Latest / Shorter Than Short Podcast / MIKEDJKELLY SHORTER THAN SHORT COMEDY PODCAST107 “BY HECK, THERE’S A LOT HAPPENING” edition

Transcript

MIKEDJKELLY SHORTER THAN SHORT COMEDY PODCAST107 “BY HECK, THERE’S A LOT HAPPENING” edition · Shorter Than Short Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is the short of.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: The short podcast. It's the Mike Kelly short of the
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: short podcast for you.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: Quick, quick, or you'll miss it. Yes, we're here with
• 0:09
  Speaker 3: the brand new No Waffle Mike DJ Kelly shorter than
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: short podcast and the special by Eck. There's a lot happening. Addition.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: This is an important announcement. We'd like to assure our listeners,
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: following the recent Budget Day announcements, that no gherkins have
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: been harmed, damaged or eaten during the making of this show.
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: Coming up, my amazing digital friend Joyce, Fake Showbiz News,
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: Recommender Pod, Charities, Alan Carr. Rylan Clark, Andy Burnham, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor,
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: Krista Pike, Auto Renewal, plus lots of stuff you don't
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: know that you don't know, and a whole lot more.
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: Please welcome the star of the show, your host, Mike
• 1:01
  Speaker 4: DJ Kelly.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: I'm Mike Kelly with the latest shorter than short news.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: Our top story, government launches new Be Ready campaign aimed
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: at preparing the UK for impact of climate crisis, technological
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: dependency and threats by hostile states. Every Briton urged to
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: stock up to nine litres of bottled water and three
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: days worth of food, including a frais bentos pie, six
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: apples and and some sherbet dips, and at least 100
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: toilet rolls. BBC invite Tony Blackburn, the man who opened
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Radio 1, to be in charge of closing down ceremonies,
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: starting with Scottish TV and BBC Three. UK Prime Minister
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: Andy Burnham gives Google a giant free promotion when he
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: tells the UK to use Google Maps to find their
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: cheapest petrol prices locally to save money. New government law
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: stops companies from answering phone calls with the message, your
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: call is important to us, unless they can prove they
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: have enough staff to answer calls. James Bond finalists currently
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: screen testing for the role of 007 in Dennis Villeneuve's instalment,
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: including Rowan Atkinson, Ryland Clark and Alan Carr. All three
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: will be required to demonstrate stunts, camera presence and dialogue
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: and to complete a full military survival and parachute course.
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: Chancellor to announce new scheme where HMRC will be given
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: powers to seize money directly from your bank, which might
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: mean the Co-operative Bank may have to change their slogan,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: after all, it's your money. And just in, Tim Martin's
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: spokesperson says, Wetherspoons is a long-standing supporter of the Royal
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: British Legion poppy appeal and sells poppies in its pubs
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: and raised £ 55, 867 for the appeal last year. That's it.
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: You're up to date with all the news that is
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: news this hour. I'm Mike Kelly for STS News.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: This is the short of the show.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Joyce, do you know you have a small hole in
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: the back of your jacket?
• 3:20
  Speaker 5: Morning to you as well. Yes, I know a moth
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: has done it in the wardrobe. I'm not sure how
• 3:26
  Speaker 5: to stop the blighters.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Fresh conkers in your drawers and wardrobes will keep them away.
• 3:32
  Speaker 5: All the conkers I have are around the doors and
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: window frames to keep the spiders out. Not that it's working.
• 3:39
  Speaker 5: They are still getting in from somewhere.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Spiders are good to have around. Anyway, the Woodland Trust
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: says spiders are completely unfazed by conkers. It's an old
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: wife's tale, but they do confirm fresh conkers deter moths
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: from wardrobes and drawers.
• 3:57
  Speaker 6: This is the Shorter Than Short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: It's okay, the government's suggesting we all have a 72-hour
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: emergency box full of stuff to keep us going if
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: everything shuts down. But here's an interesting fact from Billy Binns, 56.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: To celebrate the late Queen's coronation, there was a review
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: of the Royal Navy. 300 vessels took part in what
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: was called the Spithead Review. It had been taking place
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: for many years at the end of World War I.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: It took two days for the vessels to sail past. Today,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: 12th of the 10th, 26th, we have a total of
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: 10 vessels.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: 10.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: This is not an operational force. This is criminal negligence
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: by the Uniparty. We also have 51 active admirals. That's
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: 10 for every ship. This is more than decline. It's treasonable.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Are you sorted? The Be Ready campaign aims to prepare
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: the UK for impact or climate crisis, technological dependency and
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: threats by hostile states. Every Briton is being urged to
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: stock up up to nine litres of bottled water and
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: three days' worth of food in new government guidance, designed
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: to ensure that households can survive a weather, cyber or
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: other serious emergency. Never mind gusto or paisley boxes, you
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: need the fully complete, government-approved 72-hour ration box. Contains everything
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: you need to survive for three whole days. It will
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: be packed with a selection of cans of fishy things,
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: like tuna, meaty things, like spam and corned beef, plus
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: loads of baked beans and cans of custard. Enough water
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: for drinks and showers, 10 toilet rolls per person, a
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: wind-up torch, wind-up radio, and a small campstone. What more
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: could you need? Full details on how to order at
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: the end of the show.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: Live across the universe, it's the Mike DJ Kelly Shorter
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: Than Short podcast.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: Social media bits in a mo, James Melville always puts
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: out a good story. One of his recent ones was
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: too long to read about, but was good and starts
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: as follows. Britain is visibly decaying. Everything costs a fortune.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Everything is decaying. Everyone is saying it. Living in Britain
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: should be like hitting the jackpot. But successive governments have
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: pissed our assets away, often deliberately. Britain faces huge difficulties
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: and we don't have the calibre of politicians to deal
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: with the issues being faced. We have the most useless,
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: insincere and out-of-touch politicians ever seen in British history. It's
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: a dreadful situation. We are being led by a bunch
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: of shysters with their nests being feathered by their corporate cronies.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: And what is out there on the social media sites?
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Phoebe Bar-Mann? The disappearance of places where you're allowed to
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: exist without spending money deserves more attention. Mrs Smoky Mac,
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: the riots in Europe are down to the age-old problem
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: of inequality, the haves and have-nots. People have had enough
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: of not being treated fairly and equally. Inflation has less
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: of an effect on the rich and a devastating effect
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: on the poor in the long run. We all pay
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: the same prices for food and fuel, but not all
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: on the same income or anywhere near it. Thriller the
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Gorilla If paying a cashier a living wage will make
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: prices go up, why doesn't replacing cashiers with self-service checkouts
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: make prices go down? Zimb002. Anyone else have to fill
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: a form online to get a doctor's appointment. No use
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: ringing the surgery anymore. The receptionist just tells you to
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: go online. When the form is submitted, the doctor then
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: checks it, and if you need an appointment, someone will
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: ring you back and book it. That's fine if you're
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: used to computers, but the elderly will struggle. I think
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: it would be easier to get an appointment with the Pope.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: Carl Venom, when I first heard that they're planning to
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: add the TV licence fee to streaming platforms and charge
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: you on your internet bill, I thought it could never happen.
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: Turns out it's happening. It's like charging you road tax
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: even when you don't have a car. Sheena, I don't
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: think I'd survive two shots of the lethal injection. I've
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: almost died after two shots of Sambuca. In my defence,
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: unlike me, she probably hadn't drank ten pints first. Sheena,
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: if I won the lottery, the first thing I would
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: do is put the heating on. You seem very tired today.
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: Did you not get much sleep?
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: Yes, I am tired. My parcel deliveries keep turning up
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: when I'm in bed. Every delivered one at 9 p.m.
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: last night and Argus delivered one at 5 to 7
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: this morning.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Yes, very annoying. Neighbours had some delivered last night. He
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: was wandering around the street shining his torch through everybody's
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: windows as he tried to find the house numbers.
• 9:29
  Speaker 5: Maybe Andy Burnham needs to introduce some new laws saying
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: parcels cannot be delivered between 7pm and 7am. There you
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: are sorted. That would get my vote.
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: This is the short of the short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: A lot of people whinging about the amount of palm
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: oil in chocolate, but not with Aldi and little brands.
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: By chance, I noticed that Cadbury lost its royal warrant
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: in December 2024. The loss ended 100%. a 170-year-old tradition.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: Queen Victoria first awarded the warrant to Cadbury in 1854.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: Buckingham Palace and the Royal Warrant Holders Association did not
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: provide an official specific reason for the removal. Maybe KC,
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: King Charlie, feels the same as the rest of us
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: do about this.
• 10:20
  Speaker 6: This is the Short of the Short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: And in our We Want Him Back on the Telespot
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: this week... It's Steve Blakely, born in Derbyshire in 1982
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: and was brought up in the mining town of Bolsover.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: Best known for playing the part of PC Jeff Younger
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: in Heartbeat, he was introduced in 2005 as a newly recruited,
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: clumsy but well-meaning Ashfordly police officer. His good-natured and slightly
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: bumbling personality made him highly popular with viewers. We want
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Steve Blakely back on the telly in some new stuff.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: And on the radio, Boom Radio is booming at the
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: prospect of getting its hand on the new unused BBC
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: DAB frequencies. to provide national coverage for Boom Light. Facebook
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: user ImNorth noting that the BBC are now promoting BBC
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: Radio Manchester on screens, on buses, advertising hoardings and everywhere,
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: whereas at one time the place to get promoting or
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: advertised was on the BBC Radio Manchester. On TV, Fletcher's
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Family Farm, Clarkson, Our Farm Next Door, Amanda Clive and Kids,
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: Why so many farm-themed programmes? The TV ads are on
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: to win a £ 400 million Amaze house. But do you
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: really need a house this big? Wouldn't it be better
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: offering 20 £ 200, 000 houses and get more people into their
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: own houses and homes, rather than a few living to excess?
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Talking of which, I watched Kirsty and Phil's Love It
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: or List It, and the three-person family were looking for
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: a bigger home. Despite having one twice the size of ours,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: they ended up staying where they were, with a massive
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: stonking extension, just for three people. We had five in
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: our house. Why so much excess? And on TV, have
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: you noticed the voiceover narrator on the Yorkshire Auction House
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: has changed? The previous narrator, actress Annie Hulley, narrated the
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: series from its launch in 2021 in a jolly and
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: funny way. Now we have the new narrator, comedian and
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: actor Hugh Dennis, who has joined the show as a
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: male voiceover narrator, but he sounds dry and uninterested. I'm
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: sure he's following instructions, but it's not as much fun
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: as it was, and we all know Hugh Dennis is
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: very talented, as shown through his work on Outnumbered and
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Mock the Week. It's here, your exclusive offer to get
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: your hands on some high-tech smart glasses. Not with any
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: of that camera, AI, or audio malarkey, but glasses that
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: deal with the real day-to-day issues of steamed-up lenses when
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: you go into the bathroom after someone's had a shower,
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: or when you go outside and it's minus 10 and
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: you try to breathe. The new solar and battery-powered fog-eyed
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: glasses coming all frames and sizes and work just like
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: the D-Mister does in your car.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Order yours today. Full details at the end of the show.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: It's the Mike Kelly Short and Short Podcast for you.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Recommend a pod, and this time it's the Make It
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: British Podcast, hosted by founder Kate Hills. It shines a
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: light on UK manufacturers, designers, and British-made brands. Host Kate Hills,
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: a former corporate designer and buyer, is on a mission
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: to support and promote UK manufacturing. It features factory tours,
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: founder interviews and practical tips on how to source, scale
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: and manufacture products in Britain. Search for Kate Hills and
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: the Make It British podcast or go to the website
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: at makeitbritish.co.uk. Today's do-gooders are theclothingbank.org.uk. Since forming in 2020,
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: the Clothing Bank has flourished into an incredible network of donors,
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: volunteers and funders, forming a group we like to call
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: the Clothing Bank Community. Together we provide everyday essential clothing,
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: school uniform, work attire, shoes and bags to people across
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: the UK. As the number of people in the UK
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: living in clothing poverty continues to rise, we work to
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: bridge the gap in the support available to those struggling
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: to afford clothes. Find out more, join in, help at theclothingbank.org.uk.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: Today's music quiz, a 70s classic hit, Name the Soul
• 15:27
  Speaker 3: or the Artist. Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields,
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: sold in the market town down in New Orleans. Sky
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: Dog Slather knows he's doing alright, hear him whip the
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: women just around midnight. Name the Soul or the Group
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: or Artist.
• 15:46
  Speaker 5: I wasn't even born then what about some more clues,
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: who's the lead singer, is it from a film? Does
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: the name rhyme with anything? More help needed.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: This is the short of the short podcast with.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Mike Kelly and some outstanding issues. Yes, the Birmingham bin
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: strike is still ongoing, though a potential resolution is under discussion.
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: The Right Honourable Lisa Nandy MP is the Secretary of
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport, who holds overall
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: responsibility for departmental strategy and is the person who could
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: make changes to how the BBC is run. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: takes legal action against police and Old Bailey over Epstein raids.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: Former Prince to challenge whether Thames Valley Force and Central
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Criminal Court of England and Wales acted lawfully over searches
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: relating to his arrest. Wonder how many people are shouting...
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: Go on, Andrew, show them what a charmer you are.
• 16:54
  Speaker 6: This is the Shorter Than Short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: If you're new to the Mike DJ Kelly Shorter Than
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: Short podcast, you can still hear all previous episodes just
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: by searching or shouting the Mike DJ Kelly podcast. shorter
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: than short comedy podcast. You can also catch me on
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: BCB 106.6 FM on a Tuesday at midday. That's at bcbradio.co.uk
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: or you can get it on the radio app. Do
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: you travel by train? Recent reports show that violence is
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: getting out of hand. Staff and passengers at risk of
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: assaults on trains in Great Britain source to a record high.
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: Cases of abuse, spitting, headbutting and sexual harassment have spiked
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: as transport police numbers have dwindled. Figures released recently showed
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: the number of reported assaults on Great Britain's railways had
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: risen by a fifth. to a record high of almost 25,000
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: incidents in a year. Protect the Wild say this is
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: the stark reality of catapult crime. Kids are sharing their
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: kills on TikTok and other social media apps, ticking off
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: species on their kill lists. Enough is enough. We're calling
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: for catapult crime on wildlife to become a standalone criminal offence.
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: Please sign the government petition. It will take you a
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: couple of seconds. More from the social media sites Blade
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: of the Sun. The UK is only in debt because
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: it privatised everything. If Margaret Thatcher had never existed and
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: we never privatised oil, gas, electricity, airports, water, mail, rail, Rolls-Royce,
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: British Airways, we would have trillions of pounds and own everything,
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: just like Norway. Reynolds sales are... In France, most of
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: the vegetables are sold loose, so you take exactly what
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: you want. Lower the cost and the waste. Every time
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: I come back to the UK, I'm struck by how
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: much produce is wrapped in big portions and in plastic.
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: Not another white box. They wonder why the high street
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: is dying out, but it just cost me £ 10. 80 to
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: park for two hours in Leeds. Ian Gatward, in these
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: economic times where everyone is making cuts here and there
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: and everywhere, but the Beeb still not getting rid of
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: Radio 1 extra dance and anthems and keeping Mrs Brown's
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: Boys and Wimbledon, whilst cutting almost everything else just baffles me.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Time to put a tin hat on. Brendan McGeary, the
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: UK government has introduced laws to restrict unfair parking charges.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: But why are private parking companies given personal information by
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: the DVLA? Surely this is a breach of GDPR regulations.
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: Gail Renard, writer, the BBC Charter, states that the BBC
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: is supposed to provide programmes that no one else does.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: They don't have to be the favourite of all, as
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: long as they're favourite of some. You can get podcasts anywhere.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: We want our beautiful curated Radio 4 Extra. This is
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: as near as you're going to get to a motoring spot.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: drivers are unwittingly paying up to 40% more to park
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: as more councils switch to app-only payments and force customers
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: to pick up the tab. Many councils across England have
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: removed pay and display machines and replaced them with app payments.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: Most local authorities encourage drivers to pay by app to
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: beat queues, while apps are often the only way to
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: pay when ticket machines are out of order. However, many
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: car park signs fail to mention that app payments may
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: incur an additional service fee. Parking apps save councils money
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: by removing the cost of installing and maintaining ticket machines,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: but while a few pay the app providers directly for
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: their services, Many leave drivers to foot some or all
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: of the bill through convenience fees or service fees. These
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: typically range from 10 to 30p. They are not included
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: in the advertised parking tariffs in the car parks, even
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: when an app is the only payment option, and they
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: are not often strongly flagged within the apps. Talking of parking,
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: Leeds has a new landmark on the skyline, a 43-storey
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: student tower that is now the tallest purpose-built student accommodation
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: building in the world. Standing at 134 metres high.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Fusion Students, 633-bed residence at Arena Point on Merriam Way,
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: is also the tallest building in Yorkshire, marking the completion
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: of a six-year project with a gross development value of
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: £ 95 million. And what if all 633 people sleeping there
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: own a car? What will Leeds be doing about that?
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: Have you noticed how many learner drivers there are on
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: the road at this time of the year? It makes sense,
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: as the 26th of September, nine months after Christmas, is
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: the busiest birthday day of the year. So a lot
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: more 17-year-olds around. Anyway, I digress. My car insurance is
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: up for renewal and they're asking for too much. So
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: I looked around and got it cheaper. But what a palaver.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: The cheapest way involved me scanning my licence and taking
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: a rotating head photo. before I got any quotes. But
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: the worst bit is cancelling the app renewal of the
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: existing policy. I have to email the company from a
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: specific email address with specific details or phone them. Why
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: does it have to be so difficult? The house insurance
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: is due, and I have the same issue with them
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: as well. Why not a new law saying they have
• 23:22
  Speaker 3: to have a stop feature that allows you to cancel
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: auto renewal, where you text the word stop to a
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: number and the policy is cancelled? Have you received a
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: speeding or parking ticket that does not belong to you? Well,
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: the number of clone number plates on UK roads is
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: at a record high. Data shows more than 11,400 drivers
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: last year were fined for offenses they did not recognize,
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: most of which are believed to be down to cloning.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: where a number plate is copied fraudulently on similar vehicles
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: to avoid enforcement cameras. The number of complaints was 9%
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: higher than in 2024, almost double the figure recorded in 2018,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: according to the RAC motoring organisation, which is analysed data
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: obtained under the Freedom of Information Requests. Final word on cars.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Toyota has confirmed a hydrogen fuel cell version of the
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Hilux pickup will enter production in 2028. How does hydrogen work?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: It's compressed gaseous hydrogen stored at high pressure, typically 700
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: bar or 10,000 psi, into a hydrogen car fuel cell
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: stack that mixes the hydrogen with oxygen from the air
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: to create electricity, emitting only water vapour from the tailpipe.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: Flower buttons on Facebook. I'm looking for a qualified bikeability
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: teacher for my 10-year-old. Please let me know of any recommendations. Thanks.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: When did that become a thing? When we were kids,
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: your mum or dad would put you on your bike
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: alongside a long wall and say, get going. When you
• 25:15
  Speaker 3: got past that stage, you'd be sent to do your
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: cycling proficiency test in a school playground somewhere. Joyce, what's happened?
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: You've got clown eyes. What have you done?
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: Sorry, I permed and dyed my eyebrows in my coffee break,
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: but it appears to be smudging and spreading across my face.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: You look like a grunge Crayola crime scene. Are you
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: going to clean it off?
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: I will try but it is permanent dye. I might
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: have to wait for it to grow out. Anyway are
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: we going for food after the show?
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: Have you got a carrier bag to put over your head?
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: We could go to the bridge inn at Horsforth and
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: get a late breakfast.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Oh yes I like it there and the big breakfast
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: with tea or coffee and fried bread and three sausages £ 8.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: 49.
• 26:05
  Speaker 5: This is the.
• 26:08
  Speaker 6: Shorter than short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: And talking of breakfasts, Arsenal have been slammed by fans
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: for charging £ 50 for a full English breakfast at the Emirates.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: Some supporters visited the Woolwich restaurant in order to grab
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: breakfast before the midday game against Leeds. Notable Arsenal fan
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Stephen Power posted a picture of his full English topped
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: with watercress on social media and claimed that the meal
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: cost £ 50 for the sparse-looking plate. He said it had
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: all the trimmings. That included one fried egg, two sausages,
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: one mushroom, one tomato, one bread slice and a cup
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: of beans.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: This is the Short of the Short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Fake showbiz news at fake showbiz news. Christmas Day to
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: be held on Friday this year. Santa Claus confirms we've
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: not done it on a Friday for a few years now,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: so we thought we'd give it a go, he told reporters.
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: Pubs to be allowed to stay open an hour later
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: on the day Manchester City received their punishment for cheating,
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: government confirms. Kylie Minogue hits out at shops and cafes
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: that put out little signs urging people to pay with
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: cash so they can avoid card transaction fees. Get a grip.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: It's only about 1%, she chastised. New Sky Channel, Sky Death,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: pledges to be the UK home of live-streamed US executions,
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: along with the best state killings from around the globe.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: And on that note, what about lethal injection lady Krista Pike?
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: 50 is the Tennessee death row inmate who survived botched
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: execution via lethal injections.
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: We should invite her on a night out. She'd be
• 28:03
  Speaker 5: good at setting the pace in the bars on Call
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: Lane and Lower Brigade.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: This is the short of the short.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Don't forget, my pod-picking friends, if you want to get
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: in touch about anything to do with the Shorter Than
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Short podcast show, please use the following to contact us,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: and if you have any stories, gossip, jokes, or anything
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: for the next episode, do connect and follow. It's Mike
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: DJ Kelly. on most social media sites. Don't forget, you
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: can always buy us a coffee if you go to gocoffee,
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: that's at ko-fi.com, Mike DJ Kelly. Any money's raised, go
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: to charity. And in the Stuff You Don't Know corner,
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: a British kettle boils a litre of water in under
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: two minutes. An American one takes closer to four minutes.
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: It's the power sockets. UK sockets run at 240 volts,
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: so a kettle can pull about 3,000 watts. US outlets
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: are 120 volts, and most US kettles top out around 1,500 watts. Also,
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: there's a fuse in every plug in the UK. Unscrew
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: one and you'll find a little cartridge fuse, usually 3
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: or 13 amps. The design dates back to 1947. In
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: the US, they don't. That protection lives in the fuse
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: breaker box, not in the plug. And some good news.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Asha Nimrani says Sadio Main, Senegalese soccer star, earns approximately $ 10. 2
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: million annually. He gave the world a rude awakening after
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: some fans were flabbergasted when they saw him carrying a
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: cracked iPhone 11. His response was awesome. Why would I
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: want 10 Ferraris, 20 diamond watches and two jet planes?
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I starved. I worked in the fields, played barefoot. I
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: didn't go to school. Now I can help people. I
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: prefer to build schools and give poor people food or clothing.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: This is the Short of the Short Podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: Yes, the celebrity. Born on the 10th of October 1946
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: in Redmill, Worcestershire, he is an English actor known for
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: playing intimidating authoritarian characters and villains. He is the recipient
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: of two Actor Awards and Critics' Choice Awards, in addition
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: to four Primetime Emmy Award nominations. He started his career
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: on stage with the Royal Shakespeare Company, before appearing in
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: film and on TV. For his services to drama, he
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: was appointed an OBE by Queen Elizabeth in 2006. He
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: made his feature film debut in the James Bond film
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: For Your Eyes Only. He has since acted in a
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: string of critically acclaimed period films such including Michael Collins,
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Gosford Park, The Imitation Game, Manc, and The King's Man,
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: and many more. He made his directorial film debut with
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: the drama Film Ladies in Lavender in 2004, which he
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: also wrote and executive produced. Who is he? If you
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: want to get in touch with this top rated and
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: sometimes much listened to podcast, please connect and get in
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: touch about anything to do with the shorter than short
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: comedy podcast. We're on most social media sites at Mike
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: DJ Kelly. Indeed, if you want to podcast making for
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: your business or need help with radio producer or presentation work,
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: travel news, voiceover work, podcast editing, please do get in touch.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: Do tell your friends about the podcast. All they need
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: to do to find it is search on Google for
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: the Mike DJ Kelly shorter than short comedy podcast.
• 32:08
  Speaker 6: This is the shorter than short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: And a final burst from the social media sites. James Melville.
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: Barclays is cutting 5,000 jobs, 5% of its workforce, as
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: it moves towards artificial intelligence for work processes. This is
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: another early warning of the huge job losses that AI
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: will drive across so many industries. Deeply worrying. Shaz in Cyprus.
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: Barclays cutting 5,000 jobs as it increases reliance on AI.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: This should be illegal. It's certainly immoral. AI is crap.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: Hope it backfires on them. Natalie Frank, when you shop
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: at an indie bookstore or a small business, that money
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: stays in your community. And I don't think we talk
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: about that enough. Shroppy Green Man, warning, if someone sends
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: you a link to Cliff Richard singing Christmas carols, don't
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: open it. It actually is Cliff Richard singing Christmas carols.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: Donna Samuel Photography, how many of you are ordering the £ 195, yes,
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: you heard me right, the £ 195 Beef Wellington from Marks
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: & Spencer for Christmas? 19 lizard 62 burnham's proposed unsocial
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: noise prevention on public transport it's all very well but
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: who's going to police it train guards and bus drivers
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: are already being threatened and abused on a daily basis
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: they have no ready police support and they are supposed
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: to get involved in further confrontation with the public chris
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: packham if i was prime minister if i was burnham
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Watching European cities ablaze, I'd instigate a wealth tax at 9.01am
• 34:04
  Speaker 3: tomorrow morning. Just saying, or should we just eat cake?
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: Every doctor UK, public support for the NHS's founding principles
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: is slipping, not because the vision failed, but because people
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: are losing faith in a system pushed to breaking point.
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: Decades of chronic underfunding, understaffing, and systemic neglect are taking
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: their toll.
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: This is the Shorter Than Short podcast with Mike Kelly.
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: The International Monetary Fund is scared at the threat of
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: an AI share crash that could put the world financial
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: stability at risk. High valuations and debt put sector in danger,
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: while funds also warn on government borrowing and cyber attacks.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: IMF warns global economy could soon test the limits of resilience.
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: The threat of an AI share price crash rippling out
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: across global markets. is putting world financial stability at risk.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: The IMF highlighted the sky-high valuations for AI companies, along
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: with their increasing debt pile. There's one reason that risks
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: in the system are elevated. Aside from the US, Asian
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: markets would be most exposed, and the UK and Euro
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: area potentially more insulated. And in the late news, TalkTalk
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: has gone into administration and BT has stepped in with
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: a rescue deal. So watch out for scam callers claiming
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: to be from TalkTalk or BT. And remember, when disposing
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: of pumpkins in the garden, parks or green spaces after
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: Halloween or at any time, please do not put them
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: on the ground. Pumpkin is a laxative for hedgehogs, causing
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: serious diarrhoea and dehydration. Octopus Energy will send free of
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: charge an electric blanket to vulnerable or disabled people who
• 36:10
  Speaker 3: request one. Not for me, I have one big lump
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: of a dog who makes himself at home on my bed. Okay,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: it's time to go. Guess the song, or name the
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: artist who had a hit with the song these lines
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: came from. Gold Coast slave ship bound for cotton fields,
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: sold in the market down in New Orleans. Sky Dog
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: Slather knows he's doing all right. Hear him whip the
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: women just around midnight. Who was it? the Rolling Stones
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: with Brown Sugar from the Sticky Fingers album. How did
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: they get the name Rolling Stones? They took their name
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: from a 1950s blues song called Rolling Stone by American
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: musician Muddy Waters. Yes, the celebrity, born on the 10th
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: of October 1946 in Redmoor, Worcestershire. He is an English actor,
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: best known for playing intimidating, authoritarian characters and villains. He
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: is the recipient of two Actor Awards and Critics' Choice Award,
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: in addition to four Primetime Emmy Award nominations. He started
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: his career on stage with the Royal Shakespeare Company before
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: appearing in film and on TV. For his services to drama,
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: he was appointed an OBE by Queen Elizabeth. He made
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: his feature film debut in the James Bond film For
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: Your Eyes Only. He has since acted in a string
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: of critically acclaimed period films, including Michael Collins' Gosford Park,
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: The Imitation Game, Mank and The King's Man and many more.
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: He made his directorial film debut with the drama film
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: Ladies in Lavender in 2004, which he also wrote and
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: executive produced. Who is he? Walter Charles Dance. Today's do-gooders
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: are the clothingbank.org.uk and a final thought from Facebook. I'm 64.
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: I'm obviously not retired yet. When I was at school,
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: I was told I'd be able to retire at 60.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: Then there was a court case that said women and
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: men should not be discriminated against and should have the
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: same retirement age. The French, bless them, decided to bring
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: the men's retirement age down to 60 in line with women's.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: In the UK, they decided to put the women's retirement
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: age up. The reason we had an earlier retirement age
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: was because it was recognised that women carried the burden
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: of homemaking and child rearing on top of working. But
• 38:53
  Speaker 3: hey ho! That is that. I am what I recently
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: discovered is called Generation Jones. A year or two short
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: of Generation X, but definitely not Boomer, either.
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: I'm sorry, Mr. Kelly. You are out of time. You
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: must stop now.
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: And guess what? It's been a blast, but that's enough
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: of this special, by heck, there's a lot happening, edition
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: of the Crazy Shorter Than Short Comedy Podcast. From me,
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: Mike Kelly.
• 39:23
  Speaker 5: And from me Joyce I'm looking forward to breakfast at
• 39:26
  Speaker 5: the bridge. Come on let's get out of here.
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. and remember you can always find the
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: podcast by searching or shouting the mike dj kelly shorter
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: than short podcast