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Why people don't believe you about the narcissist and what you went through · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So why don't people believe you when you come out and tell your
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  story about what happened with a narcissist or a toxic person or
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  just a bad toxic ass relationship?
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  Why don't people just take what you say as face value about the
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  abuse or the manipulation or the behaviors that you suffered
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  through? Why don't why, why, why did he
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  seem to take the side of the abuser sometimes or just deny
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  what you say? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. Of course, if you're new here,
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  I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
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  to give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Yes.
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  I'm not in the office today. There's no backdrop.
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  I'm shooting at home, but we hear y'all and the Mental
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  Illness podcast is launching next week.
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  First interviews are going live next week.
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  Make sure y'all check it out. Make sure you turn, turn on all
• 1:05
  notifications because it's going to drop.
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  And you going to these stories going to change your life.
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  I promise you, Yeah. Why don't people just believe
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  you when you're telling the truth about what you went
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  through, about what you suffered through, about what you
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  experienced with this toxic, abusive, manipulative,
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  narcissistic person. Like, it can get kind of crazy
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  how you go through this stuff, this type of stuff, right.
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  One main reason is because the narcissist toxic person,
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  whoever, right, the abuser was not bad to them.
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  Yeah. Narcissist don't abuse every
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  single person that they're around.
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  A lot of narcissist, right love, love having their reputations
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  precede them and having that reputation be amazing.
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  So if I as a narcissist have treated everybody else with the
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  utmost respect, I've been amazing.
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  I've been putting on a show or put on the ACT.
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  I've been donating to charity. I got a good reputation.
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  If you come out and tell something that I did to you,
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  chances are my reputation is going to over overpower what you
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  say about me, right? Even even if you have proof,
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  even if you have proof, some people will be like, what, what
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  did you do? And that's going to piss
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  somebody off right there. Like what did I do?
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  What did I do to be abused? You get mad, you you get angry
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  and the person that you're talking to kind of still you,
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  you push them more to the other side.
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  You see what I'm saying? Like narcissists are not out
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  here just being abusive to every single person.
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  Yes, narcissists are narcissistic to everybody, just
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  in a different way. It might not come off as abusive
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  to everybody else. So sometimes people will turn
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  around and flip around and blame you for what you went through.
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  Look, especially, especially if you stayed for a long time, yes,
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  the narcissist has a good reputation, but if you stayed
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  with this person for a long time, you had kids with this
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  person, you built a life with this person, and you tell people
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  you've been abused for 20 years. So a lot of people are not going
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  to believe you're like 20 years of abuse and you stayed through
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  that, huh? I would have left after year
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  one, after day one of abuse, emotional abuse.
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  I would have left the first time, right?
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  Everybody else would. Everybody will tell you what
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  they would have done in your situation.
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  And people don't understand until they've been through it,
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  right. But let me say this.
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  Are there some people that will believe you?
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  Yeah, there are some people who will be on your side.
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  Sometimes you're fat. Look, notice I said sometimes
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  and some people, sometimes your family will be on your side.
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  They'll be like, well you're right, this did happen.
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  You are a victim of abuse. These things did happen to you.
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  You did experience this, you did survive this, right?
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  You have a lot of people that are there for you.
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  They will say and do this type of stuff.
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  They will try to protect you, they will do these things and
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  whatnot. There are people that will be on
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  your side. Not everybody's going to be
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  against you, but a lot of people will and y'all know it.
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  A lot of people will be against you, and it's going to be a very
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  frustrating thing to deal with, a very frustrating thing to
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  experience when the people you love and care about seem to be
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  against you. And I've had people just
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  breakdown and cry, be sad as hell, be hurt, be just feel
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  harmed and all of this stuff because of what they've been
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  through, because of how they experienced this, because of how
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  it went down. You know what I mean?
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  And it suck. Yeah.
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  Does it suck? Yes.
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  It absolutely does suck. There's so many people are going
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  through there. There's so many people are
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  experiencing this. There's so many people are
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  having to survive this and go through it.
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  It absolutely does suck but again, so many people will not
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  believe you because narcissists are they out there Y'all they
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  out there just protecting her reputation?
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  But also also sometimes narcissists be lying and tell
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  people that you were the abuser. A lot of people think the smear
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  campaign by a narcissist starts at the end of relationship.
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  The relationship has been over, the relationship has ended and
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  then they start to smear campaign you.
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  No, not all the time. Sometimes that narcissistic
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  person is already smearing you to people.
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  They're already lying about you to other people, right?
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  They're already telling other people things that you have
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  done, things that you have said. They're already putting it on to
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  other people, right? They're already telling other
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  people that you are a liar, that you are abusive.
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  They're telling other people the stuff that they have done to you
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  that you did to them. They're absolutely out there
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  telling everybody, no, I wasn't abusive.
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  She was she did this to me. I wasn't abusive.
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  He did this to me. And So what we need, you know
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  what I'm saying? They'll but they're out there
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  lying to people and telling people that you are the abuser.
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  They're lying to people telling people that you are the hurt
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  that you have done the harm that you have bought the destroyed
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  them. They are lying to people, y'all.
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  They're not out here telling people the truth about what the
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  experiences and stuff like that. They're just not hell no, they
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  are not doing that. They're not telling people the
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  truth. They're out here getting ahead
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  of it and telling everybody that you are the abuser, that you
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  are, that you did whatever they did right.
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  They're lying. So some people won't believe you
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  because the narcissist has already got to them first and
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  told them not to believe you. You see, they will do that.
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  They will absolutely do that type of stuff.
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  And guess what? Another reason is y'all, that
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  sometimes, a lot of times, not even sometimes, a lot of times,
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  the victims in these situations, the victims of abuse end up
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  protecting the narcissistic person.
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  They don't want to tell people what they've gone through.
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  You are ashamed of what you've been through and what you
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  experienced. So you don't tell people what
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  you've been through or if it comes out, you say it's not as
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  bad as you think it is. You start turning you, the
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  victim, start turning people against you because you take the
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  side of your abuser because you're trauma bonded to them,
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  right? I got a real real life story
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  right here. One of my real life friends, his
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  aunt was in an abusive relationship, a super abusive
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  relationship. She didn't tell anybody what was
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  going on. And then literally in like a
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  gathering or a party of a family member showed up early, then
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  with a family member, a male family member showed up to her
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  house about 20 minutes earlier. Whatever right?
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  And just happened to walk Dr. up on the aunt getting abused.
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  Like getting thrown around the front yard, getting beat up.
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  So he jumped out the car beats up her husband calls the police,
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  the husband goes to jail, right, call the police, the husband
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  goes to jail. The cousin or the family member
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  or whatever tells everybody else like look, I just went up on
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  auntie was getting beat up. So and so beat auntie's ass and
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  I I beat him up, put him in jail, whatever.
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  The aunt starts calling every family member tell them to stay
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  out of her business. If not, I provoked him.
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  I did this to him. He he normally like this.
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  He he did, he did. She started protecting him,
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  turned the whole family against her, went and bailed the man out
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  and cut the family off. You see what I'm saying?
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  She cut the whole family off after she got she was abused and
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  the abuse was in for like the abuse.
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  When abuse got put public, she cut her family off.
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  This is years ago. I think she's back in contact
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  with the family now because he ended up, he ended up cheating
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  on her and leaving her for somebody else, you see.
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  But yeah, the whole family, the family's like, yeah, I'm, we
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  can't do that for what we're going to do.
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  Go over there and go over there and beat him up again and we'll
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  be in jail. You see, sometimes the victims
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  end up protecting the abusers because you're trauma bonded
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  because what they used to call it Stockholm syndrome.
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  You, you be bonded to your captor, you be bonded to your
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  abusive person, you be bonded to that narcissist, right?
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  And it's very, it can be very difficult to just cut that tie
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  that binds you to this person. And it it gets truly, it can
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  really suck. It really can.
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  So that's something you have to consider as well.
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  Ask yourself that question, am I?
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  Because it can get worse. Ask yourself this question right
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  now. Am I protecting them?
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  Because if I do decide to leave, what's going to happen if I
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  haven't told anybody what I've been going through for years, If
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  I've been, if I've been suffering in silence for years,
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  right? If I decide to tell people, what
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  are, what are their actions going to be?
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  How are they going to treat me? Because you have to be prepared
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  for some people not to believe you.
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  Even your closest confidence that you didn't tell, right?
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  The closest confidence that you didn't tell about the abuse.
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  They might not believe you because they might feel hurt.
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  They might feel hurt like you've been getting abused for 10 years
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  and I'm your best friend, your sister, your brother.
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  Like you didn't tell me. Wow.
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  You see what I'm saying? You see how now your your friend
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  or whatever is hurt, they made it about them.
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  They can be a little narcissistic, but if you look at
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  the perspective of it, yeah. It's like we, I thought we
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  trusted each other. I want did this really happen?
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  Like, because I feel like you tell me.
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  You tell me everything. You didn't tell me this.
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  I don't know. You see, you see, ask yourself,
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  are you protecting or have you been protecting the person
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  that's been hurting you or abusing you?
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  Ask yourself that question because it is an extremely
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  important question to answer, right?
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  These are extremely important questions to answer.
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  They absolutely are. You need to answer these
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  questions because they help you heal in the long run.
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  They help you move forward in the long run.
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  They help you as you're going on this journey in the long run.
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  I promise you that they do. I promise you that they do Like
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  you are moving forward, you are healing.
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  You are doing the best you can do.
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  You absolutely are. But ask yourself right now if
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  and when you decide to leave, if and when you escape, as you have
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  to prepare for this type of stuff, y'all.
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  Because some people are not going to believe you and it's
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  going to hurt. It's going to hurt.
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  Well, I'm doing my one on ones over Zoom.
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  That's one of the things I hear a lot.
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  People say it hurt me that my mom took my abuser side.
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  My dad didn't believe me. My sisters, my brothers, my best
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  friend, they're still friends with them.
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  The person that abused me physically, mentally,
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  emotionally, in the bedroom, they've abused me in every
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  single way possible. And it hurts my heart that those
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  people chose this person over me.
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  Those people didn't believe my story, but I came out.
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  And when I decided to be brave, when I decided to be courageous,
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  when I decided to shift from being a victim to a survivor to
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  a thriver, I lost good. I lost people along the way that
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  just didn't believe me, you know, So that's one of the
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  things that you're going to encounter on this journey right
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  here. You're actually you absolutely
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  going to encounter this job. You're going to go, this is
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  going to happen to you. I promise you, this type of
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  stuff will happen to you. You're going to go against this
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  stuff. This stuff will happen.
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  This stuff will hurt. This stuff will transpire for a
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  lot of people. So be prepared for it.
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  Be prepared because sometimes when you escape, you feel, when
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  you feel alone in a relationship, sometimes you when
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  you escape, you feel even more alone, right?
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  Because you start losing people that you thought would be there
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  for you. Your support system gets your
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  circle gets smaller and smaller and smaller and collapses in on
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  itself. This type of stuff does happen
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  to a lot of people. So you have to be prepared about
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  this type of stuff. You have to be prepared for it
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  because it will happen to a lot of people.
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  It does happen to a lot of people.
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  A lot of people go through this situation when you're trying to
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  get out there and you're thinking you're going to have a
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  support system. You know the support system
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  doesn't exist. I have a support system for you.
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  I have my, my, my support group. It's called the mental healers.
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  It's on. You can find a link in the
• 12:18
  description for that. You can go to my website as
• 12:20
  well, mental illness.net. You can find a link for the for
• 12:23
  my support group or there are a lot of people in my group that
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  have been through the exact same thing you've been through that
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  are suffering that suffered in silence and now they help.
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  They're healing out loud, not out loud on social media, but
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  out loud in the privacy of the group and things of that nature.
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  You can find that group mental illness.net and whatnot.
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  ANYWAYS, y'all podcast launching soon, make sure y'all if you
• 12:43
  support me, you can support me for this long.
• 12:45
  Make sure y'all tune into the podcast.
• 12:47
  All the episodes are going to be super interesting.
• 12:49
  Got a just a plethora of different guests.
• 12:52
  You know, I feel I'm gonna film 10 episodes.
• 12:53
  I actually got to film another episode here in a little bit.
• 12:56
  It's coming to come. I'm trying to release 2 episodes
• 12:58
  a week. It's going to come out.
• 12:59
  It's going to be fire. Y'all going to love it.
• 13:02
  I love y'all. I appreciate y'all.
• 13:03
  I'm grateful for you mental illness.net, for my zooms, my
• 13:06
  calls, everything. Y'all peace.