Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why An Abuser Withholds Compliments on Purpose

Transcript

Why An Abuser Withholds Compliments on Purpose · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why do toxic narcissistic people refuse to give you
• 0:05
  compliments? Why they why do they refuse to
• 0:09
  just say hey babe you look amazing or a good job or pat you
• 0:13
  on the back or give you a high 5 or something like that?
• 0:17
  Why is that the case when you're dealing with a narcissistic
• 0:20
  person? That's what we talked about
• 0:22
  today, y'all. Why they withhold compliments,
• 0:24
  of course. If you're new here, I'm Lee
• 0:25
  Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
• 0:27
  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:29
  of the Narcissist Cult. Let's get it.
• 0:50
  Welcome back. Welcome back to a Late Night
• 0:53
  Live with Lee Hammock. What's up y'all?
• 0:55
  What is up? What is up?
• 0:56
  What is up? I know y'all normally used to be
• 0:59
  being live in the mornings, but tonight it's different.
• 1:04
  Now seriously, we're talking about why you're toxic,
• 1:07
  narcissistic partner. Whatever refuses to give you
• 1:12
  compliments, refuses to cheer you on, refuses to clap for you
• 1:17
  when you or just say something as simple as good job babe,
• 1:20
  you're doing amazing. I'm here to support you.
• 1:24
  Why? Why can't they just do that?
• 1:26
  Like if they love you and care about you, why can't they just
• 1:29
  do the simple thing of paying it, of just rooting, of cheering
• 1:33
  you on like I'm gonna do this for you right here.
• 1:36
  I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that.
• 1:37
  Why can't they do that? Y'all the first reason why y'all
• 1:40
  because narcissistic people want to be in control.
• 1:44
  And I and I know how stupid that sounds.
• 1:48
  It's all about controlling. Yeah, it is about control.
• 1:52
  Just think about it like this. In the mind of a manipulator, in
• 1:56
  the mind of a narcissistic person.
• 1:58
  I want to control whether you leave or whether you stay with
• 2:02
  me. But Lee, what do you mean by
• 2:04
  that? I'm glad you asked if I give you
• 2:08
  compliments, if I root you on, that means you won't need me
• 2:14
  anymore. That means you'll leave me
• 2:17
  because now I've hyped you up. That means you that you are.
• 2:22
  But you think you above me now, right?
• 2:25
  And who doesn't want a partner that compliments them?
• 2:30
  Who doesn't? Seriously, who doesn't want a
• 2:32
  partner that compliments them and things like that?
• 2:35
  Most people do. So if a narcissistic person or
• 2:38
  manipulator, toxic person, whatever, if they are with, with
• 2:42
  refusing to give you a compliment, they think that
• 2:45
  you'll keep you will stay with them just because you need them
• 2:49
  to compliment you, you need them.
• 2:52
  I know. Yeah, and I know it sounds dumb.
• 2:54
  I sat here and thought about it. I sat here and just like, why?
• 2:58
  If I was still toxic and manipulative and just horrible,
• 3:02
  why would I not give my partner a compliment?
• 3:05
  Oh, I don't want to blow her head up.
• 3:07
  And this is just me speaking in general because women can be
• 3:10
  narcissists. I don't want to blow her head up
• 3:13
  to the point where she feels like she doesn't need me.
• 3:19
  I don't want to build her up to the point where she feels like
• 3:22
  she's above me. She's high and mighty.
• 3:24
  I don't want to put her on a pedestal, as dumb as that
• 3:29
  sounds. That's the thought that used to
• 3:31
  go through my mind if I had to sit right here and I call it
• 3:34
  like if I had to put my narcissist hat on, right?
• 3:37
  If I had to put my narcissist hat on.
• 3:38
  This is what literally what I'm thinking right there.
• 3:41
  I'm like, I don't want to compliment you because you won't
• 3:44
  need me anymore. As stupid as that sounds,
• 3:47
  doesn't that sound dumb? Drop a fire emoji in the chat if
• 3:51
  you think that sounds dumb because I know it.
• 3:52
  I know it sounds dumb when I when I I knew it sounded dumb
• 3:55
  when I was thinking about it. I like this sounds dumb as hell
• 3:57
  as I'm as I'm sitting here thinking about it.
• 4:01
  This sounds dumb. You know what I mean?
• 4:05
  This sounds this sounds dumb, but that's what goes on in the
• 4:10
  mind right there. I got some fire.
• 4:11
  I got some flames running there. Kelly, what's going on?
• 4:14
  There's some flames dropping in the chat, but it's crazy right
• 4:17
  here. Narcissists say if you need me,
• 4:19
  you won't leave me. Yep, that's the mentality right
• 4:21
  there. If you need me, you won't leave
• 4:24
  me. You need me for compliments.
• 4:26
  You won't leave me. You need me for money, you won't
• 4:29
  leave me. You need me for the bedroom
• 4:33
  stuff because I put it down. You won't leave me.
• 4:37
  You see what I'm saying? It's it really is like the
• 4:39
  abandonment issues keep kicked up and keyed up right and the
• 4:44
  you and as you as their partner. That sucks for you on the
• 4:47
  receiving end of it that it does.
• 4:50
  That sucks for you on the receiving end up because you
• 4:52
  just want you. You like that.
• 4:53
  I just want to have a partner that's nice to me and they'll be
• 4:57
  like, I ain't being nice to you. Why do I be nice to you?
• 4:59
  Rubble, rubble, blah, blah blah, Boo Boo, Boo BBB.
• 5:01
  I don't need to be nice to you. Nobody.
• 5:03
  They sound stupid, but that's the mentality that goes into it
• 5:07
  right there. Y'all it it really is like a
• 5:11
  high conflict person. A narcissistic person really
• 5:14
  does like think that if that like it gives them power over
• 5:19
  you to just not tell you that you look pretty.
• 5:22
  Have you ever got dressed up? Yeah, just tell my like, have
• 5:25
  you ever got like dressed up to the nines?
• 5:28
  Like you look good. You got on a a a nice black
• 5:32
  dress or fitted tux, something you fresh as hell.
• 5:38
  And he's like, hey, babe, how how babe, how do I look?
• 5:42
  And they be like, you look alright, Alright.
• 5:54
  And you like. What the hell?
• 5:55
  Only all right, Only all right. And that can hurt a lot of
• 6:01
  people's feelings. It really only all right.
• 6:05
  I only look all right. Damn, that hurts, doesn't it?
• 6:14
  Don't it? It hurt, Yeah.
• 6:17
  And as long as they feel like you, it's like it's a form.
• 6:19
  Yeah. It's a form of devaluation.
• 6:23
  They devalued. They don't have to look.
• 6:24
  They don't have to say yes or no.
• 6:26
  They just. Yeah, they could just make a
• 6:27
  noise. They can grunt at you.
• 6:30
  You could ask them. Hey, babe, do I look now?
• 6:32
  How do you think I look? Like a caveman.
• 6:35
  They'll just, they'll just grunt at you.
• 6:48
  But I know that sound like, yeah, I know that sounds stupid,
• 6:50
  but they literally how that goes about doing it right there.
• 6:52
  They will literally just grunt at you or something like that,
• 6:56
  right? Yeah.
• 6:57
  Is it everyday, absolute nothing?
• 6:59
  Absolutely, yeah. They won't give you anything.
• 7:01
  They feel like they give you too much, you'll leave.
• 7:03
  It's crazy and it really is insane.
• 7:06
  They feel like he'll give you too much, you'll leave, Right.
• 7:09
  And that's a dumb way of thinking.
• 7:11
  Again, I have thought like this. This has been my thought.
• 7:14
  This has been about the process behind some of my own personal
• 7:17
  thoughts. I've thought like this as well,
• 7:20
  right. I have absolutely had these
• 7:22
  thoughts in my mind where like, if I if I, it gives me power to
• 7:27
  not say anything. It gives me power.
• 7:29
  And yes, they're doing it on purpose.
• 7:30
  I know people going to ask what, Lee, are they withholding
• 7:32
  compliments on purpose? Yeah.
• 7:37
  Now, they might not know what's going on in their minds, right?
• 7:41
  They they might not know that they are narcissist or toxic or
• 7:45
  manipulative, right? They might not know what's
• 7:47
  actually going on behind the scenes in their brain, but they
• 7:50
  absolutely know that they're not give you a compliment, right?
• 7:54
  They absolutely know that type of stuff.
• 7:55
  They know they're not paying you a compliment.
• 7:56
  They know they're not. They know straight up that
• 7:59
  they're not doing that. And yeah, that hurts, right?
• 8:03
  And that hurts have premarital counselor before you try to not
• 8:06
  yeah, people can have premarital counseling and still get married
• 8:08
  to a manipulator because they can they can act right and get
• 8:11
  premarital counseling. If you have a marriage counselor
• 8:14
  or somebody that's hosting A premarital counseling that is
• 8:17
  not experienced with a manipulator, you're going to get
• 8:19
  you're going to go into it, right.
• 8:22
  That's what you're going on. That goes on right there.
• 8:24
  But that's the that's the mentality, y'all.
• 8:26
  It really does give them power like and it keeps you craving
• 8:30
  more like by withholding validation.
• 8:33
  It's not just about your looks, y'all.
• 8:34
  It's not just about your looks, right?
• 8:37
  It could be about a victory, success.
• 8:39
  You just won a big game. You just got a promotion at
• 8:42
  work. You just feel you lost some
• 8:45
  weight. You gained some weight after
• 8:46
  you've been trying to gain weight for years, right?
• 8:49
  You cut your hair, you got a haircut.
• 8:52
  You see what I'm saying? You got to edge up, fix your
• 8:53
  teeth, whatever it is. You're just wanting some type of
• 8:57
  validation, but in a, in a narcissistic person's mind, by
• 9:01
  withholding that validation, they keep you hungry for more.
• 9:06
  And if I keep you hungry for more, guess what?
• 9:09
  You will absolutely work harder for it.
• 9:14
  You will do more. You will do more for me.
• 9:17
  And that means that you will stay in this cycle longer.
• 9:21
  You'll stay in this cycle to try to earn that validation from me
• 9:26
  that is not coming. You will try to earn that
• 9:30
  validation from me that just is not coming.
• 9:34
  You won't get it from me. You won't get it from that
• 9:37
  person. You'll stick around for years
• 9:39
  upon years upon years trying to get validation.
• 9:42
  At the end of the day, I'm going to keep it hot with y'all.
• 9:44
  You're sticking around for years and years and years trying to
• 9:47
  get validation. That doesn't mean anything like
• 9:53
  think about it like that. You're seeking validation from
• 9:56
  someone. The in the validation they they
• 9:58
  they that they give you is worth less than the paper it's written
• 10:02
  on. Why give this person?
• 10:05
  Ask yourself this question right here.
• 10:06
  Why am I giving this person that much power over validating me?
• 10:10
  Or is the in over validating me or not validating me?
• 10:14
  Why does this person get all the power?
• 10:17
  Why does this person have all the power over me?
• 10:19
  Why am I allowing this to happen in my in my space right here?
• 10:22
  Why am I seeking validation from someone whose validation means
• 10:26
  nothing to no one else? There's 8 billion people on the
• 10:29
  planet and I got to get validation from this one loser
• 10:32
  ass weirdo, This one loser ass weirdo.
• 10:37
  I got to get validation from this one person.
• 10:40
  It means that much. What's going on, Brooks?
• 10:43
  You know what I'm saying? This is the type of stuff we
• 10:45
  have to consider right here. This is how you, this is how you
• 10:47
  look internally to heal. This is how you escape right
• 10:51
  here. That's why that man Mitchell
• 10:54
  inferiority complex. Yeah, man, I don't, I don't, I
• 10:56
  don't even know who you're talking about.
• 10:58
  But that happened so much in America or just around the world
• 11:01
  or nowadays that like, I think it's called femicide.
• 11:04
  Yeah. Where they're just taking out
• 11:05
  their wives, you know, the family, family, family.
• 11:10
  It seems like family annihilators are on the rise,
• 11:13
  especially where I'm at, right? And the good old USA family
• 11:17
  annihilators are definitely on the rise.
• 11:18
  But this is part of it, man. Like if they can keep you
• 11:21
  hungry, like and sometimes look, and the crazy thing about it is
• 11:24
  sometimes they don't even start a relationship off like this.
• 11:26
  Sometimes they start they don't start a relationship off by not
• 11:29
  complimenting you, right? They are complimenting you at
• 11:32
  first. They're doing it at 1st and then
• 11:34
  they just stop doing it out of nowhere.
• 11:37
  They'll just stop complimenting you, right?
• 11:40
  And you're just like, hey, damn. And you used to start asking
• 11:42
  yourself like some something wrong with me.
• 11:49
  You don't tell me I look good anymore.
• 11:51
  You don't say congratulations, babe.
• 11:53
  You don't say good job anymore. You don't clap for me.
• 11:57
  You don't root for me. Like you don't come to anymore
• 11:59
  my basketball games, my flag football or my volleyball game,
• 12:02
  my kickball games. You don't do anything anymore.
• 12:04
  You're like you're not there for me anymore.
• 12:07
  It keeps you wanting more, right?
• 12:11
  They're starving yourself esteem.
• 12:13
  And I get it. I get it.
• 12:15
  I get it. In this space right here,
• 12:18
  they're they are effectively starving yourself esteem.
• 12:22
  This is what goes on. What's going on?
• 12:23
  Gathering. This is what they do.
• 12:26
  This is what they do. I haven't.
• 12:27
  I haven't eaten bread since 2021.
• 12:29
  No. Bread comes.
• 12:30
  Regard. There you go.
• 12:31
  There you go. I dated the guy who made jokes.
• 12:34
  Yeah, they are. They are wounded people, but
• 12:37
  they're just because they're wounded doesn't give them the
• 12:40
  right to wound others. A wounded person doesn't have
• 12:43
  the right to wound others because they've refused to heal
• 12:46
  their woundedness, their hurt, and their pain.
• 12:49
  It doesn't give you the ability to hurt me.
• 12:51
  Like, damn, I had a bad childhood, so I'm taking it all
• 12:54
  out on you. Oh no, the hell you not you not
• 12:57
  taking it out on me. Go get some help.
• 12:59
  Yeah. I hate the fact that you had a
• 13:00
  bad childhood or you got abused and whatnot, but you, it don't
• 13:03
  give you right to do that. Is not you the right to treat me
• 13:06
  horribly? Hell no.
• 13:11
  Hell no. To the No, no, no.
• 13:14
  Right. And just like this.
• 13:16
  Like this. This is like Teal said he would
• 13:17
  go out of his way to avoid giving me a compliment.
• 13:20
  They'll leave the room. Hey, babe, how do I look?
• 13:22
  Mama, run outside. Hey babe, do I?
• 13:26
  Hey babe, how do I look? Take off running, get in the
• 13:29
  car, roll the window up, go into the bathroom, fart, throw up or
• 13:33
  something, start crying, argue with you.
• 13:35
  They'll do something crazy like that.
• 13:37
  They're willingly miserable. Yup.
• 13:38
  And they will drag you into their misery.
• 13:41
  What's going to go? They will drag you into their
• 13:44
  misery. They are willfully, willingly
• 13:47
  miserable. And they will absolutely drag
• 13:49
  you into their misery. This is what happens.
• 13:51
  Y'all if y'all still on the live right now, my one-on-one
• 13:55
  coaching my courses, my five star rated courses, everything
• 13:59
  is at mentalillness.net. But also y'all also I literally
• 14:03
  just started text message coaching.
• 14:06
  I have a text message ServiceNow where I do I use the app
• 14:09
  Telegram and we text direct connection to me voice notes.
• 14:15
  Everything is I got I got a weekly package and I got a
• 14:17
  monthly package. I'm also start a day pass or
• 14:20
  whatever here pretty soon 'cause some people just need it today,
• 14:22
  but not only do I do zoom in phone calls, I do text
• 14:27
  messaging. I I had I had two this week.
• 14:29
  We had great had great conversations and whatnot on my
• 14:32
  text message coaching. So I have text messages
• 14:34
  available as well. You can find everything the link
• 14:37
  in my bio or you can go right to this site right here.
• 14:40
  Y'all jeneya, what's going on girl?
• 14:43
  I just I just had a good conversation with you then
• 14:47
  awesome. You're doing great work.
• 14:48
  I try, y'all, I try, I try, but sometimes it's like I said,
• 14:51
  they'll go out of their way to refuse to compliment you or
• 14:54
  they'll compliment you and just just stop, y'all?
• 14:56
  They'll give you one compliment. They'll like who's who mentioned
• 14:58
  breadcrumbie. Sometimes they'll give you a
• 15:02
  little bit, they'll give you a little bit here and there and
• 15:05
  then they'll just take it away to keep you around.
• 15:08
  They'll give you enough just to keep you around.
• 15:10
  They'll give you enough just to kind of keep you around.
• 15:12
  What's going on, Tammy? Girl, What's up, girl?
• 15:15
  Yep. Wow, nice text mess.
• 15:17
  Yep. Over the app, over over the
• 15:18
  Telegram map. If you haven't, look, if you're
• 15:20
  having trouble with no contact or wanting to reach out to them
• 15:24
  and need somebody to talk to you off the ledge that you can just
• 15:26
  oh, lead's on Telegram right now.
• 15:27
  Boop, Bing. It comes right to my phone.
• 15:31
  I can send you a voicemail. Like look, don't text them,
• 15:33
  don't text that sorry bastard. Do not text that bastard.
• 15:36
  But if you text them, it's not a they're going to feel like
• 15:38
  they're winning. If you respond to them, if you
• 15:40
  call them, if you like a status, if you view their story, they're
• 15:43
  going to view that as a win send.
• 15:46
  That's what I do over. That's what I do over Telegram.
• 15:48
  Or you can send me. You can send me your whole
• 15:49
  story. We can go back and forth about
• 15:50
  your whole story on Telegram as well.
• 15:53
  Again, all that this is this is what the link looks like.
• 15:56
  It's linked at me, but it's still on my website as well.
• 15:59
  Do you still consider yourself a narcissist?
• 16:01
  Yeah, I'm still clinically diagnosed.
• 16:03
  Now, I got time for you. I got a few minutes for a
• 16:05
  question to answer. Now, I recently dated a guy that
• 16:09
  cracked jokes on me all the time.
• 16:10
  At first, I laughed alone. Then I pointed out that he never
• 16:13
  gave me compliments. I asked that we started doing
• 16:16
  sharing compliments. He couldn't.
• 16:17
  So you I'm I see, I I'm glad you got recently dated that guy.
• 16:20
  Like not I'm still dating that guy.
• 16:22
  I'm glad you got out of that, because people like that they're
• 16:25
  they're if they're not doing it at at first, they're going to
• 16:28
  call you salt. Why you changing up now?
• 16:31
  Why you changing up right now? You've been so nice, so, so
• 16:34
  long, but now you want to change up now?
• 16:36
  You can't take a joke now. You're too sensitive.
• 16:38
  Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.
• 16:41
  Yep, bread crumbing. They'll give you a little bit,
• 16:43
  y'all. I wish he could know how it
• 16:45
  feels, but I can't be that way back to him because that's not
• 16:48
  the kind of person I am. But I sure wish I could be an
• 16:51
  ass like that sometime. You can be an ass by just
• 16:52
  disconnecting. The disconnect feels just as bad
• 16:55
  as something you disconnect in front of.
• 16:57
  It sucks, actually. Appreciate it, appreciate it,
• 17:00
  appreciate it. The backhand compliments I get a
• 17:03
  lot. Oh yeah, like I said, I'm not
• 17:05
  going to give you the backhanded compliments, right?
• 17:08
  The old, the the compliments with some shade on it.
• 17:12
  They'll get you some compliment. You know, damn, you look good in
• 17:15
  that dress, even though you gained a few pounds.
• 17:18
  Then that dress fits a little snug Now that, that that's a
• 17:20
  nice dress, even though you, you know, you have some little some
• 17:24
  cankles going on there. You see what I'm saying?
• 17:29
  Why there's ads. It's it's YouTube.
• 17:32
  It's YouTube. YouTube's going to throw ad at
• 17:34
  YouTube's going to throw ad at you.
• 17:37
  Where's your narcissist at? I need to get one.
• 17:38
  I need to credit your the narcissist at What's Up.
• 17:41
  What type of artist are we talking about today?
• 17:42
  We're just chatting. Not in specific.
• 17:46
  I was breadcrumb for over 30 years.
• 17:47
  Towards the end he was also me to say something nice.
• 17:52
  Really. Sorry.
• 17:52
  I'll be trying to get you to say something nice to him.
• 17:54
  Yeah. Oh, this is a good one right
• 17:58
  here. Sometimes they will
• 17:59
  intentionally compliment other people around you.
• 18:06
  That's a good one right there. Sometimes that's literally what
• 18:09
  they'll do. Sometimes they will
• 18:10
  intentionally compliment other people while you around just to
• 18:14
  mess with you. That is so true.
• 18:17
  They won't give you compliments, but they'll compliment the
• 18:19
  people that are around you to mess with you, to show you, to
• 18:23
  show you that they are capable of giving compliments, but
• 18:27
  they're just not giving it to you.
• 18:29
  That is so damn true. That is so true.
• 18:33
  That is so true. Seriously, giving compliments is
• 18:36
  a gift not everyone is good at. Yeah, just to make you feel,
• 18:40
  just to make you feel weird. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 18:43
  Same thing. Exactly what goes on right
• 18:45
  there. And somebody mentioned earlier
• 18:47
  that it's not just the partners that get the compliments and
• 18:50
  things like that. They not just the partners, it's
• 18:55
  the kids as well, friends, family members, Everybody gets a
• 18:58
  piece of that, right? If you're dealing with a
• 19:00
  narcissistic person or just a toxic person or just a high
• 19:03
  conflict personality type, they will absolutely do that, right?
• 19:07
  A toxic manipulator will absolutely, 100% do that right
• 19:11
  there. They'll do it to the kids.
• 19:13
  They won't. They'll refuse to compliment
• 19:14
  their kids. They refuse to clap for their
• 19:16
  kids. They refuse to root their kids
• 19:18
  on which is evil. Again, sometimes they'll do that
• 19:21
  type of stuff on purpose. Absolutely on purpose.
• 19:26
  Wow, this is so lightly nice to hear.
• 19:28
  Confirmation and clarification. Yep, that's the goal right here.
• 19:30
  That's the goal. That's the goal.
• 19:33
  Definitely full of jealousy. Absolutely, absolutely.
• 19:39
  It was his b-day and I wore a nice dress to go out to eat at a
• 19:41
  restaurant and I had booked. Not once he said I look good.
• 19:44
  Yep. He'll look, he'll think he might
• 19:45
  actually think you look good. He just won't say nothing and
• 19:49
  then you bring it up. It's just like, why do I need to
• 19:51
  say it? We've been together for a long
• 19:52
  time. I'm with you, aren't I?
• 19:53
  I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you look good.
• 19:57
  They'll use the fact that y'all are together in a relationship
• 20:00
  to just say we we're together, aren't I?
• 20:01
  If I didn't, I didn't. I wouldn't be with you.
• 20:03
  I didn't think you look good. This man is about to reverse
• 20:08
  Hoover. What do I say or do so the he
• 20:10
  can't reverse Hoover you. The reverse Hoover is when you
• 20:14
  are the one that's doing the contacting.
• 20:16
  The reverse Hoover is you reaching out to him.
• 20:18
  Right, that's you sucking yourself back into the
• 20:20
  relationship or that's he can't reverse Hoover you.
• 20:22
  He can do a direct Hoover. A reverse Hoover is when the the
• 20:26
  the victim survive or thrive or whatever stage you're in.
• 20:30
  That's when you are doing the reaching out.
• 20:32
  You know what I'm saying? You are sucking yourself back
• 20:34
  into it's like you, it's like you're jumping in the vacuum
• 20:37
  cleaner. You know you're jumping in the
• 20:39
  vacuum tube. They can't stand to see you get
• 20:42
  comments for compliments for other Oh yeah, they'll put you
• 20:44
  down. They'll get mad at you if
• 20:45
  somebody else compliments you instead of them.
• 20:47
  They will get mad at you. They'll take it out on you.
• 20:49
  They might not say they might not say this something to the
• 20:51
  other person, but they'll just absolutely get mad at you.
• 20:53
  What's going on? Lily Rose, what up?
• 20:55
  What up question. Do narcissistic parents assign
• 20:58
  specific roles to the children based on the children witnesses?
• 21:01
  I mean, sometimes it really, it really just kind of depends,
• 21:02
  right? I don't think it's, I don't
• 21:04
  think you you intentionally choosing a golden child or a
• 21:06
  scapegoat. I think you just kind of fall
• 21:08
  into the you just kind of fall into that category depending
• 21:11
  upon who you are, depending on what's going on.
• 21:16
  Envy your great bubbly personality 'cause they can't
• 21:18
  have it. Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 21:22
  Taking the bait. Yes, you, you reverse hoovering
• 21:25
  yourself. You are take like sometimes you
• 21:27
  sometimes that's not even bait. Sometimes, like the reverse
• 21:31
  Hoover is like the fisherman just dropping the fishing line.
• 21:35
  No, no, no, the reverse Hoover happens.
• 21:38
  Let's just say the narcissist is the fisherman and you are the
• 21:41
  fish, right? The reverse Hoover will be the
• 21:45
  the, the, the same thing as you as the fish jumping in the boat,
• 21:49
  right? There's no hook, there's no
• 21:51
  bait. You just want you just
• 21:53
  underneath the boat. You're like, man, you ain't
• 21:55
  fishing for me no more. You ain't trying to catch me.
• 21:58
  You just jump in the boat. So I flop it around.
• 22:00
  You might it's like you jump in the boat and jump.
• 22:03
  You jump on the grill. You, you filet yourself, right?
• 22:05
  You jump, you jump on the boat and you jump on the grill.
• 22:09
  You fillet yourself and there's no they just put the boat in the
• 22:13
  water. You you jumped in it.
• 22:15
  You just flap it around sometimes.
• 22:22
  Sometimes there is bait, though. I paid for everything and his
• 22:25
  birthday invited everyone. He think everyone but me.
• 22:28
  I don't make plans for. Yeah, good for you.
• 22:30
  Don't make plans for birthday no more.
• 22:31
  That's the last birthday he made plans for.
• 22:33
  You see? You see what I'm saying?
• 22:35
  Jump in the boat. Yeah.
• 22:38
  You, you jump in the boat. So flapping around.
• 22:43
  You you jump in the boat and start flopping around.
• 22:48
  You don't want to fish me no more.
• 22:50
  You're not fishing for me anymore.
• 22:53
  Is there no hope for narcissists?
• 22:54
  It really just depends. Like they have to have hope for
• 22:56
  themselves. I call that walking into the
• 22:58
  fire. Yeah.
• 23:03
  One peed in her basement. She wonder why 1 peed.
• 23:06
  What? What happened?
• 23:08
  I meant, I meant something. You.
• 23:09
  Yeah. You fillet yourself.
• 23:12
  You descale. You jump in the boat, descale
• 23:16
  and fillet yourself. You.
• 23:17
  You debone yourself too, right? It's all Narcissus pretty much
• 23:25
  the same or the type slightly different.
• 23:27
  There's covert over. I mean all I feel like most
• 23:30
  narcissists have the same goal in mind.
• 23:32
  They just go about achieving it in different ways.
• 23:35
  That's the main difference between what you just put on
• 23:37
  right here. Like covert over a narcissist
• 23:39
  have the same goal, but they just go about getting it,
• 23:42
  getting those, getting that goal of narcissistic supply in
• 23:45
  different ways. Communal narcissist go about
• 23:48
  getting it in a different way. Hello, Happy Mother's Day.
• 23:53
  Be kind of yourself. Yep, Yep, Yep.
• 23:55
  I think there could be hope, but they're the ones who have the
• 23:58
  brain itself. Yeah.
• 23:59
  You have to go to therapy. And like I said, that's just a
• 24:01
  very long, this is a very long process, y'all a very long
• 24:04
  process that they had and and the process could fail, right.
• 24:08
  You could be with this person for a long time and they pretend
• 24:11
  to be getting help and you, you can be with them for 2345 more
• 24:14
  years and realize that it was they weren't really getting
• 24:17
  help. It's going to make you mad as
• 24:18
  hell. Hey, doormat.
• 24:22
  What about doormat? So who is a good match for this
• 24:27
  type of person? What do you mean by match?
• 24:28
  Like narcissist? The people, it really just
• 24:30
  depends. They know how to manipulate the
• 24:35
  therapist too. Yeah, if if you have an
• 24:36
  untrained therapist or a therapist that's not well versed
• 24:40
  in manipulation. Yeah, a narcissist.
• 24:43
  Yeah, a narcissist could absolutely do that.
• 24:47
  So a narcissist peed in somebody else's basement is in the floor
• 24:51
  or something. Best part is narcissist won't
• 24:53
  supply after the self ward. Best part is artists won't
• 24:56
  supply after the self ward. They get the supply.
• 24:58
  No, no, that's not necessarily There's there are some self ward
• 25:01
  nurses out here who just do some just you know, I mean, there's
• 25:03
  some self ward nurses out here who just not they go about
• 25:06
  different ways of getting narcissistic supply.
• 25:08
  Not not all self ward narcisses are on social media, right?
• 25:11
  Somebody don't just self ward, just not out there.
• 25:14
  Mother trained me to be the perfect Patsy.
• 25:16
  We don't talk anymore. Sometimes.
• 25:18
  Sometimes that's the best right there, right, Mother?
• 25:21
  It's like mother got the mother knows best.
• 25:26
  The other hero of two narcissists getting together.
• 25:29
  I just did a video about that on my YouTube channel a couple
• 25:30
  weeks ago. To our two narcissists, they
• 25:33
  tend to battle. They can be together for a long
• 25:35
  time, though. Is control a type of supply?
• 25:38
  Yeah. Control and power are forms of
• 25:41
  validation. If they can control you, it is a
• 25:43
  form of validation because they feel like they control.
• 25:45
  They controlling the whole new human whole a whole another
• 25:47
  human being right. They're controlling a whole
• 25:51
  another human being here. Somebody just let somebody just
• 26:00
  say it. So glad to hear.
• 26:03
  Yay, yay. Just had somebody I did a
• 26:05
  one-on-one with yeah, I asked somebody I did a one-on-one with
• 26:08
  years ago just messaged me said thanks for the great advice a
• 26:11
  few years back. It all paid off and life is so
• 26:14
  good. Y'all see that I get
• 26:17
  notifications like that right now?
• 26:20
  Somebody literally just said one-on-one years ago is still
• 26:23
  helping them out years ago and that's crazy.
• 26:26
  I just got that pray for my mom. Oh, I always pray for my mom.
• 26:34
  Girl tried to seduce all our all our God friends to control them.
• 26:37
  It was the trip to watch Happy. Didn't work too well.
• 26:38
  Oh goodness. Yeah that's crazy.
• 26:41
  Call that call that homie hopping.
• 26:43
  She hopping around the homies sometimes they sometimes that do
• 26:47
  work. They just throw that thing out
• 26:49
  there for them. He said I used to spoil him and
• 26:54
  I stopped. So he doesn't want anything
• 26:55
  anymore. What's he trying to say?
• 26:58
  Spoil him? What?
• 26:58
  How? And feel like that's a there's a
• 27:01
  question with some layers. Yeah.
• 27:05
  So like I said, yeah, I've been doing, yeah, I've been doing one
• 27:07
  on ones over Zoom for, it's been over five years now.
• 27:12
  And I've had the pleasure of helping.
• 27:13
  I've helped thousands of people and that's great.
• 27:15
  It's like everything's at mentalillness.net.
• 27:17
  But yeah, New York City, I'm coming to New York City on June
• 27:22
  the 2nd for my next in person live Q&A.
• 27:25
  I've never, I've never had a live Q&A like I'm doing right
• 27:28
  now. So it's live and in person New
• 27:31
  York City, June 2nd, I'm coming your way for my very first live
• 27:37
  in person Q&A. Yeah, live in person Q&A.
• 27:43
  If you're in New York City, you can go to
• 27:45
  mentalillness.net/events to get registered up as limited
• 27:50
  seating. There's I've got a bunch of
• 27:52
  people registered for it already, which is kind of crazy,
• 27:53
  which is cool, but like limited seating available.
• 27:56
  Make sure you go to mentalillness.net/events to get
• 28:00
  registered and check it out. Let's say it going to be live
• 28:03
  and in person June the 2nd in New York City, NY City, New York
• 28:10
  City. I'll be in.
• 28:11
  I'll be out there in Cali later this year.
• 28:13
  Janelle for one, right. They got there, one of my one of
• 28:16
  my boys out there in I think LA Sacramento.
• 28:21
  Well, no, but yeah, yeah. So I do got to hop off this
• 28:25
  thing, y'all. I got to get ready to put these
• 28:26
  kids to bed. It's 10:00 at night.
• 28:28
  I got to get up early in the morning for a call again, all my
• 28:31
  coaching, my texts and messages, all everything is at
• 28:34
  mentalillness.net. I can find it there.
• 28:37
  Y'all make sure to check it out. Mental illness dot net.
• 28:40
  Now I might just host the Mother's Day Q&A tomorrow,
• 28:42
  y'all. I might use the Mother's Day Q&A
• 28:44
  in the morning if I get up in time.
• 28:46
  Hit that subscribe button if you haven't already, if you're on
• 28:48
  YouTube and whatnot. Thank y'all for joining in.
• 28:50
  Thank y'all for rocking with me. And as always, y'all, as always
• 28:54
  been through some news. Well, I, I see Tammy asked a
• 28:57
  question. Does an aging art get therapy
• 28:59
  after having does an aging art get therapy after having therapy
• 29:03
  twice before? I mean, they could go to therapy
• 29:05
  as many times they want to, but it doesn't mean it doesn't mean
• 29:07
  anything is going to change, right?
• 29:09
  It's mean things going to change.
• 29:11
  But anyways, y'all hit that subscribe button.
• 29:15
  I appreciate every single one of y'all again, check my coaching
• 29:19
  out courses everything in mythicalness.net.
• 29:20
  Y'all peace.