Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S2 E18 - Dr. D.

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S2 E18 - Dr. D. · The Steve & Jeff Show

0:00
SPEAKER_07: Previously on the Steven Jeff show.
0:02
SPEAKER_07: Johnny had some bite marks on his arm.
0:04
SPEAKER_07: It's outside.
0:05
SPEAKER_07: He's right outside.
0:05
SPEAKER_07: Look, you see him right outside.
0:06
SPEAKER_07: See him.
0:07
SPEAKER_07: Parents can bite.
0:08
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I mine did.
0:09
SPEAKER_04: I got my DOD degree, the Doctor of Dreams, at the Herford Institute of Sleeps, Dreams Betting Institute.
0:16
SPEAKER_04: What a great title.
0:17
SPEAKER_04: I mean, you know what I'm saying.
0:18
SPEAKER_07: I'm not sure I do.
0:20
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you want to have sex with your mom.
0:22
SPEAKER_07: I practice safe Impala.
0:24
SPEAKER_07: Since Steve and Jeff aren't paying me, I'm breaking into the show.
0:28
SPEAKER_07: Souls on Fire, Kimchi, is not just for breakfast anymore.
0:31
SPEAKER_00: You are not getting parole.
0:33
SPEAKER_00: And I get paid like every two weeks for the amount of salary I was promised.
0:36
SPEAKER_06: Claire, you're dreaming.
0:38
SPEAKER_06: You know, that goes back to the Impala.
0:39
SPEAKER_06: But I'm a little uncomfortable with the word tight and talking about your mom's car and stuff.
0:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, you know.
0:43
SPEAKER_04: Mom, are you still awake?
0:45
SPEAKER_04: You need to double date with Steve and his mom.
0:48
SPEAKER_07: I score about as often as they do.
0:50
SPEAKER_07: Great people.
0:50
SPEAKER_07: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
0:56
SPEAKER_07: And now here's Steve and Jeff.
0:58
SPEAKER_07: Well, Jeff, you know, it is great to be back, even though we're just in the small studio again.
1:03
SPEAKER_07: But it's a start, Jeff.
1:04
SPEAKER_07: It's a start.
1:05
SPEAKER_07: The door is opening.
1:06
SPEAKER_07: I mean, not literally the door, but the metaphorical door is metaphysically opening.
1:11
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
1:12
SPEAKER_07: How's it going, Steve?
1:12
SPEAKER_07: It's going great.
1:13
SPEAKER_07: You know, though, I did have had a little difficulty over the weekend here.
1:17
SPEAKER_06: I was wondering because I called you and nobody answered.
1:19
SPEAKER_06: What happened?
1:20
SPEAKER_07: Well, you know, when my phone rings, nobody answered.
1:22
SPEAKER_07: That's not that unusual.
1:25
SPEAKER_07: But I gotta tell you.
1:26
SPEAKER_07: Well, you know, I was over at my mom's.
1:27
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, we were doing some drinking and we were putting away the pop up pretty heavily.
1:31
SPEAKER_07: And you know how I had like chest pains, but it was indigestion the last time.
1:35
SPEAKER_07: Happened again, Jeff.
1:37
SPEAKER_07: So I really got concerned this time.
1:38
SPEAKER_07: You know, I went back to the hospital and and they put me back in that they call it an emergency room.
1:42
SPEAKER_07: It's like an emergency warehouse.
1:44
SPEAKER_07: You know, it's like you're in this big echoey room with like curtains and shit.
1:49
SPEAKER_07: They put me back there because you know, let's face it, Jeff, I'm kind of a tight wad.
1:53
SPEAKER_07: I didn't want to do like the private emergency thing.
1:56
SPEAKER_07: So I I was in with this other guy.
1:58
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, you know, it wasn't so bad because he was like in a coma, he was just laying there.
2:01
SPEAKER_06: So it bothered me at all.
2:03
SPEAKER_06: You know, didn't he?
2:05
SPEAKER_06: You know, like you could get a private room, but why not just get one with like a guy with a coma and then you don't have to share it?
2:11
SPEAKER_06: It's as quiet as the private room, and it's like it's like a third the price.
2:14
SPEAKER_07: It's it's it's crazy, but but I but I digress.
2:18
SPEAKER_07: So I'm I'm there and actually stayed overnight because they said, you know, weren't you just in here a couple weeks ago with this?
2:23
SPEAKER_07: Like, yeah, it was the the milk and the mac and cheese again, you know.
2:27
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, but they had to check it out.
2:29
SPEAKER_07: So I was there, you know, overnight, and during the night, like right before I fell asleep, this woman walks in and goes over to the bed of the guy in the coma and sits next to him, like holds his hand.
2:38
SPEAKER_07: So I go, Oh, well, that must be extra for the nurses to do that.
2:42
SPEAKER_07: You know, I didn't pay for that, so I guess I won't get that.
2:46
SPEAKER_07: But you know, I wake up and I'm sitting there and he's still in a coma when I wake up.
2:50
SPEAKER_07: But but you know, they they bring in the breakfast, and it's kind of nice.
2:54
SPEAKER_07: Well, it's you know, it's not nice, it's lousy, but it's it is a break from the monotony.
2:58
SPEAKER_07: So they bring in the breakfast, the guy wakes up.
3:00
SPEAKER_07: It's a break from a coma, too.
3:01
SPEAKER_07: I mean, the breakfast, it's lousy.
3:03
SPEAKER_07: You look forward to it because what else are you doing, right?
3:05
SPEAKER_07: We got nothing else going on, right?
3:07
SPEAKER_07: So guy wakes up, comes out of the coma, and he takes the woman's hand.
3:10
SPEAKER_07: She's still holding his hand.
3:11
SPEAKER_07: I mean, I that thing must be so sweaty by now.
3:13
SPEAKER_07: Oh my gosh, that but smells oh, but I but I digress.
3:17
SPEAKER_07: But so he takes her hand, moves it a little closer.
3:19
SPEAKER_07: She's in tears now.
3:20
SPEAKER_07: Oh, finally woke up.
3:22
SPEAKER_07: Right and he and he leans toward her and he's whispering.
3:24
SPEAKER_07: But you know, I'm kind of a nosy guy, so I'm listening while he's whispering.
3:28
SPEAKER_07: He can hear it.
3:29
SPEAKER_07: He's not that far away, it's just right over there, you know.
3:31
SPEAKER_07: Whispering says, You know what?
3:33
SPEAKER_07: You've been with me through all the tough times.
3:35
SPEAKER_07: When I got fired from my job, you were there to support me.
3:39
SPEAKER_07: When my business failed, you were there for me.
3:42
SPEAKER_07: When I got shot, you were by my side all the time.
3:45
SPEAKER_07: When we lost the house, you stayed right here with me.
3:48
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
3:49
SPEAKER_07: And then when my health started failing, you were still by my side.
3:52
SPEAKER_07: And they says, You know what, dear?
3:54
SPEAKER_07: She says, What, dear?
3:55
SPEAKER_07: She says, Smiling, crying, and she says, I think you're bad luck.
4:01
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
4:01
SPEAKER_07: But I digress.
4:02
SPEAKER_07: Speaking of hospitals and health and doctors, we have had a real focus on this show about health.
4:08
SPEAKER_07: And a lot of it has been kind of not your traditional medicine.
4:12
SPEAKER_07: It's been the edgier, you know, the suit yourself and things like that.
4:15
SPEAKER_06: That makes me a little nervous, to be honest with you, because I feel like in some ways the healthcare situation is complex, and there's many sides to it.
4:25
SPEAKER_06: And I think it's really important for us to present as many different sides, especially maybe more the traditional part of it, which we've kind of avoided along the way.
4:35
SPEAKER_06: So I think it would be good for us to talk about well-paid doctors who go to medical school and get their perspective on things.
4:42
SPEAKER_07: I think it's very important, particularly with health, that we be bare and fan, I mean fair and balanced about presenting the information.
4:49
SPEAKER_07: So many people go to medical websites to get their information or they get it from TV doctors.
4:55
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, in preparation for the show, I did a quick look.
4:58
SPEAKER_07: Some of the medical websites out there, you wouldn't believe.
5:00
SPEAKER_07: It's one too sick to click.
5:02
SPEAKER_07: And then another one, Web to Feed MD.
5:04
SPEAKER_07: It's a real swimmer, I guess.
5:05
SPEAKER_07: But and then there's that one.
5:07
SPEAKER_07: There's a one that everybody likes.
5:08
SPEAKER_07: The one that's it's named after that sandwich spread.
5:10
SPEAKER_07: Was it Mustard Clinic, uh, relish clinic?
5:13
SPEAKER_07: But everybody reads that crap.
5:14
SPEAKER_06: And Steve, I think we need to come clean here, too.
5:17
SPEAKER_06: The millions that listen to our show are also listening to us.
5:21
SPEAKER_06: And some of the things we're recommending we're the WebFeed MD.
5:26
SPEAKER_07: Absolutely.
5:26
SPEAKER_07: We're it.
5:27
SPEAKER_06: We're the too sick to click.
5:29
SPEAKER_06: Or I am too sick to click, that's for sure.
5:31
SPEAKER_06: Wow, most of the time.
5:32
SPEAKER_07: So I haven't clicked since I late 70s.
5:34
SPEAKER_07: I don't I don't know.
5:35
SPEAKER_07: You know, I don't know.
5:36
SPEAKER_06: So maybe it's it's time to balance the argument, the situation, and then kind of present the other side.
5:43
SPEAKER_07: You know, I am so glad you said that, Jeff, because on the other side of that glass, we have a real doctor.
5:49
SPEAKER_07: He's one of those highly paid doctors that knows what he's talking about because he's paid well, and so he's gotta know what he's talking about, right?
5:56
SPEAKER_07: In fact, he wrote a new book called I Didn't Go to Medical School for My Health.
6:01
SPEAKER_07: Uh and I think the subtitle, I think the subtitle is or for your health either.
6:05
SPEAKER_07: But I digress.
6:06
SPEAKER_07: This is really going to get us the real information that we need about serious real medicine.
6:11
SPEAKER_07: And let me just introduce the other side of that glass is Dr.
6:14
SPEAKER_07: David Kavorkian Jr.
6:16
SPEAKER_07: Hi, Dr.
6:16
SPEAKER_07: Kavorkian.
6:17
SPEAKER_05: Hello, boys.
6:18
SPEAKER_05: Hello, uh, how are you?
6:20
SPEAKER_05: How are you?
6:20
SPEAKER_06: Hi, Dr.
6:21
SPEAKER_06: Kavorkian.
6:22
SPEAKER_06: Are you related to Dr.
6:25
SPEAKER_06: Death?
6:26
SPEAKER_05: Well, actually, um, it my name is spelled Kovorkian, but uh being Albanian, the R is silent, so it's Kavokian.
6:35
SPEAKER_05: Oh wow, and I do go by a nickname, college nickname I got playing lacrosse, Jack.
6:41
SPEAKER_07: Uh-huh.
6:42
SPEAKER_05: It's Kavokian.
6:43
SPEAKER_07: Jack Kavokian.
6:44
SPEAKER_07: Oh, well, you know, you know, Jeff, it's been a few months since we had an an Albanian on the show.
6:50
SPEAKER_07: We've had our slew of Lithuanians lately, but no Albanians.
6:54
SPEAKER_07: I mean, this is really amazing.
6:55
SPEAKER_07: But no, no discrimination issues.
6:58
SPEAKER_07: Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
6:59
SPEAKER_07: No, none whatsoever.
7:00
SPEAKER_07: People call you your nickname Jack, right?
7:02
SPEAKER_07: Jack?
7:03
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
7:03
SPEAKER_05: Jack Kavokian.
7:04
SPEAKER_05: Okay.
7:05
SPEAKER_07: Jack.
7:06
SPEAKER_07: Dr.
7:06
SPEAKER_07: D, Dr.
7:07
SPEAKER_07: D, it is.
7:08
SPEAKER_07: I can imagine that your last name could be a problem.
7:10
SPEAKER_07: You know, in the course of your medical practice, you must have to give somebody bad news.
7:15
SPEAKER_07: Maybe tell somebody that they have a terminal disease and that's uh they're not going to recover.
7:19
SPEAKER_07: That that must be tough.
7:20
SPEAKER_05: That's um definitely not the reason you go to medical school, is not to tell people they're going to die, but I rarely recommend medically assisted suicide.
7:30
SPEAKER_05: It's just really not the best treatment option.
7:33
SPEAKER_05: I mean, there's a few cases, you know, like COVID, where you know, you do bring.
7:39
SPEAKER_06: So I I wasn't aware that COVID was that serious.
7:42
SPEAKER_06: Should I be worried about that?
7:43
SPEAKER_05: Yes, you know, this is why I wrote wrote the book.
7:45
SPEAKER_05: People get all kinds of crazy ideas and misinformation, all kinds of things that they think they know or think they should do.
7:53
SPEAKER_05: But you need to listen only to well-paid professional doctors.
7:57
SPEAKER_05: The truth is, uh, if you test positive for COVID, uh, you're best off just getting your fares in order, updating your will and whatnot, and maybe even uh putting in a pull the plug request.
8:09
SPEAKER_05: Uh that's one step ahead of the do not resuscitate.
8:13
SPEAKER_05: It's like just pull the plug on me.
8:14
SPEAKER_07: It's like don't only don't resuscitate, it's like create a situation where you would not resuscitate.
8:21
SPEAKER_05: That is correct.
8:22
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
8:23
SPEAKER_07: Wow, doctor, that is great advice.
8:25
SPEAKER_07: Well, tell us about that book.
8:27
SPEAKER_07: I didn't go to medical school for my health.
8:29
SPEAKER_05: Oh, oh, sure.
8:30
SPEAKER_05: Basically, I wrote the book to help people understand that uh doctors are the glue that holds our society together.
8:37
SPEAKER_05: We're the most important people.
8:39
SPEAKER_05: Just ask any of us, we will tell you we are the most important people.
8:43
SPEAKER_05: We're more important than your clergy, we're more important than your spouse, we're arguably more important than Oprah.
8:52
SPEAKER_05: To ignore us is getting medical information from unqualified sources, TV celebrities, veterinarians, Oprah.
9:02
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it does more damage to the lives of our society.
9:06
SPEAKER_05: And by lives of our society, I specifically mean the lives of well-paid professional doctors.
9:13
SPEAKER_06: Oh God, I feel horrible because Doc, to be honest, Kathy and I, we do subscribe to a lot of these online services.
9:21
SPEAKER_06: You know, you don't really know who they are, and you know, they give us advice, and for the most part, it seems like they work okay.
9:28
SPEAKER_06: I mean, we're still alive and we're still okay so far.
9:31
SPEAKER_06: So maybe we haven't done too much damage.
9:34
SPEAKER_05: Right.
9:34
SPEAKER_05: Well, so far is the key term in that.
9:38
SPEAKER_05: You're okay so far.
9:39
SPEAKER_05: But people think, oh, it's just a common ailment.
9:43
SPEAKER_05: I don't need to worry about it.
9:44
SPEAKER_05: But those common ailments, I mean, did you know that a hangnail is often a symptom, an early symptom of leprosy?
9:51
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
9:51
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
9:52
SPEAKER_07: No, I can't.
9:52
SPEAKER_05: Did you know that palitosis, which for the common man is called a bad breath, can actually be a hobbinger of autism.
10:02
SPEAKER_07: Oh, doc, I know dozens of people that need to be checked right away.
10:06
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
10:07
SPEAKER_05: And this is why you're more autistic in the morning.
10:10
SPEAKER_05: You know, when you first wake up in the morning, there's a much higher risk of autism.
10:14
SPEAKER_05: You know, it's just the unwashed masses, they just can't understand it.
10:18
SPEAKER_05: You have to go to a well-paid doctor or a professional doctor to get accurate information, accurate diagnoses.
10:27
SPEAKER_07: Wow, Doctor, that is just amazing.
10:29
SPEAKER_07: And you know, speaking of accurate diagnoses, when we were talking about having you on the show, you'd said that you could actually diagnose people's illnesses on our show today.
10:40
SPEAKER_07: You gotta admit, I I think Jeff and I were a little skeptical about that, but especially when you said that you know, you're gonna charge a show a thousand dollars a call.
10:48
SPEAKER_07: But you know, we dug deep and we asked our good friends at Appropriation Station and the other good people there too.
10:54
SPEAKER_07: I think we should go ahead with it because you've you've made some great points.
10:58
SPEAKER_07: I think we should take you up on that quite expensive offer.
11:01
SPEAKER_06: I think that's a great idea.
11:02
SPEAKER_06: I think we probably have some people that listen to the show that would have questions for you.
11:07
SPEAKER_06: And we could probably afford Steve to what have two or three or maybe four, probably not more than that.
11:12
SPEAKER_06: But well, how's the possible?
11:13
SPEAKER_07: How soon?
11:14
SPEAKER_07: How soon do we have to pay him?
11:15
SPEAKER_07: Oh if we could pay you last time we 2025, we could have four.
11:21
SPEAKER_05: It all depends on it all depends on the insurance.
11:24
SPEAKER_05: I mean, you know, who knows what's in that Obamacare?
11:27
SPEAKER_07: It'll take insurance a while to figure it out.
11:29
SPEAKER_07: So it'll be 2025 before you get paid anyway.
11:31
SPEAKER_07: So don't, you know, what's the difference?
11:33
SPEAKER_07: Don't worry about it.
11:33
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, cool.
11:34
SPEAKER_07: All right, we're good then.
11:35
SPEAKER_06: Are you okay with that, Doc?
11:36
SPEAKER_06: Can we uh have some people call in with some questions?
11:39
SPEAKER_05: Oh, absolutely.
11:40
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it's a highly paid medical professional.
11:43
SPEAKER_05: I can diagnose people really without seeing them or talking to them.
11:47
SPEAKER_05: I mean, it's what we do in the office.
11:49
SPEAKER_05: Honestly, it's either bacterial or viral.
11:52
SPEAKER_05: In either case, I'm gonna prescribe Valium.
11:54
SPEAKER_05: That's just how we roll.
11:56
SPEAKER_05: I like this guy.
11:57
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, me too.
11:58
SPEAKER_06: So, anyways, Doc, so you're prepared to get started here?
12:02
SPEAKER_06: I am, yes.
12:03
SPEAKER_06: Let's do this thing.
12:04
SPEAKER_07: Say, Doc, I hear Johnny helped you with a little intro.
12:07
SPEAKER_07: Should we play that intro now?
12:08
SPEAKER_07: Cha-ching, cha-ching.
12:13
SPEAKER_07: FDC, makers of all natural animal-based remedies, and not at all like PharmaPrint, brings you the drama for diagnostic discernment.
12:23
SPEAKER_07: The show with sensational symptoms, the acne of annoying alliterations.
12:28
SPEAKER_07: It's time for The Doctor Knows, storing the doc who knows all even before he sees it.
12:34
SPEAKER_07: The highly paid Dr.
12:36
SPEAKER_07: D.
12:37
SPEAKER_07: Take it away, Doc.
12:45
SPEAKER_07: That's great.
12:45
SPEAKER_07: Let's see who we got on the phone here.
12:48
SPEAKER_07: We've got Shirley from Omaha.
12:50
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, let me take this one, Steve.
12:52
SPEAKER_06: This is a good one because I think a lot of people suffer from this.
12:54
SPEAKER_06: Uh that she's in a a great deal of pain because she strained something in her lower back and it's kind of hard to walk.
13:01
SPEAKER_06: What do you suggest?
13:03
SPEAKER_05: Oh my, well.
13:04
SPEAKER_05: Sounds like leukemia.
13:05
SPEAKER_05: Uh, maybe diabetes.
13:07
SPEAKER_05: I I'm glad we caught it early.
13:09
SPEAKER_05: Call me on Monday and we'll get a treatment plan started for you.
13:13
SPEAKER_05: You caught this just in the just in the nick of time.
13:16
SPEAKER_06: Wow, that's amazing.
13:17
SPEAKER_06: I didn't see that coming.
13:18
SPEAKER_06: Steve, I don't think you get that kind of stuff online.
13:21
SPEAKER_06: Uh oh no, you get an immediate diagnosis, is amazing.
13:25
SPEAKER_07: And uh I can't think of anywhere else you could get that diagnosis.
13:28
SPEAKER_06: No, and it sounds like Shirley's in in deep trouble.
13:31
SPEAKER_06: Is that right, Doc?
13:32
SPEAKER_05: Well, not necessarily, no.
13:33
SPEAKER_05: I mean, yes, these are serious diseases, but uh they can be as mild as the common cold, too.
13:38
SPEAKER_05: Although the common cold is actually terminal about 50% of the time.
13:43
SPEAKER_06: Gotcha.
13:44
SPEAKER_06: Uh Steve, you want me to take one more?
13:45
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, why don't you take one more?
13:47
SPEAKER_06: All right, this one is from Scott from Urbana.
13:50
SPEAKER_06: Scott, do you have a question for Dr.
13:51
SPEAKER_06: D?
13:52
SPEAKER_03: Uh yes, Dr.
13:53
SPEAKER_03: D.
13:53
SPEAKER_03: I have had stomach cramps for a couple weeks and blood in my urine.
13:59
SPEAKER_03: Should I be worried?
14:00
SPEAKER_05: Oh, no, nothing to worry about there.
14:02
SPEAKER_05: That's very minor, that's very normal, actually.
14:04
SPEAKER_05: Uh take a couple of aspirin, begin drinking yellow fluids, and just to get the color back into your urine should should resolve itself.
14:14
SPEAKER_07: Oh, that's amazing, Doctor.
14:16
SPEAKER_07: Speaking of yellow fluids, I mean I know there's uh lemoncello, the the liqueur, but what like what other sort of yellow liquid should Scott drink?
14:24
SPEAKER_05: There's various flavors of Gatorade, Powerade, Kool-Aid.
14:28
SPEAKER_05: Just be sure to get the right stuff.
14:29
SPEAKER_05: And if you can't find any of that, drink your own urine.
14:32
SPEAKER_05: Assuming it's yellow.
14:33
SPEAKER_05: If there's blood in it and it's red, you probably have to wait to maybe a I don't know, drink a friend's urine, probably something like that.
14:41
SPEAKER_05: But you get a get a lot of urine in your diet.
14:44
SPEAKER_07: I've seen posters that say like save urine, drink a friend's.
14:47
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, those two.
14:48
SPEAKER_07: I mean, that makes sense.
14:49
SPEAKER_07: Wow, that is great advice.
14:50
SPEAKER_05: Now we have those are those are especially common in Lent.
14:54
SPEAKER_07: Oh, yeah, oh yeah, absolutely.
14:55
SPEAKER_07: Well, and some people give up urine for Lent, so it's it gets a little confusing because some dress some go to it, some go away from it.
15:01
SPEAKER_05: It's that's very foolish to give up urine for Lent.
15:04
SPEAKER_07: Ah, yes, yes, I could that could backfire, that could back up or backfire, one of the two.
15:09
SPEAKER_07: Doctor, we have Bethany from Council Bluffs on the line.
15:12
SPEAKER_07: Bethany, what's your question for the good doctor?
15:14
SPEAKER_01: Well, Dr.
15:15
SPEAKER_01: G, I was stabbed last weekend coming out of a bar.
15:19
SPEAKER_01: I was going to go to the emergency room, but I was pretty drunk.
15:23
SPEAKER_01: So I just went home.
15:25
SPEAKER_01: Since then, I've been in a lot of pain.
15:28
SPEAKER_01: And and there's this there's pus coming out of the opening where I was stabbed.
15:33
SPEAKER_01: What do you suggest?
15:35
SPEAKER_05: Well, uh, sounds like you have a pretty severe drinking problem.
15:39
SPEAKER_05: I'm going to suggest uh alcohol addiction counseling, which is also a service that I provide.
15:45
SPEAKER_05: It's very lucky for you that you did contact a highly paid medical professional and will begin counseling immediately.
15:54
SPEAKER_06: And doc, it sounds like you're really qualified for so many different things.
15:58
SPEAKER_06: You're sort of like that Swiss army knife.
16:01
SPEAKER_05: Well, yes, and I happen to have a Swiss Army knife when I I lost it last weekend coming out of a bar in Council Bluffs.
16:07
SPEAKER_05: I mean, crazy.
16:09
SPEAKER_06: What a coincidence.
16:10
SPEAKER_06: It is a coincidence.
16:11
SPEAKER_06: It sounds like we may have time for one more call, Steve.
16:14
SPEAKER_07: Well, well, time and and and money, but I think we have money for one more call.
16:19
SPEAKER_07: Yes.
16:19
SPEAKER_07: Who we have there, Jeff?
16:21
SPEAKER_07: That's Ellen.
16:22
SPEAKER_07: Ellen, do you have a question for Dr.
16:24
SPEAKER_06: D?
16:24
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
16:26
SPEAKER_02: Well, Dr.
16:27
SPEAKER_02: B, I'm 61 years old, and I just don't feel right.
16:32
SPEAKER_02: Not sure what it is, but I've become very forgetful and got lost trying to find my way home the other night.
16:41
SPEAKER_02: And to make matters worse, Alzheimer's runs in my family.
16:47
SPEAKER_02: What should I do?
16:49
SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm not quite sure what you should do, but uh it reminds me of a story.
16:53
SPEAKER_05: I mean, speaking of Alzheimer's uh a guy walks into the office into the highly paid medical professional's office to get the results of a test, and the doctor tells him, Ah, sir, I'm I'm afraid I've got terrible news.
17:07
SPEAKER_05: Um you have cancer and Alzheimer's.
17:10
SPEAKER_05: And the guy looks at the doctor and says, Oh, thank God I don't have cancer.
17:15
SPEAKER_07: That's funny enough, Dr.
17:16
SPEAKER_07: T.
17:17
SPEAKER_07: You know, it reminds me of our our joke writer, Joey Bishop Schwartzmann.
17:20
SPEAKER_07: Maybe Doc, maybe you should write jokes for our show too, because Joey owes us some jokes.
17:24
SPEAKER_05: We haven't gotten them, but yeah, it's a thousand dollars a joke, and that uh that Schwartzman guy, he he sounds like he's a real, real winner.
17:32
SPEAKER_07: Oh, he is, yeah.
17:34
SPEAKER_07: And he doc he only charges 50 a joke, so I don't know, but but he doesn't deliver them.
17:39
SPEAKER_07: So 50 for something you don't get versus a thousand for something you get.
17:43
SPEAKER_07: It's such a dilemma.
17:45
SPEAKER_06: It is a dilemma.
17:46
SPEAKER_06: Uh, doc, this has been great.
17:47
SPEAKER_06: I really appreciate the perspective of a uh of a well-paid doctor over some of these other i don't want to criticize them, but they're a little fringy, little little on the outside, but it's important for people to see all that.
18:01
SPEAKER_06: But is there something you want to leave our audience with, something that a message or uh something that people should think about when they think about health care and getting medical advice?
18:12
SPEAKER_05: I think the only thing that I would say is if you look back a hundred years ago, um, they really didn't understand anesthetics.
18:22
SPEAKER_05: If you look back 500 years ago, they really didn't understand sanitation.
18:28
SPEAKER_05: If you look back, you know, 2000 years ago, they really didn't understand anything about nutritional value.
18:37
SPEAKER_05: And with all of that said, it's like we don't know what we're doing, we're just highly paid medical professionals.
18:44
SPEAKER_05: A thousand years from now, there's gonna be cures for all of this stuff.
18:48
SPEAKER_05: And I would leave with one other thing two quick observations here.
18:52
SPEAKER_05: One, excess intake of milk with macaroni and cheese in the diet will cause erectile dysfunction and heartburn.
19:03
SPEAKER_05: And also, this was something that we just talked about online.
19:07
SPEAKER_05: I I read this, I got this uh from Jim Carrey.
19:10
SPEAKER_05: Baldness is also a sign of leprosy.
19:14
SPEAKER_05: So do with that as you may.
19:17
SPEAKER_07: I've been telling Jeff that for years.
19:19
SPEAKER_07: Wow, and doc, with that erectile dysfunction, would that even be present in the presence of 65 impalas?
19:27
SPEAKER_05: Well, 1965 impallas, no.
19:30
SPEAKER_05: Oh, there's good news.
19:32
SPEAKER_05: Impala's running around in the zoo, yes.
19:34
SPEAKER_07: I mean, for anybody, Jeff, I think I'm okay.
19:39
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I think you're good.
19:41
SPEAKER_06: Wow, I'm a little concerned.
19:42
SPEAKER_06: Anytime I hear erectile dysfunction, I kind of perk up.
19:46
SPEAKER_06: Well, actually, kind of perk up, you know, yeah, probably don't perk up.
19:51
SPEAKER_06: Oh, but leprosy, Jeff.
19:52
SPEAKER_06: Leprosy.
19:53
SPEAKER_06: That's not something to joke about.
19:55
SPEAKER_06: Well, actually, I think you did have a joke.
19:57
SPEAKER_07: Oh, I mean, but otherwise compared to compared to erectile dysfunction, that's that's the three bars on the slot machine.
20:04
SPEAKER_07: I mean, that's a biggie.
20:05
SPEAKER_07: I mean, erectile dysfunction, you take a pill.
20:07
SPEAKER_07: Leprosy.
20:08
SPEAKER_07: Well, that's that's pretty serious.
20:10
SPEAKER_07: Wow.
20:10
SPEAKER_06: Well, and and I would I would say what's worse, having leprosy or having bad breath, because it sounds like you know you get both and you're really not very popular.
20:21
SPEAKER_07: No, no.
20:22
SPEAKER_07: Then you you got the inside and the outside both messed up.
20:25
SPEAKER_07: It's unbelievable.
20:26
SPEAKER_07: And you know, it's it's so good that we can have highly paid professionals come in and really tell us what the truth is, tell us what we should know, what we should think.
20:36
SPEAKER_07: Because left to our own devices, who knows?
20:39
SPEAKER_07: We could try to do our own surgery and uh you know, where would that leave us?
20:43
SPEAKER_06: And the good news, Steve, is if we keep talking and rambling like this, we don't have to pay for another call from anybody else.
20:50
SPEAKER_06: And so we could pocket that thousand bucks that you know that we've got from the sponsor.
20:54
SPEAKER_07: So Jeff, I we we're not gonna be able to pay him for the calls we did, but don't tell him that I don't think he can hear us.
21:01
SPEAKER_07: Oh, wait, my microphone's still on.
21:03
SPEAKER_07: No, Dike, we'll get you the money.
21:05
SPEAKER_07: We gotta talk to the insurance first.
21:07
SPEAKER_05: We'll get it.
21:08
SPEAKER_05: Sounds good, gentlemen.
21:09
SPEAKER_05: I'm I'm sorry, I just stepped away for a donut.
21:12
SPEAKER_07: Oh, and uh I am so glad to hear the donuts are on the doctor's menu.
21:18
SPEAKER_05: Absolutely.
21:18
SPEAKER_05: Um, if there's nothing else, I'm late for my smoke break.
21:22
SPEAKER_05: So um oh well, light one for us, Doc.
21:25
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, absolutely.
21:27
SPEAKER_06: Good to know that there's nothing wrong with cigarettes, right?
21:29
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, all the things that you hear about.
21:31
SPEAKER_06: At least a good cigarette is uh is good for you.
21:35
SPEAKER_07: So thanks again, Doc.
21:36
SPEAKER_07: Thanks, Doc.
21:37
SPEAKER_07: And Johnny, tell us what he'll receive for being on our show.
21:40
SPEAKER_07: Right, Steve?
21:42
SPEAKER_07: Our guests will receive 100 cotton balls previously in bottles of aspirin.
21:46
SPEAKER_07: A quick boil and the pain is gone.
21:48
SPEAKER_07: Whoever has it.
21:50
SPEAKER_07: And while visiting the Metro, guests of the Steve and Jeff Show stay outside the hysteric Harney Hotel.
21:56
SPEAKER_07: Guests can relax on the prestigious Northwest Corner sidewalk, certified cleaner than 72% of the rooms inside.
22:04
SPEAKER_07: And finally, our guests will receive the home version of the Steve and Jeff Show, so he can conduct interviews anywhere, even from his car, like me right now.
22:16
SPEAKER_07: This is Johnny speaking.
22:17
SPEAKER_07: Be sure to follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts, and say, Doc, I've got a pane right here.
22:25
SPEAKER_07: You can tell where I'm pointing, can't you?
22:28
SPEAKER_07: And it runs all the way back to here.
22:31
SPEAKER_07: But just when I sit in the car too long, message me.
22:36
SPEAKER_07: Good night.