every morning she had a group of people
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: meet in Vineyard Haven or West Tisbury was it? I'm
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: not sure that neiled for eight minutes and forty six
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: seconds for George Floyd. And she puts it that, orchestrated
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: that with some members of the community, and then she
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: had this kind of like group think after where everybody
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: could sit down on and talk about their feelings about
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: the issues, the feelings about everything that's going on politically
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: in this world, and just you know, the difference between
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: men and women and why men are a little bit
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: having a little bit harder time understanding the equality conversation.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: That's such a nice way of putting it would honor
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: a different black person who was murdered by law enforcement
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: every day, like somebody would come in and speak about them,
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: And that was so meaningful to get to do that
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: with you, and it was it was really like an
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: amazing education. I know. I love that about you that
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: you're always trying to educate yourself more and you're never done.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And I feel the same way. And just you know,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: when it comes to being an ally or an advocate,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: it's like you just have to be like, just tell
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: me when I sunk up, and just try your best
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: to help. And and no one cares about anybody's white guilt,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: so just save that for yourself and just help. Yeah,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: so that was really meaningful what I wanted to talk
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: to you about first. I think what I found to
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: be very inspiring about you is you're kind of understanding
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: that your husband, Chris was on the spectrum, or your
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: suspicion that he was on the spectrum. Can you talk
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: a little bit about that and like how you how
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: you deduced that. Yeah, So there were, you know a
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: couple of times where like when I talked about my
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: special where I one time I felt like we were
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: walking down the street and I fell and just I
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: feel like everybody would have just like nine out of
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: time people would just be like, oh my god, are
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: you okay, and like go to pick you up, But
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: he just kind of like stood there frozen, you know,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: And it was like I was like that, that's that's
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: an interesting reaction. And if we were walking, if there
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: was like three people kind of walking together, he would,
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: without thinking about it, kind of goes straight, you know,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and sort of disrupt the traffic walking the other way.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: You know, Like just these little things where I was
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: just kind of like huh. And but really I think
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: the repetition him him repeating himself when we would have
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: some sort of a disagreement, like he would get kind
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: of stuck on a thought and wouldn't be able to
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: hear what I was saying in a way that was
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: so frustrating and I didn't understand. And then I just
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: kind of looked at a quiz online. You know they
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: have these like like you know, and if you have whatever,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: fifteen of these thirty things year on the spectrum, and
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I just looked at it and it was like, oh, okay.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: So I just said to him, if you have any
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: interest in being tested or learning more about this, I'm
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: totally into it. But if you don't, then don't worry
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: about it. And he was interested in went to a
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: couple of different psychologists and then the one who tested him,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Dr Gilbert, who is amazing. We went in together and
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: this isn't our documentary Expecting Amy On HBO Max, she
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: was like, you showed enough signs. I am diagnosing you
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: with Autism spectrum disorder a s D. It used to
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: be called Asperger, but it turns out Asperger I'd like
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Nazi ties. Asperger sounds like it would have Nazi ties.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: I know, it's not like that shocking. You're like, I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: think we know which side you were on Dr Asperger
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: and and it was really helpful and like for us
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: communicating and working with this doctor and understanding the sort
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: of different brain chemistry and we really you know, he
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: has his own experience of it, but he felt a
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: lot better and under just to understand your brain more
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: and have things make sense from your whole life and people,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: you know, being sort of I mean, he's really gifted.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: You know, he's a James Beard Award winning chef and uh,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: he's an amazing cookbook, the Beetlebung Farm Cookbook, which is
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: about the farm he grew up on, a Martha's vineyard.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: But it was it really helped him and I think
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: other people that he grew up around that you know,
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: makes sense and it helps us communicate. And then we
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: wanted to share it because just to get rid of
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: not get rid of the stigma, but just help be
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Like I'm married to this beauty, a full amazing person
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: and he's on the spectrum. And so many people are
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: on the spectrum. So many people friends of mine, they're
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: kids that you know, they don't get diagnosed because they're
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: afraid of that stigma, I think, and it's a shame.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: So I really we both wanted to encourage people to
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: get tested and just find out because the tools that
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: you're given are really helpful. Yeah, and also identifying the problem.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: One thing. Another thing Amy and I have in comment
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: is that we're both doctors. Medical doctors obviously, because we're
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: able to make diagnoses like this quite frequently and doctor,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: and I was and I take a lot of pride
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: in that. And I was very really impressed that you
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: were able to spot that, and that also impressed by
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Chris's inclination to actually explore it because there is this
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: you know, I can't tell you how many friends of
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: mine have children who don't want to go get tested
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: because they don't want to find out the truth, or
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: people with medical conditions that are not spectrum related that
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: don't want to get tested because they don't want to
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: find out the truth. And the truth is it will
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: make your life better. The truth is such power. It's
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: a tool. Then you have tools to use to understand
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: not only you, but how you relate to people, and
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: helps the people around you understand how to relate to you.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: It's so important. My mom is a speech and hearing
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: therapist for the deaf, and you know there are these
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: there's this invention, the cochlear implant, where they can get
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: some hearing and she, you know, she signs with them
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: and whatever. But some parents didn't want to get that
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: for their kids, and they didn't want them to speak sign.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: They would rather their children, this is not even that
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: long ago. They would rather their children try and lip
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: read and speak and not sort of admit to being deaf.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And I think of it as the same way. It's
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: just don't you want your child to have all the
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: tools possible to feel the best and succeed. So, yeah,
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I feel really strongly about it. So does Hee. But
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: amazingly people who watched our documentary have reached out and
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: we're like, that encouraged me. And I got diagnosed and
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I am so grateful and and things have been a
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: lot better and my relationships and that was like the
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: best outcome. Yeah, that is a good outcome. It's nice.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: It's nice to be able to do that. And now,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: I know you posted once and I don't know if
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: we've talked about this personally, but you were talking about
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: gene preternaturally having the same kind of diagnosis. Is that
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: what are what are the percentages of that? Like how
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: do you what's the deal with I think the statistics
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: are pretty strong towards he will most likely have autism.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: Parents have different journeys with this. You know, having a
• 18:31
  Speaker 1: child with severe autism is beyond my imagination difficult. But
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: if Jean, if he does wind up having a s D,
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: I'm not looking for the signs in in a way
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: that I that are upsetting it. I I'm not hoping
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: either way. It's like most of my favorite people are
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: on the spectrum. But yeah, he's two and a half,
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: and I think they don't diagnose children until like maybe six,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: you know, like the earliest. I think, you know, you
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: could see some signs, but diagnosis doesn't come till later.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: And I can say, honestly, I don't have a preference
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: either way. You know, everybody, you just want your kids
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: to be happy and healthy. I think that's one of
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: the most important things that you guys are doing. And
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: raising awareness about this is like showing people that it's
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: not the end of the world. I have a family
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: member who's somewhere on the spectrum, and a friend of
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: mine the other day was saying, you know, she was
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: really worried because her nephew they're thinking he might be
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: on the spectrum, and she was really concerned, and I said,
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: you know what, it's not a guarantee that they won't
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: be able to live a normal, functional life. I mean,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: this family member of mine, he's married, he's got a
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: great job, he runs its own business. Like he is
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: extremely creative and interesting and like goes to dance parties
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: and you know, frolics in the woods. But like it's
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: not something that necessarily has to be super scary. I
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: don't think it's scary as all. All. Oh, I'm sorry
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: your your child might be gifted, right, maybe it's a
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: most people, not everybody's like it's some you know, incredible
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: genius with antism, but most most people, like they do
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: have a real talent and for something so and they're beautiful, loving,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: kind people and good partners. And I'm sorry that they're
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: not going to be able to do a good job
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: active listening to you at a party, but that I
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: think that's okay, Yeah they're not. And that is one
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: of my favorite things about Chris is that like once
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: he was diagnosed, it's like you just have a full
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: license to just if if someone's in the middle of
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: a long, boring story. He will just straight up walk away,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: you know, and I'm just and everyone's like, oh, there
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: goes Chris, you know, and I still have to stand
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: there and listen, even though I'm dying. I want to
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: do chime in and say one of the cutest things
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: that Chris said about Amy when I asked him why
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: he fell in love with her, as he said, I
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: knew that she would be an amazing mother. Pretty cute.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: That was pretty. That is so cute because I didn't
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: even think I wanted kids when we met. I actually
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: told him I didn't want kids when we met, and
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: he said, we are going to have kids and they're
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: going to be great. And I was like, oh, okay.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: It was pretty easy to convince me. And you know
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: about that. I don't know if I told you this yet.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: But there's a lot I want to talk about on
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: this as well. But one of the things is that
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: we I did IVF. We made embryos and I went
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: went through the IVF process, and which is so hard
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: and so many people go through it, and it's just
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: these women I am. My heart goes out because you know,
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: people do it so many times. I did it one
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: time and I was like, I'm gonna die. This is awful.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: And I got like thirty one eggs and I just
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: felt so I was like, I'm fertile, myrtle. I just
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: like felt very hot. And then boom boo, like the
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: drop off after you know, fertilization and blah blah. We
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: only got one normal embryo and we tried and it
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: didn't work. So and now I don't have a uterus,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: so we're going to have just one child and we're
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: just enjoying our little family and I'm just focusing on that.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: And I think that, you know, there's so much pressure,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: like once you have a kid of another one, you're
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: just like, but I'm excited about it, and but it
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I was sad, you know, and and it's like it's
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: not really something you get sympathy for because it's like
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: you already have one, bitch, like shut up. But you
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: know that's a real struggle people go through as well.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: And so I just wanted to share that that we
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: we tried and we're just gonna have the one perfect,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: little little adorable angel when there you have at everybody,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Those are your words of inspiration today from Amy. I
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: have other I have other words of inspiration. Here's something
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: else I wanted to talk about on here, if it's okay.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: If it's okay, I just wanted to say I think
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I may have told you this. So I got LiPo,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: I got LiPo section. Um, I never thought I was
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: gonna do anything like that. Like when I would hear
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: LiPo section, I was just like, that's so crazy to me,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: and I would say, I'm not ever going to do anything.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Cut to turning forty after having a C section and
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: being like, Hi, I can't feel my pupa anymore, like
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: and it just is out there, and endometriosis and he's
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: and my endometriosis surgery. I was like, I healed well.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: So I was like, can I get light bow? And
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I got light bow and I'm feeling really good. And
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I just wanted to say that because if anybody sees
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: me in pictures or anything and they're like she's looking
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: she looks thinner and whatever, it's like, it's because I
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: had I had a surgery. I just it's it's too
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: hard and I just want to be real about it.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: So I just wanted to share that on here. Well,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: I appreciate your truth. It's always good to be honest
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: with the world and women especially women need our honesty
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: more than ever now. And I'm glad that you're healing well,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: and I'm glad that I know you, honey. I'm glad
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I know you, Honey. We're gonna take some callers because
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: we have real people that call in for advice, and
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: we try to curate the episode towards you, and you're
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: kind of areas of experience. So Catherine will start, but
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: we have like two or three callers and we give
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: our advice real life stuff. So that's what Dear Chelsea is. Yeah, yeah,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: very high ends. And before we do that, we have
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: to take a small break for some ads. Okay, perfect
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: time for a should be and we're back, and we're back.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Welcome back. That was so quick. Whenever I go to
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: the bathroom, Joe says to me, God, that was quick.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I'm like, women do not hang out on the toilet
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: like men do with car magazines or men whatever the
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: funk they're on the phone. I find it really gross
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: when I go into somebody's bathroom and there is just
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: a pile of magazines. It's like, oh God, It's like,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: excuse are you inviting me? To take a shodub and
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: then also read while I'm sitting on your toilets, and
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: like all the pages are you like, you know, and
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: You're just like this is so gross, but you know,
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: what do you do? You still? I pick it up
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: and I read it whatever it is, and I'm just
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I'm just like, I guess I need to read this.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Do cross word now? I mean to be fair, no
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: one's been in our house for two years, so it's
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: just those magazines to the master bathroom, sorry, the primary bathroom. Yeah,
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: just leave the toilet on the front. And well, our
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: first call comes from Claire. Claire says, dear Chelsea, I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: suspect my husband is on the autism spectrum. This is
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: right up your alley, Amy, whoa it's And that's wild
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: to me that you figured that out after you were together.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I figured it was just something I always knew about him.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: But I think that's great. Diagnosed at thirty nine, that's wild.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I love that it's come up before in social situations,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: more as a joke about how incredible he is at
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: math and solving problems accurately in his head, not to
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: mention his recall of sports stats. But is that everyman.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I hadn't really considered that he might be on the
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: spectrum until we reached out to a psychiatrist about our
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: daughter and some behaviors we were struggling to understand. He
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: recommended some resources about autism and girls since it's not
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: easily identified, and immediately, intuitively, I felt like it was
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: true for my husband as well. Since then, I've been
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: in turmoil. I've been struggling with depression and anxiety since
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: having kids, and now I'm realizing we've been living in
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: this pattern of me feeling like I'm asking for help,
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: but he doesn't quote pick up on what I'm saying.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I know you have a good friend, Amy Schumer is
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: actually like before anybody even knew you were coming on
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: which her friend. She even wrote in the subject like
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: this is for Amy Schumer. If she gets is that
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: how I got booked? We reached fan request thank you, Claire, Yeah,
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: she says, I know you have a good friend, Amy
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Schumer that is successfully married to a man who is
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: on the autism spectrum. How do I encourage him to
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: reach out for more resources without pushing him? I also
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: need him to take on more of the lead parent,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: but his view can be very black and white, that
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: he's the breadwinner and needs to be available to his
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: job eight am to five pm Monday through Friday. At
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: the same time, he often tells me that he has flexibility.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: I'd love to hear from someone living this reality help Claria.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Oh well, Claire, I so feel you. I just so
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: feel you, and and you know, to say successful, it's
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: like it's still really hard. It's not marriage. It's marriage.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: And he is my friend, you know, like we love
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: hanging out with. He's who I want to hang out with,
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: He's who I want to watch TV with. And then
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: there are some moments that are really hard and we
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: lean on our therapist a ton in those times. Get
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: we get a phone session and and she really helps us.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: And so I think the thing is the initial thing
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: of wanting him to get tested. The way I approached
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: it was just, you know, it wasn't like a really
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: friendly way. You know, it wasn't like it wasn't in
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: the heat of a fight or something like that. It
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: was just proposing it to him. And I think everybody's
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: family is different. I don't know her husband. He might
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: be resistant to that, but I would just say, like
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: I know it's so hard. So I'm sorry because I
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: know it's it is really hard, and yeah, and sometimes
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: you're even like saying exactly what you need, but the
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: black and white is a real thing, you know. Like, actually,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: we had a fight the other day. I was taking
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Jeane to gymnastics, and he's amazing at gymnastics, obviously, and
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: I was hustling to get there, you know, and I'm like,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: and it's hard, like it's physically hard, you know, people
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I'm forty, Like it's not I don't have like a toddler.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: Toddler's like forty pounds, and it's hard to get him
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: in places, you know. So I get there, rushed there,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: and then we get in and you know, and the
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: mask and the whole thing, and there's like thirty little
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Hasidic girls doing tumbling. And I realized that we were
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: a half hour early because Chris told me it was
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: a half hour, and so I text him, I'm going
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: to kill you, like you do that what you text
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: your husband in that situation. And he got really upset,
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: like he didn't think I was going to kill him,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: but he just thought that meant like furious or whatever.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: And yeah, and he kind of when we spoke later,
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: was like really fired up. But because it's so black
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: and white, and I'm like, no, you know, if I
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: also there are sometimes I would send like a heart
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: or like a smiley face to someone and he'd be like,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: I think that's like inappropriate, you know, And I'm like, no,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: you don't understand, like text culture or whatever. But my
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: point is I think approaching it, like I looked at
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: this online questionnaire, and I think that it would be
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: really helpful to me and our kids. And it would
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: mean a lot if you would if you look at
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: getting tested and maybe they'll find nothing or maybe they'll
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: help us and give us the tools. That's what I
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: would say. Yeah, And I think educating yourself also in
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: the interim, like there was a book that I know
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: that I sent you Amy that Chris had read, that
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: he and I had talked about. I think what was
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: it called how to be Autistic, how to Live a
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: happy how to be happy with autism, or We'll find
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: out that what was that? It was really amazing. It's like, so,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: but that is such a good perspective, yes, because it
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: really breaks down that all different you know, any diagnosis
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: is not similar to the next diagnosis that everyone with
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: autism is experiencing some thing differently, but it gives you
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: an idea of how language and simple cues are different
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: for people who are on the spectrum versus people who aren't,
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: and that we live in a world that is built
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: for people that are not on the spectrum, and there
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: are all these gifts even though that sometimes it can
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: feel like shortcomings when your partner doesn't react or interact
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: in the way that you would. It feels like it's
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: in a side or or or or in a front maybe.
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: But when you understand where they're coming from, you realize
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: that that they're making a contribution that you're not making.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: They have something to offer that you don't have to offer.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: So so really recognizing and understanding what those things and
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: those gifts are really helps you elevate that person in
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: your mind instead of to be annoyed at at their
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: lack of such a good point. And yeah, it's like
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: that is my one criticism about therapy. It's like, why
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: are we trying to teach them to do it our way?
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: You know, It's like why is our way the right way?
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: And so some of those things, like for younger people,
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: I think it's easier they if they get helped socially,
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: they get there. There's also a book called something about
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: best Practices being like oh and you can watch they
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: recommended like watch Letterman or listen to Stern interviews to
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: hear how people react and you know, just like to
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: see what sort of normal social cues look like, what's
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: normalized and yeah, and it's a little bit like, well,
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: is my way the right way? And you're exactly right
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: where if I were a single mom and I was
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: raising Gene alone, I would feel so bad for him
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: with what I have. Chris and I need, we need
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: each other and parenting because we have such different instincts,
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: and you know, I'm just like want to carry Gane
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: around on a satin pillow and Chris is like, I'll
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: let him like ride his bike down that hill, and
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: I'm just you know, so yeah, gosh, Claire, I really
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: feel for you. And and I think having a plan
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: if you come up with like sort of a schedule,
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: like you know, because you said he get some flexibility
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: at work, so it's like, how about Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: these hours you are present and do these things with
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: the kids, you know, so coming up with a schedule
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: that he can think about and look forward to, and
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: then making sure that you broach the subject to say
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: the way that Amy said, you know, not in the
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: heat of a fight, always in a calm, loving way,
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: like it's you guys finding out this together as a
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: team for the sake of your family. It's a whole
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: unit involved. It's not you being accusatory and saying this
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: is what's wrong with you, this, this, and this and this.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: It has to come from a very loving place. I really,
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: I'm proud of how I've the job I've done with
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: never weaponizing his diagnosis, you know, like I never like
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: because there are times where I just feel totally sure
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: that it's because of the difference in our brain chemistry,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: but it's just never good to bring I just would
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: never bring it up in like you know, well you're
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: doing this because of right. Yeah, yeah, it's just and
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: I that's why I just I lean on our trusted therapist. Okay,
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: So those books are The Journal of Best Practices by
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: David Finch and How to Be Autistic by Amelia Poe.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Have you seen that show Love on the Spectrum, either
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: of you? Hell? Yeah, I love it it. I want more.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: I know, I was so bummed when the first season
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: like pretty clearly ended because the pandemic started like a
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: mid season. But it's just delightful. The only thing about
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: that show is I wish that they showed different you know,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: it's love on the spectrum, but the people are all
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: kind of in a similar place on the spectrum, if
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: I may. You know, it's like I wouldn't say severe.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: You know, they're all functioning, lovely people. But I think
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: that's why people when something's about the spectrum, they go
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: all the way in one direction, and there is a spectrum.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: There's so you know, there's so many people who would
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: would never know Chris is on the spectrum. But I
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: mean that show just makes me think for Claire, like
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: some of the frustrations in her marriage may come from
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: him potentially being on the spectrum, but also some of
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: the real joys in her marriage may come from that.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: Maybe he's like really funny and blunt, like maybe he
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: has an incredible creative side, you know, whatever it is,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: some of the joys of her marriage may be coming
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: from that as well. I'm sure they are. I'm sure
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: they are. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing and I'm
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: there's no one I would rather be with. You know,
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: It's just I don't even mean that in like a
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: sweet way, but you know, the grass is always greener.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: But it's just like, if I'm not with Chris, I'm alone,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: you know, because I was ready to be alone and
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: then that this guy. I was like partnering up with
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: this guy and that's that and you have it? Yeah,
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: and he can cook. So can we have a prenup?
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: We don't need it. We don't need it. Yeah. Well,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: our next color is Sarah, she says. Dear Chelsea. First
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: of all, I had married you so much and have
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: been a fan of yours for years. Long story short,
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: I had an abortion almost two years ago. My partner
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: was an absolute asshole and was secretly in a relationship
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: with the mother of his other child the entire time
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: we were seeing each other. He made my abortion experience
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: an absolute nightmare. I've since grown a lot. I even
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: went to work for Planned Parenthood and recently became a
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: volunteer counselor for an abortion support text line. However, I
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: still struggle and feel a sense of emotional and sexual trauma,
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: and I have major trust issues and just think everyone
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: is out to hurt me. I've been debating whether or
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: not to email you. But if there's one person who
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: can knock some sense into me, I know it's Chelsea.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Look forward to hopefully talking with you one day. Thanks
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: so much, Sarah. Hi, Sarah, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, Catherane Hi, Hi,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: and Amy here Hi, Sarah Hi. Oh my gosh, Hi surprised. Yeah,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: You've got lots of strong women here today to held
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of support here today. Oh my gosh, here,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, such a great question. Thank you for
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: that question. I mean, it's not for me, but you know,
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: if that's really Yeah, First of all, good for you
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: for having the strength to go through with getting an
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: abortion when you're in a toxic relationship and knowing that
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: that wasn't gonna fit having a baby. It wasn't going
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: to fix it when you're with somebody that can't participate
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: in that way. So first of all, you made a
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: really strong decision on your own and you should give
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: yourself a lot of credit for that. Thank you. And
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: I think I'll go first, Aby. I think that we
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: all go through all of these kinds of feelings. You know,
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: men have a way or whomever you're sexually attracted to.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: You know, there there have a way of screwing us up,
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: but you don't ever have to think of that as
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: a permanent state of being. I've been in toxic relationships
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: with friends or with lovers or whatever, and that is
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: never a permanent thing. It's a period of time that
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: you go through and then it's your job to dig
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: yourself out of it. And the first you're already out
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: of the relationship. So the hard part and the most
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: difficult thing is doing that. Is getting rid of somebody
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: that you know that you have feelings for, and not
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: going through with having a baby with that person is
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: another strong move. So I think you've already set yourself
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: up for a lot of success, and it's just about
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: now getting yourself mentally equipped and fit enough to know
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: that you're not going to allow that. Like you said,
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: these are my standards. They're not down here, they're up here.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: And now the world has a way of meeting you
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: in the moments that you are in. You know, when
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: you lift yourself up, things come to you in that way,
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: and when you don't think highly of yourself, lower things
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: come to you, Lower quality things come to you. So
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: I think you're like already on your way to like
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: great stuff and goodness, and you should enjoy this time
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: of growth because that's what it is. Thank you, that
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: is I just like really just appreciate that questions so much.
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: And I just heard this, and I don't know, it
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: might not resonate, but somebody said to me, the grief
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: is unexpressed love, and so I think I think that
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: grief will probably always be with you, and so to
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: try and not like shoot it away but sit with it.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: And I just think that you made such a great
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: decision because you wouldn't have been welcoming that child into
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: a good situation. And I think that's that is exactly
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: and so I think that is like the most extreme
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: act of of real love. And when you do become
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: a mother, if you do, you know, I if that's
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: something you want, then I think that decision will be
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: even stronger to you. Because I just all of my friends,
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: I really don't have anyone in my phone who hasn't
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: had an abortion, I mean really like truly, but that
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't make it any less like sort of painful or traumatic.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: But and most of my friends have all in miscarriages,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: So like these these insanely traumatic things, even though they
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: are more normalized. It's just like, you have every right
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: to have that trauma, I would say, And I think
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: it's really cool to share that, and because I'm sure
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: it will make so many people feel better. I hope so,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: especially right now. Yeah, I really hope so. And I
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: think it's the craziest thing. Thank you both for all
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: that you just said, because for me, it's like this
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: is very validating because like when it happened, I felt
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: so long because I didn't know anybody else that had
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: had an abortion. It wasn't something I ever really talked
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: about with my friends and family because why would you,
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So when it happened, I
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: just didn't really know what to do or who. Like
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: I was in a state. I was in Chicago by myself.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: I didn't have any friends or family there. So my
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: sister flew to be with me, thank goodness. So she
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: came to be with me, and she's been my like
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: rock ever since. She always has been. But one of
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: the first things she said to me when she came
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: to Chicago, though, she was like, I was crying, it
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: was a mess, and she was like, Sarah, it's gonna
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: be okay, Like, didn't Chelsea Handler have an abortion? And
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: that's the first time when I smiled. That was the
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: first time I left. That was the first time I
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: felt any sense of like I'm not alone because there
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: is someone else out there that I connect with in
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: some way that has been through it. So I and
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: then from that point forward, I just started researching, you know,
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: like reading people's stories on different websites and stuff like that,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: and then that really helped me to grow and to
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: know that there are so many other people that I've
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: had similar situations or but now it's like I'm just
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: kind of like cleaning up the mess that this person
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: made in my life. And every time I think I'm
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: over it or like I'm healed, and something happens where
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh no, I still have a lot to
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: work on and a lot to do. So do you
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: think people can heal ChEls? Do you think people can
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: fully heal? Like is that a realistic goal? I think?
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: You know. I mean, I don't know if you fully heal,
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: but I know from my my own personal experience, like
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: I went to therapy. I don't know how many years ago,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: it was, like it was five years ago I went.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: I went for two years, and the after effects of
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: it didn't really start to sprinkle throughout my life until
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: like this year. So it's like it's a long duration.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: And if someone had told me, like, oh, you're gonna
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: go to therapy and then five years later you're going
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: to meet the love of your life, or five years
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: later you're gonna have all these great career highs or whatever,
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: I would have been like, funk, that's too fucking long.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: I don't have five years, you know what I mean. Like,
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: I invested in therapy for two years and then I
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: let I and I just kind of went away from
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: that because I wanted to apply it to my own
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: life without leaning on my therapist. Right. I think a
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: lot of people don't want to start therapy because they
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: think you need to be in it forever, and some
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: people do. But I think a lot of therapists would
• 41:46
  Speaker 1: say that most people get to a point where they
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: can kind of graduate and use the tools they've learned
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: on their own. So I think that you just have
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: to be patient with yourself about the duration of time,
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: because now everything in my life is better than I
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: could have ever expected at at this age, I thought
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: oh fun. You know, like I thought at this age
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: i'd be retired living in Spain. Now I'm like having
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: the best time of my life. I'm in love. I
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: have so many great things going on, and I'm in
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: a place where I can really be grateful for it
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: and be present for it instead of being an asshole
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: or thinking I deserve it, or being kind of like
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: too cool for school, you know what I mean. So
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: I think that you just have to really be patient
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: with yourself and understand that these times in between relationships,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: especially when you're cleaning up the emotional mess that a
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: relationship has kind of unleashed, these are growth, huge growth
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: spurts for us, and be patient with yourself during that time,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: allow yourself to grow, and allow yourself to heal, because
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: healing does happen. I don't know if we're ever really healed.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: I feel really healed about my brother dying. I feel
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: like I got that out in such a big way,
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: and that now I feel healed. I don't feel like
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: something was taken away from me anymore, I understand. So
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: I just know that you're emotional right now out and
• 43:00
  Speaker 1: you have every right to be, and you should sit
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: with your pain like Amy said, I'm you know, I
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: totally believe that. And I think you're gonna be fine.
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I think you're gonna be just fine. And you're and
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: you're a badass. You're a badass. You're the ship. Good
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: stop stop, thank you live. I live in Portland's now Portland, Oregon.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Oh cool, Okay, so they're good people around you. And
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I live with my sister now, so we have she
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: is like dream. It's like a living therapist almost. It's
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: it's the best thing ever. And I've told my you know,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: ever since that happened, like I've I've opened up to
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: my family, so my parents know. Now that's why I'm
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: like putting it out here on a podcast because I'm
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: like my parents. Everyone that I love and cherish in
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: my life, they all know and they all support me.
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: So and you'll have so many people tell you me too,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: me too, Me to me. It's like HPV. Like in college.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: You know, I opened up at like one party, and
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: you know, it's like, yeah, it's true. It's like the
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: more people I told, the more I heard compete well
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: that I have been friends with for years. They'd be like,
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: we'll kind of tell you something like I did too
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: a few years ago, and then it just kind of
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: opened the floodgates of my life of just being like,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: you know what, now, I feel like it's my purpose
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: and like my mission in life too open up to
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: people and talk about it and be like, I don't
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: know and not an example, but you know what I mean,
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: just someone that can be relatable and that you know,
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: if I tell it, a beautiful, brave choice. Yeah it is.
• 44:24
  Speaker 1: It's scary, of course, but it's also like I feel
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: like if I don't talk about it, then I'm contributing
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: to the like stigma around it of not talking about
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: it and not exactly That's why it's so helpful right
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: now too. And honestly, if like you know, if anybody
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: in your life had judgments about it, wouldn't you want
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: to get them out of your life anyway? Because like, yeah, yeah,
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: one of the things that I wanted to mention to
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Chelsea was that, like, I feel like that's something I
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: really struggle with with in terms of relationships, is that
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know whether or not to tell people sometimes
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: and I I do kind want to weed them out
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: at this point, like if you're not gonna support that decision,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: that I made. Then, like, I don't think you have
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: a spot in my life anymore, because this is a
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: huge part of who I am in terms of like
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: a relationship, like I would be with someone that is
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: against it. It's just really weird for me, and it's
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: it feels like it's now part of my identity. But
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: you also don't need to tell anybody, you know. It's
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: like I don't think on a first date, you know,
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: you gotta should we start with a drink? I had
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: an abortion. You know, you can tell anybody when you're comfortable.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: Some I know, I know some women who are married
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: who never never say anything. And I would also argue
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: that you know, in the moment we're in in this
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: period of time, the louder that we can be about abortion,
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: the better. So if you are comfortable with it, I
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: think you should be talking about it, you know, like
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: it's obviously your personal choice. But like people really need
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: to seem to be really mistaken about how essential this
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: is in life. So it's very important that if you
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: are you willing to use your voice, that you do
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: thank you and keeps posted. Okay, let us know how
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: your life goes. Well, I'm coming to your show in Feanruary,
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: so I'll great, I'll see you there then. Thank you
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: so much, Chelsea and am thank you, take care, thank
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: you bye bye. Wow. That was a perfect caller for
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: this for this episode with Amy. Yeah, do we have
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: time for it? A last quick one? Um, yes we do.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: We have Tiffany on the line. No, not different, I
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: mean she's wonderful too. Uh Dear Chelsea, She says, I'm
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: so envious of the relationship you have with your siblings.
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: How do you do it? I have one sister who
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: is seven years younger than me. With our age difference,
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: we weren't close growing up, but the relationship hasn't improved
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: with age. We've both been divorced and remarried. We both
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: now have blended families. I'm forty one, she's thirty four.
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: She lives about an or and a half from me,
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: and we never talk because she hates my husband. According
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: to her, he reminds her of her ex husband. Ever
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: since marrying him four years ago, she's barely spoken with me.
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: She's invited me and my son to holidays at her home,
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: but required I not bring my husband or his kids,
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: which I'm not going to do. I've invited her entire
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: family to our home for many holidays, but she never attends.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: I called her several times, but she doesn't answer, or
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: does and gets off the phone within five minutes. I
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: send Christmas gifts for her kids, but they're criticized. I
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: don't know what to do at this point. I'd love
• 47:34
  Speaker 1: to have a relationship with my sister, but it is
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: seemingly impossible at this point. Do I keep trying to
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: reach out to her or light the match on this bridge? Tiffany, Wow, Hi, Tiffany, Hey, Chelsea,
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: it's so good to visit with you. And Amy's here
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: today as our special guy. Tiffany, Oh, oh my gosh,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: Hey Amy, it's so good to see you. You too.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate that question, sister, really you it's so tough.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: And this is Catherine, Tiffany. This is my producer, co host, Catherine. Yes,
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: we've chatted. We've chatted, Okay, okay, of course, yes, of course.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: So that sounds like a very very difficult situation and
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: really frustrating for you. Huh. Yeah. And since I sent that,
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: we've had Thanksgiving come up and Christmas planning and so again,
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I invite everyone over for the holidays to
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: our house and she never comes. She doesn't bring her family.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: It's just like, here we go again with this game
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: of oh, well you can come and your son can come,
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: but your husband and his kids can't. And we're all
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: one big, happy family. I mean, our kids are all
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: there and fifteen, so it's really odd to say, oh,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna ditch half of my family to go to
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: your house. It's just odd. And I keep trying to
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: reach out, like can we do lunch? Can we talk
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: about this, and she's just not having it. So I'm
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: just wondering, when do I just say, hey, look me up,
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: when you can be civil with my family. Oh, on
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: the one hand, I do. I mean, I fully identify
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: with this from like a sister perspective, and sisters can
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: be so difficult. And I think some of it maybe
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: because she's a little younger, but you know, kind of
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: thinking about it from this perspective of your husband reminds
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: her of her ex husband. I went through an abusive
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: relationship in college, and for years afterward, if I was
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: walking down the street and even saw someone who like
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: looked vaguely like this person, my like body would tense up.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: I was like I felt like I wanted to punch
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: this random stranger, like it was a visceral reaction. So
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: my thought is, like it may have something to do
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: with that, But that's also sort of her thing that
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: she needs to process because your husband is a different person,
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: you know, she needs to get to know him and
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: make a judgment call based on him. Can I ask,
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: does your sister have any sort of a possible personality disorder?
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: I'm serious, like did she struggle like in any way
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: growing up that you think that there could be some instability?
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: They're just totally like, not meaning to project, but just curious.
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, no, I don't. I Actually what Catherine was
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: saying may make sense. I mean, her previous relationship was
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: an abusive relationship, so that could very well be the case.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: But I guess my confusion is like even the kids,
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: like the kids can't even associate with your kids. I mean,
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: it's trick that is so brutal. I just want to say,
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: like I I really, I really really feel this, And
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: I just think the narratives that people create, they're almost
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: none of our business. They're so everybody just writes their
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: own story about every person, no matter how close you've
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: been or anything, and to try and chase it and
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: correct it and whatever is an impossible task, I would say,
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: And if I were you, I would just say the
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: door is open any time, and then I would back
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: off because probably each of those invitations isn't landing well
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: with her. That's what I would say. But it's really painful,
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: and I'm and I'm really sorry, especially the kids. That's horrendous. Yeah,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that well. And you know the reason I
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: wanted to write in is because you know, Chelsea is
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: is well now one of five, and yeah, vacation together.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: It seems like with that many siblings there would be
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: some things that come up and that Chelsea's obviously worked through.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: And I'm thinking, God, I have one sibling and I
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: can't make it work with just the one. And I'm
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: trying everything I can do, and I hate to to
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: just cut her off. But at the same time your
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: fault at all. I'm open to having a relationship with you,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: but you can't just keep saying Okay, well you can't
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: talk about your husband, or you can't bring your other
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: kids here. I mean, it's that's a lot. And have
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: you attempted to just have like a lunch with her
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: one on one so that you guys can talk about
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: it like adults. Yeah. So the closest we've gotten to
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: that is a couple of years ago, right before a hit.
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: I actually made lunch plans with her and drove an
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: hour and a half to her house and then I
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: was like, hey, I'm having I called her, Hey, I'm
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: having trouble finding exactly where your house is because she
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: had moved, and she's like, oh, I totally forgot about that. Yeah,
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: that won't work for me, and she canceled on me
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: after I had already driven out there. I've tried calling
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: her and she doesn't answer. She is like, oh, the
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: kids are bothering you know, the kids are bothering me.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: I gotta go. The conversations are just a couple of minutes,
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: and then she wants to get off of them. Well
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: I would just I would probably have one last effort,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: and in that effort, whether it's an email, sometimes that
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: lands better because people have time to digest it and
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: reread it, or a phone call or an in person meeting,
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: if you prefer, whatever your preferences, with one last effort
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: to just say hey, listen, we're sisters. You're the only
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: sister I have. I'm the only sister you have. I
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: understand that you have some issues, but if you know,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: you have to kind of take it from my perspective.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: This is my family. This is not your ex. Husband
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: is my husband. These are my children, these are his children,
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: These are the people I love the most in my world.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: As my sister, I would love for you to have
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: open arms to my whole family and not try to
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: segment our family to your liking. That doesn't really work
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: for us. But my door is always open because I
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: love you. I'm always happy to see you one on one.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: It's when she starts to bifur kate the family that
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: that's not kosher, you know, Like, I'm always happy unless
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: your husband has done something to hurt her that you
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: haven't mentioned, or has been awful to her in any way. Right, So,
• 53:36
  Speaker 1: so it's just a reasonable rational email explaining like that
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: you will always love her, that you always desire a
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: relationship with her, and that it seems really unreasonable the
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: demands that she makes in order to see her, and
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: leaving the door open, like Amy said, you know, for
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: future whatever, and then make peace with that with yourself
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: because you have to be the one that's okay with that.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Somebody just said that to me. They said, the most
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. So it's
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: obviously like really painful for you. So I would do
• 54:08
  Speaker 1: whatever you have to to take care of yourself. I
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: really appreciate that. I think that's what I needed. I
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: to hear that saying that to her is okay, you know,
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: putting that line in places okay, and I Chelsea, I
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: like how you phrased it that, you know, okay, one
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: on one if you want to meet up, that's great,
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: But once you start segmenting my family, that's where it
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: becomes a problem. I think that phrasing is really good.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: So yeah, and I like the idea of an email too,
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: so that I'm not, as you know, quick to to
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: say something over the phone. I like that a lot. Yeah,
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: and make sure it's loving from the beginning and the
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: end shouldn't be fire. It should be loving because when
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: you read loving words, it's like they have a way
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: of resonating more so then I think sometimes even hearing them,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Yeah, I like that a lot.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you for but let us know what happens. Okay,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: keep us posted. I will thank you all. Thank you.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: So nice to see you, Tiffany, so good to see you, Chelsea.
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: If you ever decide to come to you know, conservative
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: hell Oklahoma, then let us know. We're ready to to
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: have your stand I watch your stand up on Netflix.
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: But you know you don't come to Oklahoma very often
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: because it's like Republican, like crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I think
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: I crested people there too. I think I crossed the
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: Oklahoma off my list at some point, but I will
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: revisit it. Okay, Okay, I think we should come to Canada.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: But take care and good luck with your sister. Thank you,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: Thanks Tiffany. We are going to take a quick break
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: so you can hear and add and then we'll be
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: right back. So sad. I know family family ship is
• 55:47
  Speaker 1: always so annoying. An. Do you get in stuff with
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: any of your siblings at holiday times? Yeah? I mean
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: my brother. Yeah. Yeah. It's a constant negotiation. It's a
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: life long you know, it is really painful. But I
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: do think I do believe what I said to her,
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: where you have to like at a certain point if
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: it's hurting you, like she's in a lot of pain. Yeah,
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: and if it's hurting you, like do what you need
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: to do so that you're not in pain. So if
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: something has this dynamic, you know, and at a certain
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: point if you need to step away, then I think
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: you just have to do that. And just to know
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: that she doesn't have to keep chasing her, that she
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: can just allow her sister to come to her when
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: she's ready. But yeah, I think Chelsea, what you said
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: about it has to like start an end with compassion
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: and like really hammer home the compassion rather than well
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: that's because that's what I learned in therapy. Like I
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: would always just be like, this is what you fucking did.
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: You can't that's the thing. You really, whatever narrative her
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: sister has made up, it's not just that her husband
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: triggers her, like she has created a story, you know,
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: And in that email you're talking about it, if she
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: were like he's never done anything, it's like not helpful.
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: It's like they are going to believe, you know, whatever
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: they've written in their mind. Anyway. Life and Bath is
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: on Hulu March eighteen, Fabulous everybody, and yes, don't forget
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: Amy had LiPo and Life and Death is on Hulu Hulu,
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: and I'm confusing my own book with her show. Life
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: and Bath will be on not Hilo, Hulu fabulous large.
• 57:24
  Speaker 1: It premieres and everything Amy does is awesome, so make
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: sure you fucking check it out. I mean that's accurate. Amy.
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: Did you have any advice that you wanted to ask
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: Chelsea for? Oh? Oh, I didn't know it was supposed
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: to be advice. It doesn't have to be. It doesn't
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: have to whatever it is. I have two questions. I
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: have two questions, okay. One is what do you think
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: my reputation is with people in our industry? Well, that's
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: a good question to I think your reputation is. I
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: think that you are considered to be a badass. I
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: would say, I think that you're in control of your
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: own decision making. And I would say that people know
• 58:07
  Speaker 1: that you're tough and right back at you. What do
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: you think your reputation is the same within the business? Yeah,
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: I would say that too, when you don't. We really
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: like each other. So and you know what I say,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: If no one thinks you're a cunt, you're not doing
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: it right On that note, counts out, counts out, y'all.
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Amy, I love you so much. I love
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: you so much. Alright, really nice meeting and Katherine. Alright, okay,
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: stand up dates. I have Winnipeg coming up March tenth
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: and March eleventh. There are still tickets to the second show,
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: which I believe the second show was added on the tenth. Yes,
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: we have two shows coming up in Toronto March twelve.
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: You can get tickets to the late show still for that,
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: and then I'm going to Ottawa, and then I picked
• 58:55
  Speaker 1: back up in Cedar, Rapids, Des Moines and Omaha April fourteen,
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: and then every weekend and through July. So pick your
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: tickets up, go buy them at Chelsea handler dot com
• 59:07
  Speaker 1: and you'll see me on my People's Choice Award winning
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: comedy tour, the best tour of one, and even though
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: it's two, I consider it to be the best tour
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: of two as well. Thank you, And if you'd like
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: please write into Dear Chelsea Project at gmail dot com