Latest / Drawn of History / How P_rn Ruins Relationships(M4A_128K)

Transcript

How P_rn Ruins Relationships(M4A_128K) · Drawn of History

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  Speaker 1: The thing that's really interesting to me is here's the truth.
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  Speaker 1: So many men who abuse pornography, right? It affects their
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  Speaker 1: sexual performance. It affects how they show up in relationships
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  Speaker 1: and it builds shame, right? So, so many men struggle
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  Speaker 1: with sexual performance. That's not a new thing. But what
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  Speaker 1: is new and I think quite concerning is how many
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  Speaker 1: of those men.
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  Speaker 2: Are under the age of 40.
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  Speaker 1: They turn to Cialis, Viagra, testosterone replacement therapy, thinking that
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: something's wrong with them physically. When the truth is, and
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  Speaker 1: the reality is, is their sexual dysfunction is probably caused
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  Speaker 1: by all the porn they're consuming. So heavy porn use
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  Speaker 1: can rewire the brain. And even my own story.
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  Speaker 3: Is that true?
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  Speaker 1: Heavy porn use can rewire the brain and cause all
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  Speaker 1: types of problems in the bedroom. Like even in my
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  Speaker 1: own story, right? I had difficulty getting and maintaining an
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  Speaker 1: erection during sex, especially with a partner. I had difficulty
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  Speaker 1: orgasming towards the end of my run with pornography. I
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  Speaker 1: had difficulty maintaining an erection. And I needed porn stimulation
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  Speaker 1: to stay aroused. And heavy porn use can absolutely lead
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  Speaker 1: to premature ejaculation. One of the things I didn't share
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  Speaker 1: in my story, which is important to talk about, right?
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  Speaker 1: Because there's probably a bunch of your listeners right now listening,
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  Speaker 1: waiting for someone to tell the damn truth. When I
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  Speaker 1: first started consuming porn early in my life, before that relationship,
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  Speaker 1: I struggled. with premature ejaculation. And I had so much
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  Speaker 1: shame and embarrassment around it. I got to a point
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  Speaker 1: where I'd rather not be with a woman than be
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  Speaker 1: with a woman and have that type of sexual performance.
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  Speaker 3: You feel like you were just so nervous about sex?
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it makes sense.
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  Speaker 4: Sex is a nervous thing for a youngster. I didn't
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  Speaker 4: realize a few things.
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  Speaker 3: For the children, sex is nervous for the children. It's
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  Speaker 3: a nervous thing.
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  Speaker 2: Even for adults.
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  Speaker 1: And so what I didn't realize at that time was
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  Speaker 1: that all the porn that I was consuming and the
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  Speaker 1: way that I was actually masturbating to it kind of
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  Speaker 1: conditioned my brain to orgasm quickly and that carried over
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  Speaker 1: to real life scenarios. I didn't realize at that time
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  Speaker 1: that the intense porn that I was watching so overstimulated
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  Speaker 1: my brain leading to early orgasm. So my porn use
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  Speaker 1: was tied to shame and secrecy which fueled kind of
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  Speaker 1: anxiety around sex making it kind of uncomfortable. And you know,
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  Speaker 1: porn was the cause of this.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So that's one area, men, not so manly when you
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  Speaker 1: think about, Hey, you know, is it really that cool?
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: Second challenge that guys tend to have, it can totally
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  Speaker 1: affect how guys show up in relationships.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, dude.
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  Speaker 4: Watching like, like touching your body or whatever, jerking off
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  Speaker 4: or whatever. It was like, um, it was like it
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  Speaker 4: just made it easier than having to go and try
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  Speaker 4: with women and having to go and have a relationship.
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  Speaker 3: It made it all just easier.
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  Speaker 4: And if you came from like, and for me, I just,
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  Speaker 4: there was so much, it was so uncomfortable that I
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  Speaker 4: was like, I don't really, I mean, I guess I
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  Speaker 4: had a choice, but it just was too much of a,
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  Speaker 4: of a easy alternative. It was like, I don't, I
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  Speaker 4: don't know, like, you know, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so like,
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  Speaker 4: just have so low self worth. So many little things
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  Speaker 4: that are like, man, I can't, I can't go ask
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  Speaker 4: this girl out or do, you know? So it became
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  Speaker 4: this little thing. And then the, this was the part
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  Speaker 4: that I was going to get that you made me
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  Speaker 4: think about, sorry. Every, everything about sex felt like a secret, right?
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  Speaker 4: Like I would like, it was always like when I
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  Speaker 4: was growing up, we would go in the woods and
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  Speaker 4: see the tits or whatever chiseled in the wood or whatever.
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  Speaker 3: Or you would sneak into your, that's still around.
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  Speaker 2: Do you think?
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  Speaker 3: I'm sure it's been, no, I think they had Weevils
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  Speaker 3: or whatever got it.
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  Speaker 2: Stan Weevils.
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  Speaker 3: I think it was that. I can't remember exactly. I'll
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  Speaker 3: have to look it up.
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  Speaker 4: Okay. Or it could have been one of those new
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  Speaker 4: ticks that Bill Gates unleashed or whatever. But whatever, I'm
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  Speaker 4: sure it's gone these days. Or it's really, it's eroded
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  Speaker 4: to an A cup, you know, for sure.
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  Speaker 2: And what's the point to visit it then, right? Come on.
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  Speaker 3: At the time, those things were, oh.
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  Speaker 2: They're making a road trip for an A cup.
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  Speaker 3: Dude, they had a woodpecker would land on one of them.
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  Speaker 2: That's big. Pretty nice.
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  Speaker 4: So, but dude, the biggest thing that I think about, like,
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  Speaker 4: it was just like, everything was sex when I was
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  Speaker 4: young became like secretive. It became like secretive because, yeah,
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  Speaker 4: if you were looking at pornography, she was doing masturbation,
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  Speaker 4: he was sneaking off and doing it.
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  Speaker 3: So everything became secretive.
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  Speaker 4: So then like everything, like even when like dating, I
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  Speaker 4: never want anybody to know what was, I was very
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  Speaker 4: secretive about stuff. So it always had all this like
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  Speaker 4: a little bit of extra like kind of taboo around it,
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  Speaker 4: I think. I don't even know what that means, but
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  Speaker 4: it was just like, You know, when things are in secret, it's,
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  Speaker 4: you know, things in secret can be kind of uncomfortable.
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  Speaker 4: Things you're always trying to hide can be kind of uncomfortable.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 1: And, you know, I think also that secrecy can lead
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  Speaker 1: to shame.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Well, you're always, if something's in secret, you're always worried
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  Speaker 4: somebody's going to find out about it.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 4: And I didn't have any positive, like, relationship with sex
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  Speaker 4: or no, like, I didn't have any not, like, nobody
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  Speaker 4: taught me, told me nothing about it. It was just like,
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  Speaker 4: your body, your change, and then you're like dealing with it.
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  Speaker 3: I mean, I'm still.
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  Speaker 1: Waiting to get the birds and bees conversation from dad.
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  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: They should just have a decent man that travels around
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  Speaker 4: the country helping just have the birds and the bees conversation.
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  Speaker 1: Like a temporary rented dad to have the conversation with
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  Speaker 1: you when you're like 12.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Just like some wiener Santa or whatever, who he travels around,
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  Speaker 4: he pulls up, you know what I'm saying? Do it
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  Speaker 4: outside where, where it's in view of, you know, where
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  Speaker 4: the Lord can see it. But, um, anyway, uh, you
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  Speaker 4: were going into a second, uh, part about, um, relationships,
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  Speaker 4: how it affects relationships. And dude, I'll, I'll even remember
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  Speaker 4: like if you've been, if I, if I say if you,
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  Speaker 4: but if I'd been like, you know, doing touching myself
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  Speaker 4: or whatever, or jerking off or whatever like that, then
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  Speaker 4: I would, you're right when you said it's like, it
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  Speaker 4: changed the amount of intimacy. Now it's like if my
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  Speaker 4: girl and I are going somewhere, maybe I wouldn't touch
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  Speaker 4: her elbow or like, you know what I'm saying? Or
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  Speaker 4: like give her a pinch or like, you know what
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  Speaker 4: I'm saying? I wouldn't create that energy. So a lot
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  Speaker 4: of that energy disappears. And that's the thing I think
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  Speaker 4: that we don't realize a lot. It's that little like,
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  Speaker 4: that yin and yang, that whole thing that keeps like,
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  Speaker 4: nature and society and really the future because of procreation,
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  Speaker 4: which keeps it all in balance, is this kind of tension, right?
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  Speaker 4: A romantic kind of like samba between like her aura
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  Speaker 4: and mine and pornography like weakens that.
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  Speaker 3: And then you're right.
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  Speaker 4: People take into their head, like a woman will take
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  Speaker 4: in her head like, oh, something's wrong with me or
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  Speaker 4: he thinks I'm not this way or I can't do
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  Speaker 4: these things.
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  Speaker 3: Which is a net, you know what I'm saying? So
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  Speaker 3: it's just, it's a, it's a tough cycle.
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  Speaker 4: And I think a lot of it does fall on
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  Speaker 4: us men because we got to be stronger. You know,
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  Speaker 4: I'm not saying that I'm great at it or anything,
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  Speaker 4: but I do think that.
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  Speaker 3: Somebody has got to come to the rescue of us.
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  Speaker 3: And I think it has to be us.
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  Speaker 1: Well, no one's coming to rescue us, right? You got
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  Speaker 1: to take accountability in your own life. But I think you,
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  Speaker 1: you really eloquently kind of laid out the, that porn
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  Speaker 1: abuse can have in relationships.
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  Speaker 3: Did I really? You really did.
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  Speaker 2: That was really well said.
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  Speaker 1: And, you know.
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  Speaker 4: I feel bad about some of the, I feel like, dang,
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  Speaker 4: I wasted a couple of relationships. I wasted some, and
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  Speaker 4: I wasted somebody's time and I wasted like, and I
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  Speaker 4: didn't even know it.
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  Speaker 3: But yeah, some of that.
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  Speaker 2: You know it now. The only way you learn and grow.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And, you know, what you often see when men abuse
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  Speaker 1: porn over time they can lose attraction for their partners
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  Speaker 1: because they can't compete with porn. I mean, how unfair
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  Speaker 1: is that? That could be less desire for romance. I'll
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  Speaker 1: say it again. Pornography abuse burns off the nerve endings
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  Speaker 1: of sensuality in relationships. Less touching, holding, kissing, caressing. So
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  Speaker 1: if I'm watching porn, maybe I don't notice the waves
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  Speaker 1: in my wife's hair. If I'm watching porn, we hold
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  Speaker 1: hands less perhaps. So pornography abuse can deaden the vibrancy
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  Speaker 1: of our partners, our wives, and our marriages.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, that kind of sucks.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it dims the way you feel. For me,
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  Speaker 3: it dims the way I feel if I'm waking up.
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  Speaker 2: That's right.
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  Speaker 4: Like, oh, I still, my first thought sometimes is if
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  Speaker 4: I'd looked at pornography the day before, it's like, oh, man,
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  Speaker 4: I wish I hadn't done that.
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  Speaker 3: I think I cannot do it.
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  Speaker 4: You know, it's like, but you're always in this war,
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  Speaker 4: you know, it puts you always in like this battlefield.
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  Speaker 3: It's like being hooked up to an IV drip of shame.
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  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
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  Speaker 1: And for not every guy, right? We're not talking about
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  Speaker 1: the casual use. We're talking about the compulsive use. And
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  Speaker 1: the other thing you tend to see over time, the
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  Speaker 1: guys that end up abusing pornography, porn and masturbation just
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  Speaker 1: become the preferred sexual outlet. And shame and secrecy and
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  Speaker 1: guilt become the norm. And because of that shame, so
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  Speaker 1: many guys, especially our young guys, are not dating. They've
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  Speaker 1: given up on dating.
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  Speaker 4: Hmm.
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  Speaker 1: They're not actually having physical sex. I read a stat
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  Speaker 1: not too long ago that one out of three men
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  Speaker 1: under the age of 30 have not had sex in
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  Speaker 1: the last year. One out of three men? One out
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  Speaker 1: of three men under the age of 30 have not
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  Speaker 1: had sex in the last year.
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  Speaker 3: But some of those men could be 10 years old
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  Speaker 3: or whatever.
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  Speaker 1: I would imagine– I didn't look at the fine print
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  Speaker 1: of the thing. I would imagine it probably told me
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  Speaker 1: age 18 to 30.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, they should say that then. They should probably– yeah,
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  Speaker 3: good point.
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  Speaker 4: Because, yeah, if it's like this five-year resonance, you're like, yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I hope not. Yeah, we'll fact-check this right now.
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  Speaker 4: Anyway, recent data from the General Social Survey indicates that
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  Speaker 4: nearly one-quarter of young adults aged 18 to 29 reported
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  Speaker 4: having no sex in the past year. looking specifically at
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  Speaker 4: younger single men under 30. The rate of sexlessness can
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  Speaker 4: climb closer to one third. And then, bro, you know
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  Speaker 4: what happens? I think when you start to like, when
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  Speaker 4: you dim the men in a culture, anything can come
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  Speaker 4: in there. It's like when you dim the warriors who
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  Speaker 4: are standing at the gate, anything can slip in there.
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  Speaker 4: you know, and then they come in and now they
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  Speaker 4: got the women on OnlyFans because they're not in a
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  Speaker 4: relationship and there's not like a provider and there's not
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  Speaker 4: like a leader and you're not part of like a,
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  Speaker 4: we're doing this together, right? And then like everything's for sale.
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  Speaker 4: It's like, what's for sale now, you know? And I
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  Speaker 4: don't mean that, it's not, none of that's negativity at anybody.
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  Speaker 4: It's just like, you know, it's just like, I don't know.
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  Speaker 4: Do I sound judgmental?
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  Speaker 3: I'm just kind of looking at it.
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  Speaker 4: I think it all makes me just like, I don't know,
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  Speaker 4: I feel like we're stronger than this, but we are
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  Speaker 4: in a war.
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  Speaker 1: Well, I think what you're highlighting and what I'm hearing
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  Speaker 1: you say is so many of our young men in particular,
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  Speaker 1: they lack confidence in themselves. They're full of shame, right?
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  Speaker 1: They don't have the, they can't handle.
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  Speaker 2: Rejection, right?
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  Speaker 1: The world needs healthy, strong men. And pornography abuse is
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  Speaker 1: emasculating our men today.
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  Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
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  Speaker 1: That was definitely the case for me.
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  Speaker 3: 100%.
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  Speaker 1: But here's the deal. And I need your listeners to
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  Speaker 1: hear this right now.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, amen.
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  Speaker 4: Because I don't want to get stuck in the dour
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  Speaker 4: parts of it and that things are not healable because
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  Speaker 4: that's not the truth.
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  Speaker 2: That's not the truth.
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  Speaker 1: The truth is it is time to reclaim your damn manhood.
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  Speaker 3: Type shit.
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  Speaker 2: You know, seriously.
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  Speaker 3: No, I feel you. Enough is enough.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 1: Enough is enough right now. There's a cesspool out there
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  Speaker 1: that are killing our men today. So let me tell you,
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  Speaker 1: in my own journey, when I got the right type
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  Speaker 1: of help, I was able to work through these sexual dysfunction.
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  Speaker 1: When I got the right type of help, I was
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  Speaker 1: able to be in a healthy relationship where I felt
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  Speaker 1: good about myself as a partner, as a man. So
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  Speaker 1: it's not just like Steve stops watching porn and everything
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  Speaker 1: fixes itself.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 3: Don't work that way.
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  Speaker 4: Right.
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  Speaker 1: It's a process of retraining your brain, your body, and
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  Speaker 1: your relationship to intimacy.
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  Speaker 4: Amen.