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Is it Love Bombing or Real Love? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So is it love bombing from a narcissist?
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  Or is it real love, Real, genuine, authentic love?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So is it love bombing or is it real love?
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  Is it authentic? Is is this genuine?
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  What is it? Y'all?
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  Is it what y'all? Love bombing and real love are
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  two separate things. Love bombing can feel and look
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  like real love. It.
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  It's it's like a a good substitute.
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  You know what? You see what I'm saying?
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  It's just like if love is sugar, if real love.
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  If real authentic love is sugar, then love bombing is splendor.
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  They look the same. They might even taste the same.
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  But at A at a cellular molecular level, they're different, you
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  know they look the same. It's a good substitute.
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  It could be a good substitute. Sometimes it feel the same, you
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  know what I mean? But later on the effects take
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  don't take on different paths, you know.
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  It is how it goes. Love bombing is sugar.
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  I mean, love. Love is sugar.
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  Love bombing is splendor, you know, you see what I'm saying?
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  But that's how it goes though, you know?
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  So some of the main differences between the two y'all is that
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  love bombing, that that real genuine love takes time.
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  It really, really does. Real, genuine, authentic love
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  takes time is one of those things that that it is really
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  real. Like love vomit is quick, fast.
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  It's meant love vomit is meant to ensnare somebody really
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  quickly. It is meant, it's meant it's
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  like literally y'all listen to it.
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  It's a bomb. It's a bomb it once it explodes,
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  it goes everywhere. Love bombing is just piling on
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  things to get somebody to fall for them.
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  It's a manipulation tactic. It's to get you to fall for
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  them, to fall head over heels for them.
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  Because a lot of times, to be realistic, a lot of narcissists
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  think that they really do love you.
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  They're they're expressing themselves as if they really do
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  love you. But in the end you see it's just
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  really love bombings. But maybe it started all this
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  genuine, but love bombing is the how they get you, you know?
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  They don't know how to show genuine, authentic love
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  sometimes. So they love bomb you, So love
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  bombing. It looks like.
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  It feels like it looks and feels like real love, but it's quick.
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  Y'all it's. I'm not saying you can't fall in
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  genuine love really fast. But love, real genuine love.
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  True love takes time. Y'all it really just does.
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  It's it's crockpot. You put love in a crockpot.
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  Love bombing is microwavable. Love bombing.
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  You can put it in the microwave, you rip the plastic off.
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  It's 90 seconds. Ready rice, You know what I
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  mean? It's it's ready rice.
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  You put it in the microwave for 90 seconds.
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  It's hot and ready, you know. Ready.
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  Rice. But that's the space, That's how
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  it goes. Look, it takes time.
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  You have to slow yourselves down.
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  That's why I tell people you have to slow down.
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  Slowing down is the way the differentiate between the two
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  slow it down. Love vomit is fast.
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  It's it's it's just overwhelming.
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  It's it's meant to overwhelm your senses.
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  Your sense of touch, smell, taste, hear, sight, everything.
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  All your senses are overwhelmed because you feel like you found
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  the person of your of your dreams.
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  That's how it goes and it's understandable.
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  That's why I tell them it's understandable that you feel
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  this way. And I'm not trying to make some
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  hurt people's feelings or anything like that, but this is
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  what happens. Y'all when you're dealing with a
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  narcissist or tax person, they throw it on quick.
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  Real love takes time. It takes time to develop.
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  It takes time to mature. It's crock pot.
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  You put it in the crock pot, it tastes better later on is you
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  let it Stew. Let it.
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  You let it sit overnight. The microwave is your love,
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  mommy. So slow yourself down.
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  That's one way you can kind of tell right there.
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  Y'all if you slow yourself down in this space right there, you
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  know, like I said, and the next thing in this space is that it's
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  about control. Real love is autonomy.
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  Both of you have individual autonomy over your own lives.
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  You just do get in real, genuine love once it take.
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  It takes time to build up. That person that really loves
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  you let allows you to be you right.
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  That person that actually, genuinely, genuinely cares about
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  you, loves you, allows you the space to be you right.
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  They allow you the time and the space and the effort in order to
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  be yourself. You have autonomy.
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  You can go where you want to go. You can keep the friends that
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  you have. You can keep the family members
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  around. You can go do what you want to
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  do, right? Love bombing is no autonomy like
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  they love when they're love bombing you.
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  Typically that narcissistic person, you know, that
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  narcissistic, toxic person. Whoever it is, when they're love
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  bombing you, they take over your autonomy, they take over your
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  individuality. Like you start to lose yourself.
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  You don't lose yourself in true love.
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  In real love, you find yourself, you find out.
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  You discover parts about yourself you didn't know that
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  you probably might. You might start to like about
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  yourself. Love bombing takes you to a
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  place you never wanted to go. You know.
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  True love takes you on a journey of just self discovery and self
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  development where you learn and you grow, you thrive.
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  Love bombing takes you to the pits.
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  You know what I'm saying? It's like the love love bombing
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  takes you to the off ramp to hell you like oh we going to
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  heaven. And they put the right turn
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  signal along you like wait, that's the hell you like.
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  I know. And they take the turn they take
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  they take the off ramp to hell. They take they take you to a
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  place you never wanted to go. You lose yourself.
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  Love bombing is about control, manipulation, you see.
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  It's about you lose your autonomy.
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  You lose yourself in through genuine, real love, you gain.
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  There's games to make. You see.
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  There's games to make. There's games to create.
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  That's how it happens. That's how it goes right there,
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  just in those spaces, you know, let's still take your time.
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  It takes time. Y'all's crock pot.
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  It's just Stew takes time. That's how you go about doing
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  things right there. You know what I mean?
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  So the next thing right here, y'all, I'm adding chapters now.
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  Y'all real, true love is unconditional.
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  True love is unconditional though.
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  So do I believe in unconditional love?
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  Y'all, I'm a narcissist. I have narcissist.
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  The person. I have the disorder.
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  I feel like there's strains attached to everything to me,
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  that's just to me. Y'all that's you see what I'm
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  saying? But real genuine love from
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  research and from good people say there's no strains attached.
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  It's there's no conditions. I like love bombers.
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  It's conditional. If you refuse this, if you
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  refuse this love, I'm going to take the love away.
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  If you, if you break this condition, the love will be
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  taken away from you. You know, true love.
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  There's no condition. There's no strains attached.
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  Of course there's things that they can do to violate your
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  boundaries and stuff like that. Like if somebody truly loves
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  you, they're not going to cheat on you.
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  See what I'm saying? You shouldn't cheat on them.
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  You say. Like if you cheat on them that
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  that's the the the love should be taken away.
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  You should say that's why my mind works.
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  But true, real love, right? Y'all, no strange attacks.
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  Narcissistic people. A lot of their love is
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  conditional. There's conditional love.
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  It's love bombing as quick as fast.
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  It's not sustainable, you know it's not sustainable.
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  It typically goes away over time, you know.
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  It typically goes away over time.
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  Like once you hit us once you know a person who really loves
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  you will love you. Flaws and all, right, they will
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  love you, flaws and all. They just will.
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  You know. They see your flaws and they
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  might love you anymore. They'll love you even more.
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  A narcissistic person, when they see your flaws, they take the
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  love away. You just broke one of their
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  conditions. Their condition was for you to
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  be perfect, their string, the string that was attached with
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  for you to be perfect and be flawless.
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  I thought you were flawless. So you just broke one of their
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  Cardinals, cardinal rules or whatever.
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  And now they're taking the love away.
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  You see down to see your flaws. And we all have flaws.
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  Y'all this is not me just pointing at the finger at you
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  and like you're a flawed person. You you deserve this.
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  No, this is not me. I'm not saying y'all.
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  I'm not saying it at all. I'm just saying that's how the
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  the mind of a lot of narcissist works right there is that they
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  will point out your flaws and it will put the put the blame on to
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  you. You know it's your fault and
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  they will leave you. A person who really loves you,
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  loves you, flaws and all. They kiss, they kiss, they kiss
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  your bumps and bruises, right? A narcissist points out and it
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  points and laughs at your bumps and bruises.
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  A love bomber? Not just a narcissist, A love
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  bomber points out your bumps and bruises.
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  You know, real true love is sustainable.
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  That's what. So I'm I'm an indie right here.
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  Y'all with ways that you can, you know, set boundaries for
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  yourself and things like that. But real, true, genuine love.
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  Like I said, y'all, it's sustainable.
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  So this is one way you can ask yourself one way to to
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  counteract it is to set boundaries.
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  In the beginning, y'all say no. Because when you say no, like,
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  listen, it's right when you say no to somebody, right?
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  When you say no to a narcissistic person or a love
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  bomber, that's breaking. That's one of those conditions
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  right there. That's breaking a condition so
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  the love will be taken away early on.
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  That's how you can tell early on.
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  I said no, I don't want this. This makes me uncomfortable.
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  Set your boundaries. Take some time for yourself.
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  Y'all time for yourself is a boundary.
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  If you feel like this person is just overwhelming you with love
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  and just y'all on the phone 24 hours a day, y'all seeing each
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  other all day, every day, you don't get a chance to see your
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  friends and family. You don't call had to call them
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  to work because y'all clap your cheeks too much.
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  Like you know, that's cool, fine and dandy, but you should be
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  able to take some time to yourself.
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  If you're not able to take some time for yourself and you just
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  hey, if you tell this person to say, hey, look, I really like
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  you think we think we think you're cool.
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  But I need some time to myself. I need some.
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  I need a day or so to myself. Like, can you respect my time
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  and my space? A love bomber will feel a
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  certain type of way about it. A person who really loves you,
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  who, who's trying to work on his love will respect your choices
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  and respect your boundaries. They will respect your
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  individuality as a person. So being able to take time for
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  yourself and saying no help you in the beginning to tell the to
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  differentiate between is this real love or is it like, is this
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  sustainable? Ask yourself that question right
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  there. Y'all there's another way right
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  there. Is this sustainable?
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  The sustainability of this matters because love bombing is
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  not sustainable. If it's all over the top
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  grandiose things in the beginning, is it sustainable?
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  Maybe they're rich and famous or something like that.
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  Maybe the stuff that they're doing is sustainable.
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  But if not, y'all, y'all, we're going.
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  We went on the 1st the first month we dated every every day
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  we went on the carriage back ride through through Central
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  Park. Now we don't do that anymore.
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  Y'all ask yourself, is this sustainable?
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  And if it's not sustainable maybe eight.
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  Could you move on you know is it too much if you if you if you
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  are able to set the boundary and tell someone to slow down or
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  this makes you uncomfortable. That shows you sustainability
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  right there. If you able to tap the brakes.
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  If you're moving fast because like yeah, real love, like I
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  told you earlier real love does move fast sometimes.
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  Like real it can it can't move fast sometimes.
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  But the way to tell if it's moving fast.
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  If it's real love, it's just the kind of you know you might you.
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  You can tap the brakes. You are a passenger in this
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  relationship vehicle so you can tap.
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  It's a driver's a car. You got a brake.
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  You. You also have a steering wheel
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  and a brake and a pedal on your side of the car as well.
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  So if you're going too fast, you should be able to tap the
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  brakes. Because once you start to tap
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  the brakes and that the person who really loves you notices
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  that you're trying to slow down, they will slow down with you.
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  They will start tapping the brakes too, right?
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  They will start tapping the brakes with you, a narcissistic
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  person. If they see you tapping the
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  brakes, they'll try to slam their damn foot to the ground.
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  They'll put, they'll push the pedal to the floor and try to
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  floor it. You just literally try to floor
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  to try to floor it, to get away from this situation, to try to
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  speed things up. Because the one of the reasons
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  why narcissist wants to move faster, y'all because they think
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  they move slow. You'll see the you will see the
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  real them and you won't like them.
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  You will see the real me and you won't like me.
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  You will see the real version of who I am and you won't care for
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  me anymore. You'll do this and do that and
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  you won't going to be around me anymore.
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  You won't like me. That's the real that's one of
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  the reasons that a narcissistic person will show they ass.
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  Well, like they try to move extremely fast.
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  I show they ass. We'll try to move extremely fast
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  because they don't. A lot of them don't like
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  themselves. A lot of us don't like
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  ourselves. So we don't think we can like
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  you, you know? You don't think we, we don't
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  think you can like us. Because if we don't like
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  ourselves we see all the flaws in ourselves then we think
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  you're going to see him as well. And you know how narcissists are
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  with flaws. You see our if we see your
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  flaws, we take the love away. So we assume that you're going
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  to do the same thing to us. You'll see our flaws and take
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  the love away. So yeah, I hope this brought you
• 12:58
  some clarity. If it did leave a heart in the
• 13:01
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• 13:03
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