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4. When You Outgrow People · Besties In Your Back Pocket

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Festivals in your back.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is Angela, and a trauma informed comedian and take it away.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: If you ever felt like you were playing small, shrinking yourself, or just going through the motions, waiting for your real life to begin, you just welcome to the show.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_03: Where we don't go surface level, we go deep.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_03: Conversations that make you laugh, cry, think a little, and maybe make one tiny brave decision that changes everything.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm Amy, I'm Angela.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_03: We're your best in your back pocket.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Always honest, always in your corner, and always ready to help you unlock that version of you that creates more.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_03: And here's what we know when you learn to express yourself authentically, fully, joyfully, confidently, everything else starts to shift.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're really glad you're freaking here.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: You ready, baby?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: Lego.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome everyone to our fourth episode on Besties in Your Back Pocket.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to give an introduction to one of my besties, Amy Dickens, who freaking rocked as a speaker and a facilitator at Sacred Mountain Waters the other weekend.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm really excited to get into that with her.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Angela, the co-host.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: I am a mental health comedian here to dig deep, but maybe not take any of it seriously.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, I freaking love us literally so much.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: It's so good.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_03: Uh yeah, today, people, we're gonna be talking about Joy Camp.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: What's Joy Camp, you might be saying?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's a sober adult summer camp that I created that was a dream I've been holding on to for the last four years.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_03: And finally, four score and four years later, she birthed that vision into life.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_03: And we're gonna talk about what it's like to create something that you've been dreaming about, um, and all of the integrations of uh lessons I've learned and things of bits of wisdom that I can share with the people.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful because you may be thinking, like, oh my god, she finally did the thing, and like there is 98% of incredible breakthroughs to celebrate.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But there's always going to be a 2% that is just hauntingly exactly what you were afraid was gonna happen, start freaking happening, and before you know it, your life changes, things look different.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Some people just blip away, and I think it's important to share both sides of the coin of what it takes to break through and reach your goals even more.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Dude, so true.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, so much along the way.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I was I am very hard on myself in my head, or I'm working on it.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I couldn't tell when you cried every day before the retreat.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_03: Joy camp sponsored by Olympic sized pools of Amy's tears.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're roasting Amy, like every time we'd be like, Hey, uh, want to do some more work around the retreat.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're here to support.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: She would like tense up and then just start crying about how hard it's been.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we roasted her, and we were like, isn't this called a joy camp, bro?
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you are not promoting it with this energy.
• 3:27
  unknown: No, I'm not.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_03: But you know what?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's um honestly the reality of what it looks like sometimes to create your visions and also the reality of why most people don't, you know, because it's fucking uncomfortable.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's really like it's not about what it actually takes, like on paper to do the thing.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: It's the fears that you're caused to face by creating your dreams.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think that our dreams are in us to, you know, be of service and like, ah, I'm in my alignment and blah, blah, blah.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_03: But also, it's here to grow us and stretch us outside of our comfort zone.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_03: And that's the reason why most people don't even try.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_03: Most people are so much more comfortable hiding in their comfort zone and um living, I'm gonna, this is gonna sound savage, living a mediocre life.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, yeah, I think everyone that's deciding to go and do the big thing that scares them, if we could all just pat ourselves on the back and realize that like the last few generations, it was probably more common for them to just take those dreams to their grave.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: And and then think of your age, Amy.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're pretty freaking young.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you stepped into a huge leadership role and helped a lot of people in one weekend, even though it made you cry almost every day leading up to it because of how uncomfortable it was.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, wait, what do you like for those that are listening and they're like, what the hell was this freaking retreat?
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what was Joy Camp and was it different from what you planned in the four years it was incubating?
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it definitely shifted a lot as I've shifted over the last four years.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I I wish I had like documentation of all the different visions.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: I have like some bits and pieces of it.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes along the way, I would be doubting myself.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, wait a second, here is this thing from 2023 where I was like writing about this.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_03: This is a dream of mine, and I must follow through on it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so it looks slightly different, um, but I think the essence of it was pretty similar with a little more flair of present-day Amy being so focused on aliveness.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I think my initial intention was like, I want to create a space where adults can tap into their inner child and have that like nostalgic summer camp feeling where you're laughing till your sides hurt, and you know, you're having these late nights with your friends, and you're playing these games and singing songs and you're dancing, and you're out in nature, and you're just having these moments where you forget about all of your responsibilities, you're remembering your presence, and you're finding through joy and play and fun, oh my god, this is the real me, and kind of tuning back into who it is that you really are.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I think along the way of what that initial dream was, I started learning more and more about joy, and that like became my thing.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I became a public speaker.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, wait, there's actually so much more that I learned along the way of joy, is also a skill that we can learn, and it takes courage to do that.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: What does that look like?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_03: So I wanted to like sprinkle in little bits and pieces of that to make like this is also a joy gym.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like we are practicing, getting our reps in of what it looks like to practice becoming the version of ourselves we would like to be.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: I think pretty much everyone on the planet would probably like to say, I want to be more joyful.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_04: Do you want to live in a more joyful world?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_04: Most people say, absolutely.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I like the way that you describe it because this is kind of funny.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: But when I came back, you know, of course I had been sharing about it, posting about it, and someone one, my neighbor that like I never really talked to, stalked me like on the street while he was walking his dog, and he was like, Hey, like, what was that thing you were just at this weekend with all the adults running around?
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Well, the best way I would describe it is like think of an adult recess camp for a weekend at a really opulent retreat space.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, I want that.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, I think everyone wants that.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Yeah, as an adult, no one does that anymore.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then I said, Yeah, that's why we charge money.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: But that was a joke.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, wait, that's amazing that your neighbors stopped you about that.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's so good.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, yeah.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, the amount of people along the way where I'd be buying like little supplies or whatever to get ready for Joy Camp.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like, oh, are you a teacher?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, no, actually, I host a summer camp for adults only.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: What?
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: Like people's heads just like what trying to do like mathematics in their head or something to understand adults playing without children?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: Intriguing, but I don't really know how to respond to you, ma'am.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_03: Scary, embarrassing.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's hilarious.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can only imagine like what you looked like getting the supplies that when we unpacked the car, it was like boxes of disco balls, glitter, water guns, random wigs.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, you got to see my basement as well, which is just like a plethora of random like game show wheels.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, didn't they use your basement for a haunting in Connecticut?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um wait, so you know something that you were saying out it took four years for this to really get going, and it almost sounds like you in a way you kind of like forgot at times and would read some of your affirmations or your journaling, and you'd be like, oh yeah, this is like a thing I'm going towards.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel like you had to learn a few more things about joy to even be in this reality where you brought 30 adults together for the joy?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_03: Ooh, okay, I love this question.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I didn't necessarily need to learn like more information or knowledge or skills.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_03: Well I kind of believe is that the things that we're called to facilitate or lead or teach are also there to teach us.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: So for me, it was less like new information and more like a deepening of an embodiment of walking my talk.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I'm a public speaker.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: I literally stand on stage with a microphone in my hand and teach people about how to use the skillfulness of joy, how to follow your joy, enjoy the journey of your life.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_03: Life isn't always all sunshine and roses.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_03: And how do you, you know, kind of uh step back into the joy rather than completely getting sucked down into the toilet bowl of life when it's trying to suck you down and realizing along the way, oh, that's where I'm being caused to grow.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and there was like a lot of shame along the way of oh my god, I'm the joy lady and I'm not experiencing joy as I'm creating this.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: This is quite frankly embarrassing.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like I don't want to show up and say, I've been really struggling with this for a long freaking time with this guy's.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: Ah, like a bad day is fine to me.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah, when you start having the many days in a row, I start to have wicked imposter syndrome and wicked doubt of myself and my mission and what I'm here to do.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um but that to me is the lesson that I think each of us have that edge space.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_03: And like joy does come to me naturally, and it also really doesn't in a lot of times.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_03: I have a wicked voice that goes, doubt yourself, Amy.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_04: Who do you think you are?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: You're not ready, you're going to harm people, or like, I don't know, imposter syndrome, blah, blah, blah.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: And it gets scary.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm still to this day, literally, joy camp ended.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_03: Got positive feedback from every single person, not a single criticism.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: And my mind was just flooded with doubt, flooded with, oh my God, and this could have been better, and that, and that, and that, and just shh, shh shh, just soak it in, and you receive the goodness.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: But that's kind of the reprogramming.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think that the process of creating something new that's really freaking edgy causes us to grow into that.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: We don't hear a lot about.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_03: We are like, ah, that's exciting.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_04: I created my joy camp and it went great.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I'm I'm really glad that you have this level of self-awareness because I feel like some people might even not hear what the voice is saying to them.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: They might just start to get like confused or feel low again.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it sounds almost like maybe your baseline was in this more like doubting yourself way.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: So when you jumped and quantum leaped into finally making that specific dream come true, you had like a nervous system whiplash where like the old you was like, hey, wait, remember we used to always doubt ourselves?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Wasn't that safe for Amy?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh, totally, yeah.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, I feel like I had a huge shift three or four weeks before Joy Camp where I just was like, I have to surrender this.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I was just sick of crying every time I would open the Google Doc to work on it.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: You're like getting dehydrated.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, I'm getting so dehydrated.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_02: I can't, I need some electrolytes or something.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: I I swear you like did you would get like you know, kind of upset if I brought up joy camp.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was like coming from the best supportive place, and like I'm like, oh, I just killed the fucking vibe today.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you'd be like, let's try it support.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think so.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think you understand what this is gonna lead me to.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, what the fuck?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_03: But I got to this point like a month before where I said, okay, like something's gotta shift because I gotta work on this thing and I can't work on it through my tears very well.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_03: Some people seem to like be able to do maybe that more, but I don't know when the tears are there, my ideas are not.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so I just really felt like I had to hype myself the heck up.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, I'm like leaning to the hell into prayer.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_03: I was just like, I don't know, I have to surrender this shit.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_03: Somebody, somewhere, please.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I need a miracle.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: I literally just I don't know how else I'm gonna get this done.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_03: I need a freaking miracle.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: I need the miracle of being able to believe and remember, like I'm always telling people all the freaking time, standing on stages, you have a dream within you because you have everything that it takes to have the to create that dream in the world.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I literally like my mom's always giving me things like believe in your dreams, like it's all over my everything.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I wasn't believing in my dreams, I was doubting everything about this dream that I had in myself.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I need a miracle, I need a miracle to believe in myself.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_03: And I just started sending out like prayers of positive energy to anyone else that was creating something similar, like that had a dream of a summer camp or like whatever it might be, like this facilitating.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, let me just send them all the ease, the good juju, all that.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I sat and I just turned on my music, and I was just like typing myself up the whole way as I'm walking to the coffee shop.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_03: And when I sat down, something was different that day.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_03: And continuing on from that day, I was just able to, oh my god, I'm working, I'm not crying.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_03: There's ideas floating, I feel suddenly kind of capable of this, and you know, there was some like crunchy moments of like and no, of course, hey, we got this, and just kind of being able to slightly adjust it rather than the little when the voice is so loud and then you just get sucked into the underworld is really where the challenge I think begins.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, okay, the voice will be there, but if it's able to be, hey, can you be here and just you know, snuggle in under my little arm, snuggle into my bosom here, and we're gonna keep working.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, I I'm pretty sure like everyone's favorite part was when you would randomly start talking like this for no reason because your theater is just practically, and then you'd go back to this, and I I would just like look at the adults and they're like, Yeah, yeah.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: But I just want to say thank you for telling me about like your little prayer hack.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because you didn't mention that when you told me about this earlier, and that is freaking genius, dude.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: They use that same tactic for depressed people.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, look, if you're depressed, you got no hope to make yourself cheer up, all you can do is cheer other people up.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like in um AA, is that called Alcohol Anonymous?
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, one of the first homeworks is to just do something nice for someone else because that's easier than yourself.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, totally.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, and also personally, I feel that a lot of times, not all the time, but a lot of times when we're stuck in like some kind of negative spiral, we're really focused on ourselves in a lot of ways.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like I'm doubting myself, I'm worried about myself, I'm me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_03: That when I remember, oh, it actually feels really good to from a genuine space, not like I'm doing this so that you like me.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_03: Cause as a recovering beautiful laser, I know what that's like as well.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_03: Will you think I'm lovable if I do that?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_03: Are you gonna really love me now?
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um, not from that space, but from a genuine human to human, I'm just contributing from the depth of love from my heart.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_03: It feels so good.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: And it just, I don't know, there's something that's uplifting about that every time I get kind of in a depressed funk, uh, if you will.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I I mean, can we get to like the juice and the tea of this?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what's juice?
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Which tea?
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we're learning that the doubt is a voice that's starting to lessen, you know, it's like this part of you that used to run the show more and it's trying to show up, but you've changed enough of your reality and your life now where you can like separate, you notice it and it's not really supporting you.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: So would you do you feel like the parts of ourselves that we notice or that we're saying goodbye to that we ever manifest that as actual people playing that same sort of role in our life?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah, I do feel that.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, personally, I think some okay, so I feel like we have an ego, and I feel like our ego has a shitty job sometimes to keep us safe.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: And the ego safe means same, which means I don't want any change whatsoever.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_03: Which is that's yes, it literally means like death to the ego.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: So like the ego is literally just doing its job.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, hey, I want to keep you safe.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: And that means my job is to help you keep everything the same.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then we're like, hey, I'm a pop, I'm a personal growth junkie, so we won't be doing that.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so we face all these fears and we've come across these edges, and then we have to say, Oh, actually, this is safe, but you gotta trust me.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: Can you trust me?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: And then you have to face this fear, and it goes, Oh, I don't know, this is really terrifying.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: And you kind of think you're kind of getting through it, and then I call it like the final boss era, and I think that's like an onion where there's layers of final boss.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but you get to a new layer of the onion, of you're facing your doubt, your fear, and it gets loud.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: I think it gets really loud sometimes, right before we're about to have that breakthrough moment of this no longer is something that holds me back as much as it once did.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: Um, kind of that ego is like last ditch effort to say.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: We'll keep her the same forever.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: She would stay like this for good.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I know how to do it.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe it'll be someone who cares about her very much, and she cares about as well.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: Will say something to her that you don't poke her right in the right button to make her cry and grumble.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: That's what my voice can sound like, I think.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: Actually, that's not what the voice sounds like to me.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's I think it's like a lot like quieter and sweeter, and it's like pretty fucking convincing of like, hey, we're friends, I'm here for you.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just trying to keep it single.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: But it feels like the evil voice.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, I think that when people go and experience any sort of healing or personal growth type of portal, um, things in their life naturally change.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: But yours, I would say adds a layer to it because it's not just healing, letting go, personal growth.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's choosing to keep coming back to one of the highest measurable frequencies, joy, which they say is right under the frequency of love, which some think almost like gets you off of Earth because the measurement is a bit too hot for this dense planet.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're having everyone meet at the measurement right below it called Joy, which sheds all of our lowest vibrations.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not only healing, letting you release things, it's taking you to the highest level of thought and emotion.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_03: And things can radically shift as well.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like when I feel like I've had multiple times in my life now, multiple, where I've uh had a sudden moment of stepping into a new version of myself, and that's all of uh many of all, sometimes all, literally when I say all, almost all, of the people in my life dropping out like flies.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is that happening, Star?
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you look at like Amy like two weeks ago and then Amy looking over the mountain today, are there different characters already?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: I will say there's different characters.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: I will say it's not all of them.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: once like it's not a full like nuclear bomb on my life.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_03: Like I'm not, I'm not exaggerating when I say like outside of like my parents, there's been times where I'm like, wow, I suddenly can't text any of the same people or call any.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like they all just it's all gone.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_03: All gone overnight.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, it's a great clearing for making radically new decisions.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: And you are uh you know they say like a sum of the five people you spend the most time with.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: So when all of those five people go, you have an opportunity to invite new people that are uh more resonant and also spend a hell of a lot of time with yourself to become a new version of yourself that you never thought you would become before.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_03: Um and yeah I'm already noticing with this one there's a shift.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: I mean my I this isn't an out of alignment thing but my two best friends are leaving this week which I'm like oh I love you guys so much.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: Wow it's all gonna make sense in hindsight like all of these things are like huge pieces on a chessboard that move around to continue getting our king checked I don't know that very well but I can I've lost you okay for all those chess players out there they're probably thinking dang this girl is poetic and beautiful and funny okay Amy beautiful and funny and we don't understand chess you know when you're talking about how like certain people drop out and because we're like the five people that we want to be like in life I feel like that's why we entered each other's lives because it was very unplanned we had so many mutual friends yet lived in different states and like just there was no reason to really match up but I literally have been going through so much around like wanting sisterhood and wanting gal pals that meet my needs of being able to communicate being able to think everything is funny as fuck and just keeping it drama free.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then we just got smacked literally sitting next to each other in a backseat of an airport ride pickup car.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then we thought I didn't like her because I was car sick no no that's how much I had been praying for new sisterhood I I was like oh another woman and then I just watched you and I was like well I'm finding reasons to to know that this just means it's not gonna work she's not making eye contact I'm smiling more than her right now but then I literally asked her I was like hey like I just feel like am I rubbing you the wrong way and she was like no I'm fucking car sick I'm just like trying to keep my eyes on the horizon and like focus on my breathing so that I'm not gonna puke two different realities happening it's such a good reminder that you never know what's going on inside of someone and we can like make all these assumptions I mean I do it too is why I'm laughing.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then we get back to the house and like night one we're sleeping with a watermelon in our bed you know it was like no literally yeah Amy's friends were like hey can you guys stop falling in love for a second like we'd like some time with Amy like we'll get in line it's it's really good to remember though because I think I can almost take it for granted like how easeful and connective our relationship has been because it's just been like I feel like I've known you forever and like if anything ever comes up we immediately talk about it and like it's of course conversation.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: And Angela has been so supportive of me it's absurd.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: I have been on a journey in my life of um constantly being told I'm a very good friend and up until very recently in my life I it's a very new experience for me to feel like that is the same.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah that was a very sorry everyone yeah I love my friends literally so much it makes me cry.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: I am and not all my friends but some of my friends I have at times just felt like oh wow I'm not feeling um and also like this is being reciprocal in that kind of way and Angela in the fucking few months that we've known each other has shown the buck up which I mean we've been talking about how it's just I think a reflection of we've both wanted this friendship but it's a reflection of how we're finally feeling about ourselves.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: Like oh my God I treat me with so much support and care and worthiness of course I'm going to start attracting new people in my life that are like oh my God like I was literally talking to one of Angela's friends that I met and we were both like isn't Angela the best like she's such a supportive friend like she's so funny and great and there for you're so sweet.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: No literally after the after the joy retreat we like checked on the phone we're like hey is everyone treating you like a queen too is is everyone showing up and supporting and then Amy's like haven't you realized we've been doing that and we're just being met and letting ourselves receive it more dude dude I have like a a new love interest don't don't you bounce around I'm gonna sample this noise you're making please yeah yeah the song will be new love interesting more like it was like a low bounce low bounce the testimonial I want to give to you for experiencing joy camp is something along the lines of like hey um uh Amy and and co-host joc showed me a new level of mental fitness you know it's like an endurance to keep meeting in joy and yeah like I would sprint all the tackling laughter and connection and I would get kind of tired because I really am not used to receiving that much joy and outputting that much for that long.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_00: And because I did that and raised my frequency is how I would describe what that experience is.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um I like have just incredible people pouring in or people that I thankfully have great relationships with they're like mating even deeper and even more joyously with me as well because it's just matching my energy and for the last um for her everyone I've dated sorry I fucking love you my ex is there listen you know you know we're still in touch and we're friends but I have lifted all them up or like been ahead in a lot of categories and helped out and I've been nicknamed like the coach girlfriend and recently who's entered my field is leaps ahead of me and lifting me up and sharing with me their kingdom what that's my testimonial can you give me the video recording then I haven't even said this to who I like so I'm just gonna like keep it at that you should just send him the recording of this podcast is this um the person that you want to also invite on the pod my love language is like yeah we'll take a snippet of this moment I'll put it like on the projector for the next show that has like a hundred attendees and I'll be like oh surprise this was you my cheeks are from smiling so much oh my goodness like it can't even like carry on the conversation we're just both like gasping for air the listeners are like are they gonna ever breathe again the listeners just now like turned up their volume they're like huh like I lost service for a second or something like are they okay are they drowning oh my god oh my fucking god you're aware oh gosh golly dude holy crap and uh what are your parents saying about uh joy camp and what what's your co-host saying after all of that I'm just curious wow I mean my par I'm fucking blessed fucking blessed my parents are truly so fucking supportive um it's really sweet I mean I feel like to them sometimes they're like oh like I I literally always knew you would rock it like they I feel like they knew less about the ups and downs you know I feel like they believe in you they believe in me and they're like oh my god of course you rocked it like I feel like that's a little more like their vibe with things it's always like uh like it's because they're rock star entrepreneurs yeah but like they're always like we're sober new um yeah I'm I'm always excited to show them like videos and stuff too of that to be like this is what it looks like because I think it's kind of hard sometimes to describe what it is that I'm creating and doing they're like sober you're like yeah look they're like you mean sober I mean they know that I'm like uh my dad would say he's like I know you're a nut job because you get that from me like yep just all all Amy Razzle dazzle sober don't need any don't need any substances for this pure joy baby yeah um dude yeah and uh me and Jack my co-host we have both been through the moon and how this went we were like wow this has gone so well we really enjoyed facilitating together he told me he wasn't irritated with me once y'all yeah just yeah because it because he he has high standards and my question yeah he asked me to roast him and I was like well let me just ask for everyone else like are you mad at me you know I think that's what people think because he's intense oh my gosh yeah which has been a really growth process uh for me to be like someone who's really intense and also has high standards and I don't want to get it wrong and I'm skin sometimes that you're judging me.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_03: Um and we got to voice that and have a great conversation about that.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um what do you say or what do you say?
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um yeah I mean I mostly was just like yo I'm really sorry that sometimes I wouldn't respond um sometimes I would just not be by my phone realistically I'm kind of anti responding at the drop of a hat all the time.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes I need a few days a little digital box.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like wiping tears.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like yeah I I know trust me and other times I'm like I'm gonna respond really nice way but I was like no sometimes I genuinely wouldn't respond because I would get so fucking anxious and avoidant um because I was terrified of getting it wrong and I would just be like perfectionist whatever the thing was to respond to him about whatever the task was behind the screen just like which could get frustrating when two people share responsibilities totally um and I was like I sort of like own that like that's like fucking shitty it must have been infuriating along the way of like where is she at like what's going on it own it sorry sorry shock sorry sorry shock he had a good conversation he's very achievement oriented and I also need a lot of connection to feel a lot of safety to bring all the parts of myself and I also really value bringing joy into the journey I don't just care about the achievement because achievement's about two percent of the whole journey and I want to enjoy the rest of the 98%.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_03: And also for me I realize I feel like an imposter if I'm not enjoying that 98% like that feels like oh if I'm just focused on the like little output at the end I don't feel like I'm embodying the truth of who I am like I need to find a way to enjoy this um with my collaborator um to feel in alignment what my mission is.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I just feel like that was just good for us to get clear on that.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_03: And we had a great conversation like I like collaborating with you.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_03: I feel really great about doing this again in the future and continuing to talk about how that looked really great because I think we really have a lot of differing gifts.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy to hear that and yeah I I do think that you guys compliment each other well I mean even the joke that we all made I think it was the night before and he was like oh I know it's late but y'all down to close some deals and we were like Jacques we like to uh do what's called magnetizing the deal and like feel out if something feels good we'll do it and if it feels bad bad for our health and then we were like wait women and men are so different like that's a biology sales yeah so different and it's great like I love men are great um and we're they're just it's just different.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_03: I think we just sometimes need to be like hey you can do your way and I can do my way and like let's not judge each other for what each other's way is but let's make space for it as well.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_03: So yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well what would you say to younger Amy even two years ago or something that you know still felt far away from this dream because technically she was over 600 days away from it because maybe this speaks to other people that are about 600 days away from their big show or project or whatever um wow what would I say to ate me 600 days ago 600 days ago I was feeling farther from my dream actually like three years ago I was hosting uh like weekly events where I was actually like trying to get this thing off the ground rolling and then I just had a little heartbreak that destroyed me um and I think kind of knocked me off course for longer than I imagined it would.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_03: And that was really disheartening to be like wow it took another three years from that point to get back to the space of I'm doing this thing.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah and like a year ago I was interviewing everyone I could that was hosting an adult summer camp.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_03: And yeah I was like let me talk to all you more and honestly that was part of like they all they were all like very substance oriented.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_03: So like lots of drinking in like different environments.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_03: It was like yes they're creating the same thing but very different of a thing.
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_03: And that kind of I think was the reason to me of oh this is important for me to make this like this dream that I have yes other people have a similar dream but it's not the same thing.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_03: And there's people out there waiting for you whatever your dream is to share with people there's people waiting for what it is that you're gonna create like they don't want the similar things that other people are going to create they're like I want whoever you are and the way that the flavor is that you're gonna make it that's the way it's gonna resonate with me.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_03: That's the thing that's gonna be some catalyst some turning point some growth moment and you just got to keep believing in it and keep making baby steps keep surrounding yourself with people that believe in you if you you got to have at least one person that really believes in you.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_03: I mean that's really I think the whole reason I really did this was I was like I want to do this I want to do this I want to do this blah blah blah and then I ran into Jack who was like why aren't you doing this I don't want to do it alone he said I'll do it with you I'm like shit now I gotta do it.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah because he's so excited um but I think that that only happened because I had another part of me that was like I believe in myself and I'm gonna do this like I I can't stop thinking about this this is like keeping me up at night and like every road kind of keeps leading to oh I think I need to make this thing and I can try and avoid it I can try and avoid it but oh I think I need to make this thing and when that thing keeps circling around you got to listen to that voice and you know know that it will be challenging along the way of course but I don't know looking back I'm like wow I wish I just would have stressed less but obviously that wasn't the way the the cookie crumbled um and just really allowed myself to enjoy it more but I'm just so fucking glad I did it.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_03: Like I have no regrets around all of the challenges that I had to face to create this thing.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I really hope that maybe even one person listening to this is like okay I'm gonna take just the next step like honestly I'm a big fan of taking a bold step that's like irreplaceable you know like oh I am booking the venue not enjoying now like I can't back out now.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: That is literally the number one step to give anyone that has a dream it's book the venue.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_03: Even if it's two years out you booked it you need to find a way to pay for the venue yes create some like create some kind of moment where you're so jazzed and hyped up about it and then take one like I'm a big fan of like take that massive action in that like that moment where from there you're like oh shit I gotta do the thing now like there's no going back um because I think it's like I don't know I think the baby steps are nice because it helps you like titrate your nervous system and not like blow it out.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't know I think it can just take forever and maybe you just never do it if you just really are like this this and then this and then this and then this and I'm just going to tidle over here with these things that don't actually really need to get done but they make me feel a little productive about it.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm saying this as someone who electronically pushes a lot of papers uh do the big thing and work a lot smarter a lot less harder.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah because I I feel like when we do something whether we publish something or we show up to host something whatever the dream may be like it finds similar people you know you always attract like whether it was someone that you used to be the same like or whatever right there's some kind of resonance that happens and a reason that the people that come into one another's fields come into one another's fields to help each other.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: So when you said that you know you could be very nervous about it I mean the people at the retreat were nervous too and some of the coolest breakthroughs were about just how scared they were and that they still did it like the more nervous they were it's actually like even more courageous that it still was accomplished.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_03: So maybe you had to feel that nervous totally I mean that's it's kind of uh and we're always telling people follow your joy and you know there's like the simple joys in life like wow I'm staring out at how the light is hitting the trees outside my window it's so poetic and I can feel the breath in my lungs and there's joy all around me and also the oh there is something whispering to me that is calling to me that feels very exciting and something in me kind of zings alive.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like there's always some ember inside of us and we just need to breathe a little life into it and then that can turn into a fire in a second.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of us don't breathe life into it and you start kind of following what that is it's gonna be exciting and also probably kind of anxiety inducing because it's gonna make you grow.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna push you outside of your comfort zone.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_03: And you don't have to go like to a whole new country you could just go like to the next zip code over um or you could go you know maybe the next couple towns over but allowing yourself to follow that joy and say oh this is kind of uncomfortable and stretchy and I could see when everyone showed up at Joy Camp was like ooh I'm glad I'm here but on day one I'm feeling like when did I sign up for like I'm a little scared I'm a little nervous like I don't know by the end of it they're like oh my God that was incredible.
• 43:14
  SPEAKER_03: That was amazing that grew me that was a beautiful experience blah blah blah um and just to say like those every single one of those people had to kind of take a leap and we have to just kind of keep boldly taking them um and I think that the people you surround yourself with do help determine what kind of leaps that you're willing to take.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_03: If you're around people who take leaps you're gonna take more leaps if you're around people who um don't you're not gonna because we're designed as humans for belonging we're wired for it as like the survival of our species and so you're gonna just start making decisions based off of how the people around you kind of make decisions.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_00: And but that's why Joy Camp is so exciting Expansive because I mean part of the protocol, literally, one of my favorite parts was Jacques's uh workshop or presentation around social risk.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like these activities are like literally designed to feel like they are at least a step out of your social comfort zone.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what follows that is usually more intimacy or more celebration and bliss.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, too.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_03: For real.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_03: Take the take the leap, take the step into it and lean into your discomfort zone, but also where it also feels like, ooh, there's some excitement around that as well.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: If I really tune into it.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, fine.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let's how about we close this out with like, what's Present Amy going to take a leap with this week?
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll share with you what I will.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck it, right?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go for it.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_02: What's President Amy gonna take a leap with this week?
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm going to Tony Robbins next week.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_03: I wasn't planning on doing it, and um, I got I actually got back from Joy Camp and was like, oh my god, I need to use these tickets.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_03: Like I have to go.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_03: Like something like this shifted in me.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, because people were calling you Tonita Robinita.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: So you have to fucking go.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_01: Are you kidding?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: What the fuck?
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I need to make a shirt for Tony Robbins.
• 45:34
  SPEAKER_03: It's like has a picture of me, but like somehow I look like Tony, and you have to chisel your jaws.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's so funny.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, you're like this week?
• 45:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm leaving in a less than a week.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: I love your life.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are you excited about all factors around this trip?
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_00: Aha.
• 45:58
  SPEAKER_01: I thought so.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's pretty awesome.
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: All right, Mrs.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_01: Blushy Pants.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Bubbles, um, the leap that I will make.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: I you know what?
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want to celebrate a leap I made today.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: Dude, I made a leap yesterday too.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck, I'm leaping, bro.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: Call me leapfrog this week.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, yeah.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: So right before a call, I secured a venue for the next for October?
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, October 17th, next comedy.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's precisely it.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_00: I have a bomb-ass, amazing event manager who's also going to be on the lineup as well.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, it's gonna be easier if it's the 24th.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, but then Amy can't come.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, Amy, better show the fuck up if we are all arranging our schedules for this.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like you're my imaginary friend.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, there's a there's a girl named Amy.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_00: No, she's about 400 miles away.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_00: She swears she'll make it.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I bring everybody into the venue.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, dude.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_00: I used your tricks and I did a conga line to get the people over to the show the other day.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, this show works.
• 47:36
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, I called the venue, we secure it.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, I have no idea what anything is going to look like after this, but the container happened, and everyone's going to feel the call in whatever way they're involved.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so, with that being said, my leaps this week is I'm going to reach out to the most audaciously top of the list of my dreams, people to work with in whatever ways that is, and just see what happens.
• 48:06
  SPEAKER_03: God, I want to pick your brain more about this, but I feel like I can do it after this.
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_03: Of course.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh God, I fucking love you.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyone else listening, think about the leap that you'll be taking this week.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, everything that Amy was so vulnerable about sharing can add some perspectives as well.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_03: Please, please tell it's your leaps.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_03: I want to know your leaps.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_03: Claim your next leap.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_03: Shout it to me.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be your accountability, buddy.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: Be like, I don't leap.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_00: Leaps, leaps, leaps, anyone leaping?
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_02: Love all you beautiful listeners.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: Have a great rest of your day.
• 48:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much for being here with us.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: We truly feel you.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we we're delusional.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: We're like on our laptops being like, did you hear it?
• 49:03
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us your leaf.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_00: But it's like, that's because we literally feel you right now listening.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's super strange.
• 49:10
  unknown: Yeah.
• 49:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_03: No, I mean we we have we're both big visionary dreamer people.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I was watching myself in the Joy Camp footage and I was like, wow, I'm showing up for 30 people, like with the energy of a stadium of people around me.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I feel like we kind of do the same thing with the pod where we're like, we're just getting started.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_02: And sooner than later.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: I love that's one of my favorite things about our personality traits are our behaviors or energies.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_00: So thank God that you see past your own limitations and keep opening possibility.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, same to you.
• 49:53
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_02: Have a great rest of your day, beautiful listeners.
• 49:57
  SPEAKER_02: Let's go in a magical way.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right, girl.
• 50:02
  unknown: Call me.
• 50:03
  unknown: Call me.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: Call me.