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Why narcissists think they can treat you badly and love you at the same time · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  I am Lee Hammock, the diagnosed selfaware narcissist known as
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  mental illness and welcome to another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code if you knew Here I use my platform on social
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  media to raise awareness for NPD, get more people in the
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  therapy and also validate the victims, survivors and thrivers
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  of said disorder. Said toxic people said toxic
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  traits and what not. Y'all.
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  Today's episode is going to be about narcissists and
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  compartmentalization. How narcissistic people, some a
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  lot of narcissists think that they can treat you badly and
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  still love you at the same time. How they some of them some
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  narcissists people think they can actually cheat on you and
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  still love you completely and just it doesn't change how they
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  feel about you. Y'all, before we happen to
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  today's episode, y'all you know, I got to shout out these self
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  love My self love journal on Amazon.
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  Me hammock I love me a Self Love Journal on Amazon.
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  You know, to help you rebuild their self love and the identity
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  after touch relationship. Y'all.
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  But yeah, y'all. A lot of narcissist people use
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  compartmentalization to justify our actions.
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  Like, literally. That's how you get some
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  narcissist out here who literally think that they can
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  cheat on you, hit you, lie to you, steal from you and do
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  horrible things to you and think that and also think that they
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  still love you at the same time. They they can love multiple
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  people at the same time. It happens.
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  It happens all the time. Y'all.
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  It's like narcissist y'all, y'all know this.
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  This kind of goes without saying, but I have to say it
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  anyway. A lot of narcissists do like we
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  are gold medalists at the Olympics for mental gymnastics,
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  like we own the parallel bars of gas lighting and the uneven bars
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  of manipulation. We are gold medalists at the
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  Olympics in that situation right there.
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  Y'all. So we do these mental gymnastics
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  to justify our actions not only to you, but to ourselves.
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  Like literally we a lot of Narcis.
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  Not only we don't. We don't just lie to other
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  people, we lie to ourselves. We trick ourselves into
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  believing that we are not bad people because, like, we can do
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  horrible things to you, but we we've also done good things to
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  you. And what narcissistic people do
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  to ourselves, and not only to you and to ourselves, is that we
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  shine a brighter light on the good stuff.
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  You see what I'm saying? We shine a brighter light on the
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  good stuff. We file away the bad things, the
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  bad light. It's like 2.
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  It's like two different sections.
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  Y'all. It's like two different
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  sections. On the left section is more than
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  two sections, but it's like on the left section is the bad
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  stuff that I've done to you. Right on the right section is
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  the good stuff that I've done for you.
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  The right section is the most important stuff the bad section
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  got. You know, it's got to a a crazy
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  lot. It's hard.
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  It's hard to get into those memories.
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  It's hard. It's hard to get into those
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  behaviors and traits. The good, the good, the good
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  section. The good.
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  Filing cabinets are upside of it.
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  It's open. You can go through it at ease.
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  You we can. Hey, and that's why you.
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  Yeah. This is why you hear the term.
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  You can't ever say I've never done anything good for you.
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  Hey, but what about this? What about when I did this for
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  you? You see what I'm saying?
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  They'll lie to you and just hey, but look, there's been good
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  times too. What about the good times?
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  They'll try to get you to focus on the good times.
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  When you realize that they've been doing something bad to you
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  behind the scenes or you, the threat of exposure is looming
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  for them. They will absolutely try to get
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  you to focus on the good times. Hey, do you remember when when
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  we did this right here, that you.
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  So that proves that I love you. I'm still here, Art and I I'm
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  here fighting for us. Like they'll stalk you, harass
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  you and things like they they think that they can stalk you
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  and that proves that they love you.
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  Like if I wasn't stalking him, if I wasn't right here, then
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  that would that would mean I don't love them.
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  You know what I'm saying? If I wasn't harassing them right
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  now, they they don't. In the narcissist mind we don't
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  consider it stalking. They don't consider it stalking
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  and harassment. Again here comes the
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  justifications. Here goes the mental gymnastics.
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  They be they can watch. They can be looking at you from
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  the bushes. They be literally hiding the
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  bushes outside of your house and not consider it stalking.
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  They just they in the mind will justify by saying, oh I'm just
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  making sure they're safe. I'm just making sure they're
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  safe. I'll just make sure you were
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  safe. I make sure you get home safe.
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  I make sure you get the work safe.
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  I only follow you because you know, I know you've had
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  accidents before and I want to be the if something happens to
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  you, I want to be there for you to help you.
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  You know what I'm saying? They will justify the horrible
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  things that they do for you like that.
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  Because I do this good stuff that means the bad stuff doesn't
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  matter or the good stuff. I have more weight to it.
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  Y'all it's like to it's like feeling too, you know, like a
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  into to like two jars, like 2-2 jars.
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  One jar has feathers. You feel one jar with feathers
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  to the top and you feel the other jar would lead, the jar
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  would lay is going to weigh more, right?
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  So we put, we apply more weight, but there's still jars.
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  There's still memories, but we apply more weight.
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  We fill it with something more substantive, like something with
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  greater weight to it, to make us feel better.
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  Because a lot of nurses, yeah, we fear being viewed as bad
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  people will leave. Stop doing bad things.
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  Yeah. Yeah.
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  Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.
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  It's for Lego Batman. Yeah, Of course.
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  That would be the simplest thing.
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  They would be. It would be the best thing to
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  stop doing bad things though, right?
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  The narcissistic people who suffer from chronic boredom.
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  So they they're, they do bad things, sometimes impulsively.
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  Y'all know, you know damn well I am not trying to make excuses
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  for narcissistic people. That is not what I do.
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  That is not what I am about. You know what I mean?
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  But you you do get a lot of narcissistic people, y'all, who
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  think this way. It's just the mindset of it.
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  And again, I'm not trying to justify anything.
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  I'm just saying this is the mindset of a lot of narcissistic
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  people out here. Like we justify our actions
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  through different through different things.
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  Like we we can't be bad people because we've done good things
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  for you as well. You know what I'm saying?
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  A lot of narcissists think that they can treat you horribly.
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  Y'all and justify because they've done good things for
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  you. Like I'm just telling you,
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  putting things in these compartments help us feel but
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  help protect us. You know what I'm saying?
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  It hurts you. It confuses you.
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  It gas likes you, you know it manipulates you.
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  But it's also does the same thing to us like so it it just
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  apply. We just apply more weight to the
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  good stuff so that we're not really and hurting and sad as
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  hell all the time and be and you know beating ourselves up like
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  no, I'm not a bad person because remember I know I cheated on her
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  with a best friend but I've also I bought her a bracelet at the
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  time that she wanted. I, you know when her mom passed
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  away I was there for when, you know when her cat got sick I was
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  there for or you know, I know I cheated on him with his brother
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  but it's just like I love him. You know, I accepted When he
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  proposed to me I could have said no, but I said yes.
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  So this shows that I love, I don't care if I slept with his
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  brother. You know what I'm saying?
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  You see the the crazy justification of the We put
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  things in the department and lock it away, put it away in the
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  key. You know what I'm saying?
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  I'm just telling you, that's how the mind of a lot of narcissity
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  work, And that's why they, like said, sometimes they'll treat
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  you badly and they won't leave you.
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  Why? Why you treat me so badly?
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  They won't leave you because they feel like they can still
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  do. They can do both.
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  We a lot of narcissists exist in this delusional world that just
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  because we do bad things to you doesn't mean that we don't love
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  you and care about you, doesn't mean and also doesn't mean that
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  we we are bad people. You see what I'm saying?
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  A lot of narcissistic people get caught up in that, in that
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  space, But we feel like bad people because we've done bad
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  things. You see what I'm saying?
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  And it Yeah, it is wild. It is wild mindset they have.
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  It just absolutely is. And it's hard to tell people, I
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  try to tell this to people all the time.
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  They're like, if you're dealing with a toxic, narcissistic
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  person, this is part of it. Y'all this is, this is going to
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  be part of the dynamic of the this is going to be part of,
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  like the, you know, dichotomy of the relationship, the the
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  breakdown of it is that they're going to do bad things for you,
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  to you, but they're also going to do some good stuff to you.
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  And that's where it confuses you.
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  That's where the the, you know, cognitive dissonance comes in
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  for you. Like you try to have two
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  separate truths. He treats me badly, but he loves
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  me. She cheat.
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  She cheats on me, but she cheats on me.
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  But she does good things for me. They hit me, but they also put
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  the they also put a band aids get me, get me the ice.
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  So they must love me. You see what I'm saying?
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  It creates these two separate troops in your head because
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  they're because we're creating two separate troops in our head.
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  Like you see. I always tell people y'all
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  relationships with narcissistic people work from the inside out.
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  However that narcissistic person is feeling internally.
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  They we we express it externally.
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  It it comes through externally from our bodies and from our
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  from our minds through our actions.
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  We feel like we love and care about you, but we also feel like
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  we going to do things that we going to do selfish things there
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  for our own gratitude and our own benefit as well.
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  You know what I'm saying? The things don't have to be
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  mutually exclusive. Like, that's how I try to I try
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  to beat that in people's heads. Like look, they're going to do a
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  lot of stuff to you, but they're also going to try to justify
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  through wild mindsets, through wild mindsets through like,
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  well, I did. I've done good things too.
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  What about the good stuff? They will try to get you to
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  focus on the good stuff, because narcissists, we don't want to
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  feel like we are bad people. I at the at the the whole crux
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  of it, at the crux of it. Narcissists don't want to feel
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  like bad people. You know what I mean?
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  Narciss, don't want to, you know, how can you heal the
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  narcissist? Sometimes, yeah.
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  Sometimes it just takes you just go, go to them and tell them,
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  hey, you're not a bad person. Don't do that.
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  Y'all. Don't do that.
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  Because, like, this is the mindset of narcissists.
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  If you tell me I'm not a bad person, you just justify
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  everything I've done to you. You just did it.
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  You just justify. Oh, I'm not a bad person so I
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  can cheat. Yes, you know what I'm saying?
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  You see what I'm saying? There's there's the course.
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  There's a spectrum of narcissism.
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  Y'all Some people are worse than others.
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  This is how it goes. No, but be careful.
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  Y'all here in these St. in these toxic narcissistic streets.
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  Because I'm telling you they would.
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  That narcissist. We will justify our actions
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  through this other through this stuff that we do to you.
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  I'm just telling We will justify to the ends of the earth.
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  Hey, I know I cheated on you. I know it hurt you, but does it
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  does it justify what you do to me?
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  You put me through some stuff too.
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  You hurt me too. You know what I'm saying?
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  Hey, what about what you did? What about what you did?
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  You done. You've done things too.
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  We both we both made mistakes. You hear that damn phrase a lot.
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  We did with narcissists and people there again.
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  We both made mistakes. We both did this.
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  We both did this. You're not you're not innocent
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  either. You act like you're perfect.
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  You're not perfect either. I'm just telling you the more
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  you listen to it, the more apt you are to listen to to to take
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  it in. To accept that y'all.
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  But anyways, y'all. I have to hop off here.
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  I have to do a one-on-one here. Yes, I still do my one on ones
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  over zoom. I get a lot of people who ask me
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  how to do one on ones with me. Go to mentalillness.net.
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  You can do A1. Check out the one on ones.
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  I have some group, some group stuff come up here pretty soon
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  as well. Y'all myself.
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  Love courses coming out pretty soon.
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  Subscribe to the newsletter as well like and subscribe for
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  more. Y'all, I'm going to turn this
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  out please. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. Thank you so much for the
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  support. If you haven't already, make
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  sure that you subscribe to the channel so that we can help
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  breach more people. The Self Love brand is available
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  as well. I'm vital.
• 11:25
  The link is in the description of every single video I do.
• 11:28
  The Self Love Journal is also available on Amazon.
• 11:31
  Check it out. Lee Hammock.
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  I love me. Thank you so much Y'all.
• 11:34
  If you haven't already as well, check in the joining of the
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  channel memberships for you know, different perks, behind
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  But the wholeness is out.