Latest / We! / Why Love Requires Emotional Growth — Why You Can’t Connect With Others Until You Heal Your Heart

Transcript

Why Love Requires Emotional Growth — Why You Can’t Connect With Others Until You Heal Your Heart · We!

0:01
SPEAKER_00: If you felt lonely, isolated, disconnected, with an empty feeling inside and just yearning for more, knowing something is missing, then this podcast is for you.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: So here's your host, Joe Mittigga.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: Hello, and welcome to We.
0:28
SPEAKER_01: My name is Joe Mittigga, and I'm the host of the We podcast.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's great to be here with you today, and it's a beautiful sunny day here in Atlanta, Georgia, the 24th day of March, and happy to say that it's getting warmer and the sun is out, and it's just a beautiful day.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: And I'm glad to be here today.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad all of you are here today.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: If you're new here, welcome.
0:53
SPEAKER_01: If you're a returning person, thank you.
0:58
SPEAKER_01: I have to say that the response and the support I've had from the listeners, you listening here today, has just been amazing.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: I really don't have words for it, to be honest with you, but I am super excited.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: And I have to say that collectively we are really making a difference.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: And I say we because the we podcast is truly an environment where like-minded people, conscious people are coming together, and we're creating a movement, quite honestly, to heal the world.
1:35
SPEAKER_01: And I've said it a numerous times: my purpose in life, my highest goal when asked is to heal humanity.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: And I've got a great story that I'm gonna share on how all that works, and it is working because of this podcast and other things that I've done.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: But today I've got a great topic.
1:55
SPEAKER_01: And the topic is the name of this particular episode is called Why Love Requires Emotional Growth.
2:05
SPEAKER_01: And that's one of those challenging topics.
2:08
SPEAKER_01: This whole idea of love.
2:12
SPEAKER_01: And love is such a confusing word, it's such a confusing concept because everybody has different definitions of it, quite honestly.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: But today, my plan is to kind of unpack it, you know, kind of dissect what love truly is.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: How do you truly love somebody?
2:32
SPEAKER_01: How do you do it?
2:34
SPEAKER_01: And how do you get better at it, quite honestly?
2:37
SPEAKER_01: And it's such an interesting thing because so many different people call love so many different things.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: And the reason it's becoming quite a more of a conscious topic, this whole idea of love, is because of what's happening to humanity.
2:56
SPEAKER_01: The bottom line, the whole idea of we, what is we?
3:00
SPEAKER_01: What's Joe's definition of we?
3:02
SPEAKER_01: We, the we is human self, higher self, inner self.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Instead of identifying ourselves in the mindset of a me, I'm teaching people that it's time to move into the consciousness of a we.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: Each one of us is born, created in God's image with a male side and female side.
3:24
SPEAKER_01: That's kind of the spiritual makeup of ourselves.
3:27
SPEAKER_01: And the consciousness of us, consciousness of people, especially the people that are here on this podcast, is that you're not just a me anymore.
3:37
SPEAKER_01: And you are waking up, whether you're aware of it or not, to deeper parts of yourself through the emotional sense of self, and grander parts of yourself through a higher sense of self.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's in that trifecta, if you will, the human self, the higher self, and the inner self, instead of identifying that as an individualized I, I call it a we.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: From each individual perception, from people's perspective, you as an individual, you're all a we individually, at your house, at the office, in the car, wherever you're listening to this podcast.
4:14
SPEAKER_01: But as we come together in a podcast like this, together collectively, we create the community of we.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: That's how we are creating a connection in such a disconnected world.
4:29
SPEAKER_01: And why it's important and why podcasts like this are important, and why it's important that you're here, I feel like if I can create an environment where you might hear things here that you've never heard other places, and I get it.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: Some of the things I say are not traditionally the norm.
4:49
SPEAKER_01: I understand.
4:50
SPEAKER_01: And what I also understand is because people are coming here to this podcast, people are listening, engaging, and listening to more and more of the episodes, it tells me that the experience, the human experience from the We podcast is a real live event.
5:09
SPEAKER_01: And what sets this particular environment apart from others, and why each of you listening that keep coming back, I call you true spiritual warriors, because this podcast isn't about one particular aspect of you.
5:25
SPEAKER_01: I'm not a how-to podcast, I'm not a motivational podcast, I'm not a tell you what-to-do podcast, and I'm certainly not a therapeutic podcast, I'm not a doctor, I'm certainly not a researcher, I'm not a teacher, I'm none of those things.
5:39
SPEAKER_01: So the bottom line, I'm you and you're me.
5:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm just a guy.
5:43
SPEAKER_01: But my message, why my message resonates, is because as I share from my divinity, it's your divinity bringing you here.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: How do I know?
5:53
SPEAKER_01: Because you're here.
5:54
SPEAKER_01: How do I know it's true?
5:56
SPEAKER_01: Because you keep coming back.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: And I know that because of the tremendous amounts of success the We Podcast has had.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: We've ranked as high as number 14th in the globe in the relationship category on Apple Podcasts.
6:12
SPEAKER_01: We're ranked in the top charts of how-to in education, and soon to be expanding.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: And why do I say that?
6:18
SPEAKER_01: To brag on me?
6:19
SPEAKER_01: No, hell no.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: I am not anything special, I am just a guy.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'm bragging on the community that's being built here.
6:31
SPEAKER_01: The only reason the Wii podcast is growing is because of each of you, the listeners out there, you're connecting to something and you're sharing it with other people.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: And I can see it by the numbers.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: There's no way Joe could build a global podcast like this is being built by myself.
6:49
SPEAKER_01: And I want to thank each of you for truly supporting the larger mission, which is to heal humanity.
6:56
SPEAKER_01: And I always like to start with what's going on out there in the world.
7:01
SPEAKER_01: We live in a chaotic time.
7:02
SPEAKER_01: Goodness gracious, if you listen to the news, if you're into politics at all, the wars in the Middle East, all of the different external delusional craziness that's out there.
7:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's kind of the same day, different topic, different environment, whatever.
7:18
SPEAKER_01: But what is really changing, it's human consciousness, the human communion, the human connection inside of self.
7:28
SPEAKER_01: Now, is it happening to everybody?
7:30
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: And that's why spiritual growth and emotional growth is so important.
7:35
SPEAKER_01: Why?
7:36
SPEAKER_01: Because for those of you that it's truly happening for, you are connecting to a grander sense of yourself.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: And if you don't emotionally grow to keep up, you're gonna feel lost.
7:48
SPEAKER_01: You're gonna feel lonely, you're gonna feel disconnected.
7:51
SPEAKER_01: And most people look at the delusion, the made up illusion that, oh, I feel so lonely, let's go find something outside of myself.
8:01
SPEAKER_01: I feel so lost, let's go find someone outside of myself.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: I feel so disconnected, let's no, the answers aren't outside of you anymore.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: The answers are inside of you and the emotional growth, why we have to consciously grow emotionally, because the part of you that is waking up the human transformation of consciousness that's literally happening at a faster rate than ever before, is opening up the feminine side of yourself.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And the feminine side of yourself, regardless of man or woman, black or white, Catholic or Jew, it doesn't matter anything about the personality, the humanity called you.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about the spiritual sense of yourself.
8:52
SPEAKER_01: All of us have a male side and a female side.
8:55
SPEAKER_01: The male side is the characteristics of your physical body and your mind.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: The feminine side of yourself is the emotional sense of self and a grander you or higher power or the Jesus consciousness or whatever you call your higher consciousness.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: And I always like to caveat right at this spot.
9:16
SPEAKER_01: Joe's role is not to tell you what adjective, what person, what deity to call your higher power.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: That's not my job.
9:26
SPEAKER_01: My job is to share my story and to ask you, are you following whatever it is you call it?
9:34
SPEAKER_01: So if you're a Christian, are you following the message of Jesus?
9:38
SPEAKER_01: If you're in the AA program and you call your higher self a higher power, are you following your higher power?
9:47
SPEAKER_01: That's my job.
9:48
SPEAKER_01: My role is awareness, not healing.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: And I always want to caveat: if you are in a deep sense of pain or healing or crisis, get help now.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: Turn this podcast off right now and click 1-800 somebody.
10:09
SPEAKER_01: If you're in crisis, if you're in pain, if you need help, get it.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: This is the generation of change.
10:18
SPEAKER_01: There's so much support out there.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: It's just, it's fabulous.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: Unlike when I went through this, my seven years of darkness, quite honestly, was because I sat in a room because there wasn't technology to connect me to anybody.
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Those days are over and those excuses are over.
10:33
SPEAKER_01: So if you're drinking too much, get help.
10:35
SPEAKER_01: If you're grieving all the time, get help.
10:38
SPEAKER_01: And there's professional help from one-on-one, from life coaches to therapists, and there's community help from support groups, male, female, AA programs, 12-step programs, you name it, it's everywhere.
10:52
SPEAKER_01: So there's no excuse anymore.
10:54
SPEAKER_01: And this, we are that group.
10:56
SPEAKER_01: We are that generation of change.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: Now, for the other 97% of you, welcome to you.
11:03
SPEAKER_01: And my job here is to try to make your day a little bit make a little bit more sense.
11:10
SPEAKER_01: I don't know about you, but you know, years ago, I had no sense of emotional me at all.
11:17
SPEAKER_01: I felt rage, acted it out, didn't even know I was doing it, drank, drugged, had sex, and it was over.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Started over the very next day.
11:24
SPEAKER_01: Well, as I started waking up and I started connecting deeper, I started to feel things I didn't know existed.
11:33
SPEAKER_01: I didn't.
11:34
SPEAKER_01: I went through a period of time where I literally started questioning my sexuality.
11:39
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God, am I gay?
11:40
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm feeling emotion.
11:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, no, I'm not gay.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: I was opening up to the feminine side of self.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: And I don't really care your sexual orientation, male, female, straight, not straight, gender specific, gender 500.
11:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't care.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: Why?
11:59
SPEAKER_01: Because that's all your personal business.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: All of us, I don't care, your gender, are created in God's image, not the physical me, the spiritual me and the spiritual you.
12:11
SPEAKER_01: It's the same.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: The divinity in you is the divinity in me.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: And that's why you're here, because you're connecting with that.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: So the bottom line, as the feminine side wakes up, 40 years ago, the whole concept of the new thought movement, quite honestly, the physical side of self, the male side of self, was moving into and expanding from just physical domination to the power of the mind.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Does it work?
12:38
SPEAKER_01: Sure it does.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Does it still work?
12:41
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
12:42
SPEAKER_01: You tell me.
12:44
SPEAKER_01: You tell me how those positive affirmations are going for you.
12:47
SPEAKER_01: How are the goal setting tendencies going for you?
12:51
SPEAKER_01: How's forgiveness as a light switch going for you?
12:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, you know, if you're here, you probably worked at different times, but you're looking for something more.
12:59
SPEAKER_01: And this podcast is about the something more.
13:03
SPEAKER_01: I have multiple podcasts on these different topics.
13:06
SPEAKER_01: The podcast, one of my most popular podcasts out there now, is the podcast that says when I when forgiveness is something I stop trying to do.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: And why that's so powerful is that the new thought movement concept literally projects forgiveness as an action step.
13:24
SPEAKER_01: You should be able to just forgive.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: And I'm telling you, folks, that's a falsehood.
13:29
SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness happens as a consequence of healing.
13:32
SPEAKER_01: The part of you who was abused or hurt or harmed in the first place.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: And if you were harmed by somebody 40 years ago and that harm, the inner you is still hurting, the likelihood of you forgiving that person 40 years later is slim to zero.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: Now, does that mean you you can't love them?
13:49
SPEAKER_01: No, you can love somebody and not forgive them.
13:51
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Why?
13:52
SPEAKER_01: Because forgiveness isn't an action step.
13:55
SPEAKER_01: Forgiveness is the red flag that says there's a part of me hurting.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: So if you can't forgive, action step.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: Find the part that's hurting.
14:03
SPEAKER_01: I've got a whole podcast on that.
14:05
SPEAKER_01: Please listen to it.
14:06
SPEAKER_01: It's a great one.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: Well, what we're going to talk about here today is love.
14:10
SPEAKER_01: L-O-V-E, love.
14:13
SPEAKER_01: And I have to tell you, way back when, love was simple for me.
14:17
SPEAKER_01: If I'm having sex, I'm having love.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Why?
14:19
SPEAKER_01: Because I love the experience of sex.
14:21
SPEAKER_01: But does sex equal love?
14:23
SPEAKER_01: No.
14:25
SPEAKER_01: Way back when, if I got my way, I felt loved.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: Oh, so if people dishonor me, fix me, do it for me, are they loving me?
14:36
SPEAKER_01: No, they're not.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: So, what is love?
14:40
SPEAKER_01: What truly is love?
14:42
SPEAKER_01: And how is it experienced and how is it expressed?
14:47
SPEAKER_01: And why we are in a process of emotional growth around the concept of love is because what love used to be defined as is different.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: Years ago, love was more defined from physical action step.
15:05
SPEAKER_01: If somebody took care of you and paid your bills, they said, I love you by paying your bills.
15:11
SPEAKER_01: If gave you something or protected you or took some physical action step, it was called love.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: Now, was it a loving act?
15:22
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: But is it truly the emotional communion of love?
15:27
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
15:36
SPEAKER_01: The need for awareness of what love really looks like, what it feels like, we need to have more awareness to it so we can just do the it better.
15:49
SPEAKER_01: Now, one of the more confusing things for me, and I have to tell you, this was very confusing at first, is that male and female from a gender-specific position are very different.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm gonna speak in broad strokes generalities, and nothing is absolute in the spiritual and emotional world, nothing.
16:14
SPEAKER_01: But from a large perspective, if you will, a woman's needs when she feels loved, when she's hurting, she needs compassion.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: A man's needs when he's hurting needs empathy.
16:28
SPEAKER_01: A woman's needs is to feel heard, a man's need is to feel seen.
16:35
SPEAKER_01: Now, I could go on and on the difference between men and women, but how do we do the it and why is it important?
16:45
SPEAKER_01: And I'm gonna ask you the simplest questions, and this is important, it really is.
16:50
SPEAKER_01: Have you ever been in a situation where men, for example, have you ever been in a situation where your wife or female partner of some nature comes in and she had a tough day and she's feeling sad and something hurt, and you say, Bonnie, I you can do it.
17:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm proud of you.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: You can really handle it.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: And she looks at you and starts yelling at you.
17:15
SPEAKER_01: I'll never forget the first time that happened to me.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what the hell did I just say?
17:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to be nice here, and you're yelling at me.
17:24
SPEAKER_01: The woman is feeling hurt, the man is telling her, you can do it anyways.
17:29
SPEAKER_01: She's feeling hurt, she's hearing your encouragement, but instead of empathizing with her pain, instead of being compassionate with your pain, she's feeling disregarded because instead of her you supporting her inner pain, you're encouraging her as if the pain's not there.
17:46
SPEAKER_01: Now, ladies, on the other side, your husband comes home and he had a tough day, got fired, got in a fight with his buddy, lost a game, whatever the it is that that your male partner lost a big client, thought he had a client and the client went away.
18:03
SPEAKER_01: Whatever the it is, and husband comes home, he's in an emotional trauma, emotional challenge, and you say, Oh gosh, honey, I'm so sorry you didn't get the client, or honey, I'm so sorry you didn't get blah, blah, blah.
18:21
SPEAKER_01: From a man's position, as soon as he hears, I'm so sorry, he's feeling disregarded.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: He's experiencing less than, he's literally feeling like your pity for him and anger is going to be the first response.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: And that's where for me, as I learn the differences on how a woman needs supported and a man needs supported, a woman seeking compassion, I'm sorry, a man seeking empathy, I'm here for you, I know it, I get it.
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Those two things, when it comes to male and female supporting each other and loving each other by support, are very different.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: And that's why as we really start to connect more and more, and the emotional side of ourselves is up more and more, and we're moving more and more out of a sense of mental and into a sense of emotional, we need to learn how to do the differences.
19:20
SPEAKER_01: We need to learn how to do it.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: And where most people really believe you get better at the it is well, I just need to, if I'm a man, I just need to figure out my wife better, or if I'm a woman, I just need to figure out my partner better.
19:39
SPEAKER_01: And the answer is no, you don't.
19:41
SPEAKER_01: That isn't where the answer comes from.
19:44
SPEAKER_01: The answer comes from how do you get better doing the it in your external world?
19:50
SPEAKER_01: It starts by doing it better within yourself, truly, better within yourself.
19:57
SPEAKER_01: Most people's inability to love or to be compassionate or to be seen or to just be silent to hold a safe space for their partnership, is because they don't do it to themselves.
20:08
SPEAKER_01: You don't know how to do it to yourself.
20:10
SPEAKER_01: And that's where the how you get better at the loving concept, how you get better loving your partner or loving your kids or being kind at work or healing humanity from a place of overflow, where the better comes from is not in the practicing of the external action, but in the adding of an internal communion.
20:33
SPEAKER_01: And that's where self-connecting to a deeper sense of self, that's how you get better.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: As you learn how to do it for you, you with you.
20:46
SPEAKER_01: The consequence of that is that you just naturally get better doing it with somebody else.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: Well, that whole concept, I call it the inner child, call it what you want, inner sense of self, inner whatever you want to call it, right?
21:00
SPEAKER_01: The inner emotional you.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: As we learn how to connect to that part, and we learn how to listen to that part, as we learn how to honor that part, as we learn how to create a safe space for that part, then naturally, the more you create a safe space for yourself, honor yourself, hear yourself, listen to yourself, the natural characteristics, the better you get at those things doing it for you, to you, naturally, then when your partner comes to you, it'll be much easier for you to hold a safe space for them, listen to them, hear them, support them.
21:43
SPEAKER_01: How do we get better?
21:45
SPEAKER_01: Do it to ourselves first.
21:47
SPEAKER_01: And that whole process, the action that Joe took to learn how to honor me, to listen to myself more deeply, is I did the dominant, non dominant handwriting.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: And the inner emotional sense of self, the connecting to the deeper part of your we.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: Remember, we higher self, human self, deeper self, inner self, inner child, whatever you're calling it, right?
22:15
SPEAKER_01: The inner you is where the emotions lie.
22:18
SPEAKER_01: The higher you is where the spirituality connects.
22:21
SPEAKER_01: Those two parts are both in the feminine side of self.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: And that's why it's important that you learn how to connect and communicate and honor those aspects inside yourself.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: And then what's the reward?
22:36
SPEAKER_01: You'll be able to do it outside yourself just that much easier.
22:39
SPEAKER_01: I would do the dominant, non-dominant handwriting.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: And how would I get that process started?
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Is I would hear unloving voices in my head.
22:48
SPEAKER_01: Now, typically, every time I heard an unloving voice in my head, I was projecting it at somebody else.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: That's where in therapy somebody said to me, two different therapists over a decade period of time would say, Joe, every time you're critical to somebody outside, a finger pointing outside yourself, there's three fingers pointing back.
23:08
SPEAKER_01: Heard that in the AA program too.
23:10
SPEAKER_01: And it was in the three fingers pointing back part I didn't get for the longest time.
23:16
SPEAKER_01: So what I learned is that if I was being critical of somebody else, that critical voice was truly the emotional consequence of some part of me hurting.
23:28
SPEAKER_01: The more I would act out the voice external, the more the internal wound would fester.
23:34
SPEAKER_01: And that's where over time I'd write those voices down, which I've talked about in different podcasts.
23:39
SPEAKER_01: We're not going to talk a whole lot about that here today, but I would write those voices down, the unloving voices, the first step voices, the I'm not good enough, I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, I'm too white, I'm too black, I'm too whatever, or I'm not good enough, no one loves me.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: Any of those voices, you hear them, you hear them in your head.
23:57
SPEAKER_01: Just stop a second, you'll listen, you hear them.
24:00
SPEAKER_01: Well, all of those voices, they've got an inner child associated with.
24:04
SPEAKER_01: So the process of dominant, non-dominant handwriting is when I would hear a voice that said, I'm lost, I'm lonely, I'm sad, I would hear that voice.
24:15
SPEAKER_01: I would write it down with my dominant hand.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry you're sad.
24:19
SPEAKER_01: How are you feeling?
24:20
SPEAKER_01: Tell me how you're feeling.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: Then I would switch the pen to the other hand.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: And by just switching from dominant to non-dominant writing, the non-dominant experience, by listening and sitting there and being patient with yourself while that non-dominant hand is writing, that process itself takes will let naturally develop a patience for yourself because as you're listening and hearing the non-dominant side of you, expressing through the left-hand writing for my case, depending on if where you're dominant, non-dominant, that's where I learned how to listen.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: I learned how to hear what that part was saying.
25:03
SPEAKER_01: And the most important thing I learned, quite honestly, is how to spell love.
25:09
SPEAKER_01: And how I learned how to spell love by doing my inner child work was not L-O-V-E.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Love is not spelled truly in action, L-O-V-E.
25:20
SPEAKER_01: Love is spelled T-I-M-E, time to truly show love.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: You're giving of your time first.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: And that's where I literally started to experience the more time I would carve out of my busy day or my drug-filled day or my drinking day or whatever the craziness I was doing 35, 40 years ago, the more time I carved out of my day and gave it and focused on my inner child, my inner sense of self, the more love I felt, the better I felt.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: The internal feeling of fuzzy feeling felt better.
26:06
SPEAKER_01: Hence, I felt loved.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: And when you get it, and it's not easy, quite honestly, in the beginning, it's not.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: And that's why I suggest that process of dominant, non-dominant handwriting in the beginning.
26:21
SPEAKER_01: Take 30 seconds, but do it every day in the beginning.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: Then build up to a minute, build up to five minutes.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: I got to where I was doing it hours, literally.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: That was just my path.
26:35
SPEAKER_01: Is that yours?
26:36
SPEAKER_01: Maybe, but I can tell you the more you do it, the more you've you shut your world down.
26:43
SPEAKER_01: I call that time sacred silence when it's you with you.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: The more you give the deeper part of you sacred silence, the more that part feels heard because you're listening as it's writing.
26:58
SPEAKER_01: The more you give that part time, it feels important, so it feels first, so it feels worthy, so it feels loved.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: The more you take time with that part of yourself, the more that part writes and is able to say whatever it needs and not be judged, not be shamed, not be blamed, not be made wrong.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: The critical voices, you just allow that part to share whatever it needs to, then from the inside out, that part feels unconditional, it feels important.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: And the more I learned that process, the more, the easier it became for me to do it then in my external world.
27:41
SPEAKER_01: And it was really interesting because I didn't know any of this at first.
27:46
SPEAKER_01: I was completely clueless to it at first.
27:50
SPEAKER_01: And that's where the concept of love gets so confusing because people call action steps that cause them internal satiation or warm fuzzy feeling or to feel good.
28:05
SPEAKER_01: A lot of people will call that action step love.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: It's not love.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: It's not.
28:12
SPEAKER_01: If you're taking an action step to create an internal feeling of warm and fuzzy, that's not that's not love.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: That's satiation.
28:21
SPEAKER_01: Quite honestly, a lot of times that's codependence and addiction.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: And why do I say it like that?
28:25
SPEAKER_01: Because what is truly loving somebody else?
28:28
SPEAKER_01: How do you truly love somebody else?
28:31
SPEAKER_01: You're taking an action step that is given to that other person based on your overflow, not your empty.
28:38
SPEAKER_01: And when people take action steps, and the more they take the action step, and the more the action step they take, the fuller they feel because of the action step.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: That's not love.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: That's codependence.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: In other words, I feel empty.
28:53
SPEAKER_01: Let me take an action step to rescue somebody else.
28:56
SPEAKER_01: And if I'm taking that action step, I feel better.
28:59
SPEAKER_01: That's not love.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: It's codependence.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: Now think about how crazy that sounds.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: Because the whole world says, Joe, if I'm doing something that feels good, isn't that loving?
29:09
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: It's acting up.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: Because my question isn't is the act loving or not loving.
29:17
SPEAKER_01: My question is prior to the act, why do you feel empty?
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Prior to the act, why do you feel void?
29:24
SPEAKER_01: Prior to the act, why do you feel unful?
29:28
SPEAKER_01: The unful feeling, the void feeling, the empty feeling, that's in you.
29:35
SPEAKER_01: And if you're taking an external action step to fill it, an external fixing of somebody else to fill it, that's not love.
29:42
SPEAKER_01: You're using that person to make you feel better.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: That's called codependence.
29:48
SPEAKER_01: And I remember when I was taught that originally, I was like, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
29:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm being nice to him for Christ's sake.
29:57
SPEAKER_01: You're telling me that's not love.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: And the answer was your action step might be kind, but you're taking the kind, but the motivation for the kind action step is out of your glass empty, not out of your glass full.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: And I remember it took me a while to get.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Let me repeat that.
30:17
SPEAKER_01: Am I saying that action steps are loving or lack thereof?
30:23
SPEAKER_01: No, if you're being kind, the action step is being loving.
30:27
SPEAKER_01: But is the act out of love?
30:29
SPEAKER_01: No, it's out of empty.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: Why?
30:32
SPEAKER_01: Because prior to the act, if you're feeling void, if you're feeling lost, if you're feeling whatever, then the emptiness, you're taking action from empty.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: And we're going to talk about that here in a minute.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: The difference between glass full behaviors and glass empty behaviors.
30:49
SPEAKER_01: And that's why the whole concept, it's really confusing.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: What is love?
30:55
SPEAKER_01: Like, what is it?
30:56
SPEAKER_01: How do you do it?
30:58
SPEAKER_01: How do you get better at it?
31:00
SPEAKER_01: Again, we live in a world where we got to get along with each other.
31:04
SPEAKER_01: We have to interact with each other.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: And the challenging thing is for a lot of couples, male, female couples, male, male, female, female.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: I don't care who your coupleship is with, right?
31:16
SPEAKER_01: Typically in a coupleship, there's typically a male-dominated side and a female-dominated side.
31:22
SPEAKER_01: That used to work in the past.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: The difference now is people are waking up.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: So you've got two human beings sitting there next to each other on the couch holding hands, but both part, both humans have a male side and a female side.
31:36
SPEAKER_01: Both humans have a male side and a female side.
31:39
SPEAKER_01: It used to not be that way.
31:40
SPEAKER_01: It didn't.
31:41
SPEAKER_01: Where I literally heard a speaker, a beautiful woman, share where relationships of the past, the man would go to his wife because women naturally are a lot more intuitive.
31:53
SPEAKER_01: They're born with that intuitive sense in their power center and their stomachs and healthy relationships.
32:00
SPEAKER_01: A man would go to their wife, ask questions, the woman would connect, guide through intuition, share with the man, man would take action step.
32:09
SPEAKER_01: Anything wrong with that?
32:11
SPEAKER_01: No, it's fantastic.
32:13
SPEAKER_01: Does it still work?
32:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sometimes.
32:15
SPEAKER_01: But why is it going to start working less and less?
32:19
SPEAKER_01: Because men are waking up to the same sense of inner communion, inner connection, intuition that women are every day.
32:30
SPEAKER_01: The emotional side of men are waking up every day.
32:33
SPEAKER_01: And the converse, women who used to, my mother, back in the 60s and 70s, the whole idea of a woman even having a job, it was a foreign concept.
32:45
SPEAKER_01: Now some of the most empowered, successful, world-changing life, changing humanity, changing people are women.
32:55
SPEAKER_01: But why do so many successful women feel so lost, feel so alone, feel so isolated?
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Why?
33:03
SPEAKER_01: Well, because as they're going out there being a powerhouse in the world, they've got their intuition guiding them and their male side connecting and taking action.
33:14
SPEAKER_01: They're pursuing connection with other men that look that might have the same level of external success.
33:21
SPEAKER_01: Not going to happen.
33:22
SPEAKER_01: Why?
33:23
SPEAKER_01: Because men and women don't connect that way.
33:25
SPEAKER_01: You don't.
33:26
SPEAKER_01: You can have the same level of external success, but your communion with others comes from the inside out.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: And the truth of the matter is, there's tremendous numbers of women out there that the more successful they become in their external world, the more lost they feel.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: The more lonely they feel, the more isolated they feel.
33:45
SPEAKER_01: And in that lost, lonely and isolated, where are they trying to get connect to?
33:50
SPEAKER_01: The men around them at the same levels of success.
33:53
SPEAKER_01: Well, when it doesn't work, even if they connect with a man and it doesn't work, why?
33:57
SPEAKER_01: I asked the question with your success, why are you feeling lost, lonely, and abandoned?
34:03
SPEAKER_01: Why?
34:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, because with your success externally, there's a part internally that you're not giving what it needs.
34:12
SPEAKER_01: Quite honestly, for a lot of people, men and women, the more successful you become in your external world, the less connection, communion, and time you take in your internal world.
34:22
SPEAKER_01: In fact, quite honestly, for a lot of people, the more financial success you have in your external world, you're literally treating your internal world the identical way that your father treated you.
34:34
SPEAKER_01: He paid your bills but wasn't there emotionally.
34:37
SPEAKER_01: Your mother was around but couldn't emotionally support.
34:41
SPEAKER_01: Or your dad was emotionally there but never spent time.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: We duplicate that process by our own external success.
34:49
SPEAKER_01: There's nothing more sad to me than see somebody that's worth a million bucks that's addicted to drugs, are addicted to sex, are always pursuing a relationship.
34:59
SPEAKER_01: Nothing more sad.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: Why?
35:01
SPEAKER_01: Because they're literally thinking what I'm missing is one more thing.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: No, what you're missing is internal communion with your inner self for the emotional sense of lonely, higher connection to your higher self for the internal connect of alone.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: You don't feel alone if you've got connected, if you're connected with your higher self.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: You don't feel lonely if you're connected to your inner self.
35:26
SPEAKER_01: And so often, the more successful we become in our external world, it takes time, it takes effort, it takes energy, it takes connect, it takes all of our everything.
35:39
SPEAKER_01: But the consequence is the disconnect inside.
35:42
SPEAKER_01: That's all changing.
35:43
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, that's changing.
35:45
SPEAKER_01: We are the generation of change.
35:46
SPEAKER_01: And I am here to tell you you can be worth a million dollars, a billion dollars, a hundred billion dollars, and connect with your inner child and commune with your higher self.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: And watch how you change the world, literally from the inside out.
36:01
SPEAKER_01: Now, the other very challenging thing around this whole concept when it comes to men and women connecting, men and women connect, especially in the past, very differently.
36:14
SPEAKER_01: A lot of men, most men, a lot of men, and I hate using such broad strokes, but it's true.
36:22
SPEAKER_01: Most men connect physically, or most women connect emotionally.
36:27
SPEAKER_01: In other words, a man will connect when you hold his hand, rub his neck, make love to him.
36:35
SPEAKER_01: He feels that, he calls that connection.
36:38
SPEAKER_01: A woman, on the other hand, feels connection when somebody sits and listens, somebody empathizes, somebody has compassion.
36:46
SPEAKER_01: Now, is that all great?
36:49
SPEAKER_01: Sure it is.
36:50
SPEAKER_01: If you know what the hell you're doing, if you know how to do it, and literally, even when it comes to the emotional side, men, when they need support emotionally, they need empathy.
37:03
SPEAKER_01: I get it.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: I see you.
37:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm here for you.
37:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm standing with you.
37:07
SPEAKER_01: I know you can do it.
37:08
SPEAKER_01: Empathy.
37:10
SPEAKER_01: A woman needs compassion.
37:12
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry you're going through the challenge.
37:15
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry you're hurting.
37:17
SPEAKER_01: Now, what happens?
37:19
SPEAKER_01: Most men will be in a situation, a lot of men, where their partner is going through challenge.
37:25
SPEAKER_01: And what's the man naturally do?
37:28
SPEAKER_01: He rushes in thinking he's helping and wants to rescue.
37:32
SPEAKER_01: Oh, honey, I'm, you know, it's okay, honey.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: You'll be fine.
37:35
SPEAKER_01: And the woman starts yelling at him.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: It's not fine.
37:38
SPEAKER_01: And the man sits there with a dumb look on his face, not knowing what the hell he just did.
37:42
SPEAKER_01: In his mind, he thinks he's helping.
37:44
SPEAKER_01: In his mind, he thinks he's supporting.
37:47
SPEAKER_01: In his, can you hear me?
37:48
SPEAKER_01: In his mind?
37:50
SPEAKER_01: In his mind.
37:51
SPEAKER_01: Well, the challenge is he's doing a mind action for an emotional need.
37:58
SPEAKER_01: And when a woman is hurting, you can't go from the mind to supporter.
38:03
SPEAKER_01: You have to go from the heart to supporter.
38:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to give you techniques towards the end, how to truly make all that work.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: And that whole concept, the whole process, the entire engagement of it all.
38:20
SPEAKER_01: How do we shift it and why do we need to?
38:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to get into some techniques now on where and how we take it to those next levels.
38:28
SPEAKER_01: So I hope you're subscribing.
38:30
SPEAKER_01: I hope you join us here at the Weave Movement.
38:33
SPEAKER_01: I hope you subscribe.
38:34
SPEAKER_01: I hope you tell others.
38:35
SPEAKER_01: I know sometimes I push some buttons, and I'm going to definitely push some buttons with the next stuff I say, because so many people call their action steps love when in reality it's not.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: It's just not.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: Codependence is not love.
38:50
SPEAKER_01: God is not codependent, by the way.
38:52
SPEAKER_01: I remember way back when I used to say, well, if God loved me, I wouldn't be in so much pain.
38:56
SPEAKER_01: That's why I just said the hell with God.
38:58
SPEAKER_01: God doesn't care about me.
38:59
SPEAKER_01: How do I know God doesn't care because I'm in pain?
39:01
SPEAKER_01: What I learned over time is that my pain was not because God didn't love me.
39:05
SPEAKER_01: My pain was because I wasn't emotionally supported as a kid.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: Nobody took any time with me as a kid.
39:10
SPEAKER_01: And as an adult, I repeated those same behaviors to myself and then just added drugs, alcohol, and sex.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: So I not only wasn't there for myself, didn't spend time with myself, didn't honor myself emotionally, but then I suppressed the emotion by acting out with drugs, alcohol, and sex.
39:29
SPEAKER_01: So I was kind of the double whammy.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: And unlike my parents didn't drink barely at all.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: And my parents didn't yell, barely at all.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: And so I can't say, oh, I came from an abused.
39:43
SPEAKER_01: No, I didn't.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: I came from a family that always took care of me.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: I never had to scratch for quarters, that's for sure.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: We weren't wealthy, we were stereotypical middle class.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: But was I emotionally supported?
39:57
SPEAKER_01: No, because emotional support didn't exist.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: The whole concept of emotional IQ, that's a brand new thing.
40:06
SPEAKER_01: Emotional IQ, what does it mean?
40:08
SPEAKER_01: That means somebody has knowledge, it has wisdom.
40:11
SPEAKER_01: What is IQ?
40:12
SPEAKER_01: Knowledge and wisdom around emotion.
40:15
SPEAKER_01: Emotional IQ.
40:17
SPEAKER_01: What the hell?
40:18
SPEAKER_01: 40 years ago, the new thought movement, that's not emotion.
40:22
SPEAKER_01: New thought movement, the people that started doing presentations, there's people out there now, they got millions of followers in the new thought world.
40:31
SPEAKER_01: Let's just change our thoughts.
40:33
SPEAKER_01: Let's just flip a switch.
40:34
SPEAKER_01: Let's just hear that negative thought and change it.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: Well, how's that working for you?
40:39
SPEAKER_01: If it's working, great.
40:41
SPEAKER_01: Please keep doing it.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: But the bottom line, you're 40 minutes into this podcast.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: If that was working, you wouldn't be able to make it here.
40:48
SPEAKER_01: Why?
40:50
SPEAKER_01: Because I emotional IQ is about learning and becoming wise and having wisdom around your emotional sense of self, your heart, not your head.
40:59
SPEAKER_01: Anything wrong with the head?
41:01
SPEAKER_01: No, it's fantastic.
41:02
SPEAKER_01: But does it heal anything?
41:04
SPEAKER_01: No, by definition.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: Why?
41:07
SPEAKER_01: Because your voices are in your head, your heart is in your heart.
41:11
SPEAKER_01: Million miles away, unless you're focused on healing the heart.
41:15
SPEAKER_01: How do you do it?
41:16
SPEAKER_01: Give a voice to the deepest part.
41:18
SPEAKER_01: How do you do that?
41:19
SPEAKER_01: Dominant, non-dominant handwriting.
41:21
SPEAKER_01: Why do we have to do it now?
41:23
SPEAKER_01: Why now?
41:25
SPEAKER_01: Because humanity's waking up.
41:26
SPEAKER_01: Bottom line.
41:28
SPEAKER_01: Think about where humanity was 200 years ago, owning a human perfectly fine.
41:33
SPEAKER_01: In the 50s, Elvis Presley couldn't shake his hips on television.
41:38
SPEAKER_01: The new age movement, the women's movement of the 60s and 70s, I go on and on and on.
41:43
SPEAKER_01: Just look at how consciousness has changed over the past 200 years, let alone 2,000 years.
41:49
SPEAKER_01: No different now.
41:51
SPEAKER_01: What's happening though now, here in 2026, and has been for a while, and is happening faster and faster, we're going into the next realm of expansion, of human consciousness expansion, which is empowering and developing and awakening the female side of self.
42:12
SPEAKER_01: What is spiritual awakening, by the way?
42:15
SPEAKER_01: Spiritual awakening is the living of your spiritual awareness.
42:21
SPEAKER_01: And so let me back up a second.
42:23
SPEAKER_01: What's spiritual awareness?
42:24
SPEAKER_01: Okay, spiritual awareness.
42:26
SPEAKER_01: I became aware years ago there's a God and it's not me.
42:31
SPEAKER_01: Spiritual awareness.
42:33
SPEAKER_01: No, was I doing anything with that awareness?
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Nope.
42:37
SPEAKER_01: Was I following that awareness?
42:39
SPEAKER_01: Nope.
42:40
SPEAKER_01: Did I do anything with it?
42:42
SPEAKER_01: No.
42:43
SPEAKER_01: Was I spiritually aware?
42:45
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
42:46
SPEAKER_01: Why didn't my life change?
42:47
SPEAKER_01: Because I never took any action.
42:49
SPEAKER_01: So what is spiritual growth?
42:52
SPEAKER_01: Spiritual growth is the process you go through to learn how to take actions on your new awareness.
43:00
SPEAKER_01: That's why 12-step programs are so powerful.
43:03
SPEAKER_01: 12-step programs, step one through 12.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: Each step teaches the human how to connect and how to interact with a power greater than themselves.
43:14
SPEAKER_01: I go right through them if you want me to.
43:16
SPEAKER_01: Every step is a different communion with a power greater than ourselves.
43:21
SPEAKER_01: And it's a process of unfolding.
43:23
SPEAKER_01: The first step, we become powerless.
43:25
SPEAKER_01: What's powerless?
43:27
SPEAKER_01: We're powerless to us, the human.
43:29
SPEAKER_01: If we're powerless to the human, then we need something else to help.
43:32
SPEAKER_01: Second step, become aware.
43:37
SPEAKER_01: Came to believe.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: Third step, willing to turn over.
43:40
SPEAKER_01: Fourth and fifth, discovery and tell somebody.
43:43
SPEAKER_01: Sixth willingness to change.
43:44
SPEAKER_01: Seven, taking action in the change.
43:47
SPEAKER_01: Eight and nine, you got to repair all the nonsense you did in your unconscious world.
43:52
SPEAKER_01: Ten in the 12 step program, my favorite.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: We get to be human.
43:56
SPEAKER_01: When we make a mistake, simply make amends.
43:58
SPEAKER_01: If you make it over and over, Go back and get in discovery.
44:02
SPEAKER_01: 11 and 12, 11 step, seek through prayer and meditation.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: 12 step, heal humanity.
44:08
SPEAKER_01: Take your purpose out into the world.
44:11
SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm doing here with this podcast, the 12th step of healing humanity.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: That's Joe's world.
44:17
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what your purpose is, but as you're living it, you're living your higher sense of self.
44:23
SPEAKER_01: Now, why is all that important?
44:25
SPEAKER_01: Because it's becoming more and more prevalent.
44:27
SPEAKER_01: Why?
44:28
SPEAKER_01: Because humanity as a concept is waking up to the feminine side of self, the spiritual sense of self.
44:35
SPEAKER_01: So spiritual growth are the different step by step by step by step, action by action by action by action, that you go through to actually start living as the new spiritual awareness you have.
44:49
SPEAKER_01: That's why support is so important.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: That's why meetings are so important.
44:54
SPEAKER_01: That's why support groups are so important.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: That's why having a counselor, if you're hurting, having a life coach if you're just confused, having a good friend that's on the same path, you can share stuff with.
45:05
SPEAKER_01: That's why it's so important.
45:07
SPEAKER_01: Because you learn through communion how to live.
45:10
SPEAKER_01: The growth part of the spiritual is how to live it.
45:14
SPEAKER_01: But you don't go from new awareness to walking on water.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: No, because if that was the case, everybody would do it.
45:22
SPEAKER_01: Until you're walking on water, that means you're still growing, literally.
45:26
SPEAKER_01: And that's a beautiful thing.
45:27
SPEAKER_01: It really is a beautiful thing.
45:29
SPEAKER_01: The growth process.
45:31
SPEAKER_01: Is it easy?
45:32
SPEAKER_01: No.
45:33
SPEAKER_01: Does it get harder?
45:34
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes.
45:35
SPEAKER_01: Why?
45:36
SPEAKER_01: Because the more you grow spiritually, the grander you become spiritually.
45:41
SPEAKER_01: What else is on that feminine side of yourself?
45:44
SPEAKER_01: The emotional side of self.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, for me, every time I connected to my higher power more grandly, in more of a connected position, the more my inner child trusted me.
45:55
SPEAKER_01: Higher power, a grander Joe, a spiritual Joe, was a hell of a lot easier to trust than the old ego-based, arrogant Joe.
46:02
SPEAKER_01: Well, every time my inner child trusted me more, you know what happened?
46:06
SPEAKER_01: He'd open up.
46:07
SPEAKER_01: Now, would he open up to glory and joy it?
46:10
SPEAKER_01: No, he'd open up to more pain.
46:12
SPEAKER_01: So that's why it's important to learn the emotional process of the spiritual awakening because they're both happening at the same time.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: Why?
46:23
SPEAKER_01: Because they're both connected in the feminine side of self.
46:27
SPEAKER_01: So as that process happens, and as that awakening happens, what so then what is spiritual awakening?
46:34
SPEAKER_01: It's when you're living what you've grown into, literally.
46:40
SPEAKER_01: Now, the process, the challenging part of the process, especially when it comes to relationships, and I'm going to have a whole podcast on this particular topic, but the truth is relationships, they either grow or they go.
46:54
SPEAKER_01: Relationships between you and your partner, it's either growing or it's going to go.
46:59
SPEAKER_01: You and your family, you and your job, you and your freaking dog.
47:03
SPEAKER_01: I don't care, you and whoever.
47:04
SPEAKER_01: It's either growing or going.
47:07
SPEAKER_01: And why do I say that?
47:08
SPEAKER_01: And when I say going, that doesn't mean it has to be the absolute never see, never around.
47:13
SPEAKER_01: No, sometimes, but not most of the times.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: The truth is, though, as you spiritually grow, as you become a new you, your partnership was typically created from the old you.
47:28
SPEAKER_01: Literally, I'm in that phase right now.
47:31
SPEAKER_01: I've been divorced 10 years.
47:34
SPEAKER_01: My past wife, Elizabeth, is a beautiful woman.
47:38
SPEAKER_01: She's been a great mother to my boys.
47:40
SPEAKER_01: We didn't connect spiritually 10 years ago, and we went our separate ways.
47:46
SPEAKER_01: Does that mean I love her less?
47:48
SPEAKER_01: No.
47:49
SPEAKER_01: Does that mean I could be with her today?
47:51
SPEAKER_01: No.
47:52
SPEAKER_01: Why?
47:52
SPEAKER_01: Because spiritually we're different.
47:55
SPEAKER_01: Grander or worse?
47:56
SPEAKER_01: No.
47:57
SPEAKER_01: What the hell?
47:58
SPEAKER_01: She's a lot more sensitive than I will ever be.
48:01
SPEAKER_01: Spiritually, we're just different.
48:03
SPEAKER_01: So relationships either grow or they go.
48:07
SPEAKER_01: And in this particular case, it had to go.
48:10
SPEAKER_01: So now I'm in a transition myself.
48:14
SPEAKER_01: My kids are launching, my business is exploding, everything, my message is out there.
48:20
SPEAKER_01: And eventually, when I have a female partner that comes into my life, we're going to be more connected from a spiritual sense than a physical and emotional sense.
48:30
SPEAKER_01: Why?
48:30
SPEAKER_01: Because that's where I live most of the time.
48:32
SPEAKER_01: The me of today is very different than the me of before.
48:37
SPEAKER_01: And that's where a lot of you are.
48:40
SPEAKER_01: If you're on a podcast like this and you're able to make it and you subscribe and you're telling others and you're connecting to the we movement and healing humanity, if this all resonates with you, you're a true spiritual warrior.
48:54
SPEAKER_01: Now you may or may not be married to a spiritual warrior.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: Does that mean you have to divorce them?
48:59
SPEAKER_01: Of course not.
49:00
SPEAKER_01: No.
49:01
SPEAKER_01: But it can help you bring awareness to why you might not feel as connected as you want to be with your partner.
49:08
SPEAKER_01: Now, let me share this very clearly, especially to you listening here.
49:14
SPEAKER_01: Not your partner if they're not on here, to you, the person listening.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: It is not, I say not, N-O-T.
49:21
SPEAKER_01: It is not your partner's responsibility to fix you, heal you, or to support you in your emotional depths.
49:30
SPEAKER_01: Period.
49:31
SPEAKER_01: Your partner didn't marry you to be your counselor.
49:35
SPEAKER_01: Your partner didn't marry you to be your sponsor.
49:38
SPEAKER_01: Your partner didn't marry you to hold your hand in the depths of your emotional growth.
49:43
SPEAKER_01: No, your partner married you for your overflow, and vice versa.
49:50
SPEAKER_01: You married your partner and hopefully you're getting their overflow.
49:54
SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm talking about emotional and spiritual growth, not your partner's responsibility.
50:02
SPEAKER_01: Physical angst, of course.
50:05
SPEAKER_01: Death in a family, physical grief, of course.
50:08
SPEAKER_01: You get hurt, of course.
50:10
SPEAKER_01: That's where partnership is truly designed to help support, nurture, be there for each other.
50:19
SPEAKER_01: But as you're spiritually growing and your partner's not, not their job.
50:24
SPEAKER_01: That's why there's so many groups out there.
50:26
SPEAKER_01: The bottom line is quite honestly, it's your role to get support you need, to grow emotionally, to grow grander spiritually.
50:37
SPEAKER_01: And then that just means you have that much more overflow to give your partner.
50:41
SPEAKER_01: I can promise you from where I live today, if I'm ever blessed to have a woman who chooses to be in my world, I have a tremendous amount of overflow to give a female partner.
50:54
SPEAKER_01: I do.
50:55
SPEAKER_01: And I will be open to receive her overflow, whatever that looks like.
51:00
SPEAKER_01: And that whole concept of how do we live from the spiritual awakened spot is very different than prior.
51:10
SPEAKER_01: Because living from a place of an awakened spot, the spiritual awakening, how do you get here?
51:16
SPEAKER_01: You have to go through the emotional growth.
51:19
SPEAKER_01: Why is We Podcast just exploding on Apple Podcast?
51:24
SPEAKER_01: Because we aren't niched in any one category.
51:28
SPEAKER_01: The We Podcast sits in the center of spiritual growth, personal growth, and higher purpose.
51:35
SPEAKER_01: Literally.
51:36
SPEAKER_01: It's one of the only podcasts on the globe that does it.
51:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, you're here and you're connecting.
51:41
SPEAKER_01: And for Joe, the way I connected to a grander sense of myself, the way I became in communion with a grander me, the divinity called Joe, is through the emotional process.
51:53
SPEAKER_01: So I don't know how else to teach it except what I learned.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: And how did I do it?
51:57
SPEAKER_01: Because I wasn't seeking this freaking God thing.
52:00
SPEAKER_01: I wasn't at all.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: I hated God way back in the day.
52:03
SPEAKER_01: Why?
52:04
SPEAKER_01: Because I was in so much pain.
52:05
SPEAKER_01: And I just didn't believe what my priest used to say.
52:08
SPEAKER_01: Do it his way, you're gonna burn in hell.
52:10
SPEAKER_01: Now, Father Cam saved my life.
52:12
SPEAKER_01: My priest, my Catholic priest, no Father Cam, no Joe.
52:17
SPEAKER_01: I owe that man my life, eighth grade.
52:19
SPEAKER_01: He took me under his wing.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: Did I believe anything he said from the pulpit?
52:23
SPEAKER_01: No.
52:24
SPEAKER_01: But did he show me what all religions are truly about?
52:27
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: What are they?
52:29
SPEAKER_01: Monolithic, monolithic God and love.
52:32
SPEAKER_01: Father Cam.
52:33
SPEAKER_01: That's what he did.
52:34
SPEAKER_01: He had one God and love.
52:37
SPEAKER_01: That's why I'm here today.
52:38
SPEAKER_01: That's truth.
52:39
SPEAKER_01: In that whole process of that awakening, right?
52:43
SPEAKER_01: Different humbling events, I'm here today.
52:46
SPEAKER_01: And how do we live the awakened sense of self?
52:52
SPEAKER_01: You live from the overflow, the glass full versus the glass empty.
52:58
SPEAKER_01: How do we know we're living in ego?
53:00
SPEAKER_01: You're living from your glass empty.
53:01
SPEAKER_01: You're living from your ego voices, you're living from your hurt voices.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: How do you know if you're taking an action step to make you feel better, even if the action step is a loving one?
53:13
SPEAKER_01: That's ego.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: That's not glass full.
53:16
SPEAKER_01: Why?
53:16
SPEAKER_01: Because my question to you is why do you feel empty prior to taking the action?
53:21
SPEAKER_01: And I understand that's confusing.
53:23
SPEAKER_01: I do.
53:23
SPEAKER_01: Many, many people out there, they think, well, Joe Jesus, I'm helping this person.
53:28
SPEAKER_01: Isn't that love?
53:29
SPEAKER_01: It is.
53:30
SPEAKER_01: The act is love, but are you coming there from a place of love?
53:34
SPEAKER_01: And if you're empty prior, no.
53:36
SPEAKER_01: So think about these differences: glass full versus glass empty.
53:42
SPEAKER_01: When you're supporting somebody, you're in glass full.
53:45
SPEAKER_01: When you're rescuing somebody, you're in glass empty.
53:49
SPEAKER_01: When you're empowering somebody, you're coming from glass full.
53:52
SPEAKER_01: When you're codependent with somebody else, you're coming from glass empty.
53:56
SPEAKER_01: When you're in overflow, you're sharing without condition.
54:00
SPEAKER_01: Supporting them in their path, glass full.
54:03
SPEAKER_01: Coming in and controlling, doing it for them, glass empty.
54:08
SPEAKER_01: Now I have a I could go down a list of a hundred different things that you here on the podcast today are thinking, well, Joe, I have to do it for him.
54:17
SPEAKER_01: He can't do it for himself.
54:19
SPEAKER_01: I got a good friend.
54:20
SPEAKER_01: I've I and I've supported people over the years.
54:22
SPEAKER_01: I've got a good friend who over the years, she's partnered up with a man who's killing himself with alcohol.
54:28
SPEAKER_01: And I said, You're not helping.
54:32
SPEAKER_01: Doing it for him is not helping him.
54:35
SPEAKER_01: The only way this man doesn't kill himself with alcohol, his liver was pickled 20 years ago.
54:40
SPEAKER_01: He's got to, he's got to hit a bottom and he's got to turn to God, not you.
54:45
SPEAKER_01: This particular friend of mine, when he's supporting, when he's supporting his friend, he's like, you know, if I don't do it, he can't do it.
54:54
SPEAKER_01: He can't do it on his own.
54:56
SPEAKER_01: I have to do it for him.
54:57
SPEAKER_01: That's not love.
54:58
SPEAKER_01: It's not.
55:00
SPEAKER_01: Now, is what I'm saying easy?
55:02
SPEAKER_01: No, it's not.
55:03
SPEAKER_01: But there's an entire program out there called Al-Anone.
55:06
SPEAKER_01: Why?
55:07
SPEAKER_01: Because if the alcoholic never turns to God for help, he's gonna die.
55:12
SPEAKER_01: And the bitch of it is the codependent, there's amazing number of just wonderful, kind, sweet, loving, control-free codependents that literally will go to their grave believing that they were loving their partner because their partner couldn't do it for themselves.
55:34
SPEAKER_01: And when their partner dies, what they don't realize, they're the ones putting part of the nail in the coffin.
55:40
SPEAKER_01: Why?
55:41
SPEAKER_01: Because if the alcoholic doesn't seek a power grander than you, they're gonna die.
55:46
SPEAKER_01: You can't fix them.
55:48
SPEAKER_01: You can't.
55:48
SPEAKER_01: And I know that's hard.
55:49
SPEAKER_01: I know it's hard to hear.
55:51
SPEAKER_01: Trust me, I was an absolute massive codependent.
55:56
SPEAKER_01: And this whole process of I love them.
55:59
SPEAKER_01: So I have to.
56:01
SPEAKER_01: Or you know what?
56:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm obligated.
56:04
SPEAKER_01: I'm his boyfriend, I'm his girlfriend.
56:06
SPEAKER_01: I have to.
56:08
SPEAKER_01: I a man's supposed to provide, so I'm supposed to.
56:13
SPEAKER_01: All of those voices, the I have to's, the I'm obligated to's, the I'm supposed to, all of those, the I have, all of those voices, those aren't love.
56:25
SPEAKER_01: Those are codependent.
56:26
SPEAKER_01: They are.
56:27
SPEAKER_01: And as you're living those, you're living your wound and blaming that person.
56:33
SPEAKER_01: How do I know the difference?
56:34
SPEAKER_01: How do you know the difference?
56:36
SPEAKER_01: Simple.
56:37
SPEAKER_01: For me today, if I see somebody in deep pain, an alcoholic killing themselves, a codependent that just can't find the feet, somebody that's in deep trauma.
56:48
SPEAKER_01: Do I feel pain inside?
56:50
SPEAKER_01: No, I feel compassion and empathy.
56:53
SPEAKER_01: The codependent who has to fix somebody, when you see your partner in pain, you don't see them as their pain.
57:01
SPEAKER_01: You see their pain and you feel your own.
57:04
SPEAKER_01: Hear me.
57:06
SPEAKER_01: You see their pain and you feel your own pain.
57:10
SPEAKER_01: And since you're feeling your own pain, you're taking an action step, thinking you're rescuing them, but in reality, you're abandoning yourself.
57:19
SPEAKER_01: That's why it's codependent.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: How do I know the difference?
57:22
SPEAKER_01: Because I can see somebody today in deep pain.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: And since I've gone through the work, I've done the work myself and others, I'm not the only one.
57:31
SPEAKER_01: I can support somebody while they're in the pain, and they can be in their pain, and I can be perfectly fine.
57:37
SPEAKER_01: I can have empathy for them, I can have compassion for them, but I'm not in pain.
57:43
SPEAKER_01: So when my when I have no pain and they're in pain, my action then, my action steps then are based in flow and overflow and support.
57:54
SPEAKER_01: Most, especially partnerships, especially marriages, what happens is you see your partner in so much pain and you figure that if you don't help them, they're gonna get more pain, they're gonna hurt.
58:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, the problem is the act of helping them unkind.
58:13
SPEAKER_01: No, physically, no, emotionally, yes.
58:16
SPEAKER_01: Why?
58:17
SPEAKER_01: Because if they don't reach a level of pain where they have to turn to something grander, alcohol will kill them, drugs will kill them, craziness will kill them.
58:25
SPEAKER_01: It will, literally, especially in this day and age.
58:28
SPEAKER_01: And what's really going on, the reason you're taking the action step and can't stay separate and calling it love, that's a load of crap.
58:37
SPEAKER_01: It's not love.
58:38
SPEAKER_01: If loving them is hurting you, it's not love.
58:42
SPEAKER_01: And the reason so many people take these massive action steps is because the pain of their partner is mirrored in them and they cover up their own pain by taking action by helping the other person.
58:56
SPEAKER_01: That's why it's codependent.
58:58
SPEAKER_01: And that's a hard one, believe me.
59:01
SPEAKER_01: I get it.
59:02
SPEAKER_01: You'll probably have to hear that said over and over, but that's a hard one.
59:05
SPEAKER_01: I understand it really is.
59:07
SPEAKER_01: But that's where when you fall back on, if you're listening here today and you see yourself always trying to fix somebody else, the next time, prior to taking the act of fixing somebody else, stop a second, just stop for five minutes before you take the act and journal with your little kid.
59:28
SPEAKER_01: Let your little kid tell you what you are feeling mad, glad, sad, and scared, prior to taking the action step of rescuing somebody else, prior to taking the action step of fixing somebody else.
59:41
SPEAKER_01: Why?
59:42
SPEAKER_01: Because every time you're in pain and you fix somebody else, you're abandoning yourself.
59:48
SPEAKER_01: And the more you abandon yourself, the more inner pain you're causing.
59:53
SPEAKER_01: How do we stop that vicious cycle?
59:55
SPEAKER_01: You stop your external actions long enough, give that focused attention internally long enough, then that little kid in you will tell you what's going on.
1:00:06
SPEAKER_01: She'll feel heard, he'll have a voice, he'll emote his pain, heal yourself, you'll be able to love somebody else in a grander way.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_01: So, truly, the awakening process to live spiritually, to be spiritually awakened and living the awakening process is really when you're at a place of living from a place of glass full versus glass empty.
1:00:32
SPEAKER_01: Now, are we ever going to be perfect?
1:00:34
SPEAKER_01: No, hell no.
1:00:35
SPEAKER_01: I say to people all the time, I love the concept of walking on water.
1:00:38
SPEAKER_01: Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?
1:00:40
SPEAKER_01: Until we're walking on water, we got stuff to learn.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_01: Now, were there deities of the past that were just pure love?
1:00:47
SPEAKER_01: I do believe there were.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_01: I do, and I'm not kidding.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_01: Am I one of them?
1:00:50
SPEAKER_01: Nah, probably not.
1:00:51
SPEAKER_01: Probably not, you know.
1:00:53
SPEAKER_01: And if you're listening here and you think you're one of them, fantastic.
1:00:56
SPEAKER_01: Go live it because we need more of you.
1:00:59
SPEAKER_01: Sharing from your flow, your overflow.
1:01:03
SPEAKER_01: So spiritual awareness, become aware that there's a power greater than you.
1:01:07
SPEAKER_01: Emotional awareness, become aware that there's an inner part of you.
1:01:12
SPEAKER_01: Spiritual growth, learning how to live the action steps necessary to live the new awareness, spiritual awakening, when you've reached the place to where you've learned enough, and then you're sharing what you've learned.
1:01:27
SPEAKER_01: Spiritual awakening is the sharing of it.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_01: How do we do the sharing?
1:01:32
SPEAKER_01: We live from a place of glass full.
1:01:35
SPEAKER_01: I always like to share a couple stories.
1:01:37
SPEAKER_01: I'll do it here from my personal experience on how this stuff kind of worked for me.
1:01:42
SPEAKER_01: I'm helping a friend of mine that I've literally sponsored for 20 years.
1:01:47
SPEAKER_01: And female, deeply intense, deeply connected, and emotes with the depths of her inner child a lot.
1:01:57
SPEAKER_01: And this is where I learned the difference, truly, of women need compassion, men need empathy.
1:02:05
SPEAKER_01: And I would support, and I've been on the phone with this person for years, and I would support and I would help with the behaviors.
1:02:13
SPEAKER_01: So when you stop your external behaviors long enough, I would say, keep your backside on your couch, stop fixing somebody else's couch, right?
1:02:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, when you stop fixing somebody else's couch, it's you with you.
1:02:25
SPEAKER_01: So when you've got to embrace and feel your emotions, that's not easy.
1:02:29
SPEAKER_01: It's not.
1:02:30
SPEAKER_01: Numerous times I'd be on the phone with this person.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_01: And as she's on, as she's grieving, I would be empathetic.
1:02:38
SPEAKER_01: Jeez, I know you can do it.
1:02:40
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm not really sorry.
1:02:41
SPEAKER_01: I'm happy you're in the emotion because you need to heal.
1:02:44
SPEAKER_01: You, you know, I'm I'm really proud of you for healing.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_01: And she gets like rageful at me, like screaming.
1:02:52
SPEAKER_01: And for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out.
1:02:55
SPEAKER_01: Like, what the hell did I just say?
1:02:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm encouraging.
1:03:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling her, great job.
1:03:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm telling one day I realized she's in the depths of her pain.
1:03:10
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, great job, you made it.
1:03:12
SPEAKER_01: You're in the depths of your pain.
1:03:13
SPEAKER_01: And all she ever wanted was, and this happened not long ago.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_01: Mid-sentence, I heard it and I said, Oh my god, I'm sorry.
1:03:25
SPEAKER_01: That's all I said.
1:03:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
1:03:28
SPEAKER_01: And she stopped and she grieved and she grieved and she grieved.
1:03:35
SPEAKER_01: All she needed for me was to keep a safe space and say, I'm sorry.
1:03:42
SPEAKER_01: Nothing more.
1:03:44
SPEAKER_01: That's all she needed.
1:03:47
SPEAKER_01: My oldest son, elite athlete, elite, elite, elite athlete.
1:03:53
SPEAKER_01: And 19, tough, rough, deeply connected, incredibly intuitive.
1:04:01
SPEAKER_01: And I'm teaching him that life is about following your intuition, which is your higher sense of self, but it's also about embracing your emotional sense of self.
1:04:13
SPEAKER_01: And most people don't embrace the emotional sense of self.
1:04:17
SPEAKER_01: They don't.
1:04:18
SPEAKER_01: You see athletes that go highs and lows, you know, they I'm in a slump.
1:04:22
SPEAKER_01: Well, what's the slump mean?
1:04:23
SPEAKER_01: The slump means they're in their head.
1:04:25
SPEAKER_01: What's their head saying?
1:04:26
SPEAKER_01: Their head isn't saying favorable things, that's for sure.
1:04:29
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:04:30
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:04:32
SPEAKER_01: Because most people gain a sense of esteem, worth based on the action in baseball, for example, of hitting the ball.
1:04:40
SPEAKER_01: If I hit the ball, then I'm valuable.
1:04:42
SPEAKER_01: If I miss the ball, then I'm not valuable.
1:04:44
SPEAKER_01: Well, I've never taught my son that ever.
1:04:46
SPEAKER_01: I've taught my son from day one, you've got a gift.
1:04:50
SPEAKER_01: God's given you a gift.
1:04:52
SPEAKER_01: God can only do for you what God can do through you.
1:04:55
SPEAKER_01: So both my boys, my youngest son, Ryan, is an elite piano player.
1:04:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean modern day Mozart.
1:05:02
SPEAKER_01: You all of you, you'll see my sons over the years.
1:05:05
SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
1:05:06
SPEAKER_01: It's been taught forever.
1:05:07
SPEAKER_01: No, your value is you take your value to the field.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_01: He has different buddies that will come to him and one kid just not long ago.
1:05:16
SPEAKER_01: Every time he strikes out the first time, then he strikes out the second time, then he'll strike out three or four times in a row.
1:05:21
SPEAKER_01: And I finally asked my son to ask him, and I said, Joseph, ask him what's going on.
1:05:26
SPEAKER_01: I ask him, John, what goes on in your head?
1:05:29
SPEAKER_01: And John eventually came up and said, When I strike out, I just know my grandfather, who's past, who's dead, is not proud of me.
1:05:38
SPEAKER_01: Now think about that.
1:05:40
SPEAKER_01: Here's a 19 year old kid.
1:05:42
SPEAKER_01: His grandpa's been dead for five years.
1:05:44
SPEAKER_01: Grandpa's looking down proud as punch.
1:05:47
SPEAKER_01: But the kid's belief is if I strike out, grandpa's unhappy with me.
1:05:51
SPEAKER_01: So what's he doing the next time he's up the bat?
1:05:54
SPEAKER_01: What the hell?
1:05:55
SPEAKER_01: He already thinks grandpa's not happy with him.
1:05:57
SPEAKER_01: So he goes up the bat, proving that.
1:06:00
SPEAKER_01: He's right, grandpa's not happy by what?
1:06:02
SPEAKER_01: Striking out a second time.
1:06:03
SPEAKER_01: So, what's really going on with that kid?
1:06:05
SPEAKER_01: He struck out.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_01: What's he feeling?
1:06:06
SPEAKER_01: Mad, glad, sad, or scared?
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: Sad.
1:06:08
SPEAKER_01: Feeling sad.
1:06:10
SPEAKER_01: My oldest, no different.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_01: Now, this is kid's an elite athlete, and he can have elite, elite stuff go on.
1:06:17
SPEAKER_01: But every once in a while, life catches up.
1:06:19
SPEAKER_01: And not long ago, gone through a stretch where four or five times in a row, instead of getting the hit, he had great hits, people making great plays.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_01: He plays at an elite level.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_01: Even though in this particular game he struck out 10, there were two balls that were hit, and they caught him.
1:06:37
SPEAKER_01: What was he feeling?
1:06:39
SPEAKER_01: Was he celebrating the strikeouts?
1:06:40
SPEAKER_01: Of course.
1:06:41
SPEAKER_01: My kid's a catcher who can pitch, but he loves to hit.
1:06:45
SPEAKER_01: So what was he feeling?
1:06:46
SPEAKER_01: Celebratory of the other stuff?
1:06:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sure.
1:06:48
SPEAKER_01: The other stuff just becomes normal.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_01: It's normal for him to play very high.
1:06:52
SPEAKER_01: But what was he truly feeling?
1:06:54
SPEAKER_01: He was feeling sad and frustrated.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_01: Frustrated first, male, male frustrated, angry first.
1:07:00
SPEAKER_01: But what was he really feeling under the anger?
1:07:04
SPEAKER_01: Sad.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:07:05
SPEAKER_01: Because he didn't get his way.
1:07:07
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:07:07
SPEAKER_01: Because he wanted to get ahead.
1:07:10
SPEAKER_01: Do I judge it?
1:07:11
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:07:12
SPEAKER_01: What do I do?
1:07:13
SPEAKER_01: I just sit with him, empathize and compassion.
1:07:17
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sure that's hard.
1:07:18
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sure that's difficult.
1:07:20
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sure.
1:07:21
SPEAKER_01: Do I rescue?
1:07:23
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:07:23
SPEAKER_01: Do I make him right or wrong?
1:07:25
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:07:26
SPEAKER_01: I just hold a safe space so that he can emote through the moment.
1:07:34
SPEAKER_01: And eventually he's tired, goes to bed, wakes up the next day as if it never happened.
1:07:40
SPEAKER_01: Why is that important?
1:07:42
SPEAKER_01: Because then he was able to have a great game, but the part that he was happy about, he celebrated.
1:07:50
SPEAKER_01: The part he was sad about, we didn't celebrate the sadness.
1:07:53
SPEAKER_01: We didn't celebrate the failures, if you will, but he was in sadness.
1:07:57
SPEAKER_01: So I just kept a safe space so he could feel his sadness, his disappointment.
1:08:03
SPEAKER_01: Now, was he crying?
1:08:04
SPEAKER_01: No, he's just disappointed.
1:08:06
SPEAKER_01: But I didn't say, get them next time, Joseph, or you're better than that, Joseph, or you'll do good.
1:08:12
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:08:13
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:08:13
SPEAKER_01: Because in that moment, at 11:15 at night, none of that crap mattered.
1:08:18
SPEAKER_01: He was disappointed.
1:08:20
SPEAKER_01: So I honored him in his disappointment.
1:08:23
SPEAKER_01: You honor somebody long enough in whatever emotional moment they're in, the natural consequence is they shift out of the emotion naturally in their time, in their spiritual time, in their spiritual awakening.
1:08:40
SPEAKER_01: And as a consequence of doing that, quite honestly, then there aren't any of the voices built up in his head.
1:08:48
SPEAKER_01: He doesn't have the I'm not good enough voice.
1:08:50
SPEAKER_01: Think about it.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_01: You're sad about something, but instead of honoring the sadness, you like act like the sadness and it's not there and you encourage.
1:08:58
SPEAKER_01: You're better than that.
1:08:59
SPEAKER_01: Don't worry, you'll be.
1:09:01
SPEAKER_01: As soon as somebody's sad and you say, Don't worry about it, you'll be better.
1:09:04
SPEAKER_01: You're not embracing the sadness.
1:09:06
SPEAKER_01: You're dismissing the sadness.
1:09:08
SPEAKER_01: Now, are you doing that on purpose?
1:09:10
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_01: But are you doing it?
1:09:12
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
1:09:13
SPEAKER_01: And why is it important to change?
1:09:16
SPEAKER_01: Because we are the generation of change.
1:09:19
SPEAKER_01: You can literally start today by saying things differently to your environment.
1:09:27
SPEAKER_01: For example, everybody out there, for Joe, the I love you is a harder one.
1:09:33
SPEAKER_01: It's harder for me.
1:09:34
SPEAKER_01: It just is.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_01: I say it to both of my boys.
1:09:37
SPEAKER_01: I don't say it to many people.
1:09:38
SPEAKER_01: I don't.
1:09:39
SPEAKER_01: But it's very easy for me to say how proud of you I am.
1:09:42
SPEAKER_01: And what's the difference?
1:09:44
SPEAKER_01: You can tell somebody they're you're proud of them.
1:09:47
SPEAKER_01: They can get a C in school.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_01: You wanted them to get an A.
1:09:51
SPEAKER_01: You can be proud of the effort they put in to get to the C plus and disappointed that they didn't get in the A at the same time.
1:10:00
SPEAKER_01: You can be proud of somebody's actions, of what they accomplished, and disappointed at what they didn't accomplish at the same time.
1:10:10
SPEAKER_01: Society tends to always focus on that which isn't.
1:10:14
SPEAKER_01: And then we wonder why we create glass empty kids.
1:10:18
SPEAKER_01: Well, what do glass empty kids do?
1:10:20
SPEAKER_01: They start taking the external world and filling that glass empty with something outside drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever, approval, freaking social media, clicks, and whatever all that stuff is on social media.
1:10:32
SPEAKER_01: How do we change it?
1:10:33
SPEAKER_01: Celebrate the accomplishment that they have.
1:10:36
SPEAKER_01: Whether you like the result or not, different topic.
1:10:39
SPEAKER_01: That's a different conversation.
1:10:41
SPEAKER_01: You can celebrate somebody by saying, I'm proud of you for that in which they accomplished.
1:10:46
SPEAKER_01: Just add that into your vernacular on a daily basis and you watch how your environment changes.
1:10:52
SPEAKER_01: The I love you, it's a great one if you mean it.
1:10:56
SPEAKER_01: It's a great one if you mean it.
1:10:58
SPEAKER_01: I've had people, they'll say they they call somebody up and say, Hi, how are you?
1:11:02
SPEAKER_01: I love you.
1:11:03
SPEAKER_01: Goodbye, I love you.
1:11:04
SPEAKER_01: How good is you, I love you.
1:11:06
SPEAKER_01: They use I love you as a salutation versus them versus an emotional sense of true sacred expression.
1:11:13
SPEAKER_01: Anything wrong with that?
1:11:15
SPEAKER_01: No, just not my style, that's for sure.
1:11:18
SPEAKER_01: You can never tell somebody you're proud of them enough.
1:11:22
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:11:22
SPEAKER_01: Because eventually, as you tell your kids, your spouse, your partner, your sisters, your parents, your environment, how proud of you that you they are, eventually they start feeling that in themselves.
1:11:36
SPEAKER_01: And then they start living as a higher sense of self because you're the one helping them build that esteem by sharing your pride.
1:11:46
SPEAKER_01: Literally, how do you love somebody?
1:11:48
SPEAKER_01: When they're hurting, show compassion.
1:11:52
SPEAKER_01: Simple.
1:11:53
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
1:11:55
SPEAKER_01: Nothing more than said.
1:11:58
SPEAKER_01: And you might have to say, I'm sorry, ten times.
1:12:00
SPEAKER_01: If they're really hurting, I'm sorry.
1:12:04
SPEAKER_01: That's the answer.
1:12:05
SPEAKER_01: How do you love somebody when they're hurting?
1:12:07
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
1:12:08
SPEAKER_01: How do you love somebody when they're frustrated?
1:12:10
SPEAKER_01: Empathy.
1:12:11
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sure that's hard.
1:12:14
SPEAKER_01: In there.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm here for you.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_01: I'm here with you.
1:12:18
SPEAKER_01: I know you're frustrated.
1:12:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm here with you.
1:12:20
SPEAKER_01: I get it.
1:12:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm here.
1:12:21
SPEAKER_01: So when somebody's frustrated, empathy.
1:12:24
SPEAKER_01: When somebody's happy, excited, pride.
1:12:28
SPEAKER_01: Share your excitement.
1:12:29
SPEAKER_01: Tell them how proud you are, how proud of them you are.
1:12:33
SPEAKER_01: How do you truly love when somebody's in angst?
1:12:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry when they're hurting.
1:12:41
SPEAKER_01: I know it's frustrating when they're frustrated, empathy when they're frustrated, and pride when they're happy.
1:12:48
SPEAKER_01: It's really that simple.
1:12:50
SPEAKER_01: Everything else is a rescuing technique that you're feeling uncomfortable with their emotional sense.
1:12:56
SPEAKER_01: And that's why it gets so complicated.
1:13:00
SPEAKER_01: Why does it feel so hard to do?
1:13:03
SPEAKER_01: Because when somebody's hurting and you've got the same pain inside of you, it's hard to just say you're sorry to them and support them in their pain when your pain is equal to theirs.
1:13:15
SPEAKER_01: And that's why if the pain is too great, then it's not a personal job.
1:13:20
SPEAKER_01: That's why therapy and support groups and 12-step groups and all of that is so important.
1:13:26
SPEAKER_01: But if it's just the day-to-day activity, Jesus, I had a hard day.
1:13:31
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sorry.
1:13:32
SPEAKER_01: Man, my boss is so frustrating.
1:13:34
SPEAKER_01: He belittles me all the time.
1:13:36
SPEAKER_01: Gosh, I'm sure that's hard.
1:13:37
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
1:13:38
SPEAKER_01: I'm sure that's hard.
1:13:39
SPEAKER_01: Empathy.
1:13:40
SPEAKER_01: Wow, I just got a new job.
1:13:42
SPEAKER_01: I just got a new raise.
1:13:44
SPEAKER_01: Celebration.
1:13:45
SPEAKER_01: Wow, I'm so proud of you.
1:13:46
SPEAKER_01: You must have done great.
1:13:48
SPEAKER_01: It's that simple.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_01: Easy to do.
1:13:53
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:13:54
SPEAKER_01: That's why emotional growth.
1:13:57
SPEAKER_01: That's why love requires emotional growth.
1:14:01
SPEAKER_01: Why?
1:14:02
SPEAKER_01: Because to truly love somebody, you have to live from a place of overflow.
1:14:09
SPEAKER_01: To go from glass empty to glass full, you have to heal the reason you're in glass empty in the first place, which is the emotional growth part.
1:14:17
SPEAKER_01: Why is it so hard?
1:14:19
SPEAKER_01: Because you're always going to have people come into your world that their pain mirrors yours.
1:14:24
SPEAKER_01: And when their pain's mirroring yours, it's hard to just be quiet and say minimal amounts.
1:14:32
SPEAKER_01: But can you do it?
1:14:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_01: Do you have to heal everything to be able to do what I just said?
1:14:36
SPEAKER_01: No.
1:14:37
SPEAKER_01: But is it important to learn how?
1:14:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:14:42
SPEAKER_01: We are the generation of change.
1:14:45
SPEAKER_01: There's spiritual awareness happening every day.
1:14:49
SPEAKER_01: The growth that's happening spiritually and emotionally for people is happening every day.
1:14:54
SPEAKER_01: More and more people living from an awakened state of being every day.
1:14:59
SPEAKER_01: I've got numerous stories.
1:15:01
SPEAKER_01: My nonprofit, Project Smile, we just had an absolute miracle happen, but it's not.
1:15:09
SPEAKER_01: A divine being from Dubai came in through an experience I had, and I've got a whole podcast.
1:15:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to share details.
1:15:15
SPEAKER_01: But the bottom line, because of Project Smile, both of my caregivers got a tremendous amount of value because of this man's wealth and wealth of heart and then of his physical deeds.
1:15:29
SPEAKER_01: So it's happening out there.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_01: The world is waking up.
1:15:34
SPEAKER_01: The world is living more from an awakened space.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_01: If you've made it this long in a podcast like this, you are a true spiritual warrior, and I commend you.
1:15:44
SPEAKER_01: Love requires emotional growth.
1:15:48
SPEAKER_01: Why it's so hard is because to love somebody from glass full, you have to heal the reason your glass empty in the first place.
1:15:56
SPEAKER_01: That's the hard part.
1:15:58
SPEAKER_01: The reward on the other side is that there's this effortless, endless, boundless ability to emote, to love, and to support that is truly living from a place of grace.
1:16:11
SPEAKER_01: And I have to say, most of my life today, I am blessed to be able to say that grace is an experience that I experience more and more every day.
1:16:22
SPEAKER_01: Thanks for being here, everybody.
1:16:24
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for supporting this show.
1:16:26
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for supporting the We movement.
1:16:29
SPEAKER_01: Together, we are truly making a difference.
1:16:32
SPEAKER_01: Together, we are emotionally growing.
1:16:34
SPEAKER_01: Together, we are spiritually awakening with each other.
1:16:38
SPEAKER_01: And together, we're changing the world one smile at a time.
1:16:43
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here.
1:16:50
SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today's episode of the We Podcast.
1:16:54
SPEAKER_00: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
1:16:58
SPEAKER_00: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will win a chance the grand prize drawing to win a$25,000 private VIP day with Joe himself.
1:17:12
SPEAKER_00: Be sure to head on over to WePodcast.