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Importance of Being Earnest (version 5) - Oscar Wilde · The Importance of Being Earnest

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Act one of the Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: visit LibriVox dot org. The Importance of Being Earnest by
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Oscar Wilde a trivial comedy for serious people. The person's
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: in the.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Play Jack Worthing read by Caveat.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: Aldronan Moncrief read by Rob.
• 0:29
  Speaker 4: Marland, Reverend Canon Chadgible read by al G.
• 0:33
  Speaker 5: Pag Merriman read by Adrian Stephens.
• 0:37
  Speaker 6: Lane read by Our Mapstone.
• 0:40
  Speaker 7: Lady Bracknell read by Kelly Taylor.
• 0:44
  Speaker 8: Gwendolyn read by Elise.
• 0:46
  Speaker 9: D Cecily Cardu read by Jen Broda.
• 0:50
  Speaker 10: Miss Prism read by Tricia g.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Stage directions read by Mitch. The scenes of the play
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Act one, Algernon Moncrief's flat in half Moon Street, Wolton,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Act two, The Garden at the Manor House, Wolton, Act three,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: The Drawing Room at the Manor House, Wolton Time the
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: present first act morning room in Algernon's flat in half
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Leane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: the music has ceased, Algernon enters.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: Did you hear what I was playing?
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Layne?
• 1:38
  Speaker 6: I did not think it polite to listen, sir.
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry for that for your sake. I don't play accurately.
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: Anyone can play accurately, but I play with wonderful expression
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: as far as the piano is concerned. Sentiment is my forte.
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: I keep science for life.
• 1:58
  Speaker 6: Yes, sir.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: And speaking of the science of life, have you got
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell, Yes, sir.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Lane hands them on a salver. Algernon inspects them, takes two,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: and sits down on the sofa.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, by the way, Laine, I see from your book
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: that on Thursday night, when Lord Showman and mister Worthing
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne had entered
• 2:27
  Speaker 3: as having been consumed.
• 2:29
  Speaker 6: Yes, sir, eight bottles and a pint.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: Why is it that at a bachelor's establishment the servants
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.
• 2:43
  Speaker 6: I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, Sir,
• 2:48
  Speaker 6: I have often observed that in married households, the champagne
• 2:53
  Speaker 6: is rarely of a first rate brand.
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: Good heavens his marriage so demoralized.
• 3:01
  Speaker 6: I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: have had very little experience of it myself up to
• 3:09
  Speaker 6: the present. I have only been married once. That was
• 3:14
  Speaker 6: in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Algernon languidly.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know that I'm much interested in your family life.
• 3:27
  Speaker 6: Lane, No, sir, it's not a very interesting subject. I
• 3:33
  Speaker 6: never think of it myself.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Very natural. I am sure that will do Lane, Thank.
• 3:39
  Speaker 6: You, thank you, Sirleen goes out.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Lane's views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: lower orders don't set as a good example, what on
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: earth is the use of them? They seem as a
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: class to have absolutely no sense of moral responsible.
• 4:00
  Speaker 6: Inter Lean, mister Ernest worthy.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: Enter Jack Lean goes out, how are you, my dear Ernest?
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: What brings you up to town?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: Oh? Pleasure? Pleasure? What else would bring one anywhere? Eating
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: as usual?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I see Algae Algernon stiffly.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: I believe it is customary in good society to take
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: some slight refreshment at five o'clock. Where have you been
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: since last Thursday?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Jack? Sitting down on the sofa.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: In the country.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: What on earth do you do.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: There, Jack pulling off his gloves.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: When one is in the town, one amuses one's self.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: When one is in the country, one amuses other people.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: It is accessively boring.
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: And who are the people you amuse?
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: Jack?
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Airily?
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, neighbors, neighbors, got.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Nice neighbors in your part of.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Shropshire, perfectly horrid. Never speak to one of them.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: How immensely you must amuse them.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Algernon goes over and takes a sandwich.
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: By the way, Shropshire is your county, is it not, eh, Shropshire? Yes,
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: of course, hallo? Why all these cups? Why cucumber sandwiches?
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Why such reckless extravagance in one so young? Who is
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: coming to tea?
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Merely, Aunt Augusta and Gwendolyn, how perfectly delightful? Yes, that
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: is all very well, But I am afraid Aunt Augusta
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: won't quite approve of your being here.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: May I ask why.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: My dear fellow, the way you flirt with Gwendolyn is
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: Gwendolen flirts with you.
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: to town expressly to propose to her.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: I thought you would come up for pleasure. I call
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: that business.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: How utterly unromantic you are.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: I really don't see anything romantic and proposing. It is
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: very romantic to be in love, but there is nothing
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: romantic a definite proposal. Why one may be accepted? One
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: usually is, I believe, and then the excitement is all over.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I have no doubt about that, dear Algae. The divorce
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: court was specially invented for people whose memories are so
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: curiously constituted.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: Ah, there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: are made in heaven.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Jack puts out his hand to take a sandwich. Algernon
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: at once interferes.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: Please don't touch the cucumber sandwiches. They are ordered specially
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: for Aunt Augusta.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: Algernon takes one and eats it.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: But you've been eating them all the time.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: That is quite a different matter.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: Jee, my aunt Algernon takes a plate from below.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Have some bread and butter. The bread and butter is
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: for Gwendoline. Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Jack advancing to the table and helping himself.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: And very good bread and butter. It is too.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: Well, my dear fellow. You need not eat it as
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: if you were going to eat it all you behave
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: as if you are married to her already. You are
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: not married to her already, and I don't think you
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: ever will be.
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: Why on earth do you say that?
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: Well, in the first place, girls never marry the men
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: they flirt with. Girls don't think it right.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Oh, that is nonsense.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: It isn't. It is a great truth. It accounts for
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: the extraordinary number of bachelors that one sees all over
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: the place. In the second place, I don't give my
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: consent your consent, my dear fellow. Gwendolen is my first cousin.
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: And before I allow you to marry her, you will
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: have to clear up the whole question of Cecily.
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: Algernon wrings the Cecily, What on earth do you mean?
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: What do you mean? Algae? By Cecily? I don't know
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: anyone of the name of Cecily.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: Interlane, bring me that cigarette case, mister worthing left in
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: the smoking room the last time he dined here.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, sir, Line goes out, do.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: You mean to say you have had my cigarette case
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: all this time? I wish to goodness you would let
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: me know. I've been writing frantic letters discussing the yard
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: about it. I was very nearly offering a large reward.
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: Well, I wish you would offer one. I happen to
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: be more than usually hard up.
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: There is no good offering a large reward.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Now that the thing is found, Interlane with the cigarette
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: case on a salver, Algernon takes it at once. Lane
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: goes out.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: I think that is rather mean of you, Ernest, I
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: must say.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Algernon opens the case and examines it.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: However, it makes no matter, for now that I look
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: at the inscription inside, I find that the thing isn't yours.
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: After all, of course, it's mine.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Jack moving to him.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: You have seen me with it a hundred times, and
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: you have no right whatsoever to read what is written inside.
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: It is a very ungentlemanly thing to read a private
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: cigarette case.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: It is absurd to have a hard and fast rule
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: propose to discuss modern culture. Isn't the sort of thing
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: one should talk of in private. I simply want my
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: cigarette case back.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Yes, but this isn't your cigarette case. This cigarette case
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: is a present from someone of the name of Cecily.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: And you said you didn't know anyone of that name.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: Well, if you want to know, Cecly happens to be
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: my aunt, Your aunt, Yes, charming old lady, she is too,
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: lives at Tunbridge Wells, just give it back to me, Algae.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: Algernon, retreating to the back of the sofa.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: But why does she call herself little Cecily if she
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: is your aunt and lives at Bridge Whales reading from
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  Speaker 3: Little Cecily with her fondest love.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Jack moving to the sofa and kneeling upon it.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: My dear fellow, what on earth is there in that
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: some aunts are tall, some aunts are not tall. That
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: is a matter. Surely an aunt may be allowed to
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: decide for herself. You seem to think that every aunt
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: should be exactly like your aunt. That is absurd. For
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: Heaven's sake, give me back my cigarette case.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Jack follows Algernon around the room.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, but why does your aunt call you her uncle?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: From little Cecily with her fondest love to her dear
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: uncle Jack. There is no objection. I admit to an
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: aunt being a small aunt. But why an aunt, don't
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: matter what her size may be, should call her own
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: nephew her uncle. I can't quite make out. Besides, your
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: name isn't Jack at all. It is Ernest.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: It isn't Ernest, it's Jack.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: You have always told me it was Ernest. I have
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: introduced you to everyone as Ernest. You answer to the
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: name of Ernest. You look as if your name was Ernest.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: You are the most earnest looking person I ever saw
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: in my life. It is perfectly absurd your saying that
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: your name isn't Earnest. It's on your cards. Here is
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: one of them, taking it from the case, mister Ernest
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: Worthing B four of the Albany. I'll keep this as
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: a proof that your name is Ernest. If ever you
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: attempt to deny it to me, or to Gwendoline, or
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: to anyone.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: Else, Algernon puts the card in his pocket.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: the country, and the cigarette case was given to me
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: in the country.
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: Yes, but that does not account for the fact that
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: your small aunt Cecily, who lives at Tunbridge, Wales, calls
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: you her dear uncle. Calm old boy. You had much
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: better have the thing out at.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Once, My dear Algae, you talk as if you were
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: a dentist. He's very vulgar to talk like a dentist
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression.
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: Well, that is exactly what dentists always do. Now go
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: on tell me the whole thing. I may mention that
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: I've always suspected you of being a confirmed and secret Bumbriist,
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: and I'm quite sure of it.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: Now, Bunbriest, what on earth do you mean by bunbrist.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: I'll reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: as soon as you are kind enough to inform me.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: While you are Earnest in Town and Jack in the country.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Well, produce my cigarette case first.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: Here it is Algernon, handsome the cigarette case.
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: Now produce your explanation, and pray make it improbable, he
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: sits on the sofa.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: My dear fellow, there is nothing improbable about my explanation
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: at all. In fact, it's perfectly ordinary. Old Thomas card You,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: who adopted me when I was a little boy, made
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: me in his will guardian to his granddaughter, Miss Cecily. Cecily,
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: who addresses me, has her uncle from motives of respect
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: that you could not possibly appreciate, lives at my place
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: in the country under the charge for admirable Governess misprison.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: Where is that place in the country?
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: By the way, that is nothing to do with you,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: dear boy. You are not going to be invited. I
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: may tell you candidly that the place is not in Shropshire.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: I suspected that, my dear fellow, I have bumbled all
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: over Shropshire on two separate occasions. Now go on, Why
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: are you ernest in town and a jack in the country, My.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Dear algae, I don't know whether you will be able
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: to understand my real motives. You are hardly serious enough.
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: When one is placed in the position of guardian, one
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: has to adopt a very high moral tone on all subjects.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: It's one's duty to do so, and as a high
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: moral tone can hardly be said to conduce very much
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: to either one's health or one's happiness. In order to
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: get up to town, I have always pretended to have
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: a younger brother of the name of Ernest, who loses
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: the Albany and get into the most dreadful scrapes. That,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: my dear Algae, is the whole truth, pure and simple.
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: would be very tedious if it were either, and modern
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: literature a complete impossibility.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: That wouldn't be at all a bad thing.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: Literary criticism is not your forte, my dear fellow. Don't
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: try it. You should leave that to people who haven't
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: been at a university. They do it so well in
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: the daily papers. What you really are is a Bumbriist.
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: I was quite right in saying you were a bumbriist.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: You are one of the most advanced bumbriists.
• 14:40
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: What on earth do you mean?
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: You have invented a very useful younger brother called Ernest
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: in order that you may be able to come up
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: to town as often as you like. I have invented
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: an invaluable, permanent invalid called Bambre in order that I
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: may be able to go down into the country whenever
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: I choose Bumbrey is perfectly invaluable. If it wasn't for
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: Bumbrey's extraordinarily bad health, for instance, I wouldn't be able
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: to dine with you at Willis's to night, For I
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: have been really engaged to Aunt Augusta for more than
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: a week.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: I haven't asked you to dine with me anywhere to night.
• 15:17
  Speaker 3: I know you are absurdly careless about sending out invitations.
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: It is very foolish of you. Nothing an noise people
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: so much as not receiving invitations.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: You had much better dine with your Aunt Augusta.
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: I haven't the smallest intention of doing anything of the kind.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: In the second place, whenever I do dine there, I
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: am always treated as a member of the family and
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: sent down with either no woman at all or two.
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: In the third place, I know perfectly well whom she
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: will place me next to to night. She will place
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: me next Mary Farker, who always flirts with her own
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: husband across the dinner table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed,
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: it is not even decent. And that sort of thing
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: is enormously on the increase. The amount of women in
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: London who flirt with their own husbands is perfectly scandalous.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: It looks so bad. It is simply washing one's clean
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: linen in public. Besides, now that I know you to
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: be a confirmed Bumbriist, I naturally want to talk to
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: you about bumbrying. I want to tell you the rules.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: I am not a Bumbriist at all. If Gwendolen accepts me,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: I am going to kill my brother. Indeed, I think
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: I'll kill him. In any case, Cecily is a little
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: too much interested in him. He is rather a bore.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: So I am going to get rid of Ernest, and
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I strongly advise you to do the same with mister.
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: With your invalid friend who has the absurd name.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Nothing will induce me to part with Bumbriy. And if
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: you ever get married, which seems to me extremely problematic,
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: you will be very glad to know Bumbrey. A man
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: who marries without knowing Bumbrey has a very tedious time
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: of it.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: That is nonsense. If I marry a charming girl like Gwendolen,
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: and she is the only girl I ever saw in
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: my life that I would marry. I certainly won't want
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: to know Bunbury.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: Then your wife will. You don't seem to realize that
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: in married life, three is company and two is none.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Jack sententiously that, my dear friend, is the theory that
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: the corrupt French drama has been propounding for the last
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: fifty years.
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: Yes, and that the happy English home has proved in
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: half the time.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: And don't try to be cynical. It's perfectly easy to
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: be cynical, my dear fellow.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: It isn't easy to be anything nowadays. There's such a
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: lot of beastly competition.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: About the sound of an electric bell is heard, ugh that.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: To be Aunt Augusta. Only relatives or creditors ever ring
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: in that Wagnerian manner. Now, if I get her out
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: of the way for ten minutes so that you can
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: have an opportunity for proposing to Gwendolyn, may I dine
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: with you tonight at Willis's.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: I suppose so if you want to, Yes.
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: But you must be serious about it. I hate people
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: who are not serious about meals it is so shallow
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: of them.
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: Enter lane, Lady Bracknell and Miss Fairfax.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: Algernon goes forward to meet them. Enter Lady Bracknell and Gwendolyn.
• 18:38
  Speaker 7: Good afternoon, Dear Algernon. I hope you are behaving very well.
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: I'm feeling very well, aren't, Augusta.
• 18:47
  Speaker 7: That's not quite the same thing. In fact, the two
• 18:52
  Speaker 7: things rarely go together.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell sees Jack and bows to him with icy coldness.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: Algernon to Gwendolen, me, you are smart.
• 19:02
  Speaker 8: I am always smart? Am I not mister worthy?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: You're quite perfect, Miss Fairfax.
• 19:08
  Speaker 8: Oh, I hope I am not. That it would leave
• 19:12
  Speaker 8: no room for developments, and I intend to develop in
• 19:16
  Speaker 8: many directions.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen and Jack sit down together in the corner.
• 19:21
  Speaker 7: I am sorry if we are a little late, Algernon,
• 19:24
  Speaker 7: but I was obliged to call on dear Lady Harbury.
• 19:29
  Speaker 7: I hadn't been there since her poor husband's death. I
• 19:33
  Speaker 7: never saw a woman so altered. She looks quite twenty
• 19:37
  Speaker 7: years younger. And now I'll have a cup of tea
• 19:41
  Speaker 7: and one of those nice cucumber sandwiches.
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: Who promised me certainly, Aunt Augusta Algernon goes over to
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: the tea table.
• 19:49
  Speaker 7: Won't you come and sit here, Gwendolyne.
• 19:52
  Speaker 8: Thanks, Mamma, I'm quite comfortable where I am.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: Algernon picking up the empty plate in horror.
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: Good heavens, Why are there no cucumbers sandwiches? I ordered
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: them specially lean gravely?
• 20:06
  Speaker 6: There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, Sir
• 20:11
  Speaker 6: I went down twice. No cucumbers, no, sir, not even
• 20:18
  Speaker 6: for ready money.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: That will do lane, Thank you, thank you.
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: Sir.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: Leen goes out.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta about there being no cucumbers,
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: not even for ready money.
• 20:32
  Speaker 7: It really makes no matter, Algerman. I had some trumpets
• 20:36
  Speaker 7: with Lady Harbury, who seems to me to be living
• 20:40
  Speaker 7: entirely for pleasure.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Now I hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief.
• 20:46
  Speaker 7: It certainly has changed its color from what cause, I,
• 20:51
  Speaker 7: of course cannot say.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Algernon crosses enhance her tea.
• 20:55
  Speaker 7: Thank you, I have quite a treat for you tonight, Algeam.
• 21:00
  Speaker 7: I am going to send you down with Mary farquhah Or.
• 21:04
  Speaker 7: She is such a nice woman and so attentive to
• 21:07
  Speaker 7: her husband. It's delightful to watch them.
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid, Aunt Augusta, I shall have to give up
• 21:13
  Speaker 3: the pleasure of dining with you to night after.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: All, Lady Bracknell frowning.
• 21:18
  Speaker 7: I hope not, Algernon. It would put my table completely out.
• 21:24
  Speaker 7: Your uncle would have to dine upstairs. Fortunately he is
• 21:28
  Speaker 7: accustomed to that.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: It is a great bore, and I need hardly say
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: a terrible disappointment to me. But the fact is I
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: have just had a telegram to say that my poor
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: friend Bumbley is very.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Ill again, Algernon extigeous glances with Jack.
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: They seem to think I should be with him.
• 21:47
  Speaker 7: It is very strange this mister Bumbrey seems to suffer
• 21:51
  Speaker 7: from curiously bad health.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Yes, poor Bumbrey is a dreadful invalid.
• 21:57
  Speaker 7: Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is
• 22:00
  Speaker 7: high time that mister Bunbury make up his mind whether
• 22:04
  Speaker 7: he is going to live or to die. This shilly
• 22:07
  Speaker 7: shalllying with the question is absurd. Nor do I in
• 22:11
  Speaker 7: any way approve of the modern sympathy with invalids. I
• 22:15
  Speaker 7: consider it morbid illness of any kind is hardly a
• 22:20
  Speaker 7: thing to be encouraged in others. Health is the primary
• 22:24
  Speaker 7: duty of life. I am always telling that to your
• 22:27
  Speaker 7: poor uncle, but he never seems to take much notice
• 22:32
  Speaker 7: as far as any improvement in his ailment goes. I
• 22:36
  Speaker 7: should be very much obliged if you would ask mister
• 22:40
  Speaker 7: Bumbrey from me to be kind enough not to have
• 22:44
  Speaker 7: a relapse on Saturday. For I rely on you to
• 22:49
  Speaker 7: arrange my music for me. It is the last reception,
• 22:53
  Speaker 7: and one wants something that will encourage conversation, particularly at
• 22:58
  Speaker 7: the end of the season when every no one has
• 23:00
  Speaker 7: practically said whatever it was they had to say, which
• 23:04
  Speaker 7: in most cases probably was not much.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: I'll speak to Bumbley and Augusta if he is still conscious,
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: and I think I can promise you he'll be all
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: right by Saturday. Of course, the music is a great difficulty,
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: you see. If one plays good music, people don't listen,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: and if one plays bad music, people don't talk. But
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: I'll run over the program I've drawn out, if you
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: will kindly come into the next room for the moment.
• 23:35
  Speaker 7: Thank your Algernon. It is very thoughtful of your.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell rising in following Algernon.
• 23:42
  Speaker 7: I'm sure the program will be delightful. After a few expegations.
• 23:48
  Speaker 7: French songs. I cannot possibly allow. People always seem to
• 23:53
  Speaker 7: think they are improper and either look shocked, which is vulgar,
• 23:58
  Speaker 7: or laugh which which was But a German sounds a
• 24:03
  Speaker 7: thoroughly respectable language, and I believe is so. Gwendolen, you
• 24:10
  Speaker 7: will accompany me, certainly, Mamma.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell, and Algernon go into the music room. Gwendolen
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: remains behind.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Charming day it has been Miss Fairfax.
• 24:20
  Speaker 8: Pray, don't talk to me about the weather, mister Worthing.
• 24:23
  Speaker 8: Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always
• 24:26
  Speaker 8: feel quite certain that they mean something else, and that
• 24:29
  Speaker 8: makes me so nervous.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: I do mean something else.
• 24:32
  Speaker 8: I thought so. In fact, I am never wrong, and.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I would like to be allowed to take advantage of
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Lady Bracknel's temporary absently.
• 24:40
  Speaker 8: I would certainly advise you to do so. Mamma has
• 24:43
  Speaker 8: a way of coming back suddenly into a room that
• 24:45
  Speaker 8: I've often had to speak to her about jack Nervously Fairx.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Ever since I met you, I have admired you more
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: than any girl I have ever met. Since I met you, yes.
• 24:56
  Speaker 8: I am quite well aware of the fact, and I
• 25:00
  Speaker 8: I often wish that in public at any rate, you
• 25:02
  Speaker 8: had been more demonstrative for me. You have always had
• 25:06
  Speaker 8: an irresistible fascination. Even before I met you, I was
• 25:11
  Speaker 8: far from indifferent to you.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Jack looks at her in amazement.
• 25:14
  Speaker 8: We live, as I hope you know, mister Worthing, in
• 25:17
  Speaker 8: an age of ideals. The fact is constantly mentioned in
• 25:21
  Speaker 8: the more expensive monthly magazines and has reached the provincial
• 25:25
  Speaker 8: pulpits I am told, and my ideal has always been
• 25:28
  Speaker 8: to love someone of the name of Earnest. There's something
• 25:33
  Speaker 8: in that name that inspires absolute confidence. The moment Algernon
• 25:37
  Speaker 8: first mentioned to me that he had a friend called Ernest,
• 25:40
  Speaker 8: I knew I was destined to love you.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: You really love me, Gwendolyn, passionately, Darling, you don't know
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: how happy you've made me my own Earnest. But you
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: don't really mean to say that you couldn't love me
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: if my name wasn't Earnest. But your name is Ernest,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Yes I know it is. But supposing it was something else,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: do you mean to say you couldn't love me then?
• 26:00
  Speaker 11: Gwendolyn, glibly ah, that is clearly a metaphysical speculation, and
• 26:06
  Speaker 11: like most metaphysical speculations, has very little reference at all
• 26:10
  Speaker 11: to the actual facts of real.
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Life as we know them personally. Darling, to speak quite candidly,
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I don't much care about the name of Ernest. I
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: don't think the name suits me at all.
• 26:21
  Speaker 8: It suits you perfectly. It is a divine name. It
• 26:25
  Speaker 8: has a music of its own, it produces vibrations.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Well, really, Gwendolen, I must say that I think there
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: are lots of other, much nier names. I think Jack,
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: for instance, a charming name.
• 26:37
  Speaker 8: Jack. Now, there is very little music in the name Jack,
• 26:42
  Speaker 8: if any at all. Indeed, it does not thrill. It
• 26:46
  Speaker 8: produces absolutely no vibrations. I have known several Jacks, and
• 26:51
  Speaker 8: they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides,
• 26:57
  Speaker 8: Jack is a notorious domesticity for John, and I pity
• 27:01
  Speaker 8: any woman who is married to a man called John.
• 27:04
  Speaker 8: She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing
• 27:07
  Speaker 8: pleasure of a single moment's solitude. The only really safe
• 27:11
  Speaker 8: name is Ernest.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: Gwendolen. I must get christened at once. I mean we
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: must get married at once. There is no time to
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: be lost married. Mister worthing, Jack astounded, well, surely you
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: know that I love you, and you led me to
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: believe this Fairfax, that you were not absolutely indifferent to me.
• 27:27
  Speaker 8: I adore you, but you haven't proposed to me yet.
• 27:32
  Speaker 8: Nothing has been said at all about marriage. The subject
• 27:35
  Speaker 8: has not even been touched on.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Well may I propose to you now?
• 27:39
  Speaker 8: I think it would be an admirable opportunity, and to
• 27:42
  Speaker 8: spare you any possible disappointment, mister Worthing, I think it
• 27:46
  Speaker 8: only fair to tell you, quite frankly beforehand, that I
• 27:49
  Speaker 8: am fully determined to accept you.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Gwendolyn.
• 27:53
  Speaker 8: Yes, mister Worthing. What have you got to say to me?
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: You know what I've got to say to you, Yes,
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: but you don't say it. Gwendolen. And will you marry me?
• 28:02
  Speaker 8: Goes on his knees, of course I will, Darling. How
• 28:05
  Speaker 8: long you have been about it, I'm afraid you've had
• 28:08
  Speaker 8: very little experience in how to propose my own one.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: I have never loved anyone in the world but you.
• 28:14
  Speaker 8: Yes, But men often propose for practice. I know my
• 28:18
  Speaker 8: brother Gerald does. All my girlfriends tell me. So what
• 28:22
  Speaker 8: wonderfully blue eyes you have, Ernest, they are quite quite blue.
• 28:27
  Speaker 8: I hope you will always look at me just like that,
• 28:31
  Speaker 8: especially when there are other people.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Present enter Lady Bracknell.
• 28:36
  Speaker 7: Mister Worthing, rise, sir from this semi recumbent posture. It
• 28:42
  Speaker 7: is most indecorous, Mama.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: He tries to rise, She restrains him.
• 28:47
  Speaker 8: I must beg you to retire. This is no place
• 28:50
  Speaker 8: for you. Besides, mister Worthing has not quite finished.
• 28:53
  Speaker 7: Yet finished what may I ask?
• 28:56
  Speaker 8: I am engaged to mister Worthing, Mama.
• 28:58
  Speaker 7: They rise together me, but you are not engaged to anyone.
• 29:04
  Speaker 7: When you do become engaged to someone, I or your father,
• 29:09
  Speaker 7: should his health permit him, will inform you of the
• 29:13
  Speaker 7: fact an engagement should come on a young girl as
• 29:17
  Speaker 7: a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant as the case may be,
• 29:23
  Speaker 7: it is hardly a matter that she could be allowed
• 29:26
  Speaker 7: to arrange for herself. And now I have a few
• 29:31
  Speaker 7: questions to put to you, mister Worthing. While I am
• 29:34
  Speaker 7: making these inquiries, you Gwendolen, will wait for me below
• 29:39
  Speaker 7: in the.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Carriage, Gwendolen reproachfully, Mamma.
• 29:43
  Speaker 7: In the carriage, Gwendolen.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen goes to the door. She and Jack blow kisses
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: to each other behind Lady Bracknell's back. Lady Bracknell looks
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: vaguely about, as if she could not understand what the
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: noise was. Finally, she turns.
• 29:58
  Speaker 7: Around Gwendolen the carriage.
• 30:01
  Speaker 8: Yes, Mamma.
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen goes out, looking back at Jack. Lady Bracknell sitting down.
• 30:06
  Speaker 7: You can take a seat, mister Worthing.
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: She looks in her pocket for notebook and pencil.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: Thank you, Lady Bracknell.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I prefer standing, Lady Bracknell, with pencil and notebook in hand, I.
• 30:16
  Speaker 7: Feel bound to tell you that you are not on
• 30:19
  Speaker 7: my list of eligible young men, although I have the
• 30:23
  Speaker 7: same list as the dear Dutchess of Bolton has. We
• 30:27
  Speaker 7: work together. In fact, however, I am quite ready to
• 30:31
  Speaker 7: enter your name should your answers be what a really
• 30:35
  Speaker 7: affectionate mother requires. Do you smoke?
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: Well, yes, I must admit I smoke.
• 30:42
  Speaker 7: I am glad to hear it. A man should have
• 30:45
  Speaker 7: an occupation of some kind. There are far too many
• 30:49
  Speaker 7: idle men in London as it is. How old are you?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: Twenty nine?
• 30:55
  Speaker 7: A very good age to be married at. I have
• 30:58
  Speaker 7: always been of the opinion that a man who desires
• 31:02
  Speaker 7: to get married should know either everything or nothing. Which
• 31:07
  Speaker 7: do you know?
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: Jack?
• 31:09
  Speaker 2: After some hesitation, I know nothing, Lady Bracknell, I.
• 31:13
  Speaker 7: Am pleased to hear it. I do not approve of
• 31:16
  Speaker 7: anything that tempers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a
• 31:21
  Speaker 7: delicate exotic fruit. Touch it and the bloom is gone.
• 31:26
  Speaker 7: The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately,
• 31:32
  Speaker 7: in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever.
• 31:37
  Speaker 7: If it did, it would prove a serious danger to
• 31:41
  Speaker 7: the upper classes and probably lead of acts of violence
• 31:45
  Speaker 7: in grossnor square. What is your income.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: Between seven and eight thousands a year?
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell makes a note in her book.
• 31:54
  Speaker 7: In land or in investments?
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: In investments, chiefly.
• 31:58
  Speaker 7: That is satisfactory. What between the duties expected of one
• 32:03
  Speaker 7: during one's lifetime and the duty is extracted from one
• 32:07
  Speaker 7: after one's death. Land has ceased to be either a
• 32:11
  Speaker 7: profit or a pleasure. He gives one position and prevents
• 32:16
  Speaker 7: one from keeping it up. That's all that can be
• 32:19
  Speaker 7: said about land.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: I have a country house with some land, of course
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: attached to it, about fifteen hundred acres, I believe, but
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: I don't depend on that for my real income. In fact,
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: as far as I can make out, the poachers are
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: the only people who make anything out of it.
• 32:32
  Speaker 7: A country house? How many bedrooms?
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 32:35
  Speaker 7: Well, that point can be cleared up afterwards. You'll have
• 32:40
  Speaker 7: a town house. I hope A girl with a simple,
• 32:44
  Speaker 7: unspoiled nature like Gwendolen could hardly be expected to reside
• 32:49
  Speaker 7: in the country.
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: Well. I own a house in Belgrave Square, but it
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: is led by the ear to Lady Bloxam. Of course
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: I can get it back whenever I like at six months.
• 32:58
  Speaker 7: Notice Lady Bloxam. I don't know her.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Oh she goes about very little. She is a lady
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: considerably advanced in years.
• 33:06
  Speaker 7: Ah, nowadays that is no guarantee of respectability of character.
• 33:12
  Speaker 7: What number in Belgrave Square?
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: One hundred and forty.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Nine, Lady Bracknell, shaking her head.
• 33:18
  Speaker 7: The unfashionable side. I thought there was something, however, that
• 33:25
  Speaker 7: could easily be altered.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Do you mean the fashion or the side?
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell's sternly.
• 33:31
  Speaker 7: Both if necessary? I presume what are your politics?
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm afraid I really have none. I am a
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: liberal Unionist.
• 33:40
  Speaker 7: Oh their counter as Tories. They dine with us or
• 33:44
  Speaker 7: come in the evening at any rate. Now to minor matters,
• 33:48
  Speaker 7: are your parents living?
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: I have lost both my parents.
• 33:52
  Speaker 7: To lose one parent, mister Worthing, may be regarded as
• 33:57
  Speaker 7: a misfortune. To lose both looks like carelessness. Who was
• 34:03
  Speaker 7: your father? He was evidently a man of some wealth.
• 34:08
  Speaker 7: Was he born in what the radical papers called the
• 34:11
  Speaker 7: purple of commerce? Or did he rise from the ranks
• 34:15
  Speaker 7: of the aristocracy.
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: I am afraid I really don't know. The fact is,
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Lady Bracknell I said I had lost my parents. It
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: would be nearer the truth to say that my parents
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: seem to have lost me. I don't actually know who
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: I am by birth. I was well. I was found
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: found The late Thomas Cardu, an old gentleman, a very
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: charitable and kindly disposition, found me and gave me the
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: name of Worthing, because he happened to have a first
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: class ticket for Worthing in his pocket at the time.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: Worthing is a place in Sussex. It is a seaside resort.
• 34:48
  Speaker 7: Where did this charitable gentleman who had a first class
• 34:53
  Speaker 7: ticket for this seaside resort find you?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Jack Gravely?
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: In a hand ah hand bag? Jack very seriously, Yes,
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: Lady Bracknell, I was in a handbag, a somewhat large
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: black leather handbag with handles to it, an ordinary handbag.
• 35:13
  Speaker 7: In fact, in what locality did this mister James or
• 35:18
  Speaker 7: Thomas card Yule come across this ordinary hand bag in.
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: The cloak room at Victoria's Station. It was given to
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: him in mistake for his own.
• 35:31
  Speaker 7: The cloak room at Victoria Station.
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: Yes, the brighton line.
• 35:37
  Speaker 7: The line is immaterial, mister Worthing. I confess I feel
• 35:42
  Speaker 7: somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To
• 35:47
  Speaker 7: be born, or at any rate, bred in a hand bag,
• 35:52
  Speaker 7: whether it had handles or not, seems to me to
• 35:56
  Speaker 7: display a contempt for the ordinary decency of family life.
• 36:01
  Speaker 7: That reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution.
• 36:06
  Speaker 7: And I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to.
• 36:12
  Speaker 7: As for the particular locality in which the hand bag
• 36:17
  Speaker 7: was found, a cloak room at a railway station might
• 36:22
  Speaker 7: serve to conceal a social indiscretion has probably indeed been
• 36:29
  Speaker 7: used for that purpose before now, but it can hardly
• 36:34
  Speaker 7: be regarded as an assured basis for a recognized position
• 36:39
  Speaker 7: in good society.
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: May I ask, then, what you would advise me to do?
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: I need hardly say I would do anything in the
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: world to ensure Gwendolen's happiness.
• 36:48
  Speaker 7: I would strongly advise you, mister Worthing, to try and
• 36:52
  Speaker 7: acquire some relations as soon as possible, and to make
• 36:57
  Speaker 7: a definite effort to produce at any rate one parent
• 37:02
  Speaker 7: of either sex before the season is quite over.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't see how I could possibly manage to
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: do that. I can produce the handbag at any moment.
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: It is in my dressing room at home. I really
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: think that should satisfy you, Lady Bracknell.
• 37:17
  Speaker 7: Me, sir, what is it to do with me? You
• 37:20
  Speaker 7: can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream
• 37:25
  Speaker 7: of allowing our only daughter, a girl brought up with
• 37:30
  Speaker 7: the utmost care, to marry into a cloak room and
• 37:34
  Speaker 7: form an alliance with a parcel. Good morning, mister Worthing.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell sweeps out in majestic indignation.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: Good morning.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: Algernon from the other room, strikes up the wedding march.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Jack looks perfectly furious and goes to the door.
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: For goodness sake, don't play that ghastly tune, Algae, how
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: idiotic you are.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: The music stops and Algernon enters cheerily.
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: Didn't it go off? All right, old boy, you don't
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: mean to say Gwendolyn refused you. I know it is
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: a way she has. She is always refusing people. I
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: think it is most ill natured of her.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Oh, Gwendolen's as right as a trivet. As far as
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: she's concerned, we are engaged. Our mother is perfectly unbearable.
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: Never met such at Gorgan. Don't really know what Gorgan
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: is like, but I am quite sure that Lady Bracknell
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: is one. In any case, she is a monster without
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: being a myth, which is rather unfair. I beg your pardoner,
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: Do I suppose I shouldn't talk about your own aunt
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: in that way before you, My.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: Dear boy, I love hearing my relations abused. It is
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: the only thing that makes me put up with them
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live,
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: nor the smallest instinct about when to die.
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: Oh, that is nonsense.
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: It isn't well.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: I won't argue about the matter. You always want to
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: argue about things.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: That is exactly what things were originally made for.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: Upon my word, if I thought that I'd shoot myself
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: a pause. You don't think there is any chance of
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: gwendole in becoming like a mother in about one hundred
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: and fifty years, do you, Algae?
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy.
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: No man does, that's his?
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Is that clever?
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: It is perfectly phrased, and quite as true as any
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: observation in civilized life should be.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Nowadays you can't go anywhere without meeting clever people. The
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: thing has become an absolute perfect nuisance. I wish to
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: goodness we had a few fools left we have. I
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: should extremely like to meet them. What did they talk
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: about the fools?
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: Oh about the clever people? Of course, what fools? By
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: the way, did you tell Gwendolen the truth about your
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: being Earnest in town and Jack in the country?
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Jack in a very patronizing manner.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: My dear fellow, The truth isn't quite the sort of
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: thing one tells to a nice, sweet, refined girl. What
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: extraordinary ideas you have about the way to behave to
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: a woman.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: The only way to behave to a woman is to
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: make love to her if she is pretty, and to
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: someone else if she is plain.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: Oh, that is nonsense.
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: What about your brother? What about the profligate Earnest.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, before the end of the week, I shall have
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: got rid of him. I'll say he died in Paris
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: of apoplexy. Lots of people die of apoplexy quite suddenly,
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: don't they.
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: Yes, But it's hereditary, my dear fellow. It's a sort
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: of thing that runs in families. You had much better,
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: say a severe chill.
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: You are sure a severe chill isn't hereditary or anything
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: of that.
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: Kind of course, it isn't very well.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: Then, my poor brother Ernest to get carried off suddenly
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: in Paris by a severe chill, that gets rid of him.
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: But I thought you said that miss Carju was a
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: little too much interested in your poor brother Earnest. Won't
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: she feel his loss a great deal?
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: Oh? That is all right. Cecily is not a silly
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: romantic girl. I am glad to say. She has got
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: a capital appetite, goes long walks, and pays no attention
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: at all to her lessons.
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: I should rather like to see Cecily.
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: I will take very good care. You never do. She's
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: excessively pretty, and she's only just eighteen.
• 41:21
  Speaker 3: Have you told Gwendolen yet that you have an excessively
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: pretty ward who is only just eighteen?
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: Oh? One doesn't blurt these things out to people. Cecely
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: and Gwendolen have perfectly, certainly become extremely good friends. I'll
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: bet you anything you like that half an hour after
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: they have met they will be calling each other's sister.
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: Women only do that when they have called each other
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: a lot of other things. First, Now, my dear boy,
• 41:44
  Speaker 3: if we want to get a good table at Willis's,
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: we really must go and dress. Do you know it's
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: nearly seven, Jack urritably.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: Oh, it always is nearly seven.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm hungry.
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: I never knew you when you weren't.
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: What shall we do after dinner? Go to a theater?
• 42:00
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I loathe listening?
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: Well, let us go to the club.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I hate talking.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: Well, we might trot round to the empire to ten.
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: Oh no, I can't bear looking at things, it's so silly.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: Well, what shall we do?
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: Nothing?
• 42:14
  Speaker 3: It is awfully hard work doing nothing. However, I don't
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: mind hard work where there is no definite object of
• 42:22
  Speaker 3: any kind.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: Interlane misfairfacts inter Gwendolen, Lene goes out Gwendolen upon my word.
• 42:29
  Speaker 8: Algae, kindly turn your back. I have something very particular
• 42:33
  Speaker 8: to say to mister Worthing.
• 42:34
  Speaker 3: Really, Gwendolen, I don't think I can allow this at.
• 42:38
  Speaker 8: All, Algae. You always adopt a strictly immoral attitude towards life.
• 42:43
  Speaker 8: You are not quite old enough to do that.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: Algernon retires to the fireplace.
• 42:48
  Speaker 8: My own darling, Ernest, we may never be married. From
• 42:53
  Speaker 8: the expression on Mamma's face, I fear we never shall.
• 42:57
  Speaker 8: Few parents nowadays pay any regard to what their children
• 43:00
  Speaker 8: say to them. The old fashioned respect for the young
• 43:03
  Speaker 8: is fast dying out. Whatever influence I ever had over
• 43:07
  Speaker 8: Mamma I lost at the age of three. But although
• 43:10
  Speaker 8: she may prevent us from becoming man and wife, and
• 43:14
  Speaker 8: I may marry someone else and Mary often, nothing that
• 43:18
  Speaker 8: she can possibly do can alter my eternal devotion.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: To you, dear Wenderley.
• 43:23
  Speaker 8: The story of your romantic origin, as related to me
• 43:27
  Speaker 8: by Mamma with unpleasing comments, has naturally stirred the deeper
• 43:31
  Speaker 8: fibers of my nature. Your Christian name has an irresistible
• 43:36
  Speaker 8: fascination The simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible
• 43:42
  Speaker 8: to me. Your town address at the Albany I have
• 43:45
  Speaker 8: what is your address in the country, the.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: Manor House, Woolton, Hartfordshire.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: Algermon, who has been carefully listening, smiles to himself and
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: writes the address on his shirt cuff, then picks up
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: the railway guide.
• 43:58
  Speaker 8: There is good postal service. Pose it may be necessary
• 44:02
  Speaker 8: to do something desperate that, of course, will require serious consideration.
• 44:07
  Speaker 8: I will communicate with you.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: Daily, my own one.
• 44:10
  Speaker 8: How long do you remain in town till Monday?
• 44:13
  Speaker 7: Good Algae.
• 44:14
  Speaker 8: You may turn around.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: Now, thanks, I've turned round already.
• 44:18
  Speaker 8: You may also ring the bell.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: You will let me see you to your carriage, my
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: own darling, certainly.
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: Jack to Lane, who now.
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: Enters, I will see miss Fairfax out, Yes, sir.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: Jack and Gwendol and go off. Leane presents several letters
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: on a salver to Algernon. It is to be surmised
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: that they are bills, as Algernon, after looking at the envelopes,
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: tears them up a.
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: Glass of sheady Lane. Yes, sir tomorrow Lane, I'm going Bambrey. Yes, sir,
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: I shall probably not be back till Monday. You can
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: put up my dress clothes, my smoking jacket, and all
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: the bambre suits.
• 44:57
  Speaker 6: Yes, Sir Lean, hendy him a sherry.
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: I hope tomorrow will be a fine day. Lane.
• 45:03
  Speaker 6: It never is, Sir Lane, You're a perfect pessimist. I
• 45:08
  Speaker 6: do my best to give satisfaction, sir.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: And to Jack, Lyne goes off.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: There's a sensible, intellectual girl, the only girl I ever
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: cared for in my life.
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Algernon is laughing immoderately.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: What on earth are you are so amused at?
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: Oh I'm a little anxious about poor Bumbrey, that is all.
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: If you don't take care your friend, Bunbury will get
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: you into a serious script someday.
• 45:32
  Speaker 3: I love scrapes. They are the only things that are
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: never serious.
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: Oh that's nonsense, Algae. You never talk anything but nonsense.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: Nobody ever does.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Jack looks indignantly at him and leaves the room. Algernon
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: likes a cigarette, wets his shirtcuff and smiles. And of
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Fact one, Act two of the Importance of Being Earnest
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: by Oscar Wilde. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: recordings are in the public domain. For more information or
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. The Importance of
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, a trivial comedy for serious people.
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: Second act. The scene the garden at the manor house.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: A flight of graystone steps leads up to the house.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: The garden, an old fashioned one, is full of roses.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: Time of year July. Basket chairs and a table covered
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: with books are set under a large yew tree. Missprism,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: we discover seated at the table, Cecily is at the back,
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: watering flowers. Missprism, calling Cecily, Cecily.
• 46:52
  Speaker 10: Surely such a utilitarian occupation as watering of flowers is
• 46:56
  Speaker 10: rather Molten's duty than yours, especially at a moment when intellectual.
• 47:02
  Speaker 12: Pleasures await you.
• 47:03
  Speaker 10: Your German grammar is on the table. Pray open it.
• 47:07
  Speaker 10: At page fifteen. We will repeat yesterday's.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: Lesson Cecily, coming over very slowly.
• 47:13
  Speaker 9: But I don't like German. It isn't at all a
• 47:16
  Speaker 9: becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite
• 47:20
  Speaker 9: plain after my German lesson.
• 47:22
  Speaker 10: Child, You know how anxious your guardian is that you
• 47:26
  Speaker 10: should improve yourself in every way?
• 47:28
  Speaker 12: He laid particular.
• 47:30
  Speaker 10: Stress on your German as he was leaving for town yesterday. Indeed,
• 47:34
  Speaker 10: he always lays stress on your German when he is
• 47:37
  Speaker 10: leaving for town.
• 47:39
  Speaker 9: Dear uncle Jack is so very serious. Sometimes he is
• 47:42
  Speaker 9: so serious that I think he cannot be.
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: Quite well, Miss Prism, drawing herself up.
• 47:48
  Speaker 10: Your guardian enjoys the best of health, and his gravity
• 47:51
  Speaker 10: of demeanor is especially to be commended in one so
• 47:55
  Speaker 10: comparatively young as he is. I know no one who
• 47:59
  Speaker 10: has a higher s sense of duty and responsibility.
• 48:02
  Speaker 9: I suppose that is why he often looks a little
• 48:05
  Speaker 9: bored when we three are together.
• 48:07
  Speaker 10: Cecily, I am surprised at you. Mister Worthing has many
• 48:12
  Speaker 10: troubles in his life. Idle, merriment and triviality would be
• 48:16
  Speaker 10: out of place in his conversation. You must remember his
• 48:20
  Speaker 10: constant anxiety about that unfortunate young man his brother.
• 48:25
  Speaker 9: I wish Uncle Jack would allow that unfortunate young man,
• 48:28
  Speaker 9: his brother, to come down here. Sometimes we might have
• 48:32
  Speaker 9: a good influence over him, Miss Prism. I am sure
• 48:35
  Speaker 9: you certainly would you know, German and geology and things
• 48:40
  Speaker 9: of that kind influence a man very much.
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: Cecily begins to write, in her diary Miss Prism, shaking
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: her head, I do.
• 48:48
  Speaker 10: Not feel that even I could produce any effect on
• 48:51
  Speaker 10: a character that, according to his own brother's admission, is
• 48:55
  Speaker 10: irretrievably weak and vacillating. Indeed, I am not sure that
• 49:00
  Speaker 10: I would desire to reclaim him. I am not in
• 49:04
  Speaker 10: favor of this modern mania for turning bad people into
• 49:07
  Speaker 10: good people at a moment's notice. As a man sows,
• 49:12
  Speaker 10: so let him reap. You must put away your diary, Cecily.
• 49:16
  Speaker 10: I really don't see why you should keep a diary
• 49:19
  Speaker 10: at all.
• 49:20
  Speaker 9: I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful
• 49:22
  Speaker 9: secrets of my life. If I didn't write them down,
• 49:25
  Speaker 9: I should probably forget all about them.
• 49:28
  Speaker 10: Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all
• 49:31
  Speaker 10: carry about with us.
• 49:33
  Speaker 9: Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never
• 49:36
  Speaker 9: happened and couldn't possibly have happened. I believe that memory
• 49:41
  Speaker 9: is responsible for nearly all the three volume novels that
• 49:44
  Speaker 9: Moody sends us.
• 49:45
  Speaker 10: Do not speak slightingly of the three volume novel Cecily,
• 49:49
  Speaker 10: I wrote one myself in earlier days.
• 49:52
  Speaker 9: Did you really miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are.
• 49:56
  Speaker 9: I hope it did not end happily. I don't like
• 50:00
  Speaker 9: novels that end happily. They depress me so much.
• 50:03
  Speaker 10: The good ended happily and the bad unhappily. That is
• 50:07
  Speaker 10: what fiction means.
• 50:09
  Speaker 9: I suppose so, but it seems very unfair. And was
• 50:13
  Speaker 9: your novel ever published?
• 50:15
  Speaker 10: Alas no, the manuscript, unfortunately was abandoned.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Cecily starts.
• 50:21
  Speaker 12: I use the.
• 50:22
  Speaker 10: Word in a sense of lust or mislaid to your work.
• 50:26
  Speaker 12: Child.
• 50:26
  Speaker 10: These speculations are profitless, Cecily smiling.
• 50:30
  Speaker 9: But I see doctor Chassibel coming up through the garden, Miss.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: Prism rising and advancing.
• 50:35
  Speaker 10: Doctor Chosible, this is indeed a pleasure.
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: Enter canon Charsible, he helloe this body, miss prisoner you are?
• 50:45
  Speaker 9: I thought, well, Miss Prism has just been complaining of
• 50:49
  Speaker 9: a slight headache. I think it would do her so
• 50:52
  Speaker 9: much good to have a short stroll with you in
• 50:54
  Speaker 9: the park, Doctor Chassible.
• 50:56
  Speaker 10: Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a headache.
• 51:00
  Speaker 9: No, dear miss Prism, I know that, but I felt
• 51:03
  Speaker 9: instinctively that you had a headache. Indeed, I was thinking
• 51:06
  Speaker 9: about that and not about my German lesson. When the
• 51:09
  Speaker 9: rector came in.
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: A heap Cecily, you are not inditative.
• 51:14
  Speaker 9: Oh I am afraid, I am.
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: That is thiege. Were they fortunate enough to be his
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: PRISM's pupil? Avid Hay about Ellipse Miss Prism Claires, I
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: spoke a bitapheric. My metaphor was drawn through bees ahem.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: Mister Worthy A. Suppears is not retired from Toad yet
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: we do not.
• 51:37
  Speaker 12: Expect him till Monday afternoon.
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: Oh yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London.
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: He is not aware of those who sorely is enjoyed
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: as bayolicults that unfortunate young bad his brother seems to be.
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: But I must not disturb Aegeria and her pupil any longer.
• 51:58
  Speaker 12: Egeria. My name is Letitia, Doctor charlesible.
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: Bowing eclectical illusion Berle thrown from the pagant wafles. I
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: should see you both, no doubt it. Even so, I.
• 52:12
  Speaker 10: Think, dear doctor, I will have a stroll with you.
• 52:15
  Speaker 10: I find I have a headache after all, and a
• 52:18
  Speaker 10: walk might do it good.
• 52:19
  Speaker 4: With pleasure, Mirism, with pleasure, we mighte you as fault
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: as the schools and Beck.
• 52:27
  Speaker 10: That would be delightful Cecily, you will read your Political
• 52:31
  Speaker 10: Economy in my absence the chapter on the fall of
• 52:34
  Speaker 10: the Rupee.
• 52:35
  Speaker 12: You may omit.
• 52:37
  Speaker 10: It is somewhat too sensational. Even these metallic problems have
• 52:41
  Speaker 10: their melodramatic side.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: Miss Prism goes down the garden with doctor charsbel. Cecily
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: picks up books and throws them back on the table.
• 52:50
  Speaker 9: Horrid political economy, horrid geography, horrid horrid German intermarryment.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: With a card on a salver.
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: Mister Earnest Worthing has just driven over from the station.
• 53:03
  Speaker 5: He has brought his luggage with him.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: Cecily takes the card and reads it.
• 53:08
  Speaker 9: Mister Ernest Worthing before the Albany w uncle Jack's brother.
• 53:15
  Speaker 9: Did you tell him mister Worthing was in town.
• 53:17
  Speaker 5: Yes, Miss, he seemed very much disappointed. I mentioned that
• 53:22
  Speaker 5: you and Miss prison were in the garden. He said
• 53:25
  Speaker 5: he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment.
• 53:29
  Speaker 9: Ask mister Ernest Worthing to come here. I suppose you
• 53:32
  Speaker 9: had better talk to the housekeeper about a room for him.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: Yes, Miss Merryman goes off.
• 53:38
  Speaker 9: I have never met any really wicked person before. I
• 53:41
  Speaker 9: feel rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look
• 53:44
  Speaker 9: just like everybody else.
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Enter Algernon, very gay in debonair, he does, Algernon raising
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: his hat.
• 53:52
  Speaker 3: You are my little cousin, Cecily. I'm sure you.
• 53:56
  Speaker 9: Are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In fact,
• 54:00
  Speaker 9: I believe I am more than usually tall for my age.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: Algernon is rather taken aback.
• 54:05
  Speaker 9: But I am your cousin, Cecily. You, I see from
• 54:09
  Speaker 9: your card, our uncle Jack's brother, my cousin Ernest, my
• 54:13
  Speaker 9: wicked cousin Ernest.
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: Oh, I am not really wicked at all. Cousin Cecily,
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: you mustn't think that I am wicked.
• 54:22
  Speaker 9: If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving
• 54:25
  Speaker 9: all of us in a very inexcusable manner. I hope
• 54:29
  Speaker 9: you have not been leading her double life, pretending to
• 54:31
  Speaker 9: be wicked and being really good all the time. That
• 54:35
  Speaker 9: would be hypocrisy.
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: Algernon looks at her in amazement.
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, of course I have been rather reckless.
• 54:43
  Speaker 9: I'm glad to hear it.
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: In fact, now that you mentioned the subject, I have
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: been very bad in my own small way.
• 54:52
  Speaker 9: I don't think you should be so proud of that.
• 54:54
  Speaker 9: Though I am sure it must have been very pleasant.
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: It is much pleasant to being here with you.
• 55:00
  Speaker 9: I can't understand how you are here at all. Uncle
• 55:03
  Speaker 9: Jack won't be back until Monday afternoon.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: That is a great disappointment. I am obliged to go
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: up by the first train on Monday morning. I have
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: a business appointment that I am anxious to miss.
• 55:16
  Speaker 9: Can't you miss it anywhere but in London.
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: No, the appointment is in London.
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: Well.
• 55:21
  Speaker 9: I know, of course how important it is not to
• 55:24
  Speaker 9: keep a business engagement if one wants to retain any
• 55:27
  Speaker 9: sense of the beauty of life. But I still think
• 55:30
  Speaker 9: you had better wait till Uncle Jack arrives. I know
• 55:33
  Speaker 9: he wants to speak to you about your emigrating, about
• 55:36
  Speaker 9: my what you're emigrating. He has gone up to buy
• 55:39
  Speaker 9: your outfit.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my outfit. He has
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: no taste in neckties at all.
• 55:47
  Speaker 9: I don't think you will require neckties. Uncle Jack is
• 55:50
  Speaker 9: sending you to Australia.
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: Australia, i'd sooner die well.
• 55:55
  Speaker 9: He said at dinner on Wednesday night that you would
• 55:58
  Speaker 9: have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: Oh well, the accounts I have received of Australia and
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: the next world are not particularly encouraging. This world is
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: good enough for me, Cousin Cecily.
• 56:14
  Speaker 9: Yes, but are you good enough for it?
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid I am not. That. That is why I
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: want you to reform me. You might make that your
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: mission if you don't mind.
• 56:26
  Speaker 9: Cousin Cecily, I'm afraid I've no time this afternoon.
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?
• 56:35
  Speaker 9: It is rather quixotic of you, but I think you
• 56:38
  Speaker 9: should try.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: I will. I feel better already.
• 56:43
  Speaker 9: You are looking a little worse.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: That is because I'm hungry.
• 56:47
  Speaker 9: How thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when
• 56:50
  Speaker 9: one is going to lead an entirely new life, one
• 56:54
  Speaker 9: requires regular and wholesome meals. Won't you come in?
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: Thank you? Might I have a buttonhole first? I never
• 57:03
  Speaker 3: have any appetite unless I have a button hole first.
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: A marschaniell Cecily picks up the scissors. No, I'd sooner
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: have a pink rose. Why Cecily cuts a flower because you.
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: Are like a pink rose. Cousin Cecily, I don't.
• 57:19
  Speaker 9: Think it can be right for you to talk to
• 57:21
  Speaker 9: me like that. Miss Prism never says such things to me.
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: Then Miss Prism is a short sighted old lady.
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: Cecily puts the rose in his buttonhole.
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: You are the prettiest girl I ever saw.
• 57:33
  Speaker 9: Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: They are a snare that every sensible man would like
• 57:40
  Speaker 3: to be caught in.
• 57:41
  Speaker 9: Oh, I don't think I would care to catch a
• 57:43
  Speaker 9: sensible man. I shouldn't know what to talk to him about.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: They pass into the house, Miss Prism and doctor charlesble return.
• 57:51
  Speaker 10: You are too much alone, dear doctor Chasible. You should
• 57:55
  Speaker 10: get married a misanthrope. I can understand a woman thrope.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: Never chausible with a scholar's shudder.
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: Booooooo. Believe me, they do not deserve so. Nearlysticly frees
• 58:10
  Speaker 4: the precept as really is, the practice of the primitive
• 58:14
  Speaker 4: Church was distinctly against met to the Mide Misprism sententiously, that.
• 58:19
  Speaker 10: Is obviously the reason why the primitive Church has not
• 58:22
  Speaker 10: lasted up to the present day. And you do not
• 58:25
  Speaker 10: seem to realize, dear doctor, that by persistently remaining single,
• 58:31
  Speaker 10: a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation. Men
• 58:35
  Speaker 10: should be more careful. This very celibacy leads weaker vessels astray.
• 58:41
  Speaker 4: But it is not a bad equally attractive when married.
• 58:45
  Speaker 10: No married man is ever attractive except to his wife.
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: It offered a bidoued, not even to her.
• 58:53
  Speaker 10: That depends on the intellectual sympathies of the woman. Maturity
• 58:58
  Speaker 10: can always be depended upon ripeness can be trusted. Young
• 59:03
  Speaker 10: women are green.
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: Doctor Charlesibill starts.
• 59:06
  Speaker 12: I spoke horticulturally.
• 59:08
  Speaker 10: My metaphor was drawn from fruits.
• 59:11
  Speaker 12: But where is Cecily?
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: Perhaps she followed us to the schools entered Jack slowly
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: from the back of the garden. He is dressed in
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: the deepest morning with creep hatband and black gloves.
• 59:24
  Speaker 10: Mister Worthing, mister Worthy, this is indeed a surprise. We
• 59:29
  Speaker 10: did not look for you till Monday afternoon.
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: Jack shakes Miss PRISM's hand in a tragic manner.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: I have returned sooner than I expected, Doctor Jessibill, I
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: hope you are well.
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, mister Worthy, I trust this garb of wood has
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: doctor taken some terrible calabrity.
• 59:47
  Speaker 10: My brother, more shameful debts and extravagance still.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: Leading his life pleasure Jack shaking his head dead.
• 59:57
  Speaker 2: Your brother Ernest dead, quite dead?
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 10: What a lesson for him? I trust he will profit
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 10: by it.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 4: Mister worthy of you, by sincere good dulids, you have
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: at least the consolation of doing that. You were Ibes
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 4: a bist, generous and forgiving of brothers.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: Poor Ernest, he had many faults. But it is a sad, sad.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: Blow, very sad. Indeed, were you with him at the end?
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: No, he died abroad in Paris. In fact, I had
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: a telegram last night from the manager of the Grand Hotel.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 4: Was the cause of death the mentioned a severe chill?
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: It seems as.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 10: A man so's so shall he reap.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: Charlesible raising his hand charity, dear miss Prisom charity.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: None of us are perfect abased self are peculiarly susceptible
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 4: to drafts. William hermity place.
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: Hell.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: No, he seems to expressed a desire to be buried
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: in Paris.
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: In haddas Chargeable shakes his head, a fear.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: That hardly points to any very serious state of mind.
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: At the last, you would do doubt wish you to
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: make some slight allusion to this tragic domestic affliction.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Next Sunday, Jack presses his hand convulsively.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: Best sermon on the meaning of the manner in the
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 4: Wilderness can be adapted to almost any occasion, joyful or
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 4: as in the present case, distressing all sigh. I appreached
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 4: it at Harvard's celebrations christenings, confirmations on days of humiliation
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 4: and festal days. The last time I delivered it was
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: in the cathedral as a charity servant on behalf of
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 4: the Society for the Prevention of Discontent among the Upper Orders.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 4: The Bishop, who is present, was much struck by some
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: of the analogies.
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: I drew, Ah, that reminds me. You mentioned christenings. I think,
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: doctor Chargible, I suppose you know how to christen?
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: All right, Doctor Charles Able looks astounded.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 2: I mean, of course you are continually christening, aren't you.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 10: It is, I regret to say, one of the Rector's
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 10: most constant duties in this parish. I have often spoken
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 10: to the poorer classes on the subject, but they don't
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 10: seem to know what thrift is.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: But is there any particular infant in whom you are interested?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: Mister Worthing, your brother was a believe unburied. Was he don't.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes, miss prism bitterly.
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 10: People who live entirely for pleasure usually are.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: But it is not for any child, Dear doctor, I
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: am very fond of children.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 6: No.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 2: The fact is I would like to be christened myself
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 2: this afternoon, if you have nothing better to do.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: But surely, mister Worthy, you have been christened already.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: I don't remember anything about it.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 4: But have you any grieved doubts on the subject.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: I certainly intend to have. Of course, I don't know
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: if the thing would in any way, or if you
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: think I am a little too old now, not at all.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 4: The sprinkling, and indeed the immersion of adults is a
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 4: perfectly canonical practice. Immersion you need have no apprehensions. Sprinkling
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 4: is Oh that is necessary or indeed, I think advisable. Oh,
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: weather is so changeable. At what hour would you wish
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 4: the ceremony performed? Oh?
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: I might drop round about five if that would suit you.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 4: Perfect laire, perfect laire. In fact, I have two similar
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 4: ceremonies to perform at that time. The case of twids
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: that occurred is recently in one of the outlaying cottages
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 4: on your own estate. Poor Jenkins the Carter, a most
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: hard working bad Oh.
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: I don't see much fun in being christened along with
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: other babies. It would be childish. Would part past five?
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: Do admirably? Admirably?
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: Chansible takes out his watch and now, dear.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: Mister Worthy, I will not intrude any longer into a
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: house of sudow. I would merely beg you not to
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 4: be too much bell down by grief. What seemed to
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: us bitter trills are often blessings in disguise.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 10: This seems to me a blessing of an extremely obvious kind.
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 9: Enter Cecily from the house, Uncle Jack, Oh, I am
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 9: pleased to see you back. But what horrid clothes you
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 9: have got on? Do go and change them?
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 4: Cecily by child.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: By child, Cecily goes towards Jack. He kisses her brow
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 1: in a melancholy manner.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 9: What is the matter, Uncle Jack? Do look happy? You
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 9: look as if you had toothache? And I have got
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 9: such a surprise for you. Who do you think is
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 9: in the dining room? Your brother?
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 9: Your brother? Ernest? He arrived about half an hour ago?
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: What nonsense, I haven't got a brother.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 9: Oh, don't say that, however, badly. He may have behaved
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 9: to you in the past, he is still your brother.
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 9: You couldn't be so heartless as to disown him. I'll
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 9: tell him to come out, and you will shake hands
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 9: with him, won't you? Uncle Jack.
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 1: Cecily runs back into the house.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 4: These are very joyful tidies.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 10: After we had all been resigned to is last. His
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 10: sudden return seems to me peculiarly distressing.
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: My brother is in the dining room. I don't know
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 2: what it all means. I think it is perfectly absurd.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: Enter Algernon in Sicily, hand in hand. They come slowly
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: up to Jack.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: Good heavens.
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: Jack motions Algernon away, Brother John.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: I have come down from town to tell you that
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: I'm very sorry for all the trouble I've given you,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 3: and that I intend to lead a better life in
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 3: the future.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: Jack claires in him and does not take his hand.
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 9: Uncle Jack, you are not going to refuse your own
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 9: brother's hand.
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 2: Nothing will induce me to take his hand. I think
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: his coming down here disgraceful. He knows perfectly well why.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 9: Uncle Jack, do be nice. There is some good in
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 9: every one. Ernest has just been telling me about his
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 9: poor invalid friend mister Bunbury, whom he goes to visit
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 9: so often, And surely there must be much good in
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 9: one who is kind to an invalid and leaves the
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 9: pleasures of London to sit by a bed of pain.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: Oh, he has been talking about Bunbury, has he?
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 9: Yes, he has told me all about poor mister Bunbury
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 9: and his terrible state of health.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: Bunbury. Well, I won't have him talk to you about
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: Bunbury or about anything else. It is enough to drive
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 2: one perfectly frantic.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: Of course, I admit that the faults were all on
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: my side, but I must say that I think that
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: Brother John's coldness to me is peculiarly painful. I expected
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: a more enthusiastic welcome, especially considering it is the first
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 3: time I have come here.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 9: Uncle Jack. If you don't shake hands with Ernest, I
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 9: will never.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: Forgive you, never forgive me, never, never never. Well, this
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: is the last time I shall ever do it.
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 1: Jack shakes with Algernon and declares.
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 4: His pleasant Is it not decease perfect reconciliation. I think
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 4: we might need the two brothers together.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 12: Cecily, you will come with us.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 9: Certainly, Miss Prism. My little task of reconciliation is over.
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 4: You have done a beautiful action today, dear child.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 10: We must not be premature in our judgments.
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: I feel very happy they will go off, except Jack
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 1: and Algernon, you.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: Young scoundrel Algy. You must get out of this place
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: as soon as possible. I don't allow any bun bringing
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: here entry merriment.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 5: I have put mister Ernest's things in the room next
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 5: to yours, sir. I suppose that is all right. What
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 5: mister Ernest's luggage, sir, I have unpacked it and put
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 5: it in the room next to your own his lugg yes, sir.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 5: Three potmanteaus, a dressing case, two hat boxes, and a
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 5: large luncheon basket.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid I can't stay more than a week.
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 2: This time, Merryman, order the dog cart at once. Mister
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: Ernest has suddenly been called back to town.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: Yes, sir, Merryman goes back into the house.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 3: What a fearful liar you are. Jack, I have not
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 3: been called back to town at all, Yes you have. I
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 3: haven't heard anyone call me.
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 2: Your duty as a gentleman calls you back.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: My duty as a gentleman has never interfered with my
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 3: pleasures in the smallest degree.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: I can quite understand that.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 3: Well, Cecily is a darling.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: You are not to talk to miscard you like that.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: I don't like it.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: Well, I don't like your clothes. You look perfectly ridiculous
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: in them. Why on earth don't you go up and change?
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 3: It is perfectly childish to be in deep mourning for
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: a man who is actually staying for a whole week
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 3: with you and your house as a guest. I call
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: it grotesque.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 2: You are certainly not staying with me for a whole
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: week as a guest or anything else. You have got
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: to leave by the four or five train.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: I certainly won't leave you so long as you are
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: in mourning. It would be most unfriendly. If I were
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 3: in mourning you would stay with me. I suppose I
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 3: should think it very unkind.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 2: If you didn't, well, will you go if I change
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: my clothes?
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 3: Yes? If you were not too long. I never saw
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: anybody take so long to dress and with such little result.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: Well, at any rate, that is better than being always overdressed,
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: as you are.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: If I am occasionally a little overdressed, I make up
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: for it by being always immensely over educated.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: Your vanity is ridiculous. Your conduct and outrage and your
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: presence in my garden utterly absurd. However, you have got
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: to catch the four five, and I hope you will
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: have a pleasant journey back to this bunburying, as you
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 2: call it, has not been a great success for you.
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: Jack goes into the house.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 3: I think it has been a great success. I'm in
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 3: love with Cecily, and that is everything.
• 1:10:14
  Speaker 1: Into Sicily at the back of the garden. She picks
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 1: up the can and begins to water the flowers.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: But I must see her before I go and make
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 3: arrangements for another bumbrey. Ah, there she is.
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 9: Oh, I merely came back to water the roses. I
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 9: thought you were with Uncle Jack.
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 3: He's gone to order the dog cart for me.
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 9: Oh, is he going to take you for a nice drive.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 3: He's going to send me away?
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 2: Then?
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 9: Have we got to part?
• 1:10:42
  Speaker 3: I'm afraid so it's a very painful parting.
• 1:10:45
  Speaker 9: It is always painful to part from people whom one
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 9: has known for a very brief space of time. The
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 9: absence of old friends one can endure with equanimity, but
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 9: even a momentary separation from anyone to whom one has
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 9: just been in introduced is almost unbearable.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 1: Thank you, enter Merriman.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 5: The dog cart is at the door.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 1: Sir Algernon looks appealingly at Cecily.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 9: It can wait, Merryman for five minutes.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, miss exit Merryman.
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 3: I hope, Cecily, I shall not offend you if I state,
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: quite frankly and openly, that you seem to me to be,
• 1:11:23
  Speaker 3: in every way the visible personification of absolute perfection.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 9: I think your frankness does you great credit, Ernest. If
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 9: you will allow me, I will copy your remarks into
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 9: my diary.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 1: Cecily goes over to the table and begins writing in
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: her diary.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: Do you really keep a diary? I'd give anything to
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 3: look at it? May I?
• 1:11:46
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: No, Cecily puts her hand over it.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 9: You see, it is simply a very young girl's record
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 9: of her own thoughts and impressions, and consequently meant for
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 9: publication when it appears in volume. I hope you will
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 9: order a copy. But pray, Ernest, don't stop. I delight
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 9: in taking down from dictation. I have reached absolute perfection.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 9: You can go on. I am quite ready for more.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: Algernon somewhat taken aback, Oh, don't.
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 9: Cough, Ernest. When one is dictating, one should speak fluently
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 9: and not cough. Besides, I don't know how to spell
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 9: a cough.
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 1: Cecily writes, as Algernon speaks, Algernon speaking very rapidly, Cecily.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: Ever since I first looked upon your wonderful and incomparable beauty,
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: I have dared to love you wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 9: I don't think that you should tell me that you
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 9: love me wildly, passionately, devotedly, hopelessly, hopelessly. Doesn't seem to
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 9: make much sense, does it.
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: Cecily enter merriment.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 5: The dog cart is waiting, Sir, I need it to
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 5: come round next week at the same hour.
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: Merryman looks at Cecily, who makes no sign yes, sir.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 1: Merryman retires.
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 9: Uncle Jack would be very much annoyed if he knew
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 9: you were staying on till next week at the same hour.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 3: Now, I don't care about Jack. I don't care for
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 3: anybody in the whole world.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: But you.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 3: I love you, Cecily. You will marry me, won't you?
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 9: You silly boy? Of course, why we have been engaged
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 9: for the last three months.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 3: For the last three months.
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 9: Yes, it will be exactly three months on Thursday.
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: But how to be become engaged?
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 9: Well, ever since dear uncle Jack first confessed to us
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 9: that he had a younger brother who was very wicked
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 9: and bad, you of course have formed the chief topic
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 9: of conversation between myself and Miss Prism. And of course
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 9: a man who has much talked about is always very attractive.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 9: One feels there must be something in him. After all,
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 9: I dare say it was foolish of me, but I
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 9: fell in love with you, Ernest darling.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 3: And when was the engagement actually settled?
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 9: On the fourteenth of February last. Worn out by your
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 9: entire ignorance of my existence, I determined to end the
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 9: matter one way or the other, and after a long
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 9: struggle with myself, I accepted you under this dear old
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 9: tree here. The next day I bought this little ring
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 9: in your name. And this is the little bangle with
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 9: the true lover's not I promised you always to wear.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 3: Did I give you this? It's very pretty, isn't it.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 9: Yes, you've wonderfully good taste, Earnest. It's the excuse I've
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 9: always given for your leading such a bad life. And
• 1:14:46
  Speaker 9: this is the box in which I keep all your
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 9: dear letters.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: Cecily kneels at the table, opens the box and produces
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: letters tied up with blue ribbon.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 3: My letters, but my own, Sweet Cecily, I have never
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 3: written you any letters.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 9: You need hardly remind me of that, Earnest. I remember
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 9: only too well that I was forced to write your
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 9: letters for you. I always wrote three times a week,
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 9: and sometimes oftener.
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 3: Oh do let me read them, Cecily.
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 9: Oh, I couldn't. Possibly, they would make you far too conceded.
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: Cecily replaces the box.
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 9: The three you wrote me after I had broken off
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 9: the engagement are so beautiful and so badly spelled that
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 9: even now I can hardly read them without crying a little.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 3: But was our engagement ever broken off?
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 9: Of course it was on the twenty second of last March.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 9: You can see the entry if you like.
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: Cecily shows her diary to day.
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 9: I broke off my engagement with Ernest. I feel it
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 9: is better to do so. The weather still continues charming.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 3: But why on earth did you break it off? What
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 3: had I done? I had done nothing at all, Cecily.
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 3: I am very much hurt in to hear you broke
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 3: it off, particularly when the weather was so charming.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 9: It would hardly have been a really serious engagement if
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 9: it hadn't been broken off at least once. But I
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 9: forgave you before the week was.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: Out, Algernon, crossing to her and kneeling.
• 1:16:15
  Speaker 3: What a perfect angel you are, Cecily, You dear romantic.
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: Boy, he kisses her. She puts her fingers through his hair.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 9: I hope your hair curls naturally, does.
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 3: It, Yes, darling, with a little help from others. I
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: am so glad you'll never break off our engagement again, Cecily.
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 9: I don't think I could break it off now that
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 9: I have actually met you. Besides, of course, there is
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 9: the question of your name.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 1: Yes, of course, Algernon nervously.
• 1:16:47
  Speaker 9: You must not laugh at me, darling. But it had
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 9: always been a girlish dream of mine to love someone
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 9: whose name was Ernest.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: Algernon rises Cecily.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 9: Also, there is something in that name that seems to
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 9: inspire her absolute confidence. I pity any poor married woman
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 9: whose husband is not called Ernest.
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 3: But my dear child, do you mean to say you
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 3: could not love me if I had some other name?
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 9: But what name?
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 3: Any name you like? Algernon, for instance.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 9: But I don't like the name of Algernon.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 3: Well, my own, dear, sweet, loving little darling. I really
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 3: can't see why you should object to the name of Algernon.
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 3: It is not at all a bad name. In fact,
• 1:17:33
  Speaker 3: it is rather an aristocratic name. Half of the chaps
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: who get into the bankruptcy court are called Algernon. But seriously,
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 3: Cecily Algernon, moving to her, if my name was Algae,
• 1:17:46
  Speaker 3: couldn't you love me?
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: Cecily Rising.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 9: I might respect you, Ernest, I might admire your character,
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 9: but I feel that I should not be able to
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 9: give you my undivided attention.
• 1:17:58
  Speaker 1: Ahem, Cecily Algernon picking up his hat.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 3: Your rector, here is, I suppose, thoroughly experienced in the
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 3: practice of all the rites and ceremonials of the church.
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 9: Oh yes, Doctor Chansibill is a most learned man. He
• 1:18:14
  Speaker 9: has never written a single book, so you can imagine
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 9: how much he knows.
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 3: I must see him at once on a most important christening,
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 3: I mean, on most important business. Oh, I shan't be
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 3: away more than half an.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 9: Hour, considering that we have been engaged since February the fourteenth,
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 9: and that I only met you to day for the
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 9: first time. I think it is rather hard that you
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 9: should leave me for so long a period as half
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 9: an hour. Couldn't you make it twenty minutes.
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 3: I'll be back in no time.
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 1: Algernon kisses her and rushes down the garden.
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 9: What an impetuous boy he is. I like his hair
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 9: so much I must enter his proposal in my diary.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 5: Inter Merriment, and Miss Fairfax has just called to see
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 5: mister Worthy on very important business. Miss Fairfax states.
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 9: Is it mister Worthing in his library?
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 5: Mister Worthing went over in the direction of the rectory
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 5: some time ago.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 9: Pray, ask the lady to come out here. Mister Worthing
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 9: is sure to be back soon, and you can bring tea.
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: Yes, Miss Merriman goes out.
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 9: Miss Fairfax. I suppose one of the many good elderly
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 9: women who are associated with Uncle Jack in some of
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 9: his philanthropic work in London. I don't quite like women
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 9: who are interested in philanthropic work. I think it is
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 9: so forward of them.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 5: Inter Merriman, Miss Fairfax.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: Inter Gwendolen. Exit Merriman, cecily advancing to meet her.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 9: Pray, let me introduce myself to you. My name is
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 9: Cecily Cardu.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: Cecily Cardu, Gwendolen, moving to her and shaking hands.
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 8: What a very sweet name. Something tells me that we
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 8: are going to be great friends. I like you already
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 8: more than I can say. My first impressions of people
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 8: are never wrong.
• 1:20:02
  Speaker 9: How nice of you to like me so much after
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 9: we have known each other such a comparatively short time.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 1: Pray, sit down, Gwendolen still standing up.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 8: I may call you Cecily, may I not with pleasure?
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 8: And you will always call me Gwendolen, won't you if
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 8: you wish? Then that is all quite settled, is it not?
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 9: I hope?
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 1: So a pause, they both sit down together.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 8: Perhaps this might be a favorable opportunity for my mentioning
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 8: who I am. My father is Lord Bracknell. You have
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 8: never heard of Papa.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 9: I suppose, I don't think so.
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 8: Outside the family circle, Papa, I am glad to say,
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 8: is entirely unknown. I think that is quite as it
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 8: should be. The home seems to me to be the
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 8: proper sphere for the man, and certainly once a man
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 8: begins to neglect his domestic duties, he becomes painfully effeminate.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 8: Does he not, and I don't like that it makes
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 8: men so very attractive.
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 12: Cecily.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 8: Mamma, whose views on education are remarkably strict, has brought
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 8: me up to be extremely short sighted. It is part
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 8: of her system. So do you mind my looking at
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 8: you through my glasses?
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 9: Not at all, Gwendolen. I'm very fond of being looked at.
• 1:21:18
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen. After examining Cecily carefully through a Lorgnette.
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 8: You are here on a short visit, I suppose, Oh no,
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 8: I live here, Gwendolen severely. Really your mother, no doubt,
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 8: or some female relative of advanced years resides here.
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 9: Also, Oh no, I have no mother, nor in fact
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 9: any relations. Indeed, my dear guardian, with the assistance of
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 9: Miss Prisom, has the arduous task of looking after me.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 8: Your guardian.
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 9: Yes, I am mister Worthing's ward.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 8: Oh it is strange. He never mentioned to me that
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 8: he had a ward. How secretive of him. He grows
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 8: more incio hourly. I am not sure, however, that the
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 8: news inspires me with feelings of unmixed delight.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen, rising and going to her.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 8: I am very fond of you, Cecily. I have liked
• 1:22:12
  Speaker 8: you ever since I met you, But I am bound
• 1:22:15
  Speaker 8: to state now that I know that you are mister
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 8: Worthing's ward, I cannot help expressing a wish you were well,
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 8: just a little older than you seem to be, and
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 8: not quite so very alluring in appearance. In fact, if
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 8: I may speak candidly.
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 9: Pray, do I think that whenever one has anything unpleasant
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 9: to say, one should always be quite candid.
• 1:22:37
  Speaker 8: Well to speak with perfect candor. Cecily, I wish that
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 8: you are fully forty two and more than usually plain
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 8: for your age. Ernest has a strong, upright nature. He
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 8: is the very soul of truth and honor. Disloyalty would
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 8: be as impossible to him as deception. But even men
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 8: of the noblest possible moral character are extremely susceptible to
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 8: the influence of the physical charms of others. Modern no
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 8: less than ancient history supplies us with many most painful
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 8: examples of what I refer to. If it were not so, indeed,
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 8: history would be quite unreadable.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 9: I beg your pardon, Gwendolen, Did you say, Ernest?
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 8: Yes?
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 9: Oh, but it is not mister Ernest Worthing who is
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 9: my guardian. It is his brother his elder.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: Brother, Gwendolen. Sitting down again.
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 8: Ernest never mentioned to me that he had a brother.
• 1:23:30
  Speaker 9: I am sorry to say they have not been on
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 9: good terms for a long time.
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 8: Ah that accounts for it. And now that I think
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 8: of it, I have never heard any man mention his brother.
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 8: The subject seems distasteful to most men. Cecily, you have
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 8: lifted a load from my mind. I was growing almost anxious.
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 8: It would have been terrible if any cloud had come
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 8: across a friendship like ours, would it not? Of course,
• 1:23:59
  Speaker 8: you are quite quite sure that it is not. Mister
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 8: Ernest Worthing, who is your guardian.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 9: Quite sure? A pause, in fact, I am going to be.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: His, Gwendolen. Inquiringly, I beg your pardon, Cecily, rather shy
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: and confidingly.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 9: Dearest Gwendolen, there is no reason why I should make
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 9: a secret of it to you. Our little country newspaper
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 9: is sure to chronicle the fact next week. Mister Ernest
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 9: Worthing and I are engaged to be married.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen quite politely, rising, my darling.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 8: Cecily, I think there must be some slight error. Mister
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 8: Ernest Worthing is engaged to me the announcement will appear
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 8: in the morning Post on Saturday at the latest.
• 1:24:45
  Speaker 1: Cecily, very politely rising, I.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 9: Am afraid you must be under some misconception. Ernest proposed
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 9: to me exactly ten minutes ago.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: Cecily shows her her diary. Gwendolen examines the diary through
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: her Lorgnette carefully.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 8: It is certainly very curious, for he asked me to
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 8: be his wife yesterday afternoon at five thirty. If you
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 8: would care to verify the instant, pray do so.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen produces a diary of her own.
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 8: I never travel without my diary. One should always have
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 8: something sensational to read in the train. I am so sorry,
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 8: dear Cecily, if it is any disappointment to you, but
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 8: I am afraid I have the prior claim.
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 9: It would distress me more than I can tell you,
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 9: dear Gwendolen, if it caused you any mental or physical anguish.
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 9: But I feel bound to point out that since Ernest
• 1:25:38
  Speaker 9: proposed to you, he clearly has changed his mind.
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen meditatively.
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 8: If the poor fellow has been entrapped into any foolish promise,
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 8: I shall consider it my duty to rescue him. At
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 8: once and with a firm hand.
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: Cecily thoughtfully and sadly.
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 9: Whatever unfortunate entanglement my dear boy may have gone into,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 9: I'll never reproach him with it after we are married.
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 8: Do you allude to me, Miss Cardu, as an entanglement
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 8: you are presumptuous. On an occasion of this kind, it
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 8: becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 8: It becomes a pleasure.
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 9: Do you suggest, Miss Fairfax, that I entrapt ernest into
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 9: an engagement? How dare you? This is no time for
• 1:26:26
  Speaker 9: wearing the shallow mask of manners. When I see a spade,
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 9: I call it a spade.
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen, satirically, I.
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 8: Am glad to say that I have never seen a spade.
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 8: It is obvious that our social spheres have been widely different.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: In her merriment, followed by the footman, he carries a salver,
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: tablecloth and plate stand, Cicily is about to retort. The
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 1: presence of the servants exercises a restraining influence, under which
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: both girls chaef.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 5: Shall I lay tea here as usual.
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: Miss Cecily, sternly, in a calm voice, yes, as usual.
• 1:27:03
  Speaker 1: Berryman begins to clear the table and lay the cloth
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: a long pause. Cicily and Gwendolen glare at each other.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 8: Are there many interesting walks in the vicinity, Miss Cardo?
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 9: Oh, yes, a great many. From the top of one
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 9: of the hills, quite close one can see five counties.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 8: Five counties. I don't think I should like that.
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: I hate crowds, Cecily, sweetly.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 9: I suppose that is why you live in town.
• 1:27:31
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen bites her lip and beats her foot nervously with
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 1: her parasol. Gwendolen looking round.
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 8: Quite a well kept garden.
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 9: This is, Miss Cardo, so glad you like it, Miss Fairfax.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 8: I had no idea there were any flowers in the country.
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 9: Oh, flowers are as common here, Miss Fairfax as people
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 9: are in London.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 8: Personally, I cannot understand how anybody manages to exist in
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 8: the country. If anybody who is anybody does. The country
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 8: always bores me to death.
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 9: Ah. This is what the newspapers call agricultural depression, is
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 9: it not. I believe the aristocracy are suffering very much
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 9: from it. Just at present. It is almost an epidemic
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 9: amongst them. I have been told. May I offer you
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 9: some tea?
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 1: Miss Fairfax, Gwendolen with elaborate politeness. Thank you, Gwendolen aside.
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 8: Detestable girl, But I require.
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 1: Tea, Cecily sweetly, sugar, Gwendolen superciliously.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 8: No, thank you, sugar is not fashionable anymore.
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 1: Cecily looks angrily at her, takes up the tongs and
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: puts four lumps of sugar into the cup.
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 9: Sicily severely cake or bread and butter.
• 1:28:43
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen in a bored manner.
• 1:28:45
  Speaker 8: Bread and butter, please. Cake is rarely seen at the
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 8: best houses nowadays.
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 1: Sicily cuts a very large slice of cake and puts
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 1: it on.
• 1:28:53
  Speaker 9: The tray, hand that to Miss Fairfax.
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 1: Merriman does so and goes out with a footman. Gwendolen
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: drinks the tea and makes a grimace, puts down the
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 1: cup at once, reaches out her hand to the bread
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 1: and butter, looks at it and finds it as cake
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: rises in indignation.
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 8: You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and
• 1:29:14
  Speaker 8: though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 8: have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 8: of my disposition and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature,
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 8: But I warn you, Miss Cardo, you may go too far.
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 9: Cecily rising to save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 9: the machinations of any other girl. There are no lengths
• 1:29:39
  Speaker 9: to which I would not go.
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 8: From the moment I saw you, I distrusted you. I
• 1:29:43
  Speaker 8: felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 8: deceived in such matters. My first impressions of people are
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 8: invariably right.
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 9: It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 9: on your valuable time. No doubt you have many other
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 9: coals of a i' muller character to make in the neighborhood.
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: Enter Jack. Gwendolen, catching sight of him, earnest.
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 2: My own Earnest Gwendolen, Darling.
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 1: Jack offers to kiss her. Gwendolen draws back a moment.
• 1:30:13
  Speaker 8: May I ask if you are engaged to be married
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 8: to this young lady.
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen points to Cecily, Jack, laughing.
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 2: Dear little Cecily, of course not. What could have put
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 2: such an idea into your pretty little head?
• 1:30:25
  Speaker 8: Thank you you may.
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen offers her cheek. Cecily very sweetly.
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 9: I knew there must be some misunderstanding, missus Fairfax. The
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 9: gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 9: my guardian, mister John Worthing.
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 8: I beg your pardon.
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: This is uncle Jack Gwendolen, receding Jack enter Aldrenon.
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 9: Here is Ernest.
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: Algrenon goes straight over to Cecily, without noticing anyone else,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 1: My own love. He offers to kiss her, Cecily, drawing back.
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 9: A moment, Earnest, may, I ask you, are you engaged
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 9: to be married to this young lady Algernon?
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 3: Looking round to what young lady, good heavens, Gwendolen, Yes, to.
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 9: Good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen.
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 3: Algernon, laughing, of course, not what could have put such
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 3: an idea into your pretty little head?
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Cecily, presenting her cheek to be kissed, you
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: may Algernon kisses her.
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 8: I thought there was some slight error, Miss Cardo. The
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 8: gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, mister Algernon.
• 1:31:33
  Speaker 1: Montcrief Cicily breaking away from.
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 9: Algernon Algernon Montcreef.
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: Oh. The two girls moved towards each other and put
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: their arms around each other's waists, as if for protection.
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 9: Are you called Algernon?
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 3: I cannot deny it.
• 1:31:49
  Speaker 8: Oh is your name really John?
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: Jack, standing rather proudly.
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: I could deny it if I liked. I could deny
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 2: anything if I liked. But my man certainly is John John.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 1: For years, Cecily to Gwendolen, a gross deception has been
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 1: practiced on both of us.
• 1:32:06
  Speaker 8: My poor wounded Cecily.
• 1:32:09
  Speaker 9: My sweet wronged Gwendolen.
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen, slowly and seriously.
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 8: You will call me sister?
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: Will you not the embrace? Jack and Algernon grown and
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 1: walk up and down, Cecily rather brightly.
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 9: There is just one question I would like to be
• 1:32:24
  Speaker 9: allowed to ask my guardian.
• 1:32:26
  Speaker 8: An admirable idea, mister Worthing. There is just one question
• 1:32:31
  Speaker 8: I would like to be permitted to put to you.
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 8: Where is your brother Ernest? We are both engaged to
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 8: be married to your brother Ernest, so it is a
• 1:32:39
  Speaker 8: matter of some importance for us to know where your
• 1:32:42
  Speaker 8: brother Ernest is at present.
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 1: Jack, slowly and hesitatingly.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 2: Gwendolen, Cecily, it is very painful me to be forced
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 2: to speak the truth. It is the first time in
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 2: my life that I have ever been reduced to such
• 1:32:54
  Speaker 2: a painful position, and I am really quite inexperience in
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: doing anything that's the kind. However, I will tell you
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 2: quite frankly that I have no brother, Ernest, I have
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 2: no brother at all. I never had a brother in
• 1:33:06
  Speaker 2: my life, and I certainly have not the smallest intention
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 2: of having one in the future.
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 1: Cecily surprised, no brother at all? Jack, cheerily none.
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 8: Gwendolen severely had you never a brother of any kind?
• 1:33:21
  Speaker 2: Jack, pleasantly, never, not even of any kind.
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 8: I'm afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 8: us is engaged to be married to anyone.
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 9: It is not a very pleasant position for a young
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 9: girl suddenly to find herself in, is it.
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 8: Let us go into the house. They will hardly venture
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 8: to come after us there.
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 9: No men are so cowardly, aren't they?
• 1:33:43
  Speaker 1: The retire into the house with scornful looks.
• 1:33:46
  Speaker 2: This ghastly state of affairs is what you call bunburying,
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 2: I suppose.
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 3: Yes, and a perfectly wonderful bumbarrey. It is the most
• 1:33:54
  Speaker 3: wonderful bumbrie I have ever had in my life.
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 2: Well, you've no right what to have to bumbrey here.
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 3: That is absurd one has a right to bumbrey anywhere
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 3: one chooses. Every serious bumbriest knows.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: That serious bumbriest good heavens.
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 3: Well, one must be serious about something if one wants
• 1:34:15
  Speaker 3: to have any amusement in life. I happen to be
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 3: serious about bumbling. What on earth you are serious about?
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 3: I haven't got the remotest idea about everything I should fancy.
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 3: You have such an absolutely trivial nature.
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 2: Well, the only small satisfaction I have in the whole
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 2: wretched business is your friend Bunbury is quite exploded. You
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 2: won't be able to run down to the country quite
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 2: so often as you see, Dear Algae. A very good
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: thing too.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 3: Your brother is a little off color, isn't he, Dear Jack.
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 3: You won't be able to disappear to London quite so
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 3: frequently as your wicked custom was, and not a bad
• 1:34:54
  Speaker 3: thing either.
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 2: As for your conduct towards misscard You, I must say
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: that you're taking in a sweet, simple, innocent girl like
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 2: that is quite inexcusable, to say nothing of the fact
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 2: that she is my ward.
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 3: I can see no possible to fins at all for
• 1:35:08
  Speaker 3: your deceiving a brilliant, clever, thoroughly experienced young lady like
• 1:35:13
  Speaker 3: Miss Fairfax, to say nothing of the fact that she
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 3: is my cousin.
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be engaged to Gwendolyn, that is all.
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 3: I love her well, I simply wanted to be engaged
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 3: to Cecily. I adore her.
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 2: There is certainly no chance of your marrying miss card You.
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 3: I don't think that it is much likelihood jack of
• 1:35:32
  Speaker 3: you and Miss Fairfax being united.
• 1:35:35
  Speaker 2: Well, that is no business for yours.
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 3: If it was my business, I wouldn't talk about it.
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 1: Algernon begins to eat muffins.
• 1:35:43
  Speaker 3: It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only
• 1:35:48
  Speaker 3: people like stockbrokers do that. And then nearly at dinner parties.
• 1:35:53
  Speaker 2: How can you sit there calmly eating muffins when we
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 2: are in this horrible trouble. I can't make out. You
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 2: seem to me to be perfectly heartless.
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 3: Well, I can't eat muffins in an agitated manner. The
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 3: butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 3: eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 3: eat them.
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 2: I say, it is perfectly hotless. You're eating muffins at
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: all under the circumstances.
• 1:36:19
  Speaker 3: When I'm in trouble, eating is the only thing that
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 3: consoles me. Indeed, when I'm in really great trouble, as
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 3: anyone who knows me intimately will tell you, I refuse
• 1:36:31
  Speaker 3: everything except food and drink. At the present moment, I'm
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 3: eating muffins because I'm unhappy. Besides, I am particularly fond
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 3: of muffins.
• 1:36:43
  Speaker 1: Algernon rising, Jack Rising.
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: Well, that is no reason why you should eat them
• 1:36:48
  Speaker 2: all in that greedy way.
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 1: Jack takes the muffins from Algernon Algernon, offering tea cake.
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 3: I wish you would have tea cake instead. I don't
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 3: like tea cake.
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 2: Good heavens. I suppose a man may eat his own
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: muffins in his own garden.
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 3: But you have just said it was perfectly heartless to
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 3: eat muffins.
• 1:37:06
  Speaker 2: I said it was perfect hearts of you under the circumstances.
• 1:37:09
  Speaker 2: That is a very different thing.
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 3: That may be, but the muffins are the same.
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: He seizes the muffin dish from Jack Algie.
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 2: I wish to goodness you would go.
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 3: You can't possibly ask me to go without having some dinner.
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 3: It's absurd.
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 2: I never go.
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 3: Without my dinner. No one ever does, except vegetarians and
• 1:37:30
  Speaker 3: people like that. Besides, I have just made arrangements with
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 3: doctor Chaseable to be christened at a quarter past six
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 3: under the name of Ernest.
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 2: My dear fellow. The sooner you give up that nonsense,
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 2: the better. I made arrangements this morning with doctor Chaguble
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 2: to be christened myself at five point thirty, and I
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 2: naturally will take the name of Ernest Gwendolen would wish it.
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 2: We can't both be christened Earnest. It's absurd. Besides, I
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 2: have a perfect right to be christened if I like.
• 1:37:56
  Speaker 2: There is no evidence at all that I have ever
• 1:37:58
  Speaker 2: been christened by anybody, I should tink it's extremely probable
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 2: I never was, and so does doctor Chasuble. It's entirely
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 2: different in your case. You have been christened already.
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, but I have not been christened for years.
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 2: Yes, but you have been christened. That is the important thing.
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 3: Quite so, so I know my constitution can stand it.
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 3: If you are not quite sure about your ever having
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 3: been christened, I must say I think it rather dangerous
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 3: you're venturing on it now. It might make you very unwell.
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 3: You can hardly have forgotten that some one very closely
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 3: connected with you, was very nearly carried off this week
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 3: in Paris by a severe chill.
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 2: Yes, but you said yourself as severe chill was not hereditary.
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 3: It usen't to be, I know, but I dare say
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 3: it is now. Science is always making wonderful improvements in things.
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: Jack picking up the Muffindish, Oh, that is nonsense.
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 2: You are always talking nonsense.
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 3: Jack, you were at the muffins again. I wish you
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 3: wouldn't that only two left.
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: Algernon takes them.
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 3: I told you I was particularly fond of muffins.
• 1:39:08
  Speaker 2: But I hate tea cake.
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 6: The why all.
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 3: Asked you allow teacake to be served up for your guests?
• 1:39:14
  Speaker 3: What ideas you have of hospitality?
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 2: Algernon, I have already told you to go. I don't
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 2: want you here. Why don't you go?
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 3: I haven't quite finished my tea yet, and there is
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 3: still one muffin left.
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 1: Jack groans and sinks into a chair. Algernon still continues eating.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 1: End of fact too, Act three of the Importance of
• 1:39:43
  Speaker 1: Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. This is a LibriVox recording.
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
• 1:39:51
  Speaker 1: information or to volunteer. Please visit LibriVox dot org. The
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde, A trivial comedy
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 1: for serious people. Third act, The scene morning room at
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: the manor house. Gwendolen and Cicily are at the window,
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 1: looking out into the garden.
• 1:40:14
  Speaker 8: The fact that they did not follow us at once
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 8: into the house, as any one else would have done,
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 8: seems to me to show that they have some sense
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 8: of shame left.
• 1:40:23
  Speaker 9: They have been eating muffins that looks like repentance.
• 1:40:27
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen.
• 1:40:28
  Speaker 8: After a pause, they don't seem to notice us at all.
• 1:40:32
  Speaker 8: Couldn't you cough?
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 9: But I haven't got a cough.
• 1:40:35
  Speaker 8: They're looking at us.
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 9: What effrontery they're approaching. That's very forward of them.
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 8: Let us preserve a dignified silence.
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 9: Certainly it's the only thing to do now.
• 1:40:46
  Speaker 1: And to Jack, followed by Aldernon, they whistle some dreadful
• 1:40:50
  Speaker 1: popular air from a British opera.
• 1:40:53
  Speaker 8: This dignified silence seems to produce an unpleasant effect.
• 1:40:57
  Speaker 9: A most distasteful one.
• 1:40:59
  Speaker 8: But we will not be the first to speak, certainly, not,
• 1:41:03
  Speaker 8: mister Worthing. I have something very particular to ask you,
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 8: much depends on your reply.
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 9: Gwendolen, your common sense is invaluable. Mister Moncrief, kindly answer
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 9: me the following question, Why did you pretend to be
• 1:41:18
  Speaker 9: my guardian's brother.
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 3: In order that I might have an opportunity of meeting you?
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 1: Cecily to Gwendolen.
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 9: That certainly seems a satisfactory explanation, does it.
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 8: Not, Yes, dear, if you can believe him.
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 9: I don't, but that does not affect the wonderful beauty
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 9: of his answer.
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 8: True. In matters of grave importance, style, not sincerity, is
• 1:41:43
  Speaker 8: the vital thing. Mister Worthing. What explanation can you offer
• 1:41:47
  Speaker 8: to me for pretending to have a brother? Was it
• 1:41:51
  Speaker 8: in order that you might have an opportunity of coming
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 8: up to town to see me as often as possible?
• 1:41:58
  Speaker 2: Can you doubt it? Miss?
• 1:42:00
  Speaker 8: I have the gravest doubts upon the subject, but I
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 8: intend to crush them. This is not the moment for
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 8: German skepticism.
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen, Moving to Sicily.
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 8: Their explanations appear to be quite satisfactory, especially mister Worthing's
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 8: that seems to me to have the stamp of truth
• 1:42:17
  Speaker 8: upon it.
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 9: I am more than content with what mister Moncrief said,
• 1:42:21
  Speaker 9: his voice alone inspires one with absolute credulity.
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 8: Then you think we should forgive them? Yes, I mean no, true,
• 1:42:30
  Speaker 8: I had forgotten there are principles at stake that one
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 8: cannot surrender. Which of us should tell them? The task
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 8: is not a pleasant one?
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 9: Could we not both speak at the same time?
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 8: An excellent idea. I nearly always speak at the same
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 8: time as other people. Well, you take the time from.
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: Me, certainly, Gwendolen beats time with uplifted finger. Gwendolen and
• 1:42:54
  Speaker 1: Sicily speaking together.
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 9: Your Christian needs are an inspeperable barrier.
• 1:43:00
  Speaker 8: That is all.
• 1:43:01
  Speaker 1: Jack and Algernon speaking together Christmas names?
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 2: Is that all? But we are going to be.
• 1:43:09
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen to Jack for my sake?
• 1:43:11
  Speaker 8: Are you prepared to do this terrible thing?
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 1: I am Cicily to Algernon to please me?
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 9: Are you ready to face this fearful ordeal?
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 3: I am?
• 1:43:20
  Speaker 8: How absurd to talk of the equality of the sexes
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 8: where questions of self sacrifice are concerned. Men are infinitely
• 1:43:28
  Speaker 8: beyond us.
• 1:43:29
  Speaker 1: We are Jack clasps hands with Algernon.
• 1:43:33
  Speaker 9: They have moments of physical courage of which we women
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 9: know absolutely nothing.
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 1: Gwendolen to Jack Darling, Algernon to Sicily Darling. They fall
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 1: into each other's arms, enter merriment. When he enters, he
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 1: coughs loudly, seeing the situation.
• 1:43:51
  Speaker 5: A hem, a Hem, Lady Bracknell.
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 1: Good heavens, enter Lady Bracknell. The couples separate, an alarm.
• 1:44:00
  Speaker 7: Gwendolin, what does this mean?
• 1:44:04
  Speaker 8: Merely that I am engaged to be married to mister Worthing.
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 7: Mamma, come here, sit down, Sit down immediately. Hesitation of
• 1:44:13
  Speaker 7: any kind is a sign of mental decay in the young,
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 7: of physical weakness in the old.
• 1:44:19
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell turns to Jack.
• 1:44:21
  Speaker 7: Apprized, Sir, of my daughter's sudden flight by her trusty maid,
• 1:44:27
  Speaker 7: whose confidence I purchased by the means of a small coin.
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 7: I followed her at once by a luggage train. Her
• 1:44:36
  Speaker 7: unhappy father is I am glad to say, under the
• 1:44:40
  Speaker 7: impression that she is attending a more than usually lengthy
• 1:44:45
  Speaker 7: lecture by the University extension scheme on the influence of
• 1:44:50
  Speaker 7: a permanent income. On a thought, I do not propose
• 1:44:55
  Speaker 7: to undeceive him. Indeed, I have never undeceived him on
• 1:44:59
  Speaker 7: any question. I would consider it wrong, But of course,
• 1:45:03
  Speaker 7: you will understand that all communication between yourself and my
• 1:45:08
  Speaker 7: daughter must cease immediately from this moment. On this point,
• 1:45:14
  Speaker 7: as indeed on all points, I am firm.
• 1:45:18
  Speaker 2: I am engaged to be married to Gwendolen. Lady Brucknell,
• 1:45:21
  Speaker 2: you are nothing.
• 1:45:21
  Speaker 7: Of the kind, sir. And now as regards Algernon, Algernon.
• 1:45:28
  Speaker 3: Yes, aren't Augusta, may.
• 1:45:31
  Speaker 7: I ask if it is in this house that your
• 1:45:35
  Speaker 7: invalid friend, mister Bumbrey resides.
• 1:45:39
  Speaker 3: Algernon's stammering, Oh, no, Bumbrey doesn't live here. Bumbrie is
• 1:45:47
  Speaker 3: somewhere else at present. In fact, Bumbrey is dead dead.
• 1:45:53
  Speaker 7: When did mister Bumbrey die? His death must have been
• 1:45:57
  Speaker 7: extremely sudden.
• 1:46:00
  Speaker 3: John Airily, Oh, I killed Bumbrey this afternoon. I mean,
• 1:46:05
  Speaker 3: poor Bumbrey died this afternoon?
• 1:46:08
  Speaker 7: Or did he die of Bumbrey?
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 3: Oh? He was quite exploded?
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 7: Exploded? Was he the victim of a revolutionary outrage? I
• 1:46:21
  Speaker 7: was not aware that mister Bumbrey was interested in social legislation.
• 1:46:27
  Speaker 7: If so, he is well punished for his morbidity.
• 1:46:30
  Speaker 3: My dear aunt, Augusta. I mean he was found out.
• 1:46:35
  Speaker 3: The doctors found out that Bumbrey could not live. That
• 1:46:39
  Speaker 3: is what I mean. So Bumbrey died.
• 1:46:42
  Speaker 7: He seems to have had great confidence in the opinion
• 1:46:46
  Speaker 7: of his physicians. I am glad, however, that he made
• 1:46:51
  Speaker 7: up his mind at the last to come to some
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 7: definite course of action and acted under proper medical advice.
• 1:47:00
  Speaker 7: And now that we have finally got rid of this
• 1:47:03
  Speaker 7: mister Bunbury, may I ask mister Worthing, who is this
• 1:47:09
  Speaker 7: young person whose hand my nephew Algernon is now holding
• 1:47:15
  Speaker 7: in what seemed to me a peculiarly unnecessary manner.
• 1:47:21
  Speaker 2: That lady is Miss Cecily cardur my ward.
• 1:47:24
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell bows coldly to Cecily.
• 1:47:27
  Speaker 3: I'm engaged to be married to Cecily Aunt Augusta.
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 7: I beg your pardon.
• 1:47:33
  Speaker 9: Mister Moncrief, and I are engaged to be married, Lady Bracknell.
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell, with a shiver, crossing to the sofa and
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 1: sitting down.
• 1:47:41
  Speaker 7: I do not know whether there is anything peculiarly exciting
• 1:47:46
  Speaker 7: in the air of this particular part of hertfordship, But
• 1:47:50
  Speaker 7: the number of engagements that go on to me seem
• 1:47:53
  Speaker 7: considerably abrove for the proper average that statistics have laid
• 1:47:58
  Speaker 7: down for our guidems. I think some preliminary inquiry on
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 7: my part would not be out of place. Mister Worthing,
• 1:48:09
  Speaker 7: is Miss Cardieu at all connected with any of the
• 1:48:13
  Speaker 7: larger railway stations in London? I made a desire information.
• 1:48:19
  Speaker 7: Until yesterday I had no idea that there were any
• 1:48:24
  Speaker 7: families or persons whose origin was a terminus.
• 1:48:29
  Speaker 1: Jack looked perfectly furious, but restrains himself Jack in a clear,
• 1:48:34
  Speaker 1: cold voice.
• 1:48:35
  Speaker 2: Miss Cardio is the granddaughter of the late mister Thomas
• 1:48:38
  Speaker 2: Cardu of one hundred and forty nine Belgrave Square, s W.
• 1:48:42
  Speaker 2: Gervay's Park, Dorking, Surrey and the sparren Feifescher NB.
• 1:48:47
  Speaker 7: That sounds not unsatisfactory. Three addresses always inspire confidence even
• 1:48:54
  Speaker 7: in tradesmen. But what proof have I of their authenticity?
• 1:48:59
  Speaker 2: If we preserve the court guides of the period. They
• 1:49:02
  Speaker 2: are open to your inspection, Lady Bracknell.
• 1:49:04
  Speaker 7: Lady Bracknell, grimly, I have known strange errols in that publication.
• 1:49:10
  Speaker 2: Miss card Hugh's family synistatis are Messrs Mackby, Mackby and Mackby.
• 1:49:15
  Speaker 7: Mark By, Markby and Markby a theirm of the highest
• 1:49:20
  Speaker 7: position in their profession. Indeed, I am told that one
• 1:49:25
  Speaker 7: of the mister Markby's is occasionally to be seen at
• 1:49:28
  Speaker 7: dinner parties. So far I am satisfied.
• 1:49:31
  Speaker 2: Jack, very irritably, how extremely kind of you, Lady Bracknell.
• 1:49:35
  Speaker 2: I also have in my possession. You will be pleased
• 1:49:37
  Speaker 2: to hear certificates of miss Cardio's birth, baptism, hooping, cough registration,
• 1:49:42
  Speaker 2: vaccination confirmation, and the measles of both the German and
• 1:49:45
  Speaker 2: English variety.
• 1:49:46
  Speaker 7: Oh, a life crowded with incidents, I see, though perhaps
• 1:49:51
  Speaker 7: somewhat too exciting for a young girl. I am not
• 1:49:55
  Speaker 7: myself in favor of premature experiences.
• 1:50:00
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell rises and looks at her watch.
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 7: Gwendolene. The time approaches for our departure. We have not
• 1:50:08
  Speaker 7: a moment to lose. As a matter of form, mister Worthing,
• 1:50:13
  Speaker 7: I had better ask if miss Cardle has any little fortune.
• 1:50:18
  Speaker 2: Oh about one hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the funds.
• 1:50:22
  Speaker 2: That is all. Good bye, Lady Bracknell, So please to
• 1:50:25
  Speaker 2: have seen you.
• 1:50:26
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell sitting down again a moment, Mister Worthing, A
• 1:50:31
  Speaker 1: hundred and thirty thousand pounds and in the funds.
• 1:50:36
  Speaker 7: Miss Cardle seems to me a most attractive young lady,
• 1:50:41
  Speaker 7: And now that I'll look at her, few girls of
• 1:50:45
  Speaker 7: the present day have any really solid qualities, any of
• 1:50:50
  Speaker 7: the qualities that last and improve with time we live.
• 1:50:55
  Speaker 7: I regret to say, in an age of a surfaces.
• 1:50:59
  Speaker 1: Lady Brackle not to Sicily come here. Dear Cecily goes across.
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 7: Pretty child. Your dress is sadly simple, and your hair
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 7: seems almost as nature might have left it. But we
• 1:51:14
  Speaker 7: can soon alter all that. A thoroughly experienced French maid
• 1:51:20
  Speaker 7: produces a really marvelous result in a very brief space
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 7: of time. I remember recommending one to the young lady Lancing,
• 1:51:29
  Speaker 7: and after three months her own husband did not know how.
• 1:51:33
  Speaker 2: And after six months nobody knew her.
• 1:51:36
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell Glare was at Jack for a few moments,
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 1: then bend's with a practiced smile.
• 1:51:41
  Speaker 7: To Cecily kindly turned round.
• 1:51:44
  Speaker 1: The sweet child, Cecily turns completely around.
• 1:51:47
  Speaker 7: No, the side view is what I want.
• 1:51:50
  Speaker 1: Cecily presents her profile.
• 1:51:52
  Speaker 7: Yes, quite as I expected. There are distinct social possibilities
• 1:51:59
  Speaker 7: in your profile. The two weak points in our age
• 1:52:04
  Speaker 7: are its want of principle and its want of a
• 1:52:07
  Speaker 7: profile the chin a little higher. Dear, styles largely depend
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 7: on the way the chen is worn. They are worn
• 1:52:17
  Speaker 7: very high just at present Algernon. Yes, Aunt Augusta, there
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 7: are distinct social possibilities in miscard U's profile.
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 3: Cecily is the sweetest, deadest, prettiest girl in the whole world,
• 1:52:34
  Speaker 3: and I don't care tuppence about social possibilities.
• 1:52:38
  Speaker 7: Never speak disrespectfully of society, Algernon. Only people who can't
• 1:52:44
  Speaker 7: get into it.
• 1:52:45
  Speaker 1: Do that, Lady Bracknell to Sicily, dear child.
• 1:52:49
  Speaker 7: Of course you know that Algernon has nothing but his
• 1:52:52
  Speaker 7: debt to depend upon. But I do not approve of
• 1:52:56
  Speaker 7: mercenary marriages. When I marry Lord Bracknell, I had no
• 1:53:00
  Speaker 7: fortune of any kind, but I never dreamed for a
• 1:53:03
  Speaker 7: moment of allowing that to stand in my way. Well,
• 1:53:07
  Speaker 7: I suppose I must give my consent.
• 1:53:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
• 1:53:13
  Speaker 1: Cecily, you may kiss me, Cecily kisses her.
• 1:53:17
  Speaker 9: Thank you, Lady Bracknell.
• 1:53:19
  Speaker 7: You may also address me as Aunt Augusta.
• 1:53:22
  Speaker 9: For the future, Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
• 1:53:25
  Speaker 7: The marriage I think had better take place quite soon.
• 1:53:29
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Aunt Augusta.
• 1:53:31
  Speaker 9: Thank you Aunt Augusta to speak frankly.
• 1:53:34
  Speaker 7: I am not in favor of long engagements. They give
• 1:53:38
  Speaker 7: people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage,
• 1:53:42
  Speaker 7: which I think is never advisable.
• 1:53:45
  Speaker 2: I beg your pardon for interrupting you, Lady Bracknell, But
• 1:53:48
  Speaker 2: disengagement is quite out of the question. I am Miscardi's guardian,
• 1:53:52
  Speaker 2: and she can't marry without my consent until she comes
• 1:53:54
  Speaker 2: of age. That consent I absolutely decline to give.
• 1:53:59
  Speaker 7: Upon grounds, may I ask? Algernon is an extremely I
• 1:54:04
  Speaker 7: almost to say, an ostentatiously eligible young man. He has nothing,
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 7: but he looks everything. What more can one desire?
• 1:54:15
  Speaker 2: It pays me very much to have to speak frankly
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 2: to you, Lady Bracknell, about your nephew. But the fact
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 2: is I do not approve at all of his moral character.
• 1:54:24
  Speaker 2: I suspect him of being untruthful.
• 1:54:27
  Speaker 1: Aljamon incessantly look at him in indignant amazement.
• 1:54:30
  Speaker 7: Untruthful, my nephew, Algernon impossible. He is an oxsodium.
• 1:54:38
  Speaker 2: I cold fear there can be no possible doubt about
• 1:54:40
  Speaker 2: the matter. This afternoon, during my temporary absence in London,
• 1:54:43
  Speaker 2: on an important question of romance, he obtained admission to
• 1:54:46
  Speaker 2: my house by the means of a false pretense of
• 1:54:48
  Speaker 2: being my brother. Under an assumed name. He drank. I've
• 1:54:52
  Speaker 2: just been informed by my bottler, the entire pint bottle
• 1:54:55
  Speaker 2: of my perier jois brute eighty nine. While I was
• 1:54:58
  Speaker 2: specially reserving for myself, continuing his disgraceful deception, he succeeded
• 1:55:03
  Speaker 2: in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections
• 1:55:05
  Speaker 2: of my only ward. He subsequently state to Tea devoured
• 1:55:08
  Speaker 2: every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the
• 1:55:11
  Speaker 2: more heartless is that he was perfectly well aware that
• 1:55:14
  Speaker 2: from the first I have no brother, that I never
• 1:55:17
  Speaker 2: had a brother, and that I don't intend to have
• 1:55:19
  Speaker 2: a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly told
• 1:55:22
  Speaker 2: him so myself yesterday afternoon.
• 1:55:26
  Speaker 7: Mister Worthing, after a careful consideration, I have decided entirely
• 1:55:31
  Speaker 7: to overlook my nephew's conduct to you.
• 1:55:35
  Speaker 2: That is very generous of you, Lady Bracknell. My own decision, however,
• 1:55:39
  Speaker 2: is unalterable. I decline to give my consent.
• 1:55:43
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell, to Cecily, come here, sweet child. Cecily goes over,
• 1:55:48
  Speaker 1: how old.
• 1:55:49
  Speaker 9: Are you dear well, I am really only eighteen, but
• 1:55:53
  Speaker 9: I always admit to twenty when I go to evening parties.
• 1:55:57
  Speaker 7: You are perfectly right in making some slash alteration. Indeed,
• 1:56:01
  Speaker 7: no woman should ever be quite accurate about her age.
• 1:56:05
  Speaker 7: It looks so calculating.
• 1:56:07
  Speaker 1: In a meditative manner.
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 7: Eighteen but admitting to twenty at evening parties, where it
• 1:56:14
  Speaker 7: will not be very long before you are of age
• 1:56:17
  Speaker 7: and free from the restraints of tutelage. So I don't
• 1:56:21
  Speaker 7: think your guardian's consent is, after all a matter of
• 1:56:24
  Speaker 7: any importance.
• 1:56:26
  Speaker 2: Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again, but
• 1:56:30
  Speaker 2: it is only fair to tell you that, according to
• 1:56:31
  Speaker 2: the terms of her grandfather's will, Miscardu does not come
• 1:56:34
  Speaker 2: legally of age until she is thirty five.
• 1:56:37
  Speaker 7: That does not seem to me to be a grave objection.
• 1:56:41
  Speaker 7: Thirty five is of very attractive age. London society is
• 1:56:45
  Speaker 7: full of women of the very highest birth who have,
• 1:56:50
  Speaker 7: of their own free choice, remained thirty five or four years.
• 1:56:55
  Speaker 7: Lady Dumbleton is an instance. In point to my own
• 1:56:59
  Speaker 7: knowledge is she has been thirty five ever since she
• 1:57:02
  Speaker 7: arrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago.
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 7: Now I see no reason why our dear Cicely should
• 1:57:13
  Speaker 7: not be even still more attractive at the age you
• 1:57:17
  Speaker 7: mention than she is at present. There will be a
• 1:57:21
  Speaker 7: large accumulation of propertire algae.
• 1:57:25
  Speaker 9: Could you wait for me till I was thirty five?
• 1:57:28
  Speaker 3: Of course I could, Cecily, you know I could.
• 1:57:32
  Speaker 9: Yes, I felt it instinctively, But I couldn't wait all
• 1:57:36
  Speaker 9: that time. I hate waiting even five minutes for anybody.
• 1:57:40
  Speaker 9: It always makes me rather cross. I am not punctual myself,
• 1:57:44
  Speaker 9: I know, but I do like punctuality in others, And
• 1:57:47
  Speaker 9: waiting even to be married is quite out of the question.
• 1:57:52
  Speaker 3: Then what is to be done, Cecily.
• 1:57:54
  Speaker 9: I don't know, mister Montcrief.
• 1:57:57
  Speaker 7: My dear mister worthing as miss card you states positively
• 1:58:01
  Speaker 7: that she cannot wait till she is thirty five, a
• 1:58:04
  Speaker 7: remark which I am bound to say, seems to me
• 1:58:07
  Speaker 7: to show a somewhat impatient nature. I would beg of
• 1:58:12
  Speaker 7: you to reconsider.
• 1:58:13
  Speaker 2: Your decision, But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matterss entirely
• 1:58:17
  Speaker 2: in your own hands. The moment you consent to my
• 1:58:20
  Speaker 2: marriage with Gwendolen, I will most gladly allow your nephew
• 1:58:24
  Speaker 2: to form an alliance with my ward.
• 1:58:26
  Speaker 1: Liddy Bracknell rising and drawing herself up.
• 1:58:29
  Speaker 7: You must be quite aware that what you propose is
• 1:58:33
  Speaker 7: out of the question.
• 1:58:34
  Speaker 2: Then a passionate celibacy is all that money of us
• 1:58:37
  Speaker 2: can look forward to.
• 1:58:38
  Speaker 7: That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen. Algernon,
• 1:58:42
  Speaker 7: of course, can choose for himself.
• 1:58:44
  Speaker 1: Liddy Bracknell pulls out her watch. Come, dear Gwendolen rises.
• 1:58:49
  Speaker 7: We have already missed five, if not six trains. Do
• 1:58:54
  Speaker 7: miss anymore? Might expose us to comment on the.
• 1:58:57
  Speaker 1: Platform and her doctor chisable if you think it's quite
• 1:59:00
  Speaker 1: too ready for the Christenings.
• 1:59:02
  Speaker 7: The Christenings, Sir, is not that somewhat premature.
• 1:59:08
  Speaker 1: Chargeable, looking rather puzzled than pointing to Jack and Algernont.
• 1:59:11
  Speaker 4: Both these jentlemen have expressed the desire for immediate baptism.
• 1:59:16
  Speaker 7: At their age. The idea is grotesque and irreligious. Algernon,
• 1:59:21
  Speaker 7: I forbid you to be baptized. I will not hear
• 1:59:26
  Speaker 7: of such excesses. Lord Bracknell will be highly displeased if
• 1:59:30
  Speaker 7: he learned that that was the way in which you
• 1:59:33
  Speaker 7: wasted your time. And money.
• 1:59:36
  Speaker 4: Am I to understand then, that there are to be
• 1:59:38
  Speaker 4: new Christenings at oh this afternoon.
• 1:59:40
  Speaker 2: I don't think that as things are now, it would
• 1:59:43
  Speaker 2: be of much practical value to either of us. Doctor
• 1:59:45
  Speaker 2: Jesubel Aim.
• 1:59:46
  Speaker 4: Grieve to hear such sentiments from you, mister Worthing, receiver
• 1:59:50
  Speaker 4: of the heretical views of the Adi Baptists, views that
• 1:59:53
  Speaker 4: I have completely refuted in four of my unpublished solmons. However,
• 1:59:58
  Speaker 4: as your present moods one peculiarly secular, I will retard
• 2:00:03
  Speaker 4: to the charge at once. Indeed, I have just been
• 2:00:06
  Speaker 4: deformed by the pew Abner that for the last hour
• 2:00:10
  Speaker 4: and a half Miss Prism has been waiting for me
• 2:00:12
  Speaker 4: in the vestri.
• 2:00:13
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell's starting Miss Prism.
• 2:00:17
  Speaker 7: Did I hear you mention a miss Prism?
• 2:00:20
  Speaker 4: Yes, Lady Bracknell, I am on my way to join her.
• 2:00:24
  Speaker 7: Pray, allow me to detain you for a moment. This
• 2:00:28
  Speaker 7: matter may prove to be one of vital importance to
• 2:00:32
  Speaker 7: Lord Racknell and myself. Is this miss Prism a female
• 2:00:37
  Speaker 7: of a repellent aspect remotely connected with.
• 2:00:41
  Speaker 1: Education, charsible somewhat indignantly.
• 2:00:44
  Speaker 4: She is the most cultivated of ladies and a very
• 2:00:47
  Speaker 4: picture of respectability.
• 2:00:49
  Speaker 7: It is obviously the same person. May I ask what
• 2:00:53
  Speaker 7: position she holds in your household?
• 2:00:56
  Speaker 1: Charsible severely, I am a celibate Madam, Jack interposing Miss Prism.
• 2:01:02
  Speaker 2: Lady Bracknell has been for the last three years Miss
• 2:01:04
  Speaker 2: Cardio's esteemed governess and valued companion.
• 2:01:07
  Speaker 7: In spite of what I hear of her, I must
• 2:01:10
  Speaker 7: see her at once, Let her.
• 2:01:13
  Speaker 1: Be sent for Charles Will. Looking off, she approaches, she
• 2:01:17
  Speaker 1: is nigh enter Miss Prism hurriedly.
• 2:01:20
  Speaker 10: I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Cannon.
• 2:01:23
  Speaker 10: I have been waiting for you there for an hour
• 2:01:25
  Speaker 10: and three quarters.
• 2:01:27
  Speaker 1: Miss Prism catches sight of Lady Bracknell, who has fixed
• 2:01:30
  Speaker 1: her with a stony glare. Miss Prism grows pale and quails.
• 2:01:34
  Speaker 1: She looks anxiously round, as if desirous to escape. Lady
• 2:01:38
  Speaker 1: Bracknell in a severe judicial voice, Prism. Miss Prism bows
• 2:01:43
  Speaker 1: her head in shame.
• 2:01:44
  Speaker 7: Come here, Prism.
• 2:01:47
  Speaker 1: Miss Prism approaches in a humble.
• 2:01:48
  Speaker 7: Manner, Prism, where is that baby?
• 2:01:53
  Speaker 1: General consternation. The cannon starts back in horror. Algernon and
• 2:01:58
  Speaker 1: Jack pretend to be angry to shield Sicily and Gwendolen
• 2:02:02
  Speaker 1: from hearing the details of a terrible public scandal.
• 2:02:05
  Speaker 7: Twenty eight years ago. Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house
• 2:02:10
  Speaker 7: number one oh four Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of
• 2:02:15
  Speaker 7: a perabulator that contained a baby of the male six
• 2:02:20
  Speaker 7: You never returned. A few weeks later, through the elaborate
• 2:02:26
  Speaker 7: investigations of the Metropolitan Police, the preabulator was discovered at midnight,
• 2:02:33
  Speaker 7: standing by itself in a remote corner of Bezwater. It
• 2:02:39
  Speaker 7: contained the manuscript of a three volume novel of more
• 2:02:44
  Speaker 7: than usually revolting cineamtality.
• 2:02:48
  Speaker 1: Miss Prism starts an involuntary indignation.
• 2:02:51
  Speaker 7: But the baby was not there.
• 2:02:55
  Speaker 1: Everyone looks at Miss Prism.
• 2:02:56
  Speaker 7: Prism, where is that baby?
• 2:03:02
  Speaker 1: A pause?
• 2:03:03
  Speaker 10: Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that I do not know.
• 2:03:08
  Speaker 10: I only wish I had the plain.
• 2:03:10
  Speaker 12: Facts of the case. Are these? On the morning of the.
• 2:03:14
  Speaker 10: Day you mention, a day that is forever branded on
• 2:03:17
  Speaker 10: my memory, I prepared, as usual to take the baby
• 2:03:21
  Speaker 10: out in its perambulator. I had also with me a
• 2:03:24
  Speaker 10: somewhat old but capacious handbag in which I had intended
• 2:03:28
  Speaker 10: to place the manuscript of a work of fiction that
• 2:03:31
  Speaker 10: I had written during my few unoccupied hours. In a
• 2:03:36
  Speaker 10: moment of mental abstraction for which I never can forgive myself,
• 2:03:41
  Speaker 10: I deposited the manuscript in the baconette and placed the
• 2:03:45
  Speaker 10: baby in the handbag.
• 2:03:47
  Speaker 1: Jack, who has been listening attentively.
• 2:03:49
  Speaker 2: But where did you deposit the handbag?
• 2:03:51
  Speaker 12: Do not ask me, mister Worthing.
• 2:03:53
  Speaker 2: Miss prison. This is a matter of no small importance
• 2:03:56
  Speaker 2: to me. I insist on knowing where you deposited the
• 2:03:58
  Speaker 2: handbag to contain that infant.
• 2:04:00
  Speaker 10: I left it in the cloak room of one of
• 2:04:02
  Speaker 10: the larger railway stations in London.
• 2:04:05
  Speaker 3: What railway station, Miss prism quite crushed Victoria the Brighton line.
• 2:04:10
  Speaker 1: She sinks into a chair.
• 2:04:12
  Speaker 2: I must retire to my room for a moment. Gwendolen,
• 2:04:14
  Speaker 2: wait here for me.
• 2:04:15
  Speaker 8: If you are not too long, I will wait here
• 2:04:17
  Speaker 8: for you all my life.
• 2:04:19
  Speaker 1: Exit Jack in great excitement.
• 2:04:21
  Speaker 4: What do you think this means, Lady Brecknell, I.
• 2:04:24
  Speaker 7: Dare not even suspect doctor chawsible I he'd hardly tell
• 2:04:28
  Speaker 7: you that in families of a higher position, strange occurrences
• 2:04:33
  Speaker 7: are not supposed to occur. They are hardly considered The thing.
• 2:04:38
  Speaker 1: Noises heard overhead, as if someone was throwing chunks about.
• 2:04:43
  Speaker 1: Everyone walks up.
• 2:04:44
  Speaker 9: Huncle Jack seems strangely agitated.
• 2:04:47
  Speaker 4: Your God, you'd had a viy ebation in nature.
• 2:04:50
  Speaker 7: This noise is extremely unpleasant. It sounds as if he
• 2:04:54
  Speaker 7: was having an argument. I dislike arguments of any kind.
• 2:04:59
  Speaker 7: There are always he is vulgar and often convincing causible.
• 2:05:03
  Speaker 1: Looking up, it has stuffed. No the noise is redoubled.
• 2:05:07
  Speaker 7: I wish he would arrive at some conclusion.
• 2:05:10
  Speaker 8: This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
• 2:05:14
  Speaker 1: Enter Jack with a handbag of black leather in his hand.
• 2:05:17
  Speaker 1: Jack rushing over to Missprism.
• 2:05:19
  Speaker 2: Is this the handbag, Misprism? Examine it carefully before you speak.
• 2:05:23
  Speaker 2: The happiness of more than one life depends on your answer.
• 2:05:26
  Speaker 1: Misprism, calmly, it seems to be mine.
• 2:05:30
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 2:05:30
  Speaker 10: Here is the injury it received through the upsetting of
• 2:05:33
  Speaker 10: a Gower street omnibus in younger and happier days. Here
• 2:05:38
  Speaker 10: is the stain on the lining caused by the explosion
• 2:05:41
  Speaker 10: of a temperance beverage, an incident that occurred at Leamington.
• 2:05:45
  Speaker 10: And here on the lock are my initials. I had
• 2:05:49
  Speaker 10: forgotten that in an extravagant mood, I had had them
• 2:05:53
  Speaker 10: placed there. The bag is undoubtedly mine. I am delighted
• 2:05:58
  Speaker 10: to have it so unexpectedly stored to me. It has
• 2:06:01
  Speaker 10: been a great inconvenience being without it all these years.
• 2:06:06
  Speaker 2: Jack, in a pathetic voice, Miss Prism, more has restored
• 2:06:09
  Speaker 2: to you than this handbag. I was the baby you
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 2: placed in.
• 2:06:12
  Speaker 1: It, Miss Prism, amazed you, Jack embracing her, Yes, mother, Missprism,
• 2:06:20
  Speaker 1: werecoiling in indignant astonishment.
• 2:06:22
  Speaker 10: Mister Worthing, I am unmarried.
• 2:06:26
  Speaker 2: Unmarried, I do not deny that this is a serious blow.
• 2:06:29
  Speaker 2: But after all, who has the right to cast a
• 2:06:31
  Speaker 2: stote against one who has suffered? Cannot repentance, wipe out
• 2:06:34
  Speaker 2: an act or folly? Why should there be one law
• 2:06:37
  Speaker 2: for man and another for women? Mother, I forgive you.
• 2:06:40
  Speaker 1: Jack tries to embrace her again, this Prism still more indignant.
• 2:06:44
  Speaker 10: Mister Worthing, There is some error.
• 2:06:47
  Speaker 1: Miss Prism, pointing to Lady Bracknell.
• 2:06:49
  Speaker 10: There is the lady who can tell you who you
• 2:06:52
  Speaker 10: really are.
• 2:06:53
  Speaker 1: Jack.
• 2:06:53
  Speaker 2: After a pause, Lady Bracknell, I hate to see him inquisitive,
• 2:06:57
  Speaker 2: but would you kindly inform me who I am?
• 2:07:00
  Speaker 7: I'm afraid that the news I have to give. You
• 2:07:02
  Speaker 7: will not altogether please you. You are the son of
• 2:07:06
  Speaker 7: my poor sister, Missus Montcreath, and consequently Algernon's elder brother.
• 2:07:14
  Speaker 2: Algie's elder brother. Then I have a brother. After all
• 2:07:17
  Speaker 2: I knew I had a brother. I always said I
• 2:07:19
  Speaker 2: had a brother, Cecily, how could you ever have doubted
• 2:07:21
  Speaker 2: that I had a brother.
• 2:07:22
  Speaker 1: Jack sees his hold of Aldronon.
• 2:07:24
  Speaker 2: Doctor chasuall my unfortunate brother, miss Prison, my unfortunate brother. Gwendolen,
• 2:07:29
  Speaker 2: my unfortunate brother. Algie, you young scoundrel, you have to
• 2:07:32
  Speaker 2: treat with more respect in the future. You have never
• 2:07:35
  Speaker 2: behaved to be like a brother in all.
• 2:07:36
  Speaker 3: Your life, well not till today, old boy. I admit
• 2:07:41
  Speaker 3: I did my best. However, though I was out of practice.
• 2:07:45
  Speaker 1: Algernon shakes hands Gwendolen to Jack my own.
• 2:07:50
  Speaker 8: But what own are you? What is your Christian name?
• 2:07:54
  Speaker 8: Now that you have become someone else?
• 2:07:56
  Speaker 2: Good heavens, I had quite forgotten that point. Your decision
• 2:07:59
  Speaker 2: on the subject of my name is quite irrevocable.
• 2:08:01
  Speaker 4: I suppose I.
• 2:08:03
  Speaker 8: Never change except in my affections.
• 2:08:06
  Speaker 9: What a noble nature you have, Gwendolen, Jack irritably.
• 2:08:10
  Speaker 2: Then the question had better be cleared up at once,
• 2:08:12
  Speaker 2: Art Augusta a moment time when miss prison left me
• 2:08:15
  Speaker 2: in the handbag? Had I been christened? Already?
• 2:08:18
  Speaker 7: Every luxury that money could buy, including christening, had been
• 2:08:23
  Speaker 7: lavished on you by your fond and doting parents.
• 2:08:27
  Speaker 2: Then I was christened. That is settled. Now what name
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 2: was I given?
• 2:08:30
  Speaker 7: Let me know the worst, being the eldest son, you
• 2:08:34
  Speaker 7: were naturally christened after your father?
• 2:08:37
  Speaker 2: Jack irritably, yes, But what was my father's Christian name?
• 2:08:40
  Speaker 1: Lady Bracknell, meditatively.
• 2:08:42
  Speaker 7: I cannot at the present moment recall what the general's
• 2:08:47
  Speaker 7: Christian name was, but I have no doubt he had one.
• 2:08:51
  Speaker 7: He was eccentric, I admit, but only in later yells,
• 2:08:56
  Speaker 7: and that was the result of the Indian climate and
• 2:08:59
  Speaker 7: marriage and indigestion and other things of that kind algae.
• 2:09:04
  Speaker 2: Can't you recollect what our father's Christian name was.
• 2:09:07
  Speaker 3: My dear boy, we were never even on speaking terms.
• 2:09:11
  Speaker 3: He died before I was a year old.
• 2:09:13
  Speaker 2: His name would appear in the army list of the period.
• 2:09:15
  Speaker 2: I suppose, Aunt Augusta.
• 2:09:16
  Speaker 7: The general was essentially a man of peace, except in
• 2:09:20
  Speaker 7: his domestic life, But I have no doubt his name
• 2:09:24
  Speaker 7: would appear in id military directory.
• 2:09:27
  Speaker 2: The Army Lists of the last forty years. I hear
• 2:09:29
  Speaker 2: these delightful records should have been my constant study.
• 2:09:32
  Speaker 1: Jack rushes to a bookcase and tears the books out.
• 2:09:35
  Speaker 2: M General's Mallam, Max Bohm Magley, What ghassly names they have?
• 2:09:40
  Speaker 2: Mark by Migsby Mobs, Montcrief, Lieutenant eighteen forty, Captain, lieutenant colonel, Colonel,
• 2:09:48
  Speaker 2: General eighteen sixty nine, Christian names Ernest John.
• 2:09:53
  Speaker 1: Jack puts the book very quietly down and speaks quite calmly.
• 2:09:57
  Speaker 2: I always told you, Gwendolyn, my name was Ernest. I
• 2:10:01
  Speaker 2: well it is Ernest at all. I mean, it naturally
• 2:10:05
  Speaker 2: is Earnest.
• 2:10:06
  Speaker 7: Yes, I remember now that the general was called Ernest.
• 2:10:11
  Speaker 7: I knew I had some particular reason for disliking.
• 2:10:14
  Speaker 8: The name Ernest, my own Earnest. I felt from the
• 2:10:20
  Speaker 8: first time that you could have no other name.
• 2:10:23
  Speaker 2: Gwendolen. It is a terrible thing for a man to
• 2:10:25
  Speaker 2: find out suddenly that all his life he has been
• 2:10:27
  Speaker 2: speaking nothing but the truth. Can you forgive me?
• 2:10:30
  Speaker 8: I can, for I feel that you are sure to
• 2:10:33
  Speaker 8: change my own.
• 2:10:34
  Speaker 1: One chosable to misprism Letitia. He embraces her misprison enthusiastically.
• 2:10:41
  Speaker 3: Frederick at last, Cecily.
• 2:10:44
  Speaker 1: Algernon embraces her at last.
• 2:10:47
  Speaker 2: Gwendolen Jack embraces her at last.
• 2:10:51
  Speaker 7: My nephew, you'll seem to be displaying signs of triviality.
• 2:10:56
  Speaker 2: Here on the country, Aunt Augusta, I've now realized, for
• 2:10:59
  Speaker 2: the first time in my life the vital importance of
• 2:11:02
  Speaker 2: being earnest.
• 2:11:05
  Speaker 1: End of Act three. End of the Importance of Being Earnest.
• 2:11:09
  Speaker 1: A trivial comedy for serious people by Oscar Wilde