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Divinely Written · Is Your Way In Your Way?

0:25
Cassandra: Welcome to Is Your Way in Your Way podcast.
0:28
Cassandra: And I'm your host.
0:29
Cassandra: My name is Cassandra Crawley Mayo.
0:32
Cassandra: And for those new listeners out there, just so you'll know, uh, the title of my book is Is Your Way in In Your Way?
0:40
Cassandra: So why not call this podcast the same thing?
0:44
Cassandra: So it all kind of correlates and it kind of summarizes what my book is all about.
0:50
Cassandra: And for my new listeners again, these are individuals who I call stuck.
0:57
Cassandra: You know, the things that you like to do.
0:59
Cassandra: For example, you want to get out of a toxic relationship, or you want to change jobs, or you want to start your own company, or you want to change churches.
1:08
Cassandra: It's just so many things that's like pulling you that you know that you should be doing something different, but you know what?
1:15
Cassandra: You just can't do it.
1:17
Cassandra: And you're trying to figure out why is that, and that's why we talk about topics related to personal development, personal improvement.
1:27
Cassandra: And I also say it will enable you to do some self-reflection.
1:31
Cassandra: Okay, think about what we're gonna talk about.
1:33
Cassandra: Like today, we're gonna talk about your path is divinely written.
1:38
Cassandra: And this, what I'm gonna say, this particular podcast episode is brought to you by the belief that God will never put more on you than you can bear.
1:50
Cassandra: But sometimes He allows the breaking to prepare you for your breakthrough.
1:56
Cassandra: It's kind of like, you know, have you ever hit a wall so hard that you thought, this is it?
2:01
Cassandra: I just can't go any further.
2:03
Cassandra: What if I told you that the wall wasn't the end, but the beginning of your breakthrough?
2:10
Cassandra: And we have a special guest.
2:12
Cassandra: I'd like to welcome the incredible Jesse Torres, a woman who walks in what she's called fierce grace.
2:22
Cassandra: Get ready to be stirred, stretched, and most of all, strengthened.
2:26
Cassandra: Let me welcome to the stage.
2:28
Cassandra: Hi, Jesse.
2:29
Jessie: How are you today?
2:30
Jessie: Hello, Cassandra.
2:32
Jessie: Thank you so much for having me.
2:33
Jessie: I'm excited to be here.
2:35
Cassandra: Oh, I'm excited for you to be here as well.
2:37
Cassandra: Uh, one of the things I am going to do before we dive into this conversation, my listeners always kind of want to know what she's all about, what's her background, blah, blah, blah.
2:48
Cassandra: So I'm going to read a little bit of your bio so they'll get an understanding of who you are.
2:54
Cassandra: Jesse Torres is a peak performance coach and life strategist with nearly two decades of experience helping high achievers transform pain into purpose.
3:07
Cassandra: Globally ranked among the top coaches in the world, Jesse has guided thousands to break through trauma and self-doubt using her signature philosophy of fierce grace, fueled by a deep love for humanity and a God-given calling to end suffering.
3:27
Cassandra: Jesse's impact lies in her soul's staring ability to unearth your highest potential.
3:36
Cassandra: Highest potential, guys, proving that there's no hardship is wasted when you're walking in your divine purpose.
3:46
Cassandra: And that's why we titled this episode Your Path is Divinely Written.
3:52
Cassandra: And one of the things I'm going to say, I would say Jesse's greatest credential is surviving.
3:59
Cassandra: And we're going to talk to her about that.
4:01
Cassandra: So, Jesse, what in your background has inspired you to do what you are currently doing?
4:09
Cassandra: Or better yet, what qualifies you to do the work that you're doing?
4:14
Jessie: Well, what qualifies me is my journey, right?
4:18
Jessie: Now, what got me there or what had me do the things I did, all I can say is, you know, we talk about the path being divinely written.
4:26
Jessie: It's it's it's part of the makeup of maybe my contract with God.
4:30
Jessie: I don't know.
4:31
Jessie: Because back when I was in survival, back when, you know, I got knocked down to the point of not wanting to live this life, I didn't consciously say, oh, I'm gonna build resilience or I'm gonna build courage.
4:44
Jessie: I didn't even know those words.
4:46
Jessie: I didn't know the language.
4:47
Jessie: I didn't even know that I was living with a ball of shame, right?
4:51
Jessie: Or unworthiness.
4:53
Jessie: I had no label for it.
4:55
Jessie: But I knew that I had to persevere.
4:57
Jessie: I knew that I had to keep going.
4:59
Jessie: And if I was going to keep going and, you know, continue to be the example for my children, which I believe are one of my biggest driving forces, I had to do things that scared me.
5:10
Jessie: I had to do things that were out of my comfort zone.
5:13
Jessie: I had to challenge myself and move past my fears.
5:18
Jessie: And so I intentionally put things in front of me that scared me so that I can start to build that muscle.
5:26
Jessie: And what I got was a whole lot of grit.
5:29
Jessie: But again, I didn't know in a conscious level, I just knew that I had to persevere, I had to keep going.
5:34
Jessie: And the only way to do that was to move through all the things that were trying to hold me back.
5:40
Cassandra: Interesting.
5:41
Cassandra: Um, so are you saying if it were not for your kids, you may have done something differently?
5:50
Cassandra: Or you said that's really was the driving force for you to continue?
5:56
Jessie: Yes.
5:56
Jessie: Well, you know, my journey having had abuse with my father my first 18 years, and then abuse with my husband for the next 18 years, got me to a place of apathy where I considered taking my own life.
6:10
Jessie: Um, but I did not want my kids to have that as you know, part of their journey is that their mother did this thing.
6:18
Jessie: So I didn't, but I was hoping somebody would do it for me.
6:23
Jessie: I was praying for it because I did not see a way out.
6:27
Jessie: I didn't see a way out of the situation I was in.
6:30
Jessie: I thought if this is life, then I don't want to be here, it's too painful.
6:34
Jessie: And so I just wanted, I was wishing somebody to blow the red light, or I was wishing that some catastrophe would happen, or that, and you know, to my ex, I have nothing but love and gratitude for all of my journey.
6:45
Jessie: This isn't to vilify anybody.
6:47
Jessie: But back then I was in such disempowerment that I I even hoped that, you know, if he traveled that the plane would crash and then I could be a widow and that would be okay.
6:57
Jessie: Right.
6:58
Jessie: And then I felt guilt and shame over even having such a horrible thought.
7:01
Jessie: You know what I mean?
7:02
Jessie: So I was in this spin and this cycle, and yeah, I I I would not be here.
7:08
Cassandra: Yeah, yeah.
7:09
Cassandra: I am so glad you shared that because it sounds so familiar.
7:13
Cassandra: And I this is something my listeners are not even aware of.
7:17
Cassandra: And when I say we have so many similarities, I can remember times in my life, things were just so rough that I would go to sleep, I would actually put the Bible under my pillow, and hopefully, the words in that Bible would penetrate in my mind and throughout my body.
7:40
Cassandra: So when I wake up, I could feel the presence like there was something more for me.
7:45
Cassandra: I too remember driving.
7:47
Cassandra: I traveled a lot and driving and hoping an 18-wheeler would hit me.
7:51
Cassandra: I did the same thing, and it was scary.
7:54
Cassandra: It was like it was like the weight of the sand on a beach, if I can describe it.
8:01
Cassandra: It was just so heavy, and it was hard to.
8:05
Cassandra: Well, number one, it was it was taboo.
8:08
Cassandra: I was actually depressed, you know.
8:11
Cassandra: That's what was going on, and we didn't want to tell anybody because that would have been a shame.
8:15
Cassandra: You know, you have this, you have this face that you look um, you know, you're tough on the outside, but on the inside, you're just torn up.
8:25
Cassandra: And it was something you said about your brother, and you indicated that you read something.
8:55
Cassandra: Well, we haven't talked about your brothers, but you said you read something that he had written, and that catapulted you into your next journey.
9:06
Cassandra: Would you share what was it that he wrote?
9:09
Cassandra: And it's just share a little bit about what was going on with your brothers.
9:13
Jessie: Well, it depends on which brother you're referring to.
9:16
Jessie: So my first uh my older brother, um 30 some years ago now, uh, was murdered.
9:24
Jessie: And I was 28 at the time, he was 29.
9:28
Jessie: Um, and that was uh catastrophic from the context of despair, uh, sadness, um, disappoint.
9:36
Jessie: I mean, those were all of the emotions that I was living with.
9:40
Jessie: And back then I was raised Catholic, I was Christian at the time.
9:44
Jessie: I consider myself more spiritual now than I do a religion.
9:48
Jessie: But back then I thought, you know, what if there is no God?
9:52
Jessie: What if there's nothing?
9:53
Jessie: Right.
9:53
Jessie: And I was so upset and I was so hurt.
9:56
Jessie: And I'm like, and if God, if you do exist, then I hate you for taking my brother.
10:00
Jessie: And that's kind of how I felt.
10:02
Jessie: And it wasn't until he showed himself to me that I saw him in this deep, profound moment of grief.
10:10
Jessie: And he just waved with his arm.
10:12
Jessie: And it looked like what other people, but you can't really tell.
10:14
Jessie: It's more of a the visuals like that are not crystal clear.
10:18
Jessie: And he pointed to it and he said, Jess, everything is as it's supposed to be.
10:22
Jessie: And I didn't know what it meant at the time, but I know that it brought me calm, it brought me peace.
10:28
Jessie: I knew he was okay.
10:29
Jessie: And from that point has begun my spiritual journey, my spiritual quest to my to to see where where do I fit in all of this.
10:37
Jessie: Now, 30 years later, my little brother is murdered.
10:41
Jessie: Now, my little brother was 15 at the time that my older brother was murdered.
10:45
Jessie: Two different stories, two different human beings, two different episodes, you know.
10:49
Jessie: And it's just like now I'm like, okay, no, like this now.
10:54
Jessie: I felt rage.
10:55
Jessie: And I I usually go to sadness, but I felt rage.
10:59
Jessie: I was like, this cannot happen.
11:01
Jessie: I already checked the box, I already lost a brother to murder.
11:03
Jessie: This can't happen twice.
11:05
Jessie: And so I was, I was really, really angry.
11:08
Jessie: And in those moments, I prayed.
11:10
Jessie: I'm like, okay, God.
11:12
Jessie: So if both my brothers are meant to be taken, then what do you want with me?
11:16
Jessie: Why am I here?
11:18
Jessie: Why am I meant to live?
11:19
Jessie: Right.
11:20
Jessie: And the answer I got was, well, Jesse, you need to eat your own medicine.
11:24
Jessie: And I'm like, you know, and that's hard to hear, you know, because I'm like, okay, so that's it.
11:29
Jessie: Like, this is why this is happening, which for me, my medicine is that there's light in the darkest moment always.
11:36
Jessie: And sometimes when the pain is so big, we can't see it.
11:40
Jessie: So here I'm in the deep throes of pain, of anger, of sadness.
11:46
Jessie: My heart is broken.
11:47
Jessie: And when I got that message, I'm like, okay, so let me eat my own medicine.
11:51
Jessie: And I was able to find it.
11:53
Jessie: You know, even the depth of my sorrow was equivalent to the depth of my love, right?
11:58
Jessie: I was able to see his daughters that had not met before because they're different mothers, the oldest ones, you know, come together like they'd grown up together.
12:07
Jessie: They connected at the loss of their father.
12:09
Jessie: You know, I saw my family show up in ways that they never had.
12:13
Jessie: I I was able to see people posting on his Instagram how he affected their lives, you know.
12:18
Jessie: So there was beauty to be found.
12:21
Jessie: Um it was just, you know, it was, it was heart-wrenching, but I could find it.
12:26
Jessie: And I started to to do that.
12:28
Jessie: And I still am open to seeing how else my life unfolds.
12:32
Jessie: If it's one thing that I didn't find that my little brother wrote, um, you know, just kind of sharing with me who I was in his life, that he never expressed to me in life, and also a long list of what he wanted his daughters to know.
12:50
Cassandra: Wow.
12:51
Cassandra: I'm I I appreciate you sharing that.
12:54
Cassandra: And I wanted that so that my listeners could hear about your journey.
12:59
Cassandra: We all have a story, and yet, as I indicated earlier, when before we came on, we said we have a choice.
13:07
Cassandra: We can be better or we can be bitter about it, and you chose better, and that's why I want to talk about how does one transform their personal trauma into purposeful action?
13:24
Jessie: Well, that's such a great question.
13:26
Jessie: And here's the thing when you argue with reality, you lose 100% of the time.
13:32
Jessie: So, what do I mean by that?
13:34
Jessie: If I say my brother shouldn't have been murdered, right?
13:38
Jessie: Because it was wrong, he was shot in the back.
13:40
Jessie: My older brother was shot because he was dating a girl he did not know was engaged prior, right?
13:46
Jessie: Like so senseless, right?
13:48
Jessie: So in my mind, I could say that shouldn't have happened.
13:52
Jessie: He was a good person.
13:54
Jessie: That's not okay.
13:55
Jessie: If I say it shouldn't have happened, and I'm in that despair, I'm in an argument with the reality that it did, and I will stand up to suffer.
14:05
Cassandra: Wow.
14:06
Jessie: So if I don't look for the gift, I only remember the pain.
14:11
Jessie: And I don't believe God wastes the pain.
14:14
Jessie: I believe we do if we choose to.
14:16
Jessie: So if this is part of the divine plan, then how do I find the good?
14:23
Jessie: How do I find the gift?
14:24
Jessie: You know, the ripple effect, my older brother, there was over 300 people at his funeral, people we didn't know, but people whose lives he touched.
14:33
Jessie: Yes, you know, it's like wow, like so.
14:36
Jessie: I don't know the ripple effect of the loss of him and how it affected others.
14:40
Jessie: I just trust that it's it's in the divine order.
14:43
Jessie: I trust that it's part of the journey.
14:46
Jessie: And maybe, you know, I you I use uh John Walsh as an example, the guy that created America's Most Wanted, right?
14:53
Jessie: He did that on the heels of the loss of his six-year-old son Adam, right?
14:59
Jessie: And so if you look at it from our path is divinely written, you know, maybe Adam's contract with God was that he was going to come here for six short years and then leave to be the catalyst for John to wake up to his purpose because he was gonna save the many.
15:21
Cassandra: And he did.
15:22
Jessie: And God knew that God knew John's divine contract, and he says, you know what?
15:27
Jessie: In order to wake him up to really stand strong and help the many, then you, Adam, you're gonna show up as his son, and then you're gonna leave us at the age of six in a very traumatic way, and you're gonna come home.
15:39
Cassandra: Yes, that's that, yeah, that's powerful.
15:42
Cassandra: You know, I hear a lot of people say, I'm gonna change the narrative.
15:45
Cassandra: What you did, but like you indicated, makes so much sense.
15:50
Cassandra: Um, you you know the reality, but then you put a different spin on it, you know, you pivot, and that was a great example about John and and his son.
15:59
Cassandra: Um, and I bet you that John kind of got to that place, had to, it in order to let it go.
16:08
Cassandra: Because when you don't, you hold on to it, and it's like a cancer.
16:12
Cassandra: You don't, you're not doing what it is that you were called to do.
16:16
Cassandra: So the doc.
16:17
Cassandra: So your darkest moments fueled your passion and purpose.
16:22
Cassandra: And when you were growing up, did you what did you want to do?
16:28
Cassandra: Did you have a dream or anything about what you wanted to do?
16:32
Jessie: Um, you know, it's an interesting question.
16:34
Jessie: I think when I was little, I thought about being a teacher.
16:37
Jessie: You know, I always wanted to be a mom.
16:39
Jessie: That was a big deal for me.
16:40
Jessie: I wanted to have babies, you know, and I thought being a teacher would be nice, but I didn't really even know how to dream, to be honest.
16:47
Jessie: I was I was in such survival in my childhood that I just wanted to be free from the pain.
16:54
Jessie: Yeah, and when my my ex-husband entered my world, you know, he pretty much rescued me from that space because he called out what I was going through with my father.
17:06
Jessie: Out of all the years of going through that, out of trying to tell my mom when I was 16 and my words were twisted and I never heard anything about it again.
17:15
Jessie: Um, now I'm 18, and he comes in and he calls it out.
17:19
Jessie: And I'm just like, what?
17:20
Jessie: And then I shared with him probably more than he needed to hear, but he still wanted to be with me.
17:26
Jessie: And at that point, I didn't know that I adopted the belief that I was gross, filthy, and damaged goods and no one would love me.
17:34
Jessie: I didn't consciously know, but that's how I felt.
17:37
Jessie: So the fact that he knew my dirty secret, yeah, and he still wanted to be with me, I fell madly in love.
17:44
Jessie: Sure.
17:44
Jessie: Right.
17:45
Jessie: And so at that moment, I was like, I want to be with him to get away from this, right?
17:51
Jessie: And um, I told my mom I was gonna move out, and being the beautiful, and again, no offense, her her Catholic faith.
17:59
Jessie: She's just like my daughter would not live with a man and not be married.
18:02
Jessie: Yeah, so I moved out Monday, I was married Friday.
18:06
Jessie: And I was 18, I was in love.
18:09
Jessie: So I'm like, okay, sure, you know, and he was like, okay, so you know, we did it.
18:13
Jessie: And here's what I identify as trauma.
18:16
Jessie: So I there's three pillars to trauma there's undiagnosed, there's unacknowledged, and there's unresolved.
18:22
Jessie: And when you think about the undiagnosed, these are the the things we don't know to know, right?
18:28
Jessie: If you take a little boy who's at the grocery store with his mother and he's playing with the toys in the aisle, and mom goes to the end of the aisle to grab something, she can see him, but he can't see her.
18:38
Jessie: He waits, he looks up and he's like, Mommy, where are you?
18:41
Jessie: Right.
18:41
Jessie: And he gets scared and his whole body contracts.
18:44
Jessie: Mom's right there within seconds, but in that moment, the child unconsciously anchors, I could be abandoned, I could be left behind.
18:54
Jessie: And now he's clingy and doesn't want mom to be out of the room for too long or doesn't want her to go to the store without him.
19:00
Jessie: Now he's 35, and he doesn't know why he can't keep a relationship because he's too controlling and secure and jealous, right?
19:07
Jessie: Yes, he doesn't know that it's tied to that moment in the grocery store.
19:11
Jessie: There's no abuse, nobody did anything wrong, but that's what we do as human beings.
19:16
Jessie: We make meaning out of our situation, right?
19:20
Jessie: So that's the undiagnosed.
19:21
Jessie: The unacknowledged was my husband and I, my my ex-husband.
19:26
Jessie: He came from a very abusive alcoholic mother who raised him.
19:31
Jessie: He would, he was the uh only boy, the youngest of four.
19:34
Jessie: He would come home to his sisters unconscious on the on the floor.
19:37
Jessie: That's how brutal she was, right?
19:39
Jessie: So when we got together, he said, My kids will never see me drunk, and I said, My kids will never be molested.
19:47
Jessie: And we thought we felt right, right?
19:49
Jessie: So we enter a marriage and we're like, we're gonna have the white picket fans, we're gonna have the kids, the dog, the house.
19:55
Jessie: That's what we're gonna do.
19:56
Jessie: For the most part, we did that, but we did not know about the unacknowledged traumas that we brought underneath the big trauma, right?
20:05
Jessie: Yeah, that I felt unworthy, right?
20:08
Jessie: That his mom called him a loser every day, and so he felt unworthy.
20:12
Jessie: And so we brought two unworthy people in in our in our shadow, and I just knew let's make sure we keep the peace so nobody gets mad.
20:20
Jessie: And he only knew how to have conversations with argument and vulgarities, yeah.
20:25
Jessie: So it's like we were perfect match, right?
20:28
Jessie: Exactly the unacknowledged, and then of course, unresolved is that we don't we don't heal right now in personal development, which is amazing, we're taught to move through, right?
20:39
Jessie: Change your mindset, you know, shift through it, muscle through.
20:42
Jessie: Sure.
20:42
Jessie: That's all great, but we're mind setting our way out of healing, right?
20:48
Jessie: And now we know better.
20:50
Jessie: We read the books, we went to the seminars, and then when we find ourselves stuck again, we have a bigger reason to shame ourselves because well, I read the books, I went to the seminar.
20:59
Jessie: What's wrong with me?
21:00
Jessie: It's because we're not healing, we're not upgrading the program and we're installing new software, expecting it not to glitch.
21:09
Cassandra: So tell us how how you can um well what you what it sounds like is you have embraced vulnerability, you know, and by doing so it led you to personal empowerment.
21:26
Cassandra: Yes.
21:27
Cassandra: How did how did you do that though?
21:29
Cassandra: How did you, you know, you're right.
21:31
Cassandra: We read the books, we listen to the tapes, we look at the the speakers, we go to um conferences, and you feel really good, you know, like wow, oh my gosh, I feel good.
21:45
Cassandra: Then here you come a couple days later, and like, hmm, I'm kind of back to where I was.
21:50
Cassandra: How come tell my listeners how do you sustain that?
21:53
Cassandra: And I know it's all work now, it didn't happen overnight, but what's some methodologies to sustain that?
22:00
Jessie: The methodology is facing off with what caused limitation to begin with.
22:05
Jessie: We can't just move through and gain confidence.
22:08
Jessie: You you definitely gain confidence by doing and taking action, right?
22:12
Jessie: However, we're not looking at what, like, think about it.
22:16
Jessie: I had a my girlfriend, her little six-day old, his name was Timothy.
22:21
Jessie: I'm holding him and I'm looking at his little knuckles, and I'm like, oh my god, divine perfection, right?
22:27
Jessie: This little boy is just divine perfection.
22:29
Jessie: And then I thought, what makes us any different?
22:32
Jessie: Nothing, only the belief, right?
22:35
Jessie: Only the belief.
22:36
Jessie: We are still that divinity, we are still that magnificence.
22:40
Jessie: But somewhere along our journey, we we started to put limitation, we started to create what I call heart armor around our heart because we've been hurt before.
22:49
Jessie: So all of a sudden we develop an identity, and the identity is created from our wounding, yes, and so now we think we know who we are, but we don't realize that we are who we are with all these limitations because we've been hurt, and so the way to sustain is to actually heal, meaning that there is beauty to be found in your darkest moment, there is light if God doesn't waste the pain, then we have to be able to look for why did I go through that?
23:18
Jessie: Right.
23:19
Jessie: When I think about myself as a little girl, I used to build traps to warn me when my dad was coming into my room.
23:24
Jessie: Right.
23:24
Jessie: So you can think about how tragic, right, that a little girl had to create traps, didn't really stop him, but somehow it made me feel better.
23:33
Jessie: And now I look at her and and I used to condemn her.
23:36
Jessie: I used to say, you should have done more.
23:38
Jessie: You should have kicked, you should have screamed, you should have poked his eye.
23:41
Jessie: And I used to judge myself so harshly.
23:43
Jessie: But now I think about the fact that she built traps.
23:47
Jessie: I think about how creative, how resourceful, and how courageous of her to do this, right?
23:53
Jessie: And so, because that's also true.
23:55
Jessie: Both are true.
23:57
Jessie: This one makes me feel sad and makes me feel, you know, hurt.
24:01
Jessie: And this one allows me to fall in love with her.
24:04
Jessie: I get to fall in love with the aspects of me that showed up with courage, that showed up with resilience, that showed up with curiosity and creativity, because that's also true, but that's what we're not taught, right?
24:16
Jessie: And so a lot of coaches they say your past doesn't equal your future.
24:20
Jessie: And I'm like, I disagree with that.
24:22
Jessie: It absolutely can.
24:24
Jessie: We're just not taught to hold the gifts.
24:27
Cassandra: Yeah, right, right.
24:28
Cassandra: So so what you're saying is what I'm what I believe that I'm hearing is number one, and it's a journey to be healed, you know, and it's probably a work in process now.
24:43
Cassandra: Um, like many of us don't love ourselves.
24:49
Cassandra: If you ask somebody what is it that you like about yourself, you were like a deer in headlights, you know.
24:56
Cassandra: Um, and to me, that's part of the healing, but that's not all of the healing.
25:01
Cassandra: Do you think one ever gets healed?
25:06
Jessie: Well, healing is an interesting word, right?
25:08
Jessie: We use it because it is the simplest form of saying, let's transmute this trauma into something powerful, right?
25:17
Jessie: So, what is healing really?
25:19
Jessie: It's rescripting the meaning you give your experiences, right?
25:23
Jessie: So I look at my whole journey with gratitude, right?
25:29
Jessie: Because I get to be who I am today.
25:31
Jessie: I get to love humanity so passionately that I want to end suffering.
25:35
Jessie: And I and I could not be this without every part of my journey.
25:39
Jessie: So you want to call that healing?
25:42
Jessie: Great, right?
25:44
Jessie: I call it it's it's I'm grabbing the gifts.
25:46
Jessie: If I trust that there is a divine plan, yes, then I trust that we don't know light without dark, right?
25:54
Jessie: We don't know the joy of bliss without knowing sadness and depression, right?
26:01
Jessie: So if that's the true, then I have to look at my entire journey and go, like you started this call with like, you know, God doesn't give us what we can't handle, right?
26:10
Jessie: It's like, so it's like, okay, so every time I see somebody that tells me about their pain or their traumas, I'm like, woof, you are one of God's warriors, you know what I mean?
26:18
Jessie: I only see power, right?
26:21
Jessie: Yeah, yeah.
26:21
Jessie: But again, but that's because I've trained myself now to find the power in every situation, right?
26:28
Jessie: And so now I look at there's there's no story that will shock me.
26:32
Jessie: All I see is if you're speaking to me right now, if you're listening to this podcast, you are powerful.
26:40
Jessie: I know you've been knocked down to your knees.
26:42
Jessie: I know you've tried yourself to sleep and you're still here.
26:46
Jessie: So all I see is resilience, all I see is beauty and power.
26:50
Jessie: That's all I see because you're still standing, you got back up.
26:55
Jessie: We're not taught to see that.
26:58
Cassandra: That's very good.
26:59
Cassandra: That's very good.
27:00
Cassandra: So, okay, well, let's talk about your coaching.
27:04
Cassandra: You are for the last 18 years, you've been a peak performance coach and life strategist.
27:13
Cassandra: How did that come from where you were and where you are now?
27:19
Cassandra: How did that transition happen?
27:21
Cassandra: You wanted to teach, but okay, but you were led a different way.
27:27
Cassandra: What makes your coaching so uh be it a high performance?
27:33
Cassandra: High performance.
27:36
Jessie: I I consider I consider myself to have a PhD and experience.
27:41
Jessie: So you know, I I've got lots of training.
27:46
Jessie: I've you know, I was a Tony Robbins coach for seven years.
27:49
Jessie: I've I'm a trainer for the Institute of Heart Math.
27:51
Jessie: I went to India, became a meditation instructor.
27:54
Jessie: I mean, I've got all of that, but nothing has taught me like my journey, my life.
28:00
Jessie: Right?
28:01
Jessie: Like that's the PhD, that's getting through that.
28:04
Jessie: And I'm not I'm not greater than anybody, right?
28:08
Jessie: I love Ram Das's quote that says, we're all just walking each other home, right?
28:13
Jessie: I'm just on a different part of the path, and I'm here to help others get to that point, and and I think we're all in this together.
28:22
Jessie: Every human being that's awakened to their beauty, every human being that remembers who they are, is now a catalyst for somebody else to remember who they are because that's what we feed off of each other, right?
28:35
Jessie: Yeah, and you asked what got me here.
28:37
Jessie: What was that tipping point when I was at that place of apathy and I was willing myself to die?
28:43
Jessie: It was an act of kindness that shifted everything for me.
28:48
Jessie: And the people that treated me kind will never know.
28:51
Jessie: Like sometimes I wish I could look them up, right?
28:54
Jessie: Yeah, they will never know who they woke up, but because I was in such heaviness, I was in such depression, I was in such just um apathy, just felt like there was no way out.
29:05
Jessie: That, and and I was taught by my father, people, you know, they just want to get in your pants, so don't trust anybody, right?
29:12
Jessie: Because that's what he was doing.
29:13
Jessie: My ex told me, you know, people want to break up a good thing, Jesse, so don't talk about our marriage to anybody.
29:18
Jessie: And you know, people, so basically, people are bad before they're good.
29:20
Jessie: So and if I if somebody looked at me and my husband would get in a fight, so I looked down at the ground, I just I had my hair over my eyes, and I just I don't want to make my contact with anybody because I'm gonna get in trouble.
29:32
Cassandra: Right.
29:33
Jessie: And so when these people were kind to me from my interpretation for no reason, and and I was helping them in a class that they were taking, and I didn't, I was just doing my thing, but for them, it was so it was so unusual for me to be that kind that they were kind to me.
29:51
Jessie: They bought me a best buy, they all put money in and bought me a Best Buy card, which seems minuscule, but to me, it short-circuited me.
29:58
Jessie: I'm just like, wait, you're giving me what?
30:00
Jessie: For what reason?
30:01
Jessie: Why?
30:01
Jessie: Like, I again I didn't not understand, I didn't even know to call it kindness.
30:05
Jessie: But what I knew is it woke something up in me.
30:08
Jessie: Whatever flicker was still alive in me, it fueled that fire.
30:11
Jessie: And I thought, I don't even know what this feeling is.
30:14
Jessie: Wow, but if this feeling is available, then life is worth living, right?
30:18
Jessie: And that was the tipping point for me to get out of my marriage.
30:23
Jessie: And when I did that, I was 38 years old, so uh a long time ago, and um, I realized I had no clue who I was.
30:33
Jessie: I had become such a chameleon and I had become such a shape shifter into whatever needed to happen to keep the peace.
30:40
Jessie: I didn't even know my favorite color, my favorite food.
30:43
Jessie: I had no clue who I was.
30:44
Jessie: I was in massive survival, but I was.
30:46
Jessie: Determined from that point to understand humanity.
30:49
Jessie: I wanted to know why my dad did what he did, why my mom ignored me, why my husband did what he did, and why I allowed it.
30:55
Jessie: And that's where I went on an obsession to learn.
30:58
Jessie: And it was in my moment in my therapy where my therapist, I said, I want to do what you do, but that's a lot of school and that's a lot of time.
31:04
Jessie: Well, you should be a coach.
31:07
Jessie: And I was like, soccer coach?
31:09
Jessie: What do you mean?
31:10
Jessie: You know, because that's back in like 2005.
31:13
Jessie: Well, it wasn't as big a thing, but I looked into it and I I'm more a hands-on learner.
31:19
Jessie: So I found a school, uh Coaches Training Institute that does half virtual, half on-site.
31:24
Jessie: And I absolutely loved it because in the in the context of becoming a coach, you coach yourself, right?
31:30
Jessie: And as you're doing that, I'm seeing all the heart armor get just get peeled away.
31:35
Jessie: And I'm starting to be witness to who I am.
31:37
Jessie: And and in that journey, while I'm in survival, it just catalyzed who I got to be today.
31:46
Cassandra: That's good.
31:47
Cassandra: Uh, when you talked about kindness, that reminded me, you know, I always say you never know what people are going through.
31:54
Cassandra: And, you know, and just a smile or a kind word or to just do something, you never you never underestimate what you do.
32:05
Cassandra: And you may not know how you made that person feel, but I always encourage and I talk about love, which is the most powerful, and that was like an act of love.
32:19
Cassandra: And and so I'm glad you said that because you know, we have listeners who because they they feel that they had a bad hand and and they show it, they act like that to the world, you know, they go out there and and I call that the energy like that drains me.
32:39
Cassandra: You know, it's something to energy, you know.
32:42
Cassandra: So I I'm I'm I appreciate you saying that because I remember I was in a very low point and I went to Nordstrom's and I was so vulnerable because I was so down.
32:53
Cassandra: And I spoke to this girl to help me around the count on the uh over the counter, and she says, I don't have time, I'll get somebody else to help you.
33:02
Cassandra: And I was already broken, so that really broke me.
33:05
Cassandra: And I realized then that I'm gonna try very hard to be kind to everybody that I come in contact with because you you you just don't know.
33:15
Cassandra: Um, so I'm I'm so glad you you share that, and I want to talk, I want to move.
33:21
Cassandra: I love that fierce grace, but before we move forward, somebody was talking about yesterday.
33:29
Cassandra: I was listening to somebody say, everybody's a coach, everybody's a life coach.
33:33
Cassandra: You know, I hear that all the time.
33:35
Cassandra: Somebody say, Oh, everybody's a coach.
33:36
Cassandra: What do you do, Cassandra?
33:37
Cassandra: What the in your belief, the difference between a coach versus a mentor?
33:43
Cassandra: Is that a difference?
33:46
Jessie: That's a great question.
33:48
Jessie: Um, if I had to answer that, I would say a coach helps you close the gap from where you are to where you want to be, right?
33:58
Jessie: So they're helping guide you, but they're helping you discover the path, you discover the journey, right?
34:05
Jessie: Coaching is more about helping you discover your greatness versus giving you instruction on how to do it.
34:11
Jessie: A mentor, I think, is someone who's setting an example, somebody who's living the path that you hope to live, or you know, and giving you advice on how to get to where you want to go.
34:21
Jessie: There's a difference there.
34:22
Jessie: It's it feels like a nuance, but it's important because a mentor is someone you look up to, a mentor is someone who is exemplifying something that you want, right?
34:30
Jessie: Where a coach is kind of feeding back to you for you to discover and build your own muscle for you to be able to activate the parts of you that are there that you've forgotten.
34:41
Cassandra: Okay, all right.
34:43
Cassandra: Okay, so the fierce grace.
34:47
Cassandra: Can you share with us what in the world does that mean?
34:50
Cassandra: The fierce grace.
34:53
Jessie: The fierce, fierce grace is what we all harness within ourselves, right?
34:57
Jessie: We all have for women, we have a mama bear energy, just like don't mess with my cubs, right?
35:04
Jessie: That's right.
35:04
Jessie: And then we have the graceful part that is our feminine, that is our flow, that is our our ability to love, to nurture, to take care of, right?
35:12
Jessie: And we all have both, even men have feminine energy, right?
35:17
Jessie: So it is a blend of that both parts of who we are, and what we're getting it wrong is that we think it's one or the other, right?
35:26
Jessie: And for women, especially, I think we've we've tipped the scales a little bit because we fought so hard to prove we could do it all, yeah, right.
35:34
Jessie: That we have a lot of exhausted, burnt out women, right?
35:38
Jessie: And a big part of it is because, well, we've been hurt, right?
35:41
Jessie: So now we show up with big dukes and we don't know how to put them down.
35:47
Jessie: And although I get it, we had to show up a certain way in order to get certain things, now we don't know how to come out of it, and so we're tired, we're exhausted, and our men are confused.
35:59
Jessie: They're like, should I help you carry the groceries or will I be insulting you?
36:04
Cassandra: Exactly.
36:05
Jessie: Right?
36:05
Jessie: And I I have the the joy of having both.
36:10
Jessie: I have twin sons and I have a daughter, a very feminine daughter, and I have heart-centered men as as as my sons.
36:17
Jessie: So I've able to be witnessed in both, right?
36:20
Jessie: I've been I've seen where my daughter dated a hyper masculine man who belittled her, and I've seen where my boys have dated women that are you know controlling and you know, so it's just like, and so I get it, but we're scared, right?
36:36
Jessie: We're scared to put down our arms.
36:38
Jessie: No, you don't understand, Jesse.
36:39
Jessie: It's a dog eat dog world.
36:40
Jessie: I have to go out there, but I want to tell you something.
36:43
Jessie: A woman in her flow walks into a corporate room of 20 men, she will buckle every man's knees.
36:49
Cassandra: Right.
36:50
Jessie: We've forgotten the power of our femininity, we've forgotten that that is the greatest source, feminine energy.
36:57
Jessie: Just think about it.
36:58
Jessie: Anybody you look up to, anybody that you love, anybody that you admire, every single one of them came from a woman.
37:05
Jessie: We are the creators from a woman, yeah, right.
37:10
Jessie: From a woman, right?
37:11
Jessie: So we are the creators, and so fierce grace is how do we find balance?
37:16
Jessie: How do we find our power?
37:17
Jessie: How do we show up in our power and how do we allow the the grace to come in and do it?
37:23
Jessie: So for men, I say heart-centered leaders, right?
37:26
Jessie: Leaders that don't hunt to kill what's in front of them, they hunt to kill to protect what's behind them.
37:32
Jessie: There's a difference, right?
37:34
Jessie: And for women, how do we show up in our love and our nurture and our care and bring in that mama bear energy when needed, but don't live there, don't stay stuck there if that's not your core essence.
37:45
Jessie: And it's a balance, it's a blend of both.
37:48
Jessie: And I think that when we can navigate both, we activate our superpower.
37:55
Cassandra: I like that.
37:56
Cassandra: I like that.
37:57
Cassandra: I'm liking a whole lot of stuff.
37:59
Cassandra: Um, you it was something I saw that you I don't know.
38:04
Cassandra: I saw it, I read it, and it made so much sense.
38:09
Cassandra: You said when you fall in love with yourself, Jesse, what happens?
38:18
Jessie: You see humanity through a different set of lenses.
38:21
Jessie: You fall in love with humanity because you are part of the whole, right?
38:26
Jessie: When you you cannot give what you don't own.
38:29
Jessie: So if we start to we say, I'm gonna be this loving person, but inside you don't love yourself, there's still some parts that you're not giving because you can't hate this and love that.
38:42
Jessie: You have because we're all human beings.
38:45
Jessie: If you pay if you are judging yourself, if you are beating yourself up for not being more, there is a judge in there that is also judging others.
38:55
Jessie: So when you fall in love with yourself, and that's the outcome here, is to come back to wholeness, come back to remembering that divinity that we were when we took our first breath.
39:04
Jessie: I always say the innocence of a child.
39:07
Jessie: When we come back to that essence, we see others through those lenses as well.
39:12
Jessie: So now when somebody's unkind or cruel, we don't take it on, we see it as wow, they're wounded, they're hurting because in order to view venom, they have to eat that first.
39:28
Jessie: Yeah, so instead of getting offended, it's I I have compassion.
39:32
Jessie: It doesn't mean I want to stand on the other side of somebody's cruelty, but I have compassion, I send them love and I move away and I don't take it on.
39:42
Cassandra: That's good, that's good.
39:44
Cassandra: Um what do you attribute your your success?
39:49
Cassandra: Because you are a coach and you're a very good coach.
39:54
Cassandra: Um, like um, I'm curious, the number one are top three in measurable categories.
40:07
Cassandra: Like you are a high performance coach, you've been that for for years.
40:14
Cassandra: How do they qualify that?
40:20
Jessie: Well, there's different ways, and that happened to be for the top coaching company in the world.
40:24
Jessie: So um getting results.
40:26
Jessie: Yeah.
40:28
Cassandra: Okay.
40:28
Cassandra: All right.
40:30
Jessie: So so getting results, number one.
40:32
Jessie: Number two, people wanting to stay being coached.
40:37
Jessie: So they renew their contracts, they renew their like I don't, I don't want to, I don't want this to end.
40:43
Jessie: You know what I mean?
40:43
Jessie: I know that I've got blind spots, and I know that I need somebody partnered with me to help me identify those blind spots and help move through, right?
40:51
Jessie: So um that's another category.
40:53
Jessie: And and also bringing people in to saying, you know what, this is this is where you this is where you need to be in order to get the results you're looking for, right?
41:01
Jessie: So, and and I don't know all the intricacies of the measurements that they would use, but those were some of them was retention, was um results, right?
41:11
Jessie: Yeah and also new people coming in that were referred um by me.
41:17
Cassandra: Okay, okay.
41:18
Cassandra: Uh, one more question.
41:22
Cassandra: What methodology do you use to discover your client's deepest potential and unlock those limitless opportunities?
41:34
Jessie: Well, as I this is a great question.
41:36
Jessie: As I mentioned before, the three pillars of trauma.
41:39
Cassandra: Yeah.
41:40
Jessie: Right.
41:41
Jessie: The way that I discover it is by identifying where is the limitation today?
41:47
Jessie: Right?
41:47
Jessie: Okay.
41:48
Jessie: Because it's not about I can't go back into your history and say, oh, it was that or is this, it was that.
41:52
Jessie: I need to know where are you stuck right now?
41:55
Cassandra: Okay.
41:55
Jessie: What is preventing?
41:56
Jessie: Are you not, is your relationship not where it should be?
41:59
Jessie: It's not filled with passion and and toe-curling connection and intimacy.
42:03
Jessie: Is your are you not asking for the raise or the promotion?
42:06
Jessie: Are you lacking confidence?
42:08
Jessie: Are you feeling like you're in a hamster wheel in your life, right?
42:12
Jessie: Groundhog day every day.
42:13
Jessie: Where is the limitation?
42:15
Jessie: And then let's talk about what that is.
42:17
Jessie: And then I'm able to trace it back to somewhere.
42:20
Jessie: There's like this invisible thread that's connected to somewhere in your life where you made a meaning that this was not accessible to you.
42:28
Jessie: Maybe it was a parent that said, you know what, who was an alcoholic and called you a loser every day, like my ex-husband, right?
42:35
Jessie: Or it might have been a teacher.
42:36
Jessie: I had somebody whose teacher just handing in fourth grade, handing back their paper and didn't get a good grade and just muttered, you're gonna have a rough life.
42:48
Jessie: Just that, and by a teacher, instill the microchip in that child's brain, right?
42:55
Jessie: That said, Woof, I'm gonna have a hard life.
42:57
Jessie: Teacher said so.
42:58
Jessie: So now those are the lenses you wear.
43:00
Jessie: That's how you see the world.
43:01
Jessie: I'm gonna have a rough life.
43:02
Jessie: So, guess what?
43:03
Jessie: The universal law of reciprocity, that's the sonar you're putting out.
43:07
Jessie: That's what you're gonna get back.
43:09
Cassandra: Wow, right?
43:10
Jessie: So that's how we do it.
43:11
Cassandra: Okay, all right.
43:13
Cassandra: Well, I could talk and ask you more questions.
43:17
Cassandra: I would love to, but we we just can't do that.
43:21
Jessie: Well, I'm happy to come back.
43:23
Cassandra: Yeah.
43:23
Cassandra: Um, do you have for my listeners a call to action for them that will help them move the book the call with me?
43:33
Jessie: So I have a free gift for your listeners.
43:35
Jessie: Okay, it is a 10-step guide to freedom.
43:38
Jessie: Okay, and because some of you out there might be thinking, sure, Jesse, that all sounds great, but you don't know my situation.
43:47
Jessie: You don't know how stuck I am, you don't know how I don't own any of the power or I don't have the money or whatever the reason is.
43:55
Jessie: This 10-step guide to freedom will give you actionable steps that you could take right now, regardless of your situation.
44:03
Cassandra: Right.
44:04
Jessie: And what I invite is book a call with me.
44:07
Jessie: It's absolutely free.
44:08
Jessie: It's just let's get an assessment.
44:10
Jessie: Let's let's look at where you are right now and let's see if there's a way to help you get out of it.
44:16
Jessie: I never take a client that I cannot help.
44:19
Jessie: So all we can do is get clarity.
44:22
Jessie: Where are you now?
44:23
Jessie: Where do you want to be?
44:24
Jessie: And if I can help you get there, I certainly will.
44:26
Jessie: And if not, I'll guide you to places where you can go.
44:29
Jessie: Either way, you're taking a stand for you by scheduling that call.
44:35
Cassandra: Okay.
44:35
Cassandra: How will they get in touch with you, Jesse?
44:38
Jessie: They can go to Iam Fierce Grace.com.
44:42
Cassandra: Okay.
44:43
Jessie: Okay.
44:43
Jessie: And in there, there's all the kind of ways that I work with people.
44:47
Jessie: Um, I'm I'm open for speaking opportunities, I'm I'm open for a women's mastermind.
44:52
Jessie: I have the healing program.
44:53
Jessie: I also have a leadership program.
44:55
Jessie: There's a lot of different ways there.
44:57
Jessie: If you don't know which one to choose, just click on the let's talk and recall.
45:04
Cassandra: Wow, that's great.
45:05
Cassandra: That's great.
45:07
Cassandra: Your path is divinely written.
45:10
Cassandra: I love the title, I love the conversation.
45:13
Cassandra: Um, you are definitely inspiring.
45:17
Cassandra: I can see why you're a number one peak performer.
45:21
Cassandra: I can tell, I can feel it.
45:22
Cassandra: I think it's great.
45:23
Cassandra: And I'm so glad that my listeners have had the opportunity to hear your voice, to listen to our conversation, and also to book a call with you, and that's free.
45:37
Cassandra: People like free and and and um and take those 10 steps to guide your freedom.
45:45
Cassandra: Is that it?
45:45
Cassandra: 10 steps, 10 steps to freedom, yes.
45:47
Cassandra: To freedom.
45:49
Cassandra: Well, Jesse, this will end our conversation, and I will invite you back.
45:55
Cassandra: You were uh a joy, and as I indicated, I I all I tell my listeners, you know, for you, you were magical.
46:03
Cassandra: And just my listeners, just so you can hear, we had this interview the other day, and we were running into some technical difficulties.
46:11
Cassandra: So, because of that, I'm like, there's something that they don't want my listeners to hear, but I refused, and we rebooked, and here it is today.
46:19
Cassandra: And I'm just so grateful.
46:21
Cassandra: And I tell my listeners, like I always say, bye for now.
46:24
Cassandra: God bless you.
46:26
Cassandra: And Jesse, thanks again.
46:28
Cassandra: I appreciate you.
46:30
Cassandra: Absolutely.
46:31
Cassandra: Thank you, Cassandra.
46:32
Cassandra: It's my pleasure to be here.