Latest / The Touch of a Mustang / When the Life You’re Supposed to Want Isn’t Yours with Baiba Wisse | Episode 63

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When the Life You’re Supposed to Want Isn’t Yours with Baiba Wisse | Episode 63 · The Touch of a Mustang

• 0:00
  When I feel pain, as soon as I can, I look at it as a sacred
• 0:04
  doorway. Once you start to experience
• 0:06
  where this world loosens its grip on your soul, you start to
• 0:11
  see it as an invitation, something much more important to
• 0:15
  go back inside. There are healers on this planet
• 0:19
  with the power to soften the suffering of mankind, yet they
• 0:23
  have remained in the recesses of the world, abused, discarded and
• 0:27
  labeled as trash. This is the touch of a Mustang.
• 0:30
  I am your host, Shalise Clough, and I'm here to tell the story
• 0:35
  of wild horses, Mustangs, and the humans who are discovering
• 0:39
  and sharing their gifts while working to protect their
• 0:41
  well-being and preserve their spirit so this divine power
• 0:46
  won't be lost. Join us on this quest with the
• 0:49
  Wild Mustang. Bye, bye.
• 0:56
  Thank you so much for being here today on the Touch of a Mustang
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  podcast. I'm super, super happy to be
• 1:02
  here and have this conversation with you.
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  To start with, can you tell everybody a little bit about
• 1:07
  yourself and what you do? Yes, so like you said, my name
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  is Baiba and I host also a podcast that's called Live and
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  Technicolor. And I also teach somatic
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  movements for more energy, more vitality.
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  I specifically teach Qigong and Tai Chi that work on the
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  tendons, on fascia and flexibility and mobility of the
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  body. So everything that I do is
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  emanating from this purpose of reigniting your own spark,
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  reigniting energy and bringing more joy and energy into your
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  life. Beautiful.
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  Tell us more about how you got there, what that journey was
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  like. You used to work in the
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  corporate world, Is that correct?
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  Yeah, So. The journey probably originated
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  on the other side of Atlantic Ocean when I was born in Soviet
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  Union and I came to United States after high school.
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  So I had started university or college back in Eastern Europe,
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  a small country called Latvia. And there was something in my
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  own soul that was planted, that was driving me to come to
• 2:26
  America. I probably saw it as a beacon of
• 2:30
  freedom, and somewhere it's resonated with my own soul.
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  And now that I look at it, I think part of a big part of my
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  purpose is really finding and helping others, leading others
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  to find that sovereignty and freedom within themselves.
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  But so I came from Soviet Union, which was an occupation
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  essentially by Soviet Russia. And then Fast forward, you know,
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  blinders on came to America and kind of carved the path to stay
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  here. And as you mentioned, after
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  graduating from college here, you know, I tried different jobs
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  and then eventually kind of set myself put my ladder against the
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  wall of recruiting in corporate America.
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  And so I did that for about 15 years, you know, doing this
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  climbing this proverbial ladder or linear model of, you know,
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  the next level role, more responsibility, bigger team,
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  more money. There was, I was a good
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  achiever, a good climber until, you know, over the years I have
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  had this call like I if you ever felt this feeling, we're on the
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  outside. You feel like your life, like
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  everything is validating. You're checking these external
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  boxes, right? You know, you have a really
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  great child, you're a great mom according to everybody else.
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  You know, you have a house, you know, you have safety in the
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  physical means of this, you know, 3D reality or what we are
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  you calling reality and seeing with our eyes.
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  But something inside of me was just dying.
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  There was kind of this spark and I was also experiencing a lot of
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  anxiety, a lot of stress. And literally, I can compare it
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  to that spark within me, like dimming.
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  And then it scared the shit out of me, you know, after in my
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  early 40s, it's just like kind of in your 20s and 30s, you can
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  make yourself like, to fit the model to force yourself to push
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  through, push through to like check all the external boxes, to
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  do all the responsibilities that, you know, this world tells
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  you to do. But at some point of time, I
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  just became so exhausted. I was having pains in my body
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  and like even my evenings or weekends, I just felt fatigued a
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  lot. Like I was literally recovering
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  and I didn't have energy for my own life.
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  So it wasn't even that I was working like 60 hours a week.
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  No, by no means. But like my energy was somewhere
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  being drained. And so that's kind of Fast
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  forward where I am now leaned into going 180° in all the other
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  direction that I was so well programmed and trained.
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  And so I turned into a fire. And also through that process, I
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  realized that I love podcasting, I love interviewing people, and
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  I also love kind of teaching the somatic movements and deepened
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  into a life of my own making essentially.
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  What was that like in the beginning?
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  You said you kind of followed this feeling you have internally
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  to come to the United States, how you were a young adult when
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  this happened. Is that correct?
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  I was 19. I didn't have any support.
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  You know, it was kind of like completely coming to not only
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  Europe is a different system, you know, in a way that it's
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  organized, but also for the first nine years, I was living
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  under a completely different reality that many people have
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  not seen, you know, even different from Western Europe.
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  And then something inside of me was just like, that was really
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  my soul driving me, you know, because there was no logical
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  explanation. My grandmother's could have
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  never even conceptualized an idea right when living behind
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  Iron Curtain that it would be even a possibility.
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  So yeah, it was definitely not a rational logical.
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  What was that change like going from your home country to coming
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  to the United States and doing it when you're young and, like
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  you say, not necessarily a lot of support, but something you
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  felt like you should do still? Yeah, I mean, I was crazy, as
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  you can call it. I mean, it was hard wide open.
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  And it was literally following what was built in my own
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  essence, in my own, not something that I came here to
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  do. And it was a part of my journey
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  because, I mean, it was just a journey of tremendous courage.
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  And I wasn't really overthinking, over analyzing.
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  It's funny, like yesterday I went out for a dinner with a
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  friend of mine and I was talking to her and saying, OK, in my
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  1819 years old, I came here without a plan, without a
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  savings account, without a four O 1K, you know, account
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  essentially without this safety net, right?
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  That this world tells us where we derive safety and stability
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  and has us working so hard for now.
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  I was telling her, isn't that so interesting that when we have
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  the four O 1K plan where we have some savings, like I feel more
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  scared than I did when I had nothing and I was just going and
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  following that voice, that call in my heart.
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  Yeah, it is interesting how a lot of those things we tend to
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  get so focused on where we think we have safety, but then we
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  start living in fear because we think, well, what if something
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  happens? What if it doesn't go the way
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  we're planning to go? And I think that can be a big
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  reason why we make a lot of our decisions.
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  Did you find that that came into your life as you begin building
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  up and having money to do things and having a home and having a
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  job, that fear started to kind of direct how you made your
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  decisions versus when you were younger?
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  Yeah, Yeah, because like I had no plan A or plan your plan CI
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  didn't know it was literally putting your one foot in front
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  of the other and there was no overthinking of that looping.
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  And I definitely see how and it's probably different inputs
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  that go into it, but after like the later 30s how there was much
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  more that running that program than thinking and coming and
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  putting a lot of energy into that safety money program.
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  Yes. And thinking about the tokens
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  like like all the decisions now are being driven by primarily by
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  the tokens. Where do you feel like you
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  developed, which I think a lot of us have, that need to kind of
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  be the good girl or to follow the checkmarks, be in the boxes?
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  Is that something that developed from your childhood or is that
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  something that came more once you came to the United States?
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  And how did that affect your choices moving forward before
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  that changed for you? Yeah.
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  So I started, I call it. For me, it was essentially
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  betraying myself where I started making decisions behaving
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  according to others, not of my own soul and my own guidance,
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  starting from five years old, I would say.
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  And that was, you know, now that I look back at it, it was
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  definitely driven by safety, right to the need to stay safe
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  and survive. And I developed all these like
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  high achieving mechanisms doing despite being tired, right?
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  Forcing, being even tough. I was so tough on myself.
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  And that of course has cascading effect because when you're
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  driving yourself hard, you are driving others hard.
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  And yeah, yeah. And I definitely had a
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  narcissistic father. So that was that kind of came
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  that survival need to kind of escape emotional backlash,
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  emotional cruelty. And you know, as a little kid,
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  you know, you just want to stay safe.
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  You want to stay out of that tension, you know.
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  So a lot of those mechanisms were developed and I don't know,
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  I don't know, of course, if I came here and at what point of
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  time they were developed. But I do see kind of looking
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  back, that it was probably about like that age of five years old
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  that I started betraying and more kind of focusing on the
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  outside, pleasing the outside, and obviously also controlling,
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  you know, because you kind of feel like you have to control
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  certain things on the outside to stay safe and to survive.
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  Yeah. And that's interesting because
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  you say be trained, which I totally see that in a point.
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  But also as children, that's the thing that we have to do to to
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  survive, to keep moving safely in the world.
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  So it is interesting to think about that maybe there was no
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  other way to do that at that time than to let go of those
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  little pieces of yourself so that you could stay safe in your
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  world, whether that was belonging or, you know, actual
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  physical safety. How did you go from something
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  that was developed when you were very young child, like that was
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  the way you learn to interact with the world and to stay safe
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  in the world to take care of yourself?
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  How did you make that leap from following those check marks to
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  going back to saying, OK, I know intuitively that there's
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  something else that's going to be better for me and I'm going
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  to start following that instead? Yeah.
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  I mean, it's been a journey of four decades pretty much.
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  So I wasn't one leap. I know that we are so trained in
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  this linear model to go from point A to B.
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  Like what was the one thing that made the difference?
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  And at least my experience has not been that way.
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  So I would say that I started being aware that I feel deeply
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  unhappy inside, dissatisfied. The dissatisfaction was running
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  starting from my 20s and that's where I probably started the
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  seeking journey, the seeking and the different teachings, the
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  seeking and different gurus that seeking and different courses,
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  the seeking in different box, you know, you name it, I bought
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  it. You know, like the box, the
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  courses, like the teachings, you know, it was seeking very, very.
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  There was something that was driving me that there must be a
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  better experience. There must be something more.
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  I mean, and I think that was a part of my own souls, like the
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  imprint kind of the same thing as you know, when I came from
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  Latvia to United States, that it wasn't a logical like something
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  that you get to and you decide this was a deeply like a
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  spiritually driven path. And I would say I was also, I
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  probably spent years looping, you know, I worked with
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  different teachers and what not. But really, I would say with
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  made a huge difference and I don't know, it probably also is
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  a combination, right? Sometimes we can also, you know,
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  we've learned like also this learning and awareness and then
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  seeing something, seeing ourselves.
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  It's like a process and it's almost like we have to adjust.
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  It doesn't happen, At least it hasn't happened to me going from
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  zero to 180, but it did accelerate hugely where
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  essentially I call it like I was able to break away, to blow up
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  all the chains that were binding me, that were binding my own
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  essence, that were binding my own spirit.
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  In the last year, like like I was, I started to walk in a
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  radically different direction, but it was my choice that I I
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  chose this like very devoted spirit AT and walking into my
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  own fire. Yeah, I, I find that to also be
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  true. Sometimes we think it's going to
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  be a big change, but a lot of times it's those gradual steps
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  that lead us to a different destination down the line, a lot
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  of different things along the way to where we're able to come
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  live into a life that feels more true to ourselves.
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  And I don't know how you feel for me, I'm still like doubt it
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  sometimes. Like maybe I should go back this
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  way and worry about these these things and kind of ignore and
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  tamp down those things that you feel internally and that kind of
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  intrinsic pull. Have you found the that at all?
• 15:12
  Yeah, yeah, it's. And again, it's like it's the
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  same thing that you're never really, it's some sort of
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  perfection, right? That also our mind is trying to
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  force or arrive. Because I remember how many
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  times I'm like, well, I've already experienced this.
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  Why do I need to make the same lesson again?
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  Like, why do I need to like, you know, have the same experience
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  just with a different person? But that's where this kind of
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  this masculine world. And by masculine, I don't mean
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  men. We are being indoctrinated or
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  sold this very linear approach. And that's what I mean by
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  masculine because both men and women have feminine and
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  masculine energies. And I just like part of the
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  exhaustion for me and part of what we are seeing reflected on
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  this earth and this planet is that this imbalance of exalting
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  the masculine. So the strategy, the mind, the
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  action and force right there, kind of all of those can be
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  good, but we are kind of, I was very imbalanced with the
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  feminine and, and I think that the exhaustion like that I was
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  feeling, the fatigue, like lack of energy was just like a
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  forcing function to just like, OK, if you're not going to stop,
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  you will get stopped, you know, because you not be able to keep
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  it this way. And I also see it kind of how
• 16:39
  much of it I was doing with my son.
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  So I have one son who is, I think I heard that you have 6.
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  So I don't know how, but I just won.
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  And he's like also a part, a big part of my journey.
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  And I also see how much I was trying to force him.
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  How many moments have there been and how much of A training
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  ground it's been to pull back? That kind of the thing, kind of
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  the masculine energy also that obviously the corporate America
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  trains and use take action, measure everything.
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  Everything is growth, right? It's supposed to be growth,
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  growth, growth. But the feminine and the nature,
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  like the Creek is not always flowing from point A to point B
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  in the most direct way. And the same we feel like with
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  our own journey and I think we also pair our journey to others.
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  And I also find myself what you said.
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  It's also like when we look around, we look at the
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  Instagram, but I should be there or this person is there, you
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  know? Yeah, and so easy today to
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  compare and wonder, like am I doing something wrong?
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  Should I be doing things differently?
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  Yeah, so understanding also, part of it is I still feel, you
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  know, sometimes, like the questioning or the doubt.
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  But when I do, I no longer look outward and I'm no longer
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  rattled by it. Like I turn back into me, into
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  my own soul, into my own essence.
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  Yeah. What are some ways that you do
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  that? Like if you find yourself
• 18:09
  drifting a little bit into being pulled back that way, and a lot
• 18:14
  of the stuff that we're surrounded by, the measuring,
• 18:17
  the growing in the right way, you know, trying to find the
• 18:20
  most direct route. What are some things that you do
• 18:24
  to kind of pull back away from that again and to go back into
• 18:28
  the things that you found to be helpful?
• 18:30
  Yeah. So one of the things, one of the
• 18:33
  biggest things that I've found to be helpful is to actually sit
• 18:40
  and feel like, to go because like the mind is so smart.
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  And it's also that we are so trained to bow to our mind.
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  And you know, the mind has so much knowledge and the more
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  knowledge it has, the better it feels, the more important and
• 19:01
  right and righteous it feels. So a big part of my journey and
• 19:07
  what I do is actually connecting with my heart and feeling what
• 19:12
  is coming up. Like it's more than, you know,
• 19:16
  in my body, but part of it is feeling what's coming in my
• 19:19
  body. But like what is the experience
• 19:22
  of my being and turning into that instead of like I no longer
• 19:28
  like are seeking from the external teachings and kind of
• 19:32
  that I answers outside of me. But then as soon as I feel
• 19:36
  something bubbling up, turning inward and actually like getting
• 19:41
  So the knowing yourself is one of the most like the most trait
• 19:45
  probably everybody knows like that saying know thyself.
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  You know, we do everything to not know ourselves.
• 19:54
  We do everything to look outside of ourselves.
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  So it sounds really simple, but I find that for me.
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  That practice has made the biggest difference and I keep
• 20:05
  coming back to it every day. Yeah.
• 20:07
  Do you have something specific that you do on a daily basis to
• 20:11
  kind of allow space for, you know, to not get rid of some of
• 20:15
  the outside voices and the focus back in on some of those
• 20:19
  internal feelings and voices? Yeah.
• 20:21
  So for me, walking definitely is one of those things.
• 20:24
  Like I love being in nature. That's why I love how you talk
• 20:27
  about horses. And I think for many people that
• 20:31
  is a strong connection, a strong grounding point because a horse
• 20:36
  is not like scrolling social media, right?
• 20:39
  The horse is not all discombobulated, agitated.
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  I mean, obviously they can be agitated too, but not in a way
• 20:46
  that we worked ourselves, you know, in the levels of anxiety
• 20:50
  and everything. And so me nature is definitely
• 20:53
  one of the direct gateways to bring it down to center.
• 20:58
  Yeah, another can be like having a cup of coffee right in the
• 21:02
  morning, but not bringing your phone is essentially it's like
• 21:07
  how many times and I can even do it.
• 21:09
  I, when I drive my car, like it's like, how often can you
• 21:15
  turn back from the outside right into you and below just a
• 21:20
  chatter of that mind. And like sometimes when you
• 21:23
  write it down, then you're like, Oh my God, this insanity has no
• 21:28
  endpoint. And you started like noticing,
• 21:31
  like all the things, right that are running through the mind And
• 21:35
  like even now, right, there can be a lot of fear, right?
• 21:38
  A lot of different thought forms, perspectives that are
• 21:42
  being presented that can really easily grab onto your energy.
• 21:48
  And when you start like like all the anxiety and fear that can
• 21:51
  bubble up or be stirred up. Like if you like literally if I
• 21:55
  start writing it down, for example, they will reset the
• 21:58
  money system or you know, like this, you know, what will
• 22:01
  happen, like with the prices and everything.
• 22:03
  And then you're like start thinking where, where do these
• 22:07
  thought forms get you going? Like, OK, now I need to like buy
• 22:11
  this and I don't know, like what will happen.
• 22:14
  And I need to, you know, maybe do all of these things ahead of
• 22:17
  time. But then and you realize that as
• 22:19
  you start writing them down, there's literally no end to what
• 22:22
  you need to do. And it's impossible.
• 22:25
  And then I was like, Oh my God, this is the old programming, old
• 22:28
  conditioning that the good girl conditioning or even a good
• 22:33
  corporate employee conditioning that you think ahead, you plan
• 22:36
  ahead, right? You are so smart and so clever.
• 22:42
  Yeah, and it does become so consuming because you're right,
• 22:46
  it's just never ending. There's always another thing to
• 22:49
  think ahead for and plan for and take you out of the moment that
• 22:52
  you're in and the reality that you're living in.
• 22:54
  Like even being in a presence of a horse.
• 22:56
  And before we started recording, my niece, little niece, I was
• 23:00
  telling you about like, she's in Latvia and she's just like loves
• 23:03
  horses and nobody in our family really is drawn to horses like
• 23:07
  that. And she just had a birthday with
• 23:08
  the horses. So I can see, you know, I also
• 23:12
  have, you know, been around horses and I can see how like
• 23:15
  it's finding those anchors for yourself, right?
• 23:19
  Because there's no one right or wrong recipe or one way, but I
• 23:24
  can see how that can be a huge grounding ceremony, like way
• 23:30
  gateway, you know, opening. Yeah, they definitely do.
• 23:35
  They get you out of the, they get you out of your head into
• 23:38
  the present moment and a pretty incredible way.
• 23:41
  Yeah, it's so beautiful. Yeah.
• 23:44
  They're they're pretty awesome. You need to find a chance to get
• 23:47
  around some horses. I think you'll enjoy it.
• 23:49
  You talked some about having anxiety and struggling with
• 23:53
  anxiety. What are some things that you
• 23:55
  found were effective and and moving out of that state of you
• 23:59
  know that constant? Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you and
• 24:05
  I'll tell you what it was for me.
• 24:06
  So for me it was, I think the anxieties, the dissatisfactions,
• 24:15
  then all these like dark nights of the soul when I was talking
• 24:19
  about turning into the fire of you.
• 24:23
  So that's a highly spiritual, like it's a devotional path to
• 24:29
  activating your own essence. You know, depending on your
• 24:33
  belief system, it can also be called like connecting with the
• 24:37
  Holy Spirit that is animating you or the Christed essence.
• 24:41
  You know, it's really the words do not matter.
• 24:44
  But once you are there, you know it.
• 24:47
  It's an unmistakable experience of feeling.
• 24:50
  You can also say the love of your Father.
• 24:54
  You know, it's just like this complete overtaking state of
• 24:58
  being where you know that you are so loved and I get chosen my
• 25:03
  body as I'm saying this and where I knew that nothing in
• 25:07
  this world, no person, no experience, no highlight, no
• 25:13
  travel high, nothing will come close to comparing that that you
• 25:17
  know that you are complete. So I would say for me, that is
• 25:22
  what took away once I leaned in and once I really devoted to
• 25:28
  that spiritual activation, that is when the anxiety went away.
• 25:33
  How did you? Get to that point.
• 25:35
  How did you find that for yourself?
• 25:37
  So all those clues like all that pull on my heart like that
• 25:40
  dissatisfaction, the pain, like the anxiety, the like dread,
• 25:46
  like many days when I was waking up, like all that struggle.
• 25:49
  That way I see it right now, looking back, hindsight is 20
• 25:53
  the way I really you're soul. It's kind of that more spiritual
• 25:58
  path that you're being invited to wake up to, to see beyond
• 26:04
  these the like this physical world that we are so enamored to
• 26:09
  because that's what we see with our eyes.
• 26:12
  And of course the outside of us, we are being like over and over
• 26:16
  conditioned. That's a reality, right?
• 26:18
  That we need to measure everything.
• 26:20
  And that's a part of this masculine and linear model.
• 26:23
  But I think that these pains, it's like it's this divine spark
• 26:27
  inside of you. It's like, OK, are you going to
• 26:30
  wake up? Are you going to listen to me?
• 26:32
  Are you going to honor me? Are you going to turn towards
• 26:35
  me? Right.
• 26:35
  And for years I was like, no, no, no, I have A to do list,
• 26:39
  right? Like I felt it and I did.
• 26:41
  And I actually felt like I was doing things because I was
• 26:44
  reading and I was taking the courses and I was taking
• 26:47
  whatever doing when I thought you.
• 26:49
  Doing, doing, doing. I was doing and doing even
• 26:52
  through the seeking, like this is like the meditation, whatever
• 26:56
  Christianity, Kabbalah, like even Joe Dispenza, you know, all
• 27:00
  these Eckhart Tolle, you name it, you know, because there was
• 27:03
  that pain driving me. And and I think that the pain is
• 27:08
  really that divine spark saying, are you going to listen?
• 27:11
  Are you going to steamroll over me again one more day because
• 27:15
  you think everything else is so much more important?
• 27:19
  Yeah. Did I answer your question?
• 27:20
  See what was exactly the question?
• 27:24
  I mean, I don't know, but it was good.
• 27:25
  But yeah, I think we all kind of suffer from that, where we put
• 27:29
  off what is really important for the things that seem important
• 27:33
  in the moment or right in front of our face, particularly, you
• 27:37
  know, money and the pursuit of it and the pursuit of, you know,
• 27:40
  progress and status, those things.
• 27:42
  And so that we really do kind of forget, like there's another
• 27:46
  side of us, there's a soul inside of us.
• 27:48
  And what are we doing to nurture that?
• 27:50
  So I love that. And you were kind of, you said,
• 27:54
  was it an instant thing where your anxiety was gone or was it
• 27:57
  more of a journey like we talked about before?
• 27:59
  So I would say that it's like a spiral.
• 28:03
  So even like like, even though like my for me, the anxiety no
• 28:08
  longer is that constant companion.
• 28:10
  The fear is no longer like it was for like many, many years,
• 28:16
  but it's still like you will still have emotions come up.
• 28:21
  Fear still can come up like different also.
• 28:24
  It depends also. So it's A to answer your
• 28:27
  question, it's a proc. No, it's not just one moment.
• 28:30
  I would say that I like, I it's just kind of when you calibrate
• 28:36
  to a certain point and then you know to your day-to-day
• 28:40
  experience that you literally have this sensation.
• 28:44
  You, you have that state of being knowing it's a gnosis that
• 28:48
  you are animated by that Christed essence by the Holy
• 28:53
  Spirit. Like, you know it, like there's
• 28:55
  no, you don't need anybody else to tell you and you don't need
• 29:00
  to prove that once that happens, it still happens that you have
• 29:03
  these different things and different feelings and
• 29:06
  experiences. Even last weekend, I felt like
• 29:09
  there was a lot of heaviness that I moved through.
• 29:13
  I just continue using my own tools because what I do is I
• 29:16
  actually now mentor people who are devoted to their own path of
• 29:21
  expressing and living a life in harmony with their own soul,
• 29:26
  right? Not just like, like I want to
• 29:28
  manifest this or like a car, a house or whatever, but like your
• 29:32
  soul is so unique. Your soul does not care.
• 29:36
  I'm sorry, anything about those things.
• 29:38
  And it's not just like we're being sold this like McDonald's
• 29:41
  version of manifestation leaving out like a deeply spiritual
• 29:47
  other path or path or that it is literally running into the
• 29:52
  underworld also of your own, like emotions, of your heart, of
• 29:57
  your pains. And kind of like when I was
• 30:00
  going through it and what helped me was really feeling, there was
• 30:04
  a lot of like, nurturing love that was missing from my
• 30:07
  childhood. And I had to feel waves and
• 30:10
  waves. And sometimes it just felt like
• 30:12
  it was swallowing me. Like there were times where I
• 30:15
  felt like I wasn't strong enough.
• 30:16
  And I think that's why it took so long because we are so good
• 30:20
  at running away from the pain, right?
• 30:23
  We will make the coffee cup, right?
• 30:25
  We will need to take care of so many things, right?
• 30:28
  We kind of push through, but we also push through kind of the
• 30:32
  sadness, the pains, all these kind of quote UN quote negative
• 30:36
  feelings. And so I never found it to be
• 30:40
  just a one, one time thing like I had to kept.
• 30:44
  It's kind of like coming back to the altar, you know, of of your
• 30:49
  soul, that divine spark and then kind of also that ignites like
• 30:54
  the clears like more of that connection also with the bigger
• 30:58
  source, benevolent God. I call it living benevolent God.
• 31:02
  You know, whatever it is for you.
• 31:05
  Yeah, you said a couple of things I found really
• 31:07
  interesting. I think I found the same thing
• 31:10
  where you really have to come back to it or you'll go off
• 31:13
  track again. It is a continual process to
• 31:17
  kind of recalibrate, to stay in connection with your inner state
• 31:20
  of being, with your creator. You know, however people see it,
• 31:25
  that, yeah, it's something that you have to integrate regularly
• 31:28
  in your life or so quickly you'll be pulled away.
• 31:31
  You know, you get on your phone and you're in a whole different
• 31:33
  world, pulled away. It's very easy in our world
• 31:35
  today. I also love what you said about
• 31:38
  pain and how that's kind of, that's the beacon to tell us
• 31:42
  something's wrong. You need to do some, you need to
• 31:46
  fix something. That's a principle I found to be
• 31:48
  very true in my life and that of my family as well.
• 31:52
  That that is, it's a sign to us that something's not right when
• 31:56
  we feel. And by pain, it's that it's not
• 31:59
  physical pain usually, although it could be.
• 32:01
  It could certainly manifest to some physical pain.
• 32:03
  But a lot of that emotional and mental turmoil that we put
• 32:06
  ourselves through, I think is a point, you know, when we're
• 32:09
  feeling sad, depressed, dark, down on ourselves, all those
• 32:13
  things are our beacon to to call us back and be like, hey, you're
• 32:17
  forgetting something. Yeah, I love how you said it and
• 32:21
  the pain. I see it as a doorway.
• 32:24
  It's an invitation. Like, are you going to keep
• 32:27
  running away? So really, you know, with these
• 32:30
  mechanisms, right? Like shopping, eating, scrolling
• 32:34
  and no judgement. I see it happening.
• 32:37
  I do it too. Yeah.
• 32:40
  I mean, I'm there. I'm guilty.
• 32:42
  You know, and this world has really, really good mechanisms
• 32:45
  to take the attention, turn it on it right on everything on
• 32:50
  outside, including great teachings, you know, including
• 32:55
  leaders and you know what everything, everything right
• 32:59
  that can pull us outside of ourselves, pull our energy, you
• 33:04
  know, our attention away from our own soul.
• 33:07
  But now when I feel pain, as as soon as I can, I'm I look at it
• 33:13
  as a sacred doorway. OK, this is an invitation.
• 33:17
  And to me, like you said, it's like a daily.
• 33:19
  I like, I've trained myself like now because I didn't.
• 33:24
  I think once you start to experience right where this
• 33:27
  world loosens its grip on your soul, you start to see it as an
• 33:33
  invitation, as something like, oh, no, oh, no, this is, you
• 33:37
  know, that it's much more important to go back inside.
• 33:41
  Like, OK, what else is coming up?
• 33:43
  Let's honor, let's hold it, let's nurture it, right?
• 33:47
  All these things, be gentle with yourself.
• 33:49
  Like all the things that I didn't get in childhood, It's
• 33:52
  like, how can I now give it to myself?
• 33:55
  And then, of course, when you can give it to yourself, you can
• 33:57
  give it to your children, you can give it to humanity, to
• 34:00
  others. Yeah, I love that.
• 34:03
  Talk to us more about that, how you kind of about how you
• 34:06
  brought more of the feminine into your life which and tell us
• 34:10
  what exactly you see for that. We've seen the masculine kind of
• 34:14
  growth, measurement, progress, those types of things.
• 34:17
  What are some of the feminine aspects to life that you see and
• 34:21
  also that you realized, hey, I need some of this also not to
• 34:26
  say that we don't sometimes need those measurements and to focus
• 34:29
  on growth and stuff, but maybe to rebalance it to recalibrate
• 34:33
  to where it's more equal evening one another out.
• 34:37
  Yeah, so the feminine is receptivity, like being instead
• 34:42
  of taking so much action. Femininity is also wisdom,
• 34:47
  right? So that gnosis like that is more
• 34:49
  like the heart and wisdom of your essence, not just a
• 34:53
  logical, you know how sometimes you might be like thinking of
• 34:56
  something and you're trying so hard to figure it out, right?
• 34:59
  You can make all of the lists and you're like going in circles
• 35:02
  asking all your friends, you know, like or your partner or
• 35:07
  you know, whoever you ask, you know.
• 35:09
  And then if you like disconnect from it, like then like the next
• 35:13
  day or whatever, in some moment in the shower over the whole
• 35:17
  worse or in nature, right. The answer the knowing just
• 35:20
  comes yeah. Yeah, that definitely happened.
• 35:24
  Wisdom that is like annoying that is feminine femininity is
• 35:29
  also fire like you know, like Mama bear like she will protect
• 35:34
  her kids. Femininity is also not like
• 35:36
  we're being assault a bunch of garbage to it, but like it's
• 35:39
  only like there is that softness that's receptivity, the
• 35:43
  gentleness, not of rushing into action, actually like like
• 35:47
  resting, you know, taking care of yourself, nurturing, right,
• 35:51
  You nurture like I love nurturing my son.
• 35:54
  You know, I love taking care and making my friends happy, cooking
• 35:58
  something, baking something by, you know, just, you know, the,
• 36:01
  the how happy you are when your kid is happy, right, because you
• 36:05
  give something that delights them.
• 36:09
  It's also very, very fiery, protective and fierce.
• 36:13
  I mean like we go through so much pain and labor.
• 36:17
  I mean, you know, so it's a tremendous internal strength.
• 36:21
  I think of course, we also exhibit like a lot of that of
• 36:25
  that as well. So and I think that like a
• 36:28
  balance like So what also the initially what would happen to
• 36:33
  me is that I saw how much I was running in the masculine and
• 36:37
  that was what had exhausted me. This is taking action, but once
• 36:42
  I so for me initially it was like a lot of rest.
• 36:46
  So it's almost like the pendulum had to swing to compensate in
• 36:50
  the other way, like to catch a breath, to regenerate.
• 36:55
  Because like another thing about activating your own essence and
• 37:02
  hearing your own soul, you have to have strength.
• 37:05
  You have to have enough energy within your body.
• 37:09
  Because if you're constantly stressed, if you're constantly
• 37:13
  right, you're doing, doing, doing, and you feel tired and
• 37:16
  fatigued. There's not enough energy really
• 37:18
  to Pierce through, to go, to turn into that fire, to feel
• 37:23
  those crappy emotions and feelings and to make that kind
• 37:28
  of, to make that activation. At least that was my experience.
• 37:32
  Yeah, I agree, especially with the brushing emotions or
• 37:36
  covering them up with other things.
• 37:38
  We talked about a lot of the things that are really easy to
• 37:40
  cover them up to where they just never are able to move through
• 37:43
  US. And also that idea of of rest,
• 37:46
  that's something that we don't talk a lot about in our culture
• 37:50
  or society. Or if it is rest, it's like go
• 37:53
  and watch a movie or something, which is not necessarily rest,
• 37:57
  you know, or leisure. But yeah, if we really look at
• 38:00
  rest as really just allowing ourselves to settle.
• 38:02
  And so I really just have space to fill the soul and to fill our
• 38:07
  needs, whether that's, you know, sitting and watching birds or
• 38:11
  I've definitely also felt the way nature can kind of restore
• 38:15
  you, where it gives you peace from all the world.
• 38:18
  You don't have all those stimulation coming in and you
• 38:21
  can really rest your mind and your soul and your spirit a
• 38:25
  little bit. So that does have that room for
• 38:28
  you to gain that wisdom, which I found the same thing where
• 38:30
  you're out in nature or for me with horses and all of a sudden
• 38:33
  you get like, oh, there's the answer to my problems that I've
• 38:36
  been, you know, circling around and studying and trying to write
• 38:40
  out. And here's the answer.
• 38:41
  That's definitely something I experienced for sure as well.
• 38:44
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 38:45
  What are some things that you encourage other people to do to
• 38:50
  find their feminine side, to find their soul, to be able to
• 38:54
  start hearing that voice again that a lot of us have like
• 38:58
  dampened and ignored and maybe even pretended wasn't there or
• 39:02
  we didn't really feel it. What are some things you
• 39:04
  recommend to people that you work with that you mentor?
• 39:08
  What are some things you do to guide them to to lean into
• 39:11
  finding their purpose especially?
• 39:13
  I think it was kind of the same for me around 40, a lot of my
• 39:16
  kids started growing up and that had been where I put a lot of
• 39:19
  time and energy. And there were definitely times
• 39:21
  where it's like, who am I now? Like if all my kids, they're all
• 39:24
  going to leave eventually and like, who does that leave me?
• 39:28
  So I think we all face those points where we kind of need to
• 39:31
  reassess, like, what is my purpose in life?
• 39:33
  What is my soul? I'm trying to tell me and guide
• 39:37
  me towards. One kind of fun and playful
• 39:41
  process you can introduce is taking a look at Well, first of
• 39:47
  all, just take stock of how much of your day spend doing truly
• 39:53
  what you want and how much of your day is spent on
• 39:57
  responsibilities. But if you could outsource, you
• 40:00
  know, if you could choose not to do them, you wouldn't really
• 40:03
  care less to put your life force behind like truly and honestly.
• 40:07
  And you don't have to announce it and then from that.
• 40:11
  So because the answer will also depend on.
• 40:15
  Each person and where they're at.
• 40:17
  So this is a very individual process and that's why I work
• 40:21
  with people one-on-one. So like let's say if somebody is
• 40:23
  exhausted and tired and stressed and anxious all the time and
• 40:27
  they're in like a lot of reactivity and the first is a
• 40:31
  physical, like you will have to recharge.
• 40:34
  You will have to start with like just the basics, right?
• 40:38
  Like sleeping, going outside for walks, like maybe moving your
• 40:42
  body, maybe it's just sitting and doing nothing, right?
• 40:47
  Literally like regenerating on the physical level.
• 40:51
  But let's say, you know, you have decent amount of energy,
• 40:55
  you don't feel like exhausted or fatigued, then can you start
• 40:59
  introducing an hour, I would say probably at least an hour a day
• 41:06
  and just notice how your mind is like, oh, I don't have enough
• 41:09
  time. Like, this is a program, you
• 41:11
  know, this is a conditioning that's running very loud
• 41:15
  throughout the psyche of the Western world.
• 41:18
  I mean, I don't know, maybe it's also beyond, you know, but I've
• 41:21
  lived. I can say my mom is still
• 41:24
  running that program. I still look at myself and like,
• 41:28
  OK, these are the echoes of the good.
• 41:30
  Don't progress, you know? Yeah, it's like the mind will
• 41:34
  protest it. And it seems so real.
• 41:38
  And how can you start building in a practice of every day,
• 41:43
  carving out like, let's say, an hour of doing what you feel
• 41:48
  like? So spontaneity because like once
• 41:52
  you've been conditioned to do be responsible and be a good
• 41:56
  achiever, a good like, like all these things, you know, highly
• 42:00
  functioning or surviving in this society, at least I was doing
• 42:05
  most of the things. I wasn't doing anything that I
• 42:07
  felt like or very little. And that is like a beautiful way
• 42:12
  of starting to actually createspace to pay attention to
• 42:17
  hear to kind of also even that knowing bubble up those answers.
• 42:21
  But literally like I'm, I don't mean like sitting on the phone.
• 42:26
  Not the phone, yeah. Like like starting to plug in to
• 42:31
  creating that space of playfulness and hearing and
• 42:34
  listening and then just following, like starting to hear
• 42:38
  and follow. A little bit of an instinct what
• 42:41
  comes through. Yeah, I love that.
• 42:42
  And I found that like I knew those things were important, but
• 42:46
  it was hard for me to do them without feeling guilty that I
• 42:48
  should be doing something else. Going back to that programming
• 42:51
  where you should always be doing, doing something that has
• 42:54
  results. And a lot of times those things
• 42:56
  maybe don't really have results. It's just the time that is the
• 43:00
  results and the nourishment that you're getting that's the
• 43:03
  result, which isn't as easily to measures if you're like, I just
• 43:07
  clean the kitchen or I just I went to work for three hours and
• 43:10
  earned money for my family, those type of things.
• 43:13
  So I found it can be really difficult to do that without
• 43:15
  feeling guilty, like it's not something you should be doing.
• 43:18
  So I love the idea that like, no, this is also something that
• 43:22
  you know, not to ruin it, but is a should.
• 43:24
  It's something that's important that should be given priority
• 43:27
  to. And only in those like that will
• 43:30
  most likely be prepared that This is why we also partly run
• 43:33
  away from it, that that will come out.
• 43:36
  These voices talking about that you should be cleaning, you
• 43:40
  should like water the flowers, you should, you know, the
• 43:44
  neurosis, but that will start, you know, like you will start.
• 43:50
  It's a part of the process, a part of this journey.
• 43:53
  If you truly want to create a life that is not only like
• 43:59
  checking the outside boxes, you know, but actually the inside
• 44:03
  boxes, it will be a part of that journey.
• 44:06
  And it's not going to be all rosy and feel good and the guilt
• 44:11
  and like that productivity program, like I still notice it.
• 44:15
  I still notice, you know, like it even how uncomfortable, how
• 44:19
  we want to force a timeline. We've done so much.
• 44:22
  And then I already sat or prayed or meditated or walked so much.
• 44:27
  So I should be here. So all of that will come up.
• 44:29
  But it's, it's interesting that you start to, you can start to
• 44:33
  see also like a little bit of the insanity and all of that and
• 44:36
  start to like, like when you look at the bird, like the other
• 44:39
  day I was driving from teaching class and I was at the red light
• 44:45
  and like I saw it was either an eagle or a hawk.
• 44:48
  You know, the birds that are flying high above the tree line
• 44:53
  and the bird was not flying like again, in a straight line.
• 44:58
  The bird was like elevating then descending.
• 45:01
  It was flying back and forth. And where do we get this idea
• 45:06
  that now we will sit down or we need to do every time or every
• 45:11
  day something that's productive and linear?
• 45:14
  I mean, like, it's insane. Like, and I'm just saying it for
• 45:17
  my I see the insanity in my own ways.
• 45:20
  Yeah, and I think that that bird is a beautiful analogy for life.
• 45:24
  You know that it's not a Direct Line like we ebb and flow and
• 45:27
  we, you know, what's good in one moment is not good in the next.
• 45:30
  And we need to shift direction and kind of be OK with going
• 45:34
  with the way life is taking us and accepting it instead of
• 45:37
  trying so much to to fight against it.
• 45:40
  Also to feel like, no, I should be over here and that's not
• 45:43
  where you are. And instead being, no, this is
• 45:45
  where I am and I'm going to enjoy the view and what's going
• 45:48
  on in the struggle even sometimes.
• 45:50
  So I like that analogy a lot and just that visual of the bird
• 45:54
  flying and how it can really to our lives something we can tune
• 45:58
  into nature that we can kind of take into our life.
• 46:00
  That doesn't always have to be a straight line.
• 46:02
  Probably won't be a straight line as much as we would like it
• 46:05
  to be. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 46:07
  And also not need like, like you honor your own truth, like your
• 46:11
  own knowing that comes from you. You're so, you know,
• 46:16
  conditioned, you know, and sometimes also we want to make
• 46:20
  like one truth, an absolute truth, but that like not to be
• 46:24
  so rigid to, you know, and attached to these beliefs and
• 46:28
  some kind of frameworks. You might get 1 knowing and then
• 46:32
  you do you will get a different perspective, you know, just like
• 46:36
  the bird, you know, like when you descend and you're within
• 46:39
  the trees, right? That's why, you know, you don't
• 46:42
  see as clearly sometimes as your, you know, if you've
• 46:46
  climbed the mountain, right and you know, or driven up, right.
• 46:50
  And when you get to a certain elevation.
• 46:52
  And that's kind of going back to when we talked about creating
• 46:55
  that space, when, you know, we talked about different practices
• 47:00
  or gateways, right, to that connection with yourself.
• 47:04
  The connection allows you to be that bird, right, where you can
• 47:09
  elevate above the noise, you know, and kind of widen your own
• 47:14
  perspective and aperture. Because when you are in the
• 47:18
  trees, all you can see is like sometimes, like here in North
• 47:21
  Carolina, you can't even walk through the forest because it's
• 47:24
  like so dense. And you know, where I come from,
• 47:26
  from Northeastern Europe, like you could go out like the trees
• 47:29
  were, but there was a lot of space to walk in the woods here.
• 47:33
  It's all like bushes and like like it's all overgrown like a
• 47:37
  jungle. So of course, when you're like
• 47:40
  lower than you kind of when you're in the density of the
• 47:43
  day-to-day, it's easy. To yeah.
• 47:47
  And there's so much you can't see.
• 47:49
  Yeah. And I think that's also a really
• 47:51
  great point that we like to. I definitely was taught to see
• 47:54
  black and white, right and wrong, very clear and stark.
• 47:58
  And I think the truth is that what is right in one situation
• 48:01
  for one person may not be the same.
• 48:03
  Often isn't the same for another person in another situation.
• 48:07
  I think that's something we talked about a lot with horses.
• 48:10
  There's a lot of rules that are kind of set in stone that are
• 48:13
  really being questioned now. And it's the same idea that, you
• 48:17
  know, one person may want to live this certain way with
• 48:20
  horses and another person may live totally different and both
• 48:23
  can be OK and good. There's not that black and
• 48:25
  white, right or wrong, that sometimes we become so dedicated
• 48:29
  to that we're torturing ourselves with because it
• 48:31
  doesn't feel aligned. But it's what we were taught or
• 48:34
  it's the box that we were told we should check, and we can kind
• 48:37
  of feel like it's not right for us, even though that's what
• 48:40
  we've been told our whole life, that this is the right pathway.
• 48:43
  Yeah. And sometimes that's the hardest
• 48:44
  because we see it seems like everybody else is, you know, we
• 48:48
  don't even have to be told like it seems like that's what
• 48:50
  everybody else is doing or modeling for us, right?
• 48:54
  And I would say the path to go inward like this spiritual path
• 49:00
  of like hearing and honoring a divine spark within you is a
• 49:04
  path of that many people don't walk.
• 49:08
  So that is also why it can be a hard one and, you know, won't be
• 49:12
  necessarily reinforced by people, you know, around you or
• 49:18
  you won't see that much. And that's why it's also can be
• 49:21
  a very difficult path. Like, to feel the pains, to feel
• 49:25
  like, I mean, this is a tough world.
• 49:27
  I mean, like, even some many people who saw that they, you
• 49:30
  know, were provided for, you know, they had the housing, they
• 49:34
  had the food, like even the scars that like, the lack of
• 49:38
  nurturing love and attunement leaves like deep, deep wounds,
• 49:43
  you know, So yeah, it's like, like, have the gentleness, the
• 49:48
  love and, you know, just a lot of grace for yourself forever.
• 49:53
  That is beautiful because I don't think any of us leave this
• 49:56
  life unscathed, unwounded, whatever form those might take
• 50:01
  on, which can be so vast and various.
• 50:04
  But yeah, just the idea that it like it's OK to heal and nurture
• 50:08
  and to take care of yourself. I think we tend to really under
• 50:12
  value like that self nurturing that you've talked a lot about.
• 50:16
  But yeah, like it's OK and good and necessary even to nurture
• 50:20
  yourself to show that same love and care that you would for your
• 50:25
  child or the effort and energy you're putting into your job or
• 50:29
  your friendships, whatever it may be, where you're really
• 50:32
  committed. Like you need to have equal
• 50:34
  amounts turned inward to yourself.
• 50:36
  Yeah, because the action that you will take, you probably have
• 50:39
  seen, like the action that I've taken from when I'm stressed,
• 50:43
  reactive, impatient, tired, is very different than when I'm
• 50:48
  coherent, when I'm coming from that alignment of my heart, my
• 50:53
  soul, and only then taking action.
• 50:57
  Yeah, it will be very, very different when you love you,
• 51:01
  when you give that grace to you some.
• 51:03
  Very different reactions. How has couple things I still
• 51:06
  want to talk about you. Do you work a lot with movement
• 51:09
  now? Right with the work that you do?
• 51:11
  Talk a little bit about that and how we can find healing or even
• 51:15
  attunement and alignment there through movement.
• 51:19
  Yeah. So our body, right, there's
• 51:22
  these things that also are not very widely taught is that
• 51:28
  tendons like how important it is to stretch and move your joints.
• 51:34
  So the movement practice, the somatic movement practice that I
• 51:38
  teach is gentle. It's moving all the joints.
• 51:42
  It's also called in Qigong, oiling the joints.
• 51:44
  So it's so important to move small joints to little joints to
• 51:50
  maintain mobility throughout, you know, old age because even
• 51:54
  we are being sold this idea that somehow old age means that you
• 51:59
  are in the hospital or you are immobile, but that's not true.
• 52:03
  Doesn't need to be. It doesn't need to be.
• 52:05
  And I've seen of course, different examples and what
• 52:08
  sedentary lifestyle looks like because I also teach at senior
• 52:11
  living homes. And so I teach the kind of
• 52:14
  movement where you're building strength to flexibility through.
• 52:18
  It's a moving meditation. So it's again, it's turning 180
• 52:24
  to the programming of push yourself harder.
• 52:27
  No pain, no gain, no pain means stuff, you know, so and I, you
• 52:34
  know that it's moving, moving your fascia, rehydrating your
• 52:38
  fascia because our mechanism, the body, the plasma that
• 52:42
  electric like they're much more sophisticated processes going on
• 52:47
  than just some sort of like a chemical or, you know,
• 52:51
  reductionist kind of approach. You know, let's just build
• 52:54
  strong muscles. You know, fascia wraps around.
• 52:57
  That's connective tissue that wraps around through all your
• 53:01
  organs, through your tissues, through your joints.
• 53:05
  How much do you hear talk about fascia, right?
• 53:08
  No, not right. So like I, I really so my own
• 53:14
  fatigue and pains in my body, I could not do like these hardcore
• 53:19
  exercises. So for me, it was a part of my
• 53:22
  own healing journey and regaining strength through more
• 53:25
  fluid, gentle movements. And have you found that it,
• 53:29
  while it has a physical impact, that it also has a mental
• 53:33
  emotional impact? Yeah, it's.
• 53:35
  Thing that I feel so much better, so much difference, so
• 53:39
  much so like I can connect more to that sense of aliveness and
• 53:43
  joy if I'm also moving. And for me, after 40, I was
• 53:48
  getting back pains like I could not like walking.
• 53:51
  I've always been like dedicated to walking.
• 53:54
  Like to me that was like that centering.
• 53:57
  I needed it like to come down from all the discombobulation of
• 54:02
  the day-to-day. So I always like walked for like
• 54:05
  a good hour probably every day. But then after 40, somehow it
• 54:09
  was no longer enough. Like I could like lean over,
• 54:12
  clean a bathtub and like then have back, Oh my God, this is
• 54:17
  not good, you know? Yeah, it was definitely.
• 54:22
  I think it's a part of kind of that taking care of yourself to
• 54:27
  have that like what we talked about the foundational, the
• 54:29
  sleep, like also I think nourishing food that you have to
• 54:33
  have a baseline taking care of your body to be able to, you
• 54:40
  know, kind of elevate to be able to activate kind of also that
• 54:45
  spiritual path. Yeah, it's incredible how
• 54:47
  connected it all is. You like to.
• 54:50
  In American Society especially, we like to put in little boxes
• 54:53
  like this is physical, go to the doctor for this, this is mental,
• 54:56
  go to the therapist for this or whatnot.
• 54:58
  But most often there's definitely an interplay between
• 55:01
  the two that the better we feel physically, the better we feel
• 55:05
  mentally, The better we feel mentally, the more likely we are
• 55:08
  to take care of our bodies. So there really is an
• 55:10
  interconnection there. Yeah.
• 55:11
  And and also, you know, as I was when I was studying Qigong and
• 55:17
  Daiichi, so these are like based on traditional Chinese medicine,
• 55:21
  you know, aspects and teachings that I came across.
• 55:25
  I guess a concept, the teaching that made a lot of sense to me
• 55:28
  that the way we are designed is that we need to use like a lot
• 55:33
  of the imbalances, right? What you said here, we label
• 55:36
  them as mental, emotional, but a lot of that imbalance comes from
• 55:41
  us actually not using our body and our mind in a balance
• 55:45
  proportion that it was designed to be used.
• 55:49
  So we are highly over in the brain, right, Using the mind.
• 55:54
  So many people work in corporate rights sit behind the computer.
• 55:58
  It's all mine, mine, mine. But then the body is not being
• 56:02
  worked. But we were meant to move our
• 56:04
  body, so a lot of this imbalance I found to be true that you can.
• 56:09
  And it's been my own experience once I balanced it out, like I
• 56:12
  also had contributed hugely to feeling better.
• 56:15
  Yeah, Tell us if someone it feels like they have a purpose
• 56:20
  that's kind of calling to them, or they feel like there's
• 56:22
  something deeper in their life or they're feeling unfulfilled.
• 56:27
  What kind of advice or direction would you give someone who is
• 56:32
  feeling that discontent in their life and wanting to lean into
• 56:35
  their purpose? Maybe doesn't know exactly what
• 56:37
  that is or how to even do that. Yeah.
• 56:40
  Beautiful. That is an invitation, but many
• 56:43
  people are in that place, like so many people don't know what
• 56:46
  their purpose is. And it's a beautiful invitation.
• 56:51
  To start. You can start by devoting the
• 56:55
  1520 thirty minutes to listening because your purpose is encoded
• 57:00
  within your essence. So it can be the most
• 57:03
  frustrating thing because it's like, oh, if if it was, I
• 57:06
  wouldn't know it, right. This is what the mind will say,
• 57:10
  you know, but it's an invitation to start connecting with
• 57:16
  yourself more deeply to listens. I just would say honor it.
• 57:21
  It's a beautiful invitation of that divine spark.
• 57:25
  So just start honoring it a little more and listening a
• 57:28
  little more. Yeah.
• 57:30
  Do you have advice for people who maybe struggle because they
• 57:33
  feel like they can't follow their purpose because they need
• 57:35
  to take care of their physical needs?
• 57:37
  You know, have a house, pay rent, all those things have gas.
• 57:40
  Yeah. I mean, it's probably pretty
• 57:44
  layered, you know? And it's just like one of the
• 57:48
  things, right? So part of a lot of that
• 57:50
  narrative is not true, right? But the mind will tell you that
• 57:55
  it is. And there's a lot of big battle
• 57:58
  happening within you. And you can see like the like I
• 58:02
  saw the crazy making happening in my own head.
• 58:06
  It's like, and this is where I wrote it down.
• 58:08
  I'm like, Oh my God, like this is like a battle of like, and
• 58:11
  this is all happening inside of me, you know, like you don't
• 58:15
  have time or you're sitting down.
• 58:17
  You should be doing all the things you know, but now you
• 58:20
  know, so like literally like beating you.
• 58:23
  You are right. And it's like self-inflicted,
• 58:26
  right? Or it seems it's just like it's
• 58:29
  exhausting and sometimes it can be that pain that you said that
• 58:33
  it's a beautiful invitation if you can see it that way of
• 58:38
  again. OK, turning back inward.
• 58:42
  Yeah. How has it changed your life
• 58:44
  moving from, you know, being climbing the corporate ladder to
• 58:48
  now leaning into what you really feel called to do with your soul
• 58:51
  and honoring the those voices more?
• 58:54
  I would say, I mean, you can't even words are not good enough
• 58:58
  to describe the shift that it's a base level when you at least I
• 59:05
  feel when I connect with it, right, There's still moments,
• 59:08
  right? It's not like this.
• 59:09
  Again, we have this idea now. It's 100% perfect or all the
• 59:12
  time. Right, we haven't made it.
• 59:14
  Still not figured out. This world puts claims on you
• 59:18
  for sure. And I think before the question
• 59:22
  you asked before, it's kind of when we have a lot of like, OK,
• 59:25
  maybe I know I should be doing something, but there's a lot of
• 59:28
  voices that are telling me, you know, the legitimate valid
• 59:31
  reasons why I can't write. Just like all these external
• 59:36
  chains, right, that have placed on your energy is like, OK, but
• 59:41
  when you're 80 years old, would you look back and say and feel
• 59:46
  what, like because of years? I mean, you probably know, like
• 59:49
  with every decade, it's just like in your 20s and 30s, you're
• 59:52
  like, I have all the time in the world, right.
• 59:54
  Like, yeah, I can still build my dream life, right?
• 59:58
  But then the time seems like quicker and quicker.
• 1:00:01
  And then you're like 40 plus and you're like, huh, Well, before
• 1:00:05
  you know it, you'll be 80 in the same place.
• 1:00:08
  And do you want to look back? I think one of my like one of
• 1:00:11
  the things that's given me so much courage and it's not like a
• 1:00:14
  linear process. I also have felt defeated.
• 1:00:16
  I have felt like so afraid all the yuck, right?
• 1:00:20
  And there have been times when I've stalled, but like I always
• 1:00:23
  like got back up and I'm like no because.
• 1:00:26
  Because I do not want to look back and think, what if, yeah,
• 1:00:31
  what if I had tried actually to do whatever is your idea.
• 1:00:36
  I mean, I've had the craziest ideas to start a painting
• 1:00:39
  business, you know, like I started a podcast.
• 1:00:42
  I mean, I've done a lot of beta testing and it's like, but even
• 1:00:47
  when you like, there's a huge satisfaction and fulfillment
• 1:00:50
  even when you execute in the smallest of ways.
• 1:00:54
  Like even if your idea is to have a horse, you know, even if
• 1:00:57
  it is to go away and be around horses, it's just like taking
• 1:01:01
  those stacks words, what is coming from your heart and soul.
• 1:01:07
  So I guess, you know, just like that question, that regret was
• 1:01:11
  enough or can be enough of sometimes a driving force to
• 1:01:14
  like not give up and keep going. And I think a really good point
• 1:01:21
  that you made there as well is that just because you're doing
• 1:01:24
  what feels more aligned with your soul doesn't mean it's easy
• 1:01:28
  all of a sudden. But it's just a easy path
• 1:01:31
  forward, still comes with a lot of doubt and struggle I have
• 1:01:35
  found. Have you found the same?
• 1:01:36
  Also that it can be hard to to keep going sometimes.
• 1:01:40
  Yeah, I mean, I I have had many moments where like I was running
• 1:01:45
  away from my own pain and doing this internal process and where
• 1:01:49
  I had all these, you know, also experiences of fear.
• 1:01:53
  And sometimes like I felt like I can't get out of bed, like I
• 1:01:56
  can't face the day. And then the.
• 1:01:59
  What I can offer you as I guess a reason to keep leaning into
• 1:02:04
  kind of the devotional path of spiritual journey for yourself
• 1:02:09
  is that when you get to, you know how you hear in the books,
• 1:02:14
  like all completeness, wholeness, you have to be whole
• 1:02:17
  to meet the person or whatever you know, but nobody like.
• 1:02:20
  But that wholeness and completeness can sound like a
• 1:02:23
  cognitive concept, right? All these practices and all
• 1:02:27
  these invitations that life gives you that you can give to
• 1:02:30
  yourself. There comes a certain point and
• 1:02:33
  it goes back to the question that you asked also was that you
• 1:02:38
  and your state of being start to feel that wholeness, that
• 1:02:44
  unmistakenable, unshakable. So even though when this world
• 1:02:50
  will keep its bleed bleep, you know whatever, it's not an easy
• 1:02:55
  world to live in and to thrive in.
• 1:02:57
  But once you come home to yourself, there comes a point
• 1:03:01
  where you feel more euphoria, where you feel more joy, where
• 1:03:06
  you feel this enthusiasm and you're guys are open to a
• 1:03:12
  different reality, like where the vividness and the brightness
• 1:03:17
  and the centeredness and the harmony like you become that
• 1:03:21
  beacon like, and that is an unshakable state of being where
• 1:03:27
  you are emanating coherence. So yes, you can sometimes and
• 1:03:31
  depending sometimes in the beginning, you know, when you
• 1:03:34
  kind of crossover or get to a certain point, there is wobble,
• 1:03:38
  but then there's less and less like it's kind of like a spiral,
• 1:03:42
  but then you no longer are spiraling around the same
• 1:03:45
  circle. You're like kind of spiraling,
• 1:03:48
  right? And this life still gives you
• 1:03:51
  what it gives you, unfortunately, but but you feel
• 1:03:55
  steady. You have become a lighthouse and
• 1:03:58
  that's when you become that tuning fork also where you can
• 1:04:02
  become that example for others. And it's even more, it's deeper
• 1:04:07
  than an example. You become a possibility for
• 1:04:10
  others to keep going. Because I think that's the
• 1:04:12
  biggest part of my own purpose is igniting and kind of keep
• 1:04:16
  flaming that spark because I know how hard this world is, how
• 1:04:20
  harsh things, you know, what happens and how many things can
• 1:04:25
  happen to you really take the wind out of your sails.
• 1:04:28
  And yes, we do have to survive and all of those things.
• 1:04:32
  And you know, like really bad and mean things happen in this
• 1:04:35
  world. So there's definitely not like a
• 1:04:37
  absolute light in this world all time.
• 1:04:41
  But when you activate your own light to kind of that's I the
• 1:04:47
  way I see it, I'm not I'd never went to really church or it
• 1:04:50
  wasn't like a religious kind of like a traditional sense of, you
• 1:04:54
  know, person who was raised that way, you know, Soviet Union
• 1:04:58
  about like the religion wasn't even allowed.
• 1:05:00
  So my parents, you know, were never, you know, it wasn't the
• 1:05:03
  practice, right. Or like again, words are not
• 1:05:06
  good enough, but through my own journey and my own truth is this
• 1:05:12
  is what I see that Jesus actually came here to teach is
• 1:05:16
  how you activate the Holy Spirit within you.
• 1:05:22
  And this is where kind of that invitation that the Kingdom of
• 1:05:25
  heaven is within you. But will you remember?
• 1:05:29
  Will you be brave enough to inward?
• 1:05:32
  Yeah, I do think that's so important for people to have
• 1:05:35
  that voice that is kind of saying there is a different way
• 1:05:38
  to do it. You know, you don't have to
• 1:05:40
  follow this path that is less resistant to follow the box, do
• 1:05:45
  the follow the check boxes, do the typical path that there are
• 1:05:49
  other ways to live and other tools and strategies that you
• 1:05:53
  can use. I think also, as you said, life
• 1:05:56
  can be really difficult. It is rough sometimes.
• 1:05:59
  There's some really hard things that we all will have to face at
• 1:06:03
  some point. How beautiful though, that
• 1:06:06
  Despite that and even because of that difficulty, that's part of
• 1:06:10
  what contributes to our strength and leaning in to find that
• 1:06:14
  inner way of living and to reignite with our soul.
• 1:06:20
  Yeah. Well, to wrap it up, can you
• 1:06:22
  tell everybody where they can find you if they want to listen
• 1:06:25
  to the podcast or take advantage of your services?
• 1:06:29
  Yes, Come Play with me. Live in Technicolor is a podcast
• 1:06:32
  name. It's on Apple and Spotify apps,
• 1:06:36
  and I'm also on the Instagram, same name, Live in Technicolor
• 1:06:40
  with an under score at the end. So come play with me in whatever
• 1:06:45
  form or fashion works for you. Beautiful.
• 1:06:48
  Well, thank you so much for being here.
• 1:06:49
  I loved our conversation. I think you have a lot of wisdom
• 1:06:52
  to offer because of the experiences you've been through.
• 1:06:55
  I think it's a place that a lot of people are going to face and
• 1:07:00
  hit that struggle. It's very common.
• 1:07:02
  I think we both experienced it around that midlife mark where
• 1:07:06
  you have to do summary analysis of life and and where that's
• 1:07:09
  going to go for you. But I think your voice out there
• 1:07:12
  is just wonderful. I'm definitely going to tune
• 1:07:14
  into the podcast and listen to it.
• 1:07:17
  I'm always looking for a new good one.
• 1:07:18
  So I'm really excited that we were able to connect and to be
• 1:07:20
  able to do this. And I think it's beautiful that
• 1:07:23
  you keep sharing your voice and your experience and the things
• 1:07:25
  that people can do to really make their life alive and
• 1:07:29
  vibrant and beautiful and everything that their soul is
• 1:07:33
  calling them to. Thank you so much for having me,
• 1:07:35
  and I just want to leave everybody with a reminder that
• 1:07:38
  you are so loved and you are more powerful than you can ever
• 1:07:41
  imagine, so keep going. Thank you for joining us and
• 1:07:45
  learning about Horses that Heal and the humans who help them.
• 1:07:48
  We hope you'll continue with us on this journey.
• 1:07:51
  We'd love for you to subscribe on your favorite platform and
• 1:07:54
  follow the touch of a Mustang on any of the major social media
• 1:07:57
  outlets. Please share with your friends
• 1:07:59
  anyone who loves horses or anyone who might be struggling
• 1:08:02
  and could benefit from this message.
• 1:08:04
  If you have felt the healing power of horses or help them in
• 1:08:08
  their divinely appointed mission, please reach out.
• 1:08:11
  We want to hear your story. As we say goodbye, always
• 1:08:14
  remember that the horse is always there to help you heal.
• 1:08:21
  In my darkest moments, I felt entirely alone with nowhere to
• 1:08:25
  turn. If this is you, I want you to
• 1:08:28
  know The Touch of A Mustang has resources to help you both free
• 1:08:33
  and paid. From our guided journal on
• 1:08:35
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• 1:08:38
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• 1:08:40
  We are here to walk beside you. Visit The Touch of a mustang.org
• 1:08:44
  to learn more.