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From Nightclubs to Recovery: Andrew Maloof on Showing Up and Staying Sober · Finding New Waters

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For people who are out there that are thinking about getting
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sober like this, all South, you know, recovery steps, all that
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kind of stuff sounds daunting. The truth is is like it's all
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right. You know, it's like I still I
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still do things where I don't want to follow the directions.
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I think that's going to be faster.
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This will be easier. I've I can see the picture, the
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pictures good enough. It's fine.
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I. All right.
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Welcome back, everybody. My name is Bea Reeves.
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I'm the Director of Business Development here at New Waters
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Recovery in Raleigh and sitting here with my buddy Andrew
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Maloof, who is the Co founder and CEO of Eagle Creek Ranch
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Recovery outside Boise, ID Welcome, Andrew.
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Thanks Bea, I appreciate you having me on man, this is a
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quite the honor. Yeah, man, it's an honor to have
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you here. Thank you for doing it.
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And I'm you've got quite the background, which looks really
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good. I remember it reminds me of
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early COVID when they there was that whole rate my room thing
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where people were leaving books to try to make them look super
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smart, you know, like. And I got stuff that probably
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doesn't make me look that smart. I have toys and bobble huts and.
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Looks good. Dodger stuff.
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There's a thing from the Masters there.
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Well, I also see you've got a Masters hat on.
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Last time I saw you was about 10 days ago in the gift shop at the
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Masters. Yeah, quite a day.
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Quite a day, I heard. Well, I mean, you know, it's
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probably a good place to start too, is I don't know what the
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correlation is, but I've been to the Masters now two years in a
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row and I never, I never got to go when I was sober, tell you
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that before I got sober. Yeah, I so I got a correlation
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for you. So I was, I was out there,
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right. I'm with with some of my best
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friends, you know, sober last about a week, but let's see, a
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week after we were there, I took 12 years of sobriety, which was
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on Thursday. Congrats dude, it's awesome.
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And I'm walking out there, you know, you look, Casey.
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So I'm with Casey. And he at one point, he looks at
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me and he goes, hey, you're about to take 12 years of
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Sobrite. I go.
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Yeah. And we're just walking the
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grass, right? You full?
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Birds are chirping and he's like, we're at the Masters and
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why not? He goes, what were you doing 12
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years ago? I go think about it for a
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second. I go, I was in jail.
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I was in jail. And 12 years later, I'm, I'm
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walking the Masters golf course, I'm at Augusta National, I'm
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walking with Casey. And there, James, I could see
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you and, you know, it was a, it was one of those moments where I
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had to stop and reflect on what sobriety has done for me, how
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far I've been able to come thanks to, you know, the steps
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in the man in recovery and all this kind of stuff.
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Who's to be standing there 'cause Casey and I got sober
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together. So he saw me, man, 12 years
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prior. So he knew.
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And that was that was a special moment.
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That might have been the most special moment of the whole
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thing. And they had to even teed off
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you. So man, that's I've got chills
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under my quarter zip here. That's so cool, man.
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I mean, thank you for sharing that because, you know, people
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who listen to this, not everybody is sober.
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You know, a lot of people are considering it and what we call
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sober curious or the, the, the loved one of somebody.
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And the The thing is, it's like we can sit here and just wag our
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fingers and tell people how great it is.
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But, you know, this is like showing people, you know, and by
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living this way, you know, I mean that whole that concept of,
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you know, we're likely going to be the only copy of the big book
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anybody ever sees and attraction, not promotion.
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It's so true because people in various ways, not necessarily
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trying to get me to get sober, but like we're kind of telling
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me to to get to get my act together, you know, for so long.
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And I I needed, you know, the humbling and the gift of
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desperation it took to kind of get where I was open to it.
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But then I needed to see people really enjoying life, you know,
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being happy Joyce and free sober.
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I, I could, nobody could just tell me about it, you know?
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Yeah, I mean, for sure. And it's, you know, it's a lot
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of work and all that, but it's, it's slowly, right?
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Like happened slowly, but it actually and at the same time,
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right, it happens. Your life starts to get better
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pretty quick. Absolutely.
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Yeah, I mean, it's hard, but you know, the path narrows in the
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beginning, you know, there's, there's, well, there's, there's
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no finger wagging needed because it's just not what we really do
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in a A It's how we do work. It's like we're pretty
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understanding folks, you know? Yeah.
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And I mean, you know, and I know you and I know you work a very
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strong program of recovery. And you said something that
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reminded me of I saw this woman, this is, you know, actually also
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during COVID on a speaker meeting.
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And I was like checking a box, like, I'm going to listen to
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this meeting. But this is this older lady.
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I'm probably not going to relate to her.
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And you know what you said about, you know, life gets so
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good and it's so true. But she said this thing that I
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hope I never forget, which is she said she had been, she had
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been sober for a little while and then she started getting got
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her like, you know, her, her marriage back, her kids back,
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got her job back, you know, back to her house.
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And then she didn't really do much work on her program, but
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she stayed sober. And she said, you know, I, I
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realized, you know, my, my life was getting better, but I wasn't
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getting better, you know, And so like, I got to keep, keep at it
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and stay vigilant. So they kind of get Better
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Together, hopefully, you know, they can sort of veer off here
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and there when in my my insides can get better than my outsides
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here and there. But if I kind of just keep
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working on it, then then I'll keep getting better and my life
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will keep getting better along with it.
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I hope that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely.
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We know. We know what it We know what it
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looks like when somebody's alcohol is in the shot, right?
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You know. That's why it's so important
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that we have this kind of this program.
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And I was actually just running a group with the guys and we
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were talking about the fact that this is like a recipe.
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You know, if you follow a recipe, it's it's going to work.
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And the nice thing is when I veer off and it that, you know,
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food doesn't come out just right, right when my sobriety
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doesn't come out just right, when my recovery is a little
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off, when I'm not spiritually fit, I feel it, I notice it
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right. If it's a food recipe, I taste
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it. And so it's like the good thing
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is I have this road map. I have this recipe was working
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recipe. I can go back to it like, well,
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what am I? What did I miss?
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What old green meal is not happening here?
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And I have all these people, right?
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I have sponsors and friends and all these resources to go to the
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figure out what did I miss in my recipe?
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Because that's the problem. Like my, my, the outside of my
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life can work great and I'm just a a mess sometimes, right?
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You and I spent some time together in January, golfing
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again, hanging out as friends and like I just, I was kind of a
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mess on that trip, right, Not sleeping in some fear financial
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and you know, just all the things that come up and I just
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wasn't, I wasn't in a good spiritual place for those few
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days and had to had to get back to what I know works.
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I had to get back to the recipe, then that's that's the program,
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right? It's getting back from what I've
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been doing more. Totally in my and to sort of add
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on to that metaphor when I was a kid or I have distinct memories
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of doing this with two different models I've gotten for
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Christmas. I don't know if they were the
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same year, but one was a Daisy Duke Jeep and one was one of
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the, I guess it's an F15 like the the planes and Top Gun and
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open the there's a model. And I took the stuff
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out-of-the-box and literally just push the directions to the
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side and put the shell on and the stickers and the tires and
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the wheels and the lights and the steering wheel.
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But like the, the undergird and the engine stuff, I just like,
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you know, you can't see that anyway, so what's the point?
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You know, it was just literally a shell of it.
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But I was like, yeah, but it looks good.
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And then my whole life, my mom would always tell me what her
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mother had told her, which was, when all else fails, read the
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directions, you know? And it was one of those
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motherisms that I sort of knew was true, but it was coming from
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her, so I didn't really take it too seriously.
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And then back to the recipe that when I got sober, I was getting
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sober finally, I was willing to, you know, follow the directions,
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read the directions and follow the directions, which is also,
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you know, the same thing as a recipe, you know.
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And when I do, then things tend tend to go pretty well.
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But like you, you know, I have days and you know, one of the
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one of the missing ingredients in a day for me when I do my
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inventory at night, when I have, there's just a such a direct
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correlation when I talk to a bunch of people in recovery that
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day. And I don't mean my girlfriend
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who's in recovery or even you because you know, you're a
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friend, but we are. But like, I might not count you
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because we, we are work colleagues too.
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But like those days when I'm like driving with windshield
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time and talk to a bunch of people in recovery, especially
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newcomers, when I do that inventory at night, those tend
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to be the days that I like feel the best when I hit the pillow.
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But those days when I just sort of get too busy or, or or just
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sort of choose not to like, hey, I'd rather listen to this
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podcast than call this guy right now.
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You know, it's and it's an easy fix too.
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That's the thing. Yeah, yeah.
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It's funny. We're doing this on a Tuesday
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because Tuesday's kind of that's like my built in day for this,
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right? And I got to do it other days
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too. But Tuesday is is, you know,
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when I meet with my sponsees and then I go out to dinner with all
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my sober buddies and then we go to our Home group, you know, and
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I'm home a little later on Tuesday that that's like my
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built in automatic show up for my recovery day every week, you
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know. And it's funny munching the
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models too. You know, I have 3 kids and I
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was never a big Lego bag, but I, I started buying Legos for my
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boys and now I'm like hooked on Legos.
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You know, it's super, call me, it's, I get to just follow
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directions, right? And you, and with Legos, if
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anybody's ever built Legos, that's a great metaphor for
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getting sober in recovery. It's like you just, you got to
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follow the directions, right? You'll get, you know, 8 steps
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down the road, you miss something, you're like, shit,
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better go back, take it off, put it back together.
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It's all right when you get back on track, but yeah, man, it's
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the stream. Just I never followed any
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directions right in my whole life when I was younger.
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And, and to, to suggest that there might be directions.
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Well, somehow this huge affront to right, I was highly offended
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by the fact that you figured there were directions that I
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needed to somehow listen to. I took that as this like,
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demeaning statement that I couldn't figure out how to build
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this. I'm like, oh, you know, now I'm
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like directions great. Like you don't take for a
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minute. Perfect, right?
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It works. I'm in.
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I know the irony is, you know, we're, you know, we look for the
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easier, softer way and you know, we find it once we get, you
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know, through the 12 steps. But but leading before that, you
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know, I always, I always wanted, you know, I wanted, I never
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wanted any help. I wanted handouts.
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I wanted things to be done for me and I wanted the easier,
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softer way and shortcuts. And, but so often the easier,
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softer, you know, less painful way was actually following the
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directions. But I was like, no, no, no, no,
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no, I, I got this. And then, you know, it ended up
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going around my ass to get to my elbow in so many different ways
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in life and just made things so much more difficult by being so
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obstinate, you know? Well, and for, you know, for
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people who are out there that are thinking about getting sober
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or like this all South, you know, recovery steps, all that
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kind of stuff sounds daunting. The truth is is like it's all
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right. You know, it's like I still, I
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still do things where I don't want to follow the directions.
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I think that's going to be faster.
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This will be easier. I've I can see the picture, the
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pictures good enough. It's fine.
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I have to, you know, like I said, I have three sons.
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I got to build crap all the pun and on.
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Sometimes I won't look at the directions and I end up having
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to go back, fix the mistake, sometimes order a new one
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because I lost a part. You know, that's all right.
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Yeah. We just, we just keep getting
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back up on the horsey. Yeah, and you on the, on the,
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the note of people, you know, who are sort of sober curious or
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they're thinking about it or maybe know something's not
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right. And I, you know, I think we've
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all experienced this, but I know I did.
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I don't want to speak for anybody, but it seems so
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embarrassing to get sober, you know.
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And I remember like in those first when I was first home from
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treatment, you know, at some church and like the big windows
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and you could see into there from the road and we're all
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holding hands at the end of the meeting saying the Serenity
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prayer and the Lord's Prayer. And I just remember thinking,
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like, what if somebody sees me, you know, and just the whole
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thing and like going into meetings and seeing somebody and
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they're like, Oh my God, you know, but of course they're
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there too, for the same reason I am.
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And but The thing is, you know, I had this conversation with
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people a lot and, and they're, they think it's embarrassing.
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And it's like, like, what's more embarrassing?
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Getting better and getting help or being passed out in the
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bushes and having to beg, borrow and steal whatever it is we did
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to get by and get high and get drunk.
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That's that's embarrassing. You know, getting better and
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getting sober is is noble and awesome, but you know, live in
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that other but we can't see it then you know, it's it's just
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the sick. You know that insane alcohol
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logical thinking, you know? Yeah, I mean, I, I, I say this
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in the least judgmental and most loving and understanding way
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possible. But, you know, before I got
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sober, it was like I was so worried about what people would
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think if I had to go get help. So I would tell people, yeah,
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I'm just you. I like it, right?
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It's I'm almost off. Yeah, I do it because I bought
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2. It's not because I I you know,
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if I wanted to stop, I could stop, right.
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It's so that's not the problem. Then I would never go to
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treatment. Why would I need to go to
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treatment? That's for quitters, man Weekly
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I'll figure it out. And then there was like you
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said, there's that sense of embarrassment of like, because
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it was all an ego thing, right? I'm, I don't need treatment
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because that's for weak people, right?
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I don't need that kind of help. I'm not that bad.
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And so that have to go ask for help and the have to do these
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directions that someone else suggested.
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I can figure it out through I'm smart.
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I'll figure it out. And so I just didn't want to
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take any of those suggestions. And then you you look at it,
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it's like I was scared and embarrassed of that.
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But yet all the shit that I did my whole life, I couldn't pay a
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bill. That's embarrassing.
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Exactly. Embarrassment.
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I was an embarrassment. And that's the part I say least
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judgmental. Like if we're going through
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this, I was an embarrassment, you know, to myself, to my
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family. I couldn't pay a bill.
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I couldn't pay a cell phone bill.
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I didn't pay for my old, you know, it's like I didn't do
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anything right. I had no real accomplishments of
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anything I had accomplished. I did load, you know.
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Yeah. I mean, I always say, you know,
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the only way I could show, the only way I had any measure of
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progress was how old I was. Yeah, that was kind of the deal,
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you know, like, I mean, yeah, I managed to graduate from college
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and, you know, have a, some good job, you know, But like, in
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general, it was all handouts. Didn't really want any help.
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I just want everything kind of done for me.
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I thought I was entitled to a, an education, an income, you
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know, a relationship and just, you know, fame and fortune with
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like little to no effort, you know?
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And that's not how it works, you know.
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Group of the world, that was somebody.
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Right. Well, you and you, you
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mentioned, you know, college and I know that you went to UNLV and
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we've talked about this before, but that had to be an
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interesting place to go to college no matter what,
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especially if somebody who is, you know, had the same
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tendencies as we both do. Yeah, I don't remember most of
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it. You know, it's, it's, this is a
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perfect how, how I ended up that UNLV is a perfect segue.
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And that like from my entitlement and my, my lack of
16:59
work ethic and just trying to take the easier shop away that
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we've been talking about. Because I, you know, my, my
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family was like, you know, let's look into this school.
17:11
You know, let's look into all of these universities and places
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you might be able to go and hear the applications.
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And here's the SAT, you know, we got to get a better score and
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all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, Nah, I got into
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UNLV. They're like where I'm like UNLV
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in Las Vegas. They're like you already did.
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I was like, yeah, I fold out like a 10 minute thing online.
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Like back then. I'm sure it's gotten more
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difficult to go there now, but back then it was like online
17:38
application. I was going to high school in
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Nevada, so I got an in state tuition and it it was like
17:44
pretty standard, right? And I got like an acceptance
17:47
letter relatively quickly. And that's the only place I
17:50
applied to not because I didn't wasn't interested in another
17:53
school. It's because it was easy.
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And also it's vase and I like to park.
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So it sounded perfect man. And so, you know, I, I go down
18:04
there, I joined the fraternity, actually met some good guys and
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I learned some important things from that place, interestingly
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enough, and still talk to, you know, get him out of them and,
18:16
and I'm in contact with them and I, I wish I had done more with
18:20
that. But yeah, it was an interesting
18:22
world. I was actually in student
18:24
government at a point. I was the director of
18:26
entertainment, which was perfect for an alcohol.
18:29
You know, I got to throw some of the, the concerts at the
18:32
university and we did some big stuff, man.
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I mean, the guys that came before me had some real big
18:37
concerts. My, the one I did when I was the
18:40
director was with Three 6 Mafia, Bone Thugs of Harmony, Ghostface
18:43
Killah is a big rap concert, which was awesome.
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I loved hip hop music and well, I was pretty that that's one of
18:50
my few things that I was pretty proud of before I got sober was
18:53
that concert and the work that I put into that.
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And you know, from that job, it, it LED into me working in night
19:00
clubs on on the Vegas Strip. And the day I turned 21, I was
19:05
working, I was working for a nightclub that used to be in the
19:08
Bellagio called Light. It's now, I think it's called
19:12
the Bank now. And I ended up slowly and for a
19:16
short period of time, working as AVIP host at a small boutique
19:20
nightclub. And in the wind was called
19:23
Blush. And God, I was a mess, right?
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All of them. I could not keep up with that
19:30
job. I was berated for my poor
19:35
performance, thought I was somebody because I was AVIP host
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at a nightclub in Las Vegas, learned a lot of poor behavior,
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modeled it and fell punk. I couldn't I couldn't keep up
19:52
with the that lifestyle and and somehow in 4 1/2 years graduated
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with a degree in hotel management and hospitality from
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from UNLV. Grateful for that degree.
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And you know, it's a it's a big university.
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I mean, I'm really grateful I went there.
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You know, it's AD one school football, basketball, baseball.
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So, you know, I'm, I'm blessed and lucky that I was able to
20:17
finish and, and to go there. But yeah, I mean, it was, there
20:20
was a lot of farting, a lot of nightclubs, a lot of bars, so.
20:24
But I what you have a degree and Mark and hospitality management.
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What is it exactly? Yes.
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And so I'll just wonder, I mean, how much has that helped you
20:36
being a owner of a treatment center?
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I mean, so much of there's got to be a lot of overlap.
20:40
There's actually a ton and it's interesting how much I've
20:44
realized that my degree has finally come in play in my life
20:48
recently. We, you know, one of the things
20:51
that Eagle Creek that we talked about a lot is like, yes, this
20:54
is a medical facility. Yes, this is a clinical facility
20:57
with evidence based practices. However, maybe most importantly,
21:01
this is a hospitality organization, right?
21:04
Every guest that comes to Eagle Creek is important.
21:08
They need to have a wonderful experience.
21:10
We need to help them. We need to make their stay
21:13
comfortable. And so that is always a
21:16
consideration for how we operate here for our staff.
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And that's something that you know, Luke and I are always
21:22
talking about where this is this is a hospitality organization
21:26
and we we think we have to keep that at the fairfront at the
21:30
client experience for their 30 to 60 days with us should be a
21:36
good work, right. What should be good luck?
21:40
Yeah, I mean, there's no better advertisement than a happy
21:43
client. Absolutely, absolutely.
21:46
I think one of the things that make us most proud of the
21:48
reviews that are left online from our clients or a referral
21:52
that comes directly from a client or their family that they
21:55
can speak to their experience here and how that felt and then
21:58
recommend us to be able to be a part of somebody else's life.
22:02
I mean, it's a huge responsibility to be a treatment
22:04
professional and to be a part of that person's journey in
22:08
recovery. And so for someone else to have
22:11
experienced it and then trust us in that to recommend us to a
22:16
family member or a friend is it's, you know, it's a huge
22:19
honor and it's a huge responsibility that we take
22:24
extremely seriously. So.
22:26
Yeah, and we've had nothing but great experiences working with
22:29
you from a referral standpoint. And I know that the outcomes
22:33
from the people we've seen have been amazing as well.
22:36
And I love that you're in Idaho. I'm, I'm, I'm coming to see you
22:39
as soon as possible. I've, I've spent a lot of time
22:41
in Idaho myself and I'd love that state.
22:44
What? Tell us a little bit about how
22:46
you came to be a proprietor, and tell us about Eagle Creek Ranch.
22:52
Yeah, well, it, you know, interestingly enough, the I
22:56
think that the the origins of Eagle Creek start at a place
23:00
called 449 recovered Mook and I, who are the the 2 owners here,
23:05
we met in treatment sitting in a group room, 2 knuckleheads
23:09
thinking I'll listen to any of this crap.
23:12
And, you know, we were going through plenty of our own hard
23:15
times, legal issues, relational issues, and, and we met there
23:19
and, and became friends. And shortly thereafter, the two
23:23
of us worked together at a good facility with wonderful mentors
23:29
who who taught us the right things.
23:31
And we both worked in, you know, outreach, national and local
23:36
outreach. And so we were, we were given
23:38
the opportunity to travel to meet great people in the
23:43
industry, learn about other programs and see what other
23:46
people would do. So there was always this
23:49
conversation between Luke and I. He just became very good
23:52
friends. Like what would we do if we
23:54
owned our own treatment? Said, what would be the ideal
23:56
place? Like if I had to go back retreat
23:57
or what would I want to look like?
23:59
And so these, the, these ideas were developing over years and
24:03
years of these kinds of conversations.
24:06
And, you know, pretty much like during COVID, it was just one of
24:10
those things that, you know, you see a lot of people moving and,
24:13
and leaving places and all that kind of stuff.
24:15
And, and for me and, and my wife finally got to a point where we
24:19
were like, you need to go somewhere else out of
24:22
California. And we, we kind of settled on I
24:25
doubt. And one of the things we were
24:29
looking for was a place that had a need for good treatment
24:31
because we always knew that we would like to one day old on
24:34
treatment center. And my wife is a therapist.
24:37
She was a clinical director. And so, you know, we were always
24:42
keeping that in the back of our mind.
24:43
Then when I brought it up to week that we were moving, he, he
24:47
was like, well, I'll go, let's go.
24:50
It was really in many ways, his idea, let's make it happen,
24:54
let's jump on it. And so we did and we, we built
24:56
something, but we, like I said, we want to go to, if we had to
25:00
go back for treatment and, and you know, Eagle Creek now is a,
25:06
you know, a higher end, very comfortable, all men's facility
25:12
with the, with the true 12 step foundation.
25:15
So we're on A5 acre farm property in, in Idaho, right
25:22
outside of Boise and that 12 step foundation and that
25:27
hospitality background is really what drives us, right?
25:31
We want the guests, the clients stay could be a, a, a wonderful
25:35
experience. We do a very well-rounded
25:38
approach and who also some of your groups are going to be 12
25:42
step focus, some of them evidence based clinical.
25:46
We have 24 hour nursing on site and we can do a a sub acute
25:52
detox here as well, 30 to 60 base day.
25:55
And, you know, we also offer things like a lot of holistic
26:00
stuff like Breathworks and yoga and Reiki and sound baths and,
26:03
and that that whole thing. And we do a lot of adventure
26:07
therapy here. So getting out rock climbing,
26:10
river rafting, ropes courses, horseback riding, equine
26:14
therapy. You know, the food's great.
26:17
The guys are great. The staff is wonderful.
26:20
I mean, they're, they're the deal, right?
26:21
The staff that works here and how much they care about what
26:25
they do, taking on that responsibility.
26:28
I spoke about of, of treating clients with addiction and dual
26:31
diagnosis is a huge responsibility and everyone here
26:36
takes it seriously and they have to right.
26:39
So it's a requirement to work at Eagle Creek Ranch and, and our
26:44
alumni and our guests, they're, they're the proof in the
26:50
pudding. It's their work that they put
26:52
in. They are the they are the.
26:56
They're the star of the show. Well, you know, and you making
27:01
sure the staff, treating staff well is the key to all this as
27:07
well, because if you have disgruntled staff members, it's
27:13
going to reflect immediately into the, into the clients and
27:16
the guests. And then it's just a trick.
27:19
I mean, it doesn't have to trickle down very far either for
27:21
that to be a just a bad scene. And so we know we're not
27:24
perfect. We do our best to treat our
27:25
staff well. And so we, we want them to want
27:28
to be there and want to be helpful.
27:30
And, you know, and like you said, I mean, this is not yes,
27:33
they're, they're, they're, I'm glad we touched on the
27:35
hospitality thing because that's such a huge piece of it.
27:37
But people aren't just coming to, you know, get away for the
27:41
weekend when they're treatment, they're very raw or we are very
27:45
raw and we need extra, you know, next level hospitality from our
27:50
staff. And, you know, and that's,
27:53
that's the, the best way for people to have a good experience
27:56
is to have staff who care 'cause we can have, you know, whistles
28:01
and bells and great food. All that stuff's important.
28:04
But like the most important thing is to have a staff who's
28:06
compassionate and competent. And, but as far as the, some of
28:11
the, you know, we have a lot of overlap and in terms of what we
28:14
do with, with holistic services and you know, when I'm doing a
28:18
tour, I always try to make sure people understand that, hey,
28:21
this is not just to be fancy, to look like, you know, just say,
28:25
oh, we do. It's this is to make people feel
28:27
better faster. And that's what this is all
28:29
about. All that stuff helps.
28:33
It it really does help and and you have to offer within your
28:37
vision, within your, your expertise, within your niche of
28:42
what you can do well. But we feel that you have to
28:46
offer a well-rounded, you know, group of services because it, it
28:53
might be the breath works for one guy that changes his entire
28:57
stay while he's here, right? For another guy, it might be,
29:02
you know, the outdoor adventure fair, you might have been, he's
29:05
sitting on a river raft going through white Rapids.
29:08
And that's the moment that it, it clicks.
29:11
Oh my God, I'm having fun. I'm outside, I'm sober, We're
29:15
laughing, right? And it might be sitting in a 12
29:18
step meet. It might be sitting with your
29:20
therapist and, and you know, just talking and having that
29:24
light bulb go off, right? I don't know what it's going to
29:27
be. And it it might and very often
29:30
it's sitting with a nurse, it's sitting with a tech who comes
29:34
outside while you're smoking a cigarette about start crying and
29:38
that that tech comes out because, you know, I'm in
29:41
recovery. I've been there.
29:43
I know it going for you and just listens.
29:45
So, you know, all of our techs here are in recovery and a lot
29:50
of them won't do our program. So they get it.
29:52
They know what it's like to be sitting while you're sitting.
29:56
You just never know. So you have to have that well
29:59
rubbed operates and and you're right, it's not just bells and
30:03
whisses. Yeah, yeah, that's such a great
30:06
point. You never know what's going to
30:08
click, you know, and and somebody who has maybe had a
30:12
life where they were able to draft like they won't be as a
30:15
big a deal to them. But somebody who's never done
30:17
that or has been afraid to to do that kind of stuff may have that
30:21
kind of spiritual experience, right, You know, right there on
30:23
the river or you know, that person who what he wasn't
30:26
expecting to be in. That's such a great point.
30:28
You never know where that that kind of God wink is going to
30:31
come from. Yeah, that moment of clarity
30:33
could come from anywhere. Yeah, yeah, I had mine.
30:38
I was just getting out of the shower.
30:39
So you know they had a great shower.
30:43
I was in AI, was in AII wear before I went to 449 for
30:48
outpatient. I went to a residential
30:49
treatment center that had a Christian track for my family
30:53
wire. So I go to this place and we're
30:55
going I'm I was raised Catholic, so I'm used to stain glass
30:59
windows, you know, Catholic mass and we're going to these like
31:05
non denominational Christian churches, right?
31:07
Rock bands playing the music, right?
31:10
I'm like, what is this? Well, I didn't want anything to
31:13
do it, but I'm like, this is not what I'm used to.
31:16
I'm uncomfortable. I don't like it, but I wasn't
31:19
one of those places. And I that, you know, that whole
31:24
situation made me put my head down and just say the first
31:27
honest prayer and talking to God that I had ever said in my
31:32
entire life. And all I really said is I don't
31:35
know what I'm doing and I'm super scared, right?
31:38
I don't know, I don't, I don't know where I'm going, man.
31:42
And I, and I think I'm willing to admit that I'm, I'm an idiot,
31:47
you know, and felt really good, you know, so like how I've been
31:52
making a bad choice after bad choice, thinking I know better.
31:56
Let me my ego run the show. And that's really all I said,
31:59
man, like I'm, I'm, I'm an idiot.
32:01
I don't know what I'm doing. I'm lost that I'm scared And,
32:04
and the only thing I asked for was just show me like which
32:09
direction, like just just a, just a crab, right.
32:12
Like that I that I feel comfortable that that you gave
32:15
lean and like I'll, I'll do it, I'll do it.
32:19
And and I and he did, he did, he showed me the direction and, and
32:23
ever since my my scan point has been follow the signs you owe
32:30
and you mean to keep on this path.
32:32
This is this path is working for your and don't ever really don't
32:36
ever forget what you owe back to this because physically you're
32:39
like that moment. Man, that's amazing and
32:43
powerful. And you know, I think the
32:45
difference in what that prayer was, you know, from well, what I
32:51
what I imagined they may were like may have been like before
32:54
for me. They were few and far between,
32:56
but they were always Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Get Me Out of this
32:59
Santa Claus foxhole. And then it was my first one
33:05
when I got on my knees, when I got to treatment, I was weeping
33:07
and I just said, God, what have you done to me?
33:09
Angry, weeping it. But then it was actually asking
33:12
for help. And that's what I do everyday is
33:14
ask for help and then receive it because we know we can ask for
33:18
it. But then, but that's, I think
33:19
that's such the key difference between like that.
33:22
And it kind of goes back to what I was saying about before I got
33:24
sober that like handouts and not help, just give me, give me,
33:28
give me, give me instead of I'm asking for help and I'm going to
33:32
receive the help, but not not as a handout.
33:34
And that's such a small but huge difference, you know?
33:38
It's a huge yeah. I mean, always asking for
33:40
myself, what can I, what do I get right now is the mindset had
33:44
the shift for you and I right is like it has to be less about me,
33:47
more about you. I always heard, you know, it's
33:51
not that I think too much of myself or too low of myself with
33:54
that I am all I think about. That's still true to this day.
33:57
And so I have to take action and practice to think of you, right?
34:04
Like I'm, I was just sitting here listening to you talk and I
34:07
go, he just said he had a moment of clarity getting out of the
34:11
shower. And I just jumped on, let me
34:13
tell you about Mark instead of like, actually, that's really
34:18
interesting to be out of the shepherd.
34:21
And then I truly was like, I should have asked him that.
34:23
But also, I want to hear that story, how that happens coming
34:27
out of the shower or the moment of clarity that you know.
34:30
Yeah, well, I mean, but I, I can I, I the same thing, you know,
34:34
we're sitting here, we're having a conversation and we want to be
34:37
present. We also don't want to just
34:38
completely forget what anybody's talking about.
34:40
It's a, it's a balance just like recovery itself, you know?
34:43
Yep. So I do want to hear that story.
34:46
OK, yeah. So I got there.
34:47
The day I got there, I got on my knees and wept and said, God,
34:50
what have you done to me? And then for three or four days,
34:55
I moped around saying, I'm leaving tomorrow, I'm leaving
34:58
tomorrow. But I never left.
35:00
And then I was like, all right, I'm not leaving.
35:02
How can I make this go by fast? And I thought about being a kid
35:06
growing up in the Episcopal Church, which also has stained
35:08
glass windows. And if I didn't sing the hymn,
35:12
if I didn't stand up with the hymnal in my hand and sing along
35:16
and just stood there waiting to sit down again, it would take
35:19
forever. But if I participated and sang
35:22
along, it went by fast and I could sit down again.
35:24
And I just applied that to being in treatment and just like was
35:29
gung ho about everything, like, you know, apple to the
35:32
counselor, you know, and like, yes, and reading all my readings
35:36
and just very involved. And I was like, you know what,
35:39
It'll go by fast. I might even learn something.
35:41
And what I did learn was, and it went by fast, but what I learned
35:44
was my way of doing things got me half a room at the treatment
35:48
center. That's how they phrased it.
35:50
And then, but more importantly, I started to feel better
35:52
physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally.
35:56
And one day I was getting out of the shower in my, you know,
35:58
shared room and I just felt a voice.
36:02
I didn't hear it, but I just felt a voice.
36:04
I don't really know how to explain it.
36:05
Tell me I was going to be successful.
36:08
And I didn't take that as rich and famous just like that.
36:11
I was going to be OK. And so around that same time, I
36:15
don't know if it was that night or shortly thereafter, I got on
36:17
my knees again and said, God, thank you for saving me.
36:20
And then I was just completely on fire for recovery.
36:24
And, you know, by the time we, we was over, I was definitely
36:27
ready to go. But I was like humming with pink
36:30
cloud, you know, you know, and I just got out and I got home at
36:35
10:30 in the morning and went to a meeting at noon.
36:37
And then I went to one that night and they told me to go to
36:39
90 meetings in 90 days when I got home.
36:41
And I went to like 135 meetings in 90 days and it was just like
36:44
off, you know, and never looked back.
36:47
So it was also a moment when you're like, your obsession to
36:52
drink and use was lifted like as it as it returned.
36:55
It's a good question. I, you know, like I don't
36:57
really, I remember feeling like I went through a lot of
36:59
withdrawal while I was there 'cause I was withdrawing from
37:03
lots of stuff, including antidepressant.
37:06
And, but yet, you know, I don't know, that's a good question.
37:10
I just know that that was the moment when I was just like,
37:13
it's over. Because I guess it was because I
37:15
was moping around thinking about how it'd be much better to be
37:18
like, you know, getting high, getting drunk, whatever.
37:20
But like when I got out of that shower that day after
37:23
participating long enough to, for the time to go by fast, get
37:27
that little piece of education, but more importantly start
37:30
feeling better in every way. And I just got and after that it
37:33
was just totally gone. That's awesome.
37:37
I just remember that. Like I'll never forget that
37:40
moment in that church saying that first on his prayer where
37:44
I'm not asking for anything for myself other than to just guide
37:47
me. And I, I when I stopped praying,
37:52
the obsession was God. And it's never returned.
37:55
When I noticed that immediately. Yeah.
37:59
And I think, I think what I've, what I took a lot from that is
38:04
that I have goals. I've always had goals, but my
38:08
actions always worked against my goals.
38:11
My actions were ego based, right?
38:14
So I would always take these actions that were, that were
38:18
taken from a stance of ego and they never served my goals.
38:21
And I knew they read, but I didn't care.
38:25
So you know, in your story, you're more your goal was make
38:30
this go by faster, right? And and so you just did what
38:35
would make it go by faster. And even if that's the goal,
38:37
that's OK. You know, instead of standing
38:41
there with ego, like I will not participate, right?
38:44
Working against all your goals. It's working against like what
38:48
are you doing wasting? You're just wasting time.
38:51
It's taking longer. You're unhappy.
38:53
But I would I would prefer to be what prior to get all sober, I
38:57
would prefer to be unhappy and make a point and be my ego than
39:04
to achieve and reach my goals in the place of peace and
39:07
happiness. So today I just try to look at
39:10
like, what's the goal? What am I trying to accomplish?
39:13
Does this action serve my ego or my goal?
39:19
So, you know, it's a much easier way to live, man.
39:24
Yeah, absolutely it is. Yeah.
39:27
And that's another thing back to like the conversation about, oh,
39:29
man, this is so embarrassing. And it's got, it's got to be.
39:32
This is something I'm not embarrassed of.
39:35
But people when they say, oh, man, I'm so proud, must be so
39:38
hard. I'm like, not really.
39:42
You know, What was hard was living the way I was seven years
39:44
ago when all I would do was drink, do drugs, lie to
39:48
everybody you know, overdraw my bank account, you know, have
39:51
everybody you know mad at me and spend all my waking hours
39:55
plotting, scheming, recovering, manipulating, sending texts to
39:59
just the right amount of people to have so they think I'm
40:01
somewhere. And that's hard.
40:03
That's hard. This is the easier, softer way.
40:07
Yeah, I think I was a professional bank account
40:10
overdrawer, Absolutely. I was big on that, you know?
40:14
Yeah, we went with that. I was.
40:16
Just I. When I found out they would let
40:18
you do that, I was like, this is on set, yeah.
40:24
Oh, yeah. And there were ways where you
40:25
could like when you do those envelope envelopes that you
40:27
could deposit, that you could just do it was empty.
40:30
And you'd be like, oh, I didn't. Oh, it was an accident.
40:33
Yep, for sure. I'll figure it all out later.
40:35
Exactly. Yeah.
40:36
Tonight, you know, I got, you know, you never know, tonight
40:38
might be the night that my life has completely changed.
40:40
And that was another thing. It's like everything I did there
40:44
was a socially, you know, whether I was going to see a
40:46
concert or some party or a wedding, you know, it was always
40:50
like, if I don't go to this tonight, my life will will end
40:55
because I'm I'm I'm going to meet.
40:57
I'm going to end up with a new job and a new girlfriend and my
41:00
whole trajectory of life will be changed because I'm going to see
41:03
this random band on a Tuesday night at some, you know, fly,
41:08
you know, hole in the wall bar in downtown, you know, and it's
41:11
just. Couldn't miss a face.
41:13
No. What do people think of me if
41:15
I'm not at this party, right? Exactly.
41:17
And of course, that's at the expense of, you know, going to
41:21
school the next day or work or whatever, you know, and then
41:24
back, you know, overdrawing my account.
41:26
I mean, I would go, you know, go out of town for the weekend and
41:30
end up there until Wednesday, you know, when the result was,
41:33
you know, fired, you know, dumped, broke, you know,
41:37
arrested, all of the above. Who knows, You know.
41:40
Oh, yeah. That's a hard way to live.
41:43
That is a lot harder, Yes, it's a lot much easier being sober
41:48
and showing up for my life. It is.
41:51
I'm I that's one of my favorite things to say.
41:54
Now when I realize this, it is like, oh shit, that's so much
41:58
easier is I just tell people just show up.
42:01
Just show. Up perfect and and this is a
42:03
good place to end it too. And and one of our mutual
42:06
friends who was on another episode of this recently with
42:09
what quoted our guy Bobby, you know, saying, you know, you can
42:13
pretend to care, but you can't pretend to show up.
42:16
What's right, That's right. And every hero that exists in
42:20
every story we've ever looked at gone wow, what a hero.
42:24
What they did was show up on them.
42:26
They did their job. And that's what they'll say
42:28
when, when somebody asks them, you know, wow, you're a hero.
42:31
They'll say, you know what? I was just doing my job.
42:34
And, and there's truth in both of those, right?
42:36
Heroes, heroes just showed up and they just did their job.
42:40
And that's what I, you know, I'm not certainly a lot of hero, but
42:44
I, I just for my kids, for my wife, the best I can use is try
42:49
to show up, be on time, be present.
42:52
And I, and I screwed that up a lot.
42:54
I do, I, I screwed up a lot. That's my goal, is to just show
42:58
up. Love it.
43:00
Well, this has been absolutely awesome.
43:03
Thank you so much for doing this, Andrew.
43:05
Thank you. Before we go, will you just tell
43:08
us how people can find you and find Eagle Creek?
43:11
Yeah, absolutely. You could visit us on our
43:14
website at www.eaglecreekranchrecovery.com.
43:19
You can find us on Instagram, Eagle Creek Ranch Recovery.
43:22
You could also call us on our main line, that's 208-907-3588
43:30
and you can reach me directly if you'd like.
43:32
It's 208-369-7533. Love it, thank you so much.
43:39
Thank you. If you liked what you heard
43:41
today or just want to know more, give us a call on 9196708119 or
43:47
visit us at newwatersrecovery.com.
43:50
Thank you.