Latest / What The Peri? - With Kirsten Cooke / One Drink, Full Hangover in Perimenopause — Why Alcohol Hits Harder Now (Ep 13)

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One Drink, Full Hangover in Perimenopause — Why Alcohol Hits Harder Now (Ep 13) · What The Peri? - With Kirsten Cooke

0:07
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to What the Perry.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm your host Kirsten Cook, personal trainer, menopause coach, and a woman living it right alongside you.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: This is the podcast for women navigating perimenopause and menopause.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: The change you didn't ask for, but the conversations you need.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: Picture a Saturday afternoon at a girlfriend's 50th.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: There's a long table set up in her backyard, fairy lights strung through the trees, and a grazing board that took someone hours to prepare.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: There's a bucket of ice with bubbles already chilling.
0:48
SPEAKER_00: You've barely put your handbag down before someone presses a glass of prosecco into your hand.
0:53
SPEAKER_00: They don't ask what you'd like, they just pour because that's how it goes here.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: Someone's already talking about opening the rose before the sun goes down, and the afternoon rolls along on top-ups and cheers.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: And then you say no thanks.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you say it quietly, or maybe you ask for a sparkling water instead.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: Either way, there's that little pause and the raised eyebrow, and then someone leans in with, go on, just one.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: It's a birthday.
1:18
SPEAKER_00: Someone else jokes that you must be pregnant.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: Another person tops up a glass you never asked for, and suddenly you're standing in the middle of the yard explaining yourself like you've done something wrong, when all you did was say no to a drink.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: It could just as easily be a long girl's lunch that rolls into dinner, the school mum's end-of-year drinks, a hen's weekend, or the book club, where the book sometimes barely gets a mention.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: The settings change, but the script hardly does.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: There's the glass that appears before you've sat down, the bottle that keeps getting passed around the table, and the friendly pressure that comes along with it.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: Most of the time people don't mean any harm, and that's part of what makes it so hard to step around.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: I want to be honest with you about where I sit with this because it's a big part of why this episode exists.
2:05
SPEAKER_00: Personally, I rarely drink anymore.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: The reason is simple, and it's that my body just can't tolerate it now.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: These days, if I even have one drink, my evening goes totally downhill and pretty fast.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: My skin flushes, a headache settles in, and then the nausea arrives and hangs around for the rest of the night.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: And the night that follows is horrible because then my sleep is horrific.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: I wake up the next morning feeling hung over, like properly hung over, the way I expect to feel after a big night out.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: Except it was one drink.
2:36
SPEAKER_00: One drink, and I've lost the evening.
2:39
SPEAKER_00: Then I've lost the whole night and the next morning, and I'm dragging myself through the rest of the day.
2:44
SPEAKER_00: That's a big price to pay for one glass of anything.
2:47
SPEAKER_00: So for me, it's just not worth it.
2:50
SPEAKER_00: Now, I know that won't be everyone's story, and I want to say that clearly.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Your body is your own, and you may feel completely different about a drink than I do.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: But I know a lot of women who used to enjoy a few drinks and who find now in perimenopause that they can't tolerate it at all.
3:06
SPEAKER_00: If that's you, you might be wondering why, because nothing about the drink has changed.
3:10
SPEAKER_00: It's the same glass of wine or the same vodka soda it always was.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: What's changed is their body, and I think that's worth understanding.
3:19
SPEAKER_00: So today I want to talk about alcohol and specifically alcohol at this stage of your life.
3:24
SPEAKER_00: Your hormones are shifting and your sleep is already under pressure, and you might be wondering whether the drink at the end of a long day is helping you or quietly making things harder.
3:34
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to look at why so many of us drink and why it can feel like the thing getting you through.
3:39
SPEAKER_00: Then I'll walk you through what it does in your body now and what you can do about it.
3:43
SPEAKER_00: And I'm doing all of it without a shred of judgment.
3:46
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to What the Perry.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: I'm Kirsten Cook.
3:49
SPEAKER_00: Last week I talked about your pelvic floor and your bladder, so if you miss that one, it's there waiting whenever you're ready.
3:55
SPEAKER_00: Back in the wait episode in episode eight, I told you alcohol deserved its own episode rather than a few rushed sentences.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: I meant it, and today is that episode.
4:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm giving it the time I think it deserves, and I hope by the end you'll feel the same.
4:10
SPEAKER_00: But before I go any further, I want you to know exactly where I'm coming from.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: This is a topic that can make people feel defensive, and I understand why, because it can feel very personal.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: So let me be clear, I'm not here to judge.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: I'm just here to present the facts and help educate women to make empowered choices for their health during this phase of life.
4:31
SPEAKER_00: What you do with those facts is up to you.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: I trust you to work out what's right for your body and your life.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: You're a grown woman who's been making big decisions for herself and the people she loves for years.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: And this is simply one more made with better information.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: So here's how I've laid it out for you.
4:47
SPEAKER_00: First, I'll talk about what this is like to live with, the drinking culture around us, and the very human reasons we reach for a drink.
4:55
SPEAKER_00: Then I'll explain why it can feel like the thing getting you through perimenopause.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: After that, I'll take you through what's happening in your body, from why one drink hits harder now to your sleep, your hot flushes, your brain, and your breast cancer risk.
5:09
SPEAKER_00: Then I'll get practical about what helps, and I'll finish with three things you can do this week.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: I want to begin with the world we live in because it's hard to talk about alcohol in Australia without talking about how much of our social life is built around it.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: Think about the gatherings in your own year.
5:26
SPEAKER_00: There are birthdays and the long lunches, the work Christmas party, the girls' weekends away and the mum's nights out.
5:33
SPEAKER_00: There's the casual barbecue lunch at home with friends or family, and even the kids' end of season sports presentation day.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: Alcohol turns up at nearly all of them, and it's so normal that most of us barely notice.
5:45
SPEAKER_00: And then there's the everyday ritual of it.
5:48
SPEAKER_00: It's five or six o'clock and you've been going since before the sun comes up.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: The kids are hungry, the inbox is still full, and dinner hasn't even started.
5:56
SPEAKER_00: Pouring a glass of wine while you get the pasture on can feel like the moment the day finally lets go of you.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: We even have a name for it, wine o'clock, and we laugh about it on fridge magnets and tea towels.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: It's become such a familiar part of so many women's evenings that it hardly feels like a choice at all.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: But if you've ever tried not drinking at one of those gatherings, you'll know it doesn't always go quietly.
6:19
SPEAKER_00: We have a strong binge drinking culture in this country, and if you don't drink at a social gathering, people can give you a hard time.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: You might get called boring, someone might ask if you're pregnant, or keep saying, just have one until you feel like the odd one out.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: People top up your glass when you're not looking, and you end up explaining yourself over and over for a choice that's yours to make.
6:41
SPEAKER_00: So I don't find it surprising that so many of us drink, and I want to go through the reasons because every single one of them makes sense to me.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: For a lot of women, it's simply a way to relax and switch off at the end of a day.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: It draws a clear line between the busy part and the part where you finally get to stop.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: For others, it's about the fitting in.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: When the people around you have a drink in hand, it's easier to have one too than stand out and field the questions.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: For some of us, it's a bit of Dutch courage.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: It's a little false confidence to get through a room full of people, especially on the days we're feeling insecure about how we look or what we'll say.
7:19
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's the way we cope with stress because life can be relentless and a drink feels like the quickest way to turn the volume down.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: And peer pressure doesn't stop at school either.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: It just puts on nicer clothes and turns up at the girls' lunch.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: And I think we underestimate how strong it still is.
7:36
SPEAKER_00: And for some women, the drink has slipped from something they enjoy into something they rely on.
7:42
SPEAKER_00: For some, it has become an addiction.
7:44
SPEAKER_00: If that's where you are, I want you to hear me say there's no shame in it, and I'll talk later in this episode about where you can get support.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: These are human reasons, every one of them.
7:55
SPEAKER_00: You're not weak or silly for any of them.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: You're a woman doing her best in a culture that hands her a drink at every turn, and I can see how easily that happens.
8:05
SPEAKER_00: Look at what that adds up to.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: You've got a culture where a drink is offered at nearly every gathering, a daily ritual that marks the end of the workday, and a lot of very good reasons to say yes.
8:16
SPEAKER_00: On top of that, there's the social cost of saying no, which can catch you off guard.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: None of that makes you weak, it just means that choosing differently takes a bit of planning, and I'm going to help you with that later in this episode.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: Now, there's one Australian figure I want to give to you.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: About one in four Australian women drink more than the national guidelines.
8:36
SPEAKER_00: I want to be careful with that because it covers women of all ages from their teens right up.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: So it isn't a number about women at our stage in life specifically, but it does tell you that if you've ever wondered whether you're drinking more than you'd like, you've got plenty of company in asking.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: And I'd like you to look at it honestly without beating yourself up.
8:56
SPEAKER_00: So why does a drink feel like such a lifeline at this stage of life in particular?
9:01
SPEAKER_00: I'd like you to think about what you might be carrying right now.
9:04
SPEAKER_00: You might be anxious for no clear reason and sleeping badly night after night.
9:10
SPEAKER_00: You might be overwhelmed by the mental load of keeping everyone else's lives running and feeling like you can't cope.
9:17
SPEAKER_00: When that's your life, the evening drink can feel like the one thing that takes the edge off.
9:22
SPEAKER_00: I understand why it can feel that way, and I'm not here to judge it.
9:25
SPEAKER_00: And there's research that backs up what so many women feel.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: A study in the UK looked at women aged 40 to 65.
9:33
SPEAKER_00: So these women were right in the age range of most of you listening.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: The women in perimenopause had the most symptoms.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: They were most likely to be drinking to cope and had the lowest well-being of any of the women in it.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: And drinking to cope was part of what linked their symptoms to heavier drinking.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: So, in other words, for some of these women, the drink had become a way of getting through their symptoms.
9:57
SPEAKER_00: So if that sounds like you, I want you to know you're not doing anything strange.
10:01
SPEAKER_00: You're responding to a very hard season in a way that a lot of women do.
10:06
SPEAKER_00: But here's the problem with it, and it's the part that can catch you without noticing.
10:10
SPEAKER_00: The drink takes the edge off tonight, and then it makes tomorrow harder.
10:14
SPEAKER_00: Because your sleep is worse, your mood is flatter, and you feel more anxious.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: Then you feel even less able to cope, and by six o'clock, the drink looks like the answer again.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: And round and round it goes.
10:26
SPEAKER_00: The thing that seemed to help last night is part of why today feels so heavy, and it's very hard to see the cycle from the inside.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: That's especially true when you're exhausted and you're just trying to get through the week.
10:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't see that as a failure of willpower.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: I see it as how a lot of us end up leaning on something a little harder than we meant to.
10:47
SPEAKER_00: So I think the first step is simply learning to spot the loop when you're in it.
10:52
SPEAKER_00: Picture how that plays out across an ordinary week.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: Monday's a long day, so you pour a glass to unwind, and you sleep a little worse than usual.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: On Tuesday, you flatten their G's, so the glass that night feels even more deserved.
11:05
SPEAKER_00: By Thursday, you're running on empty, short with the kids and wondering why you feel so fragile, and the drink seems like the only bright spot in the day.
11:14
SPEAKER_00: None of it is a character flaw, it's a cycle, and a cycle can be broken once you see it.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Now, some of you might be thinking that a drink doesn't make you crankier at all.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: In the moment, it helps you relax and feel less stressed, and that's exactly why it's so appealing.
11:29
SPEAKER_00: But that relief is a bit of an illusion because it borrows from tomorrow.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: The calm you get tonight gets paid back with a worse night's sleep and a harder next day.
11:39
SPEAKER_00: And when that happens night after night, the effects build on each other.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: So the drink isn't really taking the stress away, it's moving it to tomorrow with a little extra on top.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: Now, one part of that loop has a name and it's anxiety.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: It's the anxiety that can turn up the day after drinking.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: You might wake with a racing heart and a sense of dread you can't put your finger on.
12:01
SPEAKER_00: You lie there replaying everything you said last night and wondering if you were too loud or said the wrong thing.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: And that can happen even when you know deep down that you were perfectly fine.
12:11
SPEAKER_00: It's a horrible feeling, and I know it can color your entire day.
12:15
SPEAKER_00: So let me explain how it works in plain words.
12:18
SPEAKER_00: While alcohol is in your system, it calms your brain down.
12:22
SPEAKER_00: As it wears off, your brain swings back the other way to rebalance, and that rebound can land as anxiety the next day.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: If you're drinking regularly, that swing can leave you feeling more on edge between drinks too.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: And of course, that makes the next drink look even more appealing.
12:39
SPEAKER_00: So it's the same cycle again, just seen from a different angle, and I think it helps to know that it's coming from the drink.
12:46
SPEAKER_00: But I want to be careful here because in the sleep episode, I told you that the three in the morning wired wake up is not anxiety you've invented.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: I said it's a physiological alarm, and that's true still.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: Hangxiety doesn't replace that, it's something extra that alcohol can pile on top.
13:04
SPEAKER_00: So if you're already dealing with perimenopausal anxiety and broken sleep, the rebound from a drink can make both of them louder.
13:12
SPEAKER_00: I think you deserve to know that so you can decide for yourself whether it's worth it.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: It's time to take you inside your body.
13:20
SPEAKER_00: Once you understand what's going on in there, so much of what you've been noticing starts to make sense.
13:25
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's a relief in itself because you can stop wondering whether you're imagining it and start making decisions based on what's real.
13:32
SPEAKER_00: I'll start with the change so many women notice first, and then I'll work through sleep, hot flushes, your brain, and breast cancer, one at a time.
13:42
SPEAKER_00: The first change is that one drink hits harder than it used to.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe a single glass now leaves you feeling tipsy when it never did before.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: Or the hangovers are worse and lasts longer, so a couple of drinks on a Saturday are still dragging you down on Monday.
13:57
SPEAKER_00: If that's you, a lot of women are experiencing exactly the same thing.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: This is a very common change at this stage of life, and it's not in your head.
14:06
SPEAKER_00: I know how strange it can feel when your body stops responding the way it always has.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: Here's what doctors who work with women around menopause describe, and it comes down to a few simple things.
14:16
SPEAKER_00: As we get older, our bodies tend to carry a little less water and a little more fat.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Alcohol spreads through the water in your body, so with less water to spread through, the same drink ends up more concentrated in your blood.
14:30
SPEAKER_00: On top of that, your liver does most of the work of clearing alcohol.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And as you age, it gets a little bit less efficient, so it takes longer to clear.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: Put those two things together, and the same glass you've always had is now landing on a body that handles it differently.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: Your changing hormones may well play a part in this too.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: Menopause doctors see this change in their clinics all the time, but exactly how your hormones are involved hasn't been pinned down yet.
14:57
SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna pretend I can explain the hormone side to you.
15:00
SPEAKER_00: What I can tell you is that the changes in your body and your liver are real.
15:05
SPEAKER_00: They explain a lot of what you're feeling, and I think your experience is worth trusting while the research catches up.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna spend long on sleep here because I've covered it before.
15:16
SPEAKER_00: In the sleep episode, I called alcohol the great false friend of perimenopausal sleep.
15:21
SPEAKER_00: It helps you to drift off, but it wrecks the second half of your night.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: All of that still stands.
15:27
SPEAKER_00: So if your sleep is already fragile, I'd think of a nightcap as working against you, not for you.
15:33
SPEAKER_00: If you'd like the full picture, that episode is there whenever you want to go back to it.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: But hot flushes and night sweats are worth a closer look because there's a link here that's well worth knowing about.
15:44
SPEAKER_00: A study of women in midlife who hadn't yet reached menopause found that the more they drank, the more likely they were to have hot flushes and night sweats.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: That link showed up even at quite small amounts.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: Now that kind of study shows a link rather than proving the drink causes the flushes, but I think it's a link worth paying attention to.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: Some women find alcohol is one of their triggers, and the only way to know if that's one of yours is to test it.
16:10
SPEAKER_00: So I'd suggest trying two weeks without a drink and watching what your flushes and night sweats do.
16:16
SPEAKER_00: Notice how often they come, how strong they feel, and whether they wake you up at night.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: If they ease off, that's useful information to know.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: And if nothing changes, you've learned something too, and you can look elsewhere for your triggers.
16:30
SPEAKER_00: Now I want to talk about your brain, and I'd like you to take this part in slowly.
16:34
SPEAKER_00: Regular drinking is linked to thinning in the gray matter of your brain.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: Your gray matter is the thinking tissue of your brain where your brain cells live, and it's the part doing the thinking, the remembering, and the decision making.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Thinning simply means that the tissue gets thinner and smaller in places.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: The brain can recover, but the more and the longer you drink, the less of it comes back.
16:57
SPEAKER_00: So your gray matter is doing a lot of the heavy lifting in your everyday life, and I want you to look after it.
17:03
SPEAKER_00: And in the brain fog episode, I explained that the changes in your brain around menopause are your brain adapting, not being damaged.
17:11
SPEAKER_00: I also said many of those changes settle or partly reverse over time, and that's still right.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: But it does mean your brain is already doing a lot of the adjusting right now.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't need anything else working against it while it finds its feet.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: Caring for it now is one of the kindest things you can do for the woman you'll be in 20 years.
17:32
SPEAKER_00: This next part is the one I most want you to hear clearly, and I'll keep it plain.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Alcohol is classed as a group one carcinogen, which is the same category as tobacco.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: That category is about how sure scientists are that something causes cancer.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: It isn't about how much harm each drink does.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't mean a glass of wine is as bad as a cigarette.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: It means the evidence in people is strong enough to say with confidence that alcohol causes cancer.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: Breast cancer is the cancer alcohol is most linked to in women.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: One of the ways it does this is by raising estrogen levels in your body.
18:08
SPEAKER_00: Even one drink a day raises your breast cancer risk, and the risk keeps climbing the more you drink.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm not telling this to frighten you, I'm telling you because it's something you deserve to know when you're making choices about your health, and because the decision should be yours to make with all the facts.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: Remember in the HRT episode, I said the risk from the old HRT was smaller than one drink a day?
18:30
SPEAKER_00: This is the other half of that sentence.
18:33
SPEAKER_00: So many women have been frightened away from HRT because of breast cancer.
18:37
SPEAKER_00: Meanwhile, the nightly glass of wine goes unquestioned.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: I'd really like you to hold those two things side by side for a moment and see them for what they are.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: And while I'm here, there's an old idea I want to put to rest very quickly.
18:51
SPEAKER_00: Nobody can tell you a drink protects your heart anymore.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: Some of the people counted as non-drinkers in the old studies had stopped drinking because they were already very sick.
19:01
SPEAKER_00: That made the light drinkers look healthier by comparison when it wasn't the drink protecting them at all.
19:07
SPEAKER_00: So the glass of red for your heart is an outdated message, and that's all the time I'm gonna give it today.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: So now I want to get practical.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Knowing all of this is only useful information if you've got some real options for what to do with it, and there are plenty.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you some swaps, some lines for when someone pushes a drink on you, and some ideas if the drink has become the way to cope.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Take what suits you and leave the rest out, because these are my suggestions, not rules, and you know your own life better than anyone.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: The first thing I'd suggest is to look at what's in your glass.
19:40
SPEAKER_00: The alcohol-free options now are a world away from where they used to be.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: You'll find alcohol-free beers, wines, and even spirits in bottle shops and supermarkets all over the country.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: And the range keeps growing.
19:52
SPEAKER_00: Moktaws have come a long way too, and kombucha is easy to find.
19:56
SPEAKER_00: And a fancy soda or a sparkling water with fresh lime in a beautiful glass can feel like a treat in its own right.
20:04
SPEAKER_00: Here's a little thing that helps more than you'd think.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: When you've got a drink in your hand, most of the offers simply stop because people see a glass and assume you're sorted.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: So I'd bring your own if you need to and put it in a glass that feels special.
20:17
SPEAKER_00: I think you'll find you're answering far fewer questions and enjoying the afternoon a lot more, and what's in it is your business unless you want to share.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: If you're cutting back rather than stopping, there are some simple things that can help.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: So pick the ones that suit you.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: Decide your number before you go out so you're not making that decision two drinks in.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: Eat before you go so you're not drinking on an empty stomach, and alternate each drink with water or an alcohol-free drink.
20:42
SPEAKER_00: Have some alcohol-free days in your week.
20:45
SPEAKER_00: And put your hand up to drive because I think that's the easiest no there is.
20:49
SPEAKER_00: So what do you do when someone just won't take no for an answer?
20:53
SPEAKER_00: The first thing I want you to know is that you don't owe anyone an explanation, not your friends, not your family, and not the colleague holding the bottle at the work Christmas party.
21:02
SPEAKER_00: A short, simple line is usually all you need.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Something like, I'm good, thanks, or I'm driving, or I sleep better without it, or I just feel better without it.
21:13
SPEAKER_00: Say it once, smile and change the subject.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: It also helps to set yourself up before you even arrive.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: Having your own drinking your hand takes a lot of pressure off straight away.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: You could have a quick word with a friend or with the host beforehand too.
21:27
SPEAKER_00: That way there's someone on your side who'll steer the conversation away from your glass if it comes up.
21:33
SPEAKER_00: And knowing you've got backup makes it so much easier to relax and enjoy the people you came to see.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: But if a friend keeps pushing you after you've said no, I'd ask you to hold this thought kindly.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: Their pushing is usually telling you more about their relationship with alcohol than about yours.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't say that to judge them because they may well be dealing with their own version of everything I've talked about today.
21:55
SPEAKER_00: It simply means you can let it go.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: You haven't done anything wrong by saying no.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: And you don't need to carry their reaction home with you.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: Now, if the drink has become your way of getting through the day, I'd like you to ask yourself one simple question.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: What job is that drink doing for you?
22:12
SPEAKER_00: Is it helping you relax, switch off, fit in, calm your anxiety, or get to sleep?
22:17
SPEAKER_00: Once you know the job, you can start finding something else to do it.
22:21
SPEAKER_00: And I think that's where the change starts to feel possible, rather than like you're white knuckling your way through everything.
22:28
SPEAKER_00: So if it's the six o'clock ritual that marks the end of your day, I'd try changing the ritual itself.
22:33
SPEAKER_00: Go for a short walk around the block, have a shower and get changed into something comfortable.
22:38
SPEAKER_00: Make yourself a cup of tea or ring a friend while you're putting dinner on.
22:42
SPEAKER_00: It sounds small, but giving your body a different signal that the day is done can take a lot of the pull out of that first drink.
22:49
SPEAKER_00: And over time, the new ritual becomes the habit.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: Please treat the cause too, not just the habit.
22:56
SPEAKER_00: If what you're really numbing is perimenopause, whether that's the anxiety, the broken sleep, or the hot flushes, then I'd want you to talk to your GP or a practitioner who understands menopause.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: Those symptoms can be treated.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: You don't have to keep pouring a drink over the top of something that could be properly looked after.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: And I think you deserve real help with what's underneath it.
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Some of you might be listening to this and feeling a little uneasy, so I want to talk gently about the signs that a drink has become something that you rely on.
23:26
SPEAKER_00: It might be that you need a drink to unwind most nights, or that you often drink more than you planned to.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: It might be that a night off feels really hard.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: Maybe people close to you have said that they're worried or you find yourself hiding how much you're having.
23:41
SPEAKER_00: There's no shame in any of it, and noticing it is a brave first step.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: And if any of that sounds familiar, the first place I'd send you to is your GP.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: You can also call the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline, which is free and open 24 hours a day, seven days a week on 1-800-250-015.
24:02
SPEAKER_00: And if you're ever in a crisis, please call Lifeline on 131114.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: You do not have to work through any of this on your own, and I want you to know that reaching out is a sign of strength.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: And there's one more important safety point I need you to hear.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: If you've been drinking heavily every day, please talk to your GP before you stop, rather than stopping suddenly on your own.
24:24
SPEAKER_00: Stopping all at once can be risky for your body.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: Your GP can help you come off it safely, and if you'd rather start somewhere else, the hotline can point you to alcohol and drug services near you.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: So please don't let worry or embarrassment stop you from making that call.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: So let me bring all of this together into three things you can do this week.
24:43
SPEAKER_00: You can start with whichever one feels right for you, and I'd much rather you did one of them properly than tried to do all three at once and felt overwhelmed.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: None of them need any special equipment and none of them need anyone's permission.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: They're small, they're kind, and they'll tell you far more about your own body than anything I can say from here.
25:02
SPEAKER_00: Step one is simply to notice.
25:05
SPEAKER_00: This week, each time you reach for a drink, I'd like you to pause and ask yourself why.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: What job is that drink doing for you right then?
25:13
SPEAKER_00: Is it the end of the workday?
25:15
SPEAKER_00: A tough conversation?
25:17
SPEAKER_00: The kids finally in bed or a gathering where you'd feel awkward without one?
25:21
SPEAKER_00: You don't need to change anything yet, you're just gathering information about your own patterns, kindly and without judging yourself.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: Step two is an experiment and it's yours to run.
25:32
SPEAKER_00: Try two weeks alcohol-free or with far fewer drinks if that feels more doable.
25:38
SPEAKER_00: Then watch what happens to your sleep, your hot flushes, your mood, and your mornings.
25:43
SPEAKER_00: You might be surprised by what changes, or you might find very little does.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: Either way, I think you'll have learned something real about your own body.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: It's your experiment and it gives you your own answer.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: Step three is to plan your next social occasion before you get there.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: Choose your alcohol-free drink ahead of time and pick your one line, the one that feels the most natural coming out of your mouth.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: That way you're ready when the offer comes.
26:08
SPEAKER_00: And if you're worried that you're relying on alcohol, please call your GP this week or call 1-800-250-015.
26:16
SPEAKER_00: That one call could be the start of something much better for you.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to dig into the research behind today's episode, you'll find all of it in the show notes, along with the hotline number.
26:26
SPEAKER_00: I've put it all in one place for you so it's there whenever you need it, and you can come back to it as often as you like.
26:31
SPEAKER_00: Here's where I want to leave you today.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: Picture yourself back at that 50th under the fairy lights at the long table with someone holding out the bubbles with a grin.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're holding a sparkling water with lime or an alcohol-free sparkling in a champagne flute that no one looks twice at.
26:47
SPEAKER_00: Whatever you decide in that moment, I hope the choice feels truly yours now.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: I hope it's made with the facts in your hands and not because someone raised an eyebrow.
26:57
SPEAKER_00: And I hope you know there's no right or wrong person to be at that table.
27:01
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm not here to judge you and I never will be.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: I'm just here to share the facts and help you make empowered choices for your health during this phase of life, whatever those choices turn out to be.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Some of you will drink less and some of you will stop altogether.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Some of you will simply understand your body a little better than you did an hour ago.
27:21
SPEAKER_00: To me, all of those are good outcomes because every one of them comes from you knowing more and choosing for yourself.
27:28
SPEAKER_00: So remember your three steps.
27:30
SPEAKER_00: Notice when you reach for a drink and what job it is doing for you.
27:34
SPEAKER_00: Try a two-week experiment and watch your sleep, your flushes, your mood, and your mornings.
27:39
SPEAKER_00: And plan your next social occasion before you get there, with your drink and your line ready to go.
27:44
SPEAKER_00: And if you're worried, call your GP or 1-800-250-015 this week.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: None of it has to be perfect, and you can start small with whichever step feels easiest.
27:56
SPEAKER_00: And if today's episode helped, please share it.
27:59
SPEAKER_00: Send it to the friend who keeps saying she can't handle a glass of wine the way she used to, and she doesn't know why.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: She might be very relieved to hear there's a real reason her body is responding differently now.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: And please follow the show and leave a rating or review because it helps other women find these conversations when they need them most.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're here.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: Look after yourself, and I'll see you next week.
28:24
SPEAKER_00: Everything I've mentioned today is referenced in the show notes, along with all the links.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: And you can find me at Kirstencookcoaching.com.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Just a reminder, though, this is education, not medical advice.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: So take these conversations to a practitioner who will actually listen to you.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here and for listening to the What the Perry podcast.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: The change you didn't ask for, the conversations you need to do.