Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Levity Live Comedy Club Pt 1

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Levity Live Comedy Club Pt 1 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Clean, you know what I'm saying?
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: Got your nice little dreads cleaned up.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: You feel me? Oh, wait a minute.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Oh, you got special teeth. Y'all the real ones though, man.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: This was like, I don't know, six days notice or something.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: Y'all real.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying? Y'all could have been anywhere.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: You were like, Nate Jackson gonna be there?
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: We gonna get to you, sir. Calm down.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: The way you looked at me like, I already know
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: you want me.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I do. I do.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: But we gonna wait a minute before we get to you.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: You're the only person in here that already look dead, so.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: We gonna get some people. Let's see who we gonna get.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Right here.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I didn't get your last show, really. I called you
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Oxnard Snoop Dogg, but we might as well. Might as
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: well get to know you and the rest of the
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: section right there. This your friends or you still solo?
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Appreciate you.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: And so what's your name, boss? Fitzgerald. Comma.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Oh, your first name is Fitzgerald. That sounds eccentric and expensive. Yeah,
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: everybody else is like, he plays for the Cardinals.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: I get it. That's too easy, guys. Larry Fitzgerald. I
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: get it.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: But do you mind standing up and everybody see your outfit,
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: your hair, and let's see what we can work with here.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I ain't got much to say, man. You look like
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: you got your shit together, man. You got your shoes clean,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying? Got your nice little dreads
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: cleaned up.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: You feel me? Oh, wait a minute. Oh, you got
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: special teeth. Goddamn. Your teeth just in there, ain't.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: It? You look like you went to the dentist's office
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: and shoplifted.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Look at that.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: You're slipping. It's funny when it fucks Trent up. He'd
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: have heard a lot of shit. You was waiting for that? Well,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: smile and look right down the pipe of that camera.
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: Move your hands out the way.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Say ah. Let everybody see that bullshit. God damn. I said,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: say ah. He was like, ah!
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: His teeth so fucked up, just opened his mouth, looked
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: like he's screaming. I had to open his mouth, I
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: almost said, trick or treat, god damn.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: You were early, ain't you? Nice to meet you, Fitzgerald.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: You almost had me speechless, and then you opened up
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: your mouth and A cup of tea fell out.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: You okay? You ain't laughing at all. This is a
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: great moment. Some motherfucking robot. He was like.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Fish Joe was like, ah, ah, ah, ah.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Whatever.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: All right, let's move around. Nice to meet you, Fish Joe.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: You know. let's meet the other people at the table, man.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Let's meet the brother in the nice jacket.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: That's a nice jacket.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: That shit nice as a mother. Is that Miss Skeen?
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: You looking away? Am I missing the look away? Okay, brother,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: I understand. I feel it. You're like, man, I don't
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: want that bullshit. You in the front, though, man. Goddamn,
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: you should switch out with somebody that wants some shit
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: from the back. And sis said, right, I want to
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: talk to him. Well, let's talk to you, sis, since
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: you want to talk. Trenton, we about to talk to
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: the church ladies right there. There's a whole row of
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: sopranos and altos sitting together. That's right, from the Greater
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: Mount Bethesda Oxnard Baptist Church up on high in the
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: name of.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Jesus, the Lord Jesus.
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: That's right. They go to church and pray for the things,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: things that everybody else, elsewise. Who's the leader of the group?
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: Who want to be the spokesperson? Let's go down to
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: the end and talk to T-Pain. He can speak for everybody.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: He's like, damn, I wasn't even looking at you.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: I thought you were. I'm sorry, brother.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I apologize for that. But you're so dark, I couldn't
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: see your eyes. White people and Mexicans, don't you take
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: that shit and repeat that.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: That's just me and him talking, okay? You're beautiful. Black
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: is beautiful, and you're gorgeous. You're stunning.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: That's how black you are. That damn James Toney.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: All right, who else?
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: Let's talk to, who's the oldest lady on the row?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You're going to be the one in charge. Everybody pointed
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: at you in the hat. No, you right there with your, okay. Well,
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: how you doing sis?
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Outstanding. Oh, you a tenor.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I thought you was soprano or an alto. She be like,
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. The precious lamb of God.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Pamela, nice to meet you. Introduce me to your rest
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: of the choir back then. Who else you got with you?
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Who's that in that little ass hat right there? That
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: little tight ass hat. That hat tight as a motherfucker.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: I can see what you're thinking. That hat tight as
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: a motherfucker. It's a knickerbocker, Mr.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: Knickerbocker Nick.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: You look like you deliver newspapers in 1932. And what's
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: your name, little hat?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: What'd you say, Thelma? That's my mama's name. Chandra?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Nice to meet you, Chandra. I appreciate that. Were you
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: trying to lay low tonight? You just look like you're
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: in the disguise. Your glasses come with a mustache. You
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: be like, let's play guess who, my lady.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, who was that next to you? Did she
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: get the.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Gary.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Huh? Huh?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: A black Karen? I was just playing, man. I don't
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: want no trouble. She already calling the police.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Nine.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Fuck around. I'll press one twice on your bitch ass.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck. I'm part of the HOA.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: And who's that next to you? Monique?
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you came out to the show, Mo.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Baby!
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: Y'all all beautiful, man. I'm just having me some fun.
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: What's your name with the, is that cheetah? Leopard?
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: What you got on? Jaguar? I like that. I like
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: how it got the red on the inside. You a fashionista. Hell,
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: you got a little bun, a little updo. Okay.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: About to get you some tonight. I see what you're doing.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Somebody going to fuck me in the name of the Lord.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: She's trying to get pressed down, shaken together. Let it
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: run over.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: And what's your name, baby? Toya? Yeah, that's the one
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: that fight.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: I found the one that'll sock the shit out of
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: me right there.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Toya, motherfucker!
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: 805! Nice to meet all of y'all. I appreciate that.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: Goddamn Dreamgirls that came out.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I didn't know.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: Y'all ain't have no singing gig tonight. Y'all had to
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: take the night off. Destiny's children. These Destiny's aunties. Can
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my automobiles?
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: Can you drive my Oldsmobile? They old, but beautiful, but beautiful.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: All right, let's come on over here and talk to
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: Dead Jesus.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Who is your people, man? You bought the tickets? You're
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: his daughter? That's outstanding.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: How old is he? This your birthday? He's like, no,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: it's not my birthday. They're saying it's my birthday. Like,
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to make it to my fucking birthday.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: He's mad as fuck. I'm going to be fine at
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: the end of the month too, bitch.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: You don't get mad? You don't get mad?
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, Kevin Gates.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: I don't get mad. So what's your name, sir? Nice
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: to meet you, Jim. Outstanding. And so what do you
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: do for a living, Jim?
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: Every day?
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: You just go to the beach and watch the water?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: For two hours a day? Yeah, he might not be
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: here at the end of the month.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: He's like, wait, wait, wait, I die right now. What
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: the fuck? What'd you say, baby? You been dead two
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: times already? Well, let's talk about that.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: If you died twice, that means you lived three times, right?
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: Or are you dead? They making his mouth move with airbags.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: Weekend at Bernie's. So how'd you die the first time?
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: You got blown up?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Well.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: It must have been a little bit of blown up
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: because you got all your pieces. You got lucky.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay. And how'd you die the second time?
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Your heart?
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: You broke? It did its own thing. You gave yourself CPR?
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: Hold on, hold on.
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: I've heard a lot of shit, but that was brand new.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: It's hard stuff.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: You're like.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: It's a miracle.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: You're not dead if you can give yourself a CBR.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: So what happened?
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: You really, you pumped your own heart and got it
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: to kick on? It was acting weird and you started
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: beating the shit out your chest? Is this a true story?
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: So it felt weird and you were like, fuck that. Fuck, Dad,
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: I'm putting all you motherfuckers in Pelican Bay. All you motherfuckers.
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: He turned into Denzel. All you motherfuckers. And your heart
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: was like, all right, I was bullshitting.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: I was bullshitting. Goddamn, bum bum. Let me bum bum again.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I was sleepy.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: I missed a couple bum bums. So you beat your
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: heart back out of April Fools. You went to emergency
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: and got out three and a half weeks later?
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: And they were like, you died. Holy shit. How long
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: did you die though? Did they tell you how long?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: Which time? When you got blown up, how long were
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: you dead? 20 minutes. This is a spirit.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: We are sitting here. With the spirit of a man. Yeah,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Father God, we don't play like that. We just want
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: you to keep us pressed down, covered up.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: Y'all should just be singing right now.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: Thine, oh Lord, is a greatness. I don't know why
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: that Mexican man is standing up, but that's what's up.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: He's like, my name is Jesus. It just felt right.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: He was an altar boy. You were an altar boy.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: So you put in enough work to get a get
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: out of jail free card. He said, I was blown up.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: I died for 20 minutes. This sound like old crackhead shit.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Like, you know what I'm saying?
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: Like you just on the porch with your crackhead on.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: He like, I'm dead. I've been dead.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Let me get the blunt.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: I died 20 minutes. I got blown up in Vietnam.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I deserve to hit that motherfucking neck. You hit it twice.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: I hit it four times because this is my second life. Shit,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I hit it, pass, pass, and I puff, puff, pass
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: to myself, the second puff, because, nigga, this is two
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: of me because I was dead.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Back in Vietnam next to Lieutenant Dan. I didn't make
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: it out of that shit. But here I am smoking
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: this motherfucking blunt.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Your mama was old. This is the kind of shit
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: y'all got. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: You're like, God damn, Uncle Andy. You didn't smoke it,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: you snorted it? Jesus Christ, you snorted weed? That's crazy.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: I was not talking about powder. I was out here
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: grinding up weed. Woo!
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: God damn, I ain't got no spit.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Nice to meet you, sir.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: So this your baby right here? And then who's that
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: next to her with his arms crossed like my career
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: ain't shit? That's your husband? Y'all look good together. How
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: long y'all been together? 20 together, 18 married.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Y'all, more people should be clapping right now. That's an accomplishment. Hey,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: there's no black people clapping. Clap, black people. Black people like,
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: fuck all that. You got something to say? I'm going
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: to listen to you because you died two times. What
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: you got to say, Pop? You had 42 years with
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: your wife before she passed? You felt like right now
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: was when you needed to say that? God damn, it's
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: a memorial now. I wanted to tell jokes. Well, God
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: rest her soul. Wherever she went. I don't know which
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: way y'all go when y'all pass. You dumped her ashes
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: at the beach? Is that why you go every day
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: for two hours? You go three times a year to
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: see her ashes. This is not funny. This is very
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: romantic and sad.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: And frankly, I'm emotional, sir. Jesus Christ. Don't apologize. Stand
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: on business. Shit. It is what it is. And he said,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: fuck y'all. What you going to do, kill me? I'm
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: already dead.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: I'm alive.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: We got the pivot.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: That's the best I can get up out of that
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: right there.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Good Lord.
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: All right, let's talk to somebody else. Let me mix it,
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: come back on this side and shit. You know what
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: I'm saying?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Shit, I don't know who won. I see you looking away.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: You're good, boss. You're good. I see you.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I registered that. Let's talk to the man in the
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: LRG shirt right there.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Right there with the brawny man turning red. How you doing, champ? Outstanding.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: Who you with, man?
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: He's like, fuck that. He's fucking with people. Okay, well,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: what's your name, man? Uh....
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: What? You want some chicken tenders? What the fuck is
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: going on? That's your brother? Is he that brother?
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: I came over here for some chicken tenders, my guy. Shit,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: motherfucking chicken tenders in this motherfucker. Goddamn, I want some
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: goddamn chicken tenders. You think they have a chicken tender
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: in this motherfucker? They call the whole place levity. Where's
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: the motherfucking chicken tenders in this bitch? This dead, but
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: he had his chicken tenders. I can't get no motherfucking
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: chicken tenders in this motherfucker. So you went to go
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: get the chicken tenders? You weren't going to wait for
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: them to come to you? I know the staff is like, man,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: God damn. He over there talking all the way. Did
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: you got my chicken tenders? Did you got my chicken tenders?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: I'm at table 17. I don't know the table numbers,
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: but it just feel like it's 17. I'm straight across
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: the room from the man that died two times. I'm
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: just trying to see if I can get chicken tenders.
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: Give me two chicken tenders and then give me one
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: extra one for the dead.
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: He died two times. I'm going to make sure he
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: get a chicken tenders.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: That's where I date too, on Chicken Tinder, chickentinder.com. I
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: met all the big bitches on Tinder, Chicken Tinder.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: I be swiping right. What's your name, man? What's going
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: on with you? What'd you say, sir?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck do you think I'm talking to? I'm
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: talking to you, Chicken Tinder. Who me is crazier than
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: a motherfucker?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: There is drugs in this community like a motherfucker.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: He said, who, me?
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Like there's seven people over there looking for chicken tenders.
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Why you fucking with me? There's six small motherfuckers that
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: want chicken tenders. I ain't the only chicken tender in
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: this bitch. What's your name, sir? I can't hear shit.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: You got crack voice. Look, security came to talk to you.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know about chicken tenders, but you got to
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: be put the fuck outside. chicken tender that.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Don't put him out. Don't put him out. Give him
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: his chicken tenders. Security, don't put him out. Give him
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: his tenders, man. They put him out? Let him back in.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Give him some chicken tenders. Give me a more senior security.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: That one is too uptight. Goddamn, I'm the one fucking
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: with him. Y'all put him out while.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: I talk to him? That's fucked up. He's like, I'm
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: answering the motherfucker. I'm about to go nuclear in this.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I can say that.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Donald Trump said it's okay to say that.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: As long as I don't put a hard R on nuclear.
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: Give him his tenders, man. Let him sit back with
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: his brother and enjoy the show, man. His brother can't
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: even turn and look for him. He's so goddamn chunky.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: You ain't got no neck, man. Turn your body and look.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: He's trying to be like.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: It ain't got my brother. All you wanted was a chicken, Santa.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I got injured in.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: A roller coaster ride. I couldn't put my helmet on.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: The coach hit it down for the top. Now my
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: neck don't like that. This nigga's fucked up. He's like,
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: he on the phone. Tell Cheryl I said I'll be
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: over there in a minute. Shit.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: No, I need both my hands. Bitch, I'm folding clothes. Shit.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: My fucking heart feels funny. I just got to make
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: sure this motherfucker don't stomp on me, goddamn.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I hope they let him back in, man. He just
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: wanted some chicken tenders. Simple, man. He just wanted his
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: chicken tender. You know what I mean?
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: You got your chicken tender. Why you can't have your
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: goddamn chicken tender? It's fucked up.
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Life is crazy, man. Some people, you know, all it
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: takes is a chicken tender.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: That's set everything on.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I'll blow this motherfucker up.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: You don't bring me my goddamn chicken tenders, motherfucker. I'll
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: pay my taxes.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: You know, he be like, nigga, it's a chicken tender.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck what the fuck it is.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: They put him out all the way. Nobody could get
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: him back. He gone. You gonna go too? He be like,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: hell no. We drove separate. Fuck that. Did y'all ride together?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: He'll be out by the truck. Who gonna back up?
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: You driving? Like this? I done.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: Ran over a chicken turner. That's a fucked up brother.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: He'll be by the truck. He didn't even unlock it. Boop, boop.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: No, he made sure it was locked. Click, pow.
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: No.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: Sit in the back of it till I get out.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: It's nice to meet you, Mr.
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: No Necky Outta Me.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you, man.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: He ain't got no neck. And so what do you do?
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: You look stronger than a motherfucker, man. Steed! Hell yeah.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Who are you?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: Do you know her? They adopted you? Be careful.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: He trying to fuck. He like, I'm going to die
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: in her necks. Third time's a charm. I'm going out strong.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I know you are.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: Hell yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: She's beautiful and strong at the same time. Hell yeah.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: What's your strong-ass, sexy-ass name? What is it? Sierra Like
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: the Mountains? That's the widest reference to Sierra.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I've ever heard anybody with melanin would be like, Sierra,
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: like the singer. Sierra, Russell Wilson's wife.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Sierra. She's like, like the mountains.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: Like the mist, the soda. I love that.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: What's your PR? What do you bench? You don't give
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: a fuck, you just keep lifting?
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: That probably crazy, huh?
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: It's good, huh?
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: That motherfucker, you like, you squeeze down on her, you
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: kill somebody. She strong as a motherfucker. I said, bust her, nerd.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: He be like, oh.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: When she busts, creatine flow out. Creatine juice everywhere. She's like,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: it's a protein shake. It's good for you. Shut the
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: fuck up. You do competitions and shit? That's amazing.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: You know how much body fat you got right now, huh?
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Damn.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Am I doing it right? Raw fruits and vegetables? What
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: should I eat? She's like this big. Eat this, Nate.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: You want to lose weight? She too strong. This how
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: she masturbate.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: She pull her up. I'm sorry, this is....
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Somebody say, keep going.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Keep going.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: You're still not laughing hard at all? This is crazy.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: I just pulled a out and beat it in the
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: air and you're like.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: He's only giggled three times.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I'm on fire.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: Stay your ass off the review sites. I thought it
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: was okay. Click. The fuck?
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Is this your husband?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: How does he come? That was everything. What the fuck?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: You need more emotions.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: Do you do something for a living where you gotta
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: always be serious or something? What are you, a fireman
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: or something?
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: A poker player? For real?
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: He's like, I got pocket aces.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: What do you do? You work with horses? You gotta
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: be calm around horses? Okay.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: What do you do with the horses? I bet he
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: shows emotion then. Oh, shit! Jesus Christ!
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. You deserve better than me acting like you
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: fucked a horse. I'm sorry. What in the Marie Antoinette
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: was that?
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: You're a farrier.
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: Uh, okay. I'm a farrier.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: All the black people are like, he's a fairy. He's
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: a fairy. So what's a farrier? You take the wild
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: horses and then break them or what? You work on
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: their feet. Why do you have to be serious for that?
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: What did you want to be when you were little?
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: What did you want to be when you grew up?
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Like what did you dream to be when you were
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: a little boy? You don't know?
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: You didn't have dreams? You were going to go to
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: the Navy and do what?
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Just work on them both. What's your favorite color? He
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: was like, green.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: Because he got five letters.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: That's right there. Hey, man, I might need to go
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: ahead and head out. That was strong. Favorite color, green,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: because he got five letters. Did you see me do it?
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: I was like.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Wow, so you guys are a couple then, huh? Okay, cool.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: How did you meet him?
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: Right next door? At the party over there? It was
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: the drag show. Tell me, how did you get with him?
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: You were just drinking and he walked up? Do you
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: want another beverage? You're the most beautiful person I've ever.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Seen in my life.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: What do you do, horse toes? What do you do?
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: You're an investigator. Can't we figure out where his smile went?
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Can you look into that? It's a fucking cold case.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: So you're the police.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are.
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: That was just a cute way to say it. You're
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: a private investigator? What kind of investigator? For the police.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: So when you get paid, your check don't say such
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: and such a county on there? You the police, baby.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Did you know that's who you were sitting next to
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: with that head tattoo? He's like, fuck. I need to
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: go check on my chicken nuggets. I'm on fire right now.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: This is great.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: Don't give a fuck no more. It's nice to meet you.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: I appreciate that.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: Okay. Jesus Christ. Fuck, lady.
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Lady?
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Fuck y'all. Everybody was thinking it.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Even he turned like, let's see where she is.
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: You're beautiful. You're like a sexy-ass strongman. Miss Frizzle. I'm
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: not kidding. I fuck, too. I'm not joking. You're a
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: strong ass.
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, pick me up and suck my dick.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: I'll be in the air.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, motherfucker.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: What'd you say? Five people sent you to pick it up,
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: suck a in the air? They want you to do it? Shit.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: You'll kill somebody. You pick him up and suck his dick,
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: he'll die again. He's like, ooh, suck my dick in
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: the air. Okay, okay. You want to go to the beach? Yeah.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: You got to go investigate it. There's a trail of
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: creatine from the shores of the beach.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Well, I think you guys go good together. You know,
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: if I could pick two people.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: It'd be an emotionless robot man.
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: And a girl version of Monk. That's what's up, man.
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: You're sitting next to two badasses that got Balloons with
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: cocaine in they ass right now.
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: She said, how'd you know?
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: Because you were trying not to pop that motherfucker in OD.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: And so you guys are a couple then, right? Y'all
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: look good for each other. I like what you're doing.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: How long y'all been together? Four years.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: I like that. How'd you meet? At a tattoo shop
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: or something? Through a friend? Guy friend or girl friend?
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: And you like her a lot?
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Okay. Well, he can answer for himself. What if
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: he's like, she all right. I've been looking for somebody
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: else for three and a half years. I don't have
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: any other options.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: And so what's your name, boss? Carlos. Outstanding. That's a
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: good name. It goes with your hairdo. What do you
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: do for a living? You do tattoos?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: No.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Oh shit.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Okay. Usually people with this much ink, that's what they do.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: What do you do? What do you do? Y'all should
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: have sang that. A little bit of everything? You don't
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: want to talk about it next to the investigator? He's like...
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: He like....
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I'm enjoying myself right now. This is good shit. I am.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: I'm enjoying myself.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: All right, uh.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: Fuck with somebody else. I see a really old couple
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: in the back trying to hide. And I just want
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: to talk to them for a sec. If all the
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: young people sitting at that table could just lean back.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: Just lean back. No, not you, old lady. You lean
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: back forward. There you go.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: I see you. That man is completely bald except for
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: the sides. And so that's how I saw him.
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: How old are you, sir? Too old? Well, it depends.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: Too old for what? You know? Do you have a
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: number where we could know how many times you've been around?
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: What'd he say?
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, you look good. You don't look 78 in the face,
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: but your hair really exposes it. If you had just
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: a hat on, we would think, oh, he's 55, 56.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: But when you open that up and just get the
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: shine in And who's that lady rubbing her hands, laughing
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: in your face?
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Is that your woman? Wives ain't shit.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: They be like, fuck you, James.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: How long y'all been together?
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Hello?
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: They don't know? Somebody relay it up. 20 years? Okay.
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: So y'all got married in your 50s? Oh, you've been
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: married twice. It's the night where you die two times
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: and come back.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Okay. What's the secret? Since you already had one marriage
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: and now you're on the second one, you got to
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: figure it out. What's the secret? There's a lot of
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: young couples in here. We could learn from you. Stupidity?
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: You're killing it.
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: This motherfucker's so dumb, he didn't even know I was
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: talking about him.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: I'm coming. Stupidity.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, ma'am, what would you say the secret is for
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: all these younger women that might be able to learn
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: from what you say?
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: No secrets?
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: Shit. That's a recipe for disaster. You can't be telling
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: them everything. How do you know if there's a secret?
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: You don't know. He might have one left, he ain't
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: said it.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: He's like, I know everything. You don't know about the
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: chicken tenders that I buried in 1971. Usually old people
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: say shit like, sex, we fuck a lot. I'll be
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: honest with you, old people be talking about fucking a lot.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: Y'all still fucking? She said, yep. He didn't say shit like,
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm allowed to answer that one.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I'm going to let the lady speak. He be fucking
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: the shit out of me, yeah. It's my fucking marriage.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: I don't play about my dick.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: What's she say?
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Her daughter's there? Is that uncomfortable to find out your
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: mama getting downed? By an old-ass white man. He's saying
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: the Declaration of Independence while he's fucking Obama. In 1776.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: I love y'all, man.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: I'm out.