Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How to get closure from a narcissist so you can move on

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How to get closure from a narcissist so you can move on · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do you get closure from a narcissist or toxic person if
• 0:05
  you knew here? My name is Lee Hammock and
• 0:06
  welcome to another episode of the narcissist code.
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  I'm a self award narcissist and I use my platform to raise
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  awardness for MPD, get more people in the therapy and to
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  validate the victim. Survivors and thrivers of say
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  disorder said toxic people said toxic traits.
• 0:19
  So then we talk about y'all closure from a narcissist,
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  y'all. I know I've done a few videos
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  about closure, but like everything in life, we as we
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  progress our mindsets change on certain topics, on certain on
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  certain, you know, behaviors, on certain ideas, and that's how
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  it's supposed to go. Y'all once you like.
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  That's how normalcy works, isn't it?
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  That's how normal people's minds work.
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  Once more information is provided to you, you should be
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  able to make a conscientious decision to change your mind on
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  things. If you had a certain, if you had
• 0:47
  a certain thought process on one thing.
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  When more information is provided, you should be able to
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  change your mind. If the information provided is
• 0:54
  accurate and valid, don't be so set in your ways.
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  That's narcissistic, you see what I'm saying?
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  But hey, narcissist. So closure.
• 1:01
  So many people just like you feel like you can't move on from
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  a narcissist without closure. Most narcissists, y'all are
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  absolutely not going to give you any type of closure, regardless
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  of how the relationship ended. I don't need to repeat that door
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  because most of them will. Most of them will not give it to
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  you because closure. If I were to give you closure,
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  that means closing up. That means the end of the
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  relationship. That means no more relationship.
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  That means no more anything between us.
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  That means our space is ending. That means no more access.
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  You see, there's no more access. And most narcissists, always, a
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  lot of narcissists always want continual access to you.
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  So closure. Imagine closing the door or
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  closing the window or closing the the the the chest or the
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  closing the top of your Pandora's box.
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  You know most narcissists are not going to give you closure,
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  because closure gives you the power to move on and to move
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  forward with your life. Closure is a shift in a power
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  dynamic. Closure means I know I release
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  you. You know, closure pretty much.
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  It sounds like closure sounds like it's closing things up, but
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  it can also be opening your it's closing up the access the
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  narcissists have has, but it's opening up the access that you
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  have to your own life. You know, it's opening up the
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  light, the lifestyle that you want to live.
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  It's opening up the way that you want to live.
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  It's opening up your freedom. You know people don't like
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  they're sitting. Closure cannot be given from an
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  they can't give it to you. Most of them cannot give it to
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  you anyway, because I think so many people have the idea in
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  their minds that closure is just this.
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  Y'all sit and meet at the y'all. Have a conversation.
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  You where you sit down and you meet at the 1st place.
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  You you, you lock the eyes at the place where you had your
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  first dance, the place where you had your first date, whatever.
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  You go to the place where you first met and you leave it all
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  on the table and you walk. You hug and kiss one more time
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  and you walk away. Or you hop on horseback and you
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  hop on your horseback and carriage, your horseback and
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  buggy and your ride away. Then opposite of directions in
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  the sunsets and that's the end. That's not it.
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  That's not ever going to happen with a narcissist.
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  Y'all, let's keep it high. You got to keep it hot and
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  ready. Like that is never going to
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  happen. With a narcissist.
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  Why would they do that for you? That means that this, they're
• 3:21
  setting you free, they're giving you power to move on, they're
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  giving you the power to move forward.
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  So closure cannot come from someone else.
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  Closure has to come from you. It's you closing up the access
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  that this person has to you and opening up your life, closing
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  the access, opening up your life.
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  You know it's closing one, it's closing that window and opening
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  up the door to freedom. So when people just feel like
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  you give that part, like when you need closure.
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  Not talking to people on one on ones over zoom like they I just
• 3:55
  need closure actually they they never gave me any closure.
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  They're not going to give you any closure because they cannot
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  give it to you. How how does someone else give
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  you closure? You closure is for you.
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  Closure is for you to give yourself.
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  Closure is your own book. You have to.
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  If Closure is a book, it's you writing in your book, DN closing
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  it up, turning it over and closing up the closing up the
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  book, the last chapter, and meddling it off to your producer
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  or your editor or whoever you know.
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  That's what Closure is. So maybe y'all get it so caught
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  up into your minds. They Closure something magical.
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  No, no, no, no, no. It's for you.
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  It's for you, from you. It's like writing a letter from
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  you to you. That's what you need to do.
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  Like write a letter from you to you, releasing yourself from the
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  ties that bind you to this relationship.
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  Because until you do that, you are stuck.
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  Until you do that, you can't have.
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  Yeah, Imagine being so stuck to somebody because they didn't
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  give you closure that you've refused to live your own life.
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  I didn't get closure. Let.
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  Why? Yeah.
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  Why can't the disrespect be the closure?
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  Why can't that be the closure? Why isn't that?
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  Why isn't that enough? Why can't the anger be the rage,
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  the physical abuse, the emotional abuse, the yelling,
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  the screaming, the cheating? Why can't that be the closure
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  for you? Why do you need to hear them
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  stand out of their mouths? What?
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  Their actions have been speaking way louder than their words ever
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  can. Their actions are yelling at
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  you. Their words are whispering.
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  Their actions are yelling at the top of their lungs.
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  What their words are. You couldn't hear what I just
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  said to you. I I didn't say anything.
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  I just mumbled nonsensical things.
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  Their actions are literally yelling at you like I don't this
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  is over. But the words they say, I love
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  you so much. I'm going to keep you around and
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  be with you. Like what are you, What are you
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  hearing? Stop trying to turn the volume
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  up on their on their words and listen to their actions.
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  Watch their actions. So many, so many people try to
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  amplify you. Try to give them a megaphone so
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  you can hear their words instead of listening to when they're
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  yelling at you and screaming at you.
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  Closure comes from you. What more do you need?
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  Y'all Why can't all the horrible sudden things that they did to
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  you? Why can't they be enough?
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  Because they did. So this is you taking your power
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  back right here. This is what my I have a self
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  love challenge coming up. A self love course coming up and
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  I go on, I go into detail in this type of stuff right here.
• 6:24
  Y'all, so that's coming up soon. In the next couple of weeks make
• 6:27
  sure you subscribe to my newsletter.
• 6:28
  You can have it. The link is in the description
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  of every video and podcast I do. But but yes, y'all, why can't
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  they be enough? Because this is shifting it to
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  you. You can't blame, you can't give
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  it to them anymore because you're waiting on them to
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  release you. If you need closure from them,
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  it's like you need their permission to live your own
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  life. What does that sound like?
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  That sounded like you were a prisoner waiting to be let out
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  of your cell for yard time. Hell no.
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  No. What?
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  No. It's like that.
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  You are not a prisoner. This is not yard time, is it?
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  This is your own life you have to keep.
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  You might be a you might have been a prisoner in this
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  relationship. But guess what?
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  You're sitting in your cell and the key is right there in front
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  of you. The key is right there in front
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  of you. It's time you can let yourself
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  out of the cell. Why are you waiting on them to
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  let you out of the cell? Because it's time for you to
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  give you the closure. Write a letter from you to you
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  ending this relationship. Everything you want to say to
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  them, say it to yourself. Because you hold the power they
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  don't. Why?
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  Y'all. I talked to somebody one time.
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  I talked to somebody one time, I resume and they they just like,
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  I keep asking them to give me closure and they keep putting me
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  on pause. They keep saying let's meet here
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  next week. Oh, I can't make it there, I got
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  to work. Oh, I can't.
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  Let's do this next week. I can't make it there.
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  I have, I had to get pick up the kid, hey, let's do this next
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  week. They just ignore you or ghost
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  you for a little while and they just say, oh, let's have that
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  closure conversation. They're trying to keep you on
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  the hook. They're trying to keep you
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  around because closure is finality.
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  It's the final, but you have to give yourself the power in this
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  space. Y'all you have to power yourself
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  up. You have to empower yourself to
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  take the next steps. Because if you don't y'all you
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  going to be sitting here sad as hell for a long time because
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  nobody, somebody else didn't let you out of the cell.
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  Well, you have the key in front of you. close it up.
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  It's like you get the key. You have to pick like you
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  sitting in your cell in this toxic relationship.
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  The key is right there in front of you.
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  You know it's the key, but you're afraid to grab the key.
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  You're afraid to pick the key up because yeah, I understand.
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  It's been years with this person.
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  It's been decades with this person.
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  Y'all built a life together. Y'all have kids together,
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  whatever it is. This might be your parent, your
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  brother, your sibling. Well, you might be walking away
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  from a good job that you have for so long.
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  Whatever it is, I know the fear that that key holds as well.
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  The the key hold, the key to this cell holds both fear and
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  freedom. The two FS Fear and freedom.
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  The fear of what? Of the fear Of what you have to
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  let go. But the freedom of what comes
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  next and both can, both are just tied together.
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  It's scary. Y'all It's scary.
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  It is scary as hell because you don't know what comes next.
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  That's what. That's what keeps a lot of
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  people in the same situation. Because you don't know what
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  comes next. You know the actions you have to
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  take, but you don't know what comes next.
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  You don't know the pain that you're going to feel.
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  You don't know what's outside that cell.
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  You've been inside this cell for a long time.
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  And even though it's a sale, it's your sale, your sale with
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  this person that you love so much and care so much for, right
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  man. It's time to open this cell up.
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  It's time to open it up. Pick the get.
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  Stand up. Pick that key up.
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  Look at that key and all your hands are shaking.
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  You might be crying. Wipe your eyes.
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  Go to their cell door. Reach Outlook.
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  Reach between the bars. Put that key in the lock and
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  turn it. It's time to turn it.
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  It's time to. It's time to release.
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  You. Click.
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  Open the cell up, Push it open. Don't step out just yet.
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  You might need to take a You might need to take a look around
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  your cell one more time. So look at your pictures on the
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  wall. Look at all the members you made
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  in this cell. Now take a step forward step.
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  Step out of that cell, grab the door, close it up, and then lock
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  it. Yeah, now you lock the cell.
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  Now you're taking the key to this cell because we're not
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  coming back. Y'all this is not, this is
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  closure. We're not coming back to this
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  cell. So take the key, throw it back
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  in the cell. So now that the door is locked,
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  you can't get the key. There's no backup key.
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  The key is in the cell. You cannot go back into it.
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  You just closed it up and turn around.
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  Walk towards freedom. Walk towards the exit of this
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  cell. Walk towards your closure.
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  Walk towards your freedom right there.
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  Because in the in the mindset of it all, you can't get there.
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  You can't get back into that cell.
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  Now you have to fight and get back in that cell.
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  How you going to squeeze through the bars to get the key to lock
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  yourself back up? No, no, you're going to smash
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  yourself squeezing through the bars.
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  Imagine a prisoner squeezing through the bars.
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  They go back to jail. That thought is great.
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  That thought is wild. You see what I'm saying?
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  But that's the mindset that goes into some of it.
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  Y'all you are stronger than you think you are, I promise you,
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  you are. But so many people get caught up
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  in their minds that they can't do something or they don't know
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  what to do next, or life is happening to them too fast.
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  Like y'all. What comes next for you?
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  It's it's beauty, it's freedom. It's life.
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  You get to live your life the way you want to live your life.
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  You know this is the closure you need.
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  If you're looking for closure from a narcissist, look.
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  Look no further than you. Don't go back to that cell.
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  Now you're outside. Look you're you're outside the
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  prison. It's scary to look.
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  You step outside the prison, the light's blind and you're like, I
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  ain't. No, it's so.
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  I didn't know it was so bright out here.
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  My life has been dim. I have the.
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  I have a window that I can pick out of.
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  But my life has been dim for so long.
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  The sun hits you and you're a new person.
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  Freedom, freedom, Freedom feels worried on it.
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  Keep walking to your new life. Walk towards Don't walk away
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  from, walk towards your goals. Don't walk away from things.
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  Because when you when you walk away from stuff you tend to want
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  to look back. When you're walking towards that
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  goal or you're running the race, you see the finish line, you
• 12:00
  keep your eyes focused for it. Anyways y'all hope you got your
• 12:05
  closure. Go get your closure.
• 12:06
  Y'all write a letter from you to you.
• 12:08
  Stay tuned for more like and subscribe for more.
• 12:11
  And of course, y'all but who this is that peace.
• 12:15
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:17
  Y'all. If you haven't already, make
• 12:19
  sure you hit that like and subscribe button so you don't
• 12:21
  miss any uploads. Turn on that notifications bell
• 12:23
  as well. Thank you so much.
• 12:25
  See you later.