Latest / Welcome to The Vineyard Podcast with Montoya Williams / “You’re Not Confused, Love… You’re Ignoring What God Already Revealed | Christian Relationship Advice, Red Flags & Emotional Healing”|Season 5 Ep 5

Transcript

“You’re Not Confused, Love… You’re Ignoring What God Already Revealed | Christian Relationship Advice, Red Flags & Emotional Healing”|Season 5 Ep 5 · Welcome to The Vineyard Podcast with Montoya Williams

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Vineyard podcast, where her identity in Christ becomes the foundation for a healthy Christ-centered relationship.
• 0:10
  Hi, love.
• 0:12
  If this is your first time here, we welcome you.
• 0:16
  And before we begin, we always start by inviting God into the conversation.
• 0:23
  So Lord, thank you.
• 0:26
  Thank you for the hearts that you have led here today.
• 0:30
  I ask that you anoint my voice to speak what needs to be spoken, and I ask that you bless our ears to hear what needs to be heard.
• 0:41
  And I ask all these prayers in your name, Jesus Christ.
• 0:46
  Amen.
• 0:49
  Yes, love.
• 0:52
  Today, I want to talk about confusion.
• 0:57
  Not confusion in the sense of not knowing what outfit to wear or what decision to make.
• 1:06
  I'm talking about emotional confusion, relationship confusion.
• 1:14
  The kind of confusion that keeps your spirit unsettled.
• 1:20
  The kind that keeps you emotionally exhausted, overthinking, questioning yourself.
• 1:31
  Trying to figure out where you stand with someone who keeps changing the emotional temperature of the relationship.
• 1:40
  One minute, everything feels good.
• 1:43
  The next minute, you feel disconnected.
• 1:47
  One conversation gives you hope.
• 1:49
  The next conversation leaves you anxious again.
• 1:54
  And slowly, without realizing it, you start living in emotional survival.
• 2:03
  But the Bible says in First Corinthians fourteen thirty-three,"For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace." And when I first truly understood that scripture, I realized something.
• 2:23
  God may allow seasons that scratch us.
• 2:28
  God may allow conviction.
• 2:31
  God may allow growth.
• 2:34
  God may even allow difficult conversations.
• 2:39
  But constant chaos, constant mixed signals, constant emotional instability, constant confusion was never supposed to become our normal.
• 2:56
  And I think many women by the name of Love have normalized confusion because they have been functioning in survival mode for a long time now.
• 3:08
  Love, I remember being in a relationship where every serious conversation somehow became an argument.
• 3:17
  Every time I brought up commitment, direction, clarity, or where the relationship was headed, we ended up pushing farther away from each other emotionally.
• 3:31
  Then after some time passed, here comes the sweet talking.
• 3:37
  The chemistry returns.
• 3:39
  The affection returns.
• 3:41
  The emotional pull will return, and suddenly I feel safe again.
• 3:48
  Then I would start hoping again.
• 3:50
  I would start believing again.
• 3:52
  I would start getting goo-goo-eyed all over again.
• 3:57
  And then the moment I tried to revisit the conversation that mattered, we would fall right back into the same cycle, the same confusion, the same uncertainty, the same emotional roller coaster.
• 4:14
  And before I knew it, years had passed and Love, that is why I need women to understand something today.
• 4:22
  Confusion is expensive.
• 4:26
  Very expensive.
• 4:28
  It will cost you peace.
• 4:30
  It will cost you clarity.
• 4:32
  It will cost you emotional stability, and sometimes it will cost you years.
• 4:40
  I'm talking some of the best years of your life.
• 4:44
  Now let me say this clearly because I want to be spiritually responsible with this conversation.
• 4:51
  Every disagreement does not mean a relationship is unhealthy.
• 4:56
  Don't misunderstand Every difficult season does not mean you should leave.
• 5:04
  Every marriage will have moments that require communication, grace, patience, counsel, oh my goodness, wisdom, and growth.
• 5:15
  But there is a difference between a relationship that is working through life and a relationship that constantly keeps you emotionally unstable.
• 5:29
  There's a difference between temporary misunderstanding and ongoing confusion because healthy relationships makes room for communication.
• 5:41
  Healthy relationships makes room for honesty, it makes room for peace, and it makes room for clarity.
• 5:47
  And one thing I had to learn personally was this.
• 5:53
  Sometimes confusion is not there because God has not answered.
• 5:58
  Sometimes confusion is there because deep down we already see what God has revealed, but our hearts is struggling to release what our flesh became attached to.
• 6:11
  And that truth changed me because the reality is many women are not lacking signs.
• 6:19
  They're lacking the courage to accept what the signs really reveal.
• 6:25
  And I say this with grace because I understand how easy it is to become emotionally attached to potential, to memories, to chemistry, to history, to loneliness, to fear of starting all over again.
• 6:44
  But love, the Bible says in Proverbs four twenty-three,"Above all else, guard your heart.
• 6:53
  For everything you do flows from it." So guard your hearts.
• 6:59
  Not your image, not your relationship status, not the idea of being chosen.
• 7:08
  Guard your heart because an unguarded heart will start calling dysfunction love.
• 7:19
  An unguarded heart will keep excusing red flags.
• 7:24
  A unguarded heart will keep you returning to what disrupts your peace.
• 7:31
  A unguarded heart will continue to abandon itself trying to keep a relationship alive.
• 7:41
  And sometimes we stay in confusion not because we're confused, but because we're afraid.
• 7:48
  We're afraid of letting go.
• 7:52
  We're afraid to be alone.
• 7:54
  We're afraid we've wasted too much time, afraid nobody else will come, afraid of what healing will require us to do.
• 8:11
  But love, peace matters.
• 8:14
  Your emotional health matters.
• 8:16
  Your discernment matters.
• 8:18
  Your relationship with God matters.
• 8:22
  And I think that is why this message is so important to me now because when I met my husband, I remember thinking to myself,"What if I had learned these lessons sooner?
• 8:37
  What if I had stopped ignoring what God had already revealed?
• 8:42
  How many years could have been protected?
• 8:48
  How much peace could have been protected?" Now hear me clearly.
• 8:54
  I do not regret my past.
• 8:57
  My past helped shape me.
• 9:00
  It taught me.
• 9:01
  It stretched me.
• 9:02
  It opened my eyes.
• 9:05
  But I also recognized that God was trying to reveal things long before I was willing to fully accept them.
• 9:14
  And maybe that is where some of you are today.
• 9:17
  Maybe your spirit has been unsettled for a reason.
• 9:21
  Maybe your exhaustion has been trying to tell you something.
• 9:26
  Maybe your constant anxiety inside the relationship has been trying to reveal something.
• 9:33
  Maybe the lack of peace has been trying to reveal something.
• 9:38
  And love, I just want you to know today that you do not have to navigate these things alone.
• 9:47
  Hope is unfolding inside the vineyard for the woman by the name of Love.
• 9:53
  A place where women can heal, they can grow, they can learn, they can be heard, feel seen, and begin rebuilding themselves from the inside out through Christ.
• 10:08
  A place where peace matters.
• 10:10
  A place where healing matters.
• 10:12
  A place where wisdom matters.
• 10:17
  So stay close, love.
• 10:19
  You do not have to walk this journey alone anymore.
• 10:24
  And until next time, I encourage you to stay anchored in Christ and covered in love and we will chat again soon.