Latest / Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court & Jess / Episode 33 How to be the CEO of Your Home: Leading Your Family with Purpose While Working and Homeschooling

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Episode 33 How to be the CEO of Your Home: Leading Your Family with Purpose While Working and Homeschooling · Homeschooling and Life Unfiltered with Court & Jess

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to homeschooling and life unfiltered with Court and Jess, where Real Talk meets real life.
0:07
SPEAKER_00: Court and Jess are two friends, fellow moms, and business partners who live in different time zones and juggle homeschooling alongside motherhood and entrepreneurship.
0:15
SPEAKER_00: Jess is a mom of eight and Court is a mom of seven, and together they're raising 15 kids and navigating the wild, wonderful world of homeschooling, each in completely different ways.
0:25
SPEAKER_00: Every week we invite you to pull up a chair for honest conversations, practical tips, and uplifting encouragement.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: You'll hear from moms across the country who are homeschooling in a way that works best for their families.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: Whether you're a veteran homeschool mom just getting started or somewhere in between, this is your space to feel seen, supported, and inspired.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: Because no matter how different our paths may look, we are all in this together.
0:49
SPEAKER_01: I would love to introduce our speaker today, um, Jessica Brewer.
0:55
SPEAKER_01: Jessica is a homeschooling mother of eight, and she's actually the CEO of Venture Upward.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: And so we get those of us that are at Venture Upward are so happy to have her.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, a presidential scholar and Summa Kumlade graduate in honor psychology.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: She later pursued doctoral studies in school of psychology before dedicating herself to raising and educating her family.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: And I met her family and they're wonderful.
1:22
SPEAKER_01: Uh, drawing from both her leadership experience and years of homeschooling, she helps parents create thriving homes through intentional leadership, practical systems, and clear priorities.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: Her passion is encouraging families to lead with purpose, focus on what matters most, and to build a culture of lifelong learning and success.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: And just personally getting to work with her, she actually practices what she preaches.
1:49
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so excited that we get to hear from her.
1:53
SPEAKER_02: Well, thank you so much, Beth.
1:55
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate it.
1:57
SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited to be here with everyone.
1:59
SPEAKER_02: Um what I'm gonna share with you guys today, I truly believe can change your life if you're willing to embrace it and work hard.
2:07
SPEAKER_02: So I um I encourage you to stick with me, absorb it, take it all in, uh, and and I think that you will be very happy with the results.
2:17
SPEAKER_02: Uh everything I'm gonna share with you today is really simple, but none of it is easy.
2:24
SPEAKER_02: So please know that I recognize that.
2:26
SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna walk you through four guiding principles.
2:29
SPEAKER_02: Uh, these four core principles are things that I use as a CEO of Venture Upward, but also as the CEO of my own home.
2:36
SPEAKER_02: And I'm sure that there's many amazing programs and strategies and philosophies out there that are far superior to what I'm going to share with you.
2:44
SPEAKER_02: Um, but the difference is that this philosophy, these four core principles, were created for you, for moms who have chosen to work and chosen to homeschool.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: Um the brave, hardworking, committed moms who've chosen to do both.
3:05
SPEAKER_02: Uh, if you've been to other conference talks, you know that something is missing.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: I have chosen not to do a slideshow for this presentation.
3:13
SPEAKER_02: Um, and that was a very purposeful decision that some of you who are on my team know that I went back and forth with on quite a bit.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, but today I want you to be fully present.
3:23
SPEAKER_02: I don't want you to be frantically scribbling down a bunch of notes, which I know some of you are gonna laugh because I am a religious note taker.
3:31
SPEAKER_02: I have notebooks and notebooks full of notes.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: So I understand how hard it is uh to ask you to not take notes during this session.
3:40
SPEAKER_02: Uh I really just want you to be present.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: At the end of the presentation, we will be posting the recording and then we also will be posting a summary of the four core principles and a reflective workbook as well for you.
3:56
SPEAKER_02: So you can always go back and re-watch and take notes at that time as well.
4:02
SPEAKER_02: Um the other thing that I'm gonna ask you, asides from being fully present with me, is to turn on your cameras if you're willing.
4:11
SPEAKER_02: Just consider it.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: For moms who are working and homeschooling, can feel often like we're totally alone.
4:18
SPEAKER_02: So seeing the real faces of other people who are alongside us doing the same really hard thing imperfectly can be really powerful.
4:27
SPEAKER_02: So consider turning on your camera.
4:29
SPEAKER_02: Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to.
4:31
SPEAKER_02: So let's dive in.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: The first principle that I want to share with you is that your mindset matters.
4:38
SPEAKER_02: So as a working mom, there's absolutely no place for guilt.
4:43
SPEAKER_02: So let's just get that out of the way right away.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: It's okay to work, and it's okay to work and homeschool.
4:49
SPEAKER_02: There are many reasons why the women in here have chosen to work, and they're all valid.
4:55
SPEAKER_02: You may be a single mom, you may be the breadwinner of your family, you may be working just to bring some fun money into your household, you may have four kids in college and you're just hoping to cash flow that.
5:09
SPEAKER_02: Um, whatever your reason is, it's totally valid.
5:12
SPEAKER_02: It's a wonderful, valid decision that is yours and yours alone.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: Um also, you don't even have to have a reason.
5:20
SPEAKER_02: You can just have chosen to be a working homeschooling mom, and that's okay too.
5:25
SPEAKER_02: Uh, no matter what your why and what your reason, just be unapologetically bold about it.
5:31
SPEAKER_02: Own it.
5:32
SPEAKER_02: You don't need anyone's approval, and you don't need anyone's opinion either.
5:36
SPEAKER_02: Actually, I love, and you've probably heard this before, but I love the saying that says other people's opinions about you and your choices are none of your business.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: And I firmly believe that.
5:49
SPEAKER_02: What other people think about you is none of your business, so don't waste any time and energy on it.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: Also, don't waste any time or energy or emotion engaging with the story.
6:01
SPEAKER_02: Other people are trying to write about your life.
6:06
SPEAKER_02: Time will tell your story.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: They might not get it today, but time has a funny and a very reliable way of telling the true story.
6:17
SPEAKER_02: 14 years ago, I was a brand new, very naive homeschooling mom.
6:22
SPEAKER_02: Actually, so naive that I didn't know there were people out there who would think my decision to homeschool our children would be anything other than absolutely wonderful.
6:34
SPEAKER_02: And so I had one aunt when we announced to the world on Facebook, true high fashion, on Facebook that we were going to be homeschooling all of our children.
6:45
SPEAKER_02: I had one naysayer uh to my face, and that was my aunt, who was a longtime home educator.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: Um, and other than that, everybody was extremely supportive, or so I thought.
7:00
SPEAKER_02: We were, my husband and I, it was probably a week after we made this uh this declaration on Facebook.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: Uh someone that we love and respect, a very, very respected member of the community, the medical community, um, just a wonderful human being, and his wife approached us and said, Hey, we heard you're gonna be homeschooling all the kiddos.
7:27
SPEAKER_02: Um what are you what are you planning to do for math?
7:31
SPEAKER_02: And naive Jessica, who didn't know that any that you know that not everybody loved homeschooling, thought that we were engaging in a wonderful discussion about math curriculum.
7:43
SPEAKER_02: And so we had this back and forth discussion about math and how we were going to teach math.
7:49
SPEAKER_02: It wasn't until about 10 years later, reflecting on that conversation, that I realized he was concerned about how I was going to teach math.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: And I'm so appreciative for how naive I was in that moment, because the Jessica of today, who's very aware of all of the many opinions about homeschooling, would have been really offended and I would have let it affect my relationship with this amazing human being.
8:18
SPEAKER_02: Um, and so fast forward two years ago, this is gonna be about 12 years after the conversation, this individual approaches my husband and myself at an event that we were all at, and just gushed about how amazing our children and our children are, and how wonderful uh how wonderfully they've turned out and all the great things that their our adult children are doing and what wonderful human beings they are, and just what a great job we've done with our children.
8:54
SPEAKER_02: And then he says, I can only hope that my own children will consider homeschooling my grandchildren.
9:03
SPEAKER_02: What an amazing example of how time is the true author of our story, and we just have to be patient and let it tell the truth.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: All right, so we're working on our mindset a little bit, but we also cannot neglect the mindset of our family.
9:27
SPEAKER_02: We need to help our family have and keep the right mindset as well.
9:33
SPEAKER_02: Work is not the big bad thing in your life.
9:38
SPEAKER_02: I think many of us have worked really hard to protect our children from our work, right?
9:46
SPEAKER_02: A lot of that's fueled by guilt.
9:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, we want to keep it very separate.
9:51
SPEAKER_02: But I encourage you to involve them, help them see your why and see the positive.
9:57
SPEAKER_02: So for those of you who are working from home, you have an especially great advantage.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: But those of you who are working outside of the home, this can work for you as well.
10:05
SPEAKER_02: So I was raised always by a home, or excuse me, by a um, by a working mom, an amazing, strong, working mom.
10:14
SPEAKER_02: She never complained about her job ever, that I remember, not once.
10:19
SPEAKER_02: She loved her job.
10:20
SPEAKER_02: She was a nurse, she was come, she was passionate about it.
10:23
SPEAKER_02: She put herself through school when I was little and then worked the rest of my childhood and still works to this day.
10:30
SPEAKER_02: Um, one of the really neat things, I don't know if anybody participated in or remembers, but in the 90s, there was a big movement called Take Your Daughter to Work Day.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: And so many daughters were able to go with their moms to work.
10:46
SPEAKER_02: And I cannot tell you how much that meant to me to be a part of that part of my mom's world.
10:54
SPEAKER_02: And so, um, and she also outside of that would introduce me to coworkers, she would um teach me some of the shorthand for nursing.
11:03
SPEAKER_02: Uh, she um would just talk to me in general about things about her job, not the heavy things, right?
11:11
SPEAKER_02: Not the residents who um you know were particularly difficult or the deeps, deep emotion I wasn't ready for that was involved with her job.
11:20
SPEAKER_02: But she talked to me about the sweet old lady who loved this, or um the gentleman who you know said this thing to her.
11:27
SPEAKER_02: She has worked in long-term care my entire life.
11:30
SPEAKER_02: Um, but going with her, she worked overnight and she's and many moms would have said, right, I can't bring my daughter to the overnight shift of nursing, um, even if it is take your daughter to work day.
11:44
SPEAKER_02: But my mom absolutely allowed me to come with her, encouraged me, brought me with her to Take Your Daughter to Work Day many years, including the years that she worked the overnight shifts.
11:56
SPEAKER_02: And I got to see everything that she did.
11:59
SPEAKER_02: And it has impacted me for a lifetime in the most positive way.
12:04
SPEAKER_02: Uh, sometimes as an adult, my mom has talked about the guilt of working uh all the years uh that she did during my childhood.
12:12
SPEAKER_02: And I so during these conversations, I've reflected but during and after about the impact that her working had on me growing up.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: And I know the story is not the same for everyone, but for me, I have zero negative memories of her working, it's all positive.
12:33
SPEAKER_02: And I don't think that happened by accident.
12:36
SPEAKER_02: It had so much to do with her mindset, it was always positive.
12:40
SPEAKER_02: She never begrudged work in front of us kids the same way that she wouldn't talk negatively about our dad in front of the kids.
12:48
SPEAKER_02: You know, all of those things matter.
12:50
SPEAKER_02: She was always positive.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: We always knew her why, um, her passion for nursing, all of those things.
12:57
SPEAKER_02: And it made such an amazing um an experience for me.
13:01
SPEAKER_02: Now that doesn't mean that she she she maybe did uh have some real struggles with working as we were kiddos and did begrudge it sometimes and did probably grumble about it at times, but it wasn't the theme of my childhood.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: So I don't remember it.
13:17
SPEAKER_02: I only remember the the pieces that were present most of the time, which were all positive.
13:24
SPEAKER_02: So just remember how important your perspective and mindset about your work is and bring your children in to the why.
13:33
SPEAKER_02: One of the things that I did to bring my to bring uh kind of some of that harmony into my home while I was working, especially when I had some of the mom guilt early on, my kids were would kind of grumble and say, Oh, you have a meeting, oh, you have to go into your office.
13:50
SPEAKER_02: And so what I realized though is what they were grumbling about was the separation, right?
13:56
SPEAKER_02: And so ever since then, I've been in a couple different offices in my home, different spaces, um, some quite large and then some very, very small offices.
14:06
SPEAKER_02: No matter where I've been, I've always made a spot for my kiddos so that they can come in and feel welcome.
14:11
SPEAKER_02: We have rules, right?
14:12
SPEAKER_02: When they come in, they have to be quiet, they have to be respectful, they can't disrupt meetings and things like that, but they know that they're always welcome.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: One of the fun things I did was bought an old-fashioned gumball machine off of Amazon, you know, one of those red crank ones, and we put jelly beans in it.
14:28
SPEAKER_02: And so if my kids caught me working, they got to get a jelly bean.
14:34
SPEAKER_02: So pretty quick, mom working was a fun thing because they got to go get their daily jelly bean, uh, our little handful of jelly beans, which uh really helped to shift their perspective in such a powerful way that I really didn't even expect when I when I purchased the gumball machine.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: Um, my oldest daughter is 23 years old, and she a couple of years ago reflected that one of the favorite parts of her childhood was laying on the off the couch in my office and listening to my meetings.
15:04
SPEAKER_02: And that was really powerful for me.
15:06
SPEAKER_02: So her view of me looking of working during her childhood, again, was a positive experience.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: Um but again, I worked really hard to include them in my in my work sphere.
15:18
SPEAKER_02: I've caught my kids playing games, uh, guess the coworker by voice, uh, who can name the most co-workers, right?
15:26
SPEAKER_02: Because I have virtual meetings happening all the time or they're hearing me on the phone.
15:30
SPEAKER_02: So sometimes they'll play those games.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I just I encourage you to not be afraid to bring your kids into your work circle.
15:38
SPEAKER_02: Let them see you in action.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: And you might be making some assumptions that well, my kids wouldn't want to, it's so boring.
15:46
SPEAKER_02: And probably most of it is boring.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: You're probably not wrong.
15:50
SPEAKER_02: But I also think that you'll I also think that you'll find that they are interested in parts of it, right?
15:57
SPEAKER_02: And dive into those aspects that they are finding interesting.
16:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, if you can help adjust their mindset about how they view you working, it makes everything go a lot better.
16:09
SPEAKER_02: All right, back to your mindsets.
16:12
SPEAKER_02: Um, so I want you to own your why, like we talked about, why you've chosen to work, your choices.
16:20
SPEAKER_02: Trust yourself along the way to make good choices for your family, but also allow plenty of room for grace along the way for the unexpected bumps that will absolutely rattle you along the way.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: Some will rattle you to your core.
16:37
SPEAKER_02: Um, you're not gonna get it all right, but the chapters are gonna come together to create a really beautiful story in the end.
16:45
SPEAKER_02: But again, mindset matters.
16:49
SPEAKER_02: What first looks like a mistake can become something far more valuable than even the original plan.
16:56
SPEAKER_02: In 1937, Napoleon Hill.
16:58
SPEAKER_02: Um, if you haven't read his book, I highly encourage you to.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: But his book that he wrote uh in 1937, he said, one of the most common one of the more common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken with temporary defeat.
17:16
SPEAKER_02: I thought that was really powerful.
17:18
SPEAKER_02: The word, the key word there is temporary.
17:20
SPEAKER_02: One of the more common causes of failure is the habit of quitting when one is overtaken by temporary defeat.
17:32
SPEAKER_02: Failure brings renewed opportunity.
17:35
SPEAKER_02: A failure creates a possibility, excuse me, a failure creates the possibility of an equal or even greater success.
17:44
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes a larger failure creates a larger opportunity.
17:49
SPEAKER_02: It opens something in front of us as long as we don't give up.
17:54
SPEAKER_02: A small failure may invite just a small adjustment.
17:57
SPEAKER_02: A significant failure could cause us to reconsider everything: a broken system, repair an important relationship, confront an unhealthy habit, ask for help, develop humility, or build something far stronger than what existed before.
18:15
SPEAKER_02: Well, and let me let me stop by saying also that there's a couple of examples of failure turned into great success that I really love.
18:23
SPEAKER_02: Um one of them, and I should have written them down so I can get all the details absolutely correct, but one of them is the chocolate chip cookie.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: I think it was Tollhouse, the Mrs.
18:33
SPEAKER_02: Tollhouse, Martha Tollhouse, maybe.
18:35
SPEAKER_02: I could be wrong in those details, but um, she did not have the normal chocolate to put into the batter for the chocolate, uh, for her chocolate cookies.
18:42
SPEAKER_02: And so she took a chocolate bar and she broke it up, anticipating into the batter, anticipating that as it cooked, the chocolate would all melt.
18:51
SPEAKER_02: And it did melt a little bit, but that is hot.
18:55
SPEAKER_02: But she created something unexpected and wonderful, and it was technically a mistake, and she created the chocolate chip cookie.
19:01
SPEAKER_02: So that is amazing.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: Um, who here has heard of bubble wrap?
19:05
SPEAKER_02: Did you know that bubble wrap originally was wallpaper?
19:09
SPEAKER_02: Textured wallpaper.
19:10
SPEAKER_02: Can you even imagine?
19:12
SPEAKER_02: But now it's a household item.
19:16
SPEAKER_02: Um, it didn't make it, it was a complete, utter failure as textured wallpaper.
19:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, but now, like I said, it's a it's a household item, especially for people who are moving.
19:26
SPEAKER_02: Thomas Edison, 10,000 failed experiments before he created the light bulb.
19:33
SPEAKER_02: Can you imagine how many of us would have given up after 10?
19:36
SPEAKER_02: 100, 300, 4,000, 10,000 experiments failed before he became a genius.
19:46
SPEAKER_02: Well, he was always a genius, but right, he was able to claim his ticket to being a genius by creating the light bulb.
19:52
SPEAKER_02: That was that's pretty amazing.
19:54
SPEAKER_02: Um, but failure doesn't automatically create growth.
19:59
SPEAKER_02: That's really important.
20:00
SPEAKER_02: So please don't sit here and think, well, I just have to fail a bunch and then I'm gonna grow.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: It does not create growth automatically.
20:08
SPEAKER_02: What you do next creates growth.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: So uh my our family does a very specific program for high school, a very specific set of curriculum and classes and programming for high school.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: And it's been extremely successful for my two oldest children.
20:28
SPEAKER_02: They've gone on to do amazing things.
20:31
SPEAKER_02: Um, my oldest is in the top uh college of her choice, getting straight A's, will be on to getting her master's degree shortly.
20:40
SPEAKER_02: Um, my second son also is on a mission right now, but he is uh he has been very successful in high school and will do great things in college when he gets back.
20:51
SPEAKER_02: Um so imagine my shock and surprise when my youngest son comes along and the same thing that's worked for all of my older children isn't working for him anymore.
21:05
SPEAKER_02: And I'm ashamed to admit that for more than one of his high school years, I tried to cram him into the mold of the box that I knew fit and worked for his older siblings.
21:18
SPEAKER_02: Um and I wouldn't say that he failed, but our experience in the program was a failure.
21:26
SPEAKER_02: We um he was extremely unhappy.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: I was extremely unhappy.
21:31
SPEAKER_02: Our relationship was uh affected deeply by the contention of me trying to force a fit on him that wasn't a fit.
21:42
SPEAKER_02: And so last year we said, okay, well, what do you want to do then?
21:48
SPEAKER_02: And so he is doing something completely different for high school.
21:52
SPEAKER_02: Uh and this child will be my first college graduate, and he will graduate with two degrees at the end of his.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: Senior year.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: So he will graduate high school and college at the same time with over 60 credits.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: And we just met with his counselor, and he's on track to graduate summa cum laud, which is the highest honor that they have if he has another great year.
22:13
SPEAKER_02: And so that's just a wonderful example of how failure created an opportunity.
22:24
SPEAKER_02: But I had to be willing to see the opportunity.
22:27
SPEAKER_02: And I did, I almost didn't.
22:28
SPEAKER_02: I almost didn't.
22:29
SPEAKER_02: I forced him for two years to do something that wasn't working.
22:34
SPEAKER_02: So, anyways, again, allow yourself to step back after a mistake or a failure and reassess, reanalyze.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Ask yourself what you're being taught, what you have an opportunity to learn, and what other doors are open to you.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: A painful homeschooling day can become an opportunity for you to understand how your child learns.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: A season of burnout can reveal that your family is carrying way too many commitments.
23:03
SPEAKER_02: We've all been there.
23:04
SPEAKER_02: A curriculum that fails your children can help you discover your child's true strengths.
23:11
SPEAKER_02: A conflict with your teenager, and I've experienced this one, can become the beginning of a more honest and healthy relationship.
23:19
SPEAKER_02: A deadline missed can reveal a missing system, and a messy home can reveal that one person is carrying way too much weight that ought to be spread across an entire family.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: Failure gives us information.
23:55
SPEAKER_02: Was it within our control?
23:58
SPEAKER_02: What did we learn?
24:00
SPEAKER_02: What do we need to change?
24:01
SPEAKER_02: What will we do differently next time?
24:08
SPEAKER_02: All right.
24:14
SPEAKER_02: And it's embrace the hard.
24:19
SPEAKER_02: Life is hard work.
24:22
SPEAKER_02: Parenting is hard work.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: Adulting is so hard.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: Homeschooling is hard work.
24:30
SPEAKER_02: Life is just hard, period.
24:33
SPEAKER_02: We should expect to work and we should teach our children to expect to work hard every single day of our lives.
24:40
SPEAKER_02: Every single day should require intentional effort.
24:44
SPEAKER_02: Embrace the hard.
24:50
SPEAKER_02: I think it's foolish, but even more, I think that it's harmful.
24:55
SPEAKER_02: The term creates an impossible standard because it implies that being a super mom, aka doing all of the things well, is easy.
25:06
SPEAKER_02: It implies that no effort is required.
25:10
SPEAKER_02: You think about Superman, right?
25:13
SPEAKER_02: Superman picks up a car.
25:16
SPEAKER_02: Is that hard for him?
25:17
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely not.
25:18
SPEAKER_02: He does it with one hand, it's easy.
25:22
SPEAKER_02: You can't do all of the things that we imagine a super mom does without embracing the hard.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: What an impossible standard we're competing with.
25:34
SPEAKER_02: But there is good news.
25:35
SPEAKER_02: We do have a superpower.
25:37
SPEAKER_02: I promise we do.
25:39
SPEAKER_02: Our superpower is how much we love our children.
25:43
SPEAKER_02: That love is magical, that love is unbreakable, that love is powerful and unconditional.
25:52
SPEAKER_02: That love comes easily with no effort.
26:00
SPEAKER_02: Everything else requires effort.
26:04
SPEAKER_02: Everything else requires consistency, requires intention, requires sacrifice, requires work, but it is doable if we will just embrace the heart.
26:19
SPEAKER_02: One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to stop believing that effort means something has gone wrong.
26:27
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes we think, if I just had the right routine, it would be easy.
26:32
SPEAKER_02: If I were just more organized, I wouldn't be overwhelmed.
26:35
SPEAKER_02: If I had just chosen the perfect curriculum, we would have finished it.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: If I had better A, B, C, then I would have X, Y, Z, right?
26:48
SPEAKER_02: Fill in the blanks.
26:50
SPEAKER_02: Hard doesn't mean wrong.
26:52
SPEAKER_02: Hard usually means important.
26:57
SPEAKER_02: The goal is not to build a life that does not require effort.
27:01
SPEAKER_02: The goal is to make sure that our effort is going towards what matters most.
27:08
SPEAKER_02: So how do we embrace the hard?
27:11
SPEAKER_02: Start with your mission.
27:14
SPEAKER_02: Does your family have a mission statement?
27:18
SPEAKER_02: You will be hard-pressed to find a successful, thriving organization, company, enterprise that does not have a solid mission statement that every single one of their staff can recite from memory.
27:37
SPEAKER_02: So a CEO, she knows her mission, and all decisions come back to that mission, right?
27:43
SPEAKER_02: She recognizes that every yes she hands out is a no somewhere else.
27:52
SPEAKER_02: Right?
27:53
SPEAKER_02: By that I mean every time you say yes to someone else or something else, it takes away your opportunity to say yes to something that might come along that's more important or that we know is more important.
28:08
SPEAKER_02: So every yes creates a no somewhere else.
28:12
SPEAKER_02: So she fiercely protects her yeses by always bringing her decisions back to her mission, the family's mission statement.
28:20
SPEAKER_02: Then she creates a plan.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: She navigates the bumps along the way, identifying the gaps, problem solving.
28:28
SPEAKER_02: You know, I will tell you we have um our youngest was 10 years old, and then we had a baby.
28:34
SPEAKER_02: So right now our two youngest are 11 and 19 months old.
28:39
SPEAKER_02: And I know some of you are gonna laugh and roll your eyes, and that's okay.
28:43
SPEAKER_02: But one of the problems we encountered recently was that my baby was sleeping in too late.
28:49
SPEAKER_02: And so why is that a problem?
28:52
SPEAKER_02: Well, it's a problem because we co-sleep, and so my bedroom is very our bedroom is very far away from my office and my husband's office.
29:03
SPEAKER_02: And so one of us was having to work up there in the dark, um, which is never a fun thing, trying to see your paper or be on your screen, but you can't have the the screen on too bright because she'll wake up.
29:16
SPEAKER_02: And and so it was we were taking turns of who would kind of work upstairs for the first several hours of our workday, and it was very difficult.
29:26
SPEAKER_02: Um, and and I just had to kind of stop after a couple weeks of doing this.
29:30
SPEAKER_02: I thought, why are we doing this?
29:32
SPEAKER_02: This is so silly.
29:33
SPEAKER_02: Let's just create a solution.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: So, again, being out of the baby world for 10 years, it took me a minute, and I just jumped on Amazon and ordered a video baby monitor, right?
29:44
SPEAKER_02: It was that easy, but I had to stop and assess something that wasn't going right instead of just pushing through.
29:54
SPEAKER_02: How often do we have an issue, we have a problem, and we just push through it because we think we ought to?
29:59
SPEAKER_02: No.
30:00
SPEAKER_02: Step back and create a solution.
30:05
SPEAKER_02: A CEO of her own home delegates to, trains, and leads her people, aka her family.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: At work, do we have financial meetings once a week with our CFO and strategy meetings with our operations folks once a week?
30:23
SPEAKER_02: And team building exercises and meetings with our managers weekly, yet none of these meetings happen with our family.
30:33
SPEAKER_02: Why are you not sitting down with your significant other once a week and having a budget meeting?
30:38
SPEAKER_02: Why are you not sitting down with your older kiddos and talking about strategy, the family strategy every week?
30:45
SPEAKER_02: Why are you not having a planning and team-building meeting with your entire family, your significant other, and your children every single week?
30:57
SPEAKER_02: The CEO of her own home brings in the experts as needed, implements systems.
31:04
SPEAKER_02: One system that I absolutely love that has been really helpful for my family is I have a spreadsheet.
31:10
SPEAKER_02: It's very simple, it's not pretty.
31:12
SPEAKER_02: It's just a spreadsheet.
31:13
SPEAKER_02: And the tabs along the bottom are all of the different places we consistently go: the swimming pool, the beach, a work trip, a family vacation, uh soccer game, dance recital.
31:25
SPEAKER_02: And in every tab, there's a packing list.
31:30
SPEAKER_02: So when it's time to load up the van to go to a soccer tournament, I simply print off the soccer tournament packing list and I take it with me.
31:40
SPEAKER_02: And why do I take it?
31:41
SPEAKER_02: And I don't, I guess I don't always take it with me, but I take it with me because when I get to the soccer tournament and realize, gosh, it'd be really nice if I had had an umbrella in the in the van because it rained this entire day.
31:54
SPEAKER_02: It goes on the packing lists.
31:56
SPEAKER_02: Or I jump on my phone and I pull up the spreadsheet and I add it, right?
31:59
SPEAKER_02: Can't tell you how many times I've been camping and I'm pulling up my packing list on my phone to add all the things that for some reason weren't on that packing list.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: So my packing lists are always evolving, but it's just one simple, small system that I've put in place that helps me to be on time places and to be fully prepared, which drastically I've recognized in myself, drastically reduces my stress and helps me to show up as a joyful present mother.
32:26
SPEAKER_02: So implement systems and then rinse and repeat.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: A CEO of her own home, she refines the process constantly.
32:37
SPEAKER_02: Problems are opportunities.
32:39
SPEAKER_02: The bigger the problems, the bigger the opportunities.
32:44
SPEAKER_02: All right, principle number three.
32:47
SPEAKER_02: This one is my face, and I think it might be one of the more powerful.
32:52
SPEAKER_02: Consistency is king.
32:54
SPEAKER_02: Do it today, then do it again tomorrow.
32:58
SPEAKER_02: One of the biggest takeaways for any homeschooling mom is how important, working or not, how important consistency is.
33:06
SPEAKER_02: Block a time for tabletop school.
33:08
SPEAKER_02: What do I mean by tabletop school?
33:10
SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about the academic work, right?
33:12
SPEAKER_02: We're not talking about the and not that there's not value in these things, but it's we're not talking about the amazing field trip we went on.
33:18
SPEAKER_02: We're not talking about um, you know, the backyard exploration that we're doing and the hiking, those things.
33:24
SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about the actual sit down with a pen and paper or computer and you're doing your schoolwork.
33:29
SPEAKER_02: So block a time for tabletop school and then protect it fiercely.
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Flexibility is amazing, and it's a huge part of why so many of us homeschool, and that's great.
33:40
SPEAKER_02: But guess what?
33:40
SPEAKER_02: A block of time can be adjusted at will.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: Just make sure it happens.
33:45
SPEAKER_02: Be intentional with your flexibility.
33:48
SPEAKER_02: So I would encourage you to change your language.
33:51
SPEAKER_02: Start saying you don't homeschool for flexibility, right?
33:55
SPEAKER_02: You homeschool so you can be intentionally flexible, right?
33:59
SPEAKER_02: There's a big difference.
34:01
SPEAKER_02: The flexibility comes in the when and the how, not the what.
34:07
SPEAKER_02: You can educate your children whenever you want.
34:11
SPEAKER_02: You can educate your children however you want, but you have to educate your children, period.
34:20
SPEAKER_02: And consistency beats perfection every time.
34:23
SPEAKER_02: That's also important to remember, every single time.
34:26
SPEAKER_02: Nothing will ever be perfect, but the clusters of pretty good or even decent add up to a lot more than nothing or perfect once in a while.
34:38
SPEAKER_02: That perfect US history lessonslash experience that you spent two weeks preparing for, the one your kids finished in 25 minutes, and that was was pretty fun, is not going to make up for the two weeks of missed missed history lessons that you sacrificed in the name of one perfect lesson or experience.
35:07
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes us homeschooling or home educating moms love to wear our perfectionism as a badge of honor.
35:13
SPEAKER_02: But the reality is that perfectionism is just procrastination wrapped in prettier paper.
35:20
SPEAKER_02: That's the so remember, good enough is good enough.
35:24
SPEAKER_02: Consistency is king.
35:26
SPEAKER_02: Do it imperfectly today, and then do it imperfectly again tomorrow.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: I understand it's super scary.
35:32
SPEAKER_02: I remember when my oldest was preparing to take her ACTs, and in my mind, that was the moment of truth, right?
35:39
SPEAKER_02: Like, did I fail her?
35:41
SPEAKER_02: Right.
35:42
SPEAKER_02: And she was in 11th grade.
35:43
SPEAKER_02: I spent literally weeks in agony second guessing myself, thinking, what if my good enough days weren't enough?
35:55
SPEAKER_02: But they were, and they were for my next graduate, and they will be for the rest of my children, my children and graduates.
36:04
SPEAKER_02: Finally, principle number four, and this one is this is one that has taken me a lot of years to come to terms with, and I can't even tell you how changed my life is since I've embraced this.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: It's the single greatest thing that I've ever done for my family.
36:29
SPEAKER_02: Principle number four is that you are not the sacrifice.
36:39
SPEAKER_02: This final principle, like I mentioned, took me 22 years of parenting to finally embrace my oldest, is 23, so you can do the math.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: I actually used to think self-care was kind of a swear word.
36:52
SPEAKER_02: I'd hear other moms talking about self-care, and I'd read articles about self-care, and I would roll my eyes right out on my self-righteous boat, thinking, oh man, what a luxury that must be for them.
37:07
SPEAKER_02: This mom doesn't need that.
37:09
SPEAKER_02: My family is more important.
37:11
SPEAKER_02: And I am ashamed to admit that I thought that way for so many years.
37:15
SPEAKER_02: My kids came first, always.
37:18
SPEAKER_02: My needs were never more important than serving them.
37:21
SPEAKER_02: And in fact, there were times I thought I didn't really have any real needs aside from the basic right food, water, shelter.
37:28
SPEAKER_02: If I had 30 minutes, it belonged to my kids.
37:31
SPEAKER_02: If I had extra money, it went towards the family.
37:34
SPEAKER_02: If I was exhausted, I figured that was just part of being a good mom, a good homeschooling mom.
37:40
SPEAKER_02: Somewhere along the way, I even started believing that the better I was, the more exhausted I would be.
37:48
SPEAKER_02: What I've learned just recently is that the greatest gift a mother can give her children and her family is a healthy and joyful mom.
37:55
SPEAKER_02: Your burnout never supports your family well.
37:59
SPEAKER_02: Your family is supported well by your patience, by a regulated nervous system, by your physical energy, by your creativity, your joy, your presence, and your health.
38:14
SPEAKER_02: Those things I just mentioned: patience, regulated nervous system, energy, creativity, joy, presence, health, none of those happen by accident.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: You would die for your children, all of us would, but will we live for our children?
38:32
SPEAKER_02: Everyone here has heard put your oxygen mask on first.
38:39
SPEAKER_02: Not because our children, not because we are more important than our children, but because unconscious moms aren't very helpful.
38:49
SPEAKER_02: So what is this?
38:50
SPEAKER_02: What is this oxygen mask I'm speaking of?
38:53
SPEAKER_02: It's actually quite simple.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: But like all things, it's hard.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: You won't be perfect at it, and there will be bumps, but here it is.
39:02
SPEAKER_02: Eight things go to bed early, get up early, exercise, stay off your phone, read daily, go outside, drink water, and eat real food.
39:17
SPEAKER_02: Done.
39:17
SPEAKER_02: Eight things simple but hard.
39:23
SPEAKER_02: Hard but absolutely doable.
39:27
SPEAKER_02: You're setting your body and your mind up for efficiency and success.
39:32
SPEAKER_02: And remember, all three principles apply here as well.
39:37
SPEAKER_02: Your mindset matters.
39:38
SPEAKER_02: This is not a prison sentence, and as cliche as it sounds, it will absolutely set you free and make you so strong and powerful.
39:48
SPEAKER_02: These habits are hard, but embrace the hard.
39:53
SPEAKER_02: Remember that important things are hard, and consistency is king.
40:01
SPEAKER_02: Do it today, and then do it again tomorrow.
40:08
SPEAKER_02: That is all I have for you, and I just want to thank you for joining me.
40:11
SPEAKER_02: I just want to encourage you to really embrace these four principles.
40:17
SPEAKER_02: You are not going to be perfect at perfect at it, but today is the first day of a new chapter if you're willing to embrace them.
40:25
SPEAKER_02: So remember mindset matters.
40:28
SPEAKER_02: Embrace the hard, consistency is king.
40:31
SPEAKER_02: Do it today, and then do it again tomorrow.
40:34
SPEAKER_02: And then always remember along the way you are not the sacrifice.
40:41
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, everybody.