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Transcript

Worry About Your Damn Self · We Talk Back

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: talk back.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? Thank you for tuning in for a
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: new episode of We Talk Back, a show dedicated to
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: you dreamers and chasers. This is your co-host, AJ Holiday.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: What's up, Tam?
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Bam. Do anybody want a motherfucking dog? Do anybody want
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: a dog?
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I want to pet that dog. Let me pet that dog.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Hey, y'all. I love y'all. What's up, Ashley?
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Not what's up, Ashley.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I'm stressed.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Goddamn, are you the IRS?
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, AJ. I'm stressed.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Goddamn. What's the agent from Matrix? The agent name off
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: the Matrix.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I don't remember.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: That's you. What's up, Ashley? Like, what?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Y'all, my puppy. I kept the rug, my rug up
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: off my floor for months trying to train her. And
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: once I thought I had her all the way trained,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I put my rug down. And it's like, I never
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: trained her.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: She like, I ain't never pissed on this before. Let
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: me get on this. Let me see what this be like.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh. She shit on it yesterday and she
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: pissed on it today. And if y'all want a dog
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: for Christmas, DM me.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to need you to stop getting dogs and
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: giving the ass away. Y'all listen. So this weekend I
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: attended my cousin's wedding, my cousin Arthur. My first cousin
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: got married and I have a cousin who Tammy gifted
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: her last dog to. Dog's name was Fendi initially. The
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: dog now, his name is Chewy, and he actually attended
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: the wedding. Nigga was there with a tuxedo on, because
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: my cousin don't go nowhere without that fucking dog.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Well, he found a good home. I'm the Oprah of dogs.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: You get a dog. You get a dog, motherfucker, because
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I can't deal with it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: He wanted a dog for a couple minutes.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: I love her. She's cool, but it's the piss and
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: shit that I can't deal with.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I don't like puppies. You know, just the same way
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: I don't really like babies like that. I like seven-year-olds.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because once they get big, they got some sense.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Puppies is hard. Diamonds, I could keep her. She would
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: never use the bathroom in my house. She was so smart.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, when she was a puppy, obviously. But once
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: she got big, she learned. This right here is dumb.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Not this right here. It's a Frenchie.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: This right here.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Y'all know them dogs are tardy anyway. Okay, I don't
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: understand why people even like Frenchies. Like, it's not a
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: natural thing.
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: Breed of dog and it's like you really that dog
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: you think you gangsta you like really sat right next
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: to me and pissed on my rug while i'm sitting
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: right here is wow.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: You know sometimes dogs do things to get attention from
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: you like she knows if she pees like she's gonna
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: at least get some type of emotion from you so
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: maybe you need to change how you respond to her
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: peeing because she's associating that even whatever type of response
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: She's So she want ass whoopings all the time?
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: She might have gotten conditioned for ass whoopings. I don't know.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Are you abusive?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: If that's what you call it.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Anyway, how was your weekend aside from cleaning up shit
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: and piss?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, gosh. My weekend was good. I went to see
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: The Wiz over the weekend. Really?
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: I watched it on, I think it was on Amazon
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, really? The play?
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: No, the original.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: With MJ and Diana Ross. Yeah. I tried to get
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: my date to watch the actual original before we went,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: but he didn't do it.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: So he never seen it before?
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: Uh-uh. How old is he?
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, go ahead. My own nigga born in 1996,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: this bitch.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: So it was so funny because he like... Ghetto, but
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: not ghetto, right? So we was at the play and
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: he was like, yeah, this shit cool as fuck. Yeah,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: this shit all right right here. He's like, I ain't
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: never did no shit like this before. Shit, we can
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: do all the plays and shit. Oh, goodness. But it
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: was so much fun that y'all, if the Wiz is
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: coming to your city, you definitely want to go out
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: and see it. Like they were singing they face off.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, these people could sing and dance and everything.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: And Deborah Cox was Glinda the Good Witch.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, nice. So what other stars is in the play?
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: I might want to go to it.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: She would be the only one that you would know.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So his name is Avery Wilson. He plays the Scarecrow. Amazing. Amazing.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: How long is that supposed to be in Charlotte?
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It's over here. It's gone. It was only for the
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: weekend here, and they're moving on. But it's pre-Broadway, so
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: they're headed to New York, where I heard Wayne Brady.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Wayne Brady will be the Wiz. So who's the Wiz here?
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I don't know who that person was, but he was good, too.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I mean, everybody was amazing.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: I want to do plays. I used to do plays.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: I did Dreamgirls in Charleston once.
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: Really?
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: How old were you?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: I was still in, this was my last year of
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: high school. And I did plays at Benedict.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Really? Yes. I missed that.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: We did One Monkey Don't Stop No Show at Benedict.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Really? Mm-hmm. Oh, you were in the drama.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: In the drama. That makes sense.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Because you're full of drama. What happened in Sins of
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: the Week? What?
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: This week, Tamar Braxton and Krishan Rock. And what's this
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: guy's name?
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: James Wright Chanel. Child. Did y'all see that?
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Do they have footage out there? Do they have footage
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: out there of her hitting him?
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen any footage of her hitting him. All right,
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: so if y'all have been under the rock, Krishan came
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: out during Tamar's performance on her tour, and Tony actually
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: came out, and at first they had video of Krishan
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: bent over for a picture in front of Tony and Tamar,
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: and Tony was looking at her like, Who is this? Yeah.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Clutches pearls. Then the video started coming around of Chris
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Sean on stage. Wow. Tamar is singing love and war.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: And she like dancing. Like it's a club song. It
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: was just the wrong energy. It was so cringe. I
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: was like, Oh, what is happening here? But then it
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: came out that Chris Sean attacked, uh, well assaulted allegedly
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: James Wright Chanel, who's a background singer for Tamar. And,
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: He posted a video of him at the dentist getting
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: like some dental work done because apparently she affected his
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: mouth in some way by the assault.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: Now, the guy, James Wright, that's Patty.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Patty Pies.
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: Patty Pies.
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: Yes. Yes.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: How you hit this big ass man? He like six
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: foot something. Right.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: That's a big man that she hit.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, girl. So, Tommy from.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: But Love & Hip Hop was trying to accuse them
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: of staging the whole shit to get more attention of
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: visibility on the tour. But Tamar came out. She was like,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: her tour had been sold out for a whole month.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: And the only reason why they invited Chris Sean Rock
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: is because they were in Baltimore. She's from Baltimore. And
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: they think she needs a hug.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: She wanted to show her some love.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: You know, I just watched her sit down with Jason Lee.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Have you seen it? Chris Sean Rock. It's like a
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: two hour. I actually watched the whole two hours. And
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: I have some empathy for that little girl. The thing is,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: is that, you know, when they say what you focus
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: on is what you attract.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So we know that people who are they have fixations
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: on things. So I just feel like a lot of
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: the people we see in entertainment have focused so much
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: on money. That's why it's just drawn to them. They
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: are able to hone in on things in a way
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: that regular people can't. That's why a lot of times
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: those people are really, really smart people, but they have
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: social skill issues. I feel like that's what we're seeing
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: with a lot of these people who have a lot
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: of notoriety out here.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: I just feel like, have you ever seen a train
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: wreck and looked away?
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: No.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Everybody looks at the train wreck. Everybody watches it when
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: it happens, right? And I think this girl has suffered.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: You know, she has had a lot of trauma. And
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  Speaker 1: she needs guidance. She really needs some guidance.
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: And then you add money on top of that.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: And you add money. And she's beautiful, too. Let's not
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: forget she's a beautiful girl. So you add all of
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: that and you get Krishan Rock. And I think people
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: just enjoy watching the mess unfold. If she was, like,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: came back all solid. If she did a Blac Chyna... Mm-hmm.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: She probably, people will stop paying attention.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: But sometimes, but people haven't stopped paying attention to Blac Chyna.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: So you can, you know, do that 360 and people
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: going to still fuck with you.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: You can. Yeah, I agree.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: But you can't, and she even, the thing that makes
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: me like, ah, one minute she's talking with a straight
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: mind and the next minute, it's like, these people have
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: slipped personalities. They have personality disorders. Something be going on.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: And you add children on top of this shit, man.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: But even with Blac Chyna, Blac Chyna was in all
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: the tabloids for all the mess. When she started changing
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: her life, only black blogs and stuff like that cared.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: Nah, she's been on other, because she's closely connected to
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: the Kardashians, white folks want to know what she got
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: going on, too. I seen her on other people's shows.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Oh, really?
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: For sure.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: People of no color, absolutely. Okay.
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: But I don't know. I don't know what the hell
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: is up with Chris Sean Rock. Tamar is known for
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: a lot of little weird antics herself. So they may
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: have plotted all this to bring more attention to her.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: No, I doubt that.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I doubt that.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: All of you are weird if you ask me.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Anyway. Well, happy holidays. to all of them. Next.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: I can't say this negative name to save my life.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: Say it.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Jadena.
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: Jadena.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: Isn't he African, right?
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: He's from Africa? Yes.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: So y'all know the singer, the classic man. So recently,
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Jadenna appeared on, I don't know if it's a podcast
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: or show.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it is.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, called What's Underneath Masculinity. It's a podcast by
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Man Enough. The Outlist published a 23-minute episode on November 9th.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: It highlights Jadenna's career and personal life, including patterns he's
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: worked to break. I sent Tam a clip of one
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: of his things because he seemed to have been taking
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: accountability for things that men just don't have the self-awareness
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: to tap into to see that they're doing, right? But
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: it doesn't excuse it. He basically admitted to stealing some
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: women's baby-making years. Basically wasting their times. They've built him
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: up over the years and he basically depleted them. And
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: that is triggering.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I just want to read what he said. I robbed
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: some women of their baby-making years, dragging them along. They
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: build me up. Look at me now and look at
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: them now. If you were a creative, I folded you
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: into my artwork. If you were in my artwork, I
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: gave you a job, Jejina said, describing past behavior. I
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: mastered your life. I gave you a house, food, everything
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you needed. I protected and provided for you. I did
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: what men are supposed to do.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I feel like they put two different conversations together.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And I didn't watch the full 23-minute episode of this podcast.
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: To try and understand how to talk part of that. Yeah.
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: But it's the first sentence. I robbed some women of
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: their baby-making years.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Dragging them along. I was like, not another wire hanger.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: So we know that men know exactly what they're doing.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: Whether or not they know what they're doing in the moment,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: at some point they have this realization that they've done
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: these things. Do they hit some bitches up and say, hey,
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry? Some of them might do it before they
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: get married to the woman that changed them. I've heard
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: men say that they've called exes from the past and
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: apologized for how they did them. Right. Don't call me.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Just let well enough be be good. And don't call me.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because, you know, a lot. It's so funny that
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: you say that, because at homecoming, I got some apologies
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: for men from my past that went to college with me.
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, who are you? You know, like
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: it's just like save it. The apology was needed back then.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I don't need it now. Period. This is for you
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: to absolve yourself at this point. Exactly.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Was that you standing next to me? That might have
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: been Shania when we was at home coming at the
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: party we did. This dude who I really, really, really liked,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: he stopped talking to me because I made him late
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: for a football game up here in Charlotte. We were
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: going to go see. I think it was the Steelers
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: play the Panthers, and I made him miss kickoff.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: And I had a hickey. Let me add that part
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: in there.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: So you was getting fucked while I was trying to
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: see this?
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: I wasn't having sex, okay? I didn't have sex with somebody,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: but I made out with somebody else, right? But we
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: didn't establish an actual relationship. So he like for real
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: cold turkied me, right? And now a couple years later,
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: you checking back for me. Okay, now you married with
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: two kids. And now you on my line telling me
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: how you fucked up. That is not flattering to me.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Get the fuck off my phone before I fucking three-way
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: your bitch in.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Right. Hold Mary. It's one thing to come back divorced,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: but it's another thing to come back still married.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like that shit. Go on about your
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: business if you know you ruined my damn life. But
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: I feel like we have to take accountability a little
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: bit in that too. Men know what they want. They
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: know what they want. So if they are not showing
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: up for you in a way that you think they
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: should be, they don't like you.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Let them go.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: That's all it is. Because they will do whatever it
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: takes to keep the person that they really want to
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: be with and love them. They're going to do whatever
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: you're asking them. So now if I got to keep
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: asking you to do some shit, you don't want to
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: do it. Right.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Go on.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: So stop waiting for him to leave your ass.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Leave. So speaking of being vulnerable and accountable, I don't
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: know if you guys saw this, but Jeezy and Nia
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Long sat down for a conversation about their divorce and self-love.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: And did you see it?
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: I watched the full thing.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: I watched the full thing. I like full context. The
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: first time I put it on, I fell asleep, I
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: ain't gonna lie. But then I ran it back at
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: work the next day and it was really thoughtful and
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: it was good. You know, I didn't even know that
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: Jeezy was... that type of man, I thought he was
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: going to come on there like, she, you know what
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I'm saying? She a crazy stone.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Nah, I know that guy. He is a smart man.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: He is. I didn't know that.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: That's how I know he full of shit. Because he's
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: a smart man. I think he's a very calculated man.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I see that based on the conversation that they had.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: You know, and that's how you can't judge a book.
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I'm judging based off of Thug Motivation 101. You know
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying?
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: He ain't that person no more.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: He's not that person. And he say he 46. I
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: didn't know he was that much Older than me.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Now you don't like him? He was never my type, honestly.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: He's never my type, but he talked about being molested,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: about having a troubled relationship with his mother, about losing
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: his mother. He made a reference to having your player...
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: Your best player. And Nia was like, can we use
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: another reference? Besides players, let's not do players. Let's talk
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: about the best horse in the race, nigga. How'd you
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: feel about that conversation?
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: I liked it. I liked it. It is necessary. And
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: it's not like, you know, when we hear people talking
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: now on podcasts, just like us, bitch. People's ego is
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: so big to where they think like they're the first
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: person to have these conversations or they're the first people.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: You're not. You're not. as a lot of people have
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: in these conversations, they may not be big enough for
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: everybody to see, but it's the same conversations over and
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: over again. And it's those conversations that need to be had.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: The only part that I did not appreciate is Jeezy
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: saying how black men need their women when they're at
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: their worst. I don't think he, he may not think
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: about it. He may not have been thinking about it
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: in that way at the time, but for a lot
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: of black women, we feel like men only want us
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: when they're at their worst. When you get Where you
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: want to go, you get your money up, you go
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: outside of the community. And that's what he's done. I
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: remember when him and Gucci Mane did Diverses. Everybody was
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: talking shit like, because Jeezy supposedly showed all his growth
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: or whatever. Which I believe Gucci Mane, he's done a
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: 360 as far as I'm concerned too. And I attribute
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: that to the woman he's with. But some of the.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Stuff Gucci was saying was like, well, you want to fight?
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Nigga, you sent some people to kill me. I'm never
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: going to forget that. Yes, let's get this check together,
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: but I'm never going to forget you tried to take
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: my life. This is why I want to talk about
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: self-awareness today, right? Because it's recognizing your light side and
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: your dark side. Nigga, that shit's still in you. You
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: are capable of still doing that today, and I need
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: you to realize that.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: I haven't.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: And his new album is Forgive But Don't Forget.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: Exactly what Gucci did in Retaliation or prior to that.
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: I mean, he killed the person that Jeezy sent to
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: kill him. That's what happened. And I rap about your
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: dead homeboy.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: He said, put him in a blunt.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: I was like, whoa. The thing is, is that Gucci, like,
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: if I was Gucci, man, like, GZ was like, oh,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I didn't know this was a fashion show. You know,
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: because Gucci had on his Gucci. I remember what Gucci
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: had on. Nigga looked so fine on that damn, I mean, like,
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: not his face, but the outfit was busting. It was
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: like a Gucci trench he had on with the Gucci
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: turtleneck sweater underneath. It was really, really nice. And, you know,
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: Jeezy alluded to the fact that, you know, I buy
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: real estate. I don't buy clothes. Like, Keisha K. Orr
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: was a realtor. You don't think these people own properties?
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: They was just going back and forth.
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but, you know, I would have hit Jeezy with
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: the shit. At least I ain't leaving my wealth to
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: another damn race of people. Transferring that goddamn wealth, because
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: now this is why I don't fuck with Jeezy.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Because he got with a woman.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Yes! And I don't care who knows it. Like, I
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: don't trust you. If you're not with a black woman,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: I'm looking at you some type of way.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Nia said that when black women supported her the way
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: they did, she was surprised by it. Why? Girl, we
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: think of you. How she didn't know that everybody loved her.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: That's crazy. You know?
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Because I guess you just be being you. And to her,
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: she's a regular person. She's, you know, not just like,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: I feel like, how do you play with Nia Long?
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Everybody wants Nia Long. But I guess once you get
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: the thing, men always get too familiar with you. Like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: they always forget who the fuck you are. That's why
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: occasionally you got to do shit to remind them.
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I don't think that's just a male thing. I just
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: think that's a people thing. You get the big, shiny car,
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: and after a year, it's not a big, shiny car
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: no more. Now it's just your car. You get the
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: big old house, and you love the house. Like, everybody
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: look at my beautiful house. After a few years, it's like,
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: I just want something new. But that's people.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: No, I don't know. That's people who don't practice gratitude.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: That's most people.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: I was sitting with someone, and I always pray before
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: my meals. And they was like, I really need to
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: start praying before I eat. I was like, are you
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: not grateful for this meal? I mean, I am, but
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: I ain't, you know?
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Until they don't have it no more. Right.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: You got to be grateful. And I tell them, like,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: being grateful for what you already have is how you
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: get more.
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Exactly. That's why I need to go clean my car
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: right now. Because in my mind, I'm driving around in
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: a Bentley.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: It is a Bentley.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: So keep it clean like it is one. Because you
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: treating that Bentley different from your Honda.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: All right. We're grateful for these sponsors. Y'all listen to
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: this commercial. We'll be right back.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: All right. I feel like our stupid internet news this
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: week is a great segue into what I want to
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: talk about, which I probably mentioned earlier on. Self-awareness. What
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: is self-awareness? It is a noun. It is a word itself.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: It's self-awareness. Conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives,
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: and desires. It's said that the more self-aware you are,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: The better your relationships are, the better you treat people,
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: you're less likely to lie, steal, and cheat when you
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: have self-awareness. But I think I read that, but I
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: feel like sometimes motherfuckers is self-aware and they still do
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: bad shit because that's just who they are.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they're aware that they ain't shit. Right. And okay
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: with it. Right.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: So I don't feel like it really just makes you
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: be a better person. It just makes you deal with
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: who you are better.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Oh, but listen, you know, in these last couple of years,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like I've been trying to be more accountable
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: for who I am. And I have to strip away
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: all that, you know, all of this protective armor and
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: look myself in the mirror. And sometimes I ain't happy
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: with who I see, you know.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: Like literally look in the mirror.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like look at my soul and the real truth
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: of who I am. And sometimes I ain't happy with
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: who I see, but that's okay. As long as I
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: realize those things and start doing the work Remember when
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I used to be like, what.
• 22:04
  Speaker 2: Does that mean? What is the work? What is that?
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: But now I actually am more understanding of what the
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: work is without having someone to put the instruction manual
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: in front of me and do those things. And my
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: greatest thing that I have to work on, and I
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: know and I'm actively working on it, is how I
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: respond to how I'm being communicated with, right? How I
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: communicate that.
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Bitch, that's me.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: So, I'm, like, working on not being a rattlesnake. Because, like,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: you go low and I go to hell sometimes, you know?
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes going to hell is necessary, though,
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: to help other people realize.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: But no. Sometimes you got to let them figure out
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: their own shit by themselves. That's what I'm realizing. Don't
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: worry about yourself, the name that you got for this.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: I have to, like, I don't.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: Worry about your damn self is the episode name.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: When somebody is being vile and nasty to me. I don't,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, especially someone I love, I learned not to
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: take it personal. I might be mad in that moment.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I'll just walk away from it and then go back
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: and say, hey, I love you. No matter what you said,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: I love you. And I'm still here for you. Depending
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: on like, it can't be like the worst shit ever.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: But oftentimes it don't have nothing to do with me.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm realizing.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: A lot of times things outside of you have nothing
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: to do with you. It's said that 95% of people
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: think that they are self-aware, while the real number is
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: close to 10 or 15% of people who actually are self-aware.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: So that means 80% of us.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Are lying to ourselves most of the time.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: What do you think about that? Yeah, I agree.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Shit, I used to be a member of the 80%,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I still am. It's a constant battle of
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: stripping away all your armor of, I don't even know
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: what to call it, armor of self-protection and seeing yourself
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: for who you are and working on it.
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: So there's two kinds of self-awareness, right? So it says
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: the two kinds of self-awareness. Y'all, this is coming from study.com.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: It says the two kinds of self-awareness are private self-awareness
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: and public self-awareness. Public self-awareness is a moment of realization
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: that only involves yourself. This could look like realizing you
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: have feelings for someone you just returned from a date.
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: you just return home from a date. So you go
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: on a date with somebody and you get home like, damn,
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: I might like them.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: That's self-awareness? Yeah. Okay.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because you may not have been acting like that
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: with them while on the date. Public self-awareness, that's the private.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: So public self-awareness is the ability to understand how others
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: perceive you and usually follows social norms, ensuring you practice
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: your valedictorian speech so you don't make a mistake again.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: is a form of public self-awareness. So you're acting for
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: people out in the public.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: See, I have trouble with that. Am I supposed to?
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: I don't either.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: But that's why people be like, either they love me
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: or hate me, you know? Yeah. But I don't know
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: how to do that.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Me either. I don't know how to be somebody else.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: So I might come out real brash to some people.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: Me too. And other people respect how real I am.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to sugarcoat shit.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Me neither.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: The only way I can sugarcoat is not say nothing.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like maybe I should practice a little
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: bit more. I remember one time I was doing this
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: client's hair. And when she comes, she always talk real
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: bad about her boyfriend, right? She just vent to me
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: about all the bad things. And then she came in
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: and my sister was sitting there. Well, she was walking by.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I said, you still with that no good ass nigga?
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: When she came and sat down for her appointment. And
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Tanya was like, you just be saying anything to people.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: And I was like, was that wrong to say? Was
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: that wrong to say to you?
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: If she has self-awareness, she'd know that she's with a
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: no good ass nigga and she shared the worst thing
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: about her no good ass nigga. So what you said
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: was valid. Did she tell you at any point anything
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: good about this person?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Mm-mm.
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: So is she still with the no good ass nigga?
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Mm-mm.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I feel like we need real people in our lives
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: to put the whole America up to us sometimes like that.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: And it may come off too blunt. You have to
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: have couth, right? Sometimes I lack tact.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Me too, apparently.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: When I say certain things.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I used to think like maybe I'm mildly on the
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: spectrum because I don't even be knowing.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: Bitch, we all are.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I don't be knowing that what I'm saying is inappropriate.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: And I be like, that's wrong. Sometimes I say some
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: shit whole serious and everybody busts out laughing. And I'll
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: be like, wait, that was not a joke. That was
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: whole serious.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes you got to be careful what you say.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm a firm believer that it is okay to
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: shut the fuck up sometimes. Not if we talk back.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: It's okay to shut the fuck up. It is okay.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Sometimes if I have something negative to say, I'll just
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: not say nothing. I will fucking smile and nod your
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: ass to death. Just to keep my thoughts to myself. Because,
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: you know, you don't always have to hold a mirror
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: to people. But I do want to be surrounded by
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: people who help me build self-awareness.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, me too.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes you can't see yourself. So you have to
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: depend on people who actually fuck with you and who
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: actually love you to help you become more self-aware.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: And that's one thing I'm working on. Because anytime somebody
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: put a mirror to my face, I'd be like, well, bitch,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: what about the time when you ate the food? Like,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I just come up with whatever I can say versus...
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: To counter what they saying. Versus listening and receiving the
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: information and even though it's hurting, I need to take
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: it for what it is because... But here's the issue.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Because sometimes it's not delivered from a place of love.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: They're only telling you the truth about you in that
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: moment to hurt you. And that makes the difference. When
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: it's delivered from a place of I want you to
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: know this because I love you and I want you
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: to be better from whatever this is.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: But those conversations often, oftentimes only come up in the
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: midst of turmoil. You know what I'm saying? Like, if
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: everything is cool between us, like, why would I be
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: saying anything crazy?
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: But sometimes you need to say it though. Like, if
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: you ask, like, let's say you ask for advice on
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: something and you're going off and you're heated, but you
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: wrong and strong and wrong. Sometimes as friends, we don't,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Say it, you know?
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: We just let you have it. But me, I be
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: ready to tell you, girl. Uh-uh, you running shit for that.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: You know, I was having a conversation with my homegirl
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: on the way up here and she's dating this guy.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: And I hope I'm not saying any names anyway. So
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: it's just a situation. A situation. She's dating a guy
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: who has a situation going on.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: She knew about his situation before they got together. Now
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: they just madly in love now.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: And she can't really. And he gives her a lot
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: of attention, a lot of time, all that stuff.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: Right. But I guess like the little spurts where he's
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: with this other person that he's still trying to figure
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: out how he can sabotage them because he probably really
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: wants to be with her.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: But this is an existing situation he got to figure out.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: You can't just expect somebody to just change overnight.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Right. And she was like, I.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: Asked God for a man. Why would he send me
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: an unavailable man? I said, you know what? People need
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: to realize that this is all. comes with self-awareness to
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: me is realizing that God is inside you, right? So
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: it wasn't God that created the situation for you. You
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: created it. You are going after these unattainable people. So
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: you got to figure out what is it about you
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: that is creating these situations for yourself. And then also
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: remembering that It's not happening to you. It's happening for you.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: So you probably are supposed to be with this person, right?
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: But then you have to give him some type of
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: grace to figure out this whole other situation that you
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: knew about before you got with this nigga.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: Or.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Or what, bitch? Or God didn't have nothing to do
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: with sending you that nigga. That's what I'm saying.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: This might be the devil's word.
• 30:23
  Speaker 2: But the devil and God is in you. That's the thing.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: You creating all these situations for your fucking self and
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: then putting accountability on somebody else. You with this man
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: and you with somebody else and then when he become
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: yours and then he find another version of you with
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: somebody else, you lose him how you get him.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: So....
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: I like to think that I be owning souls right here.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: So once I say you mine, bitch, you mine forever.
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: I don't give a fuck about what you got going
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: on with anybody else. I own a couple niggas in
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: this lifetime. I know for sure.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: I don't own nobody.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: I do, bitch.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: I don't want to own nobody.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: I might be a hoe collector.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: Buck myself. A hoe collector?
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I might be a hoe collector.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about how to get to more self-awareness.
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're saying, so to build more self-awareness, one
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: of my things I'm trying to get more into is journaling.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: My hand be hurting.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: I done bought you 17 journals to write in.
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: And occasionally I write in them. I got to find
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: them first, but then I write in them. For sure,
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: one of them might be in that fucking bag right there.
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: I definitely, Tammy definitely has bought me a gratitude journal
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: and you bought me a gratitude journal and then a
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: journal for productivity. which go fucking hand in hand right
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: bitch because if you ain't doing shit what you writing
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: about i.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Actually got another book in there for you i was
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: gonna wait to give it to you for christmas but
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: you should just take it with you what is it
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: it's it's actually uh something to do while you're.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: High god damn it you get high.
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: You get high in your journal it's actually just for
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: when you're.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: High i need an app i need something i could
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: talk to and it writes out shit your hands don't
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: hurt when you.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: Write I use my hands all day, remember?
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like my hands be hurting when I write too much.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: That's why adrenaline is just.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: All right, so I'll find you an app for this Christmas.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: And pay for the subscription for a year for me.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Therapy is another way to find self-awareness.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: But only if you, like, I had a therapist. It
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: was a man. He was, you know, not much older
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: than me. He was attractive and single. And I was
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: in there lying the whole time because I wanted him
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: to like me. I wanted my therapist to like me.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: So instead of just telling him, I've been promiscuous.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: I was like, my grandmother just died. And I'm sad.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Stupid. Yeah. So you got to like, if you're going
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to get a therapist, you definitely got to go in
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: there and be honest. And that takes self-awareness because you
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: got to be honest with yourself first.
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: I remember, and I hate, and this is one of
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: the things that I know I have to. So trying
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: to be more self-aware, they tell you to stop focusing
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: on the why and focus on the what. Like what
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: can you do different as opposed to saying why is
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: this happening? Because you get stuck at the why. So
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: I've been trying not to fucking even think about my
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: last relationship for real. But I just thought about it.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Because we was talking about therapy. I remember going to
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: therapy with this nigga. And I'm like, this is why
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like you need to go to separate therapy.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Couples therapy is cool, but oftentimes people need individual therapy.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Because I remember this nigga telling me that he was lying.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: To his therapist.
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I can't fuck with you if you be lying to
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: your therapist. You literally are not trying to help the
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: person that's supposed to be helping you help you because
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: you're lying to them.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why I had to change my therapy. I
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: had to change because it was.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: Like- That's a mental illness.
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: You can't help me because you're too fine. You're too
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: fine to help me, sir.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Not you realize you need an ugly therapist.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: I need an old black woman with a mustache. That's
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: my therapist. Got to be an old black lady. It
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: can't be no young black man or no young black woman.
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: Because what?
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: Bet you what you're telling me.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: No, it wouldn't even be that. It would be like,
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want her to judge me. She's like my
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: peer and I don't want her to judge me. And him,
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I kind of want to throw him some pussy so
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I can't tell him the truth about me. I need
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: someone like a grandma who got all this wisdom from
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: life experience. And that's it. Shame.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: That's a damn shame, man. Not you throwing pussy at
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: the damn therapist.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Like, I didn't throw it at him, but he was
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: somebody that I potentially would want to throw something at.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: You know, I didn't, I didn't, you know, go there.
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: I think older black lady is good. Like a 50
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: something year old.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, 50 something.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: They can't be too old because then you.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Right, out of touch.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: Right. You don't know really what's going on out here.
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: Like my gynecologist, I like my gynecologist to be an
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: older black woman. I don't want no young, young man
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: staring in my vagina unless he about to eat it.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: I don't, Okay. Here are some tips to cultivate self-awareness, okay?
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: Be curious about who you are. To be self-aware, a
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: person needs to be curious about themselves. Our minds and
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: bodies are territories for which we yet need roadmaps. Every
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: person has some roads they do not wish to take.
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: And some roads they feel are worth exploring. How far
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: you'll go in your journey of understanding yourself depends on
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: what you're ready to explore and experience. I can tell y'all,
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: figuring out who the fuck you are, people don't do
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: it because it's fucking scary and it hurts. Like things
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: that people have told you about yourself that you may
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: not have deemed true at some point. Maybe you might
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: be driving down the street one day and be like, damn.
• 36:14
  Speaker 2: That motherfucker might be right.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: I ain't shit.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: That nigga might be right.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: You know, a friend asked me what I learned from
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: my last relationship. She asked me this maybe about a
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: month ago, and I'm still trying to find the lesson
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: in that relationship because they say everything is a lesson.
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know what the lesson, and I'm trying to
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: find a lesson without blaming him. You know, like what
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: is a lesson about myself where I could have done better?
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? I know the things I
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: could have done better in a relationship. But you also
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: got to be in a relationship with somebody who's going
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: to cultivate you being better. You know what I'm saying? Like,
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: you can't be in a relationship or even a friendship
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: with somebody who just doesn't bring out the best in you.
• 37:01
  Speaker 2: You know, not to say that that person is bad.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Y'all just may not bring out the best in each other. Right.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: And that's okay. And that's really the last thing I
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: said to that. Like, we just, you know, we just
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: didn't bring out the best in each other. Not saying
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: that you're bad, not saying I'm good.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: We just weren't compatible. Good for each other. It says
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: you got to let your walls down. Not your coochie walls, but,
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: you know, the walls around your heart.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: That armor that I was talking about.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to soften yourself a little bit. So
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: it says when we see something we don't immediately like
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: in ourselves, our first reaction could be to defend ourselves
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: from it. which is partly why self-awareness is so challenging.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Try to let go of judgment and the instinctual urge
• 37:46
  Speaker 2: to protect yourself. It says you become self-aware through a
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: willingness to let go of defensiveness and an openness to
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: seeing yourself in a way that is different from what
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: you have always assumed. Often this means you have to
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: be willing to see yourself in a less than positive light.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what I was just saying that I went through.
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: I had to be like, I'm the shit, but maybe
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: not the shit that I think that I am.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: It's your shadow self. It's dealing with your shadow self.
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: It's dealing with your subconscious mind, which really runs you.
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: The shit that you think about in your sleep. The
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: things that, you know, it's said that we have like
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: 70,000 thoughts a day. I probably got 200,000 thoughts a day, bitch.
• 38:28
  Speaker 2: I can't focus on shit because my brain be running.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: But It's trying to deal with your shadow self. So
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: you can walk around like, oh, I'm just grand, grand, grand.
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: You're not dealing with the worst part of you. I
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: know I can be fucking devilish when I want to.
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: And I embrace that. I can fucking wreak havoc on
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: a motherfucker if I need to. I can do that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: And that's an aspect of me that I accept. You
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying?
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: But are you going to do anything to like... No. No.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: You want to wreak havoc on people?
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: No, I don't want to, but I feel like sometimes
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: it might be necessary to protect yourself. Sometimes it might
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: be necessary. I'm not going to pretend like I'm just
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: this great person because, you know, I'm good, but I
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: am not nice. And I know that about myself. You
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: know what I'm saying? I'm always going to do the
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: best by whoever I'm dealing with in any situation. But
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not a pushover.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but do you feel like nice makes you being
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: nice person makes you a pushover i.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: Don't want to be perceived as um somebody that you
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: could play with no i don't not in this world
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: so you.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: Think uh not in this fucking world a nice person
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: if you're perceived as nice you perceived as to be played.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: With yeah i feel like people um Who lack self-awareness. Mm-hmm.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Sometimes will do things to people that they may not
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: recognize as being fucked up.
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: I want to be able to tell you, yeah, that's
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: fucked up.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to act like it doesn't bother me.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: Well, I know some really nice people that'll put your
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: head between the washer and dryer. Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: So you can't really be good and not be nice. Right?
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? But I don't want to
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: be perceived as just this nice person. I want to
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: be perceived as a good person. Mm-hmm. Yeah, don't play with.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: Me.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Don't fucking play with me. Keeping a journal, we talked
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: about that. And note what triggers positive feelings. One thing people,
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: like my mama said, trauma is the buzzword. You know,
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: she sent me this long text message one day and
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: saying this new word trauma is such a buzzword. Now,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: it's not a buzzword. It's our generation recognizing that Hey,
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: y'all did y'all best, but maybe sometimes it just wasn't
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: good enough. And we're trying to recognize shit so we
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: can do better by our offspring. Right.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: And it will continue to grow and grow and grow.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: You know, that's just how it works.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Trauma explains your triggers. It doesn't justify them.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: So just because you have this trauma, I think, and
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: I say this a lot, men, right, they want to
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: be able to get a woman that they could be
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: vulnerable with and unpack all their traumas on. That is
• 41:11
  Speaker 2: not what your woman is for.
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: You know, the two of you, yes, y'all should be
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: able to help each other in whatever situations, whatever mental
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: anguish you're going through, y'all should be able to help.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: But you got to go to therapy. You know what
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I'm saying? Because the therapist is maybe a little bit
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: more equipped to handle the things that you're going through.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: You can't unpack all your childhood trauma on me and
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: think I'm going to use it to justify your behavior
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: towards me. Oh, he does this because of that. Oh,
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: I still love him. No, you got to work on
• 41:38
  Speaker 2: those things.
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I want my man to feel like
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: he can share whatever with me, you know, but I
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: also don't know what to do with all of that.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out my own shit. So I
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: agree with you, like, you know, we all need therapy
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: for our individual traumas, but I do want you to
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: give me grace if you know this is why I'm
• 41:57
  Speaker 1: fucked up in this way, but you see me actively
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: working on it, please give me some grace.
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: Right, because it's work in progress.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: And it could be a lifelong commitment. I don't think
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: anybody could ever be 100% self-aware and have 100% emotional intelligence.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: But every day you got to be working on it.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: So now if you fall off the bandwagon, you know, 15%
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: of the time, I got grace for you. But if
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: on a daily basis, like you just being this ugly
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: person and I'm supposed to use the fact that you
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: were abused as a child to justify how you treat me,
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: who didn't abuse you. I can't fuck with you. You
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: got to get on out my life.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: You know, and the more self-aware you become, the less
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: shit you deal with from other people.
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: But I just think we're all going to become so
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: self-aware that nobody going to have nobody.
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: No, because it goes in also to how you treat people.
• 42:51
  Speaker 2: So if you love yourself, right, and you're self-aware, like
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: this thing bothers me and this person is unwilling to
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: change this thing that bothers me, you might have to
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: step away. It's not about changing people anymore. It's about
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: changing yourself. So just like I guess we had on
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: last week, Ferb, this girl is young as hell, 24
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: years old, and she realized that she can't change her parents. Right.
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: So let me change how I deal with them so
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: we can still remain family.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: That is a lot of self-awareness to have at that
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: young age.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: Because it took me a very long time. And I
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: said that last week. It took me a long time
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: to realize, listen, your parents are who they are. Some
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: people are who they are. Either you're going to deal
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: with them or you aren't. And all a relationship is
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: is how much you can deal with from somebody else.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: Because everybody comes with their shit. Everybody comes with their bullshit.
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: But it's just how much of somebody else that you
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: can take. And when you can't take it no more,
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: the relationship is over. And that could be your mama,
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: your daddy, whoever it is. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah,
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: keeping that journal. As you are journaling, pay attention to
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: your day. Ask yourself how you feel. If there are
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: any negative feelings associated with the day, think about what
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: triggers may have caused them to bubble up. For any
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: positive feelings, think about what may have triggered you to
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: feel happy while journaling. Substitute some screen time with people. Bitch,
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: we recording right now. Why are you on your phone?
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: Girl, I'm sending emails. I'm sorry. I'm listening though.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: You see, it says the average amount of time we
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: spend alone gazing at our screens now surpass our time
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: in face-to-face contact. Science tells us that we need reflections
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: to develop our sense of self in reflection to others.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: As we spend more time alone and on our devices,
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: we miss the essential human mirroring. The symptoms of lack
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: of mirroring are becoming more apparent in our society, increases
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: in anxiety, lack of empathy, and intense self-objectification, as in
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: a selfie craze. There's a call, if not an angry cry,
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: for greater self-awareness and reflection.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: I agree. Especially when you look at these young people
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: who have grown up in the era.
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Of social media. They don't give a fuck about nobody.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And their social skills are so bad.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: It's really scary.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: They're like weirdos.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to me. Yeah, definitely. Weird as fuck. Hello? Hello? Listen,
• 45:35
  Speaker 1: one thing, let me tell you something I hate, and
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: this might be my auntie starting to show. Don't text
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: me something without greeting me first. Don't text me and
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: be like. What's the name of that restaurant?
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: You never said that to me, but I realize that's
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: what you like because you always say a hey, a
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: hey girl, or something via text first.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Yes, always. Because greet me. Don't ask me, what's the name? No,
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: not even nothing. Just what's the name of that restaurant
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: you posted on your social media? I'll be like, hello,
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: how you doing?
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: You old bitch.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Because who the fuck is you talking to?
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: That's what old people do.
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: Who the fuck you talking to?
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: Greet me first. Who the fuck is you talking to?
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: If you walked up to me, you wouldn't just ask
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: me a question.
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: You would say hello.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Hey, how are you?
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: The fuck? I don't know. Like my grandma used to say,
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: did I sleep with you last night? Right.
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: Because you come in and you ain't greet them.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: Right. Mm-hmm. Period.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah the internet is crazy now I got my Instagram
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: set on a two hour timer now what I should
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: be doing in those two hours is like posting content
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: to our social media page but I don't do it
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: I fucking scroll for hours and then I ask the
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: phone for 15 more minutes to fucking scroll some more
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: it is a problem I have my shit my shit
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: set on a two hour limit and every day I
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: hit The shit to discard the timer.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: I don't even, I didn't even know you could do that.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: I'll be scrolling. I will put on a show and
• 47:03
  Speaker 1: start the show episode over 17 times because I'm scrolling.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: It's bad.
• 47:09
  Speaker 2: So, you know, the social media apps, they do give
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: everybody like a dose of dopamine. So that's what we're getting.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: Instant dopamine with Instagram. Instagram. Especially when you post a
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: picture and people liking it. You going back to see
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: the notifications, who commented. It's fucking weird. And you lack self-awareness.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: On Facebook, when I post a picture and I see
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: people love it and then I see a like, I'm like, bitch.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: The love was right next to it.
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: Are you blind?
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: The love was right.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Next to it. Right, so they made a conscious decision
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: to only like your shit.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: To only like my shit. Shady.
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: That is shady, bitch, and I see you. Yeah, social
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: media is definitely going to be the fucking death of us, man.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: It is causing people to get way, way, way further
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: away from the fucking truth. From the facts. You know
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: what I'm saying? It's just telling us a bunch of lies.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm so fine in person. I could be
• 48:10
  Speaker 2: super fine on the internet, though, if I want to be. Right.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: I was just saying to my friend, like, I used
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: to love my regular face before filters. I know, man.
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: And now I'd be like, ooh, what filter I'm going
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: to use? Instead of just my own face. The shit
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: is crazy.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: And that's why I don't post a lot of pictures
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: because I feel like I have a pretty good bit
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: of self-awareness, right? And I pride myself on being a
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: real nigga. And if I'm posting images that don't look
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: like me, I don't feel like I'm being a real nigga.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: People literally be like, oh, that is not your face.
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: And it's hard for me to post my regular face
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: when everybody posts in a filtered face. And everybody looks
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: way more beautiful than me.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: Because they're filtered up.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: Because they fucking filtered up. And I don't feel comfortable
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: posting a thousand pictures with a filter on because, bitch,
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: that ain't you. That's not you.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: It is me.
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: That is not you.
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: La, la, la, la. I can't hear you.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: That is me. See? You got people out here with
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: zero self-awareness going and getting their face done to match
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: the filter. Match the filter.
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: That's crazy now.
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: That is fucking weirdo behavior.
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing. I feel like I'm beautiful in person.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: I feel like I look way better in person. I
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: translate better.
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: But I think it's my aura, my spirit, my smile,
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: my energy that exudes all the beauty that you can't
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: see in this picture. So I feel like, I don't know.
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like iPhone be intentionally making you look ugly?
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Because I swear to God, I look real good on
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Android phones.
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't ever touch an Android. Ew.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: Look, I feel like Apple intentionally making people look ugly
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: so they go use filters.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: My iPhone got a fat mirror on the.
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: I feel like they're doing something in them settings.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: I don't think so.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: I really feel that way. Cause like I look in
• 49:55
  Speaker 2: the mirror and I know, I know perception is a thing, right?
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: So I perceive myself to look one way when I
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: look in the mirror, bitch. When I look on an
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: iPhone picture, I'm like, well, that is not my face.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: Like who y'all playing with? Is it just me? Am
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: I tripping? But anyway, um, number six says, ask others
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: how they see you. You gotta be ready for the responses.
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: not only should we build out our face-to-face social actions,
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: but also use a portion of this time to learn
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: about how our loved ones perceive us. Talk to your
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: closest loved ones and be courageous enough to ask them
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: how they perceive you in various situations. Getting perspective on
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: how you behave or come off in certain situations can
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: help us bring into our awareness something that was previously
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: invisible to us. therapy is great for this too. So
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: talking to people and asking them, hey, you know, and this, well,
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: you know, I saw a post the other day that said,
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: once I call my best friend and she tell me
• 50:58
  Speaker 2: I'm right, it's over for you. Your best friend cannot
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: always tell you you're right. She got to be objective
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: at some point.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Sometimes she got to tell you you're wrong.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: Like, bitch, you fucked up.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: Or you got to find, like, maybe your best friend
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: is just always in your corner. You got to find
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: that person that you know is gonna tell you either
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: way you know.
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: Like I don't think that's how I was supposed to
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: go yeah um but you gotta be also ready for
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: what people tell you I would like to I try.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: To offer one of my very good friends some truth
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: about herself and I you know and about me at
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: the same time you know like this is something we're
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: similar on this is something we both can work on
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: and she was like that's not true and I was
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: like well ask our other friends in our group but
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: when you ask them I need you to be ready
• 51:46
  Speaker 1: to hear it you know and be open-minded with it
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: baby that shit went all the way left ain't nobody talking.
• 51:54
  Speaker 2: Right now you got started some shit.
• 51:57
  Speaker 1: I did but I wasn't that wasn't the goal it
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: was it didn't come from a place of argument or
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: angry or it was just trying to encourage some self-awareness
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: for both of us.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: And she might, she might go to the, she may,
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: she might do this in private, the private self-awareness assessment.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: She might do it in private, but she may not
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: have the depth to actually tell you you were right. Yeah.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? Like, Oh, well, I thought
• 52:21
  Speaker 2: about this. Like some people, some people just got to
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: leave alone, man.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: Honestly, some people worry about themselves.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: Some people are just impossible people. So even if you
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: tried to put yourself in the mix, because everybody can
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: work on things, right? So me not trying to single
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: you out by yourself, I'm like, you know, we both
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: can work on this.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: And I recognize it in you because I see it
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: in myself. That's how I presented it, you know?
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: But some people may never have any. I mean, they're
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: going to always forever be a part of that 80 percent.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: We don't have any self-awareness and they don't care to
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: because it's their world.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: And bitch, you are going to exist in it or not.
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: I can't deal with people like that.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: But like you said earlier, sometimes you have to see
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: who people are and adjust so you can deal with them.
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: So now I just know that I have to adjust
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: how I move with you. That's it.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: Short spoon or long spoon? Number seven says, angry at someone?
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Take the third person perspective. Ultimately, the benefits of self-awareness
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: are to serve not only you in emotional management, but
• 53:28
  Speaker 2: also to serve your relationships.
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 53:32
  Speaker 2: If you catch yourself raising your voice, you may feel
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: justified due to being upset. However, for the person with you,
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: the second person, the experience will be quite different. Trying
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: to imagine yourself in the person's place will improve self-awareness,
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: reduce defensiveness, and quite possibly improve your relationship with that
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: person as well. Third person is particularly effective for people
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: who are overly self-critical or who trend... to be self-destructive,
• 54:02
  Speaker 2: what would you advise if you were a caring friend
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: watching your behavior? That would be taking a third-person perspective.
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to be honest. And I still don't
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm wrong. Y'all know the public argument that
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: we posted because it was a conscious decision we made
• 54:20
  Speaker 2: to post this argument. And I did take a lot
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: of feedback into consideration. And again, I still don't think
• 54:27
  Speaker 2: I'm wrong, right? Mm-hmm. Because there are some things that
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: the public can't see that may have transpired that led
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: to that particular moment. That's what I didn't take into consideration,
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: that people would be looking at this one moment. You
• 54:39
  Speaker 2: don't see the buildup to this one moment, right? So whatever.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: But that, I rewatched it and I decided that, that's
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: when I decided I'm not arguing with people no more
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense to
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: argue with anybody anymore. So I don't feel good when
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: I argue. I literally, my blood pressure be going up.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: I have anxiety. All type of shit be happening. I
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: got to fart. Fucking palms sweating. You know what I'm saying?
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: I don't want to do it anymore. So what can
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: I do differently? How can I present differently going forward
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: to avoid conflicts? You're not going to be able to
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: avoid every conflict. But some things can be resolved without
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: yelling and getting that fucking mad.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: And.
• 55:24
  Speaker 2: You know, part of it is just me shutting the
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: fuck up sometimes.
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: Just.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? If you like it, I
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: love it. Type shit.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I also don't feel wrong. And, you know, and
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: I just feel like we have to agree to disagree
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: sometimes just for the sake of just moving forward. You know, sometimes...
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: We're not going to. We have different perspectives on things,
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: and we're just going to see it differently, you know.
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: And despite what anybody on the outside looking in for
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: this one particular moment says, you know, we have our
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: individual feelings. And just respect, you know, each other's feelings.
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: That's where I'm at. I try to respect yours, and
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: you try to respect mine. We can always work together.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: And that's how relationships get better, though, respecting people.
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: Right. And I think since then we've gotten better. Yeah.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: Because I, I mean also because I, I, I feel
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: like we probably, you have to look at the bigger
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: picture and the bigger goal of all things.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: That, that is how you make things better. You know,
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: especially in a business relationship. We just watched one of
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: the biggest podcasts fall out.
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And I prayed about that. I was like, Lord,
• 56:31
  Speaker 1: don't let that happen.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: And I, I, I'm from the outside looking in, I
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: can see how that happens. I can see how that happens. Um,
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: Without knowing exactly what transpired. Right. It's hard being in relationships. Yeah.
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: A lot of people have a problem being in a
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: relationship with themselves. That's what this episode is about.
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: Like a lot of people don't have a relationship with themselves.
• 56:55
  Speaker 2: So how are you expecting somebody else to deal with
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: you when you can't.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: Deal with yourself? Or a healthy relationship with themselves.
• 56:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You can't even deal with you. And now you
• 57:02
  Speaker 2: going out in the world and thinking other people are
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: supposed to be able to deal with you. Absolutely not.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: So worry about your fucking self. Deal with you. Okay.
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: We got two more on the list and we're going
• 57:15
  Speaker 2: to close out. So keep checking in with yourself and
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: a list of your feelings. Clinically, the most effective method
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: for the development of self-awareness is a pause and brief
• 57:26
  Speaker 2: check-in with oneself. How am I feeling right now? What
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: do I think might be driving that feeling? This may
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: seem absurdly simple, but in practice, it may be quite difficult.
• 57:38
  Speaker 2: Many need to carry a list of possible emotions with
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: them as they begin to exercise. Are you just carrying
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: around a list of shit? Let me check my list
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: because let me see how the fuck I feel right now.
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: Wait, carry a list of positive emotions you feel about yourself? Like,
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: I like my hair today or some shit like that?
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: Or negative, like just... Write the emotions down.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: You know what's a hard question to answer? Like, sometimes
• 58:09
  Speaker 2: when somebody asks you, are you happy? Is that easy
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: for you to answer?
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Just yes?
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: Typically.
• 58:19
  Speaker 2: Just generally, like?
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: I found that once I started practicing gratitude, I'm more,
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: you know, I can find a lot of reasons, more
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: reasons to be happy than sad, you know? So typically
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: the answer is yes. Now, do I get sad? Absolutely.
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: You know, but overall, I just like, I'm happy.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of people will be surprised that
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: just gratitude will resolve a lot of mental language.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: It really does.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: There's a person real close to me. There's a person
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: real close to me in my life, right? And I
• 58:50
  Speaker 2: just feel like she doesn't practice gratitude. And this is
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: why you upset. You can't see the goodness in anything
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: in your life. nothing, you don't see nothing positive. You
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: don't have anything to smile about and be happy about. Meanwhile,
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: I see a million trillion things that i don't that
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: i'd be having to deal with that you don't got
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: to deal with and you find a reason to be
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: fucking mad every morning when you wake up right you
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: gotta find gratitude.
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Just when i wake up in the morning i'll be
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: waking up.
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: Like i say thank you i say thank you i
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: hit the.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: Lottery again god damn it That's how I feel.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: Not about waking up. Because, I mean, whether I wake
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: up or not, I'm not overly concerned about living or
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: dying at this point in my life.
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I'm just grateful to wake up again. You get another day.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: And I think another thing that helped me to practice
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: a new level of gratitude for myself is I have MS.
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: And each day I wake up with my eyes, my vision,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: able to swallow, my feet working. Period. It's like, yes,
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: I'm winning out here. So it's just hard for me
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: to really, really feel like sad.
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: My niece is 25 and she has lupus. And God,
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: I wish I don't want to I don't want to
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: take the disease on, but I know I'd be able
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: to manage it better than her. I feel sorry for her,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: but that helps me. So I'm healthy. You know what
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: I'm saying? She's in pain at 25 years old every day.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying? She's taking all of this medicine.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: I don't have to deal with that. So even just
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 2: be grateful for having good health.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: Because you don't want to be alive and sick. It's
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: not fun.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: Or just look at the Congo, the people in Palestine,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: the people in Israel. All these reasons why you should
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: be grateful for whatever misfortune you're experiencing right now.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: These $ 8 eggs we got.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 1: Be grateful. That you got access to $ 8 eggs, you know?
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 2: Man, I'm about to start stealing eggs. I ain't going
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: to lie.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: Well, bring me a dozen.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 2: Bring me a dozen. I'm about to start stealing eggs.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: This shit is ridiculous. Like, why are the eggs $ 8.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: 99?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: Bring me a dozen, baby. I'm confused.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: Please, I need it.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: All right, so the last one is keep learning. The
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: journey never ends. While this article hopefully helps with pointers,
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: there is a trove of wonderful material out there that
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: can be of guidance in your ever-evolving journey towards self-awareness.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: Read and learn about the psychology and practices of self-awareness.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 2: Get excited about it. Get excited about getting the knowledge
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: that will help you learn about yourself. Y'all, this is
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 2: from actual, this is from NBCnews.com, this particular article that
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: I read out the different ways to cultivate more self-awareness.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: Because this is what people need. Motherfuckers just walk around here,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: not in control of their own vessel. They're being operated
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: by demons. And you out here hurting people because you're hurt.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 1: Right. That's really what it is.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: That's all it is. But I don't know, man. We
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: live in it sometimes, but it is definitely a time
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: to be alive. The shit that we are witnessing in
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: this world today is unprecedented. We will be in history books.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: Where you want to be at? Do you know who
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: you are? Yes.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: Who are you? I'm Tamela Nicole Bowen, the daughter of
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: Brian Hart and Sarah Hart, and I'm a loving, kind soul,
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: and I love y'all.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 2: Girl, a lot of people about to... Put your social
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: security number in somewhere.
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: I ain't giving them my social security.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: Listen, they can't do nothing with my shit right now.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: You might be able to help me, goddamn.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Please do something with my damn credits so I can
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: blame you student loans and taxes and all type of
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: shit on y'all ass. I didn't do that. I didn't
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: do none of that. These credit cards. I'm appalled. Bitch,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: prove it wasn't me.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 2: I don't know, man. This is Shashott. That's who I am. Okay?
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: I am here. to gain knowledge and share with people
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: to help. That's my purpose on this realm. I don't know.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: To help. I think mine is to spread joy, love,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: and goodness all the days of my life.
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: I guess.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: That's what I want to do.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I want to spread awareness. I want people to
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 2: be aware of what the fuck is going on around
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: them and in them. People be walking around here just
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: aimlessly like shit's sweet and it's not. Y'all, we are
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: slowly becoming a third world country. I don't know if
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: y'all see it or not, but it's happening. What are
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: we going to do? Barbecue or mildew? Anyway, y'all, listen,
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: do your best practices. Breathe in, breathe out, do your journaling.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 2: Talk to a good friend, somebody who's going to help
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: you hold that mirror up. Go take all the wig
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 2: off and take your lashes off and all the shit
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: and go stand in the mirror and actually look at yourself.
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: Go stand in the sun.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 2: Without the wig?
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: Without your wig.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 2: Oh, shit, bitch. You asking for too much. I just
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: was saying how my scalp needs some fucking sun. I'm
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: going to do it one day. I'm going to ride
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: a bike with two pigtails down the side. All right, y'all.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this episode. Shut up, bitch.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 2: That's my part.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: Anyway, y'all.
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 2: Send us some dumb bitch stories. Y'all acting like y'all
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 2: ain't got nothing going on in life. Like y'all so self-aware.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: And we know y'all be listening because y'all be commenting.
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: In the reviews. Tell us what y'all don't like. Right.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: Share your stories with us, man.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 2: Right. Anyway, y'all, listen, if you enjoyed this episode, tune in.
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: You know, become more self-aware and tune in every Thursday.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: Your iHeartRadio app, wherever the fuck you get your podcast at.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 2: This is your co-host, AJ Holiday. It's 2.0 on Instagram.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: I did.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Take the I am AJ Holiday. Maybe I'll go over
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: to that one one day.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, wait, you got that one too?
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: I might change up, switch it up on these motherfuckers. Anyway,
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 2: what you got going on, Zam?
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 1: Y'all, once again, I remind y'all that you are loved
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 1: by me every week. Shut up, bitch. It's OfficialTamBam on Instagram.
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: Y'all follow me. And remember to speak now.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: And never hold your peace.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 1: Deuces. Bye-bye.