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Transcript

152 | I Love an Aside · You Didn't Ask For This

• 0:00
  Matt: Previously on You Didn't Ask for This.
• 0:02
  Matt: We are continuing the 36 questions that lead to love.
• 0:07
  Matt: And we did not quite get halfway.
• 0:10
  Matt: And we do want to hopefully make this only a two-parter.
• 0:13
  Matt: For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
• 0:17
  Eric: What is your most terrible memory?
• 0:20
  Eric: What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
• 0:25
  Matt: Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
• 0:30
  Matt: And why haven't you done it?
• 0:32
  Matt: I think you called it in the last episode, and I I just didn't want to believe it, but I think this has to be a three-parter.
• 0:38
  Matt: This is a three-parter, baby.
• 0:40
  Matt: Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to You Didn't Ask for This.
• 0:56
  Matt: It is the podcast that normally answers life's least pressing questions.
• 1:02
  Matt: My name is Matthew Shea.
• 1:04
  Matt: My name is Eric Pouch.
• 1:07
  Matt: And Eric Pouch, it is our 152nd episode.
• 1:12
  Matt: But gave you all the space for to insert a contribution.
• 1:21
  Matt: And you gave me you sickly owl.
• 1:28
  Matt: But so 152 episodes, but part three.
• 1:32
  Matt: Part of our of our 36 questions to fall in love from um the New York Times back in the old, I believe, 2015 is what it was.
• 1:43
  Matt: Yes, 2015 from Modern Love.
• 1:45
  Matt: So if you if you are just dropping in uh and you skipped the intros previously on what we're doing, these 36 questions at the end of it, we're gonna be in love.
• 1:57
  Matt: We have done 24 of them.
• 1:59
  Matt: This is the final set in celebration of our 150th episode.
• 2:04
  Matt: Now 152.
• 2:06
  Matt: Yes.
• 2:07
  Matt: Uh so we will be back to our regularly scheduled bullshit next time around.
• 2:12
  Eric: But Eric, it's the home stretch.
• 2:15
  Matt: And this is these have these have been getting increasingly, or I should say progressively, sort of more intimate, sort of more more serious.
• 2:24
  Matt: A little closer.
• 2:26
  Matt: This is really this is where we have dug in.
• 2:28
  Matt: We've dug in.
• 2:29
  Eric: Oh yeah, we're we're we're fucking in it.
• 2:32
  Eric: I have kept my nervous system on hold.
• 2:36
  Matt: I'm also just imagining this as an activity for a first date.
• 2:40
  Matt: Absolutely wild.
• 2:42
  Matt: Fuck fucking wild.
• 2:44
  Matt: Especially this last set.
• 2:46
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 2:47
  Eric: And let's let here we go, brother.
• 2:49
  Matt: Yeah, you jump right in, Mr.
• 2:51
  Matt: 25.
• 2:52
  Eric: We're gonna start with question 25.
• 2:54
  Eric: Make three true quote we statements each.
• 3:01
  Eric: For instance, we are both in this room feeling.
• 3:07
  Matt: We both appreciate getting lost in a good narrative.
• 3:13
  Matt: In a good story with good lore.
• 3:17
  Matt: All those things.
• 3:18
  Matt: Just before we began, we were talking about lore-based stories and like where where the lore kind of peters out.
• 3:27
  Matt: And you know, we said okay.
• 3:30
  Matt: Yes, we were talking about Dune and Lord of the Rings.
• 3:33
  Matt: Surprising, absolutely no one.
• 3:35
  Matt: No.
• 3:36
  Matt: So yeah, we both appreciate uh we both appreciate that.
• 3:39
  Matt: We uh we should we go one for one?
• 3:42
  Matt: Yeah.
• 3:43
  Eric: I would say we both appreciate a bit that is a long con.
• 3:49
  Eric: Yes.
• 3:50
  Eric: Love a love a long con.
• 3:53
  Matt: Love a long con.
• 3:54
  Matt: I love uh I love a lot a long bit in general.
• 3:58
  Matt: Yes.
• 3:59
  Matt: Um one it's not like I'd love to do this.
• 4:03
  Matt: It can't, I don't think can be done based on how phones work now.
• 4:06
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 4:06
  Matt: But uh one of my favorite jokes from the office ever is uh Dwight.
• 4:14
  Matt: Uh have you seen the office?
• 4:15
  Matt: Yeah, oh yes.
• 4:16
  Matt: Is this Dwight's phone?
• 4:17
  Matt: Dwight's phone, yes.
• 4:19
  Matt: Where he's Dwight submits a letter, like all the things Jim has done to him, and one of them is like, this morning I hit myself in the face with my phone.
• 4:27
  Matt: And and Jim's talking ahead was just like, I'm actually really proud of this one.
• 4:32
  Matt: I just taped a penny to the headset of his phone every day, and then this morning I just took them all out.
• 4:40
  Matt: Everybody got used to the weight, and I was like, that is the funniest kind of long form.
• 4:48
  Eric: Yeah, that straight to my fucking veins.
• 4:51
  Eric: So yeah, we both love a long a long con bit.
• 4:53
  Eric: Let's see.
• 4:55
  Matt: Well, we talked a lot about like uh the the values we placed on like friendship and stuff last time.
• 5:01
  Matt: So I feel like I could say that, but instead I'll I'll expound on something we kind of talked about last time.
• 5:08
  Matt: Uh we both appreciate alone time.
• 5:12
  Eric: Oh, baby.
• 5:13
  Eric: Oh, baby.
• 5:13
  Eric: And uh yes, hard yes, like and and that actually like is semi-related is the one I was gonna give next, which is we both know exactly where our comfort zone lies and once it has been violated.
• 5:28
  Eric: Yes, like what like what part of our routine go like we both know is like if this part of my routine is fucked with in any way, there's the day.
• 5:39
  Eric: There goes the fucking day.
• 5:42
  Eric: We have our we know, like I think it m manifests completely differently first, but like for example, I have a mug that I we own so many goddamn mugs, Matthew.
• 5:53
  Matt: Between the two of us, yeah.
• 5:55
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 5:56
  Matt: But yes, uh both of these houses are both alike in mugdom.
• 6:00
  Eric: In mugdom, but Matt, I use one mug.
• 6:04
  Matt: I use a series of like six I'll I'll rotate five, yeah.
• 6:08
  Eric: Yeah, but it's like every six to eight months I'll rotate to a new mug, and that will be my mug.
• 6:14
  Matt: Well, see, I use these like during work hours.
• 6:17
  Matt: I use these like Yeti mugs that have like the lids because they keep keep the coffee warm for for forever.
• 6:24
  Eric: Forever.
• 6:24
  Matt: But I have all these great mugs that I'm like so.
• 6:27
  Matt: On the weekend, I always try to be like, okay, I'm not using the like I'm drinking this coffee.
• 6:32
  Matt: I'm not gonna lose I'm not gonna drink it sp slowly over three working hours.
• 6:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 6:38
  Eric: Uh no, like it it ceramic mugs and I are not on good terms.
• 6:43
  Eric: Like we're we're we're just not.
• 6:45
  Eric: And that's okay.
• 6:46
  Eric: Those are those are the mugs I give my guests.
• 6:49
  Eric: I that I I one of my favorite mugs is the you didn't ask for this mug, the one that the the one G ones.
• 6:56
  Eric: Oh, yeah, the legacy one.
• 6:58
  Eric: And that is in fact the mug I give together.
• 7:00
  Eric: Like whenever I make tea or coffee.
• 7:02
  Eric: Like, here you go.
• 7:03
  Eric: Because I inevitably get asked what it's about.
• 7:05
  Eric: Yes, and uh that's called fucking gorilla marketing dog.
• 7:09
  Matt: And you're uh you you've got a new one coming.
• 7:11
  Matt: We we both got some stuff from the shop so we could get a little shoot going.
• 7:16
  Eric: Got my hat, got my shirt.
• 7:17
  Eric: Fucking love the hat.
• 7:18
  Eric: The hat hits so nice.
• 7:20
  Matt: I got my squonk hoodie with the big old squonk on the back.
• 7:23
  Matt: I'm very excited about it.
• 7:24
  Matt: Came out great.
• 7:25
  Matt: Um, but yeah, you know, you all see these.
• 7:28
  Matt: We're gonna do a little photo shoot here to get you people to buy smirch.
• 7:31
  Matt: Buy smurch.
• 7:32
  Matt: So keep an eye out for that, baby.
• 7:34
  Matt: Anyway, back to the regularly scheduled.
• 7:37
  Eric: We love a product placement.
• 7:38
  Eric: That's we love product placement.
• 7:42
  Matt: Yeah, you can ask for this.com slash shop.
• 7:44
  Matt: Now, uh, we both love writing and also not writing.
• 7:49
  Eric: Yes, God, damn it, yes.
• 7:53
  Matt: We both love to be writers who don't write.
• 7:57
  Matt: Yes, we love having ideas.
• 7:59
  Matt: I tell my son all the time, I'm an idea, father's an ideas man.
• 8:03
  Matt: I'm an ideas man, boy.
• 8:05
  Matt: I can't do algebra for you.
• 8:08
  Eric: Why we started the podcast where we outsource the writing?
• 8:11
  Matt: I can I can tell you a thing or two about a thing or two, but it's mostly uh it's mostly fanciful dreams.
• 8:19
  Eric: Just your father's flights of fancy.
• 8:21
  Eric: Just your father's flights of fancy.
• 8:25
  Eric: Off in his own little world again.
• 8:28
  Eric: Oh, I'm sorry, I got lost there in the sauce.
• 8:30
  Eric: Um, oh, we are that that uh I would say this too.
• 8:34
  Eric: We are daydreamers, my guy.
• 8:37
  Eric: We are daydreamers.
• 8:38
  Eric: We are we are serial daydreamers, we are fucking terminal daydreamers.
• 8:44
  Matt: Well, we the I mean this podcast, the whole idea was kind of born out of the fact that you and I know that we could just sit down and start talking, like give us at a party and just be like, and off we go.
• 8:57
  Eric: And they're and they're off to the races.
• 8:58
  Eric: Because what are we gonna do?
• 9:00
  Eric: Talk to these other people?
• 9:01
  Eric: Talk about what we do or what we say or what we're not writing, and hear about their interests?
• 9:07
  Matt: Come on.
• 9:07
  Eric: Ew! I want to know where centaurs boot.
• 9:11
  Matt: Yes, very much so.
• 9:13
  Matt: Um, let's see.
• 9:14
  Matt: What's a good one?
• 9:14
  Matt: What's a good capper to this?
• 9:16
  Matt: To this three.
• 9:17
  Matt: Uh well, here, I'll be a little bit serious.
• 9:21
  Matt: I think we both use humor as a defense mechanism.
• 9:26
  Matt: Oh, yeah, Bubby.
• 9:27
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 9:28
  Matt: Oh, now we're digging where there's tan.
• 9:30
  Matt: Yeah, let's open up the gates because we got some that honestly, there are some questions coming up that gonna be hard to make funny.
• 9:37
  Matt: Yeah.
• 9:38
  Matt: But God willing, we'll fail.
• 9:40
  Matt: We'll fail, but we'll try, we'll get some he's and ha's in there.
• 9:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 9:44
  Matt: Sensible shield.
• 9:45
  Matt: So yeah, that's what I'll say.
• 9:46
  Matt: I'll say that.
• 9:46
  Matt: We both we both use the old chuckles as uh It is both sword and shield.
• 9:51
  Matt: Sword and shield.
• 9:52
  Matt: Mostly shield, but mostly shield, but every now and then you can you can wield a lull to detrimental effect.
• 10:01
  Eric: Oh yes, yes, yes.
• 10:02
  Matt: And then that brings us to number 26.
• 10:04
  Matt: Compl Eric, if you would, complete this sentence.
• 10:08
  Matt: I wish I had someone with whom I could share.
• 10:12
  Matt: Ooh.
• 10:15
  Eric: I wish I had someone with whom I could share my rage.
• 10:23
  Eric: Oh.
• 10:25
  Eric: There is there is interesting.
• 10:28
  Eric: I think it is very disin there.
• 10:30
  Eric: There it it is disingenuous for any person to be like, oh I'm just not angry.
• 10:37
  Eric: Yeah, I I mean I agree with you.
• 10:41
  Eric: Like every and and and and I think what I struggle with a lot these days is everyone's going through so much terrible traumatic shit, and everyone's dealing with so fucking much that it can be really hard.
• 10:57
  Eric: And as I think we as a society are taking a step in the right direction, and that like we're our our generation or our like cohorts are really and the the fucking generations coming immediately after us are learning, like, hey, you know, maybe the way our folks did it, where like problems are resolved by fucking screaming at the top of your lungs at each other until someone like backed down or or cowed out, like, that's really not good for you.
• 11:23
  Eric: And I agree with that, but there's so much fucking shit to be mad about, and there's so much shit to be pissed about and just feel absolute cold rage about.
• 11:36
  Eric: And I wish, and this luckily I you know therapy is phenomenal.
• 11:41
  Eric: It is but like, but like I when I talk with my therapist about rage, I talk about healthy mechanisms for like processing the feelings behind like anger and like something how and how to, which is what I should be doing very selfishly.
• 11:58
  Eric: Every now and then I'm just like, I just want someone that I can like scream with about the shit that you know what I mean?
• 12:06
  Eric: Not at each other, just fucking stand on the edge of a canyon and scream about the completely, ultimately like pointless things that piss me off.
• 12:18
  Eric: And I think that's the other angle of it too.
• 12:20
  Eric: Is I don't remember it.
• 12:21
  Eric: I don't even want to I don't even want to do it about the shit like the the the the real shit that people should be mad about.
• 12:28
  Eric: I wanna fucking be uh just be a like that that's it's crystallizing.
• 12:32
  Eric: You wanna do the evil version of this podcast.
• 12:35
  Matt: Yes, and I'm up for it.
• 12:37
  Matt: I did scream for this.
• 12:39
  Matt: You I I'm I'm sensing a you daft and afraid rage room.
• 12:44
  Matt: Ooh.
• 12:45
  Matt: Oh, that's got legs.
• 12:48
  Matt: That that does have legs.
• 12:51
  Eric: But yeah, that's uh I I wanna I just wanna I gotta let the petty the petty anger out sometimes.
• 12:57
  Eric: I just want to scream that into the void.
• 13:00
  Matt: Yeah.
• 13:00
  Matt: Yeah, I get you there.
• 13:02
  Eric: Now it's your turn, Matt.
• 13:03
  Eric: It is you wish you had someone with whom you could share.
• 13:08
  Matt: I'll say this.
• 13:09
  Matt: There I don't know that it's active.
• 13:11
  Matt: Like I wish because it's somewhat past tense, but I wish I wish I had like uh like the Cohen brothers, for example, like have been these sort of obviously they're brothers, but like they and they kind of have broken up right now, but like they I didn't know about that.
• 13:32
  Matt: Oh yeah, a couple years now they haven't really worked together.
• 13:34
  Matt: But the point being, like, growing up making movies in the backyard and such a singular experience.
• 13:42
  Matt: I feel like I've always wished that I had someone like that from like an early age with whom now I would have already like a decades-long artistic partnership that we share.
• 14:00
  Matt: The Phineas to your Billy, the Phineas to my Billy, exactly.
• 14:04
  Matt: Yes, like yes.
• 14:05
  Matt: So it's not like an active, like, oh, I wish I had somebody who could share this.
• 14:09
  Matt: I wish that would have happened.
• 14:11
  Eric: Oh man, oh yeah, for sure.
• 14:14
  Matt: So now I would be sharing in it.
• 14:16
  Eric: Yeah.
• 14:16
  Matt: No.
• 14:17
  Matt: I think that's what I would say.
• 14:18
  Matt: Okay.
• 14:19
  Matt: Good answer, man.
• 14:20
  Matt: Wow, we cooked on that one, huh?
• 14:22
  Matt: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 14:23
  Matt: Because we couldn't find anything to joke about, so we moved on.
• 14:26
  Matt: I just sometimes some of these I'm just like, fuck yeah, good answer.
• 14:33
  Matt: I'm looking at the I'm looking at the next one.
• 14:35
  Matt: This is gonna be, yeah, you've just family feuded.
• 14:37
  Matt: Good answer.
• 14:38
  Matt: Good answer.
• 14:39
  Eric: Good answer.
• 14:40
  Eric: Show me Cowan Brothers.
• 14:43
  Eric: Um if you were going to become it's not up there.
• 14:48
  Eric: Cue the Steve Harvey doing the Steve Harvey face, you know the one.
• 14:56
  Eric: Um if you this one is interesting.
• 15:00
  Eric: If theoretically, Matt.
• 15:03
  Eric: In theory, uh, us two lovers, if we were going to become a close friend with each other, yeah.
• 15:10
  Matt: Please share what we're doing.
• 15:12
  Matt: Great, I guess.
• 15:13
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 15:15
  Matt: Transition to the friend zone.
• 15:17
  Eric: I also love that, yeah.
• 15:18
  Eric: I I I I think I see the spirit in which this is being asked, the spirit being like, hey, you know, romance aside, like you're gonna be, you know, companions, friends.
• 15:27
  Eric: Like, what do you want to do?
• 15:27
  Eric: But it reads like, hey, you know, if you can't date this person, if you had to settle for just being their friend, like yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:37
  Matt: I uh what's just something I think uh uh yeah, unromantically.
• 15:41
  Matt: Did you finish the question, by the way?
• 15:43
  Eric: Oh, no, I didn't.
• 15:44
  Eric: Um, that's something they should know about me.
• 15:47
  Eric: Um, no, if you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
• 15:54
  Eric: So what so like you hey look, you're gonna be my friend, here's what you gotta know.
• 15:58
  Matt: Uh yeah, I think if it's like take the romance of this out for a second, like you said, and it's like just on a on a person-to-person level.
• 16:07
  Matt: Yeah, here's what you need to know about me.
• 16:08
  Matt: Not as a potential lover, but just as a potential lover.
• 16:11
  Eric: Yeah, just as a what it this is a uh a dear, dear friend of mine, uh Deb.
• 16:16
  Eric: She has a saying that I am I it like it lives with me in my brain and all at all times and has gotten me through some hard interactions.
• 16:27
  Eric: And that saying is everyone comes with their price of admission.
• 16:32
  Eric: Every single person you meet comes with their price of admission.
• 16:37
  Eric: Yeah.
• 16:37
  Eric: So for me, that's what this question is asking.
• 16:40
  Eric: It's like, what's your price of admission?
• 16:42
  Matt: Uh my I'd say my price of admission is and this I think you led, by the way, with this is a funny question for us, because obviously we already You're one of my best friends on this fucking earth, and I would die for you.
• 16:58
  Eric: Like I'm already there.
• 16:59
  Eric: We already know the prices of admission.
• 17:03
  Eric: I would die for you, I would kill for you.
• 17:05
  Matt: We've paid those prices over and over again.
• 17:08
  Matt: Oh my god.
• 17:09
  Matt: Yeah, and one of them is I guess the best way for me to put it, I've put it like this before, is if you just know if you have ever told me, you know, don't worry about it.
• 17:22
  Matt: I did.
• 17:23
  Matt: Yeah, oh yeah, I did.
• 17:25
  Matt: I absolutely did, and I still do.
• 17:28
  Eric: Yeah, yes.
• 17:29
  Eric: There is there.
• 17:32
  Matt: I have worried about it.
• 17:33
  Matt: I am worried about it, and I will worry about it again.
• 17:37
  Eric: Ain't gotta get worried if you stay worried.
• 17:41
  Matt: That's that's my secret, Cap.
• 17:43
  Matt: I'm always worried.
• 17:47
  Eric: I'm always stressed.
• 17:48
  Eric: Uh fucking Jeff Rosenstock has this incredible album uh that called called Worry, and but he released these bumper stickers for them that are just like big, massive bumper stickers and big fuck you America font, like red, white, and blue font that just says worry.
• 18:07
  Eric: I mean, yeah.
• 18:09
  Eric: It's a damn good bumper sticker.
• 18:12
  Eric: Uh damn good bumper sticker.
• 18:14
  Eric: Yeah, no, yeah, you are you are, and that is and and and Matt, I'm gonna I'm gonna apply my job interview brain to this.
• 18:19
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna talk, I'm gonna tell you how your weakness is a strength.
• 18:23
  Eric: Um it you you do like too much?
• 18:28
  Eric: You no, it's it it's it's you you you are a fuss, you fuss.
• 18:33
  Eric: And and in and and when I say you fuss, like you, you worry about people.
• 18:37
  Eric: You you you you I mean last episode you're talking about how I'm a fucking caretaker, but like you're the you're the person like when you show the fuck up for people because you fuss, because you worry, because you are like I don't like it causes you to stress to think about like bad things happening to anyone you care about, and like fucking like dan like it I'm not saying you should always worry, that's the bad wrong takeaway on this, but I know it genuinely comes from a place of you give so much of a fuck about your people, guilty as charged.
• 19:12
  Eric: You ain't gotta give a fuck if you stay given a fuck.
• 19:15
  Eric: Okay, what's your press of admission, boy?
• 19:18
  Eric: So when it comes to communication, I believe that historically I will sometimes forget to put an apostrophe in the word your like YOU apostrophe are y'all.
• 19:33
  Eric: Sometimes drop those apostrophes, or I might miss it and you know, and I am or I've Eric, you're not reading the cue cards that I'm holding up for you.
• 19:41
  Matt: Why would you why would you go off screen?
• 19:46
  Eric: I mean, do I even gotta say I'm gonna say it?
• 19:48
  Eric: I'm I am like there's no there's no better way to say this than like my my risk ability to respond to any given message from anyone ever is tenuous at best.
• 20:06
  Eric: You Eric I go, I will, you will get like a burst of of response.
• 20:11
  Eric: You will get like a fucking like I'm in.
• 20:13
  Eric: And then halfway through it's just bye.
• 20:18
  Matt: Yeah, you'll respond to my series of 12 unresponded to texts, but you'll miss the critical one, and then I'll be like, okay, but what about okay, but wait- what about the question I ask I actually asked you that started this?
• 20:30
  Matt: That started this.
• 20:32
  Matt: You recently have done an interesting thing.
• 20:34
  Matt: I don't know, I hesitate to even bring it up because I don't know if you know you did it, because I think this is crazy behavior from anyone.
• 20:41
  Matt: I think it's absolutely insane.
• 20:45
  Matt: But in your case, and your case alone, I'm very grateful that you've done it.
• 20:50
  Matt: You have put read receipts on.
• 20:53
  Matt: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 20:55
  Matt: And so it has actually helped me quite a bit to be like, okay, he has seen it.
• 21:02
  Matt: Like, I can bother him again because I know he's seen it.
• 21:05
  Matt: Versus when it just says delivered, and I'm like, okay, he hasn't even seen it.
• 21:09
  Matt: Yeah.
• 21:10
  Matt: So I uh we'll get to it.
• 21:12
  Eric: Do you do so?
• 21:13
  Eric: Here's what I did.
• 21:14
  Matt: First you upgraded your phone or something?
• 21:17
  Eric: The impetus to this was the fact that my phone said, Hey, we're switching to RCS or whatever the fuck it is, like rich text bullshit that like has all this shit on by by default.
• 21:32
  Eric: But here's the thing, Matt.
• 21:34
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna let you peek behind the kono.
• 21:36
  Eric: I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna part the fucking veil.
• 21:39
  Eric: Uh Wow, it is impressive.
• 21:41
  Eric: I specifically went through and turned that the fuck off for most things, but for you and very select important.
• 21:51
  Eric: Oh, you can do it per person?
• 21:53
  Eric: I believe yeah, it let me it said like you could you could just turn this shit off.
• 21:58
  Matt: I'm not I'll be honest, I'm not sure.
• 21:59
  Matt: I genuinely don't know if that is possible with Apple to do it for certain people.
• 22:04
  Matt: But yeah, I I that is very interesting.
• 22:08
  Eric: So I had to because Matt, I when it took like I had I had such a stress moment when I realized, like, oh fuck.
• 22:18
  Eric: Now this on people are gonna be able to send no when I got it, people are gonna be able to know that I can't.
• 22:22
  Matt: Yes, people that's why I think it's crazy when people uh choose to have it on.
• 22:27
  Matt: Yeah.
• 22:27
  Matt: But with you, I'm grateful.
• 22:29
  Eric: I chose to put it on because I'm like, nope, this will keep me honest.
• 22:34
  Eric: It's good.
• 22:35
  Eric: This will keep me honest, this will keep me honest, and I need to be kept honest on this.
• 22:41
  Matt: I think it eric, I think it's very mature of you.
• 22:44
  Eric: I think it shows a lot of growth.
• 22:45
  Eric: I I mean, you got like like what am I gonna do?
• 22:49
  Eric: Sit here like, no, let me tell you how everyone else on planet earth is actually the problem.
• 22:55
  Eric: Fucking Christ.
• 22:58
  Matt: No, no, no.
• 22:59
  Matt: You're you're a realist in that respect.
• 23:01
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:02
  Matt: Now, number 28 here.
• 23:05
  Matt: Okay, tell your partner what you like about them.
• 23:09
  Matt: Be honest this time, be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
• 23:16
  Matt: Well, luckily we don't have to worry about that.
• 23:19
  Eric: Yeah, that just means we can go that much more fucking hardcore.
• 23:24
  Eric: I ooh, babe, I'm sorry if this makes me sound toxic.
• 23:28
  Eric: Babe, I'm real sorry.
• 23:30
  Eric: When it comes to fucking insults, you're dog, you're you're you're like, you're like the fuck, you're like my Wayne Gretzky.
• 23:40
  Matt: That's so funny because I always feel like I could be better.
• 23:44
  Eric: That's why you're the Wayne Gretzky of fucking insults.
• 23:47
  Matt: Earlier today, I was listening to the the latest episode of uh Conan Conan's podcast, Conan O'Brien is a friend.
• 23:54
  Matt: And Martin Short was uh back again for his fourth time or whatever.
• 23:58
  Matt: And I knew it'd be good before I even started it because it always is.
• 24:03
  Matt: Martin Short is just every time I listen to him in in like uh podcast form or in interview form, he like his Jiminy Glick, for example, he's just so fucking quick, and like so quick, so quick, and he's got this razor sharp wit.
• 24:24
  Matt: It's so and I'm always just and Conan too.
• 24:28
  Matt: He's also so quick, and I'm like, God, I I wish I could do that.
• 24:33
  Matt: I wish I had those chops, and so that you say that, Eric, that means a lot to me.
• 24:39
  Eric: Oh fuck yeah, dude.
• 24:40
  Eric: I I it it is that is my toxic trait.
• 24:43
  Eric: I love watching my boy cook when it comes to fucking tearing somebody.
• 24:47
  Matt: When I got I'll say this when I got when I got the wind wind behind me, when I got my tail up.
• 24:53
  Matt: Yeah.
• 24:54
  Matt: When I'm in a groove, I can really enter a flow state.
• 24:59
  Eric: And if if I if my favorite place to be is watching a someone be shitty and wrong or giving a bad performance and being in an environment where it is loud enough for you to turn to me with an aside.
• 25:12
  Eric: That is some of the best, that is some of the best fucking theater I've ever experienced.
• 25:20
  Eric: I do love an aside.
• 25:22
  Eric: Oh god.
• 25:23
  Eric: Oh, there's Matt, arms folded, and I just know it went.
• 25:27
  Eric: Yeah, good.
• 25:28
  Eric: Just dropping them.
• 25:32
  Matt: I also I do feel like with us, and this is like a a a closeness thing.
• 25:39
  Matt: I do feel like I can I can deliver an insult like that.
• 25:44
  Matt: In that, like if it was not quiet, if it was too quiet for us to get away with a whisper, I could just sort of give you a look that would convey the number of looks you have shot me that have conveyed multitudes.
• 25:56
  Matt: As as I once gave a famous direction to former guest of the show, Megan Stanton, uh, a meaningful glance.
• 26:05
  Matt: Um quite good at a meaningful glance.
• 26:08
  Matt: Oh God.
• 26:10
  Eric: Yes.
• 26:12
  Matt: Oh man.
• 26:13
  Matt: Well, thank you.
• 26:14
  Matt: I'm glad I insult you so well.
• 26:16
  Matt: Um Thank you.
• 26:18
  Matt: Now, I already uh see that this is interesting because the the like I said, I've already talked about it.
• 26:24
  Matt: When I when I think about like what I really appreciate most about you is your willingness to just like put yourself out there and like just and you know it's as we've gotten to know each other, getting to know each other's like anxieties and stuff has been interesting because my first impression of you has always been like, oh, this man's here for a good time, and he don't give a fuck.
• 26:49
  Matt: Like, if he looks like a fool, he's gonna try something, you know, he's gonna make a bold choice, strong and wrong poach.
• 26:56
  Matt: That's what they call him.
• 26:57
  Matt: Oh man.
• 27:03
  Matt: And I appreciate that about you.
• 27:06
  Matt: Uh but but no, I I we have but we've talked much, we've talked much and more about that.
• 27:13
  Matt: What I I think I I'd have to say as the as the next thing that pops up is like I think you have uh you are a genuine, like good listener in in a context of like if somebody's telling you something that's that's going on with them.
• 27:35
  Matt: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:36
  Matt: Like if if if you you you are a great shoulder to cry on if they can reach it.
• 27:42
  Matt: If they uh they can pull a step stool up.
• 27:47
  Matt: Uh but no, you're a great shoulder cry on, great sounding board, you're a great person to insult people with.
• 27:53
  Matt: Um those are the things I aspire to be.
• 27:57
  Matt: You but you are like truly you are you're the definition of a ride or die.
• 28:01
  Matt: Uh in I'll hitch my commit to your bit.
• 28:04
  Matt: Absolutely.
• 28:05
  Matt: And like there's so many moments where uh throughout our long and storied friendship that I feel like I have had my share of being like, who can I trust with this poach?
• 28:18
  Eric: And that that is like there is there is nothing that makes me feel more gratitude for my friends than when like like the the the the the kindest thing anyone can do for me is is just uh feel safe.
• 28:37
  Eric: Like you know what I mean?
• 28:38
  Eric: Like like like when I when it when someone's like telling me or sharing this, I'm like, holy shit, like you felt safe enough to to open up about this or to speak this.
• 28:47
  Eric: That means the world for me.
• 28:48
  Eric: The least I can do is fucking just be fucking capital H here for you and and and and help you help you help you through this as best I can, or if I can't get you to the help.
• 29:03
  Eric: Like it's get you to the help.
• 29:06
  Eric: Um that that shit means the world to me.
• 29:09
  Eric: Yeah, man.
• 29:10
  Eric: Well, thank you.
• 29:11
  Eric: I like that.
• 29:13
  Matt: I like it.
• 29:14
  Eric: I like it.
• 29:15
  Eric: And we'll transition now.
• 29:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 29:17
  Eric: Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
• 29:21
  Eric: First thing that jumps to mind.
• 29:23
  Eric: Okay.
• 29:26
  Matt: I was doing a staged reading.
• 29:28
  Matt: And uh, for those of you who might not know what that is, that's uh because I discovered this with my therapist not too long ago when I I mentioned I'm doing a staged reading and they didn't know what it was.
• 29:39
  Matt: So I uh I I'm not gonna take that for granted again.
• 29:42
  Matt: Uh it's when you like are reading a script like literally off a page, usually off of music stands.
• 29:47
  Matt: Um you know, it's an unfinished work most of the time, or uh, you know, it's something like that.
• 29:54
  Matt: Um, and so you uh you're reading it from a small audience kind of thing.
• 29:58
  Matt: So um so it was a stage reading, one of these one of these things.
• 30:01
  Matt: New play, still in development.
• 30:03
  Eric: Okay.
• 30:04
  Matt: And so I was uh I was asked to partake in this.
• 30:07
  Matt: I partake in this.
• 30:09
  Matt: And right before the reading started, now you know me, Poach, before any performance, one of the last things I gotta do is piss.
• 30:17
  Matt: Yeah, must piss as close to places as possible.
• 30:22
  Matt: Yes, is how I operate.
• 30:24
  Matt: Uh always have, always will.
• 30:26
  Matt: I I also have to do a pre-show shit, but that can be beforehand.
• 30:30
  Eric: Yeah, that's when I arrive.
• 30:32
  Eric: The window for that, yeah, is like several hours.
• 30:35
  Eric: The window for the piss is like 10 minutes to curtain.
• 30:38
  Matt: Yeah, but like uh I am truly a as close as I can cut it without pissing off the stage manager, is what I like to do.
• 30:46
  Matt: So I did this, and so I'm washing my hands, and the reading is like about to begin.
• 30:53
  Matt: Okay, and so I'm washing my hands and I look down, and gentlemen, we've all been here.
• 30:58
  Matt: You look down and you got that little dark circle on your on your tan khakis right around your hoo-ha, where it has bled through.
• 31:09
  Matt: Yeah, where the where the drippage has bled through both layers, and so I'm like fuck.
• 31:17
  Matt: Like, what the fuck am I gonna do?
• 31:19
  Matt: I am literally about to stand in front of a room full of people, and so the the only thing that I could think to do was make it worse because I couldn't dry it, I knew I couldn't dry it, I knew I couldn't like discreetly air dry it, so I sort of made the sink fire back at me.
• 31:40
  Matt: So like my pants were wet, so you made it.
• 31:45
  Eric: You escalated until it was so clear that this had nothing to do with piss.
• 31:50
  Matt: So I could come out and be like, Oh my god, I'm so fucking embarrassed.
• 31:54
  Matt: I I was like, the sink just fucking like exploded out of me.
• 31:57
  Matt: Yep, and the person I was talking to was like, Oh, I just used that sink a long, it was fine for me.
• 32:03
  Matt: And I was like, I don't know what happened.
• 32:04
  Matt: The sink and so you know I'm there, and of course they're filming the staged reading, so I'm I'm awkwardly trying to like dry myself off, but oh man, but deep in my heart, I knew the the darkest part of that wet circles was Biss.
• 32:25
  Matt: I knew what it was.
• 32:26
  Matt: I knew what sin hid there, and so that was that was embarrassing.
• 32:30
  Matt: That was that was an embarrassing moment.
• 32:32
  Eric: Man, that's uh that's good.
• 32:33
  Eric: I that's that's good.
• 32:36
  Eric: I'm thank you.
• 32:37
  Eric: That's no, that is that that is like good in the sense like that understood the assignment.
• 32:43
  Eric: I'm I'm fli like there's a fucking Rolodex in my mind.
• 32:47
  Matt: Yeah, you got something to choose from.
• 32:49
  Eric: Oh my god.
• 32:50
  Eric: I oh oh here we go.
• 32:52
  Eric: Nope.
• 32:52
  Eric: The the the this seminal I truly cannot remember if this has been brought up before.
• 32:57
  Eric: Um when I was seven years old, my parents When I was seven years old.
• 33:05
  Eric: When I was seven years old, my parents took me and my brother to Disney World.
• 33:10
  Eric: This was a massive fucking deal because my mom at the time worked for the Disney store.
• 33:16
  Eric: Yes.
• 33:17
  Eric: That and back then, one of the perks was they would give you free hotel and tickets for Disney World.
• 33:23
  Matt: They must not do that shit.
• 33:24
  Eric: They there's no fucking way on earth.
• 33:27
  Eric: Um and but because she was getting this all for free through her job, uh for free through her job, that was the only way on earth my family could ever afford to go to fucking Disney World.
• 33:39
  Eric: Yeah, I've never I've never been.
• 33:41
  Eric: It's it's it's it's it's nuts.
• 33:44
  Eric: It's fucking insane.
• 33:46
  Eric: It's I know it is, and it's even more insane than we were.
• 33:52
  Matt: I know.
• 33:53
  Matt: I I I'm well aware of that.
• 33:54
  Matt: I haven't had one, and if you don't think it's been on my mind of like, how can I get how early to get my child to Disney World?
• 34:04
  Eric: Yes.
• 34:05
  Eric: Um, so we went and and and suffice to say, uh, you know, fucking we had a it was a great, it was we were Disney World, it was the greatest time on earth.
• 34:15
  Eric: Uh one of the most embarrassing things because my parents have camcorder footage of this.
• 34:24
  Eric: There is a if it's still there in the Magic Kingdom, there is a it's either Magic Kingdom or MGM Studios, which is now known as can't remember what they call it now, but different name.
• 34:38
  Eric: Um there is something called Fifel's Playland.
• 34:41
  Eric: It's from Fifel Goes West.
• 34:43
  Eric: And it's a little, it's one of those like your kids run around outdoors here, and it's a water, there's just water park, like squirting over.
• 34:50
  Eric: When I was a little kid, my favorite thing on earth was just being in water.
• 34:56
  Eric: Loved swimming in pools, loved being in a wave pool, anything where like there's water shit happening and like buckets filling with it and dumping out over the kids, all kinds of like crazy, like, oh, if you push this, water happens over.
• 35:09
  Eric: I was mad, I was obsessed.
• 35:12
  Eric: I was in Fifel's Playland for like a couple hours while my parents and my brother went and rode like roller coasters or whatever.
• 35:25
  Eric: Because at that age, when I was seven, nothing wanted nothing to do with roller coasters, was terrified of everything.
• 35:30
  Eric: But I loved Fifel's Playland, I loved playing in the water.
• 35:33
  Eric: So my mom, my dad are like, and my mom being the saint she is, she's like, Eric, honey, you know, time to go.
• 35:39
  Eric: No, you're leaving Five's play.
• 35:41
  Eric: Come on, time to go, Bill.
• 35:42
  Eric: Come on.
• 35:43
  Eric: And I proceed to have what cannot be called anything other than a meltdown tantrum.
• 35:50
  Eric: I am on camera.
• 35:52
  Eric: There's little Eric with his little little little chubby cheeks, fucking covered in water, his little baggy athletic shorts, and tank top was like, I wanna play.
• 36:02
  Eric: Like just like truly having the melt.
• 36:08
  Eric: My parents had to, I I refused to come out.
• 36:11
  Eric: I went into Fifals Playland.
• 36:13
  Eric: My parents had to turn to my brother and be like, like, he's the fucking bouncer.
• 36:18
  Eric: They're like, you need to go get your boy.
• 36:20
  Eric: He dragged my ass, kicking and screaming out of Fifles Playland, and they recorded my dad caught every fucking moment on Camcorder.
• 36:34
  Matt: Listen, Rick, Friend and May.
• 36:37
  Matt: I'm gonna need that footage.
• 36:40
  Matt: Oh man, that's I'm gonna need to see that footage.
• 36:42
  Matt: Digitize it.
• 36:44
  Eric: Digitize it.
• 36:45
  Eric: It is somewhere.
• 36:46
  Eric: It is somewhere in my parents' put it on a thumb drive.
• 36:50
  Eric: If I can find it, I would absolutely make that Patreon content.
• 36:54
  Eric: Oh, yes.
• 36:55
  Eric: That is that is pretty that is worth $4.24 a month.
• 37:00
  Matt: That goes in the third tier.
• 37:01
  Matt: The the mystery third tier.
• 37:03
  Eric: Third tier.
• 37:06
  Matt: When we get to a uh a $20 a month, we'll put it we'll put it.
• 37:11
  Matt: Oh, we will make it worth your while, babies.
• 37:13
  Matt: Oh yes.
• 37:14
  Matt: We will make it all kinds of camcorder footage.
• 37:17
  Eric: You will you will see my great I crashed the fuck out.
• 37:23
  Matt: God, I want to see it bad now.
• 37:25
  Matt: Yeah, yeah.
• 37:26
  Matt: Oh man.
• 37:27
  Matt: That is good.
• 37:29
  Matt: And now, Eric, when was the last time?
• 37:32
  Matt: When did you last cry in front of another person by yourself?
• 37:39
  Matt: Question mark.
• 37:40
  Matt: Follow-up question.
• 37:41
  Eric: Okay, so it's it's it's both.
• 37:42
  Eric: When did I last cry from a person?
• 37:43
  Matt: It's 30 and 30.5.
• 37:46
  Eric: Yeah.
• 37:47
  Eric: I know these very well.
• 37:48
  Eric: And and it's funny, Matt, we were we were thinking of a like a kind of like a time to sort of tactfully work this information in.
• 37:58
  Eric: Um I don't know what you're gonna say, so I'm fascinated.
• 38:02
  Eric: You'll you'll you'll you'll you'll figure it out pretty quick.
• 38:04
  Eric: Um thanks.
• 38:05
  Eric: Yeah.
• 38:06
  Eric: Uh and folks, this is one of those things where like this is something I struggle with in my life all the time when it comes to what I share on a podcast or even what I share in my personal life with friends, like, like my one of my fucking character flaws is I'm really bad about talking about the bad shit that happens in my life outside of like my my very immediate circles.
• 38:33
  Eric: Like, so like I share things with Matt, with with my housemates, with stuff, like I have my circle of people that I'm like share the weight with, but I just kind of when it comes to co-workers or fucking or like colleagues, uh, the organizations I volunteer at, stuff like this, I almost never talk about any of like the the harsh shit going on in my life.
• 38:56
  Eric: Despite having no issue, like people come to me all the time with their shit and like telling me like that's no problem, and I never I I never think it's weird.
• 39:05
  Eric: It's just fucking I struggle like hell bringing my shit up.
• 39:09
  Eric: All that to say, um, back in June, my cat Amelia died.
• 39:17
  Eric: And and we have talked about her many times on the show.
• 39:21
  Eric: You've heard her many times on the show.
• 39:24
  Eric: She was struggling with health issues for a long time.
• 39:28
  Eric: I was giving her treatments, and we went on vacation, and she passed away while we were on vacation while friends were watching her.
• 39:39
  Eric: I count myself lucky every single goddamn day that when my girl went, A, she was surrounded by people she knows and who loves and adores her.
• 39:53
  Eric: And B, my girl went in her sleep.
• 39:56
  Eric: Death had to send my ass 2,000 miles away and sneak up on her while she was snoozing.
• 40:02
  Eric: It's the only way he was ever gonna do it.
• 40:04
  Eric: So the last time I so that was back in in June.
• 40:07
  Eric: Since uh the last time I cried in front of someone uh was was a couple months ago.
• 40:14
  Eric: Oh, so that was that was the by yourself.
• 40:16
  Eric: Well oh well well oh by myself was was all over the place.
• 40:21
  Eric: Last time I cried in front of someone was when I because Alyssa watched me cry, Alyssa's seen me cry.
• 40:29
  Matt: Yeah, the partner doesn't count.
• 40:30
  Eric: Partner doesn't count, but the last the distinctly the last time I remember crying in front of somebody was in front of Alyssa, and it was the day we picked up her ashes, and it was because I turned to Alyssa and I said, the last time I held her was before we left.
• 40:46
  Eric: And that was that got me right.
• 40:50
  Eric: I know that was I was just and it was a healthy cry.
• 40:56
  Eric: Yeah, needed to get that out of my system.
• 40:59
  Eric: Um, last time I cried alone was also Amelia related.
• 41:07
  Eric: Uh, it was and it was it was like one of those I came upstairs, I opened a door into my bedroom, and then like when I finished my business, and as I walked out, I instinctively went, oh, and I went to crack it open so that she could walk out of my room because so she wouldn't be like stuck in my room.
• 41:26
  Eric: It was like, I don't want to leave her stuck in there.
• 41:28
  Eric: Like, she's not there.
• 41:29
  Eric: Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.
• 41:31
  Eric: Oh yeah.
• 41:33
  Eric: That that just little one, two, go, go.
• 41:35
  Eric: Yeah, that happens for a while.
• 41:38
  Eric: Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 41:40
  Eric: It has been it has been a fucking process of grief.
• 41:43
  Eric: That was my fucking familiar.
• 41:44
  Eric: I know.
• 41:45
  Eric: That was my goddamn familiar.
• 41:47
  Matt: I was wondering when or if you would uh bring that up on the on the show.
• 41:51
  Eric: How it's just how that's where that's where my my brain always gets stuck, is because I'm like, how do you work this in?
• 41:59
  Eric: Uh this is this is this is bits, bits, jokes, jokes.
• 42:02
  Eric: By the way.
• 42:03
  Eric: This is the avenue.
• 42:05
  Eric: This is the avenue.
• 42:06
  Eric: This is this is how we fall in love.
• 42:08
  Matt: This is this is the only way.
• 42:09
  Matt: Um last time I cried by myself, and in front of somebody who's not Lindsay.
• 42:18
  Matt: That's a tough one.
• 42:20
  Matt: I mean, I've cried in front of Lindsay plenty of times.
• 42:24
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 42:25
  Matt: Um the I mean last time by myself was I couldn't give you an exact date, but in the in the newborn trenches for sure, there was Oh yeah, there was definitely a moment where I had to just abscond uh upstairs and be like, you know, uh have a little breakdown because mostly being 24-7 of uh there for Lindsay, there for baby, and it we did, you know, it's it's a lot.
• 42:59
  Matt: And so uh, you know, not sleeping, truly back then not sleeping at all.
• 43:03
  Eric: Oh man, yeah.
• 43:04
  Matt: Uh and so like there was definitely a couple of moments where it was like, I just need to cry in the shower for a hot second.
• 43:11
  Matt: Yep.
• 43:12
  Matt: Yep.
• 43:13
  Eric: Oh, the number of oh, I'll be right back.
• 43:15
  Eric: I just have to go take a shower.
• 43:17
  Matt: Like fucking Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:19
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 43:20
  Matt: So yeah, there's definitely one or two of those in the in the newborn trenches when when they get they don't call them the trenches for nothing.
• 43:28
  Eric: No my God.
• 43:29
  Matt: They uh they they they're tough.
• 43:31
  Matt: And yet it's it is funny.
• 43:34
  Matt: Everybody says it, and when you're in the middle of it, you're when they're people are like, you know what, you're gonna miss this.
• 43:40
  Matt: And you're like, yeah, bullshit I am.
• 43:43
  Matt: Uh and you know, my boy is only four and a half months old already, already.
• 43:52
  Matt: And but I'm still sort of like there was there was a moment that you know, they a big thing that people talk.
• 43:59
  Matt: About is like the there will come a time when you pick up your kid for the last time and you'll never know it.
• 44:04
  Matt: That I don't even have children, and that thought makes me want to cry.
• 44:07
  Matt: It's really it does make me cry.
• 44:10
  Matt: And I thought to myself, I there it has already happened that I put him in a swaddle for the last time and didn't realize it.
• 44:19
  Eric: Oh that was he's yeah, he's not a he's he's too old to that's a gut punch.
• 44:25
  Eric: That's a gut punch.
• 44:26
  Matt: Yeah, it was like wow, I did that for a final time and it never and I was probably struggling to get it done and it wasn't it couldn't have appreciated.
• 44:38
  Eric: Um but um do you know what do you know what uh whenever I hear the there's a time you're gonna put your pick your kid up, put them down for the last time, every time I think about it, the the thought that makes me like fucking really sad for my mom is the fact that raising me, I was always like several orders of magnitude bigger than the other kids.
• 45:01
  Eric: So that happened way sooner for her than for she had she had such a smaller window of being able to pick my ass up.
• 45:09
  Matt: That's concerning because you haven't seen the boy in a hot second, but he's a big guy.
• 45:14
  Matt: Oh, I can't wait.
• 45:15
  Matt: He's a big guy.
• 45:16
  Matt: Uh he is he's solidly in the height-wise, he is in the 97th percentile.
• 45:23
  Eric: Oh, yeah, y'all, y'all gave birth to a giant.
• 45:25
  Eric: Don't worry, when the time comes, I will teach the boy the ways of our people.
• 45:30
  Matt: We are hoping it will even out at a certain point.
• 45:33
  Matt: Neither of his parents are particularly tall.
• 45:36
  Eric: I have come to educate him on his heritage.
• 45:39
  Matt: Come, boy.
• 45:40
  Matt: His heritage.
• 45:41
  Matt: Fetch the knee braces.
• 45:42
  Matt: What do I need to know?
• 45:45
  Matt: Uh so what how's this list of questions gonna end up?
• 45:51
  Matt: Cry, I mean, cry the the honest answer is cry in front of the person.
• 45:55
  Matt: It was definitely Lindsay.
• 45:57
  Matt: Um but I am drawing a complete blank that's not stage related, which really doesn't count.
• 46:05
  Eric: Yeah.
• 46:05
  Matt: Uh, in front of another person.
• 46:09
  Matt: I'm oh, oh, like stage.
• 46:10
  Matt: Yeah.
• 46:11
  Matt: Somebody that's like instead of not crying whilst acting.
• 46:16
  Eric: I'm struggling to think of the last time I cried in front of someone.
• 46:19
  Eric: The last time I cried in front of someone who wasn't Alyssa or my own mother.
• 46:25
  Eric: Like, those are like the two people.
• 46:28
  Eric: Yeah, that's I can I can goddamn gr it's I'm really insert commentary about social conditioning here, but like that's I struggle to think of it.
• 46:42
  Matt: I'm sure I'm sure it's happened since, but like I think the last time I cried in front of my parents was when my grandmother died, when Baba died, I think was the last time that I cried in front of them.
• 46:58
  Matt: But in terms of somebody else that's not Lindsay and that's not a paying audience, I don't I I really can't give you an it.
• 47:06
  Eric: I don't I don't I cr I cry in front of an entire like around an entire audience whenever I see AJJ, but that's about that doesn't count.
• 47:16
  Eric: That's just because AJJ makes me crazy.
• 47:18
  Eric: Every time I go to see AJJ Live, who's an AJJ?
• 47:21
  Eric: You've listened to AJJ.
• 47:23
  Eric: They're in the po the the the folk punk playlist I made for you.
• 47:27
  Eric: Oh yeah, they yeah, such hit hits such as mega guillotine and oh yes, yes, yes, that I recall.
• 47:35
  Matt: They they evoked tears from you.
• 47:37
  Eric: Oh my god, there's a song called, I think it's called Little Red Bird or something like that.
• 47:43
  Eric: It is it is a song.
• 47:44
  Eric: Let me let me I'm gonna look it up because everyone should listen to this song.
• 47:48
  Eric: Yeah, it's the song Big Bird by AJJ.
• 47:52
  Eric: Everyone go listen to the song Big Bird by AJJ.
• 47:56
  Matt: There you go.
• 47:56
  Matt: Do it when you're glorious for AJ J.
• 47:58
  Matt: Yeah.
• 47:59
  Matt: Eggj.
• 48:00
  Matt: Your favorite folk punks, favorite folk punk.
• 48:04
  Matt: Oh, how about that?
• 48:06
  Eric: Yeah.
• 48:06
  Matt: Uh, but those those are my uh those are my answers, I think.
• 48:09
  Matt: Uh, and in terms of last time I cried in front of Lindsay, I mean it's got to be sometime also during the newborn trenches.
• 48:15
  Matt: Yeah.
• 48:16
  Matt: It's a bit of a haze, honestly.
• 48:19
  Matt: Uh yeah, yeah.
• 48:20
  Matt: All right.
• 48:23
  Eric: Now, this next question, I don't know how long we should spend on tell tell your partner something you like about them already.
• 48:32
  Eric: The idea here being like, what's something I already know I like about you?
• 48:36
  Matt: Yeah, and like we've been here, done that.
• 48:40
  Eric: How about how about you know what?
• 48:42
  Eric: I will say I'm what how I'm gonna approach this is I'm going to I'm going to approach this from what's the thing I most recently realized I like about Matt.
• 48:52
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 48:53
  Eric: I like it's it's flip it on its head.
• 48:56
  Eric: That that should that's that's how friends and love should work, man.
• 48:59
  Eric: You always gotta be falling in love with your friends and your partner.
• 49:02
  Eric: I will say, Matt, uh, you've gotten to play the baby card so much, I'm gonna play it.
• 49:07
  Eric: I'm gonna reverse it.
• 49:09
  Eric: Oh, good.
• 49:10
  Eric: So much of our friendship and our time together, there's been a there's been a kind of like space in my brain that is concerned for your anxiety.
• 49:22
  Eric: Because like, because like I I I because like I say, I worry.
• 49:26
  Eric: I I worry because you care so much, because you're like, I always just was like, you're you're one of my the humans in my life where I was like, man, if I could give any gift to anyone, but especially my boy Matt, I just want him to know everything's gonna be okay forever.
• 49:41
  Eric: And I just I just hate seeing anyone struggle with like anxiety or doubt.
• 49:46
  Eric: But when you became a father, oh boy, Matt Am I about to renew my most recently cried in front of someone?
• 49:54
  Eric: No, Matt, I realized like it like the thought I had, the immediate thought I had in my brain, and this is completely irrational, but it's like the only way I've been able to verbalize it.
• 50:06
  Eric: I'm like, oh he had to get all of it, that's what it was all for.
• 50:12
  Eric: He had to get it all out of him leading up to this moment because he just like I look at you now, and I'm gonna I I preface this with I know that anxiety still lives with you.
• 50:26
  Eric: I know that like there will always be things you worry about.
• 50:29
  Eric: But Matt, the absolute utter fearlessness I see burning in your heart for your child.
• 50:37
  Eric: Like the the the the amount of mat Shay I see being like like I will fight God for this child and everything else be damned.
• 50:52
  Eric: Like the sh just the sheer like I I just you're like I ain't got time for it.
• 51:00
  Matt: There is an element of that.
• 51:02
  Matt: I mean, in general, I honestly would say I feel like my stress and anxiety has gone way up.
• 51:08
  Eric: Oh, and I'm sure and and and completely recognizing that it has, but there's like a there it is like just a a sure like there is a sureness about your you're like we have no choice.
• 51:23
  Eric: Like you're like they're like the fucking we're on the deck of the fucking enterprise, the consoles are exploding, the ship is sinking, like fucking fucking it doesn't matter because you're still giving orders and fucking like knowing exactly what your course is.
• 51:38
  Eric: Like there is no other option, and it's fucking inspiring.
• 51:43
  Eric: Well, thank you.
• 51:45
  Eric: That that's like those like oh my god.
• 51:48
  Eric: Well I was it and it's also just because like you were so made for this, you are so like it like and I've said it before, I'll say it again.
• 52:03
  Eric: Every person I talk about, whenever we're talking about like, oh yeah, Matt Che's a dad now, and we're like, because of fucking course he is.
• 52:09
  Eric: Oh, you're gonna make me blush.
• 52:11
  Eric: He was like fucking you, oh my god.
• 52:15
  Eric: I just I just you there you you you you are exactly where you should be, and it is it is great to see unfold.
• 52:25
  Matt: That's what I liked about you.
• 52:27
  Matt: Well, Eric, that's very kind of you.
• 52:29
  Matt: Uh that's very kind of you.
• 52:31
  Matt: You've taken me back yet again.
• 52:33
  Matt: Um well see, now I feel like I mine it doesn't mine was gonna be a little bit less uh intense, I guess.
• 52:47
  Matt: But the um so what I what so I'll say that.
• 52:51
  Matt: I'll say that in general is like we've talked about how I feel like your uh you know, your my first impression of you, fearlessness and all that good stuff.
• 53:01
  Matt: I'd say in recent years, you have expanded that to and I I I I feel like I'm gonna say this and it's gonna sound insulting, and I do not mean it this way, to your fashion choices.
• 53:15
  Matt: Like, oh yeah, I feel like you are see fanny pack.
• 53:21
  Matt: Like the the fact that you one day you showed up and sometime during the pandemic, you adopted a fanny pack that you wear at all times.
• 53:32
  Matt: Yes.
• 53:32
  Matt: And I will say, since becoming a father, I have said on more than one occasion to Lindsay, even though I've got this diaper bag with me wherever I go now, I'm also sort of like, you know, I've made fun of Eric's fanny pack, but I get it.
• 53:47
  Matt: I get it.
• 53:49
  Matt: It'd be nice to have some extra stuff a dad here.
• 53:51
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 53:52
  Eric: No, it like that dude, truly, like mentally, it is so good for my brain to know, like, oh, this is the my stuff zone.
• 54:01
  Eric: This is uh everything in here, that's just that's that's for me.
• 54:08
  Eric: Yes.
• 54:08
  Eric: I think I I think that's an important thing for everyone to have.
• 54:14
  Eric: That's why I was like, I like when I started wearing a fanny bag, I was like, holy shit, now I get why people carry bags.
• 54:20
  Eric: I'm like, this is like fucking this this this rule, like, oh my god, like this is my brain right here, and I just kind of sort through it and fucking do it.
• 54:29
  Eric: It's great.
• 54:30
  Eric: Yeah, it's like a it's a nice little anchor.
• 54:33
  Matt: Yes.
• 54:34
  Matt: And uh so but so that was the like slightly like less like personal thing that I was gonna throw out.
• 54:41
  Matt: But because you elevated things to uh more intimate level.
• 54:48
  Matt: I would say that so the you know, since since you have gotten laid off from your job, the there have and have become a farmer.
• 55:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 55:02
  Matt: You and we've talked about this bunch more, about how much like happier you've been, but like as soon as you as soon as you were kicked out the door of that job, yeah, you were happier immediately.
• 55:16
  Matt: Oh, instantaneously.
• 55:19
  Matt: Instantaneously you were uh a happier person, and obviously there was a lot of stress, there's a lot of uh questions and all that.
• 55:25
  Matt: Oh, sure, all that stuff.
• 55:27
  Matt: Sure, sure, sure, sure.
• 55:28
  Matt: Like there was this monkey on your back that had just evaporated, just Thanos snapped away.
• 55:37
  Eric: Uh I could I could feel it sloughing from my body in real time.
• 55:42
  Matt: Yeah, and and I think since that happened, there there has been a and you were always kind of good about this, and you've been good about this for the last like several years, but I think since that happened late last year, there was a switch of like uh mental health preservation and like taking care of oneself and filling one's own cup that I think you do very well for yourself that I and others could stand to learn from.
• 56:24
  Eric: That's so nice.
• 56:26
  Eric: Oh man, that's that that made my day.
• 56:28
  Eric: That was great.
• 56:29
  Eric: Yeah, that was well, you had to make it all serious.
• 56:32
  Eric: I yeah, that was no, honestly, it was like one of the greatest gifts ever given to me was was some piece of shit saying I was being fired, and I was like, cool.
• 56:43
  Eric: I was like, oh thank fucking god, and just the journey since then has truly been like, oh man, I will take poor and happy any day.
• 56:55
  Eric: It's like God, I will take poor and happy any day.
• 56:58
  Matt: It's like Kramer in the festivist episode at the very end when the guy at H H Bagel says, All right, yeah, that's it, you're fired.
• 57:06
  Matt: And he goes, Thank you.
• 57:12
  Eric: Was that the same one where he was like chewing gum and it fell into the falls into the side?
• 57:19
  Matt: All right, yeah, you're fired.
• 57:21
  Matt: You're fired.
• 57:21
  Matt: Thank you.
• 57:23
  Matt: Oh my god, I love that episode so much.
• 57:25
  Matt: Good channel.
• 57:25
  Matt: What if anything is too serious to be joked about?
• 57:30
  Eric: Oh yeah, man.
• 57:31
  Eric: This is this is such an interesting, ongoing conversation.
• 57:36
  Matt: I I have an interesting response.
• 57:38
  Eric: Oh, I would love to hear your no no no no okay.
• 57:41
  Matt: We have an order.
• 57:42
  Matt: Okay.
• 57:42
  Matt: I'm just saying that you're saying it's an interesting conversation, and I'm I'm saying I agree with you.
• 57:48
  Eric: So I so this is this is one of those things where like what like I I would love to get versions of me from like I'd say every seven years, like me at seven, me at 14, me at 21, me at 28, me now.
• 58:05
  Eric: And and hear their answers to this question because it's fascinating looking back, like I look back on it, man, like fucking, like we came up in the generation of like jackass and like all like the edgy comic, like offensive, edgy comics and stuff.
• 58:23
  Eric: Like, I would say in high school through college, like I was very much of the like everything can be joked about.
• 58:33
  Eric: And like fucking, there no, no top, like everything, but because it was like that edgy, like fucking like uh expression.
• 58:41
  Eric: And and now I look back on that and I think I rightfully kind of cringe to death on the inside because it the the kind of nuance of that conversation is sort of like the concept of ultimate truths and relative truths.
• 59:00
  Eric: Ultimately, anything can be funny, ultimately, you can thread the needle, you ultimately you can joke about whatever you want.
• 59:11
  Eric: But relatively, here in the real world, where people live and people matter, and I'm not the only person on this fucking planet, ultimately, no, you have to recognize like just because I can doesn't mean I should.
• 59:28
  Eric: Just because like I it it goes back to like just just because you had a thought, right, doesn't mean you need to say it out loud.
• 59:38
  Eric: Just like like just because you you see the fruit hanging there doesn't mean you ought to pick it.
• 59:45
  Eric: Yeah.
• 59:46
  Eric: To answer this question, like, like for me, what uh what I've kind like my kind of hard my my my kind of not hard my kind of like rule that I just try to live by is I don't joke about things that aren't for or about me.
• 1:00:00
  Eric: Yeah, sure.
• 1:00:01
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 1:00:02
  Eric: Like like I don't need to make jokes about the experiences or lives of others that I that aren't fucking about me, like that aren't have nothing to do with me.
• 1:00:15
  Eric: I want to make jokes about the people who who do make their shit my problem or who do make their shit my loved ones problem or hurt them or like fucking oppress them.
• 1:00:29
  Eric: I'll I'll joke about that shit all day.
• 1:00:32
  Eric: But like I mean like it's 2026, babe.
• 1:00:36
  Eric: I'm a fucking white dude with classes and a podcast.
• 1:00:39
  Eric: Nobody needs to hear my opinion about shit.
• 1:00:42
  Matt: Well, okay, don't hold on.
• 1:00:43
  Matt: I mean you still got a podcast.
• 1:00:46
  Matt: Oh okay.
• 1:00:48
  Eric: They don't need to hear my opinion about shit unless it's every other week on you didn't ask for this.
• 1:00:54
  Matt: Yeah, the uh I think what's interesting is I do think I agree with you.
• 1:00:59
  Matt: And I uh but the way I was gonna verse it is is anything too serious to be joked about?
• 1:01:08
  Matt: No.
• 1:01:09
  Matt: But context, context, context.
• 1:01:14
  Matt: And that means that like do I think there is anything too serious to be joked about by a stand-up comedian in their set?
• 1:01:24
  Matt: Yeah, yep, there's probably some things contextually that like you shouldn't joke about as whatever you're coming to the stage with.
• 1:01:36
  Matt: Yeah, you know, whatever your set of you know, your prices of admission, as you know, you say but like another comic might be able to make jokes that are funny that are about their experiences that aren't your experiences.
• 1:01:51
  Matt: Oh, for sure.
• 1:01:52
  Matt: And so like I think is anything too as a broad question, is anything too serious to be joked about?
• 1:01:59
  Matt: I think the answer is no.
• 1:02:01
  Matt: But like maybe is not the same as saying can never be joked about, can never be joked about.
• 1:02:07
  Matt: Like should like should you, maybe not, but like there's a is that a public joke?
• 1:02:14
  Matt: Is that a inside joke with just one other person that like you know privately you could say or chuckle?
• 1:02:21
  Matt: Is that a joke that is just for you in your head that makes you chuckle?
• 1:02:27
  Eric: You know, like I think I think that's where I land with this on the like I think that's a fair assessment because you know me, I'm a big free uh, you know, I'm a big First Amendment guy, I'm a big anti-censorship guy, but that doesn't mean I think you should just be able to get away consequence free without with saying some freedom of speaking shit, not freedom from consequences, and and that's mostly my thing is like I'm like, look, it was like like do my my position is the same as the constitutions.
• 1:03:00
  Eric: Should the government punish you for what you say?
• 1:03:03
  Eric: Fuck no.
• 1:03:04
  Eric: But thou shalt read the room, thou shou shalt read the room room, my guy.
• 1:03:11
  Matt: The golden rule, the platinum rule.
• 1:03:13
  Matt: Yeah, goddamn.
• 1:03:15
  Matt: Um, I think we said the platinum rule was thou shalt commit to the bit, actually.
• 1:03:18
  Matt: Thou shalt commit to the bit was the platinum rule.
• 1:03:20
  Matt: But yeah, so I think I think we're on the same page.
• 1:03:22
  Matt: I think it's two halves of the same coin.
• 1:03:23
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:03:24
  Matt: Well, let's see, let's see, let's see.
• 1:03:26
  Matt: Ah.
• 1:03:27
  Eric: Let's keep the lol train a moving with belly busters like if you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
• 1:03:41
  Eric: And why haven't you told them yet?
• 1:03:45
  Matt: Listen, we told you they get more intense as the list goes on, dude.
• 1:03:49
  Matt: We not okay.
• 1:03:52
  Matt: I I because I knew these were a little more intense, I gave these a little perusal.
• 1:03:57
  Matt: Um earlier today, I still didn't want to break my rule of like I still wanted to kind of kind of be cold, but I was like, I know they get intense towards the end.
• 1:04:05
  Matt: So let me think about this a little bit.
• 1:04:07
  Matt: And with this one, you know, there there I do think there are a couple things that I might want to say to somebody in my life that I that I can't in good conscience put on a podcast out in the open.
• 1:04:24
  Matt: But one thing that I can allude to is, and I think you'll know who I'm talking about.
• 1:04:31
  Matt: There is a person in our lives who has in recent years, going back quite a while, last decade or so.
• 1:04:43
  Matt: I know who this is about.
• 1:04:45
  Matt: Has gone down a very dark path.
• 1:04:48
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:04:48
  Matt: Uh, and has become in many ways a completely different person than the one we once knew.
• 1:04:55
  Eric: And and and y'all when we say do like like I Night and Day.
• 1:05:02
  Eric: You couldn't write this shit.
• 1:05:04
  Matt: You couldn't write this shit.
• 1:05:05
  Matt: It's and we were very this might this might cinch it for you if you don't know who I'm talking about.
• 1:05:11
  Eric: Oh, I know exactly who you're talking about.
• 1:05:13
  Eric: Uh the we were very close, this person and I.
• 1:05:17
  Eric: Like super fucking close.
• 1:05:20
  Matt: We were very, very close friends.
• 1:05:23
  Matt: And um he was a person that I felt like privileged that I was as close to as I was.
• 1:05:32
  Eric: Like, oh my god, yeah, because there was a wall there for like one of the most charismatic people you could ever meet, but like fucking wall there.
• 1:05:40
  Eric: Like there was too cool for me.
• 1:05:42
  Matt: He's out of my league, cool for me, is is how I felt.
• 1:05:45
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:05:46
  Matt: You know, like uh one of the funniest people I've ever met.
• 1:05:50
  Matt: Um, hands down.
• 1:05:52
  Matt: And you know, he uh I think has had his struggles with addiction and many other things that have.
• 1:05:59
  Matt: Of serious topics.
• 1:06:01
  Matt: And he he's in a he's in a I think he's in a better way than he was, but he he's been in a bad way for a long time.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: Yes.
• 1:06:08
  Matt: Whether or not he realizes it, TBH.
• 1:06:11
  Matt: And maybe he'll maybe he secretly hears this show.
• 1:06:15
  Matt: I highly doubt it.
• 1:06:17
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: But maybe he does.
• 1:06:18
  Matt: And if he does, uh what I regret not telling them, and I guess the why haven't I is because it's very difficult to have this conversation.
• 1:06:31
  Matt: But what I'd say is like I do feel a level of guilt over not in because we were so close, not giving him like a tough love intervention.
• 1:06:46
  Matt: Like I feel like I let him down by, and there were events, there were some shitty things that he did that that sort of put me at odds, uh at a certain point in our lives, and and that might have been the reason why at the time I wasn't inclined to act, but now looking back on it, I I sort of feel like I owed it to him to even if it ruined the friendship, to sort of like get in there and be like, you're fucking your whole life up.
• 1:07:26
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:07:27
  Matt: And if telling you this costs uh me a friend, but saves you if it's true.
• 1:07:34
  Matt: Yeah, I'll take it.
• 1:07:36
  Eric: Which is a which is such a fucking it is such a hard position to be in.
• 1:07:41
  Matt: I regret not I I regret not do I do deeply regret not doing that.
• 1:07:45
  Matt: And why haven't I told them this yet?
• 1:07:48
  Matt: One is very hard.
• 1:07:49
  Matt: Two, the s the very sad truth that and there's no way to make this funny.
• 1:07:56
  Matt: I don't think it matters.
• 1:07:57
  Matt: I think the person that I knew is gone.
• 1:08:01
  Matt: 100% gone.
• 1:08:02
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:08:03
  Matt: There there is no intervention that brings him back.
• 1:08:07
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:08
  Eric: There is there's that and that is one of the heartbreaking things about fucking growing up is is is like the moments you realize like, oh shit, there that that's just done.
• 1:08:24
  Eric: That's just that is that page is turned.
• 1:08:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:27
  Eric: Fuck.
• 1:08:28
  Eric: It's a hard thing when a friend has died, but they're still walking around.
• 1:08:33
  Matt: Uh yeah.
• 1:08:34
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:35
  Matt: That that is uh that's yeah, that's what we're talking about.
• 1:08:37
  Matt: Is the the friend I knew is gone, but the the the body is still there.
• 1:08:44
  Matt: He's just a different he's got a different brain.
• 1:08:47
  Matt: Truly has a different brain in him.
• 1:08:49
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:49
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:08:52
  Matt: Oh yeah, barrel full of laughs.
• 1:08:53
  Matt: Eric, you're up Let's see.
• 1:08:56
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:08:57
  Eric: I'm I'm just I'll I'll I'll I'll offer some levity here in the petty corner.
• 1:09:02
  Eric: Oh, hello.
• 1:09:03
  Eric: I legit Hello everyone, gather around.
• 1:09:06
  Eric: And then this this ties back into my career change.
• 1:09:09
  Eric: I don't regret for a moment being separated from that piece of shit company.
• 1:09:14
  Eric: Sure.
• 1:09:15
  Eric: What I do regret, I would spend so much of my day thinking about the day I would quit.
• 1:09:25
  Eric: Thinking about me, I thought about I thought about I there the the the abuses of basic human dignity that occurred in this fucking place on a daily basis.
• 1:09:43
  Matt: Oh, I can only imagine.
• 1:09:45
  Eric: I would think, oh, I would and I wouldn't yell, I wouldn't scream, I would tell them I'm quitting, and I know for a fact that they would that they would try to keep me, and I would say with such satisfaction, I would tell them like, okay, hey, look, here's what you can do.
• 1:10:06
  Eric: Like, here's here's I will consider staying in my role.
• 1:10:11
  Eric: Um it's just a very simple thing.
• 1:10:14
  Eric: I need you.
• 1:10:15
  Eric: This wasn't my direct manager at the time, it was a one of those like my boss's boss situations, the the person who was just made my life a living hell.
• 1:10:26
  Eric: I would say to this person, I'd be like, look, real simple for me to consider staying.
• 1:10:31
  Eric: All I need you to do is get on your hands and knees and beg me like a dog.
• 1:10:36
  Eric: That's that's because this dude was so and it's and it's because this dude was like the the toxic epitome of like of all I need you to do.
• 1:10:50
  Eric: Automatic just get on your hands and knees and beg me to stay.
• 1:10:56
  Matt: God, yeah, and and oh I had so many fantasy the the at multiple jobs like that.
• 1:11:02
  Eric: Oh yeah, and and I know everyone has had this this like everyone's got that image in their mind of like the perfect, like, ah fuck you, I quit.
• 1:11:12
  Eric: I I am so happy to never be working there.
• 1:11:15
  Eric: I'm so glad I never have to think about that piece of shit ever again.
• 1:11:19
  Eric: It's great.
• 1:11:20
  Eric: And I take I take such refuge in the fact that I'm like, look, I got out of there.
• 1:11:25
  Eric: That poor son of a bitch.
• 1:11:26
  Eric: He's still he's still locked in the fucking in in in the circus.
• 1:11:30
  Eric: He can have fun with that.
• 1:11:32
  Eric: But I god, the pettiest little corner of my heart is just like, man, I regret not being able to deliver it.
• 1:11:38
  Eric: I rehearsed it.
• 1:11:39
  Eric: Fuck.
• 1:11:40
  Eric: And the fuckers beat me to the punch.
• 1:11:43
  Matt: I sometimes get into a similar position where like and it happens a lot in the shower or when I'm like walking around my neighborhood as I do.
• 1:11:52
  Matt: The uh my mind gets to wandering and I start inventing scenarios and not just work not just work related to other people in my life.
• 1:12:03
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:12:04
  Matt: The shower comebacks, the monologues that I have written.
• 1:12:09
  Matt: Oh yeah.
• 1:12:09
  Matt: Oh my god, are they good?
• 1:12:11
  Matt: And then that's the that's how happened and they're never will.
• 1:12:16
  Matt: And I exactly, and I get so worked, I get myself worked up and I get myself angry about something.
• 1:12:22
  Matt: There are moments where I have to like literally slap myself or shake myself and be like, you're never going to do this.
• 1:12:29
  Matt: Like this conversation will never happen, and you're just getting yourself mad.
• 1:12:34
  Matt: Dog, we're actively hitting yourself.
• 1:12:36
  Matt: Like, stop hitting yourself.
• 1:12:38
  Eric: Like literally like snap out of it.
• 1:12:41
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:12:41
  Eric: Oh my god, dude.
• 1:12:42
  Eric: Yeah, it it that is that is something that like like it is a str like it is a struggle.
• 1:12:48
  Eric: So I was like, you can't get lost in that.
• 1:12:51
  Eric: Because yeah, like exactly like you said, you get you get it so into like the theoretical.
• 1:12:56
  Eric: I'm like, why am I I am physically upset about something that isn't even happening?
• 1:13:01
  Eric: That's that isn't even happening, and just frankly, is not going to ever.
• 1:13:07
  Eric: And that's okay.
• 1:13:08
  Eric: And that is okay.
• 1:13:09
  Eric: This cannot be good for me.
• 1:13:11
  Eric: I have cortisol in my chest now.
• 1:13:13
  Eric: Come on.
• 1:13:14
  Eric: God, not the Cordy, not the Cordy, not the dirty Cordy, not the Cordy, it's not the Cordy on the 5 a.m.
• 1:13:21
  Eric: drive.
• 1:13:22
  Eric: Hell no.
• 1:13:23
  Eric: Come on.
• 1:13:24
  Eric: Come on.
• 1:13:24
  Eric: Yeah, that's also one of the benefits.
• 1:13:28
  Eric: Man, I don't ever have to I like fucking I the the number of times a day I have to go down that dark grapple with those the the the the the the inside thoughts uh steeply declined once I was out of the misery factory.
• 1:13:43
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:13:43
  Matt: Um now you just gotta wrestle with lettuce.
• 1:13:46
  Matt: Uh I believe it's me.
• 1:13:51
  Matt: The and to again, just to keep the uh the the the humor train rolling, your house containing everything you own catches fire.
• 1:14:01
  Matt: After saving your loved ones and pets, as uh you have to safely make or you have time to safely make one final dash to save any one item, what would it be and why?
• 1:14:14
  Matt: And I I I'll give it to the question.
• 1:14:17
  Matt: I appreciate them being like the wins and pets don't count.
• 1:14:21
  Matt: Yeah, you gotta pick something.
• 1:14:22
  Matt: Yeah, but come on, come on now, you gotta pick something.
• 1:14:26
  Matt: So, Eric, you're up.
• 1:14:29
  Matt: Ooh, take a peek around.
• 1:14:31
  Eric: Right now, honestly, right now, as as as blatant ironically, it would be the the very handsomely carved cherry wood box containing Amelia's ashes.
• 1:14:44
  Eric: That would be I'm like, I everything else is just stuff.
• 1:14:50
  Eric: Is I mean I might consider that still, you know, pet, but oh yeah.
• 1:14:55
  Eric: Oh, well, no, and actually, yeah, if we're counting Amelia's ashes as pet, which I think we should, because I would def defend that box of ashes with my fucking life.
• 1:15:02
  Eric: Yeah, I would.
• 1:15:03
  Eric: Um then after that, oh, there's a um I have okay, so I know exactly what it would be.
• 1:15:10
  Eric: I have on my hearth, uh, I have a lovely, another big, handsome box.
• 1:15:16
  Eric: Uh, it was carved by a uh a uh local Baltimore stoner band that I love that broke up.
• 1:15:24
  Eric: Um one of their pieces of merch was just this these gorgeous wooden boxes with like green felt lining and like the band's logo like carved on the top.
• 1:15:37
  Eric: Um band was B Elza Fuzz.
• 1:15:39
  Eric: Give them a listen.
• 1:15:40
  Eric: I think I actually brought them up a couple episodes ago.
• 1:15:43
  Eric: You have you mentioned inside of that box, uh so Alyssa is the kindest human being on earth, and she, and when I say she is such a kind person, I have never I never asked her to do this.
• 1:15:59
  Eric: I never I never take it for granted that she does this, and I will never expect it from her.
• 1:16:09
  Eric: Uh but this absolute angel, every day I go to the farm, she packs me a lunch.
• 1:16:16
  Eric: She makes me a little sandwich, she gives me a little snack, a little thing, and every day I get every day I open a little lunch pail, or I go in, or and she'll put it in different places, but it's either in my lunch pail or it's in the the the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.
• 1:16:33
  Eric: She knows it's the first place to go when I wake up, or it's like somewhere she knows my eyes will go.
• 1:16:37
  Eric: She leaves me the cutest little notes, and I save every single fucking one of them, and they all go in this box in my hearth.
• 1:16:49
  Eric: And my that box is just goal to bursting with the cute little lunch notes that my that my girlfriend writes for me, and fucking and and she, oh my god, she draw like because she's an artist, she just draws like she'll she'll just bang out like these brilliant little illustrations or little things or little funny jokes and like or just like sacred geometry on these lunches.
• 1:17:13
  Eric: I'm like, oh my god.
• 1:17:14
  Eric: So they all go in the little box, and that is that that is that that I can't that's it's everything else can fucking burn.
• 1:17:21
  Eric: I got Amelia under one armpit and Alyssa's little lunch notes under the other.
• 1:17:25
  Eric: I think that's I think that's beautiful.
• 1:17:28
  Matt: I really think that's beautiful, and I didn't know that was a thing that was happening.
• 1:17:31
  Matt: It's cute as hell.
• 1:17:32
  Eric: Oh, it's so it's so cute and cute and it is the nicest, kindest thing on earth.
• 1:17:38
  Matt: Yeah, I mean, I think that so there a couple of things come to mind.
• 1:17:43
  Matt: Can only pick one.
• 1:17:44
  Matt: Obviously, Jaws and the family are out of the house.
• 1:17:48
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:17:48
  Matt: Um, I have time for this one mad dash.
• 1:17:51
  Matt: I would consider now I don't think Eric, I actually don't know that you know the extent of it, but you know about Robinson.
• 1:17:59
  Matt: Yes, Robinson is a bear.
• 1:18:02
  Matt: He's a bear.
• 1:18:04
  Matt: Yep.
• 1:18:05
  Matt: Uh I found him, I believe second year of Lindsay and I dating.
• 1:18:11
  Matt: Um, I found him on uh it was like a day or two after Valentine's Day, and he was in a trash can of the dorm Lindsay was staying in, and I uh rescued him, and he had um a card with him that's that implied his name was Robinson, and or that the love note came from a Robinson.
• 1:18:34
  Matt: Yeah.
• 1:18:35
  Matt: Um and so I named him Robinson, and he has been before our actual biological son was here, he uh has been Lindsay and I's son for for low these many, many years.
• 1:18:50
  Matt: He goes everywhere we go, he goes on every trip.
• 1:18:54
  Matt: He That's so nice, he's present in every uh, you know, if uh I'm going on a plane or whatever, he's on my carry-on because he won't he will not be in a in a losable luggage.
• 1:19:06
  Matt: No, I you know, I take pi it started as uh I'm gonna take him everywhere and take pictures of him places.
• 1:19:12
  Matt: And so we did that for a while, and then we started as a bit, we got increasingly concerned we could lose him places.
• 1:19:19
  Matt: So we we stopped doing that.
• 1:19:22
  Matt: I struggled to even say this.
• 1:19:24
  Matt: I I know what Robinson sounds like, right?
• 1:19:26
  Matt: In many ways, if I'm if I'm gonna drop the bit for a hot second, drop the bit.
• 1:19:33
  Matt: Robinson is the longest running character I've played.
• 1:19:38
  Matt: And yeah, like I'm I to the point that when when we like leave him upstairs for watching TV or something, because he he comes downstairs, Lindsay and I'll be like, oh my god, he's gonna be so pissed.
• 1:19:58
  Matt: He is gonna be upset.
• 1:20:03
  Matt: And so the I would the thing is, I would say Robinson, but there's no world in which the first trip with the kid and the pet doesn't include Robinson.
• 1:20:16
  Matt: There's literally no world in which he's not the first trip.
• 1:20:21
  Eric: God, yeah, yeah.
• 1:20:23
  Matt: So that leaves me with a couple of options.
• 1:20:25
  Eric: Um Robinson's family, man.
• 1:20:28
  Matt: He's well, 100%.
• 1:20:29
  Eric: You can practically declare him as a dependent on your taxes.
• 1:20:32
  Matt: I really could.
• 1:20:33
  Matt: Um, and there is there's so this is this is a very personal thing I'm sharing with the world.
• 1:20:40
  Matt: Uh-huh.
• 1:20:40
  Matt: But the um uh 150 episodes, and I managed never to mention Robinson.
• 1:20:46
  Eric: That is, yeah, that has been it's been very intentional.
• 1:20:50
  Matt: I've known of it.
• 1:20:51
  Matt: Very intentional on my part.
• 1:20:53
  Eric: This is on Mike on God.
• 1:20:56
  Matt: It's on Mike on God this time.
• 1:20:58
  Matt: Um the so there's that.
• 1:21:00
  Matt: But beyond my bear, there is uh there's a couple of things, and I think the the runner-up is my grandfather's chest set, which is very nice.
• 1:21:14
  Matt: Um, and I recently like found a good place to display it finally, like just out of its box.
• 1:21:20
  Matt: And I'm like, oh, this would be nice.
• 1:21:21
  Matt: And then I realized, oh, very soon there's gonna be a toddler who will want to put those pieces right in his mouth.
• 1:21:28
  Matt: So it's a very temporary display case, and it will go back into its case very shortly.
• 1:21:35
  Matt: Uh but um for right now it's out and about it's a nice chest set, is uh, you know, grandfather's all that.
• 1:21:41
  Matt: But I do think it loses out to one thing that has been brought up on this podcast before, and that is my wallet.
• 1:21:50
  Matt: And more specifically, what is inside that wallet?
• 1:21:54
  Matt: And I'm not talking about money, I'm not talking about cash because God knows I don't have any of that on me.
• 1:22:00
  Matt: Come on, I'm a millennial, I've got plastic, and honestly, these days mostly I pay with everything on my phone.
• 1:22:07
  Matt: Yeah, so so or if I want to feel very very uptight, my watch.
• 1:22:14
  Matt: Um if I really want to feel like a dick at the at the self-checkout.
• 1:22:20
  Matt: Uh slap my wrist.
• 1:22:23
  Matt: That's the thing.
• 1:22:25
  Matt: Um, yeah, I do do that, but I always feel like a douche when I do it.
• 1:22:30
  Matt: Um inside that wallet is a shoelace.
• 1:22:35
  Matt: A shoelace that was cut off in the dormitories our fall freshman year semester when Rich Vinnicum, uh, a good friend of the pod, maybe I don't know if he's listening to the pod, but he's a good friend of Andy Rawlings.
• 1:22:53
  Matt: Um they're friend of Matt's and I they had come over, good friend of us.
• 1:22:58
  Matt: Um uh so he was he was studying abroad from England to America, and he cut off part of his shoelace because it was fraying, his boot lace to be exact, and he tossed it.
• 1:23:12
  Matt: Yes, yes, he tossed it at me in the in the fall of 2008, he tossed it to me and said, Here, cherish this forever.
• 1:23:24
  Matt: And I put it in my wallet, and it has moved from wallet to wallet and has been on my person ever since.
• 1:23:31
  Matt: And you want to talk about committing to a bit.
• 1:23:34
  Matt: Uh yeah, I would say loyalty.
• 1:23:37
  Matt: What what what is that?
• 1:23:38
  Matt: We're on year 18.
• 1:23:40
  Matt: That is insane.
• 1:23:42
  Matt: I have rich Finnicum shoelace.
• 1:23:45
  Eric: It he doesn't know about this.
• 1:23:46
  Eric: I I missed you, you're not the sort of person who will be like, and I've still got it.
• 1:23:52
  Eric: No, you will do the thing.
• 1:23:54
  Matt: It no longer matters to me.
• 1:23:56
  Matt: This isn't for or about rich anything else.
• 1:23:59
  Matt: This isn't for anyone else.
• 1:24:01
  Matt: But I will, if I have left that house without my wallet, I guarantee you I will be like, I gotta go get Rich's shoe.
• 1:24:10
  Matt: I gotta get the shoelace.
• 1:24:12
  Matt: I can't be without that shoelace.
• 1:24:15
  Eric: I've come too far to give up now to a small matter of a house fire, be hunched on the back of a fucking fire truck with the oxygen mask and the and the tin foil blanket clutching the shoelace.
• 1:24:31
  Matt: Yeah, the Reynolds wrap blanket.
• 1:24:33
  Matt: Yeah, I got it.
• 1:24:36
  Eric: Good question.
• 1:24:38
  Eric: All right.
• 1:24:39
  Matt: That was that was a good one.
• 1:24:41
  Eric: All right, folks.
• 1:24:42
  Eric: Get ready to laugh.
• 1:24:44
  Eric: Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find the most disturbing and why?
• 1:24:52
  Eric: Disturbing is a is is a interesting choice of words.
• 1:24:57
  Matt: The disturbing is uh I feel the the key word.
• 1:25:00
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:25:01
  Matt: Because it unfortunately makes my answer very easy.
• 1:25:04
  Matt: Oh, sure.
• 1:25:05
  Matt: That would be uh my son.
• 1:25:08
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:25:08
  Matt: Because it's it's the only one.
• 1:25:11
  Matt: I was saying this to Lindsay that this is that this question's coming and that I know what my answer has to be, because it's the only one I can't imagine.
• 1:25:19
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:25:19
  Eric: Oh my god, you're looking at you like you're gonna live forever, kid.
• 1:25:22
  Eric: Like you you've got to.
• 1:25:25
  Matt: Got to.
• 1:25:26
  Matt: Like you, at a certain point, you think about uh your parents dying, because that's the natural order of things.
• 1:25:33
  Matt: You uh at a certain point wonder you or your partner, you know, who's gonna outlive the other one?
• 1:25:40
  Matt: Oh yeah, statistically, we can't all die in the Titanic together.
• 1:25:44
  Matt: No, uh but like that's the only unnatural one, you know.
• 1:25:49
  Matt: Like pets, pets, I'm gonna outlive.
• 1:25:54
  Matt: I know that.
• 1:25:54
  Matt: Even Jaws, I know Jaws, he God bless him, he's 31.
• 1:25:59
  Matt: But but I know that like uh, you know, it's he's not a tortoise, he's not gonna live 200 years.
• 1:26:08
  Matt: The so uh if he if he makes it to 60, we're into world record territory.
• 1:26:14
  Matt: So um the so there's that.
• 1:26:17
  Matt: But you know, it's the only one that's not supposed to happen.
• 1:26:20
  Matt: So that's my answer.
• 1:26:21
  Matt: It's I and that's all, and I don't want to think about it anymore.
• 1:26:24
  Eric: My mine's pretty straightforward in in in a similar sort of avenue, um, either of my two nephews.
• 1:26:33
  Eric: Uh like like I mean, say that counts for me too.
• 1:26:37
  Eric: Yeah, you boys are here to inherit the world.
• 1:26:40
  Eric: Sorry.
• 1:26:40
  Eric: Um sorry about that.
• 1:26:42
  Eric: And and I I they're those those are my boys.
• 1:26:46
  Eric: Those are like they're those I my pals, my chums.
• 1:26:50
  Eric: Those are my chums, those are my those are my lads.
• 1:26:52
  Eric: Like, I can't like it's just not allowed, it's not permitted.
• 1:26:57
  Eric: I will not in no world.
• 1:27:00
  Matt: In no world.
• 1:27:00
  Matt: It's it's not the natural order of things.
• 1:27:02
  Eric: No, no, no, no, no.
• 1:27:04
  Matt: Your your children and your nephews are are supposed to outlive you.
• 1:27:08
  Matt: And that's why when they whenever they don't, it's a tragedy.
• 1:27:12
  Matt: And uh I don't want to think about it anymore.
• 1:27:15
  Matt: No I think we move right on to the final question.
• 1:27:18
  Matt: Holy, did we already?
• 1:27:20
  Matt: Holy shit.
• 1:27:21
  Matt: Number 36.
• 1:27:22
  Matt: In some ways, it's a it's a big heavy hitter.
• 1:27:25
  Matt: Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it, and also ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem.
• 1:27:38
  Matt: You seem to have been you seem to have chosen.
• 1:27:42
  Matt: Or you have chosen.
• 1:27:43
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:27:44
  Matt: And this is possibly the most personal of the questions.
• 1:27:48
  Eric: This this this is I I'm gonna be real with you.
• 1:27:51
  Eric: I want this to be an actual personal problem that I like.
• 1:27:54
  Eric: You know what I mean?
• 1:27:56
  Eric: Like, I'm not gonna hit you with like insulation.
• 1:28:00
  Eric: The pipes under our kitchen sink before we're going to be able to do that.
• 1:28:02
  Matt: It's hard to air that in a public uh public forum.
• 1:28:05
  Matt: It is hard.
• 1:28:07
  Matt: It almost feels like there should be some safety barrier.
• 1:28:13
  Matt: Like a sort of it costs four dollars and maybe twenty-four cents after taxes.
• 1:28:19
  Matt: Your mileage may vary.
• 1:28:21
  Matt: We've only pulled one other question for the Patreon.
• 1:28:24
  Eric: And like, why not too?
• 1:28:26
  Matt: Why not too?
• 1:28:26
  Eric: Gotta make a we've had an alpha.
• 1:28:29
  Eric: Have we tried Omega?
• 1:28:30
  Matt: Let's do an Omega.
• 1:28:32
  Matt: And you know what?
• 1:28:33
  Matt: I think it's appropriate that we leave the last one as.
• 1:28:36
  Matt: What would you call this in the biz, Eric?
• 1:28:39
  Matt: Uh, a cliffhanger, man.
• 1:28:41
  Matt: A cliffhanger.
• 1:28:42
  Matt: I like it.
• 1:28:43
  Matt: I call it an invitation.
• 1:28:45
  Matt: An invitation to patreon.com slash you didn't ask for this.
• 1:28:51
  Matt: Join the Discord.
• 1:28:52
  Matt: Join the Patreon.
• 1:28:54
  Matt: Join Oops All Tangents.
• 1:28:56
  Eric: And well, you might just get you might just get the answer you're looking for.
• 1:29:01
  Matt: But you know what?
• 1:29:01
  Matt: You got a lot of personal stuff out of us as is.
• 1:29:03
  Matt: For free.
• 1:29:04
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:29:05
  Matt: For free.
• 1:29:06
  Matt: For free.
• 1:29:07
  Eric: For free?
• 1:29:07
  Eric: For free.
• 1:29:08
  Eric: You want to find out if we fall in love?
• 1:29:10
  Eric: Fucking tune in to the Patreon content.
• 1:29:14
  Matt: You want to find out if we fall in love?
• 1:29:15
  Matt: You gotta fucking pay for it.
• 1:29:18
  Eric: You want to choose that adventure.
• 1:29:19
  Eric: You gotta flip to the page.
• 1:29:21
  Eric: Yeah, come on, baby.
• 1:29:22
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:29:23
  Matt: But also, how you how do you feel?
• 1:29:24
  Matt: So, how do you feel after our well, Eric, we were already in love, were we not?
• 1:29:29
  Eric: I I mean, bro.
• 1:29:30
  Eric: I mean, come on.
• 1:29:31
  Eric: I I love you.
• 1:29:32
  Eric: I know I am actually like, I am so grateful we did this.
• 1:29:36
  Eric: I am too.
• 1:29:36
  Eric: I really am.
• 1:29:37
  Eric: Because there was stuff I was expecting, and there, but like I at every turn, I just got to I just keep got to keep being so pleasantly surprised about how much I was learning about you.
• 1:29:48
  Eric: And and it's like how much I was enriching what I already knew.
• 1:29:52
  Matt: And I will say that at the beginning of this, as it became clear that this was gonna become not only a multi-part series, but probably three episodes.
• 1:30:00
  Matt: Yeah, I became worried that, like, oh, you know what?
• 1:30:05
  Matt: My producer brain is taking over, and I'm worried that like this, because these three episodes aren't gonna be truly comedy podcast episodes, that like what about you know, what about the audience?
• 1:30:20
  Matt: What about that?
• 1:30:21
  Matt: Are people gonna like it?
• 1:30:22
  Matt: People on the Discord have have had some favorable things to say, which we've uh we appreciate, but at a certain point, I was more just like, you know what, Noah, these three, these three are for us.
• 1:30:34
  Eric: Yeah, these three are for just like hey, Hamlet needs the grave diggers, needs Hamlet needs the gravediggers, got to, but the barrel of bits over here needs a needs a comment for you know, we we need our little spirited away Shahiro sitting on the train looking out of the window every now and then.
• 1:30:54
  Eric: Gotta reflect.
• 1:30:55
  Eric: Gotta reflect.
• 1:30:57
  Matt: And we thought it'd be a special treat to to take this detour.
• 1:31:01
  Matt: We hope you've enjoyed it.
• 1:31:03
  Matt: And if you didn't, 153 will be back to some bullshit questions again.
• 1:31:07
  Eric: Dick and fart jokes.
• 1:31:10
  Matt: Oh, gonna be all kinds of all the blue comedy you've come to expect.
• 1:31:16
  Eric: So, like, buckle up.
• 1:31:18
  Eric: You know there's a new pod racing game out, right?
• 1:31:21
  Matt: You know that I have heard that there is a new pod racing game out, yes.
• 1:31:25
  Eric: Matt, there is a character in the new in the new Star Wars racing game named Biddy Blaze.
• 1:31:31
  Eric: He is Glup Shiddo has nothing on Biddy Blaze.
• 1:31:36
  Matt: That that is exciting.
• 1:31:37
  Matt: I have to say though, like most men of a certain age, which is to say mine age, I I am currently uh I sort of accidentally started a set uh a new playthrough of Red Dead Redemption 2.
• 1:31:49
  Matt: My man.
• 1:31:50
  Matt: And and I it's well, you haven't played it, my guy.
• 1:31:53
  Matt: You know, but I have to.
• 1:31:54
  Eric: But I love horse.
• 1:31:55
  Matt: I'm dead down to the last couple of uh missions of the main story before you get to the two epilogues.
• 1:32:01
  Matt: And uh I know the heartbreak that's coming, so it's it's always hard.
• 1:32:06
  Matt: Uh but now I'm sort of like I gotta wrap it up because November 19th is right around the corner, baby.
• 1:32:12
  Matt: Oh yeah, that's all eyes on GTA 6.
• 1:32:17
  Eric: Oh, that's your oh sorry, yeah.
• 1:32:19
  Eric: Mine's 15 years we've been waiting.
• 1:32:25
  Matt: Fifteen years in Los Santos.
• 1:32:28
  Eric: Oh man, bro, you know we gotta we gotta do some couch past the controller.
• 1:32:33
  Eric: I'm gonna come over.
• 1:32:34
  Eric: We're gonna do just like we did in our dorm.
• 1:32:35
  Eric: You got a PS5 though, didn't you?
• 1:32:37
  Matt: I know, but no, but like here's the thing.
• 1:32:39
  Matt: Get off Marvel Rivals.
• 1:32:44
  Matt: I didn't but I but I wish you knew how to quit Marvel Rivals.
• 1:32:51
  Eric: But but what a You were supposed to play EAFC with me.
• 1:32:54
  Eric: You never did.
• 1:32:55
  Eric: I know, and I will I no you won't.
• 1:32:57
  Eric: It is in there, it will that it will hook me at some point.
• 1:33:01
  Eric: Oh shit.
• 1:33:01
  Eric: There will be a day when I'm not sick.
• 1:33:04
  Eric: I don't believe it.
• 1:33:05
  Eric: Bedridden.
• 1:33:07
  Eric: I'm just like, those are the times I'm like, man, I really got a problem.
• 1:33:11
  Eric: Like I was up going, I'm like pining in bed, wasting.
• 1:33:15
  Eric: I was like, I gotta see it to the day.
• 1:33:17
  Eric: Let me play that soccer game.
• 1:33:19
  Eric: Um no, but what I would I'm of course I'm gonna get it, but what I need to do is once we've gotten a decent bit into the game, once we've hit the point in the game where like you've unlike we've kind of like pretty much like unlocked everything, or like yeah, you can just fuck around, yeah.
• 1:33:32
  Eric: You can just when you can comfortably just fuck around in GTA 6.
• 1:33:36
  Eric: We we gotta do some side-by-side passing the controller six-star fucking Olympics.
• 1:33:43
  Matt: What what me and m my my good friend Sam growing up would call our uh uh our sleepover rampages of just you see how long you can go, I'll see how long I can go and what mayhem we can call.
• 1:33:57
  Matt: The number of hours we wasted in in our inner.
• 1:34:00
  Matt: Not wasted, my friend.
• 1:34:01
  Eric: No, no, no, not at sorry, wild away.
• 1:34:03
  Eric: Wilded away, yes.
• 1:34:06
  Eric: Uh yeah, that that I'm looking forward to.
• 1:34:08
  Eric: I'm also November's gonna be a good month, dude.
• 1:34:10
  Eric: Ocarina of Time remakes coming out for the Switch.
• 1:34:13
  Eric: I'm getting a switch.
• 1:34:14
  Eric: It's the reason I'm buckling and getting a Switch 2.
• 1:34:17
  Matt: I have to say this, and I have to say it out loud, and I have to say true.
• 1:34:20
  Matt: Fuck you, Nintendo, because you know goddamn well no one was buying a fucking Switch 2.
• 1:34:26
  Matt: And now you've put what we've always wanted on Switch 2.
• 1:34:31
  Matt: And now, god damn it if it's not on my Christmas list.
• 1:34:34
  Eric: Switch 2 came out, the crowd went mild, and and that, but then they fucking they dropped the trailer.
• 1:34:40
  Eric: I'm like, well, well now I am morally obligated.
• 1:34:43
  Eric: Listen, I have a son.
• 1:34:46
  Matt: Okay?
• 1:34:46
  Matt: I am obligated to get my son the operina of time experience, am I not?
• 1:34:53
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:34:54
  Matt: I mean, what kind of father would I be?
• 1:34:55
  Matt: You gotta do a playthrough for the kid.
• 1:34:57
  Matt: What am I gonna do?
• 1:34:58
  Matt: How am I not gonna teach him the ways of how to properly care for Oppona?
• 1:35:04
  Eric: I'm gonna show my boy how to wield the triforce of courage.
• 1:35:08
  Eric: Some fathers threw footballs with their son.
• 1:35:11
  Eric: My daddy showed me how to use a hook shot.
• 1:35:15
  Eric: Some fathers are throwing a football in the backyard.
• 1:35:17
  Eric: I'm there, and jabu jabu's belly.
• 1:35:27
  Matt: Man, oh man.
• 1:35:28
  Matt: You will love, you will learn to love the water temple.
• 1:35:33
  Eric: You you merely adapted the water temple.
• 1:35:37
  Eric: I was born to it.
• 1:35:38
  Eric: It's the shadow temple.
• 1:35:39
  Eric: You must fear son.
• 1:35:40
  Eric: Shadow temple is straight up horrors.
• 1:35:43
  Eric: Oh, but dad.
• 1:35:46
  Eric: Full of the undead son.
• 1:35:48
  Eric: Dad, every everything's like in shadows, and there's a bunch of invisible shit.
• 1:35:51
  Eric: And this gives them power over me.
• 1:35:55
  Eric: Yes, they hump you from behind, sucking your life away along with your dreams, son.
• 1:36:00
  Eric: You see that skinny little stick man over there.
• 1:36:03
  Eric: He's going to scream and leap upon me.
• 1:36:07
  Matt: I know this.
• 1:36:08
  Matt: I've been here before.
• 1:36:09
  Matt: Stay behind me, sir.
• 1:36:10
  Matt: This darkness will not take us.
• 1:36:14
  Matt: I will burn these spiderwebs and we will escape through this tunnel.
• 1:36:17
  Matt: It's a damn good thing I have this torch.
• 1:36:22
  Matt: And that the world led me to a map and compass of the stunning.
• 1:36:33
  Eric: A compass I did not need.
• 1:36:36
  Matt: Not I.
• 1:36:37
  Matt: They wouldn't change the map on me, not now.
• 1:36:39
  Eric: This isn't that shitty golden eye remake.
• 1:36:42
  Eric: They wouldn't do that.
• 1:36:42
  Eric: Oh, there's gonna be so much old man yelling at clouds with like from the small things they tweak.
• 1:36:48
  Eric: Because that that talk about games burned into the fucking muscle memory of an entire generation.
• 1:36:53
  Matt: When I was a boy, the only way to travel faster was to roll across the hills of Hyrule.
• 1:36:59
  Eric: I remember in my day when the princess would look at you and say, Oh, Dick But, thank God you're here.
• 1:37:08
  Matt: There were pictures of Mario in the halls of Hyrule Castle, if you looked just right.
• 1:37:13
  Matt: We're gonna be babbling about the princess.
• 1:37:15
  Matt: Easter eggs, they called them, my boy.
• 1:37:20
  Eric: Son, here's a little trick.
• 1:37:21
  Eric: If you swim to the bottom of Lake Hylia and drown yourself 20 times in a row, you'll get the triforce.
• 1:37:32
  Eric: This is the are you gonna pull any of the big brother shit on your kid?
• 1:37:36
  Eric: Yeah, shoot an arrow at the moon, see what happens.
• 1:37:39
  Eric: Oh, what's that?
• 1:37:42
  Eric: Looks like a chicken.
• 1:37:43
  Eric: You should try to attack it.
• 1:37:45
  Eric: See what happens if you attack that chicken son.
• 1:37:50
  Matt: Patreon.com slash unaskh this for more content such as this.
• 1:37:56
  Matt: Uh and uh go to unaskforths.com to throw us your questions.
• 1:38:03
  Matt: You can submit them to us uh also on the Discord.
• 1:38:06
  Matt: Uh you can also submit them to us at UnaskForthis at gmail.com or ask them on the telephone.
• 1:38:13
  Matt: Eric, are you brave enough?
• 1:38:16
  Eric: 410-9295329.
• 1:38:18
  Matt: That is the number of the thought line.
• 1:38:20
  Matt: Eric knows it now.
• 1:38:21
  Matt: He's a brave, smart boy.
• 1:38:23
  Matt: And and you can leave us a message, we'll play it on the show, baby.
• 1:38:27
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:38:28
  Matt: Uh, Eric, have we missed anything in this in these oversized three episodes?
• 1:38:34
  Eric: Here's what I'm gonna do, Matt.
• 1:38:35
  Eric: This this idea just called to me from the void, and I'm gonna embrace it.
• 1:38:39
  Eric: Embrace it.
• 1:38:39
  Eric: Uh, if anyone has the wherewithal to math out what percentage of this episode about answering the questions that lead us to fall in love, if you could math out what like precise percentage, I'll give it to two decimal places that we spent this episode talking about Ocarina of Time and GTA 6.
• 1:39:02
  Eric: I just want to know that stat.
• 1:39:04
  Eric: And if anyone maths that out for me, I'll send you a hat.
• 1:39:07
  Eric: Yeah, free hat.
• 1:39:08
  Matt: One free hat of your choice.
• 1:39:09
  Matt: We have multiple types of hats.
• 1:39:11
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:39:11
  Eric: You just if you math that out, first person to math that out, send it to the inbox, I'm gonna shoot you a hat.
• 1:39:16
  Matt: We'll get you a hat free of charge.
• 1:39:18
  Matt: Don't you?
• 1:39:18
  Eric: I just want to know the stat.
• 1:39:19
  Eric: We just listen, we just wanna know.
• 1:39:22
  Eric: Yeah, I'm I'm detecting a delightful new marketing strategy here because there are often statistics I want to know about our episodes when I'm willing and I'm willing to borrow some merch for it.
• 1:39:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:39:34
  Matt: Listen, I'm not, I'm not mad.
• 1:39:36
  Matt: I just want to know.
• 1:39:38
  Matt: I just want to know.
• 1:39:39
  Matt: I'm not mad, I'm just lazy.
• 1:39:41
  Matt: And that'll about do it for this episode of You'dn't ask for this, and indeed the 36, well, I guess 34 questions that lead to love.
• 1:39:50
  Matt: My name's Matt Shay.
• 1:39:52
  Matt: My name is Larry Boach.
• 1:39:55
  Matt: And thank you so much for joining us for this these 150 plus episodes.
• 1:40:01
  Matt: We hope you'll stick around for some more.
• 1:40:04
  Matt: And listen, you didn't ask.
• 1:40:07
  Eric: But have you seen the discourse online about the bomb chew bowling alley baddie?
• 1:40:12
  Eric: No.
• 1:40:13
  Eric: Oh, yeah.
• 1:40:14
  Eric: The number one question on the internet's mind is how did they remaster the girl with the the pink top and the blue hair who ran the bomb chew burrow?
• 1:40:25
  Eric: Yes, I remember.
• 1:40:26
  Eric: Everyone's awakening.
• 1:40:29
  Eric: There's a few awakenings in Zella.
• 1:40:31
  Eric: Oh, there's quite a few.
• 1:40:33
  Eric: Yeah.
• 1:40:33
  Eric: And their names are The Great Fairy, The Bomchew Bowling Alley Lady, and The Zombies.
• 1:40:38
  Matt: Don't you dare do Saria like that.
• 1:40:42
  Eric: Don't Surya, the our our our our.
• 1:40:44
  Eric: Don't you do my green-haired elven princess that way?
• 1:40:48
  Eric: I'm gonna get you a waifu pillow.
• 1:40:51
  Eric: Don't you do that to me.
• 1:40:54
  Matt: And and whatever her name was at the uh at the at the at the the farm.
• 1:40:59
  Eric: Mallon?
• 1:40:59
  Matt: Mallon.
• 1:41:00
  Matt: You okay.
• 1:41:02
  Matt: You are you kidding me?
• 1:41:05
  Eric: No, I'm just saying.
• 1:41:06
  Eric: Like, like when I was when like little little nine-year-old Eric maybe already knew he was Polly, considered all of his waifu.
• 1:41:16
  Matt: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 1:41:17
  Matt: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:41:19
  Matt: Link uh Link, in my mind, canonically, yeah, has had relationships with Suria and Malin.
• 1:41:25
  Matt: Yeah, no, he was actually not Zelda.
• 1:41:28
  Matt: I feel like that's a very platonic relationship.
• 1:41:31
  Matt: Yeah, very good professional.
• 1:41:32
  Matt: And I do think that's on Zelda.
• 1:41:34
  Matt: I think she's friendzoned Link a long time ago.
• 1:41:36
  Eric: I think I I I you know what in fact I think in this one, in in our headcanon, Link friend zoned Zelda.
• 1:41:42
  Eric: I like that.
• 1:41:44
  Eric: I like that.
• 1:41:44
  Eric: Yeah, I like that a lot.
• 1:41:46
  Matt: I'll save your life, but like that's where I draw the line.
• 1:41:48
  Matt: That's I mean, like, yeah, like I'll save your life.
• 1:41:50
  Matt: I'll you know thanks, bro.
• 1:41:52
  Matt: Little fist bump.
• 1:41:53
  Matt: Just a little fist bump.
• 1:41:54
  Matt: Now, if you excuse me, I gotta go see Mellon.
• 1:41:59
  Matt: Because we're I gotta go see my girlfriend and my girlfriend's girlfriend.
• 1:42:04
  Matt: And the great fairies, who are several stories taller than me, but I make it work, baby.
• 1:42:13
  Matt: Why are there so many hot characters?
• 1:42:16
  Eric: I you know you know.
• 1:42:19
  Eric: I don't ask why, I just ask, show me the remaster.
• 1:42:23
  Eric: Show me the remaster.
• 1:42:25
  Eric: Don't, you know, you may show me Lord Jabu Jabu, that sexy son of a bitch.
• 1:42:31
  Matt: Oh, what was that Zora's name?
• 1:42:34
  Eric: Ruto.
• 1:42:34
  Eric: Princess Ruto.
• 1:42:36
  Matt: Princess Ruto.
• 1:42:37
  Matt: Oh, yeah.
• 1:42:38
  Eric: When when it's like seven years later and it's like Oh, Eric, please, all of this is seven years later.
• 1:42:43
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:42:45
  Matt: We can't get ourselves canceled.
• 1:42:47
  Eric: No, not in this.
• 1:42:48
  Matt: All of it is seven years later.
• 1:42:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:42:50
  Eric: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:42:52
  Matt: I think that's about the time where we should fit out.