Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 455. The Neuroscience behind brain dumping. Does your language align with your desires?

Transcript

455. The Neuroscience behind brain dumping. Does your language align with your desires? · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:21
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful beans, and welcome to the podcast episode of Today.
0:25
Speaker 1: So this podcast episode we are talking about does your
0:29
Speaker 1: language align with your desires? This is huge when it
0:34
Speaker 1: comes to pretty much anything that we want, when it
0:37
Speaker 1: comes to self talk, massively, when it comes to when
0:40
Speaker 1: we talk to other people, and also when it comes
0:43
Speaker 1: to just in general, not just what it is that
0:45
Speaker 1: we want, like I want this thing, or being vague
0:48
Speaker 1: with other people, are vague with ourselves, but just our
0:50
Speaker 1: self talk as a whole, and how it can actually
0:54
Speaker 1: influence whether we are able to achieve those desires or not.
0:58
Speaker 1: Language is massive, Okay. It impacts how we think, how
1:02
Speaker 1: we behave what we believe. It's huge. Okay. So that's
1:07
Speaker 1: what we're talking about in today's episode. Now, I am
1:10
Speaker 1: not doing a life update because, like I've said, in
1:13
Speaker 1: like I think all the other millions of episodes that
1:15
Speaker 1: have that you've just listened to, I'm probably on maternity
1:18
Speaker 1: lever well. I am going to be on matt leave
1:20
Speaker 1: right now as you're listening to this. So currently I'm
1:24
Speaker 1: sitting here recording this at thirty two weeks nearly thirty
1:28
Speaker 1: three weeks pregnant with the twins. They're like two kilos
1:30
Speaker 1: each at this point while I'm recording this. So yeah,
1:34
Speaker 1: it's getting heavy, hot and heavy, and sleeping is just
1:38
Speaker 1: a treat because I'm getting up like every I want
1:42
Speaker 1: to say less than ever, like under every hour, every
1:46
Speaker 1: hour mark to pretty much pee, so good times. Love
1:50
Speaker 1: that fast. Okay, So let's get straight into the episode
1:54
Speaker 1: of sand, which is a lot more interesting than my
1:57
Speaker 1: pregnancy symptoms. So what we're talking about is does your
2:00
Speaker 1: language align with your desires? The first thing that we
2:02
Speaker 1: want to talk about, which is very important, is that
2:05
Speaker 1: language is our communication. Okay, It's how we communicate to ourselves,
2:10
Speaker 1: it's how we communicate to other people. So it's really
2:12
Speaker 1: important that we play pay really close attention to how
2:16
Speaker 1: we communicate and how that communication is reflected back. We
2:20
Speaker 1: need the feedback. So, for example, when you interact with
2:23
Speaker 1: somebody else, how is that reflected back? When I have,
2:27
Speaker 1: you know, thoughts, and when I say things to myself,
2:29
Speaker 1: how do I feel after I've said things? How confident
2:31
Speaker 1: do I feel in myself after I've made these statements
2:33
Speaker 1: about myself? Okay. When we can be very clear with
2:37
Speaker 1: our language, we get better clarity, We are able to
2:40
Speaker 1: trust ourselves more and we also can trust our word
2:44
Speaker 1: more and also the likelihood of us following through with
2:47
Speaker 1: that thing. Okay, we have no gray areas, no kind
2:52
Speaker 1: of reading between the lines, especially if we're dealing with
2:55
Speaker 1: other people. There's no time wasted. There is more respect
2:58
Speaker 1: when you're able to kind of articulate what it is
3:01
Speaker 1: that you want and what it is that you need,
3:03
Speaker 1: you have increased authenticity. People see you as more authentic
3:07
Speaker 1: when you can just speak your mind respectfully. You don't
3:10
Speaker 1: have to send someone to hell. Even if you think
3:12
Speaker 1: this person is an absolute fucking fuck with, you can
3:15
Speaker 1: still very respectfully honor your beliefs and not kind of
3:21
Speaker 1: be fake around this person or pretend that you know
3:24
Speaker 1: you like them, or be such a people pleaser to
3:26
Speaker 1: this person. You can still be respectful to someone and
3:30
Speaker 1: honor your beliefs around that person. Okay, people like people
3:34
Speaker 1: of like what you see is what you get kind
3:36
Speaker 1: of person. To me, that's my favorite kind of person
3:39
Speaker 1: when their language, when their behaviors aligns with their desires,
3:42
Speaker 1: because then there's no gray areas, there's no guessing. I'm
3:45
Speaker 1: never guessing when I'm around those people, and it feels
3:48
Speaker 1: very comfortable and very secure to be around those people,
3:52
Speaker 1: and you also know that if there is an issue,
3:54
Speaker 1: you find out very quickly. There's no this like silent
3:58
Speaker 1: treatment or you know, lapse and communication or wondering like, oh,
4:02
Speaker 1: they're not texting me because of no, no, no. What
4:04
Speaker 1: you see is what you get, you know, and that's
4:06
Speaker 1: just what it is. And you want to be that
4:07
Speaker 1: kind of person with yourself most importantly, and also with
4:10
Speaker 1: other people. It also improves your relationship. When you can
4:13
Speaker 1: align your language with your desires, it improves your relationships.
4:17
Speaker 1: So you might think that you're improving a relationship by
4:20
Speaker 1: telling somebody what they want to hear. That's massive. People
4:23
Speaker 1: please a thing. I think a lot of us feel
4:26
Speaker 1: that way, but it actually does not improve that relationship
4:29
Speaker 1: because it doesn't. Number one, it doesn't deepen the relationship.
4:32
Speaker 1: The person never really gets to know what it is
4:34
Speaker 1: that you truly needed or wanted. You are only ever,
4:37
Speaker 1: you know, trying to make them like you by trying
4:40
Speaker 1: to figure out what it is that they would want
4:42
Speaker 1: to hear and saying those things. They never get that intimacy.
4:46
Speaker 1: They never have the opportunity to learn what it is
4:49
Speaker 1: that you need or that you like, and they never
4:52
Speaker 1: break through that kind of surface level relationship with you
4:55
Speaker 1: if you're like an absolute people pleaser, because a real
4:57
Speaker 1: relationship that's really healthy is where there's it's reciprocal. Okay,
5:03
Speaker 1: People on the surface level like to have other people
5:07
Speaker 1: do things for them and all of that, but in
5:08
Speaker 1: order for intimacy to occur, people actually want to partake,
5:12
Speaker 1: they want to contribute, they want to do things for
5:14
Speaker 1: other people. Okay. So it's really important that you can
5:18
Speaker 1: align language with desires within your relationships because people can
5:24
Speaker 1: align with you a lot better in that way. Okay.
5:27
Speaker 1: And then of course, when it comes to personal things,
5:29
Speaker 1: for goal setting, you can manifest or attract or whatever
5:32
Speaker 1: you want to call it what you want so much easier.
5:35
Speaker 1: It's a lot easier to set clear goals, to understand
5:39
Speaker 1: what those goals are, and to understand where your head
5:43
Speaker 1: is at when it comes to these goals. Right. So
5:47
Speaker 1: Number one, you can write this down if you want.
5:48
Speaker 1: You don't have to. Number one, your language, the way
5:51
Speaker 1: you speak or think in your head is an instruction
5:56
Speaker 1: manual to your brain. Okay, the way you talk, it's
6:01
Speaker 1: not just this neutral thing. It is important, and your
6:04
Speaker 1: brain absorbs it. It shapes your beliefs. It shapes your emotions,
6:07
Speaker 1: it shapes your behavior, especially when we're talking about kind
6:11
Speaker 1: of automatic things that come out of us or subconscious
6:13
Speaker 1: things that come out of us. Because when we speak
6:16
Speaker 1: about something and it's not forced, whether that's negative self
6:20
Speaker 1: talk because that comes easy to you, or whether it's
6:22
Speaker 1: positive self talk, it feels believable to us, and then
6:26
Speaker 1: whatever we believe, the brain takes as the truth and
6:29
Speaker 1: tries to confirm that. Okay. So if you're always saying,
6:34
Speaker 1: oh my god, like I'm so bad at public speaking,
6:37
Speaker 1: I'm so bad at public speaking, what do you think
6:39
Speaker 1: the chances of you being good at public speaking are?
6:42
Speaker 1: Where you then have to get up on a stage
6:43
Speaker 1: and address a group of people. You're gonna be sweating,
6:46
Speaker 1: you're gonna be nervous, you're gonna get up there, and
6:48
Speaker 1: then on top of that, no matter how you do,
6:50
Speaker 1: you're gonna walk out off the stage or off whatever,
6:52
Speaker 1: thinking that you did a terrible job. Okay, So saying
6:57
Speaker 1: things like I'm terrible with money, over and over and
7:01
Speaker 1: over becomes part of your identity, and then you kind
7:06
Speaker 1: of lean into that like as if it's okay, because
7:08
Speaker 1: it's like, well, we all know, I'm terrible with money.
7:09
Speaker 1: I'm so bad with money. If you're always saying I'm
7:12
Speaker 1: so bad with money, and then someone says, oh, listen
7:14
Speaker 1: to this episode on you know this money whatever podcast
7:19
Speaker 1: that I've listened to, and it talks about how to
7:21
Speaker 1: manage your finance is better, You're gonna be like, that's
7:23
Speaker 1: so it's too overwhelming for me because I'm just I've
7:25
Speaker 1: always been bad with my money. It's too overwhelming, right,
7:28
Speaker 1: So you're not even listening. People try and give you advice,
7:31
Speaker 1: financial advice, and you're like, try and listen to this
7:33
Speaker 1: financial advice. But it's also really difficult to take it
7:36
Speaker 1: on board because I'm so bad with money. I'm just
7:37
Speaker 1: not gonna be able to take it. It's not gonna make
7:39
Speaker 1: sense to me. It's not gonna make sense. And then
7:41
Speaker 1: when you do do something irresponsible with your money, you're like, well,
7:44
Speaker 1: it's me. It's me. I'm just irresponsible with my money,
7:46
Speaker 1: you know. And hopefully I can find a partner that's
7:48
Speaker 1: going to be really responsible with money, because that's not
7:50
Speaker 1: my ha ha ha. And who's getting hurt you, right,
7:54
Speaker 1: and things like to other people, I'll try to show up.
7:59
Speaker 1: I'll try to be there without an actual reason as
8:02
Speaker 1: to what. Like you where you're purposely being vague, you know,
8:05
Speaker 1: that's noncommittal, it's passive. It's showing someone that you're probably
8:10
Speaker 1: not serious about that thing when you say it to yourself,
8:13
Speaker 1: I'm going to try and go to the gym. I'm
8:15
Speaker 1: going to try and do you know X amount of
8:18
Speaker 1: reading this week. You're basically you're being noncommittal. Okay, you're
8:23
Speaker 1: you're you're half asking something. So it's really important that
8:28
Speaker 1: your language desire language. Ah, It's really important that your
8:33
Speaker 1: language aligns with your real desires so your brain knows
8:36
Speaker 1: what to do with it. Because if it's noncommittal, if
8:39
Speaker 1: it's this passive like mah, then the brain's going to
8:42
Speaker 1: take it that way. If you're more like, this is
8:44
Speaker 1: what I am, this is where I'm going. I'm getting
8:46
Speaker 1: a lot better with money. I am committed to getting
8:52
Speaker 1: better with money. I am said, I'm now a person
8:55
Speaker 1: that can save I am. Now you start changing your language,
8:58
Speaker 1: and then your body starts to look for things that
9:00
Speaker 1: are going to confirm that bias. Okay, Now, the second
9:03
Speaker 1: thing that's really important is that your subconscious mind. When
9:07
Speaker 1: we tell our brain something repeatedly enough, Like I said,
9:10
Speaker 1: your brain's like, all right, thank you. If that's believable
9:12
Speaker 1: to you, I'll confirm it. I'll make it believable to you,
9:15
Speaker 1: and your subconscious takes that piece of information and just
9:17
Speaker 1: runs with it. Okay, but your subconscious doesn't do nuance.
9:21
Speaker 1: So if you say I'm stuck, then your subconscious is
9:27
Speaker 1: going to be looking for things that confirm that you
9:29
Speaker 1: are stuck. I'm stuck doing this essay. Yeah, because it's
9:33
Speaker 1: so hard. The lecture didn't explain it properly. This is shit,
9:36
Speaker 1: Like it's really bad, Like I don't like the criteria.
9:39
Speaker 1: It's a shit subject anyway, Why do I even have
9:41
Speaker 1: to do this subject? And so then you start like
9:43
Speaker 1: digging yourself with these spiraling thoughts that confirm you are stuck. Instead,
9:49
Speaker 1: you could say this is a challenge that I'm working
9:52
Speaker 1: through it. I am working through the challenge. I'm finding
9:56
Speaker 1: things that are working for me. I am working it out,
10:00
Speaker 1: I'm figuring it out. Then your subconscious starts to confirm
10:04
Speaker 1: that bias. Okay, well, how am I figuring that out? Well,
10:07
Speaker 1: if I'm really good at figuring things out, then maybe
10:09
Speaker 1: it's because i'm really good at keeping my cool. Maybe
10:12
Speaker 1: it's because I'm good at eliminating distractions and changing what
10:15
Speaker 1: I'm focusing on. So instead of focusing on the fact
10:17
Speaker 1: that my lecture is annoying, I'm focusing on the fact
10:20
Speaker 1: that maybe spending an extra thirty minutes looking for references
10:24
Speaker 1: is going to be the solution for me. Maybe I'm
10:26
Speaker 1: looking at the fact that I've actually read about this
10:30
Speaker 1: in the past, and i remember reading about and I'm
10:32
Speaker 1: going to look into that, and then you start figuring
10:34
Speaker 1: it out. Instead of looking at it as a dead end,
10:37
Speaker 1: you look at it as I'm really interested to see
10:40
Speaker 1: how I end up unpacking this thing, how I end
10:43
Speaker 1: up putting all the pieces of this puzzle together. I'm
10:45
Speaker 1: really intrigued to see how my brain ends up figuring
10:48
Speaker 1: this out. You could say I've always handed something in always,
10:51
Speaker 1: I've always submitted something at UNI, so you know I'm
10:55
Speaker 1: going to get there eventually. I've just got to work
10:57
Speaker 1: it out. So I'm currently working it out, and then
10:59
Speaker 1: what how hap your subconscious is like, yeah, you are
11:01
Speaker 1: working that, you are you are, so then you go
11:03
Speaker 1: into you stop going into this catastrophic mode, and you
11:05
Speaker 1: go into problem solving mode. Okay, So it's really important
11:09
Speaker 1: that you listen when you say I'm stuck, rewrite it
11:13
Speaker 1: and say I'm figuring this out. I'm figuring this out.
11:17
Speaker 1: You don't have to have it figured out yet for
11:19
Speaker 1: your brain to be in a proactive state. Okay, sense, Sense. Now.
11:29
Speaker 1: The next thing, number three is the importance of language
11:32
Speaker 1: and your identity. What you should be so fucking stinged
11:35
Speaker 1: with what you identify with. Okay, I need you to
11:39
Speaker 1: take a huge inventory on what you identify with and
11:42
Speaker 1: strip it right back, because so many things that we
11:46
Speaker 1: consider as part of our identity doesn't need to be
11:49
Speaker 1: or just isn't helpful. If it's a helpful part of
11:52
Speaker 1: your identity, absolutely keep it. If it works for you,
11:54
Speaker 1: if it makes you happier, if it makes your life fulfilled,
11:57
Speaker 1: keep it. But there's so many things that we have
12:00
Speaker 1: that's so unnecessary, and our identity is very malleable. So
12:04
Speaker 1: if you keep telling yourself this one thing unnecessarily, you're
12:07
Speaker 1: making it part of your identity unnecessarily. For example, if
12:11
Speaker 1: you say I'm a procrastinator, I always procrastinate, that's now
12:15
Speaker 1: part of your identity. You're making it part of who
12:17
Speaker 1: you are. It's not saying I often will put things off,
12:21
Speaker 1: but I'm now starting to change that. And the way
12:23
Speaker 1: I'm going to change that is by whatever that's different.
12:25
Speaker 1: You can acknowledge a trait in yourself. But if you're like, oh,
12:28
Speaker 1: I'm a procrastinator, it's never gonna get done on that's
12:31
Speaker 1: just me, that's just who I am, then that's just
12:34
Speaker 1: who you're gonna be. You've reached your dead end that
12:36
Speaker 1: you can't proceed any further if that's a belief about
12:39
Speaker 1: your identity. Okay, so you could say instead of saying
12:41
Speaker 1: I'm a procrastinator, you could say I'm going to get better. Oh,
12:44
Speaker 1: I'm starting to get better on managing my tasks. I'm
12:48
Speaker 1: getting better at managing my tasks. And then if you
12:51
Speaker 1: say that, then you start to look at ways that
12:53
Speaker 1: you have gotten better at managing your tasks or you know,
12:57
Speaker 1: you could say, I've never been confident. I'm not a
12:59
Speaker 1: confident person. I have no confidence. I have no confidence,
13:02
Speaker 1: and then you go and bang on about it, and
13:04
Speaker 1: then of course you then confirm that based on your behaviors,
13:07
Speaker 1: based on how you interact with people or you know,
13:10
Speaker 1: at unior, at school, or at work. You could change
13:14
Speaker 1: that too. I'm starting to build confidence in certain areas
13:18
Speaker 1: in my life. I'm starting to become more confident in
13:21
Speaker 1: my own work, in my own abilities, in things like
13:25
Speaker 1: things like that. Instead of saying things like I'm very
13:29
Speaker 1: unlucky in love, I'm so unlucky in love, you could
13:31
Speaker 1: change that too. I'm going to be more intentional with
13:34
Speaker 1: who I choose to spend time with. I'm becoming intentional
13:37
Speaker 1: with who I choose to spend time with. So it's
13:40
Speaker 1: not this like, oh, it's all in the control of
13:42
Speaker 1: the rest of the world, but I have no control. No, Okay.
13:45
Speaker 1: The words that you choose are pivotal in reinforcing the
13:50
Speaker 1: character that you end up becoming. Our language is key
13:54
Speaker 1: to our identity. So stop banging on about shit. Stop
13:58
Speaker 1: beating a dead horse about things that don't work for
14:00
Speaker 1: you anymore. It's okay to acknowledge something about yourself that
14:03
Speaker 1: you would like to change, but once that's been acknowledged,
14:06
Speaker 1: stop identifying with it. Once you're like, Okay, I acknowledge
14:10
Speaker 1: I'm a procrastinator. I have been up until today, but
14:13
Speaker 1: now I'm changing my language because if I keep saying
14:15
Speaker 1: I'm a procrastinator, the brain's like, yeah, you are con't
14:18
Speaker 1: you're a fucking procrastinator. Okay, now before you can want
14:23
Speaker 1: something and still talk yourself out of it daily. Okay,
14:27
Speaker 1: So examples of this, and this is really important. It's
14:30
Speaker 1: so this is this is where most of us crumble
14:33
Speaker 1: because we do want something different, we know what that
14:36
Speaker 1: different thing looks like, but we're still really good at
14:38
Speaker 1: talking ourselves out of it. So, for example, say you
14:40
Speaker 1: want a relationship. I want a relationship, but then at
14:43
Speaker 1: the same time, you're saying I don't trust anyone. You
14:46
Speaker 1: can't trust anyone. Look look at every relationship. You know,
14:50
Speaker 1: there are people that look at other people like I've
14:52
Speaker 1: seen people comment on people's posts like relationship announcement posts.
14:59
Speaker 1: I'm not joking, like people that they don't know, like
15:01
Speaker 1: an influencer or something, someone that they don't know personally,
15:03
Speaker 1: but them commenting on them being like, let's see how
15:06
Speaker 1: long this lasts. Let's see if this if you guys
15:09
Speaker 1: get past the three month stage, Like that, negativity is
15:12
Speaker 1: a reflection on what they're probably feeling about their own luck.
15:16
Speaker 1: When it comes to relationships, it's like nothing's gonna last.
15:19
Speaker 1: Everything falls apart, it's all fake. Everything you see is fake.
15:22
Speaker 1: If someone's posting their relationship all the time on social media,
15:25
Speaker 1: it means that it's fake or this like negative negative,
15:29
Speaker 1: negative ideas around what makes up a good relationship and
15:34
Speaker 1: what's a bad relationship, and every relationship is bad. But
15:37
Speaker 1: at the same time, you want to be in a relationship, right,
15:40
Speaker 1: So you're like, I don't trust people, I don't trust anyone,
15:43
Speaker 1: and I don't trust other relationships, but I want to
15:46
Speaker 1: be in a relationship. See how that doesn't align because
15:49
Speaker 1: then your deep seated belief is that there's no trust.
15:53
Speaker 1: So it's a negative emotion, and you're trying to bring
15:56
Speaker 1: that negative emotion into trying to find the love of
15:58
Speaker 1: your life. It's not gonna work. You could say you
16:03
Speaker 1: want success, you want to be successful, but you're always
16:06
Speaker 1: banging on about how lazy you are. You do the
16:08
Speaker 1: bare minimum. Oh, I can't get out of bed. I'm
16:10
Speaker 1: always bed rotting, I'm always this, I'm always that, which
16:13
Speaker 1: may be the truth, but you got to think my
16:15
Speaker 1: language right now is not aligning at all with what
16:16
Speaker 1: I want. And as much as this might have been
16:20
Speaker 1: my truth, like what I've lived until now, I have
16:25
Speaker 1: to change how I talk about these things because I
16:27
Speaker 1: can't in one breath say I really want to be
16:30
Speaker 1: successful at this career. I really want to rise above
16:33
Speaker 1: the masses and you know, be one of the best
16:35
Speaker 1: at what I'm doing, but then at the same time
16:38
Speaker 1: bang on about how I can just barely get the
16:40
Speaker 1: bare minimum done and I'm really just innately a lazy person.
16:43
Speaker 1: They don't align. Okay. You could say that you want like,
16:47
Speaker 1: I just need peace in my life. I need peace
16:49
Speaker 1: in my life. But you're the first one to instigate
16:51
Speaker 1: drama in the friendship group. But you're the first one
16:53
Speaker 1: to talk about, you know, gossip, or you're the first
16:55
Speaker 1: one that someone's told you a secret and now you're
16:57
Speaker 1: telling someone else that secret. But then you're saying you
16:59
Speaker 1: want peace in your life. Doesn't make sense. Okay, So
17:02
Speaker 1: if your narrative contradicts your wishes, your desires for life,
17:08
Speaker 1: you will not grow, You will stay stuck where you are.
17:11
Speaker 1: They have to align your language. Your narrative has to
17:15
Speaker 1: align with your desires. If you want peace, you have
17:17
Speaker 1: to be the peace. Okay. If you want trust a
17:21
Speaker 1: trusting relationship, you have to trust other people's relationships, or
17:24
Speaker 1: you have to trust love. Right. If you want success.
17:28
Speaker 1: You have to emulate what that version of success looks like.
17:32
Speaker 1: You got to start acting from within. If it's not
17:35
Speaker 1: gonna align, then it's not gonna align. Okay. Isn't some
17:38
Speaker 1: magical version of yourself that exists out there that everything's
17:43
Speaker 1: going to change for them one day when they wake up.
17:44
Speaker 1: Who you are right now is who you're going to
17:46
Speaker 1: be in three months time, six months time, twelve months time.
17:48
Speaker 1: You have to emulate the change now to see the
17:51
Speaker 1: results down the line. Okay, Now, step five and the
17:56
Speaker 1: last step is little actionable shifts you can do. So
18:01
Speaker 1: it's all about replacing tiny things because so much of
18:06
Speaker 1: our happiness achieving goals, so much of what I talk
18:11
Speaker 1: about it's actually really small actionable tasks. It's cumulative. It's
18:16
Speaker 1: the fact that it's cumulative that makes the difference in
18:18
Speaker 1: your life. When we talk about happiness, it's about the
18:21
Speaker 1: little pockets, pockets, pockets, pockets, pockets throughout the day that
18:24
Speaker 1: make you really happy. But it's an accumulation of all
18:28
Speaker 1: these things that equal a happy life. When we talk
18:31
Speaker 1: about health, when we talk about training, when we talk
18:33
Speaker 1: about your dream body and the gym and all, it's
18:35
Speaker 1: all it's these little things stacked stack stack, stack stack
18:39
Speaker 1: stack stacked. That then equal you can have a happy life. Okay.
18:43
Speaker 1: So when we talk about actionable shifts, it's little changes
18:47
Speaker 1: in how you phrase things that will turn you into
18:50
Speaker 1: slowly but surely becoming a person off your word, which
18:53
Speaker 1: is the goal. Right. So instead of saying I'm trying
18:57
Speaker 1: to we're cutting that out from now on if you
19:01
Speaker 1: can remember, and you can remember, so when you remember two,
19:05
Speaker 1: I am doing okay, not I'm going to try to
19:09
Speaker 1: go to the gym every day this week, you're going
19:12
Speaker 1: to change it to I will go to the gym,
19:15
Speaker 1: and then finish it with something that you know for
19:17
Speaker 1: a fact you will follow through with. So if you're
19:20
Speaker 1: someone that you look back being like, yeah, but I've
19:22
Speaker 1: said that a thousand times that I've never followed through,
19:24
Speaker 1: less is more, Less is more. Stop overestimating what you
19:28
Speaker 1: can do in a short timeframe, but don't underestimate what
19:31
Speaker 1: you can do in a long time frame. As Tony
19:32
Speaker 1: Robbins says, So you're going to do is you're going
19:35
Speaker 1: to say I will go to the gym once this week.
19:40
Speaker 1: You're not saying that you won't go more than once.
19:42
Speaker 1: Be saying at least once. Okay, So you're not I'm
19:45
Speaker 1: going to try and go over there. I'm going to try.
19:47
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try, and then it never happens, like, can't
19:50
Speaker 1: shut the fuck up. I'm going to follow through on
19:51
Speaker 1: a person of my word, thank you very much. So
19:53
Speaker 1: what is something that I know for a fact? I
19:56
Speaker 1: will follow through with book in that class? Now, if
19:58
Speaker 1: it's Sunday afternoon or if it's Monday afternoon, I don't care.
20:01
Speaker 1: You will book that class in. Okay. If you don't
20:03
Speaker 1: want to do a class, you're going to schedule your
20:05
Speaker 1: day so you make sure that you actually go to
20:07
Speaker 1: the gym. If you know as a fact that in
20:09
Speaker 1: the afternoons you're just too tired, you will make it
20:12
Speaker 1: happen in the morning. There's all these things that you
20:14
Speaker 1: can do based on your track record of behavior, that
20:17
Speaker 1: you can work around to make sure that the chances
20:20
Speaker 1: of succeeding are at the highest possible. So not, I'm
20:23
Speaker 1: trying to replace it with I am doing And if
20:26
Speaker 1: you need to reduce the goal to start with just
20:28
Speaker 1: to ensure that you follow through, then you follow through.
20:31
Speaker 1: Not I'm going to try to get my entire essay
20:34
Speaker 1: done this weekend instead, and then you don't do anything
20:37
Speaker 1: throughout the week. Instead, you say, I'm going to spend
20:40
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes just revising my essay today. Before you know it,
20:44
Speaker 1: when you start looking at that essay, you're editing, you're
20:47
Speaker 1: adding words, you're and then you're in that head specifly like, oh,
20:50
Speaker 1: it's doable, it's doable, it's doable. Okay, We're not avoiding,
20:53
Speaker 1: we're getting involved changing. I'll never be the kind of person.
20:57
Speaker 1: I'm never going to be a morning person. I'm never
21:00
Speaker 1: whatever person. Change that too. I'm becoming someone who say
21:05
Speaker 1: it's a morning person. You're like, I just hate getting
21:07
Speaker 1: up super early in the mornings. You don't have to
21:08
Speaker 1: get up super early in the mornings. But if you
21:11
Speaker 1: say I'm not a morning person, you're not even talking
21:14
Speaker 1: about the time, and then you're saying that you just
21:17
Speaker 1: don't enjoy mornings at all. You could still get up
21:19
Speaker 1: a bit later, you could get up at eight at
21:22
Speaker 1: whatever time that works for you, but still make the
21:25
Speaker 1: most of your morning. Right. But this language, if I'm
21:27
Speaker 1: not a morning person, is the kind of person that
21:29
Speaker 1: will roll out of bed at the last possible time.
21:32
Speaker 1: Be on social media, have a shitty mood, need coffee
21:36
Speaker 1: to feel awake, stumble out of the house, and then
21:38
Speaker 1: their day starts. Versus I am a morning person. I
21:41
Speaker 1: don't have to be an early morning person, but I
21:44
Speaker 1: am a morning person. I become someone. I'm becoming someone
21:47
Speaker 1: who has a morning routine, who has a strict set
21:51
Speaker 1: of things that I do every morning to kind of
21:53
Speaker 1: create that stability in my head. Okay, things like that.
21:56
Speaker 1: So again, pay attention to the language and bring in
21:59
Speaker 1: a replacement thought. And then lastly, another one that we
22:03
Speaker 1: always do is this always happens to me. This always
22:05
Speaker 1: happens to me, and we you know, if it's a
22:07
Speaker 1: positive thing, keep that statement. If you always get a
22:10
Speaker 1: park right near the door, keep it. I always get
22:13
Speaker 1: a park near the you know, right near the front.
22:15
Speaker 1: Like that's something that might my auntie. The whole family
22:18
Speaker 1: laughs about it. But she always gets a park at
22:20
Speaker 1: shopping centers, wherever she is on the street, whatever, right
22:24
Speaker 1: at the front of where she needs to be. It
22:25
Speaker 1: is like the ultimate manifesto for car parks every single time,
22:30
Speaker 1: to the extent that now the whole family kind of
22:33
Speaker 1: resonates that same statement, Oh she always gets the park.
22:36
Speaker 1: She'll always she's like, I always get a park wheeler,
22:38
Speaker 1: and then everyone echoes, echoes, echoes. Imagine if you could
22:41
Speaker 1: have a statement about yourself that was so known that
22:44
Speaker 1: other people echoed it back to you. That's how like,
22:47
Speaker 1: that's how sure it was, so that you need to
22:50
Speaker 1: create that statement, because if you keep saying this always
22:52
Speaker 1: happens to me for negative things, other people are also
22:55
Speaker 1: going to think that, and then it's kind of this.
22:56
Speaker 1: It gets bounced back and forth between yourself and other people.
22:59
Speaker 1: It's not worth it, I'm telling you. So you could
23:02
Speaker 1: then change that too, this is a pattern that I'm
23:05
Speaker 1: learning to change by doing, and then have a solution.
23:09
Speaker 1: So if you say this always happens to me, I'm
23:12
Speaker 1: always late, I'm always late, You're going to keep being late.
23:15
Speaker 1: But you could say this is a pattern that I'm
23:17
Speaker 1: learning to change by managing my time better, by starting whatever,
23:23
Speaker 1: by making sure that I always aim to get their
23:25
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes earlier, and then I actually get their own time,
23:28
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck it is that you want to do.
23:30
Speaker 1: If you say, oh, this always happens to me, where
23:32
Speaker 1: you know, it's always between myself and one other person
23:35
Speaker 1: in the job interview, and I always make it to
23:37
Speaker 1: the last stage and then I never get the job. Okay,
23:40
Speaker 1: so then you're going to change that too. This is
23:42
Speaker 1: a pattern that I'm learning to change. If I keep
23:44
Speaker 1: telling myself that it always happens to me, then I've
23:46
Speaker 1: got this air about me that I'm not going to
23:48
Speaker 1: get the job right. Maybe that's going to impact my
23:51
Speaker 1: confidence within the interview. Maybe it's going to impact XYZ.
23:54
Speaker 1: All right, So that's I'll go over the key points again.
23:58
Speaker 1: Number one, your language is an instruction manual to your brain.
24:03
Speaker 1: Number two, your subconscious doesn't do nuance, so you need
24:06
Speaker 1: to be very clear on what you say. Don't say
24:08
Speaker 1: I'm stuck, you say I'm figuring it out. Number three,
24:10
Speaker 1: your language is your identity. Get stingy on what you
24:14
Speaker 1: identify with. You can't be identifying with everything left, right
24:17
Speaker 1: and center. Number four. You can want something in your
24:22
Speaker 1: life and still talk yourself out of it daily. So
24:24
Speaker 1: you have to align your wants with what your embedded
24:29
Speaker 1: statements are with yourself. Okay, like this idea of you know,
24:33
Speaker 1: a relationship and not trusting people in the examples that
24:35
Speaker 1: I gave. And number five is actionable shifts, Like how
24:39
Speaker 1: can you shift I'm trying to do this with I
24:42
Speaker 1: am doing this or you know, I'll never be the
24:45
Speaker 1: kind of person who to I am becoming a person
24:48
Speaker 1: who dot dot dot. Okay, so I want you to
24:51
Speaker 1: pay attention to number one. You need to speak like
24:55
Speaker 1: someone who believes that they're capable of doing it. And
24:57
Speaker 1: if you don't believe that you're capable of doing it, again,
25:00
Speaker 1: just limit the parameters a little bit, bring it down
25:02
Speaker 1: a bit, but it has to be believable to you,
25:05
Speaker 1: even if you need to make those steps smaller and
25:08
Speaker 1: smaller and smaller. I don't care. But you have to
25:10
Speaker 1: speak like someone that believes they're capable of doing it.
25:14
Speaker 1: And then once you do it, you become a person
25:16
Speaker 1: of your word. And then you think, well, now I'm
25:18
Speaker 1: capable of doing something a bit bigger than that, and
25:20
Speaker 1: then a bit bigger, and then a bit bigger, and
25:22
Speaker 1: then before you know it. And when I say before
25:23
Speaker 1: you know it, I'm talking about depending on the goal.
25:25
Speaker 1: But three months, six months in a year, you're setting
25:28
Speaker 1: yourself these goals that you're like, I would have never
25:31
Speaker 1: a year ago, never set that goal. Okay. You also
25:36
Speaker 1: need to speak like someone that deserves it, don't be
25:39
Speaker 1: a mart don't be a victim. No one cares for
25:42
Speaker 1: that shit. And then the only one that ends up
25:44
Speaker 1: suffering is you, because if you're like, oh, I know,
25:46
Speaker 1: i'd be nice to have that, but I can't win
25:49
Speaker 1: in wine, you're the one who's then sitting there suffering. Okay,
25:53
Speaker 1: if you look at someone who's got belief in themselves,
25:56
Speaker 1: do you think, oh, my god, ridiculous, ridiculous that they
25:59
Speaker 1: believe that they can, you know, get up early in
26:02
Speaker 1: what a joke? No you don't, well, hopefully you don't,
26:04
Speaker 1: and if you do, then that's another huge reflection on
26:06
Speaker 1: your belief around yourself. But in general, you need to
26:10
Speaker 1: talk about things as if you deserve them, because why not.
26:13
Speaker 1: If not you, then there's the person next to you.
26:15
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't you deserve having these things that you can
26:18
Speaker 1: achieve in your life? You know, I deserve to be
26:21
Speaker 1: someone who has good health. I deserve to be someone
26:23
Speaker 1: that actually enjoys my mornings. I deserve to be someone
26:25
Speaker 1: that's not a fucking victim every single day, Like, why
26:28
Speaker 1: the fuck am I playing the victim every day? I
26:31
Speaker 1: deserve to not be that. Okay, your brain is listening
26:36
Speaker 1: all the time, it's listening to what you're saying. It's
26:38
Speaker 1: hanging on to every word. So you need to make
26:40
Speaker 1: sure that your language aligns with your desires. I want
26:43
Speaker 1: you to right now sit down as homework for this,
26:46
Speaker 1: if you haven't already got all the other homework from
26:48
Speaker 1: the other steps, but I want you to sit down,
26:51
Speaker 1: and I want you to actually lay out all the
26:53
Speaker 1: things in your life that currently work for you and
26:57
Speaker 1: currently don't work for you. You don't even have to
26:59
Speaker 1: listen to things that work for you, because if they're
27:01
Speaker 1: working for you, we don't need to touch them, but
27:03
Speaker 1: especially the things that are not working for you, and
27:05
Speaker 1: I want you to write them in a way that
27:08
Speaker 1: feels more empowering, that feels like change is possible. Okay, So,
27:12
Speaker 1: if you're someone that's always late, rewrite it. If you're
27:14
Speaker 1: someone that always procrastinates, rewrite it when it comes to relationships,
27:19
Speaker 1: trust issues, all of that. Rewrite it in a way
27:22
Speaker 1: that's believable and makes you a person of action because
27:25
Speaker 1: your brain is listening, and the more you say it
27:27
Speaker 1: in this rewritten way, you're going to change your thoughts
27:31
Speaker 1: and your beliefs surround it, and your capabilities around that
27:33
Speaker 1: thing are going to change as well. Guys, that is
27:35
Speaker 1: all for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening.
27:39
Speaker 1: As always, please remember be kind to yourself, be kind
27:41
Speaker 1: to your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially
27:44
Speaker 1: don't take shit from yourself Duncan