Latest / Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie / Libido: Energetic Blocks, How To Raise Libido, Sexual Energy & Pleasure

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Libido: Energetic Blocks, How To Raise Libido, Sexual Energy & Pleasure · Beyond Limits With Olivia Marie

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Live Well Podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Liv, a naturopathic doctor, mentor, energy healer, a catch-up reader, intuitive, energetic business mentor, and honestly, so much more.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I help you heal on a physical and emotional level so that you can feel delicious in your health, body, relationships, career, and bank account.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: This show is for those of you who are looking to go beyond the basic wellness stuff, cut out the BS, and really create a life you love.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about health, trauma healing, energetics, feminine energy, wealth, and magnetism so that you can live a life that feels delicious.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: In these episodes, we will have an honest conversation without the fluffy bullshit.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: You walk away with all of the insights, tools, and tips to truly live your best life, mind, body, and soul.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you are looking to live well, you are in the right place.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: For ways to work with me, visit keepupwithlive.com and follow me on Instagram at keep up with live for more.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: And with that, let's get into the show.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to another juicy episode.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are talking all about libido.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I took a bunch of questions on Instagram that we'll get to at the end.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna dive into all of the things that can be contributing it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's gonna be a good episode because let's face it, I know most people don't talk about libido.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's so important to talk about libido, sexual health, pleasure, all of these things because we're human, right?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So let's let's talk about it, let's bring the things, and let's obviously we can fix your libido.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a big difference between fight or flight, which is your, as you've probably heard me say, your sympathetic nervous system and your rest and digest.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: And low libido is a very common problem that can happen when you have hormonal fluctuations and long periods of stress.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we are in flight or flight mode, blood and energy exit both your digestive and your sexual systems and goes to your muscles so that you can run away, run away from the tiger.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Problem is that your system doesn't know the difference between the stress from your boss Joe at work and the stress of running from a tiger in the Sahara Desert.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: And the thing is that eventually you normally stop running from the tiger.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: You run for maybe like two minutes and you either get away or I don't know, maybe you get eaten.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But with chronic stress, with our day age, it can almost never stop sometimes.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: You might have job stress, relationship stress, family stress, financial stress, all of these things that then constantly keep your system in that fight or flight.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're in survival mode, the last thing of your body's mind is having enough energy to be like, oh yeah, let's go.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't give a shit about that.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's just trying to survive.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, no, it's not going to make you horny when you're just trying to survive, which is why so many libidos end up in the toilet, especially when they're exhaustion, overwork, chronic stress at play.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: So many people are living in a low-level stress state all the time, which yes caused problems for digestion as well.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: That's a whole other episode, but causes a lot of problems for your hormones and your sexual state.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: The rest state, on the other hand, the rest and digest can feed it, feeds those hormones.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It is like when you're relaxed, you want more pleasure.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: When you're relaxed, it starts to, you know, flow.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: But also when you were relaxed and you're in that state of rest and digest, you feel safe enough in order to connect.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: When we don't feel safe in our lives, your libido can go into hiding.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, feeling safe, oftentimes when people think about feeling safe, when I say feel safe, they think about like physical abuse or something like that.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's more, I want to say severe quotations, even though anything can be severe, it all depends on your experience.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: But not feeling safe can be like job stress, financial stress, that is a lack of safety, relationship stress, that is a lack of safety.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: So your libido again goes into fight or flight instead of rest and digest.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to think about this kind of overarching thing as we start to dive deeper into this episode of rest and digest feeds the libido, fight or flight takes it away.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're having like sex without desire or out of obligation or under stress, we're actually not really connecting to our true sexual energy.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: We're connecting to something else.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps fear of losing a partner, our need to people, please, and pleasure, guilt for, you know, I should because they want it, you know, or whatever it is.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: These motivations are not about love, intimacy, playful, creative sexual energy.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it can actually deplete you if you are giving out of obligation, fear, guilt, shame, etc.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that will cause the libido, the sexual energy to retreat further into your body, making it even harder to recover.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So then what happens?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your libido gets even worse, and then you feel maybe even more guilty that it's not there, or it even maybe you just don't do it at all.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have no guilt and you just are too exhausted to do it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, no matter what, the libido gets worse when you try to force it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sexual energy needs a clear path, okay?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: It needs a clear path forward where it can go.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: It can get blocked because we have rigid ideas about it, you know, expectations, pressures, stress from life, etc., that kind of put curveballs into that path, and then it can't, it can't flow.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It needs to be able to move around without too many, too much resistance, resistance from cortisol, resistance from emotions like guilt or shame, any kind of tension in the body, exhaustion, not feeling confident, you know, even like body shaming, all of these things.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sexual energy shows up when we are participating in our lives, not simply letting life happen to us.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Star chicken nugget.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like there's already been like two chicken nuggets so far, but like star this.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: This is something you need to understand.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: Simple things like communicating how you feel, getting connected to your body, giving your body space, not burning out.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: All these things sound simple, but think of your libido as like your feminine energy report guard.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Your libido's in the toilet, feminine energy is in the toilet.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's we touched on cortisol and kind of the role if you're in a fight or flight.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna touch on kind of a physical thing and then kind of more of the emotional.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are under-eating, your body does not have enough fuel to make the hormones to have libido.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're undereating, yes, this takes your metabolism.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this shows up in your gut, but it also shows up in, well, yes, your hormones, you'll get PMS, PCOS, and all that.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: But it'll show up in your libido because you do not have the hormones to make your libido active.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is when you underat, your body stays in that fight or flight response because it thinks it's in starvation mode.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: It thinks it needs to hoard all of its resources because it doesn't know when it's gonna get food.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been chronically under-eating 1200, 1300 calories, you know, for years, you know, so many of us got, we learned, especially if you're like, you know, in your 30s-ish, my age, we learned about the whole 1200 calorie, 1300 calorie.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I remember that in high school.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you've been doing that for maybe like 10 years, well, then your body's not gonna make the hormones have libido because it doesn't give a shit.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: It thinks you're running from a tire.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to be giving it loads of healthy fat, loads of quality proteins and amino acids to really build those hormones so that you have libido.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanna, because I know a lot of women listen to this podcast, I want to make sure, hey, let's take care of the physical.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Are you eating enough?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: It actually supports a healthy libido.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: All right, because oftentimes we're not eating enough out of fear of like being too fat, whatever it is.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is that then our bodies doesn't actually have the fuel to have a libido, and then you're exhausted with no libido.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: So no wonder, right?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Then let's dive into feminine energy because your libido is obviously connected to your feminine energy.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Your libido, sexual energy in general, is your life force energy.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is that delicious, yummy, like type of energy.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't happen when you are stuck in your masculine.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Being stuck in your masculine looks like perfectionism, being hyperbody focused or direction focused.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And direction focused means achieving a certain job, income level, promotion, getting a degree, etc.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, never-ending to-do lists, feeling exhausted all the time.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Normally, if you're exhausted, you're stuck in your masculine, which means that's probably affecting your libido.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: All of these things.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: If you have an inability to slow down, if you feel like you always need to be doing something, if you feel like you can't sit with a cup of coffee and just look out and stare out a window for half an hour, you probably have work to do with your feminine energy.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: So this is really needs to be cultivated.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: But if we are uncomfortable with our feminine, if we are uncomfortable with who we are as a feminine being, and just know that both males and females have feminine energy.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: This is not like a gender discussion, this is an energetic discussion.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Both genders have, you know, balances, but think the yin and yang aspects of both.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: So when I talk feminine energy, that's what I'm talking about that slow receiving energy.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have trouble receiving in your life, this is going to affect your feminine energy, which will affect your libido.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you have trouble receiving in sex, this is also a sign we need to work on your feminine energy.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, my like great feminine energy course that you can hop to right away is goddess activation.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: I will leave that down below.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is four big modules long.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: We go from worthiness to cultivating feminine energy, receiving more pleasure, libido.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: It it covers it all.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And from start to finish, you go through that program and you ignite your feminine energy, your goddess energy, and you open up yourself to not only receiving more love and pleasure, but receiving more wealth, money, etc.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So pop into that one if you know you need to work on like your feminine energy, but start to really become aware of how much you're resisting the slowness, how much you are busy, how much you are stuck in the do-do-do, your never-ending to-do list that never feels enough, your perfectionism, you're picking your body apart.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like all of that is going to be tied to your libido and something you need to work on.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to hop in and let you guys know about Goddess Activation.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It is my signature program to cultivate deep self-love.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Look, you deserve to feel delicious in the skin that you are in and to love not only the life you are living, but yourself.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: So that you can become a natural magnet to everything you desire and live in more alignment.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: These are all the tools, techniques, reprogramming to bring so much pleasure into your life that your heart radiates.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if you engage in negative self-talk, people please have trouble setting boundaries, hate your body, this is your sign because I've been there and it sucks.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: But what you have to understand is that when you love yourself on a truly deep level, everything in your life improves.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your relationships, your friendships, your magnetism, your career, your happiness, your health, even how much money you make.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Everything in life is a direct reflection about how you feel about yourself and what you believe you are worthy and deserving of.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start living a life where you feel magnetic and delicious in your body.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Four modules all to awaken your inner goddess and ignite your self-love.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Get in.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're healing and falling in love with life.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: Check out the description and DM me any questions.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: The next thing I want to try to note is your sacral chakra.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: So your libido is in your hips.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: If your hips, I'm moving my hips as I say this, if your hips are very rigid and stuck, then that's gonna cause blocks in that stuck feeling in your libido.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: I remember back when my feminine energy was not what it was now.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: This was like when I was in my last year of Nashville Athletic Lake Medical School.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I remember, and I'll always remember this moment.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I was sitting at like our little table because we have like breakout rooms when we're not seeing patients um during our clinical year that we sit at.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember saying to the supervisor, I hate the color orange, which I've always hated the color orange up until recently.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was I hate the color orange.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, You should really work on like your sacral chakra.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just starting to learn about chakras and everything.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, What?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, yeah, it sounds like you're having like some sacral blockages that are also blocking your sexual energy.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, he's very forward, kind of supervised, which I left.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I can still see this moment so clearly.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember that was like the catalyst that made me start working on like my hips, my sacral energy, my sexual energy, my libido, my um feminine energy, and all that, but it's so tied to your hips.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So think anything orange is tied to your hips.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, like eating sweet potato, pumpkin, really good for like your sacral energy and keeping that libido and feminine energy going.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: But you can also have a lot of blockages here.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you were not tapping into your feminine energy, chances are something in your sacral chakra is blocked.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: Also, if you really hate orange, like I used to, I mean, now I can look at like a beautiful orange tree out my window right now that has leaves.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: But I used to hate orange.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you hate orange, it's probably an indication that you need it.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: But eating orange food is really going to be good for healing the sacral chakra.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, anything you can do to move your hips.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: So think like belly dancing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to think about like grinding or technically twerking, like both of the things, move it.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Any kind of yoga for hip opening is really going to allow that sexual energy to flow, which leads me into kind of like sexual shame and sexual trauma.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you have shame around your sexuality and sensuality, that is going to be a big problem with your libido.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you have that shame privately with yourself, but also if you have that when someone else enters the picture, that might make you kind of like waver or shut it down.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: So you really want to work on like, why do I have shame about my sensuality and sexuality?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Where have I learned that it's bad?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, there's a lot of kids who, you know, learn that either sex is bad through religion.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: They, you know, either parents didn't talk about it, it was shameful, it is not good.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've also worked with a lot of clients who were either like caught masturbating, caught touching themselves, and then they have a lot of sexual shame from that point forward because they were scolded for it, right?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: And that can really suppress your libido and suppress the image of like of sex, right?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: So you really want to think about any causes of sexual shame that need to be healed.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um, any kind of ideas that it's slutty, it's dirty, it's any kind of bad connotations that prevent you from really harnessing the fact that, well, we are sexual beings, we are sensual beings.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you see women who are very comfortable with their sensuality and you're triggered, probably a sign that you should work on your own, you know, and whatever that expression looked like to you.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are uncomfortable with your own sexuality and sensuality, that is going to reflect in your libido.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So if you can't fully unleash whatever the full version of the sensual being that you are, probably a sign that we need to kind of like do some work on it and kind of do some releasing around that.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: So if we kind of go through the fight or flight response, the kind of the cortisol, the under-eating, feminine energy, getting out of your masculine, your sagal chakra, and then into like the sexual trauma, sexual, sensual shame, we can kind of see, oh, knock almost like my microphone over.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: We can kind of see how your be how your libido can be so affected and all the different ways we can kind of approach it to really heal it.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: One of my favorite things um to work with on clients is like healing their libido and getting them having like mind-blowing orgasms and sex.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like it is my favorite, favorite thing.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: The other day, one of my one-on-one clients, I don't think she listens, maybe she listens to my black ass.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, she was telling me how she was having like mind-blowing sex with her partner now and like fully unleashing and like not being scared of being seen, like her body being seen, her being seen.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if you have things like you're scared to have sex with the lights on, or you're scared to be seen in daylight, you always need it to be dark, you need to hide under the covers, like all of that shame of not wanting to be seen, your libido is not going to be fully kind of the level where it should be because you're kind of shaming it and suppressing it, right?
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So these are kind of all the things that we need to think about when it comes to libido.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I want to go through the questions I got on Instagram because I thought they were really good.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just pull that out.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: So what are some of the energetic blocks we can experience around the loss of libido?
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: So let's summarize what we covered it, but we'll summarize already.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um body kind of shame or any kind of shaming around like your feminine, what you look like, your body, etc.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Any kind of shame around the sexuality or sensuality in general, whether you learned um either religiously growing up that it's bad, um, that sex is a sin, sex is dirty, sex will, I don't know, send you to hell, whatever it is.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, any kind of thoughts that any kind of like slut shaming or I don't know, wearing certain something is bad, unleashing that part is bad, it's dirty, you'll get punished, kind of all of those things.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not feeling safe.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, not feeling safe doesn't have to be, you know, something really it can be financials, you know, safety is not in your life right now, job safety, relationship safety, any kind of safety in your body, anything like that.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: Also want to think about the safety you feel with somebody.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: So if you feel like you've gone through like maybe a really bad breakup or divorce or something like that, then if you've opened up that way, like sensually or sexually with someone before, and then you get like a lot of trauma from that past relationship, that can also kind of like block it down.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think that and then we said the yeah, safety.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I think that that summarizes all of all of them for you.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how to get it back?
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do everything I kind of just said in this episode.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: I would definitely join Goddess activation if you haven't already, because that's gonna really help.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you know you need to get really rid of some trauma, um you can always join low level one or one-on-one with that.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: But start at least with everything I just said and start to bring awareness and start to do like the hip opening, getting in contact with your hips, nourishing your sacral chakra, all of those things.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: What I love this question.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I want my vibrator more than my husband?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Laughing face.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna go through all the possible reasons and then I won't name your name, um, but you'll be able to decipher this.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: So one it could be around a fear of being seen.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: You with the vibrator, you're not actually having to be seen by anything else.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can fully unleash yourself.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you it sounds like you could be more comfortable with yourself than you are being seen with another person.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: So ask, is it you know, you being seen by someone else?
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: And like when you're on your own, you don't have to worry about that because no one's like watching, no one can see you, no one's judging you.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is you you're fair, like afraid that your body will be judged, your desires will be judged, your fantasies will be judged.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Then I will also say, is it your husband or is it a person?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: So it's important, and this is something that I've worked with my clients on when they say that you know they have no desire for their partner.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, is it your partner or is it anyone in general?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's important to decipher if it's a partner or it could be any like, is it could you feel that way for another man?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because then it's a relationship issue, and we kind of maybe need to solve any kind of resentment, anger, frustration, any relationship issues that are going on.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if you have relationship issues with your husband um and whether you have desire and like libido for because you said husband, I'm gonna assume maybe you're into men that you desire for other men, or is it like a husband thing?
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you desire for all people, we'll probably go back to the fear of being seen.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: If it's a husband thing, then we need to kind of work on that.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then I also want to say that if you feel like it's too, I don't want to say like tedious or too much of a chore, or you have to give too much of yourself during sex, then it can feel like a vibrator is easy because it's giving to you, you get to receive and you don't have to give.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are very exhausted, you may not have the capacity and the energy to like give to your partner.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: And so then it feels like more of a task because you feel like you also have to give if you're receiving from him versus, you know, with yourself, with a vibrator, you actually don't have to give anything, something else is just purely giving to you and you are receiving.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then I also want to say that it's not necessarily bad for you to if you never want like your partner, then we need to look at that.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not necessarily, I don't want you to get trapped in thinking that you always, when you have sexual energy, that you can't just be sexual with yourself.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's also very healthy to be sexual with yourself independently.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: You don't necessarily always need to involve somebody else, right?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: It can be a different experience.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's a great way to connect with yourself, your feminine in your body.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: You don't necessarily always need to involve someone else.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I would kind of look at all that, especially the safe thing.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how can I increase my libido?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think we kind of touched on all this, making sure you know your feminine energy is balanced so that your hormones are balanced and making sure you release your trauma.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you don't have all this trauma, it's really increasing cortisol in your body.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like we said, cortisol keeps you in the fight or flight, and then your body just is not prioritizing libido.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is a great little question.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have a much higher libido than my partner, and it creates problems because I always feel rejected.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is actually kind of piggybacks on the last question.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: You don't necessarily always need to involve your partner.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you have a lot higher libido than your partner, you can also like have sex.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yourself, you can be intimate with yourself.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: So that's one thing.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: But B, why are you taking it personal?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in the mood and you want to get off, and your husband or partner, I think you said husband, partner, whoever it is, doesn't you can do it on your own.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like that doesn't have to involve it, should be like, all right, cool.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: And you kind of go mow the way, I don't know, grab the vibrator, gab whatever you do, get into shower, bath, whatever is your is your vibe, and you have fun with yourself, right?
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: But the reason you're feeling rejected is that you are making it personal, you are making it mean something about you, which that's kind of like the issue that comes down to like a worthiness issue and you making it personal about you, so that we need to kind of heal that root versus like the fear of like not being wanted and being rejected versus the libido.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not so much a libido issue that to me is like a worthiness issue, and kind of any trauma that made you feel early on or even in past relationships, um, that it may it mean something about you or that you weren't worthy or you weren't enough, or you weren't whether it's physically enough, uh, you know, performance enough, doesn't matter.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: But know that you don't have to necessarily have the same amount.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: But what I'm also going to say is that you wanna you can support your partner in their libido.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So, like let's say, I'm not sure if your partner is male or female, but men are very driven from passion and purpose, you know.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if there are they are really exhausted, their testosterone is not going to be firing as high as it should to give their libido.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know if this is a season in life for you.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, again, this is it's hard when I have just one question and I don't know the full story, but I'm kind of trying to go through all the examples I can for you.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is that what can you do to support them and their desires and like in their sexual energy with their testosterone?
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of making it like a you versus them, how can you come towards it kind of like as a team, right?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then inviting him with your own sexual energy usually creates a magnet because when you're in your feminine energy and you are comfortable with yourself, that is like a natural magnet.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Versus if you're getting rejected all the time, it deflates your energy, and then there's like a weird dynamic of like guilt, kind of like people pleasing kind of going on, and then you're scared, and then that creates lack of safety.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we say lack of safety is not going to be good in intimate relationships.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's everything based on what I know.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Again, if I knew more, I could I could speak more to it.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But based on like the five words in the Instagram question, that's kind of that.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this was informative for you.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: I do have another episode on how to have better orgasms.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think that's what it's called, um, whether you're single or not.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: So definitely go back and listen to that episode.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to repeat too much in this one, but that one really teaches you.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm actually gonna get to see if my editor Morgan can link that down below in the description.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I think I can, or at least put what episode number it is, because it's fairly, it's probably like from a year or two ago now.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Put that one there because that's gonna be really good in terms of opening your feminine energy, um your sacral energy and everything like that.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: It kind of teaches you the methodology of like this certain breathing technique to use and how to use more tantra in your um sexual energy that's going to foster it more because your libido is like a fuel, right?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you learn some of these like tantric things to kind of keep it going, your libido fires, you know, all the time.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I'll say one more thing before we hop off is that your libido will be low if you're not feeling pleasure in your day-to-day life.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: If you cannot get turned on by your morning cup of coffee by your shower, we have a problem.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your life should turn you on.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: So oftentimes we think of our libido like we need to go from zero to a hundred.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: You should be living like a turned-on life at like a 60-70% fairly constantly.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: If we're not living in pleasure, we're not getting pleasure from day-to-day things, then it's really hard to go from zero to a hundred while we're having sex.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then it's such a task, right?
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Feels more like a chore, it feels like a farther gap to kind of collapse together.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're like either not in the mood, but you're not in the mood because you're not living a life that turns you on.
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_00: You should be living a life that turns you on.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: The way you dress, you turn your on, your earrings should turn your on, your lip color should turn you on.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, to me, boundaries turn me on.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: My new matte black dishes that I got turns me on.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: When I put berries, my strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries in my matte black dishware bowl, I literally get turned on.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: That is how we should be living.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're not living life full of pleasure and you can't get turned on by simple things, that's a sign that we need to get you out of masculine and into feminine, heal your cortisol, and heal your nervous system.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said, there's just some beautiful containers open for you if you feel like you want to do this work and you want to kind of go a step further than this podcast.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and as always, you can always come back later down the road if you feel like you're ready to do the work later down the road.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_00: So, with that being said, I hope you guys have a fantastic day, and I will see you in the next episode.