Latest / Money Grows on Trees / #227 - The Awkward Truth About Love & Money

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#227 - The Awkward Truth About Love & Money · Money Grows on Trees

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If the female is ambitious and the male doesn't step up to the plate, it doesn't end
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If you're entrepreneurial and you're goal orientated, you've got
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to be with someone who's also ambitious. I see these funny reels on Instagram where
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they come home with their secret bags and they hide things from their husband and
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People wish for the sword, but not for the power to wield it. So there's no
0:29
point giving a child a sword if you haven't taught them how to use it. Should we have kids
0:32
when we are broke? I'm Lloyd James Ross, seven-figure investor and
0:36
entrepreneur, and I've helped thousands of business owners and professionals turn
0:39
financial stress into success. If you're stuck in old money
0:42
habits, overwhelmed by investing, or unsure where to start, this
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is for you. I'll give you the mindset and strategies to take control,
0:50
grow your wealth, and achieve financial freedom. It's time to
0:53
make your money work for you. Let's be honest, money and love
0:57
don't always mix smoothly. So in this episode, I'm diving into the awkward
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stuff most couples avoid. And I'm not doing it
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alone. I brought in someone very special, my
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partner in life and in business, the amazing, vivacious, intelligent
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Alicia told me last time we did this, an episode together on the show, we
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We were. And I definitely didn't have hair and makeup done either. We've leveled up.
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So here we go. All right. So this, what's happened is
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people have written in to us some questions about money
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and couples. And it's a big topic because it is very tricky to,
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I mean, it's tricky to navigate a relationship, let alone money and
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a relationship. So in this episode, we'll get some questions. I'll repeat the
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Sure. I'm excited to see where this is actually going to go too because we
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All right, here we go, this is it. All right, so we've broken this down into when you
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first start dating, when you then are in a long-term relationship, and
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then when you've got kids and family growing and a
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dog. And then miscellaneous stuff, we'll just
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do some randoms, okay? So we're gonna break it into those. So let's go
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Go to the remembering room, think, what was it like? I know you were filled with love
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and lust and... Okay, come on now. The first one is,
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is it a red flag if they don't
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talk about money on the first date or in the initial
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I think that's a great question actually. I think on a first date talking
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about money may be a little bit weird first up, but I
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think little things like maybe like splitting the bill or your spending habits
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is probably okay. But I think that's more of a question for
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a more serious relationship talking about money, what you make
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and your future plans. So I don't think it is, but also a
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thing to actually maybe consider is if they avoid
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it altogether. So if you're talking to someone and you bring up money or you bring
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up business and they're just like, Oh, I don't really want to go there. That
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could potentially be a red flag. Cause it's like, why are they avoiding having
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this conversation? So I think yes, when it's like first
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date should be more fun and flirty and not really talk about
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money. But I think as the relationship progresses, it could potentially be
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All right. I agree. Yeah. I don't want to talk about it. And
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so it's too early to bring up money specifically usually. So
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what would be a sign like a green flag on
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Good green flag. And we were talking about this the other day, but
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I think whoever has asked the person, without a doubt,
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the guy asked the girl, right? That's the way the cookie crumbles. So
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Yeah, definitely. And I also think whoever
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initiates it for sure, pay it. And that's with anything. If you invite
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You did and you paid for it. And then I made you skydive with me because I'm
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Just to offer as a female as well. I know for us, like when we initially
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started dating, you did pay, but I made the offer. I was
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like, at least let me get this one. Let this be my treat.
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So I think even if the woman doesn't pay, but at least offer. And
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That's a good green flag. Yeah. There you go, men. Good green flag if
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she offers. There you go. Next question. All right. So we're talking about
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who pays on the first date. What about, how do I
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choose someone who I'm financially compatible with?
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It's so interesting because when you first start dating someone it's
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all about like, oh my god I'm so attracted to this person and I want to
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be with this person and you don't necessarily think about the future. But
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I think if you have this vision of like, this is what I want my future
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to be like, I want to travel here, I want my kids, I want X
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amount of kids, I want my kids to go to private school, then I really
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feel like that vision is really important when you choose
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a partner. Because if you're choosing someone that isn't too ambitious, if
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they're not entrepreneurial, then you could actually enter the relationship with
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resentment if they can't deliver that or provide that for
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you in the future. And so I think choosing someone that's
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compatible is like, do they share similar values? For us, we
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share very, very similar values. We come from a family of entrepreneurs
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like our both up you know all our parents were business owners were very ambitious
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and were goal orientated so i think to choose someone compatible is
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like do they share similar values to me yeah that makes sense yeah and
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even like because we went to similar background in schools you
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went to sydney uni i went to uni here so we had uni backgrounds
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Um, which, and I think it's obvious to like how someone dresses and
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Like if I had to come with like no shoes to the date, there
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wouldn't have been a, I don't even think you would've got to paying
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the bill. Cause I wouldn't have been there anymore, but
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I think, yeah, it's just your values need to be aligned. And
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it's very important at the beginning when you're filled with all those emotions of
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like, this is amazing. to really consider that as well if you want that
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Yeah and I think too like the compatibility part like when we started dating I'd
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go to work and I was working hard and like that and
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and I was committed to certain other things like I remember I was studying at the time and I was like
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I can't see you I could do this so like I was committed to a career
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as well as a dating as well, but so
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like there's little green flags where like, oh, they've got a bigger
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mission here too. So I think it's just not
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putting all your time and effort into
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the dating and putting it into other things too.
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Yeah, I think the love part is just a small,
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like it is important, but it's like all those other things need to
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Yeah, so how you're compatible is like what are they doing outside the
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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool. And then you kind of know exactly how
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you're compatible, like you just kind of get little
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Yeah, I think for us, like just looking back on my, I just knew. You
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know, I just knew, I just knew there was
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like this discernment, this intuition that I was like, I'm with the right person.
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But you get the discernment because of the behaviours.
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So like if I had have like made you pay for the bills and I didn't have
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a job and I was smoking drugs and like,
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Yeah, they're all, and there's all the little things, it's like reliability. If
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you say you're going to be at a date at 7.30, you're there at the
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date at 7.30. So it's all those little things that do like the compound effect add
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Disguised. Test disguised as a trap. All right. So
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what about the next question we have here from one of our longtime listeners,
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first time writers. How important is financial ambition
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I feel like we touched on that maybe. It's just like, again, what
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is your vision for the future? Like I know for me, it was just like, okay, this
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is what I want for my future. I wanna be able to travel. I wanna
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be able to have my kids go to private school. I want all of those little things.
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And so, and I want to, I'm ambitious, I'm
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competitive. And so I wanted a partner who was ambitious and competitive. And
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again, all those little clues showed me that that's exactly, we
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have similar values. So I think Yeah, I think we
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already answered that. It's like, if you're entrepreneurial and
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you're goal orientated, I believe, my
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belief is you've got to be with someone who's also ambitious. Otherwise you're
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going to be going off to conferences and self-development courses.
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You're going to be up late working and meanwhile they're just sitting
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on the couch doing nothing. They're not doing anything wrong but
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it's just like choosing your partner you always say is one of the best
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Probably the best because it's going to either elevate you or
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It's interesting though too because one of the partners has to be ambitious at
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some point. So like I've got friends where the female is
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the most ambitious but then what happens is whether it's the female who's
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ambitious or the male or both it If
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the female's ambitious and the male doesn't step up to the plate, it doesn't
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end well. And if the male's ambitious and the female's not supportive and
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encouraging in that sense, it doesn't end well. So you have to both
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be on mission. Now, it doesn't mean you both gotta be doing the same work,
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but you gotta be on mission to the vision. And what I've seen is
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that those where there's a super ambitious partner and
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one is completely like, I don't care, then it falls apart
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at some point because they seem to be the one that's dragging the
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So, so true and I think us like the transition for
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us it's like it's not like we first started dating and we're like let's talk goals and
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For us it was like this evolution we started going to self-development events
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and then we had we got set the task do you remember where we had to
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sit down and write our goals for the year and do our vision board and
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for us at the time that was really challenging because we'd never really spoken about goals
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and visions and we're like, maybe we should bring out a bottle of wine
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and have a glass of wine to loosen up a little bit. And I think that's the first
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time we're ever like, Oh, this is what we want to actually achieve together. And
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that's when we're like, Hmm, we kind of want similar things as well. So I think that
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exercise alone for a couple to be like, let's sit
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down and actually do a joint vision board together, or let's do some goals for the
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next six months or 12 months to actually see if you are quite compatible as
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well, that you want similar things. And if you don't, it's like, okay, well, this
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is what I want to achieve. And as my partner, because
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it's a partnership, will you support me to do X, Y, and Z?
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And if the spouse goes, no, not interested. It's
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Again, the person isn't right or wrong, it's
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And I just feel too, I'm very traditional in how I feel too, if a
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man is not out there producing
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ambitiously for his family, it's part of a missing piece in the masculine journey.
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Yeah, it's sexy. Well,
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yeah. So like in your DNA and makeup and
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evolution, you would want to be attracted to a man that provides future
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resources. So like you don't have to come in where, because I didn't have resources. I
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You had some resources. You had your Toyota Camry. I had my Toyota Yaris. Yaris,
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See, when people ask me, did you fall in love with him for his money or
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But what you see is the ability to provide future resources.
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Because that's a survival thing. If I'm going to have
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a family, if I'm going to have a baby, will this person be able to put food
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on the table? That's what it boils down to. So if you're not
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ambitious as a man, What the heck? What kind of
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man? I guess I was lucky because I saw that in my dad. Super
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ambitious, but at the same time, it's a nice balance between if
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you go too ambitious and you're never there, or you go no ambition and you
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can't make money. So it's a nice sweet spot. It's a tough thing being a man. It's
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Try being a woman. That's another episode. This
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is a juicy question. Should I reveal
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If I had of had debt, I didn't. And I'm
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a big proponent of not having much debt. But if I did,
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depending on what kind of debt it was, would dictate
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whether I revealed it. Like if I had a mortgage, that was pretty sensible. I don't think
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any real reason to. Like it might pop up that you own a house and have a regular mortgage. Or
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I may have had a very small credit card debt when we first
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caught up, like maybe it was five grand. I know, they're all
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against me. Naughty, naughty. Naughty boy. $5,000 credit card. But
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it's not like I think if it's like 50k or it's affecting your ability
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to function, then I mean, I'm
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going to tell you, honestly, if you've got that going on, you probably shouldn't be dating, like,
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because you're bringing in all this angst and stress and
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anxiety into and poor financial habits into
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the relationship. Now, the last thing you need is to try and focus
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on a relationship and get your money sorted and this and that. So I'd say that. should
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you tell them, I think it would be
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appropriate to, for them to know if
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Yeah. Like, I'll find it. No, I totally
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agree with that. And I also feel like if you, if you feel like this is
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going to be a long-term relationship with this person and
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say, it's like a huge student loan debt or it's huge credit
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card debt, it's almost like sometimes it's like, yes, I do have
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X, Y, and Z, but and being proactive about it. And this is my plan
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to get out of X, Y, and Z. Because the last thing you ever want
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in any relationship is for the person to find out about something that
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you haven't really been super transparent about. So I think it
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just depends on like, is it just a fling? Are we just going on a couple of
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dates? Or is like, I actually see myself. and this person
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And you know what? It's really fun when you're first going out
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on dates and all you wanna do is have fun. So I wouldn't really bring it up. Like that's really
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serious. You know when you'd bring that up? When you're in Sri Lanka like
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you and me and you've drank 10 iced, what
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Long Island iced teas and then you tell them all your deep and darkest secrets.
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That's what it comes down to. So, relationship advice 101. Go to Sri Lanka and have 10 Long
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Yeah, we did. That's right. And I got really sunburned. You did. OK.
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Just quickly, if you're ready to take control of your finances but feel stuck on
15:04
where to start, I have a solution. My book, Money Buys Happiness,
15:08
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15:11
you achieve financial peace. Get your copy via the
15:14
link in the show notes, and let's get your money working for you. Now, back
15:17
to the episode. These are the marriage and long-term partnership questions.
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So like, we've gone on the dates, now we're like living together. Yeah,
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living together, like contemplating marriage. This
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is that phase of the relationship, right? So I've got a few questions from some viewers.
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Such a good question. And we've
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Not straight away. And we were actually forced to do it in a way looking back because
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I was applying for a visa, de facto visa here in Australia. And
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so one of the requirements was to prove that
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we had a joint bank account. And so that's why we set
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it up back then. Who knows how long it would have taken us to set it
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Well, I think the time to set it up is when you move in together. Because when you
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move in together, you've got joint rent, joint, if
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you're working, both working, joint rent, joint costs. And then I
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think it's appropriate to have a joint account. Say, hey, look, let's commit this each.
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No, but that's exactly what we did. We had a joint account. And then you were working,
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I was working. And then we put x amount of our salary into our
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jointy. We called it our jointy account for date nights. It first started
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off with date nights because we'd go out on date nights and it would be like, my treat, my treat,
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my treat. And we're like, actually, let's just put money every single week into
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this account and we can use that money for date nights. And then it just
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grew and grew and grew. We're like, let's pay our electricity, let's pay our
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groceries, let's pay our internet. the joint expenses from
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this account. But I think what's really important, and I know a
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lot of couples or people who are married, they have one account only.
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But for us, we have our joint account, we have jointee, but
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then we also have our individual account. So you have your own bank account,
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and I have my own bank account. And those bank accounts are
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like, spend what you want. It's your play account, no
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So you have togetherness and a sense of unity with the jointy account,
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but then you still have your independence with your individual accounts
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because you don't want to know how much my eyelashes cost. You
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and that's the thing and I know for some women because I see these funny
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reels on Instagram where they come home with their secret you know their secret
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bags and they hide things from their husband and people laugh about it
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but I almost think it's like financial infidelity because you're if
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you're hiding if you're financial infidelity but
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if you're hiding little things like that I know it's people laugh
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But it's just like, why hide that from your partner? Why hide that
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from your husband? And so I think when you do have your independent account,
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your own bank account, go and buy whatever you want from that account. And
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when I come home, I'm proud of my purchases that I
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buy. And I know it bores you, but you're like, yes, yes, I love it, I love it.
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But it's just like, you've got to have your sense of independence. And again, if you're buying your
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And then even to this day, like we'll go out to dinner and I'll be like, my
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treat. You know? And then you'll be like, oh, my treat. Like it
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doesn't come out of the joint account. And that's such a nice feeling because I'm like,
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oh, he's still treating me to dinner even though we've been together for
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14 years. So I think to having the joint account, but then also having those
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Yeah. That's when you should have it. Definitely. And must do it,
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for sure. So the trick to it is have individual accounts and
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Great. All right. Next question is, how do you have
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money meetings without starting a fight? Well,
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let me handle it. Let me take this one. I
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have a money meeting every month because I'm the
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You are, and you're a great treasurer. And I love when the treasurer goes
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We went to lunch for one of our anniversaries and I had
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a few too many drinks. And we started ordering too many cocktails
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off the menu. I'm like, don't worry about it. The treasurer's on a bender. So
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take the treasurer on a bender. You are the treasurer. One person has to
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be the designated treasurer and once they do that, the other person
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has to be supportive and encouraging of the money management.
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You don't have to do it, but you have to be involved. So like every month that
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I sit there and I go through the credit card statements for the businesses, I
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will voice that, we need to tighten here, we need to do this.
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I'm like, where's this subscription coming from? And I ask you
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for help, can you find this one? And so you know that I'm doing it every month,
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you know that I'm on top of it, but you're also interested. There's nothing worse
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than if I sit down and did it, so this is this, and you just didn't care. You're
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like, oh yeah, whatever honey, you've got, I'm like, that's... It's
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I'm like waiting in the living room. I'm like, okay, what's he going to say when he comes out
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of the bedroom after he's done the monthly audit? Oh, we've got a rain in
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And I trust you to do that. And like you said, I am supportive and
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it's just like, Okay, we need to just tighten up on this or we need to
20:18
Yeah, but you have to be like, when the treasurer says do it,
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it's not an attack. It's an open conversation about, hey, I went through
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and I found this, this, this and this. How do you think we can reduce the cost of
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And you just said it and I think it's really important. You always say we
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and you always say our. So I think conflict tends
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to happen when it's just like you, you know, you did this
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or my money, but you, you, you
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always say that you always say we and our, and I think that's really important too,
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when it comes to discussing finances, because it is our
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Okay, so I'm designated treasurer, once
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a month do the audit. And if you're doing it and you're not the treasurer,
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you're sitting next to your spouse in close proximity for
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them to voice and sound things off you. Because sometimes I actually just ask you
21:04
things to get your input, sound things out, figure
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out from the same page. I'm looking for signals of like,
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hey, we have this, I'm
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And yeah, and you know, when you're, when you're doing the monthly order, I'm
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also looking at my individual account as well. Cause you've always
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told us to go on a date with your money once a month. And so I
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always check in once a month too, it's like. Did I subscribe to something that
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I've forgotten about? So it's just like, it's always a reminder for
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There you go. There you go, ladies or non-treasurers. Do
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your little order at the same time. Okay, that's a good one. Does that make sense? That's good. Next
21:42
question. Should couples invest together or
21:55
I know you do. There's your investments and
21:59
No, but the reason why is, the reason why, and I think it's
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an important topic to talk about as well, is the money
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archetypes, right? So your money archetypes, many people may not
22:10
know, but it's just like your money personalities. And this
22:13
is a, you know, just how you have the five love languages, understanding how
22:17
you receive love. again you've got your money personalities and we
22:20
learnt that I'm actually a spender that is my
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money archetype I love to spend money on myself and other people and
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you tend to be more of a hoarder right and
22:30
so the reason why I typically have my own investment is
22:34
because you were teaching me how to be both a spender, but
22:38
also an investor. And so for me, having that individual
22:41
account, my investment account is helping me build my confidence going, actually,
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I can be a spender, but then I can also invest. So
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you've taught me like the principles that you teach your students, you've taught
22:52
me and I've implemented them as well. So 20% of
22:55
everything that I do every single month gets invested and then I
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can see that grow. Whereas for our joint, you get to,
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you have fun with that. You get to see
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What I love is you let me, you give me free reign in my fetish.
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I know. I know that's your passion. That's my passion. But
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I think as a couple, to invest together, obviously you're going to be able to
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But yours also gives you this nice big fat security and
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it gives you a nice big emergency fund for yourself and it teaches you
23:32
all these lessons and then we take the business profits that
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we develop, and we put a portion of that into one
23:40
share portfolio that's actually in our trust. So we have one trust
23:43
with both beneficiaries of the trust. You're actually the
23:47
director of the trustee company, so I'm actually just a little lowly beneficiary
23:50
here. But it's just for future asset protection. We
23:54
could go into a whole episode on that. But I help
23:58
you in steerage of the capital. And so that's invested,
24:03
and it's invested to build wealth for the future,
24:06
which would be to effectively either build passive income for
24:09
retirement or just build wealth so that we have choices.
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But I think what's also really important is, yes, you're the treasurer, and
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I let you have full reign of whatever you want
24:19
to do. You let me. She lets me. Because it's our money, joint
24:23
money. You also take time to
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be like, okay, this is what the portfolio is doing here. This is what we have invested
24:29
here. This is what we're doing here. And I think that's really important too, because
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I feel involved and I'm like, okay, I actually know what's going on there, but
24:37
you can handle all of it. Because to be honest with you, I'm not very interested in
24:43
I know, it's like when you say, here's the dresses that I bought. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, here's
24:48
But you take the time out to be like, this is what it's actually doing right now.
24:52
Yeah, so you can see where it's allocated, how much is there. So you get an idea and
24:55
a snapshot of where we're at, so that you feel like you know at all times what's
24:58
there. Because also, with the login details, something happens to me, and you need to be able to go in there
25:02
But I think financial education in that area makes a lot of sense.
25:05
So I understand the power of investing in the share market. right?
25:09
Some others may be like, Oh, I want to go down the property route. I want to go
25:12
down this, but I, I've seen it, you know, through all your teachings and
25:16
through your books and things like that. I'm like, I understand the power. So that's
25:19
why I'm like, okay, I'm okay for our money to go there. Cause I know it's going to
25:22
yield the best results. So I think that's really important too. It's just like, there's
25:27
Yeah and also as a guy like if you're a girl whoever's doing the investing you
25:31
gotta remember it is the joint money so it's like how would I approach this
25:35
deployment of this capital because knowing it's for
25:38
security and safety of our family so I don't like
25:42
I don't swing for crypto stuff I don't I don't do dumb
25:45
things with it um very intelligent it's thoughtful it's
25:49
a lot of time and effort into it because it is the it's
26:03
This is the conclusion for the money archetypes reel. Yeah.
26:06
So that's why it's really important to really understand your partner, understand,
26:10
okay, you're a hoarder, you're an avoider, you're a spender, you're a
26:13
money monk, no right or wrong, but that's just
26:16
how you see the world. And I think in terms of like understanding
26:20
money conflict, resolving money conflict, just
26:24
understanding each other's money archetypes is super important. Okay,
26:28
so this is another great question. Do you think it's smart to start
26:31
a business as a couple? Obviously, you're going to
26:35
No, but I think it is. I reckon it's the best thing
26:38
you can do as a couple. If one's running a business and the other's not
26:41
involved in it, it doesn't work. I
26:48
thousand percent, because it's been able to unlock so much. It's been able
26:52
to unlock, like, I understand some of, you know, your strengths, and
26:55
you understand my strengths, and we understand your weaknesses and my weaknesses, and
26:59
that ripples into all areas of our life. Like, we just understand, like,
27:06
But it took conflict. Yeah. So I'm a high
27:12
So someone who is high urgency. Like, I want it done now. Let's
27:15
move, move, move. And you're more stability, high S type. So you like
27:19
to think about things before you execute. That's right. And you know how long it took me
27:24
The heck? Yeah, see? And you're
27:28
just like, hang on. And also, I like to talk. and
27:32
do presentations and you don't like to do that you like to do the
27:35
more like put the presentation together you like to do the behind the
27:38
scenes and all the little details the detailed stuff and
27:42
that took me ages to work out too and once i worked it
27:45
out though it was like oh that's why she gets so pissed
27:48
off with me and i'm like this because she's not like that and vice versa yeah
27:55
messed up a little bit was I was trying to do all the
27:58
things in the business that I didn't really get enjoyment from
28:02
or wasn't really like my natural gifts. You know speaking, I'll
28:05
do it but I don't necessarily love doing it and then we realized
28:09
one day it's like why? Why don't you just like double down on all the great
28:13
things that you're good at and you do all the great things that you're good at
28:23
It's painful to watch. But that's the thing. So it's just like, should
28:26
couples start a business together? Yes. But for
28:30
us, fortunately, we fell into business accidentally through network
28:33
marketing. So there wasn't high risk. We didn't have to take out a huge loan
28:36
from the bank account. So we didn't have that massive stress, financial
28:41
stress of starting a business from scratch. We were able to like plug and
28:46
play, grow together. And I think that's the most important
28:50
thing, like just going to all the events together.
28:54
going through the challenges together, winning together,
28:58
like it's so sexy to win together. And so I
29:01
think definitely start a business together because not
29:04
only can you make extra income from it, but you just learn and
29:08
grow together. And you know what? Prior to starting a
29:11
business together, we would go out on date night and probably just have like cappuccino levels.
29:16
styled conversation, you know. It wouldn't be like, we wouldn't talk about goals.
29:19
Well you talk about your work and the people you work with and I'll talk about the people I work with.
29:22
And we wouldn't talk about goals and vision and money
29:26
and where we see our future but when we did start a business together we
29:29
started having more high level sexier conversations, if
29:33
that makes sense, because we didn't, we had more to talk about
29:36
than other people. Generally, if you don't have stuff going
29:39
on in your life, you tend to gossip about other people. And so we
29:43
kind of moved through like, okay, let's talk about how we're going to
29:46
And I tell you what, not that we have children yet, but when we do, knowing
29:51
each other's strengths and weaknesses is without a doubt going to be super helpful. Cause
29:55
it seems to me like having a baby is even harder than starting a business. So that'll be
30:08
And the same business, the same, just together in
30:12
it. Not one does one business, one does the other. No. Choose one business
30:20
With our powers combined. All right, that's a good one. All right, speaking
30:23
of babies and kids and family, this question is,
30:27
should we have kids when we are broke or wait until we
30:31
Well, some people don't really have a choice. No, they don't.
30:36
But ideally, you would want to have an
30:39
emergency fund set up because when people
30:43
are under financial stress, it can put such a strain on
30:46
a relationship and a marriage, and then let alone a third. Well, I can't really
30:49
talk because we don't have kids yet, but I could only imagine the
30:53
stress that it would be added into the family dynamics
30:57
based on like we don't have enough money to do X, Y and Z or then
31:01
the wife has to decide whether she stays at home or puts the baby into
31:04
daycare and so all those added stresses and
31:08
decisions that would be alleviated if there was some
31:12
wealth. And so if it can be that
31:15
you can be like, okay, we're going to plan for this and have a little bit of a nest
31:18
egg set up for when the baby comes, that would definitely be helpful.
31:24
That was always my intention. And I think we shared
31:27
that too. We definitely did because we didn't speak about it when we got married. We're
31:31
like, we got time and well, you know, and
31:34
time went really fast. But
31:39
I always felt like I wanted some level of financial independence because
31:43
I felt like it would make things more
31:46
enjoyable, more fun, easier. If
31:51
you're financially independent, you can work from home, you can go on
31:54
a family holiday. It seemed to be a better choice than
31:57
having kids with no money. So I was like, well, if I could choose between the
32:01
two, I'll have money and kids. So we went that way. We went money first, kids
32:04
Yeah, now we've set up our life that we can both stay at
32:08
Yeah. So stand by for the episode. You see a child here.
32:13
So that's the next phase. But yeah, I think it looks easier, right? And so
32:16
that's the plan. But same time too, I'll caveat this, like you can
32:22
still, my dad did both, your parents did
32:25
both. We had lots of friends that have done both where they've had babies with
32:29
not money and they've made money. It's a personal choice, isn't it? Yeah,
32:32
there you go. Can be done either way. What would we do when
32:36
we have a baby to set the baby up financially or set the child up
32:39
financially? with a future, a great
32:43
financial future. Now, because I've coached a lot of people around
32:46
finances for a long time, those with young babies or those having babies
32:50
or have children, some of the things that are important are
32:53
to be on the same page financially with your partner, which we've discussed. But
32:57
at the same time, one of the things you can do There's
33:00
two big things. One is to set them up and
33:03
the second is to educate them. Because people wish
33:07
for the sword but not for the power to wield it. So there's no point giving a
33:10
child a sword if you haven't taught them how to use it. And that tends to
33:13
happen a lot with trust fund kids and entitlement and
33:16
so forth. So how I would picture this happening for us
33:19
with a baby would be the setup phase would be this. If
33:23
you lock away $7,000 on the day they're born into some
33:27
sort of regular growth global index fund
33:30
and leave it there until the age of 65, that literally
33:34
covers their retirement. And you don't have to add a single dollar to it, subject
33:38
to the returns that we've had in the last 80 years. So that's a very
33:41
simple way of actually kicking things off. So when they're born,
33:45
seven grand, index fund, separate account, don't touch it
33:48
to the 65. It doesn't exist. Not there. And then bang. So
33:52
that's the simplest way to set someone up,
33:55
so to speak. Now, I'm not suggesting they have to get it at 65. They
33:58
might pull it out at 40 and buy a house, whatever they want to do. But that's the first step.
34:01
The second part is like this education part. So as
34:05
I understand it, children do what you do, not do
34:08
what you say. So part of that process would be making
34:12
sure our behavior with our money and finances is
34:15
commensurate with how we would like them to act. So they have
34:18
to see us work and set goals and set aside money. And
34:22
I'd talk to them about stocks and property and take them to auctions, like
34:25
my dad took me to the auctions. I would sit with them and
34:29
show them a portfolio. As soon as they're 18, they'd have their own share portfolio. They'd
34:32
understand how to invest. They'd be buying, perhaps, we
34:36
haven't discussed it yet, but perhaps if they want to get a car, we provide half, they
34:39
provide half. There's always got to be some skin in the game from them, some
34:42
effort, otherwise they don't appreciate anything. So I wouldn't
34:46
want to be in a position to give them everything, because that also turns out very
34:49
poorly. There's going to be a sweet spot there, but as you're doing
34:52
it with them, they're being educated at the same time. You're
34:56
saying, here's why we're doing this. Now that didn't exactly happen to
34:59
me, so to speak, and it certainly probably didn't happen to you either. So we
35:05
But don't they say that like every generation should get better and better and
35:08
better. And so it's just like, these are the lessons that we wish we
35:12
got taught. And then we can take it on to the next generation. How fun
35:24
Yeah, that's true though, too. Like a lot of couples that I talk to with kids
35:27
and they really want to, they care obviously more about their kids than themselves when
35:30
it comes to finances. And so I often say to them, Hey, do
35:35
That's with everything. That's even like with a health journey. It's just
35:39
like, if you want your partner to get in shape, well, you get in shape first
35:42
and then your partner will follow. So I truly believe it's the same as your kids.
35:46
Like you said, your kids will do what you do, not what you say.
35:49
Yeah, I had this prospective client once and
35:52
he was always at me in the dis years ago. Lloyd, I
35:55
need you to teach my son. I need you to teach my son. Meanwhile, he's not doing it.
35:59
I'm like, your son's going to model you. Like, why don't you educate yourself
36:03
and then turn around and educate him? Like they're trying to palm off
36:06
the responsibility of financial education to others. But I think if you want to
36:09
do that, do it in books, do it in podcasts, do it in like, hey,
36:16
Because your belief and your conviction will change when you're doing it yourself. Cause
36:23
Yeah. So I would say, don't be surprised if your kids don't
36:27
care about money until they're like 24. Cause like you
36:31
try and teach them stocks. Mom, I didn't care about that. I've seen it. Oh, that's not, I can't.
36:35
Kids don't always don't care about, I didn't really care about money until I was like, maybe I
36:41
But I think just even having the conversation in the household and not having it
36:47
Definitely. Yep. That prevents a lot of generational trauma.
36:51
Like when Freya and Astrid come over to our house, our little nieces, and
36:55
they'll sit at your desk and they'll be like, money buys happiness. Like
36:59
they'll just sit there. And they'll sit on there like, Oh, Lord, he's doing business. Like
37:03
little things like that. They just like, you know, not afraid to
37:06
Cause whatever you speak into the people, children
37:11
is what they sort of learn. So speaking positive money affirmation,
37:14
speaking like my dad used to always say, money makes you handsome and
37:18
it's not everything, but it's right there with oxygen. There was never anything bad
37:27
What's the worst financial habit your partner has? I can
37:34
I just love to buy little trinkets and novel things for
37:37
my team, you and Sheen. And whenever I go to the shopping center,
37:42
It's something endearing that I've enjoyed though. Like when there's something novel, if
37:46
there's something novel and trinkety, she's buying it. And
37:49
I think it's so cute because she comes home and she's so excited about it. And I
37:52
just like that. It's a nice thing. So I don't think it's a, I think everyone's going
37:56
to have their quirks. I know it brings you so much joy and it's fun and
38:01
But I think for you, your hoarder tendency, you
38:05
know, you like to hoard is like, you'll wear your t-shirts until
38:09
there's like a hole in it or you'll wear your shoes until there's a hole
38:12
in it. And me being the spender, I love to buy things. So then I'll go out
38:15
and I'll buy you the new shirt or buy you the new pair of shoes. So I
38:18
think it's not really a bad financial habit, but- I
38:23
Like gift giving is like, it's
38:29
And again, no, but again, going back to like the money archetypes
38:33
and the money personalities and the five love languages, like understanding
38:37
that I do love giving gifts. And so again,
38:41
like understanding your partner being like, again, no right or wrong, but
38:44
you don't enjoy giving gifts. You prefer more quality time
38:48
and providing value and just going, okay, that's
38:51
what I love about you. And so, yeah, I wouldn't say you have
38:54
any weird, luckily, fortunately no gambling in the family or
38:59
No, I think it's fairly sensible. We're both lean one way, so
39:02
I can be a little bit too haughty sometimes, you can be a little bit spendy sometimes. So
39:06
it's staying on there, I think, and I can be for sure.
39:09
But I feel like the monthly audits that you do, that helps, you
39:12
know, keep that balance as well. So it's just like those check-ins. We're not
39:16
perfect, it's just like those monthly check-ins, okay, let's rein it in here, or
39:22
That's the fun part. Trying to take a little bit from each other. So
39:26
yeah, we're perfect. Alright, so this concludes this fun episode of
39:38
I didn't find it too awkward. I feel like we need some juicier questions. You should
39:44
Yeah, like I like what you said, financial infidelity. But it is, right?
39:50
So don't commit financial infidelity. Be on the same page. Communicate
39:55
when it comes to your money. Be on the same vision, same mission. Talk about
39:58
it openly. Develop and teach your kids. Start young. Get
40:02
in front of it. Get in together. It's a team sport. Don't let
40:08
See you in the next episode. You.
40:14
Ow, money. Thanks for listening to Money Grows on Trees. If
40:17
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40:24
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40:28
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