Latest / High n' Dry Podcast / Episode 62. Genie in a Bottle & Shredder vs. SpongeBob (Feat. Erin Mc Luckie Moya, Author)

Transcript

Episode 62. Genie in a Bottle & Shredder vs. SpongeBob (Feat. Erin Mc Luckie Moya, Author) · High n' Dry Podcast

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: So which one's drunk and which one's high?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_06: I'm drunk.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_06: I'm high.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'm super jealous.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_06: Oh oh I'm not high yet.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_06: I have I have not uh the it is noon right now.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_04: I mean I I free game all the time, so I try and live my life in a state of buzz.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_03: So I feel like you know when you went to those music festivals and like you would go to sleep buzzed and you would wake up and like carry on just to keep that buzz.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: I've kind of felt like that was gonna be today for you guys.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, oh what a stage of life.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_06: Uh it might be.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_06: I get high every night, but like a lot of times you know, I've I've stopped smoking as much during the day because I have to like be productive.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_04: So that's actually a surprise to me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_04: I the last I was aware of you had just lived in a haze of I have to be productive.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_03: What is this thing that you speak of called productivity?
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_06: I I recently discovered it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_06: It's a new trend that I think came out of like what, Japan?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_04: Hey everyone out there.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to High and Dry Podcast, the only podcast where we do all of our own stunts.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_04: With me as always, James Crosslin.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_04: James, what's going on, man?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_04: How you doing?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_06: I am incredibly tired because your fucking co-workers have been shaking my house in the middle of the night for the past week because of goddamn red flag 22-2.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_06: I've got got no sleep, productivity way down.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_06: Now, now it's Saturday.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_06: I gotta get blasted and then try to do some work.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_06: Gotcha.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, for those so so few people who listen to this over you know extended period of time.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_04: You've worked out clues that I work with military planes.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but we're gonna keep the mystery going.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_04: So uh joining us, brand new guest.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_04: Um, let's see if I can pull it off.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_04: Here we go.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_04: It's the big moment.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_04: Aaron McLucky Moya.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he said my name.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_03: Louder.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: Woo!
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_07: Uh Aaron McLucky Moya.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_04: It's been eye and dry, everyone.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_04: We pulled it off.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_04: Take it easy.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, but joining us, uh, writer um who's kind of just stumbled into it and keeps getting successful.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um, what's going on?
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_04: How are you doing?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for coming on.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for having me.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like this is an experience.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um I'm not quite on your level yet, but I am catching up.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, we'll get there.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_04: Don't worry about it.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_06: We haven't started at all.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_06: You're way ahead of us right now.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_06: Uh we we entered, we've been we've been having an introduction conversation and she's been drinking the entire time.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: Completely.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: I find that you you get two types of guests.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_04: Like the one who's like, oh, we have an excuse to just fucking get blitzed, hell yeah.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_04: And then then the other one who's like, I'm gonna take it easy, I'm gonna do half of what they do.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_04: And this is the same.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_03: I literally took a train.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I went to the city today, which is not a big thing that I do very often.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: So I went to the city.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_03: Just let me just explain this.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: Let me back up.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm South African, I moved to Italy two years ago, and the reason we moved to Italy was that we have like two small kids, and we thought, oh, like a beautiful Italian village is gonna be amazing to grow like raise our children in.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_03: They can walk in the streets, they can ride their bikes, which I know to you sounds normal, but if you live in South Africa, you literally cannot walk in your streets.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_06: It's we live in Las Vegas, we can't walk in the streets either.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like the crime rate is next level.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: So we thought, okay, this is gonna be lovely.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: But okay, so I moved to this little small town in Italy, and my kids are thriving, and I'm fucking dying inside because nobody speaks English in this village, nobody understands.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_03: Like, literally, there's like one restaurant in the town that is sometimes open on a Sunday.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, do you not like money?
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: What about Sunday lunch?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how does this work?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't understand.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so we move here, and um, three months after we move, we go into lockdown.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_03: It's like very much.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's good timing.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, like what?
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm in a country.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_06: What are you missing out on?
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_06: There's only one restaurant anyway.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't speak Italian, but now I speak Italian, but like what we call kitchen Italian, which is like you get by.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_03: But when I moved here, I knew three words, and they were like peace, pizza, pasta, and cappuccino.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_03: So now it's a great one what's cappuccino, and people get super offended if you order a cappuccino after lunch.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's not done.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_03: It's not done.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_07: Oh, interesting.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I come here and we're in the small farm village.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_03: So when we go to the city, it's like a big, it's like a big thing, which for me is crazy because I come from a city.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so we take a train, which was like a lovely experience, and on the way back, we're on the train, and I've like it's a whole family outing, and I've said I look at my husband, I'm like, I really need to get something because we're gonna be doing shots tonight on the podcast.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, What the fuck are you talking about?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I'm gonna get resent.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, How many shots do you plan on doing?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, all of them.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: I plan on doing all the things, all of them.
• 5:11
  unknown: That's what I'm doing.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: And he said, I'm a mother of two, I need this.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then he said, But after the podcast, you're still gonna have to put the kids to bed.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, are you gonna be able to do this?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, my job is just to sit there, like it will be fine.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: I don't have to do anything, I just need to sit next to them and tell them to go to sleep.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna be fine.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_06: They basically read the stories to themselves now.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_06: Uh I'm just present.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, well, you know, it's gonna be past their bedtime.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna tell them that they got a movie and that was the bonus, and then let's just shut up and go to sleep.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_03: And that's my that's what I'm gonna do.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_03: So he's like, Are you sure this is gonna be okay?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, it's gonna be fine.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: I have fucking no idea if this is gonna be okay.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be batshit crazy out of my mind in an hour, and the worst case scenario is I'm gonna look at my husband and be like, this is a you problem.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I do this 24-7.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: You handle this, and he's gonna tomorrow he's gonna hate me.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_03: And just to add the cherry on the cake, I this catches me.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_03: I've been here for two years, it catch it's caught me for the last two years.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_03: The rest of the world, the fucking whole world, celebrates Father's Day in June because that's when Father's Day is, okay?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_03: Not Italy, not Italy.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_03: Italy, because it is a Catholic state.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_03: No, no, it is today.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I have um lunch.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, so you're doing a nice.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean, he gets to be a father, it's perfect.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: Perfect.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_03: When the kids woke up this morning, I told them that it was Father's Day, that's so they needed to spend all of their time with him.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_03: All of it.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: He wouldn't have to be a good one.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_06: Are you trying to tell me the fathers don't like spending time with their kids?
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_06: Because that seems like an issue.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_06: Just turn it around on him.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_03: Go spend all your time.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_03: All of it.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: It's Father's Day.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_03: He needs all of your time.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_03: I do feel like I'm gonna pay for it tomorrow, but it's fine.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_06: But that's tomorrow.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_06: It's not husband's day, get off my back.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: That's future Erin's problem, honesty.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_04: Well, we're glad to have you here.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_04: It's gonna be a great time.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um, for those of you who are just joining us, and just to kind of give you an idea of how this works, we start every episode off with a moral dilemma, a fun little question, you know, one of those things you got to ask your friends like back when things didn't matter as much.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_04: And then it devolves into a fist fight, like those things often do.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: If this is gonna be like one of those questions of if you had to choose a girl to be half fish, would you want her top half to be a fish or bottom half to be a fish?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_06: No, we already did that one.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's long.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_06: We did that one like second episode.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_06: You're way late.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, that's not a moral dilemma.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_04: It's the question of our time.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_04: You know, every generation has one question.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, you speak fish?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: Well, before we get into you know, what side you want to fuck a fish from?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_04: If you have a little drunk, we gotta get a little high.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_04: So let's pour them up, people.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_04: I know uh Aaron over there, you already got yours pretty well poured.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm having an ice buzz at the moment.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very happy with my limoncello.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it's it's time to break that floodgate.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_04: So this first one goes out to uh Carl Urban, Cher, and our newest guest, Aaron.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: Cheers.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just gonna keep drinking.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_04: That is how you traditionally cheers.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_04: Oh man.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, oh yeah.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_04: So uh we totally just forgot that right away.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_04: James, what are you smoking this week?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_06: Uh I brought back something I've had in the past, Blue Dream.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_06: Like I messed up my ankle uh a couple weeks ago and it hasn't gotten better.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_06: And so I don't I don't feel cool about setting up my dab rig and pulling all that shit in here right now.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_06: I'm just gonna use my easy little vape pen that'll get you arrested in airports in Russia, apparently.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_06: Um there, yeah.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_06: We had a basketball, there was an American basketball player who got arrested trying to leave Russia because she had a uh a vape pen with cannabis.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but supposedly didn't.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_06: Uh but Russia kind of lies.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_06: Uh yeah, yeah.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_06: They imprison people for lies sometimes.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean they they imprison people for a lot of things at the moment.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_04: Right now it's yeah, it's whatever.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_06: But so it's the US.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_06: We're really good at it too.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_06: Don't get me wrong.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_04: Well, and and so well, Aaron, you you said you had lemon cello.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what are you drinking?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_04: What do you got of it?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_04: I saw multiple colors.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_04: So what are you bringing to the table here?
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: I've got lemon cello, and then I have this awful, god-awful thing that my husband bought, which is pure vodka and pure fruit.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like I'm suddenly in a university party and I'm drinking like jello shots and I'm like pretending to like it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_06: Do you have red do you have a red solo cup that you can grab?
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_06: I saw you were I saw you were drinking out of espresso glass.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_03: I'm drinking out of espresso glasses.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: In fairness, they are really fancy espresso glasses because that's where I am in life, where like the the prospect of the brand Le Crusade excites me, which is fucking depressing.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_03: But that's I didn't think I was gonna get you.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: But like this is I'm like, oh, we have a Le Crusay like Butter dish.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, who the fuck?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: I never if you told me I would have a Le Crusay butter dish when I was 20, I would have looked at you and be like, why?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like, who even needs a butter dish?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_03: But apparently I'm that person, so yes.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_06: I'm that bitch.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: Who knew?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh well then uh with that, and I'm gonna be joining you guys with Bullet Bourbon.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_04: It's a frontier whiskey.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I had that first shot a second ago, and I gotta say, I'm really enjoying it.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like you're a big way classier than I am.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm I'm I'm holding this big, you know, Costco jug.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_04: He bought it in bulk.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_04: It's not classy.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that being the case, let's pour up our second one.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like if I speak Italian, it will make it classy.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_03: No matter what I say.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: It will be fine.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, say something classy.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_02: Mi piace, mi beve.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: Bellissimo.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: Io fatto tutti i limitelo.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_04: Perfect.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_04: Well, this one goes out to our newest uh listeners.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_04: These ones are from really Florida?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_07: Hmm.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_04: Florida.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we haven't had a Florida, new Florida in a while.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, here's to Ocala, Florida.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_04: You know, our newest listeners.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks, Florida.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_06: First time.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_06: First time for everything.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_06: Cheers in Florida.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_04: You know, the last like 20 shots we've done on this show have just been miserable.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_04: We did the high west, we did the Pendleton.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_04: This uh, this bullet, you know, I'm even getting to the point where I'm like like getting ready to dread it and like, no, this is really nice, very smooth.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_04: See, Costco delivered.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, thank you, Costco.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_04: And thank you, Bullet.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like they need to pay you for sponsorship now.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we've been thinking the same thing.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_04: I feel that also.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_03: Just like, you know, like if you buy buy from them a lot.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_03: Just saying.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, or or like go onto their website and type in high and drive for 20% off.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_04: Something like that, you know?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_06: Costco, I gotta say, if you're listening to this, uh, consider this a notice uh of of us trying to collect dues.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_06: You are consider yourself build.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_04: Well, here's our third shot.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_04: Third toast.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_04: Let's line them up.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_04: This one.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_04: We too more guests toast.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_02: Buzzing.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_04: Well, this is guests' toast.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Aaron, what's it too?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_03: My toast.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, God.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: You're gonna laugh at me when I say this because you are like a philosophy podcast.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm gonna totally toast to everybody who enjoys reading Smut.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_06: Ah, yeah.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_06: No, we're not against we're very pro Smut.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, here's the Smut and the readers of it.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_04: Cheers.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not gonna lie, the readers are really hardcore.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_03: I get messages daily, all the time, about what I've done with the characters and how I could possibly do this terrible thing to their favorite character.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm pretty sure people who write in like the horror genre don't get that level of like people in your DMs going, how could your death has to so and so?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, yeah.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_06: Like, listen, there's a there's a there's a lush community of erotica writer, you know, fan fiction writers out there.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_06: Just go ahead and write your own fanfic where they come back to life and fuck some more.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_03: Don't even joke.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_03: I had um I've had a a fellow, like a fellow colleague, it's not really, but somebody who ended ended up reading all of my one series, and then she wrote like a fan fiction of it and then published it.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_03: And I think what gets me more about that is that she's actually making more money off me from than I am off of her fan fiction version than I am, and I'm like, what the fuck?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_04: Damn.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what you gotta do is you now gotta read their fan fiction and figure out where it's different.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_03: No, I can't read that.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_03: Honestly, like I read a lot, like I'm uh I'm um I read all the time, and not just not just what I write, like I read everything all the time, yeah, and I cannot get through three sentences of what she wrote because it's just so poorly written.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_03: Like, bless her.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: But I I'm like I got the sentence structure.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like the Yeah, yeah.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_04: No, that makes a difference.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_06: People like poorly written books, poorly books.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_04: It drives me crazy, man.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_04: As a as a writer right now who's trying to find a literary agent.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it drives me insane.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: You've learned, um it depends.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I will not get a literary agent.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: What I'm gonna say is completely controversial, but like I will not get a literary agent where I am because I am not a diverse voice.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm a heterosexual white woman who's married with two kids.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's space for me, but not massive space for me.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: I have to be like in the top 10% of the most amazing of amazing of amazing writers because what's happening within agencies and publishing houses in general is that they're making this large um area or space for people who have for voices of diversity, which is necessary.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, like it is, I mean, you've had years and years and years of not having that, but it means that somebody like me needs to then look at like Amazon or Ingram's Fox.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not that my I mean, based on my readership, it's not that my stuff doesn't sell.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_03: It's that I have a large readership.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: I've got people who are invested and super into these different characters that I make, but it means that I am not what an agency wants.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_03: It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm not what readers want.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: There's still I'm still marketable, but in terms of an agency discussion, I'm not what they want or what they're looking for because I'm not diverse enough.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, um I've even written, so I have I write a lot of stuff.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: Pretty pretty pretty wide.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_06: Um pretty pretty wide, pretty wide, pretty white.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_03: So I got I sent through, I mean, like I went through the whole process of agents scouting, and I've been through like a lot of um processes of like uh sending the sending the the letters and getting the follow-ups to the point where I even got a phone call and they were like, we're gonna set up a phone call.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I get the phone call, and in my bio it says, like, I'm South African, but I live in Italy, and I get the phone call, and I'm finally there, and they look at me and they go, but you're white, and I'm like, uh Charlie Sheron is also South African.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't know that.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_03: And response that I get, or I've received that because I said I was South African, they were expecting something different, which I which I understand, but I also feel like is a blanket statement.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_03: So um I think those people at the diverse voices need more space in the market, and I think if the agencies and the five big publishing houses are ready to give that to them, then I think that's amazing.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: What I am grateful for, I know a lot of other age, a lot of other authors don't feel this way, but I am incredibly grateful that Amazon even offers a platform.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Because if Amazon didn't exist in this sphere, like 90% of my sales come from Amazon.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_03: If I wasn't able to write and publish myself on Amazon, I wouldn't be doing what I was doing.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_03: So for somebody like me, um, even when they piss me off, like and they're the worst business partner in the world, yeah, I I find it very difficult to be anything other than grateful because without this are you telling me there's nuance to this conversation?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_06: Hold on a minute.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on, are we not just talking smut?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I find it very difficult to be.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_04: I was waiting to hear, like, and in her book, his penis is four times bigger, and that's why it's selling.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely more now.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: In fairness, um I think I think that's it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like if you're looking at the agency traditionally published agency conversation versus um, like Amazon has a huge rise in different kinds of authors.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you even have, I don't know if you guys know, I mean, if you don't know, you've been living under a rock, but there's um Colleen Hoover, which is like a New York best-selling author, she's like massive.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_03: She's taken some of her work and gone indie and published on Amazon.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: And the reason she's done that is because some of her stuff is too dark to um publish traditionally, and so she's taken that on Amazon and or the trad the indie route, and she's probably made more money off of her indie route than she has off traditional publishing.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: So it's now become sort of a debate of whether you even need a traditional publisher.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_04: I'm throwing that out there because it's something to consider.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I yeah, no, and I've I've encountered the I've encountered that.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_04: And you know, it's uh it's a thing, and you know, we'll see what happens, I guess.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_04: But I think it's time to ask a question.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_04: It's time to get into some philosophy.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_04: I feel we've all been drinking enough.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_04: Um it's time to ask a question.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_04: I haven't been drinking at all.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, you know, I haven't, yeah.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like you need to catch up.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_06: Anyway, I'm fine.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_06: I've been smoking.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_06: We do so much better.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, so uh so the question I have for us today, and it kind of hit me on the waves.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like, wait, I can't believe we have never done the genie in a bottle question.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: You know, and I blame the writers, honestly.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_04: You know, lazy fucks.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_04: My bad.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but we've never done the genie in the bottle question.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_04: So the question I have for you guys, simple, it's been told a million times, but we've never answered it ourselves, is you're roaming through the world and you come across a magical lamp which pulls out a genie, and the genie's gonna grant you those three wishes.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_04: My question is, what are your three wishes?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_04: Guests first, Aaron, what do you think?
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_04: You just found yourself a genie in a lamp, and he's like, yo, you got three wishes, what are it gonna be?
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: One more wishes.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: And he's like, No.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: You couldn't say that because you didn't put that in the terms and conditions.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: I read the fine version.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_04: He says uh he's like, Well, next time you could bring a lawyer until then.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think I would just wish for happiness and contentment, and I know that's like such a cop-out, but I feel like the more aware you are in life, the more discontent you are with life because you suddenly realize that there should be more, this should be happening differently.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: There I don't know, there's like a ton of questions.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: So I in some ways I just wish that I could accept like the status quo and just be happy, just be like so satisfied with my last and life and be happy.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not saying I'm unhappy, but I'm always striving for more.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_03: There's always like, what is more?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: What can I do?
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_03: Why am I why is this not enough?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I think I would wish for contentment and happiness to the point where I was just like stable, content, happy, not needing the next thing.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_04: So he pulls out a drill and lobotomizes you.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_06: Here's the blindfold and some earplugs.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you're preaching to the choir with that one.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_03: I just feel like it's right.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, the more I don't know.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like I've met somebody after that first one.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_06: You wouldn't need two more wishes.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_06: After that first one, you're like, oh no, I don't need any more wishes.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_03: Everything's fine.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_03: I don't need anything.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm a good I'm efficient.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_07: I'll have a coke.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_03: My god.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: So, what else would I wish for?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_03: Um I would really like tap into that wish, which I know sounds absolutely insane because it's gonna make me sound like I am so materialistic, but it's not about that, it's more about like a security.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: I would wish that.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: Do you remember that story?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_03: There was like a story when you were growing up as kids that was like there was this emperor who met like a genie or whatever, and he needed um he asked that every time he put his his hand in his pocket, he would come out with the exact amount that he needed for whatever he wanted to buy.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: I would want that.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: Because it means that I'd never have to worry.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: I would never have to worry about it.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_03: Which would be really fucking late.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: And it doesn't mean that I now have like billions in the bank account that I'm now like itching to spend and go and like buy like a seven bedroom mansion in LA.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: It means that if I want to buy like a pair of Calvin Klein sneakers, like I don't have to like think is this necessary or if I'm like ordering like my 18th Uber Eats for that month, I don't have to think oh like maybe it's like excessive.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Do you know what I mean?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: I just don't feel like getting out of bed.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_06: I you you could use it for a mansion though.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_06: Like you can use it for anything you wanted.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: If I wanted to if that if that um if it it it if I decided that that's what I wanted to do I could do that.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_03: But it would literally be like I wish I could put my money my hand in my pocket and just come out with the full amount of money of whatever I wanted to buy.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_06: And then what if you expanded that wish to everyone no that would be that would be like a real game changer for any officer.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_04: Well then at that point currency would they would the world powers to be would say currency is now useless.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_03: Right, which is okay like what happens then I'm excited to see what happens is it okay because I in the in this really like content world that I have I have somebody who wants to be my maid right and if currency is not an object then somebody's not going to want to be like there has to be some sort of hierarchy.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: You know that's a great point is that people wouldn't have maids anymore which might be like kind of a moral imperative I want a chauffeur I want a butler I want a chef and I want a maid and a garden boy like but he has to be like 20 you were already lobotomized in the first wish you're happy without those things I just completely contend like you did the order wrong he's like all right on this damn and then I think I would want like a magic mirror to be able to take me to like different realms so when I got bored here I would just like step out and be like oh this is a different world and spend like half an hour in that world and then come back.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_04: How fucking amazing would that be that's interesting an imaginarium.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah that's pretty cool.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_04: I totally would be down for that that's what I want to yeah no first so at first I that's not where I thought you were going with the magical mirror.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_04: Because I'm like all right I want the show first I want the maids I want all the money ever and then I want a mirror that kills everyone prettier than me.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: I want someone to tell me how pretty I am every day when I wake up honestly I I don't give a shit about it but I do want to go like honestly if there is this question about whether there's other I mean if you've read a lot of fantasy books which like I'm a sucker for like my go to my go-to genre is like fantasy horror sci-fi so if you read a fuck ton of those which obviously I have um you'd want to know whether there's different realms or different whether you call them different planets or different universes or whatever if you could drip in between in and out of them I'll be like I fucking totally want to step into a different realm and be like hi how are you why is your sky pink I fucking don't know but I would want to totally know and attack you because you're an alien she would die content though it's because she's gonna tell a lot of me she'd have enough money to pay for a funeral instead of reaching her pocket make sure I'm taken care of my kids would have trust funds I'd have enough money to pay for a funeral so if I stepped into another world and it was like the apocalypse I'd be fine I would be like a fucking 100% fine I'd be like okay this meteor can hit me it's fine.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_06: It doesn't matter that doesn't matter I like it well well James what about you you got three wishes what are they going to be um uh that was such a I I didn't have any idea to think about anything any no other ideas during that conversation um I think that uh my first wish would be for everyone to be discontent just to just to null out just to cancel her wishes I wish that she didn't have money in her pocket well uh but no I actually one of my wishes would would be for everybody to be a little less uh content with their situation a little more discontent because then you can start shaping closer to the revolution not the revolution but like more more more aware that you know can you eat more Zen X in your life yeah so that's the thing is so if people were more aware because there are a lot of people build off these walls in their perception right people people move into spaces that they control that they don't have to think about things from other people's perspectives they insulate themselves and I would hope for a little uh less insulation I'd wish for I'd wish for there to be no ability to completely enter in to completely uh insulate yourself from other people's opinions therefore I think that things would then get better because you don't have that option but I could also follow that up with multiple wishes I I love the idea of just reaching in and having as much money as you want in your pocket or or you know reaching in and having whatever you need.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_06: Actually perhaps like one of the uh replicators from Star Trek I think would be uh an amazing wish is to be like I I wish everyone had replicators because then you could have access to whatever you needed and then there would be nobody to hold resources over your head.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_06: And so that would really At that point everyone who's in charge would just fire the nukes and then I cannot live in a world where I do not have control over another human.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to jump in there you say that like replicators would be it would open people up to have access to everything they need.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_03: But if you take somebody who literally doesn't even have what they need I mean I just want to I come from South Africa where there's like insane insane poverty.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's it I don't I don't think I want to say I don't think other countries have seen it because other countries have but it's insane to the point where they don't even have those resources.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_04: So right give them a replicator yeah give them a replicator break into someone's house and replicate their food yeah no I and we we we would have to develop an entirely I mean the society as we know it would crumble but nah that ain't that bad.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_04: The society's pretty fucked up right if your society crumbles because all of a sudden everyone has what they need then there's a problem maybe maybe maybe then society was built on a bad foundation what's your third wish and then I would horse penis I would wish for I I think I've said this before when we talked about superpowers I'm going to the last one's gonna be very selfish for me.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_07: You gotta have something for yourself.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_06: It's gonna be uh perfect bodily control.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_06: Do you remember when we talked about it'd be it'd be essentially being able to move myself through space in any way that I wanted perfectly yeah then I was gonna ask you if you don't have bladder control.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_06: Uh yeah it's perfect.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah it's perfect bladder control.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_06: I could pee from here and it would be it would land totally not a drip your response is like perfect bodily control.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_03: I was like oh shame does this guy like pee on himself all the time like it's all the time it's it's a real problem right now.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: Okay that's a puppy who does that when he gets excited I live in a world of plastic be freezy hose down I mean you gotta have one for yourself.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_04: But I mean like hey man I bet you replicator that I can hit that urinal from over here no way fuck you let's see it and you have all the replicator and it starts again great um and then for me my three wishes um let's see here I uh let's see here I I would wish to be a you know supernatural creature beyond human um yeah of course obviously okay wait what supernatural no no no no no no no no no no no i i I am a writer you've got to be more specific what supernatural some kind of vampire god we we we would have to sit down and we'd really have to work out the rules you need a fish is like so many of them it would definitely be vampire god of some kind of shifter would you be a god would you be a vampire would you be a like what would you be a vampire definitely in the vampire world incubus like what would you be well maybe maybe well I mean could I be an incubus that turns into a succubus when he's feeling experimental sure you all you have to do is if I've learned anything from Jurassic Park all we have to do is inject some frog DNA into the genie's like yeah all right which arm do you want it in I I love the idea that this genie like he's like the wizard of Oz and he doesn't just like clap his hands he pulls out something to get it done.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: You're like bite onto this I'm gonna give you lobotomy here's the DNA split very hands-on genie what do you think I just snap my fingers and things happen yeah that's the kind of entitlement I'd expect for someone who's making these wishes this is I've spent millennia harnessing these skills and you just want to you think it just happens instantaneously um but yeah so no I I'd I'd want to be some sort of vampire deity um we're gonna start there um him and I would sit down and we'd really hammer out the rules before he gets a chance to fuck me um and then um it's funny that you feel like that's a prerequisite for like him to actually go okay fine we can do this yeah we're gonna have to like alright let's just talk the details as long as the genie approves yeah I'm not getting fucked alright um but then uh yeah after that I guess uh a coke then yeah who needs others who needs to think about others now that you're a vampire god I should appreciate I'm good man uh oh then my last one I wish the genie was free and uh then I'm not I didn't assume I didn't assume he was in prison I didn't I didn't assume he was prison in prison either I thought he was gonna be just to be illustrates how selfish you both are you didn't say anything to me how am I supposed to know you think he's in the two conditions maybe he wants to my lawyer looks I think he wants to I I think he wants to fuck me is why I that was what you were thinking yes which is indicative of this thank you for the book idea I found a genie and all he wants to do is fuck no not fuck fuck me over in a deal I need to just tell you this because I have a friend so I write three different series and one of them is like a sons of anarchy like super smuddy series about everything that happens within this like motorcycle club and it's like um a microcosm of society but it's not really society.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_03: Then I write another series called the Illum Illuminati files and it's about like the Illuminati and all the conspiracy theories around that and it's like they have like a breeding program and all sorts of stuff and then I have like a PR series which is like witches who go out and are like witches for hire and they go and read like tarot for all these business individuals.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_03: Okay and it's like usually the CD underworld and I've done like so much research on different kinds of witchcraft and like what's available and like how that interacts to religion but I have a friend who also writes PNR and she wrote I need to say this because you said this genie who just wants to fuck you she wrote a book that's like a dragon shifter and obviously dragons have tails right of course yeah they do that means that he has a with my kid I'm just like shoving my kid out the way so that means he's got a tail and he's got like his uh member he's throbbing member and so he ends up Dragon dong you can say dragon dong on this podcast it's fine.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_06: Can I say dragon dong?
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's insane that I write this stuff because I'm like blush like from here to here.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway so um he's got a a tail and he's got a dragon dong and basically apparently I haven't read the book but basically she was messaging me and she was like do you think it's too much if I make him penetrate with both the tail and the dragon dong and this drag is basically spit roasting some poor girl okay and I just want to say like I don't know if it's better or worse but like when I say that people read this I'm not talking about one person.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: No no it's thousands thousands of people read this and I'm like I I I'm just like contentment that's just what I want to do because secretly we all want to be spit roasted by a dragon how could how could she possibly think that after dragon sex anything could be too much go for it girl you've you've already done you've already done the most thing do you think it's too much and I'm like uh like and I've written a lot of like funky stuff like I've written a scene where the the the opening scene of a book is like a chick doing a guy and he dies from an overdose during sex and she thinks that like he's like Caesaring because he's like in the motion and in the meantime he's like ODing and like I'm it's just getting him shaking chapter one chapter one and she's like still the character's like still irritated that she has to get herself off and like he didn't do it for her and I'm like he's fucking dead and she still messaged me and said is it too much is the fact that there's like a dragon tail and a dragon member too much and I was like So you don't understand he like lifts her into the air and starts doing this swishy swirly thing no it's not too much.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_06: Just write whatever you're gonna write like I just said Tori you do you like honestly well which hole all of them is it the like is it which hole is it everyone are they both in the same hole or in the separate holes we gotta really hone in the details to make to see if this is enough or not I love it.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: And then you ask me what my first wish is and I'm just like in my mind I'm like contented yeah dragon spit roast could you imagine that like no pause no nothing dragon spit roast the first wish and then I guess a a coke you're a vampire deity so you can't die so like you don't even have to limit the amount of Coke you want you're just like all of it all of it could get spit roasted by anything I can get anything he wants I mean let's try some shit I live forever now so uh you know things are gonna start getting really boring here pretty soon well um that uh that was an interesting ride that was uh you proved you proved that you are the most least selfish of out of all of us yeah I actually freed the genie yeah I didn't know you didn't free like the millions of sl worldwide slaves you just freed the genie because look I have the power now is the vampire god I want to go live it up I'll go free them personally you freed the genie yeah well so uh they're the genie's evil the genie's evil and wreaks havoc on the planet and I'm a vampire guy who gets to fight him we have a story I'm just saying you could probably find like a fuck ton of women who are into that kind of guy so like the genie's fine but he'll get laid all the time yeah and women like bad monsters I just want to say like I write horrific characters like I don't write oh he's that for the OD literally I I really enjoy writing characters that are dark and like an anti-hero to the point where they're like uh an absolute criminal fucking depraved and I like making them I don't want to even say redeemable because they're not redeemable but by the end of the book you're like oh I could be best friends with this guy and I'm like yes so by the end of the book you like the guy that you started out hating and I have so many people who read this and I'm like I'm pretty sure this is why we might have a problem in society.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_06: Maybe I'm shitty maybe we all need to look at ourselves I think I might be okay with shitty people.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_06: Why do I want to fuck this guy?
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like why do I like the arsehole?
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yes that is why well I think those are important questions I feel like the genie will be I just want to say like I feel like the genie will be fine sex life wise he'll be okay yeah I think yeah at least he's got that down I mean it's up to like two out of every person's three wishes are gonna be sexual.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Of course so I mean one two one because I write a lot of smut and that didn't feature in my in my wishes so you were thinking about the dragon so you didn't say on how like what exactly how you became content it was actually from a lot of dragon fucking like a whole bunch of dragon fucking just left you content.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_04: Oh god I'll make sure you're content like they go just being a puzzle all the time and she just won't know any better listen I've I've dealt with a lot of humans I know what you really want it's dragon fucking this is Tim he's the dragon with that being said it's time to move into the second part we could be talking about dragon fucking we could stop it you did it again um but it's time to move on to the second part of our podcast we have a fight for you guys but before we do that it's time to get a little more drunk and it's time to get a little more high.
• 41:34
  SPEAKER_04: So pour them up yeah yeah that's what I need for contentment right there.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_04: Bullet bourbon you were they're not paying us stop it bullet bourbon for the contentment of a dragon fuck drink bourbon all right I'm just gonna say if you're gonna get Costco to c to uh fund you or sponsor you maybe like don't say that pull back on the dragon box no no no go harder harder off of Costco like hey we almost we we like it we just want more dragon fuck it's not enough it's what the people want like so many you you wouldn't believe how many people I would uh well here's to our fighters this week uh our fighters are Shredder and who the fuck was it who did we oh Spongebob oh yeah Shredder and Spongebob don't just count SpongeBob well here's to Shredder Spongebob and dragon fucking cheers cheers oh my god hey Ryan is this podcast working I'm not gonna lie I'm at the point where my tongue has gone numb and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to put my kids to bed perfect that's the high and dry problem it reminds me of this scene I saw where the mom she's like over the crib and she's like oh who's got the little toho suit and then she just throws up all over I've never seen that and I just want to pre-faces with the like I'm usually a super responsible parent to the point that I swear everyone listening.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_04: I swear I'm not like this this is not what I usually do but not really it's I probably am only getting like shit faced because my husband is home and I know that he will have the kids if I really needed I need this it's Italian Father's day he's being a father yeah this is um perfect uh so for those of you who are just joining us and uh Aaron um so you know how to do this we have a fight now and we have it in a three round method guaranteed to get you guaranteed guaranteed results I like your word guaranteed say it one more time yeah guaranteed it's the American way it's the American way I just want to say that I I lived in Austin Texas for three months and I really enjoyed the Americans.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_03: I why do you say like it wasn't bad.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_03: It really wasn't bad.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_03: Fucking Mississippi was terrible God help me.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, I've been.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_06: Austin, Texas is like a bastion in Texas.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 44:19
  SPEAKER_04: You have to like hide.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_04: As soon as you step over over the city limits, though, it's a totally different fucking place.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_03: Austin was its own little like hub.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_03: It was like fiscally conservative, socially liberal.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_03: Like it was great.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_03: And then as soon as you like stepped over the line, I was like, what the fuck is going on?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, you don't want to step over the line.
• 44:42
  SPEAKER_06: Roving gangs.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_06: Troke truck gangs.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_04: Well, luckily, as we've already figured out with you, you're not of a, you know, you're not gonna really have too many problems out there as a blonde white woman.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um, never mind.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, although I I ended up staying Austin is actually a pretty safe town, and I ended up booking a hotel in like the only shitty fucking corner in the whole of Austin, Texas.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_03: Like a really bad and the first night in a hotel room, a guy came out.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I was I was so jet lagged.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_03: I had come from South Africa, like I was so out of it.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: And at two in the morning, I woke up and I was like, Oh my god, I need to go to gym, I need to do something.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_03: And this guy rocks up and he pulls like he's a monster truck, which is I don't I don't know, I don't understand why everybody in Texas has monster trucks, but it's a thing.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_04: Nobody does, it's a it's a size thing.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_03: So he pulls out his monster truck and he's like shouting at some woman who's like in the parking lot, and she's like, it's like a Jerry Springer show.
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like looking out my window, I'm like, oh my god, it's my first night in America, and this is what's happening.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, This is what we are all like these Americans, oh my god, everywhere.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh my god, it wasn't Roll Co.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: He starts fighting with her and he's like, get in my car, and she's like, I won't get in your fucking car, and he's like, get in my car, and he's like, I won't get in your fucking car, you're a fucking dick.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, Oh, you like this dick, get in my car, and she's like, Fuck you, and he's like, Fuck you.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_03: And the next thing we hear, like sirens, because my husband's with me at the time, and I was like, we wah, we wah, wee wah.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Oh my god, the police are coming, and I don't leave the window.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_03: Of course I fucking don't.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god, I need to see more.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what is gonna happen?
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_03: And the police arrive, and literally, like two seconds before they pull up to this parking lot, he grabs her and pulls her through the passenger window, and her like high heels are sticking out of the car.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, is she a stripper?
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_03: Isn't she a stripper?
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_03: I don't understand what's going on.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_03: And he shoves her in the car and pulls out the parking lot, and I'm like, I don't know what the fuck is going on.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_03: So then I come back, like three days later, we're still in this hotel room, and there's like police all over the hotel, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_06: And like a man kidnapped a woman.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_03: What happened?
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what hotel am I staying in?
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh my god.
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_03: I like my husband looked at me and he was like, You literally had one job, like you needed to book a hotel, and you booked the fucking worst hotel in the whole of the city.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like everyone was.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_04: I would argue that you had one job and it was to report that kidnapping.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_06: So you were you were just like, you were just like, yeah, I saw that when we get kidnapped, and it's fucking crazy.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_06: Three days later, some police showed up later.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to say that I'm explaining.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to pre preface this by saying, I'm from South Africa, and that shit happens all the time.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh okay, like maybe she really liked him.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_03: Like it's it's fine.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so the police get there and the police are fucking all over the building.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_03: And we walk into the um I asked the concierge, the concierge, like it's like it's a guy at the reception, it's not for the concierge, but they're pretending pretending to be fancy, right?
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_03: So I go up to them and I'm like, like, there's police everywhere.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what is going on?
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_03: And he looks at me and he's like, Everything's fine, like nothing's going on.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, I don't believe you.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_06: Usually when the police show up, nothing is going on.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like something inside of me says that you're wrong, but fine.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_06: So I get into the I did watch a woman get kidnapped.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_03: I get into the elevator and I'm standing there, and I'm like, There's a policeman in the elevator with me.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I look at him and I go, Hey, how are you?
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm from South Africa, like I'm visiting Italy, like visiting America for like a uh a few months.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what happened?
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_03: And he's like, This policeman, which I'm pretty sure he fucking wasn't supposed to do, he looks at me and he is like, they were doing so much cocaine and there were prostitutes in the room, and he gives me the room number, and it's a fucking room next door to us, okay?
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Wait- he gave you the room number?
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_04: That's it's like it's it's uh room 238 in case you want to party.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, American cops are like especially unprofessional.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, what is going on?
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how are you telling you don't know me from a bar of soap, and you're just telling me all this information, and he tells me that like they're doing like copious amounts of drugs, and they're basically running a brothel from this hotel room, and running a brothel is illegal within these hotel confines, and that's not allowed, and so the hotel has called the cops on them and to get them out.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Yeah, hold on, there's a brothel being run here, like I'm staying in a brothel, and he's like, so casual.
• 49:31
  SPEAKER_03: He's like, No, what room are you?
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_07: What room was that?
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm telling him what room I am, and he's like, No, you're next door to the brothel.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, that doesn't make me feel any better.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_06: Like, I don't feel any better, like I don't feel more comfortable with the situation, and I'm like That's true, they should have explicitly let you have the option to stay in the brothel.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_06: I would be upset also.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I don't know that concierge.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_06: I was never presented with the option to engage with this brothel, and I demand a refund.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, what?
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_03: So after our experience in Austin, I end up meeting like a ton of American people like who've become like lifelong friends, and I tell them about my experience, and they're like, oh my god, like this is Austin, Texas.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_03: Like, where were you staying?
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_03: So I tell them, and they're like, that's the only block of Austin, Texas that is bad.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, how the fuck did I book the only hotel and the entire of Austin in like the bad like prostitute block?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how did this happen?
• 50:25
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know, I don't know how that happened.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I think what's most startling about this course of events is that the secondary portion had nothing to do with the kidnapping, right?
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_06: It was just uh just a totally different thing.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_06: As far as you know, totally different.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_06: Oh god.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well see, like I'm gonna say this like with much so much love and support because like I have so many readers, but the people, the the the kind of men that women are into, like, astounds me because I write the most horrific characters, and at the end of the like, I get messages going, he was the best character ever.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, he muffled her and fucking put her in the house.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_03: She was a monster.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like he literally put her in the trunk of a boot and like drove off with her and like kidnapped her from her family.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_03: She didn't see them for six months, and then he like that kind of attention.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_04: My office sheriff is so trained.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_04: So that's thinking of uh No, not at all.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_04: That does not surprise me in the least at all.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_03: These horrific characters, and they're like, he was amazing.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, he literally gave her no choice, like, not a single choice was hers.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_06: And she was like, I hate having choices.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_03: But that's amazing.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_03: Because over thinking is like overrated, and I'm like, okay, that's fine.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_06: That's a that's like a very specific fetish.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_06: I don't want to go too deep into this.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_06: We should probably move on.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_04: Let's do a fight.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: So so round one, we enter into a legally distinct Applebee's bar where we have our fight club going.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_04: These characters go pound, we strip them down.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_04: They get nothing extra.
• 52:04
  SPEAKER_04: They go pound for pound.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_04: What do you mean we strip them down?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_04: They don't have to be after.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_06: And then we put them in like boxing gear, right?
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_04: Because they don't have any other winner gets to fuck the dragon, but yeah.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_03: Shredder would have more going on for him because he's like a rat.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_03: He's not a human being, he's a rat.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, sorry, we're doing okay, never mind.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_06: No, no, Shredder Shredder's the cause.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_06: Shredder's Shredder's the claw.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_06: He's a guy.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, he's got the claw.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_06: He's got the Splinter is the rat.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Shredder's got the guy.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like completely crazy.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_04: Well, so round two, we zoom out into a city view, and these characters have 24 hours to kill the other one, and they get everything that makes them them.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_04: And then round three is the same thing as round two, except this time they get to be bring a friend.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 52:52
  SPEAKER_04: So transferring into round one, Cher, Carl Urban have just been seated.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_04: It's time to get this fight on.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_04: We still don't have a ref because you know Val Kilmer died.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_06: Um we have a dragon with a huge fucking anthropomorphic gong.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_06: Uh whoever wins gets to sit on this.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_03: Who are you rooting for?
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_03: So before we start the spot, who's your money on?
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_06: Well, no, that's part of it.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, we're gonna find out.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_06: We're gonna find out.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_04: I'm that's a tough call.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_04: Well, let's get into it.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: You have to you have to choose before who your money is.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_04: No, you'll see.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_04: You will see, you will see.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_04: So, round one, it's Spongebob, Shredder, stripped the fuck down, ready to fuck this dragon.
• 53:38
  SPEAKER_04: But first they gotta fuck each other.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um, guess first, who's gonna win?
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_04: Anthropomorphic sponge, strain ninja.
• 53:50
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like Spongebob would win.
• 53:53
  SPEAKER_03: Just because he's like Please, go on.
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_03: So nice.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I feel like he's a sponge.
• 53:57
  SPEAKER_03: He's literally gonna fucking kill this guy with kindness.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna like cuddle him.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_03: And the more Shredder like tries to destroy him, he's gonna be like, Oh, my friend Patrick, and we're gonna hug it out, and it's gonna be okay.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_03: And Shredder's gonna fucking wanna leave because he's gonna be like, I actually don't want to fight anymore.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna be like, I forfeit, like I fucking don't want you to touch me.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_03: Go away.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_03: And Spongebob's gonna be like, Hugs make it all better.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_03: And he's gonna be like, if you fucking put your sponge on me, I'm gonna cut you.
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_03: That's literally what's gonna happen.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_04: Fall over and Shredder gets impaled on the dragon's penis.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_01: Shredder's gonna be like, I was not expecting this, I was expecting a fight.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck is this hugging shit?
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like, go away.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_01: And Spongebob's gonna be like, it's okay, I'll call my friend Patrick, and we can have an orgy.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_01: And Shredder's like, I'm tapping out for like I'm done.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_04: SpongeBob brings an orgy to the table.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_04: Doesn't come up a lot in the show.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_04: Does it?
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_04: Doesn't uh James.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_04: Uh what kind of man was living a pineapple?
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_04: That's a good point.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's exceptional.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_04: Well, uh James, James, what do you think?
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_06: Round one, who's gonna win?
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_06: Um, I think SpongeBob is gonna win for totally different reasons.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_06: Uh I think that uh imagine, imagine, if you can, a grown man uh who is trained at fighting human beings, uh having to fight like a sponge.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_06: Uh I don't know how much uh how much experience y'all have fighting like sponges.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_06: If you've ever touched like a sea sponge or something, but like uh sponges are notoriously like they give a lot, they're very durable.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_06: What's he gonna do?
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_06: Is he gonna punch this?
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_06: What's he gonna do?
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_03: What is punching the sponge going to they give a lot, they're very durable, they have stamina.
• 55:48
  SPEAKER_06: Sponge stamina.
• 55:51
  SPEAKER_06: You know, Shredder also has those things, but he's not used to dealing with uh C spots.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean you'll notice like if you look at his full armor, his you know, knee plates are dicks, so multiple people can spit on him.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_06: It's true.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_06: All he has to do is put a cover on those little sleeve, like you know how cats cats have that little rubber tip you can put over the claws.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_06: He has some of those big silicone tips to put over his arm claws, he just goes to town.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_03: It's a good thing Patrick's coming to the potty then.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_04: Tonatello's like, uh, those are dicks.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_06: Oh sorry, I forgot to we're fighting now, right?
• 56:34
  SPEAKER_06: Where'd you come from?
• 56:36
  SPEAKER_06: I live a rich life outside of our I'm allowed to have a life.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_04: Nice.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um well, this is why people come to High and Drive.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, no, I'm uh uh Shredder, Dicks.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, I think he's gonna take it.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_06: I think Shredder's gonna take it, so SpongeBob gets like SpongeBob gets like cut in half and he like reforms into multiple Spongebobs?
• 56:56
  SPEAKER_06: No, he just reforms into the same Spongebob, but he can get he can get like chopped up and like and he will reform.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so I am thinking like when he fought the bully and just the bully kept punching him and he just kind of squeaks.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_04: He's a squeak toy whenever you punch him.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_06: So what exactly is how exactly is Shredder with just his bare hands going to fight this?
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: So now we know what the Sandy Fates will be.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_04: Squeaking.
• 57:19
  SPEAKER_04: You know, uh yeah, so I I see the hug scenario and then he trips and his head's impaled on the dragon dick.
• 57:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um and I think that's yeah.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_03: You know, he just trips.
• 57:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, okay, from the force of the love.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um good God.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_04: All right, well, uh so uh Aaron, back to you.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_04: Final thoughts and a vote.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_04: We need a vote on what happens in round one.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I th what do you mean a vote?
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like SpongeBob.
• 57:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I feel SpongeBob.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_04: We all said Spongebob.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_04: So fuck it.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_04: Round one goes to SpongeBob.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_04: Congratulations, Mr.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_04: Bob.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_04: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_04: Round two.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_04: So we've just transferred into round two.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_04: We zoom out into a city view.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_04: These characters now receive a manila envelope underneath their apartment doors.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_04: They have 24 hours to kill the other one, and they have everything that makes them them.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_04: Or worst case, they could just go buy a fucking shotgun.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_07: Right.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_04: Um, what goes down?
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_04: Guests first, Spongebob, Shredder, Aaron, what do you think?
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_03: He brings Patrick and he brings Gary.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_03: Nice.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_04: No friends until next round.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_04: So what can you do?
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_04: Round three.
• 58:29
  SPEAKER_04: Anything he wants just on his own.
• 58:31
  SPEAKER_03: What would SpongeBob do on his own?
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he would take it for a burger.
• 58:35
  SPEAKER_06: Severe ADHD is what he would do.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_03: I think after round one, he would decide that he needed to make things right by taking him for a Krabby burger, a Krabby Patty.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_06: You think he would propose peace?
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_06: I think he would just whine and dine.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_03: He would whine and dine.
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_03: And literally, Shredder would be like, I am bored out of my mind because this guy fucking won't stop speaking about how wonderful life is and how great he thinks I am, and I just fucking want to leave.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_06: I am not great.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, Shredder's a millennial.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_01: I am not good looking.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's okay.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to stab you.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_03: And like SpongeBob's gonna be like, if you stab me, I will recover because I'm a sponge.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_07: That's true.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_03: I think he'll just be like so frustrated, fucking eating his Krabby Patty and being like, how do I get out of this like semi-date that I finally found myself on?
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_04: That I found myself in with this sponge.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I mean, we've all been there.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_04: True.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_03: Um can I send one one takes to my best friend?
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_03: Can I do that?
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_03: Can will he save me?
• 59:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um my dog died, I have to leave.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_04: That's what he's gonna rely on.
• 59:57
  SPEAKER_04: Well, well, James, what about you?
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_04: What do you think?
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_04: Round two, what's gonna happen here?
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_04: Spongebob, Shredder.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_06: I think because now everyone can be outside and stuff, or not like in this black box in the basement.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_06: So, like, one of Spongebob's like biggest weaknesses is that he can dry out.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_06: And I don't think that would be obvious to Shredder as well.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like that's a woman's weakness as well.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_06: True.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_06: And uh thankfully he he could he was he was wet the whole time in the first round, but now we gotta because that dragon was there, and it's like, what is he gonna do with that?
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so in in the second round, completing my wall.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I'm a parent, I'm a growing up, I I do this every day.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Spongebob getting fucked by a dragon, whatever.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_06: Uh so I think that uh Shredder wouldn't uh know that at first, and he'd Shredder has a lot of uh uh technology at his disposal.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_06: He's got like weapons and stuff.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_06: All he really needs is like a buffet heat lamp uh to take out uh SpongeBob SquarePants.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know, a bl a hairdryer.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_06: Just a brief a brief blast from a hairdryer might get him.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_06: Um uh and of course, you know, the only way that SpongeBob is wet again.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_03: Stop.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_03: Where is this fight happening?
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_03: Is it happening underwater or above water?
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_04: So it will be an environment that's you know they're both capable of lasting in.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_04: A beach, so I guess SeaWorld.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um so this is going down in SeaWorld.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, is it in the island?
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_03: Is it the type of people who run Do you know like the hand section where the kids can stick their hands in and like feel around?
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and that's that's where they're fighting.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean, Shredder's the type of dudes they get to run SeaWorld.
• 1:01:59
  SPEAKER_06: So Shredder gets there and it's like, which fucking sponge am I supposed to kill today?
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_06: The one that's singing songs.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_06: Hanging out with the squirrel.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_06: There's a bunch of women with strollers like, oh my god, I gotta get out of here.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_06: Pushing their stroller as fast as they can out of the way for the touchdown.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_04: For me, I I feel that we we've entered into a situation now where the grown man well, and I also feel like if you're able to gather your own ninja clan in modern United States, you know who's wet and dry at any given time.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_04: And um so he's gonna try.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_04: And because he does karate, it's gonna dry Spongebob right out.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_04: It's true.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_04: A grown man doing karate is gonna dry everything out.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody just desiccates.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_04: All the dolphins die.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_03: Legs opposed to you.
• 1:03:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm done.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I think that's what we're gonna see here with Spongebob.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I think that's gonna work to Pred, not Predator.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_04: That's gonna work to Shredder's benefit uh for the first time ever.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_04: Predator And he yeah, the Predator's.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_06: Shredder, I bet Shredder's armor is kind of based off Predator.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_06: He's got the two armors.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_06: Well, that's what they do with the mask.
• 1:03:23
  SPEAKER_06: The mask is yeah, the mask is a little bit like that too.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, so anyway, grown man karate dries everything out, and he just crumples a sponge, and that's the end of it.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_04: That's my that's what I think.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_04: Um so, Aaron, back to you.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_04: We need a vote.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_04: Who do you think's gonna take round two?
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like Shredder's gonna leave.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_03: He's gonna be like, I'm tapping out.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_03: This is fucking too much.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_06: He just burns down SeaWorld.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_06: He may he napalms all the orcas.
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_06: He's like, I'm pretty sure I got that spot.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_06: That's just normal for SeaWorld.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_04: So where where's your vote headed?
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_03: I have to vote for for Spongebob.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like I have to.
• 1:04:09
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:04:10
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, alright.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_04: She's still loving.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_04: She's got a moral obligation towards SpongeBob.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_04: James, where are you voting?
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_06: Uh, Shredder.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_06: I think that uh I think that if he, I don't know, dumped a bunch of silica packets around SeaWorld, he could beat Spongebob.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna have to vote for Shredder as well, just because grown man doing karate dries everything out.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, so I'm gonna go with that.
• 1:04:37
  SPEAKER_04: So um transitioning into round three, we're actually gonna get one of those.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just so curious.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_03: Pause.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so curious if if any of your girlfriends have previously, previous girlfriends have ever dated a karate instructor or somebody who's done karate in their in their I don't know.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, I I took karate classes when I was a kid.
• 1:04:59
  SPEAKER_06: That's what we're talking about.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_06: We're talking about an adult man.
• 1:05:01
  SPEAKER_06: Oh, an adult man doing karate.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to pre preface this by going, so does my five-year-old.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_03: Like he's five.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like he's five.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you teach him how to kick ass early.
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe he'll start a ninja gland.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_03: He also thinks that his karate moves will save him from any monsters that enter his room.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_06: So, um I mean, have any monsters gotten him yet?
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_03: Boom.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_06: Kid one, mom none.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_04: She's like, I need you to stop this.
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_04: You're gonna try everything out.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_01: I can already feel my skin flaking.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_01: Why did you have to go there?
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I mean, I feel like you softballed it in.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_03: I uh Ryan, you should have looked in the other direction.
• 1:05:50
  SPEAKER_03: God.
• 1:05:51
  SPEAKER_04: I should have just let that one slide.
• 1:05:53
  SPEAKER_04: Just let it slide.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but to back to your original question, um, I I don't think I've ever dated anyone who dated a lot of.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, let me say, do either of you do karate?
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_06: I don't exercise.
• 1:06:09
  unknown: Like, fuck it.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, like I go into like look, they call me the lunch lady.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_04: Because the hours of 11 to 1, I'm stacking plates.
• 1:06:18
  SPEAKER_04: But uh karate no.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_04: Uh karate no, that's a negative.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um but uh what the fuck were we talking about?
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, so round three.
• 1:06:30
  SPEAKER_04: So it's time to get into round three.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_04: Why are we here?
• 1:06:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, what are we doing?
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_04: Who's this woman?
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_04: I'm looking at my laptop.
• 1:06:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um but uh um so round three, same thing as round two, except this time they get to bring a friend.
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, she's been only one, but I know this is what you've been super excited for.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_03: So you would have to bring it up.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_04: So, Aaron.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_04: Well, what do you think happens?
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_04: Who do they bring?
• 1:06:56
  SPEAKER_04: Who goes down?
• 1:06:58
  SPEAKER_03: I think he brings Patrick and Patrick and Shredder and SpongeBob have an orgy.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_03: Is it an orgy?
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_03: Is it still considered an orgy if it's all guys?
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_04: No, so you you need it so you need at least five people for an orgy, and I'll tell you why.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_04: Some people will tell you, some people will tell you that well, some people will tell you that four is an orgy.
• 1:07:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_04: In my experience, you just pair off.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:21
  SPEAKER_04: So you need at least five.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_06: You there's not enough, you can't get a pin a good pinwheel going with only four.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:29
  SPEAKER_03: So you say in your experience, how much experience do you have in this orgy department?
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_06: Um, I mean, I've I feel like I'm gonna message it.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_06: You talk you talk about you talk about him resisting the softwalls, but you just she's like, I gotta know if he's had group sex.
• 1:07:53
  SPEAKER_04: Sure.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_04: Of course you can.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_04: You so obviously, yeah.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_04: If you're looking for a field expert, yeah, go ahead, send me a message.
• 1:08:03
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah, but like with four people, you're just gonna pair off.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_03: I mean Is it reverse harem or is it a harem or is it a mixture?
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I mean, it depends on what you're into, really.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it depends on who showed up.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_07: I mean, it depends on who the fuck showed up.
• 1:08:20
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's I think that's what defines an orgy, is you don't know who's gonna show up, especially if you put this if you put this on Craigslist.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, if you put this on Craigslist, you're gonna get a mixed badge.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:08:33
  SPEAKER_04: That's it.
• 1:08:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh SpongeBob, Shredder?
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:08:39
  SPEAKER_03: Spongebob, Patrick, and Shredder.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_03: Who does Shredder bring to the pony?
• 1:08:43
  SPEAKER_06: It's a good question.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_06: Who does Shredder bring?
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like he wouldn't bring anyone because he'd be like, I'm enough.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_04: I'm enough on my well, I mean that honestly, that a single foot soldier.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like, does does his narcissism override this?
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_04: I just need one person that I can boss around and it makes me 10,000 times more power.
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_04: Or does he bring that dragon he fucked in round one?
• 1:09:05
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there you go.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_03: Then you have um Spongebob who's like, Patrick's my best friend! We do everything together.
• 1:09:13
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, they're definitely been fucking, yeah.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, clearly.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Patrick has a key to his house.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_06: You'll all you have to do is all you have to do is Google Patrick fucking.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't Googled, but I'm gonna think I'm gonna Google that after this.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_04: I got nothing going on.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_06: As soon as you type in SpongeBob, it'll be it'll be porn related.
• 1:09:41
  SPEAKER_06: The first one will be the first suggestion will be porn related.
• 1:09:45
  SPEAKER_03: That I feel like I'm way more drunk or high, you're high, but I feel like I'm way more on a different level than you guys because I started drinking when we started this pre-conversation.
• 1:09:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I am I think you're right.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_04: Well, but I but I think there's a there's a key difference between lemon cello and bourbon.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_04: I uh, you know, I mean I think they're you basically have been drinking sugar.
• 1:10:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um either way, I think the point of it is we've gotten to the point where we're talking about Patrick Shredder.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Fuck how chore feels now.
• 1:10:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm pretty sure I'm on my level.
• 1:10:25
  SPEAKER_06: So I'm voting for Patrick and fun drop.
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_06: Uh I'd fuck most things.
• 1:10:31
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 1:10:34
  SPEAKER_07: Love the honesty.
• 1:10:37
  SPEAKER_04: I'd fuck mostly a dildo.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_06: He could use one of his star hands.
• 1:10:43
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I mean he's got stars.
• 1:10:44
  SPEAKER_06: He could use his head.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_04: Well, he just probably does a cartwheel over you.
• 1:10:48
  SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah.
• 1:10:50
  SPEAKER_06: He gets attached to like one of those spinning wheels, and then it just each of his little tips hits you every time.
• 1:10:58
  SPEAKER_06: Perfect.
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_04: And he's kind of soft and fluffy.
• 1:11:02
  SPEAKER_06: Okay.
• 1:11:03
  SPEAKER_03: But would you, Ryan?
• 1:11:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_04: I'd use the spinning wheel first.
• 1:11:09
  SPEAKER_04: Wait, wait, would I fuck Patrick?
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, that was what you got asked.
• 1:11:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, well, well, no, but you said would you, Ryan?
• 1:11:15
  SPEAKER_04: And then there was like a pause there.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like waiting for this like super nasty fucking question.
• 1:11:20
  SPEAKER_04: Um, would I fuck Patrick?
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh no.
• 1:11:23
  SPEAKER_06: Who else has had the opportunity?
• 1:11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Well I would not fuck Patrick.
• 1:11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Who gets that opportunity?
• 1:11:29
  SPEAKER_02: He's a star.
• 1:11:31
  SPEAKER_04: Obviously, you just did.
• 1:11:32
  SPEAKER_04: I walk into the room and James has got him up on a fucking spin the whole time.
• 1:11:35
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to get in on this?
• 1:11:36
  SPEAKER_04: Can you say no?
• 1:11:38
  SPEAKER_03: Five points.
• 1:11:39
  SPEAKER_03: Five.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_04: Five.
• 1:11:41
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I feel like I come to Bikini Bottom and I feel like, you know, I look I got some I could shop around.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:11:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I don't have to settle.
• 1:11:49
  SPEAKER_06: Get yourself a squid word or yeah.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, I I don't have to settle for the first fucking guy I see.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_06: Right.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I mean, Crab's got money.
• 1:11:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's true.
• 1:11:58
  SPEAKER_03: I'm making I'm making an executive decision.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not drinking any water and chill.
• 1:12:04
  SPEAKER_04: That's fair.
• 1:12:05
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you gotta move over to your fruit and vodka.
• 1:12:07
  SPEAKER_04: No, you don't.
• 1:12:07
  SPEAKER_06: We've each we've been taking like segmented shots this whole time, and she's been drinking.
• 1:12:13
  SPEAKER_04: I got I got my little little little guys.
• 1:12:15
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like well hammered.
• 1:12:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, well fucking hammered.
• 1:12:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm a lightweight, like I'm a cheap date.
• 1:12:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the girl you take out and offer half a glass of wine and you get lucky.
• 1:12:26
  SPEAKER_06: Like I'll be listeners and readers, remember you're about to get a whole new group of DMs.
• 1:12:37
  SPEAKER_03: I will say this.
• 1:12:39
  SPEAKER_03: So for my, I just need to prephrase this because for my current book that I'm writing, I'm writing a book about a woman who's like a young widow and she's got two small kids, and her like husband has died, and she can't pay her bills, so she starts an OnlyFans account, like as you do.
• 1:12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Nice, of course, capitalism forces you to do things you don't want to do, but she ends up getting involved at this like motorcycle club club in Dublin, and they um ask her to train her their girls basically on how to like be have an online etiquette.
• 1:13:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not gonna lie, like it the DMs that come into my my inbox literally get copied and pasted into my current work in progress.
• 1:13:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, this guy asked for this kind of picture, and this guy asked for this kind of picture.
• 1:13:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I'm just using that as like material.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_03: And at the end of the book, I have a specific Instagram account for this specifically, and at the end of the book, I'm gonna be like, Well, this is the Instagram account that you're looking for, and it's called I Taste Expensive.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_04: That kind of thing is has been the single biggest roadblock to this fucking podcast.
• 1:13:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, because I'll DM, you know, a writer such as yourself.
• 1:14:02
  SPEAKER_04: I'm like, I am not trying to fuck you.
• 1:14:04
  SPEAKER_04: Please just read this email.
• 1:14:06
  SPEAKER_06: I walk starts among not trying to fuck you.
• 1:14:09
  SPEAKER_03: 90% of my my messages are like, hey, so you I see you write like it's not even erotica, it's like dark romance, which is where I like take really like unnice characters, and I make them like re I don't even want to say redeemable, you just like them by the end of the book, and I get like so many messages going, I see you write this, would you be game for this?
• 1:14:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, actually, no.
• 1:14:36
  SPEAKER_06: No, this is an exploration rather than something I want in reality.
• 1:14:41
  SPEAKER_03: No, so I'm like, no, no, no.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want to get tied up and put in the trunk of your car.
• 1:14:48
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for the offer, but no.
• 1:14:50
  SPEAKER_04: Um I appreciate that.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for asking me.
• 1:14:56
  SPEAKER_03: But in a weird way, like I'm kind of grateful that I live in like a small rural like farm town in Italy where nobody speaks English because no one knows what I do here.
• 1:15:08
  SPEAKER_03: But in saying that, um, yeah, like I feel like it could be it could be far worse.
• 1:15:16
  SPEAKER_03: It could be far worse.
• 1:15:17
  SPEAKER_03: And you say and you just said like you don't know.
• 1:15:21
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, well.
• 1:15:24
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean, even when I so I sent you the first message to try and get you on this show, I'm like, as anytime I'm messaging a female author, I'm like, not trying to fuck you, not trying to fuck you.
• 1:15:35
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just hoping that you just want you to come on the podcast.
• 1:15:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, well, even if you were, I mean it's I'm I'm in Italy, so like this wouldn't work, but sure, I'll come on your podcast.
• 1:15:46
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:15:46
  SPEAKER_05: Like, look, we can't fuck, but uh I can send you a dragon will make it awesome.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_05: You want to get roasted by a dragon?
• 1:15:54
  SPEAKER_03: I literally respond to people and I'm like, cool, so if you give me this information, I'll name a character after you.
• 1:16:00
  SPEAKER_03: And like 90% of the time they don't reply.
• 1:16:03
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, no.
• 1:16:04
  SPEAKER_03: I'm looking for some like Russian.
• 1:16:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he's just yeah, I'm just I'm strictly looking for the yeah.
• 1:16:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, like, will you send me pictures?
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I will give you a name in my book.
• 1:16:18
  SPEAKER_05: Wait, that's all it takes.
• 1:16:20
  SPEAKER_05: There you go, now you know.
• 1:16:21
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, okay.
• 1:16:22
  SPEAKER_05: All right, yeah.
• 1:16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Um, will you send me pictures?
• 1:16:25
  SPEAKER_03: Just a name in the book.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks.
• 1:16:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm using this this DM.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you.
• 1:16:31
  SPEAKER_04: Ah, so now well, now I'm gonna have to send you a message asking for pictures because I want my name in a book.
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_06: Not on his main account, of course.
• 1:16:37
  SPEAKER_06: Of course, of course.
• 1:16:39
  unknown: Of course.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_03: No, because you're associated with the military.
• 1:16:42
  SPEAKER_03: You can't have that shit in a book.
• 1:16:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um that they don't know.
• 1:16:46
  SPEAKER_04: Look, I'm sitting here getting high and drunk with this guy.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_04: You're not getting high.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_04: If anyone's listening to this, you are not getting high.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_03: Are you sure they do not know?
• 1:16:54
  SPEAKER_03: Are you sure?
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_06: Well, they've t so when we first came out with this podcast, they started testing it.
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_06: Oh my god.
• 1:17:01
  SPEAKER_04: They tested him.
• 1:17:02
  SPEAKER_04: Every five minutes I got a pee in a cup.
• 1:17:05
  SPEAKER_06: They they realized that he wasn't just smoking any weed, and therefore they've left him less.
• 1:17:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's just my part.
• 1:17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm not gonna lie.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, look, I I'm allowed to have a synonym, all right?
• 1:17:15
  SPEAKER_04: I have a life outside of the military.
• 1:17:17
  SPEAKER_03: Uh but anyway, so round a good old mother tree boy who's gone south.
• 1:17:24
  SPEAKER_04: I I mean, uh I wouldn't call me good old at all.
• 1:17:27
  SPEAKER_04: He was a he was a gone south boy who went into the military.
• 1:17:33
  SPEAKER_04: But but not that kind of south.
• 1:17:35
  SPEAKER_04: I uh but anyway, anyway.
• 1:17:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so we're bringing Patrick.
• 1:17:38
  SPEAKER_04: You're you're thinking that Shredder ain't bringing no one.
• 1:17:41
  SPEAKER_04: James, what do you think, man?
• 1:17:42
  SPEAKER_06: I think Shredder's bringing Krang.
• 1:17:44
  SPEAKER_06: Um obviously.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_05: I forgot else, but it's just it was the speed.
• 1:17:49
  SPEAKER_04: It's like like you had never left the thought of you know Shredder versus SpongeBob.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_06: Like you're like, I really hope they stop talking about all the fucking so we can talk about crang for 45 minutes.
• 1:18:02
  SPEAKER_06: No, um, no, I think he brings crang, obviously.
• 1:18:05
  SPEAKER_06: You got an interdimensional mutant disabled person.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 1:18:12
  SPEAKER_07: Well, I mean fucking crang, man.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_06: I don't know.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_06: He's like an interdimensional genius enemy.
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_06: He gets beat by a bunch of turtles, though.
• 1:18:22
  SPEAKER_03: He is gonna speak, he's gonna speak philosophy to to Spongebob.
• 1:18:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like what what is he gonna do?
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_03: What is he?
• 1:18:28
  SPEAKER_06: He has like ray blasters and portal guns and shit.
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I mean he's got all that yeah, space tech.
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_06: But but also I just want to point out that both Shredder and Crang continuously get beat by water animals, anthropomorphic water animals.
• 1:18:42
  SPEAKER_06: It's like their one weakness.
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_06: Oh yeah, that's right.
• 1:18:44
  SPEAKER_04: Turtles.
• 1:18:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um interesting.
• 1:18:47
  SPEAKER_03: I just feel like SpongeBob is gonna just give them a big hug and they're gonna be like, what the fuck is going on?
• 1:18:53
  SPEAKER_04: You and your big hugs.
• 1:18:55
  SPEAKER_03: Have you?
• 1:18:55
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, have you have you watched Spongebob?
• 1:18:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like, have you watched him with this?
• 1:18:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:19:00
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it was it was but it was originally marketed as um a uh special needs fry cook and his gay friend.
• 1:19:08
  SPEAKER_03: Um if you get high enough.
• 1:19:12
  SPEAKER_04: And uh you don't have to go that high.
• 1:19:14
  SPEAKER_04: Uh trust.
• 1:19:14
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, you just gotta there's a lot of subtext.
• 1:19:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just saying.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so well, we have Crang.
• 1:19:22
  SPEAKER_04: So Krang's coming in.
• 1:19:23
  SPEAKER_04: You agree with Patrick?
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_06: I feel like I don't think so.
• 1:19:26
  SPEAKER_06: You don't think Patrick who's a plankton.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_06: Plankton! I I think Plankton is no, I don't.
• 1:19:34
  SPEAKER_06: I mean, Gary's Gary's a good partner.
• 1:19:37
  SPEAKER_06: I just don't think uh while powerful.
• 1:19:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh I just don't think you can't separate Spongebob and Patrick.
• 1:19:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like the two of them go like hand in hand.
• 1:19:47
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, but I think that's often uh Spongebob's downfall.
• 1:19:50
  SPEAKER_06: Things do not go well for SpongeBob when Patrick starts to get involved.
• 1:19:56
  SPEAKER_06: Whenever you delegate something to Patrick, you can ensure that that thing is not going to get done.
• 1:20:03
  SPEAKER_06: He's been able to get away.
• 1:20:08
  SPEAKER_06: That that could end up pretty deadly if your foe has a hairdryer.
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like that's what makes m makes Spongebob live.
• 1:20:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like Patrick pushes the limits and puts him in these like awkward situations where Spongebob has to like explore his abilities, like his his character, he's challenged.
• 1:20:28
  SPEAKER_03: Without Patrick, like I don't think the the show would be able to function.
• 1:20:33
  SPEAKER_06: Well, in this case, he has a challenge already provided for them.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_06: His challenge is already present.
• 1:20:40
  SPEAKER_06: It is Shredder.
• 1:20:41
  SPEAKER_01: And Patrick five arms, five points.
• 1:20:44
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, I'm here to help in five different ways, five different crevices, five different holes.
• 1:20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Show me which way to go.
• 1:20:54
  SPEAKER_06: Throw me like a dildo star, and I'll and I'll take care of the rest.
• 1:20:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we can even go rock on a round.
• 1:21:01
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I mean, that's for my point.
• 1:21:03
  SPEAKER_04: So I would say for me then, Shredder.
• 1:21:06
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, Krang is a solid one.
• 1:21:08
  SPEAKER_04: Krang's fucking solid.
• 1:21:11
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I think what do you enjoy with the trick?
• 1:21:15
  SPEAKER_04: But but well, but so alright, so look, Krang and fucking Shredder are gonna show up and they're performing like level one kata and like punch, punch, kick.
• 1:21:27
  SPEAKER_04: And uh punch bumps can drag what we're calling it.
• 1:21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:21:32
  SPEAKER_03: Punch, punch, kick, and then just took on a new terminology, right?
• 1:21:37
  SPEAKER_03: And then I'm never gonna be able to play Ticken again and go punch, punch, kick and not think of this situation.
• 1:21:43
  SPEAKER_04: This is this is where you are now.
• 1:21:47
  SPEAKER_03: Punch, punch, punch.
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but then you could hurl.
• 1:21:50
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, he's fucking at the end of the day.
• 1:21:52
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, when they come out of water, it's a fucking starfish and a fucking dish sponge.
• 1:21:57
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 1:21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Five stars and five stars.
• 1:21:59
  SPEAKER_00: And who doesn't need a dish?
• 1:22:01
  SPEAKER_00: What female doesn't need a dish sponge?
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_06: It's true.
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_06: I use a dish sponge frequently.
• 1:22:07
  SPEAKER_06: Dear God.
• 1:22:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um, well, yeah, I'm I'm gonna have to say uh Shredder's coming in with Krang.
• 1:22:14
  SPEAKER_04: And yeah, I but but I will say this.
• 1:22:17
  SPEAKER_04: This is my one difference here.
• 1:22:19
  SPEAKER_04: SpongeBob is gonna bring Mr.
• 1:22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Krabs.
• 1:22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Mr.
• 1:22:22
  SPEAKER_04: Krabs is a navyman.
• 1:22:23
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:22:24
  SPEAKER_04: He's coming with a sword.
• 1:22:25
  SPEAKER_04: He's killed Shredder.
• 1:22:28
  SPEAKER_04: And he's got Shiny.
• 1:22:29
  SPEAKER_03: How do you think Shanger Simples will feel?
• 1:22:31
  SPEAKER_04: I think he's gonna be fucked.
• 1:22:33
  SPEAKER_04: Um Pincher beats Shredder.
• 1:22:36
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 1:22:37
  SPEAKER_06: I I think Crang, I think Krang is bringing technology that can beat uh uh beat Mr.
• 1:22:42
  SPEAKER_06: Krabs.
• 1:22:42
  SPEAKER_06: I think that I think that where the Plankton bring-in really shines is that Plankton gets so distracted by dominating, and so does Shredder, and so does Crang.
• 1:22:51
  SPEAKER_06: They're all like they all get distracted and they all want everything.
• 1:22:55
  SPEAKER_06: And if you bring Plankton, then they're just all gonna fight each other and Plankton's gonna serve they're all gonna survive through c cartoon powers.
• 1:23:02
  SPEAKER_06: But SpongeBob will just be like, Wow, that was really weird.
• 1:23:05
  SPEAKER_06: Wow, that was really weird.
• 1:23:06
  SPEAKER_03: That was weird, which is why I'm just gonna go back to his pineapple and be like, I had the most amazing time.
• 1:23:14
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, that's where I think it the difference is.
• 1:23:18
  SPEAKER_04: The thing I will give uh just so wet.
• 1:23:26
  SPEAKER_03: You guys, you can't expect me.
• 1:23:28
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to say, like, I'm a dark romance, writer.
• 1:23:31
  SPEAKER_03: You can't expect me to not go there.
• 1:23:34
  SPEAKER_04: No, of course not.
• 1:23:35
  SPEAKER_04: Not anymore.
• 1:23:36
  SPEAKER_04: No, we've been talking for like an hour and a half, and uh I think we know you pretty well.
• 1:23:44
  SPEAKER_03: I am so crunk, it's unbelievable, but it's fine.
• 1:23:48
  SPEAKER_03: Things are fine.
• 1:23:50
  SPEAKER_06: That bottle's almost gone.
• 1:23:51
  SPEAKER_06: That's the point.
• 1:23:52
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm gonna see this.
• 1:23:54
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 1:23:56
  SPEAKER_04: She's freaked out.
• 1:23:57
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, she's that a bottle of cello.
• 1:24:00
  SPEAKER_03: I am a lightweight, like I don't drink normally, like I literally keep this for like functions because I'm an and I'm a responsible adult now in my life.
• 1:24:11
  SPEAKER_03: So this is great.
• 1:24:12
  SPEAKER_06: I'm glad you consider us a function.
• 1:24:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:24:14
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:24:14
  SPEAKER_04: So hey, fellas, DMing.
• 1:24:16
  SPEAKER_04: You you gotta start with lemoncello.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_03: Lemoncello.
• 1:24:19
  SPEAKER_03: Lemoncello.
• 1:24:20
  SPEAKER_03: See.
• 1:24:21
  SPEAKER_03: Well, uh, so uh I think it's time for a vote.
• 1:24:25
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's time for a vote.
• 1:24:26
  SPEAKER_04: Um round three.
• 1:24:28
  SPEAKER_03: SpongeBob won.
• 1:24:30
  SPEAKER_03: Round one, round one is Spongebob.
• 1:24:32
  SPEAKER_04: Round two is Shredder.
• 1:24:33
  SPEAKER_03: Round two, you guys voted Shredder.
• 1:24:37
  SPEAKER_04: We all did.
• 1:24:37
  SPEAKER_04: We all did.
• 1:24:38
  SPEAKER_04: It's a special rule.
• 1:24:40
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the rule on high and dry is that if anyone doesn't if anyone together, as soon as two people vote you, it was always your opinion.
• 1:24:48
  SPEAKER_06: We all change.
• 1:24:48
  SPEAKER_06: If you two outvote me, my opinion changes.
• 1:24:51
  SPEAKER_04: We were always about sponge.
• 1:24:53
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what we are?
• 1:24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I do it every time.
• 1:24:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we were all about it.
• 1:24:58
  SPEAKER_04: Um, so uh round three.
• 1:25:01
  SPEAKER_04: Guests first, Aaron.
• 1:25:03
  SPEAKER_04: We need to vote for it.
• 1:25:05
  SPEAKER_03: Because he will literally make things so awkward.
• 1:25:08
  SPEAKER_03: So awkward.
• 1:25:09
  SPEAKER_06: He is he he is very good at like sucking the air out of someone with ego.
• 1:25:14
  SPEAKER_06: Like he sucks the air out of the room, and they're just like all their ego, their their hot head is is just their ego is no longer inflated.
• 1:25:22
  SPEAKER_06: It's a limp ego, and they're just gonna be standing there holding their limp egos with a with a incredibly wet sponge muff rocking it.
• 1:25:37
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like you guys are gonna go home and tell your waves of girlfriends that you need sponges in your house.
• 1:25:42
  SPEAKER_06: Um my wife is right there, and yeah, we we we buy from Costco, get those big sponge, those 40 packs of sponges.
• 1:25:50
  SPEAKER_03: Again, Costco, if you listen to you really need a sponsor the show.
• 1:25:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but the sponges were not horny enough.
• 1:25:58
  SPEAKER_06: You guys gotta take it up another level.
• 1:26:02
  SPEAKER_03: You need hard sponges, not the soft kind.
• 1:26:06
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, the the abrasive sponges.
• 1:26:10
  SPEAKER_06: Jesus Christ.
• 1:26:11
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, like, it's gonna pull off smatter layers of skin there, eh?
• 1:26:17
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but uh, you know, hey, if the if the queen of uh dark romance says so, then there you have it, folks.
• 1:26:25
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I'm also very not depraved characters.
• 1:26:28
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I'm not a opinion's always a SpongeBob.
• 1:26:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not a your sp your opinion has to has to be SpongeBob now.
• 1:26:37
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very dry.
• 1:26:37
  SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, it is, yeah, it's definitely it was always SpongeBob.
• 1:26:40
  SPEAKER_04: It was always Spongebob.
• 1:26:41
  SPEAKER_04: It was never not Spongebob.
• 1:26:42
  SPEAKER_03: I started out on the show completely sober.
• 1:26:46
  SPEAKER_03: And you have taken an hour and a half of my time.
• 1:26:49
  SPEAKER_03: I did, actually.
• 1:26:51
  SPEAKER_03: And you've seen me.
• 1:26:57
  SPEAKER_07: Everything's fine.
• 1:27:00
  SPEAKER_03: So, whatever questions you have to ask, and now is the time to ask them.
• 1:27:06
  SPEAKER_06: More philosophy questions?
• 1:27:08
  SPEAKER_06: Well, we've gone for about an hour and 40 minutes.
• 1:27:11
  SPEAKER_06: I think we have to wrap up.
• 1:27:13
  SPEAKER_04: Well, now I just see the situation where she she well, she leaves and like, oh, thank god you could put the kids to bed, and she just got two sponges.
• 1:27:22
  SPEAKER_05: No, and walks into the bathroom.
• 1:27:27
  SPEAKER_06: I got a dragon I gotta think about.
• 1:27:29
  SPEAKER_03: Shut up.
• 1:27:29
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not telling any stories.
• 1:27:32
  SPEAKER_03: We're not telling stories.
• 1:27:36
  SPEAKER_06: Mommy's got dragons on the brain, just go to sleep.
• 1:27:40
  SPEAKER_03: No, I got a thing I gotta do.
• 1:27:42
  SPEAKER_03: I have tarot cards in the brain.
• 1:27:44
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I've done so I honestly, all I do is research on fucking witchcraft and like gypsies at the moment.
• 1:27:53
  SPEAKER_04: Witchcraft and gypsies.
• 1:27:55
  SPEAKER_04: Well, you've got one here if you have any questions.
• 1:27:57
  SPEAKER_03: I just need to preface this by going when I say gypsies, I do not mean that in a derogatory sense.
• 1:28:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean that the literally the woman that I speak to in France it's too late, I'm already offended.
• 1:28:08
  SPEAKER_03: Don't they literally tell me that they're gypsies?
• 1:28:11
  SPEAKER_03: They're like, I don't know if I don't associate with any other word.
• 1:28:14
  SPEAKER_03: This is The word that I associate with that is what you will call me.
• 1:28:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, zingali.
• 1:28:20
  SPEAKER_03: Gypsy.
• 1:28:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, yeah, that is what you are.
• 1:28:22
  SPEAKER_03: She's like, that is what I am.
• 1:28:24
  SPEAKER_03: I say that with pride.
• 1:28:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, thank you.
• 1:28:28
  SPEAKER_06: Okie dokie.
• 1:28:29
  SPEAKER_06: Okie dokie.
• 1:28:30
  SPEAKER_06: That's what I'll call you specifically.
• 1:28:32
  SPEAKER_04: Then there you go.
• 1:28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Well, if you ever have any questions about group sex gypsies, just go ahead and give me an old DM.
• 1:28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the DM.
• 1:28:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna DM Brian Brian.
• 1:28:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be like, is this is this um is this is this position correct accurate?
• 1:28:49
  SPEAKER_03: Is this correct?
• 1:28:50
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 1:28:51
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, think about it for one second.
• 1:28:53
  SPEAKER_04: Can his tongue reach that far?
• 1:28:55
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 1:28:56
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I need an expert.
• 1:28:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be like, does this train make sense?
• 1:29:01
  SPEAKER_04: And I'll be like, look, anyone who's involved in this particular orgy would not be anywhere near a mirror.
• 1:29:08
  SPEAKER_06: No one no one's gonna go, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl.
• 1:29:12
  SPEAKER_06: You have to go girl, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy.
• 1:29:16
  SPEAKER_06: It's not gonna work.
• 1:29:17
  SPEAKER_04: It's not gonna work.
• 1:29:18
  SPEAKER_04: It's not gonna work.
• 1:29:21
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:29:22
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm about to do that.
• 1:29:25
  SPEAKER_03: Please give me information.
• 1:29:27
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so yeah, yeah.
• 1:29:28
  SPEAKER_04: DM me DM me anytime.
• 1:29:29
  SPEAKER_04: We'll talk about group sex.
• 1:29:31
  SPEAKER_04: So um, so there you have it, folks.
• 1:29:33
  SPEAKER_04: Fucking sh wait, no.
• 1:29:35
  SPEAKER_04: SpongeBob beats Shredder.
• 1:29:37
  SPEAKER_04: Congratulations, Mr.
• 1:29:38
  SPEAKER_04: SquarePants.
• 1:29:39
  SPEAKER_04: You have to do that.
• 1:29:40
  SPEAKER_04: I just want to say this right.
• 1:29:41
  SPEAKER_03: I've been like after this podcast, you're gonna get a ton of DMs going, wait, group sex, are you game?
• 1:29:48
  SPEAKER_06: God damn it.
• 1:29:49
  SPEAKER_06: I I don't maybe that'd be cool.
• 1:29:53
  SPEAKER_01: If I lost.
• 1:29:56
  SPEAKER_01: Fucking fine.
• 1:29:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's a professional movie at this point.
• 1:29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Fine.
• 1:29:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's yeah, it's just professional.
• 1:30:01
  SPEAKER_06: You gotta send me whatever you're packing, and then I'll make a decision.
• 1:30:04
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna need some pictures.
• 1:30:07
  SPEAKER_04: Um, yeah.
• 1:30:08
  SPEAKER_04: So, well, there you have it, folks.
• 1:30:10
  SPEAKER_04: Um, thanks for still being here.
• 1:30:12
  SPEAKER_06: Wow, you really you really pushed through some some of our best material.
• 1:30:18
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you really sunday night.
• 1:30:22
  SPEAKER_04: Most of you listen on Monday morning.
• 1:30:24
  SPEAKER_04: You've been masturbating in your job's parking lot now for about 45 minutes.
• 1:30:28
  SPEAKER_06: You have to roll your office chair outside because it is now soaked through.
• 1:30:36
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks everyone for listening.
• 1:30:37
  SPEAKER_04: Um, hey, Aaron, thank you for so much for coming on and talking about dragons and group sex and everything like that.
• 1:30:42
  SPEAKER_04: It's been fighting.
• 1:30:44
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you for helping me talk to talk to you about uh Spongebob sex, group sex, dragon sex, old sex.
• 1:30:52
  SPEAKER_03: I don't I don't actually know.
• 1:30:55
  SPEAKER_04: All of it, just all of it.
• 1:30:57
  SPEAKER_06: Just all of it.
• 1:30:58
  SPEAKER_06: That's the clip.
• 1:30:59
  SPEAKER_06: We're gonna take that clip, and that's what we're gonna put as the promo.
• 1:31:03
  SPEAKER_06: Hey, just thank you for letting me talk about groups.
• 1:31:06
  SPEAKER_06: SpongeBob sex, group sex, and then we'll put that in the we'll we'll throw those as hashtags.
• 1:31:13
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's happening now.
• 1:31:15
  SPEAKER_04: That's so happening.
• 1:31:16
  SPEAKER_06: Hashtag SpongeBobSex.
• 1:31:18
  SPEAKER_06: Hashtag group sex.
• 1:31:21
  SPEAKER_04: We get so many views.
• 1:31:23
  SPEAKER_03: Ryan, when you message me, I don't know what else you expected.
• 1:31:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if you see my Instagram account, like I don't tell my family, like literally in my books.
• 1:31:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, thank you for supporting me.
• 1:31:34
  SPEAKER_03: Please don't fucking read my books.
• 1:31:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, don't read them.
• 1:31:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like, no.
• 1:31:38
  SPEAKER_04: Don't bring this shit up.
• 1:31:40
  SPEAKER_04: Look, what what when I whenever I message uh any woman online, just I'm not trying to have sex, I'm just just trying to get you onto my podcast, and then DM you about sex.
• 1:31:51
  SPEAKER_04: I love that later.
• 1:31:53
  SPEAKER_03: I loved your message because your open your opening message was like super professional.
• 1:31:58
  SPEAKER_03: You're like so professional.
• 1:31:59
  SPEAKER_03: You were like, we've had America's neck top model on here, we've had this person on here, we've had that person on here.
• 1:32:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, cool, great.
• 1:32:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, you didn't have to sell me.
• 1:32:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm a writer, like I'm pretty much game for anything.
• 1:32:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then yeah, you'd think you messaged me and you're like, I don't know if you know this, but my my partner gets high and I drink, and I'm like, great, we're gonna do shots, it's gonna be fine.
• 1:32:24
  SPEAKER_04: And she was, yeah, yeah.
• 1:32:26
  SPEAKER_04: No, I I I usually like I bury, I bury that particular lead, and I I get I get you in first, and like, oh, by the way, uh buckle up.
• 1:32:37
  SPEAKER_06: Hashtag I'm a writer, I'm down for anything.
• 1:32:40
  SPEAKER_07: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:32:42
  SPEAKER_03: You get that I write dark romance and like all these different things.
• 1:32:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm pretty much game for anything at this point.
• 1:32:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, great.
• 1:32:49
  SPEAKER_04: You never know.
• 1:32:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I yeah, so I send out so many invites and things like that.
• 1:32:53
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, we gotta we're trying to do one of these once a fucking week, and uh, I'll send out invites.
• 1:32:58
  SPEAKER_04: And especially when it comes to the women, I very frequently get left without like they never look at it because they assume that it comes with an attachment.
• 1:33:08
  SPEAKER_04: It comes with an attachment, and you don't want to open that attachment.
• 1:33:11
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 1:33:11
  SPEAKER_04: Like, no, I just want you to come on my podcast and drink with me.
• 1:33:14
  SPEAKER_04: Where or just I just want to talk about dicks.
• 1:33:18
  SPEAKER_06: I don't want to send any pictures to you.
• 1:33:21
  SPEAKER_03: You caught me in a period where I'm writing this book where this woman literally opens an OnlyFans account and has an Instagram where she sells used panties, and I am opening my DMs because I am literally copying and pasting those DMs into the book itself.
• 1:33:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, this is what this guy responded.
• 1:33:41
  SPEAKER_03: And so you caught me in that moment.
• 1:33:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love that so much.
• 1:33:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, like this is great.
• 1:33:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I literally I just want to say that I've started an Instagram account called I Taste Expensive, and it's literally gonna be in the book called I Taste Expensive, and all of the DMs that we get from this Instagram account is gonna be represented in this book.
• 1:34:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I just want to say this that um I don't know how men think this works.
• 1:34:08
  SPEAKER_04: I honestly don't know how I don't think they think they're just throwing stuff against the wall.
• 1:34:13
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, they're just yeah, see how it sticks.
• 1:34:16
  SPEAKER_04: You gotta get them on your pocket.
• 1:34:22
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I think that's it.
• 1:34:23
  SPEAKER_04: I don't go for that.
• 1:34:24
  SPEAKER_06: I think that's what ha is happening though.
• 1:34:26
  SPEAKER_06: What is that they literally have no idea on how to reach success, and so you have to try everything.
• 1:34:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like what?
• 1:34:32
  SPEAKER_03: One of my chapter headings in this book is called not all dick picks are equal.
• 1:34:39
  SPEAKER_06: That's true.
• 1:34:40
  SPEAKER_06: That is true though.
• 1:34:41
  SPEAKER_04: That's also very true.
• 1:34:42
  SPEAKER_06: It's also very true.
• 1:34:43
  SPEAKER_06: While while a while a criticism also true.
• 1:34:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, also true.
• 1:34:49
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
• 1:34:52
  SPEAKER_06: Just saying, you have to put you should have to put on the dick pic what number that was.
• 1:34:57
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:34:57
  SPEAKER_06: Like how many times you tried to get a good lighting on you on the dick pic.
• 1:35:01
  SPEAKER_06: That was not the first picture.
• 1:35:02
  SPEAKER_06: That was number 46 of me trying to get a really good dick pic.
• 1:35:05
  SPEAKER_05: You gotta swat at it first, you know.
• 1:35:08
  SPEAKER_03: I honestly genuinely think you're gonna send this woman an image with no context whatsoever, and you're gonna be offended.
• 1:35:16
  SPEAKER_06: Well, does a penis need context?
• 1:35:20
  SPEAKER_03: You know, but you're gonna be offended that she doesn't reply.
• 1:35:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, oh, so like I'm sorry, Ruhane, that you're getting like left high and dry.
• 1:35:29
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, oh, but I'm pretty I understand why women are not responding immediately because they're like getting you messages and they're like uh I need context for this piece.
• 1:35:43
  SPEAKER_04: The only women who respond are seriously disturbed and probably need some help.
• 1:35:50
  SPEAKER_03: I'm prevent for winning for a living.
• 1:35:54
  SPEAKER_04: Well, hey, Aaron, thank you so much for being on the show.
• 1:35:57
  SPEAKER_04: It was a great time.
• 1:35:58
  SPEAKER_04: We have numerous sound bites that are going to embarrass your parents, and I'm for one am super happy about that.
• 1:36:06
  SPEAKER_06: Hashtag Patrick's hashtag Patrick Sex.
• 1:36:08
  SPEAKER_04: Hashtag Patrick Sex.
• 1:36:11
  SPEAKER_03: I just want to say, like, of course you have numerous sound bites, but um also I am on another level to you guys, which is not fair.
• 1:36:19
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm way fucking drunk right now.
• 1:36:22
  SPEAKER_06: You'll have to come back and make uh make your case again.
• 1:36:24
  SPEAKER_04: Which is not you have to understand.
• 1:36:26
  SPEAKER_04: My my tolerance is ridiculous.
• 1:36:30
  SPEAKER_04: I I literally I do this all the fucking time.
• 1:36:33
  SPEAKER_04: Not that tolerance, James.
• 1:36:35
  SPEAKER_04: Um well anyway, so thank you.
• 1:36:38
  SPEAKER_04: Thank you so much for being on.
• 1:36:39
  SPEAKER_04: It was great having you.
• 1:36:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um everyone who's listening, thank you so much for hanging out this long.
• 1:36:45
  SPEAKER_04: Um is this gonna be are you not gonna edit this one also?
• 1:36:49
  SPEAKER_04: Nah, we'll see how it goes.
• 1:36:50
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 1:36:50
  SPEAKER_06: All right, bet.
• 1:36:53
  SPEAKER_06: Bye.