Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / 364. [SOLO] Dare to Grow: How to Set & Conquer Uncomfortable Goals

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364. [SOLO] Dare to Grow: How to Set & Conquer Uncomfortable Goals · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to shoot you straight. Discomfort can be your friend,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: and it can be your teacher, if only you allow
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: it to be. Hey, everyone, EMILYA. Badi here. You are
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: listening to episode three hundred and sixty four of Hurdle,
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: a wellness focused podcast where I talk to inspirational people
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: about everything from their highest ties and toughest moments to
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: essential tips on how to live a happier, healthier, more
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: motivated life. We all go through our fair share of hurdles.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: My goal through these discussions is to empower you to
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: better navigate yours and move with intention so that you
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: can strive towards your own big potential and of course
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: have some fun along the way. It's been a minute
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: since I've given you a substantial solo episode. I know
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: we have the five minute Fridays, but I am coming
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: into your feed because it has been in demand in
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: my inbox and my dms as of recent and I'm
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: bringing you not only a solo episode, but a solo
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: episode on how to set and accomplish uncomfortable goals. I'm
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: not just saying how to set some goals. I'm saying,
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: let's think big right now. I have the honor of
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: doing a goal setting session earlier this week with about
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: two hundred woman here in New York City, I was
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: asked to come into the opening night the kickoff for
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Nike New York's Moonshop program, which is essentially a sixteen
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: week training program to help her. This is the first
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: year they're focusing on women with this program go after
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: her fall marathon goals, whether they be here in New
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: York or Chicago or Philadelphia or wherever the.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Run might take. And it was really really special.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: So on that note, I want to bring some of
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: those sentiments here, give them a permanent place in the
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: feed so that I can share this episode time and
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: time again, and hopefully that you, too, as a hurdler,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: will share this episode with the people that you care
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: about who are excited to chase their own big potential.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Now, I want to acknowledge that there is a.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Human tendency to seek comfort, to seek predictability, and to
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: seek ease.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: But my question for you is.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: What if the true growth, the true transformation that lies
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: just outside your comfort zone spoiler alert it does listen.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, what if the most
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: rewarding achievements are truly born from a willingness to be
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable. Now, I want to clarify what I'm
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: talking about when I talk about uncomfortable goals. This is
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: not about setting impossible goals or unhealthy goals.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: It's about creating goals that stretch you, that.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Challenge your current limits, require a new skill, or demand
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: a significant mindset shift. The goals that I'm talking about
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: they make you feel that special amount of nervous, a
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: little excited, and a lot outside your current comfort zone.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: And that's really important to reiterate. Now. An example of this,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: maybe it's running a distance that you never thought possible,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: are starting a passion project, having a difficult conversation, taking
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: on a new leadership role, or committing to a consistent
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: habit setting uncomfortable goals. This can be directly beneficial to
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: your mental health and to your overall.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Health and well being.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: This is about overcoming challenges that build your resilience, and
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: then in that process you are gifted with the opportunity
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: to unlock your potential.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: That's what I'm talking about.
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: These are the goals that lead to profound personal growth
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: and self discovery.
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: And that's pretty rad.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Now, today we will dive into exactly how do identify
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: what your uncomfortable goals might be, the mindset shifts that
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: are needed to pursue them, or it if we're only
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: talking about one, and then practical strategies for breaking it down,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: and the incredible payoff waiting on the other side of
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: going after your uncomfortable goals. You got to roll with
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: me on this, I promise I am only trying to
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: do right by you by encouraging you to get uncomfortable.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: Make sure you're following along with Hurdle over on social
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: It's at Hurdle Podcast, I am over at Emily Avadi
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: and of course so much more of this goodness in
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: the weekly Hurdle Substack newsletter comes out every single Friday,
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: directly in your inbox, absolutely free. The link to subscribe
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: is in show notes. With that, let's get to it,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: let's get it to a hurdling. In trying to prepare
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: for this episode, I was trying to think about the
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: first really uncomfortable goal I ever set, and I would
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: say that it would take me back to high school.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: When I made the decision that Boston University was my
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: first choice school. It was definitely a reach for me
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: at the time, and I was so dead set on
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: going there. Now spoiler alert, I got in, but I
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: also only got something like three thousand dollars annually of
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: financial aid, so squashed that goal real quick.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Fast forward to my adult life.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I would say that the first truly uncomfortable goal that
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: taught me the importance of uncomfortable goals was when I
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: put out there that I wanted to run three hours
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: and forty minutes at the Chicago Marathon in twenty nineteen. Now,
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: for context, before I went into that race, I believe
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: my previous personal best was something like three point fifty one.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: But I had had a really good training block and
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I was feeling really confident in my abilities. Still, that
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: goal scared the hell out of me. I was frightened
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: and even more frightened to put it into the world
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: right to let people know, Hey, this is my big, scary, hairy,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: audacious goal, as Shelaine Flanagan would say. And So what
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: happened that day because I dared to dream, I dared
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: to put myself out there, was that not only did
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I accomplish that goal, but I surpassed it, and I
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: surpassed it by a lot. That day in Chicago, I
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: ran a three hour, twenty eight minute and eight second marathon.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: That was something I never dreamed of doing. I in
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: the process qualified for the Boston Marathon, something that was
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: never on my radar. And so what happened was that
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: by setting this massively uncomfortable goal, I encouraged myself to
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: get out of my comfort zone, seek my big potential,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: and maybe try for something in a way that I
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have tried before.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: And that was freaking awesome.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Now I'm going to link to that Chicago Marathon recap
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: from twenty nineteen in the show notes because to this
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: day I still get messages that that episode.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Is a crowd favorite.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Now, going back to identifying your edge, finding your uncomfortable
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: goal beyond the obvious, let's talk about how.
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: Do you know if a goal is uncomfortable enough.
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  Speaker 1: This goal should really ignite a mix of both fear
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: and excitement. Should be something that feels beyond on your
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: current grasp, but it's not completely out of reach. I
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: go back to this setting a three hour and forty
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: minute goal for the Chicago marathon example. I knew that
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: by referencing the work that I had done up until
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: that starting line. This was something that was realistic for me,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: despite it feeling wildly uncomfortable. Now, in the process of
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: setting this uncomfortable goal, it's not about what you should do,
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: but really what truly calls to you or really makes
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: you squirm a little bit. The last thing that you
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: want to do when setting this goal is should yourself
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: into a certain path because perhaps you see someone else
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: doing something in a specific way or going after something
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: that looks exciting.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: If that exciting thing doesn't excite you, then it's not
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: the right goal for you.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Another example of a really uncomfortable goal that I went
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: after was I put myself in Paris for the Olympics.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: I've talked about this on the show last year twenty
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: twenty four, and I made a commitment to myself that
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I would find a certain threshold of work while I
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: was on the ground there, and by simply booking the
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: flight and saying, hey, Universe, I am willing to get uncomfortable,
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: the doors that opened for me were greater than I
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: could have ever imagined. Now, this really all goes back
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: to your why. Your why should be your anchor before
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: you even think about the how, you have to dig
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: into your why so that question again, why does this
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable goal matter to you? In goal setting, something that
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: has often overlooked is thinking about your core values, or
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: your long term vision or the person that you want
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: to become. These core values, they're going to be the
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: intrinsic motivation that help you when discomfort sets in.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I'll say that again.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Your core values are going to help power the intrinsic motivation,
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: which is absolutely crucial when discomfort sets in. The next
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: logical question, Emily, how do I identify my core values?
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Two questions I ask someone when they are trying to
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: sort this out. And if you are trying to sort
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: this out right now, I don't want you to judge
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: yourself for it. It's a question I get asked often.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Think about something the last time that something was very
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: important to you. Why was it important to you? What
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: values were in question?
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: So maybe you thought to yourself, Okay, I really want
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: to lose ten pounds because I care deeply about my
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: health and I'm not feeling the most healthy in my
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: body as it is right now. Okay, health a core value?
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Or perhaps you think to yourself, hey, I haven't seen
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: my parents in a long time. I'm to make it
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: a priority to get back to wherever you might be
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: from and spend some time with my parents in that
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: family could be a core value to you. Now, another
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: question that I pose when someone's trying to articulate their values,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: think about the last time that you were going through
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: something really challenging. What core value was being tested in
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: this moment. So, perhaps you're down and out, you're feeling
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: as though you are just really struggling with securing work.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Perhaps you're like me, you're a contractor, and in that moment,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: it is frustrating because it is testing something like perhaps
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: your core value of innovation and creativity, or perhaps resilience
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: and perseverance. When these things aren't feeling as though they
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: are coming as naturally as you would like, that's frustrating.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: That's showing you.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, these are values that are really important to me.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: So going back to sorting out what's your uncomfortable goal, Okay,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Once you know what your values are, you can ask
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: yourself a very important question. That question is if I
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: achieve this, what will it mean to me? If I
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: achieve this, what will it mean to me? And also
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: what version of myself will I step into? Again that
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: question what version of myself will I step into? You
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: are asking yourself, who is it that I want to
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: be and how does this uncomfortable goal help me become
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: that version of myself? In the process of this, it
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: is so important to make sure that you are coming
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: up with an uncomfortable goal that still serves your well being,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: not deplete it. It's about growth, it's not about self punishment.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: You want to be able to distinguish between healthy discomfort
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: and unhealthy pressure. So to do that, you've got to
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: avoid goals that are driven purely by external validity or
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: unrealistic expectations. Again, that why is going to help you
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: get to that place. So now I offer you action steps.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I offer you journaling prompts to help uncover what your
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable goals might be. The first question that really helps
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: me What's something I've always wanted to do but felt
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: too scared to try. What is something that I've always
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: wanted to do but felt too scared to try. You
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: don't want to be the only thing standing in your
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: own way period hard stop, and life is too short
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: to be that person. So if there is something that
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: makes you nervous, that makes you feel those butterflies in
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: your stomach. I can promise you that setting a goal
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: that helps you get closer to that borderline of discomfort
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: and then surpass it will only bring goodness to you.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Period.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: Another question to ask yourself, what skill, if mastered, would
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: truly feel transformative? What skill, if mastered, would feel truly transformative?
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: And the last journaling problem for you, here where in
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: my life do I feel stuck? And what's one bold
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: step I could take to move forward? When you can
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: identify these areas in your life that feel like there's
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: stagnation and then do what's within your power to move
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: that energy, you will be shocked, excited, invigorated by what
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: doors open up for you because you are doing everything
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: within your power to help yourself.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: Period hard stop.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Now, Okay, we've done this journaling, which means that we're
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: ready to shift into this part of the mindset. How
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: do we get our mind in a place where you
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: can befriend discomfort? First and foremost, I want to normalize discomfort.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: I want to tell you that it's really a natural
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: part of growth. So if you're not uncomfortable, plain and simple,
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: you're not pushing your boundaries. If you are not uncomfortable,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: you are not pushing your boundaries, which means that when
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: you feel that sense of discomfort, it's a signal that
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: you're learning, it's a signal that you're adapting. It's a
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: signal that you are expanding. Discomfort can be your friend
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: and your teacher if you allow it to be so.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: In order to befriend discomfort, you've got to reframe fear.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Fear it isn't a stop sign, and a lot of
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: the time it can feel that way when something is scary,
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: it would be I would be lying if I told
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: you that it is natural to want to run to it.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: It is not a normal thing to set an uncomfortable
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: goal and be so amped about that uncomfortable goal. Okay,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: trust me, I know I feel it. I feel it
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: in your stomach, in your chest, that like tingly feeling.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I've been there. I get it.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: But the thing is that when you can shift from
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: the i'm scared, so I can't mindset to an I'm
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: scared and I'm going to try it anyway, it's an
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: and both scenario good things happen for you. Again, you
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: want to shift from that I'm scared so I can't
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: place to the I'm scared and I'm going to try
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: it anyway, recognizing that that's scared situation. It's a feeling,
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: but it does not distinguish determine who it is that
• 16:35
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• 20:01
  Speaker 2: To move forward.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: When it comes to discomfort, you've got to think solved,
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: talk strategies, and so when I'm on the edge of
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: this place, God, the last time I was really thinking
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: about a uncomfortable goal was actually yesterday morning. I was
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: at the gym. It's been a while since I've strung together.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: I have this pull up goal. I want to get
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: to ten, I said originally by September. That definitely makes
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: me wildly uncomfortable. I don't know how achievable it is,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: but I'm at somewhere around six on my best today,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: so it's not completely out of the question. With that said,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: when I am going after an uncomfortable goal, and yesterday
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: when I was at the gym, I kept saying this
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: mantrage to myself, I am capable of more than I think.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: I am capable of more than I think. And sometimes
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: I even break it down further than that. I say,
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: one thing at a time, one thing at a time,
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: one step, one breath, one thing at a time. Right,
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: I go to those two places within my head. And
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: then when I maybe don't succeed as I'm hoping or
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: things don't go as I'd planned, I shift to two
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: other phrases. I think to myself. One, I'm not failing.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I'm learning. I am not failing.
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I'm learning.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: And then the other thing that I say to myself
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: is this discomfort is temporary, but the growth is lasting.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: This discomfort is temporary, but the growth is lasting. Going
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: after these uncomfortable goals, it is an opportunity. It is
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: truly a choice that you are making to strengthen your
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: resiliency muscle. And what an opportunity that is. Right, So,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: in the pursuit of this thing, you're not gonna win
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: every time.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: It's not gonna happen.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: But what you get to focus on is the process
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: over the outcome. So that means that you focus on
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: showing up, you focus on doing the work, You embrace
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: the journey, and rather than fixating solely on the end result,
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: you really dial in into the here and the now,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: and you're present with where your feet are. By doing that,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: not only do you reduce the pressure on the situation,
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: but it also allows you the opportunity to learn. If
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: we're being honest, the learning is the whole point. You
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: don't learn from the times where everything is coming up roses.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's fun to get to that place, to
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: get to that mountain top, but the adversity along the
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: way and in that journey is the thing that's going
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: to be your teacher. And I wrote last week in
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: the Weekly Hurdle newsletter about the difficult moments that I
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: was experiencing at the top of twenty twenty five. I'll
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: link that article in the show notes. I was really
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: going through it, and now that I'm on the other
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: side of that difficult moment, I can look back and
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: reflect and think, Wow, I am so much better for
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: that struggle. And again in the moment, it might not
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: feel that way, but I promised you hurdling is an opportunity.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: It's an opportunity. So how do we actually make an
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: action plan to go after our uncomfortable goal. Now this
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: can vary greatly depending on what it is that your
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: goal is, but a through line that I want to
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: share with you is that you want to microdose the
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: discomfort as much as possible, so you don't want to
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: jump into the deep end immediately.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: In fact, I would recommend that you don't.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: I didn't think, Okay, I'm going to set this goal
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: to do ten pull ups eventually and jump on the
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: bar and expect to do eight or nine from the
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: get go.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: That wasn't going to happen.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Rather, you want to take tiny uncomfortable steps daily or weekly,
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: and that helps to build your tolerance and your confidence.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: So that uncomfortable goal it's going to feel overwhelming. By
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: breaking it into smaller, practical action steps, it's going to
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: feel a little bit more easy, a little bit more
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: like a breath of fresh air.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: I'll give you an example of an uncomfortable goal.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Perhaps you want to become someone who can speak in public.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Do public speaking without anxiety. Right now, you feel like
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: it is literally climbing Mount Everest to make that happen.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: This requires you to directly confront a common fear. A
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: lot of people feel this way. It will require preparation,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: it will require vulnerability, and you'll have to manage performance anxiety. Now,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: if we work backward from that, you ask yourself what
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: is required for me to feel better about public speaking.
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: So we talked about the importance of identifying your why,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: revisiting why is it that you want to do this?
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Is it for career advancement? Is it for personal growth?
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Are you trying to share a specific message or overcome
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: a specific fear? In asking yourself these questions, you'll be
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: able to connect that motivation and really show up up
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: to go after your big, uncomfortable goal. And then you
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: really break into it, you really get into the nitty gritty.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: So you want to start with a safe audience. You
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: want to master your content. Maybe you're practicing a specific
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: speech that helps you get familiar with the art of
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: speaking publicly. And then you want to be able to
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: anticipate any hurdles that can come up. And So when
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I say that that's really about understanding what could trigger
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: your anxiety or the responses that you might have to
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: your anxiety. So doing inner work, journaling about what your
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: fears are, what specifically triggers you. Is it forgetfulness, is
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: it judgment, is it shaking, is it blushing? Whatever that is,
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: writing it out makes it feel a little less scary,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: and then from there it's really exercising what is within
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: your control to get better at this task. So again,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: in the example of public speaking, you're practicing anxiety management techniques,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: trying it within small groups. Maybe you're joining a public
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: speaking group. I actually went and tried an improv class
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: not too long ago, and I asked a few of
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: the people why it was that they were there, what
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: their motivation was for coming to the class, and many
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: of them said it had to do with how they.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: Want to show up at work. And I loved that.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: The last thing I will say is that you want
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: to then pick a time a place to really go
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: after this uncomfortable goal. Give yourself a deadline so that
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: you have a mountaintop to strive for. I really broke
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: that down. I hope that you appreciate it, so as
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: you can see, you got to break it down, breaking
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: it down is going to be really important. Another thing
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that's going to be really important when we talk about
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: practical strategies to navigate your uncomfortable goal is building your
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: support squad. Accountability is a game changer, and having people
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: that not only you can report to as you're going
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: on this journey to go after your big goal is
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: to be important, but then also people that help you
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: keep showing up for yourself intrinsic motivation and that why
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: so helpful. But having people in your corner is, Oh
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: my god, there's nothing better than that. So identify your allies,
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: identify your board of directors, the people that believe in
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: you and see why this uncomfortable goal is important to you.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: And in order to get them on the same page
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: as you, that might mean sharing your intentions, talking about
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: your why, and being really upfront, Hey, this is something
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: that's important to me. They won't know that unless you
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: communicate it to them. Trust me when I say your
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: accountability partners can truly be in valuable. You want to
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: then anticipate and plan for setbacks, hurdles happen. It's the
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: theme of this podcast. You have heard me talk about
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: them week after week, and so by anticipating that things
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: will go wrong, you're actually doing your favor. I am
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: not of the wu woo mindset that if I just
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: write down all the good things and believe that only
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: good things will happen to me, then that's exactly how
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: it's going to go. Because that's not my experience, that's
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: not my lived experience, and that's not what I'm going
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: to falsely offer to you. I wouldn't be doing you
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: a service by telling you that. Instead, I will say that, yes,
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: things will go wrong, you will have bad days, you
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: will miss workouts, you will face unexpected obstacles. But instead
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: of letting those things derail you, you have that opportunity
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: to anticipate them. So asking yourself, Okay, if this happens,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: then I will do that. If this happens, then I
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: will do that. So if going after that ten pull
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: ups goal is something that really excites you, I know
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: it excites me. Maybe you just want to go after
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: your one pull up and part of that is going
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: to the gym at least three days a week and
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: involving some sort of progression work, some sort of strength
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: work that gets you closer to that goal by working
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: on the required muscle groups, and then you don't make
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: it to the gym. Okay, that happens. Ask yourself, if
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: I don't get to the gym on this day, when
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: am I going to go instead? Because you know that
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: that's a crucial component of the recipe that gets you
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: to that desired destination. In this process, you gotta have grace.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: You gotta have self compassion because hurdles are going to
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: come up, and if you are spending all of your
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: energy getting down on yourself when something doesn't go to plan,
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: you are wasting your energy. Life again, is too short
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: to be the person that's so busy hating on yourself.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Do not stand in your own way by not having
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: grace with yourself. Practice the self compassion. And on that note,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: a really beautiful way to have compassion with yourself is
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: to celebrate your small wins along the way. So acknowledging
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: every mini milestone, each uncomfortable step successfully taken, all of
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: these things, they build momentum and confidence, and that is
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: who we want to be. We want to be confident people.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: You can't wait for the finish line to celebrate your
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: effort period, especially on some of these uncomfortable goals that
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: are going to take you a long time to get to.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: When I set that goal of running a three forty
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: in Chicago, it wasn't like I woke up one day
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: and said, all right, here we go. No. I celebrated
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: every small victory along the way, every tempo workout that
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: went well, interval workout that went well. I was so
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: proud of myself when I was doing better at prioritizing
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: my sleep and fueling my body better. There were so
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: many ingredients to the overall recipe that enabled and empowered
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: me to accomplish the thing that made me feel so uncomfortable.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I also think that this enables you to appreciate, maybe
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: the unexpected gifts that come along the way. The true
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: reward of an uncomfortable goal. It often isn't achieving the
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: goal itself, although that is wildly exciting, but it's really
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: who you become in the process. It is the gains
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: in resilience that you experience, the self confidence that you grow,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: the problem solving skills, the expanded sense of self belief.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: These are irreplaceable benefits to seeking out the borders of
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: your comfortability. Not to mention that you also then widen
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: that comfort zone. Okay, so every uncomfortable goal that you
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: achieve expands what you think you are capable of. I
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: by running that three hour and twenty eight minute marathon,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: it changed everything for me. It taught me the power
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: of self belief. It taught me what happens when I
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: bet on myself. It taught me what happens when I
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: am diligent in the things that excite me. And so
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: you get to expand your comfort zone simply by chasing
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And this is not
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: about eliminating discomfort. This is not about eliminating discomfort. It
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: is truly about simply increasing your capacity for it. It's
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: kind of cool. And this also it'll bring you a
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: ripple effect. Okay, So when you achieve again that one
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable goal, that then has a ripple effect and positively
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: impacts other areas of your life, your relationship, your career,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: your overall well being. It becomes the inspiration that you
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: need to dare to try in all aspects of your life.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: When I was doing the goal setting workshop this week,
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: I asked these women to come up with two goals.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: One for the process, something that you want to dial
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: in on as you are being diligent and going after
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: this finish line and then also a goal for the
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: day of the race. And that's because when you are
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: diligent and the things that excite you, it benefits you.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Like I said, in all aspects of your life. It
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: encourages you to be the best version of yourself. And
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: so why not harness that. Why not do the best
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: you can with what you have and reap the benefits
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: of going after this massively uncomfortable goal. It's exciting, It
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: really is exciting, and I really hope that this information,
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: this mindset shift of going after something that feels bigger
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: than you, it is beneficial for you. I know it
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: can be because I've experienced that benefit first hand. Before
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: I let you go, I've been talking here, I've been
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: yapping for a moment. I want to summarize some things. Firstly,
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: you got to identify your why. Let's talk about the
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: steps here. Identify your why, befriend discomfort, break it down,
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: build up your support squad, and then celebrate your wins.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Remember everyone, there is magic that happens at the edge
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: of your comfort zone. There is magic that happens on
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: the edge of your comfort zone. So when you identify
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: your uncomfortable goal, no matter how big, no matter how
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: small it is, take that as the very first, very
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: brave step in the right direction your potential.
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: I promise you it's there.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: It's limitless, and sometimes it really just takes the right
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: amount of discomfort to unlock it. I'm not sitting behind
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: this microphone telling you that it's going to be easy.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: In fact, I can guarantee you that it won't. But
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: by going after your first uncomfortable goal, like I said,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: it then creates not only a wider comfort zone in
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: the long haul, but it also creates that really amazing
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: ripple effect one that.
• 34:50
  Speaker 2: You are worthy of. Trust me.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Trust me, I got you, and like I said, I
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: would not steer you wrong now before I let you go.
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: It wouldn't be me if I wasn't coming in hot
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: with a call to action. I want to hear about
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: what your uncomfortable goals are. I want to hear about
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: what excites you, what you're thinking about right now, where
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: your head is at, tag me on social over at
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Emily a body, and better yet, I want to see
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: you taking notes on this. I want to see your screenshots.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: I want to see you journaling I am here for you,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: just like you as a hurdler, as a member of
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: this community, you are here for me. If this episode resonated,
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: if you want more episodes like this, I am all ears.
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to do the best I can with what
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: I have over here. So make sure you tag me,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: you rate it, you review it, and perhaps you share
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: it with a friend who may also need a little
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: nudge outside of their comfort zone. I'm over at Emily
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: Abadi at Hurdle Podcast Another hurdle conquered. Catch you guys
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: next time.