Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E8 - Steve and Jeff Beg for Money

Transcript

S4 E8 - Steve and Jeff Beg for Money · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve's mom's house, that is.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us back into the show and always good to see you, Jeff.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: How's it going?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's going great.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Kathy and I, we were looking at going on vacation.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I think you remember we were gonna go to Mexico, but yeah, repeat performance, you know.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but we got deported and you know, she didn't want to go anyway.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: So instead, though, we are booked on a trip to LA on Southwest Airlines.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: That sounds good, but I gotta tell you, LAX always spells tense for me.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: You need a ride share to get to where the ride shares pick you up.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, maybe you could fly into that other one, that other airport there, named after that cowboy actor.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um Randolph Scott Airport.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah, but but I digress.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: Southwest is a great airline, and I just love that race for the seat.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: I love how that gets the cardio working, really wakes you up.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_02: I usually fly Delta, so and I skip the cardio race for the seat, but I hear Southwest flight attendants are a riot.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think they are, although I have bad memories of those people joking around, you know, especially when you're bouncing around with turbulence and shit like that, you know.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're making fun of turbulence.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I mean, what the heck, you know?
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Totally, you know.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Any minute I expect like the the pilot to come out and do five minutes of open mic.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: Or just come up and say, hey, you thought that was turbulence, hold my beer and you know, dive dive the plane or something.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, I you know, that's right.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, last couple times I was on there, I don't really remember them doing that anymore.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I guess the last time I flew was to uh St.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Louis last week on Southwest, and I had an interesting thing happen to me.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_02: You wound up in Detroit?
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Is that the interesting thing that it's in St.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: Louis?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was I was sitting, you know how there's no first class, because you know, I like to kind of stay away from no class, right?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: The yeah, you know, and the Mirror Mortals, you know, they they kind of sit in the back usually.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, at Southwest we're all you know, air quotes equal.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a classless society, which is so there's no class, right?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's a classless society.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's right, yeah.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: You know, but I still I still put fake headphones and wear sunglasses so people don't recognize me or try to talk to me.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: They will, I'll tell you.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, remember at uh the airport that the motivational speaker that found me?
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, they will do that.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: My luck, I I sat next to a mom and her little kid, you know, and and he was very inquisitive and kind of cute, but you know, on a flight, you know, I uh cuteness you know only goes so far.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, if it was a champagne.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, 45-minute flight, it'd be cute.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know, four-hour flight, eh.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So I close my eyes.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying not to pay attention to what they're saying, but the kid ends up asking his mom big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Why don't big planes have baby planes?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: You know, perfectly logical question.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is that is that cute?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I I don't really know cute.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean it's semi-logical, but yeah, I don't think the mother was impressed.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so she was like, I really don't know, but if you if you want to know why don't you ask one of those stand-up comedians slash flight attendants?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right, yeah, right.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, maybe maybe they could give you a cute answer or whatever.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: So the kid ends up going down the aisle and he grabs one of the flight attendants and thinks he's, you know, really funny and grown up.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it made me think about how much I don't miss flight attendants in general and that they're really not funny, although funnier than AI Steve and AI Jeff.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's been a while since I've flown Southwest, but I remember they would be funny, and that seems to be a trend in transportation because I hear that the people staffing the trains for Amtrak, I hear they're hilarious.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: You really got to hand it to them on those train rides from Chicago to Omaha.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, those take like 45 hours to get from Chicago to Omaha, and they gotta stay awake the whole time and be funny.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you know, that's hard.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's tough to do.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyway, so I'm again, I'm trying not to listen, but it's it's hard not to, you know.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but the boy goes up.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: What are you gonna do?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I know.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: So he goes up to this flight attendant and he says, If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: The flight attendant said, Did your mom tell you to come to me to ask that question?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the little boy said, Yes, she did.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the flight attendant said, Well, you go and tell your mom that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time, and ask her to explain what that means.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_02: Now that's what I call great customer service, and that's that's why they're a great airline, cardio and all.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of Southwest, you know, Southwest used to run these great commercials.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now, never on our show, I gotta admit, but they used to run these tremendous commercials back in the day, and there really is just no substitute for great advertising.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking of great commercials, uh Steve, I'm so proud of all the great advertisers that we've had on our show who have advertised on the Steve and Jeff show throughout all these years.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I wish there was some way to reward them for their commitment to our show and the dollars that they paid us.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we could reward them by playing their commercials again and and them paying us again.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, funny you should say that.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_02: You may think that's a dream, but that is no dream.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I gotta tell you, Jeff, I don't know if you've looked at the books lately, money is a real issue.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_02: We had the deportation and the company funds were pretty much all invested in Venezuelan fishing companies.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_02: We need some new money.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: Remember we were stuck in Mexico and we were at the hotel bar shooting Don Julio, the tequila, not the bartender.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_02: And we're eating nachos and talking about how much we loved the show, we love doing the show.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, uh uh maybe.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Barely.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_02: Refresh my memory.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Pepper's Farm remembers.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: Can we build Pepper's Farm for that plug?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: I could I digress.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Whether you remember or not, we listened to all the commercials that had ever been on our show and we ranked them based on different categories, like the best worthless drug spot, the best fake ethnic restaurant spot, or who paid us the most to run their ad.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: We had our own little Clio Awards in our tequila haze there, you know.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'll tell you what, I kept that list and I think for the millions, let's face it, Jeff, for the millions at home, I think we should play the ads, and maybe that will you know inspire someone to buy an ad on our show and maybe inspire these companies to pay us again.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_02: Wouldn't that be remember that?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: No, I ain't paying.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, you remember that.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_02: Especially that last part.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: That is very familiar.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: That that kicked it right back in, yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think that's a really good idea.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think we should play the best ones.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when I say the best, I mean the ones that paid us.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Well, right, yeah.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and paid us the most.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, if they weren't good, they wouldn't have paid us, right?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: That's what made them good, right?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I th I think it's a perfect idea.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: We should do that.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh, here's the list.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: Should we get started?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: The first category is our oldest advertiser.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I I'm not completely sure they were their their oldest, but they were the first ones to actually pay us where the check didn't bounce, and so I guess that kind of makes them the oldest.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_02: When they first ran as with us, and they just had one location, and boy, since then they have really grown and they have appropriated a lot.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: And now they own pretty much everything.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, they're one of the three companies that own it all.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: We really sparked that growth.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: I think they owe us a big thanks and maybe another big payment too, but uh let's let's let's give a listen.
• 7:55
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• 7:57
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• 8:02
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• 8:05
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• 8:08
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• 8:20
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• 8:25
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• 8:32
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• 8:36
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• 8:38
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• 8:43
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• 8:48
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• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: Appropriation station.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: We took it all.
• 8:55
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• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: That was great.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: These these ads don't go out of style.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: No, they don't.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what I liked most about it was that it was it was the one of the longer commercials that we've run.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: And as I recall, we charged them by the second.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think you did one of those things where you slowed the tape down.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we always go long.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, when they pay short.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_02: When they pay short, we go long.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I'm saying?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, now next on the list is one of the best payers.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, advertisers.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now, of course, they're they're now owned by Appropriation Station as well, but we helped them when they were just starting out.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Uh they're from India, but they are all American.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: So are we talking McDonald's?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, close.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: You could just read the list.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, see if you keep your thumb on the list, and you won't use lose your place.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: But so me, I'm I'm assuming that you can read.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, here, let just let me surprise you.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_02: Rising sorry prices have you stressed?
• 10:01
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• 10:11
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• 10:16
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• 10:21
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• 10:29
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• 10:36
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• 10:40
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• 10:45
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• 10:49
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• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: This Kaliuga lasts 432,000 years, so you better get a few extra soris.
• 11:00
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• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: No, the other buffet.
• 11:10
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• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: Who's sorry now?
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_02: A proud appropriation station brand.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: That was great.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: And as I recall, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't they pay through with Venmo?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_02: They paid with Venmo, and Venmo paid us and didn't even run an ad, so I you know, so so you do remember.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_02: I see.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's gonna take reading, but you want to announce the next one?
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, I you know, I'm fucking sorry, Steve.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I was just distracted.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: I could read, but I I just got distracted and a little bit farther farther behind.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: Speaking of fucking, you're you're actually announcing the next commercial.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_02: The next one is all about that.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: Should we just play it?
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: Cool.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: Should I light up a cigarette?
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you might want to wait.
• 12:03
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• 12:11
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• 12:14
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• 12:20
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• 12:26
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• 12:33
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• 12:37
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• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: We also have pha king barbecue, pha king salads, and pha king sandwiches.
• 12:45
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• 12:49
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• 12:54
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• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's not just good, it's fa king good.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: What a great commercial.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: I tell you, I remember when that first ran and they they actually wanted to pay us in the Vietnamese dong.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm I'm talking their currency perverts.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Early in the early days, you know, we we did a lot of food commercials.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like we did a lot of restaurants or food products.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: In the early days, it was all either drugs or food.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that's a reflection on us.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't see the difference.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: No, well, yeah, not a big gap between the two, but you know.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now it looks like on this list that I I finally see that our next advertiser is also in the food category.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: In the food category, that's right.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh-huh.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And here's a hint.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: They love to get high at least once a year.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, they refer to that time of getting high as the high holidays, which for me is every Friday.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_02: Is right, it's pretty much every high holiday, right?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Should we play the clip?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, let's play that.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, Lensman, have you heard about the salty fish snack that will have the whole mashbuk of freshing like a bunch of mashuginers?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: It's the new taste treat, Yum Kippers, a snack you can enjoy well, almost every day.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: We pack the finest Scottish kippers with a drop of healthy schmaltz, with fins and scales included in case the Rebbe wants to check.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_02: And they taste so good your Bubby will plot.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: They're so good you will say yum to our kippers right before you say, Oi, Gavalt, I better buy more.
• 14:23
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• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: Good for breakfast, lunch, or just a little notch with your favorite Biali.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_02: So try Yum Kippers, the salty fish for at least 364 days of the year.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_02: Look for it to Parv Brothers and other fine delicatesses.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking of food, if you're hungry from fasting on those high holidays, see that's tough because you get you get high and then you can't eat.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, ooh, that's real suffering.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that really is.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, if you're hungry from fasting on those high holidays, this'll wake you right up and get you right back on track.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_02: When you feel that urge for some spicy fermented cabbage, look no further than Appropriation Station's newest tasty product, Souls on Fire Kimchi, now available in select stores.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_02: Souls on Fire saves you that trip to Koreatown for your daily kimchi fix, and you can count on us to give you that authentic Korean spice.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like we always say at the kitchens of Appropriation Station, if your scalp don't sweat, not spicy enough yet.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: Souls on Fire Kimchi is not just for breakfast anymore.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: It can make any meal an exciting international experience.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_02: Try it with cheeseburgers for a peppy change of pace from fries.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Bring it to the church picnic and watch that dull dried chicken turn into a happy feast.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Serve it to guests, and they will think you have a very cool multicultural edge, even if you don't.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_02: It's cabbage, it's spicy, it's left out overnight.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: What's not to like?
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Try some today.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: Souls on Fire Kimchi.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_02: You've earned the burn.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yum.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Delicious.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm starving now.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Although I have to admit, that was uh pretty spicy stuff and kind of upset my stomach, but not my bank account, which is really the most important thing.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: So next on our list.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: I gotta say, it really is our number one religious commercial.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: And you remember the story behind this?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: It was I I was at church one day, and one of the ushers was saying, Boy, church attendance is way down.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: We need something to really spike attendance.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I started thinking about all those great drag racing commercials from our childhood on WLS.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I I thought, you know, maybe there's a a way to do a collab between church attendance and those great commercials.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: We don't do a lot of religious advertising, so this is probably our best.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_02: And sorry, sorry, yum kippers, but this is a little more exciting.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we need to do more religious commercials because I think we don't have to pay taxes then.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Just guessing here.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: So oh, let's run this a lot then.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, yeah.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: We should run this every week.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday at smoking US 30 Cathedral.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Watch the holiest folks in the country get together for a monster Sunday service.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_02: From Detroit, Don the Deacon Allen and his microfueled funny car.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: From Allentown, Pennsylvania, the Lehigh legend Lee Vale and his dual exhaust twin can dragster.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_02: From Chicago, see the Shy Town Hustler stomp the gas metal on his 457 Dodge Challenger.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_02: Mike the Montseer Mitchell and his custom probe Chevy Irack.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, from the Archdiocese of Omaha, Big Daddy Father Frank Hicks and his Bretton Winefield Pot Attraction Pop Mobile.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: If you only go to church once this year, this is the one.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_02: Confession time trials at night, racing at 10, admission, just one little dollar in the collection plate.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: Speed thrills, folks.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: So get your thrills someday, someday, someday, at Smoke in US 30 Cathedral, where the great ones pray.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: Pray.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: Pray.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm halfway converted right now after hearing that.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And to be completely honest, it truly may be my favorite commercial.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's fun.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Who doesn't remember if you're of a certain age?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_02: Who doesn't remember?
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: Great Lakes Drag Away, Union Grove, Wisconsin, US 30 drag strip.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, come on, those are burned into the memory, you know?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it looks like the next one on the list was the number one musical instrument category.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, yes.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um at the very top.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of a thin category, but this was the winner.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_02: But impossible to beat.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: You got it.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: Want to be in a rock band that you can't sing?
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_02: Does guitar seem too frilly for you?
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: Do you like to hit things?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: If that is you, Famous Drummers School could be your ticket to a rewarding career as a professional musician in no time.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_02: Drummers are in high demand in your area, and with the skills you'll learn at Famous Drummers School, you can start to earn that big music industry money.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: Many of our graduates are so successful they no longer qualify for food stamps.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: In just 15 minutes a day, you can become a professional drummer, amaze your friends, dazzle the chicks, and reach peak fitness by dragging your drums all over town.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: Drummers can make several dollars, and all you need to do is play the drums.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Gain the respect of your friends, if not your bandmates.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: And remember, the ladies love a drummer.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: Don't delay.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Spots in this year's class are going fast.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: Twishness Disney is not available, but if you follow our course to the letter, you can pay for your tuition in just 30 years, maybe even less.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: So grab your sticks and beat it to drummerschoolsc.org.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: Follow in the footsteps of great drummers like Charlie Watts, Keith Moon, John Bono, Ringo Star, Dave Grohl, none of whom went to this school.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: But that will make your success even more unique.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: Join us and keep the beat for a fabulous career in dive bars.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: Famous drummer school.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_02: Join us today.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, now we're down to our last three, and these last three on our top ten list are all dedicated to our king, who you know, I gotta say, never seems to pay for his ads.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: The category is commercials that will keep us in the country, you know, so maybe if he doesn't pay, at least we won't get deported again.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: This first one is a classic.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just really glad that we got this booked before he and the king had this little, you know, a little tiff, shall we say.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't mean the king's daughter.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it just had a different tiff, you know.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: So uh here we go.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Here we go.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know power.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_02: The power over everything.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_02: You know how to just take it.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: How to just take power.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: You know how it feels, and you know how it smells.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: It smells like Musk.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: The new set from Leatherface.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: Musk, you'll have absolute power.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_02: Two trillion will be yours to play with.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_02: The electrical feel of Russian spice, the full feel of unearned wealth and power.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_04: Musk.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now legal in the US.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_02: It's power with corruption.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's intoxication.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: Must have muscolo.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: Now available wherever your country is sold.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_02: Get them in sold separately.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: That Elon, he's just the best.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love that kind of things, I guess.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have like five bottles of that stuff.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, around the house.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: I just won.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: I am the one.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're the one that bought it.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hoping that maybe we'll get a chance to run this before the Christmas season, make a few sales for for him because VP Musk, he needs more money.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: So it's you know, it's important.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: To be honest, it's been a long time since I've smelled like a trillion dollars.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's great.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the next one is actually another restaurant.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's a restaurant.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Is it food?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I know that last time I was there, they really weren't serving anything, they were really more arresting people.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: But it's it's one of those restaurants where you pay in advance and then they never bring the food.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Or you pay vans.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_02: Or you pay you well, you pay in advance two vans, yes.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: It's a little tricky, but give it a shot.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's play.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_02: For a South of the Border Wall meal so good you won't want to deport it, come on down to Taco Dimes.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know we have the best soft chicken tacos around, and we make them hand-sized.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, small.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_02: So you can grab the whole thing all at once.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: But did you know we also have nachos?
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's right, Liberation Day Prolls.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_02: We have big, beautiful nachos, smothered in uninspected meat and raw milk cheese.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's so good we call it the Nacho President.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, we have tiny hand-sized burritos wrapped in your choice of the U.S.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_02: Constitution, the Magna Carta, or some declaration or something that we never actually read.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_02: Order five or more, and we'll throw in an executive order, personally auto-signed for your enjoyment.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: And for just$500,000, you can join our Club Real, or Royal Club, for you newcomers.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: Come on into the throne room and leave your tribute while you enjoy a special secret menu straight from the chefs at Bedminster with a touch of ketchup for that authentic Mexican feel.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, no menu substitutions.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_02: We can change it, and you can't.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_02: So for a zone flooding good time, come to Taco Don's, also offering hands-on home delivery by Ice Trucker.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: No tariffs on these delights.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's Mexican food that came here the right way.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Waivers and NDAs required on each order.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I just love Mexican food, don't you?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: Now to the last one here, which just happens to be a new advertiser.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: I should bring the cash register.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: Remember, I always used to bring the cash register with the ads.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: I should do that.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_02: This is actually a new advertiser, and they haven't paid yet, by the way, but we'll find out.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_02: This is really a big shout out to our king and to to the arts.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_02: It's really supporting the arts, so I he's probably thinking this is a public service announcement, so he doesn't have to pay.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's probably but anyway.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's listen to it.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_02: In these times, you may lose your right to free speech.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: You may lose your right to peaceably assemble.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_02: But now you never have to lose your right to dance.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: Here at the White House, we now have a big, beautiful ballroom in what used to be just a boring National Historic Landmark.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just waiting for you.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Exercise your right to dance with Waltz King dance lessons.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: Learn how to waltz, foxtrot, even the election slide.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: I mean the electric slide.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_02: You'll learn from experts who have danced away from any consequences whatsoever for any of their actions.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_02: Learn the Graham Gabat, very popular in South Carolina and all along Christopher Street.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: Or how about the Miller Mambo?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Just the ticket for letting your inner Kemp Pisano cavort.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_02: For a few million dollars more, you can get in step with the fake Elector Fandango and multiply that Texas two-step into at least 25 house seats.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_02: Act now, and for a limited time, your terror-free lessons will cost just a modest donation to the Trump Family Grifting Program.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: Classes are filling up fast, and some people have donated up to$3 billion.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: So choose wisely.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: Tap dance your way through supine obedience to the overlords, a necessary skill for the new Reich.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_02: Wolfskate.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Dancing away responsibility since at least 2016.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was fun.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I I'm just sitting here with the old calculator, and you know, I think it's been a very worthwhile episode.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, on a number of levels, especially financially.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that these guys, uh all of them, should really consider running more ads with us if they if they want to continue to be successful.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: I think they should consider paying us for the kind words that we gave them during this show.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, we are just about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Land Studios, but I gotta say, if there's anyone out there who would like to run an ad and on our show and have the great success that these advertisers have had, please we welcome your call.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: We we are standing by.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we're not standing by, come on.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: No, we're not really, but we do welcome your call.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Really, all they have to do is give us their credit card.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: We can do everything else.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's very turnkey.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we don't need to talk or anything.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: You just need to give us the card and we'll you know, we'll take care of it.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: We'll be good.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was great, Steve.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_02: That was a lot of fun, and hey, look forward to the next show.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: And Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully everything is good with you.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: Let's just get out of this show before we owe any more money.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve, Steve, Steve.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a shameless pantry production in association with We need Cash, not Vital Media.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: Read all about Steve and Jeff at their website, Steve and Jeff.com.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is Johnny thinking.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: I hope that ad revenue comes in.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: They already don't pay me enough.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: If cut by pay, I won't be able to keep up with Steve's mom's expenses.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: But it's several hundred dollars a month in vodka alone.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: Good night.