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Episode 5: Substance Use, Belonging and Deli Meat · Looking Into

• 0:13
  I want to talk to you about folding chairs and what they say
• 0:18
  about the state of education funding.
• 0:21
  Great. Yeah.
• 0:22
  Well, these are the important topics that we promised to
• 0:25
  deliver on. So please.
• 0:27
  OK, well. I just came from a work event
• 0:30
  where it was an academic awards night where we're celebrating
• 0:33
  students who have worked really hard in school and have achieved
• 0:37
  honor roll. And, you know, we have to set it
• 0:40
  up in the gym so that all the parents can fit in.
• 0:42
  And so afterwards I'm cleaning up the gym with five teachers
• 0:46
  who, you know, have taught all day and then stuck around to do
• 0:49
  this event. And the chairs that we were like
• 0:54
  using, these are the chairs that we use for events were these
• 0:58
  janky ass metal folding chairs that I'm.
• 1:03
  Familiar. Oh my gosh, I don't know how old
• 1:06
  they are, but they were like when I say janky ass Caleb like
• 1:10
  I mean it like they're rusty on the seat and all these like
• 1:13
  children are showing up in their fun little fancy fits to be
• 1:16
  celebrated for their academic success.
• 1:18
  They're probably all walking away with rough stained asses
• 1:20
  because like. Which is not a good luck.
• 1:23
  You know, and we're trying to like fold them up and none of
• 1:26
  the chairs are the exact same size.
• 1:28
  There's like 5 different chairs that we're trying to stack
• 1:31
  together on these carts that have were probably made in like
• 1:34
  the 50s or something. I was just like, I just need the
• 1:38
  elected officials to come down and try to clean up an event
• 1:42
  with us and see like, is this, this is the best we can offer
• 1:46
  our future. This is what we can do for our
• 1:47
  kids is a rusted out metal janky ass chair.
• 1:53
  Like I just feel like that's not fair.
• 1:55
  No, it's not fair. That's not fair.
• 1:58
  Who? What?
• 1:59
  Not that we're like, we can beep this out later or whatever, but
• 2:02
  what's the what city official do we need to call out to the
• 2:06
  school? What's?
• 2:07
  The man I would like to chat with my governor, Tina Cote.
• 2:10
  Tina, Tina. Tina, I know you're really
• 2:14
  focused on cell phones and they are a problem, but if we could
• 2:17
  also have places for the children to sit, yes, you know,
• 2:22
  you know, and food for them to eat and classroom supplies for
• 2:24
  them to write with so that. She's not happy about cell
• 2:26
  phones in schools. Is that the situation?
• 2:29
  They're illegal. Illegal.
• 2:31
  Wow, we're passing laws now? Tina's a lesbian.
• 2:35
  Executive. It's an executive order.
• 2:39
  OK, So I don't know if that's a lot or not, but she says like we
• 2:43
  aren't allowed to have. They have to be off and away.
• 2:45
  No cell phones, no smartwatches, no smart devices, no earbuds of
• 2:52
  any sort allowed in schools in Oregon.
• 2:55
  OK, I get it. Can can we?
• 2:58
  Can we actually just meander down this path together?
• 3:01
  Let's go. OK, let's go.
• 3:02
  Because I I get it. But there is nothing like
• 3:06
  telling a student who probably doesn't want to be in fucking
• 3:10
  school anyway. There's nothing like telling
• 3:12
  them absolutely no to something to make them do it.
• 3:17
  Like, yeah, yeah, Tina, I don't know if you have kids, but tell
• 3:22
  me you're an ineffective parent without telling me you're an
• 3:24
  ineffective parent. Like I don't.
• 3:27
  Know and then contrast that with the savvy of educators who will
• 3:30
  be like, OK, give me your phone and the kids hand it over and
• 3:33
  they're like this one's cold not your burner phone your real one
• 3:35
  let's go like because they all have extra, you know dupe phones
• 3:40
  and that's. Crazy too.
• 3:41
  That's really crazy. The kids are.
• 3:43
  The kids are all right in that sense.
• 3:46
  Yeah. And that brings me to another
• 3:48
  thing. I was listening to NPR, totally
• 3:50
  unrelated but slightly related. Let's go I.
• 3:53
  Was listening to NPR and the kids are investing now.
• 3:58
  This is like Gen. ZI guess and maybe is Gen. alpha
• 4:01
  18 yet? Are they 18?
• 4:03
  I don't know any. Any anyway.
• 4:04
  The young ones, but not millennials.
• 4:07
  We fucking failed, I'll tell you that much.
• 4:09
  No, you know what? We weren't set up for success,
• 4:11
  OK. We were not.
• 4:12
  And why would we invest in a market that we watched crash
• 4:15
  like that's? Multiple times.
• 4:17
  Multiple times. That's God bless us.
• 4:19
  Listen, we kept this economy going with our substance use and
• 4:25
  abuse like nobody's business. So you're welcome to that.
• 4:29
  OK, also, I want to give us a little bit of grace for the fact
• 4:33
  that we have lived through like 7 different once in a lifetime,
• 4:37
  you'll never see it again events.
• 4:39
  OK, yeah, like ridiculous honey. So.
• 4:44
  Gen. Z or Gen.
• 4:45
  Alpha investing? They're investing.
• 4:47
  They're investing in the stock market or whatever.
• 4:51
  They're buying houses at a higher rate like in single,
• 4:56
  single 18 to 25 year old are like buying homes.
• 5:02
  Where? God knows where, I don't know.
• 5:06
  Not in the Northwest, not here. Not here.
• 5:10
  You can't afford homes here. That's.
• 5:12
  Crazy, you could like rent somebody's garden shed in their
• 5:15
  backyard. Yeah, yeah, 17 square feet for
• 5:19
  $4500 a month. That's basically.
• 5:22
  What a. Steal.
• 5:23
  Yeah, what a steal. Exactly.
• 5:28
  It comes with a view. With the yes of the yeah of a
• 5:32
  backyard, someone's backyard. Someone's backyard.
• 5:35
  Not yours though, because you can't own property.
• 5:36
  No ma'am, but the kids are apparently so good for them, you
• 5:40
  know? Shout out to.
• 5:41
  Gen. Z, Well, yay for them.
• 5:44
  Yeah, Yeah. We were born in the the time
• 5:46
  that we were born. It's so true, but we did.
• 5:51
  I don't remember having folding chairs.
• 5:54
  You had bleachers, right? Did you have bleach?
• 5:57
  Yeah. Do you guys still do like
• 5:59
  assemblies in? Well, I remember you guys do
• 6:02
  like assemblies cuz you win the assembly I.
• 6:05
  Win all the assemblies, Yes, I love an assembly.
• 6:08
  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 6:11
  We do have like a lighting problem, though, where like,
• 6:13
  sometimes for dramatic effect, they want to use a spotlight.
• 6:16
  But it's this like, I don't know when the spotlight was like
• 6:19
  forged in some blacksmiths done in the 1800s.
• 6:24
  You have to like, light it with a candle.
• 6:26
  Oh. My God.
• 6:28
  It's the worst spotlight. I don't know why we keep using
• 6:30
  it. I intentionally do not plan
• 6:32
  spotlight moments in my routine that I put together for
• 6:35
  assemblies because I know I'm not going to trust that
• 6:37
  spotlight. It's terrible, but you know, you
• 6:39
  got to buy your own smoke machines if you want to have
• 6:41
  dramatic effect, which I do. Obviously, yeah, you are the
• 6:46
  dramatic effect. Sometimes in the dramatic effect
• 6:49
  in. The best way In the best way.
• 6:51
  Yeah, bring the drama and the shine.
• 6:54
  Hey, Speaking of bringing it, we should probably let people know
• 6:56
  what's up. We are bringing a podcast
• 6:58
  episode to you. I think it's episode 5.
• 7:01
  We recorded episode 5 last week and then decided to scrap it
• 7:04
  'cause it was shoot and we. Yeah.
• 7:07
  We care too much about our fabulous listeners to give you
• 7:10
  something that's not great. So also it was embarrassingly
• 7:13
  bad, y'all. So anyway, this is episode 5 of
• 7:16
  looking into the podcast where we sometimes talk about, we
• 7:19
  usually talk about pop culture, but really it's kind of morphing
• 7:21
  into whatever we want to talk about, which is going to include
• 7:25
  pop culture, but also our thoughts on life, people,
• 7:28
  humanity, the lived human experience, ourselves, each
• 7:31
  other, you know, whatever you. Want all of those things?
• 7:34
  All those things so. Yeah, speak it, sister Heidi.
• 7:38
  Oh yes, bring it, Brother Kayla. And now you know who you're.
• 7:46
  Host are exactly. Sister Heidi.
• 7:49
  I'll take it. I'll.
• 7:50
  Take it. Oh my.
• 7:53
  Gosh, Oh, good for us. Yes, welcome to looking into.
• 7:56
  That's what we're doing. We're gonna look into it.
• 7:58
  Yeah, what have you been looking into this week, my love?
• 8:01
  Well, I have a very important update.
• 8:03
  The listeners that we are, faithful, loyal, lovely,
• 8:07
  wonderful, beautiful listeners, they don't know that you have
• 8:10
  been trying to get me to do one thing since we started recording
• 8:17
  a podcast and it's just anyone, just any homework whatsoever,
• 8:21
  Yeah. Just honestly, wait, wait, wait
• 8:23
  wait. Context.
• 8:25
  When we were workshopping episode ideas in different
• 8:28
  formats and trying different things, in the months when we
• 8:31
  were trying to get our groove settled before we published
• 8:34
  anything, one of our ideas was to do homework where like Caleb
• 8:38
  would pick something that he loves and then that I have not
• 8:42
  experienced, and then I would consume it and come back with my
• 8:45
  thoughts. We did that and it worked.
• 8:47
  And then it was like, Caleb, now it's your turn now.
• 8:50
  That was in January. So here we are.
• 8:53
  It's June 1st. Hello.
• 8:54
  That's with it. Welcome to Gemini season, baby.
• 8:57
  And I don't really, and no shade to the May Geminis, but I don't
• 9:01
  really feel the like I feel the bubbling, the percolating of
• 9:05
  Gemini season in May. But once we hit June, baby, oh,
• 9:10
  it's on. It is a full blast.
• 9:13
  I can do anything. It's like an infusion of
• 9:15
  vitality. I.
• 9:17
  Don't I don't understand what that means when you say Gemini
• 9:19
  season, like I know it's like, like, do things feel differently
• 9:24
  to you? I mean, look at that sun, you
• 9:27
  know? Like everything feels different.
• 9:28
  Everything feels different. The 2nd June first hits for me.
• 9:31
  It's like the energy changes everywhere and I'm like a whole
• 9:36
  other person. It's probably some sort of manic
• 9:39
  disorder, but who am I to diagnose?
• 9:44
  I didn't go to school, so I'm not doing that.
• 9:48
  I'm just existing in Gemini season.
• 9:52
  Yeah. So everything feels different.
• 9:54
  Everything is attainable. Everything can be done.
• 9:57
  And that includes watching the John Mulaney Netflix special
• 10:03
  ABJ. And I did that today.
• 10:05
  This. Is my favorite I love love love
• 10:08
  that comedy special and I thought that you would have lots
• 10:10
  of thoughts on it. It's such a brilliant.
• 10:12
  It's one of my go to is when I'm 5 milligrams relaxed because
• 10:15
  I've seen it enough times that like I don't get confused
• 10:19
  normally. Comedy gets very confusing for
• 10:20
  me when I'm 5 milligrams relaxed because the pacing doesn't track
• 10:27
  in my brain when I'm outside of time.
• 10:29
  Hey, to the students who found this podcast and are now
• 10:31
  listening, This is why I told you you're not supposed to
• 10:34
  listen. So just guard your sweet little
• 10:36
  ears and heed the explicit content warning.
• 10:40
  You've been warned. And there will be explicit
• 10:42
  content from here on out, because as me, I have a couple
• 10:47
  of. First of all, I have a couple
• 10:49
  questions. My first the show was it was
• 10:54
  really funny. It was good.
• 10:56
  I liked it. I enjoyed it.
• 10:57
  I'm glad I watched it. Good recommendation.
• 10:59
  Yay, yay yay yay, I win. Yes, you win, John Mulaney.
• 11:04
  I've never really I mean, I don't really watch stand up.
• 11:07
  I I can appreciate it. I love, I love to laugh, you
• 11:11
  know, but like sometimes it can just like not be the stand up
• 11:17
  practice is just not it for me necessarily, but.
• 11:20
  Not a lot of it's not for everyone, for sure.
• 11:22
  He it was funny and it's relatable content.
• 11:25
  As someone who used to be a drug dealer and a drug user, I
• 11:30
  certainly was giggling at a few of the things for sure.
• 11:34
  The very relatable content that leads me to ask you, why did you
• 11:41
  feel I needed to watch this? What was the what was the thing
• 11:46
  that was like? Caleb needs to see this.
• 11:49
  Well, because I, I was so curious for your insight.
• 11:52
  Did you just walk away from me? Come back.
• 11:54
  I had to turn on the light because I'm about to lose my
• 11:56
  yeah. OK, well, I so the special is
• 12:02
  all about his, the intervention that his his friends staged for
• 12:09
  him and then his journey through rehab.
• 12:11
  And he's such a good storyteller.
• 12:14
  And I just think that he's really, really vulnerable in his
• 12:20
  disclosure of his experience and it's not one that I can relate
• 12:25
  to because your girls straight edge and other than my little 5
• 12:29
  milligram comment I made earlier like that's as deviant as I get.
• 12:33
  I follow the law, okay. And so I thought it was a
• 12:39
  fascinating display of vulnerability.
• 12:41
  He's also so damn funny. I love the way that he his
• 12:46
  delivery, he's to speak to an entire theater in a way that
• 12:50
  sounds like he's like whispering something like, OK, let me just
• 12:53
  tell you something like off the record, like, I just think his
• 12:56
  presentation is brilliant. And also I just really, really,
• 13:00
  I just love the content. And I think it's so brilliant.
• 13:03
  And so I just was so curious for your experience watching it as
• 13:08
  somebody who's going to interact with that content very
• 13:11
  differently than I do, just based on your worldview and
• 13:14
  lived experience. Yeah.
• 13:16
  Yeah, well, absolutely, I found it.
• 13:19
  So there's, like you said, there's like a level of
• 13:22
  vulnerability that he was willing to put out there.
• 13:24
  Obviously, like this is his job to take you to take the broken
• 13:30
  pieces like that is a comedian's job is to take the pain and the
• 13:34
  brokenness that they've experienced, reshape that and
• 13:38
  then present it to the world for them to laugh at.
• 13:42
  Like that's magic, honey. That's the magician out there
• 13:46
  doing doing some crazy shit. And I think that's so cool.
• 13:48
  So good for him. He does a great job of that.
• 13:52
  And like you said, he has a way of being like letting you in on
• 13:58
  a secret. At one point, he's like, well,
• 13:59
  don't repeat this to anybody. And I'm like, right.
• 14:02
  And it's on a net. So it just like clicked for me.
• 14:04
  I'm like, this is on Netflix. So I love that.
• 14:06
  That's great. He's letting you in to on a
• 14:08
  little story that allows you to hear something that's pretty
• 14:12
  uncomfortable. And you could watch this.
• 14:14
  They could take all of the content in this Netflix special
• 14:18
  that everyone's laughing at uproariously and turn it into a
• 14:22
  drama like Euphoria, you know? And suddenly it's like, this is
• 14:28
  a really dark content of someone who was in a really bad place in
• 14:32
  their life, clearly. So much so that they had 12
• 14:36
  friends get together, lie to him, put get him to come into a
• 14:40
  room and force him into rehab. And he had just bought, I think
• 14:44
  he said he'd bought 3 grams of coke that night and he'd done 1
• 14:50
  already, which is not a small amount of coke.
• 14:52
  I mean, I've definitely done a couple grams in a night, but
• 14:56
  it's, it's not a small amount of cocaine.
• 14:58
  And he couldn't have been in a good headspace at that time, So
• 15:02
  no. But he had a fresh haircut.
• 15:05
  But he had a fresh haircut from 30 Rock.
• 15:08
  Yeah, I think that was so funny and silly.
• 15:13
  He's like I was cocaine skinny with a fresh haircut.
• 15:16
  I was the best looking person at my intervention.
• 15:18
  He'd been in heavy quarantine for 9.
• 15:21
  Yeah, and the pandemic. So funny.
• 15:24
  I did a lot of cocaine in the pandemic too.
• 15:27
  What a what a treat. I'm so glad to be sober.
• 15:30
  Note for the listener, as a sober person, almost three years
• 15:37
  sober, it is so fun to like sit back and reflect on the life
• 15:44
  that I've lived, that I the many different types of lives, the
• 15:47
  ups and downs that I've lived and be able to be like.
• 15:51
  That's a part of the tapestry of my story, and I don't need that
• 15:56
  ever again. Yeah.
• 16:01
  So getting sober is not an easy thing.
• 16:02
  And good for him to be able to take that and turn that into
• 16:06
  something that is shareable for many different types of people.
• 16:11
  Another question. I had the question and I kind of
• 16:13
  knew the answer and you already answered it.
• 16:15
  But I was asking, I was going to ask, have you ever done cocaine
• 16:18
  or other drugs outside of your little 5 milligrams and I
• 16:22
  assume? No, no.
• 16:26
  Do you want to? On my 21st birthday, I wrote an
• 16:28
  essay and I went to Bible study. So yeah.
• 16:31
  No, I, I, no, I've always been a rule follower.
• 16:35
  And then you threw in, you know, evangelical Christian culture
• 16:38
  and all the, you know, all the guilt and shame that came with
• 16:41
  that. And I was, I was very committed
• 16:44
  to not doing anything. I also went to a dry A school
• 16:51
  that was a dry campus and I worked in residence life.
• 16:53
  Like on campus, it was my job to uphold lifestyle expectations.
• 16:57
  And so I didn't have a drink until I graduated college.
• 17:00
  And then I got on a plane and I flew to Europe with my sister
• 17:03
  for five weeks. And we learned that I have no
• 17:07
  tolerance. And we learned that like, I get
• 17:11
  very generous with my funds when I am like half a beer in.
• 17:17
  I'm like the nice rounds on me. I love.
• 17:22
  That I think the the most infamous moment for us.
• 17:25
  Well, I'm also competitive. So Greta, my sister, had
• 17:27
  previously traveled with friends where they would just like,
• 17:29
  split a bottle of wine with dinner or something.
• 17:32
  And so we were like eating dinner on the floor of whatever
• 17:35
  hostile hotel we were staying in.
• 17:37
  And she was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom, see if you
• 17:39
  can finish that before I get back.
• 17:42
  Well, challenge accepted. I know how this ends.
• 17:45
  Yeah, so later we were at an Internet cafe and I was speaking
• 17:51
  French. I don't speak French, but I did
• 17:53
  that night. Like a pardon, Emma.
• 17:59
  Like I was. Going up.
• 18:02
  I got tired of being at the Internet Cafe.
• 18:05
  I didn't like the conversation she was having so I left and
• 18:08
  then I started wandering through the town that we were staying in
• 18:10
  and decided I should probably wait right here because I I'm
• 18:16
  not going back. But like she probably doesn't
• 18:18
  know where I am and she found me just standing in the middle of
• 18:21
  the street waiting for her like Caleb, probably the equivalent
• 18:27
  of 2 glasses of wine. It was such a situation.
• 18:32
  Oh my gosh. And then I just have, I'm like a
• 18:38
  lightweight. And then something happened.
• 18:42
  I swear I'm not the only one who post COVID developed an alcohol
• 18:46
  intolerance. But I can no longer consume
• 18:48
  alcohol. Like I I get sick if I try to
• 18:52
  drink any of it, which is sad because like Margarita, Heidi is
• 18:57
  such a good vibe. You know they have now non
• 19:00
  alcoholic spirits so you can go get a Margarita like a non
• 19:04
  alcoholic Margarita with all the same flavor and everything.
• 19:08
  I mean ish. Yeah, not everything.
• 19:11
  Yeah. Yeah, I had another fun.
• 19:14
  You mentioned doing a lot of coke during the pandemic, so
• 19:16
  this was my substance use conversation.
• 19:19
  Coca-Cola. No, but there was a moment I I
• 19:24
  distinctly remember I was drinking wine and I spilled wine
• 19:28
  and I didn't have a rag handy to clean it up.
• 19:32
  So I took my shirt off like Matt or blotted up the wine like use
• 19:39
  it to dry the carpet and put the shirt back on and then crawled
• 19:43
  under a laundry pile to take a nap And was like, this might be
• 19:48
  this might be a low. This might be a low.
• 19:50
  I love that so she doesn't. We don't need her to do any mind
• 19:57
  altering substances. I think she's fine just as she
• 20:00
  is. I love that.
• 20:01
  That is beautiful, you know, and I won't be telling, well, not
• 20:05
  today. I won't be telling any stories
• 20:07
  about my low points. But there were some.
• 20:10
  There were some. They existed.
• 20:14
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 20:16
  OK, great. Next question.
• 20:17
  Have you ever been a part of an intervention?
• 20:27
  Not a formal intervention like the one that Mulaney describes
• 20:30
  in his special like intentional conversations that were
• 20:36
  strategic. Yes, but I think most of my
• 20:41
  interventions are like individual one-on-one.
• 20:43
  It's not usually part of group interventions.
• 20:46
  I'm similar effective. I don't know the research on
• 20:49
  that, if that's actually an effective method of interceding
• 20:53
  on somebody's behalf, I don't know.
• 20:57
  Have you been a part of an intervention?
• 20:59
  Well, I think it's a good, good question as to like whether
• 21:02
  they're effective because I, I think there's a certain type of
• 21:05
  person who they're effective for.
• 21:09
  Obviously it sounds like John Mulaney was one of those types
• 21:12
  of people. And maybe it's the, the
• 21:18
  collective like pressure of like, we all love you so much.
• 21:22
  I don't feel like it would be effective for me personally, but
• 21:27
  I have not been a part of an intervention per SE.
• 21:32
  In that sense, a lot of my conversations are more like
• 21:36
  one-on-one. I am like, yeah, yeah, I've come
• 21:44
  together with a group of people once, but it wasn't as an
• 21:53
  intervention as much as it was we're going to Stonewall you
• 21:59
  until your behavior changes. And yeah.
• 22:02
  OK, yeah. Did it work?
• 22:05
  It did actually well. There you go.
• 22:07
  Yeah, and things are much better now, so wow.
• 22:13
  OK, Yeah, let's go, let's go. Yeah, sometimes you just gotta
• 22:16
  lay the hammer down as a group, but yeah.
• 22:21
  Well, I think it can be helpful when you have like multiple
• 22:25
  perspectives because you know, one of our human responses to
• 22:31
  being confronted about stuff that's uncomfortable and
• 22:33
  confront, I mean, and behaviors exist for a reason, like
• 22:35
  behaviors, communication, like we don't just act away for no
• 22:40
  reason. There's always roots and
• 22:42
  motivation to it. And so it's really easy to like
• 22:47
  nitpick and dodge individual like feedback, But if there's a
• 22:52
  group of people from different perspectives saying this is
• 22:54
  impacting all of us in really similar ways, I think that's
• 22:59
  that's a different lens that you have to see instead of like,
• 23:03
  well, that person just being an idiot and why are they coming at
• 23:05
  me like this? You know it's.
• 23:06
  Harder, harder to like, weave your way through that when all
• 23:10
  the lights are turned and focused on you.
• 23:12
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no place to hide in
• 23:15
  that. Situation.
• 23:17
  I could see how it's effective. Now I'm wondering if there was
• 23:22
  an intervention staged in my life, what people would
• 23:24
  intervene on behalf, what they would like intervene about.
• 23:28
  What do you think? I don't know, I feel like the
• 23:34
  thing I get confronted on the most is like being antisocial by
• 23:38
  people that like want to spend time with me or whatever.
• 23:41
  I'm like, OK, well, I don't have social battery right now.
• 23:45
  That's one of my, when I'm overwhelmed or struggling,
• 23:50
  that's like one of my shutdowns is I just like, I'm not going to
• 23:53
  be out and about and around people.
• 23:54
  But I have a lot of fabulous extroverts in my life that seem
• 23:57
  to have more balance maybe than I do.
• 23:59
  They always want. And I'm always like, no, I'm not
• 24:01
  going to hang out. So I've had people kind of
• 24:03
  confront me lovingly about that and say, like, we would like to
• 24:06
  be the space for you to be able to rest.
• 24:08
  And I'm like, I don't know how to say that.
• 24:11
  Even saying hello is too much for me right now, you know?
• 24:14
  Yeah. That's OK.
• 24:15
  So I I'll enable that for you about that.
• 24:18
  Thanks. Yeah, yeah, I showed up at an
• 24:20
  event once with my mom and got my food and went over and sat in
• 24:24
  the corner and she came and she sat down.
• 24:25
  She was like, aren't you worried people will think you're being
• 24:28
  antisocial? And I was like, I am being
• 24:30
  antisocial. That's 100% inaccurate.
• 24:32
  Read on the situation I. Hope they think so.
• 24:34
  That would show me that they're aware, yeah.
• 24:36
  That's accurate, actually, and I'm not concerned about it.
• 24:39
  That would be, yeah. You go socialize if you need to.
• 24:42
  I'm doing Mission accomplished. Amen.
• 24:44
  I love that. Absolutely.
• 24:48
  I think if people were going to, people don't really confront me
• 24:56
  much. Well, not during Gemini season.
• 24:58
  Well, that would be, I mean, actually I did have a
• 25:00
  confrontation today and I handed them their fucking ass and.
• 25:05
  Well, that's why, that's why they can't confront.
• 25:07
  You during the season. Yeah, and I dance on the surface
• 25:10
  of the sun. No, you're gonna get burned.
• 25:11
  I suggest just not confronting me as a group, as an individual.
• 25:15
  Just don't do it because I'm ready.
• 25:18
  But but listen, I I had a conversation.
• 25:24
  It's when the conversation became not based in reality and
• 25:28
  based on way too many feelings that were not working for me.
• 25:32
  We had to shut that shit down. And I'll do it again.
• 25:36
  I'll do it every time, but I think someone might confront.
• 25:40
  Me on. That.
• 25:41
  Yeah, you're not responsible for anybody else's feelings.
• 25:44
  I'm I'm not responsible for anyone elses feelings and I'm
• 25:46
  not going to dig into the to the moment today too much.
• 25:51
  But I will say that I'm not the person to try to like spar with
• 25:58
  in like accountability things because I am very quick to take
• 26:03
  up accountability for my part in something and I will never take
• 26:07
  accountability for something I don't feel accountable for or
• 26:09
  I'm not apologetic for. I will not apologize for
• 26:12
  anything I'm not sorry for. I just won't do it.
• 26:15
  And I but I'm, I'm quick to be like, OK, I could see where I,
• 26:20
  you know, where my action here might have elicited a response.
• 26:26
  And I apologize that I did that the way that I delivered that
• 26:31
  did that for you. But I'll only say that if I mean
• 26:35
  it, right? Like it's never going to, you're
• 26:37
  never going to get a fake apology from me.
• 26:40
  And I didn't mean it today so that they didn't get that.
• 26:42
  There you go. There you go.
• 26:44
  So people may I have been told by my sister that maybe I am
• 26:51
  really I really lean into tough love and that can be difficult
• 26:57
  for my family sometimes, you know, if they're having a a
• 27:00
  tough moment and they need a little consoling.
• 27:04
  I'm maybe not. Maybe.
• 27:06
  Not the person to go to. Maybe not the consoler in chief.
• 27:09
  I'm more of like, OK, how are we going to get this shit done?
• 27:11
  What's the action plan? What actions have you already
• 27:14
  taken? Because you're now you're
• 27:16
  wasting my time. You.
• 27:18
  Know. Yeah, yeah.
• 27:20
  Yeah. So maybe, maybe that would be my
• 27:23
  my intervention. Well, I think that that's needed
• 27:27
  in a lot of areas and I think that I wouldn't be part of that
• 27:32
  intervention. I'd be like, he's fine.
• 27:33
  Thank you. I appreciate that.
• 27:34
  Yeah, and I'm gonna base everything on my therapist
• 27:38
  friend's opinion. So here we go.
• 27:40
  I've just been validated. Watch out world to.
• 27:49
  You have not put me in my place, so maybe I'll have a different
• 27:52
  opinion if you ever come sideways, as you've said before.
• 27:58
  Like if somebody shows up and they're acting silly, they're
• 28:00
  gonna get exactly what they deserve.
• 28:01
  They're just gonna, I'm pretty well.
• 28:04
  We'll find out, you know, I'm sure one day I'll say something
• 28:07
  to you that's like, I don't know about that.
• 28:09
  And that's usually how I approach it at 1st and then
• 28:12
  things spiral because people don't like that when my head
• 28:14
  costs like that so. OK, well for the record, yeah, I
• 28:18
  like to keep short accounts and so if there is something that
• 28:21
  needs to be confronted or needs to be addressed, I would much
• 28:24
  rather you just say it and bring it into the open.
• 28:27
  Then like let it sit in, you know, the place where like
• 28:31
  misconception confessor and stuff like that.
• 28:33
  So just bring it. I am not an earth sign or a
• 28:35
  water sign, so we won't be festering or letting things sit.
• 28:39
  Well, I am also. I'm a fire sign.
• 28:40
  Amen, baby. Yeah.
• 28:42
  And I am really good. I'm really good at repair.
• 28:46
  Like I had a therapist who said it's not about the rupture, it's
• 28:49
  about the repair. Like we're just going to accept
• 28:51
  that we are going to like break things.
• 28:53
  There's going to be need for us to like repair, OK, I'm really
• 28:56
  good at the rupture. And so I thought, I'm really
• 28:58
  good at the. You gotta, you gotta be good at
• 29:00
  it. Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:01
  And one of the things that I, I really am very, very open about
• 29:05
  telling anybody who's like new to a relationship with me is I
• 29:08
  am going to provide you with lots of growth opportunities.
• 29:12
  Like to know me is to have opportunities to confront
• 29:15
  aspects of yourself that you might not want to have met.
• 29:19
  And like, you're welcome. And and I'll be here for the
• 29:24
  repair, but I'm also probably going to break stuff first, so.
• 29:28
  Well, I do think like in, in the industry that I'm in, I'm
• 29:31
  working with a lot of artists, I'm working with a lot of big
• 29:33
  personalities, a lot of big egos.
• 29:36
  And I also have a big personality.
• 29:38
  And I think, I like to think that I've got my ego a little
• 29:41
  bit in check, but that's not for me to decide at all times.
• 29:46
  I, I know my feelings, but you know, other people might have
• 29:49
  their own. I think it's so important to be
• 29:52
  able to have tough conversations and disagreements because
• 29:55
  they're trust building. And there's nothing more
• 29:57
  important than trust in relationships.
• 29:59
  And if we can't get into it and come around on the other side,
• 30:05
  then we're not going to be able to really have tested that
• 30:08
  trust. Right.
• 30:09
  It's kind of like in Survivor, you know, like you don't really
• 30:12
  know until you get to tribal council who your real friends
• 30:15
  are. So.
• 30:18
  Yeah. Well, and I will say in the last
• 30:22
  decade of working in the same place, like I have provided a
• 30:27
  lot of growth opportunities for people and everybody who has
• 30:31
  been brave enough to re engage and either call me on the
• 30:35
  bullshit e-mail that I sent that's not very nice or process
• 30:40
  their feelings at me. Like all of those relationships
• 30:42
  are intact. Yeah, Amen.
• 30:44
  The only ones that are no longer intact are the ones where people
• 30:49
  got had felt a certain way and decided that they weren't ever
• 30:52
  going to reengage it. And it's like, well, I can't
• 30:57
  make you cross the bridge if it's on fire.
• 30:59
  But if you do cross the bridge when it's on fire, we'll figure
• 31:01
  out how to put it out together and the bridge will still be
• 31:04
  there, but you're just going to sit and watch it burn Like baby,
• 31:06
  it's going to burn. And it they weren't for you, I
• 31:09
  think that's also the, it's like, if, if that's the way that
• 31:12
  they show up to relationship or they don't like the way you show
• 31:15
  up to relationship, that's fine. You're not for each other.
• 31:18
  Love that. Let's, let's sort that out now,
• 31:21
  not ten years from now, when we've, you know, invested so
• 31:26
  much of ourselves into a relationship that was never
• 31:28
  meant to be. I've, I've been learning that
• 31:31
  lesson a lot this year and I'm, I'm, I'm entering new
• 31:35
  relationships with a whole new set of rules of we're going to
• 31:41
  dig that shit up quick. And when I see the red flags,
• 31:45
  we're going to pull them out. We're going to show them.
• 31:49
  And if we're not for each other, we should not be for each other.
• 31:51
  And I find there's, there's AI don't like cowardice.
• 31:55
  I don't like cowardice and people who are not able to
• 31:58
  engage authentically and, and authentically.
• 32:04
  And I can't think of the word and I'm not going to spend too
• 32:08
  much time on it. But if you're not able to come
• 32:10
  to the table in like a spirit of like really being present and,
• 32:14
  and, and in the interest of productivity, I'm not for you.
• 32:18
  I'm just not and that's OK. I know that I'm not for
• 32:21
  everybody, but I'm really cute and fun so.
• 32:25
  Yes, you are. You're both of those things.
• 32:27
  I love that. Yeah.
• 32:29
  So that's what I looked into this this week, specifically
• 32:32
  today, and that's essentially how this works, so.
• 32:35
  OK. Were you offended?
• 32:38
  I mean your first question was why did I think of this and
• 32:41
  request you to like to watch this?
• 32:43
  Were you offended watching it? I do.
• 32:46
  Want you to watch this because she knows I've done drugs.
• 32:48
  No, not at all, no, but I did. I thought about that.
• 32:50
  I was like, I wonder. I mean, I'm like, does Heidi
• 32:53
  think that I like lived this, this life?
• 32:56
  Because the answer is I did. No one intervened except for
• 33:00
  Matthew. Matthew was probably one of the
• 33:02
  only people that was like, you are an absolute disaster and I
• 33:08
  can't do this. And and but continued to do it
• 33:12
  and like stuck with me and through things I probably would
• 33:16
  have never stuck with anyone through.
• 33:18
  He was so like loyal and locked in and and had despite probably
• 33:26
  wanting nothing to do with me, he stuck around.
• 33:29
  And I think that he's reaping the rewards of that today.
• 33:32
  So that's beautiful. Yeah, I think that no, I I was
• 33:38
  not offended by any means. I I love to be seen.
• 33:41
  I love that. I love that.
• 33:42
  You see that for me. And you were like, Caleb's gonna
• 33:45
  like this. I I find my sordid past one of
• 33:49
  my you know, I love it. I love every second of it so.
• 33:52
  Yeah, Yeah. Well, I love, I mean, not
• 33:57
  everything's always redemptive, but I just am always.
• 34:01
  I mean, think if we've talked about strength recently and a
• 34:05
  defining strength as something that has to do with resilience
• 34:09
  and coming through the fire. And so I really respect and I
• 34:13
  love learning from other people when they have those types of
• 34:15
  stories to share. So yeah, thank you, John
• 34:18
  Mulaney. And on that note, on on that
• 34:22
  note, I do want to affirm that Venmo is a platform for drug for
• 34:25
  drug addicts. That is, that is how people buy
• 34:28
  their drugs. That is.
• 34:30
  And that was a whole thing I dealt with this week, actually.
• 34:33
  It's calling someone out for their stuff, but we don't have
• 34:36
  to dive into that. But it is when I heard that and
• 34:39
  he said that, I was like, bitch, that's so true.
• 34:41
  It's so true. And I was like, oh, I never
• 34:45
  thought of that before. Yeah.
• 34:47
  And we'll, we like, I remember when I was taking payment on
• 34:51
  Venmo and I was always like, Oh my God, I'm like, I'm going to
• 34:54
  get caught. The feds are going to catch me
• 34:56
  like so coated as ice cream or whatever the fuck it was and
• 35:00
  sure, yeah, God bless I never got caught.
• 35:03
  Now I'm saying it on a podcast, but.
• 35:07
  Well, it's past it's. In the past, yeah, Jay-Z sold
• 35:10
  crack, so he's a billionaire now.
• 35:12
  Let's hope for me to have the same experience.
• 35:15
  Same trajectory, baby. Let's go.
• 35:17
  Yeah, well, Beyoncé's already married, so we'll have to find
• 35:20
  you another Beyoncé. I have Matthew.
• 35:23
  That's true. Matthew can be Beyoncé.
• 35:26
  OK. Yeah.
• 35:27
  Well, thank you for sharing what you're looking into.
• 35:29
  What you looked into. Yes, Yes.
• 35:31
  I'm so excited. I'll assign you another homework
• 35:33
  assignment so that we can talk about it in December.
• 35:35
  I love it. OK, OK.
• 35:38
  Clog that to you, honey. If you assign it to me this
• 35:44
  week, I might look into it because it's Gemini season, so.
• 35:47
  And you got energy around, so you're getting stuff done.
• 35:49
  You're doing it, baby. Let's go.
• 35:51
  Let's go all. Right.
• 35:52
  What are you looking into? Well, I'm not very exciting.
• 35:57
  I disagree, but OK. I have not really been looking
• 35:59
  into things. That's OK.
• 36:01
  I'm in a bit of what I would define as like a minor mental
• 36:07
  health event 'cause it's not a crisis.
• 36:10
  Like I don't need intervention or medical support.
• 36:15
  I'm not at like danger to myself or others.
• 36:19
  Sure. There's no breaks happening.
• 36:21
  Like, it's not a crisis, but man, I am in a space where,
• 36:27
  like, my depressive symptoms are, like, loud right now.
• 36:32
  And so, I mean, I got out of bed today.
• 36:38
  That was good. Hell yeah.
• 36:39
  Good for you. I went to work.
• 36:41
  OK. I like almost cried multiple
• 36:43
  times, but I didn't actually cry.
• 36:46
  I even ate food. I mean, so we're just like we're
• 36:49
  making it through, okay. But one of the things that I do
• 36:52
  like, I love that tonight is the night that you finally watched
• 36:55
  that show because it's one of my comfort watches, okay.
• 36:59
  And I've definitely been in a space where.
• 37:03
  And I don't know if it's overwhelmed, I don't know if
• 37:05
  it's shut down. I don't know what it is.
• 37:07
  I don't know it's grief. It's probably all the things
• 37:09
  that fits together. Yeah.
• 37:10
  I'm not really in a spot to analyze it.
• 37:12
  It's enough that I'm allowing myself to feel it.
• 37:13
  I don't really understand it right now.
• 37:15
  It just is. But I know that I've been
• 37:18
  reading a lot of brain rot, like if I can get them on Kindle
• 37:23
  Unlimited and I know it's going to happen have have a happy ever
• 37:26
  after and a predictable plot line and it's going to have some
• 37:31
  smut to spice up the pages on my way through.
• 37:33
  Like that's OK. Like so I don't really have
• 37:35
  anything that's noteworthy to report because I'm really just
• 37:38
  disappearing out of my life into somebody else's story in like a
• 37:43
  comfort read space. So, Ian, I would watch TV like,
• 37:49
  'cause I have comfort shows, you have comfort shows that you
• 37:50
  rewatch. Yeah, I'm rewatching Shits Creek
• 37:53
  right now. With yes, Perfect, Yes, Shits
• 37:56
  Creek, Ted Lasso, The Good Place, Parks and Rec, Bones.
• 38:01
  Those are like my comfort. Rewatch is always, always,
• 38:03
  always Buffy. Love Buffy.
• 38:07
  Just season 2, 'cause I like Angel and but if I sit on, if I
• 38:14
  watch TV then I have to sit next to the pile of laundry, then I'm
• 38:16
  not going to fold right now. And then I feel bad about that.
• 38:18
  So like, yeah, I just hide and I read.
• 38:22
  But yeah so I haven't been looking into anything new but I
• 38:29
  read like 5 books this weekend so.
• 38:32
  Were they good? Was it worth it?
• 38:35
  They, I mean, I read them and time went by.
• 38:38
  OK. Yeah.
• 38:40
  And that's kind of what I'm holding on to right now is that
• 38:42
  time's gonna go by and the space that I'm in right now where I
• 38:46
  feel like I can't do anything is also gonna pass.
• 38:50
  And we just gotta hold on and get through it.
• 38:52
  Yeah. You know.
• 38:54
  That's fair, totally fair. I think that's gonna be.
• 38:58
  And I, yeah, I'm like. Time is gonna pass I, I, it's, I
• 39:07
  don't have a profound thing to say about it because I think in
• 39:10
  these moments, been there, we'll be there again, uninspired and
• 39:18
  unmotivated to, to do a whole lot, which is totally fine.
• 39:24
  I think our bodies and our brains need that.
• 39:26
  And to be fair, I think you are, you're going through a
• 39:28
  transition out of a pretty big one.
• 39:32
  So of. Course, yeah.
• 39:35
  And it's the end of the school year, so I'm usually out, like,
• 39:37
  on fumes at this point anyway. And like, I can feel like my
• 39:42
  nervous system and shut down. Like I'm in that season where I
• 39:44
  wake up every morning with a headache.
• 39:46
  I'm taking ibuprofen for breakfast.
• 39:47
  Like it's just, you know what? We're just like we're
• 39:50
  functioning and calling that a win.
• 39:52
  But man, I am a really transparent, authentic person.
• 39:57
  And so the social norms of people saying how are you doing
• 40:02
  is really hard for me. Like.
• 40:04
  I have a lot of like deflections that are just like in pocket
• 40:08
  where I will say like an all respond to that question like
• 40:13
  it's Tuesday or it's June or, or I'll laugh and say we don't have
• 40:20
  time for that. How are you?
• 40:22
  And I'll pivot really quick, but but it's hard because my Co
• 40:26
  workers know me well and they know me for a long time.
• 40:29
  And when they say like, how are you?
• 40:31
  They can see it on my face. And also like I normally carry
• 40:35
  myself with a lot of energy. And so when my light is dim and
• 40:38
  it is, it is dimmer switches down baby right now.
• 40:41
  Yeah. But it's not off.
• 40:43
  It's not off, but like people can tell that it's dim and I
• 40:47
  can't fake it otherwise. So yeah, at that event that I
• 40:52
  was at tonight, I was at a work event and I made a comment to
• 40:56
  one of my Co workers that was like OK, one I looked cute and I
• 40:59
  was feeling I was feeling so cute.
• 41:00
  Yes, I was wearing this cute blue dress.
• 41:01
  It was a good color on me. I looked so good, good.
• 41:04
  And I was impressed with the fact that I got ready in 15
• 41:06
  minutes. OK, so I commented to one of my
• 41:09
  Co workers, I was like 515. I was asleep in my bed and here
• 41:12
  I am. And they were like, good for
• 41:14
  you. And I was like, no, that's
• 41:15
  depression. That's not something we cheer
• 41:17
  for. And then he was like, MO, I'm
• 41:20
  sorry. And I was like, it's OK.
• 41:21
  Oh my God. You're in a blue dress now.
• 41:25
  Right, because we contain multitudes, right?
• 41:28
  Like we are. We.
• 41:29
  Are we can be depressed, we can also be excited at the same time
• 41:36
  and you know, it's like we can be here in the moment feeling
• 41:40
  good about being in a blue dress and feeling cute and know that
• 41:44
  we also are just like over there.
• 41:47
  Really. Hold on.
• 41:48
  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So nothing new to report really.
• 41:52
  That's fine. But I do have some things that
• 41:54
  came up in the course of reading this week that I did put on our
• 41:56
  wheel. So we should probably spin the
• 41:58
  wheel because we have topics to talk.
• 41:59
  To shall we? Are you ready for it?
• 42:01
  I am ready to spin the wheel. It's been too long since we spun
• 42:04
  the wheel. I know.
• 42:05
  OK, y'all, if you are new to this wheelspin adventure that we
• 42:09
  do, when Caleb and I come up with ideas during the week, we
• 42:12
  share them with one another. We put them on a like wheel app
• 42:16
  and then we spin them and whoever's topic comes up, they
• 42:19
  get one minute to talk about it. And you're wanting to add
• 42:22
  another layer to this where something comes up that's really
• 42:24
  interesting, You actually want to follow up and look into that
• 42:27
  more deeply. Yeah.
• 42:28
  If you're so inspired, all right, let's see what happens.
• 42:30
  Tell us in the comments, listeners, if you want us to
• 42:32
  look into these more. Oh, that's a good idea.
• 42:37
  That's a great idea. Just.
• 42:38
  Let us know. Oh my gosh.
• 42:40
  Well, right out the gate is listener question.
• 42:44
  Hello. Hello.
• 42:48
  Ding Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding.
• 42:52
  Wow, how exciting. This is the bonus wedge on our
• 42:56
  wheel, which is like, not a topic, but a question that we're
• 43:00
  going to give ourselves more than a minute to respond.
• 43:02
  I love it. This is where our listeners get
• 43:06
  to write in and ask us very important questions.
• 43:10
  Check the e-mail address in the caption in the show notes on
• 43:15
  this post. If you have a question that you
• 43:18
  want us to weigh in on, please go ahead and e-mail us.
• 43:20
  It's like looking into podcast@gmail.com.
• 43:23
  Yeah, I was gonna say I would tell you, but I I literally
• 43:25
  don't know what it is. But yeah, looking into podcast
• 43:27
  sounds right. I feel like that.
• 43:29
  We monitor it very closely. Yeah, I'm in there every day.
• 43:33
  It is looking into podcast@gmail.com.
• 43:35
  I got it right. Amazing.
• 43:36
  See. Leave it to Heidi.
• 43:38
  Yeah, you may be barely holding on, but you do know more than
• 43:41
  me. I'm very, I'm a very highly
• 43:45
  functional mental health case. I love that, cheers.
• 43:50
  Yeah, I do. I still show up.
• 43:51
  Come on, baby. OK, I'm reading this for the
• 43:55
  first time so we're let's let's look into it.
• 44:01
  OK, I'm. Ready dear, Looking into I
• 44:03
  really vibed with your discussion on religion because
• 44:06
  I've also been experiencing similar feelings, namely missing
• 44:09
  the community that came with going to church.
• 44:11
  My question is, in all seriousness, how do you tell the
• 44:15
  difference between a healthy community and a cult when you're
• 44:18
  really when you're in a really vulnerable place and wanting
• 44:21
  connection? I ask because it feels like cult
• 44:24
  specifically prey on people like me who are in between
• 44:27
  communities and I've had moments where I wanted so badly to
• 44:32
  belong. I allowed it to override my
• 44:34
  instincts and better judgement. Sincerely, already packing for
• 44:39
  the compound. Oh my gosh.
• 44:42
  What a question I. Love it.
• 44:44
  Easy one for us tonight. You know, listeners, we love
• 44:47
  these. We love them.
• 44:51
  And if there's anyone that is ready to answer a question about
• 44:56
  a cult, it's us, honey. It's.
• 44:59
  Us, yes, we're always ready to talk about cold.
• 45:02
  Yes, we're recruiting for ours soon, so don't worry about it.
• 45:07
  We're working on building that. We're looking into a cold as a
• 45:09
  wider project. It's, we won't be solving that
• 45:14
  in a day, but you know. Yeah, yeah.
• 45:16
  OK. So we're looking for healthy
• 45:17
  community and what are the markers of a healthy community
• 45:21
  versus something that's going to be taking advantage of
• 45:25
  vulnerable people and exploiting them.
• 45:27
  Yeah. Well, I think right off the bat,
• 45:30
  I think so. I was raised as a Jehovah's
• 45:35
  Witness and a lot of my family are Jehovah's Witnesses.
• 45:38
  And I identified that as a cult person personally.
• 45:43
  And I think that one of the reasons why I identified that as
• 45:47
  a cult is because they're, they're isolationist.
• 45:52
  I think a cult is typically going to actually, instead of
• 45:56
  inviting you into community or expanding upon your community,
• 46:02
  making you feel more welcome, they want to isolate you from
• 46:07
  the from the world and tell you that they're the only community
• 46:10
  that you can have. And so Colts are inherently
• 46:14
  isolationist and typically are, you know, the charismatic leader
• 46:22
  at the center is they're they're not, they're focused on a, a ego
• 46:29
  of usually a central figure that doesn't give a fuck about you.
• 46:34
  So those are, those are things to watch out for them telling
• 46:36
  you to excommunicate, excommunicate yourself from
• 46:42
  communities you may already be a part of.
• 46:44
  So that would be one thing. Yeah, Gosh, that's so true.
• 46:49
  That Excuse me, I. Got to drink something.
• 46:56
  Yeah, this is like, OK, that's so.
• 47:03
  I mean, that's such a good guide, not just in community
• 47:06
  spaces, but for individual relationships as well.
• 47:08
  Like as soon as somebody wants to cut you off from your
• 47:11
  existing supports and isolate, make you dependent upon them,
• 47:18
  that's a big, big red flag that you're not in a healthy space.
• 47:24
  I, my first thought goes towards what role compliance has within
• 47:31
  the community versus like curiosity, because I think
• 47:36
  there's a lot of religious spaces that might not fall into
• 47:41
  the cult category, but that are still not going to allow you to
• 47:44
  show up fully for who you are. You still have to show up within
• 47:46
  conditions, within a certain code of conduct.
• 47:50
  And so I'm pretty inherently wary of certainty and
• 47:56
  compliance. If there's one right way to be
• 47:59
  where you're not allowed to question or lean in with
• 48:02
  curiosity. I think that that's really
• 48:05
  concerning. I think that especially when
• 48:07
  you're looking at religion, if you're believing in a higher
• 48:10
  power, I sure like to believe that our higher power is capable
• 48:12
  of withstanding question because the God that I believe in
• 48:18
  created all things, which means he can take our anger, He can
• 48:23
  take our read, She can take our confusion, She can take our
• 48:26
  loneliness, our isolation, like the very, very worst parts of
• 48:29
  ourselves. And truth will still stand in
• 48:32
  the face of that. And so how are questions met?
• 48:37
  Do people lean in to curiosity with you or do they shut it down
• 48:41
  and direct you an easy certain answer?
• 48:45
  So I would pay close attention to that.
• 48:47
  I think it's really interesting to this listener talked about
• 48:51
  overriding their instincts. Don't do that.
• 48:54
  Amen. Yeah, yeah, unless your
• 48:57
  instincts are bad. Do we?
• 49:00
  I mean. No, no, no, no, that's me just
• 49:04
  being silly. But yeah, I mean, some people do
• 49:06
  have bad instincts, but I think your gut will tell you what's
• 49:08
  good for you, right? Yeah, I mean, yes, now I'm
• 49:13
  thinking about the way that, you know, trauma impacts our
• 49:16
  instincts and our ability to trust ourselves.
• 49:18
  So if you consistently have bad instincts, like maybe go see a
• 49:22
  therapist about that because there's some work to do there
• 49:24
  that's keeping you from hearing like the truth of who you are in
• 49:29
  the divine spark and I would say exists within each and every one
• 49:32
  of us. So I also, I think your
• 49:37
  motivations, listener, matter what, you know, sometimes people
• 49:44
  will get into relationships because they're so desperate to
• 49:46
  belong and they're not thinking about is this person going to be
• 49:49
  a good fit for me? They're thinking about what do I
• 49:51
  have to do to fit into this because I'm so hungry for this
• 49:55
  connection. And to that I would say, I don't
• 49:57
  ever want you to compromise the fullness of who you are.
• 50:02
  Like you should show up to see what people can bring for you,
• 50:06
  you know? Oh my gosh, can I just affirm
• 50:10
  that? Because in the listener
• 50:12
  question, they do say I had moments where I wanted so badly
• 50:15
  to belong. I allowed it to override my
• 50:17
  instincts. And just like you do belong, no
• 50:22
  matter who you are, no matter what's going on, no matter who
• 50:26
  you're around, like you do belong and, and you do
• 50:31
  inherently have value and, and you're worthy of love.
• 50:35
  Those are that's, that's just that.
• 50:37
  Like, you know, and I think we seek affirmation and validation
• 50:43
  from those around us, but we're never going to actually get what
• 50:46
  we really need from external sources.
• 50:50
  We have to believe it of ourselves.
• 50:52
  And so I would, I would encourage you and anyone to, to
• 50:58
  really dive in to, to falling in love with yourself and, and
• 51:03
  falling deeply in love with yourself so you can share that
• 51:07
  with the community around you. And people will fall in love
• 51:10
  with you at that point and you will feel more like you belong.
• 51:14
  That would be my advice. That's beautiful.
• 51:18
  I love you. I love hearing that.
• 51:19
  And it's so it's absolutely true.
• 51:23
  You know, you were talking earlier about like, maybe
• 51:25
  they're just what did you say about relationships that they're
• 51:28
  not for you? Like maybe this person is just
• 51:30
  not for you. Yeah.
• 51:32
  You know, I I will say when I met Brandon husband love.
• 51:38
  Brandon. Shout out Brandon.
• 51:39
  Yes, I shout out Brandon. I had just come out of a pretty
• 51:43
  emotionally abusive relationship and was really jaded.
• 51:47
  And so the way I approached getting to know Brandon was so
• 51:51
  different from how I had approached any other
• 51:53
  relationship before, which was I wanted to fit.
• 51:56
  I wanted to like be who I was supposed to be, to make this
• 51:59
  relationship work the way it was supposed to work.
• 52:01
  All these shoulds, all these things.
• 52:05
  I was not going to waste my time anymore.
• 52:06
  And so I was like aggressively, unapologetically myself.
• 52:10
  I intentionally didn't look cute on our first date.
• 52:13
  I asked really hard questions and gave no indication of like
• 52:16
  what the right answer was because I was like, if you can't
• 52:19
  handle this, I'm not going to waste my time.
• 52:21
  Now. I don't think that's a great way
• 52:23
  to walk into all spaces. But maybe it?
• 52:27
  Is, I mean, I will say if for us, it's set a foundation of
• 52:32
  like unapologetic authenticity to where we can show up like
• 52:38
  with our good, with our bad. And there's no like should or
• 52:44
  pretense or an expectation of being a more polished version of
• 52:49
  ourselves. And I think true community,
• 52:51
  healthy community is going to allow you to show up exactly as
• 52:54
  you are and come alongside you and celebrate the things that
• 52:58
  you're celebrating and also support you when things get
• 53:02
  really, really hard. But any any community or
• 53:05
  relationship that is going to look at your struggle as
• 53:09
  something that makes you less than is not worth your time.
• 53:11
  Yeah, fuck them. Yeah.
• 53:13
  Yeah, absolutely. And not the not the fun way.
• 53:16
  Well, and I was going to say when you said come alongside me,
• 53:19
  I had to think I do. I did find that to be
• 53:24
  inappropriate internally. Well, I love you for that.
• 53:31
  As you repeated it back to me, I was like, where's he going to
• 53:34
  go? Because I'm hearing something
• 53:35
  really inappropriate. Children, This is why you don't
• 53:36
  listen to my podcast. You know who you are, you
• 53:38
  sophomore child, you. Oh my God, yeah, don't do it 18
• 53:42
  plus yes, yeah. So I I think that question, I
• 53:48
  hope listener, that we answered your question and please
• 53:52
  continue to send us questions because we love to answer them.
• 53:55
  We do find that we are the moral and theological and
• 54:01
  philosophical authority on all questions.
• 54:04
  So happy to share our opinions. We have good things to say, so
• 54:10
  they need to be said. All right, we're going to get
• 54:11
  back this. Now that this one's been, we'll
• 54:13
  hide that slice from our wheel. We're going to go back to
• 54:16
  spinning. Oh, my gosh, there are so many
• 54:18
  things on here. Caleb, this is crazy.
• 54:23
  Murder cats. Did you put that on there?
• 54:26
  No, Maybe, maybe I put. That on there, I think, well,
• 54:29
  here's the thing, I think my cat wants to murder me.
• 54:31
  That's all I've got on that one. Is it something?
• 54:37
  Did you write that or is that mine?
• 54:40
  Maybe, I don't know. Maybe.
• 54:42
  Well, here's the thing I know about, and I don't know who
• 54:44
  wrote this, but let me tell you what I what it brings up for me.
• 54:48
  OK, that sounds good. Sometimes I well, because I am a
• 54:51
  Gemini, mind you, sometimes I just write things and then
• 54:54
  forget them, you know, and I thought that wasn't me.
• 54:56
  That wasn't today me, that was yesterday me.
• 54:59
  And yesterday me had a totally different opinion on things.
• 55:02
  But today me things as when I hear murder cats, sometimes I'll
• 55:05
  be petting my cat. I have a gorgeous, beautiful
• 55:08
  cat. And he will decide that it's
• 55:11
  actually time for him to kill me and he will start attacking and
• 55:16
  he gets so intense and I think it's so beautiful.
• 55:20
  It's such a bonding moment for us and it reminds me that he is
• 55:25
  a predator in like a a murderous way.
• 55:29
  And I I find that to be so beautiful and I.
• 55:32
  Think. Yeah, and endearing.
• 55:34
  And I think that sometimes when a bird comes on to the balcony,
• 55:39
  he will kill it. And I think that's also just so
• 55:43
  sweet and. And yeah, he's, he's up in his
• 55:49
  little hammock right now up there.
• 55:50
  And he's, he's such. A sweetie.
• 55:52
  Yeah, yeah. Well, I think mine is possessive
• 55:55
  of Brandon and really likes Brandon.
• 55:58
  And so there are times where I'm getting ready for bed and he
• 56:01
  just lays on the bed and he looks at me with his eyes like,
• 56:05
  bitch, I'm gonna fuck your shit up.
• 56:07
  I'm just waiting till you go to sleep and I'm gonna kill you in
• 56:09
  your sleep so I can have them all to myself.
• 56:11
  And then I get like, a little panicked about it and then I'll
• 56:14
  turn to, like, walk out of the room and he will follow me.
• 56:16
  It's terrible. Yeah, he said.
• 56:18
  Don't you fucking dare he. Didn't use that in my name.
• 56:22
  OK, murder cats. Well, we cover that.
• 56:23
  That was a good thought. Whatever.
• 56:25
  Whatever that came up, yeah. Oh my gosh.
• 56:28
  OK, this is mine. This is foot money.
• 56:30
  OK, I was hoping this would come up.
• 56:33
  OK, OK, so I learned recently that a friend of a friend of a
• 56:38
  friend, like an acquaintance, made $800 in 25 minutes live
• 56:45
  streaming their feet and they didn't even take their socks
• 56:47
  off. They just like teased like they
• 56:49
  were going to take their socks off.
• 56:50
  Female friend. So here's Yeah, yeah, I would
• 56:56
  let my toes get really slutty for $800 in 20.
• 56:59
  Like. I I just think so I wanted to
• 57:02
  know your thoughts because now I'm brainstorming another side.
• 57:05
  Yeah, well, this podcast could be brought to you by Heidi's
• 57:07
  feet, and I'm just saying that's great.
• 57:11
  I have a really cute. I will do the ad read for that
• 57:15
  if your feet want to sponsor the podcast.
• 57:19
  Oh my gosh. I just think like it OK, The
• 57:22
  world is a wild place, but I was thinking like I'm trying to
• 57:25
  figure out if I can't build my client load or my caseload to
• 57:29
  where I can like financially sustain OK.
• 57:31
  So she said, she has said come alongside me and then she said
• 57:34
  load twice. And maybe it's my mind, dear
• 57:37
  listener, but I'm. Just I'm here for it, yeah.
• 57:40
  Anyway, please continue. Yeah, I'm just thinking like
• 57:46
  what it what are your thoughts as somebody who has worked in
• 57:48
  the industry before, on the legitimacy and the reality of
• 57:54
  people who stream their feet for cash?
• 57:57
  Yeah, I mean, the reality is it's real.
• 58:01
  The legitimacy is it's legitimate and it's a great way
• 58:04
  to make money. And there are people out there
• 58:06
  who want to buy feed pics and I, I or, or see feet, you see the
• 58:14
  little piggies wiggling and stuff like that.
• 58:16
  So I. Don't get it, I don't get it,
• 58:18
  but I don't have to get it to capitalize I.
• 58:20
  Don't either. No, not at all.
• 58:21
  And you can. This is taking it to the next
• 58:25
  level. But people love to suck on the
• 58:27
  toe. I don't know.
• 58:30
  No, here's the thing. Here's the thing from that, OK?
• 58:32
  I was in high school. I was stalked.
• 58:36
  Sorry, this is not funny. I was part of an investigation.
• 58:39
  There was a serial stalker in my.
• 58:41
  House dude do some. For some reason this is bringing
• 58:44
  up a memory for me like I knew about this.
• 58:47
  OK, well, I mean, yeah, sometimes the kid came through
• 58:50
  my Blockbuster and that's where we met.
• 58:52
  So maybe I told you, but he pursued like 26 different girls
• 58:59
  at our school that all fit the same profile.
• 59:02
  And one of the things that he would say when he would cold
• 59:05
  call any of us in this like serial stalker ring was that he
• 59:10
  wanted to lick our toe. And so that's kind of put me
• 59:12
  off. Forever.
• 59:13
  You're not in defeat stuff for that.
• 59:18
  Maybe you can unpack that by selling pictures of your feet
• 59:22
  for the. I can redeem that.
• 59:23
  I can redeem that experience for myself.
• 59:25
  Yeah, anyway. Wow.
• 59:27
  Well, I'm so into it. Any all money is good money.
• 59:30
  As someone who has done a lot of different things for money, all
• 59:34
  money is good money and I'll take it.
• 59:36
  Yeah. All right, well, now we know.
• 59:39
  Now we know that I mean, and you could make it biblical and say
• 59:43
  Jesus washed hello. So like, I'll wash mine and send
• 59:46
  you the scrub brush. Please.
• 59:47
  Yeah, there's a there's a site for that.
• 59:49
  You get a religious experience, Yeah.
• 59:51
  Absolutely. Part of our cult guide for that.
• 59:53
  OK, we're moving on. Cult defeat, honey.
• 59:58
  Oh, Caleb, this one's yours. OK Gemini, revenge go TOS, OK?
• 1:00:06
  Yeah, this is probably a yeah. I'm interested.
• 1:00:10
  I put this on the list yesterday, I think, or maybe
• 1:00:14
  today. What is Someone pisses you off,
• 1:00:20
  right? Someone does something.
• 1:00:22
  Are you an exactor of revenge? How?
• 1:00:26
  And if you are an exactor of revenge, what's your go to?
• 1:00:32
  Vicious rhetoric. Yeah, so many pieces.
• 1:00:39
  Depends on the day. Like a smear campaign.
• 1:00:42
  No, I will. I don't do anything that's I
• 1:00:48
  think that malicious or I mean, again, those evangelical roots
• 1:00:53
  run deep, baby. We don't gossip.
• 1:00:55
  We do ask for prayer for people though, and.
• 1:00:58
  You know what? See what happens.
• 1:01:00
  Yeah. No, I think I have safe people
• 1:01:02
  that I. Process frustration to but if it
• 1:01:05
  builds enough then I'm going to address it directly and it's
• 1:01:07
  usually going to be in writing, which is not great when I get
• 1:01:11
  into a spot where I'm ready to like actually take action in
• 1:01:14
  response to rage. I'm a I'm a pretty excellent
• 1:01:19
  writer and so I'll type it up and I'll send it and be like
• 1:01:22
  well needed to be said and that has resulted in some mutual
• 1:01:26
  growth opportunities throughout the course of my life Yeah,
• 1:01:29
  yeah. Well, and you?
• 1:01:30
  Know good for you. Being willing to engage in that
• 1:01:33
  mutual growth. That's so magnanimous.
• 1:01:40
  I don't know what's the word. It's so good, so good, but I'm
• 1:01:45
  not creative enough to be able to like.
• 1:01:47
  Do or patient enough or petty enough really to do like like
• 1:01:51
  revenge strategies. I'm assuming you have some go
• 1:01:55
  TOS. Well, you just named three
• 1:01:56
  things that I am. Very much so, those things.
• 1:02:00
  I'm creative, I'm extremely patient and I'm very petty.
• 1:02:07
  So I have in the past. And I think what brought this up
• 1:02:13
  for me as I was thinking like what have I done in the past
• 1:02:16
  when I've been like cheated on? And my go to revenge tactic if
• 1:02:22
  someone like if I'm dating someone and they cheat on me is
• 1:02:24
  I will fuck the person that they cheated on me with.
• 1:02:27
  I will find them and I will have sex with them.
• 1:02:29
  And that's just the power thing. I'm like, I'm going to proclaim
• 1:02:32
  that power. Smear.
• 1:02:36
  Campaign I'm very much about, I'm going to have a, a
• 1:02:39
  conversation about somebody all over town.
• 1:02:42
  We're going to have a very, like calculated conversation with
• 1:02:47
  everybody I know repeating the same thing, really planting the
• 1:02:50
  seeds. That's a, that's a thing that
• 1:02:52
  I'm about. Yeah.
• 1:02:54
  I would say those are my two, yeah.
• 1:02:56
  Revenge sex and smear campaigns. Those will be my go TOS.
• 1:03:00
  Well good for you babe. I go for a direct.
• 1:03:02
  Confrontation. So look at us.
• 1:03:04
  We're balancing it all out. I love it.
• 1:03:08
  Yeah, when I had cheated on, I just broke up with them.
• 1:03:10
  That was my. That was my It's probably so
• 1:03:12
  much healthier so. Much and I think I probably
• 1:03:18
  befriended the person they cheated.
• 1:03:19
  On me with, you know, because that was my power is like, I'm
• 1:03:22
  the better person here. You know something?
• 1:03:24
  Well, in some way I befriended them too.
• 1:03:27
  Oh yeah, you did. You got up close and personal.
• 1:03:29
  Let's go. Yeah.
• 1:03:31
  OK. Youth sports.
• 1:03:32
  I just need a hot second. OK.
• 1:03:34
  Please. OK.
• 1:03:35
  OK. What is wrong with people out
• 1:03:39
  there? What is wrong?
• 1:03:41
  What is? Wrong with people out there.
• 1:03:43
  OK, the youth sports world is wild.
• 1:03:48
  How old are we talking? I don't it doesn't matter
• 1:03:51
  actually depends on the sport. But but grown-ups are feral at
• 1:03:56
  all levels. Like you're gonna get in a fight
• 1:03:58
  or you're gonna cuss out a single digit year old like
• 1:04:03
  they're not even rocking double digits and you're gonna like go
• 1:04:06
  after the I just cannot. I cannot.
• 1:04:08
  I don't understand. I don't understand.
• 1:04:11
  People are not well, People are not.
• 1:04:13
  Well. I now in that situation, I was
• 1:04:17
  at a soccer game and this parent who was sitting next to me was
• 1:04:21
  like, play dirty to her kid. And I like laughed and was like,
• 1:04:27
  play dirty for real, expecting that she'd be like, oh, ha, ha,
• 1:04:30
  ha, ha. Sorry, I get crazy when I say
• 1:04:32
  that. And she just looked at me like,
• 1:04:33
  the fuck, what is wrong with you?
• 1:04:35
  Like, yeah, I said what I said. And I was like, OK, we're not
• 1:04:38
  going to be friends. People are wild.
• 1:04:42
  I'm gonna say some stuff, but like.
• 1:04:44
  Wow, I just the softball and baseball and youth football
• 1:04:49
  world in particular are wild, wild, Wild West.
• 1:04:53
  So I don't know youth sports, I swear.
• 1:04:55
  Can it just be about the kids, please?
• 1:04:57
  Yeah, just, you know, having a a good old fashioned.
• 1:05:00
  Game right, I'm like learning teamwork and.
• 1:05:03
  Like pushing yourself and learning new skills and like
• 1:05:07
  being pushed to develop relationships in a different
• 1:05:10
  way. And let's figure out how to help
• 1:05:12
  you be the best. No, we gotta win like they're
• 1:05:14
  six. Calm down.
• 1:05:16
  OK, That's all I have to say about that.
• 1:05:18
  Well, I agree with you. Good 'cause I didn't.
• 1:05:21
  I spun the wheel before I gave you a chance.
• 1:05:22
  You can. Respond to that, that's OK you.
• 1:05:26
  Want to talk about you? Want to talk about queer?
• 1:05:28
  Baiting. Yeah, You know, let's talk about
• 1:05:31
  queer baiting. There's just there's, I mean,
• 1:05:34
  it's so and it's been prevalent for so long, right?
• 1:05:37
  There's queer culture. Gay men are an important
• 1:05:42
  capitalist endeavour, right? We're horny.
• 1:05:46
  We are we're just men that are into men and like we're so
• 1:05:50
  easily baited. So there's this like, well, I
• 1:05:56
  would say that heated rivalry is like a good like example of, but
• 1:06:02
  thankfully it was made by a queer person with, with queer
• 1:06:07
  people involved. So it, it passed the test.
• 1:06:11
  But there's a lot of this like straight male influencers and a
• 1:06:17
  lot of them are like only fans influencers too.
• 1:06:20
  And it's just like straight dudes with their Dick prints
• 1:06:23
  like out there doing like on Instagram with their, their
• 1:06:29
  butts and their abs and their things and whatever.
• 1:06:32
  But they're not gay. But that is their clientele.
• 1:06:35
  Like that's who they're who they're aiming their their
• 1:06:38
  propaganda at. And I'm like all they're aiming
• 1:06:42
  at them. I mean, they're aiming a lot.
• 1:06:44
  At us and. And you know, bless love to see,
• 1:06:48
  I love an Adonis figure. Like that's great to look at,
• 1:06:51
  but I'm not giving you my money. I just want you to know, I want
• 1:06:55
  you to know I'm not giving you my money.
• 1:06:56
  I'm not subscribing to your only fans.
• 1:06:59
  I'm not buying your silly little T-shirts unless you're going to
• 1:07:04
  put those. Straight toes into some sheet
• 1:07:06
  cake and then maybe I'm. Personally, not a tow guy, but
• 1:07:14
  there's I'm really just into one appendage and, and and butts.
• 1:07:20
  That's those are my things. That's what I'm into.
• 1:07:22
  I'm pretty to the point you can to the point you can keep your
• 1:07:26
  socks on. Actually you.
• 1:07:27
  Know I don't. I don't need, I don't need the
• 1:07:29
  feet at all. You keep your shoes on.
• 1:07:31
  As a matter of fact, I don't care.
• 1:07:33
  Oh my God. But yeah, the queer, queer.
• 1:07:36
  Baiting that here we are it's it's pride season.
• 1:07:39
  I just want to see gay men in in terms of the explicit content
• 1:07:45
  that I'm looking at over over the month of June and July.
• 1:07:49
  Well, and I mean. Are straight men really strong
• 1:07:54
  out there do they need I think we're gonna say are they
• 1:07:56
  straight but I've the answer is no to all of.
• 1:07:59
  It other audiences. Like that's just not bless them.
• 1:08:05
  Is that different though? Than people taking.
• 1:08:07
  Advantage of people that are willing to like send money for
• 1:08:10
  feet like if you're interested in the Adonis figure whether or
• 1:08:15
  not you're going to be able to actually like, you know, get it
• 1:08:19
  into bed is. That I don't is.
• 1:08:21
  There a difference between those two things I don't.
• 1:08:26
  No, there's a different there's I'm not interested in feet, so I
• 1:08:30
  won't be sending money to people for their foot picks.
• 1:08:32
  And I'm not interested in straight guys, so I won't be
• 1:08:34
  sending money to them. So it's really just a me thing.
• 1:08:37
  This is about me. Yeah.
• 1:08:39
  I think it's a it's a such a valid marketing strategy to, you
• 1:08:43
  know, sex sells and men buy sex more than than anyone, right?
• 1:08:49
  Well, that's what we hear because I think sex sells to
• 1:08:51
  women and women buy smutty books, so good for them.
• 1:08:55
  But it's a different type of sex, right?
• 1:08:57
  Like it's a different, different medium and we consume it.
• 1:09:01
  We're all sexual beings. Well, I guess except for the
• 1:09:03
  asexual beings out there. Shout out to the asexuals.
• 1:09:05
  It's pride month. We will be shouting out to all
• 1:09:08
  sexualities. Absolutely arrow and ace.
• 1:09:12
  You matter too. When Caleb was talking earlier
• 1:09:16
  about saying that you belong and that you're worthy and that
• 1:09:18
  you're valuable. Like he's speaking to every
• 1:09:20
  group, and that group often feels like they're broken or
• 1:09:22
  that there's something fundamentally wrong with them
• 1:09:24
  and absolutely not. You just don't want the P or
• 1:09:28
  the. V And that's fine.
• 1:09:29
  That's. Fine.
• 1:09:29
  Honestly, a lot of times it's bad.
• 1:09:31
  Anyway, so good for you. It's not a box of kittens.
• 1:09:34
  It's not a. Not a box.
• 1:09:36
  It depends on what you're looking at, but yeah, All right.
• 1:09:42
  Next we want to end on that one. You want to do one more?
• 1:09:45
  Yeah, 1. Last one OK, I'm.
• 1:09:48
  Going to just use my. Choice, and I'm going to pick
• 1:09:51
  because there's one that we both wrote and it's you wrote what's
• 1:09:55
  your favorite deli food? And then I wrote, WTF is this
• 1:09:59
  question? Great.
• 1:10:01
  This is a great place. To end, when you when I say
• 1:10:07
  deli, what do you think of what do you, what is what pops into
• 1:10:10
  your head like lunch meat, OK. Got it.
• 1:10:16
  Is there a? Location like is it Whole Foods,
• 1:10:19
  is it Albertson's? Is it?
• 1:10:21
  It's probably the Fred Meyer Deli where I buy.
• 1:10:23
  Like our lunch meat. But now that in the context of
• 1:10:26
  this conversation, I'm thinking of all the like salami innuendos
• 1:10:29
  that we could be using. So love that too.
• 1:10:31
  Love a salami? So I don't know why I asked this
• 1:10:36
  question. Actually, I think I was in QFC,
• 1:10:38
  which is a subpar, just lame ass Ellie.
• 1:10:41
  And let me tell you about QFC on Capitol Hill.
• 1:10:44
  There's two of them on Capitol Hill and here in Seattle,
• 1:10:46
  there's the one on the Pike Pine Corridor on Broadway and Pike.
• 1:10:52
  And then there's the one between Harrison and Republican.
• 1:10:55
  They're both shit. They're awful.
• 1:10:57
  There's, you know, thank you for being specific with the
• 1:11:01
  locations when. You're going to bag both of
• 1:11:03
  them? Oh, I'm going to bag both of
• 1:11:04
  them. Yeah.
• 1:11:05
  Get it together. To both of you, this podcast is
• 1:11:08
  not sponsored by a Kroger. Thank you.
• 1:11:12
  And y'all have a security issue, You have a cleanliness issue.
• 1:11:17
  You obviously don't treat your staff well.
• 1:11:19
  Your staff is so unhappy, they're nasty to the customers,
• 1:11:24
  they're miserable. But like, I don't necessarily
• 1:11:27
  blame them, though they do have their own free will and don't
• 1:11:29
  have to be rude. But they are and that's OK.
• 1:11:31
  Whatever. Some of them are actually nice
• 1:11:34
  on the north one, the one on the South end, it's a no for me, but
• 1:11:38
  I work next to that one. But anyway, the anyway, the deli
• 1:11:45
  not good at QFC, but I love a deli.
• 1:11:49
  I used to work at a deli and at Albertson's and there's
• 1:11:53
  something about deli food that I just, I love it so much and I
• 1:11:57
  love a deli sandwich. I will make a mean sandwich.
• 1:12:00
  So I will go to the deli and I will order a pound of honey,
• 1:12:06
  honey flour Turkey or whatever it is, whatever the delicious
• 1:12:10
  Turkey is that I want. And I want it sliced very thin.
• 1:12:15
  And I want them to show me the slice because I need it to be
• 1:12:17
  very thin, almost falling apart. And, and you know, when they get
• 1:12:24
  it right, I'm just so grateful. And when they don't get it
• 1:12:27
  right, I steal it because I'm not going to pay for it if it's
• 1:12:31
  not good. So if I'm answering what my
• 1:12:37
  favorite daily food is, it is I don't know what is my favorite
• 1:12:43
  deli. Oh my gosh, all that lead up and
• 1:12:44
  you don't have a? Fucking answer.
• 1:12:46
  It's gotta be. It's gotta be the lunch meat.
• 1:12:51
  Yeah, it's gotta be the lunch meat.
• 1:12:54
  Yeah, I think it's gotta be. But The thing is, I've, I'm at
• 1:12:57
  a, I'm at a really sad place in my life right now in terms of
• 1:13:00
  delis that are accessible to me. I'm so sorry to hear that.
• 1:13:04
  Yeah. And I, I appreciate I.
• 1:13:06
  Appreciate that, Heidi, because it's rough.
• 1:13:10
  Do you have a deli near you that like Fred Meyer?
• 1:13:13
  I love Fred Meyer. That's gorgeous.
• 1:13:15
  Well, I get the ingredients that I need.
• 1:13:17
  From the deli. But I'm the one making the
• 1:13:19
  sandwich. Well, yeah, me too, by the way.
• 1:13:21
  Yeah, me too. Yeah.
• 1:13:22
  And I will say right now you. Know what I could get on board
• 1:13:25
  with is like a toasted sourdough with like good Pickles and like
• 1:13:32
  ham and Turkey. Oh my gosh, could we throw in
• 1:13:34
  some bacon and a little avocado? That would be perfection right
• 1:13:37
  there. Yes, absolutely.
• 1:13:38
  And I gotta have a crisp romaine.
• 1:13:40
  Lettuce on there and a tomato. I gotta have all of that.
• 1:13:44
  You don't want the tomato. I cut the seeds out for Matthew,
• 1:13:46
  so I do the tomato, but I get all the seed, the gushy seedy
• 1:13:49
  stuff, because I don't like it. It's still a tomato.
• 1:13:52
  Unnecessary. I love the tomato.
• 1:13:54
  Gotta have it. OK, Yeah.
• 1:13:55
  Well, congratulations. So a sandwich.
• 1:13:56
  We've we've landed on favorite deli food.
• 1:13:59
  As a sandwich and we will be making it.
• 1:14:00
  What else are you gonna get? Like the salads that have been
• 1:14:02
  sitting? Out for who knows long.
• 1:14:03
  They can be good. The salads can be good.
• 1:14:06
  I do no. You know what I like, as in the
• 1:14:08
  salad case, is when they have like a noodle salad, like an
• 1:14:12
  Asian noodle salad that has like a cashew and a Mandarin in it.
• 1:14:17
  Yeah. No, no, you're not about it.
• 1:14:18
  No, I don't trust those salads. No, I have no idea.
• 1:14:21
  How long those have been sitting there?
• 1:14:23
  Yeah, usually a couple days when I go to like a.
• 1:14:25
  Potluck and people bring their own pasta.
• 1:14:26
  Salads, like I'm kind of picky, like I'm going to make my own
• 1:14:29
  pasta salad, but I don't know how I'm they're not all created
• 1:14:32
  equal. No honey, they're not created
• 1:14:34
  equal and I will make. My own pasta salad.
• 1:14:36
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Agreed, I feel like we just
• 1:14:41
  solved all those worlds. Yeah, like Kroger.
• 1:14:44
  Seriously, get. Your shit together.
• 1:14:46
  Fix the fucking elevator. Are you kidding me?
• 1:14:49
  You're like a. Trillion dollar company, sort it
• 1:14:51
  out and while you're at it, if you could get us.
• 1:14:55
  UN rusted folding chairs through your local public school, That
• 1:14:58
  would be great as well. A little investment to the
• 1:15:01
  community would be nice. Kroger and I know you have Fred
• 1:15:03
  Meyer as well, and we like Fred Meyer, but we love Fred Meyer.
• 1:15:07
  How do you do it? So right with Fred Meyer.
• 1:15:09
  And so wrong with QFC. See, QFC was the bougie grocery
• 1:15:13
  store when I was. Growing up it was Yeah.
• 1:15:15
  In Oregon. Is it not bougie anymore?
• 1:15:17
  No, honey. OK, no, it it's lack of
• 1:15:20
  competition. They're they buy everything up,
• 1:15:23
  they don't have any competition and now you don't have to try.
• 1:15:26
  The fuck? EW unacceptable.
• 1:15:29
  So I'll be stealing my groceries.
• 1:15:30
  Thank you very much. Well, not if you're going to if
• 1:15:32
  you don't cut my Turkey thin enough.
• 1:15:33
  I'm absolutely out of there. Yeah, period.
• 1:15:35
  Out of there with the Turkey. I won't shoplift but I will
• 1:15:38
  support. Caleb's instincts.
• 1:15:40
  So I have good instincts, OK? Well, anything else we want to
• 1:15:48
  cover this evening? No, I will just say, listeners,
• 1:15:52
  we. Really do love your feedback and
• 1:15:53
  if you do have a show that you want us to watch, we're kind of
• 1:15:56
  in a spot where we're in between shows and can't really decide
• 1:15:58
  which one we want to be unpacking next.
• 1:16:00
  And so if you have any suggestions, do leave them in
• 1:16:02
  the comments or send us an e-mail looking into
• 1:16:05
  podcast@gmail.com. Yes.
• 1:16:07
  Oh, I have a book recommendation, but I have.
• 1:16:09
  To run and grab it and then bring it back and show you.
• 1:16:14
  So, Brandon, you know what to do.
• 1:16:16
  OK, one SEC. I'll be right back.
• 1:16:18
  Brandon. Hit pause.
• 1:16:20
  Or I'll. Chat well, Caleb, it better be
• 1:16:21
  close. Caleb we were gosh, guys, that
• 1:16:24
  was such a good ending. We were ready to wrap it up and
• 1:16:26
  play us out and he just had to go and add a postscript.
• 1:16:30
  But you know, I'm never going to turn down a book recommendation,
• 1:16:33
  so we'll wait for it. Also listeners.
• 1:16:37
  If you have good book. Recommendations.
• 1:16:39
  Do send them my way. Doo Doo Doo.
• 1:16:43
  What have you got? This is.
• 1:16:47
  Are you reading This is the 5th? Season.
• 1:16:52
  Can you hear me? Yeah, I can.
• 1:16:54
  This is the 5th. Season by.
• 1:16:57
  NK Jemison, when did you start reading again?
• 1:17:03
  Oh, I. Read this a long time ago
• 1:17:04
  actually. Oh, OK, Yeah.
• 1:17:07
  Oh, it's on Kindle. Unlimited Yeah, it's not a light
• 1:17:10
  read, but it's also. Not a brain rot.
• 1:17:14
  And it is not that there's anything wrong with brain rot,
• 1:17:18
  but that's right if you were. And it's not sexy.
• 1:17:25
  It's not sexy. It's not light, but it is really
• 1:17:29
  good and I recommend it. It's it's a lovely.
• 1:17:33
  What's the genre? Tell me a little bit more.
• 1:17:35
  It's definitely. Fantasy with a.
• 1:17:37
  Little bit of maybe science fictiony in the sense that it's
• 1:17:42
  like apocalyptic and it seems like some like some shit
• 1:17:47
  happened, like the world ended. And so you're you're kind of set
• 1:17:52
  in a post apocalyptic. Is it going to make me cry?
• 1:18:00
  Very likely, yeah. Oh damn it, I'm not down for
• 1:18:04
  that, OK? You're going to have to remind
• 1:18:05
  me of this in, like, October when I've gotten my like, when
• 1:18:08
  I'm out of my depressy season. Yeah, it's by this lady.
• 1:18:13
  Right here and yeah, she's great.
• 1:18:18
  It is one of the. It's one of those books that,
• 1:18:20
  yeah, it's probably going to make you cry because it's not
• 1:18:22
  that the the content is light by any means.
• 1:18:30
  They they're definitely grappling and dealing with
• 1:18:32
  difficult shit. But there's, you know, there's a
• 1:18:35
  glimmer of, I think it's about the glimmer of hope and the
• 1:18:40
  maybe the light at the end of the tunnel.
• 1:18:42
  And that's why we love fantasy, the courage that.
• 1:18:45
  Overcomes. Yeah, it's beautiful.
• 1:18:48
  Yeah, So beautiful. Yeah.
• 1:18:50
  But anyway, that was my book. Recommendation.
• 1:18:53
  Well, thank you for that. I appreciate that.
• 1:18:55
  OK, Brandon, now you can play us out.
• 1:18:57
  Yes, thank you, Brandon. Play us out, Brandon.
• 1:19:00
  Listeners, we'll see you next week.
• 1:19:01
  We love you so much. OK, bye.