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You Do Not Need Proof To Move · Divas That Care Network

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's Divus the Care Radio.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Divis That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is a global movement for women, by women, engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: To find out more about the movement, visit divisletcare.com after the show.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to Confidence in Bloom.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Today I'm joined by Stacey Van Thouen, executive coach, speaker, strategist, and founder of Raise Your Results and Exposed Living BH list.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: For more than 20 years, Stacey has led global teams and high-stakes transformation initiatives across industries, including finance, energy, telecommunications, government, and transportation.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: Through her work, she helps leaders and organizations bridge the gap between knowing and doing by strengthening identity, emotional intelligence, resilience, and performance.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: What makes Stacy's perspective especially powerful is her belief that people don't fail because of strategy.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: They struggle because of identity.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: Today we're exploring courage, reinvention, overcoming fear, and what it really takes to move forward when uncertainty feels overwhelming.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Please join me in welcoming Stacy Van Thuen to Confidence in Blue.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome, Stacy.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: I hope I said your wret your name right.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: I said Van Thuen.
• 1:36
  unknown: Perfect.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Van right.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_02: So when you hear the phrase victory over fear, what does it mean to you personally?
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: And how has that how has that definition changed throughout your life?
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: Victoria or fear.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: This is a great question.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've never actually been asked this question.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: Victory.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think what one can perceive as victorious can be very different than another, similar to what does success mean.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the definitions of success that I've adopted is the progressive realization of a worthy goal, of a worthy ideal.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: So when I think of victory, is it's not when I actually cross, but the decision that I made to do it.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then the commitment to keep that decision through discipline and taking action a new way.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're like victorious and celebrating victory steps every time.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so when it's over fear, it's saying, Well, no matter though, I may worry or doubt this because I can't see myself or I haven't yet crossed it.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: But I believe in it so much that I'm going to let those victory steps propel me forward versus the fear behind.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_01: Then I feel that that is very victorious when you don't let the worry or the doubt that resulted in the fear stop you from moving forward to what it is that you truly want.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then those little steps of fear can be so many different things, right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: For fear.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I think a lot of people we don't understand that fear is the manifestation of worry and doubt.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of people say fear will stop us.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's true.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: But if we became more aware of our thinking and were more in control of our thoughts, we would have stopped the worry and the doubt before it ever got to fear, right?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because what's fear?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Fear is us getting an idea.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of thinking of more of why we can and what could go right and leaning into that belief that would build faith, we determine and start to listen to worry and doubt thoughts.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: What if this doesn't happen and this could go wrong and all these things?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when we don't stop those worry and doubt or being logical, which someone might say, because your mind is created to keep you safe.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not like it's so crazy because you know you want this, that faith part over there, but your mind doesn't know the difference between what you want and what you don't want.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: It it tries to keep you locked into where you're at, and it responds to your dominant way of thinking.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: So if your dominant way of thinking is worry and doubt, then that's just going to manifest in fear.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then that fear is going to keep us back.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I always say, like, fear and faith both require you to believe in the invisible.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Why would we choose to believe more the worry and the doubt versus the awareness and understanding the beliefs that we need to have to create what it is that would be leaning into more faith?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: Right, right.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: And that's that's where that, you know, that saying you're your own worst enemy comes in, right?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: Because we are we're having that argument or that blockage, right, from moving forward and staying where we are.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because part of a half of us wants to move forward, the other half wants to stay safe and comfortable.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I would I would slightly reframe that a bit because it's right, but it's not half and half, right?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: What it is is that your want, your desire, you have not fused yet with.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you're still separate from what it is that you want.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: So you don't know, you're not coming from I own it, right?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like I own it, it's already done.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like if we really think about it, creation's already done.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: What we have to do is believe in it so much that that becomes the dominant way of thinking, and we'll go.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But what's happening is when we're having that internal battle, is that your current set of beliefs, your current identity, it's still associating itself with the results of today.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it knows it wants it.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is why we have so many people want something and then not do it, or have they even have the strategy to do it, but not execute it.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's not just the behavior, it's the beliefs behind the behavior.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't believe that it's already done and that it's already can be, then you're right.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Your mind is programmed to keep you safe.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: So you start to pay it more attention to the reasons of why you don't want it.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: But not even don't want it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: You still might want it, but why you think you can't, and then we get afraid of trying.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_01: Or we say we try, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's for Gen X.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many of us, we say, Well, we'll try.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm working on that.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: Well, as soon as you're working on that, that obviously means that you have a sign of doubt that it might not happen.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: When somebody owns something, it's like, I am this.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need evidence of it to prove it to me because I can't get something that I don't believe.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: But yet we live in this world that says, I'll believe it when I see it.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you get everything you freaking believe.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you're not gonna see it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: But then, but then all of those reasons of why can't, which would be logical, our current way of thinking, because if we believed that we could, we'd already have it come into play and start overruling the thoughts of maybe it can be possible.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, I love this.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, yeah, that okay, that is, yeah, I get that.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: I get that.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, now right?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yeah, like it's so it's kind of mind-blowing, even though like it's common sense.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's not like you're saying something we already don't know.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like we, well, I shouldn't speak for everyone, mind you.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's not that we all know that we're keeping ourselves back because a lot of us listen to those voices, right?
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_02: I call it the itty bitty shitty committee, right?
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: We we hear those voices and we think until we know better, we think that they're coming externally, right?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: They're coming from, they're coming from our mothers, our fathers, our, you know, the people we grew up with that were close to us.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_02: But what we haven't realized is they've stopped talking.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like that those external people have stopped talking, only we've absorbed them into our own beliefs and our own thoughts.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so we keep hearing them, even though, and we look at those people that said them and they've moved forward.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_02: They've moved forward in their world because they don't believe the thoughts that they put in our mind, right?
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like I think that they don't even people do it subconsciously, but when you really think about it, your current results are only based off 5% of your thinking.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like 95% of what we do is subconscious.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're not becoming aware of those things, then our results are exactly what you're saying.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: They're a result of past beliefs, and many of those beliefs we didn't even choose ourselves, right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: They were planted there from media, from our parents, from different ways.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now, what people I don't think understand sometimes, like I I love what you said, like it's not that we don't know, yeah, because everybody will be like, yeah, thoughts become things, right?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: How many times have you heard people like?
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: But then why the fuck are you thinking anything shitty?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you doing that?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's not manifestation, like when something comes into our lives and we don't like it, we want to blame or say that it's from something else.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: But the moment we do get what we want, it's like, oh, I'm a good man, I manifested this, right?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Do we do we actually get that everything in our lives comes from us?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because we're at cause for everything, it's a law of cause and effect.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: So even when I get pissed off at my kids because they're not doing certain things or they're talking back to me or different things, I have to understand that, like, no, I don't have control on how they respond.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: But to get to that place, like of it even bothering me, is coming from me.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and and I say that as teenagers because there's times they'll say something to me and I'll be like, you should know better, or whatever.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: But there's times where if they pushed back on me enough that I would give in.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, why would they do that all the time?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm mad at them, because I want to be mad at somebody else, but I got to take accountability that Stacey, there were times where you didn't stick to your standards.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: You let your feelings drive your standards.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: We cannot do that.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because as soon as we start letting the outside world control us, that has more control over what we do.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where most people are because we're drifting.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: And just because we, I think this is the other thing is that just because you know something doesn't mean that you know it, right?
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's why it's it's fascinating to me about mindset, right?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many coaches and people doing out there, but then coaches that don't do the work, they're not waking up every day and studying, they're not writing down their goals, they're not doing the visualization, they're not trying to extend themselves by the things, but they're like teaching other people, saying, I know this.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, no, if your results don't have what you want right now, you know about it.
• 11:08
  unknown: Yeah.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: In your between your conscious mind, what we know, where we gather the information, and our subconscious mind, which is our beliefs and our paradigms.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's only two ways to change those, right?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And this is kind of where I got digressed on that one, but it's either through an emotional impact or constant space repetition.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: So this is where many of our beliefs we were um programmed before we even had this, our analytical mind in there to decide I want to accept this or not, because of what was going around us all the time.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_01: So whatever was around us, and we're observing by the day as babies, and up to like six or seven when your analytical mind goes there, just went into our subconscious mind.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then so the only way we can change that belief about ourselves or whatever the situation is through the same way it was programmed, through repetition.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: We have to say the news or an emotional impact, which is where most people wait, right?
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: When they have the divorce, when they have the diagnoses, when they have the bankruptcy, when they have something that went oh, and we have no other way but to change who we are because we need a different outcome.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the ones that stick with us that we're like, oh, you know, because our beliefs are based off of um our experience for the most part, but that's where we don't change it.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't think people understand, and and and me too, like, and it's all different levels because it's just more increased awareness.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_01: We like we're infinite, so there isn't one person.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I always say there isn't one person that doesn't know something because if they did, we'd have it all.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right, right, right, exactly.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: So so so it doesn't matter.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's why the best of the best always see themselves as a beginner, because they know there's a new level of awareness that we don't know.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Bob would always used to say, Bob Proctor would always used to say the biggest room that there is is the room for self-improvement because it's infinite.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's never, it's never ending, right?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we grasp that because we can't see it, and we've been trained to live our lives from our 3D world.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: But when you people say we just got to believe it, I I don't think we understand the power of belief.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's really where I want to help people.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, I love that.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm so like intrigued in really what that means, right?
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean we all have our own um the definition isn't feeling right for me, but we all we have our own like beliefs around our beliefs, right?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_02: And what that means to us is all individual, right?
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_02: We could have the same belief, right?
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_02: And yet if we were to like dissect it, if if it was possible, we would come up with a different outcome each, you and I, right?
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Based on our life, based on the life that we have lived.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: Give me, okay, so I'm thinking, uh, let's talk, okay.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna just throw this because this is what came to my mind is premarital sex.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, right?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I was brought up that it wasn't allowed, right?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: And yet when I looked around or and I talked, met new people, it was happening all the time.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, people were living together.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, now when I was growing up, I didn't know what that meant, right?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because I mean, I didn't know what that what it was really until I got older.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I understood what that was, I was like, so when they were living together, were they not sleeping together?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: And and yet, like I know that premarital sex so it was wrong for me, and yet everybody else seemed to have a different understanding of what that meant.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I love that you bring up sex because I think for a lot of gen X women it's money and sex, right?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because we grew up with so much guilt and shame around it.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: So it was almost like if you do that, you're back.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: If you wear those types of clothes, then you're provocative and you're back.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: And you're asking for what's impacting men and women now who are um did the right thing, whether or not they had sex before, but wait to get married, got their check marks, now they've come to a place where they're not maybe um in their marriages anymore, or maybe are in it, and most people say longer than they want to.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because of guilt, because of shame.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: They can use all examples, oh, are kids easier for the kids, da-da-da-da-da.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you really had that standard of like, I believe everything's happening for me for a reason, that this is the journey that God doesn't judge, then like those, because those are all like man-made rules, right?
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like they're not, they doesn't, but if you grew up in a home that said that was wrong and people that do that are bad, then your belief believed that they were bad.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And you want to be bad.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, so I I bring it up because now I think that when you get into these 40-50, people aren't getting you don't want a relationship now to get like children and those other things that you wanted before, right?
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_01: Actually, I have to just digress for something that's really funny.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: My girlfriend turned 53 the other day, and I got her a card that said, better to turn a year older than to be a month late.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: That was so funny.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um turning 51 and having a 17 and 14 year old, I can laugh at that.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: But anyways, um, but my point is, I think that many of us still like, although we know having premarital sex is fine.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna be burned to a cross.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: And and that the point is that you know, just because you do doesn't mean you have to swing the pendulum here and be like sleeping with someone just to have sex, right?
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can love somebody.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: So what if that, right?
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_01: So what if you really love somebody, you want to be with them and share that part of you with them, but you still have this belief from when you were 10, even though consciously you know it's crazy.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: Go into that feeling bad about yourself or not showing up as your fullest expression, right?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that's where we really need to start diving and being honest with ourselves with no judgment, but just like a like a curiosity how to be like, isn't that interesting?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's something that I thought I didn't believe I actually am feeling guilty for, or that might be stopping me from exploring parts of sexual energy that I've never done because deeply rooted somewhere, I feel like I would be back.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's it's interesting because this is where I say, like, I really am focused on helping high achievers or people to understand that their success, because I think we get it into a success, their success was created based off the beliefs they have.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you want more success, guess what we got to change?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's and that's when when it that's what it comes down to, right?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: So that fear of believing in what you believe in, whatever it is.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so this example was about the premarital sex.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: Now that's I mean, that's kind of miniscal, minimal for you know, when we're talking business, right?
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: But but it comes down to the the strength in that belief and how deep it goes to like how far it's gonna allow you to move forward when you're looking for that victory or that success.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you can use in in business a leader of people might think that people that are late are bad employees, right?
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Right, like that's a good one to use because some people really value showing up on time, and if not, then you must not care, right?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: Right, or you must be irresponsible or not responsible or whatever.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm sure there's a level of truth to that because there's a truth to like kind of what you were saying, your beliefs are based off your own perception.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: Uh maybe that was a perception of the situation.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And like for me, like, and as a leader, if you said to that person who was come in late, like, I need you to be on time, and then that employee says, Yeah, for sure, like you know, they're not like people don't wake up going, I'm gonna really do a shitty job today.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: They're just gonna like do a shitty job.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's not the majority of people, right?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so they come in and they have intention to be on time, and for a short amount of time, they will be on time, but soon, after a while, they start showing up late again, and then they get pulled in, they get in trouble, and they say, Why are you late?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, I don't know, like I've been trying.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: The reason that person is late because they're programmed late, like even those types of beliefs, and we keep trying to change the behavior without going to what's behind the behavior, which is a belief around that behavior, right?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_01: So it's the same when people want to release weight, right?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: They say, I want to become this X amount of weight or whatever, usually it's around a number versus what will that give to me?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be able to walk up a stairs without being winded.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be able to say yes to any activity that I really want to be in, right?
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_01: But it's but that weight, and even if they do it like that, lots of times they'll say that what would what do I need to do to get that?
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: So we say, here's a strategy.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: You have to go to the gym three times a week, you can't eat over 2,000 calories, it's got to be at this, whatever, whatever.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_01: Person says, okay, they're they're motivated, right?
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: So they do their best, start following it, and they get some results.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: So they think that that's good and they keep going, they get to their ideal weight, they stop.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: What usually happens?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_02: They gained they go right back, they get right back into the old habits and behaviors.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_01: They go and they beat themselves up because they're like, frick, I know better.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: I've done this before.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Why can't?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then this constant yo-yo.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, because they're treating the symptoms and not the cause.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: The cause is a fat identity, the cause is an unhealthy uh um perception of themselves when it came to their relationship with food, exercise, or whatever the case may be.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: And motivation will get you to the start line.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like it is more than that that takes you to the finish line to like be consistent and level it up because our self-image sets the boundaries of what we'll achieve.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're attacking the behavior without at the same time like re implementing the belief of the identity you have of yourself, then you'll always come back to it.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's like a thermostat.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: And we got to reprogram it.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_02: I love that you brought this up.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: So back when I was, oh, it was 20 years ago, I did the Dr.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_02: Bernstein diet.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, I know it's here in Canada.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't Know exactly where it is.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, I lost weight and I lost weight fast, right?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like I think I lost 116 pounds in five or six months.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: It was like it was way too fast, right?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, we all know that that's unhealthy.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_02: But I remember going shopping for pants because my pants were like literally falling off of me.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember being in the dressing room and looking at my legs, going, oh my God, where are my legs?
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like they were, and they were not small, right?
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: I still had lots to lose.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, I was like, this can't be my, like, these are not my legs, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so that whole identity of being the fat Tina, right, was always there.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, I knew, like I used to say, I've, you know, I couldn't eat a whole lot of food, right?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: We were like on 800 calories a day.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: It was ridiculous.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: But when I thought about it, I said, well, I ate all the food that I need.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: This is enough for me now.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I kept telling myself that, right?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: But when I'd look in the mirror, I was still seeing the old Tina.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so of course, when I went off the diet, the old Tina came back, right?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: And sure enough, the weight came back plus more.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: And I vowed then, that's it, I'm done.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_02: Like I'm not doing these stupid diets anymore.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: Because I, but now, of course, now that I'm a coach, I know that you know we have to part with that old identity.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_02: We have to bring that old identity to the to the surface, right?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: And and allow, in my case, her, right, to um embody a new identity.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like and that's beautiful, right?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think what we're trying to do sometimes, like whatever we resist persists.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: You hear that too, right?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever you resist, persists.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's like one of those, like when you're going to the um when you're flying the next day, and you're like, I gotta get a good sleep, I gotta get to sleep.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh, I gotta get to sleep.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I can sleep, I can sleep, or like and your eyes are wide open, hit the tree, right?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Freaking hit the tree.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because your mind, again, this is a prime example.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: Your mind doesn't know the difference between what you want and what you don't want.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_01: It responds to the energy of where you're putting your attention.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_01: And my attention is tree, tree, tree, even though I'm saying don't hit it, don't hit it, don't hit it, right?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's right.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: So this is with the like going back to your example around the identity.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: I think there's two pieces of it when it comes to um health somebody.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: And and I'm pleased, like this is a really great conversation thing to have because as we get older, what I'm hearing more, and I'm gonna say something that's kind of controversial, okay?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, is I believe like menopause is even one of the latest new crutches for things.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because if again, thoughts become things and you continue to say menopause is hard, guess what it's gonna be?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I believe that a lot of of us um have had a slow drift from the standards that we want in life.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, maybe at one time going to the gym was important.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_01: There were different elements of your life, going dancing, whatever, whatever sport you liked, or whatever music you like.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, somebody could say, like, I get to 40, 50, I don't know who I am anymore, because those things that we once loved, we started to say no to because we had other responsibilities: kids, work, marriage, all these things.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And it's logical to do that because no one said, make sure your cup is full before you fill somebody else's up.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: They said, if you do these things, you'll find happiness.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so we went looking.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that it's these like little slight drifts again that that built momentum to create habits from that.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now our bodies are seeing the 20 years of that drift slow up.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, our energy has gone low.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: Most people have gained some weight in different ways or not as active as they were.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_01: Let's be honest, everybody's on their phones, they're getting dopamine hits from that way.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like maybe you're tired because you don't put your screen down until five minutes before you go to bed.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're tired because you're only really actually moving your body 15 minutes a day.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's not enough.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe, you know, you're still eating after a certain time, you know, like who knows?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: But I believe that again, we live in a world, and I'm victim, like I I'm not like I I do too, right?
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I've become aware of like, wow, say it's like that's real victim mentality.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_01: If you're like, all right, cause you better freaking like take the power back, right?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: But we say these things, and so with health, again, I think there's two parts.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_01: There's one saying to yourself, like, you know what, I love myself no matter what size I'm at.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: I'm beautiful, I love myself, right?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: But they're also because then that releases it from coming from guilt to shame.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_01: But then I think that our vessel is the most important thing that we have, you know, that is success.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like because without our health, we've got nothing.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and that's the one person that vessel is the where you spend like most of your life with.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, all of your life, like, you know, so that's where I just feel that we owe ourselves to figure out and tell ourselves all the time that we're beautiful and that we're capable of whatever we want.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm pretty sure the same way as most people don't wake up and say, I'm gonna do a shooty job, most people don't wake up saying, you know what, I don't want to do any activity today.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather sit on the couch than do it.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe they do because they've now been programmed and they have a negative relationship with that, but then let's fix it.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: Because you are not going to find the joy and the happiness that you want sitting on the couch or not feeling, even if you think that, like, you know, you've come to terms.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: I've come to terms.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: This is just my body.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's such bullshit.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: That's such, you know.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so okay, let me ask you this then.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: Let's say we have that couch potato, right?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Who gets up in the morning and says, you know what, I think today I'll just spend the day on the couch again, right?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: And it has now been like, let's go with a number of six months, right?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: Because it's it's a possibility.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: How do you start?
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_02: Like, how do you coach your clients to start looking for that joy?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they got to figure out like they you have to want it.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like the why to change has got to be greater than the why not.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I won't work with like some people are like, Well, you never called me back.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, You didn't freaking call me, like, I'm not chasing you to improve your freaking life.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you don't even want it to call, you're not gonna do the work.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, the work only works when you do the work.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, there's nothing more that I see you in your brilliance, I see you as perfection, but you've got to want something greater, and I think that's where people is is that like we think it's the coach's job to drive, it's your job to listen to your goal, like your want.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Your want comes from the essence of who you are, it comes from your subconscious mind.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_01: Now it gives it to your conscious mind.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now you got to accept or reject it.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this is the work when your want becomes something that you believe in so much that it's already done, then you show up as her all the time, right?
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like you may not have gotten to that ideal weight, but like you can't get something that you're not being equally um aligned with, and that's where I think we're all kind of waiting and wanting and hoping something different, but making our decisions from our current place doesn't work, right?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's get what you want being who you are, and with your current set of beliefs, you would have it, right?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_01: And that's for everything, yeah.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that for everything, whether it's personal or business or you know, like yeah, like and and even in business, every little category, right?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_02: Like you need to know, you need to know your why, you need to know the full intention of what you're doing, and they are different, right?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_02: Your why and your intention are different.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, like I'm not sure.
• 30:13
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I'm just like my why is like maybe, maybe I like okay.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: So my why is to be the best woman I can be to show my kids to do it, but my goal can be to live up fulfilling um, you know, my goal.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: I always say I want to do what I want with who want when I want as how many times as I want, right?
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like I want pure freedom in that way, and not and and I think it's about like not feeling yelp or things, right?
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, and I know that many of the people I work with, they all have financial freedom, but they don't have that sense of emotional freedom.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not just about money, right?
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: And and financial freedom actually comes through emotional freedom, right?
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because you become so detached to the outcome because you act with a certainty that it's already done, right?
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like you work with the law of assumption and the law of detachment at the same time, which I think is where it gets a little confusing sometimes because you're like, I gotta want it so much that I let go of it.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you let go of it because you already know it's here, it's just in the 5D world, right?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: And we got to bring it to 3D.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_01: So you already show up, you be heard today, knowing with it, because you're coming from the law of assumption that it is already done, creation's already done.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: And if I can see it on the screen of my mind, then I know I can create in the physical world.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I got to continue to see it on the screen in the mind, and that's doing the work, whether that's for you visualization, meditation, journal writing, you know, there's so many different modalities.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_01: But you have to be able to do that each and every day, not sometimes.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like literally, I will say 80% in is still 100% out, and that's where I think most people live, truthfully.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I make a decision, and I'll say I make a decision to even just let's continue just to lose weight because I think people do that, um relate to that.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_01: I made a decision that I want to be healthier, but I only keep to my word in the times when it's convenient.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's not a decision, that's living from convenience.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_01: So that's not intentional.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're intentional, then you've set your goal on that, you've adopted the identity of them, and you refuse to do anything else.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: A decision means death of anything opposite to what I want.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: So when I do that and I believe that so much, I come from assumption, I detach that it's already here, and then I just focus on what I have to do, whether give value, whatever service to people, if it's an industry or if it was in our health, you take the actions to eat in a way that's aligned with that person, be active like that and and speak.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, okay.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_02: So I I kind of went off, but like I didn't know.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_02: I know.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_02: I am like, I can I can feel like your passion.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, like you you you talk very fast, right?
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_02: And this is not something that happens fast.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, this is something that you need to really take your time doing, right, until it starts happening, right?
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, like you said, when you make a goal or of of health, right, it doesn't happen just when it when it's convenient for you.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_02: It has to happen every single day, every meal, every time you have to get up and move your body, all the things that are included in your health.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: But once you create a system, right, and it takes a little bit of time, right?
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_02: Once you got the system in place, then you get the momentum.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_02: That's when it starts to happen.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's when you can put it aside and say, you know, it's now I'm leaving it up to whatever, you know, the God, the universe, you know, whatever power is that's going to get it to me, because now I've already done it.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like I've done the work.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_01: So you want to actually adopt that as soon as you say yeah.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: So right from day one.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because cold turkey.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: Pardon?
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like cold turkey.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, cold turkey in believing the belief that is required to create what it is that you want.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's where, like that's where I would say great alpha before you say, I am a healthy individual, prioritizes my body, I eat, and I act to I active in a healthy way.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever.
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you want to be really descriptive of what the health is, but then because remember, the we want to be really specific.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_01: Like some people I want to earn more money.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they find a buck, universe is like, there you go.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: There's more money.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's more money, right?
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: So you want to be really specific.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's important that we're specific because why?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: Because because we use our focus, like our focus being our will.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_01: So we have six faculties that we were born with that God gave us that is like how to create from the inside out.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: And the important they're all important, but like the ones that are really powerful in creating a different belief and and vision and outcome for yourself is when your imagination, right?
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: You got to see it to believe.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: We think in pictures, so you start to see that image of yourself doing the things that you want to like you you would leverage your senses in one way to create the picture.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: You'd say, Well, what would I smell and what would I hear?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: And who would be around me, and what would I see?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: But we don't live from the outside, like they our senses just attach us to the outside world, but we're used to creating from them.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, you we leverage the power of our imagination to see it.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now you have the power of will, what's called the our will, and that's not will power, it's not forcing it.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_01: Will is having the ability to keep one image on the screen of your mind in exclusion to anything else.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: So when you go back to it, like kind of where we were, is as soon as I make that decision, then I only think of me from that place, of that imagery, right?
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: So we leverage our imagination, our will, our intuition helps us, our perception.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe we have a belief about something and it's hurting us from being able to really lean into it.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: Well, we can see it from a different perception.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, isn't that interesting, right?
• 36:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, like I hold this up and I say there's nothing on the front.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_01: You say yes, there is, I say no, there isn't.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: And the more that I get you to focus on the fact that there's nothing, the more um believable you think there is.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_01: But then I turn it to this side and you go, Oh, same thing, two sides, right?
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the law of relativity, where again, it's not big, it's not small, it's not long, it's not um short, like as far as time, because time's a greatest illusion.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_01: It just is.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_01: But our job in all of this is to think of the what, to keep our mind on the what it is that we want, to fuse with that goal to say it's already mine, it's already done.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't want something that I can't do, and then the how is up to our subconscious mind, you know, I believe in God, so it is, but you can do it from science or whatever, because both science and theology say the same thing: nothing is created or destroyed, everything that always will be is already here in one form or the other.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: So what you want is already here.
• 37:16
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's for us to believe to become the person to be able to receive it.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I I really love this conversation because I mean, like, I mean, it could go, I mean, there's no, I I don't have any questions to really doubt you, like to show any kind of doubt.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_02: I just want to know more.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_02: I want to get inside your brain, right?
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_02: Because the way you explain it is just so amazing.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm wondering though, like, okay, so we it's kind of like when you, you know, when when I was pregnant, right?
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_02: I all of a sudden I started like looking around and there were all these pregnant women.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_02: Didn't notice pregnant women at all until I found out I was pregnant.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: So it's kind of the same thing, right?
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_02: Like once you put it in your mind, you're gonna see it everywhere you go, right?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: When you start really focusing on your health, like we were saying, you know, everywhere you go, you see other women or other people doing the same things that you're learning to do, that you're trying to implement or you are implementing into your own life, right?
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: And you it's sort of like um, you know, like it's setting in that belief, right, that it is possible, number one, and that it is good for me.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: Because if they're doing it, it must be good for me too.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the other thing if one person can do it, so can you.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's no difference between you, me, anyone.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_01: Difference uh is in our belief, uh our levels of discipline, right?
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_01: But in capability and potential, no difference.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: We're all from one.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_02: So like I want to believe you, but there's no way in hell I am running an ultramarathon like you.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_02: Now that that's a belief marathon.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_01: But but like, but you know, it training for my half iron man at 50 really taught most like it solidified what I've been teaching in lots of different ways because there's been times where I've set big goals in business, let's say, that I have yet to achieve.
• 39:13
  SPEAKER_01: And there's a big difference between goal setting and goal achievement.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: I think like one's an intellectual activity, one's a spiritual activity, right?
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: And because you have to adopt the spirit of something before you can see it in that, right?
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it's very interesting.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe people can appreciate this.
• 39:31
  SPEAKER_01: Is when I was training for a half iron man, that was my goal when I turned 50.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd never done that.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was a swimmer and I had ran a half marathon before, but I was not a biker, I had not biked.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: The bike is significant, it's 90K.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: So after a 1500-meter swim, and then you have a 21k run.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_01: And um, if somebody even at that time would have told me, you know, say it's on the weekends, you need to like mark off four or five hours to train on one day because the bikes are long, and you probably need two to three hours every day.
• 40:03
  SPEAKER_01: It would have been like, I don't have that time, like I'm freaking busy, like it was, you know.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: But here's what I learned is that we're busy doing things that don't move the needle to what we want.
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I just had to really want it.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I fused with it.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like I finally got, like, honest to God, it was like, oh my god, this is goal achievement.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because I fused with it when my alarm would go off at five in the morning.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_01: I just freaking want to get up.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_01: Who wants to get up and go jump in as cold pull nothing?
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I was like, would the woman that does this and finish it do it?
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, then I do it.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't, you know, would the woman?
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I would visualize myself crossing that line way before I crossed that line, right?
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Which is if you're anybody listening to Iron Man right now, you know the Iron Man role, they get pissed off at me because they said, like, I wanted to buy all the gear before I did it.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, you can't get that gear until after you gotta earn it.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, no, I have earned it already.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: I've already made the discipline.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's that 1% better.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's that fucking lie that we have about success.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_01: Is once I get to it, then I can be happy about myself.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_01: No, I had to celebrate me every day that I was choosing to do the hard, that I was embracing the hard, that I was going on something in in moving me, the progressive realization of that worthy ideal, right?
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so I was celebrating all the time.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_01: When it came to race day, it was just like, like, let's do it, let's see where it goes, right?
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_01: And then I am you, then you can improve on your time or whatever, but we gotta lock into that.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: The only person that we're in competition with is ourselves and the self of yesterday.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're being intentional to be 1%, we may or we may not be better.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like even if you're losing, you don't have to be perfect.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: We're not saying you can't cheat, like you can't be perfect, but you gotta be consistent, you gotta never make one day two days.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta recognize it and go back.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_01: And and but if you want it, you will do that.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you don't want, and I think this is where again we get saying we want something that really truly, if we're being honest with ourselves, I don't I don't think we want we really do want it.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're saying because maybe it should be something that we should, or we're afraid to what others may think, or whatever, but this is where it does, it takes us a little.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_01: But with me, with um Irman, then I started saying, okay, well, my why was it easier for me?
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_01: That and I think it's because I did always have the identity of an athlete, not a long-distance athlete, but I could buy it into that, right?
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I easily like because we don't get we want what we want, we get who we are.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that's our goal is to become the person who has it before we have it.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: Because if we're not, we're not gonna get it.
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_02: I love I love that because it it just goes to show like if you really want something, you will make it happen, but you have to really want it deep.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_01: We have evidence of that in our past, right?
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like, you know, I like that's how I got into this with Bob is that I didn't like my goal growing up, I had a really fantastic childhood, and I was just so blessed with amazing parents.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you know, I always wanted the goal to provide for my kids the way my parents did, and a little better.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I never thought to myself, how am I gonna do that?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_01: I better get this job, and that job is gonna give me this, and this is like I just I just knew it.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I just went on by myself, and really, when you think about it, I just let it go because I just knew it was gonna happen.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it did, and also I'm 40.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: I wake up and guess what life I'm living?
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: A little bit better than my parents, and being able to give to my kids what they gave to me.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: Now I never worried about that, I just accepted it.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, if that can happen for that, why can't it happen for other things?
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 43:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I think this is like where I'm saying that as high achievers that achieve these things that we want.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, now we start to feel bored and we don't understand why.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the reason is because.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have something greater than what we know how to do as a goal.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if we don't know have uh an objective, an intention, a goal, whatever you want to call it, a vision that's greater than what we know how to do, then there's no growth.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the intention of a goal is not to get, it's to grow.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: This essence of us is like it's a spirit, it wants to express itself more.
• 44:25
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're saying, oh, spirit, I only let you go this way because I need to be in control, I need to know the way.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_01: And if I don't know the strategy, then it can't be done.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_01: Then, like, that's where that's where we kind of miss out in the in more beauty in life.
• 44:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's not saying you're not gonna have a joyful life, whatever, right?
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: Like people do get shit by just forcing it, but how many people are really alive in their life?
• 44:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, that's a question that I ask a lot, right?
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_02: How many people are on autopilot, right?
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_02: Going from one day to the next, just doing what they have to do and not really feeling joy in every moment, right?
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's not joy to be felt in every moment.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: I truly believe that, but we can feel joy even when things are shitty.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, that's the attitude, right?
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's easy to have a good attitude when everything's going right.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_01: The true winners in life have an even better attitude when it's not.
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because they also know the laws.
• 45:23
  SPEAKER_01: And the laws say the harder the struggle, the greater the win, right?
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's equal opposite to everything.
• 45:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I've had to change my perception when something's happening to me, like, I'm excited for this, because that means there's something really good on the other side, right?
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_02: There usually is, right?
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there usually is.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_02: So, Stacy, if a woman that's listening today, if she's feeling stuck or overwhelmed or afraid of her next chapter, what's one thing that you would want her to remember?
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_01: That the only limit that she has are the ones she chooses to believe.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: So all you gotta do is like take the lid off and bear to dream a little bit, you know?
• 46:10
  SPEAKER_01: And and I get it, like come talk to someone like Tina or myself, because we're not gonna let you tell you that it's not true.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, sometimes we'll tell our friends or our family, and they just want to keep us safe, so they might not tell us.
• 46:23
  SPEAKER_01: But this was a big realization I had it my dreams are my own.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of us look for approval outside of ourselves, right?
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_01: We won't be like, that's a good idea, right?
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_01: And if they say no, then we're like, really?
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_01: It's not.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: If you think it's a good idea, it's a good idea.
• 46:39
  SPEAKER_01: Go do it, right?
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_01: And do it now.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because the moment that you don't do it now is minute one, you didn't make a decision, so you can't take, but all the reasons why you shouldn't are gonna come into play.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, you know, I would say three, I would say, like, take a list, and then really three habits that if we all adopted, we had 10x or things by the end of this year.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we got to believe we can quantum leap every 90 days, right?
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's the goal.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: But you gotta shed, and people like we'll we'll have a follow-up, but really three goals accept and reject ideas only from the goal.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_01: If your future self says yes to it, you say yes to it.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_01: If your future self says no to it, you say no to it.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't need to explain to it to a person.
• 47:22
  SPEAKER_01: The challenge is most of us are saying yes to things we should be saying no to, and no to the things that we should be saying yes to.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_01: But if it feels uncomfortable, do it, right?
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because it if it feels easy, you then you know there's no growth.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_01: Accept and reject ideas from the goal, do it now.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: You get an idea, do it now.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Bob used to also say, like, ideas are like fish, slippery fish.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't take it by the hand, it'll squirm away.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or I haven't watched it yet, but Michael Jackson knew this.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: He said that he'd get an idea at like three in the morning.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's your subconscious mind waking you up, right?
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_01: And he would like start acting on it.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_01: People are like, wait till the morning.
• 47:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, I have to.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_01: God gave it to me now.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: If if I don't do it, he'll give that idea to Prince, right?
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because ideas are all around us.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just are you open to receive it?
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 48:08
  SPEAKER_01: Then the next one is um start before you're ready.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 48:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if you're always waiting to be ready, there's never you'll never be ready.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, those are awesome rules.
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the whole, I mean, all of them are awesome.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_02: The start before you're ready is a big one.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, right.
• 48:26
  SPEAKER_02: Especially if you live in perfection, perfection mode, right?
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, if you do like this is a great qu I ask myself this question all the time.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: I think this is a great question, and and maybe this is where we end it.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: Is um if you weren't afraid to be seen in the process of trying, what would you do?
• 48:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh wow.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's a great question to ask yourself, and the quality of the question determines the quality of your life.
• 48:54
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of people are asking, you know, how do I get there?
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's a terrible question.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_01: Or like, who do I have to need to become to create that?
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_01: Or what would I need to believe in order to feel that that's a natural outcome for myself?
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know, those like ask deeper questions, get deeper answers.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna get it delivered on a on a platter, but you've got to become someone different.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when the how opens up because now you're at a different vibration.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: You hear different things, like you said, you see pregnant people because that's your reticular activating um mind, right?
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same with when people buy a car and they never see a black whatever, and all of a sudden every car on the street.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: Is that why?
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: Because you tuned into that.
• 49:36
  SPEAKER_01: So you got to tune into your goal.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_01: Everything's a frequency, yeah.
• 49:40
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're not getting it right now, it's because you're just on the wrong frequency.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_01: So think like, how would I get there?
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna ask your subconscious mind that even when you go to bed, right?
• 49:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's really interesting.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_01: Like, who would be three people that I need to connect with that might be able to help me move in the direction of that, whatever it is.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_01: And if you get an idea, act on it, right?
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: Give me the name.
• 50:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's like, you know, that's always with intuition, right?
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because you know, you'll be in a store, you'll think someone's looking, and you turn around and someone is looking like, how do you feel?
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's energy, and an energy never lies.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so it's really interesting.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I start practicing, right?
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I think of Tina, I'm gonna call Tina, and then chances are you thought of me.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I was like, yeah, well, did you teach a me?
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: Am I am I hitting you or are you hitting me?
• 50:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I would I love it.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_02: I love you.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_02: I this has been so awesome, Stacy.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: I do have one question that I want you to answer.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_02: What does confidence in bloom mean to you?
• 50:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, confidence to me can be isn't something we're we're born with, right?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like we get confidence through action.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_01: And so to me, when you say in bloom, it's really the actual action of it that's gonna get you there.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I would just say remember, like, visualize that flower full bloom, that that is you at full expression.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: Own that, take a step, and you will like start to build that confidence in yourself.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_01: So confidence comes with action, so just do it.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of think the same thing that we were talking about before, right?
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, don't wait till you have the confidence.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you wait to have you confident, it's never gonna come.
• 51:21
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: But confidence in knowing that if you don't get what you want the first time, that you'll get back up.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_01: Like you've survived the roughest of your days, and the times that we've gotten ahead the most are the times that we've fallen the hardest.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_01: So continue to bloom.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: I think maybe that's another part that I love about your word is that just because it blooms, it doesn't end.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: And they have to lose their petals to come back in full bloom.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the flowers, I wonder if it's gonna come.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_01: It knows it.
• 51:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love that.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for joining me today.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: My pleasure.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, one of my biggest takeaways from this conversation is that courage isn't about eliminating fear, it's about moving forward despite it.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: Whether you're navigating a career change, stepping into a new season of life, or simply learning to trust yourself again.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_02: I hope today's conversation reminds you that growth often begins on the other side of fear.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for listening to Confidence in Bloom.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: If this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend and be sure to connect with Stacey to learn more about her work.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: Until next time, remember, confidence isn't something you're born with, it's something you build one brave step at a time.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_00: This show was brought to you by Divaslet Care.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_00: Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divasletcare.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.