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IMPACT of Life Coaching: A Teen's Journey · IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective

• 0:00
  Ben P: I'm Ben Pugh, and you're listening to Impact Parenting with Perspective, episode 234.
• 0:10
  Ben P: This podcast is all about helping parents manage the mental and emotional drama that comes with parenting teens.
• 0:18
  Ben P: So they can focus on what's most important, building rock solid relationships and having a powerful impact on their team's life.
• 0:26
  Ben P: Join me each week as I dive into real tools to help you and your team turn struggles into strengths.
• 0:35
  Ben P: Hello, welcome back to the podcast.
• 0:38
  Ben P: Thank you for being here.
• 0:41
  Ben P: And if you're listening to this podcast, the day it goes live, It's Thanksgiving and happy Thanksgiving.
• 0:49
  Ben P: Thanksgiving is actually my very most favorite holiday.
• 0:54
  Ben P: And my birthday was earlier this week and the stars have aligned to where I get to bring a guest on that I am super excited about.
• 1:04
  Ben P: Like this is my late birthday present to you and on time.
• 1:10
  Ben P: Thanksgiving present, if that was even a thing, to anyone who's listening to this podcast today.
• 1:16
  Ben P: And today You get the privilege to listen to one of my all time Favorite teen clients might actually be my all time favorite because his name is Ben.
• 1:28
  Ben P: My name's Ben Just makes it so that we're both awesome.
• 1:33
  Ben P: But I want to welcome you guys to Ben Ben go ahead.
• 1:38
  Ben P: Tell us a little bit about yourself and why you're worthy to be on my podcast.
• 1:44
  Ben S: I Appreciate that in intro there Um, yeah, no, I'm, my name's Ben Stefan I'm from Canada.
• 1:52
  Ben S: I, uh, started working with Ben five years ago and, uh, he really helped turn my life around.
• 2:01
  Ben S: Um, and you know, he's just been begging me to come on the podcast ever since.
• 2:05
  Ben S: So I'm happy to be here now.
• 2:07
  Ben P: Yeah, we've been talking about it and just never made it happen.
• 2:11
  Ben P: And guys, It's actually the day before Thanksgiving and Ben is doing me a huge favor by recording this podcast so that I don't have to go plan out another one.
• 2:23
  Ben P: Ben's like, yeah, I'll be your guest.
• 2:26
  Ben P: Um, real quick.
• 2:27
  Ben P: So you and I, we started coaching five years ago.
• 2:31
  Ben P: Why are we coaching?
• 2:32
  Ben P: Like, why are we in contact again today?
• 2:36
  Ben S: Um, well uh, you know, I feel like coaching is something that can really help my life out.
• 2:43
  Ben S: Uh, like.
• 2:46
  Ben S: Most recently I guess coaching just to help me with some sleep stuff that I've been having and some other mental stuff But I reached out because it was his birthday and Ben graciously accepted Me as a client again, which I was super grateful for.
• 3:04
  Ben P: Yeah, and in a way Like who knows, like how far we even take this?
• 3:10
  Ben P: Like maybe this will be a one and done, but the thing, the reason I bring this up, so Ben, I think you were 14 when we started working together, right?
• 3:19
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 3:20
  Ben P: And then over that five years, we've worked off and on, off and on based on.
• 3:27
  Ben P: When Ben needed help and he just happened to reach out, wish me a happy birthday, which dude, seriously, it meant a ton.
• 3:35
  Ben P: Like, I just, the fact that you would even think about me, like I'm sure you saw it on Facebook and that was kind of the reminder, but that you were willing to text me and tell me happy birthday, that meant a ton and I, was just happy to hear from him.
• 3:52
  Ben P: And I'm like, dude, how are you doing?
• 3:53
  Ben P: He's like, Oh gosh, actually I could use some help.
• 3:55
  Ben P: And I was like, dude, the day before Thanksgiving, like I'm going to try and work less, which that didn't work because I got here way late, but come hop on the call.
• 4:06
  Ben P: And we were able to talk about some awesome things to help him.
• 4:10
  Ben P: So the reason I feel like this is an important episode is because it shows that teens are willing to get coaching because Ben.
• 4:21
  Ben P: You probably wouldn't be surprised, but a ton of parents think, man, my team won't listen.
• 4:25
  Ben P: Teens don't want coaching your proof.
• 4:28
  Ben P: Some teams do want coaching and some teams are willing to do the work.
• 4:34
  Ben P: And how much did it improve your life when you started getting coaching?
• 4:39
  Ben S: Yeah, I feel like, um, like, like you said, we've been off and on for five years.
• 4:44
  Ben S: Um, I, every time that I've, You know, been going through the five, ten week periods of coaching with you.
• 4:52
  Ben S: My life just drastically has improved, uh, during that time.
• 4:56
  Ben S: Um, I, uh, I feel like also it's just, I don't know, something that is going to help me later on in life, having all these skills that you've taught me.
• 5:07
  Ben S: Um, so even when I didn't need help, like on a specific thing, you're able to help, you know, just give me advice for later on in life.
• 5:18
  Ben P: I seriously feel like you're going to be prepared to be such an awesome husband and awesome father.
• 5:26
  Ben P: Uh, what do you do for a living right now?
• 5:30
  Ben P: I know you said you had to talk to your boss just now, but
• 5:34
  Ben S: yeah, I, uh, help manage a solar sales team here in Canada.
• 5:39
  Ben S: So
• 5:40
  Ben P: awesome.
• 5:41
  Ben P: Yeah, pretty fun.
• 5:42
  Ben P: The sun shines enough in Canada to have solar.
• 5:45
  Ben S: Yeah, believe it or not, we're, we're in Southern Alberta and so we get like the same amount of sun as Arizona does.
• 5:53
  Ben S: So
• 5:54
  Ben P: cool.
• 5:55
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 5:55
  Ben S: Works out well for us.
• 5:57
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 5:58
  Ben P: And you manage a sales team?
• 6:01
  Ben S: Yeah, me and my buddy, he, he managed a pest control team for a couple of years in Toronto and um, He decided that he wanted to sell something that wasn't a scam.
• 6:11
  Ben S: So he came over and started selling solar with me.
• 6:14
  Ben P: So pest control, that's a scam.
• 6:18
  Ben P: Solar power is not a scam.
• 6:21
  Ben P: No, no.
• 6:22
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 6:23
  Ben P: Good.
• 6:23
  Ben P: Good to know anyone out there listening.
• 6:27
  Ben P: If you have the option between the two solar panels scammy than, uh, critter control.
• 6:34
  Ben P: Well, there we go.
• 6:36
  Ben S: Exactly.
• 6:37
  Ben P: Um, do you use.
• 6:39
  Ben P: Any of the principles that you learned in coaching in your job?
• 6:44
  Ben S: Um, yeah, I, something that we talked about like two years ago, I think, um, was, you know, life's like a wheel.
• 6:50
  Ben S: There's gonna be ups and downs and, you know, to keep on moving, you know, the, the wheel has to go up and down.
• 6:56
  Ben S: So you're gonna have these ups and downs.
• 6:58
  Ben S: Um, and so, you know, in sales especially, you're gonna get that where you have weeks and months where you don't.
• 7:04
  Ben S: Um, but you just can't let those lows get too low and you can't let the highs get too high and just know like when you are low, as long as you keep moving, it's going to get high again.
• 7:15
  Ben P: Yeah, really good.
• 7:16
  Ben P: I love that one.
• 7:18
  Ben P: Um, here's a little insight.
• 7:20
  Ben P: So any of you guys listening, maybe you're thinking, man, should I have been working with my team?
• 7:25
  Ben P: Well, it's.
• 7:26
  Ben P: By the way, I'm referring to me, Ben.
• 7:28
  Ben P: You could probably have this, my guest, Ben also work with your team, but I don't know what he charges anyways.
• 7:34
  Ben P: I, if you're thinking, man, should I get Ben to work with my team?
• 7:38
  Ben P: Let me give you some insight into what coaching with me looks like, which by the way, I only coach, Like if I'm going to coach your team, I will only coach teens one on one.
• 7:50
  Ben P: I've done the group setting.
• 7:52
  Ben P: I don't feel like it really works great for teens.
• 7:55
  Ben P: I know coaches that have been able to make it work, but for me, like I want the one on one each session towards the end of the session, Ben, do you know what three questions I always ask?
• 8:08
  Ben S: Um, To ask what the most beneficial thing we talked about was, uh, you ask what we would rate or what I would rate the coaching call on a scale of one to 10.
• 8:22
  Ben S: And then the third question, I think, is there anything else I can do for you?
• 8:27
  Ben P: Yeah, that or usually I'll ask, like, after the most beneficial thing question, I'll ask, who would you be willing to teach that to?
• 8:36
  Ben P: Oh,
• 8:36
  Ben S: yes, yes.
• 8:37
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 8:38
  Ben P: Now you're in the sales, so let me just.
• 8:40
  Ben P: explain the psychology behind why I do those, by the way, um, what was the most beneficial thing that we talked about?
• 8:49
  Ben P: And subconsciously, I'm just tricking your mind into thinking that it actually was beneficial.
• 8:55
  Ben P: Because like, I've had some pretty rough coaching calls with teens where they're like, not receptive at all.
• 9:01
  Ben P: And I asked, what was the most beneficial thing?
• 9:03
  Ben P: They always come up with something.
• 9:05
  Ben P: They're like, Oh, well, The wheel of life or the victim mindset versus hero mindset.
• 9:12
  Ben P: The next thing, if I ask a team, so Ben, if you ever get into life coaching, these are tricks of the trade that you can use.
• 9:19
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 9:19
  Ben P: In fact, I think I came up with a lot of these tricks.
• 9:23
  Ben P: Um, the trick that I like is when I ask the team, like, well, what's the most beneficial thing you've learned?
• 9:29
  Ben P: If I then ask, Hey, will you teach that to mom or dad?
• 9:33
  Ben P: That's powerful because usually it's mom or dad paying for the coaching session.
• 9:38
  Ben P: And if you go teach mom and dad, what you just learned on the coaching call, they're like, dang, this life coach is working with our kid.
• 9:44
  Ben P: He is so good.
• 9:45
  Ben P: Our kids just teaching us what he teaches them all the time.
• 9:49
  Ben P: And it's just, it helps.
• 9:51
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 9:52
  Ben P: And then to get you to rate this on a scale of one to 10, it helps me understand like how I'm doing, like making you enjoy it, helping you learn something, but also on the rare occasion that I get.
• 10:07
  Ben P: A low number.
• 10:09
  Ben P: I'll ask two additional questions.
• 10:11
  Ben P: What's one thing I could do to make the coaching session better.
• 10:15
  Ben P: And then the second question is always, Hey, we're in this together.
• 10:18
  Ben P: What's one thing you could do to make this coaching session better?
• 10:22
  Ben P: So anyways, you can use those in sales, by the way.
• 10:25
  Ben P: And like, yeah, after like trying to sell solar panels, just be like, Hey, what's been the most beneficial thing that we've talked about?
• 10:33
  Ben P: When it comes to solar power, power panels or whatever.
• 10:37
  Ben P: And you can kind of read into what the person values and help them view it through the lens of, Oh, Hey, this is beneficial.
• 10:45
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 10:46
  Ben P: Anyways, that's a side tangent.
• 10:48
  Ben P: Um, let me ask you this over the time that you and I have worked together, if you can even remember, like this is over the span of five years, what are some of the most powerful lessons that you've learned?
• 11:01
  Ben S: Um, something that always comes back is just the model, uh, which, uh, just attaches to things that you can control things you can't control.
• 11:10
  Ben S: I feel like pretty much every session we've ever had is, all right, well, what's in your control here?
• 11:14
  Ben S: What's not in your control here?
• 11:18
  Ben S: And then also just being aware of your feelings.
• 11:20
  Ben S: We worked on that for a long time when I was in high school.
• 11:23
  Ben S: Um, with, and we had a whole feeling chart because I could only ever say I was like, Oh, I feel happy, sad, angry, irritated.
• 11:30
  Ben S: I only have like five feelings that I knew.
• 11:32
  Ben S: So Ben got me like a 50 feeling chart.
• 11:34
  Ben S: And, um, I feel like just, yeah, right now in my life, uh, you know, just always thinking back to, all right, well, what can you control in the situation?
• 11:44
  Ben S: What can't you control?
• 11:46
  Ben S: And, um, all right, well, how can we change that, uh, to have a better mindset about it really?
• 11:52
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 11:53
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 11:54
  Ben P: Where are areas in your life where you use that?
• 11:59
  Ben S: Um, a lot in, in my job with sales, obviously, um, doing that a lot, but then with, My family, we just talked about that today.
• 12:10
  Ben S: I can implement it with my family a little more.
• 12:13
  Ben S: Um, and I I've been using a bit with my family, but also just, you know, everyday things, stuff happens every day, you know, out of your control.
• 12:20
  Ben S: And instead of wasting your energy, um, being angry about it or frustrated with it, it's better to, you know, make, make it a lesson, like you said today.
• 12:33
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 12:34
  Ben P: Here in the U S this.
• 12:36
  Ben P: May or may not be controversial what I'm about to say.
• 12:42
  Ben P: People are really focusing on the recent election and about half of my friends hate Donald Trump and they're like Devastated like seriously about half of my friends might become your neighbor soon because they all threatened to move to Canada The other half of my friends are just thrilled about who won.
• 13:02
  Ben P: Now, the interesting thing is, a lot of my adult clients and a lot of the adults that I know, like, they're like, yeah, but politics is bigger than the model.
• 13:15
  Ben P: I'm like, no, it isn't.
• 13:16
  Ben P: Like, nothing is bigger than the model.
• 13:18
  Ben P: You can use this next four years to, Be whatever you want it to be.
• 13:26
  Ben P: Like you can hate Donald Trump and still be committed.
• 13:29
  Ben P: Like, man, I'm going to make this the best four years for me.
• 13:33
  Ben P: And I feel like, I don't know about Canada.
• 13:36
  Ben P: One of the things that became really obvious to me is that I don't know why, but you are much better educated on the U S as a Canadian.
• 13:46
  Ben P: Then I am on Canada.
• 13:48
  Ben P: Like there were so many things that you taught me that I'm like, what are you saying?
• 13:53
  Ben P: But one of the problems that I see in the U S is most people hyper focus.
• 13:58
  Ben P: On things outside of their control.
• 14:00
  Ben P: And then they don't live the type of life that they want to be because they're going around positioning themselves as the victim at the mercy of things outside of their control.
• 14:11
  Ben P: Does this also happen in Canada?
• 14:13
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 14:14
  Ben S: In, uh, in Southern Alberta, especially it's super, um, conservative.
• 14:18
  Ben S: And so we have, we have a liberal prime minister is what we call our president.
• 14:23
  Ben S: Um, and, uh,
• 14:25
  Ben P: right.
• 14:26
  Ben S: Yeah, and so, you know, Trump gets voted in here and everyone's a little bird is super happy, but then we have Trudeau and majority of people Yeah, they let it affect their lives.
• 14:35
  Ben S: They want to move from Canada because of it and they definitely do hyper Fixate on things that are much out of their control.
• 14:43
  Ben P: Yeah, so congratulations Ben when you're a husband And when you're a father the biggest piece of advice that I can give you catch yourself focusing on the things outside of your control harness You Your attention and refocus all of that energy on just the few things that you can control.
• 15:02
  Ben P: Um, did I ever teach you about the victim mentality versus the hero mentality?
• 15:09
  Ben S: I am sure you did.
• 15:10
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 15:11
  Ben P: I can't remember if that was new after basically.
• 15:16
  Ben P: In the victim mentality, you'll know you're in the victim mentality.
• 15:20
  Ben P: If you blame, complain, make excuses, criticize, and victims typically fixate on the things outside of their control.
• 15:30
  Ben P: Whereas in the hero mentality, you take responsibility and you.
• 15:35
  Ben P: Focus on things within your control.
• 15:38
  Ben P: Also the victim mentality.
• 15:39
  Ben P: Usually they see the world is happening to them or against them.
• 15:43
  Ben P: Like, Oh gosh, Donald Trump is going to ruin my life.
• 15:46
  Ben P: Where in the hero mentality is like, no, this is an opportunity.
• 15:51
  Ben P: Rather than seeing the obstacles, you see opportunities.
• 15:54
  Ben P: So, um, let me ask you this.
• 15:58
  Ben P: How has coaching helped in you and your relationship with your family?
• 16:06
  Ben P: Like, I know you have a bunch of siblings, you have mom and dad, you have a cousin who's really awesome that I got to work with who's also kind of crazy sometimes, but how has coaching helped in relationships?
• 16:19
  Ben S: Uh, well, with my mom and dad, especially, um, kind of like what you said at the go teach them something they love when I come to them.
• 16:28
  Ben S: Uh, and You know, tell them how awesome it was coaching with you.
• 16:33
  Ben S: Uh, so that they know their money's getting worthwhile.
• 16:35
  Ben S: So they're just, you know, I'm, you know, improving myself.
• 16:38
  Ben S: Um, cause I'm sure, yeah, whenever I obviously don't have kids right now, but when you do, you want them to be them, their best selves.
• 16:43
  Ben S: And so when you hear that they're getting help to become their best selves, it's pretty awesome.
• 16:47
  Ben S: So it's really strengthened my parents with my mom or my relationship with my mom and dad.
• 16:51
  Ben S: And then just as far as, uh, like my siblings go, uh, you know, sometimes it's hard to implement stuff right away.
• 17:01
  Ben S: You have to like, practice and practice until it becomes second nature.
• 17:04
  Ben S: And you really have to think about it.
• 17:06
  Ben S: But, uh, it's when I am thinking about it, it's been good to, uh, to hang out with them and see our relationship grow because I'm not in the victim mentality, like you said.
• 17:20
  Ben P: Yeah, and then I'm going to lump these two together.
• 17:25
  Ben P: I think they'd be, I'm weird, so I'm going to lump sports and education together.
• 17:30
  Ben P: And most coaches are like, Hey, you are a student athlete.
• 17:34
  Ben P: You're the student, first athlete, second, man.
• 17:37
  Ben P: I think school for the most part is a waste of time.
• 17:40
  Ben P: Sorry, any teachers that are listening, but our education system is way behind.
• 17:45
  Ben P: And athletics, I love athletics.
• 17:47
  Ben P: Like, man, I think it teaches everything.
• 17:50
  Ben P: Powerful character.
• 17:51
  Ben P: It teaches powerful life lessons.
• 17:54
  Ben P: How has life coaching helped you in both education and athletics?
• 18:01
  Ben S: Uh, as far as education goes, I'd.
• 18:03
  Ben S: I honestly didn't take high school too seriously.
• 18:07
  Ben S: I went to play sports and that was about it.
• 18:10
  Ben S: But you did well
• 18:11
  Ben P: in school, right?
• 18:13
  Ben S: Yeah, I did.
• 18:13
  Ben S: I did really well in school.
• 18:15
  Ben S: But yeah, you could ask my mom, we'll talk about it for days, but just how I never went to class.
• 18:21
  Ben S: But um, as far as sports goes, uh, I didn't have the easiest coaches to deal with in high school.
• 18:31
  Ben S: Um, and instead of, you know, quitting.
• 18:34
  Ben S: And because I was, I was pretty close to quitting, uh, instead of quitting, I just, you know, bear down and say, all right, well, how am I going to, how am I going to make the best of this?
• 18:43
  Ben S: And obviously they do have stuff to contribute to me.
• 18:46
  Ben S: Um, so how can I listen and, uh, you know, take what they have to say and not be sour about it.
• 18:52
  Ben S: Um, and so coaching with you just, you know, you kind of taught me some characteristics that I've been able to implement in that.
• 18:58
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 18:59
  Ben P: Do you remember when you and I talked about values?
• 19:02
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 19:04
  Ben P: We actually talked about it a few times, but I remember the first time you gave me your values list.
• 19:09
  Ben P: And then we, I can't remember why, but we kind of talked about it later.
• 19:14
  Ben P: I can't remember how much later, but it struck me how your values changed.
• 19:20
  Ben P: Well, part of it, you're maturing, like when you're 14 versus like today is 19, you're very different, but I feel like I was working with you.
• 19:32
  Ben P: When I kind of started learning about values and started teaching it and exploring it to this day Like one of my favorite lessons to teach parents is how to build values based relationships What do you remember from what we talked about values and I don't know How has that impacted your life?
• 19:55
  Ben P: And if you don't remember anything, that's okay, too.
• 19:58
  Ben P: I can give you a quick refresher course
• 20:00
  Ben S: Um, yeah, I honestly don't remember too much, but just as far as values go, like we talked about, uh, share it, like having shared values with other people.
• 20:12
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 20:12
  Ben S: Um, yeah.
• 20:13
  Ben S: And, you know, surrounding yourself with people whose values you like.
• 20:18
  Ben S: And so as far as having friends and stuff goes, one of my main values is humor.
• 20:23
  Ben S: I really like, enjoy laughing and being funny.
• 20:26
  Ben S: And so, my friends, same thing.
• 20:29
  Ben S: I, I surround myself with people, you know, that can take a joke, but also give a joke.
• 20:33
  Ben S: And it's really enjoyable to hang out with them.
• 20:36
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 20:37
  Ben P: Um, I've never put together a course on this.
• 20:41
  Ben P: Like I've mentored a few life coaches who were just starting out and they wanted to grow.
• 20:47
  Ben P: One of the things that I teach is values based selling.
• 20:54
  Ben P: How can you sell someone something based on mutual values?
• 20:59
  Ben S: Mm hmm.
• 21:01
  Ben P: So I work part time for a local radio station selling radio ads and I sometimes Write the ad voice the ad and just recently like I wrote an ad for Milwaukee tools Are you familiar with Milwaukee tools?
• 21:19
  Ben P: Do you guys have this?
• 21:20
  Ben P: Yeah, they're like popular tools They're built to be rugged tough Dependable like if I want to sell Milwaukee tools, I want to sell that to people who value Being rugged, tough, dependable, and I feel like small children do this naturally.
• 21:41
  Ben P: Like I remember when my youngest was like three or four, he would plop down on my lap and watch college football with me.
• 21:50
  Ben P: He didn't really care that much about college football.
• 21:53
  Ben P: What he actually cared about was spending time with dad and hanging out with me, but he was able to identify, Oh, this is one of dad's values.
• 22:00
  Ben P: If I value that.
• 22:02
  Ben P: We can grow closer.
• 22:04
  Ben P: The cool thing about values.
• 22:06
  Ben P: So any parents listening, if you can find ways to value what your team values, it will help you build a better relationship with them and anyone who's in sales.
• 22:18
  Ben P: Ben, probably just you, but whatever.
• 22:20
  Ben P: Anytime you can sell someone, something based on their values.
• 22:25
  Ben P: They will be more satisfied with the sale, or their purchase, because it reinforces their identity and who they think they are.
• 22:36
  Ben P: Someone from sales, what do you think on that?
• 22:39
  Ben S: You know, that makes a lot of sense.
• 22:41
  Ben S: I'm just thinking right now, you coached with my dad.
• 22:43
  Ben S: And I'm sure you coached values with him, and now I'm just thinking if he manipulated into becoming my best friend, if this is how he became my best friend.
• 22:52
  Ben S: He, uh, he never really, like, he cared about sports in high school, but he never cared about basketball, but he just became the biggest fan of basketball in my high school career.
• 23:01
  Ben S: And, yeah, so, that's pretty cool to look back and see that he was willing to bond with me over that.
• 23:07
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 23:08
  Ben P: I don't know that I taught that to your dad, but I can tell you this much knowing your dad and having worked with him a little bit, there is a part of him that was some inspiration in how I began to understand values and how I taught it.
• 23:26
  Ben P: So your dad, he's your best friend.
• 23:28
  Ben S: Yeah, no, I'd say me and him are super close now.
• 23:32
  Ben S: Uh, he'll take me on a vacation every year, which is super fun, but call everyone every once in a while and just catch up and, uh,
• 23:40
  Ben P: yeah.
• 23:41
  Ben P: Your dad is one of the best men that I know, by the way.
• 23:46
  Ben P: So, if you can stay friends with him, because I also don't think he'll put up with any crap.
• 23:52
  Ben P: So, if you can stay friends with him, I think You'll do pretty well for yourself.
• 23:57
  Ben P: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:00
  Ben P: That's awesome.
• 24:01
  Ben P: Uh, what was your relationship with your parents like before you and I started working together?
• 24:07
  Ben S: My, my relationship with my mom has always been pretty, pretty steady.
• 24:10
  Ben S: She's, like, willing to put up with crap.
• 24:13
  Ben S: And so, um, it was always pretty good.
• 24:17
  Ben S: My dad, though, I never realized, like, how much my dad worked and how busy he was.
• 24:21
  Ben S: And, uh, we just didn't really respect each other too much.
• 24:25
  Ben S: Um, and so yeah, it wasn't super great.
• 24:28
  Ben S: And I think we coached on it a bunch and when I was like grade nine and 10, so 14, 15, and uh, just talked about how I can build a better relationship with my dad.
• 24:38
  Ben S: And uh, and yeah, now we will say thanks to you.
• 24:43
  Ben S: We're best friends now.
• 24:44
  Ben S: So,
• 24:45
  Ben P: yeah, that's awesome.
• 24:47
  Ben P: Um, I'll tell you, I think so.
• 24:50
  Ben P: Parents listening, the most impactful thing that you can do in your teenager's life is is to foster a positive relationship with your team.
• 25:02
  Ben P: Ben, what do you think about that?
• 25:06
  Ben S: Um, sorry, could you repeat the question?
• 25:09
  Ben P: Yeah, the most impactful thing you can do as a parent is foster a positive relationship with your team.
• 25:16
  Ben S: Yeah, I, I, I would agree with that.
• 25:19
  Ben S: I think, Not only just for like, when the team becomes a parent and they can, you know, look back and go, all right, well, my parents did this for me, I should do this for my kids, um, cause you're affecting future generations that way, but also just for your own relationship with your kid.
• 25:33
  Ben S: Um, yeah, no, I, I've seen right when my dad and I both, cause it's obviously two way street, but I tried to put in an effort to become friends.
• 25:43
  Ben S: It, uh, it really switched things around and honestly made my life a lot better.
• 25:48
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 25:49
  Ben P: Um, let me just tell you part of the reason I remember.
• 25:52
  Ben P: Starting to coach with you.
• 25:54
  Ben P: If I remember right, you used to pick on your little sister a ton.
• 25:59
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 26:00
  Ben P: Do you still do this?
• 26:02
  Ben S: Uh, I still tease a little bit.
• 26:04
  Ben S: They definitely have thicker skin now.
• 26:05
  Ben S: They're not so sensitive, but I, it's a lot better than it used to be.
• 26:09
  Ben S: It used to be just.
• 26:10
  Ben S: Because I was a brat, but now it's like all in good fun.
• 26:14
  Ben S: They'll have a good time with it.
• 26:16
  Ben P: Yeah, that's awesome the biggest thing Like if I could just compliment you having watched you grow up by the way, like I'm super impressed with you I want to hire you to be the head of my sales team to help get me more clients But, and I think technically that would make you in charge of me because I'm the one in sales in my own personal business.
• 26:40
  Ben P: But, hey.
• 26:43
  Ben P: But, I just, I'm impressed.
• 26:45
  Ben P: You are a fantastic young man.
• 26:48
  Ben P: Uh, we've coached on things.
• 26:49
  Ben P: I, I don't want to get into specifics.
• 26:53
  Ben P: Just because I don't want to like abuse your privacy or anything, but like everything that we've coached on, we've coached on some big issues.
• 27:03
  Ben P: Um, religion, relationships, uh, sports, which some people might be like, oh, well, that's stupid.
• 27:11
  Ben P: No, sports are super important, especially to your team.
• 27:15
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 27:15
  Ben P: And just, I feel like everything I've ever coached you in and by the way parents listen to this because this is important I just met with a mom this morning that her teen at best Is halfway in ben to your?
• 27:32
  Ben P: Credit, I don't think I can over emphasize how much work you did working with me because I feel like Everything I ever taught you you went in with an open mind and 100 percent Commitment like you always took notes I think you only did homework like half the time but you were able to let it sink in and Still apply it.
• 27:56
  Ben P: Would you agree with that?
• 27:58
  Ben S: Yeah.
• 27:58
  Ben S: No for sure Halftime might be generous, but I did do homework sometimes.
• 28:03
  Ben P: Yeah, well, the fact that you can remember the mood meter, the graph of all the emotions, and like, how to use the model.
• 28:12
  Ben P: You did what I asked you to do, and What you needed to do to create the change in your life.
• 28:20
  Ben P: And the reason this is important, uh, there's one specific mom out there.
• 28:25
  Ben P: You're probably listening to this right now.
• 28:28
  Ben P: And I just talked to you about your son who, I'm talking to this mom here, Ben.
• 28:33
  Ben P: So like, don't take any of this personally, but, um, mom, basically you want me to work with your son and fix your son.
• 28:39
  Ben P: And in meeting with your son, he wasn't willing to do the work.
• 28:44
  Ben P: Okay.
• 28:45
  Ben P: And so I told you, hey, I think your money's best spent on you doing the work.
• 28:49
  Ben P: Ben is an example of this.
• 28:51
  Ben P: Like, he's one of the teens that was willing to go all in.
• 28:54
  Ben P: He's willing to do the work.
• 28:55
  Ben P: And I can tell you, Ben, you probably don't even know this, but your mom reached out to me a couple times and was like, Ben, we appreciate you working with Ben, but we don't really see him.
• 29:05
  Ben P: Putting forth a work or changing the way we like and do this was kind of early days where I think you were still picking on your sister Relentlessly, but guys it takes time and if your teen wants help and they're willing to do the work They I promise you they can create change and as a parent if you think about it How much different would your life be today if you would have learned these skills as a teenager?
• 29:30
  Ben P: Rather than learning them at work 30 or 40 or wherever it is.
• 29:35
  Ben P: It learned them.
• 29:36
  Ben P: So if your team is willing, give them a chance.
• 29:40
  Ben P: Life coaching is powerful and it can change their life.
• 29:44
  Ben P: Uh, Ben, I told you 30 minutes max.
• 29:47
  Ben P: I think we're getting close to that right now.
• 29:49
  Ben P: Any last words that you would like to say before I kick you off my podcast?
• 29:55
  Ben S: Yeah, I really just.
• 29:57
  Ben S: you know, tell everyone life coaching is amazing.
• 30:00
  Ben S: Um, and Ben is super helpful with it all.
• 30:03
  Ben S: I think even if your team's not going through anything or yourself isn't going through anything, It's definitely worth it to, you know, have a couple of meetings with Ben.
• 30:12
  Ben P: Yeah.
• 30:13
  Ben P: Awesome.
• 30:14
  Ben P: Well, Ben, I didn't even pay Ben to say that, just so you guys know.
• 30:17
  Ben P: Like, this is a real life unpaid testimonial where he's doing me a favor.
• 30:23
  Ben P: He's like, Ben, I'll help you knock out a podcast before Thanksgiving.
• 30:28
  Ben P: Okay.
• 30:28
  Ben P: Well, Ben, I just, I want you to know I'm proud of you.
• 30:33
  Ben P: I appreciate you.
• 30:34
  Ben P: I'm always here for you.
• 30:36
  Ben P: Like, this is the only payment that, you know, Will be had for this coaching session like when I work With you or other teens, like, I feel like we have a relationship, and like, yeah, if we're gonna work on going, we'll figure out how to pay for it.
• 30:54
  Ben P: Man, if, if I've worked with you, you have my phone number, and if you need me, you reach out, and I make it work.
• 31:01
  Ben P: And, anyways, I just wanted to throw that out there in case any parents are wondering.
• 31:08
  Ben P: I take care of the teens that I've worked with at 40 years old, Ben.
• 31:12
  Ben P: I'll be probably 60 something by that time.
• 31:14
  Ben P: We can still work together.
• 31:16
  Ben S: No, exactly.
• 31:17
  Ben S: I reached out to you yesterday and you were able to get me in before it was in 24 hours.
• 31:22
  Ben S: So yeah, I appreciate it.
• 31:24
  Ben P: That's a special perk that only people who have worked with me get guys.
• 31:28
  Ben P: So that, and I might twist your arm and make it.
• 31:32
  Ben P: Help me record a podcast, but yeah Okay.
• 31:36
  Ben P: Well Ben, I'm gonna let you go you guys already celebrated Thanksgiving like a month ago, but I'm gonna go get ready I'm going to go help my wife make some pies and I look forward to talking with you.
• 31:48
  Ben P: Stay on.
• 31:49
  Ben P: I'm going to end the recording and I'll talk to you for just a second.
• 31:52
  Ben P: Everyone else, guys, happy Thanksgiving.
• 31:56
  Ben P: If you're traveling, be safe.
• 31:58
  Ben P: Don't eat undercooked turkey.
• 32:00
  Ben P: I've heard horror stories.
• 32:02
  Ben P: It doesn't sound fun.
• 32:03
  Ben P: Enjoy your family.
• 32:04
  Ben P: Enjoy the food and I'll talk to you next week.