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What I Learned When Everything Went Wrong · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. What's good, Harder Than Life Nation? It's your boy, Kelly Siegel, fired up and ready to drop some truth bombs on the Harder Than Life Thursday Throwdown. This is where we get real, get raw.
• 0:35
  We go all in on transforming your life with relentless discipline, unapologetic authenticity, and a whole lot of heart. If you're ready to level up and live happier than life, you're in the right place. Hey, we're hitting a topic that's gonna shake you to your core.
• 0:52
  What do you do when plan A goes up in flames? Maybe your business tanked, your relationship crumbled, or your big dream just hit a brick wall. I've been there, rock bottom, staring failure in the face. But let me tell you something, your greatest comeback
• 1:11
  your biggest win, your true purpose is waiting for you on the other side of that setback. As JK Rowling said, rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life. Ooh, that feels good. This episode is your blueprint to navigate the pain, pivot like a warrior and turn failure into your ultimate victory. So strap in, grab a pen and let's get to work.
• 1:37
  It's time to rise, Heart of Life Nation. Let's make today count. Let's start out with some straight up truth. The perfect plan is a lie. If you're living bold and dreaming big, plan A is gonna hit some turbulence, guaranteed. A 2023 Harvard Business Review study found that 70% of new ventures missed their initial targets within three years. That's not a stop sign. It's proof that failure is part of the grind.
• 2:05
  Always remember, failure is feedback and it's only failure if you give up. But when I started National Technology Management, NTM for short, my plan A was simple, dominate IT and cybersecurity, grow fast, stack cash, but life had other plans.
• 2:25
  We lost a $2 million client early on. Lawsuits piled up. Personal chaos, including my battle with alcohol, nearly broke me. Plan A didn't just wobble. It crashed hard. Here's the deal. When plan A fails, it's not game over. It's a detour to something greater.
• 2:48
  Failure forces you to grow, to innovate, to tap into your resilience and figure out what inputs worked and which ones didn't. Pivot, re-frickin' frame, and try again. Thomas Edison nailed it.
• 3:05
  I have not failed. I just found 10,000 ways that it won't work. If you're facing a setback right now, you're not stuck. You're on the verge of a breakthrough. It's time to get real, Heart of the Life Nation, because vulnerability is where the magic happens.
• 3:20
  I've had plan A's go down in flames and each one shaped me into the man I am today. Here are three stories that prove failure is just the setup for your comeback. And they're very, very personal. And I'll try not to try not to cry because I am so grateful for how far I've come. I literally still have far to go, but I've come a long way. So I measure the gain and not the gap. So I'm
• 3:45
  First story is about how I kicked booze. You guys have heard it before, but I'm going to say it again. Sobriety as plan B. My plan A was to be the life of the party, the CEO. Drinks with clients, networking with a buzz, living the high life. But that plan turned toxic fast. Alcohol became a crutch, diluting my pain and dimming my purpose. My.
• 4:08
  Plan A crashed, I was lost. Choosing not to drink was my plan B and it was the toughest pivot I've ever made. A 2021 study by the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and alcoholism showed sobriety can boost cognitive functions by 30% in just six months.
• 4:29
  For me, it was much bigger. It gave me clarity, purpose, and the fire to build a heart of the life movement. Plan B wasn't just a pivot.
• 4:39
  It was my salvation. Story number two. Now I can go on and on into these stories. Most of them, actually all of them, are in both of my books, Harder Than Life and Happier Than Life. So story two is leadership pivot at National Technology Management. This was a hard one because I had to give something up. At NTM, my plan A was to be the sales king, the guy closing every deal, owning every room.
• 5:03
  But we hit a growth wall. My hustle wasn't enough. Plan A was failing. Stepping back and hiring someone to take over and be accountable for sales felt like a losing part of my body. Like I was losing my left arm. But.
• 5:21
  It was my plan B. That pivot unleashed national technology management's potential. Revenue jumped 40% in a year. My team stepped up like never before. And as Steve Jobs said, you can't connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect the dots looking backward. Plan B showed me I was born to be a visionary leader, not just a closer. My third story, and I'm again, just briefing over these. I can go into these in detail. If you want, message me and I'll tell you the whole, whole story. But again,
• 5:50
  These are in my books and on subsequent podcasts. Story three, building the harder than life nation. I've never planned to be a personal development leader. I just didn't. Plan A was to stay in my lane, IT, cybersecurity, and be a business guru, so to speak. But sharing my struggles, sobriety, childhood trauma, building NTM on social media wasn't part of the script. It felt risky, but it sparked a movement. Just being vulnerable, y'all liked it.
• 6:19
  So harder than life became my plan B and it's my greatest joy. A 2022 Gallup study found authentic leadership boost team engagement by 23%. By pivoting to plan B, I built a community of thousands breaking limits and living happier than life. Your detour.
• 6:38
  just might be your destiny. After those three stories, let me just get to the meat and potatoes of it. Here's a four-step blueprint to turn a failed plan A into your greatest victory. Step one, pause and process. Hardest thing in the world to do. When plan A tanks, don't rush to fix it.
• 6:59
  Pause. A lot of times I call this the sacred pause, but the sacred pause is just a little itty bitty pause when somebody's attacking you. This pause literally do nothing. Feel the anger, the grief, the frustration. A 2020 Journal of Behavioral Medicine study found that processing emotions through journaling or meditation cuts stress by 25%.
• 7:22
  So grab a notebook and write it out. Meditate several times for 10 minutes because if it's a massive plan A failure, it doesn't get fixed in one meditation or one journal session. Let it hurt, then let it go. You can't pivot until you face that pain. Step two, radical acceptance.
• 7:47
  or radical ownership, own the failure. Say it out loud. Plan A didn't work, it's done, I'm ready for what's next. This isn't defeat, it's power. Pro tip, whether you believe in faith or not, God, source, energy power, something is out there working for you.
• 8:09
  Just ask, what would you like me to do next? And I will tell you something will appear. I've seen it happen. Don't ask, why me? Say, why is this happening? Why me? Don't ask that. What questions? What are you teaching me? What should I do next? And then sit still.
• 8:31
  And remember, this isn't defeat, it's power. Rejection is redirection. Radical acceptance clears the path for new possibilities. Oprah Winfrey said it best. There's no such thing as a failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction, perhaps the right direction. That's how I ended up here in Harder Than Life. Step three, identify the lesson.
• 8:56
  I kind of stole that on step two, but they're gonna dig deeper into it, which is every failure has a lesson. And that lesson is your roadmap to plan B. Ask, what did this failure teach me? How am I stronger because of it? What's the path forward?
• 9:14
  Losing that big customer at NTM taught me to diversify and build systems, not just to hustle, and also to say no more. I probably should have never taken on that client to begin with. They were out of alignment of our core values. We did it anyways, and it backfired. So the quick fix never works. That lesson made us unstoppable. Find your lesson, it's definitely your fuel.
• 9:41
  Step four, pivot powerfully. I call it grabbing your signal and being ridiculously intentional about what you're gonna do. Act, use your lessons to craft plan B and move fast. Don't overthink it. Progress over perfection. One step in front of the other. My sobriety pivot, I committed to 90 days alcohol free and then never looked back.
• 10:09
  I didn't say I'm done drinking forever, just said 90 days. My NTM pivot, I hired a salesperson in a week. Speed is your superpower. Create a simple, actionable plan B, execute with relentless discipline. I need you to embrace. You have to have the mindset of embracing that backup plan. All too often we sit there and we ruminate on the fact that we failed. Trust me.
• 10:38
  Failure is feedback, rejection is redirection, and you will succeed. You just gotta keep trying. So your mindset is your edge. Here are three more shifts to thrive when plan A fails. Shift number one.
• 10:52
  You've heard me say it. This is now the third or fourth time failure is feedback. Failure isn't the end. It's data. A 2024 McKinsey report found 80% of successful entrepreneurs see failure as a learning tool. My failed plan A with alcohol taught me I was stronger sober. What's your failure teaching you?
• 11:14
  Mindset shift number two, detours are destiny. Plan B might be the plan you're always meant for. My pivot to a visionary leadership at NTM was my true calling. Paulo Colo said, there is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve, the fear of failure.
• 11:36
  Embrace that detour. It's leading you to your greatness. If you don't believe me, it's faith over fear. Both believe in something in the future. Why not believe in the positive one? Faith. Faith that everything's gonna be okay. Mindset shift number three. Trust the bigger picture.
• 11:59
  There's a bigger plan at work here. Sometimes some people call it God's plan. Even if you can't see it, believe in invisible progress. Losing that NTM client felt like the end, but it pushed us to grow stronger, to diversify, and actually raise our standards of who we will bring on. A 2023 Stanford study showed leaders who trust long-term growth after setbacks
• 12:26
  are 35% more likely to succeed. Trust your failure. It's setting you up for something epic. Here's how to pivot when plan A fails. You guys ready? Write this down.
• 12:41
  This is the part you're gonna wanna hear. Open your phones, get your note app. By the way, this is a pro tip. I have so many notes in my note app, that's where I take everything. And then I take and drop it in a chat GPT and I have them all mined. So it gets my mind into a channel. So, action one.
• 12:59
  Journal your emotions. Grab a notebook, write everything. Anger, fear, sadness. Spend the 10 minutes letting it flow. Clears your mind for the pivot. Step two, write the lessons. List three lessons.
• 13:14
  that your failure taught you. Be specific. If your business failed, maybe you learned to prioritize systems or team building, or perhaps, which a lot of people don't know about, is understanding cash flow. These are the bricks for plan A. Step three, draft a simple plan B based on your lessons. One or two clear steps you can take this week. Now understand, I said draft it, write it down. Don't just think about it and do nothing.
• 13:44
  Draft a plan B based on your lessons, one or two clear steps. If your relationship ended, maybe it's joining a community. Maybe it's going to the gym more. If your business tanked, maybe it's launching a leaner online platform that you write it down, commit and take action. Step four, commit.
• 14:05
  accountability fuels action. Share your plan B with a friend, a coach, post it on Instagram and tag me at kelly.segal.71. I'm here to help. I envision a world of us all getting along and helping each other get better and better and better. I'll keep you on track for sure.
• 14:27
  So this is your wake-up call if you failed. Plan A is not your finish line. It's your launch pad. Winston Churchill said it best. Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. Your greatest wins, your truest purpose, your happier-than-life moment is waiting on the other side of a setback. Take action today.
• 14:54
  Journal your emotions, find your lessons, build your plan B, share it with me and the Heart of the Life Nation on Instagram at kelly.segal.71. And let's pivot, rise, and live bigger than ever together. Until next time, Heart of the Life Nation, embrace your failures, pivot with power, and always stay harder than life. Let's go make impossible happen.
• 15:21
  And remember, if this episode fired you up, share it with someone who's staring down a failed plan A. Subscribe to our YouTube channel at Harder Than Life for new episodes every Tuesday and Thursday. Follow me on Instagram. Thank you for listening. Till next week, be harder than life.
• 15:39
  And together we're turning setbacks into comebacks. Let's do this. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with. Delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.