Latest / Two Personal with Joy Taylor / Confidence, Diversity & Why Ugly Is Trending | Tess Holliday x Joy Taylor

Transcript

Confidence, Diversity & Why Ugly Is Trending | Tess Holliday x Joy Taylor · Two Personal with Joy Taylor

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You know, the beauty trends are actually showing. They said
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: that ugly is going to be trendy.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: I hope for only what women, because I hope for
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: only when we're the best generation.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: I honestly, I feel like we are.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: We were drinking vodka Cranberry's out of horrible plastic cups.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: We were making out and nobody knew about it. We
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: had a time and that's why everyone is still listening
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: to our music.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I had somebody you know on social media recently tell
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: me that I would never make it to thirty. My
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: response to them was, Babe, I'm thirty nine.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Hey guys, welcome to Personal. I'm Joy Taylor. Thanks for
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: coming and hanging out. Have an exciting show today. A
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: woman I have been a fan of for a very
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: long time, test Holiday. She is a body positivity advocate,
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: she is a mogole honey, she's a fashion icon, she's
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: an author, she has a new book coming out, and
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just very excited to talk to her and talk
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: about all the things that she's represented for many, many
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: years when it comes to body positivity online and women
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: and fashion. So she is an amazing guest and I'm
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: very excited.
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: To talk to her.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: Of course, we'll have Never Too Personal later on in
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: the show, and if you haven't already, make sure that
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: you hit subscribe and follow us on all of our
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: social media's at to Personal show. So I was kind
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: of hesitant to talk about this subject because it sort
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: of came and went, and then it came back again,
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: and now it's had the same result for both apps.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: So the Tea App, if you haven't seen or heard
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: about the Tea App, it was originally a space that
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: was designed for women to be safe while dating. That
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: was the idea or the goal behind it. So women
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: would go on and share information about men that had,
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: you know, maybe had a sexual assault or sexual harassment backgrounds,
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: perhaps they were dating very deviously, harming people, things of
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: that nature. Of course, there was public backlash from men,
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: and there was a data breach where all of the
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: users who were on the app were their information was
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: breached and was hacked on the internet. So the men
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: fired back with a version of their own Tea on Her,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: and it was supposed to protect men and give men
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: a safe space. To date, that also has had a
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: recent data breach. So in order to sign up, you
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: have to put in like your ID and your personal information.
• 2:28
  Speaker 4: I hated the original version of this.
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I hated, obviously, the silly retaliation version of this. I
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: would hope that no man that I have ever dated
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: has signed up for the tea on her app T
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: You use the word T just in a regular conversation.
• 2:50
  Speaker 4: But the really bigger.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Reaction that I had to both of these apps is this,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: it's very difficult for women to date safely. I know
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: for a lot of men that that sounds very dramatic
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: and it sounds very unrealistic, but it is the truth.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Every time that I meet a new person and I
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: go out with them, my friends know exactly where I'm going,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: They know exactly who it is. They have their phone number,
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: they have their Instagram profile. If it's the very first
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: time I meet someone, I drive so that there I
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: can leave whenever I want to and I don't have
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: to worry about getting an uber or wondering if.
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: I drank too much.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Like there's a million precautions walking to the parking garage.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: You never walk alone.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Like everything about being a woman is about staying alive.
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: It's about staying safe. And for some men who do
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: not have proximity to women. Do not have daughters, you
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: don't have sisters, you don't have women that they care about.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: Perhaps this sounds like a very foreign concept, or maybe
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: you do and you just you've never had to have
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: the experience of trying to stay alive in a world
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: where men are trying to hurt you. Now you may say, okay,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: I don't know anybody that Okay, well people are out
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: here assaulting women. So just because you may not personally
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: know that your friend or someone that you know has
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: done that, somebody's doing all the assaults. And I understand
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: that there are a lot of women that have lied
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: about the assaults. There are more women who have never
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: reported their assaults than there are women lying about sexual
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: assault and sexual harassment. That being said, I feel like
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: we have lost the plot when it comes to modern dating.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Of course, there were parts of this app, the original
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: TA app, where women were just reviewing men. Oh he
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: ghosted me, Oh he doesn't text back, Oh he dates
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: a lot of women.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: That's not anyone's business.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: And having a review that is public about how you
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: dated a specific person when you didn't cause them any
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: physical harm or sexual harm is crazy, ladies, and in
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  Speaker 2: conscios if you're a grown man who felt the need
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: to download the tea on her app and talk about
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: how many women, how many men? This girl that you date,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: that you thought you dated, that you that you had
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: a drink with once has slept with, you're also completely delusional.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: We have to find a way to communicate and treat
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: each other in a way that is positive. And I
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: know you're like, this is coming from the bitch that
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: talks about how she hates men every fucking day. And
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: to be clear, I app subsolutely hate a specific group
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: of men.
• 5:28
  Speaker 4: I hate bitch as men, hate hate bitchjas men.
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  Speaker 2: And if you feel offended by the term bitch ass man,
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  Speaker 2: you're probably a bit jazz man because men who aren't
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: bitch ass men think what I'm saying is funny because
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: they know they're not bitch ass men.
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  Speaker 4: Now.
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  Speaker 2: I can go through a long list of things that
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: make you a bit jazz man, but the reality is,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: if you're not a bit jazz man, you already know this.
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  Speaker 4: Is not who I'm talking about.
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  Speaker 2: That being said, there are women who act completely insane,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: who do not treat men with respect, who not treat
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: people with respect, They lie, they move around crazy, all
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: of those things. There's bad groups of people in every
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: part of what's.
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: Going on here when it comes to dating.
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, do a background
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: check on someone if you feel like you're unsafe. If
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: you're a woman, you should probably do a background check
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: on every new person that you meet because people will
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: move around crazy. If you're a man, take your time.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Don't invite a stranger to your home on the first night.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: That might sound crazy to you as a man. As
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  Speaker 2: a woman, that makes perfect sense. There are just things
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  Speaker 2: that we need to do when it comes to dating,
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  Speaker 2: where we just treat each other with a little bit
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  Speaker 2: more respect, a little bit more honesty. For the men
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: out there who are worried about how many women, how
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: many men or women a woman has slept with, you
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: probably shouldn't be in the dating pool right now. You
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: need to work on yourself. You need to work on
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: the type of people that you're dating. It's not really
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: all about what your preferences are for a person who's
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: existed for thirty years on this planet before.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: They came to meet you.
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  Speaker 2: If you're a woman and a man ghosted you, that's
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: not a crime, that's not illegal, that doesn't even necessarily
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: say anything about his character. You have no idea what
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: people are going through. I think we all just need
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: to take a deep breath and treat each other with
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: a little bit more respect. And I'm saying that completely
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  Speaker 2: aware that I bitch about men all the time.
• 7:13
  Speaker 4: The type of man that I'm bitching about is very specific.
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  Speaker 2: I have wonderful men around me. I have fabulous family
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: members that are men. I have fabulous friends that are men.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I have business partners that are men, and they are
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: all wonderful people, and I think they are so important
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  Speaker 2: and I treat them as such.
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  Speaker 4: Anything else that's going on, you already know who I'm
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  Speaker 4: talking to.
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  Speaker 2: But this whole tea on her tea app stuff like, please,
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  Speaker 2: we got to start communicating.
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  Speaker 4: Better, guys.
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: We have to.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: All right, now it's time to talk to Test Holidays.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: So excited to have her in studio. All right, I
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: am so excited. I feel like the original Instagram me
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: is freaking out right now. I have been following Tests
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: for so long. I love your contents, I love your style.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: I always want to copy your outfits. I don't have
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: that swag, but I just think you are the cutest
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: and so beautiful, and I just had to give you
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: your flowers before I get started because I am genuinely
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: fangirling that you're here.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I think you do have the swag because literally
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: look at you.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank stunning. I'm so happy to be here.
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: I've loved following you over the years, so I'm really
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: excited to talk to you. If you don't follow Test,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: make sure you go follow it at Test Holiday. And
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: you have a new book, I do, so take up space.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Take up space, y'all a Southern girl, Take up space, y'all,
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: your bold and bright Guide to Self Love. It's available
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: for pre order now, comes out on August twenty sixth,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: so I'll be pre ordering that. We love reading around here.
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: Books are essential. What made you want to write a book?
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: So this is my second book.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: My first one was a memoir, which I don't know
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: if it's very narcissistic of me to do a memoir
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: when I was thirty five. So now at forty, I'm
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: doing my first book for teens and tweens. And I
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: think growing up down South, I felt really alone. This
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: was way before social media and the internet, really, so
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: I would escape in the woods with my backpack and
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: snacks and whatever I had in a book, and I
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: wanted to kind of replicate that feeling.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: I wanted someone like.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: These kids to have a safe space outside of the
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Internet and have something in their hands that reaffirmed something
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: that they're maybe not hearing. And the timing of the
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: book is just funny because the state of the world
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: feels like it's burning. So I'm glad it exists right now.
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: It definitely the regime is doing a lot.
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't I don't call it an administration, it's
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: it's the regime around here.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you do.
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: You do a lot of things your model, body positivity
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: advocate and author. You've walked runways, You've been on magazines,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: and I really feel like you have such a specific
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: and important role in not just you know, the body
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: positivity space, but also in fashion because you know, I'm like,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: you know, making a joke about your style, but like
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: you have amazing style, and it's difficult sometimes to find
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: clothing that is in a bunch of different sizes, even
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: for me, like shopping online. I really don't like shopping
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: at places that don't have different sized models because everyone
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: has a different body type and like I can look
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: at something and be like, I'm gonna look like that
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: on me, Like I'm five two, I can't. This model
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: is five to ten. Like, there's just not I'm like,
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: this is we don't have the same legs. It's not
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: going to work.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: Have you seen a.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Change in the fashion industry. Obviously you have been a
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: part of that change. Have you seen a significant change
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: in the just the availability of plus size fashion?
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Ever since twenty eighteen, there's been a rapid decline in
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  Speaker 1: the size industry, not just with the use of models,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: but brands closing. There's so many brands that have closed
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: or either scaled back their sizes. Because part of my
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: work is I'm an inclusivity and diversity consultant, so I've
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: consulted with Pinterest, and I've consulted with H and M, which, unfortunately,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: H and M scaled back a lot of the progress
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: that we did because at the end of the day,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: there's always a white man at the top of a
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: board making decisions for people that don't look like him.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: And it's incredibly frustrating to see so many brands scale
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: back because they say there's not a need, but really
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: it comes down to why is there not more diversity
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: within your company and within the people making these decisions,
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Because it's not just about I'm so loud about I
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: think body positivity in general and diversity because that is
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: literally what makes the world a better place when real
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: change starts to happen, when there's actual diverse people in
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: these spaces. So, yeah, it's been declining and it's hard
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: to see. But you know, I'm still fat, kneed clothes,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: So I guess if they want me to walk around naked,
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: I'll do that too.
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: We're not against Listen, I'm a huge nude person.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: We have had this conversation on the show many times.
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: I could have less clothes because I don't wear them
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: at home. I'm actually for this. Actually, I was at
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: the at the beach recently and I had a thought
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: about it, like how how interesting it is like at
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: the beach, we all think everyone is looking at us,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: and in fact, no one is looking at us, and
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: it's such a It's such an interesting place to be
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: because we're all constantly critiquing our bodies in whatever state
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: they're in, and then we all go to this place,
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: take all.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Our clothes off, and then mind our business. And need sandwiches.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: It's like, we could just.
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: Have a little bit more of this.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: In the world, I think we'd be be doing better.
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: I mean, visibility is a problem across the board everywhere.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: Obviously DEI is on attack in a lot of different spaces,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: but the rollback of the production is interesting to me
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: because there is a demand.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just think that a lot of companies use
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: plus as customers. I think escapegoats to say that there's.
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: Not a need.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: So do you think that the lack of like models
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and visibility is affecting the sales? Because you know, then
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: with anything in life, if something's making real money, they're
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: going to keep it around because green is the only
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: color that truly matters to any of these people. So
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: it's it is, in your opinion, a direct result of
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: the lack of visibility. That is, so if you go
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: to a website and you see like no models that
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: look like you, you're not even going to look and
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: see if they have three X or something like that.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: I think that there's I think that that's a very
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: good point, and I think that that is a big
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: part of it. I think that a lot of it
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: has to do with visibility. I mean, even with my
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: work with H and M, I wanted them to have
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: more models and not just different sizes, but different races,
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: different abilities, like really show how diverse folks are and
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: what they look like in their clothing. Because you're right,
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: when you're shopping on a site, you want to see
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: someone that looks like you or someone that you at
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: least feel like you can identify with, whether you're petite,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: whether you're hourglass, whether you whatever. I want to see
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: someone that looks like me. And I think that that
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: is a big problem. But I also think that a
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: lot of the problem problems are internal within these companies.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I feel like there are not enough diverse, diverse people
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: at the top of the food chain making these decisions.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: And I'm not saying it's all white man's fault, but
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: it is. It is it is it is. We are
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: absolutely saying it's all white resaults. Is she's it is
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: absolutely right. I mean, I mean, they're the ones calling
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: the shots and they always have been, and and that's
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: who I like to blame the majority of my problems on.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, you're on the right track, you're in the
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: right building, exists.
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: For sure, You're not gonna get any pushed back from me.
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: Do you.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: Do you try to destigmatize the word fat.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I mean, everybody has eyeballs. I'm fat, but
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I'm also like hot, and now I know I'm being
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: a Narcissist's funny and you know, charismatic, and that's not
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: it's not narcissists.
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: It's talk good about yourself.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: I agree, but just we also throw the word narcissists
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: around way too much, like everyone is not a narcissist
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: because they're confident that's true. Well, I mean there are
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: a lot of words that communities have claimed yeah and
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: done work to drain the toxicity out of. So do
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: you think that within like the plus sized community, that
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: that is a thing.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: When I was promoting my first book, that it's the
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: not so Subtle Art of Being a Fat Girl is
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: the title, and I remember doing so much press around
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: the world for it and people were like, oh, well
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: I put that in the title, or even now when
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: I say the word fat people there's a visceral reaction
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: to people and they and I find that I'm the
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: one comforting them to make them feel better that they
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: heard me just say it. And for me, it was
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: kind of like I just wanted to destigmatize it. I
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: just wanted to that's how I refer to myself. But
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: it's not like the cross that I'm going to die on,
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. It's just for me. It
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: was like taking the word that hurt me the most
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: and taking the pain out of it so that I
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: could live my life and I could kind of, you know,
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: spread my wings and not feel like that was hanging
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: over me and.
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: That it hurt me.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're taking the power out of it, yeah, right,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: because there's just I would never feel comfortable calling someone
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: fat in an bearing way. Yeah, but I would like
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: I would call you like, I will call you bitch
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: in an endearing way. But if a man said it
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: to me, for sure, then it's not the same thing. Absolutely,
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: So I think it's completely appropriate for anyone who's referred
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: to as something to drain the toxicity of it and
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: take the power back.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: What do you think is the biggest.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: Issue facing the body positivity movement right now?
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: It's a good question.
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: Probably the lack of community. I think it's really hard because.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: There's so many angles I think in society in so
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: many ways that we are all I mean women in
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: general were always pitted to hate each other and rip
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: each other apart, and that society is doing right. But
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: when it's within the body positive community, or I guess
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: like the plus size community, I feel like it's quite
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: hard because we wear our emotions on our shoulders. We
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: it's for some people, it is their whole identity and
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: it means a lot to them, and I think that
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: that's very valid. But I think that there is a
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: lack of community, especially in regards to when people lose
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: weight or change their bodies. I think that it's hard
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: for some people, and I think sometimes people take things
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: personally about other people's bodies that they shouldn't.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: Because I know, someone is presenting as body positive while
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: they're heavier, and then they lose weight.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: It's yeah, and maybe they're not honest about it, or
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: maybe they're you know, if they have a big following
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: I've seen that happen a lot because.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: We are in the age of you know, there's a
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: lot of a lot of health transformations, and it's been
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: happening a lot since COVID.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: But I've always been an advocate.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: That's why I created my f Your Beauty standards movement,
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: like over a decade ago, was because I wanted people like,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: screw what is sidy thinks of? You do what you
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: want to do, do what feels good. And I think
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: that some people sometimes take things a bit too personally
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and don't kind of focus on their own happiness. And
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: that could be said with anybody, not just within my
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: own community.
• 19:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: I mean I've been in the public eye for in
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: some capacity for almost twenty years, so my body is
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: constantly picked apart in every different way.
• 19:29
  Speaker 4: I mean there was like.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: A time where I would I was like, you know what,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to edit photos anymore.
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to do it.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: And then like the next day I posted a completely
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: normal picture and every comment was like are you pregnant?
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: And it was crazy to me. I'm like, it's such
• 19:49
  Speaker 4: a crazy thing.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how like bodies are perceived on the internet, Like
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: every week I'm going to post my workout video, I'm
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: gonna have seven hundred men tell me that I need
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: to get a BBL.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: At least.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: Georgia's dying. He knows how we're taking this as post
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: is like tying me up like it's it's it's everyone
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: has an opinion about other people's bodies in a it's
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: it is almost borderline, like, of all the crazy things
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: that goes on in the world, I think that is
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: one of the crazier things that we do.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I saw one of the funniest tiktoks I've ever seen
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: in my life before I left the house, and it
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: was this man who was who was not attractive at all.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: I would say, if you're going on the one to ten,
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: ten being most attractive one being naw. He was probably
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: like a two ooh maybe two and a half. This
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: man got on Beyonce's Internet and said, well, I'm just
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: so tired of ugly women asking me out, and was
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: so serious ten toes down and I commented, this must
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: be rage bait, because what are you talking about about.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I think that men that comment on stuff like that
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: like they don't realize the call is coming from within
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: the house, and also like it's there's plenty of your
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: faves that have bbls and you don't even know it
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: and blah blah blah blah blah.
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: But also who cares.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: And also like get a baby all if you want
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: to be on I'm very pro bbn't take your surgery,
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: but if you want to do it, like I'm I'm
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: pro whatever you want to do with your body.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: But it is just there's a lot of audacity.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: It's so much audacity, and it's it really is remarkable
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: to me because the so for that perspective, which is
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: what I wanted to ask you about, Like, these people
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: are telling me that I look pregnant, right, which is insane.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: I mean, I've never been pregnant to my knowledge, and I.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: What they're saying is that they can physically look at
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: me and see that I am pregnant.
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: So like I don't know that.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: I'm you stranger on the internet are looking at a
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: photo on Instagram and you believe that you see a
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: human being growing inside my body and I don't know that, Like, oh,
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: are you pregnant?
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: Why would this be? How I launched it?
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: I have so many follow ups to this, like very
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: very It's like one of the weirdest things.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: But it just it never really ends.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: And there's this idea that people can like look at
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: you and determine your health. Like I've been thin, Okay,
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: now I'm not doing well. Okay, I gained thirty pounds, Okay,
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: now I'm not doing well. I'm in the state that
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I'm in now, that's not right, Like there no, there's
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: never an answer. But the health thing to me is
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: very weird because why would you be able to look.
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: At someone and tell they're healthy.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I think that it's really weird. I think that it's strange.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I think that, Yeah, I think people are weird. It's
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: funny when I turn on the street for the studio.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: My trainer is like two blocks away, and I was
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: on live the other day with my trainer and people
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: were like, there's no way you work out, There's.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: No way, blah blah blah, And I just always think
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: it's funny. I think that.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It's the same way I feel when people are on
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: my comments and you know, on social media and they're like,
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: who would ever kiss you? You're disgusting? And my favorite comeback,
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: because I'm a child, is I don't know, ask your dad,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: you know, or stupid stuff like that.
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: Because it does solid you not your mom too.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's why would've been you're pregnant. I don't know,
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: ask your dad, you know, Just like people know what
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: you're on. Yeah, and you have to pay me rent,
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: here's my vendo. I just think that people are just
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: so focused on everybody else when they could go to
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: therapy and work through their things and leave me alone.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: And I've been called you know, unhealthy and everything on
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: the internet for so long. I had somebody you know,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: on social media recently tell me that I would never
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: make it to thirty and my response to them was
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: about two seconds and it said, Babe, I'm thirty nine.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I'm thirty nine. No, I don't look like it. That's
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: embarrassing for you. It's the cheeseburger grease that keeps me youthful.
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: But like, why do you care? Like it's just so strange.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Well, it's a mean place, it is. You have been
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: in the space for so long. I know because I've
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: been following you forever, and you do deal with an
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: insane amount of disgusting level hate and there is a
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: real I mean again, obviously all of this is weird
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: because being mean to strangers is an insane habit. But yeah,
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: there's a real hatred for people who are plus size, and.
• 24:44
  Speaker 4: It's it's very like visceral.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's exhaust it's exhausting to be front facing
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: it all, but to be dealing with that type of
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: like someone saying that you're gonna die, or saying that
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: you don't work out, or that you don't take care
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: of yourself, or that you're not healthy because you happen
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: to be born in the body that you're in, or.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: That I don't care about my kids like or they'll
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, well, you don't love your kids enough
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: to be healthy and to stay around for them. And
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I always think that that's really strange too, because why
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: would I go through everything I have to do with
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: my body to not be around for them. And I
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: also think that health is not a moral mandate. I
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: always refer to my mom because my mom has been
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: disabled my entire life. My mom would be deemed unhealthy,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: but that's not something that she can help. Also, we
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: some of us have illnesses or birth defects or et cetera.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: Some people, you know, are in larger bodies, some people aren't.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: It's like who are we? Like when did people become
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: the you know, the jury, the judge, and the executioner
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: to sit up here and say that's not okay, this
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: is okay. But then, you know, sometimes I feel like
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I can't blame people because that's what we've been taught
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: as a society, and that's what's been through own in
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: our face over and over. It's that, you know, And
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: that's part of why I didn't know I had an
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: eating disorder for so long because my particular eating disorder
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: was always associated with like thin white women, So like
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: why would I think that I would have that eating disorder?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: But then that all trickles back to like the lack
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: of education and care within you know, minority communities, and
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: and how a system designed to keep certain groups oppressed
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: does that yeah, and continues to. So it's just like
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: so deep. And that's probably why I try to like
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: do it all with a smile on my face, because
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: if I didn't, girl, I would crumble.
• 26:44
  Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I mean that's it's it is exhausting. So
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: what do you do to sort of let all that go?
• 26:51
  Speaker 4: Because you have to build it. You have to build
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: a armor just to move through the world.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm very sensitive, so it's tough.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I take a lot of breaks from social media. Writing.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: My book has kept me busy for the last like
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: two and a half years, so I was just kind
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: of like putting all my energy into that. I have
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: really great friends and a really great team and a
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: really great family and really great kids, And I try
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: to focus on what actually matters and what is in
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: front of me. What can I control that's in front
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: of me. We can't control anything, but I can also
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: control where my happiness goes and where my energy goes.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: And if it's not benefiting me or fulfilling me in
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: some way, then I will not spend more than twenty
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: four hours letting me feel anything other than hopefully if
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: it's not happiness, just some kind of peace or harmony.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah, no, you have to take a break for sure.
• 27:55
  Speaker 4: Do you worry? I mean, you're writing your book for
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: young people.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: I'm really fascinated like where beauty standards go in the
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: next for the next generation, because you and I are
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: around the same age.
• 28:10
  Speaker 4: So we grew up with magazines. We grew up with
• 28:13
  Speaker 4: like a.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: Very controlled beauty image, which was very white, which was
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: very thin, straight hair, like all of those things. Now
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: with the Internet, there is a variety of options for
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: what you can be and look like and have communities
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: like It's it's not that it's perfect, but there there's
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: visibility at least on the Internet that you know, the
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: big monsters can't control.
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: My concern with like the explosion of social media was
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: that there was going to be a standard for perfection.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: And I kind of feel like this generation has taken
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: a little bit of that back. Like there was a
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: time where being on camera with like a pimple cover
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: was I mean.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: They would never never crazy is crazy, and now it's normal.
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: Now it's normal, and it's almost like encouraged to be
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: even more raw, like to have like to just show
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: up as you are and then occasionally let everyone know
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: that you're a baddie.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: I think we're going to be fine because our current
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: younger generations are vicious. Yeah, they are vicious. Sometimes they
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: need to like take a breath and a beat and
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: maybe like do some research before they snap, because sometimes
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: they're they're snapping at the wrong people and doing too much.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: But then I look back when I was their age,
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: and I also was doing too much and saying too much.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: But you know, the beauty trends are actually showing that
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: we are shifting to a place where they and this
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: is not these are not my words, but they said
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: that ugly is going to be trendy. So it's interesting
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: to hope for what women because I hope for only
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: women to be have been trending for Oh my god,
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: they've been winning for so long.
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: Tired of the winds.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: But they're just you know, whether you and I just
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: say ugly because that was what like trend forecasters are saying, but.
• 30:10
  Speaker 4: That really was. They were like, ugly is the new pretty,
• 30:13
  Speaker 4: But what is ugly?
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: I don't actually believe. I don't actually believe in it.
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: Like that I was.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: I was walking around this week on maybe I'm was
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: having like a little transcendent moment, who knows, but I'm
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: walking around. I was like just looking at people, and
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: I was like, people don't be that ugly, Like I think,
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: like I think we are so hard on ourselves.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Like I just want a T shirt that says people
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: don't be people don't.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: They don't like because because I think I think people
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: well one where we've like just shifted to this place
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: in society where everybody looks the fucking same and it.
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: Still get me started so boring.
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: And so when I see someone who had who is
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: like like a beautiful older woman who like clearly has
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: taken care of herself but hasn't had a bunch of
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: work done, I'm like, Wow, that's a really beautiful woman.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: I also don't give a fuck if you do four
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: facelifts like that works for me too.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: I genuinely don't care what anyone does with their body.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: But I just think there's there's really a lot of
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: beauty in the world. Like I think people are more
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: beautiful than they they can see in themselves.
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, yeah.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: I think that's why I really think that there is
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: so much beauty in diversity. Like, I like that is
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: why I've made it my whole life's work, because there
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: are so many people that don't see their worth and
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: don't see how beautiful they are. But like you said, perfectly,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: it's the machine that's made people feel that way.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: So uh, you know.
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: And I think uniqueness is hot.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: I think that people being themselves and being authentically themselves
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: whatever that looks like, is the hottest thing.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: I do too. I love a look.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I love a look me too, because I'm not I'm
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I really don't feel like I'm that like very edgy
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: fashion wise. I love fashion and beauty and like I'm
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: a girly girl for sure.
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: It's just why I've been following you forever.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: But I just love when somebody commits to a logan
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: is unapologetic bout it, even if it's not my style
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: the same, because I'm like you, we just need we
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: just need different shit, Like everything cannot be the same.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: No, And I feel like now when you like walk around,
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: especially in LA, I feel like you're right, everyone looks
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: the same. Everyone has the same bag and the same
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: accessories and the same outfit and the same aesthetic. And
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, I want off this train.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: Well, LA is tough too. I mean you're you're from
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: the South, from Mississippi. Yeah, I'm from Pittsburgh, and I like,
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: you've had the privilege to travel the world.
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: As if I LA.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: I try to not let let LA like flavor all
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: of my viewpoints because when I step outside of the city,
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, people are doing fun stuff.
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: You know, LA just can really suck you in.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: I remember when I moved here. When I first moved
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: to LA, I moved from Miami. I lived in Miami
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: for ten years. And when I lived in Miami it's
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: changed a little bit now, but when I lived in Miami,
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: it was all like bandage dresses, you know, like if
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: we went out, I didn't have to ask anybody if
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: they were wearing a dress like it was a dress
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: in heels.
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: There was no such thing as jeans.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And I moved to LA and like went out
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: in one of my Miami dresses, and I was like,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: oh my god, like, do I look like a hooker?
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: Like I'm in like this bright pink dress. Everyone's walking around.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: They're like grungy, black, vampire mode stuff. I was like,
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: I have a good new wardrobe, and I literally let
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: it influence me. Now I don't care, like I will
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: wear color all the time because I like color.
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean, LA is tough. Labels suck you in.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: LA is tough.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: I've been here for sixteen years and I love it.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: But what I love is being able to leave and
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: come back. Like I love being here, but I love leaving.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Also.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: Bandage dresses are kind of be like the next thing
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: next year, That's what they're saying back. I don't know
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: about it. I look like I'm in a sausage casing.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: I don't it's an advantage. They don't look good on anyone.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: I'm not a fan.
• 34:10
  Speaker 4: They don't look nut. We don't have to bring those back.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: It's how I feel about Peplam as well. Why are
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: peplam tops back? They don't need to come back either.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: They don't burn them, burn them. We must have a
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: bomb vire. Absolutely, I don't want Pepam. I don't want
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: them back, and I don't want We don't need to
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: bring back that era of fashion. Actually, like we don't
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: need to bring back the office era. It was not
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: a good time for any of us. Fact girls growing up,
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: we all looked like little tiny business people because there
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: was we had no options.
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: And we just like looked insane. I looked like, here's
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: my theory why we did that?
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Because the club the clubs put these ridiculous mandates they
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: did for the men, and because women were perfect in solidarity,
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: we tried to make them feel comfortable in their business outfits.
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: It's ridiculous, like hard bottom shoes and the button dollas.
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: I remember, yes, I did.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: We were like cool, we'll dress that like weird gep
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: secretaries that were, you know, we got our outfit from
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: American Apparel or like Ruth twenty one or whatever.
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: It was awful. Those were terrible looks. It was the
• 35:15
  Speaker 4: big chunky necklace.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: And now I have them all.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: I was in club memories with the Z in Mississippi
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: with whatever. I yeah, not looking a mess, bucking up,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: and no one was on their phone. And thank god,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: the only way that those photos would have been documented
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: is through a digital camera, which I don't even know
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: where that exists, so thank god.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: But to be clear, we're better than all of you.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: We had the best of times. Okay, we don't know
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: what a water was. We were drinking vodka cranberries out
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: of horrible plastic cups with three week old limes. We
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: were dancing our asses off, we were sweating on each other,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: we were making out and nobody knew about it, and
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: the debriefs were spectacular. We had a time, and that's
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: why everyone is still listening to our music, because we
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: were actually having a good time.
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: Those those days are over. They're never going back.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: I do feel really grateful to be a millennial, even
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: though we get made fun of online.
• 36:10
  Speaker 4: We're the best generation.
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: Honestly, I feel like we are, and we're the hottest.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: The hottest, and this app we are unequivocally the best generation.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: And here's why I've said this before. First of all,
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: no one can tell me anything, so we are the
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: best generation. But we are literally the best because we
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: remember and had experiences in a time before the internet. Yeah,
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: so we know what that kind of fun was, and
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: now we live and can thrive in this internet time
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: as well. So we've had both experiences. Like we know
• 36:39
  Speaker 2: what it's like to have to be home before the
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: street lights come on. We know what ice cream men were.
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: We were riding our bikes and like hanging out with
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: our neighbors, doueyping.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Houses before ring cameras like amis came near me.
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: We were teeping things.
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: That you're putting, egging houses agging.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I was also putting catch up on pads and sticking
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: them to people's mailboxes.
• 37:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we were menac.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Do I was, And I was sneaking out doing all kinds.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: You couldn't do it in this era of cameras do
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: anything now.
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: Sneaking out unheard of. Did you have your phone with you?
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: It's just going to track you everywhere you go. You're
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: not going to leave your phone.
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: There was no life three sixty.
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: No, just our parents just assumed we were alive, or
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: they would call one of the neighbors and be like, hey,
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: have you seen my child? Like, yeah, I saw them
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: twenty minutes ago, Like, okay, cool, so they'll be around eventually,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: and if you dare to not come home, you might
• 37:33
  Speaker 2: as well be dead anyway.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: Because my neighbors asked, Yeah, I've never been to Pittsburgh's,
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: but my neighbors were cows, so there wasn't really anybody
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: to call if I didn't, but it was I'm guessing
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: in Pittsburgh it was a little Yeah.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: They were definitely not cows, but no, I had neighbors
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: for sure, But yeah, I mean, we just lived in
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: a different time and that time is not coming back.
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: So I really feel like we're the best because we
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: know we know how to survive in both worlds. We
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: do and we're resilient. We are were the best, and
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: we drink. We look we look so good because we
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: weren't crushing six.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I'm also so sad that you were drinking vodka Kranz
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: because mine was ever clear.
• 38:09
  Speaker 4: I know, I don't know. I was a brat when
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: I was.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I was I was talking about the binge drinking air,
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: which is just such a terrible time. But like when
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: being called a lightweight was like an insult, and I
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: was just like, I can't do it. I can't do
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: a beer. I'm not gonna be able to do it.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't do whiskey. So yeah, but I mean vodka.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: Vodka had its time, though, remember the absolutes I do,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: of course I do, Yeah, all the flavors.
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I was. I was.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was a menace. I really was. I don't
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: really drink that much anymore though, so I'm no.
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: I mean, how about our body stand it?
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like I could if you just drained all the
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: alcohol that I've drinking in my lifetime. You just completely
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: like stalk a liquor store. These kids don't know anything
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: about that.
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: They're not even that. No, they're not.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: They think we were alcoholics like which I don't know, maybe,
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: but like it was not a time. It was not
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: a time for the week, absolutely not. And there was
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: not a water inside. I don't remember drinking one single
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: water in four years of college.
• 39:14
  Speaker 4: No water.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Oh I yeah, I definitely wasn't drinking water.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: Now I am. Yeah, I know, you know, because I'm
• 39:20
  Speaker 3: trying to look youthful forever.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: But yeah, you're gonna look amazing favor all right, this
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: was so fun. I have a couple, a couple of
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: rapid fire questions for you.
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: Okay, if you could wear one designer for the rest
• 39:31
  Speaker 4: of your life, who would it be? Uh?
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Westwood maybe Westwood.
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: M I'm going to go I'm a ysel girly.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: I love why So, I have so much why So,
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for that they're such a great designer.
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: A time you regret being vulnerable?
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Who probably sharing my eating disorder a few years ago
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: without like telling my team I was a little too
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: soon in my recovery.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: I have regarded being vulnerable lots of times, I think publicly.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: I don't know that I've ever really regretted being vulnerable
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: publicly because I've been pretty intentional about it.
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: But personally, yeah, pretty pretty yeah.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, one friend, I would I would definitely take take
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: back vulnerability with celebrity.
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: You would nominate for president? Nominate test holiday? No, I
• 40:24
  Speaker 4: don't want it. That's why I'm perfect for it.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: A celebrity.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: Dolly Parton, Oh, the only answer, the only answer to
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: the only answer.
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: I I like the rock I think.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: But if I'm gonna if I'm going to nominate someone
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: for president that's a celebrity, it's gonna have to be
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: myself because I don't trust any any of the celebrities.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: I would really like it's for no more celebrities to
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: be president and just a normal politician that.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: Does nominate me.
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, not a real celebrity, even though I'm like, I'm
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: like a, Okay, yes you are.
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: Thank you, Yes you are. Toughest lesson you've had to
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: learn and love.
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: To believe what you find the first time to just
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: they're not going to change. Yes, they will keep cheating
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: on you with your fans and it won't get better.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: So leave them the first time. Don't give them fifty chances.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a hard lesson. I've learned that lesson.
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: Also the hardest lesson I've learned in love, hardest lesson
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: I've learned in love. I think that, yeah, you can't
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: make people change, and when they show you who.
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: They are, believe you have to believe it.
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: I guess it's I guess it's the same lesson, but
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: it's it takes so much to learn that lesson. Unfortunately
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: it does. It just takes a lot. It's not the
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: easiest lesson to learn. It's one of the most painful
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: lessons that you'll learn. But it's not an easy one.
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Something you always judge others for.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I don't really make a habit of judge.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: I mean I would say the only thing I would
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: judge somebody on was like maybe being a bad parent publicly. Yeah,
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: like if you're if like you are dressed to the
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: nines and your kid is like filthy, but in a
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: way where it's like they didn't just spill something. And
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: maybe like if your kid doesn't have what they need
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: and you're yeah, I then I get the that's hard.
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: It's hard for me.
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a bad parent, so I cannot if
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: you are like absence yea, or like I love the
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: man who's like bragging about how like like I see
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: my child like once a month, like yeah, it's weird.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Or people that say they're babysitting their kids babysitting is crazy.
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: That's wild. Yeah, it came out of you in some capacity.
• 42:56
  Speaker 4: It's the other wild. Yeah, a bad parent is a major.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Not even red flag, Like I'm one hundred percent yeah
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: judging you for that.
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Before we let you go.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: I am also a domestic violence survivor of something that
• 43:11
  Speaker 2: I've I've talked about very publicly and been very vulnerable
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: about what's what is your experience in that space, like
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: being public about it, How has that affected you as
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: it made you feel stronger in the conversation, Because for me,
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: I was absolutely petrified to talk about it the first
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: time I talked about it, But as I've talked about
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: it more, I've sort of drained a lot of the
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: pain out of speaking about it in sharing with other people.
• 43:40
  Speaker 4: So what has that been like for you?
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: I agree with you.
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: I think as somebody that experienced DV throughout my childhood
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: and then into my intimate partnerships as an adult, it's
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: not somewhere you ever kind of find you don't You
• 43:56
  Speaker 1: don't think you're going to find yourself there. And I
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: think I have worked really hard to remove the shame
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: that I felt around, you know, quote getting myself in
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: that situation, because it's not you don't know when things
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: like that are going to happen. And yeah, we can
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: sit here and say, like you know, leave the first
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: time or X y Z, like we're saying I'm fortunate
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: to just be sitting here, as I'm sure you are too,
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: And so I that is something I've had to work
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: really hard for and it's easier for me to talk
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: about it now because I know how fortunate I am
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: to be even to be able to even share my experiences,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: because there's so many that never will be able to
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: so it gets easier, but my heart also hurts for
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: people that will never know what that feels like.
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and to be.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Clear, when we were doing rapid fire, we're just talking
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: about like, yeah, regular relationships, violence build up to that.
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: Correct thing is a completely different conversation. Well, I'm proud
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: of you for speaking about it. Yeah, because it does.
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: It does help other people, it does. Yeah, there's a
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: lot of things that we advocate for, and it can
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: feel like why the fuck am I doing this because
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: no one cares and the internet's horrible and everyone's hateful
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: and mean. But those conversations, I know have had like
• 45:24
  Speaker 2: real impacts on people, because it is important to put
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: a face to domestic violence, Like it's important for people
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: to see that you've survived and that you're thriving and
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: that you can have a life and take control of
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: you know, your happiness outside of that type of abuse.
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: So well, you got to thank you. Yeah, Yeah, I've
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: loved having you on.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: I can talk to you for the next three hours.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: So have insisted we're friends, so we can do this.
• 45:50
  Speaker 4: I'm glad this is where it happened.
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: Make sure that you pre order Tessa's second book, you
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: take up space y'all, Your Bold Bright Guide to Self
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: Love available for pre order now and it comes out
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: on August twenty six, And follow her on Instagram as
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: I have had for many years. At Test Holiday, thank
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: you so much for coming down.
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you, it was such a pleasure.
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: That's great. Love that conversation with Tests. She is so great.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: Make sure you go and pre order her book and
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: follow her on social media. It's time for Never Too Personal.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: If you want to be a part of the show,
• 46:21
  Speaker 2: you can email us at two Personal Podcasts at gmail
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: dot com, or you can dms at two Personal Show
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: on Instagram. Make sure you go and follow us on
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: all of our pages. So this question is what is
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: your strategy for coming to terms with opportunities, phases or
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: time periods being over. I really like this question because
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: I have this conversation in my personal life. A lot
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: different phases and opportunities. Different chapters of your life happen
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: in a lot of different ways. Whether it's relationships, whether
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: it's career moves, whether it's things with family, it's chapters
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: with friends, and being able to handle a chapter closing
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: and processing it. I think it's very essential to writing
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: the story of your life. All of us will go
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: through different phases. We will have different jobs, we will
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: have different friend groups, We even have different you know, styles,
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: and the way that we dress or that we do
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: our hair. We change throughout our lives, and so do
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: our circumstances, whether they're within our control or not. And
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: I think one of the biggest things for me what
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: I try to do when a I know a chapter
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: is ending is to one reflect on everything that happened
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: during that chapter, positive or negative, and give myself the
• 47:32
  Speaker 2: time to grieve it.
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: Because whether it's.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: A person leaving your life, whether it's a job, whether
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: it's you know, a phase, whether it's just a really
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: bad time or you were struggling, whatever it is that
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: you are going through or experience, you need to contextualize
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: it in a way that is positive and healthy, and
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: sometimes it just takes a little time to mourn it.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: I would have friends sometimes who we are getting out
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: of relationships, and you know, I've done this as well, obviously,
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: but this is the advice that I've given other people.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: Is you know, not to numb yourself with things. It's
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: very easy when you're going through a chapter change to
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: pour yourself into something else so that you don't feel
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: the emotions of that current chapter ending. But the problem
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: is those emotions are going to catch up with you eventually,
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: So stand in it, allow the raw experience to happen.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: Understand that you have different chapters of your life and
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: that's what makes your life exciting and dynamic is change,
• 48:25
  Speaker 2: and it's inevitable and it's going to happen to all
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: of us. But taking the time to reflect and grieve
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: and process all of it, however long that takes, is
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: really important to be a being able to show up
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: as your full self in the next chapter. So that's
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: my advice for that. Thanks so much for sending in
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: the question again. You can be a part of the
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: show two personal podcasts at gmail dot com, follow us
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: on social media, make sure that you subscribe, and we'll
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: catch you next week.