Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Makes You Do Their Personal Tasks
Transcript
- Lucas: Luna, I want to run something by you. I got an email from a listener — let's call her Sarah — who works as a marketing coordinator at a mid-sized tech firm. She says her boss, the VP of Marketing, has started asking her to do things like book his family's vacation flights, order birthday gifts for his wife, and pick up his dry cleaning. She's been doing it because she feels she can't say no. But it's eating into her actual work, and she's starting to resent it. Luna: Oof. That's a tough one. I think a lot of people can relate to that line getting blurry. You want to be helpful, but you're not a personal assistant. Lucas: Exactly. And the question is: how do you push back without looking uncooperative or damaging the relationship? Because for Sarah, this isn't just annoying — it's affecting her performance. She's missing deadlines on her actual projects because she's spending hours on personal errands. Luna: Right. And the boss probably doesn't think of it as a big deal. In their mind, it's just 'helping out.' But it's a pattern. Lucas: So let's unpack this. First, why do some managers do this? I think there are a few reasons. One is simple boundary blindness — they genuinely don't see the difference between professional support and personal favors. Another is a power dynamic thing — they test how far they can push. And sometimes, it's just laziness. It's easier to ask you than to do it themselves or find the right resource. Luna: I'd add one more: some managers treat 'availability' as a loyalty test. If you do this stuff, you're a team player. If you resist, you're not committed. Lucas: That's a really good point. And that makes it even harder to push back, because the stakes feel personal. So what do you do? I came across a really practical framework from career coach Janna Koretz. She suggests what she calls the 'capacity and role clarity' conversation. Luna: Okay, I'm listening. How does it work? Lucas: The idea is you don't refuse outright. Instead, you reframe the request in terms of your workload and your role. So you might say something like: 'I want to make sure I'm prioritizing the right things. I have the Q3 campaign deliverables due Friday, and I've also got the competitor analysis. If I take on booking your travel, I'll have to push something else back. Which of these should I deprioritize?' Luna: I like that. It puts the onus on the boss to make a trade-off. They either say 'forget the travel' or they realize you're overloaded. Lucas: Exactly. And the key is to be genuinely neutral. You're not being passive-aggressive. You're just asking for clarity. In Sarah's case, her boss might say 'just do it, it won't take long.' Then she can say, 'I've found these tasks usually take about 45 minutes to an hour. I'm happy to help, but I want to make sure we're aligned on priorities.' Luna: That's a good script. But what if the boss doesn't take the hint and keeps piling on personal tasks? Lucas: Then you might need to escalate the conversation. Koretz suggests a follow-up meeting where you explicitly discuss role boundaries. You can say something like: 'I want to be as effective as possible in my role as marketing coordinator. I've noticed that some of the tasks you've been asking me to do — like personal errands — fall outside that scope. I'm worried that if I keep doing them, it could affect my performance in the areas you hired me for. Can we clarify what's expected?' Luna: That's direct but respectful. It frames it as a performance concern, not a personal complaint. And that's harder for a boss to dismiss. Lucas: Right. And if they still push back, you have a decision to make. Is this a hill worth dying on? For some people, it might be a sign that the culture isn't right. But you also have to consider your leverage. If you're indispensable on the core work, you have more room to set boundaries. Luna: Yeah, and that's where knowing your value comes in. If you're doing great work on the actual job, you can afford to be more assertive. If you're barely hanging on, maybe you pick your battles. Lucas: Let me also mention one other tactic: redirect to the right resource. If your boss asks you to book a restaurant for their anniversary, you can say, 'I'm not sure I can get to that today. But I can connect you with our admin team — they handle that sort of thing.' Or if there's no admin, you can point them to a service like a virtual assistant. The point is, you're not saying no — you're offering a solution. Luna: That's smart. It maintains the helpfulness while drawing a line. And it educates the boss over time that certain requests go elsewhere. Lucas: And if none of this works? If the personal tasks keep coming and your performance is suffering? Then you might need to talk to HR. But I'd frame it carefully. You don't want to sound like you're complaining. Instead, say something like: 'I'm concerned about my ability to meet my objectives because I'm spending significant time on tasks outside my job description. Can we discuss how to ensure my role stays focused on the priorities?' Luna: That's a good approach. It keeps the focus on work output, not personal grievances. HR is more likely to act on that kind of language. Lucas: Exactly. And before we go further, I want to acknowledge something. If today's conversation is hitting close to home — if you're dealing with a boss who pushes boundaries like this — I hope you're getting something useful out of it. The reason we can have these conversations without ads or sponsors is that listeners like you choose to support the show. If you find value in what we do here, you can help keep it going by visiting buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's all lowercase. It's a small gesture, but it adds up, and it means we never have to sell your attention to a sponsor. Luna: Yeah, and it's totally voluntary. We're just grateful that people find this useful enough to chip in. It lets us stay focused on practical advice, not selling stuff. Lucas: Exactly. So back to Sarah's situation. Let's say she tries the capacity conversation, and her boss is receptive — at least for a while. But then a month later, the personal requests creep back in. What then? Luna: I think consistency is key. You have to reinforce the boundary every time. Not with anger, but with the same calm redirection. Eventually, the boss learns that asking you to book their flights isn't a shortcut — it's actually more work for them because you'll ask for priority clarification. Lucas: Right. And that's the strategy: make it less convenient for the boss to delegate personal tasks to you. Not by being difficult, but by being thorough. If they ask you to order a gift, you ask: 'What's the budget? What's the occasion? Do you want gift wrapping? Should I compare prices?' Suddenly, it's not a quick favor anymore. Luna: Ha. That's a nice bit of behavioral design. You're not refusing, you're just making the transaction cost higher. Lucas: Exactly. And I think there's a broader lesson here. This whole scenario is really about role clarity. When your job description is vague, you're vulnerable to mission creep. So one proactive step is to have a conversation early in the relationship about what your role does and doesn't include. That way, when a personal request comes, you have a reference point. Luna: That's a good proactive move. But what if you're already in the thick of it, like Sarah? She's been doing this for months. The boss expects it now. Lucas: That's harder, but not impossible. You have to reset expectations. I'd recommend a one-on-one meeting where you say something like: 'I've been reflecting on how to be most effective, and I think I've been spreading myself too thin. I want to refocus on the core marketing work. Going forward, I won't be able to take on personal tasks as much. I can help you find the right support, though.' Luna: It's a tough conversation, but it's necessary. And the sooner you have it, the better. The longer you let it go, the more entitled the boss feels. Lucas: One more thing: document. If you're doing personal tasks, keep a log. Note the time spent, the task, and how it impacted your core work. That way, if you need to escalate, you have evidence. And if the boss ever blames you for missing a deadline, you have a counter. Luna: That's a good insurance policy. And it also helps you see the pattern yourself. Sometimes we don't realize how much time is being eaten up until we track it. Lucas: Alright, let's wrap this up with a bottom line. If your boss asks you to do personal tasks, you have options. Start with the capacity conversation. Redirect to the right resource. Set clear boundaries early. And if all else fails, escalate with a focus on performance, not personality. The key is to be professional, not passive. Luna: And remember, you're not being difficult by protecting your time. You're being professional. Your job is the work you were hired to do, not to be your boss's personal assistant. Lucas: Exactly. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time on The Difficult Boss Podcast.