Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Is LOVEBOMBING always fake from a narcissist?

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Is LOVEBOMBING always fake from a narcissist? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're going to be answering the question.
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  Is love bombing fake from the beginning?
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  Is it a manipulative tactic from the very, very beginning?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a self aware narcissist and welcome to another episode of
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  The Narcissist Code. Welcome back folks.
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  I'll be jamming behind the scenes when the theme music is
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  going on. Just so y'all know I might post
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  that the B roll one day, but yes Oh yeah yeah yes yes yes.
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  So is love bombing fake from the beginning?
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  Before we hop deep into today's episode, y'all if y'all looking
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  for one-on-one coaching support groups, all my information you
• 0:55
  can find it at mentalillness.net and all the other good stuff.
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  So check out mental illness.net for all of your mental illness
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  needs. But yeah, so I get this question
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  a lot right here. Y'all is love bombing this just
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  tactic from the beginning. Is it all fake?
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  Is it just a ploy from the very, very beginning of a relationship
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  from narcissists? I'm going to say this right
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  here. Let me start off with by saying
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  this. It can be.
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  It absolutely is one of those things that can be a tactic from
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  the very beginning to get you to fall for them, to get you to be
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  with them, to get you into a relationship space with them.
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  It absolutely can be a tactic of manipulation.
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  It can be planned from the beginning.
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  They can target you and whatnot. They can't absolutely see you at
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  the mall, see you somewhere in black need that I'm a lie to
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  that I'm a manipulate that I'm a gas like that, you know, so can
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  they do that? Yes, Those are the just super
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  insidious narcissist, right? They can't be manipulative.
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  They only are looking to serve their own needs and wants and so
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  try to serve their own purposes, right.
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  But there are in fact a contingent of narcissist and
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  toxic people out there that are looking for people to be with.
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  There are narcissists out there that are looking to try to fall
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  in love. There are narcissists out there
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  that are looking to try to find people to be with, try to find
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  people that love them and care about them and try to actually
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  give their heart to people. But it almost always goes to
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  hell because the cycle of narcissistic abuse dictates that
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  right after the love bombing phase comes devaluation.
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  Now I have a course called the Understanding the Seven Stages
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  of a Narcissistic Relationship. That between the love bombing
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  and devaluation stages, I have a stage called fracturing.
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  Well, the love bombing stops it go it goes into detail about why
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  the love bombing stops as well. I say you can find all of that
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  information right here at courses.mentalillness.net for
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  the course. But there are some narcissists
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  like for for me, it was an, an unconscious behavior.
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  When, when my relationships exploded, it just was, it was an
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  unconscious behavior like I would find somebody Now are
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  there, are there women out there that I was just like, OK, I like
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  this one. I like this person right here.
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  I, I, I, I see this person to serve one need.
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  Yes, there are women out there. That's how my mind viewed this
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  person right. But when I was in love with
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  somebody, when I seen somebody that I actually wanted to truly
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  be with and try with, I would love bombing this person because
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  I wanted this person for real. I would give this person my all,
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  you know, I would just throw my throw my whole heart and soul
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  into this relationship. I would give this person all of
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  my time, effort, energy, affection, a little bit of
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  money. I did have, you know, me.
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  I would give them everything that I had of me because I
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  wanted this person to feel the same way about me that I felt or
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  feel about them. I absolutely did.
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  So that's one of the things that that consistently happened right
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  there was that I felt good in those situations.
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  I felt good in those circumstances.
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  I wanted, you see what I'm saying?
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  I wanted that right there. So I would, I was actually
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  feeling a certain type of way about these people.
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  I, I wanted that person to be with me.
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  So I would treat this person like I wanted them to be with
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  me. Like cuz they, they made me feel
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  good. I wanted to, to make them feel
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  good, but something would always happen, the fracturing stage
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  that made me look at them differently.
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  And a lot of times what makes you, what makes a narcissist
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  look at you differently? It's because the you, you're
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  getting too emotionally close to them.
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  Like narcissistic people seem like they want emotional
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  closeness, but in all actuality, they want it, but they don't,
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  they don't want it around. They don't want you to get too
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  close to them, right? They don't want you to get too
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  close to them because the closer you get to them, the worse it
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  makes them feel sometimes in that space right there, right?
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  That's what happens. Like the closer you get to the
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  narcissist, the more vulnerable they feel, the more
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  uncomfortable it makes them feel.
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  So they have to damn near push you away.
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  Like you're getting too close to me, so I have to push you away
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  from me. That's how it goes right there.
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  It's just like you're getting way too close to me.
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  So I need to push you away to protect myself.
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  I need to push you away to make myself feel better about myself.
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  I need to push you away to help me heal and to help me grow and
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  to move forward. I'm afraid of it.
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  It doesn't mean I never cared about you because that a lot of
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  people fall into that mindset right there.
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  Well, they must have never cared about me.
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  Like I said, are there some narcissists that will never
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  care? Yeah, there are some narcissists
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  out there that never care, right?
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  Like I said before, there are a ton that actually do care, but
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  they don't know how to. And this is not like y'all, this
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  is not me telling you right now. Just like, well, you know what
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  with Lee, you got to. I'm going to give them another
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  chance. This is not me saying do that.
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  I'm not telling you to give them another chance.
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  Don't do that if you're not. Like if you don't feel safe,
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  hell no. This is not your sign.
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  I'm looking for a sign to go back.
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  This ain't it. This is not your sign to give
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  that toxic, abusive, narcissistic person another
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  chance. This is just me saying that some
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  of them might actually try to care it but they don't know how.
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  And this is also me saying that your ass cannot teach them how
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  to care. That's something they had to
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  work on themselves. Like yo, you, Well, Lee, you,
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  you gave me hope. No, no, no.
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  I'm saying no, Don't misinterpret my words.
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  Don't just try to say, well, Lee said no, no, no, Lee didn't say
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  that. Lee didn't say that.
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  Lee said that. Some of them might care, but it
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  doesn't mean that you should go above and beyond a Call of Duty
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  to try to get this person to fall, get to get this person
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  with you. That's absolutely not what I
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  mean. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's not what I mean. That's not what I'm saying.
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  Like love, I don't, I don't think all love bombing is fake
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  from the beginning, but it ends up looking fake because of how
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  it matter, because of how the situation's manifest, because of
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  how it ends up. You know, it doesn't feel fake
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  to you, does it? And at the beginning for a lot
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  of narcissist, it doesn't feel fake either.
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  But it ends up looking that way just based on how things go,
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  just based on the outcome. Ends up looking that way because
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  now we're struggling because now we're in a certain type of mind,
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  so we're in a certain type of space.
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  That's how it ends up looking, right?
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  So I want you to understand like, just because it looks a
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  certain type of way does not mean that you have to do
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  something right there. It does not mean that well, I
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  need to go above and beyond. That's not what I'm saying.
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  Don't do that. Lee is not telling you to do
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  that. Lee did not tell you to do that.
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  Do not do that. That's what I'm saying don't do
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  that. This is what happens to so many
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  people though, like narcissistic people.
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  Some of them actually try to care, but they don't know how.
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  They don't know what to do. This is not say teach them
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  bully. I'm, I'm going to teach them I'm
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  I'm be the one to show them that love is real.
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  No, you're going to waste a lot of time, effort and energy and
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  then you can be mad as hell and then somehow you can try to
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  blame me when I'm clearly telling you not to do it.
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  I'm literally open opening my mouth and saying don't do this,
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  don't do it, but you do it anyway.
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  That's going to fall onto you. You say I'm saying it's going to
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  fall onto you. Yeah.
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  I, I don't think that all love bombing is fake and manipulative
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  from the very beginning. I just don't believe that to be
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  true. But there are some narcissists
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  out there that have an I'll intent from the jump, from the
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  offset of things. You know what I'm saying?
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  There are some narcissists that have a fault that have an I'll
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  intent out there for you and they will show you that they
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  absolutely do. They will show you that they
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  absolutely have I'll intent for you.
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  They will show you and they will treat you a certain type of way.
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  And if you have a certain, if you have a certain type of
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  mindset, of a certain type of mentality, this is what the type
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  of stuff that's going to happen right there, right?
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  I would just want y'all to understand that.
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  Like if you are anxiously, I'm working on, I'm working on
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  attachment theory, right? If you are look at look at your
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  attachment theory. If you have an anxious
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  attachment, that does not mean that a lot of times narcissist,
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  you end up with a narcissistic person because narcissists tend
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  to be avoidance, right? They tend to be avoidance.
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  So it just in this space right here, you're dealing with it.
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  I want y'all to win. I absolutely want y'all to win
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  at all costs at all costs. So just because somebody tried
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  to care for you and they couldn't, they they might have
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  loved you to the to the maximum of their ability, but it might
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  not be enough for you. It might not be enough for what
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  you do require what you require. You know, believe how do we make
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  it work? You accept less.
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  Yes, the moment of silence was intentional.
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  You have to accept less. You have to be willing to accept
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  less to be in a relationship with a narcissistic person.
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  Less love, less careless affection.
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  They're going to love you the way they know how to love.
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  And a lot of times narcissist love is going to be based on
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  physical things. Physical.
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  Let's let's sleep together. Here's a gift.
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  Hey, I'm here art. Nah, that type of stuff right
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  there. A narcissist love is going to be
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  based on the physicality of elements and dynamics that cross
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  over into these spaces. Like I said, I do want y'all to
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  win. I want y'all to win so bad,
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  right? And the best way for you to win
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  is to understand what you're going through and understand
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  what you're experiencing, to understand who you're fighting
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  and how you're and who you're fighting against.
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  There is baby steps on the healing process, baby steps on
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  the healing journey. And you do get there eventually,
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  but you have to allow yourself that space to heal.
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  You have to allow yourself that space to grow.
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  You have to allow yourself, you know that it, you just have to
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  allow yourself that, that growth contingent, that space.
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  Like I said, at the end of the day, I still want y'all to win.
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  But like I said, I don't think all love bombing is fake.
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  Love bombing can be a manipulation, but this is, this
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  is the only way that a lot of narcissists know how to care.
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  This is the only way that a lot of narcissists know how to know,
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  know how to balance things out. This is the only way that a lot
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  of narcissists know how to experience love is through
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  physical stuff. That's why I say love bombing.
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  It could feel like a deep emotional connection to you in
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  the beginning, but at the end of the day, he ends up feeling like
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  a deep fit, like it, like it ends up looking and you
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  understand it that it's a physical thing.
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  It's more of a physical dynamic, a physical aspect of things.
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  So narcissistic love is typically typically based on
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  physical stuff because they can't provide you that deep
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  emotional connection because they haven't worked on
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  themselves. Let's keep it hot and ready like
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  a like a Little Caesar's pizza. Like I always say you're hot and
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  ready like a little Caesar piece.
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  Y'all didn't take a little Caesar say hey, I bought a pizza
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  because of Lee. No, I'm joking.
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  I'm surely thankful for all of y'all.
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  Thank y'all for being here and they're grinding with me.
• 11:54
  We almost have 500,000 on YouTube, which is insane.
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  Y'all, how many of you? Well, I have another page.
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  My other page is at 3032 hundred.
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  Yay. I'm proud of that page too
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  because this is my reaction page.
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  My reaction page is called Lee actions.
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  I need to follow Lee actions right now.
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  Just swallow Lee actions, say yeah, I came from the I came to
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  the main page or whatnot. Thanks Lee.
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  Anyway, y'all like and subscribe for more.
• 12:17
  I appreciate every single one of y'all and as always, as always,
• 12:20
  misses us. Thank you so much for making it
• 12:22
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 12:25
  Have no idea? If you haven't already, make
• 12:27
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 12:29
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 12:31
  another video or to browse to another playlist.
• 12:33
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 12:35
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
• 12:38
  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
• 12:40
  I will see you in the next video.
• 12:41
  Peace.