Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 45, Season 2: Break Free From Toxic Patterns – Krista Williams on Healing & Authenticity

Transcript

Episode 45, Season 2: Break Free From Toxic Patterns – Krista Williams on Healing & Authenticity · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the love Doc podcast.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I am your co host Raina Butcher here with our host,
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: doctor Sarah Hensley, the owner, founder, and CEO of the
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: love Doc relationship coaching services. You can find her at
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: the lovedoc dot com or on any social media handle
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: at doctor Sarah Hensley.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, Hello, how are you friend?
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: I am excellent excited about our guest today.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: Me too, Me too, I'm super excited.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: Crystal Williams is the host of the Almost thirty podcast
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: and a leader in the modern spirituality, wellness, in personal
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: growth space. She co founded almost thirty alongside the Lindsay.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure I'm gonna say her last name right,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: So you got to help me, Christa Simon.
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: You want to give it a whirl, simic close, it's
• 0:52
  Speaker 5: simsick simms sick.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: Okay, uh okay.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: And you guys launched your book recently, yep, in June,
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: so you don't have to necessarily start with a book.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: But let's just tell our listeners a little bit about you.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: How you guys started the podcast, and then we'll go
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: into your book.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Did you have like over one hundred million downloads? Like,
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: my job was on the floor when I saw it.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I feel so small right now.
• 1:19
  Speaker 5: Oh I did number. I tell you what, numbers really don't.
• 1:22
  Speaker 5: Numbers often lead us to that place where we're like,
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: not enough. But we've been doing it for ten years,
• 1:27
  Speaker 5: so honestly started, you know, way earlier. It was a
• 1:30
  Speaker 5: huge market and important part of our success. We started
• 1:32
  Speaker 5: in twenty sixteen. I was in the corporate world. I
• 1:34
  Speaker 5: came from a small town in Ohio, and at my
• 1:36
  Speaker 5: rock bottom, I really realized that I wasn't anywhere I
• 1:40
  Speaker 5: wanted to be in life. I wasn't married, I didn't
• 1:42
  Speaker 5: have kids, I didn't have a house, I didn't have
• 1:44
  Speaker 5: a job that I liked. And at that rock bottom,
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: I met Lindsay, and out of a pure desire of
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: connection and of our relationship and of our curiosity, we
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: started the Closet. We started the podcast on our closet floors,
• 1:57
  Speaker 5: and it just kind of took off from there.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: Art on Goosebumps, on.
• 2:02
  Speaker 5: Its conversations, and taken our friendship, like our chemistry and
• 2:05
  Speaker 5: our friendship, which is what you guys so much have.
• 2:07
  Speaker 5: So from that point we really built the business. We
• 2:09
  Speaker 5: really followed our intuition. We really were pioneers of creating
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: podcasts that were brands, that were businesses that did things
• 2:16
  Speaker 5: outside of podcasting, like merch and tours and courses and
• 2:19
  Speaker 5: programs and all of that. And what I'll say in
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: my life is I've tried to do a lot of things.
• 2:23
  Speaker 5: I've tried a lot of careers. I've been on a
• 2:25
  Speaker 5: lot of different paths. And it was the path that
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: I didn't try for and I did an effort for,
• 2:30
  Speaker 5: and the path that I had the most fun in
• 2:32
  Speaker 5: and was the easiest that ended up being, you know,
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: the purpose, my purpose in life. And now I work
• 2:38
  Speaker 5: with women all over the world through my own practice
• 2:40
  Speaker 5: and work. But it's been the biggest gift, I would say, for.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Sure, we can relate absolutely.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: That's kind of how it unfolded for us too.
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: Ironically enough.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I was I'm a jazzer Size instructor, but Sarah had
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: been coming to my Jazzer Size classes and I frequently
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: talked about being a mom from stage and she was
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: going through a pretty brutal divorce at the time, and
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: just you know, it takes a lot of It takes
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: a lot of courage for women at a certain age
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: to approach other women and to make friends yeah, it
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: becomes a little bit more difficult. And that's one thing
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: that I admired. It was just she came up. You'd
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: probably been I don't know, three or four of my classes,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: and you came up to me after class one day
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: and you were like, hey, you know, I know you said,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: you're a single mom and I'm going through a really
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: bad divorce.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: Can we go grab coffee?
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, sure, you know, And so that's kind
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: of how it evolved, and we trauma bonded over our
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: shitty relationships.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: Trauma bond over that.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then we you know, we haven't looked back since.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: And it's it's been you know, about eight years now,
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: and it's been a really it's been an evolution.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: Has been So I just followed my intuition. And you
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: mentioned the word intuition, and that's a big part of
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: you know, your philosophy. So tell us a little bit
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: about how intuition has sort of shaped your life and
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: leads your life.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: M M.
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: I mean, intuition is the superpower of the feminine. It's
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: the superpower of the women that I work with. And
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: you guys know and have experience of how your intuition
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: has just led you to such magic. Like if you
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: wouldn't have followed that voice that said to go say
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: hi to her, to go ask her for to maybe
• 4:20
  Speaker 5: maybe I'm going to say, hey, we should start a podcast,
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: like you wouldn't be here today on this path. And
• 4:26
  Speaker 5: what I want for everyone is to have that deep
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: relationship with that part of them that knows where to go,
• 4:32
  Speaker 5: that knows what to say, that knows what to do.
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: And for so many of us, we've been so cut
• 4:38
  Speaker 5: off from our intuition, we've been so cut off from
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: that gut feeling, and we can look in a lot
• 4:43
  Speaker 5: of different ways. You know, for most of us, our
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: parents were like, don't cry, don't do this, you're too sensitive.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: Talk to this person, do this, wear this, do that,
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: And so at a young age, we're constantly told that
• 4:56
  Speaker 5: what we're feeling or what we're into it ing is
• 4:58
  Speaker 5: not correct, is not okay, and is not appropriate. Yes yeah,
• 5:02
  Speaker 5: culture and society media tells women, don't listen to your bodies,
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: listen to doctors, don't do this, listen to this. And
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: so the real reclamation of our power is really reconnecting
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: with that voice within that voice that is the ultimate
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: guide and compass in our lives, and the more we
• 5:15
  Speaker 5: can just shed and get rid of all of the
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: voices externally, whether it's religion, church, whether it's our friends,
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: our family, whatever it is, and just reconnect with the
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: part of us that knows, the better our life is,
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: the more magical our life is, and the more beautiful
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: the result of, you know, our curiosity is.
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a really really good point. You know, let's
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: abandon the rules and let's go back to our gut.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: And I think about one time in my life that
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: was my intuition, was just the most powerful moment that
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: changed everything, which was you know, I was so deeply
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: unhappy in my marriage, and he was asleep on the
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: recliner like he had always been, and you know, I'd
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: put the kids to bed. I'd put the kids to bed,
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: and I took his phone and I went, oh, can
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: there's some I God, just let me find something on
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: here that gives me an out, Like I can't take
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: this anymore. And I feel like if I open this
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: phone right now, I'm gonna find it. So I took
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: his pass out finger and I put it on the
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: little you know before it was your face. I put
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: it on his phone and opened it up, and that's
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: when I saw the message from his long term affair partner.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: It was right there and it was like it was
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: like every other night. There was no difference in that
• 6:26
  Speaker 3: night than a hundred nights before, but there was something
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: in me that was just like open it. And then
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: I just said a little prayer and I said, God,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: just let me find something. And as painful as it
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: was to see, it's what led to my divorce.
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: Girl, those were more than intuition skills. Those were like
• 6:40
  Speaker 4: detective skills.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean intuition leads to the detective skills, right.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: And whether it's trauma or your intuition, you know, like
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: I think the most intuitive people have that attunement, that
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: awareness that's hyper vigilance in some ways where we know
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: and like God, and this is the thing with intuition
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: is like is that something you are excited to find? No? Like,
• 7:05
  Speaker 5: but is that something that leads you on the path
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: that's the most aligned path for you? Yes? And so
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: she is not always going to be like go this
• 7:13
  Speaker 5: way and then you go get a lottery ticket and
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: you win the lottery is going to be like this
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: is off You're living on the lines. You're in pain
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: on a daily basis, you're not happy, you're not making moves.
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: I'm going to help you on your path and I'm
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: going to give you the sign to look at the phone,
• 7:28
  Speaker 5: to do the thing, to say the thing. And I
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: have a nervous system response to phone things too. I've
• 7:33
  Speaker 5: been in many situations in my life in my relationship
• 7:35
  Speaker 5: where I've had where I've looked at the phone and
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: found something every freaking time that I thought. And I
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: think we women, like we collectively have that wound of
• 7:44
  Speaker 5: like I know and if I look, I know it's
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: going to be confirmed. M but here I go yep.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: And there were so many times I didn't look at
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: the phone for that reason because I was like it
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: was like I knew I was going to find something,
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: but that night, I don't know, I don't know what
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: it was. It was just that gut, It was God,
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: it was all the things that were just like open it.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: And you know, speaking of divorce, you've been through a divorce,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: and you know, I think you give a perspective on
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: divorce that a lot of women need to hear. And
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: so share your perspective on divorce. I tell us a
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: little bit about your experience and what you've learned from it.
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah. So I was with my partner for ten years.
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: We almost grew up together, and it was one of those,
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: you know, really magical meetings. I was going to go
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: to Auburn in Alabama for college randomly, like just was
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: like early decision, wanted to go, and then last minute
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: changed my mind decided to go home. But he would
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: have been the person I would have met at college
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: he went to Auburn. I ended up meeting him four
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: years later in Chicago randomly on the street, and that
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: just started our relationship. And so we had this like
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: psychics tell us it was true all of that, and
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: we had a really beautiful relationship until it wasn't. And
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: at ten years in our after we were married, I
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: had finally got the courage after doing a lot of
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: work myself, a lot of soul searching, a lot of
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: like processing, a lot of you know, experiencing the breakup
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: before it happened, I had the courage to leave. And
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: you know, at that moment, I thought my life was
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: gonna get worse. I thought I would gain weight, I
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: would never find someone. I would you know, just hit
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: rock bottom and never come back. And what actually happened
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: was I became more of myself. I became more aligned.
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: My body transformed, my relationships transformed, my money transformed, Like,
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: because I didn't realize that in that relationship, I was
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: living in patterns where I was hiding, where I was avoiding,
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: where I was not expressing myself or my truth, where
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: I was denying myself my power, where I was lying
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: to myself, where I was like just constantly unaligned. Because
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: I'm in a relationship, that's someone that's living with me,
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: that's creating this reaction where I'm unaligned, that was impacting
• 9:55
  Speaker 5: all of my life. And so what I realized leaving
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: that relationship was like, God, life can get so much
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: better when you leave a relationship and go out on
• 10:04
  Speaker 5: your own. And the destination of thinking that marriage has
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: to be with someone that is not for you has
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: also transformed me. And the fact that like, you can
• 10:16
  Speaker 5: have multiple loves in your life and it can get
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: better and better you continue to.
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: Follow the path absolutely, And I always speak from this
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: place of like, you don't realize how greener the grass
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: really can be on the other side of a very
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: toxic relationship if you are not able to be authentic
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: in your relationship. If you are under enormous amount of
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: stress in your relationship, if you are not able to
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: have your needs met in your relationship and that person
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: is not at all interested in doing the work with
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: you to change the dynamic, you are probably staying because
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: you fear the pain of detachment. And the science shows
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: that people fear the identity loss. But sometimes you need
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: to shed that identity and you need to step into
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: a new one. And so it sounds like that's what
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: happened to you.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: You talk a lot about like the evolution of identity,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: and so how do you know, like when you needed
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: to let like an old version of yourself go and
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: step into this new version?
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: Were these were there?
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Were they like epivotal moments or you know, like do
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: you remember I always remember I'm like I knew what
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: I was wearing, I knew where I was standing. You know,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: when you start to step into that different version of
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: yourself and have you experience some of those same things, Yeah.
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: I would say in that relationship, you know, there was
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: two moments where my identity I was like, oh, I'm
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: no longer available for that, and that's no longer you
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: know aligned to me. I remember I had outsourced so
• 11:46
  Speaker 5: much of my intuition and my just myself to my friends,
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: to my therapist, everyone else. What should I do? What
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: should I do? This is happening, this is happening. For
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: probably two years, I was asking everybody else there advice, opinions, psychics, healers,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: what should I do? What should I do? All this stuff,
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: and I'll never forget. I was in Italy on this
• 12:04
  Speaker 5: retreat and I had a session with a psychic bear,
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: this woman, and she was like, you know, looking at her,
• 12:10
  Speaker 5: She's like, you know, I see you guys staying together
• 12:12
  Speaker 5: and being together, and you know, you guys are going
• 12:14
  Speaker 5: to get through it. And I was wearing this like
• 12:16
  Speaker 5: white dress. It was like a day in Italy, and
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: I was walking down the stairs leaving the session and
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: I was like, no, I'm not. And I just remember
• 12:23
  Speaker 5: being like, I do not care what she says, I
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: don't care what she sees, I don't care what is
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: in her crystal ball. I am not staying in that
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: freakin relationship. And it's almost like someone saying that to
• 12:34
  Speaker 5: me gave me the confidence to have my own experience
• 12:37
  Speaker 5: and my own opinion of my choice of what is
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: best for me in my path. And then the second
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: experience was, you know, in the relationship, I'll never forget.
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: You know, there was narcissistic tendencies within the dynamic, and
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: I've struggled with that in my life because my mother
• 12:55
  Speaker 5: had that as well. So I was recreating that dynamic
• 12:58
  Speaker 5: and so there was a lot of like, there was
• 13:01
  Speaker 5: a lot of gaslighting. There was a lot of you
• 13:03
  Speaker 5: know that type of talk in our dynamic. And I
• 13:06
  Speaker 5: remember one time I wouldn't say things right. He would
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: never be happy with how I'd say things. So anything
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: that I said, it wasn't said nicely, it was said sweetly,
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: wasn't said clearly. Like the thing that I had an
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: issue about or would bring up was always then it's
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: the way that I'm saying it, how I'm saying it
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: is the problem.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: That's that's the most common. Blame shift.
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, blame shifting was crazy. And I just remember sitting
• 13:29
  Speaker 5: on the edge of my bed just looking out the
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: window and it was our anniversary, and of course, you know,
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: anniversaries are days for fighting when you're having issues, and
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: I was just bawling my eyes out and I just
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: heard my soul say, you know, for the right person,
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: you don't need to be perfect, you just need to
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: be yourself.
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: And I had this moment of recommitting and realigning to
• 13:50
  Speaker 5: an identity of a woman that didn't feel that she
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: had to say everything perfectly or be perfect to be loved,
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: and that just as I was, I could loved. And
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: in that moment, I had this like compassion for him
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: and compassion for myself and a strength of like, yeah,
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: I'm no longer I'm no longer subscribing to the belief
• 14:12
  Speaker 5: that there's something wrong with me all the time, or
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: I need to be fixed, or I am you know,
• 14:16
  Speaker 5: incorrect in the way that I'm approaching this. And that
• 14:19
  Speaker 5: type of strength that came from recommitting to an identity
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: of a strong woman that knows who she is and
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: what she deserves was essential in me stepping out of
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: that dynamic. Right.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I had a very similar experience. I was with my
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: son's dad for twelve years and it was always toxic.
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: We never married, but it was off, it was on,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: it was up, it was down. It never felt like
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: we were ever on the same page, and there was
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: lots of fighting. And you know, this is a guy
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: that did everything perrifict. Yeah, everything I can imagine, you know,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: other than like punch me in the face. You know,
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: we never did anything like that, but just emotionally really,
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: you know, had just pushed me to my lowest. You know,
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: we went through a terrible custody battle and you know,
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: lots of different things. He got another girl pregnant and
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I still stayed. And so I remember the moment after
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: twelve years, and like you said, it's the epiphanies are
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: I think you may not know it at the moment,
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: but it's when you step into self trust. And that's
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: what I did in that moment. And I remember we
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: had gone to one of his cousin's weddings and you know,
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: it's my son, he's like nine at the time, and
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: we're standing there at this wedding, this big fancy wedding
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: that you had to RSVP for because it was a
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: sit down dinner. And I sit there to grab my
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: card and he had an RSVP'd for me, and I
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: swear it was the most simple thought that came into
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: my head, but it was it was this. It was like,
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: this is the life I will always live if I
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: choose this life. And it's that I will always be
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: a second thought, and I be damned, I refused to
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: be someone's second thought any more. And I left. I
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: left that night. I took myself and it was over.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: And it was over. And my sister even jokes, like
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: we still joke about it to this day because we're like,
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: She's like, you're talking about somebody that did like really
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: bad things to you, and the whole like the you know,
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: the straw that broke the camel's back was an RSVP
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: to a wedding, And I'm like, hey, you know, sometimes
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: just that's just the way it goes.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: But you were following your intuition. Your intuition spoke loud
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: enough in that moment. It was crystal clear and you
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: saw the align. It was that moment that you saw
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: the misalignment.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and it was you know, and and for you
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: and for myself, this is the voice of the intuition
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: versus fear. It was quiet. It was like, girl, that
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: RSVP come on, and you're like, yeah, yeah, I agree. Hey,
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: guess what, you can be loved better in a different situation.
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: It's here. It's never yelling. And I think what I've
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: also had compassion for is giving myself, the grace of
• 17:04
  Speaker 5: my process, of the process that really allowed me to
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: see all the ways I was compromising, allowed me to
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: see all the ways I was lying to myself, allowed
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: me to see all the nooks and crannies of how
• 17:15
  Speaker 5: I was negotiating my needs, and just like all of that.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: So just honoring any woman that's in the process of
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: divorce or breakup like we're talking about here, and just
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: honoring the like deep unraveling of the parts of you
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: and the aspects of you and the ways that you're
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: just downplaying yourself and then trusting and praying that you
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: will hear that voice, and when you hear that voice,
• 17:38
  Speaker 5: you will move Because I had to do that with
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: myself otherwise looking back and knowing like we should have
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: broke up four years earlier, we should have gotten there,
• 17:45
  Speaker 5: like is a little too much, and so being like, wow,
• 17:48
  Speaker 5: I really sculpted myself after that. I really saw myself
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: at my lowest and now I can really see all
• 17:55
  Speaker 5: the ways in which I can work on myself and
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: also love myself more deeply.
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, love that so much. And so talk to
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: us a little bit about how you know your career
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: has even empowered you even more. How you feel like
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: helping other people, you know, from learning from some of
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: these pain points and coming into alignment with yourself. Just
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: tell us a little bit about how your career has
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: helped you feel even more aligned, Like how just doing
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: this work has felt so authentic to you. Tell us
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: a little bit about that.
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, So for anyone listening, I have the podcast I
• 18:31
  Speaker 5: work almost thirty we have the podcast. We've had for
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: ten years. And then I also coach and work with
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: women one on one. I do corporate consulting and then retreats.
• 18:39
  Speaker 5: And what's the best part about my work is that
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: I work deeply with women and people, and I'm a
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: public figure and so everyone sees the fruits of my labor.
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: You know, the fruits of who I am is shown
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: and what I do. So it holds me to a
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: different standard, Like I could not be someone that wasn't
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: living in integrity with who I am and what I
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: do in the spaces that I'm in. Like if I
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: was like, you know, lying to everybody and saying that like,
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: oh yeah, my life is perfect and everything is amazing,
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: and then it was you know, squalor behind the scenes,
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: I would be exposed so it holds me to a
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: higher standard, which I really love and also could be
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: challenging at times. And then it's also been really beautiful
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: because a lot of my work I haven't had to
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: try for it's just me showing up authentically and vulnerably
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: and being like, yeah, I really struggle with my body
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: and I'm really having a hard time loving myself and
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: who I am, and I don't know where it's going
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: to take me, but this is what I'm going to
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: do to support myself in the process. And then I
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: was able to heal that and kind of move on.
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: So I think having the public platform and the community
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: being honest and upfront and then really choosing to do
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: the work and then being the results of that work
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: has just been the greatest blessing. So for anyone listening,
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: whether you have a platform or not, when you can
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: have community friends, a best friend holds you accountable to
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: the identity that you want to have of someone that's empowered, word, powerful, queen, mystic, teacher,
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: whatever it is that you want. That is when you
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: can kind of see and see yourself evolve and change
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: into that version because you have someone that's holding you accountable.
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: Much like my audience does for me.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: I love that I absolutely done that for me.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I mean she really has, you know, because I've only
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: been on with the Love Doc for two years. So
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: it was actually February twenty twenty four. You know, we
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: were standing in her kitchen. Had a cushy federal government
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: job that I could have stayed at forever and retired
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: and you know, maybe not been super fulfilled creativity creativity wise,
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: but you know, I knew that I was over overqualified
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: for the job that I was doing, but I was comfortable.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: And you know, she had asked me previously, like hey,
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: come on, help me with my marketing.
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: Let's do this.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I don't know like it. You know,
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: working with a friend feels a little too much. And
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: you know, she was like, look, I'll replace your salary plus.
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: Pay you commission.
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh wow, okay, this okay, this
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: might be better for me. And then I remember she
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: looked at me and she was like, I want you
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: to make you know, twenty thousand dollars a month and
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: to me at that time, and of course, this isn't
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: just about finances, right, It's not just about money, but
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: I like that was that number felt astronomical and almost
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: unattainable to me, right, but she believed in me that much.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: She knew what I had to offer. She saw something
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: in me that I didn't even yet see in myself.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: I did, and Wow, what a difference the past two
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: years have made in my life, you know, because even
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: the podcast has been this space for me to heal
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: so like to be I'm still working a little bit
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: on like not being nervous when I show up or
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: you know, using my voice more, but it's been this
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: place where I can kind of just tell the truth
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: and not be afraid of it and talk about the
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: hard shit that I've been through or the trauma and
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: not feel shame because you're right, When your voice is amplified.
• 22:16
  Speaker 4: There's power in that.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: And when you know that your voice has the power
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: to change other people's lives, well then I mean there's
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: no words to even put to that what that feels like,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: and how almost it's humbling, right, It's extremely humbling and
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: so power powerful.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know when you really connect with that.
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: You know, in psychology they have this concept called identity priming,
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: and it's beautiful because it's almost like you guys were
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: doing identity. You were doing identity priming where you saw
• 22:47
  Speaker 5: her at this higher you had this higher vision of her.
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, I know you're at that government job,
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: but I see you as an incredible woman capable of
• 22:56
  Speaker 5: doing this. I see you as magnetic, clear all the things.
• 22:59
  Speaker 5: And the more people can hold you to the identity
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: of the one you want to step into, the more
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: your community can your friends and your family, the more
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: likely you are to rise to that identity. You have
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: your identity the future, identity primed, and so you were
• 23:15
  Speaker 5: able to be like, wait, I do have what it takes.
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: I do have what's possible. I can speak clearly, I
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: can speak from my heart. And I also love what
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: you shared that, Like, the most beautiful thing is you
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: are not trying. It's you sharing your heart, your experience,
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: your life. Like I think women really underestimate how powerful
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: their experience and existence as it is is to the humanity,
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: to the collective, to one another. Like it doesn't always
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: need to be perfect, it doesn't always need to be processed.
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: You don't need to have a bow on everything what
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: you've been through, and sharing that with someone honestly and
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: authentically is usually the most magnetic and powerful thing and
• 23:54
  Speaker 5: the most healing.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: Absolutely, you know, I say it all the time, but
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: authenticity is the most regulating thing to the nervous system
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: for a reason. There's a reason that when you are
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: being your most authentic self, you feel the safest. And
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: it's when we can shed the fear of other people's
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: judgment and just step into our power of who we
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: really are, that our nervous system goes oh okay, and
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: some of that just you have to you have to
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: allow yourself to be seen. And I think what I
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: hear you saying is like, you allow yourself to be
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: seen authentically and in turn that actually regulates you and
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: continues to up level you and continues to inspire you.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Is that right?
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: Yeah, one hundred percent. You know what's a funny thing
• 24:42
  Speaker 5: about me is sometimes I'll get really like obsessed with
• 24:44
  Speaker 5: topics and I'll like deep dive on a topic for
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: like a week now. I was obsessed with sociopaths, like
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: a few weeks ago, and I was reading about sociopaths,
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: and it's so interesting. What it makes a sociopath so
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: disgusting for people to be around is the fact that
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: they're so incongruent their energy and their body language and
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: their like truth is incongruent to the mask that they
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: have on. And so I think about that on the
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: other side with authenticity, when someone is incongruence mind, body,
• 25:12
  Speaker 5: and soul, I'm saying what I feel, what I think.
• 25:16
  Speaker 5: It's all just free flowing out of me. I don't
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: have a filter. I'm not performing. There's nothing I want
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: from you that is like the most regulating thing to
• 25:25
  Speaker 5: yourself and to other people. And I think the thing
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: that what I've worked on with my authenticity or having
• 25:31
  Speaker 5: more congruence within myself is I realized I was the
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: biggest judger of myself.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, guilty.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: I was the meanest to me. And whenever I was
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: like going in a room and I was like, no
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: one sees me, It's like, Babe, that's because you've been
• 25:46
  Speaker 5: talking shit to yourself for four hours today and you
• 25:49
  Speaker 5: were saying you're not enough, you're not interesting, all of
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: these things. And so I think when we can create
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: a safe space within ourselves, I think the world then
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: reflects that. And so a lot of authenticity is allowing
• 25:59
  Speaker 5: the parts of us that we've shamed, that we've condemned
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: that we hate to be seen, heard, and felt, so
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: that we create that safety and magnetism within ourselves and
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: then we can hold that and have that with other people.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: I'm very curious how you personally started to recognize that
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: voice and then change it, because I think one big
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: problem that not just women have, but women maybe in
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: particular more so than men, is that they don't even
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: know that the voice is speaking, right. They don't even
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: acknowledge it. It's just it's so there all the time
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: that they don't even recognize it. M h.
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah. I think what has helped me on my path
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: find the connection to that voice. And this is like
• 26:44
  Speaker 5: one oh one stuff, it's so basic, but I really
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: think it helps us have an awareness of self is meditation,
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: the mindfulness practice. What's important about it is it gives
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: you the pause of reaction and the noticing of the thought.
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: Until I started meditating when I was twenty, I had
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: tons of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that were literally running
• 27:03
  Speaker 5: my life. I was like, oh my, you know, whatever
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: I was feeling in that moment was the control of
• 27:10
  Speaker 5: my life. And as someone that's deeply sensitive, that was
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: a very chaotic experience. And so meditation and mindfulness gives
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: us the moment of the pause of Okay, I'm noticing
• 27:21
  Speaker 5: that I'm thinking that no one's listening to me in
• 27:24
  Speaker 5: this conversation, and that no one cares what I have
• 27:27
  Speaker 5: to say. Okay. Interesting, So then I have the observer
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: and the thought, and that is really essential in this
• 27:34
  Speaker 5: process of finding that. And then I think what also
• 27:37
  Speaker 5: has helped me is doing mother wound work, and mother
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: wound work is really healing the relationship with the feminine
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: and our mother sometimes and for me, my inner critic
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: was often the voice of my mother. You know, from
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: a young age, we really take on the thoughts of
• 27:51
  Speaker 5: our parents. And you know, for many of our sub
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: you know this more than me, but our subconscious is
• 27:56
  Speaker 5: really just our parents beliefs, thoughts, and opinions. Absolutely, So
• 28:00
  Speaker 5: when I could kind of work with that and see
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: the inner critic voice as her, I could really work
• 28:05
  Speaker 5: with that and personify it and then work with the
• 28:08
  Speaker 5: personified version of that. So our brain loves to personify
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: things to heal. That's why ifs parts work is so
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: important to me. And when I can be like, oh,
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: there's a little girl in me that's telling me I
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: need to be perfect to be loved. Oh okay, I
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: see you girl, like yeh, I'm noticing you, I'm honoring you,
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: I'm accepting you, and then we can kind of break
• 28:26
  Speaker 5: and create space. And I think the two to Zho
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: one level thing that I'll say, just to wrap it
• 28:31
  Speaker 5: on this that I work with my girls on because
• 28:33
  Speaker 5: a lot of my girls have done a lot of
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: the work they're very processed, is having your inner critic
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: become your coach. And my inner critic is the most
• 28:41
  Speaker 5: powerful coach for me. As an example, when I was
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: on stage speaking at this event on a panel with
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: really powerful women, and like, if you guys have done panels,
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: like they're fun and also they're really tough because you're
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: kind of going up against other people on stage in
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: front of a thousand people, with two powerful women next
• 29:01
  Speaker 5: to me, and so I have this one woman. She's
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: just like everyone's claping, she's saying powerful stuff. She's saying
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: powerful stuff, and my voice inside is like, oh yeah,
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: I knew that I wasn't enough. You know, I'm not
• 29:11
  Speaker 5: good at this. I'm not good at that. And before
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: I would have let that take me down and I
• 29:16
  Speaker 5: would have spiraled on stage and gotten quiet and not shared.
• 29:20
  Speaker 5: But instead now I can see that voice and say, okay, girl,
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: what are you noticing? One noticing that she has really
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: powerful maxims, she has really powerful stories. Okay, what do
• 29:29
  Speaker 5: I have? What do I have that's powerful? I'm authentic
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: and I'm funny. Cool, Let's do that. Let's be funny, authentic.
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: That's all you're here to do is be funny and authentic.
• 29:39
  Speaker 5: And then in that moment, I was able to channel
• 29:40
  Speaker 5: what is true for me, which is being funny and authentic.
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: And then last thing, I went backstage afterwards, I'm like, cool,
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: what came up for me? I could be better at storytelling.
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: I could be better at this. I did this really well, though,
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: And I'm thankful for the part of me that's been
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: trained as a critic that can help me see my
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: opportunities for growth in the future.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: And essentially, like the psychological construct that is the master
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: construct of all that we're talking about here is metacognition.
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: And it's a huge skill that I try to teach
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: and it can There are so many ways to teach this,
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: and it's so interesting because you know, I use metacognition
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: in my own life, in my own head from a
• 30:21
  Speaker 3: very spiritual lens. So I look at my thoughts as
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: either coming from God or come in from Satan himself
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: most of the time, and so I can dichotomize things
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: that way. But I have a lot of clients that
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: don't subscribe to that level of you know, spiritual deliverance,
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: and so they're more comfortable, you know, being able to
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: personify their thoughts in a different and a more secular way.
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: And what I try to tell people, it's like it
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: either way is going to work for you. The magic
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: is just in being the observer and understanding what you're
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: dealing with and then deciding to change it if it
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: needs change, deciding to flip the perspective, because if you
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: don't do that, you're just a victim of your old
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: thoughts in pro and that is what keeps you so
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: very stuck, because they're run, those programs are running, and
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: you're just a victim of them. And so instead of
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: being a victim of them, when we learn to be
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: that observer, it's powerful because then we can change it.
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: Amen, I love it.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I know that your audience looks to you for guidance
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: a lot, and this is something that I struggle with,
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: you know, being on the pod is you know, how
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: do you stay honest?
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: Why you you're still you? Yourself are still evolving.
• 31:31
  Speaker 2: Because sometimes it's like, you know, I back to the
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: inner voice, you know, sometimes I can find myself like,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: well I still still I still have so much you know,
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: inner healing to do, and you know, what right do
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: I have to come and tell people how to heal?
• 31:45
  Speaker 2: So I'm just curious how how do you stay grounded?
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: And I mean do you struggle with the same things,
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: you know, being having this platform and having this platform
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: for ten years, and you know, because we're all on
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: this healing journey, right it's there's never a destination, So
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: how do you balance that?
• 32:04
  Speaker 5: Yeah, the way I think about it is like, honesty
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: is what's true about right now. So what's true for
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: me right now, and then the evolution is what's going
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: to be true in the future. And so when we
• 32:15
  Speaker 5: can be really honest with ourselves and with our community
• 32:20
  Speaker 5: and our friends, I think it helps us be more
• 32:22
  Speaker 5: honest publicly. But as someone that's been very honest about
• 32:26
  Speaker 5: my life, I would say almost thirty is almost a
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: diary of my life over the past ten years, Like,
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: if I think about it too much, it makes me
• 32:31
  Speaker 5: want to be to be honest, because it's like it's
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: every everything I've been through, And I think what I've
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: known about my path is that my path is someone
• 32:42
  Speaker 5: that teaches by what I know and by what I've learned.
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: And so when I could frame it as I'm going
• 32:47
  Speaker 5: through these things to process and to grow and to evolve,
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: to teach and to serve, so it becomes more mission focused,
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: it becomes less about me, it becomes more in service.
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: It comes more for the collective than if it is
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: just about me in the moment. But what I'll say too,
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: is like really honoring ourselves that like right now in
• 33:08
  Speaker 5: this collective time, we've never had this time where there's
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: social media documenting everything that we do. There's the Internet
• 33:14
  Speaker 5: that's documented every thought, feeling, emotion, Like that's not normal
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: for us and for our brains, and so for us
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: to be trepidacious or us to be nervous or like
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: trying to see what to do with it is healthy
• 33:28
  Speaker 5: and normal. And for us to constantly be in conversation
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: with what feels true for me, what feels right to share,
• 33:36
  Speaker 5: what doesn't, what is going to be helpful for me
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: in this moment and what has helpful me in the future,
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: because I think what I've also what I've very much
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: honored about myself is that, like I'm allowed to have
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: my own internal experience and my own like privacy of
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: certain things that I've gone through, and I'm allowed to
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: share when I feel like it's ripe and when I
• 33:57
  Speaker 5: feel like it is of service to other people. Else
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: deserves access to my personal landscape, my internal dialogue that
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: I have not like been at peace with myself. And
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: so I've created this like very very like tight process
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: with myself where I don't share anything that doesn't feel
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: like it has purpose or service to other people. But
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: I do love myself enough, you know, as the most
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: important thing. I love myself enough to know that if
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: I share something and it's incorrect, if I share something
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: and it was too soon, it's okay. Like there's nothing
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: that I'm doing to share that is not out of
• 34:34
  Speaker 5: good intention and not out of like just the genuine
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: curiosity of being honest and truthful. And so I'm very
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: forgiving of myself in this process, and that's the only
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: way you can honestly survive in it. And just as
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: the last thing, Like I think I've said it, but
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: over the past ten years, the most magnetic I've ever been,
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: the most relevant my content has ever been, has been
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: the one where I've been like I do not want
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: to fucking sh or that I am so embarrassed. Like
• 35:02
  Speaker 5: even yesterday, my friend sent me this card for my birthday,
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: and her words like just hit me in a place
• 35:10
  Speaker 5: that I could not explain, and I was bawling my
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: eyes out just like this, like women are just amazing,
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: women are so healing. And I was like, I'm not
• 35:19
  Speaker 5: going to share it, and so I shared it on
• 35:21
  Speaker 5: trial reels because I was like, I don't want to
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: share it on my main page. I don't want people
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: to see me losing my mind about this. And it's
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: gone viral because I was honest, authentic and truthful, and
• 35:31
  Speaker 5: it's always the thing I was scared to do. And
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: so I've known that that piece of like where my
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: edges of authenticity and vulnerability usually is the place I
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: need to go. But I'm also very present to myself
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: to know what's mine and what's for other people.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and people are craving that, yeah, absolutely, And I
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: think that's a that's a good lesson because and again
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna give Sarah credit the still healing fearful avoidant
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: in me. You know, one trait of a fearful avoidant
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: is they're oversharers. They feel this need that if they
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: share this one thing then they can connect with people, right,
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: That's what makes them feel connected. And you know, one
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: thing Sarah has taught me, especially with being on the podcast,
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: because there's been some things that I'm like, well, I
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: might share that, and she'll look at me.
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: Maybe you ain't got to. Okay, you don't. You don't
• 36:22
  Speaker 4: have to share, you don't owe people. Yeah, you don't.
• 36:24
  Speaker 4: Don't feel like you have to share that.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: And you know, there are certain things about yourself that
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: you not only don't need to share to protect you know, yourself,
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: but also to protect your husband, you know. So it's like,
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: you're so right, and she's you know, she's brought so
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: many epiphantal moments to me and so many different perspective
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: shifts to me in that. And I'm sure that you
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: and Lindsay have experienced a lot of these same things
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: in terms of growth of your friendship and evolution of
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: your friendship. While doing the podcast, because there's been so
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: many moments like, I mean we've cried together, We've I mean, yeah,
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: we've beat our heads against the wall together, you know,
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: and it's just been this. I will say the podcast
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: and I think maybe we're you know, Sarah and I
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: can relate to you and lindsay that you know, you
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: guys have been doing this a lot longer. Is that
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: you know, what a blessing to get to do something
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: like this with your best friend.
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: It's just so beautiful.
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: There's nothing you know, when I met Lindsay, I don't
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: think I trusted a person. I was in a long
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: term relationship. I had tons of loves, I had tons
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: of friends, and I remember, probably seven years in honestly,
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: we were going through something in the business and we
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: were on the phone with our coach and we were
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: both crying and she's like, why don't you trust me?
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: And I just was like, oh my god. Like she's
• 37:49
  Speaker 5: felt and it makes me emotional thinking about it. She's
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: felt the truth of my fear of being fully seen
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: and heard and held by a woman and actually trusting someone.
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: And it has been the most beautiful process to have
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: her as sort of this lighthouse for me of what
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: a healthy relationship is, what love is, what you know,
• 38:13
  Speaker 5: just like healing is in relationship. And I think, like
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: you guys have this can serve as such a guide
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: for your female friendships and for the female friendships of
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: other women around the world. Because I don't know about you, guys,
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: but I love women. It's all I do is women.
• 38:28
  Speaker 5: But I struggled with women my life. I've been bullied,
• 38:31
  Speaker 5: I've been the bully, I've been hurt, I've been you know,
• 38:33
  Speaker 5: all the things have happened. And to have, like now,
• 38:37
  Speaker 5: a true peace and a support by women is the
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: most powerful thing of all time and is the most
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: healing thing of all times. For my hope and wish
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: for any women listening that's been inspired by you is
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: to find that relationship that you really want to deepen,
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: that you really want to go there with, that you
• 38:56
  Speaker 5: want to commit to working through this stuff in that
• 38:58
  Speaker 5: you want to commit to really being seen and having
• 39:01
  Speaker 5: be your teacher for the rest of your life, because
• 39:04
  Speaker 5: it will benefit you in ways you could have never imagined.
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: A thousand person, I love that answer, and it's just
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: so true. You know, our friendship has definitely been very
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: healing for me. And you know, I'm just going to
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: switch gears here just a little bit. I'm actually just
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: going to ask you for some advice. I'm usually in
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: the role of advice giver, but I want to be
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: in the role of advice taker. We had a meeting yesterday,
• 39:25
  Speaker 3: you know, and we had branding and marketing on the call,
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: and and you know, there's something that I really like,
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: which is lifestyle content, right, and I'm trying to build
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: my personal brand, and you have a lot more experience
• 39:37
  Speaker 3: than me and building a personal brand, and you know,
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: branding and marketing. They were like, oh, yeah, there's you know,
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: we need to stay really on point with your lifestyle
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: brand of you know. And things were coming up like, oh,
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: what do you do to regulate your nervous system throughout
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: the day, and like all of these things, and I
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: was like, what about the messy version of me? What
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: about the version of me that's bopping along to rat
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: music in my car? What about the vers of me
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: that's like holding my kid's French toast and a baggy
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: between my teeth as we're running out the door because
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: we got up late and she didn't have time to
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: eat it. And I have five other things in my hand,
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: like that version of me, and there's like this risk, right,
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: there's a risk that it's like, oh, will you show
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: that side of yourself? Well, that might not be on brand.
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: I mean for me, I was like a year or
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: so ago, I was like, the niche is me. I
• 40:25
  Speaker 5: am the niche. I am me as a person, I'm
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: one of one. I am the niche. You know, everyone
• 40:30
  Speaker 5: will be like, you should niche down to whatever, You
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: should niche down to this, you should do that. And like,
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: I have friends that are deeply successful in their niches,
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: crazy successful, and it's been tempting for me to be like, oh,
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: go all the way, do this, post the same reel
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: saying the same thing, talk about nervous sister regulation because
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: it's hot, talk about this because it's hot. I will
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: never sell my soul for the success. I will never
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: sell my soul or who I am for anyone else.
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: And I think with a lifestyle brand, you don't build
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: a lifestyle brand by like posting aesthetic stuff or like
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: saying all the trends. It's really you building a world
• 41:05
  Speaker 5: that people want to live in. It's you not focusing
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: on aesthetics, but focusing on like who you truly are,
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: and honestly, babe, if you shared that, people would be relieved, excited,
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: lean in, like excited to learn more. They want to
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: be in on that process. And it's really also too
• 41:22
  Speaker 5: about who your identity is, like defining not like defining
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: your identity, but it's like what do I represent as
• 41:29
  Speaker 5: a woman, Like what kind of feeling do I want
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: people to feel when they come to my page? And
• 41:34
  Speaker 5: also social media is shadow work, so for us a
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: lot of times it's like, Okay, what is the part
• 41:40
  Speaker 5: of me that feels like I have to show up perfect?
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: What is the part of me that feels like I
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: always have to add value to everything?
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: And me existing that that I have to always be
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: adding value? That is right? It I couldn't think of
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: the right phrase that has been holding me back, and
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: you just said it, so thank you for that, And I,
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: you know, I don't even know how to put this
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: into words right now. I just had like a little epiphany.
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: It's you know, people are staring me in the face
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: and saying you cannot straddle the line between being a
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: content authority and being an influencer. You can't straddle this line.
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: You either have to be in this lane of an expert,
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: of a content authority, and you have to be adding value,
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: but you can, you know, And so it's like, okay,
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: but what if I want to show the part of
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: my life that just is messy and just me and
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: just authentic, Like what if I want to do that too.
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: I want to show that I'm just like you, Like
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: my kids are late to school sometimes too, and like
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: I take my kids to school in my bathrobe, and
• 42:37
  Speaker 3: like I hit the snooze button too, or I do that.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: You know, there's things that happen to me too, just
• 42:42
  Speaker 3: like you.
• 42:43
  Speaker 5: Yep. Well, now with AI, it's people are not following
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: people for information. If I want three tips to regulate
• 42:48
  Speaker 5: my nervous is Some'm all it's chattybt right, they're following
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: you for the embodiment. So when your kids are late,
• 42:53
  Speaker 5: you're now in the car like kids are late, just
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: dropped them off. Here's what I'm actually doing to help
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: regulate my nervous because it would be actually what you're doing.
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: So you're being real about the process of who you are.
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: But when we feel like we have to perform or
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: like be the perfect version of ourselves, eventually it comes
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: to the point where we're like, this no longer serves me.
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: And what I've found too about Instagram social media. If
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: you put yourself on the pedestal of like I know
• 43:19
  Speaker 5: everything and I always am correct all that, people are
• 43:21
  Speaker 5: going to find some way to get you off that pedestal. Yeah.
• 43:24
  Speaker 5: And the more that I've been able to be honest
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: and authentic about this is where I'm good and this
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: is where I'm not good. The more people have trusted
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: me because I'm not like I am perfect, I have
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: it all together, all of these things. I just went
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: through a breakup after a new relationship that I was in.
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: I'm honest, I'm like, there were some places where I
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: had some lessons to learn, and I'm learning that process.
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: But me being honest about that makes you actually believe
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: that I've done the work around my body and I've
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: done the work around my mother wound that I could
• 43:49
  Speaker 5: teach you because I'm not going to lie to you.
• 43:51
  Speaker 5: So it actually creates a deeper relationship where you can
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: be super honest and in integrity with yourself and how
• 43:57
  Speaker 5: you want to reach people.
• 43:58
  Speaker 3: So you think it's okay to film myself like be
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: bopping in my car, like feeling empowered and just being
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: like silly, Oh you will, even though I.
• 44:08
  Speaker 5: Will be blown away at how people respond to that
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: I have the simplest things. I will be like, oh
• 44:15
  Speaker 5: my god, you know my cat is doing this fifty
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: replies Oh my god. Like there was one week I'll
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: never forget it. It was one week last year I was
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: in I went flew to Paris and my bags got lost.
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: I was in this saga of losing my bags.
• 44:29
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that would be the worst in a
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: foreign country.
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: They ended up in San Diego and then they flew
• 44:33
  Speaker 5: and then some guy had them, and then they were
• 44:35
  Speaker 5: It was crazy, and you know, at the beginning of it,
• 44:37
  Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't want to talk about this. This
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: I'm like, this is so pointless. It was like my
• 44:43
  Speaker 5: most engagement, my most shares, Like someone wrote an article
• 44:46
  Speaker 5: on it, like it was like insane and it was
• 44:48
  Speaker 5: just I lost my bags. Yeah, but people were feeling
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: connected to me. People could see how I was handling it,
• 44:54
  Speaker 5: people could see who I was. And in the end too,
• 44:56
  Speaker 5: it's like I don't want just an audience of people
• 44:58
  Speaker 5: that worship me, that think I'm perfect, that like, you know,
• 45:01
  Speaker 5: are just there to buy stuff. I want them to
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: be humans that are learning and benefiting from my work
• 45:06
  Speaker 5: and from who I am, and giving permission to be
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: who they are. Because what you do that is you
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: give them permission to be who they are. And that's
• 45:12
  Speaker 5: what women want.
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: Yes, yes, see, that's what my nervous system was saying yesterday.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: Was just like, no, I don't want to just be
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: like everything in my life like has to filter back
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: to me as a relationship coach, has to filter back
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: to me as a psychologist. Yes, I want to show
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: off my marriage because my marriage is a freaking bamb
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: Like my husband and I are so in love. We
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: have the best relationship. Seriously, I hit the lottery there.
• 45:37
  Speaker 3: I want to show that off because yes, it does
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: show that I, you know, kind of practice what I preach,
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: but not everything can be saying or the psychologist like
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: that's exhausting.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: Well, and you're so much more than that. I mean,
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: that's the thing.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: It's like you, you know, people don't realize that, like
• 45:52
  Speaker 2: you do a lot more and you are a well
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: more rounded woman than just like the woman with a
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: really big brain, Like yeah, you have a big brain
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: and you know a lot about psychology, and that's really awesome.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: And you know a lot of things that people don't know,
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: but you're I mean, at your core, you're a mother,
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: and you're a wife.
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: And you're a friend, you know.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: I mean even some of like our friendship content, you know,
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Like I mean I had when we started posting a
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: little bit more of our friendship content, and like I
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: had multiple people reach out and be like, oh, you know,
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: we've really enjoyed that content.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: Because we are in this trust recession and.
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: We are in this this life where you know, information
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: is so available to us.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: So what are people really craving?
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Well, authenticity because it's the opposite of distrust.
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: I would like to ask you about that too. We
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: are in a trust recession. I mean we've they've done
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: some studies showing that we're in a trust recession. How
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: do we gain trust with our audiences? Christa, how do
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: you besides just being authentic, how do we gain trust?
• 46:56
  Speaker 5: I think this is me and this is my radical
• 46:58
  Speaker 5: you know perspective of I don't I don't seek to
• 47:01
  Speaker 5: gain trust in my audience, Like there's no agenda with
• 47:05
  Speaker 5: my audience of like I want you guys to believe
• 47:07
  Speaker 5: I don't I don't want for anything from them but
• 47:10
  Speaker 5: to benefit from what I do, but to experience my magic.
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: And if they want to work with me, that's great.
• 47:14
  Speaker 5: If I magnetize them, I think with the trust recession too,
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: like I do think about the quote you will know
• 47:19
  Speaker 5: them by their fruit, Like people are going to trust
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: me because I'm a practicing and living image of what
• 47:25
  Speaker 5: I preach. I have deep, meaningful friendships. I love my body,
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: I love my life. I live in a beautiful home.
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: I created all of that. And so you can see
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: from the life that I'm living and the way that
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: I'm giving you access to my life through what I share,
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: through what I speak, through what I you know, like
• 47:40
  Speaker 5: show that, like I'm a woman to be trusted because
• 47:43
  Speaker 5: everything I teach I'm a living embodiment of. So the
• 47:46
  Speaker 5: more you can show that you are the living embodiment
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: of this work with your relationship, with your kids, with
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: your friendship, and that doesn't mean it's perfect, the better.
• 47:55
  Speaker 5: And I think what I've also known is that when
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: you can build trust with your audience when you actually
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: have an opinion. So there's this concept in social media
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: that's escaping me. But basically it's like if you're just
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: kind of in the middle, and you're just kind of
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: like nice, interesting, not providing a perspective or a purview
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: or providing a sense of like this is where I stand,
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: people are less likely to trust you. So the more
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: that you can be like, yeah, I actually don't that's
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: not a part of my testimony, Like I don't actually
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: like that. I don't believe in that. I don't want that,
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: but this is what I do believe, the more people
• 48:29
  Speaker 5: can trust you, because they're gonna be like, oh, she's
• 48:30
  Speaker 5: told me where she what she doesn't like, so now
• 48:33
  Speaker 5: I believe what she does.
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: Like.
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: So having a perspective an opinion that you're sharing with
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: your audience is a risk because you can alienate or
• 48:39
  Speaker 5: piss off some, but it actually creates a deeper sense
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: of trust. I think that's the biggest thing that I've
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: seen creators build trust for their audiences is actually sharing
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: what they truly think and their true opinions and having
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: a perspective that causes a reaction of a lean in
• 48:54
  Speaker 5: or a lean out.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: I love that, yeah, because you know, I think for
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: a long time start in this work, I was doing
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: everything I could to straddle the fence I was doing
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: everything I could people and doing everything I could because
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: at first, you know, at first the backlash is hard.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: But you know, I have committed that I am not
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: gonna do that anymore. I will have a controversial guest
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: on I will, you know, state in opinion that not
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: everybody's going to agree with because I'm just ready to
• 49:26
  Speaker 3: do that. I'm just ready to, you know, take a
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: stand and people will like it or they won't, and
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: that's okay. At the end of the day, that's okay.
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: It the people that do like it will lean and harder.
• 49:34
  Speaker 3: Like you just said.
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: So I loved that perspective, and I want people to
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: really see just as your friend, like I love I
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: love it. I know you're deeply you know, I've I've
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: said this for a long time. You're deeply misunderstood and
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: people don't really see like they just see you as
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: like this person who knows a whole about this one thing. Yeah,
• 50:02
  Speaker 2: and you know you're funny, You're fun like you and
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: I think, well, and I think this is something that
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: you know, speaking of shadow work, I mean, you've admitted
• 50:13
  Speaker 2: this to yourself. It's like you've always sort of had this,
• 50:17
  Speaker 2: you know, what's the word I'm the words escaping me too,
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Welcome to your forties.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Harry men A, Paul, But like we're you know.
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: You you feel like you have to be the smartest
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: person in the room, Like you feel this struggle like
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: I must be the smartest person.
• 50:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: I struggled with that for a long time, Like I
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: felt like I had to be the smartest person in
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: the room, and I went and got a freaking PhD
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: to like prove to myself that I was the smartest
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: person in the room, right, which was a big unhealed
• 50:42
  Speaker 3: version of myself. Not that it hasn't like paid off, Yeah,
• 50:45
  Speaker 3: but it came from a very unhealed, perfectionistic version of myself.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: And we rely heavily on those things, like throughout our life,
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: those things that you know, I mean, I'm a people person,
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: like I could literally go up to anybody and talk
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: to them, and I've relied heavily on that. But it's
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: all made me this perpetual people pleaser at the same time,
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: So then I have to step back and be like, wait,
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: where are my boundaries?
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: Where do I draw the line in the sand where
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: there's that version of me but not this version of me.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: Where I totally self abandoned who I truly am. You know,
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: so this has been like a coaching session.
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: It's been a nice been coaching me, I've been coaching you.
• 51:21
  Speaker 5: It's been just like to just land that point of
• 51:24
  Speaker 5: the social media shot at work for you being you know,
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: that part of you that steps in that's like I
• 51:29
  Speaker 5: have to be the smartest person in the room. I
• 51:30
  Speaker 5: think we all have that. So any woman that's watching,
• 51:33
  Speaker 5: any person that's watching when you get online, just think
• 51:36
  Speaker 5: about how do I want people to perceive what I'm doing.
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: Do I want them to think I'm smart, I'm rich,
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: I'm successful, I'm funny, I'm playful, And that really is
• 51:43
  Speaker 5: your edge. Where can you have that part of you
• 51:46
  Speaker 5: just take a seat and allow yourself to be the
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: more of the multi dimensional aspect of you where like
• 51:50
  Speaker 5: I'm also emotional, I'm also like deep, I'm also all
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: of the things that like I'm not letting come forward
• 51:57
  Speaker 5: because I'm so obsessed with being perceived in this way.
• 52:00
  Speaker 5: And then the last thing is I had to really
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: reckon with this. It's like social media will never fit
• 52:06
  Speaker 5: the multi dimensional aspects of who you are. Our perception
• 52:10
  Speaker 5: that social media will represent us or ever feel like
• 52:14
  Speaker 5: it's fully aligned to who we are as ever changing
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: beings that are never the same, that are always evolving,
• 52:19
  Speaker 5: that are always growing. Is crazy and so just reminding
• 52:22
  Speaker 5: ourselves that like this two dimensional, like black box image
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: screen of us will never fit the entirety of who
• 52:28
  Speaker 5: you are. And the more we can allow that to
• 52:31
  Speaker 5: like release and just give ourselves grace and evolve in
• 52:33
  Speaker 5: the moment and be in touch with what we want
• 52:35
  Speaker 5: to share, I think the better.
• 52:37
  Speaker 3: Oh that's so empowering. I just love that release alone
• 52:40
  Speaker 3: is powerful. Yeah, And it's just you're just so you know,
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: I'm going to send people your way because you're so
• 52:45
  Speaker 3: easy to talk to, Krista, and you have so many
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: beautiful insights. And it's so interesting that when we did
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: our prep call, like we're from the same hometown which
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: is in Ohio, which is.
• 52:56
  Speaker 4: Crazy, and y'all have the same alma mater and.
• 52:58
  Speaker 3: We went to the same college.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: Did ye watch that game last night?
• 53:02
  Speaker 3: I did not, but you know I did not because
• 53:06
  Speaker 3: I guess you know better than anybody. Chris said that
• 53:09
  Speaker 3: Miami University does not have a lot of school spirit,
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: Like nobody there has school spirit.
• 53:13
  Speaker 5: No school spirit. I was in austrority, like don't know,
• 53:18
  Speaker 5: went never went to a game I could. I couldn't
• 53:20
  Speaker 5: missed out on that experience. I wish I went to
• 53:22
  Speaker 5: like a school or something.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: Well, they came out of nowhere, and you know, they're
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: undefeated and last night, you know, my husband could tell
• 53:29
  Speaker 2: me who they were playing.
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: SMU was it?
• 53:31
  Speaker 2: I can't remember, but it was really close up until
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: the end, and then they just started like nailing threes
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: and then it just blew them out of the wall.
• 53:40
  Speaker 3: Go Red Hawks, right, real Cinderella story.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right. I love good Cinderella stories. Here we're
• 53:47
  Speaker 4: all about.
• 53:48
  Speaker 3: The in So Chris said, this has been a great conversation.
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: I feel like I've I don't know, you just validated me.
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: You just validated my nervous system in so many ways.
• 53:57
  Speaker 3: As I I'm trying to grow and aspire to be,
• 54:01
  Speaker 3: you know, at your level, you know, and at the
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: level of people who have been doing this work much
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: longer than me. You just you have to sometimes make mistakes.
• 54:11
  Speaker 3: But you know, I've been second guessing myself a lot lately,
• 54:14
  Speaker 3: and so it's it's one of those things where I
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: knew when my nervous system was rejecting some things that
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: just feeling validated by somebody who's kind of been there
• 54:23
  Speaker 3: before you, right, it felt really good. And so thank
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: you for this conversation.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Sting a lot, you know, I think in general with.
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: What we all loved are because we're like, we're like
• 54:32
  Speaker 3: a like a hermit crab that's just shedding its shell.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: Like everything about what worked for us in the past
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: is not working anymore, and so we're in this massive
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: shift and it's so uncomfortable, but we have to just trust.
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's why this conversation has been so powerful
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: because you've you have you've validated those things that we
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: you know, in our heart of hearts we feel, but
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: fear still creeps in, right, fear creeps in and then
• 54:59
  Speaker 2: you know, you kind the second guess yourself and so
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: just I mean for me too, thank you. Even after
• 55:05
  Speaker 2: we got off our prep calls, like I texted Sarah,
• 55:08
  Speaker 2: I was like, uh, did we just find a new friend.
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: I think we just met a new friend.
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: I loved your call for like thirty minutes. I was like,
• 55:14
  Speaker 5: do we have to go?
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: Right? I felt like talking to a friend, And today
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: is also felt like talking to a friend, which is
• 55:19
  Speaker 2: what it's all about, because that's what we want.
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: And that's what women need. Women need to feel like
• 55:24
  Speaker 3: they have people like other women that can see them,
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: that they're not trying to compete with, that can appreciate them,
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: that can you know, celebrate their differences and their commonalities.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: So please tell our audience where they can find you,
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: where they can tune in and find your book. Yeah,
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: and find your book. Yeah, tell us about that.
• 55:41
  Speaker 5: There's a lot, there's too many things, but I just
• 55:43
  Speaker 5: want to say thank you guys. It just yeah, like
• 55:46
  Speaker 5: from our first conversation to now, I just feel so
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: seen and supported and just lit up by your connection,
• 55:52
  Speaker 5: lit up by what you're doing and so in alignment
• 55:54
  Speaker 5: with the shedding and the evolution. So thank you for
• 55:56
  Speaker 5: being a space for me today to have so much
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: fun and to feel scene. You can connect with me
• 56:02
  Speaker 5: on Instagram. It's Krista, so it's it s k r
• 56:05
  Speaker 5: I s t A. It's Christa dot com for my
• 56:07
  Speaker 5: retreats from my immersion, anything like that. And then Almost
• 56:09
  Speaker 5: thirty podcast is the podcast, and Almost thirty is the book.
• 56:12
  Speaker 5: You don't have to be thirty or almost thirty to
• 56:14
  Speaker 5: listen or read. I am almost forty and so it
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: still applies. But yeah, this has been amazing and I'm
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: so grateful for you and I can't wait to meet
• 56:22
  Speaker 5: in person. We're just gonna happen.
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: I know, I get to tell a little bit you
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: in person and like two weeks, so that's gonna.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Be exciting, Yes, exciting.
• 56:29
  Speaker 4: Well, thank you so much, Krista. We'll see you soon
• 56:32
  Speaker 4: in Okay.
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: Love you, Gude.
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: All of our listeners, please continue to tune in, like, subscribe, follow,
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: leave us a comment, write us a review, reach out
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: to me personally with any tips, any topics that you
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: want to hear about at Raina at the lovedoc And
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: until next time, peace, love and perspective