Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Declutting Parents Home
Transcript
- NikkiElitePrepServices: then you're making them emotionally just going through a medical traumatic experience, now having to decide what's worth keeping and what's sentimental and important enough to them to bring with them, and now they can't bring everything. So it I just I don't agree with that. I do not agree with that. Allison Newlon: Welcome to the Aging Parent Trap X YouTube channel and podcast. I'm Alison Newland with Platinum Properties of Florida in the Greater Tampa area. I'm here with my friends and colleagues, Julie Cook with Generational Transitions and Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services. And we are Gen Xers talking to other Gen Xers who are navigating their parents' senior years. And today we're going to talk about an article that we found that came came up in my emails this morning from the Huffington Post and it says, seniors, it's okay to keep your clutter. my gosh. And the article goes on to say, you know, so what? let your kids deal with the aftermath after they're gone. And so I I I was drinking my coffee and I most spit it out. There are some points to the article, which we will put in the description below so you can read the whole thing, but we'll kind of summarize some of the points here today and and then and share our thoughts about it. And I'll let I'm gonna let Nikki start off because she definitely had some thoughts about this particular subject. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. So when when you Say go ahead and keep your stuff. To what extent? Are we not able to physically move around the house? Are we not able to find things of importance? Like those are questions. Like that's such a a generic topic to say go ahead keep your stuff, but that's not really what's intended, I would hope. Because when it boils down to it, we all know in that instance when there's an emergency, you need to be able to find things. And if you can't get into a house or get into a room or even locate where these said information. important documents or binders or anything would be, that's a huge problem. I Allison Newlon: Yeah, and let's and let's just let's clarify for a second. We're talking about our parents' home, our parents stuff right now. but we NikkiElitePrepServices: Right. Right. Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: can take some tips too as we get older, not keep a bunch of stuff. But this article is specifically saying you're a senior, it's okay, keep your stuff and your kids will have to deal with it later. Big big deal, tough ta-ta. NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. Yeah, which okay, so on the other Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. NikkiElitePrepServices: hand, when I have clients who are when we do their estate plan and they start writing down what gifts they want to give to family members and stuff, there's always a part where yes, it says in the article like let them wait until you pass before things get divvied out. But wouldn't you like to see the expression on their face of receiving that said gift? Wonder if it's a pendant that was passed down through family generations or a pair of earrings or something. Wouldn't you want To see your child or grandchildren wearing that, feeling proud, like, that's so like that's how important it means to me to see you wearing that. So that's the flip side of it. Like, no, we're not trying to say, like, give us all your stuff because we want it before you pass. No. But wouldn't you want to see the joy in a family member in experiencing and enjoying something that you gave to them while you're alive? Like, I mean, that's I I look at that's a positive. Allison Newlon: Yeah, I get that. And and Jul And jewelry is small, but like in in this particular article, the the writer references like a friend who decided not to buy, and they said small sculpture, because they didn't want to add clutter to the house. but they that person lived another ten years and they could have been enjoying this small sculpture. But I will tell you, I was just in a house with about probably 200 small sculptures, and those were Hummels. I believe many of them, which was a collectible that many people I I don't know, I'm gonna say mid century ish people started collecting them. I don't know how old they are, but they they do have some value, but To whom? I mean, it's in the eye of the beholder, really, right? NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: and so and and that cabinet with all of those little small sculptures, the brother who is in charge of emptying out that house now said, I know who will take them. down around the corner, I just have to push it off the back of the truck, which I thought that was really sad. Yeah, NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm. Allison Newlon: I know, I know. And I I know he was kind of joking, Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: no. Allison Newlon: but he doesn't know what to do with them. He's good old country boy and he's like I don't what am I gonna do? He's not gonna facilitate some sort of sale of those items and there's NikkiElitePrepServices: Right. Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: nobody that wants them. It's sad. but anyways I went on a little tangent there. yes. right. NikkiElitePrepServices: My grandma was that way with precious moments. So when she passed I had hundreds and hundreds of them and I like, what am I gonna what am I gonna do with all this? Where we I mean, in every year for Christmas or for my birthday, she would always give me one to add to my collection. And Allison Newlon: Mm-hmm. NikkiElitePrepServices: then when she passed, I inherited the whole collection. I was like, okay, this overwhelming. I nope, I can't do this. I I physically would need a house all by itself just for that stuff. Allison Newlon: Yeah. Well in the article. I don't know if you noticed this, Julie, but it said something about like twelve vases that you somehow acquired, you know, like just let your kids deal with that, like the vases and going through my mom's house, she had bunches of vases in the garage that were, you know, the vases that you get when you get a common flower delivery. Nothing fancy, it's that, clear glass kind of NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm. Allison Newlon: sh that it's you know, kind of out. glassy type shape stacked up in the garage that kind of stuff could have been gotten rid of a long time ago they could be given back to the flower store you can take them to goodwill you can do whatever with them but like having those there that just you know that's just junk that's gonna get thrown away Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: anyways and I don't know Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I so so I see both sides of this. So the article referenced Christmas decor, and I'm very extra when it comes to Christmas. I have boxes stacked in the attic, too many trees, too many decorations, but it brings me joy. I love it. Allison Newlon: Yes. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I'm not getting rid of it. My son will have to sort through that when I pass. I because it brings me joy. So here's what I noticed about Allison Newlon: Right. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: what the article said: if it's something that brings you joy, Something that's sitting out that you enjoy the it mentioned like books, you know, or the sculpture or whatever, keep it. If it's something that's sitting in the attic now, outside of my Christmas decorations that get pulled down every year. But if it's a box that has sat Allison Newlon: Mm-hmm. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: in the attic forever, you don't even know what's in the box. We can probably part ways with those things. Don't even look in the box, just chunk it, just get rid of it. Yeah, so that will start to help. NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. That's my rule of thumb. Allison Newlon: Yeah, that's fair. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. We've dealt with hoarders. Who literally have things stacked floor to ceiling, wall to wall, and have had to NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: move into a senior living community. And it's a nightmare because it's, it's not only so much stuff, but it's so traumatic for them because they have such an attachment to this stuff, a lot of which is still in boxes, has never been opened, but it's very important to them. And so that's that's the part to consider is is this something that really brings me joy? Like I enjoy watching it, or is it? something that's either in in the attic or it's in a box. I've never really opened it. I don't even know if I like it. Those are things you can probably slowly part ways with. It's not, you don't want to put somebody into like a a traumatic situation where they're trying to sort this stuff out. But periodically as you think about it, as you're spring cleaning, maybe we can part ways with things that aren't important to you. Allison Newlon: Yeah, and you know, I think that's that's a good point. But in in this article, s she kind of points to the fact that Let them deal with it as in let them, Mel Robbins, which we've talked about Mel Robbins before, Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah, I saw that. Allison Newlon: just let them deal with it later on. Let them meaning from her point of view is that there are multiple children to take care of this task that would be left after someone leaves, passes away, whatever. And then they can go through the stuff together. It would be a bonding experience, and you know, they could talk. about memories and stuff and that sounds Yeah, that sounds great in theory. but sometimes there aren't siblings. Sometimes there's an only child like myself who has to go through everything on their own. And it's n you know, yes, you can get caught up in the photos and things like that, but you know, it it's just it is a daunting, overwhelming task when you have to do it by yourself. And we're gonna talk in our next episode about when siblings are tasked with different things involving our aging parents and what that whole experience can be like but you know and sometimes the troubles in involving that but i in in this the author's mind it's it's it's just gonna be like a party NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Probably not. Probably not. Allison Newlon: And and I might add the point of view is that they owe it to me because I slept NikkiElitePrepServices: Yeah. Allison Newlon: them around. I I gave birth to them, I slept them around, I gave them life, whatever I took them to and from, I watched their recitals, I, made them dinners. yeah, and I NikkiElitePrepServices: Picked out the good schools, yeah. Allison Newlon: paid for school and did that. So they owe it to me, which causes a lot of guilt on the child as well. NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: So child Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: the the adult child, because you get reverted back to to being a a a kid, a teenager like yeah well I have to do this now. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Yeah. I don't know that there's a good answer for it, honestly. I can see both perspectives. I think that I feel like every every episode we have, we talk about have a conversation. I feel like this falls under Allison Newlon: Yeah. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: have a conversation. And the conversation may be your parents saying, You're going to deal with it. I'm not getting rid of anything. Well, hey, at least you know going in, I'm gonna have Allison Newlon: Ha ha. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: to I'm gonna have to set aside some days and and deal with it. Allison Newlon: That's true. I mean, I think that's you know, that's that's true. to to have that conversation ahead of time at least would be helpful and we do say have that conversation before something happens and sometimes I mean, we just don't have a crystal ball to know when something's going to happen. So again, we Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: should go back to that kind of what'd we say the the 40-70 rule? Is that what we said last week? The 40 seven when if you hit NikkiElitePrepServices: Mm-hmm. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah, yeah. Allison Newlon: 40 and your parent is 70 and you haven't had this conversation, have the conversation. That is what that's that's that would be a good rule of thumb. and so I think I'll just leave it there unless somebody else has something to say about this. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I think it's a good thing to discuss. Find out, find out Allison Newlon: Sounds good. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: what you're gonna deal with. Allison Newlon: Find it, find out what you're gonna deal with, know ahead of time. It'll save a lot Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: of pain and suffering, mental pain and suffering, knowing ahead of time what you're going to be faced with and have those conversations now with your aging parent so that you're just not overwhelmed when the time comes to have to help, empty out their home. hopefully you will have the opportunity to maybe do that with them versus having to do it in a a situation. Which is is not so pleasant. Thank you for being here and watching. Be sure to leave a comment below about what you're going through, and we'll see you next time.