Latest / Just Heal with Dr Jay / Wrestling with Faith: Thaddeus Bullard on Healing, Divorce & Discipline

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Wrestling with Faith: Thaddeus Bullard on Healing, Divorce & Discipline · Just Heal with Dr Jay

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Jess Hill with Doctor J, a production of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: The Black Effect Podcast Network and iHeartRadio.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: All Right, welcome back. I have Doctor J.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Barnette and we are here with a new episode of
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Jess Hill with Doctor J beginning the second half of
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: our season. I'm excited about this episode because I have
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: been following his brother's journey. Many of you was following
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: this journey as he was one of the contestants, one
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of three contestants on The King's Court Show where they
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: had three phenomenal brothers, tysle Bedford, I think the basketball
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: player Carlos Boozer.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: And today I get to sit down with my brother,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: a little big brother, because I think I'm older than that. Though,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: I'm joking. I'm up this joke. Brother, No, no, no,
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: you know you're old. You might be older. Yeah, I
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: think you're over to me. Yeah, yeah, it's a joke. Yeah,
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I'm joking because you know, he eas a retired rafser.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: He used to go by the name was Tightest. But
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: today we want to sit down with this good brother,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Faddest bullet Man. Welcome to the Hill and he brother,
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: what's up man? How are you hey? Just just for
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: the record, my man I might be a little old,
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: but I'm still strongly I ain't Ladies and gentlemen, I
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: am a proud member of O making STI five Fraternity
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Incorporated HURT that had bullet Spring ninety nine o Z
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: University of Florida. I did coincidentally. This was not planned
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: that I wore red today. But just so you know,
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: the letters that I display are gu Cci for Gucci,
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: his is KA SI for Cap Alpha PSI. We are
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: not the same, but today we are the same as
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: we sit down and we talk about all things about
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: healing and whatever else you want to talk to you about.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Something from this all. But I just wanted to make
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: sure I cleared the error and let everybody know that
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: this was purely coincidental. I ain't call him, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: I ain't called him. He what you wearing, bro, what
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: you wearing? No?
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: It was to those yos to the good news. Listen, man,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: to all of my good news out there screen twenty
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: four dollars alumni chapter and I was a twelve club
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: and to all of my good news out there.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Man, keep achieving for y'all knowing. Let's get to the interview, man, Yeah,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: let's get to the interview. Yeah, let's get to the
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: interview man and listen brother, Before I, you know, get
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: into the conversation. I love to start off with each
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: guest with asking them how do you feel in this
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: present moment? I feel amazing. Yeah, I'm at peace with
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: so many different things. I'm getting ready to go into
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: twenty twenty six with a lot of exciting things are ahead.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: And I just got stem cell therapy a few weeks ago,
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: so I'm physically feeling a lot better. I ate me
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: up for about six weeks that I couldn't work out
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: or play golf, but I'm cleared as of this week.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Just start back resuming way or not. I know I
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: still look good, you know, but I want to feel
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: and be it. So I went out to a place
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: R three and Phoenix, Arizona. It's not my first time
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: doing it. Before I did it with rejufistem over in
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: Kankoon and I love the results from it. And then
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: I tried R three and different experience but still first
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: class both to both for oreos. Yeah, knees are back
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: or ever, so y'all give me the works? Yeah, now
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: get to work. When it worked, so I got my shoulders,
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: my elbows, my hips all right, knee and my angles
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: all that. Now, is most of this a result of
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: your wrestling career? I would say it's a combination of wrestling, football,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: just running my body, like right, throw them up and
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: blow them up. Football on concrete roads as a kid, basketball,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: constant basketball, both indoor and outdoor courts. Just a lot
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: of way into Wow.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: Now, when you was wrestling and you were going by
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: the character Titus, what was that sort of processed night
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: in Like, were you guys because I think were you
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: guys on the road with two hundred and eighty.
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Two seventy five?
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  Speaker 1: So with that type of impact that you were, you know,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: breaking on.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: Your body night in and night out.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: When you look back at your you know, career because
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: you had a really great career as a wrescler, You
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: had a great career as a college football player, and
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: then you you know, you you had a great career
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: everywhere that you have stepped on the field or court
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: or whatever you touch.
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  Speaker 2: Now when you look at man, I'm getting stem cell treatment.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I mean as I try to maintain this body, what
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: are your thoughts? Will you process that? Oh? Physically, I
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: mean it's no different than for me it's you know,
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: mental health, you know, I think that's important. I see
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: a counselor two times a month, you know, physical health.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: I want to you know, I broke the generational curses
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: for so many in so many ways for my family,
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: and I want to continue to live out and see
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  Speaker 2: my kids continue to keep those generational curses broken. In
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: order for me to do that, I need to be
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: good spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially. And so this
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: is just a part of maintenance to continue moving in
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: that direction. I want to live as long, the healthiest
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: and happiest life possible for the rest of my life,
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: and so I don't I think a lot of folks
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: when they hear it's themselves, they think of well, it's
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: you know, someone's on their they they WIT's in at
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: their physical you know being I felt good going in.
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  Speaker 2: I just know I'm gonna feel better going out because
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  Speaker 2: I've done it before. And I think this is again
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: part of maintenance to continue on the path that I
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: want to have a very whole life. I have no regrets.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I have no regrets at all from anything I've done.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Travel with WWE, A lot of people like they watch
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: what we do on TV, but they don't realize the
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: travel is really what beats you up. I mean the
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: physical part that role is. Yeah, it's it's you know,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: you're doing a show on a Friday night and then
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: getting in a car or getting on a plane for
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: five hour drive flight, whatever it may be, going to
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: the next show, getting up the next morning, doing media,
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: going doing a show again, getting on the next night,
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: doing it again, then doing live TV. Live TV is
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: you know, is not easy because segments get cut or
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: moved or whatever it may be, and it's a very
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: stressful day throughout the day, and you're not just playing
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: for the twenty five thirty thousand people that are in
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  Speaker 2: in arena, or if it's WrestleMania or any one of
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  Speaker 2: our premium live events, you have sixty sixty five thousand
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: or one hundred thousand if it's at at and T
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: Stadium or whatever it is. It's not as easy as
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: we make it look. But that's the reason why I
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: consider WW Superstars to be the best athlete entertainers in
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: the world, because every crowd is different. There is no
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: home in a way, and you know, performing in Japan
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: versus performing in China two different crowds, even though they
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: might have the same mom of people. And I'm performing
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: in Dallas, Texas versus performing in Philadelphia as a good guy,
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  Speaker 2: two totally different experiences. Dallas, they're going to cheer you
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: as a good guy. Philadelphia you're gonna get booed because
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: they love bad guys. So it's a great way to
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: learn more about yourself, learn how to connect with people.
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  Speaker 2: And so I have zero regrets for any of the
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: things that I've been able to do, not just with WWE,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: but through football or whatever. Obviously, my youngest son plays
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: football at my alma mater, the University of Florida. We
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: just came off a big way to you know, beat
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Florida State, which is our in state rival. And my
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: oldest son is getting ready to graduate and undergrad and
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: still has another year eligibility at UCF. And then my
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: daughter is undefeated at UMass at this point right now.
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  Speaker 2: So I have three Division I athletes, the life that
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I was able to create, and the spaces and the resources,
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  Speaker 2: and yeah, I have zero regrets. My house is paid off,
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  Speaker 2: I'm debt free, I'm stress free. So when people ask me,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: do you have any regrets for like all the things
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: you had to take toll on your body mentally and physically.
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  Speaker 2: Absolutely not, because now I'm in that restorative stage so
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: that I can go out and do all the things
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  Speaker 2: that guys as me for me to do moving forward.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm glad to share that extensively because my question,
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: or my statement or my price says wasn't that you
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: had any regrets. It was that you said that the
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: sacrifice was worth it. I often hear men struggle with
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: that word sacrifice because most men don't have the selling
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: into the sunset that you have. On the other side
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  Speaker 1: of cycle. It's usually bad, I gave this up for what,
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: and you get to say I gave this up for them,
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  Speaker 1: I gave this up for this.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: Well, actually I don't even say either, you know, I
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: say obedience is what led me to the point that
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  Speaker 2: I'm at right now. Obedience is greater than sacrifice. Obedience
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  Speaker 2: and what obedience and doing what God has called me
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  Speaker 2: to do. God laid it on my heart years ago
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  Speaker 2: that you're going to be an excellent father, and I
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: maintained that even through divorce. God says you're going to
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: serve people, You're going to impact people's lives. In a
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: positive way, once you recognize that you're life was impacted
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: a certain way by getting a chance to go to
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  Speaker 2: the boys Ranch at twelve years old and having your
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: life turned around. I'm forever grateful for the fact that
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: I can hear God's voice and I can hear him
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  Speaker 2: say go here. And sometimes I'm not gonna lie to you,
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: it does feel like a sacrifice because it's like, man,
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: this dude just cuts me out, and this dude was
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: talking crazy about me. These people was talking crazy about me.
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: X Y and Z. Bless them, bless them, blessed them.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: I want to sow down for a second. You move
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: it too fast. I know, I know I drove you
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: too fast. I always wat you down.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Now I want to go back to something that you say,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: because you and I have this ability to hear the
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: voice of God, A lot of being don't happen when
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you hear the voice of God. Is it still is
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: it audibly? Is it a feeling? What is that for you?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Because I want to unpack that because what I'm hoping
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: out of this episode is that men in particular and
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: the women that watched this show that they can see
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  Speaker 1: men who have the ability to deserve the voice of
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: God outside of their flesh. I'm side of their body,
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: outside of their own consciousness, right, because sometimes I think
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: we're so tapped in that were tapped out, and to
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: truly hear the voice of God, you have to be
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: outside of yourself. So I want to go, like, when
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: was the first time that you heard the voice of God?
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've heard the voice of God numerous times
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: throughout my forty eight years of living, probably to say,
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: the first time I really think I heard God was
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: when I went to the Boys Ranch. I was very,
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: very angry at my mom, Like I hated my mom
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: because I felt like my mom threw me away. And
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: you know, many people all know the backstory of my
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: mom and my mom being raked at eleven and having
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: me at the age of twelve, and you know, growing
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: up poor and being told you'll never be told, you'll
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: be deader in jail by the time when you're sixteen,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: you won't ever graduate from high school, all these things,
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: and then the person that brought me into this world
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: seemingly gave up on me. At the time, That's how
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I felt. And when I got to the Boys Ranch,
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I was this angry twelve year old kid at everybody,
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: but especially to my mother. And I remember going into
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: Pop Parsley's den area at the Boy's Ranch and I
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: had just got into it with his wife, Mom partson
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: is a Nancy, and I was ready to give it
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: to him too, and I heard God say, you know,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: be quiet. Was it loud? Was it was? It was?
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: It was? It was? It was soft? I was all right.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: And that's how I know God like how he he
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: he can be. He can like a lot of people
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: think when they talk about like God, God doesn't move quickly.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: He moved suddenly. Yeah, And there's a big difference between
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: those two things, huge, And there's this sudden peace that
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: happened going into have this conversation with Pop Parsley and
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: you know his his his first words to me were, son,
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: God can't do anything with us for you if you're
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: not willing to let God do something through you. So
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: if I wasn't quiet, if I just went in there
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: with this rage that I had and I just cussed
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: his wife out, and the way he dealt with me,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: I mean I just look at like the grace and
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: the mercy that he spared me with at that time,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have been able to hear, not only or
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: receive what he was saying to me right, And our
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: relationship changed like instantly. And I still got moved to
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: another cottage because mon Parsley was not having it me
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: calling her out her name. But I had so much
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: respect for them the rest of the time I was
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: at the Boys Ranch because I recognized at that moment
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: that here's a person that him and his wife have
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: been married for over thirty years, and he's the protector,
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: the provider, and this twelve year old punk kid disrespected
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: his wife and he had the wherewithal of him to say,
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: he's here for a purpose, like every cottage parent on
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: that campus was there for a purpose. And if they
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: responded the same way that people would respond in the world,
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: many of those kids, those young boys that were going
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: to that Boys Ranch, would never see what love looked like.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: They would never see what God looks like. And so
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: if I had to pinpoint, like I've had several moments
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: where I've seen or heard God, but like at that moment,
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: my relationship and understanding because I didn't I didn't trust
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: white people. I didn't trust I definitely wasn't willing to
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: call no white woman or a white man mom and
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: pop when I had a horrible relationship with my own
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: mom and I never met my biological dad, and the
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: only father figure that I had that he wasn't really
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: a father figure to me, was a you know, he
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: was an alcoholic and abusive. So to learn how to
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: receive love in a different form and understand what it
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: truly meant, like, I think that's why God told me
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: to be quiet, and and I'm thankful that I did,
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: because again, he could have responded to me in some
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: way people respond in the world, right, And I mean,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: if somebody cuss my wife out like I'm going to jail,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: most likely I'm not there yet, and I think I've
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: done a lot of healing work. But yeah, if a
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: young young man. I don't like when young men talk
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: crazy to their moms. You know, I'll get in their
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: ass in like that's not how you talk to your mom.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Because I was that kid that, even as bad as
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: being my mom's relationship was, I would never dare to
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: cuss my mom out like that. But when you're but
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: when you're a paid mm hmm, yeah, you know, yeah, yeah,
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: And I think that's whether you're a man, woman, boy
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: or girl like people will do things all the time
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: out of pay it out of pain and sometimes what
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: I recognized at the time that I was at the
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: boys Ranch is that all these people were beneficiaries of
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: my drama, all of them. None of these folks ever
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: did anything wrong to me, but they got what other
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: people had done wrong to me and wasn't fair to them.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not. They inherited it, but they didn't keep it.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, as I like to say, they were innocent bystanding
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: said your emotional drive Bay shooting, because while they were
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: open for love and you were closed for it, they
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: were willing to extend the same grace that God often
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: extends to us, which I believe is why you heard
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: be quiet, because it's only in the stillness of that
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: space that we could actually received. I love something that
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: Mother Teresa said. She said God is a friend to stillness, silence,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: and solitude.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: And I think if.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: We're going to truly hear the voice of God, and
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: particularly I want to look at the camera, particularly for men,
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: because we have a generation of men that women are
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: complaining about them leading. But until you know the voice
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: of God, until you've had a relationship with God. As
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: I say, until you've had an encounter with him.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: You don't know his voice. Scripture says, my sheep know
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: my voice a stranger, they would not follow. But the
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: only way that you can truly deserve God's voice is
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: you gotta be still, and you got to be quiet.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: And what I'm hoping is that as you're sharing how
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: in such chaotic, you know, moments that if he would
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: have responded or I'm going to say react, because this
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: reactionary is a knee jerk experience for you. Because my
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: wife I was about to get a yoke, but him
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: knowing that that's pain, that's that's not in him, And
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: sometimes God is wanting us. And I like to say
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: this da is that when we had pain, God had purpose.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Your test will become testimonies, and your mess will come
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: unless it and he'll take the misery and make it
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: out of something that you can't understand, but it's something
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: that he uses. Yeah, I think you know we're in
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: We're in an era right now where so many people
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: are trying to question whether or not they should have
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: their kids play contact sports because of the CTE conversation.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: To me, I feel like sports and anybody that plays
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: any type of sports, it teaches you all these things
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: we're talking about. So, like you play football, I played football.
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: It didn't matter if it was snowing raining, fifty thousand people,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: eighty thousand people, ninety thousand people, fifteen hundred people. It
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: didn't matter. The game remained the same, right, right, And
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: so it's third and fifteen, your own defense and you somebody,
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: you know, somebody offensive guy. You start talking crazy to
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: an offensive guy and then he just jumps off side
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: and hits you in the face. Now it's third and
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: seventeen because he didn't have self control, right, But then
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: you know, you end up getting a play or having
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: the next play. Guy gets a big game. Running back
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: runs by, he's talking trash or whatever because he beats
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: you on a route, you know, at linebacker, and then
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: you push him in the face. Now they got another
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: fifteen yards if you'd have just walked away from that dude,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: you're getting off the field of fourth down, and your
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: team got a chance to win the game moving forward
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: because you didn't have self control, because you could and
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: be still, because you couldn't remain in the discipline of
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: this is part of the game, and all of a sudden,
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: you took what could have in an easy win for
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: your team and you made it a loss. And of course,
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: in the game of life or the game of football too,
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: it ain't just that one play that calls your team
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: to lose. But the only thing people gonna remember is
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: if Jay didn't hit that dude at the end, yeah
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: and get that penalty, we would have won the game. Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: As oar, as man, we got to look at the
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: cases in the same scenario and as women, like if
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: I can just be quiet in this moment, be still
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: in this moment. Don't run to go get this car
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: because my wife really wants this car, or don't run
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: and buy this house just because my wife really wants
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: to buy this house. Step it on some toes. Brother. Yeah,
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: it's okay though, because at the end of the day,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: God gives us the desires of a horror, but he
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: doesn't It all comes in time, see time and harvest.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: Some things are not meant for the moment, They're meant
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: for the future. And I think so many people are
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: living in a life for the moment. You know, the
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: instant clicks to this to that, You know that all
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: these things the instant gratification that they can't even receive
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: the fullness of what God wants to do in their
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: life because they're so death set and laser focused on
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: I got to have this, I gotta have this, I
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: gotta have this. That's why I'm not in a hurry
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: to get married, because Okay, I mean, because the really
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: I want to, I've already had in the world standards
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: of failed divorce or failed merrit. I got divorced. It
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: was the most depressing point in my entire life.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Talk about that because we don't hear that. I watch
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: a lot of content around women, but we don't hear men.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: And then men are often shame when they talk about divorce.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's it's because men have bravado.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: Well, and then too, the world often look at men
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: because it's like this, right.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: If if we get divorced, it's the man's fault.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: So it's like, if the woman gets a divorce, she celebrated,
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: you liberated. If the man you walked away from your family,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: what did you do?
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: You cheated? You left your family for this, You left
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: your family for that?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Like, if you can unpack that, because I have counseled,
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: man provided therapy to the men who come out of divorce,
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: man and man, it is a weight that I've never
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: seen before. I've never been married, I've been engaged, but
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: to see them carry that weight, because it's almost like
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: they have to carry the burden of the chatter. They
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: got to carry the burden of what the family members
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: may be said. And what I don't like is that
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: people have opinions who don't have contexts. They have story
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: lized with no texts. So when you went through your divorce,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: what was your headspace?
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Well for a person that you know, literally like broke
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: every generational curse in lack family and made the last
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: name Bullard worth something at the time, more so than
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: it was before. I've never been on the losing team
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: my intern life. I've won championships, had the championships. I
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: did everything that people said I would never do, and
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: then I had the opportunity to be a husband, and
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: you know, it worked for several years and then it's
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: not working. I always say that, like if I if
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: I was still married to my ex wife, I would
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: not be the man that I am today. And that's
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: not a punch on her at all. I think divorce
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: for me got me so laser focused on being the
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: best father that I can be that it made me
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: instantly be a better man because I poured into that.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: But I to the emotional part of it, like men
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: don't grieve like women do. There it is and if
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: you even without divorce, even in the context of just
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: a general relationship, men come to women and they say,
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: you know, hey, can I have a vulnerable moment with you?
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: And then they share their feelings and they share their vulnerabilities.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: And then some women, if they're not I would say,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: if they're not spiritually in tune or you know, emotionally
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: intelligent or mature, they'll make it about them. And I've
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: seen a million memes I've seen. I've talked to a
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: million men. You've talked to a million brothers too, And
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: it's like, how is it that I'm bringing something to you?
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: And all of a sudden, I feel bad that I
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: even to you because now it's about you instead of
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: it being about me. Yeah, and women want a safe space,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: not recognizing that men need a safe space too. Yeah,
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: we both got to feel safe. Yeah, if we go
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: to a barbershop and versus that nail our hair salon,
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: two different environments. Yep, it's the only place where men
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: can like be free and talk about whatever, you know
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: what I mean. And they're not going to talk about
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: all your business, but it's gonna be a lot of
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: similarities about Yeah, man, my wife, let me get your
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: opinion on something, YadA YadA, YadA, this and that, because
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: if we ask our person certain questions that we really
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: want to ask, it feels very punitive. Yeah, and it's like,
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: but you're telling me that I should be able to
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: be your best friend. How well your best friend's going
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: to tell you sometimes your breath stain, you need a minute.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: But that was harsh, But that was really you only
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: need to be okay baby, Like that's not even the
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: way the world operates. Your boss don't care how you
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: feel when you come to work. Yeah, your customers in
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: your business don't care how you feel if your product
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: doesn't get there dinna in all time, you know what
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I mean. Like, they're gonna call customer service and they
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: gonna give them the business and they don't care how
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: you feel. So it's like, if there's one safe space
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: that I think men should be and it'son whoever relate
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: whatever relationship they're in and with their children. They have
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: to provide that with their children, Like I never wanted
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: my kids to fear getting a whooping, so I gotta
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: beat as a kid, and they got to the point
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: where I was immune to it. My kids are more
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: afraid of disappointing me than they ever will be of
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: getting a whooping, and I'm afraid of disappointing them. And
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: I think if I take that same logic with whoever,
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: my wife is going to be like, I don't want
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: to hurt my way. I've already experienced what it is to
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: her someone that you're in covenant with. Yeah, but I
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: also don't want my wife to hurt me. Yeah. And
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: the quickest way to hurt a man is to disrespect
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: it like we we. Yeah, if you come like most
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: men like it. Some of them are you know, acts
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: of you know, kindness and affection and this and that
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: and you know respect, but respect is every that every
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: man's everything. Like that's if you especially if you've got
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: a man that has has really he can do it.
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: Like I don't need a woman to clean my house
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: like I have housekeepers to clean my house. I don't
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: need nobody to cook for me. I would like it.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: But I'm a damn good cook. You can't buy me
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: anything that I can't buy myself. So my, my, my, my,
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: My next partner will be someone that I can not
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: only compliment, but she has purpose on her life and
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: she recognizes the purpose on my life.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Is that what's important to you now at forty eight
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: years old and to be a man because you know,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: some women would look at us it's like, you know, y'all,
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: I mean because sometimes gods like us are intimidating.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, but at the same token, like, but it's also
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: like it should be Okay, it should be you should
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: be intimidating, and a woman of God should be intimidating
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: to a man that's not ready to be with a
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: woman of God. Man, you should be intimidated because you
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: know why, because guess where you have to have your
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: shit together if you're gonna go like you, bro, we
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: have had We've had numerous opportunities with women from all
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: different walks of life throughout our entire life, no matter
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: what spaces we're in. But there has been several moments,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: I guarantee you, I know, for me it has been yeah,
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: whereas like, man, I would really like to holler at her,
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: but I know she ain't with the foolishness. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: I can't. I can't, Like, I like, I don't want
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: that's like I like, I'm not even gonna waste this
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: woman's time, Like a real man could recognize, like that
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: woman like she's a wife and I'm not ready to
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: be a husband, so I might even gonna waste her time. Yeah,
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: we we ad those moments. Yeah, but a wife, a
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: woman will say this, like I think most women, well
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: I won't say most, I think a lot of women.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: I want a man that knows where he's going, knows
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: how he wants it done, and understands that she is
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: a real help me, Like you don't disregard her, her thoughts,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: her feelings, none of that stuff, because a real man
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: recognizes that, you know what, Like I need that, yeah need, yes, yes, yes,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: I need this woman. And this woman is gonna tell
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: me some stuff and it always tricks me sometimes, whereas
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: like some women they're like when nobody's ever said that
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: to me, you know, with all my friends, if you
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: ask all my friends, well, ain't none of your friends
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: trying to marry you? Lady? Ain't none of your friends
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: asking you to spend the rest of their life with you. Yep.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: So they're not gonna tell you this stuff, and they
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: gonna be okay with you showing up late here and
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: there and doing this theres and you know, like, oh, well,
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: you know that's your family member's gonna be fine with
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: you just this. Accept that that's how you are. I'm
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: not like I have a life of purpose. You have
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: a life of purpose. Whether you want to live in
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: it or not, that's totally up to you. But I
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: guarantee you if you're gonna be around me, you're not.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: You're your spirit ain't gonna be lazy. Come on, mine ain't.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: Come on. God has been way too good to me
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: for me to operate in obedience to what he's called.
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: Howde my God for me to allow anybody, woman, man, boy, child, whatever.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: My kids, my kids will tell you. If Dad says
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: he's leaving at seven o'clock, we got to be ready
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: at seven o'clock. What would that do If we ain't
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: ready at seven o'clock. Dad ain't gonna yell, He ain't
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: go scream. Dad is gone. This I'm out is operating excellence. Yeah,
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: I am trying to be successful no more. I done,
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: did that fifteen thousand times. Go over. I'll operate an excellence.
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Anybody can be successful doing anything they want to do.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: You want to buy a house, get financially responsible, stable,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: et cetera, get a good job, learn how to save,
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: learn all the programs and you'll go get a house.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: You want to lose weight, eat right, work out right,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: do things that are beneficial to you. You'll lose weight.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: You want to gain muscle. All these things are success things.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: Says it's very selfish. I grew up and as a
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: person that was very insignificant, insignificant to a lot of people.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: I was never expected to do anything. But isn't that
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: But isn't that how It always is that? And I
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: love this, bro, because.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: God chooses people who the world would be like no,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: not not him, No, And this is and this is
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: what I love about your story. And CJ, you need
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: to write this down because I'm gonna turn this into
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: a cloth and pray.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: You are God's choice. And I know that you were
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: God's choice. And here's the thing. Some people are God's
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: choice and they don't even accept it. Come on, and
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: and because they feel like I got to be perfect
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: I gotta be like, I still cuss, I still drink.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: God can't do this guy man listen, and I can
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: say this because he's he's a friend of mine. I've
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: known him for years. Snoop Dogg, who talked about at
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: one point vincs and holes and his songs. This man
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: wrote a gospel album and got award for it. This
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: man is a global figure on NBC for the Olympics
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: and killed in it. But you also look at this
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: man who I deem as a brother. The lives he
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: changed through the Snoop Youth Football League, which I helped
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: him coordinate, the Snoop the Youth the Snoop Bowl for
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: several years they played against a team from Tampa with
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: Miami this and that I helped coordinate all that. You
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: look at who he's been married to for years, and
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: you think to yourself, like, how in the world is
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: this man continuously reinventing himself. He's never shot away that
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: God's got to call him on the Kirk on his life,
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: never wow, and he has allowed God to use him.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: But he's still been a good steward of his wife. Wow.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: Kirk Franklin. You know some people in the Christian community.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: They love you all that, ain't man. I love that brother.
• 34:06
  Speaker 2: I love him, I love him, I always have loved him.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: But because he doesn't do things the typical religious Christian way,
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: he was ostracized by some people, criticized by some people.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: This and that, Hey, Kurt can say the same thing
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: a lot of like I can say, Hey, Kurt got
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: a nice living. Kurt is openly not perfect, and God
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: still use them. But guess who godk I mean. Twelve
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: disciples were chosen to sit at the Last Supper. All
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: of them were the worst of the worst. My namesake,
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: that is, was one of those chosen folks. I didn't
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: know this and learned this until you know, I got
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: older and started understanding the Bible, this and that. Then
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: my middle name is Michael, one who is like God.
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: So my grandmother named me. She knew he was God's choice.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: My grandmother named me out of, however, the condition that
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: I came into this world. I had to name Thaddeus,
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: who was one of the chosen twelve, Michael, who was
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: one of God's favorite angels, one who is like God.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: And I look at I consider myself to be the
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: least of them. Yeah, and I look at all the time,
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: how God says, I will use the least of the
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: least of them. And so when you look around and
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: you see Glorella and Kurt Franklin doing an album together
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: and people all in an uproar, they don't even recognize
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: what God is doing. Still God's choice, Still God's choice.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: So who am I? Who are you? Who is anyone
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: to not only judge on why this person is blessed
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: and why this person keeps giving so much this and that,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: but more importantly, who are other people to judge you? Right? Like,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: I know, I'm not a perfect man. I can, I
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: will sing it to the mountaintops. But I'm a great man.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: I'm a blessed man because I'm an obedient man, and
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: I have no qualms about none of that. But Dad,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: well you know, probably should not cuss as much as
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: you do. You know what, well you probably shouldn't judge
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: as much as you do either, because no one saying
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: no how way the other. Yeah, at least from the
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: Bible that I read. And I don't seen more prostitutes
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: turn pastors and drunkens and alcohol like you know, I've
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: seen homeless people a home, I've shared this on Literariost podcast. Yeah,
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: a homeless dude led me closer to Christ, but he
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: also recognized that helped me recognize the power of a
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: thirteen year old boy because you was God's choice. So
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: whether you're a woman or a child or a man,
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: I don't like using the term boy. I just somebody.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: If we're from the South, No, we'll like boy only
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: two kind of boy wife one a characterists. No, I
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: ain't need one of them. So I just got my
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: first pair of boots like three weeks ago. So, but
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I think there needs to be this intentionality around men
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: recognizing like their superpower, despite their trauma, despite their issues,
• 37:37
  Speaker 2: Like because regardless of you know, like what we do wrong,
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: we have the ability to be somebody's superhero. Yeah, and
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: there's a woman out there that has the ability to
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: be somebody's superhero, but they have to share a lot
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: of layers of trauma and hurt and deceit and all
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: these things. And so for me, when we were circling
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: back to the whole divorce situation, for me, I not
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: only had to examine where I was and where I
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: was as a man and as a father, but like
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: I had to shape this whole narrative that like I
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: wasn't good enough because there's a person that left, Like
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: if I was that good while would they have left?
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: So in the marriage she left, well, she asked for
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: the divorce one one too many times. So the last
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: time I was like, all right, cool, did you know
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: why she was asking for a divorce? Did it just
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: come out of the blue? Boy? It was a multitude
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: of things. There was some infidelity. But I also think
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: that like me and my ex wife were never like
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: really friends. We met and we got married. And not
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: to say that that can't happen help work, because I've
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: seen it work in a multitude of other places. But
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: I think that not understand a lot of things about
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: each other about each other, yeah, really made us both
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: view and probably not respect one another a certain way
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: because where I'm I'm I'm really a person of like
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: if you say you want to do something, like I
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: need to see you start moving that direction. Yeah, Like
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: you say I want to lose weight, Like I can't
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: don't tell me whether I ask you on Monday, like
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: did you work out today? He's like, no, I'm gonna
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: get it in on Tuesday. And then Tuesday comes you
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: work out, then you don't work out again to the
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: following Monday, like you ain't. You ain't. Seriously, Yeah, my
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: kids are. I'm the same way with them, Like they Dad,
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: I want to play football in college. All right, great,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: so you need to be working out. TJ my oldest son,
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: that dude, Like when I say he's a pros pro,
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: he's been that way since he was He's been laser
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: focused on what he wants to do. Tightus. My youngest
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: grew into that. Yeah, but they both knew, like I'm
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not making any investments in mediocrity. That's not how
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: I'm raising you.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: So do you think because when you talk about men
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: and women, and when you talk about you guys not
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: being friends, do you think men need to take their
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: time building air friendship to see if they can make
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: an investment in that woman.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: I think this. I believe that once you get to
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: a certain level in life spiritually, they say, when you know,
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: you know, now, do you believe that? I do believe that.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I think we get it wrong sometimes. The reason why
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: we get it wrong is because lust interferes with her,
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: you know, because we're all physical creatures, this and that
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: and so for me, like I'm making a choice, like
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: to not let lust lead whether or not I'm staying
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: in a situation or moving in a situation. And I
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: think a lot of men, particularly black men, like we
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: want to be loved a certain way. Yeah, and so
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: we give a lot up front, including our bodies. Oh,
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: come out that you're walking heavy. It's okay, including our bodies.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: And I've been, yep, a person to do it, save me, brother,
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: And I just know for me what I want moving
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: forward in a wife. I have to exercise the discipline
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: now because when she does come into the whole of
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: being my wife, that the temptation, the things that I've
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: been I've cleared my mind of not to say that
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: it won't still be there. But like I don't want
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: I have to say this, I can't say this enough.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: I never want to hurt my way in that way. Yeah.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: Ever again, Yeah, once you do something and you see
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: how it hurts and breaks somebody that you actually care about.
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: And I care about my ex wife, like I still
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: love my ex wife to this day. And whether or
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: not we were we're never getting back together. But if
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: but whether or not we were able to let's make
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: that clear. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, and I'm sure she feels
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: the same way. She understands why, and I understand why too.
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: It's okay if you It's been years since we've been
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: together in any way, shape or form, and I've met
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: her boyfriend, and I I'm very happy that she's in
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: a happy place with him. He's a good dude. My
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: kids love him. So I've never been one to like
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: be like, well, gen, you will never find an out
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: of meet and that, well, it's probably good that she
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: never finds another meeting, she finds someone that's more suitable
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: for her right in the same way. But for me,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: and I hate when I hear women or men be
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: like you'll never you'll never amount to anything. You know
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: this and that, And it's just because I'm not with you.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: And then what what I do, love though, is in
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: your life my life completely opposite, completely opposite, and win
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: in a different direct directly doesn't make you bad exactly.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: And if we came together to create these three beautiful children,
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: then God purpose and will will serve. Yeah. And like
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: I said, I can't stress this enough because I never
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: I never want to. My ex wife is amazing, she's
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: an amazing mother, she's an amazing person. It just did
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: not work out. Yeah. Now what I've been able to
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: articulate that when we was going through our divorce that way,
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: absolutely not. Yeah, and I'm sure she probably had a
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: bunch of choice words for me too. Yeah. But that's
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: where spiritual growth and maturity and understanding that you know what,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: like when you let certain things go and start focusing
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: on what's most important. Like for me, my most important aspect,
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: my most important out lie her with my ex wife
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: at this point is that I want her to be healthy.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I want her to be happy because she is the
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: mother of my two sons, and because she's a phenomenal person. Yeah,
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: and I want her to I want her to be
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: everything that God's called her to be because I think
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: on the flip side of that, that's what she's praying
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: for for me where we go from being adversaries to
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: certain points in our divorce life to actually coming together
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: and we did. And you know, like I say, my
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: two sons are are they are They are phenomenal men.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: And my ex wife gave me an opportunity to be
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: something that I never had myself, to be a father.
• 44:56
  Speaker 2: She gave me an opportunity to be a husband, and
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: I will for be grateful for because the mistakes that
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: I made in that first one, I know for sure
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: I won't be making in this next time around. Yeah,
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: And I think that I know that that there are
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: a lot of people that get it right the second
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: time around, and some people even the third. I don't
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: think this second next one around will be my last one.
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: I didn't. It'll be no. Three. Yeah, But there's purpose
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: again in all the pain and all the trauma. And
• 45:25
  Speaker 2: when you look at like what that purpose served, it
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: served a greater appreciation for what love is truly should
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: be about. And that's that's the love of Christ. Yeah.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: Like I want to love my wife like Christ loves
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: the Church. She's gonna get on my nerves. I'm gonna
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: get on her nerves. She's going to be happy as
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: held me one minute and then mad the next minute,
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: and all this other stuff going. I I've already had
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: to make the decision that I'm gonna forgive my wife
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: long before I even know who this is. And I'm
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: going to forgive my wife for anything that she does,
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: long before I meet her, because that's how Christ loves
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: the church.
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: And that's a sycrificial love it is. It's a sycrificial
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: love because oftentimes when I'm talking to couples and particularly
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: for believers, not only is that hard to coup her hands,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: that's also hard to really function within because Christ knew
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: no sin. He felt on pay, but he knew no sin,
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: and knowing no sin, he didn't even know how to
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: operate in what we operate as human beings and with
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: the emotions of anger, disappointment, discouragement, discontentment, and when you're
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: talking to somebody that is a believer in trying to
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: get them to understand that this means that I have
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: to be willing to extend myself my love even in
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: the midst of your discontentment, even in the midst of
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: your disappointment. And for so many people like man Christ
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: love the church because how often is he disappointed?
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: And how we live and how we miss.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: The mark when you think about sin, it's it's you know,
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: and not to make this kind of like this, you know,
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: this church thing, but when you think about sin, you
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: think about missing the mark.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: That's what it means.
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: Like I think in the Olympics when they have the
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: bowl archery, archery and you miss the mark, they call
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: it us sin.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: That's so it's missing the mark.
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: And what I'm hearing from you is that you understand
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: or understood where you miss the mark. And now you're saying,
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: I'm preparing myself to be better so I don't miss
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: the mark in that way.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Because I'm going I'm a human, so they're gonna be
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: marks that I missed.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: We're talking about relationships, we're talking about psycrifice, and you're
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: talking about how you have course corrected some things so
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: your next wife doesn't experience what happened in your first marriage.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: You were recently a contestant on a king's court and
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: dated a young lady. So first I want to know
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: how that's going, and then the second part of that
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: in that process of dating, because I'm gonna be honest
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: man at forty three, Bro, it's hard to date when.
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: You're a man of out caliber.
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: And I say this humbly because again, you're trying to
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: navigate through what's real. You're trying to navigate through personas,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: and then you're also trying to see with the spiritual
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: lot to see who really has the heart to hold
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: my heart. So in your process, you know on the
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: king's court, you know you can kind of share that
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: and then also, what did you learn about yourself during
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: that process?
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: Well, in kings King's Court was an amazing experience for me.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: What did I learn about myself on King's Court? I
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: didn't learn anything about myself because I was myself, Okay,
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: So what I learned on King's Court is about myself
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: is maybe some ways that I could communicate differently, you know,
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: my tone speaking with Hanney, Holly and Rodney. You know,
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I got like this this coaching me sometimes so just
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: understanding that, like I can say whatever, whatever I need
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: to say, but also to be humble enough to come
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: back and hear someone and hear what they hear, how
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: they received it, and be able to of course correct
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: in that manner instead of being like, well you just soft,
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: you just did so you just sad like really intentionally
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: learning a better way to communicate. You know, I think
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: I'm a pretty good community communicator for the most part,
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: but I never once thought that, like I'm above correction.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: And so you know, when you have three really good men,
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: you know, you know, and I consider Carlos and Tyson
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: my brothers. Tyson's like my brother that I got to
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: wrangle a little bit. Yeah, well, Carlos is like the
• 50:33
  Speaker 2: steady had. But you know, I think the greatest, the
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: greatest thing that probably came out of that for me
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: for that experience Number one is that people saw Thaddeus
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: Bullet and not Titus O'Neil the character WWE. They saw
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: who I was as a man, and you know, for
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: the most part, how I respond as how I responded
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: to pretty much any and everything. And then my relationship
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: with Holly Rodney, Carlos and Tyson, like I I think
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: that that for me has continue to help me. You know,
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: did it did it allow you to open up more? Again?
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm I'm a pretty open book. You know,
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty consous well your open book being open. So
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: there's one episode I actually commented on the post and
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: I said, my good brother Dad is going to provide context.
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: And it was an episode where he was talking to
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: the young lady and you was kind of I think,
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: you know, she was answering a question about being in love. Yeah,
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, And.
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: So my I commented that you provided a lot more
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: context that I think that she didn't have. But then
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: I also saw the episode where you opened up and
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: talking about your mother, and so when I met open
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: up because some of those days, right, we don't divulge
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: in certain spaces because it's so sacred.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so to me, I've been sharing that story. I'vetly
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: sharing my story for so many years in so many
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: different spaces that like, it's so natural to me at
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: this point, I wrote a book. I wrote two books,
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: and the story is in both of those books. So
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: although it was a jarring bit of information for folks
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: that are watching TV at the time, like there are
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: people that have known me or not knowing my story
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: that you know, it was just like, yeah, I've heard
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: that before, but I didn't think he would say it
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: in his face, but it was necessary for this face. Yeah, definitely,
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: especially for those women.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how did you feel in that moment because one
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: of the ladies kind of gave you a little resistance.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah. So, but again, if I hadn't done the work
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: that I have done myself, that it could have been triggered.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: It was could have been triggering, but also too, I
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: wouldn't been able to recognize her trauma, Like, there's no
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: way that somebody's absolutely fond to me a certain way
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: after hearing that and still be like, yeah, but you
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: should have. You could have, you should have. You did
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: this says that something's going on with this person. Absolutely,
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: and I have no qualm. You no no issues with
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: saying hey, and I talked to her, you know, like, hey,
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: I feel like your trauma is what probably was triggered
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: through through this door, you know. Yeah, which is fine
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: because now it's like, all right, you can address this,
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: you know, I can talk to you and all of
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: it didn't didn't make the show. But I talked to
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: her about Hey, I think you know, you're a phenomenal person,
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: but like you're not going to be good at anybody
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: until you heal, and you can't mask. And you can't mask, no,
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: not especially to someone that has done the world and
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: that whereas his I literally wear my trauma on my sleeve,
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: like I have. Nobody can come to me and be like, well,
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: you know I heard such and such about such and such. Hey,
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: I tell you, I have no Like I'm the freest
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: person you'll ever meet, Like you can with whatever information good, bad, right,
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: wrong and different, Like I have no problems being like
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: yeah I did that, Yeah, yeah that was me. Because
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: my relationship with christ has develop into this like real. Like,
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: I'm not a religious person, so I don't have to
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: operate like the world does in a religious state. I'm
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: a relationship person. My relationship with the father is completely
• 54:31
  Speaker 2: opposite than what your relationship with the father will be.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: But my own children are examples to say, my oldest
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: son has a certain type of relationship with me, My
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: youngest son has a relationship with me. My daughter has
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: a certain type of relationship. I love all three of them, right,
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: saying yeah, I will go through the end of any
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: role for all three of them. But our relationships are different,
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: talk different, we I respond different, absolutely, you know. And
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: so going on this journey of Kings four, like you know,
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: folks have been asking. I see people comment all the time.
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: They're like, oh, is he still with the doctor lady
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: and this and that. The answer is no, I'm not still.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: I haven't been with her for quite some time now.
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: And we shot the show in twenty twenty four, it
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: came out.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all hear that, people they shot the show in
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: twenty twenty four.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it came out in twenty twenty five. But
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: doesn't make her a bad person. And quite honestly, like
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: there are a lot of aspects about her that I
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: that I absolutely love and then there but there would
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: it be enough to hold me in a relationship? No,
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: because that's.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: How was that when you had to choose, not choose,
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: but share that with her? Because did you end it
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: or she ended it?
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: I ended it? Yeah?
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: I was that man, And I would be honest because
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: you I'm asking, because I'm gonna put myself out here
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: on a chopping. I've had such bad experiences with ending
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: things that it's also kept me in things longer.
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: Than I shouldn't have been because I.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: Never forget man ending something and ending it because God
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: had confirmed it. I felt it in my spirit. And
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: then too, here's the other thing. We don't talk nothing
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: about this, enough about this. Your body knows when something
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: is off. Even in my body. My stomach was responding
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: with such anxiety that man, I got it, end this.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: But then when I'm ending it, it's like, oh, you're
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: a quitter. Oh you just and I'm just like, no,
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: this doesn't work for me.
• 56:43
  Speaker 2: So how was there? I think? So the thing of
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: this for me I always, you know, if I'm dating
• 56:50
  Speaker 2: someone seriously, I will always you know. I have a
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: long term goal and a long term goal is I
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: want to be a husband. I'm making no qualms about
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: that whatsoever, and I don't have a timeline on that.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: But in the process of me dating you, if there
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: comes to a moment where there's one too many moments
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: of disrespect, that process is going to stop a lot quicker.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: And it's not hard for me to stop that process
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: because I'm not going to respect you either at a
• 57:25
  Speaker 2: certain point. And if I'm sharing with you, hey, this
• 57:29
  Speaker 2: is you know, this is not the way I like
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: to be talked to, or this is not you know
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: to me, this is not someone that has reverence for
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: their partner. Like if if I date someone that is
• 57:42
  Speaker 2: a CEO of a company and or an actress or
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: a model or whatever, and they have a big event
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: to go to and I show up twenty minutes late,
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: that shows zero respect to what this person has built
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: in what they're doing. If I show up five minutes laate,
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: it shows zero respect to what that person represents, what
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: they're building, what they've built long before I came into is.
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: So it's taking away from her purpose because where some
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: people may look at her as professional and she's always this,
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: and she's that, and she's so out going and YadA YadA, YadA.
• 58:27
  Speaker 2: I don't want to give her anxiety about whether or
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: not I'm going to be where I'm supposed to be
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: to support her. Yeah, I'm the same way for myself.
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: The way you show up for me and the way
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: you speak about me in rooms that I'm not even
• 58:45
  Speaker 2: in will determine how long we last in a relationship.
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: The minute you get on the phone with your girlfriends
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: and you're talking about, well, girl, he do this, and
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: girl he did it, we're done because if you're doing
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: that in the dating process, what's going to happen when
• 59:04
  Speaker 2: we get married? Then I got to hear from your mom,
• 59:07
  Speaker 2: or I got to hear from your brother, or I
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: got to hear from your uncle. In the minute we
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: go and we we we make up, those people still
• 59:15
  Speaker 2: got seas planning in their head and they're gonna view
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: you a certain way. Come on, come on. So I
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: don't want anyone in my life that is supposed to
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: be my wife and the same vice person for me.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk about what goes on with
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: me and my lady with nobody unless she's present, right yep, Yeah, Yeah,
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: that's all the way I'm doing it, and that's going
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: to be in the confines of a counseling session or trust.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: Trust so that we both said it is say the
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: ship there, Yes, it says yes. And so often men
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: especially are catching shrays for conversations that are being had
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: out of the midst of them even knowing about them.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: So then when they go to a party with their girl,
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: or they go to a meeting with their girl or whatever,
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: this and that, they all of a sudden, we feel
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: somebody looking at us sideways or or or or certain thing.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like certain energies are off about whatever
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 2: this and that. And a lot of times it's your
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: single girlfriends or the ones that got they don't have
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: failed relationship, they miserable in their relationship too. And you
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: just sharing now all of a sudden, y'all got something
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: in common when you got an uncommon partner? Oh how
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: just gonna share something that is similar when it's not
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: the same. Man.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: I hope, I hope CJ is listening because he needs
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: this type of counsel He needs this type of castle. Yeah,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: this is good, that's this is good. Yeah, CJ. If
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 1: you are listening, like bro, like you can't our job
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: as men to be protectors? But what I did learn
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: on King's Court. One other thing I learned on King's
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: Court because Catherine one of the contestants on there, she's
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: a chess player, and the job of a queen in
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: the game of chess is to protect a king.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: Yep. So how is all this protection taught not being
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: spoke of in the game of life. If I'm responsible
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: for protecting and providing and helping you as a man,
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: protect your feelings, protect your heart, at what point is
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: that supposed to be reciprocated? It has to be. Yeah.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: If it's not, though, that ain't your person. No, they
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: in my opinion, because when I tell you I'm I'm
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: literally I'll like, I'm terrified. Terrified, Bro, when I tell
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: you I'm terrified, I'm terrified to hurt my wife whoever
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: that is like, I am terrified to do that. Whereas
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: before you know and that is that is conviction, that's convention,
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 2: that's morals. Two things I want to stand on because
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: I stand on it with every other aspect of my life.
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: But in this space of a relationship, it's why it's
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: easier for me, like, hey, this ain't working it's okay.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: And I remember my pastor, Greg Poe got dead said
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: one time, you know, because some people were like, well
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: it seems like that it's always dating a different person
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: and this and that and this and that, and he's like, well,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: how is he gonna know who to marry when he
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: don't even know who he can date? How when you
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: know who you can marry when you don't even know
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: who you can date? My first time around, when I
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: got married, it wasn't a whole lot of dates. We met.
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 2: We got married, and gotta know, yeah, you got to know,
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: but you don't need a lot of dates. We ain't
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: get to a certain point in life, No you don't.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: You don't like, Hey, I tell folks, I'm halfway there, bro,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: I forty eight. I look damn good, I feel damn good.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: But I'm almost to one hundred. I ain't trying to
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to live at least twenty good years or
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 2: twenty five good years with a wife. Yeah, and I
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: can enjoy life with all this stuff that I've been traveling,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: all these things that I've built, all my kids are
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: off and doing their thing, like I want to being
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: able to enjoy that stuff with a partner that has purpose.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 1: Man, so and I heard it. I heard it there.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: He wanted to be to enjoy that with the partner
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: has his purpose. Brother, I'm so gracious for you to
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: stop buying man and to sit and talk with you today.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: This has been amazing. I know this is going to
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: enrich the lives of both men and women. It's it's
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: definitely has giving me a lot to process. And I
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: love to talk to brothers who are older than me,
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: who are not just more successful, but brothers who have
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 2: achieved this level of peace in their being that you
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: don't see often in black men. So I want to
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 2: highlight their brother because I can feel your sense of
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: peace and it's not in your stature, it's in the
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 2: work that you've done. So in this last question that
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: I ask every guest, because this show is all about healing,
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: mental health, evolving, progressing, all the things of enhancing life,
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 2: what is healing for Fatus? When you think about their
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: word healing, what does that mean to you? It's a continuous.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 2: For me, healing is a continuous effort to grow and
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: to shed. I definitely believe in my heart that eighteen
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 2: year old that is an eighty year old that it
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: is will never be too far apart. Wow, because I'll
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 2: never forget how I felt as an eight year old
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: kid that was getting bullied or didn't have the best
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: of clothes, or wasn't eating certain things and weren't able
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: to eat certain times. I mean like everybody else was.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 2: But the area of Thaddeus is is going to be
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 2: a man that like, I've poured so much into people,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: even at forty eight, you know, three hundred plus kids
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: going to college, thousands of thousands of lives impacted every
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: single year, whether it's a Christmas, holidays, back to school,
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 2: or throughout the year and the in between time. As
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: long as there's someone living that I had an impact
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 2: on or or heir to someone that's living, I'll never die.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: I love it. Or if I know I'm never going
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 2: to die, then why not take the time to continue
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: to grow? And grow comes through healing man, And I'm
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: still I mean, like I say, Queen's Cork gave me
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 2: an opportunity to heal. I mean, King's Fort gave me
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: an opportunity to grow and to heal and to continue
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: to share relationships have continued to help me grow and
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 2: leave me closer and closer. And even when I do
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: find my wife, she is going to elevate at my
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: healing as well, all of it, and I'm going to
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 2: elevate hers. Yeah. And that's the exciting part to me
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: about marriage is not like I'm not I know, whoever
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: I'm married, I'm not having I mean, La Terris did it?
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 2: Did it big? Yeah? Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah yeah,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing Yeah. Yeah. I might just I might
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: just literally cop out one day and just be like
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: I'm married. Yeah. I love that call of the day.
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 2: I love that. Man, it ain't going to be it
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: may be twenty people or fifty people. Max. Yeah, my kids,
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: her kids that she has, any, her parents if they're living,
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: you know, my mom and that's and the dogs maybe yeah, man,
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: I love that brother. Yeah, because I just want I
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 2: want to protect her. I want to protect what we
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: what we built in the time that nobody even knew
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: that we were dating. And I want to protect our marriage,
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 2: you know, in the times. I mean we do get married,
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: and so exercise and discretion and moving a certain way
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: prior to that even happening to you is important. Yeah. Nobody,
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 2: I mean people, nobody can scrutinize something they don't even
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 2: know about. Nope, And so I look forward to maybe
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: coming on here and coming on their future wifely podcast
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: and just popping out. Man.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: Well, brother, that's my prayer from your lips of God's ears, man,
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: and so brother, my prayers. I believe that for you,
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: and I believe twenty six will be that year that
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: you discover that, man, And that's my prayer for us
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: as good brothers. Would not work for me too. Yeah, yeah, man,
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: I believe that. I believe twenty six is a great
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: year for brothers like us to to not only because
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's about finding love. I think it's
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 1: about identifying the person that's going to grow in love
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 1: with you, grow in purpose, and also grow in the
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: areas of our deficits. Because there's much work that we've done.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: I think that there's another level of work that is
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: done when you're with the right person. Because my thing is,
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 1: it has to be somebody who can protect my heart,
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: because we believe it or not. Because of the things
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: that we've gone through, there's a tenderness in our heart
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: that I think we don't even recognize at time, which
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: is why we still give in the way that we
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: give to people. So my prayers that we find not
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: just a mate, but not just a woman who we
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: would protect, but a woman who would guard the intricacies
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: of our heart.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: Man.
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: So that's my prayer for you. Yes, sir, be willing
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: to listen to it. Absolutely, ago I wouldn't listen, Yeah, yeah,
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 1: and I had no I'm just being transparent. I would
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 1: not listen because I don't say I want to say
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 1: it was pride, but it was definitely ego.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: My my issue was I don't want to listen if
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 1: it's not something that I can receive. And what I
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 1: mean by that is that there were some things that
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: I was here that I'm like, that's not productive.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 2: Well, you know why, because you didn't respect her. If
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: you respect her, yeah, you'll receive it. If she respects me,
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: you'll receive it. Yeah. Because it's harsh or as hard
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: I can make me. Yeah, yeah, if you respect her. Well.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: I would say this that there was times where I
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 1: heard like I never get broke, Like this is how
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: I knew God had a great call in my life
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: because I would talk to women that were cool in
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 1: the beginning, but it's as if the enemy, like they
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: knew that they weren't it. Because again, the longer you
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: talk to someone, as long as you get to know somebody,
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 1: you get to see all this is not it. It's
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: almost like the enemy would change in an instant to
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: break me down. I've always been doing purpose work, pouring
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: the people, and I.
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 2: Never forget asking this one lady. I said, why do
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 2: you want to break me down? Like I remember her
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: saying to me, like, I just don't like that You're
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 2: so confident it like it's just it seemed arrogant to me.
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, no, I don't think it's and I
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: knew that. And the challenge with us as men is
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: that I would never say that to her because I
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: also knew the fragility of her own ego.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, you know what, let me take this.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: But then again I would listen to what was said
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 1: and I had to filter it not through the lids
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: of my understanding as a man, but from a spiritual sense.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: Is that the enemy will use those that are closer
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: to you. The plant sees, because if I can get
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: you to doubt what God is putting you, you'll never
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 1: fulfill it.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to add to what you just said
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: very briefly, or you touched on like women are beamed
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: fragile and you and we're supposed to operate in in
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 2: that way. They're tender, they're they're that, which is true
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 2: in a lot of sense. But I will also say
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: that you don't deny yourself as a man to be treated.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 2: I had to learn that anyway. I had to learn
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 2: that because what happens is because we we want to
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: please them and we want to make them happy, then
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 2: all of us down the version of ourselves. I had
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: to learn that, brother, turned down the version of ourselves
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: so we can fit what they're doing or what they
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 2: need versus what God english from us. And whenever you
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 2: compromise those two things all bother, you become a sheriff
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: of who you really are. And then she's going to
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: be like, well you've changed. Y'all changed because I thought
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: I was changing for you. So now when somebody say
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 2: to me, man, you changed, yeah, because I recognize that,
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: like this where God wants me to be over here
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 2: and you're trying to keep me right here, because most
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: men did this for me. When everyone was well, all right,
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: go be with them, Well tell me how to love you?
• 1:12:32
  Speaker 2: This real life situation for me, tell me how to
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 2: love you. I shouldn't have to tell you certain things, alright,
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 2: greet then go be with somebody else. Wow. Because if
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: a man is coming to you humbly and saying to you, hey,
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: I may not have gotten this right, but I want
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: to get it right, tell me how to love you.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: What do you like? What need you need? Yeah, and
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: in the same breath say, here are things that because
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: if you if you don't like flowers because it brings
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: bad memories of your mom or your dad who passed away,
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: and I'll bring you flowers two or three times, and
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 2: you're like, you know, I don't freaking like flowers. You know,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: you never articulated that to me. So I'm just doing
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 2: what I'm just throwing stuff against the wall at this point, Yeah,
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 2: trying to figure out what it is that you know
• 1:13:27
  Speaker 2: makes you happy. But if you tell me, hey, when
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 2: you do this, it really makes me happy or it
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 2: makes me feel a certain way, it makes a world
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: of difference. Yeah, Because I think anybody that wants to
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: be married for a long time like that. Stuff changes.
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 2: So what it worked in year one, year two? Yep?
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: All right, baby, that's cool. You know, I appreciate that
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 2: you cooked for me, but I'd rather I want to
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 2: try to switch something up. You know, Let's let's start
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: cooking together. Let's make a date night once a week
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 2: where we cook a meal together. You pick, I pick,
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 2: or we pick together. Just simple stuff to me that
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: that helps us grow. But again, if I had not
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 2: done work, if you had not done work, what comes up?
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 2: Sometimes when you make a decision that this ain't gonna work,
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: you either stay there a little bit longer just because
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: it's like, maybe I'm tripping, maybe I'm a fro. Your
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 2: heart and your mind and your soul can can't all
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 2: be all offlive, they can't all be wrong at the
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 2: same time. Listen, your heart, your mind, and your soul.
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: If all three of them saying no, then you gotta
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: stay there. But if all three of them saying yes,
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 2: all three of them, because your heart might say something
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: that your head might be like no, bro, But your soul, Bro,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: that's spiritual, that's your will. Yeah. If my soul says go,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 2: I'm gone. Listen, man, bro, this has been phenomenal. Man.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: Listen you guys that is bullied go follow him on
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: social media. I mean, this is amazing, brother man, He's
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 1: doing great work. You get to see his personality, you
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: get to see all the things that he represents, all
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: things wellness because he talking a lot about help aging
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: as a black man, all the things preventive that brothers
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: can do.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 2: Brothers.
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: Tap in with my brother man, make a side fire
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 1: brother here. I want to make sure I acknowledge it. Yeah,
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: make sure you acknowledge that. Yeah yeah, yeah, oh two, sorry,
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: all of it go bar house, you know, just making
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: sure the MIC's still working. Been here for a while,
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: So listen, guys, go follow us man to subscribe to
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: Just Here Doctor J on YouTube, Also Just Here Doctor
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: J on the Spotify, Black Effect Podcast Network or wherever
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: you listen to your podcast.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 2: And again, this has been another episode for NOBE of
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: it with my brother That is bullet Just here with
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 2: Doctor J. And as always remembered, healing is a journey
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 2: and hold this is the destination. Just Here with Doctor J,
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 2: a production of the Black Effect Podcast Network.
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 1: or wherever.
• 1:16:19
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• 1:16:21
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• 1:16:25
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