Latest / Integrity at Scale™ / What Happens When Survival Mode Ends
Transcript
- Tara Vossenkemper here. You're listening to the Culture Focus Practice podcast. Thank you, of course, for being here with me, for listening in. Okay, so I feel like a lot of my episodes lately have been, I don't know, like, I don't wanna say content heavy, but maybe more analytical and, systems oriented. And so I want to just talk about the space where you have created enough structure that you're not constantly needed, you're not constantly problem-solving, you're not needing to carry a bunch of things, and maybe you're electing to give things to people who should have them. Basically, when you start to do all those things sort of that space that comes after. So I don't necessarily think that survival mode, I'm calling it that. I think that has a, maybe like a chaotic connotation, but I don't necessarily think it is always chaotic. I think that it is someone, for example, who just has their nose to the grindstone constantly. That might be survival mode. They might not be frantic. They might not seem urgent, but they are consistent in frequently pumping shit out or, like, staying focused. They can't really set anything down. That's also survival mode, just having to do something because it has to get done. That doesn't necessarily look chaotic or dramatic. It just looks like competence. What I'm saying is that when the structure gets put into place, all of the stuff starts to get quieter, and then all of a sudden you have quiet space to notice things, yourself, your thoughts, your feelings, et cetera. That's what this episode is about. Okay, so we're gonna do this owner's room style where I'm gonna ask myself a series of questions that I have not yet thought about, and then I think I am gonna do a little scenario here. So we will have a scenario at the end, and we will wrap up our 📍 time together. Question number one: What happens when the systems finally get quiet enough for me to hear myself think again? It's hard to answer this individually. But I will attempt. When the systems finally get quiet enough for me to hear myself think again, what happens? I get more ideas. That's one thing that starts to happen, is that they just pour out of me as a result of having the right people around me. Like, "We could do this," or, "What about this?" Or, "Ooh, that would be awesome." There's just shit that comes out of my mouth, you know? That's one thing that happens. Another thing that happens is always guilt. I just feel a little bit of guilt. There's space, it should be filled with me doing something. Like, having space feels self-indulgent, which I know is silly. . It's funny 'cause I don't have any feelings about feeling that way. It just happens. Like it happens. There's guilt. "Oh, God, this feels self-indulgent." That's another thing. Something else that pops up is a little bit of concern. I don't wanna say guilt necessarily, maybe some, but maybe also a little bit of worry or a little bit of concern, maybe awareness of other people doing things that maybe they don't want to do and they're just doing it because they're supposed to or they have to. You know when you think about the things that you do as an owner or as a leader, and those things are part of the seats that you sit in, but you don't necessarily like them and you're not doing them well. In my case, some of the things I don't like, I'm not doing well. And then I, I feel bad. Like, I'm like, "Oh, God, I'm gonna pass this shitty task over to somebody else? Oh, goodness." That kinda comes up a little bit. Usually the first of what I'm realizing as I'm talking is the first wave of stuff that comes up the things that I hear myself think again, I would say, and feel clearly, it's almost always, like, what people would deem negative emotions. I would just say unpleasant feelings, like guilt and worry and concern. It takes me a minute. It's almost like letting the tide settle, you know? I have to have a night where things can ebb and flow, and then it finally settles. And so I do get, fits and bursts of ideas, you know, shit will start to come up, like excited, creative type things. But also, I would say, I guess first is the tide that comes so funny, it's so ridiculous to say this or to recognize like, oh God, this happens every time. The first tide that comes in is going to be more about guilt, concern, worry, et cetera. And then once that flows back out and the next wave comes in and that flows back out, kind of after this repeated cycle, then I think the creativity starts to come up. So I think really what I'm also noticing as I'm talking is that I've been in this, like there has been more and more space happening for me, and so I've been dealing with the unpleasant stuff. And also I'm getting these bursts of creativity, which I am very excited about. So that's what happens when the systems finally get quiet enough for me to hear myself. 📍 Okay, let's do question two. What desires get buried when all my energy goes toward maintenance? Oh fuck, I hate maintenance so much. So I've been working through the Dan Sullivan's Unique Ability stuff. If anybody who's read Traction or knows about EOS, they reference unique ability as, um, kind of a marker for also putting the right person in the right seat. Like this person in this seat, not only is there a people analyzer and you're assessing GWC or gets at once at capacity to do it, but you're also trying to capture alignment between a person's unique ability and what the seat is asking the person to do. So I have started to dive into unique ability a little bit just to really like flesh my own out. It's so much easier to see other people's. It's always really hard to see your own, like what people would say I'm good at. I don't have any fucking idea. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I seem to be helpful, but I couldn't tell you exactly why or how, you know? So I've been diving into that. Part of the process of working through unique ability. There's a little workbook that goes with it. They ask you to do the Kolbe assessment, which God, I forget, you're doing the Kolbe A. There's different versions of it. But I was looking at the Kolbe A and I'm really high on quick start and I'm also moderate in fact finder, and then the other two, I don't even remember what they are. I'm not high and in terms of numerically, I'm low. I score like lower in those. And it's like the combination of those things, not only of the unique ability process and then also the Kolbe A assessment, all of them point to no part of me does maintenance well. That was so fucking validating. Oh, I'm not constantly failing at this. I mean, objectively, I am constantly failing at maintenance, but also it's because none of that plays to my strengths. Like, none of that stuff that I would have to be required to do on a daily basis or a weekly basis or even, you know, semi-monthly or something, I suck at it. I suck at it, and it drains the life out of me. It just fucking eats at my soul. So anywho, when the energy going towards maintenance gets brought back into me, which is fantastic, what desires have gotten buried then when all my energy goes toward maintenance? Okay, the first thing that comes to mind is a desire to do things, like, to build creative things. So if I have an idea, it's just an idea. Like, I don't actually wanna do it because I know that it's gonna require, somebody has to do maintenance, and I'm, it's not gonna be me. Like, I'm not gonna sustain it if I build it. So that's one thing. And also with the right people in the right seats, it's a non-issue. That's sort of a moot point, so to speak. What other desires have gotten buried, though, when all my energy goes toward maintenance? Self-exploration is another desire that gets buried. , Just imagine reading for pleasure is not something that happens, and not just reading for pleasure. So I'm, you know, reading Joan Didion right now or something. For the first time in my life, The Year of Magical Thinking is the name of the book, and it's all about grief, and it's her year of magical thinking. She was grieving during that year. Anyway, really fantastic. That's a side note, but my point is reading for pleasure. I'm reading this book because I want to feel deeply and sit in this thing as I'm reading it. When my energy goes toward maintenance, when I say it sucks the soul out of me, like, I sincerely mean that I am drained. I'm irritable. I'm drained. I don't wanna do anything. Like, I'm done after. I'd rather just play a crossword puzzle. I don't wanna read. I don't wanna play games with my kids. It leaches all of the energy from me. So when that energy is not going toward maintenance, that's something that comes back online as, "Oh, cool, I wanna read for pleasure." And also like I want to read for self-exploration. I want to do this unique ability thing. I'm also thumbing through Driven, which is another book related to entrepreneurs, really leaders and entrepreneurs. So that's something that comes back online. That's something that gets buried. What else gets buried? You know, honestly, I think the other thing that gets buried that's not really work related, but it's my interest in like expending energy anywhere else. I said something about I might not be as inclined to play games with my kids or with my family. I might not be as inclined to call a friend, which I'm like rarely going to do anyway because I'm very low in sociability. I don't need a lot of socializing is what I should say. And I love my people dearly for the record, but I just don't need a lot of socializing. My point is I'm less inclined to chat with people. I'm less inclined to text and reach out and check in. Like I'm just not, I don't have it in me. I don't have the energy to do those things. So it's kind of fucking sad as I'm talking about it. Like Jesus, doing anything that's like maintenance. I don't think I realized the extent to which it robbed me of my joy in life, like robbed me of my interest to engage in meaningful activities in my personal life, my work outside of work. So that is good to know. That's a great 📍 question. Question three is kind of related. What parts of me are re-emerging now that I'm not spending all my energy stabilizing things? So I have two thoughts here. One is I still am in a seat that is part of maintenance. And the great thing is, we have the right person for that seat, but we're in transition, I should say that. So I'm still doing some stabilize and related things. So that's the first thing. The second thing is, I feel like I just answered this question. So the parts of me re-emerging are really about, like, self-exploration and just enjoyment in life of doing random things with my family or friends, things like creativity and random ideas. I had one the other day I'm pumped about. So I think I've told y'all recently also that we just like within the past month, brought on a marketing strategist. And so that person will own client acquisition pipeline, like everything marketing related. Ooh, so excited, as a side note. Anywho, we're sitting and talking, and his name is Eric, and so awesome. It is really incredible to be able to, like, say marketing related things, 'cause I can talk the talk. I'm just not, I can't do the thing, you know? So it's just awesome to be able to say something and know that he not only can catch it, but he knows exactly where to store it and how to do it, and he's done it before. And he can say, like, "Oh yeah, that's actually a great idea. We could get this done in this amount of time." It's almost like I feel like I'm being held. Like, this part of me is now finally being held fully by the person in the seat, and we didn't have a person in that seat before. So that is so fucking relieving. Oh my God, so relieving. It makes me think about, I had a friend her sister is a yoga teacher and had been doing that for a long time. They went to a class together, and it was, I cannot remember all the details, but it was a class where you, like, bring somebody along and you're doing things together. And she was telling me about something where her sister was holding her head, like supporting her head while she did a pose. And she was saying the impact that it had on the rest of her body to fully relax and then engage differently than what she does when she had to stabilize her own head. That's what it feels like having Eric in place in that marketing strategist seat, where I'm like, "Oh my God." Something substantial is being supported here. I don't need to tighten all my muscles and try to hold it in place. It's good. Like, oh, sweet, like, I can step back. But if I go all the way back, I had an idea in a meeting that honestly I've had over the years, but there's been no space and time for it to develop, and I said it out loud, and he loved the idea and it's just a little something that'll add to the experience of engaging with the group from, like, a client-based perspective, I mean. It's something for people engaging with us. Like, it's something small. It's not... You know, it's free. It's a just value-based ad. He captured it. He can hold it. He can, like, organize it. So anyway, I am just... I'm digressing now, but I think I've answered that question. I think that's what's reemerging. 📍 Question four: What kinds of questions only emerge once stability exists? Oh my God. Why does this feel really existential? Is it? Is that just me? Might just be me. One thing that comes to mind is, is this purposeful enough? Is this in alignment with meaning? Are we intentional at every level and aspect that we can be? Why am I doing this? What's the point of doing this? What am I trying to get out of this? What's it taking from me? What is it giving me? What needs to change next? What am I done with that I'm still doing now that I can think, where do I feel stuck? What happens if we double in size tomorrow? What's gonna break first? To stick with the Dan Sullivan stuff, one of the questions that's coming up is, am I using or in my unique ability? The answer is no, for the record. Not right now. Not fully, at least. What's missing? What would help me to be more fully in my unique ability? An assistant is the answer, is one of the answers, for the record. Also, having the director of finance and admin seat fully filled and not in transition, 'cause again, that's the seat that I'm in right now that I don't need to be. Is this the right team to take us to where we need to go? Is there anything we're not doing as a group that would help us become a stronger force to be reckoned with in the area that we're in or maybe on a state level? What are the possibilities that make me a little bit scared but also excited? And what would moving in those directions look like? Am I being a good visionary? Am I being supportive enough for my integrator? How's the health of my full team? Okay, I think that those are the questions that come up. So some are existential, some are gonna be like meaning and purpose and alignment, and some are gonna be a little more I hate to say functional, but a little more like the health of my team, for example, we assess that. That's something I can keep my finger on the pulse of, but have I looked recently? Have I made sense of it? Have I checked in with any sort of surveys or, one-on-one meetings or something like that? I think those questions are probably always important to ask for the record, and I think that until there is a higher level of stability, it's hard to get your hands out of the pots that you're cooking in to step back and look at how the kitchen is being run. So I think about if I have fires, like we need to put these fires out, and whatever is smoldering, like I can deal with that later, but the immediate fires have to be put out. Once those are put out, now we step back and we can take stock of things. Just to maybe reiterate that point, I do think those questions are probably always important, but the likelihood of asking them and having the space and time to think about them and feel into them is gonna be much less if you are engaging in pretty daily consistent firefighting. 📍 Okay, fifth and final question, and then we'll do the scenario, like I said. Ooh, oh, this is hard. What am I wanting lately that I haven't fully admitted yet? I don't know, because I think I've admitted what I've wanted. You know, my team knows that I wanna shift more and more into a visionary consultant for my group. I think there's a part of me that really wants to write but I don't really feel like I have enough space and time to do that. So that's probably something that I'm wanting that I haven't really fully admitted. There's a software, it's like an app or a software, something like that, and it is used for writers to help organize what they're writing, like chapters, and it's called Scrivener. I have it downloaded. I have some seed thoughts that I really wanna go and explore and expand on. Writing, for me, is really helpful to process deeply and feel and metabolize and just reflect and make sense of the world and derive meaning out of things. I think I want more of that, but that's one of those, like, that is hard to justify spending my time doing. I can't do that right now. Like, I don't feel like that is the most important thing to really focus on. What else am I wanting lately that I haven't fully admitted yet? There's something about a schedule shift. I don't know if I need to revisit Deep Work by Cal Newport, who I love. I love that freaking book, geez. He also has a podcast called Deep Questions, and I don't really listen to podcasts that much, which is silly, 'cause I'm standing here doing one. But I like the questions that he responds to. He does a lot of reader queries. But I'm thinking with scheduling, how he prioritizes. He does a lot of big things, you know, how he prioritizes things and gets them done. He's very good about engaging in deep work, and he's very good about the way that he structures and organizes his time. I feel like I'm a little bit more reactive with my time and I am needing to sit and figure that out a little more clearly. That's something that will take me hours to do, which sounds crazy. But between like homeschooling, my husband's schedule, my schedule, consulting, practice stuff, other like household, other business endeavors, it's like, this needs to be figured out. It's like a hodgepodge of shit right now. You know what else that I've been wanting lately that I haven't fully admitted yet? Not out loud. Maybe I've been like toying with it on my own. And this is not exact. Like I don't exactly know what this looks like. There's something about consulting and the style in which I do it. I would love to do consulting that I don't want to do anything cookie cutter because I'm not going to do that well. Primarily because I think of consulting as being like its own living organism. You know, we think about the living practice. I think the same with consulting. So whoever I'm interacting with, if I approach it initially and say we always start with A no matter what. But then we get in and A isn't as relevant. Like D is actually more relevant. I want to be able to adapt right then and focus on what's relevant. Plus all roads lead to Rome anyway. So we're still going to get to where we need to go even if we start with D. So cookie cutter doesn't work for me is my point. There's something about like deep relational leadership team, like the people as systems, like organizational health. Something about that work that really calls to me, but not in a way where I want to be really involved in making the changes. So there's something else about like on the consulting side, I really want there to be this people heavy, systems heavy consulting work that's not where I'm needed or depended on necessarily. Where I'm literally just boop, popped in and then shoop, taken out. I don't exactly know. I'm sort of like talking out loud. I don't really know what that looks like. So what am I wanting lately? Probably officially also a four day work week, which I kind of have right now, but I like him and ha about saying it like, am I doing a four day work week? Yeah, I'm basically am. So I could just say it out loud, like fully admit it, you know. And I'm going to be done. I think I'm done with that 📍 question. Okay, let's move on to the scenario, and then we will be done. You spend years building a business by constantly responding, solving problems, filling gaps, making quick decisions, and carrying things because someone has to. And because you're capable, it works, at least enough to keep moving forward. Over time, though, that way of operating becomes normal. You stop questioning the pace, the pressure, or the amount you're holding because it simply feels like what leadership requires. But eventually, the systems start getting stronger. Ownership gets clearer, roles tighten up, and things stabilize enough that you're no longer needed in every corner of the business in the same way. And now there's this strange new space where constant maintenance used to be. So here's the prompt. We're gonna do this with a question. So somebody in that scenario might come to me and ask, "How do I know whether I'm actually moving into a healthier season of leadership versus just feeling untethered because I'm no longer operating in constant survival mode?" That's interesting. A healthier season of leadership versus just feeling untethered. Well, my first thought is like, well, you don't know right now anyway. I said you don't kind of flippantly, but I think I mean it sincerely. Like, you don't know right away, and that, for me, that's one of the hardest parts. I think there's something about in that space, like when that starts to happen, there's something about needing to take stock of what is happening to try to sort through it. So is that gonna look like journaling? Is that gonna look like meditation? Is that gonna look like long walks with a friend? Is that gonna look like hiking by yourself? Is it gonna look like more working out? Is it gonna look like eating healthier? Is it gonna look like lifting weights, throwing some fucking weights around? I don't know. Is it gonna look like more time with your family? I think my point is what's the thing or what are the things you can or should do to help you feel more grounded in the, would we call it liminal space? I guess maybe. Like in the space that's a little bit quieter than what you're used to operating in. I am definitely prone to filling that space up quickly with something else. It's a very hard ask and task to not fill the space immediately and instead to intentionally leave out a couple hours on your calendar or something for nothing or for, like I said, a hike or journaling or reading or what the hell ever. I think my answer is you don't necessarily know, at least not right away. Maybe if I was being very practical, I would say, how many hours of the week are you doing less things? And if you tell me, well, I've got like four hours that I normally do, but now other people are doing these other things or a full day, maybe have a full eight hour day. I would say during that time for the next three months, let's do a three month, a full quarter, because we want to see how this plays out over at least 90 days, you know, for a full quarter, the amount of time that you're not doing other things now becomes sacred time for you to do things that you know are self-enriching, even if you don't feel good doing them right away. So something like your first hours at the gym, your next hour you go to a coffee shop or two hours or three hours, you go to a coffee shop and read, and then you maybe write afterwards or you schedule in clarity breaks. Now you have two to four hours where you can sit and reflect on your business instead of in your business. That's what I would say to do. So that's my short answer is the amount of time that you have earned back, or I don't want to say earned back. That's terrible language. Jesus, Tara, fuck, earned back. The amount of time that you have gotten back, quantify it. It's four hours, it's six hours, it's two hours, it's whatever. And then turn that into something else that will help you either reflect on yourself or your business. So again, like a clarity break, but no, you can't actually turn it into work. So anybody who is familiar with EOS knows that a clarity break is like a tech-free space where you like reflect on your business, on the health and safety of your business with a variety of questions. Oh shoot. So that would be the only work-related thing I would do clarity break wise. Then everything else would be allowing space for yourself. Easier said than done, of course, but that's what I would say. And then in three months you can assess again, okay, is this a healthier season of leadership or do I still feel untethered? And that might feel like forever, but I think that is one of the cleanest ways of getting a true to you answer. Boom. Okay, now I'm 📍 done. Three things as we wrap up. Number one, all my consulting offerings, everything I do is seasonal, so if you are interested at all in the idea of working with me, make sure you sign up for my newsletter, which the link is in the description below, because that's the only way you're gonna hear about any offerings that I have. Number two, thank you of course for being here with me on this podcast episode. Number three, subscribe to the podcast and share this episode with a friend who you think needs to hear it. So boom. I think that's it. Thanks. I'll see you on the next one. Bye.