Latest / More Than Before / I Was Losing Everything… Until This Changed My Life Forever | Shane Hanno

Transcript

I Was Losing Everything… Until This Changed My Life Forever | Shane Hanno · More Than Before

• 0:00
  Hey everyone, welcome back to More Than Before, the podcast
• 0:02
  about becoming who you're created to be by leading with
• 0:05
  clarity and ownership and purpose.
• 0:07
  Today you're going to jump into a conversation with a good
• 0:09
  friend of mine, Shane Hanno. Shane's story is one of those
• 0:13
  stories that reminds us of how quickly life can start heading
• 0:17
  in the wrong direction, but how powerfully it can be turned
• 0:20
  around. I'm really excited to share his
• 0:21
  story with you and this amazing conversation of the
• 0:25
  transformation that occurred in his life.
• 0:26
  Remember to subscribe, like, and share this episode with someone
• 0:29
  who do know would really benefit from a transformational story of
• 0:34
  a powerful relationship that can change a life.
• 0:38
  Let's jump into that conversation.
• 0:46
  I'm excited to have my good friend Shane Hanno in the studio
• 0:50
  today. So he's a good friend of mine.
• 0:53
  We've known each other for quite a few years now.
• 0:55
  Actually. Think like 4 years.
• 0:57
  Something like that, yeah. Yeah, four years, and we've been
• 1:00
  talking to a Bible study for a number of years early in the
• 1:03
  morning. You've been creeping everyone
• 1:05
  out since we moved into a nice private neighborhood and your
• 1:08
  car comes rolling in at 4 o'clock 5:00 in the morning to
• 1:13
  have Bible study. But it has been fun to get to
• 1:17
  know you over the years. And I'm excited to dive into
• 1:20
  your story even more, learn even more than than I've known really
• 1:24
  about you because you, you're a little bit of a mystery,
• 1:28
  especially with social media, because you don't, you don't
• 1:30
  have social media and there's no footprint of you.
• 1:34
  So like, you're the yeah, which is which has been really fun to
• 1:37
  try and figure out your story. You grew up all the way out in
• 1:42
  Sandy, OR right? Sandy OR Yeah, Yeah, it's a
• 1:45
  tiny, it was a tiny little town. Yeah, not so much anymore.
• 1:48
  You know, it's. Grown it's.
• 1:49
  Growing a lot, yeah. But no, it was a good place to
• 1:52
  grow up, man, You know, Like, wasn't, you know, didn't get
• 1:57
  into a lot of trouble or nothing like that, you know, but grew up
• 2:01
  in a little trailer park, you know, a little single wide
• 2:03
  trailer. And that was good, man.
• 2:06
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 2:07
  So I'm curious if if any of you guys are around Oregon, there is
• 2:12
  this little donut shop? Yeah.
• 2:14
  Joe's Donuts. Hi, do you have any memories of
• 2:18
  Joe's Donuts? Growing up there, man, it was
• 2:20
  just, it was just another donut shop, you know, like it wasn't a
• 2:22
  huge thing, you know? But now it's like, man,
• 2:24
  everybody knows about Joe's Donuts.
• 2:26
  You know, I'm like, what's the big deal?
• 2:28
  You know Joe's Donuts, you know it's been there forever.
• 2:31
  I mean, they have really good Apple Ferner, so I'm not going
• 2:33
  to lie. Yeah, another Donuts are good.
• 2:35
  You know, my dad and he loved him, you know, he's he's a big
• 2:38
  fan of Joe's Donuts, you know, But yeah, it was just it was
• 2:42
  just another donut shop. You know, it's funny.
• 2:43
  Yeah. Now it's like popular man,
• 2:45
  everybody knows about it. You know, you talk about saying
• 2:47
  everybody's like, oh, do you, do you ever go to Joe's Donuts?
• 2:49
  Like, yeah, tons of times as a kid.
• 2:53
  Yeah, yeah, it's and, and I say it because, so I used to drive
• 2:57
  out there for white water rafting, white water rafting,
• 3:00
  kayaking stuff. Usually it was we go up to the
• 3:03
  mountain, we do snowshoeing up there.
• 3:04
  And so we'd stop on the way with a bunch like probably a van full
• 3:08
  of like 17 past and 17 people. And we'd stop and get Donuts at
• 3:12
  Joe's Donuts. That was like one of the stops
• 3:14
  on the way up to the slopes. And that would have been
• 3:16
  probably over a decade, like probably 15 years ago doing
• 3:20
  that. And so now it's funny looking
• 3:22
  back and going, wow, that area has changed so much.
• 3:26
  It's just, it's just night and day.
• 3:27
  It is, yeah. So for you growing up, where
• 3:31
  were you in the pecking order? You had two of the brothers.
• 3:33
  Yeah, two brothers. I was the oldest.
• 3:35
  Oldest, Yeah. So you were the experimental
• 3:38
  child. Yeah, yeah.
• 3:39
  So like that. Yeah.
• 3:40
  Yeah, not, yeah, we three boys growing up in a little trailer,
• 3:45
  you know, but three boys, you know, it was good, man.
• 3:47
  The place we lived, it was like, you know, you think of a trailer
• 3:50
  park and you think like, you know, stuff you see on TV,
• 3:52
  cramped, little tight places, you know.
• 3:54
  But it was, it was spread out, man.
• 3:56
  I mean, we have woods all the way around us and fields, you
• 3:58
  know. So it was a good place to grow
• 3:59
  up, man. So like, you know, it wasn't
• 4:00
  like we're cramped in this thing all the time, you know?
• 4:02
  But there's some rowdiness, you know?
• 4:05
  Yeah, we have some, we have some squabbles and stuff.
• 4:08
  You know, you get to roll around with three, three big boys in a
• 4:12
  little space like that, it gets a little crazy, you know?
• 4:14
  What was life like growing up in such close proximity with
• 4:19
  family? Because it's, it's interesting
• 4:20
  because we grew up in kind of a world now where everyone has
• 4:25
  space, like every child has their own room and, you know,
• 4:30
  the parents are like, let's make sure that the the kids room is
• 4:33
  on the other side of the house. Yeah.
• 4:35
  Yeah. So what I mean, how did how do
• 4:39
  you think that played in kind of who you became later on of being
• 4:43
  social and maybe interacting with?
• 4:45
  Other people, I think it shaped me greatly.
• 4:48
  I tell you why, because you know, like, as a matter of fact,
• 4:51
  my wife and I were just talking about last night bigger house,
• 4:53
  you know, and my thing is like now we don't really need a
• 4:56
  bigger house, you know, like I can't even hardly keep up on the
• 4:58
  little one that we got, you know, and so, you know, like my
• 5:01
  dad, you know, when we got a little bit older, I remember it
• 5:03
  was AI think it was a two-bedroom, 1 bath trailer, you
• 5:07
  know, and these rooms weren't by any means big, you know, so you
• 5:10
  had at 1.3 of us in one room. So my dad, what he did is to
• 5:14
  give us, you know, separation. He just put up, put up a wall in
• 5:17
  the room, you know, and it was, it was tight after that, you
• 5:21
  know, it was tiny. But I mean, we made it work,
• 5:23
  man. You know, it was like it wasn't,
• 5:27
  you know, we didn't really know any different.
• 5:28
  Yeah. It was like, that's just how it
• 5:30
  was. One of the funniest stories,
• 5:33
  though, was, you know, I remember coming out, you know,
• 5:36
  my dad, he, he would, you know, I have memories of walking out
• 5:43
  and see my dad sitting there in his undies, you know, getting
• 5:46
  the old wood stove going first thing in the morning.
• 5:48
  You know, he'd be smoking a cigarette, you know, blowing it
• 5:50
  into the, you know, the, the wood stove there.
• 5:54
  And I remember a good buddy of mine, Kevin, I went to I think
• 5:59
  I, I was 1 morning going to school or something like that.
• 6:01
  You know, it's cold. And he said he's like, man, he
• 6:05
  goes nothing better than coming out and he says, get in your
• 6:09
  blanket and sitting over the heater.
• 6:11
  I'm like sitting over the heater.
• 6:13
  What are you talking about? You know, but you know, you get
• 6:14
  your blanket, you sit over the heater.
• 6:15
  I'm like, no, you might sit next to a man sitting over it and he
• 6:19
  goes and I'm like, what do you talk about, man?
• 6:21
  He goes, you know, you sit over the top of the heater and he was
• 6:25
  talking about forced air. I had no idea what forced air
• 6:27
  was, man. It's like all we knew was a wood
• 6:28
  stove, you know, that was the only heat we had, you know, So
• 6:31
  it was just little stuff like that, you know, but it, it makes
• 6:35
  you really, it makes me appreciate what I had, you know?
• 6:40
  You know, it was, you know, my, my, my parents did what they had
• 6:43
  to do. You know, they moved us out
• 6:45
  there. And for the most part, it was a
• 6:47
  good place to grow up, man. I mean, there's lots of kids
• 6:48
  around and always something to do.
• 6:51
  What your dad do for work? He was a cabinet maker.
• 6:54
  Cabinet maker. Yeah, Yeah.
• 6:55
  So he was, you know, he's, he's a pretty handy guy, you know, he
• 6:59
  was always, it's funny, man. Like, you know, it's just kind
• 7:03
  of the handle way, you know, we're, we're, we're by nature
• 7:05
  kind of lazy, you know, and we had, we had this the bathroom
• 7:09
  door. It was never like, I wouldn't
• 7:12
  say never, but it was for a long time.
• 7:14
  It was never, it was like not on the hinges.
• 7:17
  So if you went to the bathroom, like you'd pick the door up,
• 7:19
  moved out of the way, go in and set the door in front of the
• 7:22
  opening, you know, and you couldn't do your thing, you
• 7:24
  know? But but the guy was, he's a real
• 7:27
  handy guy, you know? But he just never fixed it, you
• 7:29
  know? This is how it was, you know?
• 7:31
  But I remember, I remember built a, he built a, he built a porch
• 7:35
  and a cover and stuff like that off of it, you know?
• 7:37
  And yeah. So he's, you know.
• 7:41
  It's funny that you say the handle way, the lazy way, 'cause
• 7:44
  I've known you for a long time and that word is not in the
• 7:47
  vocabulary that I would choose for you.
• 7:50
  Yeah, 'cause I mean you're a Glazer, which by the way, define
• 7:52
  it. What is a Glazer for everyone.
• 7:54
  That tells me, yeah. It's, it's not someone who eats
• 7:56
  glazed Donuts or anything like that.
• 7:59
  They did not do a good justice to that, that that job.
• 8:03
  I called. I called.
• 8:04
  A buddy of mine, because I, I worked at the cabinet shop, my
• 8:07
  dad worked out for 13 years and this guy, Travis Borges, I, I
• 8:12
  reconnected with him after some years, you know, and he's like,
• 8:14
  what are you up to, man? I was like, oh, I'm a Glazer
• 8:16
  now. He goes, I always knew you'd end
• 8:17
  up doing something with Donuts. It was, you know, he was joking,
• 8:20
  you know, but I was, I was like, yeah, pretty much, you know,
• 8:22
  nobody knows what it is, but it's basically we just, it's
• 8:25
  commercial glass, you know? You know, you go into a
• 8:28
  Starbucks and the doors, you walk in and all the glass, you
• 8:31
  know, that's, that's what we do, you know?
• 8:32
  So, yeah. I mean, that's hard.
• 8:34
  That's hard work. It is.
• 8:35
  It's not easy work. So it's funny, I'm kind of
• 8:38
  laughing inside when you say the hand out way is the lazy way
• 8:41
  because yeah, you're, you're anything but that.
• 8:44
  Even like, you know, the stone path that you're so stubborn to
• 8:47
  do by yourself. I mean, now you're in, you're,
• 8:49
  you know, hiring someone else out to finish it.
• 8:52
  But like you've, you've done a lot, you've built a lot even in
• 8:55
  your own home, You've done like remodeling your own home.
• 8:58
  You had a, you had a business at one point where you were a
• 9:01
  general contractor. I like, I'm curious why, why was
• 9:06
  there a shift in there for you where it no longer became the
• 9:10
  lazy way? Or is there something that you?
• 9:13
  Yeah. So what I mean by like, you
• 9:15
  know, we work hard, man. Like when there's something that
• 9:17
  you know, like I would say like working hard, meaning like if
• 9:21
  we're cutting firewood, you know, just just for, you know,
• 9:24
  example, like I'll work my tail off stacking firewood, moving
• 9:28
  laws. I mean, like, you know, there's
• 9:29
  always been the same. I remember, I remember my
• 9:31
  grandpa told this story. My dad, you know, he's always
• 9:34
  like, he's like, man, your dad was, you know, it not was he is,
• 9:36
  you know, still around. But but a story back in the day,
• 9:39
  my dad walked over and it was like, there's like a an animal
• 9:42
  sitting right, you know, sitting there.
• 9:43
  My dad just walked over and picked it up, you know, So it's
• 9:45
  like, you know, like work hard, like oxes, you know, like we can
• 9:48
  move logs and pick stuff up and we'll, we'll go hard.
• 9:52
  But then like, when it comes to like, you know?
• 9:54
  The small stuff around the. House little things, you know,
• 9:56
  it's like, ah, we'll let that one slide, you know, like, you
• 9:58
  know what I mean? Like, yeah, we'll get to that
• 10:00
  tomorrow kind of a thing, you know?
• 10:01
  Yeah, we'll fix the hinge later. Five years later.
• 10:03
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For other people, we'll work
• 10:06
  really hard. But when it comes to our own
• 10:07
  lives, maybe we'll just. Yeah, yeah.
• 10:09
  Tone it back a little. Have a.
• 10:11
  Little bit of balance, right, Right.
• 10:12
  You know, so I, you know, I could, I'll recognize that, you
• 10:15
  know, I there's things that I could do better, you know, but
• 10:17
  yeah, I mean, I still, I still get up and go to work every day
• 10:20
  and do what I got to do. And that's, you know, we're all
• 10:23
  that way. Yeah.
• 10:23
  Yeah, what kind of what kind of kid were you growing up?
• 10:27
  You know who who was Shane? Were you the were you outgoing?
• 10:31
  Were you more reserved? Were you the thinker?
• 10:34
  Were you the the fidgeter with like building things?
• 10:38
  Did you? Were you the jock?
• 10:40
  I think you did some sports, didn't you?
• 10:41
  Yeah, Play sports, Yeah. Yeah.
• 10:43
  You know, honestly, I like, I can honestly say I don't
• 10:46
  remember, you know, like I don't really remember what kind of a
• 10:49
  kid I was, you know, you know, always have friends, but I was
• 10:55
  never really outgoing, you know, like, you know, the, the, the
• 11:00
  place we grew up, you know, there's a lot, like I said,
• 11:02
  there's a lot of kids there. So we were always playing
• 11:04
  football or basketball or always riding bikes or something like
• 11:07
  that, you know, pretty active, you know, always.
• 11:09
  We had a, a couple of the older kids there.
• 11:12
  They built a you know, way a lot of woods out where we lived, you
• 11:15
  know, and so they built like a wrestling ring out in the woods,
• 11:19
  you know, they took like hoses and strung them around trees,
• 11:21
  you know, so we. WWE style or what was it?
• 11:24
  WWW Back then it was WWF, yeah, we go out in the woods and they,
• 11:28
  they wrestle out in the woods, you know, and climbing trees and
• 11:30
  stuff, you know, and, but as far as like personality, you know,
• 11:33
  like I, I was a good kid, you know, didn't really get into
• 11:35
  trouble or nothing like that. Were you studious?
• 11:38
  Were you a good student? I was actually, yeah, you know,
• 11:41
  that's, that's a funny thing too, man.
• 11:43
  I so I remember and I told my family this like it was just a
• 11:47
  while back, you know, I was like, I remember getting like a
• 11:50
  3.8 coming into high school, I think, you know, I remember I
• 11:54
  did pretty good and everybody was like no, no way.
• 11:57
  You know, like, because, because if you looked at that, like,
• 11:59
  look at me coming out of high school, man, I was like, there
• 12:02
  was something wrong with it, you know, like I barely graduated,
• 12:05
  you know? He's going to be washing cars
• 12:07
  down at that, yeah. Yeah, actually, I remember, I
• 12:10
  think it was one of the kids, one of the older guys that lived
• 12:13
  in the trailer park, he ended up going in the military and we had
• 12:17
  a football coach who he had. He, this guy had come back and
• 12:22
  was asking this coach about me and his, his exact words were,
• 12:26
  oh, he's a lost cause, you know, because I was, I was, you know,
• 12:29
  like when I, when I, it was like about like sophomore year, I
• 12:32
  started really kind of declining in school and not caring, you
• 12:35
  know, stuff like that. And I just let my grades go and
• 12:37
  just wasn't even trying, you know?
• 12:39
  Yeah. But like going into that, you
• 12:40
  know, I was, I did pretty good, man, you know, like I, I was
• 12:43
  always all right with school and stuff like that, you know, but I
• 12:46
  just didn't really apply myself, you know?
• 12:49
  What was it about that sophomore year that had things like kind
• 12:54
  of start sloping off? Yeah, that's that that opens up
• 12:58
  a whole another, you know, part of our growing up, you know,
• 13:02
  there's a you know, there's some, there's some rough times
• 13:04
  in our home, you know, my daddy struggled with alcoholism, you
• 13:06
  know, and it, it got the better of a lot of the times, you know.
• 13:10
  So there was always a lot, a lot of fighting in the house, you
• 13:15
  know, and just, you know, mom always man, she always loved on
• 13:19
  us, you know, she always did her best to take care of us, you
• 13:21
  know, and I mean, there's there's just stories and punch
• 13:24
  stories of, you know, times when things were, it was lean, you
• 13:28
  know, and we, you know, we didn't really see this as kids,
• 13:30
  you know, I mean, we didn't really know, you know, like she
• 13:33
  she'll tell us. She, there's a story she has of,
• 13:37
  you know, I, I don't remember if she was out of work, my dad was
• 13:40
  out of work or something like that, you know, and or, you
• 13:43
  know, money was just not there, you know, and there's no food in
• 13:47
  the house. And she said some guy, you know,
• 13:49
  and mind you, you know, where this trailer park was at, It
• 13:52
  was, you know, it was outside of town a couple miles, you know,
• 13:54
  and this, I don't know if it was a guy that lived in the trailer
• 13:58
  park or somebody that she knew from town.
• 13:59
  Yeah. She worked at the bank in town
• 14:01
  and she worked at a Tollgate Inn, you know.
• 14:03
  So she knew a lot of people, you know, and some guy had showed up
• 14:05
  at our door one night with just a box of cabbages, you know, and
• 14:08
  she was able to make dinner with what this guy brought, you know,
• 14:12
  and just a few things we had in the house, you know.
• 14:13
  So it's it's that it's that kind of typical story of like, you
• 14:17
  know, we didn't know that we were, you know, poor, you know,
• 14:21
  like it was just how it was, you know, but, you know, going into,
• 14:26
  you know, like my high school years, we moved out of the
• 14:28
  trailer park. I think when I was like, say
• 14:31
  like 14 or 15, something like that, we moved into town.
• 14:33
  And, you know, there's, there's many times when they would
• 14:35
  separate, you know, my dad would take off or we would have to go
• 14:38
  live somewhere else kind of thing, you know, and.
• 14:41
  They were. They were divorced, Marry and
• 14:43
  they were. Yeah.
• 14:44
  So, yeah, I don't remember when they got divorced.
• 14:46
  I think. I think it was in high school.
• 14:50
  I don't remember exactly, but yeah, they got divorced and then
• 14:54
  after we graduated, then they kind of worked it out and got
• 14:56
  remarried, you know. So but, you know, it was, it was
• 14:59
  in that time of high school where it was like, you know, it
• 15:01
  was just I kind of let that stuff get to me a little bit,
• 15:05
  you know, and I just started not caring, you know.
• 15:09
  And yeah. So, you know, it just, I
• 15:12
  wouldn't say I don't, I don't know, man.
• 15:13
  Like it affected me a little bit, you know, looking back, you
• 15:16
  know, it's like, it's all that stuff, man.
• 15:18
  Just has brought me out to where I'm at now.
• 15:20
  Yeah. So yeah, I think that definitely
• 15:23
  shaped, you know, who I was back then and where I went, you know?
• 15:29
  What What was faith like for you growing up like?
• 15:32
  Was was faith anywhere around family?
• 15:35
  Did you guys go to church? Did you know what church?
• 15:37
  Was no, so that's a, that's a funny thing man's mom.
• 15:42
  She you know, my mom's childhood was it was rough, you know, and
• 15:45
  there's some scars there for sure, you know, and then my dad
• 15:48
  too, you know, he, my grandpa was a severe alcoholic, you
• 15:51
  know, and you know, my dad will tell you like he goes.
• 15:54
  I, I never even talked to my dad until I was like, you don't like
• 15:57
  16 or something like that, you know, So, you know, their, their
• 16:03
  version of first of all, what a parent looks like was, was
• 16:08
  distorted, distorted from the get go, you know, so faith was
• 16:11
  never a thing, man, you know, So I, you know, I, I don't really
• 16:14
  know my mom's story, but she definitely came to know the Lord
• 16:17
  when we were kids, you know, and she would try and get us to go
• 16:19
  to church, you know, but, but you know, like it was kind of
• 16:22
  funny that my, you know, I look back now and it's like, it
• 16:24
  wasn't really funny, but you know, like if we ever did go to
• 16:27
  church, you know, there was always just like some laughing
• 16:29
  and just kind of disrespectful stuff, you know, but it's, we
• 16:33
  didn't know any better, you know, So I, you know, I look
• 16:35
  back, I'm like, man, I was, I feel bad that, you know, we did
• 16:37
  that to my mom, you know. Does that give you a heart
• 16:41
  towards families or kids that you see maybe that are would be
• 16:46
  like labeled as disruptive in a church?
• 16:48
  Like as they come in and maybe maybe they're like, I don't know
• 16:53
  if you see yourself and them like at that age of going man,
• 16:57
  like I I want they don't quite get it and maybe they're missing
• 17:01
  something like almost like breaks your heart.
• 17:04
  Not because we talked about that before of like the difference
• 17:06
  of, you know, something making you angry versus something
• 17:10
  actually breaking your heart and more, more of the stuff that we
• 17:12
  see in the world now. Absolutely.
• 17:14
  Rather than it making us angry or volatile towards the world or
• 17:18
  towards like what people are doing in the world.
• 17:20
  Yeah. Our heart breaks for those
• 17:22
  people that are experiencing that, are going through those
• 17:24
  things because they don't know any better.
• 17:25
  They they're just lost. Absolutely 100% yeah.
• 17:29
  So like, you know, you, you talk about like not so much, you
• 17:32
  know, you know, you going to 8th degree, you don't really see too
• 17:34
  many disruptive kids, you know, because then they they'll call
• 17:36
  you out on it, right. The elders come up.
• 17:39
  Hey, would you come with me? That was the last we ever saw of
• 17:42
  them, No. Just, but, you know, as far as
• 17:44
  that, you know, like I, I look back now and is, you know, this
• 17:48
  isn't really, I'm not trying to tear my dad down, but it was, it
• 17:52
  was strictly a leadership thing, you know, and he, you know, he
• 17:55
  didn't know any better. He didn't know how to act in
• 17:58
  church, you know, so like preacher get up and say
• 18:00
  something and my dad can start laughing.
• 18:02
  And then we'd start laughing, you know, but it was just, it
• 18:04
  was just a lack of knowing, you know.
• 18:07
  And so, yeah, you know, when I see, you know, I, I can't really
• 18:11
  say that I've seen too much of that, but I do.
• 18:13
  I do think that that all that starts with the father, you
• 18:17
  know, and that's, that is heartbreaking, you know, fathers
• 18:20
  that did not see that growing up, you know, and that's, you
• 18:25
  know, I, you know, my dad that he didn't, he did not know what
• 18:30
  a father was growing up, you know, and so.
• 18:33
  Well, he knew what a father was, but he knew he knew a different
• 18:37
  definition of. What?
• 18:38
  And a dad, like I would say like, you know, there's dads and
• 18:41
  there's fathers. You know, everybody has a dad,
• 18:44
  but truly a father, somebody that corrects, somebody that
• 18:47
  teaches, somebody that is present.
• 18:50
  That wasn't for him, you know, that wasn't it, you know?
• 18:53
  So, you know, going back to childhood stuff, you know, it's
• 18:56
  like I don't harbor any ill will towards my dad, you know,
• 19:00
  because he was doing the best that he could or that he knew
• 19:04
  how to do, you know. And you know, I think that's
• 19:07
  another thing with Hano's is that you like, you know, we tend
• 19:10
  to be kind of selfish people, you know, like very selfish
• 19:13
  people. And this is something that it's
• 19:15
  something I never even knew, you know, I didn't know what
• 19:17
  selfishness was until I met my wife.
• 19:18
  You know, she she called me out on a lot of stuff I'm like, and
• 19:21
  it got me recognized, you know, but but I think, you know, you
• 19:25
  know, as an alcoholic, alcohol, Alcoholics tend to be very
• 19:29
  selfish people, you know, like you only want to drink because
• 19:33
  it's what you want to do. You know, you don't really care
• 19:35
  about what else is going on, you know, and but I think a lot of
• 19:38
  that can come from scars as a child too.
• 19:41
  You know, like you, you, you, you're dealing with things that
• 19:43
  you never that you went through as a child, you know, and
• 19:46
  you're, you're, you're coping with that through certain
• 19:50
  things, you know? Yeah.
• 19:51
  Well, I think what's interesting about what you're saying, and I
• 19:55
  laugh about the selfish piece because we're all selfish.
• 19:58
  I don't know a single person that isn't selfish.
• 20:00
  Even the selfless people are still selfish at some point,
• 20:04
  right? I mean.
• 20:04
  There's some people and my wife is a very selfless person.
• 20:07
  There there's, there's a more selfless person than selfish
• 20:11
  person. But even even the way in which
• 20:14
  we go about things, we all, it's always about us.
• 20:17
  It's always about us. And we've talked about it too of
• 20:20
  like pride. And it's like, well, you know,
• 20:22
  the reason why I'm upset is because things aren't going the
• 20:25
  way that I want it and it's not going this way.
• 20:27
  And this isn't happening. And it's funny because I think
• 20:31
  we all have that selfishness inside of us.
• 20:34
  It's, it's how many of the those that are around us actually try
• 20:37
  to curb the selfishness. And even going back to what you
• 20:41
  were saying about, you know, your dad or even your mom, like
• 20:46
  there, there was a pattern that they didn't know any better.
• 20:50
  And not only did they not know any better, but they were trying
• 20:53
  to do better than what they had before.
• 20:55
  Dude, Yeah, exactly. And that's something that's
• 20:57
  huge. I don't think a lot of us
• 21:00
  understand that until until we come to a better understanding
• 21:05
  down the road of like I remember a friend and a mentor of mine
• 21:09
  who used to talk about how his mom like used to beat them and
• 21:14
  like he got cracked over the head with with a a cast iron
• 21:19
  skillet because he he he left dishes in the in the sink and he
• 21:25
  cold cocked him. He was out cold on the floor and
• 21:28
  woke up to his brother. Like in this was a it was a
• 21:31
  common occurrence. But what he didn't know was that
• 21:36
  his mom suffered tremendous abuse growing up.
• 21:40
  Even worse, like she was locked in the basement of the house and
• 21:43
  she was left there without food for days.
• 21:46
  And in her head, she was being kind to her son versus what was
• 21:52
  done to her. Absolutely.
• 21:53
  And so it's, it's interesting kind of even hearing that about
• 21:57
  your story. Not those exact things, but it's
• 22:00
  interesting because that's not the guy that I've known you as.
• 22:04
  But you've had like a radical change in your life over the
• 22:07
  past five years. Before we get to that, though, I
• 22:11
  am curious. When you got out of high school,
• 22:14
  where did you go? What was the next step for you
• 22:15
  in life? Getting out of high school, you
• 22:17
  know, like I said, man, like I, I barely graduated, you know,
• 22:19
  like wouldn't be really PC today, you know, politically
• 22:22
  correct. But like there was a school like
• 22:24
  it was like a, it was, it was at our high school, but it was like
• 22:28
  a, a separate building, you know, for, for kids.
• 22:30
  For special For special. And like, and I wasn't, I
• 22:34
  wasn't, you know, I wasn't making the mark as far as my
• 22:37
  grades, you know, So like I had to go to the school, you know,
• 22:40
  and it's kind of funny man, because like, I would go there
• 22:43
  for like 4 hours a day. I got all my credits.
• 22:45
  I did less work, but I still got my credits and graduated
• 22:47
  somehow, you know, and, and so like, you know, but coming out
• 22:52
  of that, you know, like I, I wasn't, was it really driven?
• 22:56
  You know, I didn't really have a purpose, you know, I didn't
• 22:58
  really know what I wanted to do, you know, So coming out of high
• 23:02
  school, I, I got hired on right away at, at my dad's, the
• 23:06
  cabinet shop you worked at, worked there for a few years and
• 23:11
  then I got a job at it was Thomas and Auto Group.
• 23:15
  I got a job delivering car parts, you know, Thomason was a,
• 23:19
  a big car dealership back, you know, some years ago.
• 23:23
  And so they sold car parts. So I would, you know, we had a
• 23:26
  central hub and I'd go there and load up my truck and I'd deliver
• 23:29
  all over town, you know, and, and it was, it was kind of in
• 23:33
  that era when I started like kind of picking up like, you
• 23:36
  know, drinking, you know, I started drinking it like, I
• 23:38
  mean, I drank back in high school and stuff, but not a lot,
• 23:40
  you know, as a matter of fact, you know, it's my mom.
• 23:43
  This is how she was just, she knew.
• 23:45
  It's funny how parents know, you know, I remember we were at this
• 23:48
  party, at this big party out in Sandy and I drank quite a bit,
• 23:52
  you know, and I remember I, I had, I had this guy's brother
• 23:56
  call my mom and pose as his dad, you know, and, and I, I don't
• 24:01
  know what he said to her, you know, I was like, hey, you know,
• 24:03
  Shane's here. Is it alright if he stays the
• 24:05
  night, you know, and she's like, no, he needs to come home.
• 24:08
  So I don't, I don't remember how I got home, but like, I
• 24:11
  remember, I got back and I remember leaning in and giving
• 24:15
  my mom a hug and she's like, Oh, you smell like, I think she said
• 24:18
  you smell like Cologne or something like that, you know,
• 24:21
  and I think, I think she, she knew, you know, she could smell
• 24:24
  it. And, and I remember laying down,
• 24:26
  you know, this is after we moved out of the trailer.
• 24:28
  This we, this is after the trailer we moved into this tiny
• 24:32
  little might even been smaller than the trailer, honestly, it
• 24:35
  was a little apartment, but it was right next to the high
• 24:37
  school. I remember laying down on the on
• 24:40
  the floor, man, I just started spinning, dude.
• 24:42
  It like spinning like crazy, man, from drinking, you know,
• 24:45
  and so that, you know, like there was, I was dabbling in it
• 24:49
  back then, you know, and, but then coming out of that, you
• 24:53
  know, 1819, I think I was living on my own around that time, you
• 24:56
  know, and started drinking more and more and, and always kept a
• 25:02
  job. You know, I always did really
• 25:03
  good at my work. But then, you know, like the
• 25:05
  drinking thing, it was like I started really liking it, you
• 25:07
  know, and that was like kind of became something I really wanted
• 25:10
  to do. You know, after that, I got
• 25:12
  hired back on at the cabinet shop and I stayed there for 13
• 25:17
  years. I started out loading trucks.
• 25:18
  You know, we did a lot of high end work for Las Vegas.
• 25:20
  And so we'd have to load all these pieces of high end
• 25:24
  furniture into these 53 foot trailers, you know, and.
• 25:28
  And then I got bumped up there. I moved into the CNC department,
• 25:31
  started running CNC for this place.
• 25:32
  And yeah, I just kind of hung out there for a long time.
• 25:37
  Yeah. And after that, then after that,
• 25:42
  I started my own business. I got a good buddy of mine,
• 25:44
  Brock, you know, hired me on to run this this job from down the
• 25:50
  water. So I got my CCB there.
• 25:53
  And then after that, Brock started up a glass business and
• 25:57
  that's where I'm at now, you know, but coming out of high
• 25:59
  school, you know, like, like I said, I really wasn't a driven
• 26:01
  person, you know, and I'm still not man.
• 26:03
  Like, I'm not the most driven person you know, but.
• 26:05
  Would you say not driven or would you say not goal oriented?
• 26:08
  Goal oriented, yeah. Because I feel like you're
• 26:10
  driven. I feel, I feel like, I feel like
• 26:12
  when you put your nose to something like you're going to
• 26:15
  get it done. Sure.
• 26:16
  Yeah. And that's to me that that's
• 26:18
  more driven to me. But I think we can sometimes mix
• 26:22
  up like driven with goal oriented.
• 26:24
  Yeah, It's not like, you know, I'm going to be a millionaire
• 26:26
  and I'm going to have 16 employees and, you know, fill
• 26:29
  in, fill in the blank. It's not, it's not that kind of
• 26:32
  driven. That's more goal oriented of the
• 26:34
  goals that I want to achieve in life.
• 26:36
  But I would definitely say that you're driven in the things that
• 26:38
  you you desire in your life that you want to have, like being a
• 26:42
  good dad, being a good husband, those kinds.
• 26:44
  Of no, I think you're right. Absolutely.
• 26:46
  That's, that's probably a better, a better term for his
• 26:48
  goal oriented, you know, like I didn't have goals coming out of
• 26:51
  high school, you know, it was basically just.
• 26:53
  Didn't have a 10 step plan, no. It was just, it was just get a
• 26:56
  job and, you know, make money and survive, you know, moved
• 26:59
  into a little apartment by myself, you know, and that, you
• 27:03
  know, that was when it like that's when the drinking kind of
• 27:06
  really got bad. You know, it was when, well,
• 27:09
  actually, when it really got bad is like when I turn it when I
• 27:12
  was like, you know, 18 or 19, you know, there was this, there
• 27:14
  was this club downtown that we would go to call upfront and I
• 27:17
  got into that downtown scene, Man, I loved it.
• 27:19
  You know, that was like, you know, little little white boy
• 27:23
  coming out of Sandy, out of the trailer park.
• 27:25
  You know, we, I didn't know what the city was all that, you know,
• 27:27
  we, we'd go down into poorly. I, I shouldn't say I know it
• 27:29
  didn't know it, but the city was fun, man, Like there's a lot of
• 27:32
  fun to be had in there, you know, and, and then I started
• 27:36
  getting into, you know, the, the girls and stuff, you know, and
• 27:40
  it just kind of become like that, you know, I guess going
• 27:43
  back to driven like that was my drive, man.
• 27:45
  It was like every weekend I was like, I was driven to get
• 27:47
  through work and get to the weekend, man, get to the, the
• 27:50
  party. Then you turn 21, man, it's like
• 27:53
  it's full tilt after that, you know, I was like, then it was
• 27:56
  then it was go time, you know, party, party, party, man.
• 27:59
  That's, that's was what I got into, man.
• 28:01
  I just fell into it, you know? It's interesting too, because
• 28:05
  you, I've, I find a lot of people that are in that
• 28:08
  lifestyle, that are in that lifestyle because all of their
• 28:11
  friends are also doing the same exact thing 100%.
• 28:14
  Like I, I know a lot of friends from high school that are still
• 28:17
  big partiers. Like, I mean, I, I don't think
• 28:20
  any of them are going to listen to this.
• 28:21
  Hopefully not, but I remember, you know, we, we just had our
• 28:25
  high school reunion not too long ago, I think.
• 28:28
  Yeah, last year. And we were getting together and
• 28:31
  it was interesting because after the reunion party portion of
• 28:36
  everything, there was a number of people that were like, yeah,
• 28:39
  let's go out to the bar, let's go drinking.
• 28:41
  And I went home with my wife and we talked and then we went to
• 28:48
  bed. Yeah.
• 28:49
  You know, we, it was, it was just, it's just weird because
• 28:53
  it's, it's not a, it's not a crowd that we run with.
• 28:55
  It's not something that we do. We don't go to bars.
• 28:58
  We don't, you know, go to clubs or anything like that.
• 29:00
  I don't even know the last time that I think I might have been
• 29:02
  in college the last time I went to like a, a quote UN quote
• 29:06
  club. Yeah.
• 29:07
  But it's interesting because the influences around us really do
• 29:11
  have a big impact on what we see and what we do in life.
• 29:16
  You also had some pretty positive influences in your life
• 29:19
  though. Who are who are some of those
• 29:21
  mentors that you look back on life and you go, man, that
• 29:24
  person actually really cared for me and loved me and poured off
• 29:28
  my life. So I first want to be my cousin
• 29:31
  Danny for sure, man. Like, yeah, he was.
• 29:33
  He was. I think he's four years older
• 29:34
  than I was. You know, we were like best
• 29:36
  friends growing up, man. Like he, you know, I looked up
• 29:39
  to him, man. I always want to be like him,
• 29:40
  you know, and, and he came from a worse situation than than I
• 29:44
  was in, you know, I mean, he has some, some seriously, some some
• 29:49
  crazy stuff as a kid, you know, we always hung out, man.
• 29:51
  Like our, our thing was like our Grandma Jane's house.
• 29:54
  My, my, my dad's mom, you know, that was like, I felt like that
• 29:57
  was everybody's like safe, you know, back then, the safe place,
• 30:01
  you know, like we always went to Grandma Jane's house, man.
• 30:03
  It was always just fun, you know, like that was our place to
• 30:05
  hang out and so definitely man, I always looked up to him, you
• 30:09
  know, like he was a huge influence and and but he was
• 30:11
  like an older brother to me too, you know, always looking out for
• 30:14
  us. You know, he always he always
• 30:16
  had his three little cousins best interest at heart, you
• 30:20
  know, always Danny. You know, he had some anger,
• 30:24
  man. He was that kind of guy, like
• 30:25
  man, like he would I remember, you know, going downtown a few
• 30:29
  times with him. You know, I'm like, man, we just
• 30:31
  he would just fight, you know, like he would just get into it,
• 30:34
  man, like with just anybody that would step up, You know, he just
• 30:37
  he didn't care, you know, but but a big heart, man.
• 30:40
  He always cared about us. You know, he always was, you
• 30:42
  know, checking in like him and I roomed together for a while, you
• 30:45
  know, and but always, just always looking after me, you
• 30:48
  know, like so definitely, man, he was like, he was a huge, huge
• 30:52
  role model for me growing up. People that you know, that just
• 30:55
  kind of come into your life just by happenstance, you know, like
• 30:58
  there's got rust that worked at the cabinet shop at a different
• 31:02
  1, you know, after Alexander manufacturing was at 1st and
• 31:05
  then both the store fixtures bought us out with Russ worked
• 31:08
  at boat, boat and store fixtures.
• 31:09
  And he was a devout Christian, you know, and, and I was at that
• 31:12
  time and I was like, I was in like some of the dark, deepest,
• 31:15
  darkest places in my life, you know, and he always just spoke,
• 31:19
  spoke Jesus to me, man, like always, you know, like he was a
• 31:22
  peaceful guy. You know, it was like I heard it
• 31:26
  the other day. It says, you know, when a man of
• 31:27
  God in his room, peace should follow with him, you know, and
• 31:31
  Russ was that guy, man, just always peaceful, always joyful,
• 31:34
  you know, and, and there was just something different about
• 31:36
  him. You know, Brock, the guy that
• 31:39
  owns my the company I work for, He would always, you know, very
• 31:44
  he was probably I would say he is the most talented Carpenter I
• 31:47
  know. You know, I mean, this guy is
• 31:49
  just he's just next level smart. You know he touches.
• 31:52
  Things and that things, yeah. Yeah, for sure.
• 31:54
  I mean, like, he's just got a brain that's just crazy.
• 31:56
  I mean, he can just think of stuff and do it, you know, And
• 31:59
  it's like, it's unreal, you know.
• 32:02
  Well, he, you know, when I would get laid off at the cabinet
• 32:04
  shop, he'd hired me on. He was a contractor, you know,
• 32:06
  so he'd like, he'd bring me on. And I mean, honestly, he taught
• 32:09
  me most of everything I know about carpentry, you know, I
• 32:11
  learned a lot at the cabinet shop, but he taught me just
• 32:15
  about houses, you know, everything I know, I basically
• 32:18
  learned from Brock, you know, I remember we, we, he had a house
• 32:21
  down the river that he was remodeling.
• 32:22
  And I remember he would, he would show up or I'd get there
• 32:25
  after him and he'd have a Christian music playing, you
• 32:28
  know, and I hated it, dude. I'm like, what is this stuff,
• 32:30
  man? What is this country going or
• 32:32
  something, you know? And but he was always, I always,
• 32:36
  you know, I noticed he would always pray before his meals,
• 32:38
  you know, and there was just something different about him,
• 32:39
  you know, and it was just because he was walking with
• 32:41
  Jesus, my wife's father, man, you know, he, when I met my
• 32:48
  wife, you know, like she introduced me to her dad and
• 32:50
  she's like, by the way, he's a pastor, you know, they're my oh,
• 32:54
  you know, and this is, you know, this is long before I knew
• 32:57
  anything about faith. You know, I was, man, I was like
• 33:01
  still just a mess, you know, drinking and all sorts of stuff,
• 33:04
  you know, but he would always speak the Bible to me, you know,
• 33:08
  like in every conversation, man, it was always, everything would
• 33:11
  revert back to the Bible always, you know, and he was
• 33:15
  knowledgeable about it, ma'am. He, he knew the Bible cover to
• 33:18
  cover, you know, he would just rattle off verses, you know,
• 33:21
  still and like even now, you know, like I, I've been reading
• 33:23
  the Bible for years. There's very few verses that I
• 33:25
  remember. I mean, he memorized the stuff,
• 33:27
  you know, this, I mean, and it's very impressive too, because he
• 33:29
  was a he was an immigrant, you know, he came from Mexico.
• 33:32
  So he learned the language. And then to read the Bible and
• 33:35
  understand it, you know, was some, the more I look back on
• 33:38
  it, I was just impressive, you know.
• 33:40
  And so, you know, you get people like that, that, you know, they
• 33:43
  weren't like real pushy about it, but they're always planting
• 33:46
  seeds, you know, they're always speaking little things to me,
• 33:48
  you know. And so, yeah, that was
• 33:50
  definitely, you know, and I, I don't want to leave out my mom,
• 33:53
  you know, my mom, she she I don't remember her ever reading
• 33:59
  the Bible to us, you know, but I know that she prayed for us
• 34:01
  fervently, I guess if that's where she would always.
• 34:03
  I know she prayed for her kids, you know, because, man, I mean,
• 34:06
  there was a you know, there was a lot to pray for, man.
• 34:08
  Like, you know, it was, there was some, some bad stuff, you
• 34:11
  know, some bad times in our home, you know, and and I know
• 34:14
  that she leaned on her faith, you know, a lot with with my
• 34:17
  dad, with, you know, her mom. You don't mind.
• 34:21
  My grandma was my mom's mom. She was homeless, you know, she
• 34:26
  died on the she died right on the Burnside Bridge, you know,
• 34:29
  severe alcoholic. So, you know, going back to what
• 34:33
  you're asking earlier on about like having a heart for certain
• 34:36
  things, you know, like I used to like when I'd see homeless
• 34:38
  people, man, it would just like I always had AI always had a
• 34:41
  different take on it, you know, because like I see these people
• 34:44
  out there and it's like, sure, I mean, I know they got people
• 34:47
  that love them, but they're making a choice to be out there.
• 34:49
  And that was always my take on it.
• 34:50
  You know, it's like they're they're making a choice.
• 34:52
  And my grandma was the same way, you know, she would, I remember,
• 34:55
  you know, she would come into our home, you know, mom would
• 34:57
  bring her in and have her stay with us for a little bit, but
• 34:59
  she'd always go back out, you know, and she she, you know,
• 35:02
  should come to her, her alcoholism right there on the on
• 35:06
  the streets, you know, but now it's like, you know, my, my take
• 35:08
  on it now is like all, all I can do is just pray for those
• 35:11
  people, you know, because I know they're just, man, they're all I
• 35:14
  can think of is they just who knows what their history is, You
• 35:17
  know, alcoholism is a awful thing, you know, it's severely
• 35:22
  addictive. I know my mom had a very, very
• 35:25
  strong prayer life growing up. You know, I don't know about,
• 35:28
  you know, when we were very young, but I know in our, you
• 35:29
  know, when we started to get older, yes, she definitely was
• 35:32
  praying for us a lot, you know. Well, it's interesting because a
• 35:35
  lot of I was just having a conversation with someone the
• 35:38
  other day and she was telling me about people in her family who
• 35:43
  believe very polarizing different things.
• 35:45
  And she believes and she, she messaged because she not online
• 35:51
  to wish my son happy birthday on our on, on Facebook, which my
• 35:55
  son doesn't have Facebook, but she, she wished him happy
• 35:57
  birthday on my Facebook page. But was interesting because she
• 36:01
  said Nathan, I, I, I literally got on Facebook and I just
• 36:06
  become so disheartened, disheartened by the things that
• 36:09
  I see. And I just if especially for my
• 36:12
  family, inside my family, I feel like they should know better.
• 36:15
  I feel like I feel like they're just blind to things.
• 36:18
  But you know, what's interesting is one of the things that you
• 36:21
  said is so powerful is prayer, is that having people pray for
• 36:26
  you and praying for other people is so powerful.
• 36:30
  I'm curious as you look back now, like actually not even
• 36:34
  looking back, but what was, what was the thing that really broke
• 36:37
  you free from alcohol? Because, you know, there's a lot
• 36:41
  of people that out that are out there.
• 36:43
  I think a lot of Americans, a lot of people around the world
• 36:45
  struggle with alcohol. There's a reason why the Bible
• 36:47
  talks about, you know, with Samuel, like, oh, Lemuel, you
• 36:51
  know, if keep your keep your lips from alcohol, like don't,
• 36:55
  don't drink. And it's interesting because we
• 36:58
  celebrate drinking a lot, a lot. And drinking has become really
• 37:03
  part of cultures like, Oh, well, you know, have a beer with
• 37:06
  dinner, have a, have a beer with your lunch.
• 37:08
  You know, we'd start drawing the lines when like you don't have a
• 37:12
  beer with your with your breakfast, but there are people
• 37:15
  that are closet Alcoholics. 100%.
• 37:17
  Like you would look at them and they're actually, they wouldn't
• 37:20
  even be called closet Alcoholics.
• 37:22
  It would be a functional alcoholic because they function
• 37:25
  somehow. They function, but they're
• 37:27
  Alcoholics for you. You you were pretty deep into
• 37:31
  alcohol. Oh yeah.
• 37:32
  What what was the thing that actually shifted to help you
• 37:36
  break free from that? Because a lot of people are
• 37:38
  looking for some way to, you know, they go to a a or, you
• 37:41
  know, they get sponsors, they do all these different things.
• 37:44
  What was it for you that helped you to shift away from?
• 37:47
  That oh man, well, you know, I I kind of want to go back, you
• 37:50
  know, a ways, you know, coming out of, you know, high school,
• 37:53
  getting into the workforce, you know, like I didn't really have
• 37:56
  much of an identity about myself, you know, I knew how I
• 37:59
  was, you know, I Shane Hanno, you know, I was a good athlete,
• 38:01
  you know, but you know, as far as identity, man, like, you
• 38:05
  know, I think identity means different things to different
• 38:09
  people. You know, like the more and more
• 38:10
  I got into drinking and partying and then, you know, it started
• 38:16
  out as fun stuff, you know, like, you know, you're in your
• 38:19
  20s, you know, you having fun. But then eventually that
• 38:22
  drinking turns into, you know, some just depressing stuff, you
• 38:28
  know, like you go through some breakups or something like that,
• 38:30
  you know, and it comes, it becomes a thing of where like
• 38:34
  now I'm identifying as an alcoholic, you know, and then
• 38:37
  that gets into your mind of like, I'm nothing better than an
• 38:40
  alcoholic. You know, this is all I am, is
• 38:42
  just an alcoholic, you know, and you know, it, it kind of
• 38:45
  piggybacks off of like, you know, growing up as a kid, you
• 38:49
  know, because then I started to like, I started thinking like,
• 38:55
  you know, it's like I'm no better than my dad is, you know,
• 38:58
  I'm no better than my dad's dad. I'm no better than my mom's dad,
• 39:01
  you know, because, because we had drugs and alcohol severely
• 39:04
  on both sides of our family. And my mom, my mom's side was,
• 39:08
  and they've been played with drugs and alcohol, severe
• 39:10
  alcohol and severe drug abuse, you know, really bad.
• 39:14
  And so that, you know, as I, as I got older, you know, in my mid
• 39:18
  20s, it was like, you know, I, I, there was nothing about me
• 39:23
  that was good. I was just Shane, I was just an
• 39:25
  alcoholic, you know, that's all I was.
• 39:27
  You know, I always kept a job, but I let alcohol affect my life
• 39:31
  severely, you know, in my relationships and the way that I
• 39:33
  treated people, you know, and it was like then it became alcohol
• 39:36
  was the only thing I wanted to do was just drink, you know,
• 39:39
  drink. It was like I get off work and
• 39:40
  it was like all I wanted, all I could think about was drinking,
• 39:43
  you know, weekend comes, you know, I can think about was
• 39:45
  partying and, you know, chasing girls around town, you know,
• 39:50
  and, and that that was because that was who I became, you know,
• 39:56
  that wasn't me when I was, you know, you know, 1516 and all
• 39:59
  that, you know, but alcoholism, it it can overtake a person's
• 40:04
  mind, you know, and and cause them to think that it's that's
• 40:08
  all that they're that's all the better.
• 40:09
  They are, is just a drunk, you know, that's really what I
• 40:12
  became, you know, I just became a drunk there.
• 40:14
  There's one there, you know, there were so many nights, man.
• 40:17
  Like I remember, you know, like. Remember a couple times waking
• 40:22
  up in like Hooper detox, you know, like Hooper detox was a
• 40:24
  detox center downtown, you know, and I got put in there a couple
• 40:27
  times and you just wake up, man. Like one more and I woke up and
• 40:30
  this is after a rough night downtown and I, I got into a, a
• 40:34
  bar fight, you know, and I cops took me down to the Super detox
• 40:38
  and I woke up and it was like I, my shirt was all ripped up, you
• 40:40
  know, and it was, it was, I don't remember what time of
• 40:43
  year, but it was cold outside, you know, I remember I come out
• 40:45
  of there and they'd given me this coat, you know, like they
• 40:48
  just had coats there. They would give out to people
• 40:50
  that were walking out of the detox center, you know, and they
• 40:54
  gave me this tiny little coat to wear, you know, and it was like
• 40:56
  I walked out of there, man. I was just, and of course, you
• 40:59
  know, it didn't, it wasn't enough to stop me, but it was
• 41:01
  like, I was like, man, this really, is this really what it's
• 41:05
  become? You know, like, is this really
• 41:06
  what I want to do, you know? And so it was just, there's so
• 41:10
  many instances like that, you know, just waking up the next
• 41:13
  morning just in a fog, man, like just messed up, you know, But
• 41:16
  then it's like it was only bad enough to keep me away from it
• 41:19
  for a day, you know, or something.
• 41:20
  Then I was right back into it, you know, aside from meeting my
• 41:23
  wife, you know, like my wife, man, she, she's been huge in my
• 41:27
  life, dude. She was, I mean, she is the
• 41:29
  ultimate game changer, man. Like she, I can't say enough
• 41:32
  good things about her, you know, honestly, you know, if you would
• 41:35
  have asked me 10 years ago what I thought about her, it was a
• 41:37
  different, but it was just because I was, but it wasn't
• 41:39
  her. It was me.
• 41:40
  You know, she is man. She's just, she's such a strong
• 41:43
  person, dude. She is, I get choked up talking
• 41:47
  about her, but she, you know, she, she's stuck with me, man.
• 41:53
  Like she's always, you know, she's always been there for me.
• 41:58
  But you know, there was, there was one night in particular, I
• 42:05
  was sitting at home her and I got into a big fight, you know,
• 42:07
  and, and you know, me being the drunk that I was, man, I was
• 42:11
  like, my first thing was just to go straight for the booze, you
• 42:15
  know. So we got into a, we got into a
• 42:18
  pretty heated, pretty heated battle and she left and I sat, I
• 42:23
  sat there at home and I, I, I drank like, I think it was like
• 42:26
  3/4 of a bottle of whiskey just drinking by myself, you know,
• 42:30
  And I knew that if she was going to come back home and it was not
• 42:32
  going to be good, you know, So I actually, you know, I had AI
• 42:39
  heard somebody say once you had a moment of clarity.
• 42:40
  I had a moment of clarity and I actually called the cops and I
• 42:44
  was like, I need to get out of my house.
• 42:45
  I'm drunk and I can't drive. So can you send somebody to come
• 42:48
  and get me and take me over to my folks house?
• 42:50
  Usually not even. Most people aren't like, I'm
• 42:52
  going to call the cops to to transport.
• 42:54
  But it was like I had, I had, you know, as messed up as I was,
• 42:59
  I knew that it was not a good idea to drive out of there, you
• 43:02
  know, So cops come take me over to my dad's house and my mom and
• 43:07
  dad's place. And now at this time, they're
• 43:09
  living over in Northeast Portland.
• 43:11
  But this was just one of the big ones that stood out.
• 43:14
  You know, that was kind of life changing for me, you know, like,
• 43:18
  so I get over there and my dad was drinking, you know, he'd
• 43:22
  been drinking too. And when my dad was drunk, man
• 43:26
  is like, I could stay in the guy, you know.
• 43:34
  So we get over there and we're sitting out in the garage and,
• 43:38
  and you know, and with the alcoholism comes severe anger,
• 43:42
  man. Like I was, dude, I was an angry
• 43:43
  person, dude. I just, man, like I just had so
• 43:47
  much anger at me, you know, and I, you know, I, I would blame a
• 43:53
  lot of that on my dad, you know, But, but really what it was,
• 43:57
  man, it was just, it was, it was anger with myself, you know, But
• 44:02
  that's, I think that's what I think that's what a lot of
• 44:04
  people do, right, Is they, they use this, they try and find
• 44:10
  things to blame their alcoholism on, you know, whether it be a,
• 44:13
  a, a, a past relationship, you know, your parents or whatever.
• 44:19
  But really it's just, it's, it's just disgust with yourself, you
• 44:22
  know, And that's what it was for me, man.
• 44:23
  I just, I hated myself, you know, I hated who I'd become,
• 44:26
  you know. So we got over there, I, I, I
• 44:29
  got over there and, you know, my dad and I are out in the garage
• 44:32
  and we're drinking together and just not a good thing, you know,
• 44:35
  just a recipe for disaster basically.
• 44:37
  And, and he said something to me, man, and I just snapped.
• 44:41
  I mean, just blew up. And man, we just, we got into a
• 44:45
  knock down drag out fight, man, just a all out brawl right there
• 44:49
  in his garage, man. And I remember my mom, you know,
• 44:52
  and I, you know, I was, I would almost venture say I was like on
• 44:55
  the I was pretty much blocked out at this point, you know,
• 44:57
  like, and that's how I would get man, I would get like blocked
• 44:59
  out drunk, you know, that's why I was so dangerous, you know,
• 45:02
  because like I would drink to the point of where I I didn't
• 45:06
  remember anything that was happening, you know, and this
• 45:09
  was, I mean, you know, we're talking like, you know, price
• 45:13
  seven straight years of this, you know, of drinking this way,
• 45:15
  man. I would drink, you know, 3-4
• 45:17
  nights a week like this, you know, get get up and go to work,
• 45:21
  you know, and don't remember even driving to work, you know,
• 45:24
  it was that bad. So, you know, but I, I remember,
• 45:30
  I remember fighting with my dad, you know, and I remember my mom
• 45:34
  being back there screaming, just trying to get us to stop, you
• 45:37
  know, and it wasn't like my dad was fighting back, you know, he
• 45:40
  was trying to keep me off of a man.
• 45:42
  I was like, and I remember like, man, I was just growling, dude.
• 45:44
  I was like yelling, growling, you know, like it.
• 45:49
  The only thing I can say, man, was like demons, you know, just
• 45:52
  demons coming out of me, man. And I was, but my dad was, he
• 45:56
  was in, in my sights, man, you know, like he was there, you
• 45:59
  know, and so, you know, I, I, I broke away from him.
• 46:05
  I, I ended up walking down the road, you know, my mom's behind
• 46:08
  me the whole time just praying, praying, you know, this is what
• 46:11
  she said. She was praying for me and, and
• 46:13
  I remember I ended up chasing this guy down into his house,
• 46:16
  like he'd come out to see what was going on because it was, it
• 46:18
  was a commotion, man. Like it was, it was a, it was a
• 46:20
  thing, you know, like they could hear me.
• 46:22
  It wasn't a private thing. No, no.
• 46:24
  And it was, there was some, there was some noise happening
• 46:26
  there. There was some, there was some
• 46:27
  furniture moving, you know, And so this guy, I remember, like I
• 46:31
  can remember seeing this guy walk up out of his, out of his
• 46:34
  driveway and I man, I, I laid eyes on him, man, I chased him
• 46:38
  right down. I was fixing him.
• 46:40
  Go after this guy. You know, I was just, I was on
• 46:42
  one, you know, it's finally like somebody called the cops.
• 46:45
  You know, I think my mom said she called the cops on me or
• 46:47
  something like that. And the cops come out and
• 46:50
  there's like, I don't know how many of them was there.
• 46:52
  It was like 5 or 6 of them, you know, and they ended up rather
• 46:55
  than taking me to jail, they took me to the hospital.
• 46:57
  And you know, like it was they told my wife, you know, they
• 47:03
  told her, you know, normally we got to hit guys like one time
• 47:06
  with this, with this, you know, whatever they used to knock them
• 47:09
  out. They said we had to give your
• 47:11
  husband three shots to get him to calm down.
• 47:13
  Dude, I was just, I was wound up, man.
• 47:15
  It was like every everything that had happened up to that
• 47:20
  point, man of life was just came out that night, you know, and I
• 47:23
  was just, I was enraged, you know, I mean, just a mess, you
• 47:27
  know, after that I start, it finally hit me like, man, this
• 47:31
  this ain't working, dude. Like it's time to do something,
• 47:34
  you know, and that that kind of led me and I, I again, I didn't
• 47:40
  stop there, you know, but it was like things are starting to
• 47:43
  happen, you know, but also, you know, like I was messing up with
• 47:46
  my wife, man. Like I was, I was ruining things
• 47:49
  with her. I was ruining her.
• 47:51
  And This is why I get so emotional talking about her,
• 47:53
  man, Because by all rights, she had every right to leave me, you
• 47:55
  know, like I was a terrible, terrible husband.
• 47:59
  Like I was not present at all, you know, like she, she was not
• 48:04
  a wife to me. She was just somebody that was
• 48:05
  there, man, I look back now and I'm like, dude, if anybody ever
• 48:08
  did that to my little girl, man, like I'd hunt him down kind of a
• 48:12
  thing, you know, like it wasn't like I was never physically
• 48:15
  abusive, but definitely emotionally abusive to her, you
• 48:19
  know, and I mean, extremely, extremely verbally abusive, you
• 48:23
  know, but it but it was never her fault, man.
• 48:25
  It was like, this is just all me.
• 48:27
  But again, always trying to blame somebody else, you know,
• 48:31
  So, you know, Fast forward, you know, it was like I finally, I
• 48:34
  got, I, we started going to, we started going to church.
• 48:37
  I got into a life recovery group and man, that was powerful, man.
• 48:43
  Like I had guys like praying over me, you know, like one
• 48:46
  night I went there and man, I like, I thought I was messed up,
• 48:50
  man. You go in there, you hear some
• 48:51
  of the stories from these guys and man, these dudes are, they
• 48:54
  were messed up, man. I mean, like one guy told me
• 48:56
  like he said, man, he goes, you know how bad I was?
• 48:58
  Like, I remember he told me like he would grab his wife by the
• 49:01
  throat and like hold her against the wall, you know, and he was
• 49:04
  like that kind of stuff. And I'm like, whoa, these dudes
• 49:08
  are, these dudes are rough, you know?
• 49:09
  So like, my little drink of stories were not nothing
• 49:12
  compared to what these guys were going through, you know?
• 49:13
  Well, it's interesting though, because in in in your own
• 49:17
  sphere, in your own mind, you look at where you are and you
• 49:21
  look at the things that you've done.
• 49:22
  You go, there is no one that has done worse.
• 49:24
  Like I am the lowest of the low. And then when you get into a
• 49:28
  group of guys or group of gals that have stories that are like
• 49:32
  yours, and then they start, you know, divulging some of the
• 49:35
  sensitive information, you go, wow, like, I mean, my story's
• 49:40
  bad, but their story is real bad.
• 49:43
  And what's funny is those people, you have to also imagine
• 49:47
  that when they came in, they also heard someone else go and
• 49:50
  say, wow, I thought my story was bad, but their story is real
• 49:54
  bad. There's, there's always like
• 49:56
  another depth. There's another level you could
• 49:58
  have been at, but you know, praise God that you got to only
• 50:03
  that level and you got around people that helped you.
• 50:08
  Oh. Dude, 100% man, that's I was
• 50:10
  talking about this with a friend of mine the other night of like
• 50:13
  how lucky I am that nothing worse happened to me.
• 50:16
  You know, like, as far as like getting pot for DU is or, you
• 50:20
  know, hitting somebody, you know, kind of a thing or, you
• 50:23
  know, just and like, you know, I feel like God, he was walking
• 50:27
  with me even when I didn't know it, you know, I mean, there was
• 50:30
  some bad stuff that happened, man, a lot of crazy stuff, man.
• 50:33
  But like nothing ever seriously bad happened to me, you know,
• 50:37
  and all those nights of drinking and just, I mean, just out of
• 50:42
  control. So I started going into this
• 50:44
  this life recovery group and I remember going home one night
• 50:47
  and there was it was when that you got song, Lord, I need you.
• 50:53
  What's Matt Maher? OK, that song had just come out
• 50:55
  and I started, I was, I'd hear it, heard it a couple times.
• 50:58
  And I remember leaving this life recovery group and I was coming
• 51:02
  down into coming out of, you know, Clackamas, down into
• 51:05
  Gresham back roads, you know, And I just remember asking, I
• 51:10
  say to Laura, I said, if you're real, I want to hear that song.
• 51:13
  And it not even 5 minutes later, man, that song come on the
• 51:17
  radio, you know, and it was just like, it's like, all right, you
• 51:21
  know, OK, maybe there's something to this.
• 51:23
  You know, another guy I want to speak on real quick is Brock's
• 51:28
  dad, Ron. I mean, this guy, man, like I
• 51:30
  didn't, I didn't know him. I knew him, you know, but like,
• 51:33
  I did a bunch of work on his house just some years ago.
• 51:36
  And every morning, man, I'd walk come down his driveway and there
• 51:39
  he was in his window. I'd see him sitting at his Bible
• 51:41
  every morning, you know. So you're talking about another
• 51:44
  guy that just spoke life into me, man.
• 51:45
  It was Ron, you know, like he was just a, a loving guy, man,
• 51:48
  like just, you know, always positive.
• 51:52
  Yeah, always just spoke the word to me.
• 51:54
  And I like it was. Yeah.
• 51:55
  Fast forward. So we we went to that church for
• 51:58
  a little while and then one of the pastors there broke away
• 52:01
  from there and planted his own church.
• 52:03
  It was down off of Woodstock. So we followed this guy, you
• 52:05
  know, and mind you, I'm like, I'm like in childlike faith at
• 52:08
  this point, you know, like I'm. Infants Day.
• 52:10
  Yeah, I am on the milk. Yeah, exactly.
• 52:14
  Yeah, right. So we follow this guy to it was
• 52:18
  Cascade PDX was the name of the church.
• 52:21
  Great guy, man. Like just his doctrine was off a
• 52:25
  little bit, you know, So and the weirdest thing was man and and
• 52:29
  again, this was childlike faith. I didn't really know, but I it's
• 52:32
  kind of funny. I didn't know, but I didn't, you
• 52:34
  know, I didn't question it enough when we first started
• 52:38
  going there. He says, hey, let's, he's
• 52:40
  telling me and my wife at the time.
• 52:42
  He says, Hey, let's meet up after Sunday one day and get to
• 52:45
  know each other. He said, and we'll grab a beer.
• 52:48
  I'm like, yeah, that's kind of weird, you know, But yeah,
• 52:51
  whatever. Drink with a pastor, you know?
• 52:53
  So we go and we meet him and sure enough, man, I had a beer
• 52:55
  with my pastor, you know, and I think we went there probably a
• 52:59
  year or so. And, you know, at this point,
• 53:02
  I'm still drinking, you know, probably drinking pretty heavily
• 53:05
  still. And then, you know, that church,
• 53:09
  man, they just, they kind of started going crazy, man.
• 53:11
  They, you know, it was like just getting into some real political
• 53:13
  stuff, nothing biblical, hardly ever, you know, And I started
• 53:17
  recognizing that. So we ended up leaving that
• 53:23
  church. We ended up actually walking out
• 53:24
  of the church 1 during the service one Sunday.
• 53:26
  And I get a call from him. There's another pastor, some
• 53:30
  other guy that I wouldn't even consider him a pastor man.
• 53:32
  He was like, you know, just a guy that was there talking.
• 53:35
  The pastor called me as I hey, I understand you guys walked out
• 53:37
  of church, you know, and I said, I said, yeah.
• 53:39
  I said, here's the deal. I said, think you're a good guy,
• 53:41
  but I'm getting nothing out of here.
• 53:44
  And it was a a lengthy conversation, you know, and so
• 53:46
  we're not leaving that church. And then, you know, we were
• 53:49
  without a church for a while and we always wanted a smaller
• 53:52
  church. You know, we was always looking
• 53:53
  for a small church, right? We went, we dabbled in a couple,
• 53:56
  you know. And yeah, by the way, I'm
• 53:57
  laughing because right now you're.
• 53:58
  Literally in the largest church in Oregon.
• 54:00
  Exactly. Right, right.
• 54:02
  You know, and then it just happened.
• 54:05
  Somebody had posted a posted a video of Brett online one day
• 54:09
  and my wife said, hey, check this guy out.
• 54:10
  You know, we started watching and I was like, wow.
• 54:15
  So we went and checked it out, you know, and we were hooked
• 54:18
  instantly. Man, I just fell in love with
• 54:20
  it. But going back to what led me
• 54:21
  away from drinking, OK, so this would have been see it's been 4
• 54:25
  years and four years and almost four months now to the day that
• 54:30
  I quit drinking. So my brother and I, youngest
• 54:34
  brother, we decided, you know, we want to go deer hunting this
• 54:39
  some years, you know, this would have been four years ago, you
• 54:41
  know, so I just got in a trailer.
• 54:43
  You know, I was like, man, let's let's take the trailer, you and
• 54:45
  me, let's set off into the woods.
• 54:46
  So we and so at this point I started, you know, this is after
• 54:51
  my son was born. I think my daughter would have
• 54:54
  been born by now. I started tapering off my drink
• 54:56
  in a little bit. You know, I was, I was only
• 54:57
  drinking on the weekends. OK, I'd scale it back to just
• 55:00
  weekends. And the problem with that is, is
• 55:03
  you're you're scaling it back, but you're still you have that
• 55:06
  open door for something to happen, right?
• 55:09
  But the problem with that is, is that then it became, I couldn't
• 55:13
  wait for the weekend to get there because I just wanted that
• 55:15
  drink. You know, it was like it was
• 55:17
  still, it was still a thing. You know, it's like, what's
• 55:19
  that? You know, it's that that verse
• 55:20
  says make no provisions for the flesh.
• 55:22
  You know, like there's always, you're always making little,
• 55:24
  little doorways, you know, you can still go through, right?
• 55:28
  Excuse me. So my brother and I get the
• 55:32
  trailer, load up, get a lot, you know, get everything put in
• 55:35
  there. The first thing we did, man, is
• 55:37
  we hit the liquor store on the way out.
• 55:39
  You know, I was like, you know, we knew it was party time, you
• 55:42
  know? Yeah, Got away from the wife and
• 55:44
  kids for a little bit, you know, and.
• 55:46
  Always good with deer hunting. Yeah, exactly right.
• 55:48
  Yeah, nothing like weapons and alcohol.
• 55:51
  You know, so so we get, I mean, we, we didn't make it, you know,
• 55:58
  20 feet off the the the highway onto the Gravel Rd. and we're
• 56:03
  cracking beers, you know, we're cracking beers.
• 56:05
  I think we even opened up the bottle of whiskey that we had
• 56:07
  bought, you know, and find our spot, get everything set up and
• 56:11
  the man, it was go time, you know, we just started hammering
• 56:13
  down, you know, just drinking and music cram.
• 56:16
  Mind you, we're out in the middle of nowhere, you know, and
• 56:19
  I mean by the way, for. You guys that don't know music
• 56:21
  is a really good attraction for for deer Exactly You're trying
• 56:24
  to hit but. You know, what's funny about
• 56:26
  that is that night we've seen all these beady eyes out in the
• 56:30
  field, deer everywhere, daylight.
• 56:34
  We didn't see a single thing. So it's almost like, yeah, they
• 56:37
  came in to see what was going on, you know?
• 56:38
  Because like, when we drank together, man, it was like, you
• 56:41
  know, it was always a joke, you know, because we got like a
• 56:43
  little native in it, you know? I mean, it sounds like some
• 56:45
  Indians are powwowing, you know, like we were out there just
• 56:49
  hooting and hollering, man. I mean, just having a blast.
• 56:51
  I mean, we drank. I mean, I don't know how much we
• 56:53
  drank that night, man. I mean, it was like it was a, it
• 56:56
  was a ridiculous amount, probably the most that I've ever
• 56:58
  drank, honestly, you know, in one night, get up the next
• 57:01
  morning and we're just messed up, man.
• 57:02
  We try and make it out out to go hunt, you know, and like we
• 57:06
  ended up passing out underneath this tree raining on us, you
• 57:10
  know, I mean, it was just just stupid, you know, just dumb.
• 57:14
  So after that man, like, you know, we get done with that
• 57:16
  trip. And I mean, it was just a waste
• 57:18
  of time, dude. Like, we barely even hunting,
• 57:20
  you know, I left my wife and kids at home for what, you know,
• 57:25
  to go out and just be dumb, you know, So I was going to, I think
• 57:29
  I was coming home from work that Monday.
• 57:31
  I mean, it was like, I mean, it was the most clearest thing I've
• 57:34
  ever heard from the Holy Spirit. It was like, it's time to quit.
• 57:39
  I called my wife was like, hey, when I get home, I got to talk
• 57:41
  to you about something. She's like, all right, I got
• 57:45
  home. I told, I said I'm, I'm done.
• 57:46
  I'm going to quit drinking. She's like really, you know,
• 57:49
  because at this point, you know, like I'd, I'd almost kind of had
• 57:52
  it under control, you know, like I was kind of showing signs like
• 57:55
  maybe I can do this and not be a mess, you know?
• 57:57
  Had you ever said that to her before that you you were done,
• 57:59
  that you'd quit drinking? Or was that the first time that
• 58:01
  you ever? Oh, buddy, I swore I'm drinking
• 58:02
  every every Sunday, you know, like, yeah, you know, but I
• 58:07
  never truly wanted to quit, you know?
• 58:10
  But this was, this was, yeah, you know, like I'm, I'm done
• 58:14
  with it, you know, like I have to be, you know, and that's,
• 58:17
  it's kind of funny because we, you know, we talk about like my
• 58:20
  personality is very addictive personality, you know, it's
• 58:22
  like, so like if I'm struggling with something, whether it be,
• 58:26
  you know, drinking food, coffee. Energy drinks.
• 58:31
  Energy drinks, Yeah. You know, yeah, it's like I
• 58:33
  can't just, I can't just taper off and kind of maintain, you
• 58:37
  know, low levels, low levels. It's like I got to just quit it,
• 58:40
  you know? That's just how I am.
• 58:42
  So she was kind of taken back. She's like, realize that, yeah,
• 58:44
  I got to be done with it, you know, like I can't, I just got
• 58:47
  to be done, you know? Plus, I was, I was kind of
• 58:49
  starting to get into the faith a little bit, you know, and there
• 58:51
  was, I felt hypocritical, you know, like here I'm going to
• 58:54
  church on Sunday and, you know, get bombed Friday and Saturday
• 58:58
  night. It was just, I knew that it
• 59:00
  wasn't right. And then going to 80 Crete, man,
• 59:03
  it's like they call you out on some stuff, you know?
• 59:06
  Well, I think that's the interesting thing.
• 59:09
  You talked about this earlier, which was that you had a lot of
• 59:14
  fun. Drink, drink is a lot of fun.
• 59:16
  And I think that I think the church kind of messes up a lot
• 59:20
  on this piece because they go, oh, well, you know, you know,
• 59:23
  it's not fun to go out and sin, right?
• 59:25
  You know, and by the way, for those you guys listening, sin is
• 59:27
  missing the mark that, you know, God has the perfect mark.
• 59:30
  This is how you should live, you know, and, and in God's
• 59:33
  inventory, sinning, missing the mark is you think a bad thing.
• 59:38
  Like you think that you want to hit someone, that's a sin that
• 59:42
  sends you to hell. Yeah.
• 59:43
  You think about having a drink and getting drunk, that is a sin
• 59:47
  that sends you to hell. Like that's, that's, you know,
• 59:49
  the Sermon on the Mount. That's, that is the, the bar
• 59:52
  that has been set. So, you know, it's, it's kind of
• 59:55
  like the whole thing of like, well, then who can be saved?
• 59:57
  That's what, that's what all the people say, not even the
• 1:00:00
  Pharisees that the most religious people in the world
• 1:00:03
  could be saved. Well then, who can be saved,
• 1:00:04
  right? So you know, when we talk about
• 1:00:06
  like sin, when we talk about partying down, like, like, you
• 1:00:09
  know, I partied down for a little bit too, maybe not as
• 1:00:11
  crazy as you did, but sinning is fun.
• 1:00:14
  The consequences that come later on.
• 1:00:17
  You know, it's, it's kind of like investment.
• 1:00:19
  You can invest in anything. You can invest in drinking in
• 1:00:23
  the in the moment, it feels really good.
• 1:00:25
  And maybe you feel good about yourself.
• 1:00:27
  You feel stronger, you forget about your worries and you know,
• 1:00:30
  it's a good time. But when, when the hangover
• 1:00:33
  leaves, it's not so much fun When you get 7:15, 20-50 years
• 1:00:39
  down the road and you look back on your life and the choices
• 1:00:44
  you've made. That's, that is something that
• 1:00:46
  you live with and that's something that you carry.
• 1:00:49
  I, I am curious because we've talked about this a lot like you
• 1:00:52
  and I, we've, we've had some really awesome heart to heart
• 1:00:55
  conversations, the deep ones. You know, the, the change in you
• 1:01:01
  is just night and day of who you are.
• 1:01:04
  And you attribute that to your walk with Jesus.
• 1:01:07
  There's and I love that you bring this up the hypocritical
• 1:01:10
  part, because there's a lot of people that don't feel the
• 1:01:13
  hypocritical part. You know, they, they go to
• 1:01:16
  church on Sunday. Yeah.
• 1:01:19
  And it's like they're, you know, they check off the box like,
• 1:01:21
  yeah, I, I, I went to church. I listened to the pastor.
• 1:01:25
  I'm set for the next week, you know, go.
• 1:01:27
  God got that, you know, fix in my life.
• 1:01:31
  But yet they never dive deeper to have that relationship.
• 1:01:35
  What was the first taste of that that you really started to to
• 1:01:39
  grab and embrace when you excuse me, swore off having alcohol, I.
• 1:01:44
  Think it was after that moment, man, it was like when I, you
• 1:01:47
  know, when I, yeah, it was like, you know, now it's like, OK, and
• 1:01:52
  it was, it was a conviction thing, right?
• 1:01:54
  You know, like sure, I was, I knew that I was doing nothing
• 1:01:57
  good for my family, but I was convicted by the spirit man big
• 1:02:01
  time, you know, And it's, it was after that, it was like, it was
• 1:02:05
  when I, when I really started to, I think my walk with the
• 1:02:09
  Lord, really, I started to hone in on that, you know.
• 1:02:13
  It's, it's our walk, I think is the most important thing, right?
• 1:02:17
  Like it's as you start walking with Christ, with Jesus, when
• 1:02:22
  you start not even like not even following, it's just the more
• 1:02:26
  time you spend with him, the more you want to be like him,
• 1:02:29
  right? It's kind of like even going
• 1:02:32
  back to what we talked about earlier with your dad of like
• 1:02:34
  maybe there's patterns that you can see in your own life of
• 1:02:38
  spending so much time with your dad and being around those
• 1:02:41
  influences. And there's that moment in life
• 1:02:44
  where you actually start to grab your word, you start to grab
• 1:02:47
  your Bible, you start to read, you start to go, who's this
• 1:02:49
  Jesus guy? And you think man like this guy
• 1:02:53
  could like I could never run in this guy's circles, but yet he
• 1:02:58
  came to your circle. He he came to your your, your
• 1:03:01
  area of influence in your life. And he started saying, Hey, you
• 1:03:05
  don't have to fix everything right now, but come with me
• 1:03:07
  start. And what's interesting is as you
• 1:03:10
  started, from my understanding, as you started to walk with
• 1:03:13
  Jesus, your life radically changed.
• 1:03:15
  Like you were. You are not even like we've
• 1:03:18
  talked about a lot of different things.
• 1:03:19
  And you might be looking at Shane going holy Toledo, like,
• 1:03:22
  this guy's messed up. Yeah, no, this guy has gotten
• 1:03:25
  his stuff. Like he's got all his ducks in a
• 1:03:27
  row. He is firing on all cylinders.
• 1:03:30
  And in fact, last year, I remember was talking because our
• 1:03:33
  church had this huge crusade down, PDX crusade down at the
• 1:03:38
  Moto Center. And I remember I was talking, it
• 1:03:40
  was, I think it was the day before you actually went.
• 1:03:42
  And it was actually the day of you came over and you're like,
• 1:03:45
  hey, man, like, I don't know about this.
• 1:03:47
  Like, yeah, I'm excited, but I don't think I'm going to have
• 1:03:49
  the words to say like I'm. Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:52
  For context, yeah. Because I was I, I signed up to
• 1:03:54
  go down on the floor and pray with people that were, that had
• 1:03:57
  given their life to Christ. Three a little over three years
• 1:04:01
  after coming in a really know Christ and stop drinking and now
• 1:04:05
  all of a sudden you're on the floor leading other people to
• 1:04:08
  Christ like like tell tell us a little bit about that of just
• 1:04:13
  how God grabbed your heart and your life just started to
• 1:04:17
  change. Oh, man, so as you're talking,
• 1:04:19
  man, all I could think about was, again, going back to my
• 1:04:22
  dad. OK, So, you know, and I've never
• 1:04:26
  really told my dad this, you know, and maybe when he hears
• 1:04:28
  this, you know, hopefully he'll listen.
• 1:04:29
  But I harbor no ill will towards my parents, my dad at all, you
• 1:04:35
  know, not a single bit. Because the way I look at man is
• 1:04:38
  that, like I said, he was doing the best that he knew how to do,
• 1:04:42
  right. He was doing better than his dad
• 1:04:45
  did, you know, his dad never talked to him.
• 1:04:47
  I mean, my dad at least talked to me.
• 1:04:49
  You know, he wasn't there all the time, but he, I knew who he
• 1:04:53
  was, you know. So looking back on that, all
• 1:04:58
  that did was it just shaped who I am.
• 1:05:00
  It, it brought me to where I'm at now, you know, so the things
• 1:05:04
  that we went through as children, as kids, you know,
• 1:05:06
  going into our teens and adulthood, I, I harbor no ill
• 1:05:10
  will at all towards my parents, you know, none.
• 1:05:13
  And it's because, you know, God tells us where to forgive, you
• 1:05:16
  know, and if you really, you know, the mature Christian knows
• 1:05:19
  that God has brought us to this point that we are now there.
• 1:05:24
  It was no, it wasn't by, you know, some fluke that, you know,
• 1:05:29
  we grew up the way that we did, you know.
• 1:05:31
  When you started to follow Jesus, how did your life start
• 1:05:33
  to change? Because I think there's a lot of
• 1:05:35
  people that wonder like, is it really that easy of just like
• 1:05:38
  saying a prayer and Jesus changes your heart and things,
• 1:05:42
  things start to get better. Is that really a thing or how
• 1:05:44
  does how does that? Work, it's a it's a walk for
• 1:05:46
  sure. You know, it's definitely a
• 1:05:47
  walk. You know, I, I think about, you
• 1:05:49
  know, the Bible talks about darkness, you know, being in the
• 1:05:52
  darkness and men like, dude, I was there.
• 1:05:55
  I mean, dark, dark times, you know, I mean, just demonic
• 1:06:00
  stuff, you know, and it's like when, you know, when we, when we
• 1:06:04
  call out to the Lord, you know, and there's that conviction.
• 1:06:07
  It's like we're searching for something that, that we can't
• 1:06:10
  get on our own. My testimony is that I was not
• 1:06:13
  strong enough to pull myself out of those places, you know, Jesus
• 1:06:17
  and Jesus alone brought me out of that, that dark spot, you
• 1:06:21
  know, and it and it wasn't until I started to realize that, you
• 1:06:24
  know, like, yeah, I can't do this on my own.
• 1:06:26
  I need help, you know. Which is very contrary to what a
• 1:06:30
  lot of people talk about like in the world of like, you know,
• 1:06:33
  pull your boots up by your bootstraps.
• 1:06:35
  You know, you got to figure it out.
• 1:06:37
  You got to be better. You, you, you, you, you.
• 1:06:40
  Yeah, right. But you're saying a completely
• 1:06:42
  different 100. Percent.
• 1:06:43
  No, it had nothing to do with you.
• 1:06:45
  It had everything to do with Jesus.
• 1:06:46
  Exactly. And I, man, I look, I look
• 1:06:49
  around now and I see what the world is doing.
• 1:06:53
  And to me, it is just, it, it's, it's, it's ridiculous, you know,
• 1:06:56
  like I see people that are, you know, hang on social media for
• 1:07:00
  pleasure, that, that hang on drugs and drinking for pleasure,
• 1:07:03
  that hang on politics for pleasure, for, for peace and for
• 1:07:08
  hope. You know, Donald Trump ain't the
• 1:07:11
  way, man. Like Donald Trump ain't going to
• 1:07:13
  get us out of this mess we're in right now in this world, you
• 1:07:15
  know? Barack Obama.
• 1:07:17
  Barack Obama was Biden wasn't the way man pick.
• 1:07:20
  Pick any any leader in the world, and they are not the way.
• 1:07:24
  They are not the one that's kind.
• 1:07:25
  Of influencers, man, they're not the way, you know, like Jesus is
• 1:07:29
  the only way, you know, like it is the only way for to get you
• 1:07:33
  out of whatever you're whatever you're in, you know, and that
• 1:07:36
  could be something so simple as I mean, we talk about, you know,
• 1:07:38
  like addiction of any kind, you know, whether it be, you know,
• 1:07:43
  sexual addiction, whether it be, you know, anger, depression, all
• 1:07:50
  that stuff, man, like, sure, you're, you're going to find
• 1:07:53
  little, you know, you're going to find little things that might
• 1:07:56
  make you feel good for a short bit, but after that it just
• 1:07:59
  always goes back to the darkness.
• 1:08:00
  You know, there's pleasure and sin, but only for a short while,
• 1:08:03
  right. I think it's a problem and
• 1:08:04
  that's so true, man. It's like you're going to find
• 1:08:07
  peace for only for a short bit, but then after that you drop
• 1:08:10
  back down. You're looking for the next
• 1:08:12
  thing you're looking for the next thing you know, And it's
• 1:08:14
  like it wasn't until I started to realize like Jesus is the way
• 1:08:19
  he is the only way to get myself out of where I'm at and to, you
• 1:08:26
  know, and the people have this. I think they have this, this
• 1:08:29
  thought that once you become a Christian, that your life is
• 1:08:31
  perfect. You know you're.
• 1:08:33
  Perfect, right? Yeah, always a question.
• 1:08:36
  Oh yeah, you know, he must be perfect.
• 1:08:38
  That is so far from the truth, man.
• 1:08:40
  Like I still still struggle with sin, man, you know, like.
• 1:08:43
  Every person, daily. Every.
• 1:08:45
  Daily, you know, and that that would be like, you know, like my
• 1:08:48
  hope, you know, when you asked me to do this podcast, man, I
• 1:08:51
  was like, it wasn't a question, man, because like there's
• 1:08:54
  conversations that I want to have with people around me that
• 1:08:57
  aren't going to happen, you know, and this might be a way
• 1:08:59
  that like when they look at me, don't look at me as perfect, you
• 1:09:05
  know, I'm not perfect. I'm saved, I'm born again, you
• 1:09:09
  know, I'm, I'm being brought out of those dark places daily, you
• 1:09:12
  know, it's a daily walk, you know, a daily climb to get to
• 1:09:18
  holiness, right? And, and when you can, when you
• 1:09:22
  can have that mindset of like, all right, you know, you put
• 1:09:26
  everything at the feet of Jesus, everything, your life's not
• 1:09:31
  going to be perfect, but it's going to be blessed.
• 1:09:33
  Yeah. You're going to have peace about
• 1:09:35
  things, you know, like all this stuff that's going on now, man,
• 1:09:37
  this, all this political stuff, all this stuff with the wars,
• 1:09:40
  all that, man, like. There's a lot of people going
• 1:09:43
  crazy and like going crazy, you know?
• 1:09:45
  Yeah, it's, it's all like COVID and the toilet paper epidemic,
• 1:09:49
  right? And yet there's there are people
• 1:09:52
  you and I know and I I would say that you and I are those people
• 1:09:55
  that we're just at peace and calm.
• 1:09:57
  Yeah. What, you know, we're just a
• 1:09:58
  steady boat on the water. That's that seems to be rocking.
• 1:10:01
  Exactly and to and to to you know, to the the non Christian.
• 1:10:05
  They might think like, how is that?
• 1:10:06
  You know, how do you? How are you?
• 1:10:09
  Do you not care? Do you not care?
• 1:10:10
  Exactly. Yeah, right.
• 1:10:11
  People would say, like, oh, you don't care about what's going on
• 1:10:13
  in the station. Of course I do.
• 1:10:15
  But what can we do about it? It kind of seems like we can't
• 1:10:18
  vote our way out of it, you know?
• 1:10:20
  Kind of seems like, you know, the trajectory, trajectory of
• 1:10:24
  our nation is going downhill. You know, this country will
• 1:10:28
  fail. I feel like you know.
• 1:10:30
  And the only thing that's going to save us is Christ Jesus.
• 1:10:34
  Exactly. And it's through prayer.
• 1:10:36
  Yeah, right. Yeah.
• 1:10:37
  You know, what's interesting too, is when you were talking
• 1:10:39
  about the darkness, it's funny because the, you know, Scripture
• 1:10:41
  says darkness has not overcome the light, right.
• 1:10:43
  And we, you know, we sit in our dark places, we sit in our sin
• 1:10:47
  and we go, oh, you know, I can't, I can't get out of this,
• 1:10:49
  you know, And yet Christ is there with the light.
• 1:10:52
  And he says, I am the way, the truth, the life.
• 1:10:55
  Exactly. And So what does that mean?
• 1:10:59
  It's just you just need Jesus in your heart to to light up your
• 1:11:02
  world to just, that's it's all it takes is a small spark in the
• 1:11:06
  darkness to start. And it's, it's that it's that
• 1:11:10
  question of like, OK, do I really want to allow Jesus in my
• 1:11:14
  heart to change my life radically?
• 1:11:17
  You talked about forgiveness of your dad, and I know a lot of
• 1:11:22
  people that have a hard time with the forgiveness piece.
• 1:11:25
  It's like, yeah, but you don't know what they did.
• 1:11:27
  You don't know how horrible it was or, or maybe maybe it wasn't
• 1:11:31
  even that bad, but you're just like, you know what?
• 1:11:33
  This person wronged me and I don't really want to forgive
• 1:11:35
  them. Like, it's my choice.
• 1:11:37
  I, I I'm going to, I'm going to hold this against them for the
• 1:11:40
  rest of their life until they die.
• 1:11:44
  What has been the fruit of you forgiving your dad?
• 1:11:50
  Oh, man, just the, the peace that comes with it.
• 1:11:52
  I think people that hold on to people that hold on to that
• 1:11:56
  anger towards somebody, they never have peace, you know, I
• 1:12:02
  mean, it's so true what the Bible says, you know,
• 1:12:05
  forgiveness is the beginning of such such great things.
• 1:12:09
  You know, if we're not able to forgive, then we just hold on
• 1:12:13
  to, we hold on to the past, you know, and that's, that goes for
• 1:12:17
  anybody, you know, I mean, just even the smallest of things to
• 1:12:20
  the the greatest of things, you know, I mean, I mean, you know,
• 1:12:24
  the things I went through, you know, rough, but, you know,
• 1:12:27
  very, very minuscule in the grand scheme of what a lot of
• 1:12:31
  people have gone through, you know, and if you can't, if you
• 1:12:34
  don't learn how to forgive, man, you're never going to, you're
• 1:12:37
  never going to find peace, you know?
• 1:12:39
  But also wager that the the forgiveness factors also played
• 1:12:44
  a huge part in your ability to become a husband and to become
• 1:12:48
  the father you want to be. Right.
• 1:12:50
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 1:12:51
  I mean, my dude, if my wife didn't forgive me all those
• 1:12:53
  times, man, like I, who knows where I'd be, you know, God
• 1:12:57
  definitely was walking with me long, long ago.
• 1:13:02
  But if it wasn't for my wife sticking with me, you know, and
• 1:13:06
  putting up with my nonsense, I don't know that I would ever
• 1:13:09
  came to know the Lord. Sure, there was people that that
• 1:13:12
  spoke Christ into my life, but man, like she did, she was 100%
• 1:13:17
  the reason that I've changed, you know, 100%, you know, I
• 1:13:21
  mean, she is, she is the strongest woman ever to put up,
• 1:13:26
  you know, put up with a filthy Wretch like me, man.
• 1:13:29
  Like dude, like I don't deserve her one bit, you know, and
• 1:13:32
  that's her forgiveness has made me a better man, you know,
• 1:13:36
  because it makes me realize like I, I think about, you know, like
• 1:13:41
  as husbands, you know, like as men, you know, like we're, we're
• 1:13:45
  foul creatures, man, Like, you know, like just, I mean, dude, I
• 1:13:48
  let myself go, you know, I'm not the I don't always.
• 1:13:51
  Care about the statue you used to be, you know, Yeah.
• 1:13:54
  And for a woman like her, dude, yeah, she's beautiful, you know,
• 1:13:57
  beautiful inside and out. For her to stick by me for all
• 1:14:02
  these years, there's something to be said for that man.
• 1:14:04
  Like there's, there's something to be said there, you know, and
• 1:14:08
  I may not tell her this all the time, but I could not be more
• 1:14:11
  grateful to her, you know, because she has, she saved my
• 1:14:16
  life, man. Like, you know, truly, you know,
• 1:14:20
  she brought me to Jesus. Jesus saved me.
• 1:14:23
  But she, she saved my life down here, you know, like she was
• 1:14:27
  huge, man. It's powerful testament to a lot
• 1:14:29
  of people who, like I was saying earlier that the gal that I know
• 1:14:33
  who whose family is just kind of off the rocker.
• 1:14:36
  Yeah, right. There are a lot of people out
• 1:14:38
  there that look at their family. They look at, you know, their
• 1:14:41
  husband, they look at their wife and they go, man, if only Jesus
• 1:14:43
  could take hold of your heart. Like, yeah.
• 1:14:45
  And you, they pray, they pray, they pray, they pray.
• 1:14:48
  And they feel like there's no movement.
• 1:14:50
  And there's almost, there's almost a sense of kind of
• 1:14:53
  hopelessness. Yeah.
• 1:14:54
  Of like, man, I just don't know what's gonna happen if they
• 1:14:58
  don't accept Jesus in the heart, especially within the world that
• 1:15:01
  we live in with the wars that are going on right now and the
• 1:15:04
  craziness happening, people getting killed over their faith.
• 1:15:08
  People, you look around the world and we are in crazy times.
• 1:15:13
  A. 100%. What's interesting is the
• 1:15:15
  believer, the person who reads their Bible, which I love that
• 1:15:18
  you brought your Bible here, but the the believer knows that it's
• 1:15:24
  just a sign of the times. It's a sign that Jesus is coming
• 1:15:27
  back. And it's a question of are you
• 1:15:30
  going to be ready? Are you are you prepared and
• 1:15:33
  have you lived your life in a way to be a light unto others?
• 1:15:37
  Your wife has has been that for you.
• 1:15:39
  And I would always wager that you have also become that for
• 1:15:43
  many other people that there are people at work, there are people
• 1:15:47
  that you meet in your neighborhood.
• 1:15:50
  You know, last year you had a huge BBQ you invited me and my
• 1:15:53
  family to and it was great. That was we were.
• 1:15:56
  I was actually shocked because I walk up and there's people from
• 1:16:00
  all different walks of life and I'm like, where did all these
• 1:16:03
  people come from? And you're like, well, we just
• 1:16:05
  essentially we invited the whole neighborhood, like, you know,
• 1:16:07
  this person lives over here and that person lives over here.
• 1:16:10
  And you had neighbors all over with different beliefs,
• 1:16:14
  different socio economical backgrounds, welcoming them into
• 1:16:18
  your home, onto your property, giving food, doing fireworks.
• 1:16:25
  And what's crazy about this is this 4th of July, that's how we
• 1:16:28
  did fireworks. We weren't just like fireworks.
• 1:16:31
  But what's crazy about this is that's your ministry, the, the,
• 1:16:35
  the drunkard. Like, I still recall you telling
• 1:16:37
  me a story of someone, you know, walking down the street
• 1:16:41
  inebriated, like up the wazoo. And you, you went after them and
• 1:16:48
  you grabbed them and you took hold of them.
• 1:16:49
  And like that person, because you've gone through that, that's
• 1:16:54
  now part of your ministry to be able to speak life into those
• 1:16:57
  people and say, you know, I, I know what you're going through.
• 1:16:59
  I've been there. I've done that.
• 1:17:00
  Like this life does not lead to happiness.
• 1:17:04
  Yeah. Doesn't leave lead to good
• 1:17:06
  things or a good family or a good, you know, a good marriage.
• 1:17:09
  And I think that's what's really amazing about your story.
• 1:17:13
  You know, we, we, you know, talk about all the pleasures of sin.
• 1:17:17
  Oh yeah, there's the repercussions of those things.
• 1:17:20
  But and Jesus really took hold of your life and now the thing
• 1:17:25
  that would have been the thorn in your side, and maybe it still
• 1:17:29
  feels like a thorn in your side every now and then.
• 1:17:31
  That is now the testament. That's the story that you can
• 1:17:34
  share with other men, other women who struggle with that to
• 1:17:39
  say, guess what? I've been there and there's hope
• 1:17:41
  for you, right? Yeah, absolutely.
• 1:17:44
  You know, The thing is too, man, it starts with you have to want
• 1:17:47
  to change, you know, you, you know, you can't just expect
• 1:17:50
  somebody to change that doesn't want to.
• 1:17:52
  I've said this from day one, man.
• 1:17:53
  It's like, sure, we can pray for people and we pray for people
• 1:17:57
  constantly, but that person has to want to do better.
• 1:18:01
  And I want it to do better, you know?
• 1:18:02
  And now I want people to know Jesus because you're not going
• 1:18:08
  to, you're not going to do it on your own.
• 1:18:09
  You know, that is, you know, So, yeah.
• 1:18:11
  I mean, like anybody that comes around me, you know, like I'm
• 1:18:13
  not, I'm still not good at like just boldly preaching the gospel
• 1:18:18
  to somebody. But I try and I try and segue
• 1:18:21
  everything I do into at least, you know, praising Jesus in some
• 1:18:27
  yeah fashion, you know, And it's, it's funny, man.
• 1:18:31
  I was telling my wife, like, I look around now and it's like, I
• 1:18:37
  find no pleasure in anything but Jesus.
• 1:18:41
  I find pleasure in my family, my wife and kids and Jesus if is
• 1:18:46
  that. Is that weird?
• 1:18:47
  I don't know. Is that not like like, is that
• 1:18:50
  weird to think about? Like because of all the
• 1:18:52
  pleasures that you've kind of gone after in the world and
• 1:18:54
  you're like, I've experienced all these things, but yet like
• 1:18:57
  this is the greatest pleasure that I have.
• 1:18:59
  It is, to me, it's the only thing that matters, you know?
• 1:19:02
  And it might seem like a radical thing, but I look around at
• 1:19:06
  these people, you know, that and it breaks my heart, man, because
• 1:19:09
  I see people that are just lost, you know, and it's like, why
• 1:19:13
  would we want to talk about anything but salvation,
• 1:19:16
  anything. But we're going to die one day.
• 1:19:19
  We're all going to meet God. Which direction are you going?
• 1:19:23
  Why would anything else matter? Yeah, That's why like my
• 1:19:26
  greatest, my greatest goal now is first to speak Christ in my
• 1:19:30
  kids life, that they would know Jesus.
• 1:19:33
  You know, man, that that is the ultimate goal, you know, is that
• 1:19:42
  there's a verse that says I aim to know nothing but you.
• 1:19:45
  I aim to know nothing of you except Jesus Christ and him
• 1:19:47
  crucified. I may have taken that out of
• 1:19:50
  context when I heard it, but when I hear that, I think when I
• 1:19:54
  die, I want people to know nothing of me except Jesus
• 1:19:59
  Christ saved my life and he is the way.
• 1:20:02
  That's all that matters, you know, And it, I don't know, man,
• 1:20:05
  it's been like the last year, man.
• 1:20:07
  It's like it's been a pretty radical.
• 1:20:10
  Transformation for me, you know, it's like I find no pleasure in
• 1:20:14
  anything but talking about Jesus, you know?
• 1:20:18
  Well, the message is heavier on your heart.
• 1:20:20
  It is like it's, it's the those that carry the weight of and we
• 1:20:24
  say weight. It's a light, it's a lightweight
• 1:20:26
  to know Jesus, right. It is my burden is light and my
• 1:20:31
  yoke is easy. My burden is light.
• 1:20:32
  And what's what's crazy about it truly is this idea of like, the
• 1:20:38
  more you walk in faith, especially in the times that we
• 1:20:42
  live in, the more you realize how much people just need Jesus.
• 1:20:46
  They need to know Jesus. And that's the weight.
• 1:20:49
  You know, there's I, I've plenty of friends that don't believe in
• 1:20:53
  Jesus. There's people that are, are
• 1:20:55
  quote UN quote believers that the things that they say and the
• 1:20:59
  things that they do, I'm like, man, like you still don't know
• 1:21:01
  Jesus because if you knew Jesus, your heart would really change
• 1:21:05
  with this. Absolutely.
• 1:21:07
  And we talked about, you know, influences in your life and the
• 1:21:10
  people that are around us really do have a huge influence on us.
• 1:21:13
  And you're you're pretty intentional about your inner
• 1:21:17
  circle of people, of bringing people around you, especially
• 1:21:20
  men of faith. How important has that been to
• 1:21:23
  find a solid, a solid biblical church, but also solid biblical
• 1:21:29
  men to be around you to guide you in life?
• 1:21:33
  How important has that been? It's everything.
• 1:21:35
  It's everything to me. You know, I forget what who's
• 1:21:40
  you know, somebody said, you know, Jesus didn't, he didn't
• 1:21:43
  condemn the Sinner, but he didn't condone the sin.
• 1:21:45
  Is that right? Something like that, you know,
• 1:21:47
  so it doesn't mean that I'm not going to interact with non
• 1:21:51
  Christians. You know, that's not what we're
• 1:21:53
  called to do. We're called to be a light in
• 1:21:54
  all the world, but to have godly men like yourself, you know,
• 1:21:59
  like a buddy, Adam, Jeremy, guys from church, to surround
• 1:22:04
  yourselves by those men and to constantly have them speaking
• 1:22:08
  life into you and to call in to call things out about you and to
• 1:22:13
  to just be an encouragement into your life.
• 1:22:15
  Is is everything, man, you know, like, I don't know how you could
• 1:22:18
  do this walk and still, you know, hang out with people that
• 1:22:22
  aren't of the faith. You know, I, I just I don't see
• 1:22:25
  how it can be a good thing. So we surround ourselves by
• 1:22:27
  godly people, but then we got into the world and, you know,
• 1:22:31
  speak life into people around us, you know, and, and it makes
• 1:22:34
  us, you know, man, like every time we meet, you know, every
• 1:22:37
  morning I, I, I drive out of here, man, it's like I'm on
• 1:22:40
  cloud 9, you know, like, I mean, dude, I crank on some tunes.
• 1:22:43
  I mean, it's like what, 7 in the morning usually when I leave and
• 1:22:46
  I'm cranking gospel music going down the road, you know, it's
• 1:22:48
  like, I mean, it's just, it's a, it's a, it's a powerful thing,
• 1:22:51
  you know, Iron sharpens iron, you know, And that's so true,
• 1:22:55
  man. I mean, we're just better
• 1:22:56
  because of it, you know? And I would also say too that
• 1:23:00
  you know, we, we did Bible study, it was funny because we
• 1:23:03
  did Bible study over Zoom for like 2 years.
• 1:23:06
  And technology is not your Forte.
• 1:23:09
  No, man, not at all. Yeah.
• 1:23:11
  So getting you on the zoom, the zoom is funny.
• 1:23:15
  I say that it's funny because getting you on zoom, that itself
• 1:23:18
  was its own challenge, but it's it's funny.
• 1:23:21
  I would also say that one surrounding yourself with other
• 1:23:24
  men and and other gals who are strong in the word, yeah, who
• 1:23:29
  are firm believers, Yeah, it not only helps to sharpen your faith
• 1:23:33
  and to help you to understand the word better, yeah, it also
• 1:23:38
  emboldened you. Absolutely.
• 1:23:40
  Because I noticed a huge change in you after two years of really
• 1:23:45
  diving deep. I mean, we, I think we went
• 1:23:47
  through four, yeah, 44 books in the Bible over the course of two
• 1:23:51
  years. Peter, first John and.
• 1:23:53
  First John, second John, and then?
• 1:23:54
  Revelation And then we started to get into Genesis, I think.
• 1:23:58
  Right. I think we got like maybe a week
• 1:23:59
  into Genesis and I was like, maybe we need to pull back
• 1:24:01
  because I don't think we're going to finish Genesis and.
• 1:24:03
  By the way, I would love to go back and do James again.
• 1:24:06
  James is man. That book is heavy.
• 1:24:08
  Yeah, it's heavy, but there's so many great things.
• 1:24:11
  Maybe, maybe we'll, maybe we'll do a special episode of Yeah,
• 1:24:14
  just walking through James. And that'd be awesome.
• 1:24:15
  Because there's really, there's really some great meat in that
• 1:24:18
  in terms of the way that we think, the way that we act, you
• 1:24:21
  know, the fruit of our life that we have.
• 1:24:24
  But what's really interesting is I noticed a boldness that came
• 1:24:29
  from you, not just because of the people that you were
• 1:24:32
  surrounding yourself with, but also because of how much in the
• 1:24:36
  word you were digging. Like, at one point I was like,
• 1:24:39
  So what are you listening to? You're like, man, I don't really
• 1:24:41
  listen to music anymore. All I do is listen to
• 1:24:43
  discernments and like, who are you?
• 1:24:46
  You're listening. Yeah, I'm listening to this guy
• 1:24:48
  over here, and I'm listening to this guy over here.
• 1:24:50
  And I started to listen to this guy, but this guy's got some
• 1:24:52
  funky teaching, so I'm not really listening to him anymore.
• 1:24:55
  And it's interesting because I think if people would get into
• 1:24:58
  their word, if the people would open their Bible and they'd
• 1:25:01
  read, they'd become emboldened to speak the truth.
• 1:25:04
  And the the hunger that you have comes from truly getting into
• 1:25:09
  the word and knowing who Jesus is.
• 1:25:11
  Yeah. And it goes back to identity,
• 1:25:13
  man, like when we're using the Bible to not beat people over
• 1:25:19
  the head, but to to interact. There's no shame in that.
• 1:25:24
  There's confidence in that. You know, we can.
• 1:25:26
  Literally, we could have a conversation just out of the
• 1:25:29
  Bible and there would be nothing wrong with it.
• 1:25:31
  When you beat people over the head, though, there's shame in
• 1:25:33
  that. Absolutely.
• 1:25:34
  Yeah, right. So we got to be careful with
• 1:25:36
  that. But you know, like for me to
• 1:25:37
  quote Bible verses, there is no, there's nothing shameful about
• 1:25:41
  that. There's confidence in that, you
• 1:25:43
  know, there's there's joy in that because we know we're
• 1:25:45
  speaking the word of God, you know, and I love it, man.
• 1:25:48
  Like there, you know, it's, it's, it's God's word, man.
• 1:25:52
  This has been a really awesome time.
• 1:25:54
  Just hearing your story, hearing how God's captured your heart,
• 1:25:58
  that the things that he's doing even right now in your life is
• 1:26:01
  just quite frankly amazing. And you know, we don't have
• 1:26:04
  enough time to even jump into all that.
• 1:26:06
  So much. There's so much going on with
• 1:26:08
  that, but I want to, I want to kind of land the plane on this
• 1:26:11
  last topic, which is your kids, because legacy, everyone wants
• 1:26:17
  legacy to be about them. You know, I want people to, you
• 1:26:20
  know, remember the things that I've done.
• 1:26:22
  I want people to, you know, remember, you know, who I was
• 1:26:26
  and how I cared for people and, and fill in the blank of of, you
• 1:26:29
  know, the, the legacy statement that people want to have.
• 1:26:31
  Yeah. Your legacy statement is
• 1:26:35
  literally Jesus. Jesus.
• 1:26:37
  That's it. But not only that, if there was
• 1:26:40
  one thing that you would want in your life, it'd be for your kids
• 1:26:44
  to walk with Jesus, to know Jesus.
• 1:26:46
  Why is? Why is that the most important
• 1:26:49
  message and how does that help someone become more than before?
• 1:26:51
  The reason that's important because I see my addictive
• 1:26:55
  personalities and my kids big time and it, it scares me a
• 1:26:58
  little bit. OK, But Proverbs says raise a
• 1:27:02
  child up in the way that they should go and from when they're
• 1:27:04
  older, they will not depart if they fall at some point when
• 1:27:08
  they become an adult, I want them to know there's a way back.
• 1:27:12
  You know, I heard it said the other day, you know, I love that
• 1:27:14
  we're I love that we're able to come to God no matter what this
• 1:27:17
  pastor said. He said only a child can wake
• 1:27:21
  the king up at 3:00 AM and ask for a glass of water, right.
• 1:27:24
  And to me that was like, man that do that makes so much
• 1:27:26
  sense, man, like we can come to God at any point in our life,
• 1:27:31
  you know, whether it be on high or at the deepest, deepest,
• 1:27:36
  darkest parts of our life. We can always come back to the
• 1:27:38
  Father, you know, And man, that's that's why it's so
• 1:27:42
  important to me that they know that they have a relationship
• 1:27:45
  with Jesus, you know, because they may, they may stumble, you
• 1:27:48
  know, chances are they're going to stumble, you know, and I have
• 1:27:52
  to for me, it's, it's my job as their father to, to to teach
• 1:27:57
  them this, to let them know that they have a savior.
• 1:28:01
  They have one that's on their side.
• 1:28:02
  They have one that is standing there waiting for them to come
• 1:28:05
  back. You know, the prodigal son, man
• 1:28:07
  that do that story man just gives me every time I talk about
• 1:28:11
  it, you know, because many of us were so lost, you know, just
• 1:28:18
  lost. And yet the father brought us
• 1:28:22
  back with open arms, you know, and he loves us, you know, and
• 1:28:26
  that's that's the other thing, man, is that Jesus loves us.
• 1:28:29
  You know, they have to know, like their father loves him, but
• 1:28:31
  their heavenly Father, the most important one, loves him more
• 1:28:34
  than I could ever love him. Yeah.
• 1:28:36
  And that's the most important thing, man, is that they know
• 1:28:39
  they know that that they come to they come to know that, you
• 1:28:41
  know, but also it's important. It's important too, because it,
• 1:28:46
  it's, it's important for me to, to do these things as a husband
• 1:28:50
  as well, you know, because as husbands, you know, the kids are
• 1:28:54
  going to, they're going to, they're going to grow up and
• 1:28:57
  basically live out what they saw their father do, you know, So
• 1:29:01
  it's important for me to go back to when I said, you know, when
• 1:29:03
  a, when a man of God enters a home, peace should follow with
• 1:29:05
  him. You know, I heard that same guy
• 1:29:07
  say that the other day and it's like that is what they need to
• 1:29:10
  see, you know, and I'm I'm not good at it, man.
• 1:29:12
  Let's let's be honest, you know, let's be clear.
• 1:29:14
  I'm still, I fail at that constantly, man.
• 1:29:16
  I'm always flying off the handle, you know, and.
• 1:29:19
  It, we, it, we've been talking about, you know, forgiveness
• 1:29:23
  and, and loving and, and coming back to the father, right.
• 1:29:26
  And it's funny because I've been reading, you know, you and I
• 1:29:29
  have the common thing of like, we can both just fly off the
• 1:29:32
  handles like that. You know, my, my anger can go
• 1:29:34
  through the roof super fast. And I started reading this book
• 1:29:38
  recently And one of the things that he, he does with his kids
• 1:29:42
  is, you know, after they've done something wrong.
• 1:29:44
  You, you say to your kids, I love you and I will always
• 1:29:48
  forgive you. You, you will always be able to
• 1:29:52
  come back to me. And that is the love that we
• 1:29:55
  should show to our kids, but it's also the love that our
• 1:29:59
  Father, our Heavenly Father, gives to us.
• 1:30:02
  And it's so powerful, It's so impactful.
• 1:30:04
  We have to remember, as Christians, it's not up to us to
• 1:30:08
  save people, it's up to us to plant seeds, right?
• 1:30:10
  Wait, we don't have to be the answer.
• 1:30:13
  Yeah, I think that's, I think a lot of people get hung up on
• 1:30:15
  that. They think like, you know, they
• 1:30:16
  might get burnt out saying like, oh, I never, I never saved
• 1:30:20
  anybody. You know, it was a Jeremiah,
• 1:30:22
  right? Jeremiah How many years?
• 1:30:25
  The weeping prophets. Yeah, yeah. 40 years in his
• 1:30:27
  ministry, right? And he never, never bought a
• 1:30:29
  single person to the Lord. But yet Jesus was it.
• 1:30:32
  I think it was Jeremiah, right? Yeah.
• 1:30:33
  I think it was Jeremiah. But yet Jesus quoted Jeremiah
• 1:30:35
  more than anybody in the Bible. Yeah.
• 1:30:37
  So it's we, we got to not get burnt out on if people don't
• 1:30:41
  accept this invitation, you know, it's our job is to plant
• 1:30:43
  those seeds, plant those seeds. And you know, when I say be bold
• 1:30:47
  and don't be afraid to do it, man.
• 1:30:48
  You know, I have a cousin that was, you know, he died some
• 1:30:52
  years ago, man, tragic, you know, and years leading up to
• 1:30:55
  that man, I always want to get him a Bible, always want to get
• 1:30:58
  him a Bible. And I didn't man, I never did.
• 1:31:00
  I just, I didn't do it, you know, and then, you know, his
• 1:31:03
  life was taken and, and doing that, man, I, I, you know, it
• 1:31:07
  just, it broke me, man. I was like, I, why didn't I do
• 1:31:09
  that? You know, why didn't I just try?
• 1:31:12
  You know, why didn't I make that effort?
• 1:31:14
  You know, when doing that, we got another cousin Brody that.
• 1:31:19
  And again, I'm not glorifying myself, man.
• 1:31:21
  All glory goes to God when I say these things.
• 1:31:23
  But he was pretty torn up over the death of our cousin Dusty,
• 1:31:28
  you know, And God put it on my heart, man.
• 1:31:31
  Get him a Bible, you know, So I went out and I got him a Bible
• 1:31:34
  and it, it was kind of funny. I want to give him a new King
• 1:31:36
  James and I, I messed up, but I got on the King James version,
• 1:31:40
  right? So I, so I, so I, I get this
• 1:31:42
  Bible and I, and I, I, I mark out a bunch of stuff.
• 1:31:47
  I highlighted a bunch of scripture in it, you know, and
• 1:31:49
  this and that and I had it for like 3 months, you know, and
• 1:31:54
  finally I, I, I got it and I sent it to him and I forget
• 1:31:57
  what, what had happened, but it was like the timing of it was
• 1:32:00
  like perfect man. Like my cousin Tasha called me
• 1:32:03
  and she was like, she goes, she goes, Shane, I can't believe you
• 1:32:06
  sent this, you know? You're like, Oh no, what the
• 1:32:08
  hell, right you. Know but it was like the timing
• 1:32:12
  of him getting this book was so perfect man and now you know
• 1:32:16
  Brody is and he's he's all on board for Jesus man like you
• 1:32:19
  know him and I if any time we talk man it's all about Jesus.
• 1:32:22
  You know, we just recently, last in April, went over to Hawaii to
• 1:32:25
  visit him and man, we got to do a Bible study.
• 1:32:27
  We sat down, he's got this awesome view, man.
• 1:32:30
  We got to sit down and do a Bible study right there in his
• 1:32:33
  house, you know, and it was like, and Brody, man, you know,
• 1:32:36
  like when I say my family is got some stuff, man, like, I mean,
• 1:32:39
  it's, it's touched every person in our family, both sides.
• 1:32:42
  Basically Brody, man, he went through some stuff, you know,
• 1:32:45
  Tasha's gone through some stuff and man, his, his walk now his
• 1:32:49
  life is there's joy. You know, there's joy when you
• 1:32:54
  talk to him and like, it's, it's, it's awesome.
• 1:32:57
  So like, don't be afraid to, to, to do things like that, you
• 1:33:00
  know, when God puts it on your heart, man, you got to move, you
• 1:33:02
  got to do it, you know, not for our not for our glory, but to
• 1:33:06
  further the Kingdom of heaven. You know, that's what we're
• 1:33:09
  called to do now, going to all the world, make disciples, you
• 1:33:12
  know, that's what we're called to do as Christians is just to
• 1:33:14
  plant those seeds, you know? I love that you say that because
• 1:33:17
  it kind of goes back to what we're talking about.
• 1:33:20
  Is it so many people they, they think that they have to have
• 1:33:24
  everything together. They have to have the perfect
• 1:33:25
  words. They, you know, you don't have
• 1:33:28
  to have your life together in order to tell people about
• 1:33:31
  Jesus. In fact, that's actually kind of
• 1:33:33
  the good thing of like, you know, it's the whole thing of,
• 1:33:36
  you know, we hear of, you know, I walk into a church and they're
• 1:33:38
  just all a bunch of hypocrites, all that, you know, the pastor's
• 1:33:41
  a glutton and this person does this and this person does that.
• 1:33:44
  And they're like, it's a hospital.
• 1:33:46
  The church is a hospital. It's for those that are broken.
• 1:33:48
  It's those that are sick. And if you keep coming back,
• 1:33:51
  that means that you have a really healthy understanding of
• 1:33:53
  who you are in life. Broken, messed up.
• 1:33:55
  And guess what? Jesus is the only one that heals
• 1:33:59
  you. Right.
• 1:33:59
  And I think that's what's what's beautiful about what you said is
• 1:34:03
  that there you can never do something good for someone else.
• 1:34:07
  Too soon. Yeah, like that moment where you
• 1:34:10
  feel like, and this is something I've had a habit of doing of
• 1:34:13
  like I usually text people when I think about them.
• 1:34:16
  And now I'm moving towards praying for people.
• 1:34:18
  You know, I'll, I'll, I'll might text them, but I'll say, hey,
• 1:34:21
  man, I'm praying for you. And it might be something small
• 1:34:24
  like that. It might be, you know, God calls
• 1:34:26
  you to get a Bible for someone. Yeah.
• 1:34:29
  And just drop it off, Highlight a couple things.
• 1:34:31
  You know, it doesn't have to be huge like you highlight John
• 1:34:34
  316, the most famous Bible verse in the world.
• 1:34:37
  Yeah. You know.
• 1:34:37
  Look at 3:17, you got to look past and see what 317 says.
• 1:34:41
  That would give a lot of people clarity, man.
• 1:34:42
  Like he didn't come into the world to condemn the world.
• 1:34:45
  He came to save the world. You know, like that's to me
• 1:34:47
  that, that 317 or I think it's 17 or 18.
• 1:34:50
  One of those that's a big one man.
• 1:34:51
  People forget they miss out on that, you know, like whosoever
• 1:34:55
  calls on him would be saved. But Jesus didn't come to condemn
• 1:34:58
  the world. He came to save the world.
• 1:34:59
  You know, that's, I think that's where, that's where the hatred
• 1:35:02
  for Christians is at right now is like, like they, they think
• 1:35:04
  we're just doing this, you know, we're putting our finger in
• 1:35:07
  their chest. It's like no man, like Jesus
• 1:35:09
  came to save anybody who calls on him, you know, So this was
• 1:35:12
  last, I think it was last year, man, I got laid off from work.
• 1:35:15
  I was off for like 3 months, you know, it was getting a little
• 1:35:18
  lean, you know, things are getting a little tight, you
• 1:35:20
  know, and, and you know, my kids at school, you know, they have
• 1:35:23
  to memorize these verses, you know, and I sitting down with
• 1:35:26
  Ezra one night and we're going over this verse and I read this
• 1:35:29
  to him, you know, he knew it already, you know, but I read it
• 1:35:32
  to myself and man, I just broke down and started crying, you
• 1:35:34
  know, like it says these things. I have spoken to you that in me
• 1:35:39
  you may have peace in the world, you will have tribulation, but
• 1:35:42
  be of good cheer. I have overcome the world.
• 1:35:45
  Jesus overcame every problem that we could have in this
• 1:35:49
  world, man. Like he'll take away every, you
• 1:35:52
  know, take away everything. Doesn't mean it's going to be
• 1:35:55
  perfect, but he's going to get us through whatever we're going
• 1:35:58
  through. You know, that verse right
• 1:35:59
  there, man, that, that one dude, it hit me hard, man.
• 1:36:02
  Like that was a huge one. Literally as I'm sitting there
• 1:36:05
  with my son, I just start crying.
• 1:36:06
  He's like looking at me like, what are you?
• 1:36:07
  What are you crying for? You know, and I mean, it's like
• 1:36:10
  just to just to see like where I was just 1010 years ago to where
• 1:36:13
  I'm at now, you know, And it's all because of Jesus, man.
• 1:36:16
  It ain't nothing I did. Yeah.
• 1:36:18
  And that verse right there, man, it's like that speaks
• 1:36:20
  everything, you know? It's like Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
• 1:36:22
  man. That's all.
• 1:36:24
  That's all it is. That's why it's so important,
• 1:36:25
  you know, It's because in the end, in the end, when your time
• 1:36:30
  comes, it's going to be the only thing that matters.
• 1:36:32
  It's not going to matter what you did in life.
• 1:36:34
  It's not going to matter who you knew.
• 1:36:36
  It's not going to matter even how many people you brought to
• 1:36:38
  the faith. It's what did you do what you
• 1:36:40
  know, not, not our works, but were you born again?
• 1:36:43
  You know, was Jesus the most important thing in your life?
• 1:36:46
  You know, and it's, that's all that matters, you know?
• 1:36:50
  For all of you guys listening, I want to encourage you, if you
• 1:36:52
  haven't accepted Jesus, you should.
• 1:36:55
  If you want to have a relationship with God like he
• 1:36:58
  has his He has his hands outstretched towards you and the
• 1:37:02
  only thing you need to do is you just need to pray a prayer, the
• 1:37:05
  prayer of salvation of men. Jesus, I'm a wretched Sinner.
• 1:37:10
  I there's nothing good in me which you and I both we talk
• 1:37:13
  about all the time. There's nothing good in US, and
• 1:37:16
  even even our most shiny best parts of our life are.
• 1:37:21
  Filthy rags. They're filthy rags, you know,
• 1:37:24
  and yet God still loves us so much.
• 1:37:27
  He loves you so much and he calls you into a relationship
• 1:37:30
  with him. And if you want to have that
• 1:37:31
  relationship is really easy. You just, you just confess with
• 1:37:34
  your mouth that you're a Sinner and you confess that Jesus died
• 1:37:39
  on a cross. He was the Son of God.
• 1:37:41
  He died on a cross. He rose from a grave three days
• 1:37:43
  later and he he invites you into that relationship.
• 1:37:48
  And if you believe in him, then your life will never be the
• 1:37:50
  same. And that is something that you
• 1:37:52
  and I talk about all the time. Are we always like pushing that
• 1:37:56
  in people's face? Absolutely not.
• 1:37:58
  But that is the forefront of everything that we do.
• 1:38:01
  That's the forefront of this podcast of, you know, telling,
• 1:38:04
  you know, it's funny because I asked the question, you know,
• 1:38:06
  what is more than before to a lot of people, and truly the
• 1:38:10
  more than before that is most impactful to me is the, you
• 1:38:15
  know, more as being in relationship with Christ than
• 1:38:18
  Jesus walking with him. So for all of you guys
• 1:38:21
  listening, this has been such a great episode.
• 1:38:24
  Find a church, get a Bible, crack it open.
• 1:38:27
  Maybe you don't start in Genesis, start in James.
• 1:38:29
  James is a good. Guy like James.
• 1:38:32
  But for all of you guys listening, thanks for listening.
• 1:38:34
  Until next time, be more, see more, and experience more than
• 1:38:37
  before.